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#brain rambles I'm just sad and tired

arsonist-chicken · 9 months

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tell me . about your day at the sleepover. :]

My last "sleepover" was in February when a friend visited me and in May when I slept at a friend's place after her birthday, both of which I loved because friend?? In a shared space?? Shared domestic time doing household stuff and getting ready together?? AAAAAHHHH

I haven't had a classic one with friends spread out across mattresses and air mattresses and camping mats in ages though and I get it because we all live anywhere now and everyone's busy dealing with life as an adult and is always tired, and I don't miss high school at all, but goddamn do I miss having all my friends within 45min of me and regularly meeting up and sleeping over at each other's places.

But! Look who's in my bed now and won't let me get up to change into pyjamas! Purring like her life depends on it:

#in my defense for the sad rambling i'm pre-period and laura just forced me to hear a new snippet of her sad buam's song and i'm tired and #it's 1am #anyway. there you go. go kill a man and drink his blood for käärijä like a feral hog or something #which sure is a tag tm without context #alistair sad that! not me! i just suggest arson regularly #morbid.... hold on whats your url. my brain's been dead for two weeks or so now #morbid-things #asks #no id

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koostarcandy · 1 year

Text

heart ache

summary: a night where jungkook's back from a tiring day and you admire the tiniest of details.

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: just fluff, there's nothing else going on here :P

a/n: these night thingies are becoming frequent now :] i hope you enjoy them anyway ^^ @yoursalaciouspizza here's what we were talking about and inspo from this moodboard by @httphyunjiin :D oktyily byeeeeeeeee <3

"how about one more kiss? looks sad, koo."

"it's just a bruise, baby. how about you have a bite of this pancake before my hand falls off?"

that would be really sad, you note. you oblige and take a forkful of sweet, sugary pancake, paired with tart strawberries. you let out a satisfied sound at the taste, urging your love to have a taste. his concentrated eyes relax when they meet yours, crinkling at the corners at your content face.

"is everything okay? you seem abit off, love."

you rub the apple of his cheek with your free hand, the other gently feeding him your midnight pancakes. the whole situation may seem ridiculous, laughable even but pancakes at approximately 12.33 a.m, along with your cuddly boyfriend is the perfect fix after a long day.

jungkook makes you drop the fork, guiding your hands around his neck and wrapping his muscly ones around your waist. he nuzzles his face into your neck, his freshly washed hair tickling your chin. you run your fingers through the slightly damp locks, envious of his always shiny hair.

"drop your haircare routine already," you mumble, rubbing your fingers over his temples when he practically moans in relief. "i use whatever you use, baby. let me do your hair next time, hmm?" he replies in between the impromptu massage, hands sneaking under your oversized tshirt, splayed over your back like a splash of warmth.

"everything hasn't been the best exactly but i still feel guilty," jungkook admits 3 pancakes in, head on your chest and hand over his filled tummy. "guilty? why?" you ask curiously, thumbs rubbing over his pink knuckles. "i'm not exactly underprivileged, you know? but there are days where i have to remind myself that people would actually kill to be where i am right now and have the things I want, it reminds me to not freak out over things like the wifi not working or something like that," he rambles, going on with saying that he reminds himself of his daily blessings despite going through harrowing times, never failing to feel grateful for everything he sees and gets. including you, he says sincerely.

"stressed but blessed seems like the appropriate title for what i'm feeling right now," jungkook chuckles, trying to melt further into you. you're silent, hands rubbing his back gently and playing with his hair. you've always admired him, for a variety of things. he's always been humble and gentle and kind, never failing to speak out a word or show a small action of gratitude for the most mundane of things you do for him. you got him that blueberry crumble from that place he really likes? he kisses your cheek and mumbles out 'thank you' like a prayer. you're still like a fluffy pillow, serving as a resting place for his tired head? he's on you in an instant, squeezing your waist in silent appreciation.

your eyes dart to his hand coming to your peripheral vision, brushing away your bangs. his sweet and hardworking hands. never failing to rub your back so you slip out of sleep's tight hold in the mornings, tying your hair into a bun when you get frustrated with it, handling you with the utmost care when you don't exactly feel your best. you take his large ones into your own, happy crescents meeting his when you place the smallest of kisses on his latest boxing bruise.

his sparkly eyes are tattooed to your brain, always making sure to bright up the darkest spots in your mind. they're the first thing you see in sleepy dawn and the last when you're finally in bed at late dusk. they always meet you in a room full of enigmatic eyes and yet they never fail to make you get lost in them. they provide you with the best comfort you can ever find, always losing yourself to their never ending warmth.

his strong arms squeeze around you when place a chaste kiss on his temple, feeling a smile in your neck. the arms which never fail to make you feel at home, snaking their way around you and making themselves comfortable. they sometimes serve as a mode of transport too, carrying you from the bedroom to the living room or when jungkook feels like you don't need to walk all the way to kitchen, picking you up and setting you on the counter. your hands slide to the pretty vines wrapped around you, tracing the intricate designs on his bicep.

everything about him, head to toe, every tiny mole to his boopable nose and his squishy cheeks, makes your heart ache in the most loving way possible. jungkook props his chin on your chest, head tilted to the side, wondering why you've been silent for the last half hour. your eyes are suddenly watering, hands flying to cover your face.

"darling? look at me, please. was it something i said? it wasn't offensive, right?"

you let out a watery laugh, fingers swiping at the underside of your eyes.

"you, it's you."

jungkook's even more confused now, sitting up and pulling you up with him. "but i'm your koo, baby, i can't make you cry. these are good tears, yes? please tell me they're happy tears."

you all but fall into him, hiding your face in his tshirt and letting your arms fall loosely around his lithe waist. "yes, koo, they're happy tears. i just love you too much," you say, going on to say it's the sugar talking and that in hindsight, sprinkling 145 grams of powdered sugar along with strawberry jam wasn't exactly the bestest midnight snack you've made so far. jungkook is quick to disagree, saying that what you did tonight was basically art.

"there you go again, baby, you do know that not everything i do is a work of art, right?"

"says the walking and talking masterpiece!"

pt time: @armys-dna ; @junsai-tree ; @soobhyun ; @shatzkrinslinzki ; @jinsquishes ; @cherishoshi ; @fragmentof-indifference ; @indgio ; @jjkeverlast ; @parkdatjimin ; @yoogijk

#jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #jungkook fanfic #jungkook oneshot #jungkook imagines #jungkook scenario #bts fluff #bts x reader #pls dont mjnd me im craving pancakes

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bipp-bopp-time-to-stop · 26 days

Text

A Divine Devotee

It's finally here and I'm at 100 followers! It's still sinking in for me but I wanted to do something to celebrate. Given how loved "Far More Than Just A Mask" is, I decided that a part two to it would be great for my 100 follower fic. Getting it written, like all of my fics, was something of a process so I hope it's at least as good as the first part. Hope you all enjoy!

TW: Yandere themes, blood, descriptions of a violent ritual, gore, cannibalism (accidental, technically), nudity, Fierce goes absolutely mental and no one has a Good Time TM

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Learning to live with the Fierce Deity in the flesh was something you expected to be akin to a thorn in your side. He was, in a way, just that. Were he not tasked with something, he was beside you. Even if he wasn’t by your side for whatever reason, that didn’t mean he still wasn’t with you in some capacity.

That strange bond he forced created between the two of you was still present. With every passing day, it seemed to weaken but you doubted it would every go away. In the present, it was hard to send little more than a handful of words over the bond, so the two of you relied on emotion. You never really thought about what it would feel like to be emotionally connected to another person (much less a god) but what you got wasn’t something you expected.

Emotion did not radiate off of him in a way you could sense it. It wasn’t some visible aura around him nor did it replace your own. Rather, it was a feeling in you body. Your being would alight with a hot flash at his anger or your extremities would slowly turn numb and freeze at despair. Your lungs would stutter and your eyes would sting with his sadness and your heart and brain would flood with dopamine at his joy. Not matter how he felt, it was always extreme.

Yet, when you once asked him what your emotions felt like, he described it as trying to sense the presence of a mouse. Your emotions, quite simply, were but a whisper to him. Despite that, he claimed he always did his best to sense and feel them. You had no choice but to experience his emotions so he felt it only fair that he try to do the same.

It had confused you, at first, as to why it was like this. Why he was so extreme and you weren’t in the eyes of the bond. Although he may be “talkative” with you, he’s typically quiet and rather neutral around the rest of the boys. All it took was some few minutes of thinking when the answer quite literally appeared in his name.

Fierce Deity.

He is a god and you are a mortal. Gods, in comparison to mortals, live at an unreachable extreme. It would certainly explain why Fierce always had that air of intensity to him. It would also explain why you felt so minute in comparison to him. It made you worry about what the future may hold. Would he eventually grow tired of how little you were in relation to his divinity? Would his boredom lead to him simply leaving or acting upon his name towards you and the group to amuse himself? Pessimism was easy to reach your mind nowadays and you know (you hoped) that such thoughts could never come true, but your brain refused to shut up.

Large bulky arms secure themselves around you and startle you from your spiral. The smell of rancid iron assaults your nose and the seeping wetness of your clothes makes it clear that you’re going to say goodbye to yet another outfit. A weighty head rests itself upon you and the rumbling hum that sounds though the chest pressed against your back resonates through your nerves. As the arms strengthen their embrace even further, you find yourself being slowly lifted from the ground.

“What ails you, dearest?” Fierce inquires. He audibly huffs and puffs in the scent of your hair but such oddities have long since lost their weird factor on you.

“Nothing too important, Fie- uhm, honey. Just my brain not wanting cease its ramblings. What… about you?” You respond as you look down at the arms around you. He wasn’t drenched in blood but it was certainly splattered on him. Not in huge amounts (at least huge in comparison to the typical gore he seemed to wear), but enough to tell you that something- or someone- was now dead. For the sake of not developing a headache, you hoped it wasn’t the latter.

“I brought us food. Elk,” Fierce stated. Ah, that would explain the strange and distant cry you heard some thirty minutes ago. And, for the next thirty minutes, you’d be avoiding the bloody scene that would now be accompanying camp. The double helix sword Fierce wielded was great against monsters but too rough against prey. As such, he simply resorted to using little more than his hands when it came to ending them. You had seen the end product of this method only once and it was sight that you vowed to never look at again. The bent neck, torn skin, smashed head, and splinters of bone poking through the pelt… ugh, there goes your appetite.

As silence continues to permeate the atmosphere, the embrace around you eventually loosens. Fierce’s footsteps crunch and squish on the forest floor as he moves away from you. He stops once he’s fully in view and you can’t help but stare at his face. It would be wrong to say he was anything less than beautiful. His face- his true face- was so similar yet different to the mask made in his likeness. His tattoos, still red and blue and angular, were more weathered like warpaint. His hair, still silvery white and straight, had turned into billowing locks due to the passage of centuries. And his eyes- oh, those eyes- were still so intense. They didn’t glow white hot with rage and were no longer blank slates. Rather, a ring of steely gray and blue surrounded his pupils. The colors reminded you of both the swinging steel of battle and the common hue of blue that existed in the eyes of most of the boys. A small feature, you wonder, that may have been picked up from Time.

“If you choose to accompany me to go get cleaned up… then I assure you that there will be more to look at then,” Fierce offers with a slight lit in his voice. His lips are ever so slightly turned upward as are his brows. Perhaps not as poetic as Wars’ pick up lines, but still effective enough to get your heart pumping.

“Well, after you got me dirty, I have little choice but to join you,” You sigh and follow behind the man. He lets out little more than a small chuckle, one of triumph, but you don’t let it get to you. Had you declined his invitation, he’d no doubt be left in a cranky mood. And, whenever Fierce was feeling all around unpleasant, it would always lead to most unpleasant things.

As you walked behind the god, you vaguely noted how the forest started to thin out before stopping completely. Stretching out before you was a sizeable lake. It was hours away from Ordon, hence why you never saw it in game or never heard Twilight mention it, but it was a reminder that there was so much more to every Hyrule than a screen could ever show. The surface of the water was still and stained a variety of oranges and pinks with the setting sun. Even after basking in the spring sun for the entire day, the water would undoubtedly still be cold.

A clinking sound catches your attention and you look over at Fierce just in time to see his chestplate fall to the ground. By now, his hands are fiddling with the buckle of his belt and you advert your eyes away. This wasn’t the first time you’ve both seen Fierce naked or bathed with him, but there was still a layer of reserve you had towards him. You had accepted the fact that you were now his lover (not that you were going to be left with any other choice) but there were certain aspects of a romantic relationship that you weren’t ready for yet. Perhaps it was because you were scared of taking such a leap. Or, maybe, your feelings didn’t run deep for the god like his surely did for you. Whatever the case was, constantly adventuring, fighting, and dealing with the Shadow made it hard to try and sort out such complex thoughts and conflicting emotions. For now, you had little choice but to go with the flow.

Once Fierce had waded deep enough into the water to where only the start of his hips and the beginning tufts of his happy trail peaked above the water did you go about getting undressed. The deity was kind enough to keep his eyes trained elsewhere until you were in the water much like him. An involuntary grunt fell from your lips as you waded into the cold waters but the sooner you got washed off, the sooner you’d be out of the lake.

After a quick dip below the surface to fully wet your body, you were whisked into Fierce’s arms. He carefully placed his arms around your midsection as not to touch an private parts of your body. The warmth that radiated from him was welcome in the face of the biting temperatures of the lake. Without his armor or thick clothes to cover up his body, you had full view of picturesque divinity. It wasn’t superhero level of muscle nor veiny, but was certainly a warrior’s build. The expanses of his muscles were only heighted or barely hidden by a suitable layer of fat. The fat only added to his weight to make him more solid and even harder to push around as well as helped soften any blows that may befall him. Unsurprisingly, his body was littered with scars of battles and wars waged so long ago that the history books likely couldn’t recall them. His hands were wide and large as well as covered in callous. You felt envious of the ways he made certain flaws and imperfections look so desirable.

“You ought to work on ‘shutting up’ your brain more often, dear (Name). It’s no wonder you experience so many headaches,” Fierce hummed out as he began to card a hand through your hair. With a few kisses placed to the crown of your head, you were distracted enough from your thoughts yet again to focus on the now. You didn’t bring any soap with you, but you hadn’t been splattered with blood like Fierce was. For now, the water should be enough.

Fierce begins to ladle water across your shoulders before you can even cup your own hands. Once fully wet, the man goes about rubbing your skin both to wash off any blood or grime but to also soothe your muscles. Even with the rough skin that coated his palms and fingers, his touch and motions were gentle. The gesture was nice and a welcome feeling to the stiff knots littered throughout your neck and shoulders, but it was also strange.

Not strange in the fact that it came from your lover, but from a god. It was the mortal, no matter the nature of the relationship, that did acts of service for the divine. Brought them food, made sacrifices in their name, and lived, breathed, and died by their beliefs. They’d heed every order given to them no better than a well trained dog. There were, of course, exceptions to this standard.

And Fierce was quiet the exception.

He acted as if you were the sole reason he existed. He brought you food, gifted you things from trinkets to treasures, and even shouted out your name in battle as if it was waged for you. Even with your hesitance towards him at times, he never once faltered in the way he acted. Any positive sign from you, from a compliment to something like a kiss on the cheek, only seemed to embolden him further. You had to be scarce in affection with Fierce even if it may have seemed harmless at the time.

Gods are dangerous beings, after all. Their sorrow drowns lands and their anger scorches the earth til’ naught but ashes remain. Their envy chokes the life out of whatever it can bind itself around and even their happiness can lead to slaughter. But their love? That’s a whole other beast to deal with.

Whenever Fierce felt as if he hadn’t been given enough affection recently, he sought to gain it by doubling his efforts. Instead of picking the ripest grapes from the vine for you to snack on, he’d uproot the whole plant and drag it back to camp for you. Instead of gifting you a new tunic or bracelet, he’d dump entire wardrobes of clothing and accessories upon you (kindly cleaned of gore, naturally). Instead of handing you a few monster parts he picked up after battle as a little trophy, he’d make let you watch him harvest them. He’d force ask you to tell him which parts to tear away next. From ripping out teeth and twisting off horns to gutting them and pulling out their innards, he did it. Given a monster’s tendency to puff away into nothing more than smoke upon death, the beasts were always forced to stay alive.

Yet, after receiving love and affection, he could be even worse. Smothering to the point you weren’t allowed to do nearly anything without his “help”; walk, eat, change, or bathe. He’d be willing to bite at anything that came near the two of you during his moments of love, leaving you with little choice but to distance yourself from the rest of the group. In the moments where he was nothing short of lovesick, you were left with very few options as to calm him down. Some days you’d have to act indifferent towards him to get him to back up whereas others required you to just submit to the affections like a doll for him to hug and squeeze. If you didn’t manage to subdue him fast enough… bad things happened.

Like right now.

You had been whisked away from your bed in the middle of the night. Despite your pout and complaints, Fierce did little more than hum as he carried you out of the castle. The guards that were littered about the grounds hardly acknowledged the two of you (most certainly out of fear of what Fierce would do to them). The only familiar face you passed by was Impa, but the woman only spared you what you believe to be her attempt at a sympathetic gaze (no doubt Wars had filled her and Zelda in on the relationship between you and the deity).

As Fierce’s long legs carried you through Hyrule castle and out of the city’s protective walls, you could only fathom what awaited you. He was always one to make sure you had a proper amount of sleep each night, so this deviation in routine had your stomach twisting. As he began to venture into the woods, a little tune was hummed under his breath and his fingers idly tapped against your back. A harmless gesture any other day or situation, but it meant he was excited. No doubt to show you something and to explain his scarce presence over the past few days.

“You’ve always shared a lot of your culture with me. Food, celebrations, talk of your society and how it functions, and even what love is like in your world,” Fierce finally broke the silence of the forest (why are the woods quiet? Why can’t you see any fairies fluttering around?). “I thought, perhaps… I could do the same. It’s not much, but I still want you to enjoy a few things I did back when I was in my prime.”

With those partially cryptic words finally spoken, you were set down on your own two feet and spun around. In a small clearing of the forest now sat a little feast. Placed upon a round but sizeable table were multiple plates of decadent food. Some dishes were familiar to you such as a fragrant seafood stew prepped with lobster, crab, prawns, and fish. Strips of glazed and tender gourmet meat rested upon a suitable bowl of rice. There was also a charcuterie and meat board loaded with all sorts of treats. The sight was enough to get your stomach rumbling and you sat down in the smaller chair at the table. With the hot and fresh food before you (no doubt kept that way with the use of a little magic), your worries could wait for a moment.

“This is but a sliver of the food that use to grace the tables I ate at. While this little feast lacks many things, mainly ambrosia and entertainment, I do hope you enjoy it,” Fierce states as he watches you dig into whatever was closest to you. The food tasted just as amazing as it looked and smelled, so Fierce had to have gotten help from someone. Perhaps Wild or the cooks at Hyrule castle? Whoever it was, you were grateful to them.

As you enjoyed some of the gourmet meat and rice bowl, another plate was slid over to you. It appeared to be a standard plate of steak but the meat on the plate wasn’t beef. It looked similar to beef, but it sooner looked like a filet than a steak. Not to mention that the smell may have been meaty and savory, but not beef like. It was also generously covered in a thin, dark sauce and plated with a small pile of what you imagined was the Hyrule equivalent of home fries.

Curious to try the new dish, you moved it closer and brought your fork and knife to it. You did your best to slice against the grain and pulled away with a good bite of the meat. After a quick dip in the sauce it came with, you plopped it into your mouth and began to chew. It was soft and tender and had a similar mouth feel to regular steak, but the taste was far from that simple. It had the meaty heaviness that came with red meat but it’s taste was a bit closer to poultry. The tangy sauce helped cover up the subtle, bitter aftertaste of the food.

“What do you think? It’s the one dish I prepared myself,” Fierce commented as he watched you. He practically seemed to be on the edge of his seat and his eyes bore straight through you. His eagerness towards your commentary was strange given how innocent this little date night had been so far, so you decided to not question it too much as not to ruin the mood.

“It’s an interesting taste. It tastes good and the sauce is a good pair for the meat, but it’ll still take some getting used to,” You replied before taking another bite out of the meat. Since this was the plate Fierce had specially prepared himself, it would be nice of you to finish it.

“I also made a drink. It’s not as close to the mortal made ambrosia as I hoped it would be, but I hope you enjoy it,” Fierce pipes up yet again as he hands you a wine glass full of what looks similar to red wine. It’s darker in color, though, as well as more opaque. When you go to taste it, you also notice that it’s just a bit thicker than normal wine. While there is the taste of grapes and alcohol in it, there’s also a noticeable twang of raspberry and something else you can’t put your finger on. Much like the meat, there was subtle, bitter aftertaste. You offer Fierce a nod of approval and, for the moment, that’s that.

The midnight meal passes by rather peacefully. The forest is still all too quiet for your liking but at least you and Fierce keep each other company. When it eventually becomes too much to take so much as another bite out of any of the food, the deity also sets down his utensils along with you. As you sit and digest your food, Fierce goes about packing up the leftovers and storing them in his own enchanted pouch.

Instead of picking you back up and taking you back to the castle, Fierce beckons you to follow him closer into the forest. You comply, albeit a bit sluggishly due to a full belly and the early stages of fatigue. Wherever he’s taking you next mustn’t be far or else he would’ve picked you up.

The next spot he takes you to is dark and ill lit by moonlight. You can make out what appears to be a… tub? It’s clearly filled with liquid and had all kinds of petals scattered around it and in it. Underneath the earthy and floral scent of the scene, there’s another smell that you turn your nose from. With it being smothered by everything else, though, the most you can describe it as is a stale musk.

Gently, Fierce begins to pull away the pajamas covering your body. He keeps his actions slow and steady so you could make him stop at any time. You don’t as you understand he wasn’t going to do anything bad to you and, before long, your night clothes and underwear are neatly put to the side. Fierce helps you into the tub and let’s your body slowly sink into the liquid. There’s a noticeable thickness to the liquid- like a thinned out syrup. Aside from that and the smell, it was only luke warm. Were there more moonlight or just any light in general, you’d be able to properly see the color of the liquid.

Fierce kneels down by your side and begins to rub the liquid into the parts of your body that aren’t submerged. He says little aside from a few orders to move one way or the other. Whatever elixir it is that you’re bathing in is also added into your hair and generously applied to your face. Your best guess is that this was some sort of soak that Fierce must have done to himself way back when. Whether it was going to be beneficial for you or not would be something you could get figured out later.

“I imagine you’re curious about all of this,” Fierce murmurs out as he continues to “wash” your hair. “The meal, this bath, and what more I may have planned…”

“Well, yes… that’s been in the back of my mind the entire time,” You confirm after a moment of hesitance. That telltale churning in your gut was starting to act up but you did your best to hide it. You weren’t the only one nervous, though, as Fierce also seemed to be getting anxious as well. It buzzed through the bond like a bee’s nest. Nervousness was a rather rare emotion for the deity and it made your blood run cold at whatever he may be planning.

“Remember… how I promised that my love for you is eternal? Well, it is but… you’re not,” Fierce sighs and the bond is flooded with sadness that threatens to make you sob until the sun rises. Thankfully, it doesn’t last for much longer as Fierce seems to focus his train of thought elsewhere.

“Y-Yeah?” You cough out after a bit. Fierce remains still and silent for a few moments despite your stare. Slowly, his eyes meet yours and the intensity that stirs within them could have been enough to kill.

“I think I’ve figured out a solution to that.”

What?

What did he mean by that? Was… was he planning on turning you into a god? Or, at the very least, immortal? There’s little else his comment could be interpreted as. But how would such a thing even be possible? As far as you can recall, you’ve stumbled across nothing in Hyrule or its history that hints at mortals being able to ascend to divinity.

“Fierce, how… is that even… I-”

“You need not stress, dearest. The process has already begun and you’re fairing quite fine so far,” Fierce smiles.

What?!

You nearly leap out of the tub and scramble across the ground. Your wild dreams of escape are shattered as Fierce quickly wrangles you into his hold and attempts to calm you down. He even tries to send calming and relaxing sensations across the bond but it does little to soothe your frantic mind. Not only that, but you managed to get to a point in the forest where there was more moonlight. The pale light illuminated your bare skin and it only showed red. Red, red, red, red, red.

It’s blood. You had been soaking in blood.

By some miracle, you managed to not upheave tonight’s meal. That didn’t stop you from kicking and screaming to get away from Fierce. Unlike times before when he had crossed a line, Fierce showed no sign of backing off. He kept you pinned to the ground and simply took any blow you sent his way head on. It was simply a matter of letting you tire yourself out.

“Shh… it’s okay, you’ll be fine, (Name),” Fierce hushed as he pressed the side of your head against his chest. His heart beat was slow and steady like a bass drum. It contrasted the never ceasing allegro of your own heart and you worried that, at this rate, you’d end up fainting.

After quickly adjusting his embrace around you, Fierce lifts you up and carries your body to the next destination of this “date night”. Your kicks had lost their wind and had become little more than wiping your foot against him. You try to look at anything but the red ick still clinging to you or Fierce. Vaguely, standing just above the tree line and nearing the horizon lines, were the tallest towers on Hyrule Castle. It was so far away that you couldn’t really see the flags mounted on their peaks flapping in the breeze nor would anyone there be capable of hearing the loudest scream you could make (would anyone even come to your rescue if they heard you? Who in their right minds would think to try and fight against a god?)

Something cold and hard presses against your back. Your view shifts as Fierce lays you down on stone and quickly goes about securing your arms and legs. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he’s laid you flat on an altar. What ritual he had planned was for him to know and for you to cruelly find out.

“I’ve never wanted to hurt you before and I still don’t. I will never feel the urge to harm you but… I have to do this. If I don’t, then you’ll become victim to your mortality and I’ll be left alone. I can’t exist without you anymore, (Name)... I can’t,” Fierce whines and that sadness from earlier crashes over you again. Your thoughts turn to the darkest possibilities given your current state, but things are made abundantly clear when a hidden dagger is pulled from beneath the god’s linens.

You’ve never seen a dagger that looked so ritualistic before. It’s blade was carved and sharpened from the tooth of a beast and runes or words of a language you couldn’t read were etched into the blade. Its handle was made from stained and wrapped leather that had a few brilliant feathers bound in it. For the first time since properly meeting him, you could see Fierce’s hand shake as he poised the blade.

“I think… you’re ready. You’ve been strengthened enough to take my blood tonight. You’ve drank, ate, and bathed in my essence. Now, it is time for it to enter your veins- raw and unfiltered,” Fierce muttered. With care and precision, the blade was brought to your skin. Enough pressure was applied so that it began to cut through the layers of your skin. He stopped just shy of your sternum and began to pull the blade down the length of your torso. It was a slow and agonizing pain you couldn’t describe so you only screamed. You screamed and screamed and screamed. You fought against the bindings that held you but it was to no avail.

The blade finally stopped just past your pectorals before pulling away. Fierce laid the blade against his hand and sliced in deep. A small sputter of blood spattered out as a result and it feels like fire when it makes contact to your open wound. The pain is only amplified tenfold when Fierce presses his cut palm down on the slash of your chest. Your voice raises to an octave you didn’t know was possible as what feels akin to liquid fire begins to spread through your chest. This is only worsened by the icy sting of sadness and despair as Fierce struggles to keep a lid on his own emotions. You can see his lips moving and know he’s mumbling something but you can’t tell if it’s some kind of mantra to complete the ritual or a shoddy attempt at keeping himself calm.

As his blood spreads out further and further, you find that the world is becoming more and more incoherent. Black spots smudge your vision and static feels your ears. Fierce’s face, contorted into so much pain and anguish, is the last thing you see before passing out.

Your mind feels as though it’s drifting around on the inky waters of unconsciousness. Even though this feeling is unknown to you and you don’t know what awaits you when- if you wake up, you feel peaceful. There is no pain to feel and no sights to disturb you. All you sense is your body drifting along and the occasional noise. The noise is that of someone speaking or shouting or crying- you can’t tell. It’s so distant and sounds as if it’s underwater. It’s like a siren call that plays on your curiosity and empathy to open your eyes. To wake up and investigate or comfort whoever it is that’s calling for you.

“...p… wa… up…”

Perhaps you weren’t unconscious. Maybe you were dead? It’s possible given the… trauma? That you just went through? (What happened? The pain the pain the pain the pain the pain the pain It’s all gotten so blurry? Golden Three preserve me save me)

“Ple…. wake… please, (Na… up…”

Were you now drifting down the River Styx? Maybe, maybe not. It had always been portrayed as hellish and depressing, but you felt so peaceful. Maybe Hyrule just had a nicer one that home did.

“Golden Three, please… pray that they… return them to… give me back my…”

Hmm… the waters were beginning to feel a little choppy. Were you finally arriving at your destination? Whatever that meant…

“(Name), please! COME BACK TO ME!”

Your eyes snapped open as breath returned to your lungs. You were stuck staring straight up at the inky abyss above you. Somehow, the night sky was now bespeckled with glittering stars and you could better make out the twisting and mixing nebulas of color.

Your head lolled to the side and you saw that Fierce had devolved into the dictionary definition of a mess. Tears streamed down his cheeks and smears of red were all over him. His hair was bunched up and knotted- no doubt from him pulling and tearing at his own hair. Heavy and harsh breaths racked his frame as he was nearly hunched over your body. His stillness was enough to convince you he had turned to stone until his entire body seemed to go lax. He toppled over and landed across your bare skin but neither you nor he cared much about that at the moment.

“You came back… you came back…” He gargled out. His voice, once deep and smooth, was now crackly. He buried his face against your body to hide his expressions from you as he clung to you like a child to their blankie.

“What… happened?” You finally croaked out as you took in your surroundings. Everything was so… sharp. In focus. You could make out the the individual veins on the leaves of nearby trees. You could see dew beginning to form on grass a distance away from where you were laying. Fluttering high above the trees, you could also see the flying and swooping forms of bats. Its like you were looking at everything through the lens of a telescope.

A metallic rattle then click alerts you to the shackles (when did those get there?) on your wrists. Fierce had managed to get up and was working on getting you freed from them. Once unbound, he wasted no time in scooping you up and hurrying through the forest. You gripped onto him as tightly as you could before you felt him come to an abrupt stop. Icy cold water was splashed over your body and Fierce used his shirt to wipe you off. The shirt was quickly stained red and you hadn’t realized you were positively coated in dried blood.

As your skin was cleared of the red ichor, you realized that your chest looked rather weird. The skin was scarred but the scar itself was strange. It was a thin but long and straight line down your chest. It wasn’t your skin’s natural color, but silver like it was made of metal. Feeling it confirmed that it was still your skin and nothing else.

You turn your head upwards to ask Fierce a question but not even a word gets the chance to fall from your lips as Fierce kisses you desperately. Romance and love aren’t the present emotions to be felt in the kiss- it’s despair and relief all wrapped up in an overwhelming amount of guilt. The kiss lasts long enough that you eventually have to claw at Fierce’s chest to push him away. Sweet air flies back into your lungs and you’re left huffing and puffing yet again.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry,” Fierce whispers as he hangs his head low. You knew he was apologizing for more than just the rather crude kiss, but your brain was in a fog. You still couldn’t place what had happened for him to be so distraught.

“I remember… eating? Yeah, we were eating in the forest and then you took me somewhere. I was soaking in… in something but after that… everything’s a blur…” You mumbled out and massaged a sudden ache in your temples. Trying to remember what happened, even if it was only a small detail, made your head pound.

“I…” Fierce starts to speak but stops himself. Amongst the whirlpool of emotions in his eyes and bubbling behind the currently closed doors of the bond, you could see that Fierce was thinking. He was thinking about how to phrase his next words carefully. It was odd behavior coming from him given that he preferred to be bluntly honest. “It… doesn’t matter anymore. Things spiraled out of control for a moment but… but everything is okay now. I promise.”

It didn’t exactly feel like a lie (It is it is it is run run run run no longer trust him, don’t love him, stop listening to him, stop) but it wasn’t the truth. Whatever happened had scared Fierce- a man you once thought incapable of feeling fear. Because of that reason alone, you took his word.

“Let’s get back to the castle before the boys or the princess start to wake up,” You state as you try to take control of the situation. It works as Fierce nods and stands up. He lets you stand on your own two feet while he runs off to go get something. After a minute, he returns with your night clothes in hand. He doesn’t speak up or do anything as you get dressed. Once it’s time to start heading back, he doesn’t pick you up but rather walks alongside you, hand in hand.

The small yet noticeable deviations in Fierce’s habits made it clear he was still in some state of shock. You didn’t know what to do to snap him out of it or if you should just let it run its course. You decide on simply intertwining your fingers with his and giving his hand a gentle squeeze to let him know that you’re here and you’re okay (no no no no no no no don’t do that, don’t encourage him, it makes things worse, so so so so much worse).

“(Na… (Name)?” Fierce whispers out. His tone makes him sound like a distraught child wanting to call out to their parent or older sibling. It’s fear and hurt ready to break past the dam that’s barely holding it in.

“Yes, honey?” You hum and give him a small smile.

“You’re… here, right?” Fierce asks. The snarky part of you wants to scoff at the question but you understand that now’s not the time for that.

“Yes. I’m right here,” You confirm and squeeze his hand again.

“You… won’t… ever leave me, will you? I don’t want to be alone again,” Fierce mumbles. Your heart clenches (no, don’t, don’t feel sympathy for the monster) as it’s clear Fierce is thinking back to the time he was trapped in the mask. No doubt being left along for decades, if not centuries, between wielders left him with a fear of abandonment. God of war he may be, it didn’t mean he wasn’t (a monster, a torturer, a villain) without feeling.

“I won’t leave you. I won’t leave you or the boys. You’ve all been through so much and deserve some kindness after all of the cruelty,” You claim, your voice stern and firm much like the statement itself.

“You… love me? You love me, right?” Fierce finally asks the question that had been brewing in his chest. His eyes, ever the window to his soul, showed all. The searching, the yearning, the despair, the anguish, the fear, the worry, the sadness, the hopefulness, the happiness, and the love (the insanity, the madness, the darkness).

“Fierce, I… yes… yes, I do love you,” You admit. It was true (no it wasn’t). Perhaps it was because he never gave up on you despite how conflicted you felt. He waited and was there for you every step of the way without even having to ask. It may have been intense, it may have a bumpy ride, but you were here now. Here with your hand in his and with a clear mind (it’s all so warped and foggy, he won’t let me think straight).

“Will you love me for eternity?” Fierce inquires. His tone is a bit lighter now, as are his eyes. It’s as if the increasing weight of the world was finally lifted off his shoulders. He was still patiently waiting for your answer.

“Hmm…”

Don’t say it…

“Eternity is a long time, honey…”

Eternity is forever, I’ll be trapped with him forever…

“But…”

No, please…

“Yes, Fierce…”

No… no…

“I will love you for eternity.”

#yandere linked universe #yandere linked universe x reader #yandere lu #yandere lu x reader #yandere lu fierce deity #yandere lu fierce deity x reader

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dryococelas01 · 11 months

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As a worm fan I have to speak up about the best character in worm, the greatest hero in worm, a tragic and severely underappreciated character (I've seen like 1 fanfic with him in. And it was a pretty mediocre one imo) and a character I seem to be the only fan of.

The most powerful man in the world. Kevin Norton.

This is gonna be a big ramble and I have not planned this out and it's gonna contain a shit ton of worm spoilers so ignore if you don't want to be spoiled.

And considering its involved in his backstory, trigger warning for homophobia, rape, homelessness, and partner abuse.

Kevin Norton, unhoused gay English man.

We get 2 versions of Kevin's backstory, the one he tells Lisette and the one from scions interlude.

I'm pulling this from memory so please forgive me for errors.

To her he says essentially he went to college, got a girlfriend. Lived with her for a while, and eventually realised he was gay. When he informed his girlfriend it didn't go well, got abusive, and eventually he left, to live on the streets. There he, eventually, found Scion (and Duke, his dog, the more important character). Scion at the time wasn't exactly a hero. He had healed Vikare and his sister and he definitely wasn't a villain, he just sortof floated around. Kevin goes off on him about all Kevin's been through, how dare he look sad etc. And tells him to help people. And Scion listens, and begins to help. Later he meets with Scion a few more times, to talk to him.

Then there's scions interlude. Its about the same, with one slight difference. He explicitly mentions that he has been raped. I don't believe, off the top of my head, that it's made explicit it was his former girlfriend, but l feel that's very obvious.

I live in Britain, and I've seen a lot of people on the streets like Kevin. I doubt any of them are talking to alien god beings but many of them are on the streets for very similar reasons to Kevin. LGBTQ+ people get kicked out a lot when they come out, many do end up on the street like Kevin when the homophobia from their family or partners becomes too much. There are also a lot of people with abusive partners who end up on the street, or who, upon realising they are LGBTQ+, get a very negative response.

He is a character who's suffering a lot. But, and I don't phrase it like this to minimise it, it is a mundane sort of suffering. He didn't end up on the street because Behemoth sent a lightning bolt through his house, or the slaughterhouse nine altered his face to look like Jack Slashes, or even a possible but still unusual form of suffering like Taylors locker.

The tale of Kevin Norton (minus scion) is one that no doubt countless people are going through now. And I know it's kinda tiring that a lot of stories of LGBTQ+ people revolve around our suffering, but idk, I'm fine with it here.

And yet, and this is the thing that sticks in my brain and makes him so intriguing to me, he doesn't ask Scion to fix it. Kevin Norton dies of a disease (cant remember which), and he knows Scion could cure it. The first thing he did was cure a man's cancer. And Scion could easily give him whatever he needs to live, whether directly with his powers or by just yknow, asking Scion to take him to a nearby hero team and going 'hey, I command Scion and made him a hero, I've saved millions of lives through this, can I have a house'.

So... why doesn't Kevin ask for that.

There's 2 answers I can think of, the selfless (but still kinda depressing) and the full on depressing.

The first is that he recognises scion has so many people to save and doesn't want him wasting time he could be spending saving 10 peoples lives to help him live better. In this interpretation, Kevin has made his peace with living on the street, and with his eventual death.

The second is that Kevin Norton is tired. He has suffered a lot, he has lived on the street for years, he has borne the emotional burden of being the man who commands the strongest hero in the world, and he has discovered that he could have done so much more, if he had just phrased things differently. In this interpretation, Kevin Norton just doesn't want to go on.

There's other possible interpretations, but in truth I think it lies somewhere between these.

There's something tragic about him that captures me. The greatest hero in the world, who has likely saved more people than any member of the triumvirate, and he likely dies alone, bar perhaps his dog, with only one other person knowing what he did. His last act as a hero, is to pass on the torch, an act he clearly feels guilty about, knowing the burden its been for him.

And that's captivating to me. And I don't know if I've even fully explained why.

I like to think he died after hearing of Behemoths death. He would know he had fixed his mistake, and performed a last, great act of heroism.

And there's something to say about how, for only a small kindness of money and a few minutes, he made Lisette the most powerful woman in the world. I try, when I can, to give money and time to the people I see on the streets. But I don't always have money, or time, and whenever I walk away I always feel a great amount of guilt. I'd like to think the little helps I give make as big an impact as Lisettes to Kevin's, but I doubt it. We don't have alien god beings.

Perhaps his rant to Scion was unfair. He didn't know Scions perspective or history. Scion could have suffered a lot. But it was very real. An outburst of a man so powerless and suffering to one who seems to have all the power in the world and is doing nothing with it. There's something about that that resonates with me, despite having had a pretty privileged life myself.

Speaking of privilege, this is sortof a tacked on note but there's something interesting to note about the stories 2 more impactful (in setting) gay male characters.

We have Legend and Norton.

Legend has a lot of power and influence, he has a husband and an adopted son. He definitely suffers from homophobia, not taking that away from him, but he lives pretty well. His suffering doesn't come from his living situation, but from external forces: Endbringers, supervillains, the weight of the entity over his head, the lies of his teammates etc. He has done good. He has saved many.

Norton suffers because of his living situation. He suffers very directly from homophobia, as essentially the cause of his living situation. Other than Scion he likely hasn't really been directly impacted by Cape stuff much. He has done good, he has saved many.

They both have such drastically opposite lives, and you can see it in their relationship to the being that plays an important part in both their stories. Scion. To Kevin he's a seemingly mentally broken man who has saved thousands under his direction. To Legend he's a Venus fly trap, an entity appearing heroic waiting to destroy hundreds.

Under a certain perspective, you could argue both are right.

You could also make a point about how privilege can shield you from some of the worst impacts of homophobia and seeing that by comparing them etc etc but I find such conversations often end up being very dismissive and suffering Olympicsy, and don't feel entirely qualified to talk about it as I am a not out trans woman, not a gay man, and only know about that effect of privilege in relation to homophobia second hand, from discussions other people have had. If other people want to talk about that who have more experience there, feel free.

There's more to say about these two characters, but I can't grasp it right now.

One last point I want to make.

Fiction... does not treat people living on the streets very well. It would have been very easy to have Kevin being a raving man, wearing a tinfoil hat and ranting about how powerful he is. And many other stories would have.

And to a degree, he does initially come off as such, and it appears that Lisette, for a moment, thinks he is after hearing him talk about being The Most Powerful Man and so on.

But he isn't. We get in his head and he's never treated as anything but a human being in a terrible situation.

I don't know what else to say about this part of it other than that his interlude is very well done, and while there's a lot you can, and people have, say about how Wildbow handles certain subjects, I think he did well here.

Also he has a cute loyal dog and one of the best interludes in worm.

I stan Kevin Norton

#worm web serial #wildbow #parahumans #worm parahumans #wormblr #worm #Kevin norton #worm scion #scion

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in-omni-scientia · 6 months

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Someone has to put a WHOOPEE CUSHION under ⬆️THIS FUCKING THING⬆️ AS HE SITS DOWN on his THRONE and directly cause him to FUCKING EXPLODE

(extra art + biiiig and I mean BIG ramble abt skill designs under the cut. yahoo !)

The thing about me is that I looooove to have images for characters so so clear in my mind. And then Not do that. Like I have designs for Ency and Empathy and Authority soo clear in my brain but then I still don't draw them how I envision them. Sad !

I hope Everyone here knows I have Designs for them in my brain even if they're not featured here. Like not just General designs how I envision them in the game but SPECIFIC to their skillsposting blogs. Smiles. Anyways here are some notes

Most of the skills as I imagine them in the game are literally just walking around naked to me and Ency's and Rhetoric's designs here are remnants of that

I want to draw Ency with like one of those judge cloaks and some glasses with the little chains on them to hold them. Not for any specific reason I just think he might look cute. Grins

Empathy doesn't have like. Clear legs. It's more like glowing fog making the shape of them. Same for the bottom of the dress-looking thing I just got sidetracked. The top pair of arms is permanently close to their chest area but they can move it to give hugs and stuff. Also funny clouds too like in their pfp I forgot that

Authority's design in the first image is based on what the Authority account said to the turtle abt what they look me. Auth to me is like. A head and arms and no lower body. It's just a shadow if you look under there. Sorry for lying by giving him legs. He can adjust his height however he wants to tower over others. hes probably wearing like roman armour under the cloak in that image. idk. smiles

Technically Conceptualization is the smallest skill because the only "natural" (permanent and unchangeable) parts of them is what is in their portrait to me, but they can manifest limbs and stuff like that; they are just outlines, a little like the shoulder-looking part of their portrait in the bottom left

Drama is the Shortest because to me they are just a little tiny octopus. Kind of like the bit in Octodad when he's not disguised as a human, but with shorter arms? I really want to draw them properly and not on my laptop touchscreen slash phone at some point because I need to illustrate just how LITTLE they are to me. Slimeball........

Suggestion is sooo easy bruh it's just how they draw themselves. Smiles

Rhetoric's front guy he's eating is just the upper body and he's like carrying it with an extra pair of arms I think. IDK. I don't know if you've noticed but I'm a little shit at coming up with fancy designs. Rhetoric is actually Normal-Guy Sized, he's just as small as Conceptualization and Drama in that image because I couldn't really figure out a way to make it look Normal otherwise. I'm tired I can't explain anything

Right now I can best describe everyone else as being like, mixes of brainrotdotorg's and scribblemakes' skill designs because they are soooo awesome I want to Eat them. Ah! So sorry!

If any other skillsposters are reading this and have a specific Thing in mind for their skill. Please do let me know. I would Love Love Love to draw things at some stage. Smiles

#oh god i am so sorry for that long ass ramble i don't know how it got that long #can you guys tell the reason I picked encyclopedia to do this as yet #anyways I was gonna say i have no fucking clue what possessed me to draw that.#I am so sorry. it exists now I suppose #in case anyone in the main tag is unaware btw: suggestion is now authority's second-in-command #contains: txt #author/s: me #contains: figures #contains: id #skillsposting #disco elysium #secret art compilation

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criticallyacclaimedstranger · 1 year

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Stonemilker [Joel x f!reader]

Read on Ao3

Fandom: The Last of Us (HBO)

Ship: Joel Miller x you (cishet f reader)

Tags/warnings: Heartache, breakup stuff, Ellie lives and Joel is lying to her, sad sex, you know this is ending sex, Couple fighting, idk what this is folks, it's a sad story with a hopeful ending.

Summary: When Joel returns to Jackson with Ellie, something has changed. Can your relationship survive it? Takes place after episode 9 of season 1.

Words: 3,967

A/N: The title Stonemilker is the title of the first track of Björk's Vulnicura (2015), an album solely about the end of a relationship. Cheers to @rambling-in-purple for reading it before posting <3!

Joel returned a changed man. A younger man. A less hurting man.

Ellie was with him, of course, hugging you tightly in the kitchen of the small house you had been given. You had been setting the dinner table for one when she had burst in and called your name, Joel striding in behind her. You dropped the plate, and the porcelain pieces spread around your feet.

Little did you know that your life was about to shatter in the same way.

Joel gave you a warm hug, nothing more. You wanted to hear everything about their journey, but they were both tired and hungry, so you gave them time to shower and change into clean clothes while you adapted dinner to feed three.

Later that night, when you went to bed with Joel, you saw the hideous wound on the right side of his stomach. He told you what had happened since he and Ellie left Jackson.

He told you everything: the abandoned college, the stab wound, and how close he was to dying. Ellie saving him. The resort. All the dead bodies. The hospital.

His decision. Hallways of dead people left behind. His lie to Ellie.

"Joel..."

He looked at you with shrouded eyes. Where there used to be an iron curtain, there was now a thin veil that showed depths of horrors, but also hope. It scared you more than the hard metallic gaze that you were used to.

You knew why he did it. You understood him. You would probably have done the same.

"You have to tell her."

"One day, I will."

"Sooner rather than later. She deserves to know the truth."

There it was, the unyielding steel in his eyes. He never appreciated being told the obvious. But when Ellie did that, slapped him in the face with inconvenient truths and poignant teases, he grimaced to keep from smiling. When you did it, you received a glare.

You had always thought that that glare was yours because Joel didn't have any other way of expressing his reluctant amusement. And it was, but there was a smile-hiding grimace as well, just not for you.

Something had changed. You didn't realize just how much until a few weeks later, when you were out with the hunting party, and a cougar popped up so suddenly that not even the horses had smelled it. It was a young animal, probably a male looking for a territory of its own, and you were the closest to it. Your horse reared, you fell off, hit your elbow on a rock that just had to be precisely there. As if by some miracle, your head missed it, though. The wind got knocked out of you while your brain was screaming frantically at you to get up and get your gun, but before you could move, a shot rang out over the plain, and the horses neighed in fear.

Deion was by your side a moment later, brows knitted together in worry.

"You okay?"

Breath returning, you began to feel the impact of your fall. Left elbow was smarting, your ass was probably bruised, and your heart was beating a mile a minute from the scare.

"I'm fine," you managed to wheeze. He helped you up, carefully pulling you on your feet. He held your hand as he inspected your face for discomfort. You let him. It's comforting, that big, warm hand holding yours.

"You sure?" He wanted to be certain before he let you go. You nodded and forced a smile.

"I'll have a bruise, but I'm good." You've had worse, so much worse.

The warmth of Deion's hand lingers on your skin long after he releases your hand. As you get on the horse and ride back to Jackson, you find yourself thinking about how Joel never showed such concern for your well-being. And he doesn't do it now, either, when you return sooner than expected, moving like you're in pain - which you are.

"You need to be more careful," he tells you gruffly. You know it's his thing, he doesn't do softness, and yet... he does to Ellie. He speaks kindly to her, laughs with her, talks to her about things beyond mere survival. Tells her about his daughter. That's a new one, he never even mentioned his daughter to you.

It's heartwarming to see him thawed. The glimpses of who he used to be melt together with who he is now. You always suspected he was a great kind of guy before the world went to shit and he was forced to become a version of himself that he himself hated. And it hurts you more than the bruising that he cannot be this new person with you, only with Ellie. She deserves the best Joel, you know that, but don't you? After all you've been through with him?

You argue with him later that night. That's also new. While you may have disagreed with him occasionally before, you have never fought about it. Maybe it's the comfort of Jackson, the fact that a disagreement no longer means the risk of death. Maybe you have just had your fill.

"You could at least say something that doesn't make it sound like it's my fault!" you yell, unconcerned with your voice carrying over to the next room where Ellie is asleep. "You could ask me if I'm okay!"

"I can see that you're okay," Joel replies irritably. "I've seen you take worse hits."

"I am not okay, Joel!" The words are spat into the half-lit bedroom and the silence that follows is heavy from the impact. Joel crosses his arms in front of his chest and looks at you with unreadable eyes. It's not his usual glare, the one he gives you no matter the reason, because it's all he's capable of. It's just... closed. Like he has nothing more to give you.

You sleep in separate rooms that night. Ellie is unusually demure in the morning, looking from you to Joel and back to you, clearly bothered by your fight the night before. You make a mental note to talk to her after breakfast but before you can suggest an activity, Joel asks her if she wants to go out shooting.

Okay, let Joel deal with Ellie.

You go to your chores, which consist of animal care for most of the day. Deion joins you. He wants to know how you're feeling.

How are you feeling? Bruised and annoyed. Sad and confused. Touched and frustrated. Abandoned. Lonely.

"I'm good," you assure him with a light smile. "A little sore, but I've had worse."

All day he sees to it that you rest. He takes care of the tasks that will aggravate the aches of your beaten-up body. He reminds you to take a break when it's nearing lunch time.

He cares so clearly. Is this what it's like, to be with someone who cares?

Ellie is bubbly that night. She and Joel have had fun, she tells you, and you're happy for her. Ellie is a child who was never allowed to be one. She deserves carefree days. She deserves a father figure, a dad. A mom, too, but you have no idea how to be that. Especially when things are so askew with Joel. Whatever things are, were, should be. You and Joel used to be about teamwork, survival, partnership. But life in Jackson is different. What you two had, were, is not needed here. What else can you be?

Joel watches you take your clothes off when you get ready for bed. You turn your back to him, maybe out of misguided, sudden shyness, maybe to show him the bruise that has painted half your back. It was dark red yesterday, now it's turning purple.

His feet are heavy on the floorboards when he walks up to you. His rough fingers are surprisingly soft when tracing the outlines of the bruise. You close your eyes, lean into his touch, sigh softly when he kisses you neck. You lie down on the bed and let Joel take you. He's gentle, more so than usual, but every thrust pushes you against the bumpy mattress, hurting you. Neither one of you speak but when Joel has finished, he cradles your face in his hands and kisses your forehead so softly that it's barely a kiss at all. You turn your back to him when you go to sleep. Your muscles are sore from the coupling, and you quietly love that tenderness like one would a bittersweet heartache. The bruise on your lower back throbs like a young heart in love, and when you turn onto your side, away from Joel, you wish he would kiss the miscolored blossoms.

But he doesn't. He simply turns away from you, just as you turned away from him. With a canyon between your warm, spent bodies, you both go to sleep.

Ellie accompanies you to your chores the next day. After a quiet hour of cleaning the stable, she eventually asks you if you're mad at her.

"No, Ellie, why would you think that?" you ask, immediately regretting your poor choice of words. She shrugs, leaning against a stall door, both hands gripping the handle of the pitchfork, the prongs scraping loudly against the floor.

"You've been weird since we got back. You and Joel have been fighting."

"That has nothing to do with you," you lie, hopefully convincingly. Ellie looks up at you, a hard glint in her eyes.

"I'm not stupid. You never fought before, not for as long as I've known you."

You stop your sweeping but don't know what to say.

"You barely talk to each other," she insists.

"It's complicated," you tell her feebly. "But it has nothing to do with you, Ellie, I promise."

"Then what is it?"

You shake your head. "I'm not going to talk about our relationship with you, Ellie. It's not your problem."

"It is my problem if my - " she stops herself, the word parents hanging in the air for a second, before she continues: " - if you two are going to, I don't know, get a divorce or some shit."

An amused scoff escapes you before you can stop yourself. "We're not married, Ellie."

"I know. But you're, like, together, right?"

"I don't know what we are," you blurt out, averting your eyes so you don't have to see her reaction at your confession. You hear the scraping of her shoe at the floor.

"Did you count on me not being here anymore?"

Her voice is small and sounds so different from its normal curious and teasing tone. A clump forms in your throat.

"Ellie..."

"I'm in the way."

You let go of the broom and focus instead on Ellie, standing in front of her and taking the pitchfork from her so that you can grasp her hands.

"You're not in the way," you tell her firmly. Ellie looks away, and you shake your head to stress your words. "Ellie, look at me."

She meets your steady gaze, and you see how conflicted she is. Poor girl. She is a child. You can barely remember what it was like to be that age and besides, it was another world ago, but you do remember that it was difficult and confusing for so many reasons.

"You are not in the way," you emphasize softly. "But this situation is new, for all of us. This place. This dynamic. We're not just surviving anymore, Ellie, we have a chance to live. And I... I've never had that chance with Joel before. So I'm struggling a little right now. But it has nothing to do with you, okay? You just... be you. You're so good for him, Ellie, you have saved him in more ways than one."

She purses her lips, and you see her throat muscles work as she swallows.

"Okay," she finally nods, quietly. You press a smile, try to look like this problem was resolved.

"Okay." You give her a quick hug before going back to your work. Ellie seems relieved but you can't stop thinking about how you pinned it all on your own back. You are struggling, you are having a hard time of this new way of life. As if Joel has nothing to do with it. As if his broad, once so safe, and reassuring back isn't now turned to you in cool detachment.

You try to bring the topic to him later that night, tell him that Ellie is noticing and worrying. It ends in a fight and this time it's Joel who sleeps on the uncomfortable couch. You lie awake, wondering what went wrong. Is it really you who changed? Are you being a selfish bitch, jealous of a 14-year-old girl? Do you really want life to go on as it did before, in the Boston QZ, fighting for your life with Joel by your side?

Why is settling down so hard?

Nothing changes in the coming weeks. Talking to Joel is like milking a stone. Every now and then the two of you fight, as quietly as you can when Ellie has gone to bed. You still think he should tell her. He refuses to, and you can see the fear in his eyes. Ellie will be furious with him; you both know it. The longer he keeps her in the dark, the worse it's going to be. You find yourself wishing that you'll be far away when the day comes.

One early spring day you ride out with Deion to check on the traps. You've spent most of your days with him these past few weeks. He appreciates you, sees you, wants to hear your opinion. He takes you to the movies. He asks you about your past. He shows interest where Joel barely even wants you at night anymore.

The snow has started to melt in the sunshine, and you find a sun-kissed clearing where the ground is yellow with glacier lilies. The air is warm, and you can smell the changing of the season. You dismount and crouch among the delicate yellow flowers, hover your hands over them, smile in childlike delight when you see bees buzzing from flower to flower. You can't remember the last time you saw bees.

In that clearing, you ask Deion to kiss you, and he does, almost immediately. Not until the kiss is over does he express regret.

"You're with Joel."

"No, I'm not."

He smiles, and kisses you again, and you remember those first pre-teen infatuations: the warmth, the excitement, the heart-stopping angst about whether or not the subject of your passions felt the same. You remember all that but only feel it radiate from Deion. The feelings are unrequited.

That night you collect your few belongings into your backpack and leave the house. You hug Ellie and ask her to forgive you. You say nothing to Joel, and he says nothing to you.

You do not go to Deion, but instead to the boarding house where new arrivals are placed while awaiting homes of their own. Deion is kind, and he showed you what it would be like to be with a person who genuinely cares for you, but you don't want to rebuild your shattered life around a man.

A week later you mount a horse and leave Jackson. You have no plan, no light to look for, but you can finally breathe freely. Heading west, you ride at a slow pace all day, enjoying yourself more than maybe is appropriate. Your saddle-sore backside in the evening doesn't put a damper on your joy when you sit by your small fire with a cup of herbal tea. This is the start of something new, maybe disastrous, but definitely different.

The dark woods around you don't scare you, neither does being alone. You realize now just how alone - lonely - you've been these past couple of months, smack in the middle of the warm and well-organized community that Jackson is. Its friendly inhabitants weren't enough: you only wanted kindness from one single person. To be alone out here, by choice, feels a lot better than the time spent in Jackson.

When you prepare to leave the campsite the next morning, a horse emerges between the trees. Instinctively, you reach for your gun before your brain has processed the face of the rider.

It's Joel. Your mouth falls open and your legs feel weak.

"What are you doing here?" you manage when he dismounts. His hunched shoulders tell you clearly that he's uncomfortable and also stalling as he, very meticulously, ties the reins to a nearby tree. You wait impatiently for him to acknowledge you. When he finally does, his nut-brown eyes are clear in the first rays of the sun.

"I'm here to ask you if you would consider returning."

You have to bite your tongue in order not to laugh out loud. Your hard stare tells him everything, and he shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

"I'm going to tell Ellie about what happened at the hospital."

You raise an eyebrow. "Why are you here telling me that?"

"Because when I do, she's going to hate me, and I can't stand losing both of you."

"It's a little too late for that, Joel."

He nods, wets his lips. Looks away and draws a wet breath. Rests his hands on his hips, purses his lips. You realize he's fighting against unwanted yet inevitable tears.

Joel crying. That's a new one.

Moments pass, minutes, maybe hours, days, you have no idea, but you keep staring at Joel as he stubbornly looks to the forest, as if there was an answer or saving grace to be had between the trees. You are relentless in the midst of the rising sun, the singing birds, the soft shush of the wind through the budding treetops. He has to make the first move, show something, say something. Offer an explanation to why he stopped listening. Where did the apathy in his eyes come from? Why did he suddenly decide to show no concern for you?

He brings his hand to his eyes, rubs them quickly with forefinger and thumb. He then turns back to you.

"Ellie misses you."

You stand your ground, implacable as you wait for him to continue. Finally, he confesses:

"I miss you. The minute you left I started missing you."

"Then why did you let me leave?" you ask flatly.

"I wasn't going to stop you if that's what you wanted."

You refuse to engage, even though you want to scream at him: Do you think I wanted to leave?

"Was it Deion?"

"What?" Your eyebrows meet in a surprised frown. "What about Deion?"

"You spent so much time with him. Did you... was there anything between you?"

Unable to play it cool anymore, you take a step closer.

"How fucking dare you? You have no right!" Your horse and Joel's shift their weight, ears twitching nervously.

He's a little taken back with your raised voice, but he doesn't match it.

"Sorry," he mutters instead, and now it's your turn to drop your jaw. For a moment, both of you just stand there, looking at each other, trying to find some common ground to share so that things can be resolved.

It's Joel who finally finds that little patch of soil to sow the seeds of reconciliation.

"You remember how I tried to make Tommy take Ellie to the Fireflies?" he asks, and you nod mutely. Of course you remember. The tension in the house had been so thick you could have cut it with a knife.

"But I took her. And everything that happened after that... happened. I have to live with the consequences. I just had to keep her."

He shakes his head, something desperate filling his features. "If I get to keep her, I can't keep you."

"What do you mean?" you ask quietly, not following. The long look he gives you is anguished, but he stays quiet, as if he has said too much. Your brain is working at full capacity until it has connected the dots.

"Is this some kind of 'can't have too much good shit in my life' bullshit?" you ask hoarsely, almost afraid of the answer. "Because that is just... Joel, you are an idiot."

You're shaking by now, and Joel bristles a little.

"Look, Ellie has nobody else. She's stuck with me, for better or for worse. She's a kid. But you are not. You can have someone better."

"What if I don't want anyone better, what if I happen to love a complete fucking idiot who doesn't deserve me but is stuck with me because I chose it myself!?" you scream, tears filling your eyes and escaping down your cheeks. Joel winces, as if you just slapped him, but when he sees your tears, he closes the gap between the two of you with a few long strides. The next thing you know, you're crushed against his broad chest, smelling his sweat and slightly woodsy scent with leather and horse and melting snow. He holds you so tightly it's almost constricting your breathing, but you don't fight back. You've fought back for long enough.

"Darlin'," he murmurs throatily. "Darlin'. You love me?"

"I did," you sob. "But I don't know if I still do."

He's quiet, his hand moving in slow, comforting caresses over your back. Something is broken in you and the splinters are pressing against your internal organs, making breathing near impossible. Your face against Joel's chest, you think you can sense something break in him as well.

"You're right," he finally whispers. "I am an idiot and an asshole."

Your only response is more tears because now he gets it, now the milk is flowing from that goddamn stone, and it just might be too late. You don't know if you can trust him to handle your broken pieces right, or if there is a second chance for him in you.

There is no telling how long you stand like that, entwined in a sad, desperate embrace. The sun's rays start to feel warm even when you're cold inside. When your tears finally dry up, you shift in Joel's arms, and he releases you. You can't look at him, can't let him see you like this, but he gently places his finger under your chin, and raises your face to his.

"Am I too late?" he asks. His eyes are red and there are wet trails on his cheeks. You swallow hard, try to navigate between your desires and needs.

"What would change?" you finally ask. He places his warm, slightly sweaty palm against your cheek and brushes his thumb just under your eye, catching a lingering tear.

"I would love you."

He has never said that word to you before, and you want to ask for a detailed description of what it entails. How will he love you? Will he listen, help, support, share?

If Ellie decides to hate him, will he hate you in return? Will Ellie?

On the other side is a vast wilderness of no coordinates, the unknown with all its dangers. What are your chances of survival, of finding decent people? Jackson is full of decent people, and now also Joel and Ellie. Joel, who hurt you. Ellie, who is torn between the two of you.

He waits for your answer, and you find that you don't have a definite one to give him. But you know what direction to take.

"We'll talk about it on the ride back."

If that direction is a way forward or a way back, you don't know. You just feel that it would be wrong not to try.

#the last of us fanfic #joel miller fanfic #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #my fic

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gittetj · 7 days

Text

Sad mumblings, don't mind me

Sorry to say, but I have kind of given up on everything at the moment. Feel like I'm drifting through life with no goal or direction for myself, not really belonging anywhere, losing my connections to my already small social circle, losing my skills and interests, losing my mind and ability to function, losing the spite that has always kept me going. I am fucking tired. Everything I try to do is punished with backlash and anxiety and brain fog so thick events slip away from me and I can barely remember they happened. Having to come to terms with the fact that I'm disabled in ways that are probably not going to go away. And I can barely even talk about it because I'm 2 seconds away from crying at all times and it doesn't help to cry in front of people so often, it just makes them feel sorry for you and I don't need anyone to mix their own feelings and sympathy into this. There are things I know are actively making me worse but I have no good way to get away from them or fix them, so I'm stuck in the same loop of "don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it" but I don't know how to not think about it when nothing really interests me or makes me feel better and I can't engage with anything that usually keeps me focused.

Is this what it's like to be depressed for normal reasons? I guess it is.

(secretly hoping it will unclog something to ramble about this to no one in particular. Whatever)

#personal #blegh #let me speak into the tumblr void like old times

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ughgoaway · 3 months

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Aw no I'm so sorry that you're not feeling good 😔 I wish there was something I could do to help. Have you read toomuchracket sweetheart George series?? These are so fluffy and soft and adorable and just melt me so they might help you feel better 😊 also remember the fic that you write that was SO GOOD where Matty thought teacher was breaking up with him because she was stressed and busy at work and hadn't replied to his messages.

I bet he would be so sweet and gentle and understanding if she was going through a hard time, maybe she's short tempered and feeling low mood but can't put her finger on what's wrong. I feel like he'd want to be there with her all the time but would also understand if she needed some space. he might do things like run her a bath or brush her hair for her. Fill up her water bottle so she stays hydrated or encourage her to go out for some fresh air and a little walk with him.

🎄

I am so sorry for how late i am replying to this, I feel asleep mid-blurb this night, and this got lost in my drafts!!

oh yes, I ADORE the sweetheart George series, mads can literally do no wrong in my eyes!!! that's a very good depression recommendation, though. I will defo keep in mind the next time I'm sad lol

omg, I had completely forgotten about that blurb, yes!!! I remember not liking the finished result when I wrote it, but maybe my brain is playing tricks on me...

don't even with soft matty looking after teacher reader, OH MY HEARTTTTT.

(rambles below the cuttttt)

✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿

despite you being very short with him, matty is still a sweetheart. he has been watching you get more and more tired over the week, and knew tonight would be the night where it all just boiled over.

i think like you said, nothing big happened, just something has been building within you all week, and it's been driving you crazy. and when you start snapping at him, you immediately feel awful. but you just can't help it.

so he was prepared. he went out and bought some nice snacks (fancy m&s snacks for those who know), some nice bath salts, and even a fancy candle that he knows you'll love.

"Oh darling, please stop crying. it's okay, just wanna look after my girl" (this does not work. you just cry again. and then you cry whenever you think about him saying this)

he manages, after some convincing, to get you into the bath he ran for you, and you immediately relax. and then start sobbing because he is so kind and you don't quite know how to deal with it.

matty hears and comes rushing in (after knocking and asking if he can come in, which makes you cry even harder) and he just rubs your back, maybe even offers to wash your hair for you. he uses his fancy curly shampoo and conditioner, which once again makes you cry.

when you get out, you watch a little film, maybe your favourite. you eat the snacks matty got you and just cuddle on the sofa. I think Annie comes home at some point during this, and she can tell you're feeling off.

she doesn't say anything because she's aware enough to know to keep that to herself. she just jumps on the sofa and burrows in between you and matty. He smiles over her head, and he sees your eyes welling up again and can't help but giggle and squeeze you tighter. you lightly laugh at the absurdity of your emotions.

anyway, this is my dream when I am depressed but I just order takeaway and cry :)

maybe you all take mayhem for a walk the next morning, and annie says, "Are you feeling better today y/n?" And you're a bit caught off guard but say, "uh, yes I am sweet girl, thank you for asking. "

she nods and runs off quite happily with mayhem in the park. you look at matty, and he immediately shakes his head, "I didn't tell her anything, promise!" he holds his hands up in faux surrender, and you believe him.

#not a proper blurb more just unhinged rambles lol #but tbh thats my real blurbs anyway #i love nothing more than chatting shit!!!#🎄 anon #anon!#teacher au!

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sudzie-void · 8 months

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3 AM ramblings, explaining all the LOA Icebound characters vibes using my tired ADHD brain:

🐝Queenie🐝 - Queenie is the embodiment of friend or foe but she takes it to one step further of you will be my friend or you will perish. I would rather be on the friend side because she would never let me feel bad about myself, makes a mean carrot cake, and is probably the best snuggler on the team. Queenie is also seemingly unaffected by hangovers, she's just like that all the time and it is great.

🦈Barnabos🦈 - Barnabos is that one really weird but really cool uncle that is ungodly amounts of rich for no reason. He lets you get away with all the shit your parents would disapprove of and then yells at your parents when they yell at you. He teaches you how to do shots, teaches you how to cook, takes you to get your first tattoo, and is the only relative to give you a Christmas gift that is something you actually want. He is also the person you take with you to pride parades and knows way too much about the queer community for you to not raise an eyebrow.

🥃Skrimm🥃 - He's pathetic and I love him. I want to ring him out like a wet dish towel then slap him against the edge of my sink, and only ever use him out of all my dish towels cause he's the favorite. His dog is nightmare baby, and he fights with Barnabos like an old lady fights with her husband, he truly is an overly ripe fruit.

🌸Taishen🌸 - He's a baby. I don't care about how old he is, he is a baby. He does not know much and that is alright, because me too buddy.

❄Jornir❄ - father. As in this man is a single father to 5 kids, goes to church on Sundays, and makes you soup when you're sick. He's not the best but he's trying his best and that's damn good enough. He also gives the best dad bear hugs, Queenie you hug for fun, Jornir you hug when you're sad. It's the type of hug that squeezes all the sadness out of you along with all the oxygen. Rhe test results are in, Jornir is the father.

(I put these last two at the end to avoid spoilers)

🌼Daisy🌼 - Daisy is the best friend not everyone deserves, but everyone needs. She knows all the hottest gossip, and will tell you all of it. I want to have a sleepover with her so badly because it would be the best shit talking session of my life. She would also drag you to McDonald's at 2 AM if you said one remotely bad thing about yourself and you would come back with a new tattoo, a mystery bruise, and 3 new numbers in your phone. We all need a friend like Daisy.

🧪Ket🧪 - This man has handcuffed himself to the group and swallowed the key. Nobody really wants him there but he's kinda insisting on going with the group and it is making everyone uncomfortable. He did alright in the play, his backstory is very tragic, I like his accent, and I'm sure he'll grow on everyone, but right now the vibes are off. He has a pretty cool sword though so he may stay.

#legends of avantris #icebound #jornir #taishen fireblossom #skrimm stabbaskotch #barnabos dreadwake #queenie march #3 am ramblings #these characters have taken over my MIND #i should sleep

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smolbean12 · 9 months

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Hi, I love your heartbroken Haikyuu character stuff But do you think you can write me a scenario where the characters receive a really sweet confession or confess to someone? You can pick any characters you want. Also thanks for existing. I absolutely love your blog!

ohmigoshhh you're so sweet <3

Haikyuu!! Characters When They Get Confessed To

♡ Miya Atsumu ♡

Atsumu couldn't believe his eyes. Or ears. Or you. You confessed to him? YOU confessed to HIM?! He quickly grabs you by the shoulder and shakes you. "Ya are not jokin' right? Ya like like me or like like me? Like like or like??? Argh tell me!!"

By the time he's done shaking you and asking you those questions your head starts spinning. "Atsumu leave me! And-and I like like you alright?"

Atsumu obeys and stops but his hands are still on your shoulder. There was a moment of silence. And then:

"Wait- which like do ya mean? Like like or like like?"

"OH MY GOD ATSUMU I LOVE YOU OKAY?"

Atsumu steps back a bit, his hands raised up defensively. "Jeez calm down. Don't ya yell at me."

"Tsumu you're stupid," you chuckled out. However Atsumu doesn't pay any mind to that. Instead he smirks, smug and teasing. "Ya love me, huh? Aww I never thought you'd be so cheesy."

"I know, Tsumu. I have really bad taste in men," you reply with faux sadness.

Atsumu blanches. "Oh come on! Ya can't really say that. I'm a delight, no wonder ya fell in love." His grip on your shoulder tightens. "Besides I like ya too. Ya wanna go out with me?"

"You like like me or like like?"

The face he made was precious. You break out in laughter.

"Yes, Atsumu. A hundred times yes."

♡ Kuroo Tetsurou ♡

Practice had been the same as usual what with Yaku screaming at Lev and Kenma lazing around. Kuroo could not wait to go home, have a nice hot meal and sleep. He was too tired as he had pulled two all nighters to study for his exams.

He walked out of the school gym only to find you standing near the gates. He called out your name and jogged towards you. "Hey! What are you doing here? It's pretty late."

You waved back at him with a small smile. "Kuroo, I wanted to borrow your notes. I,uh, zoned out in class and didn't take any."

"Oh, sure why not!"

He started fishing for his notebook in his bag when he noticed that you were extremely fidgety. You were tapping your foot on the ground, playing with your fingers and glancing around the school grounds. He handed the book to you and before he could ask if you were alright you were already walking away with an urgent thank you and goodbye.

Kuroo went home confused and couldn't get it off his mind for the rest of the night. The next day you returned his notebook to him the first thing in the morning and this time, too, you were fidgety and seemed to be in a hurry. Again, you walked away from him before he could talk to you.

Kuroo simply thought you were sick, but something in the back of his head told him that that wasn't the reason. A week passed before you talked to him after volleyball practice.

'Hey, how ar-" He began to say but was interrupted by you.

"Kuroo did you not open your notebook after I returned it to you?"

Classes for that subject were canceled as their teacher had taken leave due to some family emergency, and since his exams were over too he never bothered to study. "No, not really," he said. "But why are you asking me this? And also why have you been acting so different?"

You ignored his questions entirely. Your mouth fell open in shock and realization. When you spoke again you seemed exasperated.

"Why didn't you? You should've opened! Oh, c'mon Kuroo," you rambled on and on.

And at that instant it felt like something had clicked in his brain. Oh. Now he understood.

He quickly pulled out the notebook from his bag and in his haste a piece of paper fell out of it. He picked it up and his suspicions were confirmed.

It was a love letter. Addressed to him. From you.

He looked at you, his face beet red just like you. "This is for me?" He spluttered out.

"Of course! God, I have been waiting for a whole week for you to reply to it but you never even saw it!"

Kuroo couldn't help but bark out a laugh. He was stupid, So, so stupid. He also felt really giddy. "So you like me?"

"Unfortuately, yes."

Work by: @smolbean12

thank you for reading :)

#brewed by: ann #fluff brew #haikyuu!!#haikyuu fluff #atsumu miya #inarizaki #atsumu fluff #atsumu headcanons #haikyuu atsumu #haikyuu kuroo #kuroo x you #kuroo testuro #kuroo tetsuro x you #atsumu x gender neutral reader #ann's asks

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saintedbythestorm · 2 years

Text

Well, at least I did like burial at sea. I feel like it even made the main story of infinite actually feel like it mattered. I suppose I at least feel ok with the game overall now.

Still, must say that the original bioshock is the one that I enjoyed the most. It was just something about the flow and pacing of that game that I liked.

Also... holy shit I just finished 3 games and a dlc long enough to be called it's own game too. Ngl pretty proud of myself for that. Ain't often I can say I finish games... and now I did this many in short succession. And not long before that fallout 4 too (with far harbor and nukaworld). Man, I am on a roll!

#sad now that burial at sea was so expensive back then cause it really made me change my mind on the whole thing.#well at least i gave it a second chance and despite my negative feeling on infinites ending did play burial too so.#unusually productive of me all of this... i guess being sick made me just tired enough to focus... sort of permanently 😂#well at least during this time never awake enough to do everything i need to. just tired enough to not get distracted from game.#i know that makes no sense but it does to me who has to live with this brain ok.#there is this golden time where i am just tired enough where i cannot really panic or doubt myself and damn can i get results in that space #and rn I'm apparently in it a lot... which is soooo weird. it's usually just maybe 30 minutes long #... hi i am rambling at 5 am in the morning. how you doing?#ryder speaking

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oneforthemunny · 11 months

Note

What about Janitor Eddie comforting reader after she had the baby and she’s feeling insecure about her body with the changes. Like I know he loves her no matter what

he's be so sad because he's obsessed with her no matter what. like not even on a "your personality is what makes you beautiful" like yes, he agrees, but also he think you are the prettiest person in the world. like the most beautiful and amazing, and every time you put yourself down it makes him so sad. genuinely sad, so for all of you who want to say bad things about yourself, picture saying it to janitor!eddie and his eyes get so sad and I hope you stop yourself!!!

but especially after/when you're pregnant. he's mind boggled that you think you're not a goddess, because to him, you are. a warrior, a goddess, the most amazing, strongest, beautiful thing on the planet. everyone around you should feel lucky that they're in you're presence because do they even appreciate that they're with the nicest, kindest, strongest, most beautiful being in creation???

he'd do anything for you. for your babies too. when she's throwing a little pity party about stretch marks, hiding while she feeds olivia, and disappearing to the bathroom to change he's like????

"baby, what's wrong?" eddie would ask after you got the kids to sleep. "is it your stitches? or do you need to pump? or need your cream?"

you're just standing, tears streaming while you cup your stretched skin. "I'm sorry," you mutter, turning to him with watery eyes. "I know this isn't... this isn't who you wanted to be with, and I swear I'll start eating better and-and doing more. I've just been so tired, ed, and-"

"what?" eddie asks, flinching and head shaking in genuine shock. "what are you talking about?"

"me." you croak, tears flooding down your cheeks and blurring your vision. "I didn't realize that-that it wouldn't go back to normal after I had her, and-and I'm sorry. you don't deserve to look at this, and see me like this. I'm sorry you have to see this."

"don't." eddie's voice is hard, stern- a tone you very rarely ever hear from him. his lips are pressed together, nearly angry, upset. your heart hammers for the worst. "did I... did I say something or do something that made you feel like this?" eddie asks softly, his own face crumpling.

you shake your head, sucking in a shuddering breath. "no, but-but look at me, ed-"

"yeah, I can't stop looking at you, baby." eddie says, not missing a beat. "you just had a baby. my baby. our baby." eddie whispers. "you had her in your body and brought her here all safe and sound, and-and you think I'd be..." he can't even finish the sentence, shaking his head and hand sliding down his face.

"I think you're beautiful. I think you're even more beautiful now."

you roll your eyes lightly, swiping your tears away. "don't lie, eddie."

"I would never." eddie said fiercely. "I don't know how you could think I was lying when every time I see you, I-I want to scream and cry and kiss you and hold onto you and run in circles all at the same time because you're mine. like you're really mine." his eyes trap yours, holding your gaze fiercely.

"and I thought you were perfection on the day I met you, and every single day you just get better and it makes my brain want to explode because how can you be so perfect in every single fucking way." he's rambling, truthful words spilling out of him like a fountain, leaving you blushing and sniffling.

"then you married me, and-and then you had a kid with me- two kids? you want to be with me and you love me, and fuck, you're so hot. I mean, do you know how hard it is for me not to want to fuck you every second of the day? do you even know what you do to me? you sneezed the other day and I got a boner, and you think.... you think I'm not attracted to you?" you giggled, eyes rolling gently at his admission. it made you blush, made you feel warm and gooey and loved. so fucking loved.

his hand is on your hip, rubbing over the stretched flesh, squeezing it lightly, lovingly. "I don't know how you can't see what I see, but I'll keep trying to show you, because you're the most fucking mind blowing thing in my life... well, you and the kids, but you, baby. you're on another level that I'll never be on in my life."

you blush, looking down at his hand. "I think you're on that level." you mutter, feeling him pull you close, mindful of your sore boobs.

"no way." he muttered, nose buried in your hair. "and that's alright. I'm happy just to watch you be you for the rest of my life. you're my favorite thing in my whole life. nothings beatin' you, baby."

#oneforthemunny #munnytalks #janitor!eddie munson

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