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I want it all, redemption from hell, as I wish to fall into it
Up, up, to be in the center
Down, down, to be up
And in the center, below
And in the center, gray, I’m not interested
All
I want it all
Lust, greed, everything
Nothing is something
Something is nothing
I want to find a love as alive as the hell itself where I was so much, where I had everything
Perhaps you could save me
But down, up, not in the center
Down, to be up
Because still, I dream of flying, of becoming air, and, there are only two ways to reach you
Love or lust
Ten cents coin
Tell me
Which one will kill me first?

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I’m not sorry anymore, I’m angry

I’m angry your parents never treated you right.

I’m angry they never taught you how to love another person, and I’m angry that you never thought to learn it on your own.

I’m angry at all the drugs you take, all the pain you inflict, all the manipulation, all the ways you try to make yourself feel real.

I’m angry at how hollow an existence you must lead.

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y a know w h a t


im sp*****ng until further notice


goodbye


:-)

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I’m quite suicidal but I don’t know what to do because I can’t kill myself because my family would collapse and break down. I can’t kill myself because the hospitals are too busy already with corona virus

I’m just lying here wishing I wasn’t here

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Y’all ever know someone and you just hate them, yeah I have a reason for my feelings but also their vibe, energy whatever is just offset by yours. I’m friendly enough but my god I want to punch them in the throat.

3.31.20

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hii how long did it take to reach your cw from your hw and how much did you restrict ? did you also fast ? and did you do sport ? sorry for all the questions hhh i’m just really curious bc we’re the same height and you look so good

hi !

it took around 3 months.

i did restrict but it was not necessarily on purpose for the most part! and no fasting! i balanced my food but ate less. i spent a portion of this time in a psych ward (not for ED) where the food was healthier and portioned anyway and I couldn’t really snack between meals.

Some part of me is concerned I unexplainably dropped around 10kg - however not complaining lol as it’s now motivated me to keep losing.

please stay safe.

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i’ve been listening to a lot of videos about how relationships (family, friends, romantic, etc) with emotionally manipulative and abusive people impact the survivor and it’s been honestly so informative and explains literally years of abuse. what i hate though is how the words narcissist, sociopath, borderline, histrionic, etc, are just thrown in there so casually. i hate how these terms just automatically mean ‘abusive’. it’s so infuriating. we’re not all doomed to be abusive. many of us have developed these unhealthy behaviors from surviving abuse ourselves. plenty of us seek out help and strive to make our relationships healthy for everyone. 

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Hi. Daily reminder to not compare your depression to someone else’s. It doesn’t matter if their water is deeper, the fact of the matter is you both are still drowning

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You know, it’s not that I feel bad for myself that life is shit. It’s just that I’m tired of trying to fix and heal from it. I accept that bad things have happened to me as they do to everyone but I’m tired of the predictable spiral after having a good period. It’s not that I don’t try to do anything about it either. I don’t just sit back, expect the spiral and take it. It happens and I try my fucking hardest to fight through it but it always seems to win. And I’m tired of fighting what feels like a losing battle.

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So me and my FP parted ways, permanently, a few days ago.

Obviously the healthiest thing to do is to make a shit ton of passive-aggressive tumblr posts since covid has me locked in isolation and away from therapy.

But its not healthy to hang on to resentment to your ex. So you shouldn’t be passive aggressive to them.

So in that vein, can we all appreciate that a *certain* wife of Henry VIII was so arrogant that she legit assumed some powers that were solely the kings and treated his ministers “worse than dogs” yet in the musical about her they portray her as in innocent girl who obvs didn’t just piss off the most powerful figures in England leading to a false charge of adultery from the ministers to get the usurper out.

Sorry not sorry, you wouldn’t have lost your head if you didn’t lose your temper

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sometimes i wonder why I’m pretending to be happy so hard when you’re nearby.

but other times I know.

I know that nobody wants to love the hollow shell of their partner.

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