#broke af right now but so mad at myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

julien5-malfunction · 2 months

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Derranged drafting about wanting to go to concert, money, dread.

Crafting a little budjet for myself bc I'M MAD EITHER WAY SO I BOUGHT THE TIKETS, to get me there, I has to pay a lil extra to have the train ticket so it can be refunded JUST IN CASE I end up going. If I feel like absolute shit and decide to not go on the last minute, I can still refund them. I'll buy the concert ticket on the way there, IF I GO.

I save some money by taking the bus there, and some more by having to wait 2+ more hours for the later night train. Should not be an issue as I have insomnia but the waking up on time, the anxiety, the cold and hunger will be. Also I don't know if I should be scares of the streets as I will be going alone...

But the bars will be open on the fiday night right? I can chill there with a ton of people around incase I feel scared on the street, right?

Now I'm doing pathetic little calculations on how much I can spend on merch, bc I like me some CDs and maybe a t shirt or a hoodie but 50€ for merch, food and snacks and whatever else I need, ain't much. So I'm like gooling how much they cost on the web and trying to estimate the price but I probably can get like 2 cds and nothing else...

I dunno if it's ok to take the cash I got for christmas and use some of that so I can have a t shirt or a hoodie as well if they have good ones.

...sometimes I think I should just buy a plain black T shirt and plagitarize a band shirt bc I'm so broke nowdays...

And I feel too ugly in my body anyway to wear new bought band shirts or any new or nice chlotes anyway, but I'll be wearing the nice black cargo pants, the leather boots ( or my winter shoes, I heard it's gonna be really cold...) A burner T shirt under a nice hoodie, probably the one from Amenra, as I saw them in the same place about a year ago... (And it's really warm!)

Dunno which jacket is the most convinient for an over night trip... Beige one, probably, has the most pockets, but is the most casual. Black one is the most metal and camo the most punk (a battle jacket)...

I got the same flavoured peanuts for snacks on the train today, got 2 since they were on dicount... as well as ibuprofein, in case I get migrane from flasing on the train / period pain in the train. (unintended rhyme god damned) I'll make some POTENT AF coffee to keep me going, probably to my demise... or maybe take coins for a take out coffee...

The same book I was reading the last time...

maybe the ds3 idk. Pen and paper ofc.

charger, headphones, earplugs, keys, water, snacks, coffee(?), chocolate maybe?, wallet, a book, A FEW PENS LETS SAY 5 MAX, NOT THE WHOLE ARCENAL, paper. Pocket knife. Sanitary stuff... Tissue paper. Idk, how much are wet wipes €€€? (I have a sensory issue with wasking my face and hands?) Hand sanitizer? Smokes + a lighter.

Something to serve as a comforting thing, in case of anxiety, I wanna take a plushie but... Maybe the scarf will do? I mean, it works in therapy... No I won't take knitting stuff... Or should I? I mean, I need stuff to entertain me for 15h in the train... No I won't unless I start a project that doesn't require much space to take on board.

I really hope I can pull this off...

Like please let this happen.

I'll figure out the money thing somehow...

I know I should not spend so much and calculate stuff like this much better but...

I didn't know earlyer. I missed the sign if there was one...

It's like something is telling me I need to go it's really weird to try and explain and I will sound crazy but there have been some weird coincidences lately, in my dreams and the real world. Yet again the source of the message is the library... The printed media is the carrier. I don't know who or what or where I get the metadata to pick a cartain thing in the library, and that thing happens to have the information I didn't know I needed. This has basically happen twice now. I'm going to consider it as something like a tradition from now on. I'm my mind the building, the venue, looks an awful like a chapel or a church. Was that what the dream was referring to? Does the stuff that happen in the dream relate to this in anyway??? Will I be scared... And the next time telling people not to go there? If so, it might... I might be drawing lines between random raindots here and calling it fate. I'm willing to take a leap, I suppose... If my body so allows.

Idk it just feels like that place became holy to me the last time.

another one would be this hill nearby I have gone to 3 years in the row. I bike north of town and drag the bike up hill a certain path in the fall. Chill under the high voltage lines and pick berries. Stare down to the distant road and look down to my hometown on the other side...

It's 4 am, sorry about all this brain vomit taking up the supposedly infinite space of the internet. But I doubt anyone actually reads this. I hope you don't.

#excuse my rambling #rambles #vent #i'm broke #probably delusional #i'm tired

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totally-not-deacon · 11 months

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15 Questions

Tagged by @adventuresofmeghatron, thanks a ton! I'll tag @singleteapot @rockerboyrepo and @bokatan if y'all wanna

1. Are you named after anyone?

I am! My first/legal name is after a musician(v big in the 90s not saying anything else), and my middle name is from my grandpa.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I swear I'm not trying to sound edgy, but I genuinely can't remember. I'm not very good at opening up, including by myself.

3. Do you have kids?

Nononono, GODS no. I do not have the temperament for children.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Eh, sometimes. I lean more towards dry and/or lightly-absurdist humor these days, but it's definitely in there. I was absolutely intolerable as a teenager though.

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

I don't any more, but I used to play soccer for years. My clearest memory of playing was when I broke a girl's kneecap when she decided to use said knee to block an already in motion kick.

I don't feel all that bad - the girl was a nightmare to pretty much everyone.

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Hair - voice - scent, mostly in that order. No clue why, but that's usually what sticks with me most on first meeting.

7. Eye color?

Brown, technically, but they're essentially black. It has made getting my pupil distance measured for glasses a bit of a pain in the ass.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Both! Though I prefer my horror to NOT have a happy ending, I like em pretty much everywhere else.

9. Any special talents?

Uh.... I've got a good green thumb, even got tropicals growing in the desert once. Oh! I know how to navigate by the stars! I learned it in scouts as a kid and just never forgot how.

10. Where were you born?

The not-so-great state of Texas. My hometown is cool af tho - well assuming you don't mind the traffic during Fiesta every year. Ouch, that I do not miss.

11. What are your hobbies?

Getting frustrated at learning watercolor right now lmao. I'm not very good, but I crochet sometimes to keep my hands busy. I can pump out beanies and some scarves no problem.

12. Do you have any pets?

I do. My cat Groovy is the best little gremlin. My tiny pain in the ass <3

13. How tall are you?

5'2 and still mad about it

14. Fave subject in school?

In high school, probably Chemistry. College... I think I'll have to go with my Southern Gothic Literature class. It was hard as hell, but it's easily become my favorite genre of novels.

15. Dream job?

Can I say none? Rather, I flip flop a lot so it's hard to pin down. Some days I wanna live in a massive city working in cybersec and have a tiny apartment of my own, others I have to resist the urge to walk into the woods and not come back. It's my understimulated self vs my dislike of being around people. A neverending war, I'm afraid.

#thank you for the tag!

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catastrophree · 2 years

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Dear Alex

I know all of this isn’t what you expected. I didn’t see this either. We were supposed to do this together. It’s not your fault though. I left first. I thought I needed to be way from you to grow. I felt suffocated by how much you needed me. I didn’t feel the love, just tolerated. That’s my fault. I never asked. We never spoke like that, in that way to each other. I’m so mad at myself. I hate myself. I can’t believe I let you go through this alone. Look how I’m handling what’s left. I’m fucking up, constantly. Over and over, the days are fleeting, so is every emotion. Memories crush me. Losing RALPH crushed me. Forcing myself to grow away from our mother is crushing me. I don’t know why we are so stubborn. We want so badly to be in control of how we love and are loved. I think that obsession has finally driven me crazy. I don’t understand any of this, that too is it’s own bout. I am not God. I’m not supposed to understand, but the way my brain is, I find comfort in knowing. That’s why faith, love, anger, fear, all sensations agitate me. I feel like I lost my intuition with you. Like before all this I KNEW so much. Now I know nothing. I am ignorant in these subjects. We grew up completely different from our peers. We were lucky, then unlucky, then lucky, then unlucky…this is probably were we first developed anxiety. The instability ruptured our emotional development. But our beautiful goddess of a Mother held us together. Her love is more than enough. She worked twice as hard to make sure we both we loved as much and evenly as humanly possible. She trusted God to fill in the blanks, the few that she couldn’t cover. You should see the house man, she killed that shit. I smile hard af for both of us every time I pull up to visit. I wish I could live there with her forever. It’s just hard. You’re not here. I saw a quote today and it said this: “What’s worse is I have to remember you for longer than I knew you” it broke my heart. Right now my spirit feels weak. I feel weak. I’m begging God to help me. I don’t know what else to do. I gotta get stronger for her. I know. So I write this so one day you can see it. Maybe you’ve already been reborn. I post this so you can stumble upon it, and in whatever new life you live, it touches you then and you don’t feel alone anymore. I’m going to do my best everyday to remember you. No matter how much it hurts. The tears will be a reminder of our life together, in and out of the womb. You are the best wombmate I’ve ever had. I love you so much, always and forever.

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zyringe · 2 years

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Idk if you keep stalking my tumblr or not, but if you do I need to tell you right now to go fuck right off.

We broke up and I wanted to stay friends, I kept helping you the way I could and I know I couldn't do much, but I myself am fucked in the head. I need help myself.

I found someone new, yes. I love them, yes. We're a couple, yes and I'm really enjoying my time with him.

I'm sure that gives you negative emotions, cuz I know you still like me, but that doesn't give you the right to send me hundreds of messages calling me a bad person, slutshaming me (even if you say it isn't) and just being a shitty person to me overall.

I cared about you, I loved you, I fucking moved in with you to your country, where the culture is completely different, I don't speak jackshit of the language and there's a tone of laws that hurt people like me. And you dare tell me I didn't care about you??? Because I post about the boy I'm in love with???

You don't even realize how manipulative and toxic you are. Maybe you do but you're just fake af. Since I met someone new you're showing sides of yourself that you hid really well or masked. Like I'll never forget and you made me throw my clothes to the trash for being too revealing and edgy...

You need to fucking move on because I'm not dealing with your shit anymore. You spam tf outta my wpp and then you block me? You stalk my tumblr, a place I told you is my safe space, but ya know what? Go ahead. You're acting like my abusive ex, just can't fucking move on and so feel the need to make me feel like shit bc they feel like shit. Lol it won't work anymore hun.

Be mad that I'm with someone that actually knows how to be romantic, who I can have endless conversations with, who actually likes spending alone time with me to do more than just smoke hash and have sex. Be mad he takes me out for lunch or dinner and doesn't bring his friends. Be mad I'm having fun and feeling the sun on my skin. Be mad that I'm happy idgf.

The only thing I want is for you to leave me tf alone. You blocked me and don't wanna give me your mother's number to check on the pets. Dw, I'll get a facebook and find them and I'll get them cuz I don't trust you to take care of them, you never did lol it was always me. You couldn't even take care of me and thats why I left you.

Just get some fucking professional help and leave me alone. If you keep stalking my shit and get hurt THAT'S ON YOU. I don't hate you, I told you that a bunch of times, but everyday you're making me closer to hating you. I'm tired of being understanding when you just want me to feel guilty for being happy

#❄💜

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sheerioswifties · 5 years

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Has anyone figured out how to still see the old merch on the store? I'm really worried I've completely missed my chance at at least a tour tee and book... and that dang pink Meredith&Olivia onesie haunts me...

#i'm so curious if they're discounted more now #but then scared i'll miss out #broke af right now but so mad at myself #i didn't get a tour tee at my show bc didn't have enough so i planned on using the discount code and getting one with next money saved #along with the tour book #i really wanted the white long sleeve shirt with the tour dates down the arm but that's gone #now i really really want at least something with the dates! i collect them from any show i go to and this was obvs extra special #i really really want the grey one with gold writing and the white hoodie!!!!#like for real the hoodies and sweaters have been amazing for dr and hospital visits i want more so bad like so so bad #and a tour book and poncho #so like dfggdfhhf in really worried that stuff will reappear but then sell completely out before i can try and snag them ugh #i am: frustrated stressed overwhelmed #doesn't help i'm still so sick in pain on prednisone and dealing with major stress #i started a chronic illness post for today i'll finish later #rn i think i'm actually having a panic attack gotta go hhgghhjkkjh #and i honestly don't know if I'll be able to make it to ts7 tour #rep was my first ever taylor concert might be my last and only so i really want mementos from it you know?#sigh hjjggfghjhffgjjjhff #i still need to make a shadow box too but i don't have anything really cool like a Polaroid or picks etc #dghhfffhhgfrtyu

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merlinssassybeard · 2 years

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Tagz- angst fluff sweet talk reader having a breakdown

The part 1

Veryyy looong, don't come at me pls

Gojo trying to make everything right.

Series masterlist // Main masterlist

Ex Husband Gojo

Ex Gojo trying to take his ex out for a dinner after a fight

"I came to talk to you. Yn", "I'm sorry. I shouldn't-"

"Don't apologize to me please. Apologize to the person who's in the hospital for a month now"

Ting tong

You opened the door with your laundry basket in by your waist and looked at the man standing in front of you, his bandaged eyes and one hand in pocket while the other had a bag.

"Yn i-" he spoke to you entering but you ignored him and just walked off to the laundry room. Gojo let out a sigh and placed the bag on the table and went to see his daughter, who started laughing, giggling and clapping when she saw her dad after a week of what happened.

You, now done with the laundry, watched secretly leaning on the wall as gojo played with his daughter, "no!!!! Don't cheww it pumpkin!!!" You noticed she was wearing and chewing on a crystal necklace, "oh it must be a souvenir"you thought.

Your heart ached so much to be in sour terms with gojo. You didn't wanted to fight with him! No! You love him and you KNOW he doesn't love you, so guess nothing matters to him. Anyways, he's got his whores to fill his void.

You marched in and abruptly picked your daughter up and went to her nursery. "gotta change her diaper" you said without paying him any heed.

He just stood there, sitting on the floor, with cubes and triangles in his hands, looking at you as you marched off. Gojo knows you're still mad af, he then remember what she said "take her for a nice dinner. She'll accept because she still loves you".

"Yn, i want to apo-" he spoke to you as he stood by the doorframe, while you changed your baby's diapers without turning to look at him.

"Pete's in hospital for a month. He's got a broken nose, shattered wrist and a fractured forearm.." you continued, turning to him, glaring "..all thanks to you" and back to your baby continuing with the diaper.

"Well its not my fault! You know he's the one who started it first!" He said scratching his head.

"Why do you hurt me like this all the time!" You said as you got in the hallway after being finished with the diapers and tucked your baby in and closed the door.

"If You don't want to live with me then let ME live by myself atleast! I can't go on like this!" You shouted pointing finger at him.

"I'm a grown woman with a kid, i have my needs and wants and... desires i want someone to be with me!!" You said almost at brink of breaking down.

"if you don't want anybody then you don't have to! But please! Please satoru, let me live, let me live! Let me liiiveee satoruu" you broke down, begging and crying as you slid down the wall while satoru stood still, too dumbfounded to respond with the sudden blow off.

He couldn't quite comprehend as to why you suddenly blew off like that, as much as he knows you, you must be frustrated over something so he leaned down as he tried move your arms from your face but you fought him before giving up and hugging him. Tight.

"Its alright. Shhhh. I'm here" he softly whispered as he hugged you back and patted your head while you cried your eyes out, squeezing onto him.

You currently sitting on the couch leaning onto satoru's chest, hugging him tight to make sure he doesn't leave while he wrapped you in his arms and caressed your hair.

"So...you wanna talk about anything?" He asked. You looked up to look at his bandaged eyes looking back at you, so he still knows you huh. "Satoru, i like him. Pete, he's a nice person."

Oh shit. He's heart clenched at your words. So you moved on finally, huh? Well he's happy for you.

"Do you know...before..pete the man i dat- no, was with! He was very aggressive and.... bad. It was pete who put some sense in me and told me to give that man up." You murmured, audible for satoru. "Thats why i care about him" you finished as you tugged onto gojo's jacket.

Satoru felt even more disappointed in himself than ever. HE WASN'T THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEEDED HIM. FUCK. Tch tch tch.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked you. You looked at him for a moment before kissing his clothed chest and said, "you were never there".

That's it! The final nail on his coffin. Fuckkkkk. You words straight away stabbed him. But then you continued, "you...divorced me..remember? I'm no longer your concern."

Tbh, you were like a stray puppy now. After being abandoned by your owner, you looked for the same love that Satoru spoilt you with in anyone and eveyone. Needless to say, you never found no one.

"You could've called me yknow." He said patting your shoulder. "And would you have picked up if you were in between something?" You asked. "What makes you think i wouldn't?"

"Stay with me please." You said, squeezing onto him tighter. He stayed silent for a while before pulling out his phone and... calling someone?

"Yeah ijichi! Tell principal yaga I'm taking a week off!", "no! I don't care! No! Nanami can handle easily. Yeah! K"

He ended the call only to make another call. "Hey hana! Yea i want a seat for two. Yeah! Today! By? By 8 okay!"

You looked at him, "is everything okay?"

"Get ready by 7 we're going out tonight!" He said with a peace sign and a big smile.

"Where are we going? Where will i keep her?"

"Of course at my old man's place!" He said as he got up, "I'm going to go change and come back by 7 yeah? Be ready!"

"Wait satoru! Where are we going?"

"Oh that! We're going to Aragawa!" He said with a wink as he warped away.

You stood there again, assessing what just happened. You then smiled as you shook your head at the fact that he didn't even asked you. Not like you would've denied💕

There you go.. the 2nd part.

Hope u like it. Tagzz- @nishinoyahhh @missyasma @vesta-ro

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marjansmarwani · 2 years

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This shit was my last straw. Tk broke carlos heart to pieces yet he still got everything handed to him on a silver plate and without facing any consequence for hurting the man he supposedly in love with? I'm sorry but this relationship is toxic af.

I don’t know what to tell you besides if that’s your last straw the it sounds like it’s time for you to stop watching, Anon. And that’s okay, you need to do what’s right for you.

I fully disagree with you, but I feel like that’s pretty obvious by everything I have ever said and I have no idea why you thought I would be sympathetic to this point. Would I have liked to see more of the time in between? Absolutely because I fully believe that they did talk about everything and I do fully believe TK apologized to Carlos and explained what he had been feeling. As happy as he was to have TK back, I don’t think Carlos was just going to let him back without any questions and thinking otherwise doesn’t give him a whole lot of credit. He was mad and he had every right to be.

Once TK was in a better position to talk I’m sure they did. I’m sure they had that discussion and that there was talk before Carlos moved all his stuff into their loft. Because if he hadn’t, that would be pretty manipulative, honestly. I don’t see either of them wanting anything to fester after all that, and I don’t see Andrea letting that happen either. I fully believe she had that talk with TK, once he was more stable.

I would have absolutely loved to have seen this talk and development happen, but that would have been an entire episode in itself. So it’s not ideal, but it is realistic for an ensemble show. Do I feel like it’s a little hypocritical of them to have done it this way only to rely on a time jump to solve everything again? Yes, absolutely. But I don’t think that makes their relationship any less valid.

As for the toxic part, you are so far off on that too. I could list any number of examples but the only one I will list is from this same episode. When TK has just woken up and is not okay he notices Carlos who is clearly panicking still and tells him to breathe. I’ve seen people talk about it before how TK is Carlos’s grounding point, and they’re right. When he panics, he turns to TK. When he needs to be dragged back to the present and out of his anxiety, TK gets him there. They need each other and they rely on each other, which is what a strong relationship looks like. A toxic relationship does damage, their relationship makes them both better.

Yes, I do hope that this comes up again and that they don’t just sweep this under the rug. I think it’s completely valid to be looking at how they handle this moving forward. But for now I am happy to take it and to move on with it. They love each other and are always there for each other. It is true that in the past we’ve seen far more of Carlos supporting TK but that’s the nature of a show focusing more on certain characters (which has been a problem in the past. We all know this, this is not new information and we don’t have time to get into this now). Maybe I’m setting myself up for disappointment, but everything I’m seeing seems to indicate that Carlos is going to start to get more storylines and maybe, once this happens, we’ll start to see more of that being reciprocated. Either way, I loved all of their scenes in this episode and I’m sorry that you didn’t, Anon.

#I usually ignore these but apparently I was feeling chatty tonight #asked and answered #anonymous #911 lone star #911ls spoilers #tarlos talk

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ahopelessromantic · 4 years

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No Grave ➳ S. Reid

Pairing: Spencer x Reader

Word count: 3k

Warnings: mentions of blood, surgery, a gun wound, quite some angst, Spencer and Reader are next level whipped for each other

Is there truly nothing that can get in-between true love? Spencer and you are forced to find out in the most painful way.

(A/N: I kind of let myself get away with this one, it’s dramatic af lmao. But I listened to Hozier’s Work Song while writing it, so can you really blame me?)

Derek Morgan normally prided himself in having fairly quick reflexes. He had played college football, his rifle scores had always been consistently good, he was able to take down an unsub in less than a minute. But none of that had helped him when a psychotic suspect had shot down his best friend. He had to watch it happen as if it was in slow motion, his voice failing him and not even allowing him to yell out a warning. Spencer had sunken to the floor with a surprised look, blood already beginning to seep through the fabric of his shirt. He coughed weakly and immediately all of Morgan’s attention was on him. Full of worry, he barely even noticed Hotch arriving on the scene and taking down the suspect. “(Y/N).” Spencer spluttered out; his voice hoarse. Now, all of a sudden, everything was happening way too quickly. Morgan frowned in confusion at his friend’s words. “Is that the Unsub’s accomplice? Come on, Reid, stay with me.”, he growled, applying pressure to the gun wound. But he could feel Reid’s body growing limp. “Call (Y/N).” Was the last thing Spencer weakly whispered before passing out.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Emily hummed calmly, placing her arm around Morgan’s shoulders. He took a deep, shaky breath and shook his head. “Then why am I here and he isn’t? Why wasn’t he wearing his goddamn vest?!” He made a move to get up in agitation, but Prentiss pressed down on his shoulder, effectively stopping him. “You know Spencer would have taken it off to negotiate with or without your blessing. And blaming yourself isn’t going to help anyone right now. We’ll know more soon, okay?” He nodded, burying his face in his hands. It had been three hours of surgery already, and it wasn’t looking good for Reid. “Has Garcia found anyone with the name (Y/N) in the unsub’s life yet?” JJ shook her head, watching Morgan and Prentiss with a worried look on her face. “Nothing. Are you sure he said that name?” Morgan was about to snap at her, mad that she dared to criticize his memory at that moment, but then a nurse headed their way. They must have made up an odd group, just a bunch of tired-looking agents draped over various chairs and even the floor. “You’re with Doctor Reid?” This time there was no way for Prentiss to stop Morgan, he jumped up from his seat and towered over the unsuspecting nurse. “Finally, we see someone from your staff! Do you know how long it’s been since we’ve gotten any updates?” The nurse flinched, then regained her composure and straightened up to meet Morgan’s glare head-on. “If you’ve been here for so long already, you probably know that we’re not allowed to give you any information on the patient.” Morgan visibly deflated. “Can you at least tell us if he’s alive?” The nurse sighed, a conflicted look on her face. “Listen, his emergency contact is on its way. Maybe they can tell you more.” With that she disappeared down the hallway, leaving behind a clueless team. “Reid has an emergency contact?” Rossi asked but only got confused faces as an answer. After that, it was back to waiting. Just when Morgan thought he was going to lose his mind; someone came their way again.

You were sure you looked like an absolute mess. You had woken up from a terrible nightmare, and ten minutes later the hospital had called you. Before the staff member had even begun to speak you had already known that something was wrong. Like a madman, you had bolted through your apartment and carelessly gotten dressed. You were sure you had forgotten about half your purse’s usual contents back in your apartment. With some spare clothes and a hot to-go cup of coffee, you had gotten into your car and driven as fast as never before in your life. At some point, you had either switched on autopilot or gone into shock, or maybe even both. It was only in the hospital’s garage that you tuned back in, wondering how you had even gotten there in one piece. Upon seeing your reflection in the elevator up to the ICU you became painfully aware of the fact that you were wearing Spencer’s sweater. And with that, your emotions overcame you, threatened to pull you under like a deathly avalanche. With tears streaming down your face you made your way to the front desk, stating your name as calmly as possible. Your whole body was shaking and after the first whiff of hospital air you threw up into the nearest trash bin. One of the nurses had been so kind as to lead you to a waiting area and explain that Spencer was still in surgery. The people sitting there matched the descriptions of his team members and you weakly smiled at them. “You’re with Spence, right?” One of them jumped up from his seat and nodded, looking at you expectantly. “He’s- They told me he’s still in surgery.” Was all you were able to bring out before you broke down sobbing. A woman with dark hair pulled you into a much-needed hug, and if had you been less worried about your loved one’s wellbeing you would have felt bad about ruining her shirt with your tears. “I’m sorry if it seems insensitive, but I think we all have to ask.” A serious-looking man spoke up once you had slightly calmed down, now sitting next to the kind woman in one of the hospital’s dingy chairs. “Who… are you?” You were still so deep in thought that you hadn’t even heard the question, absently playing with the ring on your left hand. It was a habit Spencer normally called you out on, taking your hand whenever he spotted you doing it. It was also how the team’s glances landed on your ring, their breaths catching in their throats. “I’m Spencer’s wife.” You said with a heavy voice, swallowing down a sob. The team looked like they were about to bombard you with questions, but then a serious-looking nurse made her way over to you. You felt every single muscle in your body tense up. “Doctor Reid is out of Surgery.” For a moment you felt as if you were floating, ready for more good news, but upon seeing the expression on her face you could swear your heart stopped for a moment. “Would you please come with me?” You nodded and got up, your legs feeling like jelly. The nurse led you to the front of a hospital room. “You can go in and see him now, but I have to warn you. Your husband suffered a gunshot to his heart, and although the surgery has been successful, he’s still in a critical condition. He’ll only be somewhat safe once he makes it through the night.” You nodded, and without stopping to think for a moment you stepped into the room. If your heart hadn’t been broken before by the mere prospect of never looking into Spencer’s beautiful eyes again, it would have surely shattered into pieces now. Seeing his lifeless body on the hospital bed filled you with an indescribable ache like someone was physically trying to claw their way through your chest on the search for your now cold heart. The hot tears on your cheeks were the last reminder of warmth in your body, and you quietly whimpered. You sank into the chair next to his bed and felt yourself completely break, burying your head in the hard mattress. The eerie beeping of the heart monitor and the sound of the oxygen tank posed the soundtrack of your demise and for a while, you completely lost all track of time. You had known that his work was dangerous, and you had always been somewhat prepared for something bad to happen one day. You set up as his emergency contact was proof of that, of a partnership whose very essence it was to constantly fear losing each other. But nothing could have ever prepared you for this, sitting next to his pale form and feeling like you had been shot just as bad as him. It didn’t quite want to fit into your head, that this could be it. This could be the last breaths you would ever witness him take and it made you want to scream in pain. If everything had gone according to you, your life with Spencer had been nowhere near to being over. Hell, it had only just started. You gripped his hand, more to anchor yourself than anything. “Spence, baby. Do you remember the day we got married?”, you whispered in a last fit of broken hope. Maybe talking to him would bring him back to the land of the living, bring him back to you. Your wedding had been such a spontaneous decision, and yet, somehow, it had been the best day of your life. You had been speaking about the concept of marriage over breakfast, how commercialised weddings had become over the years, and then suddenly he had looked at you over the rim of his coffee mug and asked you if you wanted to get married today. There hadn’t even been any nervousness in his voice, he had been so certain that this was the way for you two to go. You had laughed at first, asked him if he was crazy, to which he had just retorted that he was crazy about you. “Nothing is going to change anyway. I’m yours and you’re mine for the rest of our lives, right? Might as well save some taxes while being together.” His words had been so profound that you hadn’t even had the chance to say no. So, that day, you in your prettiest sundress and Spencer in his best suit, the two of you had gotten rings from the jeweller around the corner and then driven to the courthouse where you had signed your lives away to each other. Now, sitting next to him in the glum hospital room, all of that seemed like a far-off memory. A sunlit moment of joy in a now so dull seeming world. “Your life is mine, and my life is yours, remember?” You whispered with an aching soul. “My life is going to end with yours and I’m not ready for that yet, okay?” Your voice broke. “I’m not ready to say goodbye to you yet.” You started sobbing again, and at this point, you were surprised you even still had tears in your body left to cry. All night long you weren’t able to get a minute of sleep, your gaze continuously fixed on the rise of his chest. If he was going to stop breathing, you had to be there. A doctor came by to check on Spencer in the early morning hours, looking somewhat hopeful. “He’s made it through the night, that’s good. Your husband is a fighter, Mrs Reid.” You almost hugged the poor guy, so grateful to finally have received good news again. “He should be waking up slowly, once he’s awake we can transfer him to a regular care room.” You nodded and looked back to Spencer, hooked up on various machines and tubes. The shadows under his eyes were dark, and although you wanted nothing more than to see his face full of life again you wished he would just take his time waking up. Normally you always had to force him to go to sleep. The team had been a huge help in keeping you sane, all of them had been camping out in the waiting area, waiting for any kind of news. Of course, you had wished to meet them under different circumstances, but nothing to bring you together like your husband almost dying, right?

Spencer woke up around noon. At first, you hadn’t even noticed it, but then his hand had twitched next to yours and your brain had immediately switched back into hyper-focus. He scrunched up his face, and then with the faintest morning voice ever he mumbled out a quiet “Ow.”. You started laughing and crying at the same time, pressing kisses all over his hand. “Why does my chest hurt?” He grumbled; his eyes still closed. “You were shot in the heart, honey.”, you reminded him, your voice almost matching his. It was then that he opened his eyes and you felt your breath hitch in your throat. You were never again going to forget how beautiful they looked. He weakly gripped your hand in his, his expression still more confused than anything else. “Is that why everything hurts?” You laughed and nodded, leaning your forehead against your joined hands. “I’ll go get the doctor in a minute. But do you even know how much you scared me?” Spencer lifted your chin and looked at you with nothing but adoration in his eyes. “How does that song you like so much go again? No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her? You’re not getting rid of me that easily my love.” You breathed out in relief, leaning into his touch. “I love you so much, Spencer.” For a whole moment you got lost in his eyes, and it was there you knew that you were never going to take another moment with him by your side for granted. You were going to hoard them like a greedy madman and hold onto them until age or death would have to pry them from your hands. But then life picked up its normal speed again, doctors came swarming into the room to check on Spencer and you were filled with nothing but gratefulness to the universe for giving you more time with him, more time to make memories for your collection.

With a smile on your face, you watched the team spill into the room, all of them looking more than happy to see your husband alive. It had been two days since the surgery, and the nurses had only now given Spencer the clear for visitors again. Morgan sat down across from you, punching Spencer in the shoulder as gently as possible. “That’s for almost dying on me, and for not telling us that you’re married! We could have notified her much sooner, man.” Spencer had half a heart to look guilty, distracting himself by playing with your wedding ring. “You guys know how dangerously close Unsubs sometimes get to us. (Y/N) is all I have; I couldn’t risk her ever getting hurt. It’s got nothing to do with you, I promise.” Emily crossed her arms, looking down on Spencer in feigned anger. “Well, that’s good because we really happen to like your wife. She forced us all to sleep while she was waiting for you to make it through the night.” Spencer’s eyes met yours and you basked in the warmth flowing through you. He already had a cheeky grin on his tired face again. “Why does that sound so familiar?” You chuckled and rolled your eyes, gripping his hand even tighter. There was no way in hell you were going to remove yourself from his side during the next few weeks. After a few days he was cleared to return home, and you couldn’t wait to have your home feel like just that again. Home just wasn’t the same without him.

“Sir, you have absolutely no business still looking this good after getting shot in the heart.” Spencer laughed in surprise, shoving his wet hair out of his face. He had taken his first shower by himself today, finally able to fully move his arms again without ripping the stitches open. “Honey, I haven’t worn anything but hoodies and sweatshirts since getting back from the hospital.” You could see the familiar blush on his cheeks he got whenever you complimented him, and it filled your chest with warm honey to see him like that again. “Still. Being alive suits you.” He rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless, getting into bed and patting the empty spot beside him. “I know it’s early, but come sleep with me?” His painkillers made him constantly tired, but you’d prefer a sleepy cuddly Spencer over a Spencer in pain any day. “Like you even have to ask.” You giggled, turning off the lights and cuddling up next to him. “I know it’s a weird question.” You spoke into the darkness after listening to your husband’s calm breathing for a while. “But when you were on the other side… did you see anything?” You could feel his chest vibrate with a half-hearted chuckle next to you. “Go to sleep, (Y/N).” You shook your head and further curled up into his size. “I’m gonna need to hear you breathing for at least thirty minutes more before I’m able to fall asleep.” He took a deep breath and started drawing circles on your skin through the fabric of the ratty old MIT t-shirt of his that you always slept in. “It was just… lonely. And cold. So cold. For some reason, I knew you weren’t there. So I decided not to stay.” You tried to wipe away the tear that had snuck down your cheek as discreetly as possible. You had expected many answers, but nothing quite like this. “God, I love you.” You whispered with a trembling voice. Spencer turned to fully face you and caressed the side of your face. “I love you too. More than you can even imagine. But you should sleep now. I’ll still be here tomorrow, I promise. I’m never letting go of you again.” You nodded and snuggled into your pillow, a hand on Spencer’s chest. “Are you… checking for my heartbeat?” Eyes already closed, you giggled. “Shhh. I’m not letting go of you again, either.” With that, the two of you fell asleep. Spencer hadn’t lied to you. He was still there the next morning, and every morning after that as well for many more years. No matter how dangerous life became, he was always going to crawl back to you and you to him. No graves could hold your bodies down.

#requested #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer x reader #mgg #Matthew gray gubler #Matthew gray gubler x reader #BAU #BAU Team #BAU x Reader #derek morgan #criminal minds #criminal minds oneshot #hozier

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queenaswrittings · 3 years

Text

Unconditional love!!❤️

Sub Pieck x dom tomboy! Reader!!

Note: this is like a basic story so all of the aot characters are not enemies, they’re just friends, and they’re living in a normal world. I honestly don’t know what this is, I just felt like railing pieck so damn hard cause fuck she’s beautiful😍, I might as well say she drives me crazy cause she does! I just feel like she deserves every pleasure in the world right now😫I be watching aot and be like “damn...if I had a girl like this I would treat her like a queen, fuck!” I wanna drive her crazy the same way she does to me...so this is what this story is mostly about: fucking/railing pieck senseless. Keep this in your mind: I’m a female but I’m a tomboy/bisexual. (I think there’s gonna be more parts to this cause I’m so in love with her, shit, I get horny af just thinking about the things I want to do to her”

PLEASE READ THE FIRST SENTENCE OF THE NOTE SO YOU CAN GET A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF WHATS GOING ON!!

Incoming: I was starting at her. I wasn’t even sure I was blinking. Just glaring. I wanna destroy her pussy right there. ‘FUCK!! why do I get so turned on by the smallest things she does?’. Ignoring my thoughts I walked closer to Pieck there she was. Bent over in the kitchen floor, searching for something.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Present time: I was coming back from the grocery store because pieck said she needed more ingredients. Me being me, I left to buy her some in a flash.

I ran into a couple of friends, heading back home, I tried talking to them fast or tried telling them I had to go but unfortunately that did not work. ‘I just hope pieck doesn’t get that mad’.

I opened the door to our house and sighed. ‘Finally back home’ I thought to myself as i took off my shoes. I walked in the kitchen, I froze. I’m glad i walked into the kitchen, cause there, I saw the most beautiful sight ever.

I was starting at her. I wasn’t even sure I was blinking. Just glaring. I wanna destroy her pussy right there. ‘FUCK!! why do I get so turned on by the smallest things she does?’. Ignoring my thoughts I walked closer to Pieck there she was. Bent over in the kitchen kitchen floor, searching for something.

‘Why is she arching her back like that’ I was looking at her for a long period of time before she realized me, but started yelling at me.

“What took you so long?! I’ve been waiting here for over an hour!! If it was gonna take you this long then why didn’t you take the car?!?!?! Or why didn’t you tell me to do it myself instead of letting me just wait here!!”

As she yelled at me I put the groceries on the table. I let her yelled at me, not because I was weak or scared but because she’s right and I would/have never yelled at pieck. I just had my head down the whole time with an amuse but “sad” face until she said something that made me angrier then usual.

“Are you cheating on me? Is that why you we’re late” she said with tears going down her face. Pieck was known for a strong woman and she was but, when it comes to me she’s overprotective for some reason and always gets on her feelings.

“Shit!, I’m not cheating on you mama, please stop crying, why would you think that baby?” I said as I walked closer to her and wiped her tears.

“you have so many girls that wants you to be theirs, beautiful ones too, much beautiful then me, and you’ve been out so much recently so I thought u were” she said as she looked down. I wanted to see her beautiful smile again, seeing her sad breaks me more than anything in this world.

“Oh baby” I picked her up and put her on the counter, I brush her hair out of her face and held her face by the jaw to make her look at me in the eyes. “listen pieck, your an angel in my eyes mama, you might not see it but you are, I love you more than you could ever imagine, I’m so in love with you that I almost go crazy. The littlest things you do make me go crazy. you’re MORE WAY MORE beautiful then those other women’s out there, I don’t want them, I want you baby, please stop crying, you’re giving them what they want. They’re not worth to cry over. you’re the only woman on this planet for me beautiful, you’re the light of my life, so seeing the light of my light cry makes me sad. It makes me wanna die in darkness. Please put that beautiful smile back on your beautiful face, that’s the only expression I wanna see on your face pieck, I want you to be happy, I just came late because I saw a couple of friends on the way here.” As I finish that speech I kissed her roughly and fast, I couldn’t help it, looking in her eyes like that make wanna destroy her with love.

My hands were ramming all over her. I can’t take it anymore. I needed to fuck her. I need to fuck her senseless so these thoughts about other woman’s taking me away from her can get out of her head. I don’t like seeing my princess sad.

I picked her up and start walking upstairs to our bedroom, never breaking the kiss, I simply lay her down slowly on the bed going down with her, I held the back of her head pushing her closer to my face so I can deepen the kiss if that was possible.

Fuck. I have never felt this way before. I have never been so horny in my life. Nobody I’ve dated made me feel this way. I’ve never loved anyone like this. I have never cared for anyone like this.

Except her.

Needing more, I broke the kiss and started kissing down her neck, leaving more love bites more then I used to. I was crazy right now to the point I couldn’t think, I just want to make her feel good. I want her happy.

I reached to her clothes and ripped it off. I took off her bra and started kissing/licking her nipples. I can hear her moan under me. I wanted to hear more of that. I wanted to hear her scream my name. I want to know I’m making her feel good.

I kissed down her stomach until I reached her now dripping pussy, I was now kneeling in front of the bed while her bottom was at the edge. Not wasting any time, I licked her pussy and fuck did that almost made my eyes roll back + the way she moaned.

I grabbed on to both of her hips and started eating her out. “Aaahhhh fuck y/n” she Moaned as her back arched up, away from the bed.

I put my hands over her tummy to stop her from moving and to calm down. I soon added my thumb to her clit playing with it a circular motion.

“Fucccckkk” her hair hair mixed with her sweat causing it to stick on her face, she was bright red while her eyes were rolled back, trying to arch her back but I wouldn’t let her due to my hand on her stomach.

‘What a beautiful view’

I soon added a finger in her causing her to gasp and gripping the sheets. “f-f-fuckkkkkk y/n t- too much” she stuttered. I added more fingers in her and she moaned louder then ever. I then started thrusting my fingers into her fast, until she came all over my fingers.

I took my fingers out and she immediately closed her legs and layed down to the side trying to get air.

I licked my fingers clean, shit! Her cum tastes so good. I stood up and took off my grey T-shirt tank top along with my sports bra. I walked over to the closet getting a vibrating butt plug from our sex box.

As I walked back over I took off my pants and women boxers. I walked over to my angel and saw shaking slightly. I smirked to myself knowing she’s gonna be shaking way more after I’m done with her. I gently took her in my arms and brought her in the middle of the bed.

I parted her legs and got between them. I took the butt plug from the side of the bed with some wipes and wiped it just incase. I then slide it inside her ass earning a moan from her with her eyes closed.

I grabbed the remote before getting into position to rub my pussy against hers. I turned the butt plug on to it’s medium which was serious vibration because I can even feel it.

Her eyes shot wide open with a gasp coming from her mouth as soon as I turned it on. I’m guessing she probably thought it was a normal buttplug. I started rubbing my pussy against hers and my eyes rolled back. “Fuckkkk” I moaned out.

God, I love this girl.

“AAAHGHHGGGHHH Y/N PLEASE!!” She moaned out. Her moans made me go faster. She was gripping the sheets hard. And her back was arched. Tears started to trim down her eyes as she was slowly turning purple with her hair sticking on her face due to sweat.

‘Fucking beautiful’

I changed positions and held her tight in my arms. My hand was around her waist while the other was on top of her head to bring her down to my pussy to grind on.

As I do this she was still screaming and crying since the vibration was too much. I started bringing her down to my pussy only for hers to rub against mines earning loud moans from both of us.

I can tell she was close to her orgasm due to the feeling of her pussy throbbing. I wanted to make her feel better soI wondered how max vibration would make her feel. I grab the remote from the side of the bed without her noticing and turned it up to it’s maximum.

She tried moving but I just held her down as hard as I can. She knew she wasn’t gonna win so she slipped her hand behind my back and held my neck but soon started scratching my back.

She came all over me, with a loud moan of my name. Not that it wasn’t wet before but her cumming just made our pussy turn into a waterfall.

“You’re so beautiful baby” I moaned in her ear. “Do you want me to go faster?” I asked but her eyes just rolled back to the back of her head. “Answer me baby” I was asking her questions to see in what state she was in.

“Y-yyy/n” she tried saying my name but she failed but I understood my Princess. “Yes baby?” I asked still talking in her ear, but she didn’t say anything, so I picked up my head from her neck and looked at her face.

Doing that almost made me cum.

Her eyes were rolled back tears were all over her face, her black hair stuck to her face due to sweat and tears, her tongue was hanging out of her mouth causing her to drool.

I looked at her for a second and suddenly all the hunger I had for her came back all over once again.

I started rubbing her pussy faster making her shake uncontrollably. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!!” I moaned. I took one of her nipples and squeezed it slightly.

Pieck was shaking uncontrollably. She was trying to form sentences but it ended up being blabbed. I held her body and felt myself reaching my orgasm, but I wasn’t gonna stop before my baby came once more.

I said once more but she came about 3 times before me. “‘Cuminggg” she cried out. I went as fast as possible as her back arched back. She squirted all over us, and she soon couldn’t hold me nor her self anymore so she dropped her body on the bed.

I now couldn’t edge myself anymore. So I came. It was a lot since I edged myself pretty good. I plopped myself on the bed next to her, trying to catch my breath.

I looked at her and her eyes were closed, but I knew she wasn’t sleeping. I decided to be annoying and ask her simple/easy questions to see if she can an answer.

“Hey” I said as I removed her hair from her face so she could know I’m talking to her. She opened her eyes slowly making me smile. “Do you know your name baby?” I asked her but she looked at me for few seconds then looked away.

I gave her time to think but soon she hugged me. “Hey hey I’m talking to you over here” I said as I hugged her back now cuddling with her. “I don’t know” she whispered in my ears. I smirked at this. She sounded so tired so I decided to not ask her questions.

I guess once she fall asleep I can get up to clean us both, and also make food, since she didn’t get to make it.

I just held her shaking body there peacefully.

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collecting-stories · 4 years

Text

Break - JJ Maybank

Request: May I request 17 and 27 with JJ? 💕💕 I love your writing / Request: Hi! I love your stories so much, you are very talented. Do you think you could do one where you get hurt in some way and JJ is super protective and worried and takes care of u or something along those lines? / Request: Love your stories so much! I was wondering if you would do one where the reader is the one that fell out of the hawks nest not john b and then jj is super protective of you and takes care of u or something along those lines. Thank u!

A/N: This took a lot longer to write than expected!

Outer Banks Masterlist

///

If relationships were balanced symbiotic unions like Pope said they were then you were definitely the calm to JJ’s storm. The rational, cautious, slow to action, voice of reason that levelled him out and made sure that things didn’t get out of hand. You never jumped head first into anything. It was why Kiara insisted that you go with John B up to the Hawks Nest to meet Sarah.

“I’m just going to get the map Kie,” John B argued, blocking the door of the Twinkie. You were sitting beside JJ, his arm around your shoulder while you leaned into him.

“I don’t mind,” you offered, “you won’t even know I’m there. You can mack on her all you want.”

“I’m not macking on Sarah Cameron. I’m here for a map and nothing else.”

“Well I don’t believe you.” Kiara said, reiterating the point she’d been making since she found out about John B and Sarah. She didn’t trust that something wasn’t going on between them.

“Fine.” John B snapped, “you can come.”

You climbed out of the Twinkie, following John B to the Hawks Nest. You hung back once you got to the top of the deck, leaving John B and Sarah to talk while you tried to keep and eye on the Twinkie in the distance. It was hard, without power on the island and the headlights on the Twinkie dimmer than most, but you could see at least a hint of a glow in the distance. Better than watching John B flirt with Sarah after insisting that this was nothing personal and he was only in it for the map.

“John B, we need to get going.” You reminded, turning toward him and Sarah, missing the other set of headlights that pulled up in the distance.

“In a minute.” He waved you off, attention still fixed on the kook princess and you couldn’t help rolling your eyes as you stepped up to the platform that they were standing on.

JJ, Pope, and Kiara sat waiting in the van, Kiara still focused on the fact that John B was up there with Sarah Cameron. Pope listened sympathetically but JJ sat there on the floor rolling a joint while Kiara made herself more and more annoyed. None of them noticed the extra set of headlights either, all too engrossed in what they were doing to pay any attention to playing look out like they were supposed to.

All you remembered was running over to push Topper away from Sarah and all JJ remembered was the sound of John B’s voice, screaming for help against the otherwise quiet night. Kiara had been the first one to hear it, shushing the other two and then taking off when she realized what the sound was. The three of them tore across the field to the Hawks Nest, where John B was kneeling over you, laying on the ground, on your back.

“Shit! Are you okay? Are you bleeding?” Pope asked, dropping down by your head, pressing his hands to either side of your face to stabilize you when he realized you weren’t moving. Kiara grabbed your hand, Sarah already holding the other while she tried to calm you down.

“What happened?” JJ was frantic, voice cracking as he looked to John B for answers.

“It doesn’t matter right now, we need an ambulance.” Sarah commented, “John B.”

“I’m going, I’m going.” John B replied, running for the Twinkie.

“JJ,” you tried to move your head to see your boyfriend but Pope held onto you. “JJ.”

“Hey, I’m right here, I’m right here.” He promised, leaning over so you could see him. He looked up at Pope, “can’t we just take her?”

“No.” He shook his head.

“She said she can’t feel her legs.” Sarah cut in, “before you ran up, she said-”

“What does that mean?” JJ asked.

As all four of them started to talk you could feel your head swimming. They felt like they were getting further and further away from you, slowly drowning out as the sound of sirens in the distance took over. Kiara let go of your hand to run out and meet the paramedics. The only thing you could fell was Pope, his hands still pressing against the sides of your head gently, stabilizing you even as the EMT pushed everyone away. JJ’s voice was the last one to fade out.

JJ wasn’t unfamiliar with hospitals. He’d been in them plenty of times but always for himself. The time he had a concussion, the time he broke his ankle, the time he needed stitches. But he’d never been the one in the waiting room. John B took Sarah home to change but Kiara and Pope stayed with him, trying to be as reassuring as possible. When your mom got there JJ nearly sobbed out an apology, taking full blame despite John B telling them that it was Topper who had pushed you off the Hawks Nest during an altercation.

He paced the hallway, stood outside with Pope to vape, downed three cups of coffee despite hating the stuff, and finally collapsed in one of the chairs in the waiting room, falling asleep only because of exhaustion. When he was woken up again it was by Kiara, changed back into regular clothes that her dad had brought her, telling him that they were allowed to see you.

“Pope and I figured you should go first.” Kiara said, voice soft as she rubbed JJ’s back. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself before he got up and headed down the hall to your room.

You were alone when he entered, your mom having stepped out to give you and JJ some alone time to talk. She wasn’t mad at your boyfriend though he felt like she should be. His hands were shaking and his whole body felt like it was clammy. You were alone but you were also awake and you moved you shifted when you heard the door open.

“JJ,” you smiled, the morphin made everything feel light and breezy like you were floating. It drew your mind away from what the doctor had told your mom, you had a hairline fracture in your vertebrae. They could go in tomorrow and do emergency surgery but you’d be in a chair for at least six weeks.

There were a million things JJ wanted to say to you. Things that would make this better, easier. Honest things about how scared he was, how terrified that it was even worse than it was. But instead he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“What were you thinking? Were you trying to get yourself killed?” He exclaimed, voice cracking at the end, sounding as terrified as he felt.

“Didn’t exactly jump off the deck myself.” You replied, eyes fluttering as the morphine kicked in.

“I know, I know,” JJ insisted, shaking his head. He walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge and taking your hand in his. You smiled, holding his hand in yours. “When I saw you laying on the ground...”

“It’s okay.” You promised, “the doctor said I’ll be okay, everything’ll be normal again.”

JJ nodded, using his free hand to rub at the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He’d been so sure when he came up on you, laying on the ground, that you were gone. He’d frozen as he’d watched Pope hold you and Kiara promise that things would be okay. It looked, after all, like they might be but that didn’t erase the fear or ease the panic.

“When I see Topper-”

“Jay, just lay with me for a little while please?” You asked, tugging on his hand gently, “can we think about Topper later?”

“Right.” He lifted his legs up, careful not to hurt you further as he laid beside you in the hospital bed.

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transsexualhamlet · 3 years

Text

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

#rowan's hyperfixation essays #rowan screams into the void #rowan views moriarty #sherlock holmes

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beautifulterriblequeen · 3 years

Note

For the kiss prompt, is 36 good? For Ruthari?

…to give up control.

So, uhh, this one got long! And angsty af. Really, really angsty. But you know me and my endings. I did my best to pull out a softer ending. This is a really hard subject though.

cw: fighting, yelling, pushing, Ethari actually swears

Runaan sat quietly, sorting through his pile of freshly picked moonberries in the waning moonlight. One berry, carefully considered and placed in its appropriate bowl, and then the next. No pause interrupted his focus. No emotion rippled the cool mask of his expression.

His deliberate calm was driving Ethari crazy. Perhaps if he had turned further away as they sat, he wouldn’t be getting so irritated right now... The craftsman felt his shoulders stiffen, and he took a deep breath and forced them to relax. Runaan’s moonberrry sorting habits weren’t upsetting. He was just taking his care with life and death as seriously as he always did--

The berry in Ethari’s hand lost its shape in a juicy splatter, and hot rage spiked along his spine. Even with his eyes shut, he could feel Runaan’s sudden focus, cool and intensely turquoise, brushing against him. His husband’s unspoken question flowered open with quiet concern.

The deep crimson juice ran down Ethari’s wrist. He stared at its sweet tickle. Was it a moonberry, or a deathberry? He couldn’t even remember.

Runaan handed a soft cloth into the periphery of his view, silently answering Ethari’s worry. Not juice to be licked clean, then. Poison. Ethari took the cloth without meeting Runaan’s eyes. But its soft paleness, unbesmirched, screamed in denial.

He couldn’t do it.

“How can you do this?” His words grated like the slow grind of a landslide. One that finally admitted it was falling. One that let go of its illusion of stability. Its momentum was inevitable.

“You’re not talking about the moonberries, are you?” Runaan asked.

Ethari flicked his hand, sending the cloth against Runaan’s chest with a little thud. His husband’s fingers caught it there on instinct. Cradled it over his heart.

Ironic. So, so ironic.

Ethari rolled onto hands and knees and faced Runaan directly. “She. Is. A. Child. Why aren’t you stopping this? Why did you agree to take her? It’s madness!”

Runaan’s brows tightened, and a brief pout of hurt puckered his lip before he smoothed it away behind that thrice-bedamned mask.

Ethari hated that mask. It was for other people. Not for him. His crimson-stained hand lurched forward and grabbed the front of Runaan’s shirt, crumpling it, soaking it in red. “No, don’t you hide from me, not now. You tell me what in the name of the sacred shadow you were thinking when you said yes to her. This isn’t a picnic, Runaan! It’s not a jaunt, it’s not an outing! You’re the adult. You have the power to instruct. The power to decide. Why were you so soft with her, the one time I needed you to be hard? Why?”

Runaan’s eyes met his, and the ice in them frosted his breath. He wrapped one hand around Ethari’s and tried to tug it off his shirt.

Ethari didn’t let him. The corner of his mouth curled into a snarl, and he tightened his grip further. His gaze flattened into cold steel. “Answer me.”

Runaan’s eyes flickered wide for a moment, flashing from Ethari’s, down to their taut and tangled grasps. Without looking up again, Runaan shifted his grip, added a twisting push with his other hand, and popped Ethari’s grip free. He flowed like water to his feet and began striding out of the clearing, leaving Ethari alone in the moonlight with his questions and his anger.

No.

Ethari’s bowl of moonberries cracked against the tree next to Runaan’s head, and red fruits rocketed out in a juicy explosion, leaving Runaan splattered with crimson. He jerked to a stop, shoulders stiff, hands in fists.

Ethari matched him, chest heaving hot, red edging his vision, nearly in tears of desperation.

“It’s for the best.” Runaan’s voice was quiet.

“No, it isn’t. Don’t you lie to me.” Ethari’s voice grew tighter and louder with each sentence. “Not about Rayla, don’t you dare.”

“It’s not a lie.” Runaan still hadn’t turned to look at him.

“It’s not for her best, then,” Ethari amended. “Runaan, you know her heart. You know what this will do to her. She’s too young! You can’t. You can’t take her.”

“I have no choice. She asked to participate, and she was right to do so. She knows what truly matters, Ethari.”

Ethari threw his arms wide, though Runaan couldn’t see it. “And I don’t? Is that what you’re telling me? I’m no assassin, so I must not see the world properly? I love Rayla too, and I’d do anything for her. You know I would! But this isn’t helping her. What if something goes wrong?”

Runaan raised his chin and stared into the gloomy forest ahead. “I won’t let that happen.”

“What if she has to take someone? At fifteen, Runaan? Even you weren’t that young.”

Runaan jerked his head sharply, letting Ethari see his face in profile. “I won’t let that happen, either.”

A rampant growl escaped Ethari’s mouth. For a moment, raging in the moonlight, he understood werewolves all too well. “Then why in the fuck are you taking her with you at all?”

At his sudden curse, Runaan spun in surprise. The look on his face was open for a moment. Vulnerable. Streaks of berry red crossed his forehead and marked his cheek. A blooded assassin, ready to soak Rayla as well. Ethari stalked closer. Runaan’s brows lowered again, and he reassessed Ethari with a guarded look. “I told you, my heart,” he murmured. “I have no choice.”

Ethari seized the front of Runaan’s shirt again and tugged him onto his tiptoes. “Stop! Just stop it! Stop it all, tell everyone you made a mistake! Let her stay with me! Stop this, Runaan! Or I will!”

Runaan’s hands flew to cup Ethari’s. A protective grip. Why would he protect Ethari, but not Rayla? “No, you can’t. You can’t do that.”

“I can and I will!” Ethari roared. “Someone must! Someone must look out for Rayla, and if you’ve lost your mind and turned your back on Rayla’s heart, Runaan, then by the moon in its orbit, I will step up and do it myself! No matter what the cost! You, of all people, not willing to do whatever it takes for Rayla?” He looked Runaan up and down, seeing his markings, his horn cuffs, his tunic patterning, and all that it said about him. Every inch of Runaan proudly proclaimed who he was, to anyone who could read it. But in his rage, Ethari loosed a deadly strike. Glaring at the pendant he’d lovingly crafted for his husband so long ago, he growled, “I don’t know who you are right now.”

A soft grunt of pain from Runaan’s lips told him his daggered words had found their mark. Runaan squeezed Ethari’s hands as they gripped his shirt. “Ethari...”

But Ethari refused to meet Runaan’s eyes. If he did, he knew what he would see. He didn’t want to get distracted into softness, as Runaan so often managed during their arguments. He needed answers. Facts. Truth. Things his husband tended to hoard behind locked doors and series of traps. Sometimes, Ethari could disarm them. Other times, he had to march through and take the hits. Like now.

“I won’t fight you on this,” Runaan said. His voice was low, but it held a strange edge to it. “You can’t fight this.”

“I can!”

“You can’t win, my heart.”

Ethari’s gaze sharpened to an outraged point. “Are you...? You’d have taken her even if she hadn’t asked, is that what you’re hinting at?”

Runaan’s eyes widened sharply. “No, I--”

“Don’t you dare lie to me about that!” Ethari’s voice broke as he reached the edge of his hope. Was Runaan truly so dark that he would willingly spend Rayla’s life to expunge the stain of dishonor Lain and Tiadrin’s betrayal had drenched them with?

Runaan let out a sharp hiss of breath, twisted his grip on Ethari’s hands again, and shoved him back into the middle of the moonlit clearing. Ethari caught his balance and clapped a hand over his chest, where Runaan had pushed him away. His husband stood as if hunched against some unseen attack, shoulders heaving, head bowed, one hand outstretched to ward off Ethari’s return. Moonlight kissed his horns and lit his hair, but he was not beautiful. Not like this.

Ethari straightened and marched right back to Runaan, stopping just out of reach, hands on hips, chin high. “I’m not letting this go.”

Runaan’s bright gaze snapped up to his, eyes shimmering with hidden hurts and the tears they freed. “The tighter you hold it, the harder it grips me,” he whispered shakily.

Ethari’s fury faltered, stuttered, shifted gears. “I’m not... Runaan... Change your mind, then!” He threw his hands in the air.

Runaan clutched fists against his chest and bowed his head again.

“No, don’t you dare keep that to yourself. Talk to me, what are you hiding?” When Runaan didn’t answer, Ethari took his face in his hands and forced their eyes to meet. Runaan’s gaze narrowed. He didn’t like being forced to make eye contact. But Ethari was past politeness. “If you shut me out again, Runaan, I swear on the Moon’s holy light--”

“I told you,” Runaan growled.

“Tell me again,” Ethari growled back.

“I. Had. No. Choice.”

Ethari blinked. Runaan had said that. And Ethari had blown right past it as the deflection he assumed it was. “No choice in what?” he goaded, searching his husband’s eyes for hidden truths.

“I cannot change my mind about Rayla, Ethari, because I never made the choice to take her in the first place.” Runaan’s voice remained quiet, but it sounded ragged, a flag battered and shredded by gale force winds.

“What? Then why--?”

“Duty demands--” Runaan began.

Instant fury. “Your duty does not get to demand Rayla’s--”

Runaan clutched at Ethari’s hands as they held his cheeks. The corners of his mouth drooped sadly. “Honor requires--”

“Fuck your honor, Runaan! It’s going to get you killed! You and Rayla both!”

“I KNOW!” Runaan roared. His sudden rage burst across the clearing like a thunderclap, leaving Ethari stunned.

The night went silent around them, quietly turning its back to offer plausible deniability for Runaan’s dark admission.

Both elves trembled in the lull of their argument. Hands fell away, chests heaved for breath, heads bowed. After a moment of silent apology from them both, their eyes met again.

Runaan spoke first. “I know,” he repeated, recovering his soft tone. “Don’t you think I know that? I know it as I know my own heartbeat. It is our fate, Ethari. It has always been our fate, one way or another. But what is served by dwelling on the things we cannot change?”

Lost in Runaan’s blindside confession, seeing only the looming loss of the rest of his most precious family, Ethari pressed the back of his wrist against his mouth to stifle a sob.

Runaan drew in a sharp breath at Ethari’s sudden shift. His gaze found the grass, and soon, so did one of his tears. “I’m sorry.”

The soft angst in Runaan’s tone told Ethari exactly what he was apologizing for. Despite the aftershocks of their fight, he slipped easily into his old reassurances. “No, don’t you dare. My heart chose you, and the life that came with loving you.”

Runaan’s gaze didn’t rise. “If you’d loved someone else... if I’d never told you...”

Ethari eased closer, resting warm hands on Runaan’s bare shoulders. “You didn’t trick me into loving you, Runaan. You’re not nearly skilled enough for such illusions.”

Runaan coughed softly in wry amusement.

“I chose you, as you chose me, remember? I was there. Lunablooms, dancing, our whispered vows? Ringing any bells?”

“Yes, my heart.” Runaan’s voice was small.

“I came into this life with you with my eyes open, as much as they could be. Don’t hold yourself away from me for fear of disappointing my expectations of you. We’re stronger together, remember?”

Runaan nodded once, but his brows rode low with confusion. “You were so upset. I didn’t want to make you feel worse.”

Ethari’s fingers squeezed hard. “Runaan, it got worse anyway, because you didn’t trust me! I’ve only been so frustrated because I...”

“Because you what?” Runaan breathed.

Ethari fiddled with Runaan’s collar, smoothing his shirt atop his shoulders. “We’ve both been right, and we’ve both been wrong, haven’t we?” he murmured.

“What do you mean?”

Ethari kept his voice low, soft. “You haven’t been putting Rayla first. But that’s because you can’t. Your assassin’s honor won’t let you.”

Runaan closed his eyes and lowered his head. Twin tears tracked over his markings.

Ethari bit the inside of his trembling lip. “And so... there’s no way out, is there?”

Runaan shook his head.

Ethari managed a steadying breath. “Because you’ve looked. You’ve tried to find a way to spare her from this.”

A tiny nod. Hesitant. Uncertain whether it had been enough, and whether it even mattered anymore.

Ethari surged forward, gasping in deep relief, and hugged Runaan tightly. His arms squeezed around his husband, pinning him against his heaving chest. Runaan’s arms hesitantly slid around Ethari in return.

“Then I still know you, my heart.” Ethari’s whisper danced against Runaan’s ear.

A sudden, soft cry flew free of Runaan’s mouth, and he clung hard, digging his fingers into Ethari’s crop top. His cry ended with a deep gasp of relief, and he buried his face against Ethari’s scarf. His shoulders tensed and released, and he nodded against Ethari’s collarbone.

“You keep her safe.” Ethari’s voice was urgent, even as he held Runaan with tight reassurance. “She’s all we have left. Keep her safe.”

Runaan lifted his head, and his steady gaze met Ethari’s. Despite the fresh tear tracks on his cheeks, his breathing was even and his eyes were clear. His brows rose softly, and a small smile lurked in the corner of his mouth. “I’d be lost without the advice of my heart.”

Ethari pulled one arm free and pressed his hand atop Runaan’s chest. “I’d be lost without the dedication of my heart. I should’ve trusted it more, and I’m sorry. I won’t fight you on this anymore. Your way, Runaan.”

Runaan’s expression struggled with angst for a long moment before he nodded. “My way. For what it’s worth.”

Ethari leaned his forehead against his husband’s. “I trust you with all that I love, my heart. I trust you.”

His lips brushed Runaan’s softly, surrendering to a fate that had held them in its grip for far longer than he realized. If it wouldn’t let them loose, then he’d just have to hang on all the tighter.

Runaan kissed him back with urgent softness, hungry for Ethari’s trust. “I won’t fail you. I’ll make it right. I promise.”

And Ethari smiled and nodded, pretending for love that such things were possible.

#ruthari ficlet #ruthari #tdp angst #ruthari angst #did i mention the angst #my writing

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