Burning gas releases pollutants into indoor air where they can build up to unhealthy concentrations. Respiratory health can suffer. Photograph By Miguel Angel Flores, Getty Images
Environment: The Scientific Case Against Gas Stoves
Health experts have known for decades that indoor air pollution hurts children's’ lungs. Now, there are good alternatives to gas stoves.
— By Alejandra Borunda | February 17, 2023
Chef Amanda Cohen always thought she’d use flames to cook. But when she opened her restaurant, Dirt Candy, in a teeny space in Manhattan, there wasn’t a gas line available—so she installed a fleet of induction cooktops instead.
They worked so well that “I’ll never go back,” she says. And she didn’t: when Dirt Candy moved to a bigger, gas-enabled location, she still opted for induction cooktops and electric ovens.
She’s not alone. Chef Eric Ripert put an induction stove in his own home, as did Alison Roman and Jon Kung, popular chefs on social media. They’re also a staple in professional kitchens, from the Cordon Bleu’s London’s training center to catering kitchens across the U.S.
Chefs gravitate toward induction’s precision and ease of use, and because the cooktops, whose magnetic fields deliver heat to a pan’s bottom and nowhere else, keep their kitchens much cooler than blasting gas ranges. But there are another pressing reasons people—including a lot of non-chefs—are swapping: to protect both their health and the climate.
A body of research stretching back to the 1970s has pointed out respiratory hazards linked to indoor pollution from gas stoves. And because gas stovetops are powered by methane, a potent greenhouse gas, reducing its use in homes and commercial spaces would have a small but tangible impact on efforts to trim greenhouse gas emissions. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is currently exploring the risks of gas stove emissions in the 38 percent of American households who have one, and looking for ways to minimize indoor air pollution caused by their use.
“It’s a triple win,” says Brady Seals: climate, health, and ease of use. Seals led a recent study suggesting over 12 percent of the U.S.’s childhood asthma cases could be associated with breathing in gas stove pollution. About 1 in every 12 Americans has asthma, including five million American children, and its prevalence is increasing.
The Gas-Fired Elephant In The Room
Gas-fired stoves are essentially “little gas-fired power plants in your home,” says Drew Michanowicz, a scientist at PSE Healthy Energy, a public health-focused nonprofit based in California. And since we spend about 90 percent of our time indoors, we can expose ourselves heavily. When gas burns, it releases many lung irritants, like nitrogen dioxide gas (NO2), tiny particles, and much more.
By the 1970s, researchers worldwide had figured out that the inhaled gas penetrates deep into the lungs, driving inflammation. They began to find evidence that long-term exposure to NO2 increased the likelihood of children developing asthma, and that short-term exposure to high concentrations made the condition worse.
“If you have asthma, your airways are already hyper-reactive and hyper-inflamed—and regularly getting that exposure really exacerbates your symptoms,” says Rima Habre, an indoor air quality expert at the University of Southern California.
In 1971 the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency enacted its first regulations on outdoor concentrations of nitrogen dioxide, limiting exposure to 53 parts per billion, averaged over the course of a year. In 2010, the EPA added a new standard: in any given hour, exposure should not top a hundred parts per billion.
But NO2 isn’t just an outdoor problem: it can build up indoors, too, but the U.S. and European countries don’t regulate it inside.
“If you cook for an hour on a gas stove, with all your windows closed because it’s cold out, that might increase your 24-hour NO2 exposure by about 25 parts per billion,” says Laura Paulin, a physician and scientist at Dartmouth’s Geisel School of Medicine. But in some of the homes she has studied, concentrations have reached over 500 ppb while families cooked.
The problem is often worse for vulnerable groups, says Patricia Fabian, a public health expert at Boston University, such as renters, people who live in public housing or in environmental justice neighborhoods, or anyone without the resources to update their kitchens.
"We really worry about gas stoves for people in those situations,” she says. “Opening your window works fine if you’re not next to an [NO2-heavy] highway. These conversations have to take the broader context into account.”
We Know It Hurts Kids
A 1992 and later a 2013 analysis tied together dozens of studies on gas stoves, indoor air pollution, and respiratory issues. The 2013 study found that that children living in homes with gas stoves had a 32 percent higher risk of having current asthma or developing it in the future.
“We as experts feel that we’ve known this for years,” says Ulrike Gehring, a public health expert and an author of that 2013 analysis. “In some ways it’s like smoking; we knew that was a risk and paid attention. But gas cooking has never gotten the attention before.”
Recently, health researchers have more precisely measured NO2 exposure using personal sensors or constantly monitoring in-home sensors. One study in Baltimore found concentrations peaking into several hundred parts per billion, often associated with cooking; those periods of high exposure correlated with five times more inhaler use later in the day or evening. Studies like those, or another in New York City, help pinpoint the specific impact of gas stoves amidst of soup of other pollutants we breathe in daily, from candles to wood smoke to traffic pollution.
In 2014, Paulin and her colleagues published a study that swapped out some homes’ old gas stoves for electric, or added an air filter, or added a hood vent. The most effective swap was changing out the stove, decreasing NO2 concentrations by about 50 percent.
For Meyer Kattan, a pediatrics and air quality expert at Columbia University, hammering out precise statistics for how much gas stoves can hurt children or adults’ lungs is beside the point.
We know it hurts kids' lungs, he says. "How many more studies do we need to tell you that the recommendations are not good enough?” he says.
Climate Win, Too
Gas stoves eat up a small percentage of most homes’ natural gas bill. But spread that out to 40 million homes across the U.S. and the annual emissions end up comparable to the greenhouse gas emissions from 500,000 cars.
“You live at the end of the pipeline,” says Michanowicz. “It’s underground, hidden, designed to be out-of-sight, out-of-mind. It’s an incredible physical tether to the fossil fuel system.”
Untethering from fossil fuels and electrifying homes and buildings many analyses have shown, is a critical step toward decarbonizing in the U.S. and beyond.
What Should You Do With Your Gas Stove?
If you don’t have asthma or another respiratory condition, pollutants from your stove are probably not causing you acute harm—especially if you are using it right, says Habre.
That means opening windows whenever you cook; putting pots on the back burners and turning an outdoor-venting hood on every single time you light a burner; and avoiding long cooking times on stovetop or in a gas-powered oven.
But most of us aren’t using them perfectly, or even close. Tests in California homes showed that even code-compliant fume hoods remove only about half of stove-caused NO2 pollution—and most people don’t turn on their hood every time they use the stove.
For those who want to make the switch, the options are increasing by the day, and the Inflation Reduction Act includes incentives to help pay for non-gas options.
Rachelle Boucher, an induction stove expert and former personal chef, has a favorite trick she calls the “pasta water” test: She brings potential buyers into an induction stove showroom and puts a pot of water on to boil.
It “happens so fast their eyes turn into saucers,” she says.
Professional chef Jon Kung loves induction, even for super-high-heat wok cooking—a style some feared wouldn’t work without gas. Working in high-end kitchens in China, he saw induction everywhere: it provided “better safety, better comfort, and just a more reliable and cleaner technology,” he says.
He just remodeled his home kitchen all-electric. “I love it,” he says.
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Let’s Play Pretend - Matthew Tkachuk - Part 3
Word Count: 10,293
Warnings: Language, Smut, NSFW
Notes: Here we go with Part 3. So when last we left these two, they had decided to go ahead with their plan and tell everyone they’re engaged, but then they shared a heated kiss and it seems like all bets are off. Will they find love or not?
As always I hope you guys enjoy this. If you do, hit me with some feedback. It’s always welcome. Happy Reading!!!
Let’s Play Pretend Masterlist
That first night in your new home, at least for the next several months, was definitely odd. You had never thought that you'd be walking up in Matthew's arms, that's for sure. Neither of you said much at two in the morning when a cramp in your neck finally woke you and you both headed off to bed, though to separate rooms. Later that morning, when you were finally up and about, Matthew took you on a tour of the house, telling you that you could change or move anything that you wanted. Nothing needed to be changed though, as he and Chantal had done a fabulous job putting things together. Besides, this was only your temporary home and you didn't feel quite right making any changes to it, since by the end of the season you'd be back in St. Louis, or maybe New York. You weren't quite sure.
The two of you made breakfast after that, opting to ignore any of the events that occurred the night before. It just seemed simpler that way. "So, I was thinking we could have Canadian Thanksgiving instead of the barbeque next week since your last exhibition is Saturday."
Matt swallowed a mouthful of eggs before answering. "Yeah, that'd be great. If that's not asking too much?"
"That'll be fine. I can have everything ready beforehand. Your mom gave me the name of a great cater to use, though there are a few things I want to whip up."
Matt got up from the table then, breakfast half-eaten, and you had to wonder where he was going. "Speaking of that." He left the kitchen only to return a minute later. "Here for spending purposes while you're here."
He handed over a credit card with your name on it. "What's this?"
"Gee (Y/N), I thought you'd know what a credit card is by now." He teased.
"I do, smartass, but why are you giving me this?"
"For expenses, like groceries and things. You don't need to be paying for stuff like that." You went to protest but of course, he cut you off. "Don't even say it. You're sacrificing so much for me already, you don't need to spend your own money."
"Matthew," you groaned out not needing his hand out.
"Save it. This is one argument you won't win. I expect to see some charges on there too. I'm sure the girls are all getting together for drinks and dinner before the first game. Make sure you use it then too." You rolled your eyes at him, not for the first time in a week but the first time he could actually see you. "I mean it, (Y/N)." He took another bite of his breakfast before changing the subject. "You are going to the first game right."
"Of course, haven't I been to every single one since you started." Matt had made sure that you'd not only been at every first home game of the season but every first game since he'd started in the NHL. It had been a bit tricking pulling things off once Brady was drafted but Matthew had always sweet-talked his way into getting you to his game over Brady's. Your heart told you there was never a choice between the two, even though you loved Brady like a brother. Matthew was the one who you loved far beyond that.
"Does that mean you'll be using that Oilers ticket I got for you?"
"Yeah. Meredith called and said the girls were getting a bus for the drive, though I think we're staying over. I was going to touch base with her today."
"Great." Matt looked down at his watch noticing the time. "I gotta run, practice starts in a few. The maid will be here to clean up in an hour or so."
"Maid?" You followed Matt out of the kitchen as he grabbed his bag.
"Yeah, I've always had one. She comes three times a week. This way you don't have to worry about the housework and concentrate on writing." He slung his bag over his shoulder and headed for the garage. "I'll see you in a bit."
"Maid…" you muttered to yourself as you went back into the kitchen to finish your breakfast. What did you need a maid for? The house wasn't that big. You could easily clean it while you stayed here. It seemed like an unnecessary expense in your book. And three times a week? That seemed like an awful lot for someone who wasn't even in his house half the time. You'd have to talk to Matt about cutting her down to one day if she was even necessary at all.
Despite the fact that some stranger would be showing up at the house in approximately forty-five minutes, you cleaned up the kitchen just like you would if you were at home. The thirty-something woman that came to the house was actually quite nice. You introduced yourself and she recognized your name right away, asking for an autograph, so you went upstairs and grabbed a copy of your new release to sign for her. The two of you chatted away while she did Matthew's laundry and cleaned the house from top to bottom. You learned that she was a single mom struggling to make it over a year ago. She told you that she knew Matthew didn't need her to come three days a week, for his old apartment was never that dirty, but she suspected that he was just trying to give her extra money for her two boys. Who Matthew had also gifted all new hockey equipment and lessons for. It made you feel guilty for not wanting her here earlier. She stayed a bit longer than usual talking to you but then went on to her next job.
The rest of the morning you spent preparing for the holiday feast, calling the cater Chantal had recommended and going over the menu, then calling a few of the wags to finalize everything. You then made a list of all the things you needed for the few things you wanted to prepare. By the time Matt came home, you had the party all set to take place. You unpacked the couple of suitcases that you brought with you, putting things in the spare room, that was yours for the next several months. Most of your wardrobe you left hanging in Matthew's closet, until after the party, just to be on the safe side. You didn't need anyone questioning the validity of your and Matt's engagement. Even though your heart was questioning every move that you made.
You and Matt settled into a nice little routine. One where you would write almost anytime he was away, be it for practice or exhibition games. Admittedly, it felt weird being in the house alone when he was on the road, but inevitably one of the other ladies would call and you'd end up hanging out with them. By the time Canadian Thanksgiving rolled around, most of the women had volunteered to bring a dish, though the carters had the bulk of the meal. You put the finishing touches on the desserts you made, as well the cute little favors you wanted to give everyone. With a few final touches to the tables you had set up, the house looked like something out of a magazine. Even the snow on the ground couldn't stop the smile from your face when you saw the finished product. "What do you think?" You asked Matt when he came down from getting ready.
"I can't believe you did all this in such a short time. The place looks amazing." You had each of the tables decorated with fall décor of pumpkins and gourds in shades of orange and red. The cater had dishes that matched everything to complete the look. Matt pulled you into a hug crushing you to him. "Thank you, (Y/N)." His eyes locked with yours, a look of gratitude there in them, with a hint of something else. Something that made butterflies flutter in your stomach as his hands slowly made their way down to your waist to settle so that his fingers were splayed gently across your ass. His head tilted ever so slightly toward you and you could swear at that moment he was going to kiss you. Only the doorbell rang, breaking the spell and causing you both to pull away.
"We should get that," you told Matt, as you headed to the door with him by your side.
"Happy Thanksgiving," Annica, Elias Lindholm's girlfriend, greeted you. You enveloped her in a hug, while Matt showed Lindy into the kitchen. "I have no idea why people like macaroni and cheese for this holiday. There's no nutritional value in this at all."
You laughed knowing that both American and Canadian traditions had to seem foreign to the woman from Sweden. "You know these guys and their pasta. I swear they can't go a day without it."
She laughingly agreed with you as you ushered her inside only to be stopped short when the doorbell rang again. This time with the Gudbrason family at it. You quickly hugged them all but snatched baby Benny from his mom. He went to you easily as you and Sarah had become fast friends being some of the newcomers in the group. From there it was a steady stream of guests as most of the team filed in for the festivities.
It was only once the party was in full swing that you gave a few of the girls a tour of the house. "I can't believe what you've done with the place in such a short time," Meredith commented as you headed upstairs. "Johnny and I haven't even been able to settle on a house yet, let alone decorate it."
"Well with the wedding and everything I'm surprised you've had time to even look," Annica stated, though she turned her attention quickly to you. "Speaking of weddings…how goes the planning, (Y/N)?"
Ugh, you knew this question would be coming; had prepared for it, but it still threw you all the same. "Slow. I mean we haven't set a date yet. I've just been too busy with the new book being published and then working on the next one, plus the house. We're just not in a rush." You shrugged your shoulder for an added touch, hoping to seem nonchalant about the topic, while also hoping to put an end to the discussion as well.
Luck was not on your side though. "Have you at least tried on a dress?" This from Sarah as she swayed from side to side with Benny on her hip. "I remember how much fun that was."
"No." Hoping the one-word answer would be enough.
"NO!" A few of the ladies exclaimed, startling little Bennet.
"We should make a little trip out when the guys are away," Meredith suggested, though that was the last thing you wanted.
"I don't know." You hemmed and hawed, looking for an excuse. "I kind of promised Taryn that she could be there."
"Then we'll have her fly up. Matthew won't mind, I'm sure." Annica added as if it was already settled and done. She must have seen you ready to protest, for the next words out of her mouth were, "Of course, when she can fit it in her schedule."
You smiled weakly, knowing that you weren't going to win this discussion. "I'll talk to her and see what we can do." You opened the master suite doors then, effectively changing the topic of the conversation.
"Oh, I love your room." Annica breathed out as she took in the suite. You'd taken the liberty of adding a few touches to Matthew's sanctuary to make it look as though you both lived in it on a full-time basis. A few pillows here, some throw blankets there and it totally looked like a room any couple would be envious of. One thing that you hadn't had to add was pictures. Matthew already had several of the two of you on the nightstands and dressers, as well as some of both of your families. It had you wondering if his mom had done that when she'd helped him move in or if he'd always had them.
"Thanks." You wished that you could take credit for it all, but you insisted that Matthew pick out most of the furnishings, since it was his room. "I'm in love with the bathtub." It felt like the first thing that you hadn't lied about all day. "I swear I convinced Matt to buy this place for it alone."
"I'm sure the two of you make good use of that." An image of you and Matt naked in the bathtub flashed in your brain, and heat immediately rose to your face at Sarah's statement. "No need to answer. I can tell by your face, you do." If only they all knew the truth you thought.
Opening the closet door, you tried to hide your anxiety by distracting the women. "Geez, (Y/N)," Meredith said offhandedly. "I can't believe you let Matthew take up the majority of the closet space." You thought that you'd left enough clothes in there that no one would notice, but apparently, that wasn't the case.
"What can I say; he's a clothes horse. Though I think I'm still trying to get used to sharing a space."
"Amen to that." Annica chimed in. "I turned the one spare room in our place into my little sanctuary, because I still need something for me. That and sometimes I work late."
"Oh," you said excitedly. "I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. For I kind of did the same thing here." It was one way to explain why you'd taken over the one bedroom.
"You two just wait until you've got little ones. There's no place you can hide." Sarah commented as she bounced baby Benny up and down. It was then that everyone realized what was said and the conversation turned to Annica and her struggle with fertility. She spoke openly about going through IVF until finally, you all returned to the party to your relief.
Matthew cornered you the minute you got downstairs, wondering if you should serve dinner. Seeing as everything was ready, you saw no reason not to and started to get everything ready. Since there were multiple tables, you'd set up the kitchen island as a buffet so everyone could serve themselves. Before dinner got underway, Matt grabbed everyone's attention. "Since it's Thanksgiving, I just wanted to say a couple things."
"Make it quick, we're hungry." Some yelled, you thought it was Johnny but weren't entirely sure, as there were a few chuckles as soon as the words were said.
"Alright." Matthew huffed though he had a smile on his face. "I just wanted to thank everyone for coming. It's times like this that make me realize what a great team we've got and I'm excited to see where this season takes us. I also want to take a second and thank all of our wives, girlfriends, and fiances." He looked over at you before continuing. "We're not the easiest bunch to be with, but without your support and love, we wouldn't be able to do what we do. So thank you for everything." You knew that Matthew was thanking you for coming to his rescue after the scandal, but when he said the word love, damn if your heart didn't flutter. "Especially my fiancé, for putting this whole thing together." His arm wrapped around your waist drawing you to his side so he could plant a quick kiss on your lips. You knew it was for show, but you couldn't stop wishing that this whole thing was real instead of just pretending. "Cheers everyone." Everyone raised their glass, taking a quick sip, before Matthew added, "Now, let's eat."
Dinner was full of conversation and laughter. The team just enjoying one another and really bonding. Matt was in his glory, which just made you smile. It reminded you just how much this team and hockey meant to him and reassured you that you were doing the right thing by faking this whole relationship. Which seemed to be fooling everyone, including your heart, as Matt would find small little ways during dinner to touch you here or give a lingering glance there. It had you wondering if there was some small chance that the two of you could have an actual relationship at some point.
The guys all filtered into the family room and game room, watching the Colts and Raven play Monday night football. It made it feel a little bit like Thanksgiving at home. All in all, your first Canadian Thanksgiving was amazing. Matt was showing a couple of the stragglers out, as you put the last glass in the dishwasher. He startled you when he came up behind you, his hands going to your shoulders gently rubbing them. "Thank you," he half-whispered in your ear, sending a small shiver down your spine. "I know it was a lot of work, but I really appreciate it."
His hands continued to massage your shoulders and you found yourself melting against him, even though you tried to steel your heart from falling deeper in love with this man. "It was fun, though I'd be lying if I said I'm not tired."
Matt stilled his fingers from kneading your tired muscles then. He'd planned on saying so much more to you. Wanted to tell you how much he wished that the two of you were a couple. That he wanted all the things he saw most of his teammates have. Hell, he wanted what Brady had with Emma and what his parents had; and he wanted them with you. The minute you yawned out how tired you were, he knew now was not the time to have that conversation. If anything, time was on his side, as you'd be here with him until the end of the season. There would be other times, he thought as he continued to knead the muscles at the nape of your neck. "Why don't you head up to bed? I'll finish down here."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, there's not much. You took care of most of it." You stepped away from Matthew then, putting a little distance between the two of you. His hands caressing your skin had made the temperature in the room, and your body, raise several degrees and you needed space to breathe. Heading towards the steps, you were halted by the deep hush of Matt's voice. "Goodnight Princess and thanks again."
"Goodnight Matty."
Matt thought that he'd get an opportunity to tell you how he felt the rest of the week, but it never happened. It seemed as though the writing bug had gotten a hold of you and that most of your time was spent in front of your laptop. There were breaks here and there where the two of you would watch a show together and share a meal of course, but it didn't seem right to say, 'Hey I'm in love with you,' over grilled salmon and green beans. There was also Brady's big re-signing with the Senators, that had Matthew remembering the time when Brady wanted to confess his love for you. Thinking back on it, it was that summer that he finally realized he had feelings for you that went beyond being friends. He'd of course told Brady to keep his mouth shut because it would ruin the friendship you all had, but now he knew it was because he didn't want you choosing Brady over him. Maybe, if he'd had confessed his feelings back then, just as Brady wanted to do, the two of you would be madly in love right now, instead of Matthew mauling over when to say something. So he left for Edmonton, hoping that once he was back home, a magical moment would present itself.
You weren't sure what muse had spoken to you Thanksgiving night, but ever since the party, words just seemed to be flowing out of your head. Which made it hard to put the laptop away Thursday night and pack to go to Edmonton. It was just an overnight trip, but you were never one that could just throw a couple things in a bag. How you envied those that could.
You were all ready when Meredith picked you up at ten in the morning for the three-hour bus trip. Buses weren't normally your preferred mode of transportation, but then this was no ordinary bus. With its plush leather seats and free-flowing champagne mimosas, you were wondering if you were going to make it to the game or just pass out from the luxury of it all. Not all the women were able to make the trip, there were only about ten of you, but the chatter and the fun was nonstop. The three hours flew by. By the time you checked in to the hotel, you were ready for a nap. Just as you laid down on the mattress, your phone rang. "Hey, Princess." Just the sound of Matthew's voice made your heart skip a beat and he hadn't even been gone twenty-four hours. "Did you get here ok?"
"Yeah, we just checked in and got to our room a few minutes ago." You'd hadn't even had a chance to unpack yet. "Shouldn't you be napping?"
"Probably," he admitted somewhat unwillingly. "Just making sure you got here and are having a good time."
"I am," you told him smiling into the phone and thinking of all the laughs you'd just shared with the girls. "We had a blast, though I'm excited to see you play tonight."
"Yeah?"
"Of course, Matty. It'll be nice to watch you in person this year." With the craziness of last season, you didn't get to see too many of his games. "Did you talk to your parents? Are they going to be able to make it up for the game on Monday?" With Brady's contract only getting signed days ago, Chantal and Keith hadn't made any plans to come to Calgary for the first home game, as they normally would. When you'd last talked to them they were still trying.
"I talked to dad today. They aren't going to make it." You could hear the disappointment in his voice. Knew how much it meant to have them in the stands. "It's no big deal though."
"I know it is, but hey, I'll be there."
What you couldn't see was the million-gigawatt smile that Matthew had on his face when you said that. "Yeah, I know, and thank you. It means more than you know, (Y/N)."
"It's what best friends are for." Matt didn't want to hear the reminder that you were his best friend, as he definitely wanted more, but he could wait. "They're also for telling you to get some rest." Not that you didn't want to talk on the phone with him for hours, but you also knew that if he didn't get his nap, he'd be an angry bear. One that if poked, would end up throwing down the gloves and picking any number of fights, and that was the last thing you wanted.
"Alright, I'll see you tonight. Make sure you come down after the game."
You knew most of the girls went down in the tunnels after the game. You'd done it many times, but this time felt a bit different. "I'll be there. Good luck."
"Thanks, (Y/N). Talk to you tonight."
He hung up then, while you ended up taking a nap yourself. Dinner with the girls was full of laughs, and while they continued at the arena, the Flames fell and so did some of the laughter. You headed down to see the team with the rest of the women, knowing that Matthew would be upset at the loss. What you didn't expect was the smile on his face as he left the locker room to come over and see you. "You'll get 'em next time," you mumbled out, not quite having the right words of encouragement.
"I know," he breathed out, dropping his bag so that his arms could loop around your waist. It was a bit unexpected, as this wasn't the way he usually greeted you over the years. But then you'd never been his fake fiancé before. Before you could overthink things, Matthew's lips were on yours, making you stop thinking altogether. He pulled you a fraction closer to his body, so that not only his scent but he himself, engulfed you. It was intoxicating, that mix of his cologne with the sandalwood soap he always used, as he pressed himself closer to you. The moment his lips touched yours, you were lost; drowning in the touch and taste that was Matthew Tkachuk.
He hadn't kissed you like this since that first night you got to Calgary, but then you were the one kissing him then. Although there had been quite a few kisses exchanged on Thanksgiving. When you actually stopped and thought about it, they'd been coming more and more frequently. Pecks no longer seemed like a brief touching of lips. They lasted a bit longer than what was appropriate for a quick kiss. Not that you were complaining by any means, but if they continued like this, you weren't sure how long your heart could keep its feelings locked away.
Matthew couldn't get enough of you. He poured all of his feelings into the kiss, hoping that by some slim chance, he'd get a miracle and you'd finally realize how in love with you he was. "Jesus, you two." Hanny's voice echoed off the walls. "Get a room for god's sake."
It was only Noah's words that had you both breaking apart, like two teenagers that had been caught by their parents. "Seriously, it's been less than twenty-four hours," Johnny added, his arms draped across Meredith's shoulders. "How are you going to handle the long roadie we have coming up."
"Shut up, Johnny." His wife scolded, with a shot to his chest. "Give them a break, they're in love."
During the whole exchange, Matthew's hands never left your waist. His hand idling drawing circles on your hip again, like the first night. This time though there would be no melting against his body and falling asleep. Especially since Matthew would be getting on the bus shortly. "You're one to talk Mister newlywed." Matt retorted. "I believe you were complaining about being away from your wife, on the plane yesterday."
"Why you gotta call me out like that man?"
"Face it, boys. You're both whipped." Noah taunted making a whipping noise.
"Someday, Hanny. You're going to be in the same boat, and we'll both remember this moment." Johnny threatened, then gave his wife a quick kiss on the cheek. "We gotta go, the bus will be leaving shortly."
"Sorry you came all this way and we can't spend more time," Matthew whispered so that only you could hear. "I thought maybe we could talk."
You weren't exactly sure what he meant by that. "It's ok. I'll see you at home tomorrow, though you'll probably beat me there."
"Probably," he chuckled arms encircling you one last time. He pecked your lips again before releasing you. "I'll call you when I land." You nodded still stunned from the kiss. "Have fun tonight with the girls." With one last kiss, he headed down with the other guys to meet the bus.
"You two are so cute together," Meredith gushed. "You guys remind me so much of Johnny and myself. I can't wait to be dancing at your wedding like you two were at mine."
Meredith's offhanded comment only made you uncomfortable once again lying to everyone about being engaged to Matthew. "Me either," you answered as vaguely as possible. "We should get going." The two of you were the last ones to head out, as it had taken Matt and Johnny a bit longer with interviews than everyone else. When you finally met up with everyone else, drinks had already been ordered and you were doing shots to catch up. It was a couple hours later before you were back in your hotel bed, where the room seemed slightly tilted. It had been way too long since you'd drank as much as you had, and you knew you were going to regret it in the morning.
The three-hour ride back to Calgary was not as pleasurable as the trip to Edmonton had been. It was definitely a lot quieter, except for a few dings here and there when the team landed. Matt had been home almost two hours before you came strolling through the door. "How was the trip?" Matthew inquired all jovial.
"Ugh," you groaned, head pounding. "Can you not talk too loud?" Even though you were positive that he was more than likely speaking at a normal level. Matt chuckled and you itched to wipe the smirk off his face. If only the drums banging in your head would stop beating. "I forgot how hard these hockey girls can party."
"I'll get you a water and some aspirin."
"Thanks." Plopping down on the couch, you grabbed the blanket and curled up under it. You should probably make your way upstairs and lie down in bed, but you had no ambition to tackle the stairs.
"Here ya go." Matt handed over the medication and you drank a healthy bit of water, knowing that it was your best defense against your hangover. "Want me to run you a bath or something?"
While it truly sounded like heaven, you just wanted to cuddle up in the blanket and not move for the next couple of hours. If your head wasn't pounding, you would probably question why Matthew was being so nice, but right now you were just grateful that he was. "Maybe later, I'll commandeer your bathroom, but I'm not moving right now."
Matt sat down in the opposite corner of the couch as you. "Come here." His voice was soft, soothing; and even though you didn't want to move, it coaxed you over to him. He cradled you against his chest and then took his fingers and started to massage your head at the temples. It took all of two seconds for you to close your eyes and relax. "Better?"
You hummed your response as you felt the pressure on your skull ease. He continued his ministrations and soon you fell fast asleep.
It wasn't lost on Matthew that this had become his new favorite spot when he was home. But then any place that he could hold you in his arms was where he wanted to be. Matt had planned on talking to you about his feelings when you got home, but with your head splitting in two; he knew now was not the time once again. Instead, he was content to just hold you in his arms for the next few hours.
The following day, you were sitting in a suite at the Saddledome watching the Flames take on the Ducks. The game went into overtime, but the Flames weren't able to walk away with the win and fell to the Ducks. Once again, you were down in the tunnel with Matthew kissing you as your life depended on it. You were wondering if this was going to be a commonplace thing that happened at every game you were at. Because if it was, you weren't sure if your heart was going to make it until the end of the season. Thank goodness Matt had a long road trip coming up.
Neither of you spoke about the kisses that you shared that night or the following day. It was as if you'd both built up this dam, that held back your feelings for one another. Little by little, you could feel the cracks in it though. It wasn't until a couple days before Matthew left, that part of it finally broke.
You'd been writing all day and finally decided to take a break, leaving your laptop on the coffee table in the living room. Matt had brought home lunch for you both after practice and you were finishing up cleaning the dishes after you both ate. "How's the writing going?" Matthew asked as he sat down on the couch. You didn't see him pick up your laptop and flip it open.
"It's good. I talked to Mason today and he was really excited about the last chapter I sent over."
"Sure, he was," Matt muttered more to himself than you. Though he never met the man, your new editor rubbed him the wrong way. Matthew opened up the document you'd been working on and started to read.
"I may end up having to fly out to New York again in a few weeks."
"Uh-huh," He answered not really paying much attention as he read over one of the chapters you were working on.
"I'll try and coordinate it so that we're both on the road at the same time if I can." This time Matthew didn't say a word, so you just continued. "He said there's been some interest in making it a movie. Can you believe that?"
"Yeah, babe."
"Matthew? Are you even listening to a word I'm saying?" God, you sounded like your mother there, but he hadn't paid any attention to what you were talking about. It was big news, at least to you. Dropping the towel, you decided to see what godforsaken show had captured his attention so much. You were surprised when the television wasn't on at all and he instead, was fully engrossed in reading something on your laptop. Your laptop! "What are you doing?" You shouted horror-stricken to think that he may be reading what you wrote.
"Your new book." There was an innocence in his tone as if he was your editor and not the man you had been hopelessly in love with for years. "I can see why your editor enjoyed it." Heat immediately went to your cheeks as you knew exactly what he was talking about. "It's very…." Matt searched for the right word, while you wanted to crawl upstairs and hide in your bedroom; with your laptop of course. "Spicy."
"Oh my god! Why are you reading that?"
"What do you mean? I always read your books."
"You do? I thought you just wanted a signed copy. I…" Well in truth, you never thought he opened anything past the cover to see that it was signed.
"You're amazingly talented, (Y/N). I've loved every book you've written." The sincerity in his voice, had you blushing at his compliments. "And I'm sure this one is going to be fantastic as well. I mean especially if it's all like this chapter." You'd just written a particularly smutty scene where the female character was trying to seduce the man she was living with. It hit a little too close to home, except you hadn't been trying to seduce Matthew, even though deep down you wanted to. "Can I ask you something?"
God, you wanted to die, yet still, you found yourself saying, "Sure."
"These scenes…" he said gesturing with his hands, as he tried to find the right words. "Do you write them from…experience?"
You were wrong, you thought you wanted to die before, now you surely knew you were going to from embarrassment alone. You swallowed past the lump in your throat, trying to figure out the best way to answer him. You tried to think back to every smutty thought that you'd written. If you told him the truth, you had no doubt he'd be shocked. Especially if he remembered that one scene in the first book you'd ever published. You decided to go with the easiest route. "Mostly."
Matthew nodded, taking that answer into full consideration. "So, this last part. You've done that." It wasn't a question as much as it was a statement, but you found yourself nodding a yes. You hoped that would be the end of the conversation, but he kept going. "And the guy…he was turned on by that?"
"Are we really having this conversation?"
"Come on, (Y/N). I really want to know."
"Are you saying no one ever has with you?"
Matthew thought back on his experiences before he said. "No, and I can't say I really see it being a turn-on."
"Really?"
He shrugged, but then an idea struck him. "Show me."
"I'm sorry. What?"
Matt was already turned on at the idea of you putting your words into action, but knowing that this could bring you two even closer made his heart give way just a bit more. "I don't know. Just read me this part right here." Matt pointed out the section. "And just act it out a bit, you know in case they decide to make this one a movie."
He really had been listening, though that didn't help your answer or your heart for that matter. "But.." you stuttered out. "We're just friends, it's not like…"
"You're still a woman, (Y/N), and I'm just a guy. Besides, we kiss all the time and it hasn't interfered with our friendship." How you wish it had though.
You weren't sure what came over you, but you finally decided to just give in. "Fine." You didn't have to take it as far as the scene went in the book. You would just stop once you proved to him that it really was a turn-on. Matthew leaned back against the sofa a bit more, making himself more comfortable as he handed over the laptop to you. "You're sure about this?"
"Absolutely."
You found a good starting point in the chapter, then cleared your throat. "Sophia's eyes danced mischievously as she made her way over to where Xavier sat, his shirt half unbuttoned. She itched to run her fingers across his bare chest, but that would come with time. 'You're playing with fire, Soph.' Xavier purred as she made her way over to him. 'Don't start something you can't finish.'
"She knew he was playing a game with her. One he thought she'd never finish, but Xavier was wrong. Sophia was more than ready to see this through to the end. 'I'm not starting anything neither of us doesn't want.'
"A dark and sinister chuckle left his lips. The same ones Sophia planned on kissing endlessly for the next several hours. 'Don't think you won't have to work for it.'
"Sophia trailed her hands down her body." You saw Matthew raise an eyebrow at you as if you were supposed to mimic the words you had just spoken. "And how am I supposed to do that and read this?" You asked him, holding the laptop up for added effect.
"Gimme," He said taking the laptop out of your hands and setting it on the end table. "You can still see it. Right?" You nodded as you moved closer. "Please continue. I'm enjoying this private reading." You rolled your eyes at him, then continued.
"Hiking her skirt up…" You obviously weren't wearing a skirt, as you had on an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of pajama shorts. All the same, you remained in character and slid the shorts up just a bit higher. "Sophia straddled Xavier's meaty thigh." You did the same to Matthew, still stunned that no woman had ever ridden his thighs before. Sure, they weren't as massive as say...Sidney Crosby's, but they still made your mouth water all the same. Although at the moment your lips had gone completely dry, like the Sahara Desert for what you had to read next. "The instant her pussy made contact with him, she could feel the wetness pool down in her core." You couldn't look Matt in the eye as you continued. "Her body was on fire and she'd barely made a move on him. Sophie longed for more. Her body yearned for his touch. When Xavier didn't make a move, she knew she had to, and started to rock back and forth against him."
You sat there on Matt's thighs, torn between pulling off this mock acting class that you were giving him and running up the stairs and hiding in your room. Strangely, it was Mason, your editor, whose words ran through your brain. Telling you to make your character bolder, more in control. So, with a newfound confidence that you didn't have, you started to rock gently against Matthew's thighs. "Sophia's fingers danced their way up her along her blouse, all the way to her silken locks. As she ran them through the soft strands, she knew the buttons were straining against her breasts longing for them to be released from their confines. Yet still, Xavier made no move to touch her. Her hands finally found their way to his strong and muscular shoulders, only then did she decide to grind down a bit more onto him. A low throaty moan left her lips as pleasure built inside her."
You copied Sohpia's actions; grinding down on Matt just a bit more than you had before. You saw the twitch in his fingers. Could tell that he longed to touch you, but was it to rid himself of your body or to crush you to him, you weren't exactly sure. "Xavier could feel the dampness of Sophia's panties even through the fine linen of his pants. The suit was expensive but it was worth ruining as long as Sophia's juices were drenching the luxurious material. It was that bit of wetness that fueled his lust and drove him wild until he had to touch her, ruining his resolve that he wouldn't. His hands made their way to her hips, of their own accord and Xavier realized he couldn't stop what would happen next even if he wanted to."
This time it was Matthew who was following directions, as his hands grabbed onto your waist, pressing you further onto his thigh. Your clit started to ache with need as the friction from the material of your bottoms and the silken feel of Matt's shorts drove you wild. Your breath started to come a bit faster and you willed yourself to calm down a bit before reading the next part. "Xavier's hands on her body spurred Sophia on." You were panting now as you tried to recite the words you'd written earlier. It was only then you realized why you'd stopped writing, as you'd been so turned on thinking about doing these things with Matthew, and now, here you were putting words into actions and making you frantic with need.
"Matty, we should stop…"
Matt was prepared for this. Knew that you wouldn't want to carry out this little foray, as it would somehow cause too many emotions to bubble to the surface. "Pretend I'm him." Matthew's hands stayed on your hips, no longer feeding the frenzy but still stoking the fires that were driving you wild. "Would Sophia stop?"
Sophia wouldn't and you knew that. She had the confidence to continue, to make Xavier want her like he had wanted no one else. "No."
"Then be her," Matty breathed out, his warm breath fanning across your cheek, making you turn back to the laptop. It was better than looking him in the eye as you rubbed your needy cunt on him.
You lost your place. Couldn't seem to find it in the haze of lust that had taken over you. Deciding to just pick a place, you continued to read to Matthew. "She was on fire, her pussy dripping all over him, and he loved every second of it, though he wanted more. Wanted her bare cunt rubbing against him and not just the pretty lace thong that she seemed to be wearing." You picked up the pace that you'd been keeping, hoping that Matty would avoid imitating what would happen next. "Xavier gave in to his cravings, letting his one hand wander down to her thigh, where he slowly caressed Sophia's soft downy skin." Just as you hoped he wouldn't, Matthew copied Xavier's movements to the letter, until your breath caught in your throat. It took a second before you continued. "Higher and higher his hand climbed until he could feel the heat radiating off her core. His fingers danced over the small scrap of lace and he heard Sophia's breathing quicken." Yours did as well, as Matty bunched up the pajama shorts you had on. His fingers brushed over your clit, sending you into a blinding need of lust. As if on autopilot, you ground down on Matthew just a bit harder, before returning to the story. "Xavier's finger hooked the tiny piece of fabric and shifted it to the side. He wanted to slide his finger between Sophia's folds; feel the dampness there, only so he could taste her essence. He stopped himself though, wanting to maintain that sense of aloofness."
You rushed over that last part, even as you felt Matt's finger tug at the material of your panties and shorts. The moment your pussy made contact with his skin, you let out a moan. His skin. When did that happen? Had you ridden his thigh so hard that his shorts had bunched up or had he moved them on purpose? You had no clue which it was, but you could feel your wetness all over him. Face flushed with need and want, you couldn't look at him, yet at the same time couldn't read a word on the screen.
Matthew saw the embarrassment written all over your face, though it was for nothing. He now knew the allure of every word you'd written in that chapter. He needed to see you finish this, almost as much as he needed air to breathe. Though he wanted this more. He wanted to look you in the eyes as you came on him. Wanted to see your face as pure bliss overtook you. His hand, the one that just seconds ago had brushed against the heavens that were your pussy, moved to the laptop, slamming it shut. "Look at me, (Y/N)."
His voice brought you out of the stupor you'd been in, or had it been him shutting the computer. "Matty," you panted out, unable to stop yourself now as you rode his thigh searching for that high.
"So, fucking hot." He praised or at least you thought he was praising you. He could just mean the whole act was hot, but you weren't going to think about that right now. His hands slid underneath your sweatshirt. His sweatshirt. The one that you'd worn so many times, only now you wanted him to rip it off. To throw it on the floor so that he could touch and feel how on fire your body truly was for him.
Matthew's hands skimmed over your abdomen until his thumbs caressed the undersides of your bra. The lace tickled his skin and cried out to him like a siren's call, one that he couldn't resist. Slowly, his hands crept up to cup your breasts. Covered in lace, it acted as a shield barring him from what he truly wanted. And that was to feel your soft delicate skin against the coarseness of his fingers. He couldn't stop himself, as his neediness overtook him and he pulled the flimsy material aside, uncovering one breast to his touch. They were perfect, Matthew thought; the size, the shape, the feel, how your nipple pebbled under his touch. He yearned for more. Longed to take it in his mouth and suckle on it. Let his tongue swirl around the peak, until it hardened even more. But then you moaned and he was lost in the sound of your voice, wanting to hear that sound over and over again. He locked his eyes with yours, his forehead just a hairsbreadth away from yours, as you rode him. He felt your reluctance, so he cupped the nape of your neck, willing you to not look away; to see the raw passion, desire, and love that he had for you. "Look at me, princess" he softly whispered.
You had hated the nickname that Matthew had given you back in middle school. Loathed the way it rolled off his tongue each and every time he said it. That was until now. Maybe it was the timbre of his voice or the look in his eyes as he said it, but you longed to hear him call you that again. Wanted to hear him speak it as he lay on top of you with his cock buried deep inside you. Maybe that's where this all would lead; you weren't entirely sure. Could only hope that it would as you fucked yourself there on his thigh. "Matty," you moaned out, looking deeply into his eyes. You could see the hunger in them. Knew that despite him saying earlier he wasn't sure that this would be a turn-on, that he was rock hard. Your knee felt his erection as you rode him, but you wanted more. Needed to feel his cock in your hand just as his one hand toyed with your breast. Wanted to drive him towards the edge just like you were. It was then that you decided to be even more like Sophia.
Your hands had sought purchase on his muscular shoulders, as you rocked back and forth on him. Now, you took one hand and skated it down his chest. Hand practically shaking, as you glided it up the length of him. He was hard. You could feel his cock straining against its confines, yearning to be released. However, you wanted to torment him just like he was doing to you. Matthew hissed in a breath, as your nails traced the length of him. He never broke eye contact with you, but you heard his breathing become more rapid. Trailing your fingertips up to his waist, you ran them across his abs before dipping them down inside the waistband. Your index and middle fingers had just barely touched the head of his cock, but you could feel the precum there. It gave you the confidence to slip your fingers further down.
It was then that you heard the chimes from the motion detector and you stilled not only your hand but your entire body. "Don't stop," Matthew hissed out, still looking deep into your eyes, while his hand at your hip urged you to move again. "Probably the mail," he huffed out when you didn't immediately start rubbing your cunt on him. He was right, it was more than likely that. You picked back up where you'd just left off, fucking yourself against him, while your fingers finally wrapped around his cock.
"Someone is at the front door." The Alexa that sat on the end table announced, causing you to stop once again; fingers still gripping his dick. "Ignore it," Matthew all but commanded, both hands now holding onto your hips encouraging them to keep moving. His eyes were the key though, they spoke of how much he needed this, but also held how much he wanted this for you. So, you did as he said and forgot all about whoever was at the door. "That's it, princess," he praised you as you ground down on him, while at the same time began to stroke the length of him. There was a part of you that wanted to abandon the pleasure you sought on his thigh and just sink to the ground so you could take his cock in your mouth, circle your tongue around the head and just taste the essence of him.
You were toying with that idea when the doorbell went off again. "Someone is at the front door."
"Fuck," Matthew hissed out, finally breaking eye contact with you. "They'll go away." Your body told you that Matthew was right even as your head contradicted that theory.
"Chucky, open the door."
"It's just Hanny," Matty whispered, as you finally released his cock and took your hand out of his pants. "He'll leave if we're quiet."
"Matty," you chastised in a disapproving voice.
"I know your home Tkachuk," Hanny called out and you found yourself standing on wobbly legs getting ready to answer the door.
"One second," you yelled back, as Matthew's hands steadied you.
"Seriously, (Y/N)?" Matt whined. You felt the loss as much as he did; felt just as frustrated. Though you couldn't leave Noah standing outside in the cold.
With one last look at Matthew, whose thigh glistened with your juices on it, you headed for the door. It took a second to adjust your bra and panties, and you may have pulled your sweatshirt down a bit further to cover anything else up. After a deep breath, you opened the door to find a very wet and disheveled Noah Hanifin. Which wouldn't have surprised you, if it had been raining, but it wasn't. "Jesus, what happened to you?" Stepping aside, you motioned for him to come inside.
"Broken pipes." Was all he offered by way of explaining, before taking a good look at you. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I'll go see if Johnny…"
You didn't let him finish. "Nonsense. Let me go get you a towel…or several."
You headed upstairs but heard Hanny apologizing. "Fuck man, I didn't realize that you two were…well, you know…"
"We weren't." Matt lied.
"Please, pillow in the lap. Dead giveaway."
"We are engaged," Matt offered as an excuse, then quickly changed the subject. "What happened?"
"I'm not sure. The whole apartment complex is flooded. I was hoping that maybe I could stay here with you and (Y/N) until it's figured out."
Matthew didn't answer right away, as he still hadn't recovered from his lust filled haze. He was hoping to pick up where the two of you left off and quite possibly take it a step further. "Of course, you can." You answered handing the towels over that you'd just got.
"I grabbed some of my stuff but it's a wet mess."
"Bring it in and I'll throw it in the laundry for you." It was the least you could do.
"A couple of the other guys are out of a place too," Hanny added. You had forgotten that a few other players lived in the same complex as Noah. "I know you have a few spare rooms. If it's not too much trouble."
A look was exchanged between yourself and Matthew. Both of you trying to gauge what the other was thinking. "I don't know…" Matt started to say and you saw the questioning glance Hanny gave him.
"It's fine Matty."
"But…" Matthew interjected while Hanny's head bounced back and forth between the two of you like a puck passing between forwards.
"Is there something going on I should know?"
"No!" Both you and Matt exclaimed. Noah's eyebrows drew together in concern and you needed to come up with a reason quickly. "It's just…well…" Matthew stuttered.
"I sort of took over the one spare room." Well, that certainly didn't answer any of Hanifin's questions. If anything it made it worse. "You see, I sometimes like to write in the middle of the night…and I don't want to wake Matty up. It was just easier to put some of my things in there, so I'm not going in and out of the room." Noah nodded apparently accepting the flimsy excuse. "But really, it's fine. I can just move some stuff over to Ma…our room."
"That's great. I'll call the guys." Matthew kept looking at you with a frown on his face as Noah pulled out his phone.
"I'll go start moving my stuff. Just bring your things in and throw them in the laundry room."
"Perfect." He said wandering outside to grab his things, while you headed upstairs.
You hadn't realized Matthew was following you until he shut the door to your room. "You do realize we're going to have to share my room, right?"
"I'm aware," you answered as you grabbed the suitcase you had in the closet and started throwing things inside it. "I can sleep on the floor. It's only for a couple nights, then you'll be on the road."
You sleeping in his bed was not the problem that Matthew had. In fact, he wanted you there. Only he didn't want half his team sleeping in the room next to him as he planned on ravishing you, nor did he want his first time with you to be in a house full of hockey players. "You're not sleeping on the floor," Matt whispered harshly as he heard the door close downstairs. You walked back into the closet and grabbed the rest of the clothes. "That's not what I meant. I was talking about what happened downstairs."
You could feel the heat surfacing in your cheeks at the mention of what was shared between you moments ago. Hell, your legs were still sticky from your juices. "We said it wouldn't change anything and it won't."
A knock at the door stopped any further discussion. "Hey, what room should I take?" Noah called out and you opened the door and walked him down to the other spare room, the one meant for Matthew's or your family when they visited.
"Here you go. There are towels in the bathroom if you want to take a shower."
"Thanks, this is really nice of you guys," Noah stated. "I called Marky, he and Dube will be here in a bit. We all really appreciate this."
"No problem, man," Matthew told him, then the two of you went back to your room, while Noah went to shower. Once he heard the water run, Matthew decided to try a different tactic with you. "I'm not saying what happened changed anything. It's just…" He tried to come up with the right words. "I think we should do it again."
"What?"
Ok, so that didn't exactly come out the way that Matt had intended. "Well…I mean…fuck," he mumbled and ran his hand through his curls. "It's been a long time, (Y/N). For both of us, I think. I just think we could both use…well…some sort of relief."
"Are you saying we should fuck?" you whisper yelled back at him, shocked beyond belief that those words had just come out of your mouth. You could barely look at him as you said them.
"Yes…no…maybe."
"Oh my god, we cannot have this conversation right now. Not with your teammates coming to stay here and most of my stuff is in this room." You walked into the bathroom and started gathering all your makeup, hoping to compose yourself. Matthew's suggestion that the two of you have sex was beyond anything that you ever thought would happen. Of course, you'd dreamt of it before, but not like this. It was supposed to be romantic, not some transaction between the two of you just so you could blow off a little sexual steam per se. It wasn't that you didn't want to. God how you wanted to. You just didn't want things to change between the two of you. A little voice whispered in your head that you'd already crossed that line when you were rubbing your cunt on him not thirty minutes ago, and really what would be the harm if you actually fucked him. Your heart shattering to a million pieces, that's what it would be.
"Hey, princess," Matthew called out from the bedroom, making you push all those thoughts to the side.
"Yeah," you answered walking back into the bedroom with your arms full of toiletries.
"Where do you want me to put this." Matthew stood there, a grin splitting ear to ear as he held up not just one, but two of your vibrators that you'd brought to Calgary with you. You wanted to die, like right there on the spot. Just crawl into a hole and never come out again. That's how embarrassed you were. To make matters worse, he dropped them to the bed and pulled out the rest of your extensive toy collection. Your mouth opened to say something yet no words came out. Instead, one lone tear started to make its way out. You could feel it coming, but with your hands full of shampoo and body wash, you couldn't brush it away. "Hey, hey." Matt cooed coming around to you. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, it's sexy as hell." You couldn't look him in the eye, which you found rather ironic considering you'd held his gaze earlier while you rubbed yourself against him. "It's like I was saying before, (Y/N). We're both a little sexually frustrated. It's completely normal."
Was it also normal to fantasize about your best friend while using them? Because that's what you'd been doing, but he didn't need to know that. "I know," you finally breathed out, finding that inner confidence once again. "And maybe you're right, but now isn't the time to try and figure this out."
"True." You heard the disappointment in his voice and wondered if he possibly wanted this as much as you did. "We can talk about it later." He bent and kissed your forehead, before releasing you. "I'm sorry for embarrassing you, (Y/N). That wasn't my intent."
"I know." The question now was rather, you wanted to be sexually frustrated the rest of your time in Calgary or did you want to put your heart on the line and risk everything. It was one you were going to have to think on long and hard.
.
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