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#broken heart

When I say I don’t remember things I lie I remember everything including the little things. I remember the stories you tell me that make you cry even though you try to hold it in. The stories that make you laugh uncontrollably and even the ones that make you angry. I remember your favorite foods and all the foods you hate. Like how you love literally anything spicy but hate most deserts besides the sour patch watermelons. How you love the color green because when you were in school everyone liked the color blue and red so you wanted something different that no one would choose. I remember everything about your family that you tell me, I know their names all by heart even though I’ve never met any of them. I know how much you loved and looked up to Kobe but I also know the other basketball players you like. I know how you lost the tooth as a teenager while playing basketball. I think I know most of your stories now but when you’re drunk you will retell them over and over again but I let you. I let you because of how your eyes light up because you love those kinds of stories. I remember how you describe me, you make me sound so amazing even though sometimes I don’t think so. I remember every conversation and everything we do together. I remember when you tell me you love me but say you blacked out and can’t remember a thing. I just pretend I don’t remember these things so you won’t think I’m obsessed with you. I love you so I won’t ever forget these things or ever forget about you like you might forget me…

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12:04 am

Taylor, I’m a big fan, but could you please make a song where the character finds the love of her life and lives happily ever after? In each era, some music suits my life, now I think it’s “The 1”, I’m tired of having my heart broken by my expectations… almost exactly your songs 😭💔

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maybe you don’t know me yet

i hope someday we can trully meet in person in a good way, in a good place, in a good situation

i can wait for that moment come true

dear you..

i think, i really have interest on you. just by imagine your smile…your eyes… it can make me smile unconsiously

this is already few months since the first time i know you, this feeling become stronger and bigger every day. i was do so many things to make this feeling gone, or just reduce. but the result is nothing

i adore you from so far away, we’re not even there in the same country. if my dream for meeting you and talk to you in person come tru, ofc it’s still hard or maybe impossible for us, right?

i know that you have someone in your side right now. and you already with her for years. i know how she looks, i look her face, her behavior. maybe i don’t know much, and i always avoid to see her in all the way. because it’s hurting me

this is feel so wrong, and i feel so stupid just by typing this on my blog. but i need to tell this story and how i feel. so it will become easier for my to delete everything, and try the new page.

it’s been very long time for me this far in adoring someone. and i don’t know why after all this time my heart choose you.

if i can tell, i never have interest for someone like you. i fell in love once to a spaniard. adoring actually, adoring that become deep love and also hurting at the end.



for her, someone who is on your side

hi, nice to know you. i don’t know what kind of person you’re. i also have no idea how you treat him or how your relationship with him go along. i have no roght for judging you or him.

can i ask some things from you. can you please always be nice to him? give him comfort, give him strength, give him anything he needs. he is really tired standing on this big fame, does he?, and please take care of him, because so many woman out there willing to sacrifice their life just to make him happy.

please don’t make him dissappointed. thankyou for your time all this time.

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My life has been more or less stagnant, with a little drama, fireworks and sudden storms that come and go.

Ive been searching for the purpose of my life for such a long time but all i see is a big blank.

At times i feel there is nothing but darkness and doom ahead of me. I make peace with that and move along in my life.

Then certain colours splashes across my boring mundane life and i feel maybe good things are in store for me. I smile. I dream!!

Even the tiny bit of happiness sparks a sense of joy and illuminates my life. I start to fly. Euphoria, that’s what these moments feel like.

But alas all good things come to an end and i realize how this is all not meant to be.

If you did not mean it or want to walk along with me to the end why come along my way? why give me hope? only to shatter it all the way.

All that is left for me is misery or maybe this is how my life was supposed to be. I should make peace with it and not dream too big not dream too much.

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Two years ago was the worst day of my life.

Two years ago he left.

Two years ago I received the hardest phone call I’ve ever had.

Two years ago I screamed in agony as I crumpled to the floor.

Two years ago I didn’t eat for two days.

Two years ago I didn’t stop crying for three days.

Two years ago I lay in my mum’s bed because I couldn’t bear to be alone.

Two years ago I couldn’t sleep.

Two years have passed and it still hurts.

Two years have passed and part of me still longs for what we had.

Two years have passed and I haven’t healed.

Two years in the future I hope I will be over it.

Two years in the future I’m sure part of me will still love him.

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Yvonne Printemps  -  Plaisir d'amour

Le refrain célèbre est “ Plaisir d’amour ne dure qu’un moment. Chagrin d’amour dure toute la vie. “

Cette chanson d’Yvonne Printemps fut interprétée par Nana Mouskouri en 1971, puis par bien d’autres interprètes. Elle a, également, été chantée en anglais par la voix de l’américaine John Baez.

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To my greatest love who broke my heart.

It’s funny that I still find time to write something like this for you. It’s been quite some time since we had our last conversation.

How I wish I could go back to our very first conversation. I really don’t have any intentions of letting you enter my life as my one greatest love. Honestly, I never saw you coming, I never saw “us” coming. How I wish I could forget you that easily, just like forgetting everything. But you know, I just can’t. It’s something I’m incapable of.

Yes, you, you are the best and the worst person I have ever met. You are the best, the best man I have fallen in love with. You are also, on the other hand, the worst person I have met because you broke my heart. Twists and turns are indeed surprising. I have to admit I was not attracted to you at first, but as days passed by, I was beginning to like you until I came to a point of loving you already.

Loving you made me realize, that in love, you don’t count the number of days you fall in love with a person. Love happens when your heart started to speak and feel the inexplicable emotions you once thought you’ll never experience. Love is always unexpected. I consider loving you as, so far, the greatest lesson I have learned when it comes to love. It had opened my eyes to the reality of the world. It had taught me valuable lessons I never learned from the past relationships I have been into.

But I have to tell you that loving you also, is somewhat the biggest mistake I have ever made. It has caused me pain that made me feel sick about myself. It has caused me hostilities that I have to deal with to regain my self-confidence. It has caused me trust issues that made me afraid to believe in love again.

Loving you is like living and dying everyday.

Every day I have to live to forget you but I also have to die every time I tell myself I have to forget you because you are my curse–the curse I’ll never get over with:((((

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