#bro math section was wild

[bigwishes]

Since I heard you’ve got a few of those vials back in stock - perhaps I could get some for this new group of lads I’ve taken on for the year. Hopefully it’ll give my team the edge!

Sure thing coach! anything for a friend. Although surely you know that players "enhancing" themselves never goes the way they want it to, but no matter all your players have already picked out a vial from the shop.

Thought they'd all get the same vial? nah not enough of this stuff to go around but why dont we check in with some of your players to see how they are going.

--

First there is Kyle, a block you were hoping to be your star player of the season, 7ft tall with the same amount of muscle as some of the blokes training for Mr Olympia! all at the age of 24, the dude sure was going places on the field, playing ruby he could basically just carry the ball from one side of the field to the other, anyone who'd try to tackle him would basically just bounce right off. I see he took a vial called "Prince Power". A pretty unusal choice for a guy that massive to pick up a vial like this but hey who am I to judge.

I see Kyle has shrunk down from 7ft to 5 and all that muscle seems to have evaporated. I guess he didn't read the back of the bottle or maybe he wanted a change of scene because "Prince Power" turns whoever drinks it into a power bottom who drools at the smell of another mans musk and needs a big strong knight in shining armour to come rescue him from practically anything...yeah he might be useless on the field now, unless you want to take one of the enemy players off the field by having Kyle here..."distract" him behind the goals half way through the game.

--

We of course also have Tyler, a bloke who only really started trying to get big when you signed him for his skills. 22 and 5.5ft the guy wasn't much wider than a twig which is why I think "Wall 'o' Mass" caught his eye, very popular in the muscle fetish community but providing Tyler is good at math he should be able to work out the correct dosage lets check on him now.

Wow he has really beefed all the way up in a matter of hours, good for him, 1/4 of a bottle was a good starting point now he can-.....what's that? Tyler took more? well I'm sure he didn't- oh, he wanted to be bigger than Kyle and be the new star player? SO HE DRANK THE WHOLE BOTTLE? man someone get this man a couch to get comfortable because I give it 40 minutes before he is swollen into a massive meathead who is unable to move, well the vial wasn't called "Wall 'o' Mass" for nothing, drinking the whole thing means you'll turn into a bodybuilder so big all you can do is flex, a literal wall of mass.

Boy will he be kicking himself when he finds out what happened to Kyle, bro threw away his mobility for nothing.

-------

What about Jake? well Jake did the smart thing, he wanted enough mass to be able to move freely but also drop anyone who tried to tackle him, so I sent him over to our Bear section, although I can't tell you which one he took I was busy taking stock in the back.

The man is definitely going through some changes, nice muscle growth definition, I see he has become insanely hairy. What else will happen? well let's check which one he took now that I'm free, hmmm, oh man, none of your players are fucking smart are they bro, Jake could have taken anything off the shelf to get the results he wanted but he had to take "Wild Bear". No that doesn't mean he's a bear with a wild partying side. Let's put it this way man, I'd hide any cans of salmon you got lying around and maybe send animal control around to his house in the morning, looks like the zoo will be getting a new exhibit and you'll be looking for a new player.

#male transformation #muscle transformation #muscle #male tf #reality change #tf story #gay transformation

[cosmiclatte28]

Casual Intimacy (Mark Lee x you)

a/n : it’s my soft hours I guess? I made this sweet Mark Lee imagine (well for me this is sweet. I want a boy like this... if you’re that kind of man dm me 😜)

fluff, no warning, no suggestive content but kisses, and just Mark being a wonderful man for you. 

Happy Imagining Mark Lee as your s/o! 

People often ask you how you can hold on to your “plain” relationship with your current boyfriend. You seriously do not like them bothering you about your relationship life, but you need to deal with it considering the fact that the man you are dating is the famous Mark Lee of NCT.

He is dorky in camera, and in real life too. You pray day and night to the angels to make sure Mark is not tripping on some random stone or bump a pole. Guess your prayer works, when you see Mark always smiling in front of the camera coping up and working so hard with his endless job.

You yourself work in a famous two Michelin restaurant in Seoul. You’re not going to lie, you met Mark lee on your duty. NCT was holding their debut birthday and you were appointed as the chef to cook for their meal that night. Apparently, Mark Lee was super fascinated by your dish and he requested you to come greet the team when your job in the kitchen is done. Your head cook lets you leave your station once desert is prepared and the plates coming into the washing room is clean.

That was five years ago, Mark Lee got love struck by your simple but attractive persona. His eyes couldn’t leave you as you answer their questions on the dishes and you congratulating them. They’re glad when they learn that you listened to their songs and followed their schedules, just that you don’t have much time to be like the other wonderful fans.

Mark Lee looked so intrigued on you and as you bow to them bidding goodbye, he just returned from the restroom. With his long legs trying to catch his other brothers, Mark happened to slip his number on a piece of tissue paper to your pocket and gave you a genuine smile plus a “thank you”.

You earned a good pay that night and even better, Mark Lee’s number.

Well, he isn’t your bias but come on who doesn’t have Mark Lee in their bias list? Want it or not, conscious or not, Mark Lee is always in the list. So, that night when you finish showering and eating a light midnight snack, you gave the number a shot.

You thought your message will never be replied, maybe Mark will have his phone in silent and only opened up messages from his contact list. You’re lucky when your notification bleeped and from that night both of you learn more about each other.

He kept your number under your name, plain business people say, you also thought maybe he wanted to call you for another dinner party. But the chats he had been sending was far from platonic business. It involves jokes, puns, memories of living in Canada (well you graduated from University of Toronto, but cooking is your passion), and even deeper like late night talks.

The relationship got deeper when Mark Lee called you one night, asking if he can meet you in the restaurant. He said he needed a good meal to write a song he was assigned for. You found no correlation between a good meal and writing a song, but believe it or not, Mark Lee came with one  of the hottest selling song that month. Earning him a title of “King of Lyrics”

Since then, he called you again and again when he didn’t have the idea to write. You finally invited him over to your house when you got closer. Mark got to eat in your small dining table with a simple dish that was made with love and care that Mark said tasted better than any other dishes he ever had.

You laughed saying he is exaggerating, but Mark never exaggerates when he is with you.

“Be my girlfriend will you?” he one night asked after you teach him how to cook a proper egg. Despite him succeeding the challenge back in 2020, he still needs practice. He succeeded cooking eggs after knowing you for more than a year.

“Suddenly Mark? After you can make a perfect runny egg?” you giggle but nevertheless nodded your head.

His smile that night was even brighter than when he received any awards and praises. His eyes spark joys and emotions uncaptured by cameras. The world never knows how Mark’s true happy face looks like, but if his world is you, then the world knows!

For the first two year of dating, both of you are keeping it low. Dates happen in your house (your wage is enough to buy you a house). You always cook him foods, tried new dishes to him, earned a lot of complains on how the food is not “suitable for Korean tongue” which you always shrug off because he himself is a mix.

But thanks to his constant brave inputs, your dishes are perfectly blended and well known. News media and TV shows started to cast you in their weekend shows. You were offered a contract of a cooking show in a known broadcasting company.

Mark told you to go for it. He knew how happy you are about cooking, and his faith told him “if that is what was given for you, go for it.”

He was right. The internet loves you, they love your simple but tasty dishes. Your show was ranked the hottest that month, famous for helping college student eat a more delicious food.

NCT even did a special relay cam for it, each group were doing a challenge on following your recipes.

Mark was caught off guard on that live shooting day. His team consisted of him, Ten and Johnny.

And you may guess, things went wrong but in a chaotic fun way. When the three of them are together, they just speak in English and forgot all of the filters they should have.

Mark spilled his relationship when he accidentally said out loud “Of course I know how to do that, my girl has been teaching me that.” Mark boasted when Ten asked if Mark could make the egg benedict for their dish.

Johnny and Ten froze on screen, well the NCT members knew your relationship with Mark but they kept quiet. Mark realized what he has said was recorded and forever lives in the web. The comment section went wild and the fans are thrilled about the “mysterious girlfriend Mark has”.

He eventually spilled the truth on a press conference. You were there beside him when he faced the board director and when he sit in front of different mics and cameras flashes. No one knows but throughout the time, when your heart is beating faster than when you took your SAT and final tests, Mark Lee held on to your hand whenever you are answering a question directed to you.

The magazines are taking the favor of the rising topic, inviting you and Mark to take a photoshoot. When you were insecure about taking a picture with him (who has did countless shoots), he squeezed your arm when walking past you and gave a small proud smile as he went to change clothes while you start your personal shoot. No one saw that, but his quick reassuring squeeze boosted your confidence that day and the couple shoot was very nice! You could print that as your wedding pictures!

When the internet goes wild when they connect the theories and Instagram posts Mark and you both made (fans are the best in deciphering codes!), you now walk through the streets crowded by fans. All asking how is it like to date Mark, but not few also told you to screw off. One day when you both are going back to Canada for a winter break, the fans are crowding the way. You gulped when you have to walk pass them, but Mark looked so used to it. He just chuckled and landed a small hand on the back of your waist. With the manager hyung and bodyguard pushing to make way, you made it through the crowd with confident steps.

On the Christmas dinner, Mark was invited to your family dinner and vice versa. You had to attend their family lunch and to say you were nervous was an understatement.

“Mark, what if they don’t like me?” you asked on your bus ride to his house from the airport.

Mark laughed, he always laughed as his first respond, “Baby, it’s going to be okay. Trust me.”

You snorted, “You calling me baby is already suspicious, for three years we dated you “dude” me 70% of the time, “baby” was only like 10%”

He did the math, “Then what’s the remaining 20?%”

“You just call me “Bro” for the res of them.” You squeezed his cheek and planted a kiss there.

“I like it though, not too cheesy.”

He grew red. “Gosh I am having the Jaehyun syndrome. Why are my ears burning?!”

He was not 100% wrong, his parents were nice they grew fond of you especially when you helped his mother prepared lunch. Well you both arrived earlier and you decided to give a hand for the busy mom.

Mark sat next to you on dinner and when you were diving into a yummy Christmas pudding, his parents began asking you the “platonic questions asked to your partner”.

You almost chocked on your pudding when they asked “Are you seeing a future with Mark? Can you make our son happy and us too?”

You were not ready, you expected questions like where you work or where you live. They said “We can find all that answers in the internet, but not the answer to our question.”

Mark’s gentle kick from under the table by your side made you looked at him and he gave you that sincere smile only you have the privilege to see. He nodded slightly and shot his eyebrow to his parents side “Answer them… I am also curious of the answer.”

You grew red, it wasn’t the drink or anything, but his parent’s happy and relieved face when you nod your head and said “I am seeing a future with him, if I get both of your blessing.”

They love you and Mark was right. That night, you invited his family to join your dinner instead. The same question was asked from your parents to Mark and Mark was more than ready to marry you.

But your wedding bells did not chime that fast. He has his career and so do you, both of you just keep the stable relationship going on. Together facing the problems and obstacles in your relationship. Fights occur, bickering occur, threads of breaking up also happened once or twice… but both of you used that to build a stronger bond.

You always melt when Mark came home from a long day. After he showered and savored his dinner, he always ended up leaning on your shoulder in the big snuggle sofa both of you never regret buying. His head on your shoulder, his hand scribbling words to a paper and you whispering ideas to him which brought a big smile to his face.

Writing lyrics has been even easier for Mark, he blended your frustration with his, splattered some love words, and voila a masterpiece! People said his lyrics were relatable and both of you always keep it to yourself that “those happened in our life, no wonder it looked real.”

He always kissed you gently on your lips, tasting the faint cherry flavour of your lip balm. Mark’s lips tasted of medical lip balm, but you love it nonetheless.

You blinked and realized the flashing cameras in front of you. Oh right, someone from the hot magazine company is asking you a question.

‘Can you please repeat your question?” you asked politely to the lady holding out a mic.

She quickly nodded, “A lot of fans are wondering If you are still in a relationship with Mark. Mark was busy for the last months with projects and comebacks. And the interaction update from both of you are little to none. Fans suspected you were over with him, considering that Mark looked like he is the “plain” type in a relationship.”

You pressed a smile, hiding your urge to laugh out loud. Weren’t the fans always picturing Mark as their dream boyfriend? Why did they judge him as the plain boring type then?

You clear your throat and while looking through the crowds, you spot Mark Lee seated in the crowd with a mask and a hat, giving you a nod, and you turned your mic on.

“We’re still going strong; well I think love is not the type of grand gestures or explosive displays.” You started off and caught everyone’s attention.

“It’s made up of little things,” you felt your heart clench upon remembering all the small affections Mark always did to you. “It’s the little things Mark Lee did that say he is here, and he cared for me and that my life has intertwined so deeply into his that there was no need to think.” You take a pause to look at the audience.

Everyone looked impressed, but amongst them you catch one pair of gleaming proud eyes, the pair of eyes you’ve been waking up to for the last years, and the one you want to wake up to in the future years.

“It’s Mark’s casual intimacy that made us both stay strong and stronger.”

Applaud was heard through the room, you were holding your press conference because you were retreating from all the cooking shows and rumor has it you are going to marry Mark.

“Please pray for both of us, as we will be tying our bonds soon.” You leave the room after a bow and the man with mask and hat is already waiting for you outside the big crowded function hall.

His hand naturally makes its way to your waist and you never felt more sure to step into life with this man you love, Mark Lee.

“That was wonderful (y/n)~”

You smile, he did not dude you nor bro you nor baby you. “I love you Mark Lee,”

He leaned in for a peck behind the tinted black van window, “I love you most (y/n) Lee,” he winked and you rubbed your cheeks “Guess I have the Jaehyun syndrome now! Also I like it when you call me with that name.”

He quirked his eyebrow and smirked, “Don’t worry, you’ll be hearing that soon for the rest of your life.” He reached for your hand and kissed the knuckles.

“I met you thanks to your amazing handy work in cooking unforgettable dish.”

You rolled your eyes, “You were so amazed on my egg benedict Mark! How is that an unforgettable dish?”

He shrugged his shoulder, “I don’t know, something about you, cooking, and love made me this love struck and awfully amazed by simple things you did.”

the end

thanks for reading, put in comments for I’d love to interact with you on the story plot .. rant to me what you hate or like idc :D i want to talk with my readers! to thank you all for reading and spending some time here

omg i didn’t know if I made the right choice of making Mark Lee as this character, but I want it to be him.. I’ve been writing a lot of Jaehyun and Yuta fic and I guess Mark can be a refresher. Please let me know if someone else suits this better!

#mark lee x you #mark lee x y/n #mark lee x reader #mark x y/n #mark x you #mark x reader #mark lee #mark lee imagines #mark lee scenarios #mark lee oneshot #mark scenarios #mark lee fanfic #mark lee fluff #mark imagines #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 soft hours #nct fluff #mark fluff

[bbhyuckie]

jaehyun x reader

librarian! au

genre: fluff

words: 1.7k

warnings: realistic portrayals of college life lol

ive said before that im being self indulgent with posts

but this is really it

im really out here writing this

lets get into this mess

so youre studying right

and you yourself do not have a laptop of your own

bc welcome to being a broke college kid im calling myself out

so you decide that youre gonna go to the library on campus bc sis,, cash in on the tuition money ok

so you go and youre like wow hahahaha i dont have a library card better sign up for one

so you go to the desk and theres no one there

just your luck really

you decide to wander around a little to see if theres anyone who can help you

and low and behold you stumble across someone

this young man knelt down by a shelf with a book rack next to him just humming softly and organizing books

and you catch his attention by clearing your throat slightly

he looks up and his eyes are big over the rims of his wire framed glasses that are clinging to the tip of his round button nose

and his hair is a little mussed from being bent down

but holy hell

youve read enough novels to know that this must be exactly what the characters are talking about when they say things like ‘love at first sight’

“sorry” he says as he standcs and brushes himself off “can i help you with anything?”

starstruck really

you manage to stutter out something about needing to register for a library card and he smiles so kindly it makes u want to melt

“sure!’ he says, motioning for you to follow him back up to the desk

is this what a trance feels like???

he asks you a few basic questions, like your name, your age, and what building your dorm is in so he can put it all on your new nifty library card

and then he turns around this lil webcam on top of his computer and asks you to stand in front of it and smile

and you do, awkwardly

and as hes looking down at the computer counting “3, 2, 1” he has this smile on his face like hes trying to hide it

and if that didnt make ur heart jump you dont know what ever would holy

so he prints off your card as youre still trying to recover from being in the presence of an angel

and he hands it to you and smiles

“library hours are 8 am to 12 am every day, but on the weekends i’m the one that closes. which means if you ever need some extra time to finish that essay you pushed off,,, i wont tell anyone”

aND HE W I NK S

and not lot a hot wink

but a cute?? wink??? if thats possible

like you have a secret with him now and its safe

you wonder absently as you stare down at the black and white picture of yourself on the back of your new card if he tells everyone about him closing on the weekends

and if he doesnt does that make you special???/

you smile and thank him again, maybe a little more confidently than before and head for the door

you realise as youre halfway out that you came here to study on the computers but you really need some time to sit down and process the fact that you just say an actual angel

you can do your math homework on your phone for one more night if it means you can turn down your body heat from screaming blushing mess to slightly embarrassed rosy cheeks

the next time you get a chance to run by the library on campus, it just so happens to be sunday

you catch yourself wondering if dream boy meant friday and saturday or saturday and sunday when he said weekends

thats not important right now

what is important is that you have actual business to do in the library today

and that business is to pick up hamlet for your english class

you check in and someone else is at the front desk

you try not to let yourself feel disappointed

i mean you met him once for christs sake

the guy at the front is equally as attractive as dream boy from the previous week, but a little more relaxed to talk to since he isnt giving you any flirty subtones

the kid is all business really

he tells you that his name is doyoung if you need anything else

you ask how he got the job there, out of curiousity

because really, both of the librarians youve encountered seem pretty young for the standard librarian stereotype

doyoung explains that its a work-study job, so nearly all the people that work there are students at the university and work in between classes or on their off days to make some extra cash or pay off some tuition

and you can get behind that!!

so doyoung is cool and you decide you can go to him to ask questions instead

because while dream boy is a dream boy with pretty cheekbones and nice lips and a smooth voice and a good sense of style and a great height without insoles and looks great with glasses and has the most captivating eyes

hes a lil distracting lol

anyway you find yourself in the shakespearean section

and you grab a hamlet off the shelf and head back up to the front to have doyoung check the book out to you

and as hes handing you the book back you get a classroom notification saying that, despite common belief, the book rental wasnt due by tomorrow, but the whole book reading is due by tomorrow

you wonder how the fuck professors get away with shit like this and then you remember that you didnt bother to read the syllabus so you cant really get too mad at anyone but yourself

so you find a table that looks like it has the comfiest chairs and cozy up for a long evening of reading and annotating

(depending on who you are you either love or hate hamlet, either way it is exhausting to annotate anything from that man so bear with me ok)

five hours later and ⅔ of the annotations later it is 11:56pm

and you havent noticed

you hadnt noticed much of anything happening in the real world after you popped in a headphone and started reading about guards seeing a ghost

that is until someone plops down in the seat in front of you and asks

“so what are you studying”

and you look up, a little delayed because youre finishing a notation

only to find that its dream boy

and your brain blanks for a sec bc wow every time you see him its kinda like?? ouch???? my heart bro

so you just kind of shake your head and mutter some “im not really sure anymore”

and theres some truth to that!! first there were ghosts and now theres dead girlfriends dads and dead girlfriends and talking about a skull in a graveyard

that play is really a wild ride brother

and dream boy sits there and laughs, wholesomely

you could die happy

“yeah i get that” he says, rubbing the back of his neck

theres a pause that carries on a bit too long

“wanna hear a dumb joke?” he asks suddenly

you smile then, partially out of exhaustion and partially because wow?? cutie

“sure” you say

“okay. what do you call a nervous javelin thrower?”

you pause for a sec bc wtf

“dunno. what do you call them?”

he flashes this cute fucking grin that you know is supposed to be slick but just comes off as wholesome and says

“shakespeare”

and you shouldve seen that coming wow

and its so dumb that you actually??? giggle????? and that turns into a laugh??

youre probably just exhausted from annotations but maybe that was actually funny

and his smile softens like hes made progress on something

“y/n, right? i dont think i ever actually introduced myself. i’m jaehyun”

he smiles and reaches across the tabe and you take his hand

its warm and strong and you try not to think about it too hard

“well, y/n, library loses here in another two minutes or so.”

he sees the look on your face fall

“but never fear!” he leans forward and lowers his voice

you hold your breath

“i told ya you could stay, didnt i?”

his smile is closed lipped and cute and genuine

before you can say anything hes up and ushering the last few people out of the library, telling them good night and good luck with their classes tomorrow

youre kind of caught in a brain dead daze after finally being pulled from your studying to watching this cute librarian named jaehyun bustle around and lock doors and turn off lights

and when he finally gets back to you he clicks on the lamp on the table youre working at and sets a cup of coffee in front of you

he mustve made it as you were falling asleep with your eyes open

you thank him copiously before asking

“i thought you let everyone stay after hours when you closed”

he looks up over the rim of his mug with a surprised look in his eyes

he shakes his head as swallows the clearly too hot coffee

“not at all. most of the time i kick them out and study by myself.”

he blushes like its a confession and it makes you feel,,,, something

but you dont want to press

so you just reach out and offer your other headphone to him because if you dont know what to say then you can both enjoy some good study music

so he pulls out his homework for the night and the two of you sit there and study

you sip off your coffee occasionally and both of you nod your heads to the music playing in your ears

he hums along to the ones he knows and a thought skips across your mind

you could get used to this

(theres a 100000% chance there will be a part two to this)

#nct #nct imagines #nct x reader #jaehyun #nct jaehyun #jaehyun x reader #doyoung #nct doyoung #nct u #nct127 #librarian au #i love jaehyun #hes my closet bias #library.txt

[crimethinc]

Steal Something from Work Day 2018: Three Stories of Employees Reclaiming What Is Theirs

April 15 is annual Steal Something from Work Day. Today, whether we like it or not, millions of employees around the world are stealing from their employers in a desperate bid to slow the process that is steadily expanding the gap between those who labor and those who profit. (Yes, even on a Sunday.) That makes it a good day to reflect on workplace theft. If you are confused about why people steal from their employers, review the Steal Something from Work Day FAQ or our colleagues’ text, How to Justify Workplace Theft. On the other hand, if you simply want to savor a few pulpy stories about workers who set out to get even, we’ve got just the thing for you.

Mind you, we don’t endorse any of the following behavior. We’re not trying to persuade you to drop a banner or engage in some kind of illegal activity! What we’d like to see happen is for those who violently impose the prevailing system of property and profit on the rest of us to think better of what they’re doing and help us create a world in which stealing from work will be impossible because there are no such things as property, work, or theft. Change their hearts and minds! Failing that, we hope you’ll enjoy the following (surely fictitious!) tales of risk and reclamation.

For more resources and other such stories, consult past Steal Something from Work Day commemorations:

2010

2011

2012

2013

2014

2015

2016

2017

Steal Something from Work Day in Sweden

Sno-Från-Jobbet-Dagen: The banner reads “Your job is eating you up—Steal a little back!” The line of the advertisement still visible below it urges “Don’t let pollen stop you this year.”

We received this anonymous video from somewhere in Sweden, where enterprising rebels celebrated Steal Something from Work Day 2018 a couple days early by promoting it to their fellow workers.

You can also read about Steal Something from Work Day in German and a variety of other languages.

Stealing from Work Is a Gamble, but It Can Be a Good Bet

In the repertoire of punk jobs there used to be a job known as poster tour. Many people who have spent a little time on college campuses can conjure a memory of this traveling spectacle. Picture it: a company orders absurd quantities of posters from overseas and sends forth its minions to market them to the gaping voids of personality that are the college students of America. The premise is that these first-year students, lost in the sea of their future, will desperately cling to any kind of material affirmation money can buy—to be specific, by adorning their dismally blank walls with beautiful portraits of the complex identities they’ve laboriously constructed throughout their lives.

By and large, the students’ poster selections involve a constellation of beer pong, action movies, bikini babes, the ever-present visage of Bob Marley, and some poem about Jesus.

The life skills needed for this job are similar to those required for other facets of the punk life style, especially for anyone who has been on any other kind of tour. You wake up and eat a sorry excuse for a hotel breakfast, then get in a van and navigate to an unfamiliar destination; the host of the sale might meet you to introduce you to your venue (the requirements for the role of host do not include being available, being present, having any idea what’s going on, or being sober); you set up your poster sale, painstakingly facilitate access to it, and watch the clock until the event is over. Then you break down the sale, head to the cheapest motel the company could possibly find for you, fill out a bunch of paperwork, and cry yourself to sleep. Repeat this the next day, and the next, and the next—for six weeks.

The job attracted outliers from several sections of society. The largest faction, due to the connections of our subculture and the viral nature of our relationship to employment, was the punks. Besides us, there was a smattering of hippies, weirdos, a few wild cards (including some non-subcultural, seemingly successful people), and a healthy portion of Europeans. People from the last category were in a unique circumstance. Through shady outreach efforts and middle-men, they were promised gainful employment in the USA—at a price, of course. The company made sure that the workers’ profits were drained from what they owned to the company for securing their employment, as many companies do.

To top it off, we were tasked with selling the drivel of American culture. In rural Kansas, I watched as a dumbfounded Czech person was asked about the TV show Friends. Then the confused college student asked his companion, “Why are there Russians on campus?”

It goes without saying: the system was rigged. The company set projections of how much they expected you should sell; you wouldn’t get paid above a meager daily base rate unless you sold more than their projections. It was an easy way to motivate workers while making sure they could never get ahead. The workers were instilled with the desire to work harder, in order to reach their projections and make more money via commission, while the company sets the numbers high enough that the workers never truly make a profit—yet blame themselves for this.

It was obvious from the get-go that playing by their rules wouldn’t get us anywhere. We needed to create a new landscape if we wanted to take advantage of this opportunity that was taking advantage of us.

The first step is always to get organized. At orientation, we exchanged contacts, made friendships, and vetted each other for trust. Mixing fun and subversion, someone uploaded a bingo board to a blog and shared the login passcode with others. (This whole story precedes smart phones.) The idea was that this would help us to keep in touch and report our winnings.

The squares on the board included a fun mix of communal misery (crying yourself to sleep, an easy square to win), impossibilities (going a day without selling a Bob Marley poster, which was never achieved by any team), hi-jinx (selling cute monkey posters to really tough sports-bros), and bad behavior (go skinny dipping, drunk dial the boss, meet with other poster teams on tour). The blog served as a break room for us to grip about our working conditions, share tricks, and foster a work environment that would be increasingly hostile to our employers.

We showcased our commitment to slacking and time-theft front and center. This was such a pillar of our work culture that there was no place for people who weren’t slacking and boasting about it. With the help of the blog, every day became a competition to see who could do the most outlandish offense to the job. At the same time, the blog also helped us to share information, which enabled us to work out how much profit we were making for the company: with over 50 teams at work, we were making the company about a million dollars a week.

We tried to organize a strike. Unfortunately, in the end, the strike did not really come together and the team who was leading it decided just to quit. Quitting seemed like the best option—until we learned what happened when you quit: the company had all kinds of sly rules to ensure that you lost your earnings if you quit prematurely. Worse still, you might end up owing the company money afterwards! The team that quit ended up having to hitchhike out of the company office, as a final insult to the work they had done already.

This incident transformed our small-time scheming into war. We had already been telling each other how to pull the small scams we all depended on to stay afloat while working. The company gave you a small stipend for food, so we used our food stamps and pocketed the money. The company paid for hotels, so we would camp or stay with friends and pocket the money. The company allowed for a percentage of shrinkage, so we made sure that percentage of posters “disappeared” and pocketed the money. Teams got creative: one bought a bunch of their own merchandise and sold it alongside the merchandise provided by the company. They weren’t found out until a college contacted the company to say that it was not OK for them to be selling “all this marijuana merchandise.”

The company noticed our sales weren’t meeting their projections, so they authorized us to have a 20% off sale. We charged full price and kept the extra 20%. When you’re in this mindset, the ball just keeps rolling.

In a Super 8 motel, I began to toy with a new idea. We dealt with lots of cash. How do you make more cash out of cash?

The answer hit me soon the next day as we drove by a riverboat casino: gambling.

Obviously, this was a bad idea. Countless movies, crime novels, and real life disasters start this way. Still, we passionately hated the company, we shared an affirming and subversive worker culture, and we had already gotten away with a lot. The fact that it was a bad idea was what made it so appealing: workers at terrible jobs are always looking for something self-destructive to do that might just take the whole enterprise down with them.

There was one problem—I knew nothing about gambling. I sat in the motel for hours scribbling out math and probability problems, the way so many people have done in motels near casinos. The prudent gambler would have consulted proper sources via the internet or the library, as many people have written extensively on gambling tactics. But I was motivated and in my zone, and after a few days of neglecting the duties of the job, I had worked out my plan.

I won’t get into the mechanics of the plan; I wouldn’t want to bore the reader or showcase its obvious flaws. Let’s just say I came up with a strategy that felt safe as long as I would be working with a large amount of cash.

To play it safe, I did a test run with some of the money I had earned already. I was really nervous—taking risks with money is completely contrary to my character. I also hadn’t been to casinos, so it was terrifying to watch people lose hundreds and thousands of dollars in seconds. I watched a couple who had just gotten married earlier that day, still in their wedding attire, lose more money than I was slated to make all year in less than an hour. I wasn’t cut out for this.

Still, I persevered, comforting myself with the thought that if I lost my own money, I’d just take it from the company and figure out some way to get away with it. Sure enough, a nerve-wracking hour or so later, I had more than doubled my initial bet. Like many gambling strategies, it worked in the short term.

The next day just happened to be an anniversary dear to jingoistic patriots. It always feels appropriate to do something irreverent to capitalism and America on such a day. We went into the casino, a battlefield of flashing lights and singing machines desperately fighting to keep you feeling like a winner while draining all of the life and money out of you. I’d heard that when you’re gambling, it’s important to have a stopping point—a goal you set beforehand to keep yourself in check in case the desperation of losing or the elation of winning takes over. I won’t disclose the numbers, but with the pretty penny squeezed out of all those Bob Marley posters in my hand, I set out to make ten times the amount I walked in with.

In casinos, they don’t want you to stop gambling. They offer free drinks to gamblers, free food, members-only areas, concerts, shirts, stickers, and all sorts of other useless crap to assure you that you’re a winner in hopes that you’ll go on gambling until you’ve lost it all. I couldn’t fall victim to this nonsense; I had a scheme supported by math problems I did on napkins. It was mechanical, cold, exacting, and required the cool-headed rejection of any kind of victory-induced excitement that could tempt me to stray from my path.

Dealer after dealer watched me make the same tactical choices, unfazed by the results. While most gamblers would think about their next bets and take time to place them, I had already done my thinking and was simply executing a strategy. I didn’t take any of the free alcohol; I gave it to my tour buddy, who intelligently decided not to participate in my harebrained scheme. Like a rising flood, my winnings slowly grew while I watched other gamblers win and lose thousands of dollars around me. After a full day of what must be called work, I achieved my goal. I had taken company money and made tenfold what I put in.

I experienced none of the feelings I project to be associated with gambling—I felt no elation, no highs and lows, no sense that my good fortune would enable me to steal the wealth of the casino. I did a math problem and it worked long enough for me to quit while I was ahead. Having reached my self-prescribed goal, I was free to revel in all the benefits that the riverboat casino had to offer. We enjoyed all the free bowling we could handle, ate free hot dog after free hot dog, and danced with middle aged day-drunk casino-goers to a band of older men doing a cover of “What I got” by Sublime (with several additional gratuitous saxophone solos).

The money I made came and went, as money does. But the feeling of getting yet another one over on the company that had engineered nothing but failure for its workers is something that I’ll carry with me forever. It reminds me that if I divert the energy and time that my bosses want me to invest in the job towards the more strategic goal of subverting my workplace, my fellow employees and I will come out ahead.

The Hard Stuff

On March 30, 2018, longtime anarchist and author Paul Z. Simons passed away. Paul was a determined rebel and illegalist; his writing is both lively and erudite. He published an article entitled “Take Things from Work” in Black Eye, a journal he helped edit some three decades ago. More recently, in “Illegalist Praxis: Notes on a Decade of Crime,” he outlined his own experiences stealing from work as a young person.

Bear in mind that Paul was writing about a different era, when surveillance cameras were less of a concern. But you’re not the sort of person who would consider doing what he’s describing, anyway, are you?

Before I begin, a disclaimer or two. First, I never knowingly physically harmed anyone. Second, most of my criminal activities were driven by survival, in some cases by desperation.

A quick philosophical footnote: money taken in crime is far sweeter than money earned. The fact that one relies on oneself, or a group, to outthink, outsmart, and outbrave some stupid boss and his security precautions turns ill-gotten gains into reward beyond compare. Plus, the hours, while short and nerve-wracking, are never boring.

Oddly, one of the best ways to begin a burglary is by getting a job in the store you plan to hit. In general, places that have loads of cash, that deal with deposits in a lazy fashion, and that trust you just enough to let you know that the burglary alarms are “just for show.” After a week or two of drudgery, you’re ready. The neighborhood is dead quiet at night, there are rear entrances that haven’t been used in years, and hopefully those entrances have windows. Timing is key and I recommend between 3 and 4 in the morning on a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. The cops are all changing out shifts, the security guards (if any) are drinking coffee somewhere trying to stay awake, and the neighbors are all tucked in their beds. Windows can be easily removed by breaking through the glass with a cloth wrapped hammer and steel bars can be separated using a tire jack. If the back is lit by floodlights, unscrew them. For windows placed high, use a car as a boost to reach them. A quick dash into the establishment—to exactly the place where you know the day’s cash receipts are hidden—and out. A peek in the rear view mirror to make sure you’re clean—and gone. Like it never happened. The rewards from burglaries can be surprising: in one short twenty minute stint I walked off with almost $5000. They can also be disheartening; one burglary took almost an hour and netted less than $300—but that was the exception.

[timows-turf]

TODAY, October 23, 2017 marks the 64th anniversary of Philippine television and here on Timow’s Turf, we opened the second Open Pit on a matter related to the very significance of the number.

The number 64 is a perfect square number – in this case, a square of 8 (a number that is very auspicious in East Asia). In games, it’s the total number of squares of a board in chess and checkers. Baby Boomers have The Beatles’ “When I’m Sixty-Four” and the Batang 90s have a Nintendo 64. In personal computers, some of them run on a 64-bit architecture.

On this article, we will discuss about our program’s living legends and legacies.

Legends and legacies distinguished

Living legends, as the name implies, leaves a safe harbor — a permanent etching – where ratings would not matter since the loyal following of their program is mature and stable.

Magandang Gabi Bayan may have been gone for 12 years but its association to Halloween made it a treasure.

On the other hand, a broadcast legacy is something that no longer broadcasts but it’s a cornerstone that shapes both the country and the network and inspires future generations. One example is Magandang Gabi Bayan, which we always remember for the haunted stories in this fitting season of Halloween/Undas. Another is the original standalone version of Tawag ng Tanghalan during the television’s pioneer age, which, of course, becomes the current segment of now legendary It’s Showtime.

Nonetheless, both categories made an intergenerational impact of the country’s pop culture.

In this writing, we will define the living legends and legacies as a program that – currently or not — runs at least 8 years.

Current state of living legendary programs

As of this month, four currently airing legendary programs have given recognition from the Turf.

It’s Showtime gang member Teddy Corpuz re-weds his real wife Tuesday as part of the traditional Magpasikat week.

Tukaan, the oldest sabong show, is now under the hands of TV5.

This year, It’s Showtime turns 8 – enough to confer them the permanent fixture — and thus, seasonal segment Magpasikat from the gang is showcased. It’s Showtime used to be a late morning competition show in 2009 before becoming a noontime variety show in 2012.

Tukaan, the currently longest running cockfighting show was moved to TV5 since October 1 from IBC 13 after 19 years following the original network’s low power signal reception since March and impending privatization.

Damayan, the famous public service program on PTV 4 revived after seven (7) year hiatus as “Damayan Ngayon” since October 6.

Another program in Vasra, PTV Sports restored its standalone program after nine and a half months of being a segment of PTV News since last week; however, their running time is halved to 30 minutes. Debuted in 2006 as Teledyaryo Sports and founded by Snow Badua, the sports program was able to reach out questions and opinions from sports fans through e-mail, text and social media.

Living cornerstone programs currently carried (per network)

 NOTE: Sports coverages are excluded.

 ABS-CBN leads with 19 programs:

TV Patrol. The oldest surviving flagship tabloid newscast since 1987.

Ipaglaban Mo. Began in 1988 on IBC, it was transferred here in 1992 until 1999 and revived in 2014.

Maaalaala Mo Kaya (MMK). The longest running drama anthology.

ASAP. The oldest surviving Sunday musical variety program.

Wansapanataym. The fantasy-drama anthology originally aired in 1997.

Kape’t Pandasal. The shortest currently and continuously airing vignette since 2004.

Salamat Dok.

Goin’ Bulilit. The sketch comedy where the cast are kids, including Dagul.

S.O.C.O. (Scene of the Crime Operatives)

Bandila

Swak na Swak

Umagang Kay Ganda

The Healing Eucharist

Banana Sundae (originally as Banana Split)

Bottomline with Boy Abunda

Failon Ngayon

Rated K

Matanglawin

It’s Showtime

Notes:

The World Tonight has reached at least 8 years in the main channel’s history. Being currently on ANC, it is excluded from this list.

Pinoy Big Brother is excluded from this list, as it does not currently air a new season. PBB has aired 13 assorted seasons since 2005 and it helped shaped the psyche of Filipino pop culture.

GMA comes in second with 16 programs:

Kapwa Ko Mahal Ko. Continuous running public service program since 1975.

Eat Bulaga. Longest running noontime show whose majority of its life resides there.

Bubble Gang. Longest sketch comedy program.

Maynila. The sole youth-oriented drama anthology.

I-Witness

Saksi

Del Monte Kitchenomics. Longest vignette. Used to be part of Eat Bulaga.

Unang Hirit

Imbestigador

Wish Ko Lang

24 Oras

Reporters’ Notebook

The 700 Club Asia

Magpakailanman

Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho

Born to Be Wild

PTV secures in third with 14:

Damayan. Its first run from this network was from 1975-2010, currently as Damayan Ngayon since October 6.

PCSO Lotto Draw. The most recognizable and primary reason to watch this network.

PTV Sports. The second most recognizable show.

Oras ng Himala

Quiapo First Friday Mass

GSIS Members’ Hour

Kasangga Mo Ang Langit. Carried over multiple networks since 1998.

Mag-Agri Tayo

Yan Ang Marino

Auto Review

Jesus Miracle Crusade

Talitha Kum Healing Mass

SME GO

Lakbayin ang Magagandang Pilipinas

NET25 lands fourth with eight (8):

Ang Iglesia ni Cristo (and other derivative programming)

Convergence. The country’s premiere IT show.

MOMents

Landmarks. Their local travel program.

Tomorrow Today*

Drive It!*

Global 3000*

Bundesliga Kick Off*

* Under partnership with DW-TV

  UNTV ranks fifth with seven (7):

Ang Dating Daan (and related and derivative religious programming)

Ito Ang Balita. The longest newscast of this network.

The KNC Show. The current longest running children’s program.

Istorya

Make My Day with Larry Henares

Good Morning Kuya

Munting Pangarap

  IBC 13, despite the moribund lineup, places on the sixth spot:

El Shaddai. The longest religious programming of the network since 1992.

EZ Shop. The lion’s share of their programming grid.

Oras ng Katotohanan. Despite carrying simultaneously with PTV, this program debut here first since 2001.

Family TV Mass. During the final months of 2014, it was aired on GMA.

Tagamend. A half an hour informercial by Bro. Tagumpay Gonzales since 2001.

STV: Ang Sabong TV ng Bayan. Currently the oldest cockfighting program in the network since October 1.

  Light Network (7th place with 5)

Jesus the Healer. Also shared with GMA.

Diyos at Bayan

Midnight Prayer Helps

PJM Forum

This New Life. The sole foreign show carried on this channel that lasts more than 8 years.

  S+A tripled-tied on the 8th place, all are carryovers from Studio 23:

Family Rosary Crusade

Friends Again

Asenso Pinoy. The entrepreneurial infotainment program that currently crosses four channels.

  GMA News TV shares the triple tie as all enlisted are the initial carryovers from QTV:

Balitanghali

Day Off

Ang Pinaka

  SMNI 39 shares the triple tie as the following programs were broadcast under ACQ-KBN:

Powerline

Sounds of Worship

Give Us This Day

  TV5 does not have a program that currently broadcast for eight years but Tukaan, bequeathed by IBC 13 after 19 years on the air, transferred to this network since October. It’s nearest in-house program, Aksyon (prime), should need to air at least next year to qualify.

Significant and impacted legacies

ABS-CBN made the lead with various legacies such as the sitcoms Home along Da Riles and Oki Doki Doc. Aside from MGB earlier, Hoy Gising! was also a well-remembered program under the news and public affairs department. Batang 90s would remember the said decade to be their golden age of educational TV with Hiraya Manawari, Math-Tinik and Sineskwela. Of course, The Buzz was the place for celebrity scoop until the Internet supersedes as its dominant source.

GMA’s legacies include Emergency — whose spiritual successor is Alisto — Cheche Lazaro’s The Probe Team and its kid-friendly counterpart 5 And Up for investigative programming and of course, the no holds barred open debate show, Debate with Mare at Pare. Startalk, like The Buzz, made into the impacted legacies as well as with the similar fate.

On the third place was RPN 9, well-known programs that once aired include NewsWatch, John En Marsha, Battle of the Brains, Business Class and Isumbong Mo Kay Tulfo.

ABC 5’s significant legacies include The Big News, Wow Mali and Cooking with Sandy Daza.

PTV had Concert at the Park and Paco Park Presents since their pioneer years until it was axed in 2012.

IBC 13 only had Iskul Bukol as an intergenerational legacy of the now has-been network.

Other legacies that aired on multiple channels include Student Canteen, Okey Ka Fairy Ko (which led to a more lasting Enteng Kabisote film series), Batibot, Family Kuarta o Kahon and recently, Ating Alamin.

Parting words

Axing a living landmark – like the programs you watched — into a legacy is just like losing your friend and with a missing piece in their hearts. No matter how one wishes to move on, nostalgia would easily get in your way and yearn. Whatever happens to today will affect the curiosity of our posterity.

How about you? How do you define a legend or a legacy?

In the Open Pit, you can raise any subject other than written here through the comments section. If a comment is said to be an article request, the author will exercise discernment to accept or to decline such requests.

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Photos courtesy of giztrendzone.com, pitgames.tv and ABS-CBN

"Do you still need me? Do you still watch me? Now I'm 64." ~PHTV TODAY, October 23, 2017 marks the 64th anniversary of Philippine television and here on Timow’s Turf…

#24 Oras #5 And Up #ABC 5 #ABS-CBN #Aksyon #Alisto #ANC #Ang Dating Daan #Ang Iglesia ni Cristo #Ang Pinaka #ASAP #Asenso Pinoy #Ating Alamin #Auto Review #Balitanghali #Banana Split #Banana Sundae #Bandila #Batibot #Battle of the Brains #Born to Be Wild #Bottomline with Boy Abunda #Bubble Gang #Bundesliga Kick Off #Business Class #Concert at the Park #Convergence #Cooking with Sandy Daza #Damayan #Damayan Ngayon