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#btw this is me trying to actually post my old drafted rambles
tyriq-edits · 26 days
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In the Plain of Nysa (Trigun Greek Mythology AU)
Nicholas D. Wolfwood
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Priest of the Twins' Cult
Lives pretty much in the Sanctuary of Nysa by himself but gets occasionally visited by other Members of the Cult, his younger brother Livio or people in need of the Twin Gods' Blessings.
A (Kinda?) normal Priest living in his tiny Sanctuary offside from Civilisation on a small Island in the Aegean sea called Nysa.
His Duties for the most Part consist of Prayers and Sacrifices for the Gods And keeping the Temple and Statue of the Twins clean and occasionally doing a Ritual on thr Request of the odd Visitor.
Did not expect one of the Gods he is serving to be dropped off at his Temple by the goddess Meryl and her Satyr companion Roberto and to be stuck Body-Guarding said God but oh well here he is.
May Or May Not Regret Giving Vash That Short Chiton.
For more Information/lore about this AU just look at the in the plain of Nysa tag on my page or just send me an ask in my inbox.
Also shout out to my best pal Stephan for teaching me how to draw.
Additional Ramblings about the lore and WW’s design under the cut
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This is btw what a Penennular Fibula looked like and I only now noticed that WW is wearing it wrong in my drawing 🥲 The needle is supposed to rest on the Bow of the brooch and not in the opening in the middle.
Also this Fanfic takes place approximately around the time of the Peloponnesian War (431-404 BCE), however Penennular Fibula were primarily worn by either Celts and Romans. So as you can tell while I am trying my best with historical research and keeping things somewhat historically accurate, there are still creative liberties being taken for this AU.
As for why this AU and Wolfwood‘s Sanctuary are called "in the Plain of Nysa“: It‘s actually a reference to the Homeric Hymn to Demeter, aka the most complete version of the Myth of Hades and Persephone we have. In this Hymn it says
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In other words it was "in the Plain of Nysa“ in which Persephone was kidnapped by Hades. On a fun note, Nysa is actually not a real place anywhere in Greece. It was instead meant to symbolise "a place far away“ the same way we tend to say "in a kingdom far away“ when starting to tell a fairytale. However that did not stop some Ancient Greeks from guessing where Nysa might be located. Some thus point it to be situated somewhere in Macedon or today‘s Balkans, others claimed it was around the area of the Black Sea or…. That Nysa was on the Island Naxos. Which is why in early drafts the Sanctuary was meant to be located on Naxos itself but as I have never been to Naxos in my life it felt disrespectful to the actual people who live there so I just changed it to the Sanctuary of Nysa being on a lone non-existent Island near Naxos instead.
On a smaller note Nysa was also said to have been the Birthplace of Dionysos, with his name meaning "God of Nysa“. In other Stories however Nysa was the name of a mountain on which Dionysus had started his cult.
I am also taking some creative liberties with how Priesthood functioned in ancient Greece. Unlike how it works in Catholicism and other religions, Priests in ancient Greece were not a separate social class. Heck apart from a few Cults and sanctuaries, being a priest was not even seen as a main occupation of job for that reason. And a priest usually wasn‘t chosen by some council, but in many cases you just paid a certain amount of money to become a priest. They did not even have an official attire like catholic or shinto priests do nowadays. However they were still expected to dress somewhat formally compared to WW‘s Exomis, which is basically the ancient greek equivalent of a priest showing up in shorts, flip flops and an old Tshirt.
The Twins Cult in this AU is by the way HEAVILY based on the Eleusinian Mysteries, aka the Mystery Cult dedicated to Demeter and Persephone. I will some day make a post dedicated to them and priesthood in ancient Greece as a whole.
And yes I still fucking hate drawing feet and shoes.
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ygiroadrift · 2 months
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Marinated Doodles: Eastern Mind Humanization edition
Second draft! and this one is more oriented towards my attempt of humanizing them, including the first time I drew Tou gyou humanized:
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This had been posted on twitter a long time ago; I just haven't posted it now lol. This is the first time I tried drawing old people blindly (haha get it? I did't use any references, and Tougyou's main eyes are missing; therefore he's blind... Okay I'll stop myself there.)
Aside from that, I was wondering what my humanizations could have looked like if it's more "time accurate". IN other words, what they would have looked like if their clothes are adjusted to their time period:
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I would say that I was exploring blindly in that doodle, as certain clothes and attributes may not be correct, so please don't take this one seriously. I like to think that the four kings would have fancy attributes, while Tou gyou would be more humble / not as fancy as ther others, maybe. King gyou... would have been the one most open towards western influence (in my opinion), so his attribute is more mixed up.
Anywways, more of the other kings (and Sha, and Jin, for some reason)
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Sha was originally going to have pointy nails, but I later completely forgot about it. oops
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Moku gyou was the hardest for me to figure out what his human appearance would look like. Like I can see it directly for the other Kings, but Moku gyou was hard as hell for some reason... I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHY
(btw, you may notice that the left doodle of Moku-gyou has the writing "Hassel insp?" - the ref that I used when I was trying to figure out his hair was a Pokemon character name Hassel LMAO)
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Also I think it would be funny if Jin is like. bald LMAO.
NOTE: It's a mystery on what the lives of Rin's reincarnations were like before they lost their souls, but this is my jab on Jin lol. Jin has the energy of a middle aged men who had succumbed to his greed and was reborn in Tongnou with such a pitiful life. He's the fool that believed wealthiness; symbolised with gold; was the solution to everything perhaps.... His greed for gold (and possibly lack of gratitude) heavily weighted down his karma and so he was reborn in Tongnou that way perhaps.... His dedication for gold was the reason why his reborn body was too weak for Rin's soul perhaps.... Though I will admit that this entire thing; I wrote this off of memory and I haven't looked back to his actual bio again. So I might have missed some stuff in there, my bad.
Rambling aside, have some digital ones.
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chipped-chimera · 9 months
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WIP WEDNESDAY - 21/06/23
(I mean it’s technically Friday now between timezones and spoons but have this otherwise I’ll keep forgetting) My first WIP Wednesday! Thanks @theviridianbunny​ for the tag! I’ve been really getting stuck into modding - as well as falling into my usual mod habit of ‘start like six project at once and end up with a million WIP files' but I guess I’ll talk about the major ones.
Graphic design is my passion ...
(Long) rambling about mods I'm making + things I've learned below the cut~
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My V’s tatt project is still ongoing, and I’ve (somewhat begrudgingly) been trying out Substance Painter to work on bits of it, mainly polishing seams between UV maps. It’s definitely got a lot of benefits, especially for graphic placement in really tricky areas (like anywhere in the entire head mesh region for example) but I still think a lot of the heavy work will still be done in Photoshop so I’ll probably be writing up both experiences with them when I do that tutorial I keep hinting at for complex tatt work. I’ve started drafting a tumblr tutorial but I wonder if that’s the best format, maybe a PDF? Google doc? Github wikis look cool? (tho I think I need to pay for that) - if y’all got suggestions for tutorial formats pls let me know!
As for the other arguably overly-ambitious-project-where-I-bit-off-more-than-I-could-chew ...
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H A I R.
Hair has been the bane of my existence for about the past week( ... weeks? Maybe two?), most of it involving cursing, a lot of reverse-engineering game meshes and smashing my head against blender. But if not already evident from my monowire post - I am a stubborn bitch with too much time on my hands so even though there were at least two moments where I wanted to curl up on the floor under my desk and just stay there - we got there.
This all started because my favourite hair mod which I cannot split from my V’s identity was acting funky and the shape of it had been altered since a physics update. It wasn’t her anymore. So I needed new hair. I tried editing the existing hair. I tried importing the old hair mesh. I tried so many things and they didn’t work out one way or they threw a million errors or there were an obnoxious amount of verts.
I even tried looking for replacement mod hair. None of them fit, all of them felt too ‘clean’ for my V. So I just concluded: FINE. I’ll make my own damn hair. From scratch. At least then I’ll actually KNOW what’s going on with the mesh, right?
Problem with hair is tutorials are very limited in respect to Cyberpunk, so I had to learn a lot of this by myself and looking at other processes used for building game hair. I’ve had a previous stint in game design at uni but it was very introductory and more broad-strokes concepts not specific stuff like what ‘real time hair’ is and how you actually go about placing hair-cards (there’s a million different ways btw) but after another 3 days smashing my head against blender I finally got shit to work to a satisfactory level using hair tools for blender and the particle hair grooming system (not the 3.5 blender system, maybe more on that at some point).
Putting together the hair cards I was 120% convinced this was going to blow up in my face, primarily through vert count. But this hair tool plugin? Alarmingly efficient. I was frequently checking my work against Alt's hair mesh (one I was planning on rigging to) and here's the final-ish stats -
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This is with only Alt's hair mesh selected (no cap) and then only my mesh(s - lots of layering to build it up), and by comparison I felt I'd built up the density of a chinchilla. This is not a brag, this is mostly genuine confusion over how efficient this plugin is, all I did was smack around hair curves. It did all the UV mapping junk on the fly.
Although structurally complete, I still consider this a WIP (yes I know there's a reeeeal fun vert funkiness in that second render, it's been fixed) since I'm having to go back and fine-tune some of the UV's the plugins mapped that I'm not happy with and generally figuring out my density problem because if anything, after putting it in-game it felt too dense.
Because yes, somehow I got it in game.
WITH. PHYSICS.
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This may have driven me absolutely up the wall between having to learn blender from scratch then what the heck real time hair is and how that works etc. etc. but ... god, seeing her move back from the mirror and just feeling that instant catharsis of 'IT'S HER!' made it so. Damn. Worth it.
It looks too thick - this might be because I chucked in the 'doubled' feature Wolvenkit comes with because I hadn't spent any time doing backfaces. But it also might be because it's black? That's going to need investigating.
The physics need a lot of work too, I did a pretty rushed weight painting job last night on a merged version of the mesh because I was worried whether it was even viable and I'd already dumped an insane amount of hours into this between trying to salvage the old hair and building a new one (with some more bells and whistles. Mainly - curly). That wasn't without it's issues -
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This almost fucking cracked me, given this was one of the issues I was experiencing before trying to fix an existing mesh mod. Turns out I was just being dumb and forgetting to export the armature, which I'd thought I wasn't supposed to do after having blender throw a bunch of errors on other hair attempts. I gave it a try after one last shot and boom. Worked. (I dunno what those errors were about man but now I know armature? very important).
Will I release this hair? no damn clue, depends on if I can get it to a level I feel is 'releasable'. I already know what I'm calling it though - Venatrix her side-handle I've decided on.
I look forward to adapting it into maybe a comb-back version, as well as a tied up version, so I can show off both her undercut + have the option of NOT hiding every damn tatt I've obsessed over placing on her neck haha.
In other news -
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My much-needed wacom tablet replacement arrived (as well as other things I was looking forward to 👀) meaning my Wacom Cintiq, workhorse of ten years can finally enjoy her retirement. Her controls were getting funky, she had a few dead pixels but man. I'm convinced they won't make them like her ever again. Either way she's done unfortunately - upgrading my monitor to 2k made this painfully obvious. I don't think it's even running in full HD, it's that old. And with Phantom Liberty coming out this year? I'm probably going to need a new videocard and DVI compatibility isn't really a thing anymore.
So for future I think I'll just stick to the basic tablet set up, invest in screens. Also now I FINALLY know what her hair is gonna look like and with the tablet here, I can get back to work on the tattoo bodysuit.
Anyways, that's it for now! (Jesus Christ did you really read all of this? If you did you're a fucking trooper). Sorry for the extended ramble but MAN I did a lot, I needed to yell.
Till next time Chooms! Thanks again @theviridianbunny for the tag~ <3
Oh shit wait, have the blender renders before I forget because hahah I figured out how to do that too lol -
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alangdorf · 1 year
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Hi! This is a follow-up post to my kingdom hearts fic Ten Minutes Too Late that I’ve been meaning to make for several years at this point. Under the cut will be some rambling about why I stopped writing it (tl;dr: ADHD, predictably) and then I’ll explain what my future plans for the fic & its universe were and post what stuff I did have written up. I’m totally fine with it if anyone happens to want to use my ideas for their own work btw, I probably won’t be getting around to finishing it anytime soon if ever.
Oh also! BBS Tangled AU writeup is here; I won’t bother with the few snippets of writing I did cause they were all very short false starts.
(Note: I will probably not be making a similar post for my old Undertale au. It’s been too long for me to remember much and I don’t wanna go find my notes, also it’s just not that interesting. The main secret [the Frisk in the comic was from Jerky’s timeline] was guessed immediately anyways.)
The Writing Issue
Guh. So I’ve always been really bad at the act of writing. Results are usually decent, but trying to get myself to write anything that my brain isn’t just coming up with on its own is like pulling teeth. (Honestly it should’ve been a major indicator of my ADHD growing up, but I was the guinea pig oldest child and didn’t get diagnosed ‘til I got to college and the additional time management responsibilities - and writing assignments - pushed things into unmanageable territory.) I’m also an incorrigible perfectionist and rarely manage to force myself to push out first draft material I’m not happy with. Unfortunately this also applies to writing I do for fun, so I have to really really really be inspired to be able to write and even then it’s still often a struggle.
Since I have very little practice with writing, I also just have a large gap between my skill level and my taste, and overall I’m very conscious of issues in my past writing - jokes that are lame because I couldn’t think of anything funny, inconsistent characterizations, over-reliance on plot contrivances (I’m largely resistant to being bothered by contrivances but like it’s a LOT), too much angst and not enough other stuff to balance it out because the angst is all I can focus on, trying to tackle things I don’t have enough personal experience and/or knowledge of and/or tact to handle in a way I find satisfactory, etcetera. I always like my stuff quite a lot when I’m actually rereading it, but the bad bits are what stick in my mind, so it’s hard to even think about my writing without feeling really embarrassed (and meowing). Which makes it really hard to want to focus on writing more of TMTL. Though I also just haven’t been hyperfixating on KH in several years. Maybe I’ll finish my four blaseball wips someday but the odds aren’t looking good…
TMTL Plans
Anyway, hmm, where to start… well, chapter 16 was gonna be a flashback to what happened to Ven & Vani at the start of KH1, namely that they went to the play island while Ansem was there, Ven lost his heart in a Neoshadow attack, and then Vani’s coerced into being a henchman again since Ven’s basically a hostage. He does not have a fun time with that, but he does train Riku (and yes he was the mystery person they saw at Hollow Bastion). I wrote out that chapter but I was a little dissatisfied with it. I guess at the end of this I’ll post all my snippets.
I had a whole plan for all three kids’ paths through KH1 but it was probably wayyy too overambitious to try and write the whole thing given I was never that interested in the kids or in the Disney worlds. To skip to the important bits at the end (also I don’t entirely understand my notes for the rest), Kairi gets to Hollow Bastion before Sora does and Vani ends up removing her heart (it goes to Sora) in a last-ditch effort to stop Ansem’s plan and also keep her safe-ish; in retaliation Ansem sends him to the Realm of Darkness. To be honest this was mostly just to set up Naminé’s continued existence and to get Aqua out of the RoD early.
The end of KH1 goes about as normal except Kairi tags along (also Ven wakes up but doesn’t tag along). Aqua finds Vanitas and Vanitas finds Riku and Vani portals them all out cause I guess he can do that. Then things get a little interesting: since Ven was not involved in the events of Birth by Sleep, Aqua never turned the Land of Departure into Castle Oblivion, so the events of Chain of Memories just kinda don’t happen. Naminé still pops up in the LoD, but Aqua has just returned home and takes her in. For a while. The org comes for her eventually.
The replicas also happen, but under slightly different circumstances; the org occupies part of Hollow Bastion in secret before the Restoration Committee really gets everything under control and they use several stored heart scans: Riku’s (from during kh1) to make Repliku, and, just to see what would happen, they mashed up “Princess of Heart” Kairi’s (from pre-fall of Radiant Garden) and “What I am is darkness” Vanitas’ (from during kh1) to make Xion. (That’s why I draw her with pink eyes in this au, it’s purple + red. Also the average of 4 and 26 is 15, it’s perfect) I dunno what effect them being pure light + pure darkness would have, if any. They’d probably just be a mostly regular keyblade wielder but that’s still valuable to the org.
And with Chain of Memories not happening (also Roxas still exists like normal), Axel gets four kids! I didn’t have any other plans for kh2 and beyond. Eventually Xion gets adopted into Kairi & Vanitas’ family, Roxas into Sora & Ven’s, and Namine is Aqua’s daughter and/or little sister. Also Vanqua happens but I’m not posting most of the stuff I had written for that; it was weird cause I’m not good at writing romance.
I was also very interested in writing interstitials for chapter 3, more about Vanitas and Kairi’s time in Radiant Garden and involving more of the people living there (oh man I remember I had this whole big idea about Cloud and Sephiroth being a really weird heart experiment done by apprentice Nort half-remembering the whole Ven & Vani thing), and also slice of life stuff about everyone living on Destiny islands in the long timeskip between chapter 7(?) and the start of kh1. I’ll put that list of ideas in the snippets section.
The Leftovers
The Chart(TM)
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Interstitial ideas list
Ienzo sometimes hangs out with Kairi because Kids; Vanitas does NOT trust him bcuz he is an apprentice and usually brings the wrath of Even with him
Yes Braig is blackmailing Vanitas for babysitting purposes, but he’s also actively protecting him from apprentice Nort?????
Untitled Unversed Game is still so good [Note: this was basically just Unversed wreaking minor havoc in town while Vani’s sick]
All the radiant garden peeps may have had more important stuff going on at the time but they do remember the local cryptid Untitled Goose Game-ing it up for nearly a year and while they may never have seen his face or talked to him, they recognize the Unversed and they’re just like???? The cryptid’s back? And he was just a weird homeless kid the whole time? And Cid’s like yeah duh, I’ve been telling you kids that for the past decade
ALSO I only just had this idea but considering Vanitas got badly enough injured by Aqua as to be put fairly solidly out of commission for a few months, he probably didn’t manage to get entirely off the street before passing out for a while; I dunno much about ffvii Cid, but  I do get the vibe that he’d be the type to pick up strays and then gripe about it constantly while picking up some more, so? You know where I’m going with this. Although this is Vanitas fresh offa bbs and four years with Xehanort prior so he does not trust anyone further than he can throw them. Also he probably doesn’t know that Xehanort got amnesia yet, so there’s that too.
Kairi keyblade training??
Oh yeah by the way Kairi and Vanitas? You have three older sisters now who are absolutely thrilled to have surprise little siblings
If he fits he sits; iF HE FITS HE SITS
Kairi settles in nicely (by repressing her trauma) but hoo boy VANITAS is gonna be INTERESTING
DON’T FORGET THE UNVERSED BTW
Also Ven settling in with Hikari and Sora and becoming a real boy
Vanitas angst but that’s a given
Riku?? Riku???????
Ok did Vanitas actually talk through his trauma during therapy or did he just get assistance wrt dealing with trauma & emotions? Either way I think said therapist is extremely in over their head
Chapter 16 + most of the rest of what I had started for future chapters in that same document
[Not edited but a bit at the end was redacted cause I really didn’t like it. Pretty much all Vanitas angst. Very long but there’s pictures at the end. Asterisks are italics cause I use discord too much; empty brackets means there should be other stuff there]
Vanitas let his brother row the boat, since this excursion had been his dumb idea in the first place and Vanitas had never been particularly confident in his nautical navigation skills. He’d gotten off late from work, and Ventus had worked even later, so the sun was already setting. But they were adults. They could handle a little darkness.
There was a bundle of jitters crawling around in the pit of his stomach, but it wasn’t his own emotion he was feeling. He stared pointedly at Ventus, who was almost a little too focused on rowing. “You’re nervous.” It wasn’t a question.
“Hm?” Ventus looked up in surprise. “Um, maybe.”
Vanitas sighed. “You’re the one who asked me to come, idiot. Why are *you* nervous?”
He shrugged. “I dunno, it’s just... we haven’t hung out in a while.”
“Well, I’m flattered you hate me that much.”
“No!” He pouted at Vanitas indignantly. “You didn’t let me finish! I was thinking we should do something together, so that’s why I suggested this. I’m just...” He frowned. “Having second thoughts. I don’t know why, but I really feel like we should go home.”
“Maybe you should’ve thought of that *before* we reached the play island,” Vanitas said dryly, pointing out the dock only five feet away.
“Oh...” Ventus sighed and hopped out. “Never mind, then.”
Vanitas waited until Ventus dragged the boat into the sand to disembark. There was no way he was getting these shoes wet. He untied the flannel from around his waist and put it on, still unbuttoned for now, over his binder. It was going to be an unseasonably chilly night.
He followed Ventus as he headed towards the other side of the island, chatting as he went. “I can’t believe it’s been so long since we first came to the islands, Vanitas! It feels like it’s only been a few days since you and Kairi showed up.” He linked his hands behind his head as he walked, his eyes widening. “Oh, man, Kairi’s *old* now... Those kids grow up so fast...”
Vanitas rolled his eyes. “*We’re* pushing *thirty*, Ventus.”
“Hey, your thirties are the best years of your life!”
“Not when you’re a hardware store manager and the town librarian. Did Hikari tell you that one?”
“... How’d you guess?”
“Because she’s forty and misses being younger.”
“Aww, no she doesn’t. Mom just wishes we could all be home more often.”
“She sure sees you often enough at work.”
Ventus stopped and shook his head. “Just because it’s a small hospital doesn’t mean we see each other all the time, you know. But we both like working there, so it’s all good.” He turned around and smirked at Vanitas. “Besides, you love your jobs, don’t try to lie to me. Taiyo’s practically your dad, and you’d *live* at the library if you could.”
Vanitas struggled to keep a genuine smile off his face. “Yeah, whatever.”
They emerged on the other beach just as the sun reached the horizon, throwing yellow light across the waves. Vanitas made sure to stand directly in its path, basking in the last warmth of the day. Ventus just squinted and made his way down the beach, waiting for Vanitas to follow, which he did, reluctantly. He asked something he’d been meaning to for a while. “Did you ever figure out how to summon your keyblade?”
“...I’ve never tried.” Ventus put his hands in his pockets, standing in the same place he’d found two displaced kids almost a decade ago. “I’d rather not get involved with... all that if I don’t have to. And if I never summon it, we can never fight and forge the χ - blade, right?”
Vanitas stood next to him, shivering in the chilly breeze. “I suppose so. But you know, Kairi finally managed to summon hers a few weeks ago. She could totally beat you up if she wanted to.” He felt he deserved his smug expression.
Ventus looked at him, shocked. “You taught Kairi how to summon her keyblade?”
“She’s older than we were when we first learned. I wanted her to be able to fight... just in case something happens.” He shivered again.
“You’re too pessimistic. Nothing bad’s going to happen.”
“Well, you never know. I still think you should learn.”
“And I think you should wear more clothes if you’re so cold!” Vanitas yelped as his brother poked his exposed belly button.
“Hey, you can’t hide perfection!”
“Ugh, you’ve been working out again, haven’t you?”
He struck a bit of a pose, showing off his abs. “You know it.” They both giggled uncontrollably at the ridiculousness of it all.
Ventus composed himself and crouched down. “I’m still in pretty good shape. I’ll race you to the secret place!”
Vanitas got ready as well. “Oh, you’re on!”
After counting down together, they took off and sprinted down the beach, Vanitas already trailing behind. There was no way he could win against Ventus without teleporting, so he just let the wind whip across his face and through his hair as he ran, not bothering to push himself. He lost sight of Ventus as he entered the passage to the other side of the island and slowed to a walk.
As Vanitas reached the other beach, he looked around for Ventus, but didn’t see him anywhere. He must have already made it to the secret place. He laughed at the fact that Ventus hadn’t even noticed he was no longer being followed and took a step forward.
His whole body was screaming. He went limp and collapsed, his legs folding underneath him and fingers scrambling desperately for purchase in the sand. His head felt like it was splitting open, fear freezing in his veins. His senses failed, and all he could feel was his heartbeat in his ears and hysterical breaths ripping through his chest. What was happening to him?
Suddenly, it all stopped. He clambered to his feet, breathing hard, as he immediately understood. Ventus. He’d been feeling Ventus. Vanitas had experienced his upset emotions before, but nothing like this. This was sheer and all-consuming terror. Something was extremely wrong.
He summoned his keyblade and bolted for the secret place without a second thought, trailing Unversed behind him. He hadn’t lost control over his Unversed in years, but he had more important things to worry about.
His boots made a regular thumping sound on the packed dirt floor of the passageway, echoing his rapid heartbeat. It was dark, but he’d never had problems seeing without light. One of the few perks of his situation. He chuckled breathlessly at the thought, trying unsuccessfully to suppress his building panic.
He skidded into the secret place, eyes immediately locking on to the body on the floor as his shattered heart leapt into his throat. His brother’s eyes were half open, and he lay in a pool of his own blood, motionless. Vanitas *screamed*.
“*Ventus!*”
“*He’s not dead, you know.*” Vanitas looked away in alarm, searching for the source of the deep voice. It was a hooded figure turned away from him and towards the wooden door at the far side of the room. Vanitas raised his keyblade with trembling hands and growled.
“What did you do to him?”
The figure just laughed and raised a covered arm. Shadows appeared all around Vanitas and peeled themselves away from the ground, growing in size until they towered over him. Long, spindly arms. Crooked and trailing antennae. Unblinking eyes glowing a sickly yellow in the darkness.
Neoshadows.
He froze in terror, holding his keyblade in a defensive position, but the Heartless ignored him and went after the Unversed already filling the room, ripping them apart, tearing them limb from limb and wringing their necks, slowly, purposefully. Their deaths came back to Vanitas in a torrent of searing agony, bringing him to his knees, gasping for air, without so much as a touch. 
He dropped his keyblade and it shattered. Seeing him unarmed, the Neoshadows descended on him, wrenching his arms behind him, long, sharp fingers curling around his neck and slicing his skin. Claws ripping into him everywhere, twisting in his wounds and holding him down as his blood dripped to the floor. He tried not to scream again, not wanting to give them the satisfaction of knowing he was suffering, but a distressed sob escaped his throat anyways.
This was torture. The Neoshadows were avoiding serious injuries, instead inflicting pain like he hadn’t felt in years. There was no way this was natural Heartless behavior. They were being controlled by the hooded figure. Vanitas stared at it, utterly petrified. He desperately wanted to fight back, but his body wasn’t responding. He couldn’t even struggle against the Neoshadows’ unrelenting grip. His pathetic fear of them had come back in full force, and he was willing to bet Ventus had the same reaction earlier.
A chill ran down his spine as he thought about it carefully. There was only one person who would know about *that* incident.
“... X-xehanort?”
The figure turned around, but Vanitas couldn’t see into its hood. “*My name is Ansem, but I was once called Xehanort.*”  It chuckled, low and malicious. “*It has been such a long time, my dear apprentice.*”
This couldn’t be happening. There was no way this was real. He was safe here, he... he’d *been* safe, he’d been *free*. He’d had a normal life, a family; he’d been... happy. But it was all slipping through his fingers as he watched in misery.
“*Look at you, Vanitas. All grown up and mature...*” One of the Neoshadows ran its hand down his face, leaving a slit through his lip with its trailing claws as it caressed him. It made him feel sick. “*The years have been kind to you without me, have they not?*”
He tried not to hyperventilate. “How did you f-find me?”
“*It is but a simple matter to find one with the mark of the Recusant’s Sigil on their heart.*”
“Th-the recusant’s...?”
Oh.
*Oh no.*
Vanitas had a myriad of scars littered across his skin, both from battle and from cruel discipline, but by far the deepest were a pair of intersecting gashes that spanned the entirety of his back. They had been carefully and painfully carved into his flesh time and time again, and even after a decade they hadn’t faded. He had thought they’d been compelled by thoughtless sadism, but he realized now that they formed a recusant’s sigil, the intersection of which lay directly over his heart.
Xehanort never did anything thoughtlessly. He’d been branding Vanitas, marking him as his... *property*, making certain he’d never be able to slip from his clutches.
Vanitas’ heart sank. The past ten years had been for nothing.
He’d never escaped at all.
The hooded figure drew closer, observing him. Its cold voice permeated the air between them, twisting its way into his ears until he could hear nothing else. “*A being of pure darkness... how utterly fascinating. Surely, leaving you behind was one of the worst mistakes I ever made.*” He felt the Neoshadows tighten their grip on him possessively, and his breath hitched in his throat. ”*But it’s a mistake I intend to correct. It’s finally time to return to my side, Vanitas. Imagine all the great things we could accomplish together.*” 
“N-no.”
The figure came to a halt. “*... What was that?*”
Vanitas bared his teeth, ignoring the sting of his split lip and glaring up into the dark hood. “I said *no*!”
The figure waved its arm and the Neoshadows roughly forced his head down until he was bowing, staring at a growing puddle of his own blood. Their claws sunk even deeper into his neck. He had to struggle to stay conscious through the pain and panic, trying to breathe but failing miserably.
The voice was absolutely venomous. “*You misunderstand the situation. I wasn’t giving you a choice, boy.*”
Vanitas felt bitter tears collect in the corners of his eyes. He’d thought he was better than this. He’d thought he had gotten stronger, able to put his past behind him, and yet here he was, practically a child again, forced to his knees in anguish in front of Xehanort and completely helpless. Nothing had changed. He couldn’t protect Ventus, who was still unconscious and bleeding on the floor next to him. He couldn’t even protect himself. There was nothing he could do anymore. Nothing at all.
Tears dropped to the floor, mingling with his blood, swirling in sickening patterns as he watched, his vision blurring. He squeezed his eyes shut, choking out a desperate plea. “P-please... just... d-don’t hurt Ventus anymore... I-I’ll... I’ll do whatever you want.”
“*Excellent. I’m looking forward to it. Your first task is to bring Ventus to the castle in Hollow Bastion and wait for me there. You’ll be supervised by the Neoshadows for now.*” He could hear the cruel smile in the voice as it whispered in his ear, the rest of the world melting away around him. “*Well? What do you say, Vanitas?*”
He felt numb.
“... Yes, Master.”
[]
Riku threw Soul Eater down in frustration. They clenched their hands into fists. “Fight *back!*”
Their knuckles impacted solidly on Vanitas’ cheek, but he just slackened and slid to the floor, hair falling around his face. He made no move to get up. “Riku...”
Riku felt tears pricking at the corners of their eyes and slammed them shut as they kicked Vanitas in the side. “I said fight back, you *idiot*!”
His voice was quiet and strained. “I don’t want to hurt you, Riku.”
“*Then why’d you hurt Kairi?!*” Riku tried to shout, but their voice cracked halfway through.
“I - I didn’t mean...” He swallowed hard and with some difficulty, looking at Riku imploringly. “They already have you and Ventus... I... I couldn’t let them have Kairi, too.”
Riku choked out a laugh. “Nobody ‘has’ me! I’m here because I want to be!”
Vanitas only seemed more distressed. “You’re being manipulated, Riku, we all are! The Master’s grooming you to be his new vessel!”
“*I DON’T CARE!*”
Vanitas was taken aback by the outburst, but Riku just kept yelling.
“I *don’t* care, I don’t!” They were really crying now, tears angrily streaming down their face. “I want to be *strong!* Strong enough to protect myself, and strong enough to protect Ventus and Sora and Kairi! Strong like *you*, Vanitas!”
Vanitas lowered his head. “I... I was never strong.”
“You’re right,” Riku croaked. “You’re *weak*, I see that now. I’m weak too, aren’t I?” They sank to their knees, laughing and weeping bitterly. “Sora and Kairi don’t need me anymore. And I’m not even worthy of my own keyblade. The darkness is all I have left. I’m just like you!”
[]
“They’re both important to me.”
“Remarkable, then, that you’ve managed to lose both of them through your foolish actions.”
Vanitas gave Ansem a hard glare. “I swear, I won’t let you or any of your dumb Heartless lay another finger on Ventus. But Kairi...” He looked at her lifeless body, still crumpled on the floor. His stomach turned. “She’s better off without me, anyways.”
Ansem coolly considered him for a moment, thinking. “Well, Vanitas, you may be a fascinating creature, but frankly, I’ve already got all the data I need. And if you’re refusing to follow orders...” He shook his head in mock disappointment. “Then it seems you’ve outlived your usefulness. However...” He smirked. “I do have an idea for one last test.”
Vanitas scoffed, looking away. “I won’t do it.”
Ansem stepped closer, crushing a Thornbite under his boot and chuckling as he saw Vanitas flinch. There was clear amusement in his voice when he spoke. “Don’t worry, it’s a very simple observational study. It doesn’t even require your active participation.”
He retrieved Soul Eater, pressing the tip against Vanitas’ neck, just carefully enough to avoid drawing blood. Vanitas involuntarily went limp as the sword tilted his head upwards, the sharp blade threatening to dig into the exposed flesh below his chin while his dull yellow eyes met a pair of cold teal ones.
Looking at the unfamiliar expression on that familiar face, he realized he could never fight back, not against Riku’s body. Not against this child who was still precious to him. He was powerless. Just as he had always been.
A foreign, vicious grin spread across Riku’s - Ansem’s - face. “Let’s see how much it takes to *break you.*”
[]
“But you’re a creature of pure darkness. A monster.” She leveled her keyblade at him. “This is where you belong.”
He laughed, but to Aqua’s surprise, it didn’t sound at all the way she remembered it. When they had fought, his laugh had been a taunting sound, hysterical and malicious.
The way he sounded now was... heartbroken.
Instead of raising his keyblade, he dropped it, falling to his knees and slumping over, clutching at his chest. “You’re right, Aqua... Th-this *is* where I belong...”
Aqua let her keyblade lower slightly, confused. She hadn’t been expecting him to agree with her, much less with so much sadness in his voice. “What?”
He laughed again, shuddering violently, then without warning his head drooped and he fell sideways. He hit the sand and went completely still, his breathing slowing.
What in the name of Kingdom Hearts was going on? *Vanitas*, of all people, shows up in the Realm of Darkness, has the gall to act surprised to see *her*, then passes out? She was tempted to just leave him there and go on her merry way, but it had been so long since she’d seen another person (although applying the term ‘person’ to Vanitas was questionable) that she decided to have a look.
She carefully approached, wary that he might be faking it. That certainly seemed like something he would do, pretend to be unconscious until Aqua got close enough for him to execute a surprise attack. But there continued to be no indication that he was awake. She even had to kill a few Unversed that were poking around his body.
Aqua used the toe of her shoe to flip him onto his back. To her shock, the action left behind a horrifyingly large bloodstain in the sand. She took a sharp breath as she knelt down beside him, checking him for wounds as best she could through his thick bodysuit. From up close, the coppery stench of blood was nearly overwhelming.
He was bleeding profusely from a gash on his neck, running vertically from his chin all the way down to the middle of his chest. Aqua’s heart skipped a beat as she found a series of almost methodical cuts across his torso and arms. These weren’t made by the indiscriminately attacking Heartless. He’d been deliberately hurt by somebody, and badly. It was a wonder he was even still alive.
She cast a Curaga without a second thought. He may have been an evil brat, but she wasn’t about to leave him to die.
His breathing evened out and Aqua felt herself relax slightly. She settled back on her heels, wiping the blood off her hands. For a moment, she just sat there, contemplating her sleeping enemy. Although she had said he belonged here, in truth, she had no idea how he’d ended up in the Realm of Darkness, let alone with so many injuries. What had happened since the last time she defeated him?
Vanitas continued to lay quietly inert while Aqua’s curiosity grew. She cautiously placed a hand on his helmet, remembering when she had fought him in... what was the name of that city, again? She had nearly removed his mask before he’d yelled at her and run away. But if he was really out this time...
Taking a deep breath, she gingerly pulled the helmet off, exposing a cascade of messy black hair and, beyond that... a face, wet with tears and blood and marred by bruises and old scars. Aqua’s shoulders fell in surprise. He looked just like those boys she had met here not so long ago: Sora and Ventus, if she remembered their names correctly. Perhaps Vanitas had been telling the truth about being Ventus’ brother. She wondered if they’d ever found each other, and, if they had, whether Ventus had made it out of the encounter alive.
Aqua found herself brushing hair from Vanitas’ forehead in spite of her distaste for him. Aside from too-sharp teeth and a pair of pointy ears sticking out from his tangled hair, he could nearly pass for human. She sighed, her eyebrows furrowing. Had he really just been a child this whole time? A child who did horrible things, but.....
Well, he certainly wasn’t a child anymore. He was still pretty short, but he was unmistakably older than he used to be, probably even older than herself. And if his strange behavior was any indication... *maybe* he’d changed. It seemed unlikely, though, especially if he was still running around as Xehanort’s apprentice.
What had happened to Xehanort? To Terra? Aqua was desperate to find out, and Vanitas could be her only chance. If she could manage to wake him up without him trying to kill her, that is. She looked around for something to restrain him with, but, finding not much more than sand and coconuts, she resorted to using her sash to fasten his hands together behind him. It would most likely end up being useless, but it was better than nothing.
A barrage of freezing water against the bare skin of his face. Hands roughly pulling him upright as he coughed, attempting to clear his lungs. He tried to get away, protect himself, *something,* but he couldn’t move his arms and he panicked. His coughing soon turned to gagging, black bile forcing itself through his throat before he could even think.
The hands quickly drew back while a voice he didn’t recognize cursed loudly. The muck splattered on the ground, writhing in agony as beady red eyes formed within it. A keyblade was on it in an instant, sending a jolt of pain through his chest as the fledgling Unversed was destroyed. “*Light,* Vanitas, what is *wrong* with you?” He couldn’t answer, shaking and gasping as he struggled to calm down and remember what was going on.
The hand reached for him again, and though he tried to flinch away, it caught his shoulder and squeezed firmly. “Hey, relax. I’m not gonna hurt you unless you attack me.” It definitely wasn’t the Master, then.
“H-hurts when the... Unversed are k-killed, though...” The other voice said some more words he wouldn’t dare repeat in front of the kids.
Oh. The kids...
Water dripped down his face as his vision cleared, washing blood and black sludge away with it. He could tell that his hands were tied behind his back, although considering his history with the person he’d run into, who was now sitting in front of him looking perturbed, that seemed fair. “Aqua?”
“Yeah? What?” She narrowed her eyes as though he’d said her name as a challenge.
Vanitas could no longer feel the injuries left by Ansem in his last assault. “Did... did you heal me?”
She sighed, sweeping wet hair out of his face as he shivered. “Don’t take it personally. It’s so lonely down here that I didn’t feel like letting you die, that’s all.”
[]
“You mean...?”
Say it. Get it out in the open. It hurt less that way.
“... Yeah. Xehanort abused me.”
She looked horrified. “For *years?*”
He stared down at his shoes. “Yep...”
Aqua’s face cycled through several shades of upset before settling on disdain. “And is that supposed to make me feel sorry for you?” It was pretty obvious she *was* pitying him, but Vanitas didn’t call her out on it.
“I’m well aware it doesn’t excuse what I did to you.” He locked eyes with her earnestly. “I don’t know if you’ll care, but I’m sorry. *Really.* I was hurt and mislead, but that doesn’t make it right.” He looked down again, curling in on himself. “I can understand if you won’t forgive me.”
After a minute of awkward silence, she huffed and turned away. “Well, you’ve certainly become more mature. I wasn’t expecting to ever get an apology out of you. I... appreciate it, I guess.”
“... You’re welcome?”
They sat quietly for a few moments while Aqua contemplated something. Eventually, she faced him again in concern. “What I still don’t get, though, is what reason you’d have to go back to Xehanort *now.* You seem like you’ve become a semi-decent person, so I doubt you’re in it for the apocalyptic aspect, and he treats you terribly and nearly *killed* you when given the chance, so... why?”
He broke eye contact. “I... didn’t have a choice. He took Ventus, and I...” He took a shaky breath. “I *can’t get away* from him, Aqua. He’s constantly tracking me. He knew where I was this whole time, and he just... let me *think* I was free until he wanted his... f-favorite toy back...”
He could almost feel the weight of the sigil on his back curling around him like a vise.
Aqua’s hard expression finally broke. “Vanitas...” She took a deep breath as well. “For what it’s worth, I... I’m sorry, too. For being rude and calling you a... monster.”
He scoffed. “It’s not like it was unwarranted.”
She shook her head. “Maybe not, but I’m sure it didn’t help. I let my anger get the best of me and I didn’t see you were hurting. So... I’m sorry.”
He felt very small then. “... It’s fine.”
Ch 16 pics I never posted cause spoilers
A bit embarrassing though jfhsghd. I generally don’t post my gratuitously angsty/edgy stuff
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Xion intro scene
[Notated for edits which I never made]
She chewed her lip nervously, twisting her hands in the hem of her dress. The lower levels of the castle always put her on edge. People in white coats stared at her expectantly as they all pretended not to hear the scary noises coming from deeper in. The silver-haired man who called himself Ansem but was *not* Ansem asked her about her new friend while the one-eyed guard smirked behind him. She didn’t tell the silver-haired man anything. He sighed.
//add
She sat down in the big chair and worried. The man who was not Ansem hadn’t asked to see her in a while, not since soon after the other Ansem had left and the silver-haired man had taken his name. The new Ansem wasn’t as nice as the old one. He’d sent the one-eyed guard to her house very early this morning, and she hadn’t even gotten a chance to tell her friend that she’d be busy today. He’d be upset. He didn’t like being alone. He was -
He was completely alone. He’d been used to being alone, a long time ago. But it felt so *different* this time. This time, he had known what it was like, to be happy, to actually be loved and wanted. And the stark absence of that almost hurt more than anything else.
Almost.
/*The dark claws ripped him apart slowly, almost reverently,*/ as if watching him suffer in their grip was the most fascinating thing in all the worlds. Maybe it was, to Ansem. The creature may have been calling itself his Master, but it seemed more inclined to research rather than actually teach, and the constant threat to the lives of the others caught in its clutches (and his own *pathetic* cowardice) left him a perfectly cooperative subject for its study. Though he couldn’t imagine what this sort of sadistic exercise was actually supposed to achieve, other than leaving him broken and empty.
Then again, maybe that *was* the point. What /*new and interesting thing*/ would Ansem find when it examined his heart? A battered shell, the already shattered remnants of another torn out and ground to dust until all that was left was a hollow, dark void? It wouldn’t surprise him, honestly. It already felt that way.
A sudden streak of agony shot through him as the claws sunk deeper, and he desperately tried not to scream, choking down his sobs as silently as he could. He’d promised himself that he’d be quiet, because otherwise *Riku* would hear, and then -
Who was Riku? She didn’t know a Riku.
She fidgeted, a bit confused. She could tell she was still laying in the chair, but it felt far smaller than it had previously. Or maybe... *she* had somehow grown much *bigger!* She giggled at the realization. If she showed up to the courtyard like this, she’d nearly be as tall as her friend -
He was a little too small. He almost laughed bitterly at that through the pain. He’d already been unfairly short; now he might even be able to properly share clothes with his closet-raiding (spunky, sassy, precious, perfect, *missing, in danger, better off without him*) sister -
*Vanitas!*
*Kairi...*
She beamed with happiness.
He wept in anguish.
His tears ran down her grinning face as he opened her eyes, and nothing had changed. She was still in that horrible room, in that horrible chair, with the silver-haired man that was and was not Ansem staring at him. She brought a hand up to his cheek, surprised to find it dry, with only the ghost of a smile and a faint memory of sorrow left.
He looked down at her unfamiliar hand, catching a glimpse of her hair out of the corner of his eye, shorter than his but a different color than hers. It... it wasn’t right. None of it was right. He trembled, carefully studying the rest of her. Everything was just a little bit wrong. She wasn’t quite him, but he wasn’t quite her, either. She could feel the panic and confusion bubbling up in his chest.
Who was she?
Who was he?
...Who were *they?*
//add
The awful man who was and was not Ansem smiled coldly at them, and gave them their name.
*...Xion.*
The one single Destiny Islands slice-of-life-ish drabble I started one time
Vanitas huffed into the pillow in his arms and pressed further into the corner where his bed met the wall, as he often did. [] He felt the pressure of several unmanifested Unversed threatening to tear themselves free, the incessant prickling of one escaped Thornbite’s vines curling around his ankle - or wait, maybe his foot was just falling asleep from putting pressure on it weird - and the unmistakable beginnings of a tension headache. Fantastic.
He opened one eye at the sound of his door creaking open (he did *not* tense up, he *didn’t*; he’d have to be an idiot to think there was any need to) and caught sight of a sliver of dim light from the hallway growing briefly and then shrinking back to nothing with a careful click of the door handle. He barely had enough time to process what that had been before there was a gentle tug at the one corner of his sheets that was still hanging off the far side of the bed, a wet sniffle, and a whisper.
“Vanitas?”
“What.” He replied flatly, trying not to be *too* annoyed that Kairi had showed up to interrupt his brooding.
“H-had a bad dream...” Kairi paused to take an unsteady breath, rubbing at her eyes with a blanket she’d dragged there with her. “C-can I..?”
He sighed and turned to face the wall. “Whatever. Not like I’m using that side of the bed anyways.”
Kairi stuttered out her thanks. Then with some effort, she hoisted herself up and onto the bed, pulling her blanket up after her, and situated herself in the empty space. Vanitas laid still, listening to her quiet sniveling as she tried to settle down and also blow her nose.
After a few ineffective minutes of this, he grumbled and pushed his irritation away as a small Flood. (Just to get rid of it. Obviously. Might even lessen his headache, if he got lucky for once.) It zipped straight to Kairi, nosing at her face and making her giggle just the tiniest bit. It flopped down beside her as she scratched the back of its neck and pet it gently, and it started warbling contentedly in a way that *aaaalmost* sounded like purring. Tch. Smug little bastard.
Vanitas was... still not quite used to receiving positive feedback through the link he shared with his Unversed, and the phantom sensation brushing up and down his own spine was bizarre, to say the least. It also felt *really* nice though, unfortunately, and he just barely managed to catch himself before the tension would’ve dropped from his shoulders entirely. Kairi hummed mildly behind him and tickled the underside of the Flood’s jaw, making him scowl even harder into his pillow. He heard a few quiet chuckles find their way through the sniffles. Ok yeah, she knew *exactly* what she was doing.
“So, any particular reason you decided to bother *me* instead of your parents?”
Kairi stilled at that, wrapping her arms around the Flood like it was a stuffed animal. “My dream... it was, um. Of home.” Vanitas peeked back towards her apprehensively, catching sight of her quivering lip and still-runny nose. “Of when we left.”
“Do you... remember it?“
Kairi shook her head. “I forgot after I woke up. It was... s-scary, though...” She squeezed the Flood a little tighter. “You got hurt real bad then, didn’t you?”
He hummed noncommittally in response.
“My grandma, the other kids, everyone...” Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. “Do you think anyone else made it out, or are they all... d-did they...?”
Vanitas looked away. “...I don’t know.” He very nearly caught the inside of his cheek between his teeth. He’d been utterly useless during the attack on Radiant Garden. *Worse* than useless; he’d barely escaped with his own life. And in the end, he hadn’t even really saved Kairi, had he? “...S-sorry...”
[]
“And what have I done to deserve it?”
[]
“Would *anything* be different if I’d just-“
*If I’d just died that day at the graveyard like I was* meant *to?*
“...I-if I’d never made it to the city?”
Interstitial of Sora talking to the folks at Traverse Town about Vani
“Why, if it ain’t Squall” - Leon grimaced but didn’t correct him - “an’ Yuffie. Heard you two beat up some kid earlier?” Cid raised an eyebrow.
Yuffie placed a hand over her heart in mock supplication. “For once, I am innocent.” Then she grinned as she elbowed Leon in the side. “This one was all Leon.”
“Sora here claims to know the...” Leon’s brow furrowed as he looked away. “Uh...”
“The cryptid!” Yuffie helpfully supplied.
This did not seem to help Leon. “...Right, that thing.”
Cid almost looked surprised for a moment, but quickly turned dour, squinting at Sora, who was casually standing with his hands behind his head, entirely lost as to what they were talking about. “Well that’d be one heckuva coincidence. Ya sure about that, kid?”
“Uh. Maybe?” Sora wasn’t sure where this was going, but Leon was looking between him and Cid expectantly, so he continued. “What do they look like?”
Cid chewed thoughtfully on his toothpick. “Black hair, yellow eyes, would be... oh, maybe ‘bout Squall’s age nowadays? An’ always had those weird li’l buggers with the red eyes - not Heartless, but kinda similar.”
“Oh!” Sora started in recognition. “Looked kinda like me?”
“Yeah, picked ‘em up off the street ‘bout ten years back. Real piece a’ work, that one. Darn near took my head off trynna get away after they finally woke up.”
[]
“Got the feelin’ he was expectin’ every hand to hurt instead a’ help. An’ looked to me like he learned that from experience, if y’know what I mean. Not too uncommon for kids ya find on the street, but he was worse off than most I seen.
Welp, that’s about it! Asks are always open but I can’t guarantee I’ll answer them. I also usually don’t respond to comments anymore just cause my fics are so old and hard to think about. Thanks for understanding!
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(was originally an ask, then i rambled a crapload, so if u wanna skip through, just go to the bolded questions)
i am new to the fandom & just found your blog, just wanted to say DAMN its so detailed and everything, i cant wait to read it all! also i was so relieved to find that the fandom is still alive <3
side note im just rambling here, i binged sherlock all really quick and everything is like a blur (idk if im in a state of shock or something, but i do know i was super invested at s1 ep 2, then i finished s4 at 4am one day and i had to read me some johnlock fics to comfort myself and i really dont know how i feel about anything yet just that well, johnlock and i cried during sherlocks fake death even tho i already accidentally read spoilers, and i also cried when they just went to hang out at bars together and hhh and during sherlocks best man speech and sherlocks goodbye to john (…maybe goodbye should be plural)…also i was v mad at eurus and s4 was a hell of a rollercoaster gd), so just wondering, how many times have you watched sherlock? how was the experience each time? (can be about any season or eps or anything, also any snacks u liked to eat while watching or anything of that sort? just curious and thought that might be fun to answer)(apologies if you answered this already i tried to look for it but i got a bit overwhelmed)
btw u are amazing ^^ (also nice timer even tho it makes me sad) and MAD RESPECT for answering so many asks and like SO DETAILED-LY? (i cant grammar) and god ur metas and stuff?? absolutely fantabulous. im legit crying im so glad i found your blog. i know how much work asks take (and like i procrastinate on them for so long…mm months old esp for fic rec lists bc i know those take WORK) so like again, SO MUCH RESPECT thank you for all your hard work!! you are absolutely fantastic and awesome :D please make sure you take care of yourself too <3
ALSO you have a great profile picture + background pic (forgive me i have half a braincell (actually lets make it .7437 gave myself a tiny upgrade even tho i didnt do anything) i forgot what its called…background thing?? idk) i love them!!
if u read through all that tysm, if not thank u anyways for being so amazing, i have a habit of rambling so pls bear with me ^^
(also would it be possible to make this anon? if not feel free to delete this line ^^)
(Submitted by Anonymous)
--------
Hi Lovely!!
Always can make something Anon if y’all ask <3
First of all, SORRY for how long it took me to get back to you with this one. I’m a giant heap of trash and I’m surprised people still come here LOL
Secondly, WELCOME TO THE FANDOM! We love having y’all here, and I’m honoured that you enjoy my blog and content! Also will comment on your praise on my meta here: THANK YOU. I’m very proud of my meta, and especially the SHEER AMOUNT of it I have produced still boggles me mind. Y’all remember when I was creative and thoughtful??? LOL S4 dragged me hard hahah. I still try to write S4 meta, just not as much as I used to. I like speculating, I truly do, but I have so little free time these days because of the nature of my full time job, so I tend to just... do nothing LOL. I find Fic Reccing really relaxing when you have nearly 800 bookmarks. I’m worried I’m becoming stale though. Oh well. I’m just trying to leave my mark here. <3
Thirdly, HAHHAH Thank you for your compliment about my replies to my asks; I genuinely wish I could get more asks finished every day, but I tend to ramble, as you can see, and I just... don’t finish them in a timely manner. Honestly, it’s a relief when I don’t know something because I can then get the community involved to help me out AND I also get new fic recs that way too LOL. I also draft a TONNE of asks and when I do that, I tend to just keep adding MORE and MORE and MORE so I have to post them, LOL. 
And finally: My fave episode is TAB; it was the episode I studied the closest and my analysis of the trailer is my “claim to fame”. I just love it to bits. It’s the episode I’ve watched the most. S3 is my fave season, and it’s the SEASON I’ve watched the most, no less than 30 or 40 times. Season 2, then 1. I have only seen S4 like 5 times in full total, and horribly enough, TFP is the most-watched episode: I watched the Leak, the airdate, and I went and saw it in the theatres because I already bought the ticket before it aired so I just... didn’t care. And then at least 3 more times in Watchalongs. So yeah :| I still haven’t watched the BluRay I bought, but I hated having an incomplete set so I bought it when it went on sale fore 10 bucks LOL.
But yeah, S1 and 2 I watched together, and I LOVED the show. I joined fandom the summer before S3 aired, and S3 is when I REALLY got into the fandom. I’ve been pretty much here since then, about 7 years I think now. When I saw S4, it was incredulity and disappointment with it. That’s really it. I’m still a fence sitter these days about the series as a whole, but I’m leaning more and more to “no S5 for at least 3 more years” kinda thing. Just... everyone involved seems so disinterested in the show these days, minus Mofftiss to keep pushing the Sherlock™ Brand to make money.
ANYWAY. Thanks for writing to me!! This was such a joy to read when I first got it, and I just... have been really overwhelmed the past few weeks that I just have only been sticking to shorter asks. But I had some free time tonight when I’m answering this, so THANK YOU. 
I hope you’re still around, and I hope you still enjoy your time here! Don’t hesitate to ask me anything else!! <3 <3
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coffeebeannate · 4 years
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Possibly Nonsensical ToG Representation: Personal Perspective
Nate nobody wants to read six thousand paragraphs of your inane ramblings okay?
Well maybe that IS the case, maybe SO but maybe I’m going to ramble anyway. And maybe I’ll never ever undraft this post because well who knows.
I ended up not drafting it, I just posted. Because why not. Pls don’t regret this, future me.
BUT.
I will say that, one thing that The Old Guard did that really stuck out to me, and has only continued to do so since reading others posts about it was, ironically, send my dysphoria sky-fucking-high.
(Not in a wholly bad way, that is!)
(For the record, I’m 29, and an AFAB pre-T trans guy, pre-T in like pre ANYTHING, I’m barely out publicly to anyone that isn’t a personal or really close friend, or like, my therapist, anywho)
In most cases, my dysphoria is on a very low simmer, there, but something I try to ignore because of circumstances, etc. It’s always a bother, sure, but well, I live, I guess.
So, I’m a Marvel fan, and in most cases..people I see on TV have been, well, lets be real-Chris Evans. Standard Hollywood types. I do have other examples of less ‘classically’ attractive actors on my list of things I like to watch, and absorb, and I’m a basic person who has basic ass thoughts sometimes. Those people are hot, those people appeal to the most innate feelings of people who feel things from attractive looking people.
But in my head, it’s ALWAYS been through the lens of ‘This is nice to look at. Utterly unrealistic, but nice.”
(I actually only recently learned about using dehydration to get those looks, and it further cements Hollywood shadiness, but anyway)
So for me, AMAB and men on TV have never really done much to my dysphoria. It’s not a look I’d ever have..so it never set off those bells in my head. I dislike having an AFAB body, sure, but it’s not like looking at the equivalent of a modified human art project on TV really did anything to it.
And then..the Old Guard
Fuck this is long, more under the cut.
So I want to point out that I LIKE action movies. I like things that blow up and gun fights on TV. I get a kick out of the dramatics and I’ve been in the Bond fandom since Craig Bond became a thing. I have some familiarity with the genre in general, on a low scale. And again, the Marvel fandom ofc. I also like comic books, and have for years. 
None of these things are new to me.
But what is new, I think, is seeing it done differently.
I’ve noticed a HUGE difference in reviews of the Old Guard. On sites like IMDB.com. YouTube, etc, it’s..not getting the best reviews. And I know now why that is-it wasn’t MADE for the audience action movies are usually made for. And if you compare the comic for the Old Guard to the movie, it’s VERY obvious where Gina Prince-Bythewood made changes with Greg Rucka (And possibly Leandro Fernandez) to give it a better appeal over all. (Especially with giving the characters more layers, even in two hours, and making the story have more of a family and emotional value, which is a great choice and I wholly applaud her and her team. The team feels so much more lived-in in the film than in the comics, though I’ve not read through Vol 2 yet)
Compared to Tumblr, where people are raving about the movie *myself included*, and people who NEVER see themselves in a movie, let alone in a movie done WELL are flipping over themselves over it. And I am in that group entirely.
It has been an absolute delight to see people raving about this. Maybe it’s not perfect, but it’s so incredibly important to people who don’t ever get any GOOD representation that isn’t terribly forced, overdone, stereotyped, etc.
Is Old Guard perfect? No, is it really nice to see yourself in a movie outside of your ‘assigned genre’ (alternative films, etc)
Have I watched it six goddamned times since it came out? Yes, I have. I’m down this rabbit hole, I am living here.
Which brings me back to the original point I was making before this spawned into something entirely different. 
“How did that make you dysphoric, then, Nate?”
Because, to be perfectly blunt, I want to link this post here, by @lindstrom2020 which hammered home why, and that point is that, there is virtually 0 sexualization of the characters. There is nothing gratuitous about bodies on screen here, nothing. And we never.ever.see.that.
And no, I’m not going to pretend like I don’t eyeball people on screen. I’m not devoid of sexuality, I am entirely pansexual. But that’s not what I’m trying to say here. I think that, well..seeing bodies that are still entirely masculine, and yet not..what’s the word I want..’done up’? Made all the difference in the world. For the first time, I saw, on TV, an average body, presented in a way that makes it look good, strong and almost achievable. Almost completely NORMAL in that way.
And no, none of the actors in the movie are unattractive. Not even a little bit. They’re still really goddamned pretty. But it was JARRING to see them as pretty but fairly average appearing.
And my brain..synapsed.
As a trans dude, I’m going to straight up say it’s VERY hard to envision what your post-transition body might appear as. It will never be entirely cis-looking (if you will) the way a body that’s biologically created will be, if you will. So you’re stuck working with so much imagination, so much of it relies on looking at post-transition bodies, those done after surgery and YEARS of hormones and even then not knowing.
And for me, well I’m tall, bulky and overweight. I’m also curved, and have a massive back, broad shoulders and long tree trunk like legs. (None of this is said to be a put down on my end, btw, I’m not fishing for compliments, this is the best way I can describe it)
(None of the characters are overweight, so obviously there’s still something there too that’s left to my own imagination, but I digress)
But! There is still something REALLY fucking validating about seeing men on screen who are still attractive without dehydrated abs and veined out skin because the flesh is crying out for sustenance.
I dunno..for me, it was just..strange to see. And there’s also something really really fucking NICE about queer people in the action genre that haven’t been shoved to the back of the movie, appear for five seconds and leave so the movie can scratch of ‘representation’ on it’s proverbial audience appealing points card.
And I’m sure if I watched more movies on my watch list, and stuff that’s been recommended to me I will find more! I know they’re out there, but for the Old Guard, it’s a genre I’d actually watch, something that APPEALED to me and was easy to get into because with my ADHD-Autism, it’s hard to get invested at times. So 2 hours was a good starting point.
Especially if I had to take breaks *but I didn’t need to, it was engaging enough for my wandering head*.
Wow this is messy, I stg I meant for this to be cleaner, but, anyway.
The overall thing is that the Old Guard makes me feel things I really do not usually feel watching movies. Sure it’s still a fantasy, sure it’s still got flaws, but wow if it isn’t just..really goddamned nice to connect to something outside of the box.
It’s not perfect, nothing is.
But Old Guard has done various forms of representation RIGHT, it has done extremely valid and important things. And since I’m old enough to remember the NONSENSE when Brokeback Mountain came out and it was called ‘career ending’ for it’s actors..to see this is just..
It’s nice.
And I KNOW that this movie and series is always going to hold a special place in my heart as a result.
A lot of others have made excellent representation posts, and I wasn’t going to publish my jumbled up nonsense thoughts, but feck it.
It’s not coherent really-my thoughts never are, and it’s long and rambling, but hell, so is my brain.
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corneliusironwood · 4 years
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Drawin’ Stuff
So there have been a few opinions posted recently in several of my fandoms about the best way to learn how to draw. 
For those of you who are new artists, I have a couple of cents to throw your way if you’re interested. (Not at all saying I’m an expert, but I used to teach drawing and painting classes for a college so I’m just trying to help where I can).
Whether you use photo references, models or even yourself to draw people and/or things, or if you can draw stuff without references (and if so, kudos, you’re probably advanced enough that this post won’t really help you), find a method you’re comfortable with and PRACTICE.
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
I have seen plenty of artists get frustrated because they don’t see improvement, and often it’s because they’re tackling huge, incredibly creative projects but find themselves overwhelmed because they tried to run before they learned how to walk. 
Draw something bland and easy every day. An apple. A chair. A can. A toilet. It literally doesn’t matter.
Draw something.
Teach yourself how light affects shadows by using a lamp if you can.
Draw things from multiple perspectives, upside down and sideways. Draw with pencils, with chalk, with your digital tablet. Use different brushes. Use different line sizes. Experiment until you find what works for you. (Artists, btw, will do this constantly throughout their career. I still find myself changing brush styles and trying new things when I can and I’ve been drawing and painting for nearly 30 years.)
And again, practice. Once you’re comfortable with the technique you started with, pick a new one. Started out with tracing over references? Move on to griding. Started out with griding? Try freehand sketching from a reference, etc.
Tumblr media
The photo above is a quick sketch I did about seven beers into the evening while reading posts that are popping up about drawing. I’m slightly buzzed and very opinionated at the moment, which is why I’m rambling on and on here. It is my own hand, held in front of me (yes, I know I have an oddly long thumb, wanna fight about it?). 
Why? Because it’s practice. It’s boring, sure, but it’s practice.
And here’s the actual point of my long, rambling half-drunk post:
If you do not understand the anatomy of the living thing you’re drawing, you will probably have a hard time drawing things without a direct reference. 
Notice that I drew the BONES of my hand. I didn’t just do that for shits and giggles. I did that because it shows how you can move things in an anatomically correct way, and it lets you get a better sense of proportion when you do this.
Don’t get me wrong, it is fine to draw things directly from a reference, or to trace it if that’s what you prefer, but what if you can’t find the exact pose or facial expression you want?
How will you learn how to draw that?
You guessed it: practice. 
If you’re drawing living things, don’t just draw the outside. Draw the inside. There are plenty of art resources that have skeletal and muscle structure. Hell, buy an old medical textbook if you need to. 
Teach yourself where things attach and how things move beneath skin. 
But before you get too daunted, remember that this isn’t actually medical school, you don’t have to learn the names of muscles and tendons and bones, but if you’re going to draw people and animals, you need to get a sense of how things fit together. 
It will make it easier for you to draw more and more advanced poses, often with no reference once you’ve practiced enough.
Lastly, if anyone ever wants any art advice, my inbox is always open and I am more than happy to help and to provide a second set of eyes on drafts of artwork.
Stay cool, my friends.
And remember...
PRACTICE.
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unstabletable69 · 4 years
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Friends on facebook wanted me to write this so I might as well post it everywhere else
SO CATS.
I currently am having a very hard time making eye contact with my own cat. I just look into those wide soulless eyes and see her for what she truly is- an agent of chaos, harbinger of the night; dare I say /jellicle/?
I am writing this after a long quiet drive home from the theater on a dreary night in the dusk of 2019. This is probably going to get rambly as I am not about to draft up some professional quality essay; professionals get paid for their opinions and I do not. So let’s just DIVE RIGHT ON IN.
I’ve done my homework before deciding to go see CATS (2019) and well aware (if not giddy with anticipation) for the spectacle that would fall into my lap nestled gently alongside my 7 dollar small popcorn and 6 dollar soda. It is common place for movie theaters to have cutsey little clips about silencing your cellphone for a movie and for safety reasons they will ask you to be aware of the location of the exits… but tonight folks, these were warnings to myself and my fellow victims- if the 5 Star Wars related clips hadn’t made us change our mind about what theater to be in then surley this would make us consider the safer route.
But we did not. Because we are brave, we are informed, and we are ready.
Here’s the thing- NO ONE IS READY TO SEE THIS NO AMOUNT OF PREPERATION IS GOING TO HELP YOU REALLY GET IT.
Now if you’re really into shock value then perhaps you may want to click that back button and hop out of my rambles because if you plan to see CATS (2019) for this reason then you may as well go in blind.
For those of you who might savor your hard earned dollar or maybe you have witnessed this spectacle then by all means grab a metaphorical stool.
The first scene on the screen is the friken sky and in the sky is this cat face that looks like something I might’ve cooked up in good ole’ PhotoFiltre back in 2003. They might’ve stolen this from my deviantart actually.
Anyway we get some music that kinda jarring and then this car pulls up and people hop out and this bag full of movement is just dumped on the street and all the cats kinda scurry up on their.. two legs to rip open the bag containing a cat named Victoria played by Francesca Hayward… and like honestly she and every actor in this film give 100% to their role (there’s two exceptions and we will cover them). Like it kinda sucks that this is likely gonna be one of those roles people are gonna remember for how jarring the film is. So within the next few minutes it becomes painfully obvious that every single one of these cats wants to bang Victoria! The sexual body language was so heavy handed that I tensed up and may or may not have stayed that way and may or may not still be recovering… it’s hard to say what I /feel/ like right now. I’m not here to give the entire movie away… there’s honestly not an easy way for me to summarize this and if you’re THAT curious you might as well go see it or pirate it. Though there isn’t really a “plot” to spoil and if you know anything about the stage production you may know that there’s never really been a “plot” to cats.
Now we gotta talk about some real highlights.
----------------------------------------- -The MICE- the mice have children faces and voices
-The COCKROACHES MY GOD THE COCKROACHES like human faces, all the flying I HAAAAAAATE cockroaches and this shit made me cringe so bad and then rebel Wilson just casually eating them .
-Jennifer Hudson’s snot trail was a main character honestly.
-THE BODY LANGUAGE… I will beat this with a HAMMER because FUUUUUUUUCK the BODY LANGUAGE- humanoid figures getting all up on each other like this just .. it’s jarring and I’m not sure if the film was misrated or if I am just a horrible pervert… would my mother have casually watched this with child me or would she had forced me to evacuate the room?
-It’s really weird how the boy cats don’t have a much detail in the pelvic region as the girl cats and I honestly think the movie is trying to make furries of us because WHY IS THIS A DETAIL I NOTICED?
-The CG is just crazy… like you need to see this BEFORE the “fixed” version goes out if you’re gonna go for shock value.
-A lot of the songs are honestly pretty good
-I’m pretty sure I can’t look Taylor Swift in the eye now either.
-Taylor swift’s part was hella small btw and honestly if you thought Taylor Swift was going to wreck the movie you’re pretty small minded and couldn’t see that this movie was going to wreck itself. But like… her part was a thing that happened and I am pretty sure the movie wanted us to feel as if it was sexy and maybe the people who left the room were leaving because they were in denial about these new feelings.
-I do have a ship from the movie now… because why the fuck not?
- I feel like I should have a personal cat name and the fact that I’ve made it to 28 years old without finding my cat name is pretty insane… I need to do better in life.
- all the elder actors in this movie gave 50000% like I wouldn’t be shocked if they drank out of saucers to warm up for filming.
- I was personally uncomfortable at how the elder cats looked at one another during some scenes.
- I liked Beautiful Ghosts better than Memories and I don’t really understand why everyone was hyping it so hard.. I can believe that the version in the play IS the BOMB af but as far as the movie? It’s a hard third cause railway cat was the shit. ---------------------------------------------
Overall- I feel like I MIGHT understand what CATS (2019) was going for.
I am a very weird adult as you all probably know- I was also a weird kid. As a weird kid growing up with pet cats I spent a lot of time just playing with the cats, or watching the cats (it was before I had internet ya’ll). And honestly…
I’m pretty sure this is a SPOT on depiction of what cats actually do
random nonsense… they make a lot of noise, or they don’t… they make huge messes or they don’t, they rub up against stuff, they rub up against each other they rub up against themselves, they kill things, they eat things, they run around with no sense of direction, they’re distracted easily and if they could talk they probably would make up words that are somehow adjectives, verbs and nouns all in one word and use it over and over and over again as if it has significant meaning.
So honestly core concept? I think I get it- cats are weird and do what cats do.
I dunno that I could ever sit through the stage production even if it’s leagues better given that it doesn’t really have a plot and it’s a lot of introducing different cats but like… the stage production probably worked because it’s not hard for a theater audience to suspend their disbelief.
When two well costumed actors on a stage rub up against each other your typical theater audience is gonna be like “oh yeah like cats do!” cause they’re used to filling in the blanks and using their imaginations because the stage is limited.
but in film? When you have a CG cross between a cat and human? It’s WAYYYYY harder to suspend that disbelief especially when the graphics are shit and there’s sometimes wedding rings on their hands so a lot of us are like “oh… okay these cats are just all gonna have an orgy I guess…. Okay… that’s uncomfortable”
apparently at some point there was going to be a fully animated cats movie with actual cats or at least just fully animated and that would have been easier to swallow… I think at least then you’re not in this quasi world of “50% real 50% fake”. It’s kind of a bummer that without the stage limitations this movie didn’t bother to do a lot of scene changes it might’ve been fun to see all these peop-cats dancing around different oversized stuff and the movie just didn’t really play with that idea much.
Overall this is just another one of those things that didn’t need a “live action adaptation” and the adaptation didn’t add anything of value to the existing media (looking at you Lion King, Jungle Book, Last Airbender, Lady and the Tramp, etc etc). but at least in this movie’s case it did take SOME risks by just existing where as every damn movie this year (except JoJo Rabbit) has played it so safe that they’re all predictable and forgettable (yeah tbh most of endgame…).
I won’t forget this one and that’s probably because there are some images that will be forever burned into my mind… but I won’t forget it for sure.
Anyway thanks for coming to my -4 pages in Microsoft word- Ted Talk
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Fic-Writer / Vid-Maker Meme
Tagged by @educatedinyellow and @gailbsanders, thank you!
Author/Vidder Name: sanguinity
Fandoms You Write For: Lately it’s mostly book!verse Hornblower and ACD!Holmes (although the ACD!Holmes is largely behind the scenes with a long-form WIP that I’ve been focusing on). I also write for assorted small Holmesian fandoms as the whim or prompts take me, and I used to write fairly prolifically for Elementary, before that show wore me into the ground with how persistently they don’t care about Joan Watson. I’ve written a fair bit of Strange Empire, some Doctor Who / Torchwood, and quite a few one-offs in random fandoms, from the Oz books to Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles.
Fandoms I Vid For: Mostly one-offs or small batches that overlap with the fandoms I write for: Holmesian multiverse, Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles, plus a number of rarer Festivids-qualifying fandoms like The Middleman or Noah’s Arc. 
Where You Post Fic: Most of it is on AO3, excepting some three-sentence and five-sentence fics that I’ve never collected. 
Where You Post Vids: Variously Vimeo, YouTube, and DailyMotion, depending on who threw a fit about what copyrighted music the week I posted it, but all my vids are listed at AO3.
Most Popular One-Shot: “The Sincerity of Dust,” a BBC Sherlock Mystrade flash-fic I banged out one morning and which then went on to eat Cleveland. It has 1400 kudos and is working on 14,000 hits. Its nearest rival is “Score: Q to 12,″ an Elementary flash-fic featuring Sherlock and Joan playing Calvinscrabble, which performed modestly on AO3 but cleaned up on tumblr to the tune of 1700 notes.
Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: “Holocene Park,” an Elementary case fic featuring dinosaurs under the streets of New York City. If I’m remembered in the Elementary fandom for anything, it’s probably for this or Calvinscrabble.
Most Popular Vid: “Something Good (Will Come From That),” my Holmes/Watson multiverse vid. It has 10K plays, the AO3 page has 2.5K hits, and the tumblr page has almost 800 notes. It escaped my corner of pseudonym-based AO3-centric fandom and has made the rounds of the Sherlockian scions on Facebook, as well as being rec’d on non-fannish websites in French, German, and Japanese. For a little while there it was making me anxious with how popular it got -- at the height of its popularity, I was worrying my mom was going to email it to me. After it hit it big I almost completely stopped making things for a while, because I was pretty sure that nothing else I made would be even half that good ever again. Happily, that turned out to be a stupid reason to not make things, and so I started making things again.
Favorite Story You Wrote/Vid You Made: Yeah, sorry, no, my brain burns out on “favorite” questions, especially ones that have no criteria. I’ll just refer you to my Fic/Vid Speed-Dating Score Card, which can be construed as a list of my favorite works on various axes, and is still fairly accurate despite being a year old. (Scariest nowadays is probably “Tea for Two,” a Moriarty-centric story from this last round of Holmestice.)
Story You Were Nervous to Post: “Any Service Required,” which is dark Bush/Hornblower porn. I always feel hideously exposed when publishing porn -- I’m nervous about posting it even in the best of cases. But what with this being dark-fic, I was half-expecting the self-appointed morals police who get prescriptive about “healthy” relationships to show up and make a stink. Or along similar lines, I was fearing that followers who are used to a certain kind of thing from me will look at this one, think it base trash, and lose respect for me over it. I’m happy to say that nothing like that has happened so far, and while readership has been light, I’m fine with that: I’d rather a story have a small readership who is genuinely into it than a large readership who isn’t, and I’d like to believe that this story’s small readership is mostly due to people taking a look at the tags and making good decisions about the kind of thing they enjoy reading. 
How Do You Choose Your Titles: BY ANY MEANS I CAN MAKE WORK. My preference is to grab a meaningful phrase from the text, but I’ll also use quotes and popular phrases, sometimes straight-up and sometimes with a twist, if it seems a decent fit for the story. Ideally, a title will speak to some deeper truth about the story, but when push comes to shove, I’ll settle for a title that is short, clean, and memorable: basically, anything that I and others can remember without having to look it up all the damn time. (This is my main problem with people using lines of poetry or song lyrics as titles: they tend to register in my brain as generic word salad, and in many cases I couldn’t say without looking it up what the title actually was, let alone what it had to do with the story.)
Do You Outline: For long or complex stories, sure, yes. If there are many scenes or multiple chapters, I tend to jot down a few lines listing out the succession of scenes or chapters; for “The Next World,” whose main body is a long and rambly conversation, I had an outline that listed out every twist and turn of that convo. The outline for “Langstroth on Bees” (WIP, currently 58K) is a monster of a thing, listing out the internal timeline (five years of current action plus another ten of backstory), various promises I’ve made that I need to deliver on, assorted events that I want to remember to include, and rough ideas about where chapter breaks should maybe fall. Given that I’ve been working on that story for five years now, often with breaks from it of nearly a year, that outline has saved my ass. I guarantee you that without it, I would have picked up this story at some point, tried to remember where I was going with it, come up with nothing much, and shelved it permanently. If anything, I really should outline more often -- I have a few long-standing drafts in my WIP folder that I just... don’t remember where I was going with that. I remember that I did have a destination in mind, yes, but what exactly? WHO KNOWS. Btw, my outlines are living documents -- I revise them often, as my understanding of the story develops. In fact, revising the outline is one of many tools for understanding where a story is going and what is still needed to bring it together.
How many of your fanworks are…
Complete: 92 stories or story collections (I have a few AO3 “stories” that are actually collected ficlets from tumblr or Sherlock60), and 26 vids and vidlets, 
In-Progress: Nothing published to AO3 -- it makes me crazy to have a partially-published WIP. My drafts folder has 36 partially completed stories in it, and there are probably a half-dozen vids that I started but haven’t finished.
Coming Soon: Four? For various values of “coming soon.” I have two Hornblower stories that are mostly done (one for the Tegmore verse and another for the Kraken verse), and I’ve been working steadily on “Langstroth on Bees” in the hopes that I’ll finish it this year. And I’m signed up for Remix Revival -- whatever I do for that will probably be the very-most-next thing.
Do You Accept Prompts: Yes! Although I have only a 1/3 to 1/2 completion rate on prompts -- I do hope that no one minds that too terribly! But I’ll actively solicit prompts from time to time -- to celebrate something, or if I’m having a shit day and want to turn it around -- and some of my best stuff has come from prompts people have given me. I never ever guarantee filling them (see my above mentioned completion rate), but if someone wants to prompt me something, my ask box is open. Even if the prompt never gets filled, I still get a warm flutter of “They want to play with me!” from it.
Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: “Langstroth on Bees,” a 58K-and-counting Holmes/Watson retirement fic that I’ve been working for five years. I added a solid 13K to it this month, and have maybe 20K left to go -- I’m hope-hope-hoping to have it done this year. But I’ve gotten far enough into it that “Langstroth” has finally begun overlapping the territory covered in “From Allegany,” and by the end of this chapter I’ll have passed it entirely. Then I’ll be in unwritten territory, wheee! (Speaking of titles, I never really intended to call this thing “Langstroth on Bees” -- that’s just a working title for my drafts folder. But enough of you now know it by that name that I think I’m going to have to stick with it? So I’m desperately trying to figure out how to justify it. ONE OF MANY THINGS TO DO IN THIS DRAFT.)
Tag Five Fanfic Authors to Answer These Questions As Well: @beanarie @quipxotic @phoenixfalls @xserpx @amindamazed And of course anyone else who wants to play!
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the-jennnster · 5 years
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Novel Prep: Stars
I was tagged by @arynneva​!
First Look
1. Describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch)
A criminal and the mechanic she’s kidnapped start out on what seems to be a short adventure, but as they get to know each other, secrets are revealed and enemies are met, forcing them into a fight with their country in the balance.
2. How long do you plan for your novel to be? (Is it a novella, single book, book series, etc.)
This is (I hope) the first in a trilogy, with a couple stories expanding off of it because there are some side characters in here whom I think definitely deserve to have their stories told.
3. What is your novel’s aesthetic? 
Secrets admitted at midnight underneath the stars while avoiding all the shit of the world around you.
4. What other stories inspire your novel? 
@marielubooks​‘s Legend Trilogy was definitely a major inspiration. Cee, one of my main characters, is basically the Day/June lovechild lmao
ALSO HOW COOL IS IT THAT THERE’S GONNA BE A BOOK 4? AHHHH
5. Share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel 
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
(All of these images were stolen from Pinterest btw) 
6. Who is your protagonist? 
I have two!
Cee - A criminal who’s supposedly ruthless and cruel and has a dark past she hides from everything. 
Kyle - A mechanic who is working his ass off to support his family and isn’t used to doing things for himself
7. Who is their closest ally? 
Besides each other, Cee and Kyle rely a lot on the Specialists later on in the book. Among these Specialists, the most important people are: 
-Sixilia, a mischievous assassin whose past is dangerously intertwined with Cee’s
-Cat, a disgraced noble hardened by the struggles she’s gone through as both a trans woman and a mutate (my version of mutants lol)
-Blake, a hyperactive, happy-go-lucky disgraced soldier
-Hanna, a ex-gang member who’s lost everyone in her life, including her parents and girlfriend (who she was planning to marry)
8. Who is their enemy?
Daniela, a seventeen-year-old world-renowned genius, corrupted by an international organization hell-bent on destroying the American government.
9. What do they want more than anything?
Cee just wants to escape her past and be her own person, independent of the reputations she’s been forced to uphold in both the lives she’s led
Kyle just wants his family to be safe, to honor his mother’s memory, to let his sister live a life with choices, and to just be able to live.
10. Why can’t they have it?
Because Cee is burdened by the reputation of the infamous, cruel criminal she’s shaped herself out to be in her quest for respite and Kyle is struggling to work around the shitty governmental systems that make it difficult for a teenage boy to support his depressed, disabled father and toddler sister.
11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?
Cee believes that she’s undeserving of love because of the things she’s gone through and the things she’s been forced to do in her life as a criminal and Kyle thinks his chance for a life outside of supporting his family is shot, seeing as he dropped out of school and has lost his chance at his own dreams.
12. Draw your protagonist! (Or share a description) 
Cee and Kyle were actually drawn by @hestray​, who I am very lucky to have! She’s my sounding board and listens to my ramble about this all the time!
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Plot Points
13. What is the internal conflict?
The internal conflict revolves a lot about family, about what we owe to them and what we owe to ourselves. There’s also some classic morality about the value of life and death, and a sexuality crisis in there too for good measure.
14. What is the external conflict?
Daniela and her army, trying to dismantle the government, which would do the exact opposite of what she wants to do: put mutates on equal playing grounds with regular humans
15. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?
For Cee, if you told her that her brothers hated her, if you told her that her brothers had always hated her, if they told her they hated her... she’d be utterly wrecked she is utterly wrecked
Kyle would be a mess if somebody took his sister from him. Four years, he’s been fighting to keep her, to provide for her and give her a good life, giving up his own in the process. If she was taken from him, everything he’d done would be for nothing, and he’d be an absolute mess.
16. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?
Cee’s real identity is a big one, because it’s a lot about her connections to Daniela and how big of a role she really plays in this whole “destroy the government” scheme.
17. Do you know how it ends?
Couple schemes, a few screaming matches, and a death that I hopes rocks people to their cores. I’d like to say I’ve got a decent idea, though things have changed.
Bits and Bobs
18. What is the theme?
I said this before for number 13, but it’s really about what we owe to our families and what we owe to ourselves. Cee and Kyle have very different approaches to their families, but both of them have made drastic decisions revolving around them. They each need to learn the balance between making decisions for their families and making decisions for themselves.
19. What is a reoccurring symbol?
The first one off the top of my head would be Cee’s hair, which in the beginning is long as a symbol to her freedom (because when she was young, it was kept short for practicality). At one point, she chops it off as a show that she’s given up that freedom and is back to working under someone’s thumb.
20. Where is the story set? (Share a description!)
The story is set in 2364, in a post-WWIII American Empire. The soldiers who fought in the war twenty years prior are traumatized and injured and their own children were genetically mutated thanks to the nuclear weaponry used during the fighting, causing them to grow up feared and discriminated against thanks to the deadly abilities that followed. 
21. Do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?
I have a ton of scenes in my mind and nearly a hundred pages written for just this iteration (which is the fourth so far). This isn’t even counting all the expansions I’ve scribbled down between drafts.
22. What excited you about this story?
I’m really excited to tell these characters’ stories, first and foremost! Each of them, the main characters and the Specialists, have a lot that they’ve gone through and a lot to tell the world about it.
It’s also a test of my abilities to write heavier topics. Cee in particular has gone through a lot of shit, so it’s new ground for me to be tackling some of this stuff, and I hope I do it justice and write it in a way that allows people to understand this kind of stuff.
23. Tell us about your usual writing method!
Usually writing for me starts with whatever idea’s in my head for the moment. If it’s a scene I’ve been bouncing around for a while, it might have a song on my playlist, which I’ll then play over and over and over until the scene’s written to my liking.
Props to anyone who actually read the whole post lmfao. It’s a lot of my own bullshit, but if you’re actually interested in my story and characters, I’m begging you to let me know! Always craving that validation
NOW FOR TAGS!
@thegirlfairytalesforgot​ is the only one I can think of at the moment, but if any of my lovely followers have a passion project they’re working on, feel free to do the challenge and tag me when you post it! I’m always looking to read other peoples’ ideas!
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