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band-aids-for-growing-pains · 2 years

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ch 1: first day of no contact

My relationship-turned-situationship officially ended this past Monday. I don't really know how to describe everything tumbling around in my brain and my chest right now, but I do know that it just feels painfully different. Oddly unreal, like waking up from a dream and realizing that all of it was fiction.

(This post is going to be really long, just because I'm the kind of person who can't tell a coherent story without a series of spinoffs and setups and backgrounds.)

I was with him for all of our senior year of high school. I have a playlist in my Spotify that I started when I realized how much I liked him. And the caption acknowledged that this relationship was going to hurt. I knew it then; we got so close so fast, and I couldn't picture a life where we ended peacefully and stayed lightly floating in each others' lives as friends or anything similar. We were each others' first loves, and had a deep connection that wouldn't break unless it was broken.

It feels so painfully simplistic to summarize it all on a blog post. In a handful of paragraphs. Because a relationship that lasts nearly a year, and a connection that lingers still, is difficult to summarize. It's hard to pick out the notes that are the best, or the worst, or the most relevant. So bear with me as I stumble through this.

We did most things together. We played the same sports, and trained often; he helped me to grow into my position. It's hard to think of where I am now in my sport without thinking of the hours we spent together practicing. Without picturing how he coached me, pushed me, but laughed with me in between, rolling around on the turf or cracking jokes to throw each other off. The things we didn't share, we still did together; he made sweet efforts to learn more about art, one of my favorite pastimes. He'd teach me about gaming, and about his favorite types of hats. We shared music together, made playlists of both of our favorite songs for car rides on Saturdays. We both got our licenses when we were together, being late bloomers. He lived a bit of a distance, and driving to his house helped me learn the places north, south, east and west of my home. I learned the towns that were equidistant from the both of us, learned more about the corners of my state. Now that I'm far away, he's synonymous with home. Which makes things difficult, as you can imagine.

He's deeply ingrained into all the crevices of my life still. We formed a close attachment. I know it was probably unhealthy, but it's just the fact of what it was. We texted all the time, saw each other as often as possible. We were both the affectionate type, always wanting to be holding hands or close together in some shape. He was clingier than me, though. I don't want to consider that this was obsession instead of love. I truly believe it was both. We fell hard, and easily, and maybe too much.

He treated me beautifully, poetically. No shortage of compliments, of gifts or flowers. My friends gushed about how sweet we were, how happy they were for me. I'd been painfully single for the past 17 years before, so this was glimmering and new. I didn't know an existence outside of being single. I had been a hopeless romantic with loneliness ingrained in my brain, staying up late and listening to songs about yearning and love. It felt unreal to have a boyfriend all of the sudden, almost easily, so quickly. I felt ready; I had gained a lot of confidence that spring, had gathered up nerve and learned a bit about talking to boys. But there was a lot I didn't know.

I don't want to think of past-me as dumb, or naive, though it's hard not to toss myself into the box of "stupid." I grew up outwardly feminist, aggressively independent. Miss I-don't-need-a-man. But I ached for one anyways.

I felt like I knew everything I needed to know about men. I didn't trust them, but I hoped I would stumble upon one like those in the books I devoured, in the stories I wrote. I was a painfully awkward-looking middle schooler and early high schooler. This was a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that I hadn't gotten social media until freshman year, and hadn't been plagued by that ever-present, pressurized influence. But a curse in that I felt so undesired. I hadn't ever received much attention from boys, except for maybe in early elementary school, when they were sweeter. As I got older, and got more and more impatient, I wondered if any man would ever love me like I wanted. If any teenage boy would really be looking for something deeper than a body.

I'm grateful for my inexperience, but there was a lot I didn't know. Things seemed so easily black and white to me. If he betrays your trust, just leave. If he hurts you, cut him off. It seemed so obviously simple. But the truth is, you don't really understand the complexity of pain from someone you love, until it personally inflicts you. Just like you don't completely get a breakup until you're knee-deep in an involved relationship, and start to realize the weight of losing them.

Backtracking, sorry. I went a solid bit deeper into my past than I planned to there, but I feel like it's worth spilling out right now. Where was I?

Past-me. She was gaining her confidence the summer we met, and this new thing really, truly excited her. It was confusing, sure. She and her friend had planned to have rosters, to make it a summer of lighthearted fun and no true commitments. To gain some experience, play around, but in ways that weren't too damaging to the psyche. She was looking to meet boys, but not really to attach to one, to stick to him like glue. But that's what happened. I can remember easily the first time we met up, made joking conversation. It's fresh in my mind, the evening we first held hands on a "date" (the quotations because my best friend was third-wheeling us). I remember our first kiss in my basement, our first make-out in his car. But I remember the first time I cried over him, too.

He was sweet, and his devotion seemed so pure. I still believe it was true, just too young, a bit misguided. And despite his inexperience, he wasn't as sweetly innocent as I expected. For me, I grew up painfully, blissfully ignorant to p*rn, to any of the things immature boys partake in to show off their manhood to one another. I was starkly against anything sexualized, anything objectifying. I remember hating the way female superheroes looked in comics. The men had their bulging muscles, their power coming from strength. The women were painted like two-dimensional fantasies. It pained me.

(A quick disclaimer. There's nothing wrong with being sexy. I totally think women have the right to dress in their own way, to do what's empowering for them in whatever form that may be. But I hate seeing that the role models for young girls vary so vastly from those for young boys. It's so, so upsetting that women are constantly shown that their value comes from their body, their capacity as an object. I could talk for hours about that, but this is already long as hell so I'll keep moving on.)

Being against this sexualization, I was aware of misogyny, of the ways the patriarchy twisted and pulled women to fit in boxes. But there was still so, so much I was ignorant of. So when he mentioned in passing that he'd watched a lot of p*rn, I didn't really know how to react. I naively assumed he had stopped when we got together, but later I realized this probably wasn't true. I asked him, and got the painful answer I was expecting. It drove like a knife, and that's when the hurt truly began.

He stopped, but he didn't even understand why it bothered me. I can't get over that, honestly. It felt so... demeaning, so humiliating, to have to explain something that felt so intrinsically painful, and so obvious. I can't explain it right, but him not understanding just felt so ignorantly wrong. And he might have stopped watching, but he kept liking on Instagram. P*rn stars, bikini pictures of his friends from school. His name had to be under hundreds. And it made me wonder what else he was up to behind my back. I had to ask him to stop again. How could he not know? After I told him how the p*rn made me feel so inadequate? Did he think I was stupid, and wouldn't find out?

I remember feeling so horribly lost. It was late fall. I didn't want to cut it off with him, to choke a relationship that felt so new still, so beautiful. I was hoping he would make it up, and I'd get over it. But I didn't. My trust just crumbled from there on out. Slowly, but painfully. I was wishing it would just go away. Wishing that all the gorgeous, blonde women with their hourglass bodies and blue eyes would stop haunting me, stop creeping into the mirror, stop ripping me open and squeezing out jealousy and hate.

As time went on, things that never bothered me before, began to loom larger and larger. My heart would race. I would shake and get cold when the memories of getting hurt so horribly poked back into my mind. I felt like there were always other women. In his following list. On TV and computer screens, better than me, more beautiful, more perfect and easily accessible. It was so incredibly confusing. I felt like my best friend had lied to me, cheated me, betrayed me. I was never his only one. He hurt me badly, just as he promised not to on the first night that we said "I love you."

He made the changes. But not enough. Too little, too late. And if he would die for me, he should have deleted them all, all at once. But he didn't. I had to ask to unfollow an ex-crush, to unfollow the women he doesn't know, who don't know he exist. They might not have been p*rn stars, but every single girl started to make me insecure. Even the sweetest of his friends, the ones I adored, became triggers for bad memories. I wished I was them. I wished I was her, whoever she was in the moment.

I held that pain for months on months as it grew. I had too many moments of realization. Too many times when it dawned on me that this was never going to go away. But I couldn't let go. There was too much we had planned. Too much love still. I couldn't cut it off now. Maybe it would just go away. Maybe if I prayed hard enough, God would just make the anxiety disappear.

As time went on, I lashed out at him more and more. How could you. Just tell me why. How do you not understand. You hurt me so badly. My anger got worse, more frequent. Never physical, but my words shot to kill. My pain was a double-edged sword. Bursting out never made me feel better, only more confused.

Reliving it now feels like it was just yesterday. It's ripping me apart, honestly, because I really don't know how to get closure from this. I don't know how to make the good and bad of him work together in my mind. I have no idea how to reconcile this anguish. I want so badly for him to have loved me like he said. But it's so hard to believe when he couldn't protect me from his own shots, time after time. It's tearing me open to feel so confused, so unsure. I don't know how to make sense of it, to understand.

He was my best friend. But I wasn't the same anymore. I was losing my happiness, a slave to the recurring waves of stress, the bouts of anger, the indescribable hurt. We ended things at the close of July.

I felt like I was dying, honestly. He did too. But we stayed in touch, and reconnected for the last couple weeks of the summer. I'm leaving anyways, I said. We might as well enjoy the last bit of summer in each others' presence, to ease this pain. That's no way to finish our last summer of high school.

But the half-relationship that resulted just hurt us both more. We both were in pain, dealing with the change that college brought, plus the horrific feelings of being attached with no way of ever being the same. So this past Monday, we cut it off. It was sudden. It came with one of my outbursts, and it felt so random, so awful. I felt like the good of our relationship warranted a better ending than that, something more bittersweet than just plain sour. I reached back out again on Tuesday, which was a mistake.

It felt like a drug withdrawal, as if my Catholic-school goody-two-shoes self has ever experienced anything like that. But I guessed that had to be what it felt like. He was cold. Distant. Short texts as I poured out long messages about how I was really, truly struggling. It was so unlike him, so jarring. That energetic, sweet affection was gone. And for once, the reliant boy I knew was so easily moving beyond me, so quickly dead-set on self improvement and letting go. I really didn't understand how to deal with it. It felt nightmarish, unreal. His ease of detachment cut deep, made me question if he still held our memories close, if he even cared. I can't fully describe that eating, ripping feeling, but it left me sobbing in a handicap bathroom stall, calling my mom, hundreds of miles from home.

I skipped class for a walk-in therapy appointment. I could barely ask the lady at the desk to see someone without choking on my sobs. The therapist I did see was incredibly sweet. I poured out everything again, as I'd been to the mental health center a week before to schedule long-term therapy. But that appointment wasn't for another week, and I couldn't wait. She was helpful and kind, and told me everything I'm going through is awful, but it's normal. Told me to seek out things that felt comforting, to be easy on myself and let myself grieve. And to lean heavily on my support system.

Once I had gathered myself enough, I was oddly motivated. I searched Tiktok for healing advice. I texted friends from home, tried to make plans with people. Over-exaggerated the things I was supposed to be doing to feel better. I got advice from one influencer about making a list of affirmations to return to when I had the urge to stalk him, or text him, or anything similar. She had some great advice about reforming habits, changing them to be beneficial rather than breaking him. Her Instagram is @shelbysacco5.

I'm trying to pour everything into bettering myself and moving on. And as I learn, I'll share more and more about this process here. I'm just finding it incredibly difficult to make sense of our relationship. And incredibly hard to let go, when I really don't want to. But I'll try my best to believe this is leading me to more happiness and a better future. If you made it this far in, thank you! I know I have a tendency to ramble. But I appreciate anyone listening, even if it's just this blank page.

I'll wrap this first chapter up now. If you're going through something similar and need an ear, please, please shoot me a message or an ask. I know I talk a lot, but I love to listen too. And if you have any advice for this, anything is welcome and appreciated.

A 🍁

#heartache #heartbreak #first love #personal post #rant #vent #relationship problems #breakup #breakup notes #dear diary #journal

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zivazivc · 3 months

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Man she really dumped him for being sad? I see where creek got his personality-

queen also didn't sign up for raising baby brothers-in-law instead of their own kids that they've been planning on having

#trolls #dreamworks trolls #is JD Creek's father?#the ballots are still coming in and it keeps being 50/50 #not that i won't go with my own preference in the end #but I prefer not to say anything and let the chaos go on XD #trolls creek #baby creek #trolls oc #freesia #drawing baby creek makes me feel weird #like drawing baby hitler #but he is one of my favorite character designs and he is cute #my art #answered #on a more serious note #it's unforgivable what freesia did and the way she did it #but the reasons for the breakup were more complicated and messy than i made it seem in that post #they had plans for the future that got postponed then derailed because of the deaths of the parents #and then JD started spending less and less time with her since he had to provide for the family #and the time they did spend together he used just to vent about his problems (understandable)#but at one point she had enough #so yeah...#also i headcanon JD always wanted to be a dad before this #and was excited to start a family #but then he got traumatized

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izvmimi · 2 months

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there was a time where oliver aiku used to love discussing his love life in interviews. for some people all press is good press, and the reputation of being a ladies' man, called anything from a casanova to playboy to straight up rake, rarely upset him. in fact he reveled in it, delight in his mismatched eyes whenever reporters would tease out the details of his most recent rendezvous. models, actresses, the occasional influencer who gave him what she marketed on only fans for free...

he loved to discuss all of it. after all, what egotistical man shies away from discussing his conquests?

but this time, once the subject comes up of who he's been last seen in the media with, all he can think of is you, and your smile, and the loving way you've wrapped your arms around the second-highest grossing actor this year. once lauding his success and status over you, you're far out of his reach, cavorting with stars that out-league him.

he should have seen this coming. he always knew that you were beautiful, after all. even when you cried as he dumped you for easily accessible pussy, expecting that your crush on him since childhood would last for the rest of your life.

oliver breaks hearts, he doesn't get his heart broken.

"so, it seems like you continue to live up to your reputation, with no less than six prominent characters you've been entangled with recently. can you tell us what the rumors are?"

oliver smiles, palm scratching at the scruff on his chin. he remembers that you'd once told him he needed a cleaner image and that possibly started with considering at least shaving for interviews. he hasn't done that today - in fact, he hasn't done anything for you, has he?

"no comment," he jokes. "i don't kiss and tell."

the reporter, a man this time, grins in the way that men who size each other up by how wide they manspread or how big their dick is or how much money is in their pocket does. but oliver's grip on the armrests of his chair tightens. he's begging internally for the topic to change, any way to avoid digging himself into a bigger pit than he already is.

the last time he saw you in person, you were breathtaking. was it revenge that made you truly blossom or is the regret of the fact that he can no longer have you transformative?

"fuck off," you'd said, promptly, the moment you saw him standing at your door in the middle of the night. there was a time, when you were high-schoolers that you only spoke to him softly; there was a time, in your early 20s, where he could simply smile sheepishly at you, pushing shaggy hair back and you'd believe anything he said.

"aren't you happy i came to you first this time?" he'd been quick to answer. the joke doesn't land, and for the first time in forever, you don't even crack a smile.

he remembers telling you he had options, and realizing that in truth, you were always the one who could aim higher.

"you can do better," you remind him of his own words. your face is still made up, you're back from a photoshoot. your career soars and his stays stagnant. he's trying his best, he's not lacking in skill, but for now your star shines far brighter.

he didn't tell you then, couldn't bring his mouth to utter the words, but it's not true.

he cannot do better than you.

oliver grins, and pushes the thought of you out of his mind.

oliver, the man who cannot fall in love, gives the public what they want.

#oliver aiku x reader #oliver x reader #bllk x reader #daydreams: bllk #mimi's notes #cw breakup #cw toxic

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froginaskinsuit · 2 months

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alex fierro would have the best music taste in Valhalla and yet also listen to 2010s breakup songs at any minor inconvenience

#not to diss 2010 breakup songs #they're classic #mcga #magnus chase #alex fierro #skinsuit notes #hc #pjo headcanon #pjo #just a lil thought

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cosmicpuzzle · 10 months

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Transits for Break-up 💔

In my research, I have found the following transits cause breakup among couples.

💔Saturn transiting 7th house from the ascendant.

💔Saturn transiting 7th house from your natal Moon (More common)

💔Rahu or North node transiting 7th house (this can cause breakup and also new relationship immediately)

💔Ketu or south node transiting 7th house (this can end relationships permanently but also bring someone from your past -your ex)

💔Rahu or Ketu transiting 7th house from Moon (more common) especially Ketu in 7th from Moon but Ketu can always bring back ex

💔Rahu or Ketu transiting 8th house from the ascendant (8th house is the bond and trust and here nodes can disturb that)

💔Saturn transiting 5th house (you could ger rejected in love than a breakup)

💔Saturn over Venus (same as above, more of a rejection than breakup but can cause breakup as well)

💔Venus retrogrades in 8th house.

💔Venus in 7th from natal Moon

💔Saturn/Rahu/Ketu in 7th house or 5th house of solar return.

💔Venus with nodes in 5th/7th/12th house of solar return

If you had a serious breakup, then look at the transits then and share which planet/transit caused your breakup or return of ex.

If you need readings on love, relationships and marriage DM

#astrology #astrology observations #zodiac #zodiac signs #astro community #astro observations #astrology community #vedic astrology #astro notes #vedic astro notes #venus retrograde #venus in astrology #venus #taurus venus #love astrology #love breakup problem solution

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unpretty · 1 year

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my sister was asking what i know about avoidant personality disorder and i had to explain that while the doctor who diagnosed my adhd said i had symptoms she didn't actually diagnose me with avpd. because a big part of avpd is like, low self-esteem and not wanting to inflict yourself on others because you think you're lesser. and that is not a problem i have. someone's gotta make this normal social interaction weird by saying weird shit and it might as well be me. if you can't keep up that's a you problem. i'm not the one who sucks here. i'm avoiding that social interaction because i can sense when someone is going to try to talk to me about reality television instead of something interesting, like early 20th century newspaper comics. i'm great at making friends and terrible at getting rid of them. i am avoidant in that i would like to avoid spending time politely listening to someone else be wrong and annoying. whatever i have wrong with me is insufferable in a different way.

#original #anyway when my sister asked mom was like IS THIS GOING TO BE ANOTHER THING THAT I TURN OUT TO HAVE HAD THE WHOLE TIME #and we were like 'nah you're fine'#ignoring that my mother has. on occasion. to avoid awkward situations. moved across the country. multiple times.#that could probably be described as avoidant yeah #'i guess i'll just leave' says local woman who lost the state in the breakup #GOD i remember once my friends and i were talking about a mutual frenemy who talked shit about everyone behind their backs #comparing notes on what she said about us #and the thing she said about me was that i act like i think i'm better than her #and i was like SHE'S RIGHT. I DO. BECAUSE I AM. SHE FUCKING SUCKS AND I'M GLAD SHE CAN TELL.

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lunarlianna · 9 months

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Break ups and Divorces indicators transit in natal chart and in the composite chart

Let me know in the comments if you want to me to make a different post of this indicator in progressed chart and solar return.

A few indicators of break ups/divorces

Sometimes transit can indicate a difficult period for the couple or a possible divorce/break up. If you have any of the follow indicators doesn't mean automatically that you’ll have a break up or a divorce but could mean that you’ll encounter a difficult time during those transits. Remember it’s always up to you as a couple to decide what it’s happening in your own relationship.

Most important planets for the situations are Saturn( this planet it here to test your love and will sure give you lessons when it comes to your relationship), Uranus( here your can feel the need of new experiences and rebel against the norm), Neptune ( often this planet it’s linked with cheating but can also represent the fact that you don’t see the fllows of the partner and have a toxic relationship), Pluto( it’s here ti bring transformar and renwel in your relationship) again this aspects are here to test your relationship and bring to the surface issues that you haven’t address.

Tansit over natal chart

Saturn, Uranus, Pluto, Neptune transiting over the 7th house

Saturn, Neptune, Pluto square/opposite your 7th house ruler

Uranus transiting your 1st house

Saturn, Uranus, Pluto, Neptune square/opposite Venus

Uranus square/opposite Mars or Sun

Saturn, Uranus, Pluto, Neptune square/opposite planets in the 7th house

Aspects in the composite chart

Saturn or asteroid Karma conjunt the Nodes( means difficult karma)

Sun square moon indicates out of balance relationship and need a lot of work

Saturn square Alma/Psyche again difficult karma and heartbreak

Jupiter square/opposit Uranus not working togheter or having a common goal

Sun/Moon square/opposite Saturn – you can’t express fully in the relationship

Pluto square Moon- can lead to emotional manipulation( this aspect is incredible hard to have in synastry and composite together)

Do not copy my posts or you will be sued for copyright infringement. All it takes is copying me a few times and it is considered illegal due to the copyright claim written at the bottom of my posts

Do not rewrite/copy my observations and post them to your Tiktok, Tumblr, Instagram

#astro observations #astro community #astro placements #astrology #all signs #astro notes #asteroid #for you #zodiac placements #astrologer #breakup #divorce

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i-wish-we-never-met · 2 years

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I wish the thoughts of you will just leave me as easy as the way you walk away

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juicequeen21 · 5 months

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Death Note Au where L and Light are together but get in a fight and break up. As they are walking away from eachother they are suddenly 8 years into the future and have to figure out how to get back. In this future they quickly discover that they are married and soon everyone around then starts to wonder why they are acting so strange.

#they had like a horrific breakup #whether the kira thing is still happening in this au is up to you #death note #light yagami #death note headcanons #l lawliet #lawlight

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botanicalsword · 4 days

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Davison Chart • will there be reconciliation?

Tertiary Progression - A new phase begins when a planet moves from one sign to the next.

What is the current state of the romantic relationship?

Any particular events that sparked a shift in the relationship?

How are you feeling about it all at the moment?

•. ✧ •. ✧ •. ✧ •.

➤ How to Cast the Tertiary Progression for the Davison Chart?

Go to Astro - https://www.astro.com/cgi/genchart.cgi

1 ) Creat a Davison Chart

Birth data: Person A + Person B

Chart type: Davison Relationship Chart (between A & B)

Save > Add to 'My Astro" as Davison Relationship Chart (A & B)

2) Tertiary Progression for the Davison Chart

Birth data: Davison Relationship Chart (A & B)

Chart type: Tertiary Progression*

•. ✧ •. ✧ •. ✧ •.

Question : Is it a favorable period for reconciliation?

♡ Yes - higher possibility

Harmonious aspects between Moon and Sun / Venus / Jupiter - favorable time for reconciliation and there may still be a chance

Moon in Cancer / Scorpio / Pisces + Harmonious aspects between Moon and Pluto

Moon conjunct Descendant

Both have a strong desire to revisit to the past and revive the special bond they once had

Mars in Aries / Leo / Sagittarius + touched AC / DC / IC / MC - drive for actions to reignite the flame

Sun Conjunct Descendant

•. ✧ •. ✧ •. ✧ •.

♡ No - not the right moment

Moon squares / oppositions Saturn / Uranus / Neptune

Moon square / opposite Saturn - This can make both people feel emotionally repressed and unable to express their true feelings - emotional barriers and lack of understanding for each other's emotions. One person may not feel the love from the other, and tends to consider practicality and overthink.

Moon square / opposite Pluto - can give rise to a challenging dynamic characterized by mistrust, suspicion, revenge, and lingering resentment. They may find themselves testing each other and experiencing a mix of profound connection and discomfort. Significant issues are indicated.

When Saturn and Pluto enter the 5th or 7th house, it can create difficulties and obstacles in love and marriage. Relationships may face challenges, burdens, and slow progress. At such times, a person's emotional state may not be suitable for engaging in romantic relationships.

Moon-Uranus - Uranus represents change and separation. Whether the impact is positive or negative, this aspect often brings unexpected events or disruptions into the relationship.

Moon-Chiron - can be hurtful or healing

Whether the relationship will thrive or not depends on the overall picture and other aspects in the chart.

Please note that astrological placement can provide insights and tendencies, but it does not determine or guarantee specific outcomes. Personal circumstances and decisions play a significant role in shaping the course of relationships.

>> Back to Masterlist ✧ Explicit Content

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creatingnikki · 1 month

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notes to self: validation no one else can provide during an ugly break up edition

You are no oracle. There is no way you could have guessed the kind of person he was. You wanted to give him a fair chance and not see him through the lens of your past hurtful experiences or people who had hurt, wronged, and betrayed you. And you did exactly that.

The moment it was clear to you that he is not right for you, you decided to call it off and respectfully communicated that to him. So, you cannot hate yourself for not knowing any better or ignoring the red flags, because you didn't. You took a few days to assess them and then once you were clear on what colour they were for you, you decided to say goodbye.

Do not blame yourself for the shitty person he ended up revealing himself to be and the vicious things he chose to say. How could have you known? You are not walking this earth being so very sus of everyone, assuming everyone is an ass hole until otherwise proven despite everything you have been through. That's brave, that's soft, that's precious. Do not blame yourself.

You are no emotional fool who does not know how to protect your heart. Maybe when you were younger but definitely not now. The very fact that you chose to call things off as early as you did is proof enough. Please don't hate yourself or think that you are stupid.

Yes, words are your weakness. You fall in love with words. How can you not, my dear writer. You have the heart of a poet. You mean everything you say. You are impressed by smart word plays and fall for things that sound sincere. Sure, now at 27, you know others are not like you. You know that people just say things they don't mean as a means to an end. But what can you do? You are impressed, amused, and smitten by words. What can you do about that other than wait and see if their actions back those words up? And time, my dear child, is the only way to do that.

And I know you know that. And I know you kept reminding yourself and him of that. But next time? Make it easier for yourself and don't try to explain these things to the other person. They do not need to know how your mind works or what your pain points are. You need to let them be who they are, communicate the way they communicate, act the way they act and then decide if that's something that's attractive to you, something that feels good and safe and true. Communication is key but that does not have to mean that the two of you give each other a user manual to each other. It doesn't work that way; it should not.

Wanting to be comforted by your friends and kind words in a moment like this is not something to feel ashamed about. Everyone needs reassurance, everyone needs validation even though objectively we all know things already. Yes, you know that you are not the things he called you in a fit of anger. And? And it's completely natural to still want those who know you to spell that very fact that for you.

Where does all this shame and guilt come from? It's fine, you don't need to answer that now. Don't worry about any of that. Just remember, there was nothing differently you could have done here. This was not your fault. There is no need to give your inner critic the spotlight and let her go on an angsty monologue for days at an end. You simply came across a shitty human. There's no need to internalize that even if it seems to be a pattern.

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