I started praying…
I bent my knees and knelt, bowed my head, and took a deep breath like it was the last thing I could have ever done to save myself. I held my hands together and started mumbling, “Dear God, I’m sorry”.
Bawling my eyes out after that.
My eyes were closed tight, my mind in void, my feelings in nothingness, my tears invading my cheeks — I was in another place. A trance.
Confessed my heartaches and lamentations, my hidden scars and facades, I wanted to feel something surreal. Something more subtle than the ocean in low tide. Something more real than my reality. I wanted something spacious and specific — something that could shelf me inside it with comfort. I wanted to feel welcomed in nothingness, but in this void I wanted more. That is an irony I wanted to be in the presence of, while I cry and cry to release my baggage.
It felt like time had left me — and I had to hold on to my hands because my knees were shaking. This was the very first time I tried to seek for someone else’s presence with no time to consider. I was trembling from head to foot, my words kept on going like storytelling. I had nobody with me but this room I could barely remember, and this presence I can feel surrounding me.
When I got into it, everything felt numb. My room, my knees, my hands — my head. I can’t feel anything. But I never opened my eyes. I continued focusing on my heart; It’s burning. It’s scorching in flames. I can feel the heavy weight it held for years burning polaroids one by one.
As my words came out, my baggage unloaded. Dribs and drabs, the things I will never use forward suddenly imploded. I never felt where but they just went gone. One word is a lesser jab in my stomach, until it faded like the last word that left my tongue.
Then I was a leaf.
Then I was weightless.
Then I was the wind.
Then I was… me again.
My tears coming down like forever and I was just about to end my mouthful yearnings and year-old repentance with the words “Amen”. As I opened my eyes, I felt lighter than feather as my room co-existed with me. I am here. I can feel things. I can feel myself — this time in a tranquil state.
I can feel myself here: Existing. Breathing. Healing…
All of a sudden, everything went silent; The room felt cold; Then, I was free as a bird.
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grace & miss holloway stimboard :3
⛧ with stormy weather stims !
☾ rq'd by @deepcolorturtle !
x | x | x
! | x | !
x | x | x
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Colightreflectic [co-light-reflect-ic]
“Col” from “colour”, “light”, “reflect” from “reflection”, “ic” as in the suffix for “of, or pertaining to”
desaturated/softened flags below!
A gender related to colourful reflections of light; eg, sequins in sunlight, disco balls under coloured lights, reflections from stained glass and/or glass decals, etc. This includes relating one’s gender to monochromatic reflections and polychromatic reflections. This gender may be associated with joy, an uplifting sensation, wonder, and/or awe, but it doesn’t have to be. Finally, colightreflectic may feel like a soft gender, a warming gender, a dainty gender, or may feel reminiscent/related to reflections of (coloured) light; but emphasis on the ‘may’!
Sry to have to include the bright-sensitive versions in a stacked way, photo limitations on mobile :/
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just realised i could’ve posted this but didn’t... heyyy new sona art dropped 🤭
i will probably make this my full time sona & not just a halloween sona because i actually really like the work i’ve done on this & having to rework it into looking more “normal” just sounds a bit boring! this is fun!
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