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#broken heart

i am a poet of one hundred words were ten would do it justice

but you -

you are a poet of the soul

who speaks without words at all

so why do i still toss around these petty poems of promise

when you are full of more peace and solace

than these words ever will be?

and yet

these words are my livelihood

and the likelihood that i would give them up

is equal to the chance of you giving me a second glance

and that, after all,

is why i have a hundred words written purely

on the subject of you

and you

have none on me

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There’s a picture of us that once served to remind me of the reason I kept holding on. And now, I still have the picture (how could I just get rid of a moment from a good day, even if we’re no longer together?), but all it brings me is a sad kind of nostalgia. Me wishing I was as naïve as I was a year ago. Hoping that my absence from your life has finally stopped hurting, so you can learn whatever the hell I was put in your life to teach you.

I thought I’d gotten to that point, but apparently, I’m still hurting.

But I read a physical book for the first time since at least May, and all it took was a ten-minute power outage. I wonder what that says about my mental state. Maybe not that I’m improving, just that that was all it took to motivate me to rediscover the joys of another world to push down my feelings, instead of burying them under stress and schoolwork.

It’s been 3 months since we broke up, and I hope you’re doing well. I’m still very sorry and very guilty, and I know that if I were more self-destructive, I’d never have done it, that even now, I’d beg you to take me back like you once begged me. And I’d deserve your refusal. I hope you’d refuse me. I don’t ever plan to find out.

I suppose I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, pushing some things down until I can deal with them at a later date. Just continue working towards recovery, not worrying about the past with you or the future I have to live without you. Until one day, I find that all the sadness is gone, and the memory of you just brings along a sense of resignation, acceptance that we happened and we ended and I learned some valuable lesson that I don’t know yet. Just like how I feel about my first ex.

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The fire that is within her is enough to melt even the coldest of hearts

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The flame that attracts is the same that burns when you’re around it for long enough. Creep close enough to keep warm but far enough away to maintain your safety.

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No matter how much you try to sugar-coat things, breaking up with someone is always a hard task. But you can do it with a touch of elegance and that alone will make things a little less horrid.
 
You may think that a civilized and polite break up is an impossible goal to achieve, but the way you (both) break up will tell more about yourself/yourselves than words could ever do. If you are refined, mild-mannered and honest human beings, a polite break up is not an extraordinary achievement, it’s something natural, because that’s the way you both do things in life - like polite adults.
 
Screams, physical and verbal violence, insults, stalking, depressing scenes and all types of uncivilized behaviors are typical from people who are not grown-up enough to finish a relationship with a modicum of dignity. And those who are nor adult enough to end a relationship with respectability should never have started a relationship in first place.
 
Oh, and if you want to avoid a confrontation and decide to ghost your (now ex) partner, let me tell you: you are but a spoiled child, a repulsive coward with neither guts nor feelings, and you deserve to get canc… I mean, you deserve all the bad things that will surely happen to you.
 
When there is a civilized break up, what was once a romance, can turn into a healthy friendship. It happened to me a few times and I am glad to say that one of my best friends is also an ex - the one with whom I had the longest relationship, actually. No one seemed surprised to see us splitting up, but, most of all, no one seemed surprised to see us doing it like adults, civilized adults that replaced an old love story with a good friendship.
 
Sadly, some other ex - the person I loved the most, I admit - decided to do otherwise. I always told her that, if she no longer felt anything for me me or if she had found someone else, that we could break up with zero drama and even remain friends. I always believed that we should be honest to each other about ourselves and our feelings… until she left me without a word, a warning or even a farewell. She cut off all communication and disappeared. She broke up the hard way, when she could have done everything like decent adults do. In that moment, the mask fell off and she, the one who always bragged about her strict moral compass, proved to be a paltry human being. I understand why she did what she did, but I would never do it that way, that’s not who I am - but it is who she is.
 
Let me repeat for you: the way we break up says a lot about ourselves - more than words could ever do.

Yours,
 
Fabien Euskadi
 
 
#15

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Take one step,

Your legs begin to shake

Take two steps,

You begin to slip

Take three steps,

You start sliding down

You try to take a fourth step,

But it’s pointless.

You’re sliding down that slippery slope

Into the endless chasm of despair you’ve fought so hard to escape.

And you had.

For a brief moment you saw light, and hope, and peace.

Stripped away from your longing grasp,

Only darkness surrounds you now.

Welcome back to hell.

Not just your hell.

OUR hell.

It’s nice to see your face again,

Hopeless friend.

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Und immer, wenn ich dich von ihr erzählen hör’

Stell’ ich mir vor, du redest so von mir

Um dir zu sagen, was ich wirklich sagen will

Bin ich zum Glück nicht betrunken genug

Also hör’ ich dir nur zu

Du weißt nicht, wie weh das tut

Du checkst es nie

Ich wünschte irgendwie, ich wäre sie

… und dann merke ich, dass was du für sie empfindest, ist das was ich für dich empfinde. Vllt ist sie deine person, die du immer allen vorziehst… und du bist halt meine Person, die ich jeder anderen vorziehe… und über die man nie hinweg kommt.

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