#bucky barnes x feamle reader

[subwaysurf45]

The Smell of Perfume

summary: Bucky gets to look around your childhood bedroom that hasn't changed since you were a kid

words: 3k

warnings: just crying for two seconds but it's fluff

Masterlist!

“Oh god,” you sighed once you pushed open the door to your childhood bedroom, Bucky was right on your tail trying his best to conceal his laughter, “I can’t believe they wouldn’t leave you alone!” you didn’t even look back, all you did was faceplant on your bed. The scent of your mother’s fabric softener smacked you with a wave of nostalgia.

After many years of friendship and one year of dating you finally introduced Bucky to your parents. They were nice until they weren’t, question after question and repeating the questions again. There were times where Bucky had to slightly raise his voice to talk to your grandfather who was there as well, it caught Bucky off guard when he found out that your grandfather was a World War Two vet. Near the end of the small talk, before you ran up to your room, Bucky had taken your grandfather outside on the porch to talk to him, it lasted a very long time. You on the other hand turned to your parents and scolded them for the insane amount of questions and bugging.

“I bet Bucky loves to answer your questions,” you looked over your shoulder to make sure Bucky wasn’t listening, “but he can get overwhelmed and when he’s fiddling with the hem of my shirt,” you narrowed your eyes at your dad, “he’s not acting like a child, he’s telling me he’s very anxious.”

“He was following you like a lost puppy,” your dad took a swig of his beer, “you used to grab my shirt when you were a kid, he’s over a hundred and he’s acting like a child.”

“He's a nervous human,” your voice slightly raised but Bucky was still outside, “he’s been through so much and when you start to ask him about Hydra and being the Winter Soldier-” you took a deep breath, you slowed down again, “when you ask that stuff it doesn’t help him, and he gets the same PTSD symptoms as grandpa. Ask him about his favourite dessert or if he likes the New York Mets or Jets, don’t ask him about his darkest moments in life.”

The door to the back yard opened and everyone looked over to see Bucky helping your grandpa in. By chance Bucky was using his left arm to help him get up the steps, even that made your eyes swell. You walked over to Bucky and he turned to you after he got your grandpa on the recliner, he just wrapped his arm around your waist and took hold on your shirt.

“I’m going to show Bucky my room,” you didn’t wait for any type of confirmation, you just took him up.

That’s where you were now, face down on your twin sized bed, breathing in the aggressive cleaner your mother still uses to this day. At the sound of a hum you looked up, Bucky was just looking around from where he was standing. You flipped onto your back and watched as Bucky looked over and around, nodding his head at every new thing he saw. He was so focused on taking in your room he didn’t notice you had begun to watch him, just waiting for him to walk around.

“Can I touch stuff?” he spoke but didn’t look over, after a beat where you didn’t answer he looked over. Instantly a blush grew on his face, it always happened when he caught you looking at him, now embarrassed he was being looked at.

“Go ahead,” you whispered and snuggled further into your pillows.

As Bucky picked up little things you couldn’t help but start to get vivid flashbacks of your childhood, the memories and feeling stuffed inside of a little plush seemed impossible, but it was real. Bucky picked up the books you read as a kid, he slowly saw your taste in literature change, the adult books had annotations and markings on them.

“You’ve talked about this one,” he whispered, his finger running down the lifted cover, “it’s seen better days, huh?” He flipped through the pages and really saw the spills from wax, coffee and random things like paint. The pages were creased from water damage but still smiled when he picked it up, “it’s been loved.”

You just nodded, not wanting to break the glass surrounding you. It was so quiet and calm here, you could feel a string attached to the both of you, keeping you together. Talking or even making a noise could snap the beautiful feeling you’ve both created. The word ‘intimacy’ was always used to surround sex or sexual activity, but right now you’ve never felt more intimate. Bucky kept looking back at you with a small smile, like he was feeling it too. The pure love that was pushed around the room with every flip through of a book washed your face clean, it came in waves with every new thing Bucky looked at.

He moved a bit to your dresser and picked up the perfume bottle that sat there, the lid came off easily. When he brought it to his nose with one long sniff the smell seemed to take him back a few years, “oh my god,” Bucky muttered as he smelt it again, “I can picture this, the day I met you, oh wow…” he sighed and let his eyes flutter shut, his left hand that wasn’t holding the bottle up to his nose held onto the dresser to brace himself.

“I wore that the day I met you?” you giggled, Bucky eagerly nodded which made you laugh louder.

“So here’s what happened,” Bucky breathed in again, “it was my eighth day at the compound and Steve was still showing me around,” sniff, “and you had gotten back from a mission and were sweaty,” sniff, “so when Steve pulled you over to me you were quickly dousing yourself in this stuff,” sniff, “so that I couldn’t smell your sweat,” sniff, he held it before letting the breath out through his mouth. Bucky opened his eyes and looked over to you, “come here really quick.”

You got up and faced him, Bucky sprayed a bit on both sides of your neck before putting the bottle down. With a childish smile he pulled you in for a hug, your arms warped around his neck while his fingers were spread apart against your back. Bucky had told you he always tried to cover as much surface area of your back when hugging you, it helped that he had big hands.

“It’s like a time machine if you close your eyes,” Bucky whispered, “I can picture how happy you were to see me, even though you hadn’t met me and I didn’t say a word.”

“I remember it too,” you faced Bucky’s neck. Your nose was pressed right up against where he sprayed his cologne, he sprayed a lot before coming here because he was nervous.

“I knew I could trust you because when I froze up you pulled away,” Bucky held you tighter, “you didn’t get mad or look at me weird, you just said you were a hugger and that you’d be there to give me a hug whenever I wanted, not questions asked,” Bucky took a deep breath in at the memory, “I found you the next day to hug you, and it was the best ever,” Bucky pulled away, a few tears were in his eyes, “can I tell you something?”

“Of course,” you were worried about him crying but it was normal for Bucky to cry when he was overstimulated with emotion.

“When I hugged you for the first time you did this thing where you cupped the back of my head,” Bucky smiled as it went up to his eyes, causing a few tears to slip out, “it reminded me of my ma,” he looked down and you saw a few tears fall to the floor, when he looked up more filled his eyes. He was smiling through the pain, every few seconds he’d let out a breath and his smile would drop. You wiped away the tears but he held your wrist to stop your hand, making you cup his cheek. He tilted his head and kissed the inside of your palm, “she would have loved you.”

At that you let out a sob and fell back into his arms, both of you pulled one another so tight it was hard to breathe, but it was worth it. The tears were just there, some were happy and some were sad, every few seconds Bucky would let out a breathy laugh but then sniffle the tears back. Both faces hid into the other’s shoulder, Bucky pressed a kiss to your neck when you brought a hand up to cup the back of his head.

You both pulled away and laughed it off, wiping and kissing each other's tears away. Bucky couldn’t stop smiling, it made its way onto your face as well. “Show me something funny so we don't cry again,” Bucky joked and looked over your shoulder, he saw medals and trophies on a little stand. He walked over and you followed, his hand around your waist but not holding your shirt.

“Here’s the trophies from when I was a kid,” you smiled up at him, he was extremely impressed.

“That’s my girl!” he smacked your ass which made you yelp, he picked up the biggest trophy, you couldn’t help but jump back on the bed to cover your embarrassment. You could hear him picking up every single one and inspecting it, the little clinks of them hitting one another and his proud whispers. “I’m bringing some of these back to the compound,” he laughed.

“Yeah,” you rolled over to see him, “my grade six science fair win will totally work in our bedroom.”

“I’ll make it work,” Bucky smirked, “trust me.”

You just laid there and let your eyes close, Bucky could still be heard making his way around the room. After a while you felt the small bed dip and Bucky spoon you, his arm went over your waist and his leg snuck between yours. His hand found the spot where your shirt had rolled up and left a part of your stomach exposed, his thumb brushed back and forth as he got comfortable behind you. His nose was right against your hair and his chest fit perfectly against your back.

“I wish I could show you my room,” he whispered.

“Tell me about it,” you snuggled further back into him.

“Well,” he sighed, “it was very plain, only the necessities. Small bed and small desk,” you could tell his eyes were closed and he was picturing it, “grey undertones everywhere, no colour, that was a big difference.” He was quiet after that, “I had my draft document posted on the wall with a thumb tack I stole from my ma, I also had a couple pages worth of Steve’s illnesses so I could remember the symptoms and all that.”

“Really?” you were shocked he’d do that.

“Ya, Steve had a lot,” Bucky laughed, “I needed to remember everything so if he had to go to the hospital they knew he was allergic to latex and all that,” Bucky pulled you tighter, “I also had notes that got passed around our classrooms, I’d read over them from time to time.” he nuzzled deeper into you, part of you thought he was smelling that perfume on you again.

“What did you and my grandpa talk about?” you knew the answer.

“The war,” Bucky responded quickly, but paused after. “It was nice to hear him talk about the aftermath, it was like closure from a person who actually knew what they were saying, very few people know what it was actually like back then.” His thumb was still rubbing your skin, “he was never involved with Hydra, but he was still there,” Bucky rolled you over to face him, “he told me how a letter that I wrote home to my ma was put in the newspaper.”

“Really?” you’d never heard of that story before.

“I told her how much gum we had, how it was used as its own currency when dealing with other countries that weren’t introduced to it yet,” Bucky smiled, “who knew gum would be the topic of discussion next to the cross word,” he paused, “apparently a few of my letters made it into the newspaper, some of them are in the archives at the Smithsonian, as a vet he got to see them.”

“Do you want to see them?” you reached up to cup his cheek.

“Not really,” he looked off, “I’ve finally let him rest, I’ve moved on and I think seeing that will send me into a spiral I won’t get out of.”

You just smiled up at him, “the Bucky I first met all those years ago would’ve never said that.”

Bucky smiled and lowered his head, “the Bucky you met will never be seen again, I don’t want to spend my life thinking of something I can’t change,” he shook his head in disbelief, “this doesn’t even sound like me talking but I mean it, I’ve never been more happy in my life, and I think that’s because of you.”

There were no words left that could truly capture how you feel, you were left speechless. All you could do was pull down and lay him on your chest when you flipped to your back, he welcomed the gesture and snuggled closer into you. His arms were securely wrapped around you and his head was deep in your chest, he matched his breathing to yours. Only now were you reminded of the people downstairs, you could hear muffled voices between the three of the adults. Maybe you heard your name but you didn’t care, you were too wrapped up with Bucky being wrapped around you. As you ran your fingers through his hair you couldn’t help but notice the smile that grew onto his face, he’d shiver and pull you closer, you’d then just run your fingers through the same spot that made him shake a bit.

After a while you headed out before the sun went down, everyone said their goodbye and you drove home. Bucky was weirdly on his phone the entire time, he looked to be typing something. Every time you’d look over he’d shield it from you, “eye’s on the road,'' would be spoken from his lips. By the time you actually got back to the compound Bucky was giddy, he kept taunting you jokingly because you didn’t know what he was doing. You both walked in and Bucky flashed the phone at you but you weren’t able to read it, you were just over it at this point. For the rest of the day Bucky was out and about, you didn’t really see him. He kept texting you and telling you he had a surprise, a gift for such a nice afternoon at your parent’s house.

Bucky walked into Steve’s room, “you have it?” Bucky eagerly asked.

“You know it, punk,” Steve walked over to his desk and grabbed a folded piece of paper, “first time I picked up a pencil to draw in a very long time,” Steve rubbed the back of his neck, “thank you, Bucky, I forgot what it was like to draw.”

“Thank you,” Bucky pulled him in for a hug, “you have no idea how much this means to me,” Bucky opened the piece of paper and threw his head back with a laugh, “this is perfect!” he brought the page closer to inspect, “ you even got Mr. Snuggles, you jerk!” Steve just smiled knowingly, both of them ended up talking about the 40’s for a while.

“Alright, I’ll see you for that run tomorrow,” Bucky waved at the threshold of Steve’s door, Steve waved and Bucky ran down his shared room with you.

“There you are,” you smiled sweetly at him, “you disappeared right when we got back-what’s that?” you saw the paper in his hand.

Bucky just left it on the dresser and made his way over to you, “I have a gift like I said before,” he smiled, “but just know Steve drew this, okay?”

“Okay, okay, just show me!” you were bursting with excitement, Bucky passed the paper to you, “thank you.” you slowly opened it to see a room, it was very narrow. There was a twin bed on the right with a stuffed bunny sitting at the head of the bed, it seemed like the blanket was vertically striped. The hardwood floors ran with the stripes, as well as the small oval rug. There was a desk that looked to be wood with a few papers on it and a very uncomfortable looking chair. It was when you saw the papers on the wall did you know, “this is your room,” you said with a gasp, it wasn’t a question.

As Bucky looked at it, it seemed to come alive. He could picture himself falling into bed after a long day and letting Steve sleep there while he was sick. After Steve’s mother passed Bucky took the most care of him, Bucky would give the medicine and run a warm cloth over Steve’s forehead. He also saw himself later in life, things that never happened. He could picture what it would’ve been like to come home and see Rebecca sitting on his bed, waiting. Because it never happened his mind made it look like it was a moving sketch. Becca would always be in Bucky’s room, even though it was small, Becca’s was smaller. She needed to sprawl out her growing legs and annoy her older brother. She’d read the notes from classmates on Bucky’s wall and poke fun at Bucky’s crush on a girl he called ‘Da’.

“My blanket was blue, so was the rug,” Bucky pointed out to them, “the bunny was white but it got dirty over time,” he chuckled, “that’s why Steve smudged it to be grey, that punk.”

“It looks so quaint,” you looked up at him, “so...you...” the pads of your fingers traced lightly over the art, careful not to smudge it. “Let’s hang it,” you said while standing.

Bucky just watched as you found a pin and smushed it into the wall with the picture, taking a step back to see it in its glory again you felt two arms wrap around your waist. Bucky’s head leaned on your shoulder but no one said a word. His nose pushed into your neck as you leaned back into him, you could feel his smile.

“I can smell your perfume,” his voice was muffled.

“I put more on,” you whispered back, “and I bought some.”

Just three kisses to your neck before you were picked up and thrown on the bed, “you bought more!” His smile was wide, “no way!” he jumped on and pulled you close, “I’m never leaving this spot,” you were on top of him but his nose was right in your neck, where you’ve sprayed when you met him all those years ago and where you spray to this day.

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[subwaysurf45]

A Sunday Afternoon (epilogue)

Summary: with your first year basically finished you decide to go out to a park with Bucky for little celebration. 

Pairing: College!Bucky x Reader

Words:  3525

Warnings: body issues, relationship insecurity, fluff on fluff!

Mini-Series Masterlist      Main Masterlist

Spring had sprung. Bucky now woke up to not only you curled beside him but birds chirping outside his window, he got to see the sun that had fully risen cast a glow over your face. He never saw that in the fall and he really didn’t see it in the winter. In the winter he’d wake up in the middle of the night to find you digging through his closet for a thick sweater to wear in bed, he’d wake in the morning to find you shivering and basically on top of him. 

This morning wasn’t different, except that he was wide awake before you; it was common for you to run in the morning. He had already brewed the coffee in the kitchen and was now typing away on his computer, editing his final essay for his film studies elective. The reason you were stomach down and drooling while you slept was because you had your last exam for the year yesterday, for some reason your schedule saved the hardest for last. He’d never seen you that stressed out, it was worse than when you’d think about your parents. There were tufts of hair where you were studying in your dorm. Nat had called Bucky over because she couldn’t pull you away from the papers; even after over half a day with no breaks. 

Of course you worried for nothing, when you walked out of the exam you were jumping and bouncing towards Bucky’s car. When you opened the door your head jutted in to yell ‘I’m passing that bitch!’ as people walked past you. The exam was in the afternoon and Bucky had promised you a very expensive dinner after writing it, he had gotten a part time job with Steve and Sam at a construction company. With all the money saved up he paid off first year student debt and took you to a restaurant five minutes away that was a three star, which was high to people who live off ramen and croutons. You had dawned a tight dress Nat had leaned to you at the beginning of the year, Bucky put on a pair of dress pants with a nice button up. By the time you both got home the dress was pooling at your feet and Bucky was throwing his belt across the room. 

As Bucky read his second paragraph he glanced over to see you moving, his boxers looked nice on you. Part of him wanted you to turn over because you weren’t wearing anything on top, but he took what he got. His hand left his laptop to gently rub your bare back, half soothing you back to sleep but at the same time he wanted you to wake up. It was selfish for him to want you up and moving, you deserved to sleep for an entire day, which was most likely what you’d both do. 

His hand traveled to your back side, going up the curve and staying there. After three seconds your half awake brain realized he wasn’t going to move, so you grumbled at him. You could hear him laugh as well as feel the bed shake, his hand patted your butt which made you grumble more. 

“Grumpy pants,” he laughed. Your hand barely moved back to swat his hand away, he laughed louder at your third attempt to swat him away because you grunted like a tennis player as you swung. 

“Stop,” you said into the pillow, “I’m comfortable.”

“So am I,” Bucky leaned over and rested his head on your butt, his head looking down to your legs. One hand rubbed your back while the other held your thighs. You didn’t seem to mind so he stayed there. 

“What are you doing?” you asked, your head still in your pillow and your hair covering your face.

“I was editing my film paper but your butt looked too cute, so I had to give it some love,” he placed a chaste kiss to your butt cheek before turning up and laying his head beside you. His hand moved all the hair away so he could cup your face, his hands were warm against your skin. 

You just laid there as you felt him move closer, a few kisses in between adjustments. You body couldn’t help but heat up at the feeling of him touching you, turning back into the kid he met first in September. You’d always curl or hide away, the overload of attention still managed to make its way into your head. Bucky would always click his tongue and give you more attention and more kisses. 

After cuddling and taking a shower together you stood by the stove, moving eggs around in the pan. Bucky was sitting on the kitchen stool, just watching you. Natasha was out while Steve and Sam had a shift at the construction site, it was just you two in the house. Bucky rested his head in his hand as he watched you cook, slightly moving your entire body as you pushed around the eggs so they would scramble. His eyes scanned over you, you could feel it. Bucky took his time on your legs, seeing the dips and curves that were facing him, you were now wearing a very loose pair of blue sleep shorts you swore you lost. He couldn’t help it but he spent an extra few seconds on your ass, but you wouldn’t mind. As he made his way to your back he so desperately wanted you to turn around, the tank top you were wearing was practically see through, it showed your stomach with frayed edges and caused your boobs to almost fall out. He waited patiently for you to turn and when you did all he could do was stare. 

“Eyes up here,” you giggled as you sat next to him, the breakfast burritos were done and served. 

“Sorry,” Bucky muttered though he wasn’t at all. He couldn’t help but watch you as you ate, his eyes making their rounds over and over. 

“I can see you staring,” you placed your glass down that was now half full of juice, “is there something on my face?” 

You had fallen right into that trap. Bucky put on a smug smile before letting his hand trail to your backside, “just beauty,” he whispered before pulling you in for a kiss. There was a muffed yelp as he squeezed your butt, your hands tightened on his forearm. 

You’d be a major hypocrite if you said Bucky was the only one who checked his partner out. Ever since he started working at the construction company you had found his entire body got more and more chiseled and buff. He was a strong guy, Steve and Sam joined his almost daily workouts. To most people they didn’t see a massive difference in Bucky’s build; it would click after they saw a picture from Halloween. But for you it was instant. He’d come home from work covered in dirt with his shirt already off, sweat glistening his abs, and your knees would buckle every time. He’d noticed and used it against you, obviously. When he’d want you to cuddle he’d take his shirt off and open his arms wide, allowing you to see his v-line as well as the defined muscles on his chest. You’d zombify and fall right in without any hesitation. 

But with that came the other side to having a smoking hot boyfriend, the unhappy side. The number of women who would approach Bucky at parties or at a club had only gone up, you’d both notice for different reasons. For you it would always be when he’d go get drinks at the bar and take a seat as we waited for them, a lady would come up and drag her hand across his back before sitting on the empty stool, Bucky would shake his head and turn around to point at you, then get up quickly and leave to find your comfort again. For Bucky he had found you had gotten more insecure, he guessed you were most likely comparing yourself to the women who approached him, and he was right. You’d wrap your arms around your stomach when you were near him, not trying to close off but trying to cover yourself. Instead of curling into his touch he found you shy away, especially when he’d hold onto you by your waist. 

You both had a very painful conversation one night because of it. Bucky talked to you about you becoming more reserved around him, he wanted to know if anything was bothering you at home or if it was something different. You shook it off like it was nothing but Bucky kept pushing.

“Sweetheart, I just want to know what is going on, I want to help,” Bucky stood from the bed. 

You wrapped your arms around yourself again, “it’s nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me, I know it’s not nothing,” he made his way over to you which made you shy away more, “look at you! You’re turning away, you’re not coming to parties or even just stuff with our group, Natasha doesn’t even know what’s going on- you have to tell me, please,” his hands covered his chest in sincerity as he leaned in, “please.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you tried to head to the bathroom but Bucky caught your arm. 

“I just want to help-”

“Then leave me the fuck alone!” you screamed back to him, your nose almost touching his. His hand dropped and he stood up right, head cocked to the side as he tried to figure you out. 

“What the fuck does that even mean,” his voice was strong but quiet. His hands balled into fists as he tried to hold back from yelling, “what do you want?”

“I don't-'' your hand came up to your neck, “I don’t- I’m not- I just don't…” your angry demeanor changed to a sad one, so did Bucky’s. 

“Tell me,” he was strong again, but sadness showed on his face. 

Your eyes looked at your fingers as you picked away the dirt that was under them, you were doing everything to not look at him. Bucky had not moved, you could feel him. “I’m not pretty enough for you anymore...” 

When you looked up, Bucky's eyes were full of tears and tear stains were already down his face. “...what?” he breathed in total and complete disbelief. 

You pulled away from the kiss and looked back down at your burrito and juice, Bucky’s hand was still resting on your ass. He nudged you over to him and when you didn’t understand he picked you up and placed you on his lap, “my beautiful, perfect, scrumptious, heavenly, sexy, wonderful, amazing, girl,” he muttered before showering your exposed shoulder with kisses, you tried to squirm your way out of it but Bucky held you flush against him. 

You both ate in a comfortable silence after that, slowly making your way through the meal you made. Bucky’s hand had slowly crept to your stomach, what he found was what you were most insecure about, his thumb gently rubbed the skin he loved so much. 

“Wanna go on a picnic?” you leaned back against him, he seemed shocked you even thought of that. “I have a sundress I want to wear and I think the weather is really nice, we should make some sandwiches and maybe grab some dessert from the grocery store, I don’t know.”

“Sounds great, we can go to the grass space near your dorm building,” Bucky took you off him and placed the plates in the dishwasher. 

“I was thinking off campus,” you rested your elbows on the counter. 

“Oh?” Bucky turned around. 

“There’s this park that’s a five minute drive, I was thinking we could go there because there’s trees and it might get super sunny and I don’t want you to get sunburnt and-”

“Sounds great,” Bucky lovingly cut you off. His hands found your waist as he pulled you in for a kiss, one hand moved to your back and then to your head to cup it. 

Everything was a blur when you both were getting ready for the day, it all went quickly because of how excited you were to go on a picnic with Bucky. The entire time you were doing your skin care or getting dressed into the new sundress Bucky was always hugging you or rubbing your back, his hands seemed to never leave. Soon enough you were in the car with Bucky as he played his music. His left hand held the bottom part of the steering wheel while his right rubbed your thigh that was exposed, he kept trying to push the sundress up a little bit at a time but you caught him. At the red light he just looked over to you but found you were already staring at him, ‘my pretty girl’ was all he said before the light turned to green. Bucky ran into the store to grab a few other things, you offered to join but he just wanted you to not move a muscle. 

Finally you were there. The car was parked, Bucky ran to the other side of the car to open the door. Whenever you’d go on dates he’d seem to change into this gentleman that wouldn’t let you lift a finger, he just said it was his ma who showed him. “Seeing your ma date scumbags over and over, you figure out what not to do.” he had said while you two laid in bed one night. Bucky also said he’d carry the basket and the blanket but you negotiated and carried the blanket, it was extremely light. 

Both of you walked for about five minutes before finding an open field that had trees sprouting far apart from one another, you laid the blanket down under an old oak while Bucky got the food out of the basket. 

“This is nice,” Bucky spoke softly as he stuck a fork into a watermelon chunk he got from the store, “great idea, love.” 

He could have a different pet name for every hour for an entire year. “Thank you,” you scooted closer to him. You both started sitting cross legged before finding yourself lying on your side, one hand propping your head up so you could look at one another. Bucky had gone for a chocolate covered strawberry but because of the heat some of it melted on the corner of his mouth, “you got something,” you tapped the corner of your lip, he wiped the other side. “I got it,” you said as you leaned in. your thumb flicked away the chocolate but before you could bring your hand down Bucky caught your wrist, “what, something on mine?” 

He shook his head and kissed your knuckles, “just beauty.”

“Ugh, I fell for it again!” you laughed and leaned towards him, Bucky giggled and kissed the inside of your palm again before letting you bring it back to the ground. 

You both took pictures of one another before the dessert Bucky got from the store was taken out. It was a tiny, most likely one person, cake. You practically lost your shit at how cute it was, Bucky just laughed as you took a few pictures and compared it to the size of your hand. When you looked up to look into his eyes time seemed to slow down, it felt like you were frozen. You could faintly hear kids screaming in the park as well as the wind rustling the trees, you could hear the sound of your breathing. The scene and the picture was so perfect you wanted to frame this moment forever, you wanted to make sure you remember every little detail of right now. The way Bucky looked at you needed to be saved even though he’d look at you like that if you asked him in a week, he’d look at you like that for the rest of his life. He seemed to study you, like he wanted to remember everything as well. 

Very quickly you were snapped out of it by Bucky grabbing the hem of your dress and pulling it down, “gust of wind took it,” he held it down even after the wind had stopped. 

“Oh, thanks,” you ran your hand over the fabric. 

“Lost you for a sec, everything okay?” Bucky asked, his hand moved to the dip on your waist. 

“Just thinking,” you whispered. 

“About what?” 

“You.”

Bucky giggled, “dido,” he moved his hand to your hip to give it a pat. “This has been great, we should do this all the time, I think.”

“Wanna walk around to find spots for next time?”

The blanket was tucked under your arm as you walked the gravel trail, the other hand held onto Bucky’s. Spots were saved for the next time you’d come back, the trail turned and twisted as you pointed. And soon you found yourselves in a garden. Lumps of flowers changed colour drastically from one to another, none of them repeated. You walked over to a small batch of sunflowers that matched the print on your dress, your fingers gently rubbed the petals. 

“Look at me,” Bucky muttered. You looked up and before you could think a sunflower was curled around your ear, his hand took his time coming back to his side, making a pitstop on your cheek and your chin. “There,” he whispered, his thumb rubbing your cheek. “Pretty as a picture, my love.”

“Oh, stop-”

“No, none of that,” Bucky kissed your lips, “let me compliment you, dove.” 

“Okay.”

Bucky took a deep breath, “I did say pretty as a picture but something is missing. But I just wanted to say that you’ve made my first year feel like a dream, I wish I could have dated you in high school or something so I could’ve had a head start,” Bucky dropped the basket and cupped your other cheek, “but I’m so happy where I am right now, I’m so happy I get to wake up next to you almost everyday, I so happy you’ve trusted me with things that you might not have trusted yourself with, I love you.” 

“Bucky-”

“Let me talk,” his voice was so soft you could feel the warmth, “I want to give you something, it’s very important to me, and I want to ask you something.” Bucky swallowed hard.

“I’m sorry, I’m gonna have to cut you off,” Bucky laughed as you cut in, “are you proposing?”

“No,” Bucky’s eyebrows pulled close together, “I’m gonna need a few more years to do that, now.” Bucky cleared his throat, “third time’s a charm,” he reached into his back pocket, “this is my mom’s necklace, my biological mom. I want you to have it, to wear it. Before we left for the foster home she gave me this to remember her. I wore it for a very long time before wanting to keep it safe for a girl I knew I loved, and that’s you.” the necklace was silver, the chain was delicate and thin as well as the small blue pendant that rested off of a hook in the middle. 

“It’s beautiful,” you gasped and clipped it on immediately, your hand coming up and holding the pendant close. “Thank you,” you could feel yourself start to get emotional. 

“One more thing to make this a perfect picture,” Bucky took both your hands into his, “I know you haven’t found a spot to go back to next week,” school was out next week and you weren’t allowed to go to your parents, “so I talked with Becca-”

“-no-”

“And she talked with our parents,” foster parents, “and they want you to come home with me, stay for the summer,” Bucky smiled, “there’s an entire guest bedroom for you, and it’s on a really nice plot of land with a dog- they got a dog while I was gone, I know you love dogs,” Bucky held your hands tighter as you began to shake your head no, “please, doll, you don’t have anywhere to go, I gotta make sure my best girl is alright and taken care of.” 

“This is too much,” you cried, “too much.”

“It’s never enough,” Bucky countered softly, “I love you and will do anything for you, let me do this, please.”

“I can’t pay you back-no, I’ll get a job and pay rent, I’ll do that,” you began to softly mutter to yourself your plan, trying to figure everything out. 

“You can get a job, but you’re not paying a cent,” Bucky pulled you into a hug, his hands rubbed your back, you weren’t crying anymore but you were still overwhelmed. He kept you pressed close to him, the flower in your hair fell to the ground. 

You slowly pulled away, the flower made its way into your hair again. “Okay,” you smiled, “I’ll go.”

“And the picture is now complete,” Bucky whispered, “we should put you in a museum or something, a work of art.”

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Our Home to Heal (Prologue)

Summary: working at the VA, you’ve found your place. helping people in the sobriety unit as well as cooking for the food bank, the VA had everything for you. Bucky Barnes has a not-so-good first impression but after dealing with a dark recent past he finds you to help him heal.

Episode: Prologue

Words: 2,818

Warning: talking about addiction, divorce, amputation. 

Our Home to Heal Series    II    Main Masterlist

Huffing and puffing filled the room as you got the chairs and sofas into a circle-type shape. The feet ripped the carpet a couple of times but it wasn’t too bad, you managed to cover it all with the furniture. The room was mainly brick, the floors were wood but you added carpet. With the lack of funds you had to pay for décor out of pocket, it was your choice to make it homier. The three-tier rack on wheels carried tea and coffee as well as a coffee maker and electric kettle, it wasn’t cheap at all, but all your visitors loved it so you kept it around instead of bringing it back to your apartment. Coffee pods littered the second lowest rack while the tea bags were organized nicely on the bottom rack, you only refilled it monthly and all your visitors knew that. The shag carpets were the best steal you’ve ever gotten at the thrift store, they were funky colours that brought the room together. The couches and chairs were stolen from around the building but no one seemed to notice, and if they did, they didn’t do anything. You found the green, blue, and red area carpets at the back of your local thrift store when you were trying to find a good winter coat for this year. After picking them up you convinced yourself that you didn’t need a new jacket, it would have been too much money if you bought the jacket as well. 

The insulated flannel jacket that was missing two buttons hung over the faded yellow armchair that showed off many stains. The biggest one was when someone knocked their entire freshly brewed coffee down the front of the arm, the green carpet was under the chair at the time but the stain doesn’t show on the forest green shag.

It was the dead of winter, your jacket wasn’t warm enough at all. Snow piled high in New York but also moved around at a rapid rate from the wind. By the time you’d get home your ears would be as red as the Rudolph’s nose decoration your neighbour always put their window. Your hood would cover most of your face but a small part of your ears would always catch the wind. 

“There we go,” you whispered as you stood, hands clasping behind you so you could dig them into your back, earning a massive pop. You put the water on and glanced at the time, your gaze shifted when people filled in. 

“Hey, Y/N,” they smiled and took their spot. 

“Hello everyone, come on in!” You waved them to their seats, helping certain people with their jackets, scarves, and gloves. “The water’s on, who wants tea and who wants coffee?” by the raise of hands and a few shouts you got it all down, the mugs were on another table beside the brochures for the VA. As you walked back and forth the sounds that filled the room was the clinking of ceramic mugs and chatter. 

Everyone was settled in but you were still finishing off the setup. There was still water left in the pots in case anyone wanted a refill, you had your cup and took a seat on your chair. It was a purple armchair that you had growing up. Your parents kept it in a storage room when you went through university and then gave it to you when you moved into your first apartment. The royal purple didn’t match with the rest of the apartment, so it was added to your shrine of seats at the VA. 

You’ve been working at the VA for three years, all thanks to Sam. The building was filled with people who have fought in many different wars, but there was a small population that hadn’t fought with bloody hands in their life. You were a part of that population, though you have never fought in a war you felt like you were fighting your entire childhood. Mother got knocked up in university and your dad was in and out, apparently, the two of them hated one another so you being born and forcing them to be together was a living hell for the two history majors. There was a food bank at the VA that you also helped out on during ‘Hot Meal Sundays’, it had been around since you were a little kid. During your university years you cooked all day and helped with the food bank, you met Sam before he went on his tour with his best friend Riley and you comforted him when he came back alone. After you had talked Sam down from a full-blown rage episode he offered you a job as a counsellor, you didn’t go to school for it but he showed you the ropes and made you sit in on his sessions. Sam being your teacher was the best thing that ever happened to you. 

The addiction group you ran consisted of six people (not including yourself) that were all over a year sober. The oldest man everyone referred to as Pops had served in world war two and became addicted to his painkillers, he also took part in the amputee group sessions because of a lack of a right hand. Pops never really talked about his time in the war, it was only about the painkillers he hadn’t touched in over thirty years. Most people would think after thirty years of sobriety you’d just move on and close that chapter behind you, but it wasn’t that simple. There was a girl with bright red hair who went by the name Phoenix, a name given to herself. She was only eighteen and had been sober from self-harm for a total of one year and sixty-three days, she was very new to the group. She ‘rose from her ashes’ as she says. At the beginning of Phoenix’s time in the group, Pops really didn’t like her, he said her hair was too bright and her piercings were too messy, along with the tattoos that covered her body. You were staying behind to clean up and talk to Pops about how rude he was being, he was there when you got a call from Phoenix as she was sobbing, saying she wanted to relapse after what Pops had said to her. The next time she came in Pops had bought her a coffee and pulled her outside, you never knew what they said, but they were best friends after. 

The floor was open, Pops started as always. “I went to visit my grandkids this weekend and I had to fly on a plane, my arm went off in the metal detector,” the group giggled with him, he had a prosthetic made with titanium, “but when I was up in the air and my ears popped, my head started to bang, I was making small talk with the lady beside me and she kept offering me a Tylenol every time I groaned.” He paused and leaned back in his chair, “I considered it,” he whispered. 

“That’s okay,” you cut in, “even after a very long time having the thing that hurts you the most waved in your face, It’s… well It’s hard,” you looked directly across the circle to Pops, he always sat across from you. 

“I didn’t take any,” he added and a breath of released anticipation fell over the entire room, “I waited it out until I got to my kid’s house and saw my grandkids, they made it disappear.” His lips ghosted a smile when he thought of them, most likely a replay of everything that happened over his time there flashed before him. “I feel like I’m tested every once in a while, God making its rounds…” he breathed the last part, letting the conversation move to someone else. 

People added what they wanted to say, sipping their drinks as the others talked. There were some notoriously quiet people in your little group, you didn’t know their name but they sat on the ground in front of their chair. Fingers would pluck and fray your carpet in that exact area, they never moved to a different spot, they just sat there. Every so often you’d try and get a word out but it never happened, they would look at you with wide eyes until you looked away; even then there would be times where you caught them staring at you with a frightened face. At one point they accepted a call at the end of a session and you heard them be referred to as ‘lovey’ so you pulled them aside and asked if you could call them that as well. All they did was shrug and stare at the very interesting dirty floor, but you said if they changed their mind, to let you know. That was two years ago. 

“Lovey, do you need some water?” you softly asked them, their cup was finished. 

“No, thank you,” they whispered back before quickly turning her gaze to the floor. 

And slowly the clock ticked away as you moderated the conversation, there wasn’t a lot for you to talk about because your past wasn’t filled with drugs. There would be times when a very kind lady in her early twenties would talk about her parents and how they let her smoke with them from a very young age, that was when you could share some wisdom about parents and how a broken home really drives addiction. You made a conscious effort to only speak for about five minutes each session, it wasn’t your time; you had your own therapist for that. 

When the time was up people collected their jackets and placed their mugs on the rack that you would take to the kitchen that was used for Hot Meal Sunday’s and for the food bank, there was a sink down there. The hot meals were open to the public but there were pick-up groceries from families who signed up every day of the week, they’d come and grab their bag based on the last name to find their food as well as food stamps to help them out. 

“Bye guys!” you called to the final people making their way out of the door, you grabbed the tray and made your way to the kitchen. Even after everyone left you stayed back and helped out for a while, you weren’t getting paid for it but that part really didn’t matter for you. Though money was never something that came easily to you, you never tried to get more than you needed. 

The kitchen was the nicest room in the entire building, and everyone agreed. A year ago the VA had gotten a massive donation from high schools all in the inner city to help upgrade the kitchen, there was some money left over from the donation that the staff agreed to use for bonuses. The kitchen staff got to choose what appliances they wanted for the kitchen, they went all out with top-of-the-line stovetops as well as better cleaning supplies and fresher vegetables, everything was just better. There were no longer dull tables made out of cutting board material rather stainless steel workbenches in order to keep everything extremely sanitary. New knives and boxes to store food as well as better containers to give food away in. What you loved the most about it was the little sink off in the corner that was made just for you, you were the only one who offered tea and drinks for their meetings and you’re mugs used to get cleaned by kitchen staff until they surprised you with a small sink and drying rack that made everyone’s life easier. You’d clean them and let them sit overnight for you to bring them up to your room tomorrow. 

You finished drying your hands and walked out of the kitchen, “see ya, Big Man,” you called to the head chef, he’d become a close friend over the years. 

“You got dinner tonight?” he yelled back as he leaned back on the mop. You just stood there and shrugged, you both knew the answer, “I’ll wrap up some leftovers, you go get your coat from your room- you do have a coat right?” Big Man, also known as Charles, smirked. 

“Of course I do, who do you think I am?” You laughed as you walked back to your room. Your jacket was still hung over the chair, right as you picked it up your stomach growled loud enough that Charles might have heard. 

You didn’t see Charles mopping when you walked back so you went to the kitchen as you pushed your arms through the sleeves of your jacket, “so,” he started when you walked in, the takeout box was sealed shut, “we got chicken stir fry that you will probably need to heat up when you get home and then some veggies in the bag for you,” he slid it across the polished workbench. 

“And that’s why you’re my best friend,” you giggled and picked up the box. 

“You need friends your age, I’m retired,” Charles laughed as he flung the towel to sit on his shoulder, “and you also need to take the groceries from here, you’re not making enough to buy your own, I don’t know why you don’t take advantage of all that is offered here,” he sighed and leaned against the fridge. 

“You know me,” you rolled your eyes, “I don’t want to take food from a family who needs it more, and I just… I don't know…” your hand itches your scalp to try and think of a way to end this confrontation. 

“I get it,” Charles nodded, “you need to get home, it’s dark.” he walked you to the main hallway before turning back to the kitchen. 

You had made the walk to your bus stop, in the little shelter one hand was warmly stuffed into your pocket while the other began to feel numb because it was holding the box of food out in the cold air. Your butt had also begun to feel the effects of the cold bench but you knew the bus was coming soon, you timed the walk perfectly. 

The amount of time you almost fell asleep on the bus was scary, the soft sway of it seemed to put you to sleep after a long day. You normally went to the very back so no one could really watch you rest your eyes with your mouth wide open, paranoia that crawled in you because you thought someone was taking a picture wasn’t something you wanted to enjoy on a daily basis. 

It was your stop and you left the bus to walk one block, then you finally reached your apartment complex. You were on the third floor and the elevator was now working so it made the final stretch to get there easier. The comfort of your apartment was something you looked forward to seeing every day, you loved your plants and décor as well as your very fluffy lap cat named Cleo, he had been around for a very long time. As you ate your food straight from the microwave Cleo came over and found your lap, the couch was very nice and fluffy but he found you comfier. 

After watching some TV and cuddling with Cleo you made your way to your bathroom to get ready for the night, washed your face with the other steps in your nighttime routine. Then you slipped into some comfier clothes and tucked yourself under the covers, Cleo found you again and curled between your legs near your feet, softly purring to the gentle rain sounds coming from your charging phone. 

Your apartment wasn’t the biggest or the nicest, there was exposed brick but not for design purposes, your kitchen looked nothing like the one at the VA, and your lights always flickered when you turned them on. Rent was crazy cheap so the paycheck you made wasn’t wasted every month, you had a good relationship with your landlord and he was always kind to you. The complex itself wasn’t that big, you knew almost everyone there. For Halloween, you knew just how many boxes of treats you needed to get for the little kids who ran down your halls. People moved in and out of your complex, it was definitely good for people to get back on their feet and figure out life because the landlord had a soft spot for people like that, that’s why he kept the rent so low. 

Though the days were exhausting you wouldn’t trade them for the world. Though the pay was less than what you needed you would never ask for a raise. And though you felt the world crashing down on you, you would never change a thing.

Next Episode 

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Winter Makes Ice (Ep.6)

Summary:  you’re captured after a brawl at the Avengers building, Bucky and others must save you before Hydra makes a new Winter Soldier out of you, Bucky has given up that title.

Words: 3k.

Episode: six

Warnings: angst, crying

Masterlist! Winter Makes Ice Episode: Five

Time: 10:11pm

Date: October 4th, 2024

Bucky finally left your medical room after everyone cleared out. His heart rate was way too fast for his liking and he knew he needed a second, this issue wouldn’t be fixed overnight and he knew what was coming. As he walked to your shared room everyone looked at him, there was no real reason but they watched anyway. The feeling burned into his back, the hair on the back of his neck stood at attention until he turned the corner. 

The moment he walked in and shut the door, Bucky threw himself back against it for support. His eyes squeezed so tight it burned and his chest moved rapidly with his breathes. Knees bent and he was curled up on the floor, though no one was in the room to see him he still covered his face as he cried, he was still getting used to being able to show himself crying. Little pleads to no one came out as whimpers as Bucky struggled to catch his breath, he was rocking back and forth but not really getting anywhere. 

“Please…let her be okay…” he cried to the ceiling. 

All Bucky could see was the way your face fell and your body became rigid at the sound of a command, you were such a carefree spirit that seeing you fight back against your own mind when following rules hurt Bucky. He’d never seen anything like this when he was at Hydra, he was used to the brainwashing and the large machines but Hydra got so good they could fit years of tourture into a little syringe. Bucky was either kept in a cell or put under ice, he couldn’t image what it was like to be suspended by your neck for hours on end; medical staff said the bruising indicate a total of over twenty four hours suspended. 

Part of him, selfishly, wanted you to keep thinking that it was still only one day since you were kidnapped, he didn’t want you to remember what had happened to you. It was selfish and, to him, unethical to wish someone to forget a new main point in their life but he wanted you to be somewhat okay. But since you were disoriented now he knew that meant it would all come back slowly, most likely over nightmares and triggers. Simply from the way he saw your face fill with sadness when he’d wake you up in the middle of the night to tell you he had a nightmare, Bucky knew he’d be destroyed if he ever saw you deal with a nightmare, getting triggered and nightmares were the one thing Bucky never wished on his worst enemy, they were unbearable. 

He needed to make the room feel safe, you’d probably stay in here for a while and slowly get used to the rest of the compound. Bucky changed the sheets and got you comfy clothes ready on the bed, it was one of his old sweaters and some loose shorts. He got the bathroom tidy because he’d get you in the shower whenever you’d wake up and come to the room, your hair care bottles were full and didn’t need to be tipped upside down. 

Near the end of his cleaning session he found a polaroid on your side of the dresser, it was one Wanda took on movie night. You had just labeled yourself a couple and told the rest of the team so the both of you had begun to show a little more PDA, Bucky remembered he was still hesitant but you’d warmed up to the idea. You’d kiss him on the cheek as you walked past him in the kitchen and pull him in for a hug whenever, you were a sucker for PDA and it always made you so flustered when Bucky would kiss the top of your head. You’d lose control and just cover your face to try and hide the smile, you’d feel the blush even if you couldn’t see it. Bucky would always try and see your face, he’d pull at your hands and coo softly to see his ‘pretty girl’ which would make you a goner. So when Wanda held her polaroid camera in front of you two Bucky knew he wanted to do something special, as she counted down Bucky got ready for his little surprise. As she hit one Bucky turned his head and kissed you cheek, holding his lips there to make sure it got in the photo. 

When the photo developed you swooned over it, your face was completely shocked, the camera caught your mouth hung wide open and your eyes wide. Bucky just smiled with a little pride as he watched you run your finger over the picture in love, when you tucked it in your phone case for now Bucky kissed the top of your head and turned back to the movie. 

Bucky placed the picture back on the dresser before getting the door because there was a knock that kicked him out of the memory. He opened it to see Steve with you in a wheelchair, you looked stressed until you saw Bucky. 

“See, he's right there, don’t worry.” Steve said before wheeling you in and handing you over to Bucky, “she’s really jumpy and thinks everything is fake, anything is going to freak her out.” Steve whispered in the exchange, Bucky looked at you with a nod, you didn’t hear them. After a hug, Steve left, the door to your room closed so softly no noise came out. 

“Hey, pretty girl,” Bucky waked around so he could kneel in front of you, “what’s going on?” you still looked like a deer in headlights.

“I don't- I’m still- I can’t really-” your hand came to touch your neck, a something to soothe yourself. 

“Sh-sh-sh, it’s okay, don’t freak out,” Bucky hushed before wheeling you into the bathroom, “we’re gonna give you a shower and then cuddle for a bit- or do you want food first?” Bucky leaned over to make eye contact with you, he fished for a granola bar in his back pocket and pulled it out. 

“I could eat,” you nodded and looked forward again, “I-I haven’t eaten in...ten days…” you muttered and rubbed your hand up and down your forearm. 

“You know what day it is?” Bucky asked and got a hum in response, he came around and sat on the toilet to match your level. “You need help eating?” Bucky asked so softly, his voice went up a few octaves. 

“I-y-yeah, I think I do…'msorry…” Your eyes became a little glossy. 

“Don’t worry,” Bucky hushed and quickly opened the snack, “I’m gonna be here for you all the time, and I want to be, okay?” He held out the bar for you to bite, you barely got any but it was still enough to make you feel sick. 

“All I’ve had is fluid food, I can’t stomach this,” you rested a bruised hand on your stomach. Bucky nodded and tried to get you to eat a little more, it worked until you were dry heaving over the toilet that Bucky was sitting on. As Bucky took off your hospital robe as you told him the bits you remembered from your captivity, parts had come back when you were sedated but there were still major gaps in your story. 

The water was running and both of you waited for it to warm up, “wanna join?” You asked as Bucky stood in his normal clothes, grey sweatpants and a navy blue shirt. 

“You sure?” He asked cautiously, “I’m gonna wash your hair and all that, but I can do that from outside the shower if you want some space.” Bucky eased, but when you nodded he got undressed as well. 

You stepped in first and almost collapsed at how calming it felt, the water pellets massaging your sore back and legs. Bucky let you hold his shoulders as you just swayed back and forth to let the water hit everywhere on your backside, he would kiss the back of your hand from time to time to let you know he was here because your eyes were closed. You tilted your head all the way back so the water hit your face, eyes squinted for a second before getting used to it. 

Bucky just took in that you were home, he’d spent all his time going from place to place in order to find you, he didn’t give himself time to breathe in between each trip. Bucky knew he would’ve felt guilty if he gave one day to rest during the mission to find you, he would have blamed everything on himself. Even though he still does blame it on himself Bucky knows he never gave up during those times which meant he could’ve found you sooner; that was a hard pill to swallow. 

The shower floor was beginning to turn dark red, the mud and blood were swirling together which made a very stark contrast between it and the while tile floor. It was a shower with a door but the panel was frosted, it made it seem like this was the only thing happening in the world right then. Time seemed to stop when he was in here with you, you’d taken showers together before but not for the same reason, Bucky never thought he’d have to deal with this. There wasn’t a light in the shower itself so the only light came through the frost panel, it was darker than normal and it seemed you both liked it. It was more intimate, Bucky didn’t even realize he was edging closer to you. His hand found its way to your hips and that did startle you, you squeezed his shoulders and kept your head tilted back to the showerhead. 

“I love you,” Bucky whispered, his fingers linking as he wrapped his arms all the way around you. He was met with your eyes as you looked down, now the water was hitting the back of your head. “Thank you for not dying, I-I don’t know what I would do without you.” He reached up to cup your cheek. 

Your lip quivered as you studied the man before you, he seemed freaked out that you were crying. “Do you remember the night I got taken?” your voice was thick with tears, “you yelled you loved me and I said-” you gasped as you tried to take a breath in, Bucky quickly eased you to a normal breathing rate, “I said I’d tell you I love you after all this would be done, I said we’d be okay…” you looked off to the tiled wall to try and hide your tears, “I never said I love you, I never got the chance, and I’m so sorry-!” You lunged forward with a yell-like sob, your arms wrapping around his neck as you cried hard into him. Little sounds were coming from you as you tried to talk but the lack of air and control you had over yourself didn’t let you form a syllable. Your back ridged outward as your dirty nails clawed at his back, trying to get closer even though you were already as close as possible. “I remembered it when I woke up, I needed to find you to tell you, I needed-I need-”

“It’s okay,” Bucky whispered through your slightly wet and clumpy hair, his hand cupping the back of your head which made your hair more tangled. “I always know you love me, It’s okay.” His other hand rubbed hard against your back, almost trying to push everything out of you, it wasn’t aggressive but rather soothing. “And you're right, we are going to be okay, doll.” His lips ghosted against the shell of your ear. 

You pulled your chest away, your eyes looking between his, “I’m not okay,” you cried, “how can I be? I’m missing part of my nose!” you screamed, your voice cracked as the bruise shifted on your neck. 

“It will grow back, it will be okay,” he looked down to your nose, it wasn’t sliced at the bridge but rather the bulb, it was all cartilage and if it didn’t grow back then it would be an easy job to fix. 

He stood there with you as you cried on his shoulder, he was silently thanking Tony for the great facility because anywhere else would have left them with cold water at that this point. Though your knees were shaking and buckling he held your body weight and kept you up so you, every so often he’d whisper something in your ear but for the most part he let you cry it all out. You’d do this to him so many times, you had told him once when Bucky was crying over a very scary mission that ‘you shouldn’t stop someone from crying when they’re upset like you wouldn’t stop someone from laughing when they're happy’. You needed to let go of those emotions at that time and Bucky learned to be okay with that. 

Soon enough he was scrubbing deep into your hair as he talked about all the things he could think of to keep your mind off the elephant in the room, he’d focus on your hair but then quickly look at your face to make sure you were okay. Sometimes he’d catch you looking and quickly plant a kiss on your forehead. His fingers tangled in your hair and the suds fell down the side of your face, none got in your eyes because they had fluttered shut from the relaxation. 

The water shut off and Bucky helped you dry off, he was gentle with the towel as he rubbed all around your body, when he dried himself he’d go hard and really uncoordinated but with you he treated you like glass. You were swaddled in your comfy clothes and Bucky stood beside you as you put on some moisturizer, he’d look between your reflection and you to make sure nothing was going wrong, a hand hovered over your back just to be safe. 

“You wanna try eating?” He asked softly before kissing your temple.

You just nodded, your head stayed tilted down as you followed him out of the bathroom. Bucky didn’t think people would be in the kitchen and they weren’t. As Bucky made you a sandwich Nat had walked in just to say hi and to tell you she was so happy you came back, Nat placed a little kiss on the crown of your head; that was unheard of from her. 

Sam made an appearance, his eyes were misty and his nose was a little red. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help, Fury needed help with another mission but it ended up falling through and- I’m just really sorry I couldn’t be there for you, honestly.” Sam rubbed your back as you nodded. 

“It’s okay, I forgive you, I was never really mad.” You shrugged and Sam gave one last farewell before heading into his room for the night. 

As you ate your food, Bruce came into the kitchen. Bucky just wanted you to have some space but was shocked when Banner called for him. “Barnes,” Bruce’s voice startled you a bit. 

Bucky followed Bruce around the hall so you were out of earshot. “I know a way to get this serum out of her,” was what he started with. Bucky just looked at him like he was crazy, “we tested her blood and it seemed her body is rejecting a bit, it hasn’t really connected like the super soldier serum has with you and Steve, these are completely different compounds in her case.” Bruce leaned over to make sure she wasn’t listening, “my lab is making an antidote that will be given to her once in pill form, she’ll be down for a day but the antidote will fight off this serum,” Banner smiled. 

“What are the risks?” Bucky whispered even though you weren’t listening. 

“A really intense cold, and maybe...y’know...it might not work, that’s a thing.” Bruce shrugged, “but it will work, I’m very confident.” Bruce looked off to the side, “oh!” something had popped into his mind, “I can also get her nose filled, while she was sedated we looked and because her body is fighting against the serum we found the decaying has slowed.” 

Bucky took a deep breath before nodding, “run it by her tomorrow, she needs some time.” the two of them shook hands and went their separate ways, Bucky made his way back to the kitchen counter to see a sandwich with three bites taken out of it. “How are we doing over here?” Bucky's hand felt along your back as he sat down. 

“I can’t finish it, I’m sorry,” You said softly, you pushed the plate towards him. 

“That’s alright, let’s go to bed, yeah?” Bucky eased you up and walked you to the bedroom again. 

It took a while to get you rested but once your breath steadied Bucky shifted and put your head on his bare chest, he just wanted to watch you for a bit. As much as he wanted to give you space he couldn’t imagine leaving your side for a second, he knew it might bug you but he didn’t care. You were his girl and needed to help you when you were down, he was going to pull your weight when you couldn’t because he couldn’t count how many times you’d done it for him. 

A tear rolled down his cheek and he rubbed his back, “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, “I should have done better, I shouldn’t have run out when you told me to, I should have stayed and fought all of them when they attacked, I-I,” he pulled his breath back to make sure he wasn’t waking you up, “I’m the reason this happened, and I’ll do better,” he kissed the top of your head, his eyes squeezed so tight some tears managed to get out, “I promise.”

Winter Makes Ice tag list: @small-death-and-codeine​ @commonintrest​ @buckyys-doll​  @lil-baby-nor @wafflesncream​

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A/N: AHHHH THANK YOU FOR 100 FOLLOWERS!

I’ve never hit a milestone on here before but I want to know what you want to see for some type of 100 follower oneshot, I’m down for anything. If you want to send a prompt or idea just put it here or send it as an ask or direct message me, anything works. 

Thank you for being here, thank you for reading. There will probably be two or three more episodes so look out for that!

-Rambo <3

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