#brucie wayne | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vodrae · 5 months

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Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?

Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.

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who-always-pays-their-taxes · 24 days

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im obsessed with the idea that gothamites 100% know who all the batkids are, like “ for sure Dick Grayson is nightwing #thebuttsmatch” and they figured out all their identities and who it correlates to, “ofc the newest robin with all the swords is Damian Wayne!!” but they refuse to even consider Bruce and The Batman being the same guy. it just doesn’t make sense?? Brucie Wayne, dressing up as a bat and calling himself vengeance???? as if???? also he’s from bristol???? can’t possibly be Brucie. Like they genuinely believe that Bruce is the father to a whole gaggle of themed vigilantes and just doesn’t know it. Anytime his kids disappear during a gala, he gets a bunch of pitiful looks and he can’t leave bc everyone’s looking at him now??

This actually works into a lot of ppls theories that Brucie is The Batman’s sugar daddy, bc clearly they’re together and co parenting the batkids??

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alyakthedorklord · 11 months

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Bruce Wayne, sitting in a cute eco-friendly cafe while on a video call with Tim: Oh Noooo, are you sure there’s no way the board of directors will let us get rid of this old decrepit Wayne Factory building that is unsafe for our workers and also for the surrounding environment?

CEO Tim, with equal gravitas: No, I’m afraid they just won’t budge. It technically meets legal requirements on paper, and we can’t prove that the chemicals affecting the local ecosystem that have no other possible source are from the out-of-date drainage system… they’re saying it would cost too much to fix the place up too, which is ridiculous, because we’re us, but our hands are tied…

Bruce, full Brucie himbo mode: Oh I just feel so SAD for all the sweet fluffy animals and the pretty flowers and especially our hard workers dealing with such unsafe conditions… I think I’ll give them all a nice short vacation this weekend, so the ENTIRE PLACE will be EMPTY and SHUT DOWN from FRIDAY TO TUESDAY, the SECURITY SYSTEM WILL BE DOWN because it’s just so GLITCHY, I’m sure nothing will happen to the ENVIRONMENTAL STAIN ON OUR COMPANIES NAME THAT WILL BE COMPLETELY ABANDONED FROM FRIDAY TO TUESDAY- Timmy do you think I’m being too subtle?

Tim, snickering: no no you’re doing great Bruce I’m sure they’ve got it

Poison Ivy, on a date the next table over: ( ‘-‘)-☕️

Harley, through tears of repressed laughter: so… we doing anythin’ this weekend?

#you know they would #at least once #it’s called delegation #dc comcis #brucie wayne #bruce wayne #harley x ivy #poison ivy #harley quinzel #tim drake #batfam #gotta give the girls enrichment #what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon

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dieubius · 3 months

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The in-universe Gothamite's guide to shipping your resident billionaire 💀

...

Comes with labels

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ikiprian · 1 month

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ugh i know bruce probably has some lame ass ubiquitous american broadcast voice, but SO BADLY i want him to have just. the world’s THICKEST jersey accent

“jason peetah, swear ta god, i’m gonna cawl alfred and get ‘im to tawk some sense into ya. do you want him to know what you been up to? yeah no. yeah no! ‘swhat i thought! yeh breakin ya butler’s heart!!”

#keeping up with the waynes should be a lush soundscape of brucie’s jersey kvetching while his kids fistfight in the bg #bruce wayne #batman #batfam #batfamily #brucie wayne #kipthought

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evaningotham · 4 months

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i know like 97% of brucie wayne headcanons focus around bruce and the kids h a t i n g the brucie persona

but its so much more fun for me to imagine them absolutely loving it

like bruce gets to be as big of a dumbass as he wants with no repercussions?

i like to think he does shit to imitate/make fun of other celebrities but practically no one gets the joke bc they think brucies just Like That

theater kid jason watches in awe at the character his dads perfected and starts work on his own persona immediately

life long performer dickie grayson wayne looks at the whole thing as a show and the world is his stage

tim just fully leans into the kid genius thing and infodumps any chance he gets, you get i to a conversation with him and walk away knowing about the evolution of different bugs in egypt

cass plays the shy quiet girl but its so obvious she has all of her brothers wrapped around her finger

damian is the worst at it, but takes it SO SERIOUSLY, the entire thing is a mission to him

duke just acts super grateful to be invited all while the rest of the family knows he’d rather be literally anywhere else

#dc comics #tim drake #batman #bruce wayne #jason todd #dick grayson #dickie grayson #dickie wayne #cassandra cain #brucie wayne #duke thomas #damian wayne

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mylifeingotham · 2 months

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robintherobiner · 6 months

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Bruce Wayne at a gala: Oh my goodness, have you met my babies yet?

Person: Babies? I thought-

Bruce, dragging them over to a group of people: Here we go! Meet my precious angels.

Dick, 29: Hi, pleasure to meet you.

Cass, 23: *waves*

Definitely-Not-Jason-The-Dead-Son, 23: Sup.

Tim, 17 21: Ah, nice to see you again. Are you enjoying the gala?

Stephanie, 22: I am not his, or an angel. I am precious though.

Duke, 16: Hi! Have you tried the cupcakes yet?

Damian, 14: Greetings. Goodbye now.

Bruce: Aren’t they adorable? I birthed them all!

Person: But.. But you’re a.. man?

Brucie, beaming brightly: Whats your point?

#dc comics #dc universe #batman comics #batfamily #batfam #bruce wayne #brucie wayne #tim drake #jason todd #damian wayne #dick grayson #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas

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rhinexstone · 1 month

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I know there’s already been some hcs about Bruce Wayne going on a DC universe version of SNL but I just need to play it out for y’all

The whole bit is that this is the first time Brucie has ever taken anything so serious in his life, like the promo clip where he’s awkwardly standing with the music guest and a cast mate is basically like “I went to this thing called a meeting yesterday, have you guys ever heard of those before?? Wild!!” And Alfred makes a cameo in his opening monologue where he hands him his script on a silver platter.

But the thing that drives his family crazy is that he actually does a skit where he IS Batman. And they’re all freaking out because like holy shit Bruce there’s walking the line and using it as a jump rope. And he won’t elaborate on any of the specifics just that he actually pitched the idea himself.

The skit is basically just “what if Bruce Wayne was Batman” and it’s him trying to stop a mugging, but he immediately takes a tumble (his Instagram story hinted at stunt training and everyone had their theories, but it all being so that he could do a Buster Keaton-esque stunt is so much better). He freaks out at the sound of some warning fire and immediately surrenders despite the mugger really being equally afraid of him, and then a Villain of the Week captures him with ease, and he flirts the entire time he’s being dragged away.

He fucking kills it for someone without an acting background (to most people’s knowledge) and from that point on it’s a running joke/meme for gothamites to post or talk about what Bruce Wayne Batman would do in place of regular Batman

#dc comics #bruce wayne #batfam #Gotham #batman #brucie wayne

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thisiswhereikeepdcthings · 10 months

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What if everyone in Gotham knows who Batman is? They all know, they just don’t say anything. It’s not something that is spoken of or acknowledged in any way, other than the occasional glance or shared look of understanding. But they all know. Except for Brucie Wayne. Lord bless their himbo sunshine child, but he seems to be the only person in Gotham that doesn’t know who Batman is. He must be protected at all costs.

Everyone in Gotham knows who Batman is. (They’re wrong)

#batman #gotham #bruce wayne #brucie wayne #himbo bruce is the best bruce #bonus if all the kids know what everyone else thinks and just continue watching with glee #what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon

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mild-and-hammered · 2 months

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"Clark can't handle Brucie Wayne, ooh Clark gets all flustered around Brucie" I mean...sure.

But imagine how flustered Bruce gets when Clark actually flirts back

#superbat #superman x batman #brucie wayne #bruce wayne #clark kent #batman #superman

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thealexanderfiles · 5 months

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Broke: Bruce wayne uses his batman voice to spook his children at 2 am to get them to stop playing video games

Woke: Batman used his Brucie Wayne voice to interrogate JL criminals in custody in a sealed, soundproof room untill they're begging to be let out and give up the information freely

Hyperwoke: Brucie Wayne and his ensemble of children attend the met gala in their full vigilante costumes and Brucie flirts aggressively with anything that moves

Superhyperwoke: Brucie Wayne and his ensemble of children dress up in fifteen dollar Walmart knockoff versions of JL members and go on a sightseeing bus tour of Metropolis.

#bruce wayne #batfam #batman #dc comics #dc universe #brucie wayne #dick grayson #tim drake #stephanie brown #gotham #red hood #red robin #jason todd #nightwing

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fakeicecubes · 3 months

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I truly think that Bruce would protect his kids with his life from the media/paparazzi. Like when he first adopted Dick all articles surrounding him and his parents death vanished. Or how he played up his Brucie performance when Damian first went to a WE gala because he’s never had to deal with the press before. And I KNOW it killed him when Jason’s death was announced but that was the one thing they couldn’t keep from the media.

One day, pre-identity reveal, Clark goes to a charity gala and asks a young Tim drake and Cassandra Cain about their opinions on the subject. A BUNCH of reporters are giving him looks but Clark can’t tell what for. Until Bruce Wayne walks up to with a stone cold expression. But Clark was perfectly polite and Tim and Cass tell Bruce they actually enjoyed expressing their opinions. The next day in the Planet their words weren’t twisted. And now whenever article comes out about the Waynes(still a rare occurrence but it’s something) it’s written by a certain Clark Kent.

#batfam #batman #superman #clark kent #bruce wayne #brucie wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #cassandra cain #superbat #dceu #dcu #dc comics #dc universe #fuck the paparazzi #-Brucie Wayne

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queenofthequillandink · 1 year

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Funniest possible stance for Brucie Wayne to publically take is a firmly-rooted belief that Batman doesn't exist.

"I've never once been rescued by this so-called hero and I've been kidnapped 14 times already this year."

"Why would the police summon him with a giant lantern? Wouldn't that make more sense for Mothman?"

"I know what you can do with Photoshop, these doctored pictures can't fool me! Tim's a whiz with photos, have you seen his latest exhibit..?"

"Vigilantism is illegal, you can't do that."

#brucie wayne #batman #bruce wayne #dc comics #original

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dieubius · 9 months

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uhhh. bruce wayne modelling gig. have a good day 🥰

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alyakthedorklord · 10 months

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Batman the Playboy

Justice League, not quite early days but before proper identity reveals, though everyone knows Batman knows theirs, bc he has Opinions™ and Constructive Criticisms™ on their secret-keeping.

The issue is brought up on random occasions. The most notable incident- the Justice League, including Batman, being Drunk for Bonding, and Batman, in a fit of paranoid good intentions because he CARES about these idiots, damnit, why must they be so careless, starts insulting them.

Batman, leaning heavily on the table: “GL, you’re a mess, I don’t even know where to start with you. And Arrow! Your goatee is so distinctive, it’s a wonder no one has called you out on it-“

Green Arrow, also drunk: “Alright, there’s no need to insult my awesome facial hair-”

Batman, in despair: “It’s so ugly.”

Green Arrow: (offended noises)

Green Lantern: “Okay, the only reason you know our secret identities is because you’re a rude nosy bastard who needs to know everything about us like a creepy stalker who needs an ego boost! We’re not stupid, Spooky, we’re just polite. We could figure you out easily if we wanted to. Superman can see right through your mask!”

Usually, Batman would have a good response to that. Something smart and reasonable like “villains won’t care for your privacy, I’m testing you,” or something cutting like “I don’t care enough about you to go digging, I set your secret identity as a training exercise for Robin.”

However, Batman is Drunk, because for some reason imbibing drugs that dampen higher brain function is socially acceptable and often, for some reason, expected, because it’s “team bonding” and “come on just loosen up a bit.” (Also for him, drunk=Brucie)

So what Batman ends up saying is: “I could kiss you full on the lips in my secret identity and you wouldn’t know a thing.”

Superman, plucking the glass from Batman’s hand: “Aaaand that is enough alcohol for you!”

Batman nods. Thank God. He wants to go home and sleep. But first: “Superman, yours is so stupid it’s almost impressive-”

———

Of course, Green Lantern has smelled a challenge. And Green Lantern must annoy Batman. It’s his true superpower. So, the next time they meet (sober) he brings up the issue again.

GL: “So about what you said at the party… the part where you could kiss us full on the lips without us knowing. You still confident in that without liquid courage, Spooky? Bet you your real name you can’t do it.”

Batman, regretting the fact that alcohol has ever passed his lips: “I could do it, but I will not.”

Flash, curious: “Why’s that?”

Batman: “Informed Consent. I will not risk making any of you feel violated, or manipulated, for the sake of a stupid bet and my ego.”

GA, still offended by the goatee comment, trying to back Batman into a corner: “So if we give consent, we’re fair game? Try me, Batman. Even you can’t pull this off. Anyone else game?”

Some of the Justice League laughs, raising their hands.

Flash: “Come get me, hot stuff! I’ll call you out!”

Wonder Woman: “It could be amusing.”

Martian Manhunter: “I would be far too difficult a target.”

Green Arrow: “Not just you. C’mon, Spooky, flirting well enough to get a kiss from me? I’m a classy lady.”

Black Canary: “D-class, maybe.”

Superman, wants a kiss in on the fun: 🙋🏻‍♂️

“So that’s it then!” Green Lantern says smugly. “Batman, if you can kiss… how many people raised their hands? Ah yes- HALF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE, without anyone realizing it’s you, then you win.”

Batman scoffs and walks out, leaving the Justice League in stitches at their joke. Because- Batman? Being good enough at flirting to land a kiss on half the league, without it being forced or awkward, without them recognizing his body language, his voice, his build? How ridiculous!

The Batman is Autistic. The Batman does not understand jokes, especially not ones that are half truths. The Batman has consent, and something to prove.

And Bruce Wayne, billionaire, playboy, and sexy DILF, has targets.

(Please tell me how you think he gets each League member.)

Edit: there have been a bunch of awesome additions in the notes! My own take here.

#a few months later GL brings it up #like ‘ha ha remember funny joke’#batman: ‘…joke?’#justice league #😳#yes joke #autistic batman #batman #brucie wayne #justice leauge shennanigans #batman the playboy

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