#boyfriend is unused to people other than his mum caring

[lenreli]

#persona 5 #p5 #p5a #pegoryu #akiryu #personaedit #p5edit #mine #protag doesn't like a sad boyfriend #boyfriend is unused to people other than his mum caring

[write-a-bad-romance]

Theocona Hurt/Comfort Request

Thank you for the request @delicateikemenmemes​! And thank you for notifying me about the link. It’s working now!

Disclaimer: This fic deals with Covid-19 and health workers fighting against the pandemic. I mean no harm towards real-life health workers, their families, and everybody whose lives are directly affected by Covid-19. I pray that all of us stay safe and healthy, wherever we are.

"Why not look this way, darling? I know you've been dying to see me for a week~"

"Hell no," Theo directed his eyes to the steaming mug of coffee by the desk lamp. The truth was, he'd rather die than being caught blushing at the sight of his not-boyfriend after what seemed like forever. "As if I'd been looking forward to your perverted face."

"Wah, so mean." Arthur pouted, his movements looking sluggish due to poor connection. Behind him stood rows of drab navy blue lockers and what seemed like a long-unused water dispenser. "And after all the trouble I went through to get to you."

Theo understood what he meant. He imagined the hospital staff, young and old, taking turns to use the dim, cramped room to video call home. He was lucky Arthur still managed to call him from his apartment once in a while.

 Their calls often leave no room for....friskier activities. Arthur moaned about not being able to show how much he'd been missing "Little Theo" and other obscenities the Dutchman pretended not to hear.

 Because, really, this was enough.

"So I was saying," Arthur continued, completely ignoring Theo's perpetual frown. "This bloke came in with a snakebite from a cobra. So, naturally, the boy ran around trying to administer antivenom to this poor sap."

"Listen to yourself, sounding like the epitome of an empath," Theo commented dryly.

 "Oh, the story didn't end there." Arthur waved, his hand a static blur on screen. "The lass who nursed him told me the guy had apparently gotten drunk and tried macking on his pet cobra."

 Theo involuntarily snorted a laugh despite himself. It felt good, he had to admit.

 "Aw, look, you're laughing!" The criminally handsome doctor smiled. "You look positively lush when you're laughing."

 "Shut up." Theo snapped immediately. “That’s not funny.”

Arthur's laughter rang free, a welcome sound in the desolate locker room.

"Remember the old gentleman who came to the ER saying he desperately needed a sick leave letter because he wanted to go on a holiday in Santorini?”

 "Yeah, the sod who dumped his entire life story on you, what about it?" Theo could not help but notice the distinctive dip in Arthur's tone.

"Well, he suddenly messaged me saying he quit smoking after considering my advice," Arthur flashed a reassuring grin. "That's great! His mum is high-risk after-all."

 "Uh-huh." Theo nodded, taking a swig of his coffee, hoping to calm his nerves.

"Today, you see..." Arthur trailed off, his voice trembling. "Today, there was this sweet old lady."

Don't go there, Theo warned inside his head. They would always come to this point in each of their conversations lately, without fail.

But he'd rather be there and piece Arthur together again after he collapsed.

"I think I've told you that we'd let the patient record messages before they get strapped to a ventilator, yeah? And she, um." The usually vibrant young man stuttered to find the words. "We had to retake it several times because she kept forgetting what she wanted to say. I mean, we couldn't blame her and— and then she finally said she wanted to talk to her granddaughter one last time."

Stop. Theo wanted to scream before Arthur could finish his story. Don't—

Arthur took a long, deep breath before resuming. "My mate sent it to her daughter since they're living across the country. We dinna' replay it."

No matter how Arthur changed the way he described his ordeal at the hospital every time, everything sounded the same to Theo. 

It's hard. We know it's supposed to be hard. And it still pains me every single time.

"Dr. Newcomb... Old Simon, you remember. For once, he didn't yell at us when he saw us slumping down in the hallway gutted and all." Arthur babbled, trying to erase the apparent dejection in his voice. "But hey, there's no better way to teach us 'rookies' to 'toughen up' for the job. We signed for this. We've made our bed, and now we gotta lie in it."

Theo could hardly take it any longer.

"Sometimes, Theo, I...."

"Enough," Theo shut him down. "To hell with that old fart and everybody else who keeps telling you how to do your job." he snarled.

"Woah, I didn't mean—"

"Listen up here, Arthur." He knew that wasn't the point, but Theo couldn't care less. "I can't bullshit my way and tell you everything is fine. I can't fathom one bit how all of you manage out there. You hanging on despite all that hell outside, that's just—"

"Theo," Arthur tried to soothe the Dutchman.

"No, Arthur." Theo was, in fact, at a loss for words. He knew he was rambling at the top of his boiling head. What he wouldn't do to save Arthur from the brink, and this was what he resorted to. "I know I can't tell you to suck it up and go on like a robot, but for fuck's sake."

For your sake,

"But for fuck's sake, be a little more caring to yourself." Theo managed to scale his tone down a notch. "The last thing I want is seeing you broken."

"Theo—"

"When you pull through," It's an if, not a when. "We will meet again when you win."

"Theo?" Arthur called, his glasses reflecting the light of his screen. Theo was glad he didn't have to see the tears he knew were budding in the corner of the man's eyes.

"When this is all over," he sighed. "I promise I'll come see you."

This time, it did the trick. Arthur seemed to calm down, easing back into his chair. Theo wanted to believe Arthur’s mouth was crooking into a smile.

"That's awfully sweet of you." He finally spoke. "Thank you, Theo."

Theo couldn't help but smile back, even if only for a bit. "Graag gedaan."

But the moment was cut short when Arthur suddenly looked towards the direction of the door. "Ah, bollocks. My shift is starting. See you again, old boy?"

Theo put on his signature deadpan face. His fit had drained more energy than he thought. "Sure."

"Don't you dare mess with some other bird while I'm away!" Arthur waved. "Ciao!"

"I should be the one telling you that, klootzak," He bit back weakly. "Welterusten."

Theo took off his headphones and threw them on top of his Macbook. In the privacy of his room, the man planted his face onto his dry palms.

He wanted to curse at his own clumsiness. Out of desperation, he yelled at the man who deserved his harsh words the least. At least, not this moment.

His old self back then had been too engrossed in denial and childish comebacks to let the frivolous doctor into his heart. Theo regretted it. Regretted it all now that there was a genuine possibility of not seeing him again. 

And possibly for good.

Theo wasn't a religious man, but he prayed for his brother often, prayed for others but himself. Never himself. But as he pictured Arthur walking out in full gear made him think if he wasn't a little too selfish this time.

So, he prayed. He prayed despite the selfish masses out there who refused to listen. He prayed in the face of a wall too high to climb, amidst the rising numbers, against what seemed to be an inevitable downfall. 

He prayed for a tomorrow where he'd still find him there.

Stay safe because I want to be alive at the same time as you.

Notes:

*1 The cobra incident is a real-life story from Asha’s (ashavazesa) friend who’s a co-assistant doctor. I wrote it into my fic with permission.

*2 The part with the recording is also taken from real life. I referenced it from this article from The Harvard Gazette website, which I highly recommend reading. It’s very eye-opening and heartwrenching.

*3 The final line is taken from lovelysuggestions with very slight changes . Big thanks to Emma & Maria for the quote.

Personal Comments:

Theocona, eh??? Well this was quite the challenge since I expected writing mainly from Theo’s perspective because I thought I wouldn’t be able tonail Arthur’s character properly. Thankfully, I got some help from @ashavazesa​ so everything went smoother than I expected.

But to be honest, this fic was... very hard to write. Yeah, I wrote the entire thing out of my own free will but even then I needed to take breaks every now and then to ground myself.

A little bit of background: I have a dear friend who currently has to work mobile from town to town. She’s not a health worker, but the fact that she’s out there meeting so many different people makes me anxious. There’s not a day I don’t think about her. In fact, most people here have no choice but to work outside.

I can ramble all day long about the depressing state my country is in right now, but I think I’d rather spend my energy on something else.

Sorry for the sudden rant. Thank you so much for reading until the end. 

#ikevam fanfic #theocona #ikevam arthur #ikevam theo #ikemen vampire #tw: covid 19 #riri tries ikevam

[marshmallow--3]

Now the day is mostly over, I'm going to be honest.

I had one of the worst days of my life today. It's my first Christmas waking up alone without a house of family, as horrible as they were. Where I am now, there's a person who treats me similarly to how my brother treated me, says and acts like I'm stupid. And there's nights I haven't wanted to come home and mornings I haven't wanted to leave my bedroom, knowing he's there, knowing he's still living here after everything.

I tried my best to be cheerful, I poured myself a glass of apple juice and opened all my presents, and because I'm by myself this Christmas I was actually able to keep a list of what people bought me so I remember - it's not that I'm spoilt or ungrateful, but I have problems with my memory linked with my mental health, and having that list there to document who bought me what helped a great deal. I would never have been able to do that at home.

I had my gifts organised into piles of what I'm keeping and what will go to a charity shop first chance I get. As expected, my Gran and Auntie's gifts were inconsiderate and unusable for me, but they'd make nice birthday gifts. Speaking of birthdays, it only feels like yesterday I was sat here, opening my birthday presents - 30th July, it was.

Feeling completely depressed, I went back to sleep, set an alarm so I could have some breakfast as early as possible so I didn't ruin my appetite for dinner with my sister. Honestly, even though I was spending part of the day with my sister, I felt more alone and isolated than ever before. I just wanted to sleep and be by myself all day, not even the prospect of having a phone call with my Dad excited me.

I was even told off by a famous figure I follow because I posted a picture they weren't happy with me posting. They were polite about it and I responded straight away, apologising and removing it before they could even ask, but it left me fragile and afraid all day. It's one of my flaws, I don't like being told off, or reprimanded, or getting into trouble in any kind of way. I get all timid like a child, I shy away from that person who's told me off and I avoid them for as long as I can. I avoided my grandad until his death because he told me off once when I was a kid. So I've turned off my notifications on Instagram and hidden the app because I can't deal with the reminder that I upset someone I respect, and they'll forever know me now as someone who disrespected them and did something wrong towards them. I have a calendar coming soon with their face on every page, I won't even be able to look at it. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. I can't shy away or remove myself from existence enough.

Then I was at my sister's. She shared some information about m** - she has a new boyfriend, she's signing all the gifts and cards as "from Mum and Mick", something she's done every time she has a new fella. It's really destabilising to be honest, especially as a child, growing up and having some strange man's name on everything. And when she wrote a card for a boyfriend I had a while ago, she wrote "and Andrew" and my bf asked me who that was. At the time I asked her not to include his name on my card and she had a hissy fit about it. It's mirrored to now, she had a hissy fit because my brother didn't write her new fella's name on his card to her.

Oh and my brother constantly deadnamed me in texts all day. I don't know if I'm just being an arsehole, but he even posted a picture on Facebook of all her presents saying Santa had delivered them all - included was my gift and likely other people's. Like, I'm sorry but if you want to do the Santa thing with your own presents as the parent, then yeah, fine, go ahead. But do not tell that child that a gift has come from Santa when it's come from a relative who's put a huge amount of thought into that shit. I don't even love her, I just have to buy for her because she hasn't done anything wrong. If I don't buy for her, I'm perpetuating what my Auntie did to me when I was 1 years old - excluding me from the present buying when she bought for all of my siblings because she didn't like who my dad is. I can't do that to her even though I hold no love for her.

So after spending time with my sister, a combination of things snapped in me, I had to leave. I gave her a kiss goodbye, thanked her for the dinner etc., and proceeded to walk home having some kind of attack - anxiety or disassociative, I don't know. My breathing was out of sync, I was panting and sobbing, I started to retch a lot and I was sick multiple times into the grass. All the while thinking about how fucked up my family is, how miserable my life is, and how badly I wanted to die. I thought about ways I was going to die. I cross the roads without looking, hoping something will hit me. And when it doesn't, I audibly say "shame".

I've suffered all day because everyone else is happy, and I can't ruin their day by existing. I can't spoil everyone else's Christmas. You all deserve a good time free from me and my problems.

I'm okay for now, but New Year's is still coming. I'll still have to deal with the fact that time is passing, I'm aging, and another year has passed where I'm in a worse place than I was the year before, I have no help, no support, few friends in person who actually care about me and would be willing to help me when I needed it the most, and very little reason to be here.

And then after that there's Valentine's Day. Another day I'm alone. And then there's Mother's Day. Oh look, I have no mother, m** was abusive as hell and sabotaged my life. Then Easter, people out there actually have faith in something to give their life purpose, a reason to live life to the fullest, I don't have that, I don't believe in anything.

It's just an endless cycle of misery and loneliness.

And to reiterate, I'm fine now, I'm gonna grab another glass of apple juice and head to sleep for the night.

Merry Christmas, everyone

#tw: sui mention #tw: sui #tw: abuse #tw: abuse mention #tw: deadnaming #tw: transphobia #tw: mental health #tw: anxiety #tw: depression

[nekojitachan]

so, I know you're not on prompts, but I suddenly really feel like reading some neil with a british accent, and I already reread your stories, and I am going around asking this from all of my fav authors, so if you're ever in the mood or have the time, could you perhaps bless us w some neil w a british accent and the team losing their shit over it???

Hmm, I wouldn’t say that I don’t take prompts, it’s just I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had time to do them? I’m trying to change that (and find a good prompt list to post).

*******

It was the reporter’s fault, Andrew supposed. With the fall semester winding down and the Foxes securing a spot in the spring championship playoffs despite being weighed down by the new rookies, Wymack had informed them at the start of the week that there would be a reporter coming to interview them to help build up some publicity, so everyone had better mind their manners and watch their mouths (that might have been directed at a certain sophomore with a tendency to self-destruct whenever his lips parted and sound came out).

At first Andrew had been a tiny bit bemused with the prospect of spending Thursday’s practice listening to the Foxes go on about how hard they’d worked so far that year and their chances to hold on to the division’s title against the Trojans while everyone waited with baited breath for Neil to spout off his usual bullshit (especially if it meant that Andrew didn’t have to do much more than stand around for once). Kevin was his usual fake smiles and torn between gushing about Knox and Moreau and talking up the Foxes, the rest of the upperclassmen were positive as always about the team - Dan was more poised that year and going on about the ‘legacy’ she was leaving behind as well about how Neil would be a great captain once she was gone.

Nicky was a hyper idiot, the freshmen were still unused to doing any sort of interviews and so Wymack hung around to keep their sessions brief and to the point. Aaron managed (barely) to not come across as a surly asshole, and Matt gushed equally about Dan and Neil in a sickening manner. By the time the earnest young British man from Extreme Exy got to Andrew, all he did was give the reporter a flat look while he was asked questions about his goalkeeping record so far that year, his thoughts on which teams would be in the final three and who was his favorite professional Exy team.

Neil so owed Andrew for him putting up with this ridiculousness.

Of course the Foxes gathered around as if a crowd waiting near the bottom of the gallows when the reporter finally got to Neil. Perhaps the young man knew about Neil’s reputation, perhaps he was a bit rattled after dealing with Aaron and Andrew, but his smile appeared a little wan and the hand holding the recording device trembled a little when he began with his questions - Wymack had insisted that nothing about the Ravens be brought up, but that still left a lot of leeway for Neil to drag people.

“Ah, after a bit of a rough start, the Foxes are now second in the Southeastern district. Do you foresee any difficulties heading into the playoffs?”

It felt as if most of the Foxes were holding their breath as they waited for Neil to respond, as Wymack stared intently at Neil as if he could mentally will the idiot to think before he spoke (Andrew could tell the man that Neil would just come up with more inventive insults then). Neil eyed the tall, dark-haired reporter for a moment before he shrugged. “I won’t lie and say that it won’t be a challenge, not when so many of our players are so new, but we’ve gotten this far so I’m confident that we’ll do a good job.” He smiled as he brushed aside the hair falling onto his face. “We’re Foxes, after all. We do best under adversity.”

“Oh my god,” Pris exhaled, while beside her Michalyn nodded in agreement and Sheena stared on in disbelief. As for the upperclassmen, Dan’s eyes were wide and her mouth agape, Allison was grinning as she jabbed her right elbow into her friend’s side and even Renee appeared surprised. Matt… Matt was gazing at Neil so intently that Andrew felt the strong urge to go over and smack the backliner. Hard. Hard and repeatedly.

“What’s up with the funny accent?” Aaron asked as the reporter, with a slight, puzzled smile on his face, asked Neil another question - that one about what Neil thought about the Trojans’ improved defensive line with Moreau on their team.

“I think we’re going to have a real challenge on our hands when we play them again - we won last year because of them wanting to face us with an even number of players, and now we have a bigger line-up. But we’ve learned a lot, too, so we’ll each bring something new to the court,” Neil said, his British accent growing stronger with each question.

“His mother,” Andrew answered his twin as he gritted his teeth over the Foxes’ ongoing reactions; somehow, Allison had managed to sneak a phone out on court and was filming Neil’s interview while Nicky leaned against an almost drooling Matt as if swooning and fanned himself.

There was another question about their upcoming game against Binghamton, which Neil glanced at a stern-faced Wymack for a moment before giving (for him) a mild answer about how the Foxes intended to continue with their winning streak against the team. Still speaking in that damn accent which made Andrew furious over how their moronic teammates were acting and twitchy with the need to grab a certain idiot and find a quiet spot to ask him ‘yes’ or ‘no’. To keep him from speaking with that accent - well, other than a few choice words.

“I will give you anything for a copy of this vid,” Nicky crooned to Allison, who continued to smirk as if very pleased with herself. “Anything.”

“Hell yes,” Matt agreed with a rough voice as he continued to stare fixated at Neil.

“This is stupid, he just wants all the attention,” Jack sulked, his glare strengthening when Pris, Michalyn and even Sheena shushed him.

The reporter for Extreme Exy paused a moment before he asked another question. “So, are you going to be cheering for Cambridge or Nottingham this weekend?” He waved the recorder around a little. “Ah, your mother’s side of the family is British, right?” When Neil stiffened at the question, he had the sense to pick up on it right away. “Oh, right, I wasn’t supposed-”

“Edinburgh.” Neil’s answer cut through the man’s frantic apology. “I actually favor Edinburgh’s team, though they’ll play this week’s winner.” He managed a half-smile as the reporter recovered and Kevin took to scowling in the distance in blatant disagreement. “Their defense is a work in progress, but their goalies are top notch and their offense incredible.”

“Ah, yes!” The reporter laughed a little as if in agreement. “I’m partial to Manchester myself, so let’s hope those two make it to the finals!”

Wymack stepped in to wrap things up then, which left Neil standing there with an oddly open expression on his face. Before Andrew could move, Nicky and the upperclassmen closed in on the junkie.

“Oh my god, that was amazing!” Nicky exclaimed as he draped his arms around Neil’s shoulders. “How do you do that? Can you do that like, always? That sounds so hot!” It was right then that Andrew had joined them, and he spared no force in slamming his right arm into his cousin’s abdomen. “Ow!”

“Thanks for closing another bet for me,” Allison said as she reached out to tousle Neil’s hair as if she had every right to be so affectionate. “Actually, two, since you got through today without dragging anyone through the mud for once.”

“We had every faith in you,” Renee murmured as she tugged Matt out of Andrew’s way before Andrew could ‘accidentally’ ram his elbow into the tall backliner’s left kidney.

“Well, not Jack, Sheena, Aaron, Nicky and Roy, but there’s always a sucker or two when it comes to bets,” Allison said with evident glee as she held up her phone. “Between them and this little gem, we’re going to enjoy a nice spa weekend or two.” That was directed toward Renee.

Renee dragged the dealer away before something ‘happened’ to her phone, while Nicky left before he earned another hit and Dan had the sense to remove her boyfriend as well, leaving Neil alone with Andrew. “I seem to remember a time when you didn’t want attention,” Andrew remarked as the rest of the Foxes broke apart and began to walk away, practice seemingly over now that the reporter was gone. “Those were the days.” He wouldn’t mention what type of days, though.

Neil shrugged and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I didn’t… it’s habit, I suppose. I used it all the time in Europe unless we were somewhere and spoke French or German. I used it when it was just me and my mum.” His expression was a bit guarded then, since he knew that Andrew didn’t care to hear anything in regards to Mary, to a woman who had fucked up Neil in so many ways and failed to protect her only child. The woman who had abused him even if Neil didn’t readily admit to that fact.

“It’s stupid, don’t do it again,” Andrew told him as he thought about how the Foxes had reacted to it just then.

At first Neil frowned at that, and then he smiled as he stepped forward and brushed his fingers lightly along the hem of Andrew’s oversized goalie jersey. “Don’t do it again, or don’t do it while in public, hmm?” The British accent crept back into his voice as he gazed at Andrew with that almost-smirk on his lips. “I think maybe you like it, just a little. Perhaps you need to hear it again to make up your mind when it’s just the two of us.”

Andrew felt that urge to drag Neil off somewhere private once more, the urge to both kiss him quiet and hear him call out Andrew’s name. “I hate it and you,” he settled on as he shoved his hand in his idiot’s face. “And stop staring.”

Neil laughed as he took a step back. “That’s a ‘yes’.” He hummed a little as they headed toward the locker room. “Okay, later then.”

Andrew shoved him forward, but he didn’t say ‘no’.

*******

Eh… I’m working on keeping things short. ‘Working’. I hope you like it!

Now off for more Ravens Partner….

#andreil #fic prompt #neil josten #andrew minyard #the foxes #neil and his accents #andrew's a sap for them

[askdurianrider]

Freelee said the people who stay in your backyard have to pay$100 per week, I thought they can all stay for free???

The thing with manipulative control freaks like Freelee is that they NEVER go into detail about their claims. They just make sound bites and take things out of context to suit their agenda.

Lets get objective shall we.

Freelee NEVER let anyone stay with her unless they were her mates. Every day girls would write her asking if they could stay and learn from her. She never replied to those emails and messages and would sometimes read them out to me and laugh about it. Freelee owned a massive double story place that I could have filled with at least 50 people. It was empty 99% of the time. Massive waste of unused space.

95% of the people who stayed with me, I have never met or met only briefly on a ride. 

Some people have stayed with me for free (most of them) some wanted a month at my place so we agreed on $50 -100 a week to cover their internet, water, electricity etc. 

My place is a 1 bedroom unit with a small yard. At one point I had 12 people staying with me. Combined with my bikes we had about 35 bikes at one point lol. It was quite fun and you literally had to walk around bodies in the back yard. If one person coughed, everyone could hear you. When you live that closely, you can eventually ID someone based on the decibels of their farts. 

People who stayed with me, I fixed their bikes, coached them on youtube SEO, hooked them up with jobs, boyfriends, vasectomies, girl friends, cheap bike parts, emotional support, picked them up from the airport, was their tour guide etc. The works. 

Word got around people could stay at my place. I have knocked back at least 30 people this year. It just gets too hectic and instead, I helped some of my refugees find a new crack den and they all moved into there. I applied for 3 properties but got rejected 3 times despite showing bank statements and offering to pay a year in advance rent. Eventually Felix found a place on gumtree from an Indian lady and it was all sorted.

Freelee met Ness thru me. December 2014 Ness asked me if she could come down to my place in Adelaide and learn cycling, youtube etc and I said ‘I have to ask FL first though’ and FL was like ‘yeah she is fat, she is ok to stay’. I had other girls ask to stay with me but FL deemed them as competition and she told me ‘if those sluts come here, Im never coming back!’. lol. I took Ness bike shopping, helped her get a macbook, set up her accounts etc. Got her a job with FL. Ness trashes me hard to mutual friends now.

Another girl stayed with FL looking after Figsy but she lost a bit of weight from cycling the previous few months. One day FL came home from shopping with her Mum (FL loves spending money on stuff she never uses) and saw us chatting. FL asked her to leave I think it was the day after. I cant remember the exact excuse she used. It was November 2015.

If you can find someone who has helped build more vegan community than myself then let me know. 99% of Freelee’s friends in the last 9 years she met thru me. She met robin thru me. She learned all her weight loss stuff from me. She got her youtube template from me. 

Freelee will do anything to distract her noob audience from that truth and try to paint me as this dirt bag crazy ex who has a steroid addiction and abuses his fame by sleeping with heaps of women every week. 😂

The reality is Im still 67kg (my default weight for the last 10 years when Im not super super fit). Im with Tori and she lives with me full time. Im also stoked to be out of a relationship with Freelee that became too much stress to deal with her constant emotional and physical abuse but the ONLY reason I stayed with her for so long was because I was focused more on building community than my own relationship happiness. Every day I wanted to leave I reminded myself how much so many people looked up to us as THE power couple in the vegan scene and I felt too much guilt to disappoint them.

Eventually though I broke and could take no more. My health was started to decline and I don’t care how passionate you are about community, if you are going start breaking down then you NEED to stop and evaluate things and be honest with yourself and others.

I still have to thank FL though because she helped me a lot in finding out who was a true friend and who was just a hanger on.