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poeticnightmxre · 5 years

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{ starter for: @arexyouxafraidxofxthexdark }

It was late afternoon, and Taylor was able to get off work early, which was a blessing because they had been working like crazy for the last week and a half. Now she found herself in the lounge room at home, Tru sitting next to her, Leah for the moment wasn’t in the room, that was when Taylor turned to Tru with a smirk. Lately they had been getting closer --- maybe to the point where the crush she had on the younger woman was becoming a little dangerous, the more she got to know her, the more she understood the hold Tru had over Leah, she was kind of irresistible, but that didn’t mean she didn’t love her wife any less, that was far from it. “Oh, sweetcheeks, I’d own you in a game of poker any day,” she wasn’t so sure why she said it in a seductive tone, but it happened and she went with it, she had also looked at her in just the same manner, her lower lip slipping between her teeth, as she rose her eyebrows suggestively --- maybe it was because all that ran through her mind right then was them playing strip poker and it sent her mind racing wild.

It honestly took Tru quite a while to actually become comfortable hanging around Taylor and Leah to the point where she allowed her words to just fall from her mouth without even caring of the consequences and as each day went by after that, she found herself being drawn to the one woman that held the heart of the woman she loved dearly and to be honest, at first it was confusing, but then she began to relax and just went with it, because it wasn’t like anything was going to happen --- right? Of course not, Taylor had Leah and vice versa and she knew just how much the two of them were in love, seriously she envied that. But now as she sat in the lounge room with flirtatious comments being thrown around here and there, she could slowly start to feel her composure crumble, especially by the tone and looks she was getting from the other woman. Pressing her lips together, Tru hummed. “Why do I feel you are suggesting more than just a game of normal poker,” she began as she playfully shook her head.

The conversation continued to go on, her gaze flickering to the door every now and then to see if Leah was returning yet, though it became less frequent the more her attention was drawn to Taylor and as more seductive tones and looks came from the other woman, Tru found herself leaning closer and closer until she just went for it. Being caught up in the moment, she hadn’t realized Leah had walked back in. But she was also surprised that Taylor was actually kissing her back, it was probably what spurred her from deepening the kiss a little.

#{ char: taylor bradshore }#{ char: tru valentine }#{ chat: leah }#{ arexyouxafraidxofxthexdark }#here we go the beginning of something beautiful <3 #you're welcome!

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the-nettle-knight · 3 years

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Just watched American Gods S3e6 and I'm screaming. You see, I'm an archaeologist with an honest-to-gods (pun intended) love of stone tools. That weird looking white rock in the basement of Mr World's Silo is a hand axe, likely of the Acheulian (mode 2) technology. They look like a this

Credit: the Bradshore Foundation

The thing is. This kind of tool is could be up to 1.7 million years old-which corresponds to the earliest development of Homo erectus.

If this is the First Artefact- Technical Boy would probably predate all of humanity. We know he changes form, so it's not out of the realm of possiblity that he was once an earlier form of human (or God to them). He's probably the oldest of the the Old Gods. This little Fuck Knuckle is probably the most powerful of all the gods

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boredom-thingy · 5 years

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TL;DR- I have been sorta kinda diagnosed with Executive Function disorder (psychologist said it was very very very likely that I was suffering from it, but he couldn’t do anything) and I think I’m emotionally abused by my parents. I’m still trying to figure out whats what and what problem comes from where and if I can life hack it. I’m looking for help and/or other people suffering from the same things to add to the list. This is my list of symptoms.

Hey, all of you out there who struggle with executive function disorder or have been emotionally abused, or both. I have sorta been diagnosed with EFD and I think I’m being emotionally abused (I could be wrong and over reacting, I honestly can’t tell). Its been a while but I’m slowly discovering more and more symptoms that I thought were normal or scared the shit outta me (and still do) originally. Here’s an incomplete list, mind agreeing or disagreeing with them and adding your own? And/or how you deal with them?

My Incomplete (and ever growing) List-

Time. My sense of time is off, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. There are times when I think something happened 2 months ago when in reality, it happened years ago. I can be left home alone and when my parents get home and ask me what I did for hours on end, I have zero clue, its just a blank hole. I lose track of time extremely easily too.

Other Disorders. I often feel like my particular brand of screwyness happens to combine other mental illnesses/disorders like insomnia, depression, anxiety, adhd, add, odd, and paranoia among others

Depersonalization/derealization(dissociation). Especially here recently, I think I’ve been suffering from episodes of Depersonalization-derealization disorder. Its happened in the past but not as much as right now.

I feel like I’m going insane. Constantly. I feel like I’m over-reacting to everything, like everything is in my imagination.

I always feel like I’ve done something wrong/upset people. People I don’t know, people I do know, people I love. I always feel like I’ve upset them or I’m some kind of burden or I’ve done something wrong. (Leads to me apologizing to a chair for hitting it.)

Extreme clumsiness. This one is prolly just me. But its often a source of anxiety for me.

Social skills are next to nothing. I can’t make friends. All the ones I have were introduced to me by other people or approached me on my own. And most of the time they end up ditching me and telling me its my fault. Also, my timing is shit. I’ll walk up and ask you for something while you're busy.

Cotton. I feel like my head is full of cotton, like I can’t think straight. My thoughts are either spaghetti or a train wreck. I lose track of what I was thinking extremely easily.

Memory. My memory is shit. My parents claim its not, and I feel like it didn’t used to be, but it is now. I forget how to do something when I read or heard the instructions 10 seconds earlier. I forget things that are important to me, things that I wanted to get or do. I forget when things happened (ties in with the time issue.) I can’t remember important life events, or more accurately, I can remember them, but the memory seems weirdly muddled and I cant remember when it happened.

Food. I love food. But there are times when I’m light-headed and dizzy, and I know I should eat, but I just... Don’t want to. The thought makes me nauseous, its too hard to get up, I’m not actually feeling hungry (despite the fact that I can hear my angry tummy and I can feel the light-headed/dizziness), etc.

Being left alone (especially with not much to do). I don’t fear abandonment (ok I do a little, but that not the problem here.) I fear my own brain. I hate being left alone, especially for long periods of time because when I run out of things to keep my mind occupied, all those thoughts I forced to go away come steam rolling back. Intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, self harm thoughts, extremely depressing thoughts, disturbing thoughts that scare me witless, thoughts of running away, etc. I can’t stand my own brain. It scares me.

Motivation. I go to school online, 4.1 gpa (so far) and I am a fairly self motivated person. But there are times when I can barely find the motivation to grab my glasses off the nightstand 2 inches from my face and other times when I’m motivated to do something, I’m almost in a frenzy, and I’m hyper-focused on it. And there are times when I really want to do something (usually something that I love, like a hobby) but the thought of doing it makes me nauseous and I just don’t want to. Or if its a creative thing, like writing, I can’t seem to form a single idea or spark to get me started. My brain nopes out and I can’t do anything but stare at the paper, desperately wanting to write, but my brain is a bout as blank as the paper is.

Body-brain disconnect. Sometime my body and my brain seem to be on separate wavelengths. I want to stop scrolling through pinterest, but I can’t seem to make myself. I want to get up and eat, I know I need to, but I can’t make myself. I want to get up and do dishes or take a shower or do something, but my body just wont move. I want to go do something fun, like watch tv or draw, but I’m no moving, no matter how much I want it.

Pain. I am always in some kind of physical and/or mental pain. Headaches(near constant dull headache), back aches(always), cramps even when no where near that time(I am female), random muscle twitches/spasms/aches, etc. Oh and nausea. I’m nauseous a LOT. I also am light-headed or dizzy (or both) a lot.

Extreme mood swings. I go from being so happy I could burst to emotionally shut down and sobbing in the corner in the blink of an eye. I go from being so pissed off that I want to slam my fist through a wall and break things to being so depressed I want to kill myself and repeatedly slam my head against the wall until I can’t see straight. I also sometimes get extremely frustrated/angry with the smallest things, like a noise, or something not working right, or the pets being annoying. Sometimes it gets to the point where I want to scream and break something or hit something (I never do and try my absolute hardest not to.)

Morbid thoughts. Fleeting morbid thoughts, generally about somehow injuring/harming myself. I might see a light socket and think “oh hey, you should stick a fork in that and see what happens” or I might see a pair of nail clippers or scissors and think “I wonder what would happen if I tried to cut x-spot on my body with those.” When I was younger, I used to want to sew patterns in my skin with a sewing needle and thread (never did, thank god) so they would scar over and create neat patterns on my skin.

War. I feel like I'm at war with my own brain, I talk to myself a lot. (I am an only child with parents that run their own business ((making them constantly busy)) so that is very possibly a reason I talk to myself. I also have very few friends and I talk to walls and my two dogs as well.) I tell my brain to shut up, to stop it, I feel like it has a mind of its own. Thats weird to say. (woooooo I'm totally crazy, right?)

Apologies. I apologize to literally everything. And about everything. I’ll apologize to a chair for bumping it. I apologize to my boyfriend when I rant to him or ask for help from him. I apologize for anything and everything, small or big. The bigger the issue, the more embarrassed and upset I am about it. Even if its not big to the other person. Ties in with always feeling like I did something wrong.

Defense. I am always on the defense, and sometimes it turns into offense. I always feel like I have to defend myself and everything I do or say that might have even the smallest chance of upsetting someone. And if I know it has or will upset someone, I defend myself more, to the point that it sometimes becomes offense. I can’t stop myself, I feel like I have to defend myself or I’m going to lose something or someone, or they’re going to take something I want or love away from me.

Noises and other various audio things. Sometimes I feel like I can just barely hear someone calling my name, or a song, or a noise, or something just barely audible, but no matter how much I search for it, I can’t find it. Other times I can quite clearly hear someone calling my name, but I’m home alone, or when I ask my parents or the other people around me, they respond with confusion and a “no one called your name.” Other time noises, like beeps from the printer, even when I’m the one causing it and/or I’ve heard it multiple times in the past few minutes, jar me. They cause a jarring sensation, that is almost bone deep, I feel it in the back of my skull and it causes me to jump just a little.

All of these things are terrifying to me at various levels and they only seem to be getting worse. I study psychology for fun, I plan on going into it as a profession, eventually. I have done research on most of this, but I can’t find much on any of it (except emotional abuse), especially executive function disorder. Please help? (I am always adding to things when I think of more.)

@bradshore @katimorton @we-care-org

#executive function disorder #emotional abuse #help #psychology #dissociation #incomplete

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arexyouxafraidxofxthexdark · 6 years

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A Delicate Situation 🦋

Joey was a wreck, and that was putting it mildly - growing up in the system, she had to learn to rely on herself. Perhaps she learned a little too well, because at thirteen, she finally ran away. The foster home she was in was awful, and the couple only wanted the money from fostering, but prefered the kids be seen and not heard. She was purposely locked out half the time, anyways, so she decided she'd be better off on her own; a decision confirmed when no one had gone looking for her. For nearly two years, she lived on the streets and in and out of shelters - until she was found by someone she'd later regret meeting. He took her in, cleaned her up, and showed her the first kindness she had ever recieved. However, that kindness was anything but - he had gotten her to rely on him for drugs, and soon that was her life; drugs and prostitution. She made him money, he gave her somewhere safe to sleep. She had tried getting away, but she'd end up physically beaten, and it wasn't worth the trouble. Especially when withdrawl hit.

Detective Taylor Bradshore had given her a break - and her card. It was any wonder that she remembered their meeting. Despite turning the woman down, with a few.. choice words, Joey kept the card. Nowadays, she went by April, which was a name chosen for her, because it was sexier than 'Joey' apparently. It was even the name she gave Taylor - sometimes, she forgot it wasn't her real name; that April wasn't who she really was. A girl she had come up with in this life, had been someone she could lean on and vise versa. Joey had come back to find her having overdosed, and their 'pimp,' hadn't even realized she had passed. He laughed and said there was more where she came from, and had someone get 'rid of the body.' It disgusted her, and after mouthing off, he had decided she wouldn't get her 'hit' that evening - then proceeded to get physical, before forcing her to watch her friend's body thrown in a dumpster.

It was to teach her a lesson as to what happened to girls who mouthed off, that were a dime a dozen - and she was to walk back on her own, but not before coming up with a hundred bucks, first. Curling against the wall in an alley, she pulled out Taylor's card and stared at it for nearly ten minutes. She didn't have a phone on her, but her friend's phone was still in her jacket pocket - it made her sick to her stomach, but it also felt like her friend was there for her, even after she died. Dialling the personal number on the back that Taylor had given her, she hit call. It didn't even occur to her that it was one in the morning. When the phone finally stopped ringing and she heard a voice on the other end, at first, she was silent, without a clue what to say. After all, it had been about a month - who knows if Taylor even remembered who she was.

"I-I need... it's April.."

@warxpaiint

#joey #joey:warxpaiint #warxpaiint:taylor #warxpaiint #tw: drugs

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