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guess-my-next-obsession · 1 year

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Breaking Up Slowly: Four

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: E (18+ only, mild angst, broken bone (no gore), alcohol consumption, fingering, unprotected piv, soft!joel makes an appearance or two)

word count: 6.8k

series masterlist | joel masterlist

“Watch your step,” Joel gripped your arm to hold you steady as your ankle twisted on an unsteady rock, the mountains near Bear Lake in Idaho proving to be your least favorite terrain so far.

Letting out a curse, you sat yourself down on the rocky slope, holding your ankle as though it would fix the damage that had already been done. Joel took a seat beside you and lifted your leg onto his lap, his rough hands inspecting your ankle to assess the injury. “Looks like you’ll live, but you should take it easy. No more runnin’ off.”

“I wasn’t runnin’ off. I just wanted to rinse off in the creek,” you groaned, wincing as his fingers kneaded at the inflamed muscle of your lower leg.

“Yeah, well,” Joel sighed. “Clearly, it ain’t meant to be.”

“Everything okay?” Ellie called out from the top of the rocky hill where the three of you had set up camp.

“Yeah,” Joel called back on your behalf, his hand working it’s way up to your calf as he continued to massage away the tension in your muscles.

“How far are we from the university?” you asked, laying back against the smooth, martian-looking rock.

“I reckon we’re a few days out,” he replied in his trademark gruff tone, though these days it was laced with an undeniable gentleness ever since your reconciliation. “You can wash up there.”

“I was hoping to get clean sooner so that…you know—“ You looked bashful as you flickered your eyes to his crotch. Joel let out a chuckle and shook his head at you, amused by your determination. “Don’t laugh! I’m desperate, Joel. We haven’t done so much as kiss since Jackson—“

He shut you up with his lips pressing against yours, your argument gone as his tongue swiped it away.

“Darlin’, you ain’t gotta be squeaky clean for me,” he reassured with a smile, his lips ghosting over yours. “I’ll take ya however I can get ya.”

“Romantic, but I doubt it. Besides, it’s hard to feel sexy when I’m covered in sweat and dirt and blood,” you countered, moving your leg off his lap so that you could move closer to him, your fingers drawing shapes on his jean-clad thigh.

“Even with a busted ankle, you’re tryin’ to seduce me,” Joel teased, grabbing your hand and lifting it to his lips, placing a kiss to your knuckles. “I’ll take care o’ya when we get to the University. Promise.”

“Fine,” you agreed with a playful pout, allowing him to help you onto your feet and carry some of your weight as you both made your way back up the mountain to camp.

“God, your ankle looks like shit,” Ellie pointed out as you limped your way over to the campfire, sitting down on the solid ground with a grunt.

“Thanks,” you snarked with a pained look on your face. “Ridicule does wonders for the pain.”

“Are you really this grumpy because you two haven’t been able to make out since Jackson?” she stated more than asked, earning a scoff and a pebble thrown into her lap.

“Ellie,” Joel barked as he walked over, squatting down to sit in front of your busted ankle. “She’s right, though.”

“About the making out?” Ellie interjected with a smirk shot your way.

“About the ankle,” he corrected with an unamused tone. “I’ll go find somethin’ to wrap it up with. Don’t get up.”

“Yes, sir,” you snarked, giving him a salute as he stood upright. Joel chuckled, regardless of his best attempt not to, and shook his head.

“No wonder I’m turnin’ grey. Look at the goddamn comedians I’ve been blessed with.”

“Hey!” Ellie threw a rock at his leg. “You ever consider maybe we are hilarious and you’re the one without a funny bone in his old and achy body?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, a smirk on your face. Joel looked between the two of you with a look of utter disbelief, a scoff leaving his lips.

“Just for that, I’m keepin’ this—“ He walked over and pulled out a hefty can of “fruit cocktail”, the sight making both of your mouths water as you began to object. “All to myself.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” you pointed a finger at him, his smile growing wider as he raised an eyebrow in challenge. “May I remind you of something I’ll keep all to myself if you betray us like this?”

“Ew, but yeah!” Ellie added, standing up and walking over to him. In her most threatening voice, she placed a hand on the can and spoke, “Sharing is caring, Joel. Share.”

“You’re a scary kid, you know that?” Joel handed over the can of fruit and Ellie smiled proudly as she opened it and walked over to sit beside you. Joel joined the two of you, handing you each a fork. “Y’all enjoy, I’m gonna go see if I can find somethin’ for dinner.”

You were quick to move, attempting to shuffle to your feet. “I’ll come wi—“

“No,” he pointed at your ankle. “You’re gonna sit here and eat. I’ll be fine. Only thing out here to worry about are mountain lions.”

“Oh, is that all?” you snarked, unhappy with his choice to go alone. “Be back before sunset, please. I don’t want to go looking for you in the dark.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Joel arrived back to camp right on time, the sunset right behind him as he strutted to the two of you with a few rabbits tossed over his shoulder.

“How’d you manage to find anything out here?” Ellie asked jumping up to help as he hung the rabbits up on a tree branch to do the skinning and dressing.

“Guess I’m just good like that,” he quipped, shooting you a glance as you remained seated in the same spot he left you in. Your face was scrunched in pain, your forehead covered in sweat even in the winter chill. Looking down, he noticed the small bump on your ankle had now swollen to the size of a tennis ball. “Jesus.”

“I’m fine,” you assured, though the weakness in your voice did little to quell his worry.

“No you ain’t.” He walked over to you, leaving Ellie with the knife so that she could start on skinning. Crouching down beside you, he placed his cold hand in the inflamed flesh of your ankle and hissed at the heat it was radiating. “Shit—maybe you broke it after all.”

“Regardless,” you panted, resting your head against the tree behind you. “Not much I can do about it out here.”

“No,” he agreed. “Damn it. We gotta get you back to Jackson.”

“What? No.” You stared at him like he was crazy, but all he did was stare back just the same. “We’re so close!”

He shook his head. “We’re at the halfway mark. Besides, not like you’re gonna be much help out here with a goddamn broken ankle.”

“Joel—“

“No. We’re headin’ back.” He stood and walked back to Ellie to help with the rabbits, the conversation ending there.

After dinner, Joel lit a small fire to keep him and Ellie warm as the three of you cozied up in your sleeping bags. You didn’t need any extra warmth with the fever you were running, but still joined Joel in his sleeping bag just to be close to him.

You hugged his back, allowing him to lay on his good side to keep an ear out for trouble, not that you and Ellie needed much help at this point. He’d already shown you all you needed to know, and was confident that the two of you could handle people, maybe even a runner if you had enough time to grab your gun. Still, as though it was his life’s purpose—perhaps it was—he remained on alert, ready to lay down his life for the two of you at any given moment. Sometimes, you wondered whether death itself would even be able to stop him.

“Joel?” you whispered, earning a grunt in response. “You’re not…not gonna leave me behind, are you?”

He shuffled a bit, turning just enough to look at you over his shoulder.

“Might,” he replied. “If your leg is broken, I can’t have you out here, baby…s’too dangerous.”

That was the closest he’d come to uttering those three words since the night you shared in Jackson.

“Joel,” you sighed, though in retrospect it sounded more like a whine. “I don’t…I can’t be alone. Not again.”

“We aren’t leavin’ forever,” he assured, his eyes flickering to your lips. “I’m comin’ back. Both of us are comin’ back.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“I can.” His words were sure, as if he had foresight into the future. As if he had any control over anything out here. “Get some sleep.”

“Can…can I just ask one more thing?” Joel nodded. “Kiss me.”

Turning onto his other side, he faced you, his knuckles sweeping across your cheeks as he brushed his nose against yours. Leaning in, he pressed his chapped lips against your own, slowly, gently working them like the two of you had all the time in the world, even if you both knew you didn’t.

You melted into his touch like some needy, unloved thing, desperate for any sign that you were worth something. That someone wanted you. And for the first time in a long time, you felt satisfied knowing that someone did.

“Well that was fast,” Tommy smiled as he greeted the three of you at the gate, his eyes taking all three of you in to assess your state. “What brought y’all back?”

Joel helped Ellie down before more carefully helping you, your ankle still swollen and bruised.

“Jesus,” Tommy winced as Joel lifted the hem of your ankle to show his brother the injury. “C’mon, let’s get you to the clinic.”

You threw your arms around both of the Millers shoulders, allowing them to carry most of your weight as they walked you through the town. Ellie followed behind with Callus, leading him by the reins until Maria intercepted her with a call of her name.

“Ellie, you can bring him over here, I’m on my way to the stables,” she called. Joel gave her a nod, encouraging her to go off and explore a bit while the three of you continued on.

Inside the clinic, you were set down on a gurney, a doctor walking over to greet you with a smile.

“Hi there. Let’s take a look.” She lifted the hem of your jeans, your foot covered in only a thick, wool sock ever since the night of your injury. “Well, it’s certainly broken.”

“Thanks,” Joel snarked, rolling his eyes as he stood by the head of the gurney, protectively guarding you even in this sanctuary of a town.

“We’ll get a cast put on, but in the meantime, I’ll give you an IV with some pain meds.” You shook your head at her, earning a quirk of her brow.

“No meds,” you croaked. “Don’t want to be sedated.”

“Baby,” Joel looked down at you and rested his palm on your forehead. “You’re in pain.”

“I don’t care. I want to be conscious.” With a sigh, he turned to the doctor and shrugged.

“No meds, I guess.”

“Well, I need to give you something for the fever at least.”

“As long as it doesn’t put me out.”

Tommy and Joel kept you company on either side of the gurney as you laid there, dreading your stubborn decision not to accept any meds as the nurse poked at your very dehydrated veins to put the IV in. Even before the outbreak, needles were never easy, but now? With hardly any food or water in your system to keep you conscious? You reached for Joel’s hand and squeezed it to ground yourself, forcing his conversation with his younger brother to pause.

“You alright?” he asked, squeezing your hand back.

“Yeah, just…feel…faint,” you managed, your voice barely a whisper.

“Can you just fuckin’ find a goddamn vein already? She’s about to pass out,” Joel turned to the nurse still poking around, shocking the younger man with his tone.

“Joel, calm down,” Tommy interjected calmly. “We don’t talk like that ‘round here.”

Joel clenched his jaw as he looked at his brother like he was the crazy one, but your hand squeezing his called him back to you, his glare softening as he met your eyes.

“M’okay, just…talk to me,” you whispered, earning a nod. Joel slid the chair that was sitting against the wall over and pulled it up next to the gurney, both of his hands holding yours as the nurse moved to the other arm to try to find a vein there.

“What…what do you want for dinner?” he asked, struggling to find a topic of conversation that didn’t revolve around survival or wouldn’t offend your current company.

“Mm,” you hummed in thought, closing your eyes as your ears started to ring.

“Baby,” he called, reaching a hand up to your clammy cheek. “C’mon, stay awake.”

“Potatoes,” you managed, lost somewhere between consciousness and blacking out.

“Got one,” the nurse declared, taping over the IV to keep it in place before leaving the three of you.

“All done,” Joel assured, wiping his hand over your damp forehead as your head rolled to the side to look at him. “So you want potatoes? Tommy, can we—“

“We got all the potatoes you could ever want,” he assured with a soft smile, though Joel could see the thoughts running through his little brother's mind.

Tommy hadn’t seen Joel this way in a long, long time. Even back in the day when he saw the two of you together in the QZ, it was never like this. It seemed to be a jarring sight for the younger Miller, seeing his hardened older brother—the same brother that killed, tortured, hell, fucking maimed people—be so gentle with a person. Ellie was one thing, but to see him this way with a partner? He never would’ve expected it.

“How about some chicken?” you asked, still weak.

“We got chicken,” Tommy chuckled. “I’ll go let Maria know. We can all have dinner…like a family.”

“Yeah,” Joel puffed out what you both knew to be a chuckle. “One fucked up family.”

“Ain’t we always been that way, though?” Tommy asked, smiling at his brother. Joel nodded his head, but his eyes couldn’t take much more contact with Tommy’s. He turned back to you, smoothing over your forehead like you were the most precious thing in the world to him.

By the time they’d finished getting your leg in the cast, you were exhausted. In retrospect, you should have just taken your opportunity for some pain relief because it seemed like you weren’t going to remain conscious anyways.

As soon as Joel got you back to the house Tommy and Maria kindly set the two of you and Ellie up in, he carried you upstairs bridal style and set you up in bed. He carefully undressed you until you were in just your undershirt and your underwear, before surprising you by undressing to just his briefs. Your heavy eyes tried to blink away your exhaustion to take in the sight of his body after having gone so many days without so much as a peek, but as soon as Joel realized you were watching him instead of resting, he shook his head.

“Don’t get any ideas,” he warned with a smirk as he climbed in beside you and cozied up to your form. “You need some sleep.”

“I need you,” you croaked, reaching for his chest to pull him closer to you. Joel mumbled a soft rejection but pulled your body into his, spooning you tightly from behind.

“Sleep,” he commanded. “Then maybe later on we can see about the other stuff.”

“Such a prude,” you teased, his warmth crowding you making you feel even more tired than before. With a soft yawn, you cozied into the pillow beneath your head and held his hand as it rested just below your breasts. “Wake me up for dinner.”

“I will,” he promised.

Downstairs, Ellie and Maria worked on stocking the pantry for you given that you were going to be staying here for a while.

“So,” Maria started with a smile. “What’s the history with those two?”

“Not completely sure. Complicated, whatever it is,” she replied as she placed a few cans of beans onto the shelf while Maria stocked the fridge with milk and eggs.

“Tommy said the same thing.”

“What did I say?” Tommy walked in and strutted over to his wife, placing a kiss upon her cheek.

“That whatever those two upstairs have going on is complicated,” she answered.

“Well, I used to think it was, but you should’a seen Joel at the clinic,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Like…like I went back in time. He hasn’t been that way with anybody since before everything went to hell.”

“What about that one girlfriend of his you were telling me about…Tess?” Maria asked and Ellie tensed.

“She, uh…she died,” Ellie muttered quietly, as if bringing it up was forbidden. As far as Joel was concerned, it was.

“Joel didn’t tell me any of that.” Tommy stared at his wife with a crease in his brow. “When did that—“

Ellie’s pointed look stopped him from finishing his question.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Am I missing something?” Maria asked, looking between the pair. Tommy quickly shook his head and forced a smile onto his face.

“Nope.”

The smell of mashed potatoes and roasted chicken stirred you awake, your stomach rumbling like an alarm. You turned your head a bit to find Joel still fast asleep, his cheek pressed against your back as if he was trying to burrow into you. You shuffled, turning a bit, careful not to scratch his leg with the stiff plaster of your cast as you faced him. He didn’t stir and you were glad, taking advantage of the moment to simply study him. He always woke before you, leaving you no time to admire the softness of his features as he dreamed.

His upper lip twitched as you grazed his cheekbone with your fingertips, his skin smooth aside from a few scars. His eyelashes were so long. How did you never notice it before? And his nose, god, his nose. You ran your fingertip along the bridge of it, causing him to twitch, his eyes batting as he finally woke. When they settled on you, your breath hitched, the richness of his brown irises so much softer than they were when he was on guard. You liked him this way. You liked him every way.

“How long have you been starin’ at me?” he asked, voice hoarse and deep from sleep.

“Not long enough,” you replied. Joel huffed out a soft chuckle and sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Dinner smells good.”

“Yeah,” he agreed with a grunt as he climbed out of bed and redressed. “You ready to go down and socialize?”

“I’m ready to go down and eat,” you replied, still too tired and in pain to get excited about having company tonight. Joel chuckled and nodded in understanding as he walked to your side of the bed and helped you up onto your feet.

“Alright, come here,” he ordered, moving to carry you but you stopped him.

“As much as I love being carried around like a princess, it is a little bit of a dramatic entrance, don’t you think?” Joel shook his head. “How about you just—“

“How about you hush and let me carry you so you don’t hurt yourself again?” His eyebrow was raised, daring you to challenge him. You smiled to yourself, amused by his way of declaring his love for you.

“Alright,” you agreed with a shrug and a smile. “But I want you to make it known that this was your choice. Don’t want them thinking I order you around.”

“Anythin’ you say, my queen,” he sassed with a smirk of his own as he scooped you up into his arms with a huff that worried you.

“Don’t drop me.”

“I might if you keep up this attitude.” Despite his words, he was all smiles, as relaxed as you’d seen him since…well, ever. You wanted to freeze time, to keep him locked away in this house. To keep him locked away from everything bad that touched him and turned him cruel. If only.

“There she is.” Tommy greeted you with a friendly smile as Joel made his way down the stairs with you cradled safely in his arms. “Miss America.”

“Miss Apocalypse,” Ellie corrected with a playful smirk, forcing a chuckle out of you.

“Miss fucking starving,” you chimed in as Joel set you down in a chair at the dining table. “The food smells great.”

As Maria plated the food, Joel got himself situated beside you. He lifted your cast to rest over his lap so that it could remained elevated, but the gentle hand he rested over it, this thumb stroking over the rough material, made you think it was less for your benefit and more for his.

“So,” Tommy sat down at the head of the table beside his brother. “How was the trip?”

Joel let out a breath of a chuckle and shook his head, reaching for the glass of whiskey Tommy had set down in front of him.

“Wasn’t too bad,” he replied. “Until this one went wanderin’ off and broke her ankle.”

“Yeah, how’d that happen? I expect a good war story, now,” Tommy smiled at you and you forced one back.

“Just wanted to rinse off in the creek,” you manage, keeping your eyes on your fingertip as it traced the pattern of the table cloth. You could feel everyone’s eyes on you, the worry in them, and it forced you to chirp up. “Or maybe I just couldn’t wait to get back here to paradise.”

“Thought that might be it,” Tommy replied, his smile returning as he took a sip of his drink.

You’re soon eating—or devouring, more accurately. Maria and Ellie update you on the state of the pantry and fridge, but truthfully you weren’t paying much attention. Maria had said something that struck you, “I’ll be in and out all day to help you out since you’re gonna be all alone in this big ole house for a while.”

Yes. Alone. The one thing you never, ever wanted to be again. You’d come too close to the edge the last time he was taken from you—the last time he left. Could you survive it again?

You reasoned that this goodbye was only temporary, that he wasn’t leaving you, he was just leaving to come right back. But who could promise that? Not you, not Joel, not God or whatever cruel form it took. The minute he and Ellie leave these walls…they’re in danger of leaving you forever.

“Hey,” Ellie spoke in a whisper, reaching over to rest her hand on top of yours. “You okay?”

You nodded your head and fixed a smile onto your face. She didn’t buy it.

“Hey,” she turned to the table and called attention. “What do you say we play a game? I got a deck of cards?”

“Spoons?” Maria suggested, bringing a smile to your face.

“Sounds like fun,” you nodded, thankful for the distraction.

For the first time in a long time, it felt like the world was back to normal. You weren’t a survivor, you were just at home with family, having dinner, playing a silly game next to the man you loved.

You stole sips of his whiskey throughout the night, enough to feel fuzzy and warm instead of fearful and so, so cold. Joel’s hand wandered from where it started the evening, creeping up your cast until he was touching the soft denim over your knee, working you up and making you needier with each stroke of his thumb.

“Well, we should be gettin’ to bed,” Tommy announced, stretching as he stood up and wrapped an arm around his wife. “I’ll see y’all off tomorrow mornin’, alright? Say around nine?”

“A late start,” Joel noted, voice raspy and deep from exhaustion.

“Well, we had a late night,” Tommy argued. “Sleep in, old man. Lord knows you need it.”

“Guess I’ll be going to bed, too.” Ellie stood up and grabbed her glass, walking it to the sink and filling it up. “Night. See you in the morning.”

“See you,” you managed, melancholy creeping back in through the cracks of your slowly dwindling buzz.

Joel turned to look at you, his hand now sliding up to knead at your thigh, pulling your eyes to his. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he replied, cracking a half smile. “You feelin’ alright?”

“No,” you confessed, albeit lightheartedly as you plucked his glass from his free hand and lifted it to your lips. “I’m losing everyone I love tomorrow.”

“No—“

“Don’t you dare try and convince me not to worry,” you interrupted in a soft, vulnerable whisper. “You can’t promise me you’ll come back. Or that she’ll come back.”

“I can promise you—” He leaned in, close enough for you to smell the liquor on his breath. “We’re comin’ back.”

“Yeah,” you huffed a chuckle and looked down at the amber liquor you were swirling around the glass. Joel plucked it from your fingers and set it down on the table before bringing your hand to his cheek, letting it rest there. His eyes were so round as he looked at you, pleading with you to forgive him for what you knew he had to do—for this mission he had to finish, and for the fact that you couldn’t be there with him to do it.

“You ready to go to bed?” he asked, the question taking the place of a more sentimental one: will you let me love you while I can? The answer was the same for both.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Take me to bed.”

Joel wasted no time in getting you picked up into his strong arms, your mind fuzzy enough from the whiskey that you didn’t complain this time around. You actually enjoyed being held by him so carefully and reliably. You knew that as long as he was this close to you, as long as these arms were holding you, everything would be alright. Another wave of sadness washed over you as you realized come morning, he’d be gone, and instead of everything being alright, everything would now be uncertain.

“Stop thinkin’,” he whispered as he ascended the steps of the staircase.

“Sorry,” you replied, even softer. Joel looked at you carefully as he stilled at the top of the stairs, his eyes darting across your features. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like it’s gonna be the last time. Like you’re trying to remember me.” Joel’s chest tightened at the sound of your voice, vulnerable and fearful.

He didn’t want to leave you anymore than you wanted him to leave, but…after everything it took to get here? All the danger, all the close calls…after what Tess sacrificed for this little girl Joel now came to see as a daughter. He had to leave, had to get Ellie to these goddamn Fireflies, and then, he could come back. He could love you right and never leave you again. You two could have a second shot at this thing he always wanted to have with you but never could allow himself to while in the QZ.

“I love you.” His confession was soft, almost missable to anyone who wasn’t focused on every single breath he made. You swallowed thickly, those words bittersweet in the moment, but you knew they’d be a balm later on, soothing your anxious heart when he was out on the road.

“Love you,” you managed, weak and cracking. Joel walked down the hall past Ellie’s bedroom and into yours. Carefully, he set you down on your good foot to help you undress, peeling your jeans and underwear off first before slipping your thermal long sleeve over your head. “Can you help me wash up first?”

He chuckled and nodded. “Ain’t that what got you in this mess in the first place?”

“Yeah,” you breathed a laugh through your nostrils. “Should at least get clean since I already paid the price for it.”

“Gotta find you somethin’ for the cast, hold on. Sit right there,” he ordered, placing you on the edge of the bed while he hurried downstairs to find a trash bag or something to wrap your leg in. He returned a minute later with a bit of duct tape and a black trash bag. “Ya know, I broke my leg back in high school. Ended my football career.”

“Oh, your promising football career, huh?” you smiled, the domesticity of the moment helping to alleviate both the ache in your chest and in your ankle.

“Nah, Tommy was always the superstar. I had more fun bein’ stuck at home playin’ my guitar all day,” he replied, flashing you that winning smile of his. “While he was out practicin’ in the hot sun, I was inside in the cool air, practicin’ pluckin’ my strings.”

“That what they called it back then? Pluckin’ your strings?” you teased, making him chuckle.

“No need to practice that, I’d already mastered it.”

“And you didn’t go blind or grow hair on your palms?” you continued, earning another laugh and a glimpse of that dimple.

“Nope,” he assured, still wearing that grin as he taped the trash bag closed around your knee. “Alright, enough of you teasin’ me, let’s get you cleaned, baby.”

“Calling me baby again,” you mumbled to yourself but he caught it.

“Don’t like it?”

“No,” you urgently shook your head. “I really like it.”

“Good,” he nodded and helped walk you into the en-suite. “Can you keep yourself upright while I get undressed?”

“Yeah,” you replied, watching him as he leaned over the tub to turn the water on—the hot water, you quickly remembered.

Joel stood up and turned to face you as he undressed, a cocky smile on his face as he watched your eyes follow his fingertips as they moved to unbutton his flannel. He smirked as your tongue swept over your bottom lip as he shrugged the fabric off and moved to unbutton his jeans. He lowered his eyes to watch your fingers twitch against the counter as you used it to balance yourself, fighting the urge to let you reach out and help him with his zipper.

“You really need it that bad, baby?” he husked, surprising you with his voice as you’d been lost in a trance watching him slowly expose his body one article of clothing at a time. Lifting your eyes to meet his, you let out an embarrassed chuckle.

“Guess so,” you replied. Joel shucked his jeans and briefs off in one clean motion before walking to you, crowding you against the counter with one hand on your face, the other gripping your hip.

“I need it that bad, too,” he whispered against your lips as he brushed his across yours, pressing his hardening length against your stomach.

“You’re better at hiding it than me,” you replied, drunk on him now rather than the whiskey. “Barely made it tonight with your hand on my thigh.”

“Trust me,” he started, pausing to give you a kiss. “Thought about tellin’ everyone to fuck off so I could lay you out on that table and have you for dessert.”

“Joel,” you sighed, desperate for more of him. He seemed to know what you were asking for, nodding at you before helping you into the tub.

“Keep your cast propped over the edge,” he reminded as he helped you sink into the hot water.

“Is it a coincidence that now I’m spread eagle, or was that the plan all along?” you asked with a smile, watching as Joel shrugged playfully.

“We may never know.” Climbing in behind you, he let you rest against his chest in the cramped space, his body feeling like a warm brick wall against your back. His hands wandered, fingertips grazing your skin and trailing droplets of water across the skin of your stomach. You hummed contentedly at the contact, your head falling back to rest against his collarbone. He took the opportunity as it was presented to him and pressed soft, so fucking soft, kisses down the side of your face and jaw, causing you to open your neck up to him.

Water splashed across your skin as he moved to grab the bar of soap on the edge of the tub, dipping it into the water before lathering it in his hands. He didn’t leave your neck the entire time, leaving sweet love bites that had you pushing back against him in search of more while he lathered the soap across your chest, stomach and arms.

“Should get you to bathe me more often,” you purred softly as he rinsed the soap off your body and flattened his palm over the swell of your lower belly. You smiled as he nipped at your jaw and slid his hand lower and lower until he was cupping your center, the heel of his palm grinding against your clit just enough to make you keen for him. “Don’t tease,” you whined. “You promised.”

“Mm-hm,” he hummed in your ear and you could feel his smile grow as he nuzzled his cheek against yours, both of your eyes fixing on where his hand rested between your thighs just below the surface of the water. “You want my fingers, baby?”

“I want anything you’ll give me,” you replied, desperate and needy. Joel didn’t make you wait long, bringing two of his fingers to circle over your clit for a while, lighting you up and soothing you all at once. Your hands clawed at his thighs that bracketed your hips as he moved his fingers round and round, round and round before he slid them lower and carefully slid into your eager entrance. Your head fell back as he curled his fingers inside of you, finding that gummy spot that made your toes curl. “So good…your fingers are s-so good.”

“Yeah?” he hummed the question into your ear almost patronizingly as he sped up his thrusts, adding his thumb back to your clit. “That feel good, baby?”

“So good,” you confirmed, squeezing his thighs and letting a choked moan slip from your lips. “Want more of you. Want everything.”

“You have me,” he promised, kissing your cheek. “You always have me, baby.”

You reached back between your bodies to find him hard and throbbing in your fist, a groan slipping from his lips as he kept them pressed to the side of your face.

“Can’t fuck you in here,” he husked. “Gotta get you in bed.”

After quickly washing and rinsing the rest of your bodies clean, Joel helped you out of the tub and wrapped a towel around you before hanging one low around his waist. He lowered himself to unwrap your cast before standing with you at the sink as the two of you took the all-too rare opportunity to thoroughly brush your teeth and rinse with mouthwash.

After you were both as fresh as you had been in the last twenty years, he walked you to the bed and helped you onto the sheets, laying you down in the middle of the bed before slotting his hips between your thighs. He smiled down at you, so timid and soft and nothing like the man that you knew at the beginning of this journey. You liked him better this way, but not more.

“I want to take my time,” he whispered as his eyes lowered to watch his hand move up and down your side before cupping the weight of your breast. “But everytime I get you like this…can’t help myself.”

“Well,” you started, tipping his chin up with two fingers to bring his eyes back to yours. “Since you’re coming back to me…we’ll have all the time in the world.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, a flicker of a smile growing on his face as he searched your eyes. “I am comin’ back. You believe me when I say that?”

“I want to,” you replied. “I’m trying to.”

He waited a beat before accepting this was the best he could convince you of his promise. “Okay.”

Casting aside all the fear and worry and sadness and loneliness that already threatened to seep into the moment, you pulled Joel down to crash your lips against his. He moaned, his hands gripping your hips as they rested there, his tongue swiping into your mouth as he grinded the length of his cock against your seam.

“Please,” you breathed out the demand against his lips, your hips lifting to meet his. Joel groaned and nodded, letting go of his firm grip on your hip to fist his length against your entrance, pumping his already reddened and throbbing girth. “Please, please, plea—“

He cut you off with the slick glide of his head into your heat, a strangled groan bursting from his chest as the tight fit.

“Goddamn,” he stilled, trying not to finish before he could even get started. A red flush of embarrassment grew on his neck and chest as he met your eyes. “I should’a made you cum on my tongue first, baby. Don’t know if I can last long enough—“

“No,” you shook your head and reached a hand up to cup his face. “I just want you. Don’t worry about anything, I just…this isn’t about getting off, s’just about feeling you.”

“Baby,” he shivered as his cock slid further into your heat, your back arching as he stroked against your favorite spot. He lowered himself to rest over you, his elbows propping him up on either side of your head. He looked deep into your eyes as his girth stretched you open, your lips parted in a silent cry.

“Joel, it feels so good,” you whispered, brows furrowed as though you were in pain. He nodded in agreement as he leaned in to kiss you slowly, deeply, taking care to keep his thrusts as languid as his kisses to prolong this moment for as long as he could manage. One of your hands slipped between your bodies to work at your clit, causing you to squeeze him as he withdrew his length only to press back in even deeper. Your head pressed hard into the pillow, your eyes squeezing shut as you tried not to cum yet, knowing that as soon as you did, Joel would follow and then this would be over for the night.

“Baby,” he whined, raspy and needy. “Can feel you holdin’ back…don’t hold back. Wanna feel you.”

“Don’t want—“ You paused as his cock targeted something devastating inside you, a cry sounding from somewhere deep and broken inside of you that Joel was fixing just by being with you. “God, you feel so good, I don’t want it to stop.”

“We have all night,” he promised. “I’m not choosin’ sleep over you.”

“Fuck,” you moaned, your climax becoming harder and harder to fight off. “Joel—“

“I know, baby.” He pressed his lips against your cheek. “Let go.”

You were shoved off the cliffs of euphoria by his command, white-hot bliss paralyzing you for a moment before settling into that familiar fuzzy warmth you always looked forward to. Joel carved his hips into yours three more times—as though he was carving a promise, an I love you into your flesh—before letting go, allowing himself the rare and reckless act of emptying inside you. He didn’t have it in him to part from you, even if it was a risky move.

“Fuck,” he huffed, his face buried in the crook of your neck. “Gimme a second, I’ll go down and get ya some water.”

“Stay,” you commanded while scratching lightly at the nape of his neck. “For as long as you can, tomorrow.”

“I will,” he promised, lifting his head to look into your eyes. “Not leavin’ ‘til we have to.”

“Promise?” you asked, eyes full with vulnerability.

“I promise.”

•

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