"i'll let you free"
pairing: sanzu haruchiyo x fem!reader
tw: knife, scars, kidnapping
a/n: some angst for all of you because why not hehe. okay that wasn't funny at all. also reminder that my reqs are currently open :))
| not proofread |
"i don't think i'm the best person to stay by your side."
those words marked the downfall of your heart, its craking sound almost covering and hushing sanzu's deep voice.
you were sitting at a cafe table, each of you with their favourite drink. you had an open book sitting in front of you and he...he was just looking at you, studying you, the person he loves.
everything was so peaceful, happiness was surrounding you. so where exactly did that come from? what was the hidden reason behind his words, shaped like knives to the heart?
you lifted your head only to be met by the perfection of his eyes. the scars at the corners of his mouth had never looked more vibrant than now. his gaze was set upon you, in it you caught affection, softness and an unmistakable sadness.
"what...do you mean?" you finally managed to say, trying your best to keep your voice from shaking. it's just the cold, yeah.
his eyes wandered across the small and cozy coffeeshop. a deep breath, eyes closed and the words that made your heart dry from blood and your eyes from tears.
"we should end it here."
you abruptly stood up from the chair you were getting so comfortable on, opening and closing your mouth a couple of times, like a fish who'd been washed ashore by the waves, left on the sand and without access to the water. no words seemed to find the courage to come out of your mouth.
you sat back in your place, your chest tightening and the book in front of you screaming something like "haha you're having one of those breakups you so much enjoy reading about".
everyone nobody was looking at your sorry figure, but you still felt eveyone's gaze linger upon you, mock you from behind, witness the end of a relationship that you were so sure would never fall down in front of any obstacle.
you were wrong.
"how-why-wh-did i d-do something? is it my fault? i- if i did something you don't like jus-just tell me i-i can fix it i-"
"it's not you, the problem. the issue here is me and me alone. i-i caused this and i-i don't want to hurt you anymore than what i'd already done i-i'm sorry but i-we have to put an end to this. i want need to know that you are safe." he let out a shaky breath.
you weren't looking at him, instead fixing your gaze on the small details of the wooden table. you knew that, if you had looked at him as he was saying those painful worlds, it'd be too much to bear. a part of you was still thinking that this was a joke, that your imagination was just playing tricks, that someone was filming your reaction to his staged words from a hidden corner. and looking at him, confirming the truth and sincerety behind his speech with your own eyes would simply shatter every idea that all of this was fake, that you and sanzu will forever be together.
"you promised me...that day. you promised and i promised...no never let go of this and i-i can't i-"
"some promises aren't made to be kept." another punch to the heart.
"i-i understand" you finally whispered, your hair falling from behind your ear and hiding your eyes as they lost their battle to tears.
"i'm sorry [name], i need to let you free."
you darted out of the coffeeshop, at the same speed of a thread of lighting. you ran away, because you knew there was no point in fighting. once he was set on something, he wouldn't waver. and you knew that you were in constant danger while being his girlfriend. you know that enemies targetted you to get him do their bidding. you knew but you just loved him so much you needed to stay by his side nonetheless.
and the fact that he was letting you go because he couldn't bear anymore to have you kidnapped or injured...the fact that instead of sharing the burden he felt the need to do everything by himself was so-
god, you were so angry and desperate, still clinging to a past that coudn't be reversed.
you ran away from him, you didn't hear the wishpered "i love you" that would never be directed to you anymore, tears were flowing and everything was just a mess. but in that mess you felt a temporary relief.
was it possible to love someone this much?
well, your first and last love was exiting the café, the first tear he'd ever shed soon being followed by plenty others and his hand, previously tucked in the pocket of his coat, was now pressing numbers and lifting the phone to his ear.
"i did it. now stay away from her, do not talk to her and don't hurt her." he hung up, fell to his kness and threw his phone on the street.
"sorry" was being wishpered non endedly and two shattered hearts were dancing in the darkness of one's chest.
how to live if the love can't be stopped, the heart can't be repaired and a relationship can't be restored?
©2021 - do not copy or trace
45 notes · View notes