A Still Day or A Hurricane (12) | JJK
Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader
Genre/Tags: single mom lawyer!OC x pastry chef!Jungkook; angst, fluff, smut; age gap
Chapter Warnings: foul/explicit language; single parenthood, motherhood; mention of a sexual harassment case; explicit sexual content (making out, straddling, protected sex) (18+)
Chapter Word count: 12.3k
Series summary: Driven by your perfectionist attitude and need to have everything in order, you planned that by age 30, you’d have made junior partner, bought your own apartment, and have children. You achieved them, of course, and while the last bit required you to take matters into your own hands - no thanks to your ex-boyfriend who dumped you but to your best friend who directed you to a fertility clinic - you’re now a 31-year old who pretty much has her life under control. You’re ready to raise your child on your own, that is, until the 20-something pastry chef flirts his way into your heart, messing up the perfect little life you worked so hard to have for yourself.
A/N: And so it ends! Thank you so much for those of you who joined in on this frustrating but hopefully worthwhile ride. Sending you all love through the weekend! 🌸🌸🌸 also, the title and inspiration of the story comes from a post a saved long ago; you’ll see! Please enjoy ☺️
Listen to: Only (LeeHi), Take A Walk (Offshore) || Playlist 🎶
“Hey, do you need help?” You hear Jungkook ask as you unload your clothes from the laundry.
You turn to him - one hand on his phone and the other out for Heejin who’s currently painting his nails a bright yellow - and chuckle.
“Bubba’s reserved you all afternoon, babe. Don’t wanna ruin salon day.”
“True. She made this appointment without telling me but that’s okay. She’s a little feisty though,” he replies, obediently following Heejin’s orders to straighten his fingers, her constant and tiny oops at painting through his skin, making him smile.
She’d been into polishes since last week after she’d seen her uncle Hobi have smiley faces on his nails. She was so amused with it that he got her child-friendly ones, and what you thought was something she wanted to put on herself was actually something she wanted to put on someone else. Jungkook, apparently, is her chosen client for today.
You walk to the living room with the clothes you need to fold and watch from the couch as Heejin now stands up from the floor and tries tying Jungkook’s hair like a sprout. You laugh at his pained expression as she pulls on his strands and hits his scalp with the butterfly hair clips your mom gave to her, which your 7-year old self used to love wearing.
“Waaah, pretty!” Heejin chirps, putting on another one. “Kookoo is pretty!”
“Yes I am, sunshine. And so are you,” he says, clipping one on her. “Pretty like your Mama, right?” He adds, smirking at you.
“Yes, Jinnie is pretty like Mama!” Heejin squeals.
“Oh, starting to speak like Kookoo now, aren’t you?” You laugh, sitting next to her and giving her a hug.
“We should have a pamper day with her,” Jungkook suggests, scooting closer to both of you. “Maybe next Saturday before we head to Namjoon’s.”
“Sounds good,” you smile, carrying your daughter to the couch with you as she yawns, her body used to her afternoon nap time.
Heejin squishes her face on your boobs, thumb in her mouth as she starts to doze off. Jungkook follows and refuses to undo his hair, taking a photo of himself and laughing as he sends it to you.
“So you’ll remember what your pretty boyfriend looks like,” he says.
“I know what you look like, Jungkook,” you playfully roll your eyes. “I see it everyday.”
“Just a few hours everyday, though. Sometimes just on the screen, too,” he sighs, not wanting to sound like he’s complaining that he doesn’t get to see you as much as he’d like, which is all the time, every morning and night, if possible.
He did say he tends to be clingy, and you haven’t really complained about it, although he’s been good at not letting it show. You’re a busy woman, he knows, yet you make time to come by the cafe every morning, except on days when you have to skip it for something more important, usually a hearing or a meeting outside of the city. Jungkook sleeps over on Fridays and Saturdays and spends every weekend with you and Heejin at least, going to wherever you plan or where he spontaneously suggests.
Sundays at your mom’s is a regular occurrence, and some Fridays, you let yourself loosen up a little with a drink or two with your friends, something Jungkook does sometimes as well. It’s this routine you’ve both set up, with him looking after Heejin twice a week now, and the fact that he’s become the first person you call about her means so much to him, and he hopes it means as much - or the same - as it does to you.
You pick up the drop in his voice. You're convinced that Jungkook sometimes forgets that you’re a lawyer - observant and assumptive, also often right, and so he probably thinks you’re oblivious to what goes on in his head.
He wishes he gets to be with you more. It’s something you figured out before Jimin spilled the beans one Friday night after work; even your friend seems to have forgotten how you are. He was drunk, after all, but Yoongi remembers.
“So what I gathered is that Jungkook wants to move in with you,” your other friend had asked right after Jimin’s head dropped on the table. “Is that something you’ve thought about?”
“Yeah. And I don’t know what to think about it, or if I want to think about it right now,” you’d admitted. “I have routines, Min. And I need space, physically and figuratively. And it’s just been me and Heejin for years and she hasn’t cared much if I’m grumpy on a weekday morning or bawling my eyes out at night because she’s like that, too, and—”
“Well, seems to me you have thought about it,” Yoongi countered. “And come on, we all know Jungkook wouldn’t mind it either.”
“Don’t you think it’s too soon?” You wondered.
“I don’t think it’s about the timing more than it is about the other parts of you that you’re still afraid to show,” Yoongi sighed. “What else is left of you that he hasn’t seen, that he doesn’t love you for?”
It’s the question you know the answer to.
It’s because of that time you rushed to his apartment at 11PM after an argument over a missed dinner date and then apologized. You showed up with a special meal in hand and a promise that you won’t be that hot-headed again.
It’s also because of that afternoon you went home after the sexual harassment case verdict when the perpetrator was found guilty but was only given 8 months in prison. You sobbed in Jungkook’s arms as he cradled you and reminded you that there are still people who’ll need you to fight for them, so you shouldn’t lose that fight in you.
And then that one time when you reprimanded Heejin for not sharing her toy at daycare and she cried, yelled for Jungkook so you asked him to come over, and she didn’t mind you for the rest of the night. You expressed your worry that you’re maybe not doing as well a job as a mother as you thought, and the next morning, he spoke to you and Heejin together and helped you both make up.
What else is left of you that he doesn’t love you for?
Not much, you think. And there doesn’t seem to be much of him you don’t love him for, either.
He still says silly things sometimes, even when he’s balls deep inside of you, and annoys you to death because it somehow gives him so much joy. But there’s no part of him you don’t love, that you don’t adore, that you don’t want to wrap in a blanket and cradle protectively so that no one - not even you - could ever hurt him again.
But moving in together when you have a daughter means more than just living with Jungkook under the same roof. Heejin already looks for him all the time and while he did say he wanted to have a family with you, he hasn’t mentioned it again since that night, and you don’t want to pressure him, knowing that when it comes to his sunshine, he wouldn’t be able to say no. You want him to want to be her father, not just because he thinks he should.
You break out of your thoughts and gaze at a slightly pouty Jungkook with a sprout on top of his head.
“You do know that seeing you, no matter how short and no matter how, is my favorite part of the day, right?” You nudge his knee.
“Hmm, you did say it one time when you were half-asleep but couldn’t stop kissing me,” he smirks.
“I still would’ve meant it if I was fully awake. I mean it now. I wish I had the time to see you more, though,” you sigh.
His lips turn up and there’s comfort in them. “Our mornings are great and our weekends are enough. We’re good,” he assures, moving closer to peck your forehead, his lips descending to your lips when you pout for a kiss.
“As long as I get to be with both of you; you know that’s all I want.”
He caresses Heejin’s squished cheeks and wipes the drool from her mouth with his sweater, chuckling at her adorable sleeping form.
“I can’t believe she’s turning 3 in a few weeks,” you huff. “She hasn’t stopped talking about having a tall cake after we celebrated your birthday and she got jealous of what I got you.”
Jungkook smiles, thinking of last weekend when you got him a massive cake made by a patissier he idolizes, and how he didn’t want to even serve it to the small group of guests he had at the restaurant because it was too pretty to eat. It was definitely a special birthday, and it was one of the sweetest things you’d ever done.
“Speaking of that, I wanted to run something by you,” he says, pulling out his phone to show you photos of the cakes he plans to make for Heejin.
“You want to make her 3 cakes?” You almost yell. “Why?”
“Uh, because she’s turning 3?” He shrugs. “Plus, her list of favorite things is growing and I wanted to make all of them for her.”
You look at the photo inspirations of what he plans to create and you’re filled with joy but also worry because you know enough that it’s a lot of work.
“Jungkook, that’s too much. She’ll be fine with one cake.”
He looks at you like you’re insane, which is partly true.
“___, you know your daughter. She can’t have just 1 thing of something she likes. How many alpaca and bunny and deer stuffed toys do you have to buy until she’s satisfied?”
“She’s just spoiled. I spoil her. That’s on me. We shouldn’t spoil her, Jungkook. She’s gonna be a brat,” you say worriedly.
“She won’t be, okay? I was a spoiled child and I’m not a brat,” he argues.
“Debatable,” you counter, earning you pout. “But really, that’s not necessary. You already offered your apartment for her party.”
“And you said you’d help with the decorations, so will Jimin and Byeol. Which means more time for me to work on these. Dea’s also helping me, so no worries at all. Plus…” he says, looking longingly at you. “I was there when she was born, but not during her last two birthdays. I just want this to be special for her. A lot of children’s early memories start when they’re 3, and I want her to always remember that Kookoo cares for her so much and made her her favorite things.”
Jungkook tends to be stubborn, too; you know he’s already made up his mind about this and would probably still do it even if you ask him not to. He turns back to his phone at your silence, scrolling through more photos as he nibbles his lower lip, showing his pretty mole underneath. You suddenly can’t think of a more perfect way to celebrate Heejin’s birthday than with her favorite things made by her favorite person after you.
Whether he’s ready to be a father or not doesn’t matter right now. He loves her, he would give the world to her, like he’d said, and you don’t want to get in the way of that.
“Okay, fine,” you nudge him again. “Go all out if you want but I’m paying. I want nothing but the best for the little one.”
Jungkook’s eyes light up like he’s the one getting another birthday cake. He peppers you and Heejin with kisses, excited at being able to do something big for her.
“She deserves nothing less. She’s gonna love them so much.”
Heejin, as Jungkook predicted, loves the cakes so much.
One thing you’ve learned about your daughter is that she loves herself, and she loves being celebrated. She loves being surrounded by things she enjoys and seeing the people around her enjoy them with her.
Jungkook’s apartment is spacious, hence your chosen venue for today’s celebration. It’s enough to have your family and friends, colleagues, and some of Heejin’s playmates from daycare over.
There are purple balloons around and a play area set up with her favorite toys. Seated on a chair with the brightest smile on her face, Heejin starts clapping once she sees Jungkook walk towards her against the background of everybody singing happy birthday.
One by one, her Kookoo places the cakes in front of her, explaining what each one is, as if she understands, but Jungkook has always spoken to her like an adult, and you know she doesn’t mind it, too. She’s as whipped for him as you are, you realize, and that’s something she definitely takes from you.
There’s a two-layered cake with vanilla cream icing and a topper in the form of a little girl with a sunflower headband. You don’t know how Jungkook and Dea managed to make it look like your daughter, but it looks amazing, and even Heejin thinks so, squealing Mama, it’s Jinnie, as she jumps up and down on the chair and claps her hands excitedly.
Next is the sponge cake in the shape of the number 3 with buttercream frosting in between the layers. On top are some purple balloons, strawberries, her favorite doll, Pororo and some friends, and her favorite blanket all made in fondant, as well different-flavored macarons.
The last is the four-tiered one, beautifully and intricately designed with a variety of alpacas and bunnies like her stuffed toys spread out on the top layer. It’s radiant and colorful like your daughter, and with the playfulness of it, it’s everything you imagined a customized cake for her would be. She feels the same way, it seems like, as her smile hasn’t let up since the first cake was presented to her. She looks at them in awe and excitement, just as you’d hoped.
You take photos with and of her, then reach out to Jungkook. “Join us. This is the memory she’s going to look back on when she’s older.”
He takes your hand and joins you, your family and friends taking multiple pictures that are definitely going to be part of your joint 🌻 photo album.
Heejin is impatient, wanting to savor her cakes, her eyes flitting from one to another, with Taehyung going through each one with her and letting her savor them more.
And as you expected, she starts taking all the toppers and lines them in front of her to play with, and you let her. She’s three. You all survived her most tantrum-filled age with only the best, most raw moments as a mother and child, and you can’t be happier for both of you.
She’s grown up so much already, and it’s not just because of the words and sentences she’s now able to say, thereby making her on track with her developmental milestones, but on the way she behaves, dresses, and engages with people. She’s more obedient and curious, she likes choosing colorful outfits with an accessory every time, and she’s less shy and clings to more people.
But other than you, she clings to Jungkook the most.
It’s what she does the whole afternoon - running to you to wrap her arms around your legs, and then running to him to be carried on his shoulders or his arms.
“Thank you, Kookoo,” she kisses his cheek, and from across the room you can see how his face softens, how his heart melts for her, how his voice shakes at her words.
You can barely make out what he says, but he looks at her with stars in his eyes, scrunching his nose and laughing at her antics. He hugs her tightly, tenderly, and it’s a sight you’d like to see more of.
“Even our own dad wasn’t like that with us,” Yuri sighs from next to you.
“I may no longer despise him but Dad isn’t even close to how Jungkook is,” Taehyung butts in. “Dad wanted us at the beginning then walked out. Heejin’s the reason why you walked away from Jungkook in the first place but he just… loves her. They love each other. Even she doesn’t cling to or look at me like that.”
“Well, you’re not Jungkook, let’s be honest,” Yuri points out.
“I’m more handsome, I know,” he rolls his eyes, earning him a puking motion from his twin sister. “My point is, he’s like a papa fox out there being all sweet and playful with his cub and it’s so cute, isn’t it?” He adds, as you all watch Jungkook take Heejin’s hand in a dancing motion and waltzes around like she always asks to do with him.
“It is,” you smile, and you feel that wave of relief wash over you at the sight, a laughing Heejin being twirled around by the man who’s captured your heart and hers.
“It took a lot for you to be able to get here and consider him as your lover but he’s more than that, right?” Sun-hee says out of nowhere.
You wouldn’t be surprised if she was listening the whole time but honestly, this is the only time you wouldn’t mind your siblings ganging up on you.
You hum in response, unable to keep your eyes off the scene, with Subin now joining their little dance group, and then your Mom and Jung-jae, and then Jin and his girlfriend.
“A lot more,” you nod.
The party extends through the evening with just your loved ones left, helping Heejin unwrap all her gifts, including a bunny stuffed toy from Jungkook that’s similar to the one he’s had since he was a kid. You glare at him since he promised he wouldn’t get her a gift anymore after baking her three cakes, but he says he just had to.
“Whatever happens, I want Heejin to remember me with it, in this way,” he whispers as he hugs you, and you’re too tired to process everything.
The words whatever happens make you wonder if he expects something else would happen, or if he hopes it, actually, but you opt to let it go for now.
The party ends with the last of your family heading out the door, after having spent an hour after dinner helping you clean up Jungkook’s apartment.
“Hey, let’s do that tomorrow,” he urges, motioning for you to drop the garbage bag you’re ready to fill with more gift wrappers and boxes. “Enjoy this with us first before this little sunshine falls asleep.”
You walk towards Jungkook who has Heejin in one arm, while the other one wraps around you, letting him hold you both close as you all sway to Boyz II Men in the background. He likes slow dancing like this with Heejin and you always took a pass, but now you feel your tiredness melt away with their slow breathing, and you want to be able to hold onto this moment a little longer.
Closing your eyes as you lean on Jungkook’s shoulder, you release a long breath. “I don’t think a song about making love to me is appropriate to be dancing to with my daughter,” you hum, a faint giggle following.
“Yah, she doesn’t understand it yet,” he argues, “so it remains appropriate to us.”
“She’ll be sleeping in between us, though,” you remind him, as her unfamiliarity with his apartment means she needs to wake up next to you.
“Then before that,” he says. “Only if you want to.”
“We’ll see,” you sigh, though the idea is quite tempting, as you’ve both figured out ways to have sex with Heejin sleeping in the room.
Your daughter’s yawn prompts you to take her to the bathroom for a bath, with you and Jungkook indulging her request to have her new dolls swim with her in the tub. You’ll clean that mess in the morning, too.
She falls asleep easily and you tuck her in the middle of the bed and surround her with pillows, whispering that you’ll get to her soon.
Jungkook heads to the living room first to video call with her mother who’s apparently been text-screaming to him about the photos of the three of you.
“She’s so beautiful, darling,” you hear his mom squeal as you follow out, picking up trash on your way. “And that bunny toy looks like the one you stole from your sister! It’s really adorable. But you could’ve given yours, you know? You still have so many toys here in your room that you don’t want me to give away.”
“Because they’re special!”
“Well, you did say you wanted to pass them down to your kids. I think she’ll love the train set we got you from France, remember that?”
“Hmm, probably one of only a few toys I actually took care of,” he chuckles.
You let their words settle as you tiptoe to the couch next to him, feeling like it’s a personal conversation but one that still concerns you and Heejin. He’s talked about how his mom still keeps his childhood bedroom in their house as is, all toys and collections and memorabilia intact. You just weren’t prepared for his mom to bring up your daughter loving one of his toys that he also always says means a lot to him until now.
“Hey,” you hum, scooting closer at his request.
“Ma was looking for you,” he says, facing his phone to you.
“Hi, Auntie,” you chirp.
It’s a good 20 minutes of talking about how today went and how she’s excited to finally meet you in person. Getting to know each other, at her request, has been done through video calls since you’re all too busy to do visits. But Jungkook’s parents will be driving out to Seoul in two weeks and that’s oddly more nerve-racking than anything, which is new for you, since meeting parents has always been something you’re confident about.
This feels more, though, and the unfamiliar feeling of needing validation is a little unnerving.
“Ma doesn’t shut up about you and Jinnie, you know?” Jungkook says after the call ends. “She asks about you two more than me and I used to call her out for nagging but now, I kinda miss it.”
“That’s Heejin in the future for sure,” you laugh. “But Auntie is kinda like you in a way. I’m so nervous but I’m excited to meet her and your dad.”
“I apologize for her in advance. She has her moments.”
He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes a little longer, and you know how much more tired he is after pulling an all-nighter and then spending the whole morning preparing the cakes, all of which still have their halves in the fridge for future consumption.
“I can’t thank you enough for today, Jungkook,” you say, taking his hand and massaging it. “Heejin was so happy seeing her cakes. And they were so pretty. When did you learn to design like that?”
“Just in the last few months when I decided I was going to make them elaborate for her,” he responds. “Just watched some videos and figured it out along the way.”
“Doesn’t seem like it, it’s as if you studied it. Will you make more for sale?”
“Nah, it’s too much work and only meant for the people I love,” he smirks, taking your hand and kissing it.
You do the same, taking both of his hands and peppering them with kisses. It turns sensual, as the kisses get slower, longer, intentional, skipping space to land on his lips - gentle, amorous, passionate.
“Love only us,” you mumble, your fingers tracing patterns on his cheeks. Your eyes gaze into his like a plea for him to choose only you and Heejin, to love only you and Heejin.
His breathing quickens and gets heavy. He pulls you into his lap and whispers against your lips. “There’s no one else, babe. Fuck, there’s no one else.”
He dives into your soft flesh, his tongue quickly slipping in to entangle with yours. Your hands can’t decide where they want to stay - his face, his arms, his chest? You choose the last one, quickly unbuttoning his top and mapping out the expanse of his torso that’s become second nature to you.
He’s built where you want him to be, his nipples pert and addictive to nip and suck. The ridges of his abs are tempting, and too many times you find yourself kissing every inch of that plane, the way it heaves, sending shockwaves through you because only you can affect him that way.
“You’re so good to us, so good to me,” you hiss, as he nips at your skin by the ear - stinging but pleasurable at the same time. He grinds upwards to meet your cunt that by now, is starting to throb.
“Anything for you,” he pants, pulling down the top half of your dress with your bra, his mouth immediately attacking your breasts, the swell of them enticing him. “Fuck, I love you so much.”
You do this for a while - exploring each other’s bodies with your hands and mouths, kissing until your lips sting again, moaning words of praise and obscenities as quietly as you can at how turned on you both are.
“Do you have one nearby?” You ask, as you start pulling the hem of your dress while you continuously grind against him.
“Always have one in my pocket when I’m with you,” he winks, taking out the foil packet from his jean pocket and rolling the condom on his dick, which you’ve already freed and started stroking.
He turns you around and helps you slide onto him, pulling your back flush against his bare chest for a position you’ve tried a few times because he likes pleasuring you this way. With his one hand kneading your breast, the fingers of his other expertly playing with your clit, and his tongue dancing around your neck and your ear, nipping where he wants - it’s immediate for you.
When he attacks you like this, focusing on your most sensitive areas and grunting like he does while he thrusts inside you, your orgasm comes easily.
“Fuck Jungkook, it feels so good.”
You hold yourself back from more expletives and bask in the way his rough hands that make the prettiest, most delicate things, feel all over you. He secures you in his arms while his fingers do the most sinful things while he moans and praises you in your ears and his tip hitting you in the right spot inside you.
“You’re so fucking perfect, babe. Fuck, you sound so good,” he pants. “Keep making those sounds for me, yeah?”
The confidence he has when he’s balls deep inside you is always so sexy.
He doesn’t care if it’s not his dick that makes you come because he knows it makes you feel good either way. But his hands - the ones he uses to knead dough and make intricate things out of sugar and chocolate, the hands that make food that you love - are the same ones that make you wail his name, that make you plead him to do more, that take you to a different place of pure pleasure, and it’s what happens when your legs start to shake, your orgasm so close.
He knows this, and he wants you to feel even more. He briefly locks your legs in his, restricting your movements to prepare you for more. Then he turns you around and shifts both your bodies, leaning you at an angle where he can continue playing with your clit, flicking your pert nipple, and swirling his tongue around your other breast, all while he continues to thrust inside of you. It makes you feel everything, as your body goes on overdrive with pleasure, your mind turning hazy at how much you’re feeling.
Your glazed eyes lock with his, and seeing his sweat-stained forehead, his clenched jaw, and his determined, lustful gaze is all it takes to get you to where you both want.
“Fuck Jungkook, I’m coming,” you whine.
Your mouth parts, your body arches, and it’s when he goes back to suck your nipple that you reach your orgasm, your bitten arm the evidence for how hard you tried to hold in your scream.
“You good, baby?” He whispers against your lips before tenderly kissing them.
“Yeah,” you pant, chest heaving from how hard you came. “Come inside me, please. Want you to come for me.”
He does as asked and shoves his cock back inside you. He lowers himself and attacks your mouth with his this time. Propping himself on his elbows, you take the chance to run your hands through his veiny, tattooed arms and taut biceps, loving the way they flex even more under your touch.
Flushed against your body, he rams himself into you, the barely-there distance between the both of you allowing him to drag his throbbing length and be swallowed by your warm walls. It’s less loud this way, with your moans hitting his ears immediately as you cradle his head and pull on his hair, the occasional scratch on his back when your hands roam around it eliciting whines from him.
“You’re doing so well,” you moan. “Keep going, baby.”
You feel him put more effort, his groans telling you that he’s close to his high. His sweat sticks to your body, and you can’t wait to see him after this, his sculpted abs glistening and looking every bit like the dream that haunts you at night. You wrap your legs around him, pushing him even deeper, and meeting his thrusts, he quickens his movements to chase his orgasm.
It happens not long after, with one last series of hard pounding, and he lets out a long, deep groan, his mouth finding your neck that he peppers with open-mouthed kisses. His body loosens up, muscles relaxing at finally reaching his high.
“Fuck, you take me so well, you know?” He hums, as he props himself up, hooded eyes staring back at you.
Kneeling right where your thighs meet your body, the image that has you scrambling for your vibrator on nights when he isn’t around is displayed before you - dark nipples decorating his pecs, his abs perfectly shaped and mesmerizing, his tiny waist holding all that muscle and glossy perfection, and the v-line, a testament to how hard he works, whether in the gym or on your body.
He removes the cum-filled condom and you take this time to sit up and slowly kiss his torso, the salty taste of his sweat somehow still turning you on.
You hear him chuckle and you look up to meet his soft eyes and tender smile.
“You’re tired, we should go to bed,” he says, caressing your cheek and grazing his fingers on your lower lip. “It’s been a long day.”
“But you look so good,” you whine, going back to kissing him and even squeezing his amazingly-toned ass.
“Well, we have tomorrow. We just need to wait for Heejin’s nap or wake up before she does. You have me on other days, too,” he reminds you. “You could call at 2AM and I’ll be there and you can have all this.”
His smug face is misleading. You know there’s more underneath that statement; you don’t even miss the tinge of longing in his voice when he says it. But even with Jungkook’s forward nature and tendency to be vocal about what he wants, he somehow leaves out the other things that are more long-term, like moving in, being a family, marrying you.
He laid it out for you that night you both made things official, and though he’s alluded to them at various times, he never really said it again. But with what your friends say and how Jungkook was today, you can tell he still wants it all. He wouldn’t be looking at you like you’re his whole world if he didn’t.
But it’s at this moment when you realize, too, that he’s still keeping up with your pace, waiting for you to make the move. You’re the one with the grand plans, the one who needs her time to think and feel before she decides. You’re the one who’s been hesitant and afraid, and you’re also the one who hasn’t deliberately said anything about all those long-term things.
And you know you want all those.
You know it even more when he dresses you and then undresses you in the bathroom, holding you close in the shower before scrubbing you gently and leaving kisses where he can.
You know it even more when he scurries out of the bedroom to check on the lights and the locked doors, and then when he gets back to kiss you, tuck the blanket under Heejin’s chin, then whisper goodnight.
And even more when you wake up the next morning and see Heejin’s spread out form, her one arm on Jungkook’s face and her one leg on his belly, sleeping soundly at the warmth and love that he gives.
You pay attention even more after that, balancing enjoying the moment with wanting more and imagining more. You let whatever fear or worry melt away slowly but surely with every day that you spend with him, letting the trust and faith build with every argument or miscommunication, letting the partnership strengthen with every time you ask him how to deal with a stubborn Heejin, letting the love grow with every act of service that you do for him or every gift that you give.
You realize that raising your daughter is much more fun and worthwhile with him next to you, loving her the way she likes to be loved, spoiling her and teaching her things, protecting her like your lives depend on it.
The idea of your little family has become more alluring and more ingrained in your mind, in your everyday life.
You wake up to weekday mornings with freshly-baked bread and laze in the balcony during the evenings with tea and some new dessert he’s trying to perfect, with you and the little one as the taste testers.
You go to doctor and dentist appointments together, enroll Heejin in ballet with you and Jungkook proudly taking videos of her learning, and start visiting kindergarten schools.
You spend the holidays in Busan with his whole family, with Heejin initially being shy but eventually bonding with Jungkook’s nieces and nephews, especially Mi-Sun, over the week.
You go to Europe with him and your entire family - your first trip together - and enjoy the Husky ride in the Netherlands, explore the Christmas markets of Brussels, and eat all the pastries you possibly can in France, even finding the little cafe of the famed tarte tatin that brought Jungkook here with you.
It’s everything you imagined it would be - with Heejin’s newfound love for waffles and huskies, your family’s excitement with all the shopping and food, and Jungkook’s elated face when you surprised him with a mini masterclass with a famed patissier. And of course, with how he fucked you in cozy hotels with the prettiest views, whispering he loves you like a mantra, like a song you’d easily remember and could sing whenever you want, like a promise of a life you both could have.
This certainty becomes ingrained in your daily life, and it’s on one Saturday at the tail end of winter when the naturalness of your situation and your comfort in the life you and Jungkook have built that you get to tell him what you’ve been meaning to for months.
Jungkook and Heejin joined Namjoon’s family on a simple trek up a mountain this morning. Subin wanted to see the sunrise and was showing photos to your daughter the other day, and true to form, she wanted to see it, too. The plan was set up, with Ma-ri having found a kid-friendly trail with still beautiful views. You were excited to go, too, but an all-nighter left you feeling too tired to even get out of bed.
It was a fun trip, you surmised, based on Jungkook’s numerous sent photos and videos all morning, with him and Heejin giving you flying kisses and saying how much they miss you. She looked so grown up and adorable with her puffer jacket and beanie, posing for the camera and holding hands with Subin who was just as excited to spend Saturday with his best friend.
You only got to pack them fruits and biscuits and you wanted to make it up by preparing a hearty lunch that they’d come home to.
They’d just gotten back, and after helping Heejin in the bathtub and then showering himself, Jungkook takes his place on the dining table in front of the little one in her chair, ready for the beef bone soup and potato pancake you prepared.
Jungkook demolishes his meal and you take your time feeding Heejin her share.
“Mama, I want some more please,” she beams at you with the bowl still in her mouth.
“You think Mama’s improved her cooking, huh bubba?” You giggle, standing up to serve her more. “I had to up my game since Kookoo is doing everything and I wanted to help.”
“Hey, you do so much already,” he argues. “You’re out there throwing bad people in jail and you know I like rewarding you.”
He smirks at you while reaching out his hand, motioning for you to come closer.
“You do reward me a lot,” you mumble, making sure that Heejin doesn’t hear much even if she wouldn’t understand, but glancing at her, it isn’t a problem; she’s busy downing the soup and eating the pancake with her hands. “But I want to make these things for you, too, every once in a while.”
“They’re very good, babe,” he winks, sneakily squeezing your ass as he likes to do. “Way better than the time you made stew without help from Yoongi or Byeol.”
“Yah!” You playfully glare at him. “You said it wasn’t that bad.”
“It was still bad though,” he teases, yelping when you pinch his arm.
“But this is so good, I’m serious. And it’s definitely not just because I’m so exhausted from this morning,” he continues.
“It was a simple trek, you said it! That’s nothing to you,” you say.
“Yeah, but Heejin would randomly run somewhere and then I had to carry her until we got to somewhere safe,” he narrates. “Plus, she and Subin were inseparable so I had to watch over him, too, since Namjoon was losing his breath so easily,” Jungkook frowns, earning him a chuckle.
“Aww, our baby is growing up. She used to be so shy around him but not anymore, apparently,” you smile, tilting Jungkook’s head that was resting on your belly so he could face you. “Thanks for going this morning and making sure she had fun. She’s probably gonna keep talking about it for days.”
“You’re welcome,” he smiles back. “Can I get kisses since I’m so tired?”
You peck his lips and leave him hanging, prompting him to hug your waist tighter and tickle you. You tell him off but laugh anyway, reminding you of his parents and what you witnessed over the holidays, with his Mom clinging to his Dad like a koala every time they were having a meal or even when they thought no one was looking.
“Ma is so clingy, right? She’s why Dad gets late to work sometimes because she won’t stop hugging him,” Jungkook laughs as he recalls all the times he’d witnessed his parents be that way, with him, ironically, being the one to tell them to go back to their room.
“Well, at least you’ve acknowledged that you are like your mom. I’d definitely be fighting you if I get to work late because of you,” you chuckle.
“Nah, you love it,” he smirks, pouting his lips so he could kiss you again, holding your face this time so you don’t pull away too fast.
You quickly glance at Heejin who’s still enjoying her food, as if oblivious to whatever is happening in front of her.
“She’s so preoccupied with her food but I bet in her mind, she’s judging us and saying, Mama, Dada, go back to your room!”
You laugh at the thought because you imagine Heejin being that daughter when she grows up, a perfect mix of you and Jungkook, but then you realize it’s only you who finds it funny.
Jungkook stares at you, confused eyes unblinking as he processes what you’d just referred to him as.
It’s a thought he’s had for a while. For years, actually, if he counts the brief moment in the nursery where he felt Heejin kick inside your belly, the image of her as a newborn reaching out to him, and him, encouraging her to say Daddy as she grows older.
But he stored that memory in the deepest nook of his brain so it would stop hurting him, and since being in your life this close this time, he’s been trying to keep that wish, that desire at bay. He doesn’t want to scare you, to make you feel like he’s imposing or wedging himself in your plans, or pressure you to want something you’re still making up your mind about.
That first day that he and Heejin bonded after an impromptu afternoon of babysitting, he felt like a connection formed immediately, and he won’t deny that somehow, she felt it, too. Caring for her is so natural; hard at times because she gets cranky a lot, but so satisfying. It’s unlike when he looks after his siblings’ kids. It feels much more innate, special, like there’s a bond there that can’t be replicated because of the intense love he has for her mother - you.
Heejin is a lot of things and he’d just been waiting for the time when you were ready to have him be that person for her, knowing that raising her will always be the most important thing for you.
“Dada?” He repeats. “You want me to be her dad?”
“I, uh, well… You’ve been acting like it,” you say, although you know he doesn’t miss the slight panic in your voice. “You treat her like her own and she’s so enamored with you and I… I know it’s too much so it’s okay if you don—”
“Are you insane? Of course I want to be her dad!” He exclaims, tears pooling in his eyes now. “That’s Jinnie, my little sunshine. I got you the sunflower because of her, because she’s so radiant and she makes you, us, smile all the time. She’s the most special being in this world and I love her so much and, oh my god, I’m a dad.”
He faces you again, his lips trembling now. This man - with his glassy doe eyes and soft, bunny smile, and his eyebrow and lip jewelry that Heejin loves to play with - has so much love in his heart that he’s giving to you and the little one you created. Yet letting him know what he is to her makes him proud and happy as if it’s all he needs in his life.
“I’m her dad,” he says again.
“Well, maybe you can ask her, too,” you advise, kissing his forehead.
He lets you go and walks towards Heejin.
“Hi, Jinnie, who am I?”
“Kookoo!” She squeals, beaming at him like her smile isn’t causing Jungkook’s heart to race so dangerously fast.
“What about Dada? Or Dad? Or maybe Papa?” Jungkook suggests.
Heejin’s eyes flutter in front of him in confusion and you can hear Jungkook’s heart race in a not so good way, so you head to where they are and give him a kiss.
“You’re my Kookoo,” she mumbles. “Mama, that’s Kookoo,” she looks at you questioningly.
“He is, bubba,” you say. “He’ll be what you want him to be, okay?”
She nods and asks for juice, and you nudge Jungkook to be the one to get it.
He hands it to her and smiles, trying not to look a little disappointed. She’s just 3, after all, and it doesn’t take away from what they both share.
“Thank you,” she mumbles, drinking away.
“You tired too, bubba? You had fun with Kookoo today?”
“Yes!” She chirps. “I want to do it again with Kookoo and Mama.”
“We will, okay? Kookoo got tired chasing you around, though. But you enjoyed it, right? You know that Kookoo loves you so much, right, bubba?”
She nods eagerly.
“Can you say that to him, please?”
“I love you, Kookoo!” She squeals, reaching her arms out.
Jungkook hugs her and sighs happily when she kisses his cheek.
“She doesn’t even say she loves me that fast,” you nudge him. “But she means it, okay? Dad just isn’t in her vocabulary and you know her, she follows what she hears. She’ll come around.”
“I know,” he smiles, and you know he means it. “She loves me, that’s what matters.”
And you know that he loves her, and that’s all that matters, too.
You spend the afternoon watching cartoons and playing with Heejin’s dollhouse, with you urging her to go to Dada as you point to Jungkook, knowing you’re gonna have to get her used to you referring to him as such. She doesn’t mind the term but follows either way, laughing and singing with him like always, and you look at Jungkook with this desire in you for him to get that validation from her, something you didn’t realize you’ve been wanting from her, too.
You all have dinner at a nearby restaurant, and with how your week has been - full of hearings and meetings - you’re still exhausted, passed out quickly in bed, oblivious to the thoughts plaguing Jungkook’s mind next to you.
Today was a good day. If anything, he’s not upset about Heejin not calling him Dada. He knows that’ll take time. All he could think about is you wanting that for your daughter as well, the most important person in your life.
He can’t really ask for anything more, he thinks, and as he’s about to finally fall asleep, he hears faint crying sounds from the baby monitor next to you, prompting him to get out of bed and walk to Heejin’s room and see what’s bothering her.
He reckons it’s some discomfort she’s feeling. She ate so much today, so that’s probably why, so he massages her belly with some oil to ease her pain, as she doesn’t seem to want to poop or anything. Her crying stops after a while, and Jungkook wipes the tears from her cheeks and kisses her forehead lovingly.
Jungkook cradles and sways her like how she wants to be put to bed, wondering when she’s going to outgrow this.
“You feeling better, Jinnie?” He hums, letting her sip from her big girl cup. “Maybe we shouldn’t eat all that cake too close to bedtime, huh? I’ll keep that in mind.”
She settles in his arms and while he’s carried weights way heavier than her, it’s still quite the effort to make sure she’s comfortable, at least until she’s gotten back to sleep. She slips her thumb in her mouth and Jungkook knows that’s a sign of her getting sleepy again. One thing he’s learned in all the times that he’s tried to get her to sleep is that him talking relaxes her, so that’s what he does.
“You’re getting heavier, huh, sunshine?” He chuckles, adjusting her one more time. “My big muscles can’t carry you anymore, but it’s okay. Keep eating and growing, just not too fast since your Mama wants to savor you being a little one just a bit more.”
He decides to sit on the couch and Heejin doesn’t seem to mind, so he makes himself comfortable, too, and continues.
“Anyway, it’s okay if you still can’t call me Dada. Kookoo is fine because I know that’s what you’re used to. I hope one day you’ll think I’m good enough to be your dad, though, because I really want that,” he smiles, getting emotional at the thought.
“You’re so perfect, even if your poop smells really bad and you like to yell for me even when I’m next to you and even if you have your mother’s taste in music. Maybe when you’re older, I can ask you if you think I’m good enough for your Mama, too. Hmm? Maybe you can approve of me then.”
Jungkook chuckles as he peeks at Heejin, who somehow thinks this is an important monologue because she’s still awake, thumb still in her mouth, head still tilted up at him.
“She’s literally the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. After you, of course. But I love her so much, you know? I’ve loved her for a long time and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. When I first saw her, I knew right away I wanted to be a part of her life, that’s why I did what I could, did what she wanted me to, just so I could keep around even if I wanted to hold her hand and tell her how wonderful she is all the time. Until, of course, she asked me to stay away.”
It’s like a distant memory but it still feels like he can easily point to that moment when it all changed and he can relive it all over again. He doesn’t know if you ever told your daughter the story of how you and he came to be so he might be overstepping but maybe you’ll never know. You’re in deep sleep, after all.
“But that shouldn’t matter much now, right?” He continues. “Because we’re all happy together, like a family. I think that’s what we are. I wish I could be with both of you everyday, for as long as you’ll both want me, maybe move in here or find a place that’s big for all your toys and where we can just play around, and Dada can bake and Mama can do other fun stuff she wants. You like that, sunshine?”
Heejin makes a gurgling sound and attempts to move, prompting him to adjust her position. Sometimes she likes squishing her cheeks on his chest and falling asleep that way, and that seems to be her plan this time. Jungkook lets her and wraps his arms around her waist.
Thinking about you right now brings him back to when he’d woken up today and saw your tired but satisfied face, then your content one over lunch and cartoon afternoon earlier. He loves how you indulge him with his ideas and cravings, that you laugh at everything he does even if it pisses you off to no end, and how you always encourage him at work to try out new recipes.
Even if you might disagree, there’s certainty in the way that you love him. There’s faith and trust in it. There’s that desire to be a little spontaneous, to enjoy every moment, but there’s direction, there’s a way forward, there’s a plan. Maybe you’re still figuring that part out, that's why moving in together hasn’t been part of the conversation yet.
He’s always just following your pace, waiting for you to take the lead. He was never one to do that, and a part of him is afraid you’d turn him down, and that would be something he’d have a hard time getting over. Although if it would’ve been up to him, he would’ve moved in a long time ago.
The image of you sound asleep when he walked in here crosses his mind again, and really, if his friends are just like Heejin, he wouldn’t stop talking about you to them, too.
“She makes me so happy, you know?” He starts again, convincing himself that Heejin’s subconscious would remember this and all the things he’s saying. “She makes me so happy even when she’s grumpy, or when she rolls her eyes at me, or when she thinks I’m being silly, but really, I just want to keep making her laugh,” he smiles, thinking of how you sound.
“She’s prettiest when she’s laughing, and when she’s annoyed at me. Your Mama is amazing, you know? She gives me direction and shows me that I can be happy with little achievements, too. You’re so lucky to have her, just as she’s so lucky to have you. And I just want to be good enough for her, and then I’ll be the absolute happiest man ever when that day comes, when she decides she wants to be with me until we’re old and still making the same jokes. So always be good, okay? Don’t make her too angry; that’s my job.”
Your tears haven’t stopped since Jungkook told Heejin that he hopes to be good enough for her. And throughout his whole monologue, that you partly only regret overhearing as you stand outside the semi-opened door, your heart has been racing with all the words he’d said - how he adores her, how much he loves you, and that he wants to move in and spend his life with you.
You didn’t realize just how much you’ve been needing to hear those words, validating all the things you want with him, that you want for Heejin, that you want for yourself.
You hear Jungkook stand from the couch, place Heejin in bed, and wish her goodnight. You quietly scurry back to your room and hide under the covers to wipe your tear-stained cheeks and stop before he gets back. But he walks in and heads to his side of the bed, ready to go back to sleep when he hears you sniffing and trying to hold back your cries.
“___?” He calls out as he snuggles close to you. “Is everything okay?”
Glazed eyes look back at his worried ones and all you could think to do is kiss him - deeply, purposefully, like it’s a promise you want him to make with you.
“I love you so much, Jungkook,” you wail. “Heejin loves you. You deserve both of us. You deserve me, and I’m sure Heejin thinks so, too. So no need to wait. Move in with us, be with me for a long time. Be with us for a long time. You’re all we need, Jungkook.”
“Babe, you eavesdropped on me?” He chuckles, wiping your cheeks and kissing your forehead, his heart exploding at the words he’d just heard.
“I woke up because it was too cold and you weren’t next to me. I saw you hold Heejin in the baby monitor and thought something was wrong but then I heard you,” you explain. “I heard everything and I… I’m sorry. I’ve been thinking of moving in, too, but I wasn’t sure if you were ready for it.”
“I wasn’t sure if you were ready for it. I know you have a timeline and—”
“Jungkook, you are part of my timeline,” you interject. “We do things together. We plan things together. Tell me if you want something, okay? Whatever it is you’re thinking and feeling, you have to tell me and we’ll figure it out.”
“Okay,” he whispers, feeling a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, like his heart could breathe more freely, like he could keep dreaming and know he’ll reach them. “Okay, baby. I will.”
“So, uh, move in together. Let’s figure that out because something spacious is a good idea,” you smile. “And maybe, we could also—”
“Yes,” you say softly, the tears overpowering your words.
“And maybe be a family of four?”
The hope in his eyes astounds you, as he gazes at you with all the emotions you think he could possibly feel right now. And you know you’re mirroring them, too.
“A family of four would be good,” you mumble, crying once more. “That would be really good, Jungkook.”
That little family of yours would start to become even more real a few weeks later as Jungkook’s desire to be called Heejin’s Dada materializes one Sunday morning.
He’d moved in the weekend after you both talked about it, immediately looking for a bigger apartment to move into given all of Jungkook’s things that he’d brought with him. But in between the bickering and the stare-downs were the laughter and kisses that Heejin wanted to be a part of, too.
Spring has come and it’s the perfect day for some freshly-made bread, a new recipe that Jungkook wanted to try. It’s taking a while and looking a little flustered than normal, you tease him a bit.
“Dada, faster please,” you sigh, chuckling at his adorably furrowed brows.
It’s become a habit for you to call him as such when Heejin’s around, hoping that she’d soon pick it up and start calling him the same. You don’t want to force her, and Jungkook doesn’t, too, but you know how much it would mean to him for Heejin to start acknowledging him by name.
And true to form, she does, in the most Heejin-way possible.
“Dada, faster please. I’m hungry!” She whines in her tiny toddler voice, head tilting in impatience.
You hear a faint Ow and the baking pan almost falling and you know Jungkook probably burnt his finger in shock.
“Babe, are you okay?” You ask, but he completely disregards your question and scrambles to a pouting Heejin who’s now standing on top of the dining chair.
“Jinnie, what did you say? Can you repeat what you said, please?” Jungkook almost pleads, his voice shaking.
“I said, Dada, faster please because I’m hungry,” she follows with a little pout, and it takes so much from you and Jungkook not to laugh at her exasperated and incredibly charming face, her words much clearer now, making her a lot more confident in expressing what she feels.
“Dada? What about Kookoo?”
“You’re also Kookoo, but Mama said you’re Dada, too, because you love me!”
“Yes, I do, Jinnie, I love you so much,” he replies with an obvious lump in his throat, trying not to cry, but you can tell by the glistening of his eyes that he’s right there, and you want to give him this moment to revel in and hold onto during the days he might be doubtful or scared.
“I love you, too, but—”
She’s interrupted by her own laughter as Jungkook peppers her face with kisses, starting from her nose as she likes, then her eyes, then her cheeks. There’s a gentle but playful way he does it that always has her giggling, and from where you’re standing, it’s a sight that you’d love to see everyday of your life.
“Dada, you’re tickling me!” She squeals, laughter getting louder as Jungkook carries and twirls her around, then hugs her tightly as they both calm down.
“I love you, my baby girl, my little sunshine,” he whispers, eyes closed as he wraps his arms around her tiny body.
There’s silence in the room as you all seem to just bask in the joy of what just happened. Until, of course, Heejin cuts through it.
“Bread, please,” she says, and it’s what causes you to chuckle.
“Listen to your daughter, babe. You don’t want to deal with her cranky little butt,” you say, reminding him of the time when he hyped her up with a promise of cupcakes that were taking too long to bake and she kept jumping on him and dramatically fake-crying out of impatience. She did give him the softest nose kiss after, though, and it’s what he asks for now.
“I’ll prepare it for you, but is it okay if I get a little kiss?”
She gently places her tiny hands on his cheeks and kisses his nose, a loud mwah echoing in your apartment. Jungkook’s eyes flutter close, the softest smile gracing his face, and suddenly you feel like crying.
It’s a heartwarming scene, one that you’ll definitely be holding onto, especially as you watch Jungkook serve the little one her mushroom buns, with her yelling that it’s her new favorite one, like what she says about every new thing he makes for her.
You laugh and walk to settle next to Jungkook as you both amusingly watch Heejin animatedly eat. You lean on his shoulder as his one arm wraps around your waist.
“How’s your finger?” You affectionately ask.
“It hurts like hell,” he chuckles, “but I’m too happy right now to mind. She’s so perfect, and she’s our daughter. I don’t think I could ask for anything more.”
“I don’t think she could ask for anything more, too,” you turn towards him. “You’re the only father for her, Jungkook. No one else. Thank you for loving her the way that you do.”
You shift to hug him and whisper in his ear. “Thank you for loving us the way that you do. You’re all we need, don’t ever forget that.”
The start of summer is one of the things you don’t look forward to, as someone who’s always felt more comfortable in the cold. But Jungkook loves the season because it means being able to go to the beach during the weekend, using the pool in the new apartment you’re now renting, going to water parks, and making you and Heejin cool desserts to enjoy.
He’d done that last year, too, and even with the fruit icicle pops and punches and bingsu he makes, the strawberry cheesecake ice cream will always be your favorite - smooth and silky and refreshingly sweet like you want it. You’d crave it most summer nights and think that Jungkook’s is the best one you’ve ever had, with no bias at all.
Except for today, apparently, since the sight of it makes you want to vomit.
“Mhmmm, Dada, this is so good!” Heejin hums, eyes closed as she takes another spoonful. “Mama, try it, try it!”
“Of course I will, bubba,” you fake a smile. “This is my favorite.”
You take a small portion of the ice cream and attempt to trick her into eating, but the scent shoots up your nostrils and you’re glad that she’s too busy dramatically savoring the dessert for her to see your sour expression.
Jungkook sees you cover your mouth and hold in your breath so he kneels in front of you, taking your free hand.
“Babe, have I lost my touch?” He asks worriedly. “Is our daughter just so good at acting? Because I know you aren’t, and the ice cream is obviously not making you happy.”
“I’m sure it’s good, Jungkook,” you sigh, gagging at the strawberry taste that touched your tongue. “I just… I don’t know why it’s making me feel sick. I love strawberries and I love anything you make. I just feel like I’ll—”
You don’t get to finish your sentence. You jerk away and run to the sink so you could puke, and much as you don’t want Heejin to see you like this - knowing she’d start yelling and asking Jungkook to call an ambulance like last week when you were so dizzy in the morning that you almost fainted - you knew you wouldn’t make it to the bathroom.
“Aaaah! Mama!” She yells in her high-pitched, tiny voice, dropping her spoon to run to you and hugging your waist. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, bubba. Mama’s okay,” you mumble after gargling water. “I’m sorry I scared you,” you hug her.
“Are you sick, Mama?”
“I’m just a little tired, okay? Nothing to worry about,” you turn up her pouty lips with your fingers.
You glance at Jungkook who’s trying his best to act calm when you know he’s panicking internally. Heejin has never seen him hysterical or be disturbed about something, so you know that he’s keeping his worries in so as not to frighten her.
“Mama’s right, sunshine. You know how hard she works so she’s just tired and needs some rest. Don’t you think so?”
“Yes, Dada,” she mumbles, the term still making Jungkook’s heart beat fast at how lovingly she calls him dad. “Mama, sleep!”
Heejin pulls your hand towards your bedroom and you don’t seem to have a choice. She’s quite commanding, that daughter of yours, and you know where she got it from, so you follow willingly. Jungkook quickly cleans up and runs after you, worried eyes following your form as you lie on the bed and snuggle a chatty Heejin next to you.
You turn to the side and look at him with a faint smile. “You okay?”
He doesn’t smile like you do, but he does let out a deep sigh. “I miss being shameless in my reactions. But what’s wrong, babe? What else are you feeling?”
“Like I probably can’t stand the sight or scent of a strawberry again.”
“But… that’s the symbol of our love,” he pouts, and you’d probably laugh out loud if your head wasn’t spinning right now.
“Don’t be dramatic,” you tease. “But seriously, though. I’ve been feeling a little off the past few weeks. It’s probably just work but also… the feeling’s kind of familiar,” you trail, the thought suddenly entering your mind as Heejin wraps her arm around your belly as she gets comfortable next to you.
“Do you think you’re…?” He looks at you with eyes filled with hope.
“Maybe? We could, uh, we could try to find out.”
“Okay,” he huffs, as if preparing himself for a marathon. “I’ll go buy in the pharmacy quickly. Call me if the feeling gets worse, okay?”
You nod in response, unable to form words at the thought of what you’d be finding out just several minutes from now.
“Hey, Jinnie,” he tugs at the little one about to doze off. “Dada will just go grab something for Mama, okay? I’m gonna need you to look after her while I’m gone.”
“Okay!” She chirps, sitting up and then fluffing your pillows, showing early on that she’s as nurturing as she is fearless.
Jungkook smiles and kisses her head then yours, giving you a final look before he heads out.
Your mind conjures various scenarios that you’ll generally be happy with. Ever since you and Jungkook expressed your readiness to have children you’ll both create, you felt lighter, in a way, as if the sketch board revealed a continuation of the canvas up ahead that’s just waiting for you to paint on.
You can’t say you’re actively trying, but you both decided that the next little one will come when they want to.
Work for you is still tough. The Blue Side continuously grows and seems stable, providing Jungkook with enough means and time and opportunity to keep learning and creating.
Raising an active, sociable, often melodramatic but always compassionate, joyful little girl who’ll be turning 4 soon is as exhausting and satisfying as people claim it to be. Having another one in the mix will definitely be a welcome addition, but if it isn’t the time, you don’t mind waiting. There’s enough joy to go around right now.
Your mind has gone to so many places that you don’t realize the time that’s passed. You’re still lightheaded, but you’re feeling better. Jungkook enters the room and sits next to you. He places the box on the bed.
“You can take it when you’re ready,” he says.
“I am. Are you?”
“I am,” he smiles. “I love you whatever happens.”
“I love you whatever happens,” you reply, kissing the hand that’s holding you tightly.
He helps you off the bed and starts talking to Heejin to calm his nerves while you pee on a stick in the bathroom and wait to see what your future holds. Jungkook finds talking to Heejin amusing, tiring, and relaxing all at once. She’s full of energy and innocence, and sometimes like you, he wishes she doesn’t grow up so fast.
In the bathroom, you do your breathing exercises to calm yourself down, and after waiting several minutes, you get your answer.
The door unlocks and Jungkook instantly turns towards you. You’ve always told him that what happens, happens, and he’s unsure how much of that is true. But this just happens to be something that’s causing you to cry-laugh at him and somehow he just knows.
He runs to you and takes the stick that you just peed on, two horizontal signs staring back at him.
“We’re pregnant, Jungkook,” you mumble in his ears as he takes you in his arms. “We’re gonna be a family; we’re gonna have our little family of four.”
“I love you so much,” he kisses the side of your head, holding back his own tears. “I love you so damn much.”
“Mama!” Heejin runs out of bed and hugs your legs. “Mama, mama! You’re crying!”
“It’s a happy cry, bubba,” you kneel in front of her. “Mama is crying because she’s so happy because she loves you and Dada so much.”
She turns towards Jungkook questioningly, and you’re too emotional to speak more.
“Jinnie, do you remember when Auntie Byeol came here and you told her that her belly is so big and she said that it’s because there’s a baby growing inside of her?”
“Yes. It was like a watermelon. But she said I’ll have a playmate soon,” she beams.
“That’s true,” he smiles, matching her scrunched nose. “It’s the same with Mama. She has a baby growing inside her too, so that means, you’ll have another playmate. It means you’ll be a big sister, Jinnie.”
She dramatically opens her mouth in shock. You know it’s not for show but it’s just how she likes to react to things, and it’s just so her.
“Yay! I can share my toys!” She starts jumping around. “When will I meet the baby?”
“Soon, bubba. You’ll meet your little sister or brother very soon.”
It’s a week later when you go to the hospital for an ultrasound, wanting to see the tiny bundle of joy growing in your stomach and know when you’re going to be expecting them.
What you don’t expect to learn is that Jungkook is a silent crier. He’s the type who, at his most vulnerable and happiest, would use his sweater paws to wipe the tears that continue to slide down his cheeks, hold any sound in, and sniffle so loudly to make up for it. He’s the type who’d be speechless for the first few minutes, then apologize and blurt out something as silly as “wow, my sperm is so strong, it made two babies” in one breath.
What you also learn is that Heejin takes after him. Sitting on the chair outside of the clinic, she slides off of Sun-hee’s lap and runs to Jungkook, softly calling out to him and pulling his hand so she could sit on his lap. Settled close to him, she wraps her arms around his neck.
“Dada, are you happy, too? Is that why you cry?”
“Yes, Jinnie. I am,” he mumbles, crying even more at the sight of her tender face, her innocent and twinkling eyes giving him so much hope, so much love.
It’s one that he didn’t really imagine he’d ever have or experience, especially when he sees the same things in your eyes as you stand next to him.
He palms your belly, knowing it won’t take long before it starts to grow again, and you’ll be cradling it - your twins - the way you did all those times before. His heart would skip a beat, knowing you’d be thinking of him every time you do that.
“Our family of five,” he says, looking up at you.
“Hmm,” you mirror his smile, your fingers combing through his soft, black hair. “I wanted this but didn’t think I’d get it like this. I’m so glad you spoke to me that night at the cafe’s rooftop, Jungkook. I can’t imagine my life without you.”
“And I can’t imagine mine without all of you,” he replies.
“Then marry me,” you whisper as you sit next to him and meet his lips. “Let’s promise each other forever, Jungkook. Let’s promise our children our forever.”
“I’d like that,” he smiles into the kiss, knowing he’ll get to have more of this until he’s gray and old.
That whether it’s days that you’re a thousand broken questions or a star that burns more brilliant than the sun, he will love every part of you there is to love.
You take his hand and caress it, once again eyeing the sunflower and strawberry tattoos that line the sides of his fingers because you and Heejin fill the spaces, he’d said. You’re looking forward to the new ones he’ll add now that you have two more little angels he’ll love with his whole heart like he does you and Heejin. You’ll promise all of them the love that only you and Jungkook can give - to them, to each other.
“So, uh. If you’re not doing anything after, perhaps we could head out to a place where we can do that, Hmm?” You smirk. “I know a few people in the district’s office or city hall who wouldn’t mind lending their time to us. What do you think?”
He wipes his tears one last time and secures Heejin in his arms before he takes your hand and kisses it.
“A thousand times yes, ___. A thousand times yes.”
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