Every year since I turned 28 has been totally different from the last... But one thing that's consistent is that every year is worse than the last and my self esteem is constantly dropping. I don't even like seeing myself anymore. Every year someone says something about "omg this year is going by so faaast. January is just a few months awayyyy" and I realize I'm only a few months away from being a whole year older.
And then there's the people constantly making jokes about how "26 is basically expired in the desi community"... Meanwhile I'm sitting there like 🙂🙂🙂.
It's honestly exhausting.
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Yesterday, while talking about my serving job, my office coworker said, “You ever feel like you’re in a Broadway show, like it’s just the same thing repeating night after night?” I said, “Absolutely. There’s a song in the Beetlejuice musical where he goes, ‘I do this bullshit, like, eight times a week,’ and I swear I think of it every single day on my way to work.”
A couple of weeks ago a woman at one of my tables asked if I’m “in the theater” and I said no, and she was like, “oh, you just seem like you have that personality.” I don’t need to join the local theater, ma’am, I already act for a living at this job. You’re simply seeing through the cracks in my carefully crafted but summer-worn worksona. I said to my coworker, “I was just assigned theater kid by this woman,” and they said, “She probably clocked that you’re gay but she’s too straight to realize it so she was like, ‘She must…do theater.’”
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it's a special kind of torture to be forced to be around older women who don't talk about anything but their diets and their hatred of the weight they've gained when you have a history with disordered eating
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not to be one of those radical anti medicine/“modern medicine is an agent of social control, pathologizing/medicalizing behaviors society considers imoral, ugly, wrong, that deviate from our normal/acceptable bc if it’s a disease, it it’s an illness, if it isn’t how ppl are supposed to be or behave, then we don’t have to accept these ppl and their behaviors, we can instead focus on curing them so they can become healthy and normal and moral again” activists (esp bc im a doctor LMFAOO imagine the fucking irony) but we gotta STOOOOOP pretending we (ie our society) really actually truly honestly gives a fuck about eating disorders.
society only gives a fuck about bodies they label as repulsive and unattractive. especially female bodies!!! it’s only when they are “forced” to see ppl existing in bodies (too thin or too fat) labeled as unnatural, as ugly that eating habits become an issue.
we fucking THRIVE on disordered eating!!! what girl doesn’t have at least one memory of being body shamed by their mother? who hasn’t at least seen one “omg i also live in a ‘mom only eats a handful of nuts’ household!!”? influencers and celebrities make fucking bank advertising weight loss shakes and teas on social media. not to mention the billion dollar industry of diet and weight loss books.
it’s when bodies become bothersome, when they become unattractive (“men don’t like fat girls”/“men like girls with big butts and boobs and small bellies”/“men like a little bit of meat to hold on, who wants to hold a skeleton??”. always men always women alwaysalwaysalways men dictating what women need to look like alwaysalwaysalways a normal body is a body men want to fuck and show off and lust after) that they become sick bodies.
on the dsm criteria for anorexia? must have low bmi. oh, u have every single behavior of anorexia but u have a high bmi? nah, sorry, that’s not anorexia! oh, u have every single anorexia behavior but a high bmi? then congratulations on starting ur weight loss journey, we’re so proud of u!!
oh, so u used a diuretic/laxative or u fasted before a big event bc u want to look good/fit in ur outfit? omg we’re just like kim k on the met gala!!! omg noooo, it’s not an issue, it’s only like once in a while, relax!
eating the entire mcdonalds menu on a tiktok video? it’s a mukang when they r thin and a “today i had a binge episode” video when they r fat.
the sickness of eating disorders isn’t, ironically, in the eating behavior, it’s in the body that bears the behaviors.
(if u try arguing w/ me on this post i want u to know ill fucking doxx u u ugly rat, i have enough money to pay a good lawyer i won’t even hesitate!!!!)
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