Summary: Your mother is getting married but the man she was about to get wedded to is your former sugar daddy.
Paring: Former Sugar daddy and Stepdad!Bucky Barnes x stepdaughter!Reader
Part 1, (Part 2 in progress)
Warning: 18+, Minors dni!, D.S. Dynamic, P in V, Stepcest, Fingering, Oral (female receiving) Dominant!Bucky, Daddy kink, Degradation, Spit kink, Spanking, Overstimulation, Bulge kink, Little to no aftercare, Age-gap (Reader is of age), Creampie, Hair pulling, Choking, Slight Dub-Con, Unprotected sex, Cheating, and Pet names.
Word count: 3.9k
Anticipating the tears of your mother who you are seated in front of, standing still like a queen about to serve her purpose with his king beside him.
You wouldn’t think of it like that. Not even one bit. Your facade of being happy and excited about your mother’s engagement party pushes aside the feeling of outrage clinging inside of you.
Never had you been so apathetic toward your mother’s happiness until now. Watched as the crowd petitioned for them to kiss. You wished you were never there in the first place but as the role of a daughter, you need to.
You watch as his hand snakes around her waist, securing it like she’s the only one for him and there was never you in the picture. James Buchanan Barnes or much better known as Bucky Barnes. You and he went way back in time. Signed up to be his personal sugar baby, and got everything you want, when things fell apart you signed out of the contract.
He never agreed for you to sign out that quickly. It was months before he had finally agreed. But of course, everything comes with a price with him and you just yet to know that this. You never wanted your mother associated with this. But he just had to, didn't he? He had to drag your mother into this obscured hole and make her suffer in the end.
You tried to talk to your mother about how vile he is but she didn’t believe you and told you that you need to accept the fact that she and he would be together now. Yet how can you accept when the day that your mother had introduced you to him he had been bugging you whenever she wasn’t looking.
Forcefully pulling you near him when it’s just you two because he misses you. The way that he looks at your mother lovingly whilst his hand is on your thigh makes you sick. His twisted words being whispered to your ear makes you want to vomit as you watch him “love” your mother. You had to endure the thought that your mother will hate you in the end if she finds out.
“I would like to call my daughter who planned this party along with me and Bucky.” You were pulled out of your thoughts as you see your mother and Bucky staring right at you smiling. You passed eye contact with the both of them before you stand up, a smile conveying that you were just not thinking of how this marriage would be a fucking disaster.
Stepping up on the stage beside your mother and ignoring the little smirk Bucky had given you, the host handed you a microphone. “Thank you, Y/N,” your mother started. “For making this dream come true.” Your eyes twitched, still smiling with a thought in your head I’m sorry.
“Thank you, for supporting me and Bucky.”
You wanted to scream. You wanted to tell her and everyone in this room that you don’t. That she should ditch this bastard and fucking kick him in the balls. You only wished to yell and scream that she shouldn’t be with this man at all.
“I know we had problems at first but with communicating we went through it.”
Your head was spinning around with thoughts. Screaming that you should be on your fucking knees begging for forgiveness after telling her the truth. Apologising a million times as she slaps you across the face and yells at you for how much of a traitor you are. That she’s disgusted that you’re her daughter. She has every right to do so. You thought.
Awes and applauds were heard throughout the room. You were shoved out of your cloud once again by the feeling of your mother’s embrace. A tear almost spilt out as you returned her embrace. Pushing your head onto your mother’s neck like you used to do when you were younger.
She pulled away, holding your shoulder, a resting smile plastered on her face. “Thank you,” she whispered, leaning on your forehead. Tears finally tumbled through your eyes as you held her hands that caressed your face. “I love you.” You wanted to say sorry so bad. But there’s a pull stopping you. Regret? Sympathy? Fear? Or a mix of those?
“Look at the mother and daughter duo! Such a lovely sight to see.” You and your mother pulled away, hearing the host’s voice thumping through the speaker. You wiped your tears as your mother chuckled. Glancing to your right, was Bucky standing there unfazed by the moment until the host picked his attention.
“Mr Barnes you must adore this mother and daughter relationship so far.” Turning to the man, he gave a small smile and then pushed your mother closer to him by the waist, gazing at her adoringly. Then he looks up at you. You wanted to punch that invisible smirk that lays on his face. “Of course, I’ve wanted a family, long ago. Yet I was never given a chance.”
Your hands flinched at his words. You wanted to leave. You wanted to run into the restroom and vomit. This is making you want to cut your head off. Not listen to everything his mouth has to say. “But now, I could take the chance to be a part of this lovely family.”
That was your last strike, you went ahead and made a run for the restroom. Not minding the worried call of your mother or her friends. She was about to go and see if you were alright but got stopped by a woman calling out for her name. “Miss L/N sorry to interrupt but the boss calls for you and says it's important.”
Before she can utter a decline, Bucky stops her. “Honey, you should go. I’ll check on her.” She hesitated. But the thing is, she trusts Bucky enough to let him handle the situation. And that is something that she should cut away.
She nodded, pulling Bucky in for a hug as her gratitude. He wanted to roll his eyes for the least of not pushing her away, but someone is watching them. The girl in front of them is awed in adoration for the “love” that they both are showing. Bucky then pulls away, holding her by her shoulder. “Go, it must be something important.” He kisses her forehead with an artificial smile. She muttered another thank you before fully getting pulled by her Secretary.
Throwing the facade away, he turns to go and looks for someone that he has to make an effort. Everything. All of this is for her. Call it an obsession and infatuation but he needs her in his life. Everything was supposed to be perfect about him and you. On that day that you broke the contract between you, he was supposed to be on his knees, with an F/N ring box opened and a diamond ring sitting perfectly inside it as he asked you to be his girlfriend.
But no, you just have to ruin the surprise, don’t you? He begged you, he told you not to do what you just did yet here you are standing on your own feet telling him that it is for the better. It was never for the better on his side.
So yes, he has to go through all of this just for you. He doesn’t care if he hurts someone along the way, that being someone dear to you. However, he just doesn’t care. He wants you and what he wants always gets wrapped up around his fingers.
You were crying in the bathroom, the door locked as you feared someone would barge in. He will barge in. You were a mess. Tears scribbling down your face along with the mascara that you bought for this party, sobs that make you breathless, trying to calm your face down with some water, ruining your makeup more. But at this point, you don’t care. You want to go home. You want to lay in your bed and be in misery of how you let your mother be engaged to that man. How you shove it in your mind that it’s your fault to be even associated with that man.
It was only your cries and the water running can be heard. Until you hear the knocking door. You paced yourself into taking deep breaths in, trying to make yourself sound like you never cried before saying “Who is it?” No one answered. So you let them be, hoping that they just went away. As your legs are giving up on you already, you let them take over and drop to the floor. Then the door suddenly flew open.
You aborted and stood up instantly. Therefore the opened door shows someone who you would not want to see right now, not ever. “How in the hell-” your broken voice got cut off. “I have access to keys everywhere. You know that.”
Groans fell from your lips. You should have known that. You knew that you could have just left the party already. As you are about to step out and leave, he shuts the door and locks it, not even getting a chance to say anything before he lifts you by the waist and sets you on the counter. He held your mouth close, covered by his big and veiny hands.
“Listen,” he says. “You can stop all of this.” You were being held against moving or talking on your own. “You can leave with me. Be with me in another country. Leave this goddamn bullshit of life and be with me. Let everyone forget us. Choose this and all of this will stop. If you don't, well we have to go the long way now do we? So it’s in your hands to either make everything easier for all of us.”
You stopped squirming for a while from the tiredness and the fact that you can’t get out of his grip. He uncovered your mouth to let you speak but locked you in with his body so that you can’t go anywhere. You stared at him for a moment to see how mad he can be. Well, it was answered instantly. So mad.
Regardless of how you wanted your mother not to suffer, even though for sure if you left with him she will. You pledged to yourself to never walk in life with this man by your side. You spilt the words “No” sternly, pushing him away. As you were about to come down from the counter, he pushed you again, holding a tight clasp of your shoulders. “I should’ve known,” he smirks, that devilish smirk that is always his default. “You always wanted it the hard way.”
He pulls on your hair, causing a mewl to come out of you. He stared down at your throat like it was his meal and he has been starving for weeks. He watches carefully as he pulls your hair down more, your cleavage being pushed upon him. With his other hand, he pulls you more in him. Placing himself in between your legs as he likes it to be.
Lowering his head down, he attacks your sweet soft skin, leaving traces everywhere his lips go. Your hands battled to push him away but it was no use as he latched them behind you with one hand. He continues to starve for your chin, to your neck then to your collarbone where you flawlessly sat there ready for him as always.
The one holding your hair down pulled away as it grappled with one of your breasts and a soft groan was taken out of you. He trailed down to your cleavage, the hold on your wrists getting tighter and tighter as you tried to unrestraint them. He pulls away, staring at the masterpiece that he made by sucking on your cold skin. “S’perfect,” he groans, tearing your dress away from your body.
You gasped from the sudden coldness. He grabs your breasts again. He grumbled, frustrated at how there’s still something covering your precious breasts. His hand ripped your bra away from you and threw it somewhere in the room. You yelled at him, but it didn’t last long as you got interrupted by your very own moans from the way that Bucky gives your already hardened nipples a kitten lick as he watches the way that your face contorts.
His eyes glare right inside your soul as he does his magic with his tongue. The way that he fully takes in your nipples in his mouth, sucking on them for dear life. Watching you tremble in lack of want but need. Knowing that you finally calmed down he lets your hands go free. Not far enough, his other hand roamed around your body as it settled down on your thigh. His hand going up and down, daring your dress to move upwards to show more of your inner thigh.
Your breath hitched when he harshly cupped your clothed cunt, hardly gasping for air as he rubs your folds with his index finger. “Tell me to stop and I’ll fucking stop,” he murmurs into your ear, shivering from his cold breath that hits your neck. With your panties still guarding your mound with his finger, he pushes his finger in, a small moan leaving your lips as the harsh cloth of the fabric comes in contact with your walls.
You want to tell him to stop. That this is wrong. But god do you miss this. The overwhelming feeling of both his finger and his kisses on your naked shoulder. He’s getting married to your mom but that doesn’t seem to help the situation you are in.
“Yah Don't want to, right? Y’want me, admit it. M’not the only one suffering all these months.” You whimpered as he pulled away, a smirk being evident on his face. He ripped your panties and threw them to god knows where along with the remains of your dress. The worry of having to go home naked was pushed aside and he slowly kneels in front of you.
You shouldn’t want this. But help everyone, you need this. He pushes your legs away from each other more as he comes face to face with your cunt. Bucky moves his arms below your thighs and pushes them closer to him. “Such perfect little pussy. Tight and all wet for its daddy.” You inhaled deeply when he went in for your sloppy cunt. His tongue overlapped in every corner that he could take. Slushy noises echoed throughout the restroom as you covered your mouth with your eyes rolling back in your head.
His finger went in contact with your folds once again, spreading your juices out to make you seem messier. Bucky smirked devilishly when he saw you throwing your head back by just putting one of his fingers in. His tongue moves to your bud, licking the red and sensitive nub over time as his finger mercilessly thrust in you.
Countlessly plunging into your slopping cunt, he added another finger. It makes you jolt over back to the mirror behind you. Coming into contact with the mirror only pleases you more down there accidentally. “Miss this,” he groans. “I miss this pussy s’much. I miss your juices, baby. Daddy misses them so much.” A choked scream cuts him off when he adds a third finger to you, slamming them in and out of you without giving you time to breathe.
“Think you can give daddy what he wants, hmm?” His hum went straight into your cunt, a tight knot you felt being tangled. “Give daddy a taste of his favourite?” He continues to shove his fingers in you as you arched your back over the counter.
A high pitched moan surrounds the room as you feel yourself gush over his fingers. A sensational feeling takes over your body as he goes on to penetrate you with his fingers, cleaning you out by sucking your white sticky juices with his tongue. His groans as he sucks you dry didn’t help the dominating ecstasy coursing throughout your body.
Bucky did not stop until he knew he got the last drop and you were shaking from being sensitive. When he pulled away, his hair was already all over the place, a little cum dripping from the side of his chin. He swipes it with his thumb and sucks on it whilst he is staring back at your eyes.
He drops down to your barely shaking body and kisses your forehead. “S’good right?” He growls when a minute later you don't answer. You were ignoring him. He fisted your hair and yanked it harshly, watching as you hisses in pain. “You never learn, do you? Ungrateful brat,” he spat, grabbing your chin and opening your mouth.
He degrades you in a way of spitting straight into your mouth. Your legs quivered as you started to cream again down there, his demeaning move startling your body. “Gave you a chance to be treated like a fucking princess.” He slams his hand down on your thigh which causes a pitched noise reverberating around the golden lighted restroom.
“Want to act like a bitch, then you get treated like a bitch.”
“So if you act like an asshole I’ll treat you like an asshole.”
His eyebrows irk at your response. You glared at him, knowing fully that he hates it when you talk back. He pulls you by the back of your neck, pulling you off the counter and turning you around to face the mirror. You’re a mess. His fucking mess.
“Getting brave now, are we? Such a mouth for a slut huh?” You heard him unbuckling his belt and pants as his other hand still pulls on your hair. “I’m the slut? Who’s the one begging me to stay with him? Who’s the one asking for sex with the daughter of his fiancé?”
A loud gasp cuts you off from continuing the mockery. His hand left a red-hued mark on your ass. “S’not like your fault?” He pushes your head down on the cold counter where you sat earlier. Kneading your ass as he spanks you one more time before he grabs his cock in his hand and spreads the precum leaving his tip. “Going out in dresses like these. Running around the house with shorts as if you were teasing me.” A wild moan left your lips when he thrusts into you hard and in one go.
He didn’t let you get used to his size as he thinks that you don’t deserve it and has been a bitch ever since. He crashes his hips into you, not giving a fuck if anyone was standing right outside the door and listening. He holds a grip on your waist, using it to slam your body down on him.
You were a crying mess. You never knew that he could grow much bigger than in the last months. His girth drags heavily into your walls and the tip of his cock reaches that sweet spot that he memorises making you moan louder than you want it to be.
He pulls you up to his body by the arm, his right arm embracing your waist as the other finds its way up to your throat, choking you along the way. “Look at yourself,” he says, staring at the reflection of the both of you.
“Made perfectly to take my cock so well.” Your eyes drifted in front of you to see an erotic scene getting made by the two of you. You wanted to think how your mother would react if she saw this. But you were pushed so hard into oblivion that you don’t care as of now. Heavy gasps left your lips when you felt him push on your lower stomach where his bulge keeps showing.
“You like that don’t you? You like it when I push down here.” He pushes on it once again, throwing your head back to rest it on his shoulder. “Like it when I touch my cock from inside of you.” He thrusts his length so hard that it pushes more on your stomach, exhibiting a huge bulge laying there.
Tears started to spill from your eyes from the irresistible pleasure that his cock brings and from the betrayal that you gave your mother. Of how your mother must be crying over the happiness that she will get married whilst you’re in a public restroom, getting manhandled by his soon to be husband.
“Such a perfect whore for daddy’s cock- fuck. A perfect masterpiece for me to use whenever I want to. And no one- oh shit. Get to have you like this.”
Bucky fully pulls out before slamming back into you, causing you to scream out in pleasure. “You’re squeezing me, darling.”
“Please, please, please, please!”
He laughs at your pathetic pleads for the upcoming orgasm. He knows he should be punishing you right now but can’t help but miss the way that your walls tightened around him, signalling him that you’re close.
“Go on, do it. Let go f’me you cumdump of a slut. Show me how much you missed me.”
An erotic scream flew by your lips as he continues to slam his cock further into you. The jailed up spasm in your stomach is finally set free and bursts on his still moving dick. He moans, dropping his head on your shoulder, trying to chase your orgasm.
Your body shakes at the feeling of sensitivity but as Bucky states, he doesn’t care. He’ll do as he pleases and that’s to have himself cum in you.
“I’m going to fill you up so bad.”
As he says that, a groan was heard from him and another moan left you as he cascaded his streams of seeds into you. The warm feeling of his cum flooded your walls as he stayed still for a few moments. When he finally decided to pull out, you whimpered at the loss of his touch but whined at the trickling mix of cum leaving your cunt.
Bucky turned you around, sitting you down once again on the counter. Both are relentless for breath, he leans his forehead with yours as his breath hits your nose. He tucks the hair that was falling on your face behind your ear. He holds your face dearly with both of his hands and kisses your head lovingly.
“Don’t think that this will be the last.”
He lets you lean forward to him, stroking your head dearly as tears finally burst out of your eyes. You regretted this. You feel sorry for your mom. You want to just kill the man in front of you and then kill yourself. You feel remorseful for doing this. For letting him do this.
Bucky wasn’t. He only cared about you. Whether it’s a family or not, he doesn’t care. He wants you and he gets what he wants. No matter what road he has to take.
“It’ll all be easier if you just accept. Yet you want it the other way around.” He jerks away and faces you to see him. Eyes red from crying and face blank from not feeling anything but guilt.
“Sorry honey, two can play at this game.”
Requests are open! Ask me or request me to do anything and I mean anything. 🥰🥀💙
warnings: morally grey characters, character death, MCU level violence, diverts from MCU canon, MoM spoilers, trauma, PTSD
summary: y/n goes deeper into her mind as everything collapses around her and things reach an end.
Steve stared at her almost in horror; a both familiar yet strange feeling as if he no longer knew the woman who stood in front of him. Yet, he recognised he didn’t really knew her or had attempted to know her. For the longest time, she was merely the younger sister of Wanda Maximoff, the one who’d fight only if necessary, an almost ghost like figure who was always in the background yet no one saw. After Bucharest, she became Bucky’s girlfriend and he guessed after that he just didn’t have much interest in her. She was close to Bucky, she’d always been close to him and looking in retrospect, perhaps he should’ve asked her questions - should’ve cared for the woman who’d left her country behind to help them out and the woman who went against everything new she knew merely to protect his best friend. However, she looked anything but innocent right now. There was ... disillusionment behind her, misdirected anger and he merely stayed there, watching her, fully aware she was a ticking time bomb merely waiting to explode at any single moment.
- You’ll hurt people.
- I am not gonna hurt anyone besides if I do they had it coming. You don’t even know half the stuff he went through when we were together. - she stepped towards him, her eyes glowing red as if taunting him. - We couldn’t walk down a park or go for lunch without someone calling him a killer.
- I know.
- No, you didn’t. You don’t know what’s it like having the whole world hate you, no one ever hates Captain America. Captain America can do no wrong, the Winter Soldier on the other hand ... - she turned around.
- I understand you’re angry. You’ve had to sacrifice too many loved ones but if you help us ...
- You do not understand. - she turned her head towards him. - You just don’t understand. You’ve always been on the right side of history while the rest of us merely had to survive and he ... he loved me. We were gonna start our lives.
- A lot of people lost their loved ones ...
- How come I’ve been losing my loved ones ever since I met you? I’m all alone, my parents are dead, my brother’s dead and my sister and Bucky disappeared into thin air. I couldn’t even say goodbye.
- I know you’re in pain but if you could help ...
- Help? - her hands stood over one another in front of her chest, a red sphere of force forming between them. - I will help myself, Rogers. Right now, you’re trespassing and I want you out of my home.
Before he could even react to anything, the force she had been created, pushed him out the door and into the street, far enough he couldn’t collect where he was. Y/N merely reenforced the barriers around her home, going back to her bedroom. She knew she could help herself but a few hints wouldn’t hurt; hints which could only be given by someone no longer in her own universe.
She opened the Darkhold, an almost hypnotic voice calling out to her, lulling her to read further but she could care less about a mythical beings ramblings. She could care less about prophecies and voices which inundated her mind whenever she opened the book. All she wanted was to help Bucky, to get him back. This time it was much easier to take hold of her doppelgänger, perhaps a result of sleeping and thus lack of strength to fight over it. It didn’t matter and while her eyes fanned over Bucky who slept next to her, she had a job to do.
She walked down the streets, her jacket covering her nightwear as she made an arrival to the place she needed to be at and as she opened the doors, she didn’t allow the person who lived there to make a word as she immediately took control over him. Pacing around as if it was nothing. Funny, in her universe it would’ve been much easier to trap Dr. Strange himself.
- I’m guessing you are not our Y/N. - he spoke calmly as if the woman in front of him couldn’t easily kill him if she wished to.
- What gave it away? - she taunted him. - I don’t want to hurt you.
- I need to bring someone back, I ... I need to be here. Other universes, there has to be other universe where he’s alone and needs me. I need him.
Strange merely looked at her with pity and almost deja vu as if he’d seen this before, as if he experienced it before, yet was none the wiser to give her an answer. She needed an answer, she needed ... she needed her family back.
- You can’t. - he spoke. - There is no way you could bring him back yourself or even move between universes. What’s done is done and what’s dead is dead.
- He’s not dead. - she tweaked her hand, sending the doctor straight onto the ground but still remaining control over him. - My sister’s not dead. They were taken away from me, I’m just trying to bring them back so they can live.
- And is this your grand plan? Dream walking using a version of you who has a family? Stealing her from them?
- It is merely temporary.
- You are causing him the same pain you’re feeling in your own reality. You’re merely gonna keep caging Y/N in her own mind trying to figure out something you can’t do. You can’t have him back. There is nothing you can do.
She wanted to harm him, wanted to kill someone for the very first time, yet she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead, the red lights dimmed as she disappeared from there, reappearing in the house she wished was hers, in the reality she wished was heres. There had to be something she could do, there had to be something she could try. There was nothing she could do. She’d failed him, she’d failed her sister - just like she’d failed her brother and her parents before. She was alone and the pain in her chest only grew bigger.
- Y/N? - she turned around in her living room, her eyes looking up the staircase which Bucky was coming down from with sleep ridden eyes. - Y/N, are you okay?
She wasn’t able to say anything, merely looking at him, wanting to use whatever time she had left here to look at him so he wouldn’t disappear from her memory, so he’d never be truly gone. Bucky inspected her as he came down the stairs.
- You’re not my Y/N, are you? - she nodded her head no. Of course only Bucky Barnes would notice the smallest inconsistencies between the two versions of her. - Is she safe?
- She is.
- She said she felt you before. - he remained far from her, his eyes lingering between his possessed wife and the bedroom of his daughter upstairs. - She knew you were gonna come back.
- I’m not here to hurt you or her. I’m merely trying to get my family back.
- By stealing mine?
- I’m not stealing anything, I don’t wanna hurt anyone, I’m not a bad person.
- Please. - he pleaded with her. - She has a daughter, she has a life.
She starred at the panel of images in front of her, the sound of the narrator talking through what was known of the Howling Commandos. Bucky had always liked the Smithsonian, he’d even taken her here, breaking in while it was closed to show her what his former life was like. He always had this longing to show her what his former life was like as if he wanted to shield her from the horrors he’d done; but she never minded. She loved him, all of him, and now this was the only way she could see him - in museum photos and videos.
- A bit far from Brooklyn. - the star spangled man sat next to her but she didn’t recognise him, merely staring at the photos, videos and the replica of his very last Howling Commandos outfit. - When the Smithsonian called about a crazy woman stopping them from removing a collection, I knew it was you.
- Are you here to stop me?
- No. - he sighed, turning his head towards her. - I think Bucky deserves to remain here. He deserves to be celebrated.
- These people ... - she looked around the glass walls of the museum, her knees buckling against her chest. - They don’t know how cruel HYDRA really was.
- Y/N ...
- I know you don’t trust me. You think me and my siblings willingly became HYDRA’s radicalised puppets but we had no choice. Our parents were dead, we had nowhere to go ... they said we’d only be testing some treatments, they were offering housing and food. We had no choice once we were there. I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like for Bucky who loved his people so much to be stolen of his identity. Yet, all these people think that he’s a villain. No one ever apologised for not trying to retrieve him. Even if he had been dead, they didn’t even try to retrieve his body for a proper burial. He could’ve been saved.
Steve agreed with her. Suddenly and for the first time, he could actually agree with her, he could feel what she was feeling because he’d felt it before. He’d felt it before and he knew within him he would’ve done anything to fix it.
- I can’t even bring him back. - she said those words, however the mere sound of them made her feel sick. - I failed him and my sister.
- I should’ve never asked you and him to fight. - he sighed. - I always thought that having power meant you had a responsibility to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves. I forgot you and him needed protection too.
- I didn’t tell him I loved him. I just wanted him to have known I loved him before ... before he was taken away.
- He knew. - he put his hand on her back. - We are trying something and while I don’t want you to get your hopes up, if it works, there’s gonna be a fight.
- If it does work and there is a fight then I’ll be there.
She woke up from yet another look into a happier universe; yet this time, it wasn’t the fact she could no longer stay there but that screaming and other noise was coming from the street. She jumped out of bed and rushed over to the window as various people were reappearing on the street. Her brain short circuited for a while as she kept seeing people meet up with their loved ones and the sounds of cars and other street noises.
- Bucky ... - she mumbled as her costume replaced her clothes and she herself left the flat.
As she approached the Avengers HQ or what was left over of it. Her eyes widened in horror as she landed right in the middle of the battle and before she could even process everything, she was already being attacked. Her hands moved up and down, as she moved things away from her. All she could think of was finding Bucky and Wanda. Everything went too fast, too fast and then suddenly everything came to a stop. A grieving silence settled in the destroyed field as everyone took a bow. Her heart raced as she bowed, her mind wondering what had happened. She knew someone had passed and all she hoped for was that her sister and Bucky were safe. As the crowd dispersed she began looking for them, running around and yelling out.
- Y/N! - she heard her sister’s voice and her face turned to see her. They ran towards each other, enveloping in a hug. - You’re alright. Are you alright? Are you okay?
- I’m okay.
- What happened?
- Stark, he ... - she didn’t need to finish as Y/N looked to the side and saw it. Her eyes met Steve’s, a look which both of them had become familiar with; pure loss. - You have a cut on your forehead.
- I need to find Bucky.
Her sister nodded, understanding why she needed to be with her lover now. She continued to run towards the field, looking through the dusts and various people she didn’t recognise until she finally saw him in the distance. Her heart seemed to stop and rush at the same time as she realised he was there, her Bucky was there. He was real and she couldn’t run faster to him, her arms wrapping around him as suddenly all the memories she had of touching him no longer mattered because he was here. Bucky himself melted in her embrace, his hands combing through her hair.
- Are you okay? - he broke the embrace to look at her, his eyes scanning all the bruises and cuts on exposed skin, noticing the darker finger tips. - What happened to your fingers.
- It doesn’t matter. - her hand held his, the other one cupping his face. - You’re really here.
- Don’t cry, little witch. - his thumb soaked the tears that were threatening to escape her eyes. - It’s okay, it’s over. We’re okay.
- You were gone for so long, I thought ... I felt so alone. You were gone and Wanda was gone.
- You’re not alone anymore. I’m not leaving. - he leaned her forehead against hers. - Besides, where am I going to find someone who looks so good in a headpiece?
- Buck ... - she rolled her eyes playfully. - Let’s go home.
She smiled at him, all her worries seemingly disappearing as she held her Bucky’s hand. She felt selfish, selfish she was happy when everyone was suffering - after all she’d gotten it all back while her sister had lost the one she loved.
- Y/N. - she heard her name being called out as she was walking away. She looked at Bucky, mumbling she’d be back before she walked towards the one who’d called her. Strange. - I know what you’ve done.
- You’ve been back for what? 10 minutes and you already know?
- You toyed with chaos magic, Y/N. It’s dangerous.
- I am chaos magic. Perhaps you mean I toyed with the Darkhold in which case you may be correct.
- The Darkhold is corrupting to the soul.
- So is this universe. - she cocked her side to the side. - But perhaps you’re still unaware of that.
- I hope you know that two Scarlet Witches cannot co-exist at the same time.
- Don’t worry. - she smirked. - I’ll ensure my sister does not go through the emotional damage necessary to turn her into the Scarlet Witch.
- If you put this universe in danger, Y/N, I’ll be forced to stop you.
She almost chuckled, walking away from him but not before turning around and giving him a smile, a circle of red glowing around her irises.
- I’d like to see you try.
Y/N walked back to Bucky, her smile returning but Bucky knew there was mischievousness behind them.
- Do I wanna know?
- We may need to break into a government facility to release Vision.
- We may?
- I will but you can tag along if you want to.
- Little witch, do you think I’d let you have all the fun for yourself?
H, friends! I was working on this fic and then got a message from @the-kestrels-feather asking for almost this exact story??? Tbh our brains are linked. They requested a non-binary reader, which I’ve never written before! So I’m a little nervous, but I did my best. :)
If you like my writing do me a favor and throw me a reblog 🥰
Bucky’s head lay heavy on your chest, his mind finally quieting enough to let him fall asleep. His calm, rhythmic breathing brought a smile to your face as you gently tangled your fingers through his long locks. Knowing Bucky was getting the rest he needed always made you happier, made you worry just a little bit less.
The close friendship you’d developed with him was unexpected to say the least. You thought back on how everyone warned you about Bucky when you when you joined the team and moved into the compound. They said he was quiet, cold, aloof- and you’d prepared for him to ignore you completely. But he surprised you.
Things between the two of you started cautiously. You treated Bucky like a skittish stray cat, waiting for him to come to you at his own pace- and if he never came around, you’d understand.
But when he found you in the compound’s kitchen baking cookies in the middle of the night, he couldn’t stop himself from being drawn in by your gentleness.
-----One Year Ago-----
Bucky’s deep voice startled you, forcing your heartrate into overdrive. He noticed the way you jumped and the wide eyes that betrayed your fear. He wasn’t sure if you simply didn’t expect company at 3am, or if you were afraid of who he used to be.
“Oh, sorry. I- I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just…” Bucky made his way to the cupboard and retrieved his favorite tea, “want a cup?”
With a simple nod, you accepted Bucky’s offer.
“I know this probably looks strange”, you motioned to the massive bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough resting on the counter and the mess that surrounded it, “but I’m not like, a weirdo or anything. I don’t always make cookies in the middle of the night”. Bucky gave you a simple nod, unsure of what to say.
“It’s just- I bake when I’m stressed. And I’m not used to living here yet…I kinda feel like a fish out of water, you know?” Bucky was all too familiar with the feeling of not fitting in, and still felt like an outsider after years of working with the team. “My anxiety won’t let me fall asleep, so...here I am,” you grabbed a fresh cookie from the cooling rack and extended it to Bucky, “wanna try one?”
He eyed the treat for a long moment before finally accepting. A smile instantly spread across his face as he chewed, and he couldn’t stop himself from shoving the rest of the cookie in his mouth. “These are really good”, he said with his mouth full, “thank you”.
Without hesitation, you grabbed the cooling rack and extended it to him, “have as many as you want, Sergeant Barnes. Er, James…? Bucky?” Embarrassment colored your cheeks a bright scarlet, “I’m sorry- I just realized that we haven’t spoken yet. I don’t know what to call you…”
Bucky let loose quiet laugh, “it’s alright. Um, Bucky. Bucky is fine”.
He extended his vibranium hand to give you a proper shake, but quickly withdrew and replaced it with his other one. An apologetic look filled his eyes and he looked away, embarrassed. He couldn't believe he'd slipped up so severely, offering you the one thing about him that scared almost everyone he knew.
Just then, the tea kettle began to sing, making both of you jump. Bucky quickly removed it from the heat and prepared his tea and yours, offering you the cup with a cautious smile.
An overwhelming need to remain in your presence tugged at him, but his trusty anxiety wanted nothing more than to make him scurry upstairs and hide from you. He opened his mouth to wish you goodnight before heading back to his room, but you didn’t give him the chance.
“Hey, wanna help me finish with these?” you offered him a cookie scoop and raised a brow at him, “it’ll be fun, I promise. And you can eat all the dough you want. Deal?”
He couldn’t believe how genuinely happy he was, how comfortable you made him feel. Spending this beautifully innocent moment together helped Bucky forget the night terror that had woken him not half an hour ago. And suddenly, he found himself opening up to you. It was only the tiny things- his birthday, where he grew up, his favorite book- but it was more than he’d told anyone in decades.
After that night, you and Bucky slowly became inseparable. Something about you felt safe to him, felt like home. He was warmer around you, his sharp scowl melting into a tentative smile. He didn’t know how to describe it, but Bucky felt drawn to you. There was something about your warm smile and kind eyes that welcomed him in immediately, and he found himself desperate to spend time with you. He wanted to see with you whenever possible, and you returned the feeling tenfold.
Bucky had a quiet energy that set you at ease. While the world saw him as the cold, ruthless killer who’d carried out countless murders as the Winter Soldier, you saw him as the sweet, shy man who helped you make cookies at 3am. Bucky made you feel heard, made you feel seen. He quietly observed, picking up on tiny details that others would’ve missed. In seemingly no time at all, he’d identified all of your nervous habits, and knew exactly when to ask if you were okay.
And after Bucky knew for certain that he was safe with you, he opened up. He unlocked the vault in his mind that held every gory, gruesome detail of his time at Hydra and let you rifle through his memories. But you never pushed him. The two of you talked through his decades as the Winter Soldier at his pace, and when it grew to be too much, you were there to bring him back to the present. You had a way of grounding Bucky that made him feel more present than he had in years, saving him from the spirals and rabbit holes that often held him hostage.
It became glaringly obvious to you that Bucky had been suffering in silence ever since joining the team, opting to keep his pain to himself rather than trust someone with his secrets. But things were different with you. He couldn’t believe how easy it was to trust you, to let his guard down and be completely and utterly vulnerable.
After you took his hand the first time, Bucky realized just what he’d been missing out on. He hadn’t been aware of how desperately he needed human touch, how safe the affection of another person could make him feel.
It was this physical comfort that saved him from his nightmares night after night, bringing him peace he hadn’t realized he’d been missing. Before getting close with you, Bucky dealt with them alone. He’d eventually scream himself awake, his heart pounding in his chest while cold sweat dripped from his brow. You’d heard him every night since moving in, but only when you knew he felt safe enough with you did venture into his room.
-----Nine Months Ago-----
As they did every night, Bucky's tortured screams startled you awake. All you knew was that he needed help, and you weren’t going to let him go without it. Reflexively, you ran from your room and burst through his door, anxious to rescue Bucky from his demons.
His strong form thrashed beneath his sheets, cold sweat dampening his forehead. His screams were full of a tortured anguish you’d never experienced before, and the sound of his cries sent shivers down your spine. With a quick flip of a switch, you turned on the lamp by Bucky’s bedside, filling the room with a soft glow. Your gentle hands rested against his shoulders, adding only a tiny fraction of pressure as you called out to him.
“Bucky. Bucky, hey. Wake up. You’re okay-”.
Suddenly, Bucky’s eyes flew open. They were glassy with tears and wide with fear as he stared at you, unbridled alarm still coursing through his veins. His chest rose and fell at an increasingly fast rate, and he did his best to orient himself, but couldn’t seem to get his head on straight.
“Buck…” you reached for his hand slowly and took it in yours, grounding him in the present moment, “you’re okay- it’s me. You’re safe. It was just a nightmare.”
With that, Bucky slowly let his muscles relax. He stared down at his hand resting in yours, relishing in the sensation of your warmth. Just like that, he felt safe. He leaned forward until his forehead rested upon your shoulder, mumbling a quiet “thank you” as he tried to catch his breath.
“Want me to stay with you a while?”
Bucky nodded almost immediately.
“Then I’ll stay,” you gave his hand a squeeze, “I’ll sit here for as long as you need”.
But Bucky didn’t want you to just sit at his bedside. “Do you, uh…” he lifted the covers and invited you into his bed- something he hadn’t done since the 40’s. “Would it be better for you to lay down? It’s the middle of the night…I’m sure you’re tired”. You gave him a pointed look, silently asking if he was sure, and he delivered a confident nod.
With you under the sheets next to him, Bucky felt like he was home. But his demons still clawed at the corners of his mind, chipping away at the sense of peace you brought him. They thrashed and screamed behind the protective walls your presence built, desperate to break free and tear Bucky to shreds.
He wanted to ask you to hold him, to wrap your arms around him and keep him safe, but he never wanted to make you uncomfortable. He opted to simply hold your hand, squeezing it every few seconds to bring himself back to the present.
“Do you- Is there anything else I can do?” you looked over at Bucky and clocked his tense jaw, “If you just need a hand to hold, I’m more than happy to help. But…do you need, like, a hug? Do you want me to- to maybe hold you for a while? Or is that too much for you?” Relief flooded Bucky’s expression as you read his mind, “it’s not too much. Are you sure you don’t mind?”
With your arms spread wide, you welcomed Bucky into your embrace. His head lay nestled against your neck while your arms wrapped tightly around his broad shoulders, protecting him from the outside world. An almost imperceptible shaking rattled his entire body, the adrenaline still ravaging him from the inside. The shaking stopped, however, when your gentle words and soft touch guided Bucky back to a restful sleep.
And so began the nightly routine. Every night you’d fall asleep in your room, only to be woken by Bucky’s screams. And just like that, you’d rush to his side and provide him with the comfort and safety he needed. The two of you would always fall asleep together after that, waking every morning tangled in each other’s embrace. You did your best to convince yourself that, if you went to bed in your room first, sleeping in Bucky’s bed for the second half of the night was completely innocent. But not even you believed that lie.
The two of you held great affection for each other, and no one had ever made you feel the way Bucky did- but you couldn’t tell him that. He was always overly grateful for everything you did for him, but he had no idea what he did for you every day. He was so kind, so empathetic, so understanding. He just wanted to be there for you, to make you smile when you were down. Bucky knew exactly how to make you laugh. And when you needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there. His arms felt like home, like nothing could hurt you if he was holding you. He knew everything about you and accepted you for exactly who you were, just as you did for him.
But Bucky had a hard time understanding how you could actually be okay with his scars, both mental and physical. And so he opted to keep the physical scars under wraps. He never let you see the damage Hydra did to his body, never let you get even a glimpse of his abused form.
The first time you laid eyes on the reminders of his past, it was completely by accident. Bucky kicked himself for not being careful enough, not shielding you from his ‘disgusting’ deformations- but it only brough the two of you closer.
-----Six Months Ago-----
With your duffel bag slung over your shoulder, you stepped inside the quinjet and thanked the universe that your mission was finally over. But just as you entered the cabin, Bucky’s deep blue eyes met yours in a look of terror. He stood a few feet away, almost hidden in the back of the jet, his top half completely bare. His insecurities screamed at him, begged him to put his tactical vest back on and obscure the gruesome evidence of his past- but he couldn’t move.
He was completely and utterly frozen with shame, his scars on full display.
To Bucky, they were hideous. The raised, uneven skin that told the story of his time at Hydra disgusted him more each day. Evidence of bullet wounds and knives taken to the torso littered his upper half, illustrating just how hard his life was as the Winter Solider. Bucky’s eyes flicked down momentarily, eyeing the biggest scar of the bunch. It ran the entire expanse of his shoulder, tightly hugging the seam of his vibranium arm.
It was gnarly and jagged, knotted and deep.
Bucky watched you and waited for you to react with horror- maybe even gag- but you remained silent. Your eyes flicked slowly over his abdomen as you took in each and every mark that made Bucky who he was. And when your gaze finally landed on the long scar that fused flesh to metal, he cringed.
With cautious steps, you closed the gap between the two of you. Tension buzzed in the air as Bucky’s stomach tied itself in knots, and he was certain the anxiety of it all would make him throw up. He knew you were kind and understanding, but the proof of his Hydra days was enough to make even the nicest person uncomfortable. It was almost too easy for Bucky to convince himself that the mere sight of his scars would leave your friendship dead in the water, but he was wrong.
You cautiously reached out a hand in the direction of his chest, stopping a few inches from the surface of his skin. Bucky wanted to say no, to reject your gesture- but the deep seeded need for comfort won his internal debate. He needed the gentle touch, the warmth of your hand, the peace brought on by physical connection with someone he cared about.
Unable to speak, Bucky nodded.
The pads of your fingers met his skin lightly at first, eliciting a quiet gasp from his chest. The sound filled you with regret and you almost moved your hand away completely, fearing you’d taken things a step too far.
But Bucky didn’t want you to stop.
He couldn’t believe how good it felt, allowing someone to gently touch the abused parts of himself. He’d known only excessive force for decades, and never imagined he’d experience gentleness again. But the way your hand gently ghosted along his skin gave him goosebumps. Your very touch left warmth in its wake and broke down the thick wall Bucky had built to protect himself. A deep, primal sigh of relief left his lips as you added your other hand into the mix, allowing it to gently lay against his largest scar.
“Were you nervous about me seeing these?” you stared up into his eyes, recognizing the fraction of worry that remained in his expression.
Once, more Bucky gave you a nod.
“I know you’re a good person- I know that you wouldn’t judge me. But I just- I really don’t want you to see me differently”. He let out a huff as he stared down at his marred chest, “I know they’re…unpleasant to look at. They’re pretty disgusting. And I thought that if you saw them, you’d be scared. I was afraid you’d put distance between us- I don’t want that”.
One hand left Bucky’s chest and moved up to his face, resting gently against his cheek. He leaned into the gesture almost immediately, desperate for as much physical contact as possible.
“They’re not disgusting, Buck. They’re you. Everything about you- even the stuff you don’t like- makes you who you are”. Bucky’s eyes flicked toward the floor. “I don’t want you feeling like you have to hide part of yourself,” you let one finger drag lazily between a few smaller marks near his clavicle, “we should play connect the dots with them. Who knows- maybe they form something cool? Like a velociraptor. Or a pretzel”.
Bucky’s eyes rolled so far back in his head that you feared they’d get stuck there- but he couldn’t stop himself from laughing. His arms wrapped you in a bear hug and pulled you flush against his scarred chest, enveloping you in the warmth of his embrace. Your hands snaked up his spine, taking inventory of the scars that littered his back and shoulders.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed about the scars- or anything from your past. Especially not with me. Okay?”
With you around, Bucky felt like a new man. Your presence warmed him from the inside out and made the hollow feeling that he'd plagued him for decades a thing of the past. He still flinched every now and then- out of instinct- when you raised a hand to play with his hair or rub his shoulders. Seeing him wince preemptively broke your heart every time, but the instances of fear slowly became less frequent.
He never had to wonder if he was safe with you- he knew. He trusted you not to hurt him; something he couldn’t say about anyone else. His defenses lowered a bit more each time he spent time with you, each time he felt your gentle hands raking through his hair or rubbing the length of his spine. For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, he didn’t feel like he had to protect himself. With you lying next to him, there was no need for hypervigilance.
You seemed to erode his defenses over time, like the ocean wearing away at a jagged cliff. Only one of his many defense mechanisms remained in place, and he knew it was only a matter of time before he felt comfortable letting it go.
-----The Months Ago-----
Bucky had worn a pained expression all day, but wouldn’t give you a clue as to the cause. He sat through his debriefing, a team meeting, and dinner with Wanda and Sam, all while doing his best to hide his discomfort. But he couldn't hide it from you. You knew him too well, too intimately, to but the manufactured facade that covered his pain like a mask.
It wasn’t until the two of you were alone in his room that he finally came clean. He dropped down onto his bed, grimacing the second his body hit the mattress.
“Buck? Can you talk to me? You’re clearly in pain- what’s going on?” You joined him on the bed cautiously, careful not to shake or jostle him in any way. His stormy blue eyes stared up at you and he did his best to prop himself up on his metal elbow- but faltered almost instantly.
“It’s my arm…” he lifted the vibranium limb ever so slightly, wincing as he did so. The look of confusion you wore would’ve made Bucky laugh- if it weren’t for the agonizing pain. “It’s not the arm itself- I mean, the arm is what’s hurting me. It rubs against my scar sometimes. It digs into the skin and puts pressure on what’s left of my joint”. He fell quiet for a moment and let his eyes drift downward until he found the courage to speak up once again.
“Is it okay if I- would you mind if I take it off?”
You cocked your head to the side, “Buck, it’s your arm. You don’t have to ask me permission-”
“No, I know. I just mean…I actually think I'd feel okay not wearing it around you, like I don’t need it. I know I don’t have to protect myself. But I don’t want to make you feel weird.”
Your fingers ran slowly through his long hair, gently scratching at his scalp like you often did. “It won’t make me feel weird- I want you to be comfortable. If not wearing it will make you feel better, then I want you to take it off.”
A small smile crept across Bucky’s face. He sat up slowly, grimacing as his metal arm dug into his scar tissue. His right hand moved upward, ready to undo the mechanisms that locked his arm in place- and then he stopped. He shot you a look, silently asking if you were sure, and your reassuring smile was all he needed.
His fingers worked nimbly to detach the arm from his body, a deep sigh of relief escaping his lips when the heavy vibranium dropped onto the bed.
The reminders of his past- his arm, his scars- brought him both physical and mental pain on a daily basis. With your help, the voice in his head that called him a monster fell almost completely silent.
When he looked in the mirror and ran his eyes over the version of himself that Hydra created, he couldn’t help but feel a little more at peace. You slowly helped him accept that he’d never be the bright-eyed kid from Brooklyn he once was, and he was okay with that. Together, the two of you found a way to help him grow comfortable with the scars that littered his body and the weapon that served as his left arm.
But something nagged at him.
He’d grown to accept his new reality, but there was one thing left over from his time at Hydra that wasn’t permanent.
Bucky awoke suddenly, his head leaving its resting place on your chest.
“Buck? Hey, is everything okay?” you stared down at him, your hand still tangled in his long locks.
His intensity alarmed you. Only seconds ago, he'd been fast asleep without a care in the world- but a deep sense of urgency now set his eyes aflame. He quickly sat up and took a deep breath, the gears in his mind turning at an unmatched speed. He had a nervous energy buzzing around him that set you on edge. But just as you opened your mouth ask yet again what was wrong, he blurted out the reason for his unrest.
“I want to cut my hair.”
Admittedly, you hadn’t expected Bucky’s hair to be the cause of his sudden outburst. He’d taken you so off guard that all you could do was stare at him and simply repeat what he’d said.
“You…want to cut your hair?”
Bucky gave you a nod. “I’ve been thinking about it, and when I look in the mirror, I don’t look like me. I look like…him. I don't recognize myself. I can deal with the arm, and you’re making me feel better about the scars. I can’t change those things about myself- I’ll always have to have a replacement for my arm, and the scars aren’t going away, regardless of the serum. But the hair…it’s not me. I don’t…”
He swallowed hard, “I don’t want to look like the Winter Soldier anymore”.
All this time, you’d been so focused on helping Bucky find peace with the permanent side effects of his time at Hydra- but you hadn’t even considered the easiest fix. His long hair was a holdover from Hydra’s neglect, a sign of how little they cared about him. At no point did they think to give him the grooming he deserved, whether he was under cryo or fully alert. You thought maybe no one could get close enough to him while armed with scissors, but if they ordered him not to kill the barber, he’d obey. But you supposed that, just maybe, letting his hair grow was better than forcibly shaving his head and erasing even more of his identity.
“Of course, Buck. Let’s…” you reached for your phone and began searching the internet for barber shops in the area, “I’ll make you an appointment somewhere. We can-”
“I want you to do it.”
The phone slipped from your hand. Your eyes flicked up to meet Bucky’s but he didn’t crack a smile or give you a laugh- he was serious. “I’m not- I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to cut hair, Buck. I tried to give myself bangs once and the results were…disastrous”.
But Bucky didn’t care.
“Please? I trust you…" he ran a hand through his soon to be shorn locks, "I only trust you”.
And that was all the convincing you needed. It didn’t matter that it was the middle of the night; only moments later, you'd gathered clippers and a pair of scissors, ready to give Bucky a makeover. He watched you in the mirror as you took inventory of his long locks. Your gentle hands moved through his hair, weaving their way in and out while you decided on a plan of attack.
“Okay. Um…” your hands slid down and rested on his shoulders, “we’re gonna- I’m gonna start with the scissors and you know, make it shorter. And then just, like, clean it up with the clippers? I guess?”
Bucky chuckled at your nervous stammering. His cold hand snaked upward to meet one of yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze as your nerves bubbled over.
“It doesn’t have to be perfect- it doesn’t even have to be good. I just want to look like me.”
“Well, you’re gonna look like you, but with a shitty haircut”.
He eyed your hand as you reached for the scissors, a familiar sense of dread filling his chest when the sharp blades caught the light. His instincts wanted him to disarm you, to rip the scissors from your hands and prevent you from coming near him with the pointed metal. But he fought against the reflex. He did his best to remain calm, but his shaky breathing caught your attention. Slowly, you replaced the scissors on the bathroom counter.
“I know you’re not gonna hurt me…it’s just a reflex”, Bucky spoke with his head down, still trying to get a handle on his anxiety, “It's just- I see someone with what could be a weapon, and the training tries to take over automatically- no matter what”.
“That’s okay. Are you sure you want to do this? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. We can-”
“Yes. I’m sure. Please, I trust you”.
And so began the transformation.
Armed with a pair of scissors, you slowly moved in the direction of Bucky’s long hair. His shoulders tensed and his brow furrowed as the blades got closer, and it took everything in you not to tear up.
“You’re doing great, Buck. Take a deep breath for me, okay?”
He did as you asked- just as you made the first cut. Slowly and carefully, you cut away at Bucky’s soft locks. The tension in his jaw seemed to let up ever so slightly as your familiar hands weaved their way through his hair like they had so many times before.
He kept his head down and his eyes closed, forcing himself to keep his breathing steady as the scissors carved their way through his long strands. He was doing so well, staying so calm and still for you. It was only when you heard a quiet sniffle that you put the scissors down.
“Buck? Hey, what’s going on?” you knelt at his feet, your hands resting on his knees, “talk to me. Do you regret doing this? Cause we can stop. I’ll just-”
He raised his head for the first time since your started cutting and met your eyes with his tearful stare. “I’m fine- I’m better than fine. This is…these are good tears. I’ve been thinking about this for so long. I’m just- please, would you keep going?” He flashed you a small, reassuring smile that launched you back into action.
There were a few pauses here and there for you to watch YouTube tutorials and look up tips from experts. When you finished with the scissors, a deep sigh of relief left Bucky’s chest. He leaned his head back for a moment and rested it against your body, smiling to himself as your familiar warmth set him at ease. But the loud buzzing of the clippers set him on edge once again.
Even though you’d warned him of the incoming noise, a sharp flinch pulled his muscles into hard lines as the sound vibrated inside of his skull. You quickly shut the clippers off, reinstating the peaceful quiet. But Bucky didn’t want you to stop.
“It’s okay- I’m fine. You can turn them back on…” he said with his head bowed, “I need this”.
And so you turned the clippers back on, once again filling the small room with noise. Bucky flinched ever so slightly as the sound grew closer to his head, but found all the comfort he needed in your free hand resting against his shoulder. His metal hand reached up, laying atop yours and giving it a squeeze for an extra dose of security. this jaw remained tense as the clippers worked their way up and down his scalp, but your hand resting under his was all he needed. And when you were finally finished, his new style actually looked pretty decent.
“Um, okay. I’m done. Give it a look- tell me what you think…” you waited with bated breath for Bucky to finally give his new image peek. It took him a long moment for him to gather the courage to face himself; he’d been forced into change so many times, and now that it was on his own terms, it was somehow scarier. With a deep breath, Bucky faced the mirror.
More tears welled in his eyes and cascaded down his cheeks as he took in the final product. He couldn’t believe it- he actually recognized himself. Staring back at him wasn’t a tortured killer, it was the James Buchanan Barnes he used to know. He was quiet as he stared at himself in the mirror. His gaze never wavered, almost as though he feared that if he blinked or looked away, this version of him would cease to exist yet again. He slowly ran his hand through his short tresses, feeling more like himself than he had in years.
His quiet stare made you nervous. You didn’t want to ruin the moment, but you couldn’t stop yourself from piping up, “Do you like it? If not, I can go find one of the guys, maybe they can-”
“The last time I looked like this, I was following Steve onto a Hydra train…”
The room filled with an eerie silence as Bucky thought back on that fateful day. He swore he could still feel the ice cold wind whipping across his face, the sensation of falling without any hope of a safe landing. A small shiver crawled up his spine, and you feared he may lose himself in the violent flashback. But a sudden light in his eyes gave you hope.
Bucky quickly turned around and enveloped you in a hug so tight you saw stars. He whispered thanks into the crook of your neck over and over again as the weight of the moment overwhelmed him completely. The two of you remained locked in each other’s arms for a few long moments, breathing together as Bucky regained his composure. The emotion of it all was almost too much but, as always, your presence brought Bucky back to earth, back to the present.
“Thank you. I know I just said it like a hundred times but…” Bucky pulled away and ran a hand through his hair, “thank you for doing this for me”.
The two of you walked hand in hand back to bed, exhausted from the 3am catharsis. Bucky’s head rested against your sternum as your ran your hand through his hair, getting accustomed to the new cut. Bucky’s body begged him to sleep, but he resisted the pull of rest. He had things he needed to say to you that were far more important than rest- but couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact. Instead, his head remained on your chest, your heartbeat bringing him peace as he spoke.
“I can’t thank you enough. For everything. I never thought…I didn’t think I’d get to have someone like you in my life- someone so patient and kind and understanding. You’re just good. I hope you know how much you mean to me, how much I appreciate you. You changed my life. And I don’t know how much longer I have left, you know? But I’m glad I’ve gotten to spend even a little bit of my time on earth with you”.
And now it was you who couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. A few tears welled in your eyes and dripped down your cheeks, dampening your shirt. Bucky heard the uptick in your heartbeat as your emotions swelled, but didn’t point it out. He simply held you a little tighter, waiting until you were ready to speak- and even then, all you managed was a shaky “I’m always here for you, Buck.”
The two of you finally drifted off to sleep, your bodies tangled together in a safe embrace. For Bucky, getting close to you was never about anything other than being your friend. He didn’t open up to you in the kitchen that night because he suspected that you might’ve been able to help him wade through the dark waters of his past- from the very first smile you shot his way, he was hooked. It was a happy accident that being near you helped him learn how to trust again, to accept himself for who he was and who he could be.
And your goal was never to fix Bucky- he wasn’t broken. People joked about him being a problem to be solved or a question to be answered, but you simply saw him as a quiet, tormented man who didn’t deserve even a fraction of what he’d gone through. But when he started to thaw out, to grow comfortable with the idea of closeness with another human being, you realized just how good the two of you were for each other. Watching Bucky slowly rediscover who he was with you by his side felt like watching a chrysalis crack open at the beginning of spring.
➵ 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | Rebecca is ready to go to college, but Bucky isn’t sure he’s ready for her to leave.
➵ 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | dad!Bucky x reader (ft. Rebecca Barnes)
➵ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 2.3k
➵ 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | some sadness, mostly fluff and Bucky being the ultimate dad.
დ 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | დ 𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | დ 𝐤𝐨-𝐟𝐢
Bucky set down the final box- full of clothes, or was it bedding? He’d been bringing in so many unlabeled boxes, he wasn’t sure what was in the dorm and what was still in the car. Rebecca was a little scatterbrained- like him. She saw no point in labeling most things unless they were incredibly fragile, but she’d take that in herself to make sure they wouldn’t break.
He glanced over at his daughter, stacking up plates in her cabinet with you right next to her. Her new roommate hadn’t arrived yet, due to Rebecca wanting to be incredibly early. Her designated move-in time was 12, but all three of you had been sitting in the dorm parking lot since 11. Talking about how Rebecca wanted to decorate the dorm, her plans to take her roommate out to lunch to get to know her. Everything about college that she was so excited for. She’d turned into such a lovely young woman. A carbon copy of you- down to the way she acted. She was a spitting image, and he had you to thank for raising her to be the woman she is now. He had only a fraction to do with it- due to some unforeseen circumstances, you were with her from the very beginning. If he had the choice, he would’ve been there too.
Bucky insisted on carrying everything into the dorm, up the three flights of stairs (because he insisted it was much faster than the elevator) as you and Becca organized and decorated. His strength was slipping with age- back before the Snap, he would’ve been able to carry five- hell, six- boxes at once. Now, he couldn’t do more than three. Maybe he wanted to carry them all in to prove that he could still do it. But after a few trips, he found himself winded. It was worth it, though. Every time he walked through the door, though he was tired, he gave a smile at the sight of you and Rebecca decorating, listening to Rebecca talk about her classes. It was all worth it. The bond you two shared was one he adored more than anything in the world.
“Is that the last one?” you asked Bucky as he stretched, trying to alleviate the pain in his back. He nodded, gently pulling you closer to him so you’d wrap his arms around him. He loved being in your embrace, whether he was in pain or not.
“Dad, there’s a fancy grocery store just a couple miles from here!”
Bucky smiled at his daughter’s excitement, remembering the first time Rebecca called him dad. How much it meant to him, even though she was probably unaware of the weight it carried.
Rebecca had never referred to him by name. She never even called him Bucky or James. For the first two months after his return. Then suddenly, it happened.
You and Bucky had been making dessert, watching Bucky pile on the whipped cream. “Calm down, save some for the rest of us,” you joked.
He stopped briefly, looking you in the eyes before messily spraying the whipped cream in his mouth, half of it landing right on his upper lip. “Alright,” he said, “but before you make your dessert, can I have a kiss?”
“Bucky-” you scoffed.
“What? I was gone for five years, deprived of all the kisses you could’ve given me in that time. I’m just asking for one right now.” he said calmly, which made you laugh.
He leaned in closer, you worried the whipped cream would get on your face. You let out a squeal as you tried to escape, but it was too late. He kissed your cheeks, your mouth, your nose, leaving traces of the sweet cream all over your face. “I’m gonna strangle you!” you laughed, searching for a paper towel to clean yourself off.
“Then I’ll die a happy man,” he smiled, a whipped cream mustache still on his upper lip. He grabbed another paper towel to wipe it off.
A six-year-old Rebecca laughed, having witnessed the whole thing from the living room. “You and Daddy are so funny,” she said.
You didn’t realize it at first, but Bucky did. He noticed right away. He noticed because he’d been trying for ages to get Rebecca to call him that. She knew he was her dad, but for some reason she never said it. He’d been waiting, not wanting to pressure her into it but also growing a little needy. He remembered making breakfast for her one morning, simply asking, “Becca, who am I?”
She responded, “Mommy said that if I’m ever lost, I should say your name is James Buchanan Barnes,”
He suppressed a laugh- of course you taught her that. Of course it was important for her to know her father’s name in case she ever got lost- but a part of him knew that you also told her because anyone would be absolutely insane to think they could get away with letting anything bad happen to the Winter Soldier’s daughter. But still, he persisted. “I know, but who am I to you?”
Rebecca shrugged, “You and Mommy kiss sometimes, and you take care of me when she’s gone,”
Bucky smiled, “Yeah, and what does that make me?” he asked, pointing the spatula he was using to cook Becca’s pancakes at himself.
There was silence. The word was right there, why couldn’t Becca say it?
My dad. You’re my dad.
But when the silence lasted a little too long, he simply nodded understandingly, returning to the pan. “It’s okay. It’s alright.” he couldn’t tell if he was saying it to her or himself. He knew he would be hurting his own feelings by asking, so he didn’t push it any further.
So when she sat there, so happy to say it, he wanted nothing more than to fall to his knees and erupt in tears of happiness. But instead, he made his way over to his daughter, scooping her up in his arms and attacking her with kisses.
“Ahhh! Daddy stop! That tickles!” Rebecca laughed, your heart growing ten times bigger.
He’ll always look back on that day and smile- now here she was, such a gorgeous young woman. Though he still wished she was still that little girl, clinging onto his leg and eventually persuading him to read to her every night, even when she was old enough to read herself. Part of him still wished he could still wake her up in the morning and be the first person she saw through her sleepy eyes and messy hair. To make her breakfast and insist that the cereal she wanted was too sugary.
But then he’d be keeping her from being the woman she was now. She was so smart, wise beyond her years, and so kind. He was so proud of what she’d become.
Rebecca glanced over the dorm, then looked back up at her parents. “Well, I think I’ve got it from here.”
Bucky’s jaw nearly dropped. That’s it? Just like that, she wanted them to leave? He looked over at you. Your eyes said the same thing. You weren’t ready to say goodbye just yet, but he knew you’d never say it.
“You don’t want us to help you unpack? Or get lunch? I can drive to that grocery store if you want, you can get whatever you like-”
“James,” you said, your voice low. You grabbed his hand, “I think Becca is ready to be on her own.”
Rebecca nodded, an anticipating smile on her face. But something about it seemed off. If there was anyone he could read like a book, it was his own daughter. After all, she was half of him.
James thought it over for a second, nodding and deciding against the emotional goodbye he was planning. No- clearly Rebecca wasn’t as torn over leaving as he was. “Right,” he said. He just decided to rip the band-aid off. Say goodbye quickly and get to the car. Maybe then he’d shed a couple tears, but now clearly wasn’t the time. “Bye, kiddo.” He gave her a hug that was too quick, then turned away to shake off any emotion that might’ve shown on his face as you took your turn to say goodbye.
“I love you, and I’m so proud of you. Tell me all about your first day.” you said, pulling away after giving your daughter a light kiss on her temple.
“Bye, drive safe.” Rebecca said, waving as you and Bucky exited the dorm room. You and Bucky got one last look at your grown daughter, smiling and waving goodbye before you closed the door. It was eerily quiet in the hallway.
“And just like that, there were two.” you said, equally as shocked and heartbroken as Bucky. You grabbed onto his hand, sensing he needed your touch.
“I just can’t believe she just… kicked us out like that.” Bucky muttered as the two of you made your way to the elevator. The two of you walked slowly, hoping Rebecca would pop her head out one more time to say goodbye or even ask you a question. You were hoping for anything. But she didn’t.
“Our little girl is all grown up,” you said as the elevator door opened.
“God, I thought that was gonna kill me,” Bucky sighed. You rested your head on his shoulder.
As the doors slowly began to close, you caught a glimpse of a familiar young brunette leaving a dorm room.
“Dad! Mom!” Rebecca called, sounding like she was in distress. With his metal arm, Bucky stopped the door from closing and nearly ran to his daughter. You followed, not too far behind.
Tears were streaming down her face. Her beautiful skin was puffy, and she instinctively wrapped her arms around her father the second he was within arm’s reach. “I’m so scared, Daddy,” she sobbed, “I don’t want go grow up yet,”
Just when he thought the first goodbye wasn’t going to kill him- this happened. Bucky could feel his soul split in two at his daughter’s words. As if she didn’t already have a piece of him the second he first met her. Slowly over her life, she’d been taking pieces of him. He figured one day, he’d give her that final piece of his heart. She could do what she wanted with it- keep it locked away in a box, give it to any child she has over time like he did with her. Whatever she wanted to do with it, he didn’t care. Because Rebecca was his reason for getting up every morning. For living- for being. There was nothing in this world that could come close to the love he had for her. It was something he didn’t even know he was capable of feeling.
If this didn’t kill him, he wasn’t sure what would.
“It’s okay, Bug. I promise. You’re gonna do great things. You already make me so proud. I love you so much.”
“But what if something happens? What if I fail a class? Who’s going to tell me that I can’t have chocolate for breakfast or protect me from boys?”
“I’ll still do that, Bec, but you gotta learn to do things on your own. I promise you, if you’re anything like me- no, if you’re anything like your mom… doing things on your own will be a piece of cake.”
You smiled, wiping a few stray tears away at your husband’s words.
Rebecca nodded, eyes cheeks still stained with tears. “I love you, Dad.”
It was then that Bucky realized he was crying, too. “I love you more, Becca. Remember that book I used to read to you when you were little? I’ll love you forever…”
Rebecca nodded, “I’ll like you for always,” she continued.
“As long as I’m living, bug,” he added, wiping the lingering tears from his daughter’s face, “my baby you’ll be.” He kissed her forehead, bringing her in for one more hug. He hated not having that little baby girl anymore, but he was so excited for the Rebecca she was going to become. Majoring in finance, exploring new parts of the city, living on her own and becoming an adult. Even if she didn’t think she was, Bucky knew she was ready for everything to come.
After a few moments, Rebecca pulled away, much calmer. Bucky grabbed onto your hand, saying goodbye one final time before leaving the dorm room.
“She’s gonna make me so proud, hon.” Bucky said to you, hopping into the elevator once again. His eyes were slightly red. He sniffled a little as the elevator reached the lobby of the residence hall.
“So proud.” You repeated, squeezing Bucky’s hand and exiting the building. The two of you returned to the car, once filled with boxes and bags and was a vessel for your impromptu road trip karaoke session with Rebecca, was now quiet and empty.
You remembered the days when Rebecca’s attitude bit you, and mid-argument, you’d think to yourself about how much you couldn’t wait for her to go off to college. How you couldn’t wait for her to get out of your hair- but now that the day was finally here, you wished you could take all those thoughts back.
Because now she was gone, and everything felt different.
“I guess we just… go home now, right?” you asked. The car stayed off. The engine wasn’t running, the keys weren’t even in the ignition yet.
“I guess so,” Bucky said. As he was beginning to start the car, you both received notifications on your phones.
A text message from Becca, where she added both of you to a group message with her.
I’ll love you forever.
She added a heart emoticon. You looked up, noticing the sweet smile on Bucky’s face.
“That’s our girl,” you heard Bucky say.
She would have your heart forever, for always, and as long as you were living.
Warning : angst, anxiety, overthinking, bike/car accident
Tell me if I missed any!
Word count : 374
Author's note : A short one but I hope you'll like it! Please do not hesitate to tell me if I made some grammar mistakes (English isn't my first language).
You've been so tense lately, and he doesn't know why. But everytime he asks, you just say "I'm fine, just the exams at uni in a few weeks".
He wants to believe you, but he can't. A voice telling him that you're about to leave him. After all, he is older than you.
Maybe you want someone younger. Someone your age. Not someone who is over 100 years old. Someone who isn't a monster. Someone that isn't as broken as he is.
The voice keeps him awake that night.
You’re asleep next to him, your back facing him. Usually, you wait for him before sleeping. You love falling asleep in his arms, hearing his heart beating, his hand caressing your hair. But you haven’t done it for a month.
“She doesn’t love you anymore”, says the voice.
“She loves me. She is just worried about her exams.”
“Then why doesn’t she ask you to help her relax? Why doesn’t she ask for your help and support?”
“I always support her, I always will. She knows that.”
“She probably asked someone else. She isn’t even facing you while she sleeps. She doesn’t want you anymore.”
Tears roll down Bucky’s face. He doesn’t want to believe that. You’re his sunshine. He doesn’t want to lose you. He can barely breathe. The clock says 4AM. Carefully, he exits the bed, takes his backpack and leaves the apartment without a noise. He needs to think, to understand. He needs to know if he has done something wrong.
He is on his bike. Usually, it helps him clear his mine. But this time, it doesn't. It only reminds him of all the time he took you for a ride. You were always a bit scared, holding tight with your arms around him. He loved when you got more comfortable that you started screaming, saying it made you feel free. He made you feel free.
Now, Bucky can’t stop thinking that it won’t happen again. His mind is somewhere else and the tears blur his vision, making it difficult for him to see the car. He can’t avoid it. Or maybe he doesn’t want to.
One second, he is on his bike. A second later, he is on the floor.
-when you first met him, he was a grump. a real sour puss. when you were introduced to the avengers as the newest recruit, he kinda just did that up and down eyeing thing and grumbled
- steve was surprised he even showed up to that tbh
-you were really nervous around him at first (bc who wouldn't be). he sorta gave off this very on guard 24/7 aura, like if u stepped left instead of right he’d have a knife to your throat. so whenever you were near him, you were super quiet, keeping yourself as little as possible
-but he’d nod to you in acknowledgement when you walked in a room, or he’d tilt his head when he would stare at you from the corner, like he was trying to read you
- it eventually expanded into little waves in the hallways, or a little shy hello
-one time you were practising in the training room with knives and he came up behind you, fixing your stance and giving you a tip or two (steve walked in on this and his eyes literally fell out of their sockets)
-the two of you became acquaintances, both being rather quiet and timid. you noticed how’d he’d interact with other people, and then with you and it was very, very different. he’d often be almost rude to others, but for you… he had a soft spot.
-it expanded into you two training together or eating breakfast together while he read the morning paper (cause he's an old fart)
- whenever people teased you or anything, he’d defend you with his life. even if it was a joke. he’d snarl or grumble a response like “shut the fuck up n leave them alone”
- he was so protective of you. overly. even though at this point the two of you weren't “friends” yet. you noticed early on, he’d often stand in front of you if someone was near, or would always be in arms reach. on missions he’d always check in with you more than anyone else, covering you with his life.
-after a particularly rough mission the two of you were partnered on, you offered to fix up his wounds on the quinn jet. he politely declined, wanting to be alone as always but you insisted, and eventually he gave in. he was quiet the whole time, but you noticed how he’d lean into your touch, or even let out a little purr when you’d brush the warm water over the caked dirt and blood.
- things really shifted when you heard him screaming from his nightmares. you didn’t have a second thought as you ran to his room. you sat on the bed as he woke up crying, and at first he flinched for your touch. but your soft, gentle words brought him back to reality, and you stayed with him.
-you rubbed his back and played with his hair until he was about to pass out, but as you went to leave he grabbed your wrist and said “wait, please. stay.”
- it became common for you to come and help him with nightmares. you’d stay the whole night when he had them, falling asleep in awkward positions, like sitting up with his head in your lap from you playing with his hair
-he really warmed up to you. everyone noticed how he treated you, often teasing him. anyways the two of you became close, doing little things together like listening to records (his fav is ultraviolence by lana del rey) , stargazing on the roof, and you even tried teaching him how to bake a pie ( it did not go well)
-one time you went on a walk with him and there was a super loud noise so you grabbed his hand on instinct but he kept your hand in his the whole way home
- the two of you slowly realised you were falling in love with each other, and couldn't be just friends.
-sunshine and the storm is what your friends called you guys, as he truly only had a soft spot for you ( and steve)
- he calls you names like doll, bunny, sweetheart, my darling
-bucky never leaves your side. if he was protective before, its to the max now. he always has to be touching you, like a gentle hand hold, a brush of the fingers over yours, or holding your waist.
-he loves doing little things for you everyday like giving you flowers he picked, or writing you little letters. he even made u a cd once ( which is a big deal for him, he doesn't understand spotify) OOO and one time he tried baking you a pie like how you showed him, the poor thing
-he wakes you up with kisses every morning, cuddles and gives you back scratches
- bucky LOVES when you play with his hair. always. whether it be absentmindedly playing with it, or braiding it or scalp massages. he adores it
-bucky has polaroids of the two of you all over his mirror with his handwriting at the bottom with the dates so he can remember EVERYTHING
-whenever you're shy or anxious, he always helps. it could be anywhere from him doing breathing exercises with you, or if you're super uncomfortable he’ll do the task for you
- you always wear his shirts and he loves it!!! especially after the two of you make love in the shower, he rubs lotion all over you and plops you up on the counter to do your skin care and braid your hair. then he’ll shimmy the shirt over your head watching it fall to your knees
-motorcycle riding! It was scary at first, but you felt safe with bucky. late-night rides with him are the best, and you’ll often go to little creeks or ponds to watch the moon on the water
-he loves slow dancing with you. there doesn't even have to be music, he’ll just twirl you around and you step on his feet while he sways you side to side
Summary: The one where Y/N takes a chance on the mobster.
Note: This could become a short series but idk yet. I’m awful with deadlines, especially since I’m in college. But let me know what you guys think! Dividers by @firefly-graphics
You wrapped your apron around your waist as you looked in the mirror in the back of the restaurant. You were admittedly tired and wished anyone could’ve picked up your shift tonight. It was just another reminder that maybe your co-workers didn’t deserve you picking up theirs. At least you would be making decent money tonight. Working at an upscale restaurant did have its perks financially. At least you would be working with your favorite co-worker and roommate.
“I thought you weren’t working tonight,” Natasha mentioned as you walked past her.
“Yeah, well you’re the only person I can depend on to take my shifts, believe it or not,” you slightly chuckled as you picked up a ticket pad, pens, and straws to place in your apron. “But hey, at least the tips are usually good, right?”
“That’s the only reason I’m still working here,” Nat laughed. “That and because Manny in the kitchen still gives me free meals.”
“Well Manny is literally in love with you, and you gotta stop leading him on, Nat.”
“What? He makes food, I eat food; it’s completely transactional.”
You playfully rolled your eyes at your friend before seeing someone get seated in your section. “Okay, well don’t be surprised if he asks you out soon,” you noted before approaching your first table. It looked like a couple on a date, probably a first one by the looks of it.
“Welcome to Prime. My name is Y/N, and I’ll be your waitress tonight.” Before you could continue man looked at you. Looked was the wrong word. He was looking you up and down, checking you out in front of his date who couldn’t even bring herself to look at you. Her eyes were practically glued to her menu. It was almost intimidating the way he looked into your soul. You cleared your throat, “Can I get either of you something besides water?”
“What can you tell me about the house red?” the man inquired.
“It’s a sangiovese imported from central Tuscany. The blend is earthy and highly acidic with a medium-body. It’s semi-sweet, but it pairs nicely with all of our prime cuts on the menu,” you explained.
The man listened tentatively with his ringed fingers stroking his chin, “And your honest thoughts on it?”
It was rare for anyone to ask for your thoughts on anything on the menu. Everyone that ate here always thinks they know better. “Uh well, truthfully, you can get the same taste and body from our Napa Valley Zinfandel for less. And the zinfandel tastes better in my opinion.”
“Let’s just get the house wine, baby,” the woman finally spoke up. She batted her lashes in his direction. There were more expensive wines on your menu, but unlike most places, your house wine was still pricey. “You said you’d treat me to the best tonight, James.”
The man you now knew as James nodded, “We’ll do the house then.”
“Right away.” You turned on your heels to retrieve the wine for the couple, but you could still feel his eyes on you. And the most certainly were.
The rest of the night went like any other. They ordered an appetizer and entrée; they even polished off that bottle of wine. But whenever you approached the couple, you could feel all of James’ attention on you. You had to admit, if you could have any man’s attention, you weren’t upset that it was his. Most of the men that brought dates or colleagues here were older and lack boundaries when their hands would touch your hand or lower back. The attention that James gave you didn’t alarm you. He was clean cut almost as if he came out of a Versace magazine. Sometimes he would catch you looking at him as well. A smirk would fall onto his lips before he gave attention to his date again.
“Oh my god,” you heard Nat say from behind you. You turned to see her shocked face. “Do you know who that is?”
You shook your head, “Should I?”
“I know you’re new to New York, but you gotta keep up,” she told you as she led you to the back near the server station. “That is James Barnes. He has…a reputation.”
“What kind of reputation?”
“Some call him a businessman, one of the most powerful in the state. Others, and that may include myself, call him a mobster,” Nat explained. “It’s like a family dynasty that’s been running for generations. It’s kinda like a ghost story about the Barnes family and how they’ve been pushing drugs and other shit in big ways; nothing’s been confirmed, obviously, but that’s probably because he has half of the NYPD and the government in his pocket.” Your eyes went wide as Nat told you the tale. “He’s dangerous, Y/N. Handsome but dangerous. He probably has his goons all over this restaurant.”
You nodded in understanding. You looked back at him to see him talking to his date. You couldn’t make out the words, but after what Nat had told you, you could only wonder what this man was capable of, the things he’s done, the things he’s seen.
“I’d jump his bones though,” Nat slyly mentioned.
“He’s pretty good looking, I guess,” you muttered, your eyes still on him. “But he’s on a date, so might have to get in line.”
“I mean look at him! You know he fucks.”
You noticed James’ date got up after their meal was done, probably going towards the bathroom. James had requested the bill as you walked past him before she got up. She was beginning to get a little handsy, so you only figured they both wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.
You placed the bill on the table, but before you could walk away, James spoke.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” James asked you.
You furrowed your brows, “Excuse me?”
“I wanna take you out, darling.” He said. This man was dripping with confidence.
You slightly chuckled and leaned against the table, “Aren’t you on a date now, James?”
“First date. I can tell it won’t work out, so why waste anymore of my time. My time is very valuable.”
“So is mine.”
“And I won’t waste your time, Y/N. Let me take you out.”
You remembered what Nat had told you, and it made you hesitate. He was more than just handsome, and you definitely had gone out with worse looking men. But James was different.
“James, I’m flattered, but I’m not really in the dating scene. I’m still trying to get settled in New York and—” Before you could finish your statement, James was pulling out a small wad of cash. What was owed for the dinner, he placed on the bill itself. The rest of the cash you placed in the middle of the table. “What’s this?”
“A tip,” he simply put as he stood up.
You couldn’t even comprehend what to say, “But— I…you’re leaving like a $1,000 tip?”
“Don’t put a question mark where I put a period, darling.”
On that note, you saw his date come back from the bathroom, clearly ready to go. “Let’s go James!” she spoke, sounding slightly irritated with her arms crossed.
Once again, you were at a loss for words. James took the bill and quickly wrote some numbers on the bill and winked at you, “I’ll be seeing you real soon, Y/N. Have a good night.”
James left with his date, leaving you breathless.
“Well, if you didn’t tell me all that stuff about him, maybe I would’ve said yes,” you groaned. Nat was giving you hell at the end of the night about not immediately saying yes to the unconfirmed mobster. In any other situation, you would’ve said yes. He was charming, well dressed, and confident. But you had to be at least cautious about this guy.
“I get it, but this could have been huge for you,” Nat whined. You rolled your eyes and nudged her. “Okay, but if you wanna apologize, you could split that big ass tip with me.”
You both laughed, but both knew the money was going straight to your rent. Living in New York was no joke after all.
You both walked out of the restaurant, discussing what you were going to do when you got home. Granted, it was 11pm, so all you really wanted to do was sleep. Nat on the other hand, thought about catching up on some shows on Hulu. There were still a few cars in the parking lot, including Nat’s. Some of your co-workers had cars, but none of them looked like the SUV parked near the back. It was incredibly new and had someone standing in front of it. It was parked right next to Nat’s car. The light in the lot above her car must’ve gone out during the day; neither of you could make out the features of the figure. Regardless, both of you tried to ignore whoever was in front of it.
“I’m not here to hurt you, Y/N,” you heard the voice say.
You immediately identified the voice James’.
“I’m not gonna hurt either of you.”
“James, what are you doing here? You left hours ago with someone in fact,” you reminded him. “Don’t tell me you’ve waited all this time.”
He chuckled and shook his head, “I never got an answer from you, darling. I still wanna take you out.”
“Well, you can’t wait at my work, bribe me with a tip, and then expect me to go out with you,” you scolded him. “That may have worked for you in the past, but that’s not happening here.”
James only stared at you. You didn’t look away this time; you stood your ground. But damn, his glare was intense.
“I’m Natasha, by the way,” your roommate interrupted. Neither of you broke your gaze at each other. “Just thought I’d introduce myself before giving you guys some privacy. Let me know if uh I can be any help,” she shyly mentioned before entering the car and starting it up.
It was just you and James now, standing in the dark parking lot.
“I know who you are, James, and frankly, I’m not sure I wanna associate,” you admitted.
“You know of me, doll.” He took one step closer to you. You immediately felt smaller. “You don’t know me though, but I want you to. And I wanna get to know you. What’s wrong with that?”
“Call me Bucky.”
You sighed and crossed your arms, “Bucky, we are very different people, and I just don’t think it’ll work out, okay?”
He placed his hand in his pockets and nodded, “Let me take you to dinner. You’re new here; let me show you my favorite spot.”
“If I go, will you stop bothering me?”
“I’ve barely bothered you, doll, but yes. Let me take you out, and if you want, I’ll never bother you again.”
A part of you didn’t believe him. He looked like a man who wasn’t used to hearing the word ‘no.’ Yet, you rolled your eyes but nodded.
“Fine. One dinner and then you leave me alone.” Bucky couldn’t help but to smile at your words. At this point, you’d do anything just to go home. “Give me your phone. I’ll give you my number.”
“I already have your number, doll,” Bucky smirked. “I just wanted your permission to use it.” You scoffed and rolled your eyes; you were sure if you rolled your eyes any harder, they’d get stuck. Of course this weasel had your number already. “I'll see you tomorrow, Y/N. Unless, you want a ride home?”
“If you give me a ride, I’ll consider it our date,” you shot back.
Bucky immediately raised his hands in defeat and laughed, “Well, I don’t wanna waste it. I’ll pick you up at 6:00 from your apartment,” Bucky told you as he began to get back in his car.
“I’ll send you the address.” Bucky gave you a look and smirked, before you quickly understood. “Right, you know that already.”
He winked before entering his car. He quickly drove off, leaving you in the parking lot, once again breathless. You entered Nat’s car, and she immediately looked at you waiting for you to spill everything.
“We have a date tomorrow.” Nat squealed before beginning to drive off. “Calm down, he has one chance or there won’t be a second one.”
“Yeah, we’ll see about that.”
You looked at yourself in the mirror again for the 4th time with a different outfit on and it was already 5:30. You liked how you looked in each outfit, but you were completely unsure where you were even going. It would make sense for Bucky to take you to a nice restaurant; that definitely felt like his speed. You were very used to going out for coffee for first dates, not 5 star restaurants that had $18 cocktails.
You grabbed your phone, finally deciding to send Bucky a text. He had sent you a text last night in hopes that you got home safely. You only sent a thumbs up as a response, but at least you had his number now. But who’s to say that this is his only phone?
Y/N: Where are you taking me? I don’t know how to dress
You threw your phone back on the bed just to hear it chime as soon as it hit the mattress.
Bucky: Just dress nice.
You scoffed at his response.
Y/N: I feel like we have very different definitions of the phrase “dress nice”
Bucky: You could wear exactly what I saw you in yesterday, and you’d still be the best looking woman in the place.
You felt your cheeks redden a bit. But you couldn’t let him know that he was making your heart flutter.
Y/N: I’ll just wear a trash bag I guess
Bucky: Can’t wait to see it. I’ll see you at 6.
Bucky was the perfect mix of charming and infuriating. In the few hours you’ve known him, he has managed to make your skin crawl and leave you breathless. It must’ve been a record. You decided to just go with a simple, strapless black dress. You’d at least be prepared for anything this man had in mind.
You kind of wished Nat was there to at least hype you up before your date. At the very least, she could get this zipper that you were struggling with. But to be fair, she did enough of that last night when you both got home.
By the time you had gotten yourself zipped up, found shoes, and decided on a purse, 6:00 was just a minute from rolling around. You took one last look in the mirror to fix any lingering imperfections. Truth be told, you hadn’t been on a date in almost a year. When you left home to move to New York, you left your previous boyfriend there too. You just couldn’t handle small life living anymore, and that’s all he wanted. There was no bad blood, but it had prevented you from dating in your new city.
You were pulled out of your thinking as soon as you heard a knock at your door. You looked at your phone, and it was exactly 6:00.
Punctual little shit.
You approached the door and looked in the peephole; you could see Bucky looking right at it. You opened the door to be greeted by Bucky in a fitted charcoal suit and a bouquet of flowers in his hand. You were taken aback. The suit you expected, and it looked damn good, too. The flowers were unexpected; you couldn’t even remember the last time you received flowers from a man.
“That’s a beautiful trash bag, doll,” Bucky joked while gazing upon your body.
“Yeah, it’s Hefty Ultra Strong, actually.” You both couldn’t help but to laugh at your lame joke but at least he laughed. “Uh, the flowers also weren’t necessary, but thank you. Let me put them in some water, and then we can go,” you smiled as you took the flowers.
You walked back into your apartment, towards the kitchen, but Bucky just stood in the doorway looking pensive.
“You can come in, too, if you want,” you chuckled. Bucky muttered an “oh” before stepping in and looking around a little bit.
“How long have you been in New York?” Bucky asked as he looked at the framed photos on the wall. Some of the photos were Nat’s but some contained you with family, graduating, and with friends.
You were attempting to grab a tall vase from the top of the cabinets, straining a bit, “About 10 months now. Was just looking for a new start, y’know? And if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere, I guess.” You groaned as you tried to reach for this vase but you were having no luck.
“Let me,” Bucky said from behind you. He reached over you, easily grabbing the vase and placing it on the counter. You felt your heart skip a beat when you could smell his cologne and his pelvis almost grind against your ass. “And yeah, this city isn’t for the faint of heart.”
You quickly had to get out of this trance that Bucky’s cologne had put you in. You distracted yourself by putting water in the vase. “Yeah, but I’ve been working at Prime in the meantime. It’s decent money for now.” The vase quickly filled with water and you plopped the flowers in there, placing them nicely on the counter. You turned around to Bucky, and slightly smiled. “So, shall we?”
He returned the small smile and nodded, “We shall, doll.”
Bucky had arranged a driver to take the both of you to dinner. You both kept the conversation light, but truthfully, you were a little uncomfortable. Not because Bucky was creepy or anything, but you weren’t used to this type of treatment. The flowers, getting dressed up, a chauffeured ride, it was just a little overwhelming.
The car pulled up to Luxe, one of the most sought restaurants in Manhattan. People made reservations months in advance.
“You just happen to have a reservation at Luxe?” you scoffed, looking over at Bucky. “Do they shove another couple out when you call?” you joked.
“You don’t have to call when you already have a table,” Bucky mentioned before stepping out of the car. The driver opened your door. As you began to step out of the SUV, you were met by Bucky holding out a hand for you. You put your hand in his to help you exit the SUV. Bucky whispered something to the driver before taking your hand in his again, leading you to the restaurant. “Stick around, doll. You’ll get used to it,” he winked.
Bucky was definitely right, there was a table for him. It was actually in a room that looked secluded from the restaurant. There were a couple of what looked like high power men and women. Some nodded to Bucky as he guided you to a table.
Yeah, you definitely felt out of place.
The hostess sat you at a table, leaving you both with menus. Just by glancing at the prices, your eyes widened greatly.
“You seem tense,” Bucky finally mentioned.
You lightly chuckled, “Is it that obvious?”
Bucky reached his hand out to yours, holding it, and then giving it a squeeze, “Everyone in this room has had to fake it because they didn’t think they belonged at least once in their life. It’s uncomfortable, and frankly, sucks.” You chuckled. “Now, it's your turn, Y/N. Just imagine that it’s just you and me here.”
This thumb grazed your hand, bringing you a sense of comfort. You took a deep breath, “Okay,” you muttered. Bucky smiled at you before letting go of your hand. In that moment, you kind of missed the contact. “So, you’re telling me that even the great James Barnes had to fake it once?”
He nodded, “As soon as I graduated college, I joined the army as a lieutenant. I did that for a few years, but when I was discharged and came home, my dad wanted me to take over his business,” Bucky explained. You were genuinely surprised. Bucky as a lieutenant was an entirely different view. “I went from some college frat guy to a lieutenant in the army to a businessman. I didn’t know where I belonged for the longest time, y’know? So, I just started to pretend that I belonged everywhere, even here.”
“No, I get what you mean, and that’s smart,” you smiled, but you knew you had to ask. “And by business, you mean…”
Bucky huffed and smirked, “Building Barnes Construction, actually. Why do you ask?” he asked, giving a knowing look. This was a question he was used to. He was aware of his reputation.
You smirked as well, “Well, you know how people like to gossip.”
As drinks and dinner were ordered, the conversation between you and Bucky seemed to flow easily. You discussed work, your childhoods, your goals, and you even squeezed in some jokes here and there. You were pleased to know he was still close with his parents, especially his mother and had a sister. He was more family-oriented than you imagined. And to your surprise, Bucky was surprisingly funny and knew how to take a joke; he definitely knew how to dish ‘em too. There were a few moments when either of you would laugh too loud, drawing attention from the other high rollers in the place. But neither of you cared. Like Bucky said: it was only you two in the room right now. Often, Bucky would touch your hand, a sign of affection or reassurance. But overall, it was the way Bucky looked at you. He looked at you like he needed to draw your face from memory later and listened if every word mattered. It was nice for once, maybe one of the best dates you had been on. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought you were on a date with a regular guy.
You even suggested dessert as a last ditch effort to keep the date going. Usually, after a date, you wanted to get the bill and move on, but this was different. Bucky happily obliged; he also wanted to extend this date for as long as he could. But neither of you would admit that.
“I’ve never had crème brulee, but that was damn good,” you gushed as Bucky handled the bill.
“This isn’t even the best spot for it,” Bucky told you as he placed cash on the table. “There’s this place by my townhouse, and it’s almost as good as getting it in France,” he mentioned as he stood up.
“Well, I can’t afford authentic French crème brulee, but I’d always be down for something local,” you admitted.
Bucky took your hand into his as to help you up, “Maybe that can be arranged.”
He walked you out of the restaurant to be exposed to the night sky and the fresh air. Bucky texted his driver to pull around, and he moved with a haste, pulling the car up within a minute. Bucky got you in before joining you in the back seat.
On the way back to your apartment building, you and Bucky just discussed upcoming plans in your life mainly when you both were working next. But for the love of you, you just wished this car would drive a little slower. As much as you wanted to see Bucky again, you weren’t exactly ready to eat crow and admit it.
The SUV pulled up to your apartment, and Bucky was adamant about walking you up to your door. You felt like you had no choice but to agree, but you wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
“I hate to admit, but I had a really great time, Bucky,” you told him.
A smile creeped on his face. Bucky bit his lip in order to contain it, “Yeah? Well, what are the chances I could get a second date?”
The elevator door opened and you and Bucky walked down the hallway. You felt your cheeks go red and smiled, “Uh well, they aren’t low, presay.”
“I don’t gamble often, but I’d say I like my odds.” You both finally approached your door and you turned to face your date.
“I like them, too.” You couldn’t help but to look at his lips as he smiled at your comment. “Well, this is me.”
Bucky nodded and took one step closer to you, “So, I guess this is good night?” he questioned. You nodded slightly. “It doesn’t have to be, doll.” He pulled you closer by the small of your back.
You breath hitched in your throat when you felt the contact and his pelvis very dangerously close to yours. Bucky was looking for your reaction, any sign of resisting. But you just looked up at him through your lashes. He tilted your chin up with his ringed finger, his lips within reach of yours.
That was enough for you to make contact yourself. It was soft and slow. It was the chance for you both to explore each other a little more on a different level. Bucky’s left hand stayed on the small of your back while the other gravitated from your cheek, his thumb just grazing the pulse on your neck. You had your right hand on his chest while the other dragged along his bulked arms that his suit couldn’t even hide.
You didn’t mean for the kiss to last this long, becoming more hungry as you both continued. At this point, Bucky was all in, dragging his tongue across your bottom lip, practically begging for entrance. You didn’t mean to let that happen either, but you were melting under his touch.
“I think…I think I really…need to go,” you muttered between kisses, trying to catch your breath.
Bucky backed off a little bit, resting his forehead on yours, “Yeah, yeah…that’s probably best…” The hand that was caressing your cheek was now trailing down your waist, sending chills down your body. “Right?”
“Right. What kind of a girl do you take me for, James?” you jokingly asked.
“The kind that obviously is trying to get in my pants,” he jokingly shot back.
“Then I don’t see why I have to try so hard.” You both shared a laugh as you unlocked your door and opened it. “Have a good night, James.” You gave him a smile before closing the door, leaving Bucky on the outside.
You took a very deep breath and tried to compose yourself after that kiss. That kiss, that date, you were sure it topped that $1000 tip. You turned around just to see Nat in the living room, staring at you with her eyes wide. You stared back, the excitement and details about to come out like word vomit.
“How the hell was it?”
Bucky felt like he was on top of the world as he rode down the elevator. It took him everything in his power to not sleep with you. There was nothing wrong with sleeping with someone on the first date, but he also didn’t wanna give you the wrong idea.
As soon as exited the elevator, he pulled out his phone to make a call. The phone rang as he stepped outside until he finally got an answer.
“Hey, Ma. How’re you doing?” he asked, his Brooklyn accent really kicking in. “That’s great, that’s good. But uh listen. I met this woman, and ma, she’s…I can’t even describe her, ma. It’s like fucking heaven talking to—I know, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to swear! I just think I understand what you and dad would also talk about when you met, y’know?
And for the rest of the night, both you and Bucky gushed over each other. But of course, neither of you would admit that to the other.
knitting a blanket for bucky and his eyes light up when you give it to him, and presses it to his cheek and smiles “it smells like you…” and his face falls “i haven’t had something handmade since the 40s” and kissing his pink cheeks
he wraps you up in his metal arm while he holds the blanket to his face and kisses the top of your head. he’s so warm and loving and he spends every evening curled up under the white and blue blanket you made for him
A/n - Well. Let's just say I did not expect to write over 4k words of pure smut, but I'm not mad about it.
Hours. It had been fucking hours of you tossing and turning and there was still no sign of sleep coming anytime soon.
Your eyelids were heavy but your mind was running a mile a minute, refusing you the simple release of rest.
It wasn’t just tonight that you lay awake half the night, for about a week now you’ve been running only on caffeine, barely sleeping at all and you were starting to lose hope that you’ll ever get a decent nights sleep again.
You could give a decent guess to why you couldn’t sleep.
Bucky had only moved in three months ago, but living with somebody else in a tiny apartment with very thin walls proved to be more difficult that you had expected.
You hadn’t been able to get off in weeks, and it was the most sexually frustrated you’ve ever been in your life.
There was a rule you made for yourself when he first moved in.
Never masturbate with Bucky home.
It was a simple rule, one fairly easy to follow. Your walls were thin and Bucky’s enhanced hearing was something you were very aware of. But your resolve was cracking.
You need it.
You’re fucking desperate.
You groaned quietly into your pillow, opening your eyes to adjust to the darkness of your room. There’s no point in trying anymore. You’re never gonna sleep again.
Your bed was too warm, your pillow too flat, everything uncomfortable for no apparent reason and it was driving you insane.
You adjusted your position again, lying on your back to stare up at the ceiling.
You can’t do this anymore.
The thought of finally feeling that release was enough to make you clench your thighs together, images and scenarios filling your desperate and horny brain as you let your eyes fall shut.
You thought about feeling the weight of someone above you, kissing your lips, slipping their tongue inside before lowering their mouth to your neck, marking you, then lower, teeth catching on your nipple before soothing the sting with their tongue, lower, lips against the soft skin of your stomach, lower, brushing against your navel, lower.
You thought about his lips on your clit as a teasing kiss as he looks up at you with a smirk when you moan, his blue eyes sparkling mischievously in the dim light of your bedroom.
You ripped your eyes open, your gaze shooting to the wall to the left of your bed.
The image of him between your legs stayed vivid in your mind.
It certainly wasn’t the first time you’d imagined sleeping with Bucky, but it was the most vivid daydream you’d ever had about him.
He was the most gorgeous man you’d ever seen, of course you’d grow to have feelings for him, he was sweet, charming, caring, and too goddamn smooth for his own good.
It was agony sometimes, the way he’d flirt so shamelessly with you when you were sexually frustrated beyond reasoning, it led to a rather dangerous dynamic between you, both teasing the tension more and more until someone finally did something about it, but you were certainly just as stubborn as Bucky, and there’s no way you'd admit to your feelings first.
Your hand was resting on your stomach your body begging you to slide it down further, to feel the mess you’d already made of your underwear.
He’d most certainly hear you if you weren’t careful, but you couldn’t wait any longer, your clit was throbbing with need, your eyes falling closed again as your hand inched lower and lower, slipping under the waistband of your shorts and then into your panties to press two fingers against your clit, gasping at how sensitive you were before quickly snapping your mouth shut, taking a moment to listen for any noises from Bucky’s room and then making gentle circles with your fingers when you felt the coast was clear.
Your head sunk into the pillow, your hips lifting to grind against your hand as the tension in your body started to melt away, your teeth pulling harder at your bottom lip in attempt to keep any noises at bay, but when you started to speed up your fingers, a quite whine slipped out and you were to invested in your own pleasure to notice.
Bucky did though, he noticed everything, heard every damn squeak your mattress would make every time you shifted in bed, heard the quiet noise often playing through your phone as you scrolled aimlessly through social media, he could practically hear you think, so he most certainly heard the soft, whiny moan that made his cock twitch in his boxers.
He knew you weren’t getting much sleep recently, he knew that because he wasn’t either. It’s not like he blamed you, Bucky had his own problems, chronic insomnia being one of them, but knowing that you were also awake all night, tossing and turning just as he was, for some reason made it worse.
The noise wasn’t the problem, he’s had over 70 years to get used to his enhanced abilities, hearing the thump of someone’s heart in their chest was normal to him, the constant noise was more normal, more natural to him now, than the expected quiet he'd hear without the serum.
He liked that he could hear your heartbeat, he liked that he could hear your gentle humming as you showered, he liked hearing you laugh at whatever you were looking at on your phone, so loud and so clear through the thin wall that he could almost imagine that you were laying beside him, giggling at something he had said.
But god he fucking loved hearing the moans kissing his ears right now.
It felt wrong, it felt dirty, but you were making the most beautiful noises, and Bucky couldn’t help but imagine you laying in bed, your hand between your thighs, touching yourself like you needed, your pretty lips parted and eyes closed- no, eyes open, watching him as you let him hear you, let him watch you.
Bucky hissed and cursed quietly when he squeezed his dick through the fabric of his boxers, a soft groan escaping him when you moaned again.
This is wrong. It’s so fucking wrong, but how could he not.
He tried desperately to justify himself when he shifted in his bed, moving closer to the wall to his right to hear you better, his hand sliding under the waistband of his underwear to wrap around his cock, but the guilt and shame of it made him quickly come back to his senses and he ripped his hand away, sitting up in his bed and resting his head back against his headboard, closing his eyes.
He jumped forward, a sharp intake of air catching in his throat at the sound of you saying his name. At first he thought he had been caught, and the guilt worsened, but another moan followed and suddenly he was breathless.
“Fuck Bucky, please.”
He groaned again, his cock so hard that he could feel precum weeping from the tip, making a small damp patch in his boxers.
It took everything in him not to get up and burst into your room, the knowledge that you were thinking about him as you touched yourself was driving him insane, fucking feral.
His fists were clenched in his lap as he breathed through his nose, pushing away the urge to touch himself as he told himself that he could wait it out without being too much of a creep.
He didn’t have any headphones yet, that was still on his list of things to invest in, so he couldn’t exactly stop himself from listening. Not that he wanted to at all, but for your sake.
He waited, listening to your heavy breathing that was steadily speeding up, your quiet moans getting slightly louder as you drew closer and closer to release.
Bucky's cock was throbbing, begging for him to touch himself along with you.
Both of you were on the edge of your seats, waiting for you to climax, waiting for the release, but as you got closer, the tension in your core depleted, and you lost your rhythm, letting out an upset, frustrated cry when you couldn’t cum.
Bucky froze, listening to the muffled, annoyed groan you let out into your pillow, a whispered, “fuck.” escaping your lips.
It was silent for a moment.
Bucky could hear the loud beating of his own heart in his ears, but not a sound from you, not until he heard the quietest sob and he was standing in an instant, his previous lust discarded as he ripped open one of his drawers and pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants and a t-shirt.
He could hear your cries getting louder as he left his own room and walked to yours, his forehead falling to the cool surface of your bedroom door as he gathered enough courage to knock.
You froze when you heard the gentle knock on your door, startling you as tears continued to stream down your cheeks.
Did Bucky hear you? Was he at your door to tell you to shut up so he could get some sleep?
Your face heated with embarrassment and you sniffled and cleared your throat, calling out a small, “yeah?”
Bucky swallowed down his nerves, and cleared his own throat, “I heard you crying. Just wanted to check on you, make sure that you’re okay.”
You rubbed your hand across your forehead, there’s no way he didn’t hear you moaning the way that you were only minutes ago if he managed to hear your frustrated crying into your pillow, however, the worry in his voice made your heart swell despite the awkward circumstance.
“I’m okay Buck, just- just tired.” You replied and Bucky sighed, his eyebrows furrowed.
“D’you want me to come in? Could give you a hug if you want one?” He offered.
You bit your lip as you considered his offer, Bucky did give really good hugs, and you most certainly needed one right now.
It was probably a bad idea, and given the fact that you were just masturbating to thoughts of him certainly didn't make it any better, but you found yourself answering before your brain could catch up with your mouth. “Yeah.”
Bucky smiled to himself, reaching for your door handle and letting himself in, tutting gently at the sight of you sat in the middle of your bed with your knees tucked up to your chest, tear tracks drawing lines down your cheeks as you sniffed.
“What's the matter, honey?” He walked to the edge of your bed, his eyes soft when you reached your arms out for him, wanting that hug he had promised.
He sat on your bed and pulled you to him, his metal arm cradling your back as his flesh hand rested on your hair, holding you close to him as you tucked your face into his chest.
He laughed when you grumbled something into his shirt, “What was that, doll?”
You took a deep breath and moved your head to the side, your arms slipping around Bucky’s waist to squeeze him back, making warmth spread across his chest.
There’s no point in pretending what just happened didn’t happen, so you decided to just say it, “You heard me didn’t you?”
Bucky’s hand that was stroking your back stuttered in its movement, and you immediately knew the answer to that question.
“Uhh... heard what?”
You groaned in embarrassment and Bucky blushed, “I appreciate you trying to not make this awkward, but we both know that you definitely heard me.”
Bucky didn’t reply, he didn’t know what to say, he felt disgusted with himself.
“I’m so sorry, I obviously thought I was being a lot quieter than I actually was. Fuck, this is so embarrassing.” You pressed your face into his shirt again and Bucky’s arms tightened around you.
“Hey, you got no reason to apologise, you live here, you have every right to do whatever you need to do whenever you want. I’m the one who needs to apologise, listening in on you like some fuckin’ creep, I’m so sorry Y/n.” He frowned into your hair, the self-loathing was practically rolling off him in waves.
“Bucky, you did nothing wrong, what could you have done? It’s not like you could’ve turned your hearing off or anything.”
He went quiet again, his frown deepening at your words. If only you had known the thoughts that were running through his mind as he listened to you, the way he imagined how you would feel squeezing his fingers, or his cock, how you’d taste.
“You don’t understand, Y/n I-“ He trailed off, unsure on how to word his confession, he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but he couldn’t sit there and lie as he held you in his arms. You pulled back slightly, just enough so that you could look at him, and you took in the guilty look in his eyes as the blush deepened on your cheeks, connecting the dots yourself.
“Oh.” Was all you could say, your hands were suddenly clammy, your throat dry as you imagined Bucky touching himself to the sound of your moans, it made your heart thump harder in your chest and he most certainly heard it.
“I didn’t come in here to embarrass you or anything, and I definitely didn’t come in here to try to start something, I just couldn’t sit there knowing that you were crying in here by yourself. I can leave if you’d like. I should probably leave.”
You quickly shook your head, holding him tighter to stop him, “No, stay. I’m not upset Buck, I still think you have no reason to feel bad.”
Bucky pulled a face, his confusion obvious, his dark eyebrows furrowed, eyes squinted and you pulled away from him to switch on the lamp on your bedside table, smiling when you could finally see his features better in the soft, dim light.
“But I- the things I was thinking, doll. Had no right to creep on you like that, I even-“ He stopped himself again and you bit your lip, sitting on your knees in front of him.
“Did you touch yourself?” You asked quietly, watching Bucky’s adams apple bob as he swallowed, his tongue darting out to wet his lips like he so often did.
He nodded and you squeezed your thighs together.
"But I stopped myself. It was wrong.”
Bucky watched you chew on your lip and the sight made him breathless, the previous excitement from earlier making a quick return.
“So you didn’t cum?“ You almost whispered it, your face inching closer to his and he shook his head, “Neither did I.”
You didn’t know where this boldness was coming from, but you weren’t about to question it when Bucky was staring intensely at you like you were a goddess to be worshipped.
His hand slid to your waist, squeezing slightly and urging you to move forward, onto his lap.
"You never told me why you were crying." He reminded, gently running his hands up your bare thighs as you made yourself comfortable.
The two of you had never been so close before, so close to crossing the lines you've both been longing to cross since you'd met, and after a three month long game of cat and mouse, you were finally ready to bite the bullet.
"I needed to get off so bad, it's been so long Bucky and I needed it, but I just couldn't." You didn't care how whiney you sounded, all you cared about was feeling Bucky's erection straining against his sweatpants between you.
“You want some help, kitten?” He asked, his voice rough in the early hour of the morning, his eyes gleaming with hunger, just like the image of him that your mind had made earlier.
You nodded and glided your hands into his hair. Your face so close to his.
“Want me to make you cum, sweetheart? Make you feel good?” You kept nodding his words sending shivers down your spine, eyes falling shut as you grinded your hips against his, earning a hoarse groan from Bucky.
“Please,” You begged, raking your nails through his hair as he hummed, letting himself relish in the sensation before he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist and stood, walking to the end of your bed and laying you down before crawling on top of you.
“Of course, honey.” He whispered gently, and then his lips were on yours, softer than you could’ve ever imagined, sweeter than you’d ever dreamed. His tongue was like silk as it slid against your bottom lip, teasing you before slipping into your mouth, exploring in a way that wasn’t too much, just enough to leave you wanting more.
You moaned into his mouth, pulling gently on the hair at the nape of his neck and he responded by nipping at your lip, making you gasp.
“I heard you say my name. Were you thinking about me? While you touched yourself?“ He spoke in between kisses, moving to the spot just below your ear and leaving open mouthed kisses there to give you the opportunity to respond.
You could barely form the words, so focused on how Bucky’s body felt pressed against your own but he nibbled on the lobe of your ear to get your attention.
You nodded, holding his head to your neck to tell him to keep doing whatever he was doing when he traced his tongue below your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.
“I always think about you.” You replied breathlessly and he moaned into your ear, his breath hot on your neck.
“Fuck.” His left hand shifted to your waist, slipping under the hem of your t-shirt and slowly easing it's way onto your skin, you gasped and clenched your stomach when the cold metal met your skin, Bucky almost pulled away, but you arched your back, pressing yourself against his hand, "I always think about you too."
The confession sent you dizzy, along with Bucky's touches as he carressed your soft skin, slowly returning his lips to yours when he felt that your neck was appropriately marked up for him. His hand moved higher and higher, until his fingers brushed the underside of your breast and you arched your back even further, pushing your chest to his.
"Please, buck-" You gasped against his mouth and he pulled back to get a good look at you, his fingers drawing teasing patterns around your nipple.
Your eyes were half-lidded, lips all pretty and swollen from his kisses as you writhed under him, fucking desperate to be touched.
He swore the sight was enough to send him delirious.
"Please what, honey? Talk to me, tell me what you want and I'll give you exactly that." His voice was sweeter than the nickname he'd given you, the pretty words whispered into your ear and all you could do was moan back at him.
"I want-" You paused, you wanted everything, you wanted all of him, all at once, wanted him inside of you, but you thought back to the way you had imagined him pleasuring you earlier, and suddenly you wanted to feel that soft, hot mouth of his in between your legs.
Bucky took in how gone you were, pushing your hips up to grind against his, you needed the release so bad.
"Want to know what I want?" He offered and you nodded instantly, your legs wrapping around his hips to push him down onto you, grinding against him.
"Fuck- wanna taste that pretty cunt of yours, wanna eat you till you can't form a fucking thought, doll." He rolled his hips as he spoke to you, feeling how soaked you were through your shorts, "You want that, honey? Want me to clean up that mess you're making between those pretty thighs?"
You nodded breathlessly, drunk on the feeling of Bucky's hand roaming your skin, you needed more.
You tugged at his shirt, making Bucky chuckle when you struggled to get it off him, he sat back on his knees and reached behind his back to grip the soft material, pulling it over his head and tossing it away, revealing to you his beautifully ripped torso.
It was hard not to gape up at him like he was carved by the gods, because he was, and Bucky almost blushed at your unabashed staring.
He loomed over you with those broad shoulders, silver dog tags hanging from his neck, hunger in his eyes. Of course, you noticed the scars, hundreds upon hundreds of them, scarred tissue that had been broken and left to heal without care, decades of anguish and pain and torture, written deep into his skin, carved into his left shoulder, where skin met metal.
You reached forward, your hand caressing his chest with a barely-there touch, brushing over his dog tags, tracing lightly on a pink scar that stretched across his right collarbone, and settling over his heart, feeling the steady beat beneath your finger tips.
"Beautiful." You breathed and watched as Bucky's lips parted in surprise, it wasn't often he'd receive pretty words in response to the ugliness that was his scars. His tongue darted out to wet his lower lip and pull it between his teeth before he let go and breathed a short laugh, head shaking as he leaned over you.
"That's my line." He lifted your shirt ever so slightly and pressed a kiss to your sternum, his eyes darting up to meet yours as his lips touched your skin, "Can I take this off, sweetheart?"
You let your fingers glide along his back, nodding before lifting your arms to let Bucky guide the shirt over your head.
You didn't feel self conscious to be exposed to him, you didn't really get the chance to before Bucky was groaning out a soft 'fuck' and his mouth was already wrapped around your left nipple.
Immediately, you were a mess again, moaning out in pleasure as Bucky's hot tongue laved over your peaked nipple, sucking it into his mouth before pulling away and blowing cool air onto your heated skin.
He then swapped sides, paying his attention to your right nipple and sending shockwaves down your spine when he used his metal fingers to twist and tweak at the left.
"Fuck, Bucky please-" You groaned, lifting your hips off the mattress, needing to soothe the ache between your legs, he hummed against your skin.
"What is it, honey? You getting all desperate for me huh? I can practically feel you throbbing, sweetheart."
God, this man and his mouth.
He smirked when you didn't respond and lifted his head from your chest, kissing your lips and dipping his tongue into your mouth for a moment before pulling away and kissing your throat.
You shivered as he travelled lower and lower, another kiss to you nipple, lower, a slower, sweeter kiss to your stomach, lower, just below your navel, lower.
He tucked his fingers under the waistband of your shorts, licking his lips and meeting your eye, "Off?"
He smiled at you and nodded, pulling them from your body without hesitation, taking your ruined panties with them. Then he parted your legs.
"Fuck." His lips parted, completely breathless as he stared down at you layed out before him, "God, Y/n- So fucking pretty, never seen anythin' so fucking pretty."
You were soaked, your cunt glistening and throbbing, and all for him.
Bucky felt like he had died and gone to heaven.
He laid on the bed, between your legs, staring at your pussy with half lidded eyes, and just as you thought he was about to finally touch you were you needed it, he turned his head and kissed the inside of your thigh.
You whined out in protest, wiggling your hips and glaring at him when he smirked at you, moving to the other thigh and nipping at the soft flesh with his teeth.
Your eyebrows were pulled tightly together, your hands gripping at the bedsheets. The anticipation was fucking killing you.
"Bucky- shit- just-" You were cut off by a throaty moan when Bucky suddenly moved forward and licked a long stripe through your folds.
Your legs practically wrapped around his head, your hands gripping his hair as he circled his tongue around your clit, teasing you in the most delicious way before finally wrapping his lips around it and sucking hard.
Bucky groaned against your cunt when you pulled his hair, the vibration sending a jolt through your stomach.
His hands then squeezed your thighs as he moved his head lower, tongue-fucking you and moaning at the taste.
"Taste so fucking good, pretty girl." He moaned against you, before burying his face impossibly closer, his nose nudging your clit.
You were a mess, pulling harder on his hair as every swipe of his tongue sent waves of ecstasy through your veins.
His right hand drifted from your thigh, caressing up the inside of your leg and reaching your cunt, Bucky pulled away to watch you.
He parted your folds with his fingers, gently rubbing your clit with the soft pad of his thumb long enough to have you writhing beneath him. You watched as he bit his lip, his eyes gleaming as his hand travelled lower, his index finger sliding inside of you, feeling you clench around him as he fingered you slowly, adding a second finger shortly after.
"God, you're fucking soaked." He murmured, and then his mouth was back on you, sucking on your clit with his fingers pumping inside of you.
It was heaven.
You could already feel the coil in your stomach tightening and you wrapped your legs tighter around his head, pushing his face against you as you rocked your hips below him, urging him to add more pressure.
You'd always imagined he'd be good at this, but the orgasms you'd achieved at the hand of the wet dreams you've had about your roommate paled in comparison to the earth-shattering orgasm that tore through you when Bucky rubbed your clit in tight circles with his pointed tongue and curled his fingers inside you at the same time.
Black dots filled your vision, your heart thumping in your ears as Bucky rode you through the orgasm, his tongue replacing his hand at your entrance, lapping at your soaked entrance, only stopping when you hissed at the oversensitivity.
It was only as you came down, returning to your body and mind, that you realised you were holding onto Bucky for dear life, your hands fisted in his hair and your legs wrapped around his head, ankles crossed at his back.
"Sorry," You breathed, releasing him and softly raking your nails across his scalp, making him smile and shiver when they reached the nape of his neck.
"Never apologise for anything like that, doll. That was fucking amazing." He pressed a kiss to the inside of your thigh, and then another one to your hip as he crawled his way back up your body, finally kissing your lips again.
You blushed when you tasted yourself on his lips. He chuckled and kissed you deeper, his tongue sliding against yours.
He then pulled back and kissed your nose, taking note of the tired smile on your face.
He was practically throbbing with need, but you were exhausted, so he pushed the unholy thoughts to the back of his mind and took a deep breath.
"C'mon, kitten. Time for bed." He whispered, kissing in-between your eyebrows when you furrowed them and standing from the bed, walking to the side and lifting you into his arms.
"But Bucky-" You started as he knelt on the bed and laid you down on the sheet.
"No buts. You're exhausted and you need to rest."
You tried to protest, but your eyes just grew heavier as you sunk into your mattress. Bucky slid into the bed beside you after taking off his sweatpants, leaving him just in his boxers, and you felt the perfect warmth of his body wrapped around yours from behind, his arm wrapped around your waist and holding you close.
It has been weeks since you'd gotten a proper nights sleep.
"What about you?" You whispered sleepily, very aware of his erection pressed against your ass, Bucky laughed, his hot breath fanning against your shoulder.
He tucked your body closer to him and pressed a kiss to the nape of your neck, "What about me?"
"I didn't get to touch you." You were half asleep already, your tired voice way too cute for the vulgarity of your words, "Wanted to make you cum. Wanted you to fuck me."
"Oh honey, we have all the time in the world for that, gonna make you cum more times than you can count, but I need you rested."
You moaned at the thought, pushing your ass back against him, smiling when he groaned, "Promise?"