#bruh I just need a kind old man to tell me I’m worth it and to strive towards my destiny

[theramblingsoldier]

I wouldn’t mind Sir John Franklin following me around and saying some inspirational religious stuff whilst I do schoolwork and stuff.

#the terror amc #the boat boys #sir john franklin #bruh I just need a kind old man to tell me I’m worth it and to strive towards my destiny

[super-hero-girls-netflix]

Headcanons on disorders and illnesses (like ADHD, Anorexia, Some kind of condition or something) for both boys and girls?

ALL THE KIDS ARE DEPRESSED

It's a song by Jeremy Zucker

Lol.

Lesse. Everyone this HEADCANNON post has a mental illness. For the sake of the headcannon.

HEADCANNON CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

HEADCANNON #1- Karen

Karen had anxiety and depression. It comes hand in hand. The anxiety is not prominent and really the depression is only like a dark corner of her brain that only invades when the anxiety is high but...she has anxiety and temperamental depression.

Her anxiety is everpresent of course. Especially when she has to meet new people. But with time she wrangles her anxiety down and loosens up. It's a constant battle of 'of course they like me they're my friends' and 'am I annoying them' 'are they sick of me' 'do I matter to them as much they do to me?'.

It's exhausting. But of course..she won't let anxiety win. And neither will her friends! They makes sure to remind Karen just how special they know she is.

And that's final.

HEADCANNON #2- Kara

Kara always knew she had a bit of an anger problem. A quick temper. A psychoanalysis man told her that it was because I'm order to protect herself from being hurt she had to dismiss them.

She begged to differ. She wouldn't be so angry if people weren't so stupid. But whatever. She also had depression? Big whoop. It's not like she actually think anyway, or so she insists to the Danvers.

But the Danvers are dutiful legal guardians and got her a therapist. Of course she was super cold and prone to ignoring the man at first but somehow...over time...she told him everything.

Most of everything.

Things that pissed her off.

In fact, this is how most meetings start:

Kara, skateboarding into the room, with a smoothie in hand: Bruh, you won't believe what happened to me last night.

So...instead of stewing in anger she just spills out every single thing that makes her want to commit murder.

HEADCANNON #3- Jess

Depression. Just depression. Depression everywhere.

It isn't obvious. She's so out together and calm and collected. None of the stereotypical signs.

But you can tell when she starts to sleep less and talk less. When her words slur and her movements are slightly erratic.

When she neglects herself.

The girls make sure that Jess knows that they're there when she needs them. Jess is good at faking happiness, but they're good at detecting bullshit.

HEADCANNON #4- Diana

She is mental illness free. At least the kind that is hardwired into her brain. The kind people are born with.

But depression isn't always genetic.

And PTSD definitely isn't.

Diana has been sheltered in a pretty morally correct place but she has lived alongside monsters of Greek mythology.

She is pretty confident about most but she cannot, I repeat, she cannot, stand bears. And it might seem silly but seeing bears or any rendition of it sends Diana into gory flashbacks.

For that specific reason Babs makes sure to hide all bear themed stuffed animals when Diana comes over.

HEADCANNON #5- Zee

Being in the spotlight all her life has made Zee rather accustomed to criticism. She was always a bit above it.

Petty commentary like 'so annoying' or 'does she think she's cute?' was beneath her concern.

But one always nagged at her.

'Look at her- so chubby!' 'Haha, hamster cheeks'.

That was when the meal skipping started, what was once neglecting breakfast and avoiding extra calories was soon lying about eating and even, on some rare occasions, going as far as throwing up what her father insisted she choked down.

Yes, a kid can be depressed at the ripe age of 8 years old.

Of course she's doing better now. Not skipping any meals. And not giving the comment section the time of day.

Still, she flinches when she hears whispers of 'chubby' or 'fat'.

HEADCANNON #6- Babs

ADHD, Babs has a lower amount of dopamine so that's why she's always looking for a new thrill. Something to invest in that will give her regular amount of dopamine.

Things that lower dopamine like studying or school is of course of no interest to her so she takes no interest in learning about it.

That's why she has trouble focusing on certain aspects of school.

The BORING aspects.

Of course being forced to focus on the BORING aspects lowers her dopamine and she goes to a lapse of what looks likes depression.

It's horrid.

She still hasn't figured bout a way to be entertained with boring stuff but... she's working on it.

The BOYS

HEADCANNON #1- Carter

Carter. He doesn't have depression. At least, not depression depression.

Lol, I know.

I like to believe, in my AU, that he is a selective mute. Which comes in and as a sever anxiety disorder. He only speaks to people he feels comfortable with, or he is used to. And only when it's something he feels comfortable about.

This is just a headcannon. I strongly believe that Carter, in a another AU, doesn't think the twerps worth his time, nevermind his voice.

HEADCANNON #2- Garth

He is one with Depression. In fact him and the rude voice in head engage in daily conversation.

Before he goes to his therapist.

Who likes spraying the surprisingly self-deprecating boy with her plant waterer spray.

No one knows.

No one asks.

How can the confident water boy prince have depression.

HEADCANNON #3- Hal

Good old fashioned depression.

That's it.

He's a depressed Fuck. Who's so obsessed with feeling fine again he can't see how he's hurting others.

But he's being forced to see a therapist (thanks Jess) and he's working on it.

HEADCANNON #4- Steve

ADHD, he's constantly not happy. Dopamine less. So he just keeps his facade of pleasantness on and tries to find ways to be happy.

He figured out quick he liked war stuff. Especially pilots.

Now sometimes it's all that gets him through it all.

Looks fine is most likely silently screaming.

HEADCANNON #5- Oliver

Has anxiety.

I know.

Wouldn't expect it, right?

He's so loud and charming and confident.

Yeah, well it's a layer of confidence. Bravado to shield him from the world.

Be warned that if a single insult hits him it will most likely hit hard- and result in him working even harder to perfect a role.

He does go to therapy though. But he isn't very good at being sincere about his feelings.

HEADCANNON #6- Barry

Bipolar disorder.

This poor boy suffers through the highs of mania and lows of depression.

However since he's always at a higher speed then others they can't tell when he's lagging or acting up.

Unless- unless they pay close attention.

No one really knows....

#dc super hero girls #dc superhero girls 2019 #dc superhero girls netflix #dc superheroes #dc super hero high #barry allen #carter hall #hal jordan #steve trevor #garth bernstein #oliver queen

[poisxnyouth]

bad influence dave part 2 (d.d)

A/N: i’m sorry this is so short ): i think it’s a vibe tho. enjoy. talk to me while you read & let me know what you think. love u. thank u for reading. grateful for y’allllllll

WC: 5.1k

You see David again a week after you give him your first handjob, and it’s almost embarrassing how much you’ve begun texting each other – about anything and everything. He texts you on his lunch breaks, when he gets off of work, when he’s going into work, when he’s bored, before he goes to sleep – you name it. You text him when work is slow, in the middle of church, during the weekly family dinner at your parents’, anytime — constantly attempting to see each other. 

 At noon, David texts you while you’re about to go on lunch break, usually an uneventful hour:

 It’s so slow rn. Come see me whenever you go on break. Pls. I’m losing my mind. This old woman won’t stop hitting on me. All she wants are mimosas.

 Of course, you tell him you will. Why sit in the break room and waste your own time when you can go see him? 

 He had mentioned to you in passing where he bartends; a few streets up and over, but not too far – speed walking distance if you wanted to see him for longer than thirty minutes. 

 You make it as quickly as you can, composing yourself before opening the door. As soon as David gains sight of you, the look on his face indicates you saved him from a bartender’s Hell. He fakes an excuse to the woman, the only other person in the bar, to come speak with you. He leans against it when he’s in front of you, eyes on yours.

 “Hi, baby. Do I need to card you?” he asks, watching the familiar blush spread across your cheeks, “It’s so good to see you. What are you drinking?”

 “I’m still working!” you excuse, bitching him out playfully, “Nothing!” 

 “That’s no fun,” he rolls his eyes, “It’s on me. What do you want? Actually, don’t answer that. I’ll pick.” 

 “By the way, that’s what you wear to work?” David questions, looking you up and down approvingly as he pours a shot for you, “Sexy.” 

 “If I take a shot, you have to take a shot, too,” you bargain with him, ignoring his comment as you blush even more, “We’re both working!”

 “The only way I can drink on the job is if you buy it for me,” he explains, looking around the room and the older woman, “buuuut...is anyone looking? And I’m not the lightweight here, remember?” he chuckles, “Miss Two Drinks and I’m Drunk.”

 You flush as he places your glass on the bar, “It’s tequila. Salt on the back of your hand, honey.” 

 “I know how to do a shot of tequila,” you gripe, eyes rolling as you lick the back of your hand, “Just ‘cause I’m a virgin doesn't mean-”

 “Okay,” he shrugs rudely, not caring about your defense, “Just do the shot, baby. Cheers.”

 “Cheers.”

 You clink your glasses and David’s eyes follow your tongue when you dump some salt on top of the wet skin. You lick at it, meeting his eyes and downing it. You reach for the lime and suck on it as he finishes his, taking your glass from you.

 “When can I see you again?” you ask, gazing at him as he leans against the counter, “I’m off at five.” 

 “I’m off at six. You wanna go dealing with me tonight? I need some company, and we can go back to my place afterwards,” he questions, eyes on yours, “You can weigh everybody’s shit for me and split it up.” 

 “Okay,” you agree, slightly excited at the prospect, “Do you want me to come back here when I get off?” 

 “Yes,” David replies, “I’m getting you high afterwards, though. Don’t say no. I’ll give you, like, the whole experience. Are you working tomorrow?”

 You shake your head, blushing, before he responds, “Great. Me either, so you’re spending the night.” 

 You gape at him, “I don’t have my stuff-”

 “I’ll take you by your place beforehand,” David offers, shoving his hands in his pockets, “Stop stressing, baby.”

 You sigh, hating how many hearts are filling your eyes as you gaze at him and hating that you have to leave, “Okay. I have to go. I’ll see you in a few.”

 He tells you to wait, slipping out from behind the bar and leaning his head down, kissing you. “Okay. You can go now. I’ll see you later. Wish me luck with that one over there.” 

 ++

 Five-thirty seems to be around the time the bar is getting busier due to everyone getting off of work, and the stress on David’s face is evident. He hasn't even noticed your arrival yet, attempting to keep polite conversation with his customers. 

 Six rolls around and he’s immediately clocking out, gruffly wishing his coworker good luck and making his way over to you, “Sorry, sweetheart. Fucking busy tonight. Let’s get out of here.” 

 You do, and David’s immediately lighting a cigarette and unbuttoning his black dress shirt as soon as you step outside. He had rolled the sleeves up since you last saw him, and he slips the garment off while his cigarettes and lighter are still in his hands and out of his breast pocket. 

 His black t-shirt remains, tucked into his slacks which are secured with a belt. He’s guiding you to his car silently for a few minutes, tossing out his cigarette before unlocking the vehicle and climbing in. 

 “I gotta shower before I do anything else,” David tells you, starting the car and pulling out of his spot, “It’s been like that in there since three. I’ve been sweating like a bitch; I feel disgusting.” He casually rests his free hand on the inside of your thigh as he drives, leading the small talk – as he always does. 

 David doesn’t mind being the talkative one; he likes bringing up subjects that are taboo to you, watching you refuse to meet his eyes and blush as he presses the topic, becoming more detailed as he speaks. 

 He usually goes until you tell him to stop, reacting with an affectionate rub at the skin of your thighs, “Sorry, baby, you know I like seeing you get all worked up and not know what to do about it.”

 Once at his place, he quickly showers and changes while you patiently wait on him. It takes him ten minutes, tops, before he’s ready to go. 

 “Alright,” David says casually, grabbing his keys and motioning to his bedroom door, “Come here, follow me. My roommates and I all deal at least a little bit — I’m the best one of all of us — so this is where we keep our shit.” He takes you into another bedroom, turning the lights on and pulling out his phone.

 “Okay, baby,” he sighs, “This is the part that sucks. We gotta go through what everyone wants and weigh this shit. I don’t like weighing as we go. It’s time consuming. It’s gonna take some time. Let me explain how this works. Hand me that bag.” 

 You do, grabbing it and passing it to him, “So, I’ve got a pretty big amount of this shit – for Chicago, at least. I buy from a guy who grows in Iowa, so I can get his bud for cheap and sell it for good cash here. Weed’s legal now, so it’s kind of fucking me up, but kids eighteen to twenty-one can’t buy, so they’re who I sell to the most. I don’t sell to minors — obviously.” 

 He continues, “This is a pound, and it’s the best weed I’ve had in a while. Here, in Chicago, this is worth two thousand.” 

 “Dollars?”

 “Yeah,” he laughs slightly, “I buy it for half that, but the most people usually buy at a time from me is an ounce. I go see him like, once a month? It depends on how much people are buying. It’s a long fucking trip and I always have to do it in one day because of work – maybe you can come with me next time I have to go.”

 “Anyway,” he sighs as you try to not think about how much money he must be making under the table, “We gotta do this, baby. Here’s the list of people and how much they want.” 

 Admittedly, he does all of the work, but talks you through the process and answers your questions. He weighs the weed and puts them in plastic bags according to size, writing their name and amount in Sharpie on the front.

 You get to a certain guy named Luke, and David reacts, “Oh, fuck Luke. He doesn't get the good shit and never will – I hate his stupid ass. I have a whole stash of shitty weed for him in the cabinet right there.”

 David weighs Luke’s weed and describes why it’s shitty and how you can tell, bitching about the kid, “He’s a fucking idiot, though. I overcharge him for terrible weed, and I get texts from him saying how good it is. It takes, like, an entire eighth to feel anything. He’s a rich white nineteen-year-old, so I don’t really feel bad about it.”’

 “So, how much will you make tonight?” you ask as he puts it all in one bag, sighing and doing the math in his head.

 “Fuck, I don’t know – six hundred? Six fifty? Maybe seven at the most? We can count it when we’re done,” he shrugs, “Let’s get going; it’s getting late. This is my favorite part.” 

 David goes down the list in his notes and calls them on speaker phone as he drives, script usually sounding the same for every person: “Hey, man. Do you want me to pull up or meet you somewhere? I can do either one.”

 Before he meets his first guy, David reaches over and gently tucks your crucifix into your shirt, slightly rubbing at it over your blouse affectionately, “Druggies are atheist shitheads. They’ll talk about it if they notice it. Keep it there until we’re done. I’m sorry.” 

 It’s too hot seeing him get out of his car, weed in the palm of his hand as he daps his customer up and sneakily slides the cash into his pocket before bidding them a polite farewell, keeping the conversation short. 

He has to make about fifteen stops before he’s completely done for the night; some of them ask about you, wondering your name and age, before David defends you, “Alright, bruh, just pay me. Stop hitting on my girl.” 

 After every time he says it, he feels the need to immediately apologize once you’re alone again: “Sorry again. I know you’re not my girl, but I know you don't want them trying to talk to you. It’s just easier to say you are. They’re not going to fuck with their dealer’s girlfriend – especially since you go to the parties, too.” 

 David’s parked outside of your apartment building as he quickly begins counting how much money he made, murmuring under his breath as his thumbs do all of the movement. He counts it in under ten seconds, passing the stack of cash to you, “Seven thirty-five. I was close – sold a little more. We didn't even sell that much, honestly.” 

 “Count it again,” you tell him, “I want to see that again.” 

 He chuckles, eyes glancing between you and the cash, biting at his lips as he quickly counts it again, “Seven thirty-five, baby.” 

 “Hot.”

 David laughs at you and stuffs the cash into the pocket of his shorts, “Let’s get your shit and go home, honey.” 

 It's his first time visiting your place, and he expects it to be littered with misplaced Bible references and at least semi-unorganized, but it's not: you’re as organized as he is and oddly, there’s no clear evidence of your beliefs – something which surprises the shit out of him for someone who wears a cross around their neck every single day. 

 He keeps his eyes mostly to himself as you rifle through your belongings in your room, glancing at your walls and around your living room.

 “Jesus, sweetheart, how long are you planning on staying?” He motions towards your bag once you come out, watching your eyes widen.

 “I mean...you’re saying could stay longer than tonight?” you suggest, bargaining, “Two nights. I’m off the next two days.”

 “Fine,” he gives in, eyes rolling and giggling at you slightly, “I work the day after next, but you can stay as long as you want to, baby. You’re always welcome.”  David takes a step towards you, kissing you quickly, “Put your clothes back. You’re gonna be wearing mine.”

 “No,” you resist, his hands coming to your waist, “Those are yours.” 

 “Put them back,” he repeats, kissing you, “Don’t make me tell you again.” 

 “Ugh,” you groan, listening to him and doing as you’re told – you love when he tells you what to do, and he knows it. It’s his favorite button to push. 

 You return to him, and his fingers gently tug the chain of your necklace out of your shirt, fixing it so the clasp sits at the nape of your neck. “Better. It feels wrong to see you without it.”

 ++

 David’s two roommates are home, now, and he briefly speaks with them with you standing at his side, his arm shamelessly thrown around your shoulders. 

 “Dave,” one of them calls out, “Come here. Dude. Ester called the house. Call her back.” 

 “What?” he replies, “Why the house? She has my number. Fuck, okay.” 

 You don't know who Ester is, and David sits on the couch, tugging you into his lap in front of them as he pulls his phone out. His roommates don’t seem to be paying you any mind as they watch TV and smoke, and you wonder how many other girls he’s brought home. 

 “Bro, she didn't even call my phone,” he states, rolling his eyes, “I didn't think she did. Me and Y/N were just out delivering for, like, two hours.” 

 “Oh, shit!” the other one exclaims, “You’re Y/N? Sick. Nice to meet you.”

 “Sorry, baby,” David apologizes quickly, dialing Ester and introducing you, “Dima. Ilya. Both are idiots and shitty dealers–”

 “Heeeey, Ester!” David’s tone changes immediately, “What’s up? Why’d you call the house and not me? Is something wrong?”

 You hear a voice on the other line, his arm draped around your waist as he listens, eyes rolling back, “No, Ester, I can't help you with your Precalc homework. I’m sorry, kid. You know that I took idiot classes in high school. You’ve always been smarter than me. Ask Dad! Or, better yet, why don't you just look it up?” 

 David shuffles slightly with you in his lap and lights a cig, letting you rest your head in his neck, “I’m sorry I can’t help you, honey. You know that I miss you. I want to come up next Friday...I’ll be off. Will everyone be home?” 

 It’s now obvious that he’s speaking to his sister as he listens to her chatter, absentmindedly rubbing at your back, his leg bouncing up and down, “Okay. I’ll be there. I promise. Tell Ma that I’m coming. I love you, Es. You know you can call me whenever. You’re my best friend.”

 He hangs up shortly afterwards, taking a drag from his cigarette and sighing, “Christ. Vernon Hills next week, you guys. It’s official. You fuckers are coming with me, so make sure you’re off,” David demands, motioning towards Dima and Ilya. 

 “Whatever,” he continues, standing and putting his cigarette out, pulling you with him, “We’ll be upstairs. Leave us alone – she’s staying the night and I’m off tomorrow.” 

 David daps both of them up, before Ilya speaks, “Sick. Have fun. Goodnight, bro.” 

 David quickly tells you to ignore him and leads you up to his room, shutting the door behind you. The first thing he does is rifle through his drawers, tossing clothes at you. He’s surprised at how quickly you react, requesting that he unzip the back of your dress.

 He does, slowly, pushing your hair away from your neck and patting your waist politely before removing his touch. You pull on his smallest pair of sweats, still having to tighten the draw string around your hips and slipping on one of his t-shirts. 

 You’re not sure why it feels so easy to be intimate with him in ways you never could with anyone else while only knowing of him for a few weeks; maybe it's how nonchalant he is, or how unabashed he is. Nothing is too embarrassing or unbearable for him, and it rubs off on you. 

 David’s polite, and doesn't judge you over things you’re ignorant about; he’s happy to explain and guide you if you want to know about what he does, and he fucks heavily with your eagerness to please him and learn. 

 He doesn't know if this will turn into casual hook ups or something more, he’s going to leave that up to you, but he enjoys your company and bashfulness. It makes his dick hard. 

 David casually makes out with you on his bed, hands to himself and not grabby, before pulling away and asking, “You wanna smoke?” 

 “Sure,” you reply, sitting up with him. He digs through his bedside table, muttering, “I’m gonna teach you how to roll. It takes a little bit of practice, I guess. I don’t know – I’ve been doing it for so long, I don't even pay attention anymore. Hand me that tray.” 

 You lie down on your stomach, facing him as he sits cross legged on his still-made bed. He breaks open a pack of Berry Dutch cigarillos with his teeth, "So, the first step is to split it. Some people can crack a blunt with just their hands. I can't. I need a blade for it." He grabs a razor blade from the tray before sliding the edge of the blade down the middle of the blunt precisely.

 "You want it to be a spliff or a blunt? You pick, I don't care," he asks you, watching your clueless features, clarifying, "A spliff has tobacco still mixed in with the weed, and a blunt is straight weed.”

 “Um,” you shrug, meeting his eyes, “Blunt, I guess.”

 "Okay," he replies, dumping tobacco onto the tray, "Scrape out the tobacco. I’ll clean it up later."

 David grabs his weed and his grinder, "Grind your weed down into shake – it takes, like, a gram or a gram and a half to fill up a blunt." He stuffs the grinder and closes it, twisting it and tapping the top.

 “I don't smoke what I sell,” he explains, “My personal stuff is from one of my buddies in Vernon Hills.”

 “Oh,” you reply confusedly, “Why not?”

 “‘Cause Biggie said not to,” David shrugs, quoting, “‘Rule Number Four: I know you heard this before, ‘Never get high on your own supply.’ You know, like, Scarface?” 

 “...What are the other rules?” You ask, not getting it.

 He chuckles, scoffing slightly, “Later, babe.”

 “Anyway,” he says, getting back to the subject, “Some people put in a filter at the front, but...I don't have time for that. I’m too impatient for it," he explains, "Hold the blunt wrap and dump it, but make it even."

 He spreads out the shake into the blunt while flattening it against the tray, folding the seams over each other, "Roll."

 "You lick," he demands, leaning down and holding up the edge for you to lick, "Along the line. Not too much, though. Just enough."

 You obey and he watches your tongue, making a soft noise at the sight, "Goooood. Now, we stick it."

 David sticks the seams together, folding and pressing them together, "Okay, now you bake it, baby."

 He fumbles for his lighter, a fancy refillable Zippo, flipping it open and running it over the sides to ensure they stay conjoined. He puts it between his lips, lighting it and blowing out the flame at the end.

 David hits it, placing the tray on the floor by his bed, passing it to you, “Done. It’s pretty easy, just remember: split, empty, grind, stuff, roll, lick, stick, and bake.” 

 You get better at hitting it by yourself every time you smoke with him, exhaling easily as you scoot over to him. You pass it back to David as he lies against his headboard, tugging you into his chest and placing his hand on your waist. 

 “David,” you say after a few minutes of passing it back and forth, him grunting out a Hmm? a response, “Um. You asked me last week what I like. I don't know, but what do you like?” 

 “I’m not telling you yet,” he stifles a laugh, moving to put the roach out in an ashtray on his nightstand, “‘Cause I don't want you to like something just ‘cause I do. You wanna find out what you like?” 

 “Yeah,” you nod, blushing, “For you.” 

 “Okay,” he gives in, shrugging, “Can I touch you?” 

 You nod as he sits up and stands from the bed, “Whatever you wanna do. Go ahead.” 

 David tells you to stay where you are, rubbing at his eyes and grabbing his laptop, tossing it on his bed in front of you, “We’re gonna watch porn. Take the sweats off.” 

 “Wait-,” you say nervously, chewing at your lips, “Nevermind. Okay.” You obey him, untying the string and pushing the garment past your hips, already nervous. 

 “Don’t get anxious, baby,” David reassures as he climbs into bed with you again, “I’ve got you – this is just the easiest way to find out. Sit between my legs.” 

 He leans his head over your shoulder and logs into PornHub, wrapping one of his arms around your torso comfortingly as he feels you already blush against him. You’re visibly mortified as he clicks a video in his recommended tab, his free hand coming to palm you over your underwear. 

 You make a slight noise before he hushes you quietly, “Watch. Don’t touch yourself.” 

 David doesn't move his hand as he reads your body language, not watching the video at all as you buck up into his touch. “You like that or you like me touching you?” 

 “You,” you reply, clearing your throat and repeating yourself, “You.”

 “Stop thinking about me being here,” he advises, voice gruff behind you, “Think about me doing the things to you that they’re doing. Think how you would if I wasn't here. Got it?”

 You nod against him, eyes on the screen as he holds you close to him, your back pressed against his torso. Your breath becomes heavy as you watch the man eat the woman out and finger her, wanting it to be you and David. Your pussy must be thinking the same thing you are as you involuntarily twitch and clench against his touch.

 David murmurs in approval, “Good. Just like that, baby.” 

 He switches to another video, a deep throatfuck, and watches your face as the woman gags around her partner – lips parted and breathing heavily. Again, you want it to be you and David, but you tell him this time, cheeks red: “I wanna be able to do that for you.” 

 “We can work up to that,” he presses a sloppy kiss to your neck, “I like that too.” 

 “That’s enough of that for now,” David says, reaching forward and shutting the computer, “We can do it again tomorrow. We’re not done – I want to touch you.” 

 He breathes over your shoulder, muttering and tugging at the waistband of your underwear, “But can you take these off for me?” 

 You do, slipping them down your thighs and legs before he moves from behind you. David props you against the pillows, where he was, and lies on his stomach between your legs, scooting himself closer.

 “Jesus fucking Christ,” he comments as his eyes land on your pussy, gasping softly and glancing back up at you, “Can I touch you?” 

 You say a quiet yeah before his fingers are spreading your pussy apart delicately with one hand, the other arm wrapping around one of your thighs. He places his free hand on top of your stomach affectionately, eyes flitting between you and your pussy. 

 “Oh, God,” David says to himself, fingertips running over your folds and collecting your slick. You’re so wet he can hear every move his fingers take, and David takes it upon himself to press kisses up along the inside of your thigh, meeting your eyes and watching your face as he slips his middle finger inside of you.

 There's so much resistance that, even with your wetness, he can barely get it inside of you. He watches your mouth drop open silently in response, before he speaks, “Holy fuck. I don't know what I was expecting, but you’re so tight.”

 “If it hurts at any point, tell me,” he advises, moving his arm from around you to spread you apart again, still in disbelief at the sight, “Fuck me.”

 You’re embarrassed as he spits on you for more lube, spreading it around and rubbing it in before trying to move his finger again. You gasp as he hits the knuckle and he glances up at you quickly, not saying anything – he knows the difference between a good and a bad gasp.

 “Jesus,” David advises, pulling his finger out slowly and spreading you apart, “I can literally see your…”

 He cuts himself off and trails, not wanting to finish his sentence, moving from between your legs and into his nightstand. You make a noise before he hushes you, “Shh. Give me a sec. I’m not done. This’ll make it easier.” 

 He grabs lube and settles between your thighs once more, putting some on his fingers and beginning to touch you, “It doesn't even look like you touch yourself.” 

 “I don’t,” you admit, embarrassed as he gapes at you slightly.

 “Oh, my God,” he says simply, slipping his middle finger in easier this time, “So you’ve never cum?” 

 You shake your head and he exhales sharply, beginning to move it in and out, “I’ve got you, baby. Don’t be nervous.” 

 “Relax, babygirl. You’re too tense right now – even with the weed,” he comments, still working, “Stop thinking so much.” 

 You sigh and nod, trying to relax yourself, but it doesn't work, and David pulls away entirely, “Now’s not a good time.” 

 “What? Yes-” you attempt to reply before he cuts you off, shaking his head.

 “No. It’s not,” he moves to lie next to you as you slip the sweats back on, kissing your forehead, “It’s okay. It’s not a bad thing, I promise. You’re just super in your head right now. We can try again later.” 

 “Ugh, I just want to be able to-”

 “I know,” he replies, moving to light a cigarette, “I know, honey. We’re both high, though – maybe when we’re sober.” 

 You move to rest your head in his neck as he gazes at the ceiling, “Your pussy is so nice, no cap.” 

 “It is?”

 “Hell yes,” he says confidently, “Ugh. Wow. I’m gonna have dreams about that one tonight.” 

 “David...” you trail nervously, anxious to ask your question, “Can I ask you something? How many girls have you been with?”

 “Honestly, sweetheart,” he replies with ease, still nonchalant about something so personal, “I don't know anymore. I don’t keep track. Maybe thirty? I don't even remember most of their names. If you’re asking because of, like, STDs - you don’t gotta worry about anything. I’m clean.” 

 “That’s not why I was asking,” you clarify, getting the guts to take his cigarette from him and taking a drag, easily now, “I wasn’t worrying about that, but literally, like...how?” 

 He shrugs as you pass the Camel back to him, “You’re a nice girl, baby. I’m not nice. That’s how.”

 Your eyebrows scrunch together as you move to look at him, “You are nice, though.” 

 David scoffs, “Honey, I’m a drug dealer. Just because I’m a good man doesn’t mean I’m nice.”

 “Yeah, but...you’re nice to me? You don’t even have to be. You could be mean and I’d still want to have sex with you and stuff.” You’re still confused as he takes a final drag and puts out his cigarette, tugging you closer.

 “You saying that is exactly why I’m not a nice guy,” he promises, “Because you don’t even have to tell me that. I know you would.” 

 You don’t understand at all and you sigh against him, David continuing, “I know that I’m nice to you, baby, but that’s because I like you. Why are you even picking me to do this with?”

 You roll to settle on top of him, looking up at him, “I don’t really know. I just trust you. Don’t deflect...You like me? I thought you just wanted to fuck me once and leave.”

 “Ew, it’s so weird hearing you curse,” David reacts, nose scrunching up, “Yeah, I like you. No shame in it.”

 He pushes your hair out of your face and licks his lips as he watches you blush at his words, replying, “I like you, too.”

 “Yeah?” he says, “Your parents definitely wouldn’t.”

 You roll your eyes, “My parents can - Ugh. I’m twenty-two. I can date who I want. I don’t want my father knowing what goes on in bed, and honestly? It’s kind of weird that he feels the need to know.” 

 “Jeez,” David’s eyebrows fly up, “I thought you were, like, devout.” 

 “I am,” you shrug, “But just because he took a celibacy vow doesn’t mean I can’t get laid. He’s not even a priest, ‘cause he has kids. The Church won’t let him be. Ever.”

 “So, what is he, then? My parents are Catholic, but they don’t go to church here. They said they liked Slovakia’s better,” David asks, eyes on yours, “‘Cause, you know, they speak Slovak.” 

 “I don’t even know what he is,” you admit, “He won’t tell us. My mom knows. He’s just not a priest. I think he resents me and my brothers for it.” 

 “Bruh,” David says informally, rolling his eyes, “I’m sorry, but, like...fuck your dad.” 

 “No, I agree. It’s okay,” you shake your head, “Fuck my dad.”

 “Ew,” he reacts the same way, “Stop it. It sounds so dirty coming out of your mouth.” 

 You giggle and move up to kiss him slowly, arms wrapped around each other, before David breaks, “After we fuck, lemme meet your parents.” 

 You laugh slightly, surprised, “Okay. Why? You’re gonna have...to not be you.”

 “Because,” he kisses you again, “I just want the satisfaction of knowing I railed the fuck out of their daughter when it’s something they fear so much.”

 “You’re such a bad influence,” you press, rolling your eyes, “You’re gonna ruin me.” 

 “You want it,” he rolls both of you over, now hovering over you, “That’s the goal.”

 “I guess so.”

#david dobrik #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik fic #david dobrik au #david dobrik imagines #vlog squad #vlog squad fic #vlog squad au #vlog squad fanfic #vlog squad x you #david dobrik x you #david dobrik fanfiction #david dobrik fanfic

[tack-tick]

A Beautiful Curse Chapter One

But Tica don’t you have like three wips to work on?

SHUT

Long story short got inspired by an idea on Discord and just had to write about it.

Credit to the idea goes to FA1RY_L1IGHTS on Ao3! Thank you so much for letting me use it!

Now let the Reverse Beauty and The Beast shenanigans commence!

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33235741/chapters/82521634

+

Most knew him as The Blood God. The one who could defeat anyone in combat and some even said he had defeated Gods. Some said his axe was so sharp that no one else could hold it. Some said he had conquered hell first and now he had come here to conquer it all.

Techno thought most of the rumors were greatly exaggerated but hey free advertising. Right now, he wasn't conquering anything but he was taking on a great foe.

Figuring out how the hell a map worked.

“Bruh,” he muttered to himself as he twisted the map around in his hooves, trying to tell where he was and where the temple was.

He had managed to find it after clearing out a fortress of bandits. He had learned from experience that old temples tended to be a good time, whether with the reward of treasure or the thrill of dodging traps.

Not like traps had ever given him any trouble. After all, they were mostly meant to stop humans and he was definitely not that.

Hybrids weren’t that uncommon but full on mobs like him? Well, from the looks of confusion people gave him he knew it was pretty rare.

Well, at first it had been confusion. Nowadays it was either fear or awe.

He glanced at the map again and continued walking through the forest. It was nighttime and the full moon was the only light he had. He could hear the leaves rustling in the wind and the crickets chirping.

Overall, a nice night for exploring.

As he was walking along the dirt path, he finally spotted something. On the side of the path was a clearing of trees with bent branches, almost like a sharp curtain.

“Living compass, that’s me,” he said as he pulled back the branches with his hooves. He peeked inside and looked down. Sure enough, under the grass he could see a faded dirt path.

He took his axe off his back and hacked away at the overgrowth blocking the path, easily getting rid of huge chunks of it with each swing.

He had made this axe himself so of course it was one of the best ones.

He hacked through the trees. It was thick and Techno could barely see what was in front of him besides the dark green leaves and brown branches.

Finally, he got to the other side and he wiped sweat off his brow. He looked up and there it was.

A small temple, clearly meant more for worshipping than storing things. The bronze it was made of had long since turned blue and dust coated the handle of the door to the inside.

Whatever God had been worshipped here had clearly been forgotten.

Techno tugged on the handle. The large bronze door creaked open and Techno coughed at the dust that came out.

Great, that would take forever to get out of his cloak.

Techno cautiously stepped inside and took out his torch. In front of him was a long hallway, the walls and floor covered with dust and vines.

He walked to a wall and moved some of the vines aside as he saw drawings on the wall.

It was a faded painting of some kind of deity with a green cloak and a white mask with golden rings floating around it. The deity was floating off the ground and appeared to be offering something to the people bowing in front of him.

“Who were you?” Techno muttered to himself. He didn’t recognize this one and he had seen many different Gods from his travels.

He continued on, his ears perked up listening for traps that could activate.

Either by skill or luck, none were activated and he got to the door at the end of the hall. He wiped dust off the handle, grimacing at the feeling of dust in his hooves.

He was going to jump in a river or something after this.

Then, he pushed the door open.

He held the torch out and looked around. It was a circular room with empty bookshelves instead of walls. In the center of the room was a pool of water with a stone pedestal standing right in the center.

He glanced around and let out a huff. Nothing valuable here. Not even any interesting books to read.

He went to the pond, splashing some water onto his hooves to get the dust off. Then he looked at the stone pedestal.

“Heh?”

There on top of it was a leather book, closed shut. It was the only thing here that didn’t look dirty or old. Techno thought it almost looked new.

He carefully reached out and quickly snatched the book from the pedestal.

“Now what do we have here?” He said and he opened the book.

Suddenly, there was a bright green light coming right from the pages. Techno covered his eyes and the book dropped to the floor, the pages rapidly turning on their own.

“Man! It’s nice to finally have a visitor!”

Techno whipped his head around and there in front of him was the deity. Way taller than him with a billowing green cloak wrapped around him and a white mask. He almost seemed to glow with power. The golden rings spiraling about its head had different languages etched on them, even ones that Techno had never seen before.

The deity tilted its head at him.

“Wait, who are you?” It said and huge pure white hands picked the book off the ground, the cover turning from a leather brown to a shiny gold. “You aren’t on my list of worshippers,”

“First, I want to know who you are,”

“The name is DreamXD, God of Stories!” He said with a flourish. “And wait a minute,”

DreamXD stopped and bent down way too close to his face for Technos liking. He tilted his mask at him and Techno quickly backed up with a growl. DreamXD flipped through the pages of his book until he stopped on a page.

“You’re Technoblade, otherwise known as The Blood God. Piglin who decided to live here. Highly skilled but feared Warrior. Ah, have I missed anything? I don’t feel like going over your backstory at the moment,”

“My backstory- wait a minute,” Techno said with a shake of his head. “How do you know all that?”

“I’m the God of Stories and you Technoblade,” DreamXD said as he shut the book. “Are one of the mortals to have caught my attention with a very interesting story indeed,”

Well, that’s just great. Things always ended well for mortals who captured the attention of gods.

“Well, thanks for the compliment?” Techno said as he walked towards the door so that he could hopefully get out of this situation. “But there’s nothin that good in here so I’m just gonna-”

DreamXD snapped his fingers and the door slammed shut in front of him.

Well, ok then. His day had gone from disappointing to potentially deadly.

He had never fought a God before.

“I do have one criticism for your story,” DreamXD said and Techno turned around to face him again. “I must admit, your story has gotten a bit boring,”

“What a shame,”

“It was great at first! Watching a piglin explore this whole new world with only an axe on his back!” DreamXD said, completely blowing off Techno’s sarcasm. “But there is something you need to spice things up,”

“You need some more banter!”

“Heh?” Techno said with a raised eyebrow.

“You don’t interact with anyone!” DreamXD said. “No one for you to have emotional moments with or tell jokes with!”

“Well, all I really need is myself,” Techno said. “I’m strong enough to take care of myself,”

Besides, the less he had to talk to people the better in his opinion.

“See, that’s the other problem,” DreamXD said with a sigh as he rubbed his forehead with his hand. “You’re almost too strong! Nothing really offers an interesting challenge anymore and it’s such a shame!”

“Well, I’d say that’s a you problem,”

“Don’t you get lonely though? Does anyone even know your real name?”

“…I don’t need anyone else. I’m not gonna waste time training someone to get up to my skill level. Especially since I’d have a bunch of fans who just want to see me fight and not lift a finger,”

“What to do? What to do?” DreamXD said and then he snapped his fingers and the rings flashed. “Aha, what if you couldn’t depend on your strength anymore?”

“Heh?”

“What if people didn’t know who you were?”

“Wait a minute,”

“What if you could interact with people without fear?”

“What are you talking about?” Techno yelled but DreamXD ignored him and the pages of his book started to glow with a green light.

“Technoblade!” DreamXD said as a green pillar of light surrounded Techno, the light so bright that he couldn’t see. “You have depended on only your own strength for far too long and your story has gotten dull! You must learn the value of allies for both your sake and, most importantly, my entertainment! You must fulfill your main character potential!”

Techno was about to put down this insane god with his axe but then the light got even brighter and he felt himself suddenly get very tired.

He felt himself about to pass out even though he was pinching himself.

“This was really not worth it”

Then, he passed out.

+

Techno groaned and his eyes peaked open.

He was laying on the stone floor and he could feel the aching in his back from it.

Did he dream all the DreamXD and story stuff?

“Guess I have an active imagination,”

He looked over and saw his axe laying on the ground, the purple enchantments making him wince from looking at it.

He sighed and slowly got up.

He reached over to the axe with his hands.

Wait, what?

His eyes shot all the way open as he quickly drew his hooves from his axe and looked at them.

No, these were not hooves.

Instead of the soft pink fur he had pale skin. He didn’t have a hoof anymore and instead had fingers.

“No,” he said as he held them up to his face in horror. “No, he didn’t,”

He got up and ran to the fountain, almost tripping on his hooves.

Or were they feet now?

“Please don’t let this be what I think it is,”

He looked in the pool.

Instead of pink fur, he had pale skin.

Instead of a huge snout he had a tiny nose.

He brought his new hands up to his mouth and felt inside. His tusks were gone and instead he had flat teeth.

He slowly brought his hands up to his head, feeling the pink hair on it that held his crown. He looked up at the stone pedestal that seemed to be higher off the ground than it had been before.

“You didn’t,” he said as he looked at himself in shock.

But DreamXD had. His skinny arms and unblemished skin was proof.

He hadn’t just turned Techno into a human, oh no it was much worse.

He had turned Techno into some prissy prince!

#dream smp #technoblade #A Beautiful Curse #Writing #SBI will come eventually I swear #Once again update schedule is non existent #Reblogs highly appreciated! #Thanks for reading! #I’m also trying a new format of posting them on Tumblr #So we’ll see how that goes

[morrisondauthor]

“Behind the Platform”

           I remember a time when I enjoyed doing a photoshoot with Jamal. We’d smile and have fun while the photographer snapped shots of us and the mood would be so genuine. After the photoshoot, we’d go back home and have sex like two wild animals. Hell, there were times where we couldn’t even make it home and we’d have to get it on in the back of his Chevrolet Tahoe. I truly missed those moments. Now, five years into our relationship, I constantly found myself wondering if being with him was still worth it.

           “Turn your head toward me,” the photographer directed as he got in position to take another shot.

           I turned my head towards him while facing the wall and he snapped a few shots of me. When I looked up and saw the way Jamal was watching me from across the room, a shiver ran up my spine. I could tell he was still angry because of the argument we had the night before. He hadn’t said a word to me that morning but every time he stared at me; I could feel his anger. When the time came for him to join me, he finally spoke to me.

           “I wanna do a separate shoot, Corey,” he told me as he took his shirt off. “I’m not really in the mood to do that lame ass couple shit.”

           “Lame ass couple shit?” I asked. “You really are on some other shit today. We’re supposed to send in solo pics and pics of us together. They’re not gonna pick us for the ad if we don’t.”

           “So?”

           “Jamal…”

           “Can you go the fuck on already? You’re done.”

           “This little pissy attitude of yours is really getting old. I can’t believe you’re this mad because I used the last bit of laundry detergent last night. It is not that damn serious. All you had to do was take your ass down to the store and buy some more.”

                                           Me (Corey McMillan)

           “It ain’t even about that.”

           “Oh, what the fuck ever, Jamal. I’ve had it with you picking petty shit to argue with me over. And I’m tired of defending your stank ass attitude whenever my friends are visiting.”

           “Fuck your bitch ass friends. All they do is talk shit and eat my food and junk up my apartment.”

           “Your apartment?!”

           “Yes! I pay most of the bills up in that mothafucka! You’ve had it with me, huh? I’ve been had it with your sorry ass! Now get the fuck out my way!” He pushed me out of the way so that he could begin his session with the photographer.

                                               Jamal Grant

           Everyone working around the room was staring at me and I was so embarrassed. It was the first time we’d had an argument in front of strangers. The fact that he could talk to me like that in public had me on the verge of crying. It’s one thing to talk to me like that when we were at home, but it’s another to do it while we were at a photoshoot to promote our brand. It was like professionalism meant nothing to him anymore. I was beginning to believe nothing, including me, meant anything to him anymore.

           My relationship with Jamal began during our senior year of high school. We’d known each other since ninth grade but it wasn’t until our last year at Braxton-Jacobs High that we noticed each other. Things moved very fast between us and after we graduated, he came out to his parents. They didn’t accept him and threw him out of their home. My parents wouldn’t let him come live with us so I turned down the chance to go to a local university and left with Jamal. He had a cousin living in Los Angeles so we traveled all the way to the other side of the country. While living with his cousin, we began vlogging on YouTube and that was the beginning of it all.

           Our YouTube channel, JCGrantENT, grew into a pretty big business venture for us. We got all kinds of endorsements and had millions of subscribers as well as large followings on several social media accounts. The thing I loved about it the most was that we had a platform to promote being black and gay in America. We had a voice and influence in things that mattered and no price could be put on something that valuable. It was so sad that after building such a platform, we’d reduced ourselves to pretending to still be happy. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time we actually were happy.

           “Don’t forget the damn detergent,” he snapped at me as I was getting out of his Tahoe at the grocery store. He handed me the debit card in a rude manner without even looking at me.

           I snatched the card from him and asked, “Do you want anything else?”

           “We’re low on Red Bull and get me some Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its.”

           I slammed the door and headed into the store. After putting the laundry detergent, Red Bull and a box of Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its in the shopping cart, I headed over to the restrooms because I had to pee. I left the shopping cart by the water fountain and hurried into the men’s room. When I got in there and saw my fitness trainer Kevonte taking a selfie, I called out, “Hey, Kevonte.”

           He looked at me and smiled as he said, “Wassup, Corey.”

                                                   Kevonte

           “Wow, this is my first time seeing you outside of the gym.”

           “Yeah, I know. How are you?”

           “I’m good. You?”

           “Same. I’m supposed to be picking up a few things but thought I’d come in here and take a pic for the Gram since I’m in a mood.”

           I laughed and said, “I feel you.”

           “See you around.”

           “Alright, later.” After I watched him leave, I went over to a urinal and relieved myself. I then washed my hands and when I headed out of the bathroom, I was surprised to see Kevonte standing by my cart. “I thought you were going to pick up the items you needed?”

           “I am but I was hoping we could talk while I did that. I see you already got your stuff.”

           “I still gotta get some bananas.” I began pushing the cart and he walked alongside me. “What do you want to talk about?”

           “Well, you haven’t been at the gym in a couple of weeks. Everything alright with you?”

           “Yeah, everything is fine.”

           “Are you and your dude still having problems?”

           “Um…not really.”

           “That’s good. I don’t see how anybody could be mad at you for a long time anyway.”

           I blushed and rolled my eyes as we made it to the produce section. I grabbed two bunches of bananas and put them in the shopping cart before asking him, “Will you be working with anyone else tomorrow?”

           “Nope, I’m free tomorrow. You wanna get in a good workout?”

           “I sure do.”

           “Cool, I’ll think of some good routines to put together for you. I hope you’re ready to put in some work. You know how intense I like to get with it.”

           “Oh, I know.”

           “You know what?” Jamal asked, popping up out of nowhere.

           “Baby, what are you doing in here?” I asked. “I got everything and I’m about to go to the register.”

           He put his finger in Kevonte’s face and asked, “Who the fuck is this nigga?”

           “Whoa, get your finger out my face, bruh,” Kevonte said as he pushed Jamal’s hand away.

           “I know you didn’t just put your hands on me!”

           “Jamal, stop!”

           “You might be taller than me but I will fuck you up, my nigga.”

           “Jamal!”

           Kevonte took off his backpack and told me, “You better get your lil’ man, Corey. Because I ain’t the one.”

           “I ain’t the one either, nigga! What the fuck is good?”

           I put the shopping cart in between them and pushed Jamal back while telling him, “You are making yourself look so fucking stupid! Kevonte is my gym trainer!”

           “I heard what y’all were just talking about. He said something about doing routines and getting intense. Corey, if you’re fuckin’ this nigga I swear…”

           “My dude, I got a girlfriend,” Kevonte snapped. “I am straight. You really need to chill.” He gave me a look and asked, “Are you gonna be okay?”

           “Man, you need to fuckin’ walk away,” Jamal said to him. “Asking my boyfriend if he’s gonna be okay. I’m really about to lay hands on your bitch ass!”

           “I’ll be fine,” I told Kevonte. “I’m really sorry about this.”

           He gave Jamal a look and Jamal stared back at him until he began to walk away. Once he was gone, Jamal looked at me and said, “Go pay for this shit and then bring your dumb ass outside. Had me out in the car waiting forever on your ass!”

           He continued to talk out loud as he walked away from me and everyone near me stared. For the second time that day, I felt so embarrassed. I paid for our items and as I walked back out to his truck, I prayed that he would just drop it and go back to not saying anything to me. I was so afraid of one of us saying something that we couldn’t take back. We were halfway home when he decided to break his silence.

           “Did he fuck you?” he asked while keeping his eyes on the road.

           “I’m not even answering that,” I replied. “Because you’re not going to believe anything I say anyway.”

           “Corey, just be honest with me. Has he ever fucked you or did you give him head or anything?”

           “Jamal, he is straight.”

           “But you’re attracted to him, right?”

           “No!”

           “You never mentioned that nigga to me.”

           “Because we never talk like that anymore. I try to tell you things and you just tune me out. Jamal, I’m really fed up today. Just leave me alone.”

           “You’re fed up? I’m tired of your bullshit, too. I’m tired of your friends always coming over and I’m tired of your bitching! Now, you got some nigga about to fight me up in the damn grocery store!”

           “Oh my God! You’re the one who came in trippin’ when I told you he’s just my gym trainer!”

           “A gym trainer you never told me about! Is he really even a gym trainer?” He stopped at a red light and waited for me to say something but when I didn’t, he shook his head and said, “You know what, fuck you.”

           The moment he said that to me, I realized that he wasn’t the same Jamal Grant that I fell in love with back in high school. That person simply did not exist anymore. The way he said it was so blasé as if he just didn’t care how I would take it. On the rest of the ride home, I didn’t say another word to him. I was so upset that I felt like crying but I kept it all inside. We made it home and I hopped out of his truck and hurried inside our apartment building. I went up to our apartment and into the kitchen and made myself a glass of ice water. When he came in with the grocery bags, something just snapped inside me.

           “You need to pack some of your stuff and leave for a day or two,” I told him.

           He looked at me and responded, “I pay half the rent in here. I’m not going anywhere.”

           “You’re the one with the problem so you should remove yourself from the situation, Jamal. I’m not going to sit here and allow you to talk to me that way. I am an adult just like you are and that means we discuss things in a civil manner. I understand you’re jealous…”

           “Jealous?” He smirked and said, “I ain’t jealous of any damn thing. That overgrown ass nigga ain’t shit for me to be jealous over.”

           “You pose for pictures and laugh it up with so many other guys yet you can’t stand for me to have a conversation with my gym trainer in a grocery store? You are so wrong. And then you have the audacity to talk to me like some random guy off the streets.”

           “Corey…”

           “Pack some of your shit right now and go stay with one of your friends. Do you need me to call one of them and ask if it’s okay?”

           “I’m not going anywhere, Corey. You might as well get over yourself.” He placed the grocery bags and detergent on the counter before telling me, “Put that stuff up. I gotta go take a piss.”

           He left the kitchen and ran upstairs and after I took the few groceries out of the bag and put them away, I went upstairs and into our bathroom. He was at the sink washing his hands so when he looked up into the mirror and saw me standing there, I told him, “I can pack some stuff for you.”

           “I already told you I’m not going anywhere. And you’re not either. You’re not getting me out of here so you can bring that punk bitch up in here and you’re not going to go stay with him.”

           “See, this is why I don’t tell your insecure ass anything.”

           “I’m insecure now?”

           “You’ve always been insecure. But I make excuses for your insecurities and I have to stop doing that.”

           He laughed a little and asked, “You really are on some shit today, aren’t you?”

           “I’m not the one acting like a child today. I’m serious, Jamal. I want you to leave.”

           “You say that now and then like thirty minutes later you’re gonna want to do a prank video for YouTube.”

           “I guess I’m going to have to prove how serious I am.”

           I left the bathroom and went into our bedroom. I pulled one of his luggage bags from his side of our closet and opened it on the floor. When I began snatching some of his clothes down and dropping them into the bag, he pushed me deeper into the closet and shouted, “Don’t touch my fucking clothes! See, there you go playing and shit!”

           “I’m not playing with you, Jamal! Get your shit and get the fuck out!”

           I stood there and waited for him to pull some of his own clothes down but when he didn’t, I bent down and grabbed a pair of his shoes. He knocked them out of my hand and when I tried to get him out of my way, he punched me. And it wasn’t a light punch or a little smack; he punched me in my mouth with his fist closed as hard as he could. Immediately, the look on his face changed and tears filled his eyes. I was in shock for about a second but the moment I tasted blood; I went crazy on him. I lost count of how many times I hit him back. I kneed him in the balls and when he went down, I ran out of that closet as fast as I could. He was right behind me though and almost caught me as I ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

           “Baby, I’m so sorry,” he said through sobs as he knocked on the door. “Corey, please open the door. I swear to God I didn’t mean to do that.”

           “Fuck you, Jamal!” I shouted. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how busted my lip was. I began crying as I screamed, “You motherfucker!”

           “Oh my God, baby. I fucked up. I didn’t mean to do that shit. Come out here and hit me as hard as you want to and I promise I won’t do that shit again. Baby, please!”

           I reached into my pocket to grab my phone but realized it wasn’t there. I’d left it downstairs on the kitchen counter. As angry as I was with him, I was angrier with myself. I let it get to that point instead of calling one of my friends or his friends to help diffuse our argument or help one of us leave the apartment before it went too far. Still, he crossed a line when he punched me. I just never expected him to ever do something like that to me.

           “Corey, please just come out and let me know you’re alright. Don’t go silent on me, baby. I love you so much and you know I would never do some shit like that to you on purpose. I just…I got so mad. It’s all my fault and I promise you I will make it up to you somehow.”

           “You can’t.”

           “What? What did you say, baby?”

           “I said you can’t, Jamal. You can’t make this up to me and you…” I got choked up but continued, “I really need you to go for a walk or a drive right now.”

           “I’ll do anything. How long do you want me to go?”

           “Go away for two hours. I need like two hours.”

           “And you’ll be here when I get back?”

           I almost broke down as I lied, “Yeah. I’ll be here, baby.”

           “Okay. I’m gonna go downstairs and get some ice for my eye and then I’m gonna go for a drive. I love you, Corey. I love you.”

           He waited for me to say it back but after a little while, he gave up and I heard him go downstairs. I listened closely as he moved around in the kitchen and when I heard the front door open and close, I unlocked the door and left the bathroom. I went downstairs and made sure he was gone before I ran back upstairs and packed some clothes and essential items I’d need. I randomly chose a friend in my phone and called to ask if I could stay with her for a little while. She told me I could and I caught a Lyft to her place. That night, I sent a long text to Jamal telling him that we were over and that I’d be back to get my things soon. I then blocked him before he could respond to the text.

           “Those boxes are going to storage,” I told the movers as I pointed to the boxes. “Please be careful with them.”

           “Yes, sir,” said one of the movers.

           “You don’t have to put some of your stuff in storage, Corey,” my friend Nick said to me. “I have enough room for it.”

           “Nope. I am only staying with you and Darnell until I can save up enough money to get my own place. That shouldn’t take me long. I’ve already withdrawn my half of the money from me and Jamal’s joint account so it won’t take much added to it to have enough to get my own place.”

           “I still can’t believe it’s over between you two. I mean; damn, y’all were together before you even moved out here from back east.”

           “I’d been having doubts, Nick. We’d been arguing more and more and when he did what he did…I just didn’t have any option other than this.”

           “You’re stronger than me. If Darnell ever hit me, I’d still stay with him with my low self-esteem ass.”

           I laughed a little and said, “Darnell would never hit you though. He has too much respect for you to ever do that.”

           “Unlike me, huh?” Jamal asked as he entered the apartment.

           “You told me you weren’t going to be here, Jamal. I’m calling the police.”

           “Baby, wait. I’m not here to hurt you. I just needed to see you in person. It feels like it’s been forever.”

           “It’s only been two weeks.”

           “That is an eternity when it means being away from you. Please, I really need to say some things to you that I probably won’t get to say after you leave this apartment. Can we have a moment alone?”

           “Nope, whatever you have to say will have to be said in front of Nick and these movers walking around in here.”

           “Okay, I can do that.” He moved closer to me and looked into my eyes as he began, “Corey, I apologize for putting my hands on you. I honestly don’t know what got into me and I have already signed up for counseling. We can put JCGrantENT on pause while we work through this. I can sleep down here on the sofa. I won’t go to any parties or hang out with my boys and I’ll do anything you need me to do. You are my everything, Corey.”

           “Are you done?”

           Tears rushed to his eyes as he pleaded, “Baby, please take some time to think about this. You know you’re all I have. You were there when my family threw me out. I don’t have anybody else and you know that. Now, I take full responsibility for everything. I know I have work to do and I am going to do it and I know one day I’ll be the man you fell in love with again.” He waited for me to say something but I just looked at him. As if I’d just punched him in his chest, he began breathing heavily as his tears rolled down his face. He placed his hand on his chest and managed to say, “You’re looking at me like this is the last time we’re going to see each other.”

           “That’s because it probably is. I have spent the last two weeks trying to come up with a reason to stay with you and…it shouldn’t be that hard. I love you; I know that much. I miss the way things were between us. But baby, there is a disconnection between us and it happened when we were in your truck that day and you told me, ‘fuck you.’ For those words to even leave your mouth the way they did was enough for me to know you lost whatever amount of respect you had left for me. It was that lack of respect that told you it was okay to punch me in my mouth.”

           “But Corey…”

           “No.” I tried to fight back my tears but once again, the tears won. They streamed down my face as I stared into his eyes and told him, “I would rather be alone than give you another chance. You’re simply not worth it. And I’m not saying that to break you, I’m saying it because it’s the truth and I’ve always kept it real with you. I left my family to move out here and start this life with you. That was your chance, Jamal! That was the opportunity I gave you! It was the only one I was ever willing to give you.”

           “What about our platform? Huh? What about the young black gay men who look up to us? We work for foundations that raise money for all kinds of causes. This relationship is bigger than just us, Corey.”

           “We’ve been lying to all of our fans and everyone else for a while now. We pretend to be happy for social media and I can’t even remember the last time I actually laughed with you or did a damn prank video that was real and not staged! It’s time for some honesty.”

           “And what about our future? We were supposed to get married and you were gonna change your name to Corey McMillan-Grant and…”

           “It’s over, Jamal. It’s really over. I think it’s good that you’re going to talk to a counselor and I wish you well, but I love and respect myself too much to be someone’s mental and physical punching bag. It doesn’t matter that you believe you’ll never do it again. The only way to make sure it never happens again is for me to leave you and that’s what I’m doing.”

           I was still very angry with him but I felt his pain so I didn’t want to make it worse for him. I gave him a hug and I kissed his cheek and that was what broke him. I honestly did it to comfort him before I left but he took it another way and he cried harder than I’d ever seen him cry before. He went upstairs to the bedroom we used to share and I could still hear him crying as I made sure all of my belongings had been moved from the living room to the moving truck. I actually felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders as I rode away from the building in Nick’s car.

           That night, I posted videos on each account we used to let our followers know that JCGrantENT was over and that I was sorry for not being able to provide a positive example for those who looked to us for guidance, comfort and even a safe place to share their thoughts and stories. I thanked them for their support and I was very careful not to go into detail about what happened because I did not want to hurt any future business opportunities for Jamal. After saying everything I needed to say, I called it a night and climbed into bed in Nick and Darnell’s guest room.

           I was just about to drift off to sleep when my phone vibrated. I unlocked it to see it was because I’d gotten a notification from Instagram. One of my closest friends from home had posted a pic of me and Jamal from our senior prom night and had tagged me in it. I laughed a little to myself as I said quietly, “End of an era.”

[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.

© D.A. Morrison 2019

#D.A. Morrison #short story #drama #love #YouTube #social media #social media famous #mistakes #arguments #fights #violence #domestic violence #break-up #breakup #walking away #black lgbt #lgbt fiction #fiction #tw

[psybrepunk]

Okay, I promised to tell you my thoughts on The Bicentennial Man once I've finished it, so here goes: it was great and really moving, and some of the best robot fiction I've come across despite it being a pretty old story. I especially like how the passing of time and the main character's complex relationship to humanity and other robots was handled.

Okay so honestly, robot fiction has just kind of degraded in content quality as time has gone on, I swear (regarding what you've said here about it being some of the best robot fiction you've come across despite it's age). Every time I try to get into a modern series for it's robot content, I find myself conceptually disappointed (but then I'm hyper-picky about my robot fiction and my distinctive preference for cyber noir over tech noir - tech noir being things like Terminator, and by definition the genre is about sophisticated technology, such as AI, being painted in a dangerous light).

Okay so, regarding your mentioning the passage of time and Andrew's relationship with other robots, I love the detail that Andrew can himself forego and simultaneously activate the First Law, etc, in robots that view him as a human (as of acquiring his true android body), since they cannot visually tell the difference. Thus is a proper setup for scenes in Asimov's more renowned 'Robot Series' and its initiative novel, The Caves of Steel (in which a robot is so visually human-like he can be mistaken for human by robots and biologicals alike).

Anyways I thought I might include here my personal favorite moment from The Bicentennial Man. I would love to hear your favorite moment, and anyone's favorite moment. So, you know how the patriarch basically of the Martin family is on his deathbed? And Andrew is mourning for him? And one of the other characters, memory escapes me regarding who, says to Andrew something along the lines of "why are you grieving when he was the person who would not let you be free" (since the father of the family was the one who purchased the robot, witnessed Andrew's affinity for art/woodworking, but would not allow Andrew to exist free of being the property of the Martin family - for those reading this that havent read the novelette) anyways and Andrew says something like "but it is he that allowed me to be free" and he doesn't mean literally of course, he means emotionally, psychologically - Mr. Martin encouraged the creativity that became the core of Andrew's being, so while Mr. Martin did not literally support/accept Andrew being free of the family's slavery, he was the one who encouraged Andrew's hobbies in such a way that Andrew grew emotionally and was able to understand his own worth, free of the Martins.

I just.

Bruh. This story fucks me up.

Please share with me your personal favorite moment from this novelette! If you cannot tell I am deeply and passionately in love with this work of fiction and lord do I want to discuss it more. (That invitation is open to anyone reading this who has read The Bicentennial Man too, like, I need outlets for this specific hyperfixation, fr.)

[lucatorahaven]

vampire au post

4 skype convos haphazardly mixed in from very different times

[29/11/2014 4:27:51 AM] Probably Not Assorted Cheeses: Vampire au

Lucas the incompetent vampire who eats mostly animals

Duster was the one who bit him, only bc duster was literally starving n lucas came at a bad time

idk if duster should be born a vampire or not but Wes is one too and together they taught lucas how to survive.

however eventually they had to leave, they offered for lucas to join them but lucas can’t leave his family behind, the kid’s too sentimental :’(

so together they staged his death (which im too lazy to try n think of)

claus knew bout the vampire thing tho, lucas couldn’t live alone like that. He also ended up biting Boney in an accident so hey vampire dog.

claus grew up and eventually had his own family. Lucas could only really watch from afar but then the kids got his age and it was hard to see him and keep the gig up. He visited his parents funeral anonymously and afterwards him and claus stood there just

“sup” “how’re the kids” “twice your age and with kids of their own” “heh, i always thought you would be the one with kids yano?” 

it was very bittersweet, it felt like they’ve never been apart 

“it never stops feeling strange without you” "I know” 

lucas thinks of that conversation a lot

he started off the "younger uncle" then the "weird neighbourhood kid that visits grandpa claus" and inevitably the "weird kid from nowhere who goes to the cemetary every other month to put flowers on graves older than appears to be"

SO without attachments lucas traveled with boney, hoping that they find duster along the way.

eventually lucas comes back to tazmilly but it’s been a couple hundred years now and it’s completely different so he doesn’t recognize it

n lucas one day is caught outside with no shelter, it’s almost morning so he runs into osohe (which is way outta town so he assumed it was abandoned)

vampires can’t enter homes without being invited in because apparently homes are holy land but osohe is fuckn haunted so that doesn’t apply (adding on to the abandoned theory)

that’s how kumatora and him meet, she finds him exploring osohe all “wtf the fuck who are YOU...this me house”

So she gets an awkward lie explanation from lucas 

n she eventually catches on lucas is a vampire n is just DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE I NEVER MET A VAMPIRE BEFORE FUCKN SWEET

lucas is just UM.;;; IS IT OK IF I STAY

"oh dude it's cool!! but u gotta tell me bout yourself bc i never met a vampire before ok?? i live iN THE PERFECT GOTHIC HOME BUT THERE’S NONE!! but here you are and i’m JACKED i gotta go to work tho so brb but afterwards u gotta tell me about yourself ok CYA"

lucas is still processing everything by the time she leaves, but he’s grateful and figures a conversation is the least he can do to repay her

in this au kumatora’s into cryptology bc her house is FULL of books and it’s a common subject (also the fact her castle is filled with ghosts and there are zombies just across the moat, it’s a p convenient hobby)

when she comes back she’s super excited because he’s still there 

lucas is kinda reserved but he still answers questions bc it’s POLITE

she asks bout p much everything?? “HEY do you need that” “y-yes” “is this true?” “not that i know of” “ok experiment time” “uH;;” “wait am i keeping you up?? it’s still daytime” “no it’s okay” 

after exhausting lucas of all his Vampire Facts kuma invites lucas to live at osohe castle, it’s big enough anyways

lucas is wary af bc he doesn't wanna accidentally get close to someone who 1. has a life span and 2. is technically food

but lucas ends up sticking around anyways, boney really likes it and he lowkey enjoys her company

so they keep chillin n lucas tells her how he hunts animals n how he only takes a bit of blood so they don't die and 

IDK I GO BY THE THEORY THAT VAMPIRES HAVE VENOM bc otherwise their entire food source becomes COMPETITION n they can bite but not?? TURN THEM INTO ANYTHIng so controlled blood flow for feeding purposes

also vampires only need to eat once or twice a month? they die around 6+ months without eating from starvation. It all depends on how quickly the blood cells in their body die basically.

ALSO when they bite you it doesn’t hurt bc their saliva numbs it so (sneaky bites) but it still feels weird as shit

bUT YA SO LUCAS N KUMATORA CHAt a whole bunch...you know that “accidentally get close” thing i mentioned? it happened

(it was kinda hard to avoid when the first companion you have that’s not your dog is informed on vampires and vampire goods, that was convenient)

so they keep hangin out and kumatora unlocks his Tragic Backstory

n sometimes kumatora helps him feed? like they go out together finding animals n storing blood

n lucas is fascinated with how technology has advanced bc he doesn't really?? go into towns anymore but he fuckn LOVES it

n they play video games n general COOL FUNTIMES

kumatora let’s lucas borrow her labtop to occupy himself and he looks for other vampires or hints of them

(this is under the assumption that osohe can get electricity in a modern au while still being ignored / abandoned)

n when kumatora goes to work he cleans up the castle n tries to show how much hE REALLY APPRECIATES HEr

n lIKE i also go by the logic that vampires do not do the stereotypical “turn into ashes at sunlight” it is a slow progression that takes up to 12 hours until absolutely turned to a crisp 

so basically if he covers himself and wears a shit ton of sunscreen he can chill in the middle of the day for like...a hour or two

and bc kumatora's WORTH IT he visits her at work n she's all LucAS WHAT ARe yO U DoING??   

lookin like a modern goth kid......has a huge red burn on his cheek..

he blames it on how pale/blonde he is “my brother is ginger you know”

kuma gets super worried n he's all bruh it cool i have like..2 more hours until i need to go to a hospital   

n kumas jsuT I GET OFF IN 4 HOURS GO HOME

kumatora invites him to movie nights with her friends n shit

people start calling lucas kumatora's goth boyfriend “never call him that when he's around or i'll murder you”

theyre all rather cool with lucas and find his speech kinda funny?

"wow look at those teeny boppers" "GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY GOD I LOVE IT" “???????????????" kumas friends ask for lucas more all WHAT SCHOOL DOES HE GO TO WHERE DOES HE LIVE "oh he's......foreign B)"

eventually it comes up how lucas doesn’t really want to be a vampire anymore and kumatoras just “dude i can help you find a cure” bc maybe her hobby is a bit Excessive but live your dreams

but ya lucas is just?? constantly wants to visit kumatora n loves her night shifts!! visits all the time they go on hikes a lot n jusT? GETS SO FUCKIGN ATTACHED IT SCARES HIM CONSTANTLY

they sometimes fall asleep on the couch together n when he's all "wow shes so cute.." he realizes how fucking Deep he’s in this and he’s FUCKED

he tries to distance himself but he Can’t Fucking Do It (just like w/ his fam)

whenever he tries to push her away she looks so upset it kills him 

N HE'S IN SUCH A STRUGGLE BC HE'S JUST

SO HAPPY TO BE AROUND HER??????

N LIKE WHEN THEY CUDDLE N STUFF HE'S JUST SO OVERWHELMED BC oh my god heartbeats!! oh my god she's gonna die before me

n lucas really fucking feels the severity of how FUCKED he is when its her birthday n hes just

yes she's gonna age and he's gonna outlive her n they could never realistically be happy even if by some offhand chance she even RETURNS the feelings

N HE HAS TO HIDE HIS CRYING N STUFF BUT KUMATORA HAS  A 6TH FUCKN SENSE FOR DISTRESSED LUCAS SO SHE'S ALL bruh :( whats up

so he opens up to her about his feelings and anxiety and she hugs him through it, it’s kind of a shitty way to confess 

“idk if i can forgive you for deciding that i’m gonna die before you” “are you threatening murder” “that and no way death’s gonna get me, i’m pretty stubborn”

a lil while passes

“you know... i’m okay with becoming a vampire” lucas refuses bc dude.. you can’t even comprehend the weight of immortality.. what if she regrets it 

“to hell if i make my closest friend suffer because of a life span” “hah i guess that’s the same for me”

they drop the vampire topic for the time being and move on to other ones such as... mutual feelings :^)

they’re both romantically inclined i mean... lucas spent 300+ years being a hermit and kumatora had other things to do

so they take it slow, it’s p much the same as before except.. hey...now when i think “man i wanna hold their hand” i CAN

it'd also be really sad and/or cute if the ghosts in the castle some of them were lucas's family which might be why boney likes it so much but also imagine them kissin on the couch "kuma ghosts r there" "EH THEYRE JUst ghosts" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) claus looks into the camera "after so long... finally my little brother gets some action :')"

but idk if that’s a thing bc it feels kinda weird i feel like kissin n shit wouldn't b very often bc as much as they both loVE IT 

IT'S NOT THAT GREAT FOR A VAMPIRE

YANO.... HEARTS R BEATING... NECK IS RIGHT THERE (lucas still adores it tho)

so back to the topic of Mortality

kuma gets attacked in an alley on the way home from work

n lucas finds her bc they were gonna meet up but he smelt the blood and when he does find her he just goes FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK n didn't know how to save her 

also thinking rationally is hard when OH LOOK AT ALL THAT BLOOD AHhaHA

SO HE BITES HER

he carries her body home n he spends the whole waiting process between DEAD and VAMPIRE crying just "hoyl shti please work please work" “what did i fucking dooooo” “what if i was earlier” “what if i was too late” so many anxieties

kuma wakes up and lucas transistions from panic to HAPPY PANIC OH THANK GOD

she’s really out of it bc of the process and he’s crying apologies “it’s okay you saved me” but he’s still crying, they cuddle for comfort

"hey atleast we did it NOW when i'm a hot sexy 19 yr old and not a wrinkly old lady” “kuma” “i’m tryna make light of the conversation”

so now that kumatora’s a vampire she only works night shifts until she eventually quits. They moved to a new town / whatever so it was easy to avoid having to meet someone in the daytime. facebook helped keep in touch with her friends while still letting the friendship die out.

it took kumatora a bit to get used to being a vampire. she threw up a lot at first and she didn’t like having to drink blood but she did eventually get used to it

idk if they find a cure bc idk what the cure would BE but they eventually find other vampires :^) they continued lucas’s search for duster and probably found him tbh

[erikismybitch]

Snow Ball Part 3

Erik x Reader

Warnings: Smut, Cursing, Violence

Word Count: 2,869

Summary: A group of friends go on their annual couples trip but this time Y/N goes solo. Her ex shows up with his new girlfriend. What happens when old feelings and emotions come forward….

Part 1 https://erikismybitch.tumblr.com/post/172336070953/snow-ball

Part 2 https://erikismybitch.tumblr.com/post/172441686753/snow-ball-part-2

“Erik wake up” Y/N caressed his face, she knew he slept light and just the sound of her voice could wake him up. He responded with a slow “Huh?”  His eyes were still closed. “Lets go upstairs, somebody made breakfast”

“Just go without me, I’m still tired” his deep morning voice peaked out.

Unexpectedly they heard footsteps rushing downstairs towards the room. Y/N looked over at Erik, who was the least bit worried about someone catching them together . Y/N on the other hand, wasn’t quite ready to be exposed. Luckily for her, It was just Nicki. She didn’t knock, she just opened the door. Nicki was surprised to say the least. She knew Y/N and Erik messed around, but she didn’t know it had gone this far.

“Erik, you need to get out of here right now” Nicki whispered. Only it wasn’t demanding, It was a warning.

“Why?” Y/N asked Nicki.

Nicki’s brows curled in curiosity, she observed the room. “Does this have anything to do with why Jessica left last night?”

“What about Jessica, why does he need to leave. Whats going on Nicki?” Y/N was growing impatient now.

“Que just called me, he said you weren’t picking up your phone”

Erik sucked his teeth “That’s what the fuck you rushed in here for?” He asked.

“No idiot, he told me that he was close”

“Close to what?” Y/N and Erik both said at the same time.

“Close, as in he’s a couple minutes away from here!” Nicki yelled.

“Oh shit!” Y/N panicked. She grabbed her phone off the night stand. Que had called and messaged her numerous times. She powered her phone off. “If he ask’s, I’m just gonna tell him that my phone is broken”

“Fuck him” Erik mumbled. Nicki decided to wash her hands with the situation and go back upstairs. “You and I are back together, ain’t no more Que”

“Its not that simple Erik, I need to tell him in my own way. Not with you laying half naked in my bed”

Y/N told Erik that she wanted to finish this trip, and as soon as she and Que went home she would break up with him. Erik was not here for that plan. He wanted things to happen fast, but out of respect for Y/N he would wait. He left the room, but not before a quick kiss and some ass grabbing.

Breakfast was quiet, not purposely. It just that Nicki, Y/N and Erik were exceptionally quiet at the table. Noelle decided to break the silence, she was over it.

“So... What happened last night?”

Y/N started to choke on her pancakes. She took a sip of orange juice and responded “What are you talking about?” She questioned.

“Jessica left last night, she woke everybody up with all of her shuffling. She had a cab outside waiting; Said she was going to stay at a hotel”

“Oh... that” was all Y/N managed to let out. This was news to her.

“What would make her just leave like that?” Noelle questioned. Y/N looked to her beau for help.

“We got into an argument, she left on her own will”

Last night, before Erik and Jessica crept into Y/N’s bed, they had a conversation. One that Jessica wasn’t prepared for. Erik sincerely apologized about the situation he put her in. Then he told her that he couldn’t fight his feelings and was leaving her for Y/N. After she cried, he told her that he would pay for a hotel and her plane trip home. He knew that he seemed harsh, but it would have just gotten worse if he continued to lead her on. Besides, each time he looked at Y/N’s beautiful face, Jessica’s feelings weren’t worth it any longer.

There was a knock at the door.

“Thats Que, I’ll get it” Y/N briskly wiped her face and made her way to the door. As soon as the door opened, she saw the anger in his face. “Before you say anything, my phone is broken” Y/N said, she gave him a kiss and a hug.

“Why couldn’t you call me on somebody else’s phone?” He snapped at her, but she was too quick in her thinking.

“I know babe... I just... I was so mad about you not being here with me, so I didn’t want to talk to you”

“I’m sorry, but I’m here now” Que instantly felt guilty for letting his girlfriend take this trip alone. He had missed her terribly while she was away.

“I know baby” She kissed him again. He left his bags near the door, Y/N offered to show him their room after breakfast. She lead him to the table. As soon at Erik spotted Que he excused himself. He went up to his room with no interest in meeting Que. In His eyes, he was public enemy number one. Que took the empty seat next to Y/N, she made him a plate. He knew everyone around the table, so he needed no introduction.

“So what have you guys been doing here?” Que asked, taking a bite of his bacon.

“We drank, ate, yesterday we went skiing” Y/N answered.

“And Y/N has been walking around here missing you, all she kept talking about was how much she wished you were here” Nicki chimed in, gently kicking Y/N’s foot under the table.

“Ugh, Nicki don’t tell him that” She laughed and kicked her back.

“I know my baby missed me, I know it was hard” Que leaned over and kissed her on her cheek, she pretended to be smitten.

After breakfast Y/N showed que to their room. Just as she though, he complained about how old everything looked. She ignored his critiques and told him that she needed to shower. He took it upon himself to join her. Every time he tried to touch her, she would stiffen. He thought she was still mad at him for not being there, so he let it go. Little did he know, she just wanted to wash Erik and Jessica’s saliva and sweat off her body. When they were done, Que got dressed faster than her and decided to go upstairs. Y/N stayed behind and flat ironed her hair.

Que spotted the men outside on the deck engaging in conversation, so he joined them. He found himself in an empty chair right across from Erik. He held a blunt to his lips, inhaling and passing it to Brandon. “You smoke, bruh?” Erik asked him, blowing smoke in Que’s direction. He looked down towards Que’s shoes, Old ass shoes, she’s really dating this clown? He thought, then laughed a little.

“No, I don’t smoke” Que replied.

“Really? Cause I know Y/N smokes” Erik said. Brandon’s eyes shot towards Que, he couldn’t wait to see this unfold. Chad just pulled his phone out and pretended to be more interested in something else.

“I don’t believe she does”

“You sure about that? I know she did when she was with me” Erik said. Suddenly Chad wasn’t into his phone anymore.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Que asked, he didn’t appreciate Erik’s hostility towards him. He didn’t even know this man.

‘Wait, you don’t know Erik?” Brandon geared his question towards Que, to him, this just got even more interesting.

“Erik? Are you Erik the ex?” Que came to a realization.

“Nah, I’m Erik. Thee ex” He laughed and took the blunt from Brandon.

Que’s mind was spinning. Y/N had been there without him, but in the company of her ex boyfriend for three days. Que didn’t see anymore women around, so he obviously came alone. He had trust in Y/N, but he didn’t trust this Erik guy at all. Who knows the things he could have said or tried to do to Y/N while she was alone.

“You got a problem with me?” Que’s nostrils flared, he was not about to get punked by his girlfriends ex. Chad decided to bud in. He didn’t know Que too well, but he did know that Erik was crazy and loved to fight. Especially over Y/N.

“Chill out you guys, we only have one more day. After that, you guys will never see each other again” Chad pleaded

“You right, I apologize man” Que said, gearing the apology to Chad. Erik said nothing.

The men began to talk about sports, football to be exact. They were sharing their predictions for next years Super Bowl. Brandon was going of about his favorite team and why they had been loosing. Erik didn’t care about any of that. His focus drifted towards the house. He looked through the glass windows at Y/N. She had just joined the women in the kitchen. He noticed that her hair was different, it was straight. She brushed it behind her ears, exposing her beautiful face. Y/N caught him staring and winked. That was all the confirmation he needed. She was still in this with him.

“What do you think they’re talking about outside?” Y/N asked the girls.

“I don’t know, Erik is sort of single now. So he’s probably challenging Que to a duel so he can win you back” Noelle joked, they all laughed at her.

Y/N wanted so badly to tell Noelle everything, but she didn’t trust her with those kinds of secrets . The group lounged around the house that day. Until it was time for their last dinner . They all huddled inside of Chads Truck and drove to the restaurant . It was a fine dining restaurant with a specific menu and dress code. They all looked amazing. Especially Y/N who stood out in her fur coat and tight nude dress. Erik wanted to do nothing more but sneak her off into the bathroom, raise up her dress and fuck her senseless .

“This place is really nice”  Y/N said to herself . She was no stranger to fine dining, Que took her to places like this often . Y/N preferred big meals that could get her full. Places like this, served small courses . She’d probably be hungry again later tonight. Her eyes scanned the menu. The waitress came over and offered them red and white wine. Y/N chose red, it got her tipsy quicker . She ordered steak and Lobster and just like she expected, the portions were small .

“I hate places like this, we gotta stop at a McDonalds on the way back home” Erik said as he fiddled with his small plate of penne pasta.

“I know right!” Y/N agreed. The two laughed together. It made Que feel uneasy. He waited until every one was engaged with each other to ask her a question . One that had been burning in his mind.

“Babe ?” He said lowly . She looked to him, her mouth full of steak and red wine. “Do you smoke weed?”

She swallowed and laughed before she answered him. “Yes, I do”

Que was floored, Erik was right. It made him question just how much he didn’t know about his girl. “When do you do that?”

“I know you don’t like it, so I just find times to do it when you aren’t around” she thought his questions were weird , but she didn’t bother to ask him his reasoning .Pretty soon she’d be able to smoke freely, with the man she was destined to be with .

Erik’s phone had gotten a notification. It was the airline he booked Jessica’s flight with . They were informing him that the passenger missed the flight. “What the fuck” he mumbled and sent her a text .

Jess

Did you miss your flight?

When she didn’t text him back fast enough he gave her a call. It went straight to voicemail .

When they were all done eating , they headed back to the cabin. Not before stopping for some fast food for Y/N and Erik. When they got back, the women decided to get more wine and chill outside in the hot tub .

“What made us wait till the last night to come in here?” Noelle sunk into the hot water letting out a loud groan.

“Chad and I came down here last night” Nicki said .

Y/N and Noelle looked at each other with disgusted faces. “We didn’t have sex! I can’t stay in here too long because of the baby!” She defended herself.

“Well, Brandon and I would have”

“Que probably wouldn’t want to, but Erik, he and I would definitely do some damage up in here” Y/N admitted .

“So you still think about Erik?” Noelle questioned.

“Think!?” Nicki blurted out, Y/N splashed her with water , causing alert in Noelle

“Wait, you and Erik are still messing around ?” She asked.

“You think I’m about to let you leave me for that bitch!”

The girls heard Jessica’s voice booming loud and clear from inside the house.

“Well, that answered my question” Noelle said sarcastically. They rushed inside to see what the commotion was about. Jessica was at the front door, struggling to get inside of the house. Chad was holding her back. Brandon was standing in front of Erik, who looked pissed off.

“Whats going on?” Chad reverted his question towards both Erik and Jessica.

“I’ll tell you whats going on, Erik is trying to leave me for that bitch Y/N”

“She not gon’ be too many more bitches, aight” Erik warned.

Tears started to fall from Jessica’s eyes. She was standing here pouring her heart out to him and he had the nerve to defend another woman. She managed to slip from Chad’s grip and ran towards Erik. Once she seen the girls come onto the room, her rage was geared towards Y/N. She froze as she watched Jessica charge towards her. Quickly, Que came in to view and grabbed Jessica. “Who are you, let me go!” She screamed.

“Let you go so you could attack my girl, nah”

“Your girl!” Jessica screamed, then she let out an exasperated laugh. One of those laughs the evil witches do in movies. “ Well did you know that your girl is fucking Erik!”

Que felt like a fool, her words hit him like a ton of bricks. He looked to Y/N, praying that she would deny everything this woman said. She didn’t, she just watched him with sadness in her eyes. Then Que looked to Erik who stood there as if he had won. Roughly, he tossed Jessica on the floor. “I fucking knew it” He spat. Then charged at Erik like a football player going in for a tackle. Que was no match for Erik and his bone breaking hits to his back. Que dropped to the floor, defeated and broken. They all stared at Erik. Stunned.

“If I stay here, I’m gon’ kill this nigga!” He shouted. Y/N ran over to them, she attempted to touch Que, Erik grabbed her arm before she could.

“I’m so sorry Que” She said, barely above a whisper. Erik let her go and stormed off.

“Y/N, let’s fucking go!” He grabbed his car keys and rushed outside.

“Just go, I’ll drop your stuff off to you in the morning when we drive back” Nicki said. She tossed Y/N her long coat and her UGG’s. She was still in her swimsuit. With her eyes, she thanked her and left.

Erik sat outside in his car waiting for her, as soon as she hopped in, they took off. Erik sped down the highway, a little too fast for Y/N’s taste. She reached over with her left hand and grabbed his right. “Its okay” She assured him.

He exhaled and began to slow his speed, he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it. “I’m sorry that I grabbed you like that earlier” Erik told her.

“I love you, I know you wouldn’t hurt me”

“I love you too”

They were half way home now, Erik’s house to be exact, when they decided to stop at a rest stop. Y/N had to use the bathroom. He pulled into a parking spot and let her out. Within a matter of minutes she came back. “It was so clean in there, I thought it would be nasty because its on the side of the road” Y/N rambled on.

“You still got that swim suit on under that coat?” Erik asked.

“Yeah”

“Say less” he replied. He reversed the car out of the parking spot then drove to an area that was secluded. Since it was late, not many people were at the rest stop. “Come out of that coat”

“You want to have sex right now?” Y/N questioned, she knew he was serious.

“Yeah right now” He reclined his seat and began unbuckling his belt. Once his hard dick was exposed, she found herself more intrigued with his idea. She looked around one last time, trying to make sure nobody could see them. She took off her jacket.

“Lets make this quick, cause I’m ready to get the hell out of this snow”

#erik killmonger fanfic #erik killmonger smut #erik killmonger headcanons #black panther fanfiction

[cryinggameff]

Sixty-nine

Randi

Cayden and his friends were drinking and doing god knows what else while watching the game. I had agreed to let him host the party here, which i was kind of regretting because they were loud as hell and it made it hard to take my mid day naps. I had left for a bit to go and pick up some groceries so i could make some food for them to eat plus some snacks and such and now i was back home. I walked past going to put the stuff in the kitchen.

“Baby, you back?” Cayden said, getting up and coming to the kitchen.

“Yeah, just went to target,” I said, taking stuff out of the bag.

“How’s my baby?” He put his arms around me to grab my belly.

“Active. He’s been jumping around all day,” I sighed. He moved his hand around.

“That’s because he’s a little baller. Or maybe a gymnast if it’s a girl.”

“Mmhm,” i said, putting my hand over his. Somebody scored and the guys got all excited. We both looked over. I started taking stuff out the bags. Cayden removed his hands and started going back to the living area. I glanced at him and saw his jaw was locked and arms flexed. I was confused. He walked up to Rambo and smacked him on the back of the head.

“Damn man!” Rambo jumped. He turned around and Cayden grabbed the blunt that he must have just lit out of his mouth.

“I told your slow ass not to be smoking in my house when my wife is pregnant. Are you dumb?  That’s my kid you fucking with bruh,”

“My bad Cayden, I forgot,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry man,” he said. Everyone else looked to see what Cayden was gonna do. I already knew what he was planning to do and considering he was China’s man and what not i couldn’t have them falling out or that would make things awkward for all of us. I put the milk I was holding down. I reluctantly intervened.

“It’s ok baby,” i said to him from the kitchen. He looked up at me and I gave him a look to calm down and of course he listened and backed down. He just put the blunt out and came to throw it out in the kitchen. He came up behind me and wrapped an arm around me again.

“Sorry,” He said by my ear just so I could hear.

“It’s ok,” I said, leaning up to kiss him. I wasn’t mad, after all he was right, it was bad for the baby. Cayden had stopped smoking, around the house anyways, all together. It was cute how concerned he was about the baby. He kissed my shoulder and I giggled.

“She’s already pregnant dog, give it a break,” ty said as he came strolling in to the kitchen to open the fridge. I blushed but laughed.

“Hey! I just got those,” I complained. But nobody was listening. He was long gone and they had broken into a play fight, crashing on to the floor and rolling around like children. “You’re 26 years old,” I grumbled, picking my rolls off the floor.

I made some stuff for the guys and then took my food upstairs to eat and watch some shows.

I ended up falling asleep after eating, but woke up a few hours later with terrible heart burn. That was happening a lot now. I would take it over being nauseous 24/7 like in the beginning, but it was still very uncomfortable. I went downstairs to go find some tums and realised Cayden and his friends were gone. I looked at my phone real quick and Cayden had texted me saying he was gonna go in to work. I got some tums and some milk and went back to the bedroom. I decided to give Cole a call because i hadn't talked to him in a while.

"Hi Colebear,"

"Hey lil mama. How you doing?" he asked.

"Im ok, just tired and sick all the time," i complained.

"That sounds horrible," he said. "How much longer you got anyways? Tryna make sure im there when the baby gets here."

"Still have like 4 months. Im ready for it to be over, and i just wanna hold my baby already." I groaned in frustration.

"When we gon find out if its a boy or girl? How am i supposed to buy them some swag if i dont know?"

"I was supposed to find out a while ago but i kept missing my appointments. Im going in a few days, should find out then."

"Word? aight keep me posted."

"I will," i said, "so whats up with you and Ty. He came to my house a week ago and from what he said yall had some drama when he visited." I was being nosy as usual.

"Aint no drama," he mumbled.

"What did you do?" i asked in an accusing tone. He sighed.

"I may have iced him out a little."

"Why?" i asked, confused.

"Things were getting...intense."

"Thats how a relationship works Cole," i pointed out.

"I know," he said simply. I smiled a little bit.

"I get it. I was the same way when Cayden and i started getting serious. It terrified me. It's scary to love someone."

"So what did you do?" He asked.

"Well Cayden didn't really give me an option to run. He followed me every time, " i laughed. "Eventually i just got tired of trying to run away and i just dove in. Now i'm married to the fool and carrying his baby."

"Diving in sounds terrifying."

"It is," i bit my lip, thinking back to when Cayden and i were still dating. "But its worth it."

"Ugh. I cant with this sappy shit right now. Im bout to go to practice and i dont need to be in my feelings while tackling a bunch of dudes."

"Okay fine, ill drop it for now. But you need to just accept you love him and move on. Don't overthink it," i said seriously.

"okay mom."

"Oh God, can you imagine someone is gonna be calling me that soon," i said, more to myself.

"I can see you as a mom. You always taking care of people or helping them fix their lives, even when they didnt ask," he laughed.

"What can i say, i dont know how to mind my business," i shrugged.

"Lowkey im the same," he said. "But i gotta go."

"Okay babe, have a good practice. Ill talk to you later." He said bye and then i hung up.

Cayden

"Yo, How's the shipment going?" I asked him, referring to a deal i had going with Sean. He was organising the order while i handled the logistics and such.

"Man i don't think we have enough here. We gotta bring some from the other warehouse. I was gonna call Pat but i wanted to run it by you," he got up and i followed him out to the balcony looking down to the rest of the warehouse. It was busy with niggas at work like usual, organised by product.

"What he want?" i asked.

"Coke mostly, but he talking about he got some guy wants a bunch of crystal. We got 10, 20 pound max here," he said, nodding at the back of the room where the guys were breaking and weighing a fresh batch.

"Who the fuck wants to buy that much crystal?" My brows came together.

"Man who knows, thats your boy, ask him. Im just saying, thats pretty much all our supply from both warehouses, and we have one cook" he said. I nodded because he was right, but that wasn't my biggest concern. It was just weird to me that Sean was suddenly moving crystal when he had never before. I couldn't help think back to the time Randi asked if Sean could be trusted and wondered if she was on to something.

"Dont call Pat. Not yet anyways. Imma have a little meeting with Sean first," i decided.

"Got it," he nodded.

"By the way, thanks for checking on Randi while i was gone," i said. He shrugged.

"Uncle duties and what not," he smirked, "how she doing anyways? You weren't playing when you said she was emotional."

"She tired all the time, i feel bad. She go off on you?" I laughed.

"Nah, just crying and shit. I don't know how you do it."

"Ill take crying over when she gets angry."

"True," Ty nodded. I checked my watch.

"I gotta go find Keisha, i need her to get Sean here. I aint going to Cali, i just got back," i looked around a bit.

"She was here with Kassie earlier, training and what not. How you get her to come back anyways?" he raised a brow.

"I begged," i chuckled. " Why? you still got a crush on her? Thought you were all about the D now."

"Fuck you Cayden," he said, turning to go back to his office. I laughed and went off to find Keisha.

I ended up just calling Keisha from my office and she came up.

"Hey, sorry, Kassie was showing me around. She just left," she said.

"It's all good. I need you to do something for me though. 2 things actually."

"Sure, what is it?" she pulled out a pen and notepad.

"I need you to get Sean here. ASAP."

"Got it," she nodded.

"Also i need you to book me a trip, for 2. Jamaica, not business. Anytime in the next month or so," i looked up from my phone calendar.

"I'll get right on it..." she paused. "It's sweet. I mean, im assuming it's for your wife."

"Yeah it is. Gotta keep her happy," i shrugged. She smiled. Then she seemed to remember something and pulled out her phone

"Oh before i forget, the accountant is coming tomorrow. Just a reminder. Also, your calendar says its Ty's birthday soon, do you want me to arrange anything?"

"Remind me an hour before tomorrow. Get a gift for me, Randi is doing the rest. She throws unnecessary parties, its kind of her thing," i rolled my eyes.

"Okay then. Ill go start on this," she said, turning for the door.

"How was the training by the way?" i asked. Kassie had been here the whole time i was gone, showing her the ropes

"Good. She was really nice. She had a lot of great things to say about you. But i'm not surprised, you're a nice guy Cayden. I cant tell you how much this job means to me, my son too," she brushed her golden curls aside. "I mean i made decent money at the club, but...this is a lot better," she bit her lip. I nodded.

"You should have called me, I always cared about you Keisha," i smiled at her gently seeing her get emotional. She was all tough exterior, it was rare to see this side of her.

"I was embarrassed," she shrugged.

"You aint gotta be. How people make money is none of by business. Bur don't worry, i pay my assistants a lot. You gotta put up with my ass, just wait, you'll be sick of me soon." She laughed.

"Thanks Cayden," she smiled.

"You're welcome," i said simply. She left and closed the door behind her.

Once she was gone i called Randi to check on her.

Randi

Cayden called me just after id gotten off with Cole. He asked how i was and then he was telling me about what he was doing and when he would be home. Then i heard someone talking in the background, it wasn't a guy though, it was a female voice.

“Who is that” I said.

“Who’s who?” He asked. I sat up straighter in the bed chair.

“The chick talking in the back ground,” i said. I couldn't think of any reason for there to be a girl in his office at the warehouse. I knew there were a few girls who were involved in selling and what not but Cayden didn't spend time talking to pedlars or people lower in the chain, he handled all the big time stuff. I started to wonder if he wasn't really at the warehouse but i didn't see why he would lie.

“Keisha,” he said, as if that meant anything. “My assistant.”

“When did you get an assistant? You don’t like anyone, how’d you even pick someone.”

“I told you months ago that I needed an assistant baby,” he reminded me. This was true but still.

“Hm,” I said simply.

“So we good then? I’ll see you in a few hours,” he said.

“Okay,” i said, hanging up. I had been too annoyed to say bye or I love you.

Why would he get an assistant without telling me? If that even was his assistant. I knew there was always random girls walking around that definitely weren’t assistants, the business kind anyways. I wondered what this Keisha girl was assisting Cayden with and my blood started to boil. I tried to not be this person but pregnancy also had me a bit mentally unstable and I wasn’t particularly confident right now. Was Cayden fooling around with another girl because i was becoming the size of a whale? I panicked and started to get up off the bed and pulled on a sweater.

I wasn’t really sure what I was doing until i was driving for 20 minutes and leaving the city to go towards the warehouse. I never came here on my own and I started to second guess myself as I pulled up and security immediately posted up. I got out of the car and locked it. One of the guys looked familiar though and I was pretty sure I’d seen him before.

“Are you lost shawty?” Another guy said, licking his lips in a disgusting way and looking down at me. I was about to release all my fury on him when the familiar guy spoke up.

“That’s Cayden’s wife you idiot” he said. The previous guy shrunk back.

“My bad,” he said quickly, head down.

“Should i get Cayden for you?” The familiar guy asked. I shook my head.

“I know my way,” I said, motioning to the door. They paused but moved out of the way. I adjusted my cardigan and went in. People stared at me because i rarely came period let alone on my own. Also I was pretty pregnant now which drew attention. I went upstairs to the offices and stopped in front of Cay’s. I debated whether or not to knock then decided against it. I opened the door and walked in.

Cayden looked up and his face went very confused when he saw me. He was in the chair and a girl stood beside him, bent over and pointing to the computer screen.

“Randi? What the fuck are you doing here?” He said. My face must not have looked happy because he quickly got up. “I mean is everything ok? Is it the baby?” He came over and put a hand to my lower back. I immediately checked his hand for the wedding band which was there.

“The baby’s fine,” I said, looking him over for lipstick, makeup, anything.

“What’s going on then?” He asked. I looked up at the girl standing and starring at us. Cayden looked up. “Keisha can you give me a minute with my wife,” she stood for a minute looking which was strange but then she shuffled out. I was looking around his office looking for any signs of anything messy when Cayden put a hand to my cheek. “Baby, What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I mumbled, feeling like the biggest fool.

“You drove all the way up here for nothing. Nah,” he shook his head. I choked up, I couldn’t say I came because I thought you were cheating.

“I don’t feel good,” I lied. I did feel sick to my stomach all of a sudden but more out of guilt. Guilty that I’d thought he’d do something like that and also because the way he looked worried now that he thought I was sick.

“Maybe I should take you to the hospital,” he said, feeling my forehead.

“No I’ll be okay,” I said quickly. “I think I just need to go home,”

“I’ll take you,” He said “someone will come pick me up after.” I agreed. He held me all the way out of his office and down the stairs. Once we got in the car I was still thinking about the fact that he got an assistant and didn’t tell me. That was still sketchy, cheating or not.

“How do you know her?” I asked.

“Keisha?” He asked. I waited for him to lie because honestly I already knew the truth. I was simply testing him.  “Being 100, we used to fuck but it was a long time ago, and we were actually friends.”

“So is that why you didn’t tell me?” I asked.

“This about to be a problem isn’t it?” He asked. “Wait? Is that why you drove all the way down here?” Well shit.

“Well I heard a girl in your office,” I said, defending myself. He turned to face me then.

“And you automatically assumed I was what? Cheating?” He looked upset. I was supposed to be the one angry. “You don’t even trust me huh? Still,” he shook his head. When he put it like that he made it sound bad.

“It’s not like that-“

“What’s it like? You came running, so that’s what you thought.”

“Well...” I started. “Normally I wouldn’t be scared but look at me,” i gestured at myself. “I don’t look tight and right at the moment. And don't eve play me like you didn't just hire a girl you used to sleep with and not tell your wife about it.”

“You’re insane Randi. You’ve lost your mind. I ain’t even gon fight you cause you carrying my kid.” I got frustrated and was fighting the urge to break into tears so i just glared out the window for the ride home.

#chris brown #Jhene Aiko #chris brown fanfic #chris brown ff #jhene chilombo #jhene efuru #jhene aiko fanfic #jhene aiko ff #fanfiction #fandom #fanfic #fanfic update #j cole #j cole fanfic

[whipplefilter]

People keep mentioning Lightning calling Doc "dad" by accident, and I like that idea, but.. I wonder what the very first time that happened was like? Like, what even brought it on? What was Doc's reaction? I bet it was after a win or something, sometime when he was either very emotional or very distracted. I bet Lightning must have been pretty tired to have let that slip.. like me right now.. Sorry, the ramblings of a tired fan here xD

Oh my god, anon, I got stupidly carried away with this… /O\ APOLOGIES. Here is my ridiculous thousands-of-words response. I’ve always wanted to write something that could explore a little bit of the high-pressure atmosphere of professional racing, and some of the aspects of the profession that might be somewhat maladaptive for a young racer, and figured the path to this hc might be the place to do it. But ultimately, this is Doc’s story.

Fanfic: Your Name in Lights

Summary: Racing’s changed a lot. Or maybe it was always changing, change pouring from the racers, the race itself, and into the fringes of sponsorship and spectator and spectacle. Maybe this is where it was always headed.

At the start of his first season as Lightning’s crew chief, Doc reflects on how the sport has changed, and what he and Lightning will need to be for each other. The aftermath of last season’s tiebreaker race presents new challenges–challenges Lightning’s not quite ready for.

* If longposts on Tumblr are death to you (as they are to me), vision/attention-friendly versions of this can be found on AO3 & Fanfiction.net!

They’re still learning each other.

Lightning’s ability to listen, while much improved, remains variable.

And Doc’s ability to teach–and this is according to Sally, whose tetchy ‘maybe don’t talk like you’re from Mars’ was then vetted and seconded by Sheriff–doesn’t always help. Maybe one in twenty of Doc’s directions, Lightning loses his line for thinking so hard, as though he’s convinced Doc’s words are an enigma he must first unravel.

But when Doc says “hit it with your purse” he means exactly that. Plain and simple.

Granted, in retrospect, that sort of direction makes less sense if you’d never known the woman Doc learned it from. Nothing has ever made Doc feel quite so old as that.

All this notwithstanding, at the pole qualifying for Florida Lightning posts just shy of the top. It means he’s got a good angle on that third slot if he can nail the Duel. Doc’s not concerned about the racing.

Before that, though, there remains the hassle of the start-of-season publicity junket. Naturally, Doc declined all invitations; he’s not here for the crowds or the rumor mills. Never has been. But he might have reconsidered–shared the burden–if he’d known Lightning was going to say yes to every single one.

“You got brakes, son. You’re allowed to use 'em,” Doc points out.

Lightning just says–as though he’d never once considered saying no, and isn’t sure why he’d need to defend this–“Yeah, but they asked!”

Maybe he simply hadn’t anticipated the onslaught.

Whatever fame Lightning had enjoyed as a promising rookie’s got nothing on his Year 2 as proven contender–especially not with last year’s tiebreaker and the enigma of the Fabulous Hudson Hornet still very much on the racing world’s mind. Harv, whom Doc has recently come aware of in all his bombastically East Coast glory, has Lightning’s week scheduled solid:

- Monday 5AM-10PM

- Tuesday, 6:07AM-11:15PM

- Wednesday, 9AM-2AM

- Friday, 8:30AM-11:45PM

Wedged into the fray is one empty Thursday, which is “TBD, see Cup practice lap schedule.” Which all sounds like hell to Doc, but hey, the kid’s got energy to burn.

–

Sometimes, when answering questions for the press, Lightning’s gaze will shoot toward him. Never for long–Doc suspects Lightning never means for him to see–but long enough for his eyes to speak loud and clear.

Lightning is embarrassed by how much he still enjoys this part.

The captivated reporters, the ardent fans; he eats it all up.

Shouldn’t he be above this, though? Now that he knows what real love feels like? Shouldn’t this feel superficial now? That’s what his eyes say. Or perhaps they’re only reflecting what Lightning thinks he sees in Doc’s.

But if the kid ever found the guts to ask, Doc would say no. No. Cherish that feeling. You never know when you might lose it.

–

After the first day, Lightning passes out in his trailer immediately upon re-entry.

Old habits die hard, and under the blaze of camera flashes it’s easy to reach for certain unbearably cocky personas. Certainly, he’d given the cameras some of that. But other times he was Lightning–just Lightning. Which was harder.

Still, he reached.

The novelty of that does him in, and he sleeps like the dead.

(“Oh, don’t worry,” Mack assures him, when Doc is unable to rouse him. “He always sleeps like that.”)

–

Day 2 is easier. Lightning settles some, and Doc determines that even if he’s personally refused all speaking engagements, the least he can do is show up for the photographs. It takes some of the heat off Lightning, and spares him from the more probing lines of questioning. (Even the most aggressive tabloids back down if they have to look you in the eye.)

Then Doc loses an entire afternoon to a commercial spot, wherein Lightning spends four hours reading the same four lines as gaffers swarm around the outskirts of the shot. Apparently certain things will only read on television, and they need something a little different for their MySpace audience. (Whatever that is.) And Apple, Inc., of course, has purchased exclusive rights to something or another, so they need to do a full redesign if they wanna advertise with them.

Heretofore Doc hadn’t been aware that someone could give a performance best described as both wooden and exuberant. Lightning manages this feat. His acting ain’t worth the film it’s printed on. Doc finds this endearing in its own way.

Regardless, Lightning is obliging enough and not difficult to work with, which surprises the AD, who is obviously a veteran of past McQueens. On their way out, the sun having long since set, this year’s McQueen’s only gripe is a hushed, “You know how long it should take to film a twenty-second commercial? Twenty seconds! In twenty seconds I could be done with an entire–”

“Hey, look at you!” someone shouts from across the intersection. Doc notes with some amusement that Lightning automatically assumes they’re talking about him.

To Lightning’s credit, they are. The stranger blows the stoplight and maneuvers an absurd U-turn to end up in the lane adjacent. “Huge fan,” he explains. “Huge huge huge huge!”

In the span of a signal pattern, one red light holding the world in abeyance, he then proceeds to tell Lightning his whole life story. This is how it ends:

“And like, hit-and-run, you know? We couldn’t have known. Us all chasing after the guy, figuring you know, Alonzo’s gonna be okay, he always okay. We got a good set-up, working at the garage–all kinds of parts, all kinds of tools, you know? But after we lost the dude we go back and Alonzo’s just gone, man. He’s just metal. And that was it. So I guess I just wanna say like, thank you, you know? I’m not saying it makes a whole lotta sense or nothin’ but I dunno, like. Mad props, I guess. What you did in that race like. I just thought that was tight.”

“Thank you,” says Lightning, a little stiffly. It doesn’t seem like he’s going to say more. Then he adds, “Sorry to hear about, um, Alonzo.”

“Don’t sweat it, bruh,” says the stranger, dead Alonzo’s cousin. “Mad props!” he repeats, before speeding off when the light before them flicks blue-green.

Lightning jerks off the road and pulls into a nearby parking lot, visibly shaken. “That’s–” he starts. “Uh, never happened before.”

“You’re real to them now,” says Doc, though he doesn’t remember that happening to him before, either. “Congratulations.”

But Lightning doesn’t throw the look for the rest of the evening. He’s quiet and restive and it’s as though he’s either witnessed a crime or drive in on two cars in a scandalously intimate moment, or maybe both.

He has absolutely no idea what to do with a stranger’s personal business.

Mack asks him if he’s okay, and he says yes.

Lightning asks, “Hey, d'you think Sally would pick up if I–”

Then he trails off. Turns back to Doc to give him a funny look. Doc’s not sure if the question was directed at him, or at the empty air. (He knows the answer, though: Yes, yes she would.)

“Nah,” Lightning decides, independent of the facts. “It’s late.”

–

Doc’s not sure why, but it echoes. Not the life story of faceless cars, the names of whom he has already forgotten, but Lightning. The look on his face as he realized that caring is not always pleasant. There’s a lot of damage in the world.

Caring can hurt.

By the next morning, Lightning has forgotten all about it. Which is fortunate, because if Harv scheduled things any tighter he’d strip a lugnut. Lightning needs to be good to go.

–

Lightning’s fading. It’s working hour 33 on Day 3 when he stops trying to answer questions well and instead repackages what he’s already said, and said again, and said again. This isn’t at all a failing; it’s strategic and–finally–something actually smart, but it also doesn’t have the blazing excitement of Day 1, which is what sustains Lightning in the first place. And so it becomes a self-defeating cycle, and more often than not Doc finds Lightning staring down the clock as the hands make their slow and deliberate way around the field. His eyes beg them to move faster.

They’re far from done, though. Next up, sponsor appearance.

Lightning doesn’t do or say much, just last year’s lines, now flavored by his palpable shame at his past behavior, but none of the rust buckets seem to notice. For some reason, they love him, and always have. They have a golden vision of Lightning in their minds and that’s all they’ll ever see.

Rusty–or maybe it’s Dusty–winks at Doc. These two are Bostonians, unflappable, and Doc respects them. They knew Lightning was a child–and frankly, still is–but they were willing to be patient about his growing up. They weren’t surprised when eventually, he did. Which means they’d read him better than Doc had. They’ve got the knack.

As Lightning prepares to take his leave of the stage, Dusty (or Rusty) whispers, “Here, kiddo!” He slides a can toward Lightning with his back tire. “You’re gonna need to eat something before the meet n’ greets. It’s a long-haul!”

Lightning’s eyes widen, as though he’d forgotten sustenance was a category that existed. “Oh! Thanks!”

But when the two are out of eyeshot, Lightning throws the can in the trash.

“Not hungry?” Doc asks.

Lightning looks around him, dramatically surreptitious. “Are you kidding me? I can’t drink that out here. I’m not sponsored by that. Someone will see!”

Doc looks back at the Rust-eze tent, where Rusty and Dusty are still hamming it up on stage. “Aren’t they your sponsors?”

“Uh, yes,” says Lightning. “But I think sometimes they forget how this works.”

–

Doc thinks he, too, must have forgotten how this works, because “meet n’ greet” is a misnomer if ever there were one. There’s nothing at all casual about the autographs Lightning’s firing off, and it’s a wonder he can see anything at all with all the camera flash. “Kachow,” indeed.

One after another the queue of meet n’ greeters comes, exchanges a word or two or gaping silent awe with meteorological sensation Lightning McQueen, gets an autograph for his trouble and a picture for his scrapbook, and is shepherded right along to make room for the next car idling in line, assembly line quick.

Racing’s changed a lot.

Or maybe it was always changing, change pouring from the racers, the race itself, and into the fringes of sponsorship and spectator and spectacle. Maybe this is where it was always headed.

–

Millennium Club dinner. Some corporate thing, so upper-crust exclusive that Lightning’s sponsors are not actually invited. But Lightning is.

“Actually, you are,” Lightning notes. “It says here I’m just your plus one.”

They don’t stay. They have another dinner to get to, anyway.

–

Sparklers on the ground. Cars popping wheelies as they dance away from the leaping colors, which leave thin trails of smoke in their wake. Guitar. Truckbeds filled to the brim with all manner of confection–mostly Dinoco Lite, but also festive lookalikes, for the children.

The children, to speak of them, are playing a made-up game that involves hurling small chunks of broken asphalt at each other. The smaller ones are playing with tire marbles.

This feels more like home.

Here, The King presides, looking hale and gleaming, which is good to see.

“Heard you were lookin’ for me back in town,” Doc says when Strip Weathers idles up to them.

“Paying my respects,” Weathers says. “You did the sport a world of good. Made it into something worth keepin’ alive.” He smiles at Lightning. “Long day?”

Lightning laughs faintly, and Doc turns to him. He does look a little shaky.

“I’d stay away from Claude’s homebrew,” Weathers warns, very seriously. “It’s turning everyone silly, as always.”

Lightning’s gaze darts to Doc. Kid’s not sure what to make of the fact that he’s been suddenly inducted into the club where The King makes casual jokes. It doesn’t compute, it doesn’t compute, and then it doesn’t compute.

Ultimately, however, the strangeness isn’t enough to hold his interest. As Weathers heads back to Lynda, Lightning confesses, “I, uh, really need to eat someth–”

“THERE HE IS.”

Photos, ecstasy. A distinct lack of personal space. Lightning could run, but he doesn’t. Or maybe he can’t without his engine seizing. He probably needed more oil a good long while ago.

Doc shakes his head. He is not in the habit of delivering drinks to people, but as one of Lightning’s fans begets another it appears he might have to.

He rolls through the crowd like an untouchable force, eliciting wide eyes but none brave enough to approach.

–

Of course! I can’t believe I didn’t see it before! You’re the Hudson Hornet! The Fabulous Hudson Hornet! Oh, you gotta–

–

So far, returning to the track is easier than Doc had ever dreamed, because–and perhaps this is ironic–of how precious little there was to return to. He doesn’t miss it because he’s never known it; you can’t yearn for rules you’ve never bucked, asphalt you’ve never burnt. It’s all-new, right down to the smells and sounds of the track, vibrations through earth and the motion of the guy next to you. Never mind all the hoopla off the track, the business side of which has grown up even quicker than road.

And perhaps more surprising than all the change is Doc’s utter lack of nostalgia. He doesn’t wish all this around him were otherwise, or quail at the thought that it isn’t. His racing world is hermetically-sealed and six feet under and when he speaks of it, it is another beast entirely. Somehow, this makes is unpainful to speak of now.

The track doesn’t wrench him back those fifty years; it does not unbury that pain and betrayal; it does not validate the bitterness he’s spent so much of his time since curating. Lightning does not remind him of any of that, the way he surely had in the courtroom that first day. Teaching Lightning does not feel like a poor substitution for what should have been. This is different. This is something–

And that, Doc had never dreamed.

–

When he returns with a quart of oil balanced on his hood, Lightning is exactly where he’d left him, surrounded by a new constellation of fans. He’s wearing a look of extreme distress, masquerading poorly as something other than, and the Mitsubishi nearest him is weeping.

As Doc draws nearer, he understands why. More crash stories. More dead loved ones. More trauma, more pain, more loss. Stories without happy endings–or without endings at all. The Mitsubishi is still crying.

This goes on for hours. It seems everyone has some dark and metal-rending history that they would like for Lightning to know. That tiebreaker was a standout; it clearly shook a lot of feelings loose. Now Lightning has become their outlet.

Lightning is not handling it well. He’s only just learned how to listen, how to care; he doesn’t know how, or when, to stop.

That night–if it can be called that; it’s 3AM, and Lightning drew his first practice round for 7–Doc learns that Lightning does not always sleep heavy. Sometimes he does not sleep at all.

Doc has three regrets, as they pertain to docking his trailer next to Lightning’s:

1. The blare of Lightning’s television, which has been advertising hemorrhoidal tailpipe lotion for the past hour straight.

2. All the pacing. Just when Doc thinks he’s settled for the night, Lightning’s engine blares to life, and metal creaks softly as his weight shifts up and down the length of his trailer. His is not a quiet engine.

3. All the shouting. Forget the engine; Lightning’s just all-around loud for a sleeping car. Keeps yelping himself awake.

For his own self-preservation, Doc moves his trailer. For Lightning, Doc figures the best kindness he can do him as his crew chief is not expect much from their 7AM.

–

“Sleep well?” Doc asks. “Handling it,” Lightning scowls (or maybe he’s just squinting. It’s a bright morning).

Lightning posts a 196.349 average.

One of this season’s rookies, yellow bumper strip blending well with his purple paint job and gold highlights, whistles in appreciation. “I’ve definitely made it to the big leagues now,” he whispers to himself. “Hot dang!”

But Lightning all but flinches away when the rookie shouts “HEY!” Lightning swerves and mutters something incomprehensible as he drives past without making eye contact.

“Oka~y! Whatever then,” the rookie shouts after him. “Guess I’ll have to smoke you on Sunday, cupcake! Then we’ll see who gets ignored!”

“You all right?” Doc asks, when Lightning draws nearer.

“Is this over yet?” Lightning asks back, again without making eye contact.

“Sure,” Doc says. “Ten months and thirty-six races from now.”

Lightning brakes–he keeps forgetting someone is here now, to answer his rhetorical questions. Then he glares at Doc, lips pursed sour, and speeds away without another word. For the next eight hours, he’s nowhere to be found.

–

Doc must admit, he’s only half-expecting Lightning to show up for their 4PM. He hadn’t felt the need to read back on Lightning before they’d met–he figured he could guess at his behaviors well enough. After all, he’s said it before: Racecar.

And he knows from personal experience that Lightning has a tendency to go missing, and that he also has a predilection for nearly missing things that he probably shouldn’t. All behaviors a crew chief won’t typically abide, even if his racer doesn’t beat him to the punch and fire him.

If you want to race with the pros, you need to act the part. There are no exceptions.

Doc own crew chief would have shown him the door if Doc had ever given him lip. There’d have been hellfire and fury. But it’s been a while since Doc’s thought about any of this, and in a moment of deep personal honesty, he has to admit: Oh, he gave plenty of lip, and Smokey plenty of fire. They don’t call him Smokey for nothing. It had been different, though–he and Smokey were nearly contemporaries, grown men and good ol’ boys together. Lip and fury were part of the dance. It’s what they’d needed from each other.

Whereas Lightning–

For the first time, Doc thinks about what Lightning actually needs in a crew chief. It’s not that the list isn’t a mile long–the kid is undeniably talented, and undeniably smart; but he’s also undeniably stupid, and if Doc starts contemplating Lightning’s many contradictions he’ll be here all day. But maybe it’s not what Lightning needs so much as who.

Doc sighs. He’d hoped he could have stepped to the role with only a modicum of soul-searching. Clear out the cobwebs, beat the nostalgia, focus on the racing. But who’s stupid now? he chastises. The rules and the smells and the crowds can change like no tomorrow but at the end of the day, the heart of the sport will always be the same. And real racing? You race with everything you got. Everything you are. It don’t matter if you’re on the track or the infield. In this sport, there is no room for reticence. There are no exceptions to that, either.

So, Hud, he thinks. Who are you gonna be?

–

At exactly 4PM, Lightning does show up. The first thing he says is, “I’m sorry.”

It’s the only thing he says.

When Doc asks again, “You doin’ okay?” Lightning takes a rolling start from the road up to the track and he’s off to the races.

–

You’ve been here how long? And your friends don’t even know who you are?

–

Lightning’s driving sloppy. Extremely sloppy. Which isn’t a trouble when you’re alone on a track, but they’re not here to practice bad habits. When Doc tells him so, Lightning’s only response is to drive worse, and faster. Faster. He cracks 200. 201. 203, for consecutive laps. And again. Then a fourth.

“Control,” Doc reminds him, but Lightning’s past the point of responding even recalcitrantly. He’s pure, raw force, swinging around the turns, every atom blazing forward. There’s nothing left for anything but power and speed. It’s terrible but beautiful, but terrible.

Lightning leaves the track gasping for breath and on the verge of tears and absolutely every other part of him left on the asphalt behind him. The forklift posting the times does a double-take.

Doc’s not thinking about those, though.

“Come here,” Doc says, but Lightning is as insensate now as he was at 200 miles an hour. He mumbles something Doc finds incomprehensible, only willing to wheel himself in any direction but Doc’s.

Lightning closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, but immediately lets it out, sharp, and continues to dance away. 'Calm’ isn’t really an available gear after a run like his.

“Come here,” Doc repeats, and this time all but herds Lightning in the appropriate direction.

“Oh, stop,” Lightning mutters, as he shies away from Doc’s bumper taps. “I can drive myself, Dad.” But the second Doc stops prodding Lightning stops moving, so Doc keeps on.

Dad, huh? Doc mulls this over. Interesting choice, Mr. I-Can-Drive-Myself. The way it had slipped out, Lightning probably didn’t even realize. Certainly, he won’t remember.

That train of thought stretches long across the circus that is the Florida Speedway, but eventually they end up at Doc’s trailer, quiet and plain-painted and unassuming.

They don’t talk much. First it’s just Lightning muttering incoherence, as far as Doc’s concerned–likely a continuation of some long epic he’s been self-narrating for the past year or so. Then genuine silence. Lightning dozes, waking long enough between bouts to look extremely annoyed with himself.

When the ratio of rest to annoyance turns in castigation’s favor, Doc intervenes.

“You wanna tell me what just happened, kid?”

“Don’t turn this into a life lesson,” Lightning snaps, still surly. Lightning knows, and he knows Doc knows. No one needs a play-by-play. That’s why Lightning’s so annoyed–he knows what he should be able to handle. Sponsors, commercials, interviews, spotlight after spotlight after spotlight–he can dig in, he can do it. He excels at it. His name in lights? Bring it on.

But this time, he’d been wrong.

Doc tries to be less pedantic. “You can’t keep making yourself sick over this stuff.”

Nope, still pedantic. Maybe it’s just his way; Doc’s his crew chief, after all. He’s supposed to be pedantic.

“But I can’t just make them stop,” Lightning protests desperately. “All these horrible things– and then they tell me– and then their friends tell more– why would I wanna hear about all these crashes? Even the press guys will– I’m just– and I can’t–”

He reigns it in. “I can’t take that,” he summarizes, now sedate. “I can’t sit there, listening to all these horrible things that have happened to all these cars and all their entire families, and then just be okay. I can’t.”

You have to, is something Doc might say, as a crew chief. Are you made of steel or not? You have to. Just shut it out. And if you don’t know how, then you’re gonna have to learn. You’re a professional, and this is the game.

But Doc doesn’t think he can say that to Lightning. Lightning, who feels so young because this care and all its pain seems so new, so surprising to him. Lightning, now old enough to know that caring is professional.

Lightning, who is more than just his racer.

You can’t control the game, or what it sees in you. Be it an underestimate of what you’ve got left, or an overestimate of how many stories you’re able to bear, it’s all the same.

“So give 'em something else to talk about,” Doc says finally. “If you love this, then show 'em joy. Give them a win. Give them a hundred more things to remember you by.”

There’s that look again–Lightning thinking very hard, wondering if Doc’s advice is a puzzle. Trying to solve it just in case. Then his brow unfurrows. “Yeah, okay,” he says. “That makes sense.”

Doc’s expression must convey doubt, because Lightning clarifies his epiphany. “Surpass yourself, right?”

Then he grins devilishly. “Consider it done, old man!”

–

On Friday, Lightning wakes up for his 8:30. It’s a morning show–not RSN, but Florida local. They have to drive out to the studio. There will be sound stages and harried PAs and several hundred thousand cars watching from the comfort of their own garages. There’s an in-house audience as well, the hopefuls for which were wrapped clear around the building before they arrived.

Lightning yawns wide, says something about getting it out of his system before they head inside. But he hesitates at the threshold of the studio. For the briefest flicker of a moment, Lightning looks up at the glinting neon above the door and becomes betrayal incarnate. This thing had wronged him, this thing had hurt him, this thing he loved so much, it had–

Then he lets it go.

He doesn’t bury it.

He really, truly, lets it go.

And only then does Lightning roll through that door.

–

At 8:30 on Friday morning, just before the cameras start rolling, the Fabulous Hudson Hornet joins his protege Lightning McQueen on the stage of the Daytona Daily Dose–a tiny channel that only broadcasts as far as the county line. It is his first public speaking engagement since 1954.

They won’t be talking about 1954, though. It’s 2007. Doc has a hundred more things he’d like to be remembered by.

Doc glances at Lightning, who seems even more delighted by this development than the staff of the Daily Dose, and he thinks, And then some.

#cars fandom #pixar cars #doc hudson #lightning mcqueen #cars fanfiction #asks #bonus the king #bonus rusty and dusty #bonus bobby swift #bonus harv lol #omg it's so interesting writing these characters back then? #when they were just barely getting to know each other #wow! #and doc pov #not sure how objectively well i did with him #but i feel like i found his arc here <3 #eep #someone show me how to write short stuff please #god #help

[izzy-b-hands]

One more vent post about this mf then I'm done, I promise

Like why did he even reach out. He did this thing where he just kills the convo, and it usually means I said something he doesn't agree with (he does it in person too, he'll just sigh and walk away AND NOT EXPLAIN HIMSELF AT ALL AND EXPECT U TO GET WHY HE LEFT!!! AND THEN UR THE ASS FOR PISSING HIM OFF AND I JUST-)

I'm confused, as much as anything else. Like he needed to check in about some vague shit we talked about over two fucking years ago, I apparently answered wrong about it (but I don't know how cuz he didn't say so ??!!!??!!!!!?!!!!????)

The only cohesive thing I could glom out of it was a 'just know I'm around.' so...does he want to hang out and he's beating so far around the bush we're in the Bermuda Triangle???

A quick bit of history-we sat on the edge of 'almost more than friends' for like a year in high school. He's been weird about it ever since, and got mad after I made moves back then, and he said he wanted to reciprocate but without actually doing anything (literally his words, I shit u not, I was a depressed ass high school junior who was still self harming and medicating every day, I was not ready to try and help him with fuckin intimacy issues. I just wanted someone to hang out with, hold hands, and maybe kiss like damn, it was just fuckin high school, ya know?) The last time we spent a decent spot of time together, about two years ago when we tried to get together a local writers group, he kept bouncing around this shit too, confirmed by the other folks in the group who were all from our high school friend group. And they didn't get his deal either, or why he kept trying to seem like he was interested in me, but then running away from me. One guy friend said I'm just kind of intimidating which like...ok? So what man, I find a lot of people intimidating too. But if I really think I like someone and want to see if they might be interested in me, then I take a deep breath and go for it, politely and respectfully, ya know? Not my issue that he can't manage that.

Worst bit? He was never really my sort of guy, but he was sweet enough, so back in high school i had been willing to give it a go. But two years ago, and now? No. I've grown and changed, and I know more of what I want. He's sweet still, but he hasn't really changed at all, and I'm not going into any relationship to babysit. I want to keep the friendship but this shit wears on me. It feels like he pulls me back to all the high school shit, and that was such a rough period of my life. I've grown and want to move past it all, and so far all my other high school era friends get that and have been ok

But not this dude. Like, I've been telling him to go to therapy since high school, and I wish I could tell him again. Like, my dude, being weird around me and some of our other friends is not gonna help you. Cut those ties however you gotta, get a therapist, and get better so you can feel better and be happier. I did, and it was so fucking worth it (but he still also thinks I ' unintentionally make up' my mental illness and autism and that most people are misdiagnosed and all secretly just fine. Like yeah bruh, being suicidal on and off since like ten years old is just something I did and do for fun. Not miserable at all, or something that effects me every day of my life as I try to survive. This mf I swear.)

I'm so tired-like I'm a wreck mentally rn, and then he swings in and out like it ain't shit, and I know I'll get a text from another friend in a day saying like 'oooh he said you weren't this or that the last time you guys talked and he's kind of upset' and then they want me to fix his emotions. Like man, do what the rest of us try and emotionally regulate yourself as best u can. You can only control what you do and feel, just like only I can control all that for me. If talking to me makes you feel bad for whatever reason, then stop!!!! I don't reach out to him because he tends to make me feel bad, but I'm there if he needs me like I am for other friends. Why can't he do that, I do not know.

But I gotta go back to work, which is also not going great so...yeah.

Incidentally, if anyone has fav Sledgefu fics or anything they'd feel like sharing with me, that would be really sweet and cool and I'll even write whatever you want in exchange.

#gif #text post #I just wanna go home and sleep for a week

[aibrechts]

Would you do a Tyki/Allen reclist??

YES, i certainly WILL HAHA

if you know me then you know i love my tykillens 100% consensual and thats. That’s a bit tough, cause not many in the fandom seem to agree with me lol.  it’s a bit of a wasteland in ao3 not gonna lie but the tag there has recently been blessed, and I’ll dig out some old gold too

Honestly it’s uh. It’s probably gonna be easiest to organise this by authors and then I’ll like. Pick a couple of my favourites from each of them, and link a few randoms i like at the end. 

 Moonswing: I love the way this author writes them - the dialogue especially is quick, witty and so so fun, and the ideas they come up with are

Loves Company is the first poker pair fic i read that gave me hope for this ship. it’s so light and funny and good and went a long way to inspiring me to continue writing for the pair.Some Minor Issues looks like it’s only just been started and I honestly cant wait for more. Modern AU where Tyki is the son of a mob boss, the best trans Allen i’ve ever read (in a world of fem!allen i have finally found an oasis of casual and accurate representation). definitely excited to see where it goes, if it goes, idk if it’s gonna be continued or what but !!!!Reapers is another new one, and the title kinda says it all lol. Allen and Lavi are reapers working for the Earl, and Allen is designated Tyki’s personal servant ahahaha

hiat:Not gonna lie i haven’t actually read a LOT from this author, but what I have read has been exceptional

A Small Reprieve is wonderful, especially considering it’s the author’s first smut like. Damn. It’s sweet and a little bit sad, but this is Tykillen so what did u expect lmaoFondant and Fakery is so cute and sweet like omfg ahahaha it’s all the lighthearted Tykillen fluff i ever neededWorlds Apart is probably my favourite from them, but im not sure if it’s ongoing or if they’ve abandoned it? Another mob AU and i really really hope they continue it because !!!!! im in love with this fic ahahaha and want to see more

ArbitrarySpaces:oohhh boyyyy //rubs hands together

While You Sleep is somehow the only soulmates au (that i know of) and i love it?? its amazing and cute, where each Allen and Tyki sees through the other’s eyes in their dreams.Mr. Poker Face is super funny and lighthearted - i love the flow of dialogue, it’s so quick and witty and them I honestly yelled a lil when I saw it’d been updated with a second chapter.How to Build a Life Together depicts snapshots of Tyki and Allen, uh. Building a life together i guess lol. Each chapter is a different point in their relationship, starting from the point where Tyki gives Allen a rock (and not in the traditional sense. That comes later lmao).

rustandstardust:they’ve got some damn good shit i tell ya

it’s all a game is so ???? good ??? casino au where allen’s a tease and tyki’s a sucker, everything feels so lavish and indulgent and i love it!connection I haven’t… actually…. read. But! it’s on my agenda tonight tbh and I have high expectations lollove me like you mean it is also really good, like. I don’t know what else to say lmfao it’s just… good. 

CandyCrackpot:I am shocked and appalled by the fact I almost missed them because they’re like. Like. If there’s a holy trinity in this fandom then they’re god. just. Just straight up they’re a fucking god okay.

Gamble got me on the bottom!tyki hype train and i have yet to follow through - mostly because i’m intimidated by the quality of writing and characterisation that went into this 100% rly fukkin good would recommend.//squints// and uh that’s all for them??? but they have a HEAP of other fics for this fandom ((if ur looking for some soft papa mana and baby allen fluff then Smile is def the place to go))

Hurryup:every time i think about them my chest gets tight and my hands start shaking like ???? is this love ?????????????? fam help i think im dying honest to god

shutdown is… its, uh. I honestly can’t put it into words. It’s the best Tykillen fic I’ve ever read. It’s beautiful, subtle, quiet, so bitter and sweet, but somehow not bittersweet and i honestly. i dont know how to explain how that’s possible but it is and it’s perfect and i will scream from the top of mount fucking ararat about how good it is til the day i drop dead okay like. if you read only one fic from this list, let it be this one.idk why i thought they’d written more tykillen than that, probably because it was so fucking good and the characterisation was flawless, but for the life of me i can’t find any others for this ship by them so…??? but lots of link/allen if ur into that. i haven’t read them personally but if shutdown is any indication they’re gonna be lit like a talking bush.

—Assorted—

Chinchirinoda’s fic Worship gave me a hand kink. No kidding, it’s short and sweet and quiet and sad and lovely and one of my OG favourite Tykillen fics

I haven’t actually read Allen’s worst Struggle by slaying_dragons, or Night of Truce (new author on the block what up) but I have the tabs open and im prob gonna get to those tonight too lol

Let’s Do Something Wrong by kittybandit is a super cute collection of super short super sweet prompt-drabbles. Like condensed milk. Or a shot of straight cordial. Or cocaine. The yoga one is def my favourite, but they’re all amazing

autumntea is the kind of cruel where they’ll write 700-ish words and every single letter is perfect and amazing and makes u want MORE but then like. there isn’t. there isn’t more thERES NEVER MORE AND I WISH THERE WAS BC IT’S ALL SO GOOD. all of it. Every tykillen fic they wrote is a dicktease and i want MORE, DAMMIT

If you want crack (and for some reason Kingdom Hearts characters working in a casino ????), Sin City Dreamers by The_Button_Harlequin is lit the most well-written shitpost i’ve ever had the experience of reading, like. I lit couldn’t stop laughing while reading it it’s… No, i can’t explain it, you have to read it yourself to understand lmfao definitely worth it, I promise. i promise.

And, uh. I dont mean to toot my own horn (i totally do bruh look at my ego okay) but if you’d like a chef’s special then i recommend make it out alive for smut, and Pilate saith unto them, behold the man for ‘fluff’ (so far as fluff goes in my vocabulary) and Mutually Beneficial for Tyki’s big dumb crush.

—

There you have it !!! that’s. That’s pretty much the entire consensual Tykillen tag right there. And it’s all good like idk how yall do it but ur fukkin masterminds okay im honestly in shock, still in shock actually after reading Hurryup’s fic last night like. fuck i wanna cry just thinking about it lmfao it’s so perfect and beautiful and sad like jesus fam let me breathe. 

I know you’re going to find something in here you love and if you don’t then im. i don’t know what to tell u man lol this is the best of the best so i hope u enjoy yourself

#poker pair fic rec #anon #dgm #d gray man #allen #tyki #allen walker #tyki mikk #poker pair #tykillen #fic rec #i got so carried away im not even sorry #I LOVE THEM OKAY #I LVOE THEM A LOT #THE PAIRING AND THE FICS #JUST #ALL OF IT #I LOVE IT

[mcrololo]

Can I get uhhhhhhh all questions you haven't done already

AHDJSDKKS; oh my god ok

1. describe your idea of a perfect dateThis is gonna sound really fucking cheesy but I’m down to do whatever as long as it’s with the one I like/love. Like you can take me fucking skydiving and I’d think it’s perfect just because I’m with my date. And if we die well at least we died together ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. whats your “type”Uhhh, well, I’m a sucker for the ‘too kind for this world’ type. The Really Nice™. The Mom Friend™. Ya know. I also like blondes but that’s just a smol extra.

3. do you want kids?I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t, sometimes I do. It switches, usually when I think about babies. I don’t really like babies, but I love hanging out with kids and I would love to teach them about the good in the world. But you know what? I’m 21. I don’t need to decide that already. 

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?I’m not pooping out a baby, I’ve heard too many horror stories. So it’s either adoption or my girlfriend’s going through hell (that’s up to her).

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)LUKU DON’T LOOK OK. You’re too young for this.I don’t think anyone will ever not be nervous?? Like it’s completely new and especially gay sex is like ??? What the fuck do I do? They never explain that shit anywhere unless you go to specific places I guess. And as someone who has never had any interest in porn, I also didn’t look anything up. I was fucking nervous. I never know what I do and that sure as hell wasn’t an exception. And as a somewhat (at the time (I still sometimes am)) sex-repulsed graysexual, I also didn’t know how I felt about it. Now I like it, but I don’t really like talking about it, which is why I’m probably just rambling bullshit right now. 

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?Definitely night time. I hate mornings so much, I sometimes feel like throwing up when I wake up. It’s wild. 

8. opinion on nap dates?10/10, they’re great

9. opinion on brown eyes?BEAUTIFUL. Eyes are so expressive, no matter the color!

10. dog gay or cat gay?Dog gay (but also cat gay)

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someoneClosedmindedness. If you don’t accept people for who they are, I got no business with you.

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?I grew up with a gay parent, but for some reason for the majority of my childhood and teenage years I was convinced being gay was a choice. bruh.

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self“Just because your dad is gay, doesn’t mean you can’t be gay. It’s in your genes asshole. Also, stay focused on your friendships. They’re 1000% worth it and you’re gonna get something good out of it.” 

(skipping 15 ‘cause i’m a homo)

16. who is an ex you regret?I have one ex and I don’t regret anything. We’re still friends and I still enjoy her company. I’m really glad for that too, because things didn’t get weird and we don’t hate each others guts so that’s super chill. I support her.

17. night club gay or cafe gay?Cafe gay

18. who is one person you would “go straight” forI am an unstoppable gay force. My gayness will never run out and as much as I think some men are attractive, I will never be attracted to one. (no shade, I just never really feel that way about men??)

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?FUCK no don’t make me choose between that?? I guess I should pick video game because I’m a game artist but?? Books and MOVIES MAN

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)Uncovered & Sugarpunch ;) For real though, idk?? All gay ships are good

21. favourite gay youtuberHANNAH HART. I LOVE HER SO MUCH i wish i can meet her one day cause she introduced me to mens wear and im love??? ALSO SHE MAKES FOOD PUNS OK GOALS

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?No, but my first crush was on a bi girl who was more into dudes, does that count? I was literally in love with that girl for two years dang

23. have you ever been in love?I mean, something’d be terribly wrong if I wasn’t. @shikariix​ and I are hitting the 3rd year anniversary next month lol

24. have you ever been heartbroken?You betcha. In more ways than one.

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someoneI am a very simple gay who stays true to myself. If I see a person I like and it’s mutual, I am never letting go (unless, of course, they want to let go). I never think that I want to be someone else? Celine taught me a beautiful life lesson about being yourself, because that’s all you can ever be. 

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gaysGo out there. Explore. Experience. Learn! Have fun! You only got one life and it’s a shame if you can’t live it to the fullest. It’s okay to make mistakes and it’s okay to question things. You’ll find the answers and you’ll find yourself. Just keep looking. 

28. are you out? if so how did you come outOkay so I come out in the most ridiculous ways. I come out with puns. I joke about my sexuality a lot. Most of the times I actually don’t realize I’m outing myself because I assume people already know. Family friends who’ve known me since I was a baby have literally ALL said that they had always known, so that’s why I assume everyone knows I’m gay from day 1.

But coming out for the first time? FUCKING TRAIN WRECK. I was so fucking nervous. My dad was the first one I told and I almost couldn’t, but I don’t know why? He’s gay himself. My mom was even worse. She’s been hurt by my dad, of course, so her view on the whole gay community was whack. On top of that, she always had boyfriends who were anti-gay so I came out to her via facebook lmao. Couldn’t even tell it face to face. And she was so proud? Like, her whole view on gays kinda just switched, which isn’t entirely good but she’s learning and she’s so much more open now. My mom eventually told my grandparents because I was scared out of my mind, but two years later they took me in and a year later they also took in my girlfriend. 

My friends were all super chill ofc. Most of them also went like “I fucking knew it ya big ol’ tomboy lol”. 

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have So, about half a year after I came out as a lesbian, I also kind of discovered I don’t feel much, if any, sexual attraction. Most of the people I tell this are actually super chill about it and ask questions (which I’m fine with, because they’re also learning). But when I told my grandfather, he said “You’re young. You don’t know what you want”. And that fucking hurt. That literally struck me right in my core. I’ve always been a grandfather kid, I’ve always looked up to him, and then he goes and says that shit. 

He eventually learned too. “You’re never too old to learn” was one of the first sayings he’s taught me. I forgave him, and he accepted me. On a lighter note: the day after, I came home from school and my grandmother comes up to me to tell me all about asexuality. She said she’d looked it up and read all about it. I’m assuming my grandfather picked up on this too and that’s why he’s accepted it. I love my grandparents so much.

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexualityI honestly have no idea. I have no experience with that, because I came out as soon as I accepted myself (that took a long while, but hey). Make sure you surround yourself with people you CAN be yourself around. I know that’s probably shitty advice because you can’t just leave your folks behind or something, but it’s nice to have a few people who feel the same way. Someone you can talk to. 

#Shit this took a while #here you go an early birthday present #answered #wooksbazooks

[sadrien]

wanna chat? pt. 14

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

i got my harry potter nerd on for this chapter, mostly because i wanted to write and didn't know what to write about

also, i'm glad you all liked the previous chapter <3

dipshit = adrien fergie = alya no = nino dancing queen = mari

enjoy~

16:30

fergie: its 2 quiet in here time for the #discourse

no: no

fergie: shit im blanking i need a topiC @the babs: someone pls

no: i refuse to support this

dipshit: Anything?

fergie: yes

dipshit: Ok give me a second

no: fuck dude i just wanted a day of chill

fergie: babe with friends like us thats just not possible

dancing queen: What are we doing??

dipshit: Hogwarts house discourse Go

no: i cant believe i have to break up with you

fergie renamed this conversation to “hogwarts house discourse”.

dancing queen: Oh no

fergie: alright alright alright adrien = puff mari = puff nino = puff

dipshit: How do you figure

no: uhhh

dancing queen: Sorry al that seems wrong

dancing queen: oh it is it definitely is but ur all sweet enough for hufflepuff and loyal and we all eat too much food hmmm realistic one… adrien = puff mari = snake nino = raven mayb

dipshit: Make Mari Gryffindor and I’ll agree with you

fergie: whaaaaaat our girl is ambitious aF theres no way

dipshit: But she’s also a really strong leader and incredibly brave

dancing queen: If were arguing over anyone Id say adrien should be a gryffindor Oh wait maybe ravneclaw???? Hes super smart Shit this is really hard? He could be in three???

no: the fuck i was thinking slytherin actually

fergie: ???

dancing queen: ???????

no: listen my dudes the hat takes what you want into consideration right? it does it for harry anyway

fergie: what does this have to do with marshmallow being a snake which is just not accurate

no: im getting there

dipshit: Are we going by stereotypes or nah

dancing queen: Nah The stereotypes suck

no: im just saying theres no fucking way if we were wizards teh agrestes wouldnt be pure bloods and gabriel would be classic fucking slytherin

dancing queen: Ok Ill agree with that

fergie: mhmmmm

dipshit: I wouldn’t say that

no: bro even if you arent going off stereotypes your old man is probably the mos t ambitious perosn ive ever met like scary mari is almost as scary

dancing queen: Hey!!!!!!

fergie: so sorting hat

no has changed their name to sorting hat.

sorting hat: sup

fergie: are u saying adrien would ASK 2 b slytherin

sorting hat: well yeah yeah i am 

fergie: …………… i did not consider

sorting hat: i know you didnt

dancing queen: First of all since we cant decide and Im getting mixed answers from online quizzes

dancing queen has changed their name to lion snake.

lion snake: Second of all doesnt the hat also base it off of what you value the most??

dipshit: Lion snake? Like a chimera?

fergie: nerd

dipshit: Actually the chimera also has a goat ignore me

sorting hat: what the fuck

dipshit: Greek mythology

fergie: u kno what i dont wanna kno

dipshit: Anyway back to this

sorting hat: oh yeah anywa yeah the hat does but adrien wanting to please his dad might overrule that idk my dude jk didnt exactly lay ou t the rules of this super great

fergie: jk needs to c h i l l and ye each of the golden trio couldve ended up in at least one other house

dipshit: That would’ve been cool Also I don’t think I try to please my dad that much

fergie: oh sweetheart

sorting hat: dude

lion snake: Adrien you really really do

dipshit: Really?

fergie has changed their name to adriens legal guardian.

adriens legal guardian: someone needs to take care of you

dipshit: I promise I’m fine I’ve got Nathalie

sorting hat: does nathalie give you hugs

dipshit: No? Why is that relevant?

adriens legal guardian: SHE DOESNT COUNT THEN #HUGADRIENAGRESTE2K17

adriens legal guardian has changed their name to i love adrien.

i love adrien: turn on ur location agreste

dipshit: Please know that’s actually kind of creepy I’m at home you don’t have to worry about location

i love adrien: hella

sorting hat: alya chill out with the name chagnes also now im gonna be confuse d

i love adrien: i love him too but truuuuu

dipshit: ????

i love adrien: can i change it

sorting hat: last time for today??

i love adrien: ilysm

i love adrien has changed their name to cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub

dipshit: I have a fanclub? Wait that wasn’t the smartest thing to say

lion snake: Its a good thing youre cute

dipshit: I try to ignore them

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: have u ever been on the official insta of the fanclub bc its hilarious and beautiful

dipshit: …. Alya why

sorting hat: oh we totally googled you

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: mhm

lion snake: ^^^^

dipshit: That’s…..nice of you?

lion snake: Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable omg

dipshit: It’s just? Kinda weird?? I don’t mind and I probably should’ve expected it I just forget sometimes that that’s a thing people can/will do

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: adri if it makes u feel any better i google everyone ive googled everyone in this chat in our class their parents ymself random strangers if im able to

sorting hat: that is not surprising at all

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ur not special i mean u r ur v special to me and ilysm but not here everyone gets googled and twitter stalked also tell whoevers running ur official accounts to be less lame idc about salad u eat

dipshit: What????

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ur social media is B O R I N G i kno u dont run it but i still expected more memes

dipshit: Honestly I don’t look at it

sorting hat: its like the person we thought you were when we first met you except more boring

lion snake: Ok no thats not true Because I thought he was an asshole

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: oh shit tru

dipshit: Ahhhh yeah sorry about that

lion snake: Its fine I promise!!! Weve talked about this Its like Super perfect adn model-y and professional andnot  at all a teenage loser who stayed up until 2 watching sailor moon and eating doritos

sorting hat: fucking relatable

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: weebs

sorting hat: yo youre the one who decided to date some

lion snake: Hey Ive never asked Adrien do you have unofficial personal social media???

dipshit: ……………………. Shhhhhh

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: WHAAAAAAAT LINKS LINK S LINKS LINSK

dipshit: I have a tumblr but that’s it

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: oh my go d this weekend  we get 2gether adn make adrien all the social media and we revamp his tumblr bc ur theme sucks

dipshit: ???? You’ve never even seen it???

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i know it does marsh !!!!!!!! can u imagine if lb and cn had social media!!!!! id c r y

PM between dipshit and lion snake

dipshit: P l e a s e

lion snake: Oh my og d

dipshit: Please please please please please please please plEASE

lion snake: HOld on!!! Im discussing with tikki

dipshit: Plagg says he doesn’t care what we do

lion snake: Yeah we arent trusting him

dipshit: Fair enough WHAT IF I CAN GET SNAPCHAT ON MY BATON A LITERAL SNAPCHAT

lion snake: No Just because of that No

dipshit: Pleaaaaaseeeeeeeee My lady it’ll be great I swear

lion snake: U gh Well talk on it on patrol tonight k??

dipshit: YES!!!!

19:05 in hogwarts house discourse

sorting hat: i know weve moved on but man. fuck snape

 20:12

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: do u think if i track down lb and cn and ask them for their hogwarts houses theyll tell me

sorting hat: worth a shot?

 20:42

cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: update: chat says ladybg is a gryffindor and lb says shes iether that or slytherin so like mari and they cant agree on cn

 22:53

sorting hat: damn you adrien i cant stop thinking about this what is mari?? what is adrien??? what am i?? al youre either gryffindor or ravenclaw ive decided

lion snake: Youre the sorting hat shouldnt you know all???

sorting hat: bruh we need the actual sorting hat for this

lion snake: Fair enough

sorting hat: lets say adrien is a hatstall and move on

3:03

PM between dipshit and lion snake

dipshit: Rise and shine bugaboo Akuma at 3 o’clock Literally 3 o’clock the time not the like If you’re using 12, 3, 6, and 9 as directions It’s not You know what My tracker on my baton is turned on so use that to find me

 3:08

dipshit: Mari Mari Alright plan b I’m gonna call  you and if you don’t pick up I’m going to show up on your balcony Which sounds creepy but also this akuma is now stacking cars and I don’t really know what to do? They aren’t even trying to do anything else right now Am I missing something??? I’m confused

 3:12

lion snake has changed their name to ahHHH

ahHHH: IM SO SORRY Tikki woke me up my phone was muted She says Waitw e dont hav etime for this Ive gotta transform so Ill talk to you when I get there??

dipshit: It’s fine just watching an akuma build a tower out of cars Remind me to show you how to sync Skype up to your yoyo

ahHHH: Youre on skype on your baton??

dipshit: Yeah it makes things easier

ahHHH: Huh Al and nino didnt wake up?

dipshit: I think the akumas too far away for them to hear, but also it’s not exactly being distructive When we actually start fighting people might start waking up but for now it’s being pretty quiet even with the car stacking

ahHHH: Well thats good they need their sleep Wait if the akuma was quiet how did you know??

dipshit: People started posting to the Ladyblog forums and I had that open in another tab

ahHHH: ???/ Why were you up????

dipshit: Bad night I couldn’t sleep so I put on Howl’s Moving Castle

ahHHH: Feeling any better?

dipshit: I’m sure I’ll feel better when I see you :3

ahHHH: Oh myg do Itst oo early for this Ill see you in fa few just stop that cat face

dipshit: ;3

#adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #ml fanfic #my fics #wanna chat