When the fp isn't messaging and you don't want to bother them so you just sit in pain forever until they remember you message you
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i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you i warned you
i’m not a good person. and now you see it
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BPD is people thinking you're so in love with yourself and that you never take accountability for your shit behaviors, but really you hate yourself and know exactly what you do and take full responsibility but they don't believe you because you still continue to have the shit behaviors.
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No, because do you know how hard it is to pretend that I’m not dying to rant about certain things that I feel passionate about? How exhausting it is to not “overreact”? That when I’m establishing boundaries I’m so afraid of being left that I let them do whatever they want with me? And I have to mold myself and fold myself and make me small enough, tolerable enough, not loud, not even overwhelmed, not triggered, not so obviously me to be even considered someone worthy????
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god gave me that bpd + anxious attachment style + low self esteem triple combo
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you know what i don’t understand?
why after 21 years of learning to hold my emotions and to stop myself from crying, i now start to choke up at the sight of anything even REMOTELY emotional. doesn’t matter if it’s happy, sad, angry, cute, whatever. i always cry, even if it’s just one or two tears
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Person I know : I couldn’t imagine fantasizing about killing people, could you?
Me: *with NPD and definite past homicidal thoughts not sure how to answer… asks “what?” to give me more time to think of an answer*
Person: *Repeats*
Me: oh no… I just … I don’t understand that ….
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