Warnings:soft, protective!Bucky because that is a warning!
Author’s Note: and we’re back so sorry for the wait on this one, it seems I’ve become more critical of my work, and i find myself erasing my work more and more. There are only two more chapters left to this series before it wraps up and i’ll venture into newer things. I hope you’ll enjoy this one, thank you for reading!
Another sleepless night; you tossed and turned, but you couldn’t find the right position. It wasn’t that you weren’t tired, the lingering haze of sleep that sat at the back of your mind was proof enough, it was the pool of memories that your lingering sleep sat in that kept you awake at night. You wish you could shake it, shake the sight of her, the sight of her in a pool of her own blood. The guilt that lingered from that night had loomed over you like a dark and rainy cloud, it had been a week and you couldn’t shake it. Bucky had tried to talk to you, get you to listen to reason, but you knew if you let him in you would only break further. You had killed the person he loved the most, you knew he said he would have done it had he been given the chance, but there was a part of you that wasn’t believing that to be true.
A shaky breath left your lips as you kicked off the cooled sheets from your pajama clad body, the silence around you is teasing; the world around you sleeps yet here you are awake. Your body felt tight, constricted, your mind screaming at you to run and continue to run till you couldn’t anymore. Your numb feet carried you to the room, the walls around you warping ever so slightly as you continued to push yourself forward. Your hands gripped the stair railing as you ran down the stairs your breath coming out shaky as you made your way through the kitchen and out the back door.
You try to focus on your breathing as you continue to stumble further down the yard, your sight set on the withering bench. Anxiety bubbles deep within you, making you sick. You grip the back of the bench making your way around it as you fall onto it.
The world around you is no longer silent, a buzzing sounds from you ear, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing. A choked sob falls from your lips, why did this life have to be so cruel? A choked gasp falls from your lips as you struggle to ground yourself. Your head falls to your hands where they rest on your knees, you wish you could just wake up from this nightmare, because that’s what it felt like now, one big nightmare.
A hand fell to your shoulder, and from where your head was cast down a pair of legs appeared in your sight.
“Y/n sweetheart, look at me,” you shook your head, you couldn’t meet his eyes, you’d only break further. Bucky’s hands are finding their way to your face, pulling, pulling, till he can get you to look him in the eyes.
“y/n,” he coos, “c’mere sweetheart,” he murmurs pulling you into his arms.
“I just want this feeling to go away,” you cried, “I just want it to go away, I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
Bucky pulled you in closer embracing the best he could with his position, “why haven’t you come to me y/n, I’ve been trying for a week to get you to talk to me, look at you sweetheart,” he voiced fingers running over your wet cheeks, “you’ve reached your end, you need to let me in, let me help you y/n.”
Your shaking your head again, “it’s too much Bucky, I can’t get the image of her out of my head, and seeing you just makes it worse, I-”
Bucky’s getting in your space, hands gripping your face a little firmer, “y/n, doll I don’t blame you for what happened that night, I told you had it been me I would have done the same, y/n what dot did I wouldn’t have hesitated to put a bullet through her and you know that,, as horrible as this might sound, she did more than just betray my trust, she abused my love, and what happened to her that night we can call it karma.”
His eyes are searching your watery ones, “y/n is that why you locked yourself away in the room when we came home that night, do you think I blame you for what happened to dot?”
Your eyes water more, your voice a broken whisper, “I’m sorry,” you choke out.
Bucky’s standing then his hands wrapping around your arms as he pulls you up bringing you into a tight embrace, “y/n I don’t blame you, could never blame you for what happened to dot, everyone gets what’s coming to them in this life, and dot was no exception.”
You move your head from where it had been pressed against his shoulder to look into his eyes, “but you thought she was the one, she had changed you so much, you wanted to be better for her, to go against all you knew to make her happy.”
A lopsided smile is pulling at Bucky’s lips, his hand cupping your tear stricken cheek, “y/n were you that out of it that night that you can’t recall anything I said,” he questions, you shake your head, “you know you all get after me when I’ve spent a week with someone and you all think I’ve changed, but look at what happens to you a week without me,” he teases.
A teary chuckle escapes your lips, your head leaning into his hand, “don’t get to ahead of yourself there Barnes, and excuse me for not focusing on anything you said that night I killed another person in the span of a month, don’t think I’ve gotten to your level yet.”
Bucky laughs, “there’s my cheeky girl,” he grins, “y/n I don’t blame you for any of what happened to dot, because she didn’t matter,” your brows furrow, “sweetheart the week I spent with her really wasn’t what anyone was thinking, but I couldn’t let any of you know what it was that I was doing, if I wanted my plan to work,”
You sniffle rubbing under your eyes, “plan,” you questioned, “w-what do you mean, what plan, you had a plan aside from the one we put together, the one you messed up by going in alone?” You questioned.
Summary: sometimes you need to take a step back and breathe, Steve decides to join you.
Warnings: fluff because that’s how I roll.
Author’s note: I’m not sure if I’m proud of this one or not. I can’t tell if I got exactly what I was thinking into the writing, but oh well. Enjoy, if it’s actually enjoyable!
The stars were beautiful. Each were an individual, not one the same as the other. That was what it was like down on earth; everybody is different. Different lives, different stories. Your story is especially different.
You had planted yourself on the roof of the compound, gazing up at the breathtaking view that was the sky above. A nightmare had struck once again, but a simple tea and a book could not cure your insomnia. You only ventured up onto the roof when the night terrors were more terrifying than usual. Those terrors regularly ended up with another one of your victims laying dead and covered with burns. Burns from you. Terribly shaken, you would seek peace whilst observing the wonder of space. The infinite size of the universe made you feel so small, temporarily wiping the thoughts of your sins from your mind. That was what you needed. A break. A breather.
Pulling the blanket tighter around your shoulders, you exhaled in content. You could feel the fear slowly leave your body, until you heard the calm of the night being interrupted.
You whipped around, the tranquil atmosphere you had sat in dissipating instantly. Fire danced around your fingers as you prepared for a fight. It was what you were trained for.
Suddenly, Steve appeared from the steps up to the roof, eyes wide when he noticed you sitting there, wrapped up in the blanket he had given you for your weekly movie nights together.
“Oh, hey Y/N.” Steve said, a smile spreading on his lips. He noticed the orange glow in your eyes, “sorry, did I scare you?” His words were almost teasing; he knew you were one of the toughest Avengers, your life before perfectly illustrated that.
“No. You know I’d beat anyone’s ass in a fight.” You chuckled, watching as he sat down next to you.
“The sky is beautiful tonight, don’t you think?” Steve said after a moments silence.
“It is every night.” You breathed, admiring the inky black sky and the glittering stars that decorated it.
“You’re here every night?” Asked Steve, eyebrows furrowing slightly.
You nodded. “Only if the dreams are really bad.”
“You wanna talk about it?” He asked, wrapping a toned arm around you and scooting closer.
“No.” You sighed resting your head on his shoulder. Looking up to the sky, you continued, “this is all the therapy I need.”
The two of you sat in a comfortable silence, simply appreciating the world for a while.
“Why are you up here?” You asked Steve, who looked down at you with his baby blue eyes that always seemed to take your breath away.
“Couldn’t sleep.” He replied simply, looking back up to the sky.
“You wanna talk about it?”
“No.” He chuckled softly, turning back to you. “This is all the therapy I need.”
Steve’s words made your heart flutter, a feeling that you had no hope in digging up from the deep hole you had buried it in. You smiled up at him, earning a pearly white smile back.
A silence was slipped into once again, although this time it was full of mountains of thoughts and racing hearts.
“Yes, Steve?” You asked quietly.
He turned fully to you, looking at you seriously now. He had something on his mind. Something big.
“I love you.”
This was not what you expected. He loved you? How could he love someone like me? You thought, someone so… dangerous? “Do you mean ‘I love you’ as in ‘I love you as a friend’ or-“ you replied, stumbling over your words - which was a rare sight to see from you - and for the first time, Steve cut you off.
“No, I love you as in I love the way you get excited over the smallest things. I love the way you dance around in the kitchen when you have your earbuds in and you’re eating something you really like. I love how you’re so fearless during missions even after everything you’ve been through. I love the way you sit down with Peter every week to give him Math lessons because your so damn smart. I love you, Y/N. More and more every day.”
Your smile broadened as his little speech went on, pure adoration filling your eyes. You had felt this way about Steve forever, however the guilt had forced you to lock those feelings away. You didn’t think you deserved the treasure called ‘love’. This confession, however, changed everything.
Steve looked at you, a small smile on his full, pink lips. It looked as if an enormous weight had been released from his wide shoulders.
“I love you too.” You said, your eyes flickering down to his lips before returning to his hopeful eyes. “I always have.”
Tilting your head up, you kissed him. And nothing could describe the genuine elation that pumped through your veins. The faint scent of his cologne blessed your senses, along with the feeling of his soft thumb caressing your cheekbone. You wrapped your hands around his neck, enjoying the moment as much as you could.
It could have been hours later, but you finally pulled apart, opening your eyes to see each other’s wide grins.
“Do you wanna tell me why you’re really up here?” You asked, a vague tingle sparkling on your lips.
me & my dad had a conversation about old movies & when i looked up dirty dancing I WAS SHOOK. it came out August 21st of 1987. UNINTENTIONALLY, i said voting ends the 21st of August. i let votes last a week & i took a moment to stare at my phone with wide eyes. my dad looked at me & asked if i was good & I said i just realized something…LUCKILY he didn’t ask anymore questions & brushes it off like nothing because he knows if it was personal i would’ve told him 😭
hey guys! i thought it would be fun if i did a little fic rec post with some of my favorite fics that i’ve read these past five months in quarantine :) i’ve read from a lot of different fandoms, so hopefully you find something that does it for you <3
i started out this quarantine with a profound love for henry cavill and his characters geralt of rivia and august walker…here are some of my henry cavill favorites:
Beautiful and Damned by @dreamwritesimagines : (geralt x reader) if you want an amazing series with incredible writing and an intricate plot, this is the story for you. with a princess reader and a beautiful love story, it is everything you could ever need.
Beckoning Light by @owillofthewisps : (geralt x reader) this is the prime example of a fantastic healer!reader story, and i cannot get enough! it is so well written, the imagery is out of this world, and ultimately just an amazing story. bee has another ongoing story,Portraits Hung in Empty Halls that has got me wrapped around her little finger, so check out basically everything she puts out ;)
Catch Me by @gunpowder-and-smoke : (geralt x reader) this oneshot just makes me a giggling mess every time i read it. goodness gracious. geralt is such a softie and lea captures that perfectly
Angels by @gryffindorwriter : (august walker x reader) this series has to be one of the best bodyguard fics ever. the hesitation. the care. i was so invested i literally sat down and read it all at once because i couldn’t stop. highly highly recommend!
alrighty! next came my resurgence for harry potter when i started rereading the books. this lead to a deep dive into sirius black fanfiction. these are some of my favorites:
Reverieby @hermioneshandbag : (post-Azkaban!sirius) this series is SO GOOD! literally perfection. this was the first fic i read by her and then i proceeded to read every other thing she’s put out. i cried and laughed and was so absorbed by the story, i couldn’t do anything but think about it for the next week. this is a total must read.
Never Have I Everby @bave-de-crapaud : (post-Azkaban!sirius) oh my freaking gosh. i absolutely adore sirius in this fic. he is charming and handsome and the perfect amount of everything. amazing writing to go with an amazing story.
The Sunrise by @accio-infinity-stone : (marauder!sirius x hufflepuff!reader) this three part series is just so adorable. so romantic, and as a hufflepuff, everything i needed in a fic. sirius is just a teasing sweetheart in this story, and i love it!
The Jimmy Jab Games by @im-a-writer-right : (marauder!sirius x reader) brooklyn nine-nine is one of my favorite shows, so this series is just the best. it is hilarious. i love the relationships between the characters, not only between sirius and the reader, but all the marauders. definitely a must read for all sirius fans out there.
I’m Having Your Babyby @pregnant-piggy : (modern!sirius x reader) i followed this series from the first part, and i was immediately enthralled. dev is such a fantastic writer, and this was just done to perfection. if you’re looking for a pregnancy fic, this is the one for you!
Just North Of Paradise by @approved-by-dentists : (marauder!sirius x reader) clarissa is an absolute sweetheart and so talented, and this series shows that. it’s the perfect amount of pining and angst and flirting. just ugh. read it, please.
those are just a few of the absolutely fantastic sirius stories that i’ve read this quarantine. i still haven’t emerged from that rabbit hole, but i have taken a little detour to discover some quality billy russo and logan delos fics that i would love for you guys to read!
Running Away by @banditthewriter : (billy russo x reader) guys. bandit is LITERALLY so amazing. like i love her work to no end. i read running away and then proceeded to read her work for the next month. i’m not kidding. she is just THAT good. she writes billy with perfection, and her story ideas are out of this world. i cannot express how much i appreciate her and her writing. evermore is another one of my favorites as well as her choose your fate series for billy. really. you HAVE to read her work. just do it. you won’t regret it.
What Are Friends For? by @luckysstrikes : (billy russo x reader) talk about pining and friendship and love. i adore billy in this fic. and the story is so funny and groan-worthy in the best way.
Sweet Thing by @smiley-celine : (logan delos x reader) this series is totally fantastic. i love the personality of the reader. she is so spunky, making this a totally fun read. the relationship they develop is so great, not perfect at first, but that’s the point of the story, isn’t it?
okay and then i will always have a soft spot for bucky barnes. he has been a long time love of mine, so here are some of my favorites that i’ve read this quarantine <3
Temperature Control by @amythedvdhoarder(bucky barnes x reader) oh my gosh. this one just gets me. i am such a sucker for bucky’s cool metal arm. not in a weird way. but this fic is just fluffy perfection with a sneaky bucky. it’s everything.
Paper Wallsby @writingcroissant : (bucky barnes x reader) this has to be one of the BEST bucky series out there. i mean it is so heart wrenching and soft and angsty and happy. i love reading this over and over again, so i recommend this with all my heart. for darn sure.
The Safest Place in New York by @wkmeup : (bucky barnes x reader) bucky to the rescue. i just love him in this and how kind and patient and considerate he is. he really just is the sweetest.
sorry for the long post, but i just want to send my love to all of the writers that have made quarantine bearable and honestly fun. i love all of you and think you are amazing and wonderful. truly all my love and appreciation <3<3<3
Summary: Bucky finally mans up and confesses everything and has to ask for forgiveness.
A/N: I finally decided to write the second part of this. And now I’m going to write another chapter of “Unexpected Gifts”
“I messed up big time.”
After putting you to bed and texting Steve, Bucky goes to the kitchen and cleans up everything. He puts all the food away. Of course, he can’t help but taste it while he does. Once he taste it, it only causes him to hate himself more.
“God, I’m such an idiot.” He says to himself as he puts a lid on the container.
He puts the dishes in the dishwasher then heads to his room. He gets to his room and his phone chimes with a notification. It was a message from Steve.
Steve honestly doesn’t want to know what Bucky means by his text, but he has a gut feeling it has something to do with Y/N. He shakes his head and types a response. He presses send then puts his phone away.
Summary: Bucky didn’t deserve you, he was sure of that. But you loved him with everything you had, and maybe there were a few times that convinced him that he could make you happy.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Word Count: 1057
A/N: thanks so much to everyone who has stuck around during my (unexpected and unintentional) hiatus. And thanks to my best friend in the world @dragonofthenorth0726 for making sure this was post-ready while I’m without internet. Hope you guys enjoy!
Bucky wasn’t ungrateful, not in the least. He knew that without you, he would have withered away to the shell of the man he was when he was with you. But it confused him. Where he was sharp edges and dark, broken thoughts, you were soft touches and warm, steady calm. You were the sun breaking through his storm. You took every rough moment in stride, you fought off everything the world dared to throw his way.
If there was one thing Bucky would never understand, it was the fact that you loved him. It was entirely unbelievable to him that you could love him so unconditionally. He knew in his heart that he didn’t deserve it, that gentle and unwavering adoration that you had for him.
You knew about the terrible things he’d done, about the blood on his hands, but it made no difference to you. You still held them tight, still let them explore the expanse of your body, or card through your hair. You never flinched away from the cool metal of his prosthetic. No, you admired it, and treated it just the same as the flesh of his other arm. You’d trace his scars late at night and mumble against his skin about how thankful you were he’d made it out alive, that he’d ended up in your arms right where he belonged.
His favorite days were the ones when you managed to make him forget just how terrible things could be. Days like the ones when he’d catch you dancing in the kitchen to whatever song you’d decided to blast through your headphones. And maybe you weren’t the best dancer, and maybe your macaroni and cheese was scorching on the stove, but your smile was brighter than the sun, and so fucking intoxicating. Nothing else could possibly matter, he thought. Not as long as you kept smiling like that. If he could make you do that then maybe, just maybe, things wouldn’t be so bad after all.
It was days like the ones when awful missions gave way to finding you bundled up in a blanket watching whatever show you’d been binging while he was away, an array of snacks around you. And the best part was always the way your eyes lit up when he came in, the way you automatically reached out for him to join. And he always did, how could he not when you looked at him with those wide, hopeful eyes and that little pout? Maybe it was the way you melted against him like there was nowhere you’d rather be, or the little contented sigh you let out every time, but in those moments, Bucky thought that maybe, just maybe, he could be truly happy again.
But his favorite day, the best of them all, was the day you’d asked him to come over. You had begged him over the phone to help you with your spur of the moment apartment redecoration. He nudged the door open and found one of the most endearing sights he’d ever had the privilege of seeing. You were sat on the floor, entirely focused on turning your bookshelves a gaudy teal. There was paint smeared across your forehead from where you’d intended to wipe away sweat, and your nose was scrunched up in that adorable way you did when you were trying to focus. Classic rock played from your phone and you hummed along.
And maybe his mind wandered. Maybe he imagined decorating a shared bedroom with you, or watching you painting your baby’s crib whatever bright color you’d decided on, your nose all scrunched up. He brushed his hair behind his ear as you looked up. A sunshiney smile lit up your face.
“Hey, you! Whatcha think?” You stood up and wiped your hands on your paint stained overalls. You looked at him like you had never been more proud, and he felt that familiar calm wash over him.
“It’s very you.” He answered. You smiled and tucked yourself into his side. His arm wrapped around you and tugged you closer.
“I hoped you’d like it.” Your lips pressed an entirely innocent kiss to his jaw. “But just wait till you see how I ruined the bedroom. You’ve gotta help me fix it.”
He’d took a long moment to look at you, to admire you. You were simply breathtaking. You were every little thing he needed, everything he wanted and more. He swore that he’d keep you for as long as you’d have him right then and there.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked after a long moment had passed. Bucky blinked as if he hadn’t even realized he’d been staring.
“I’m in love with you.” He answered. It wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but something about the intensity behind the words made your stomach flutter. “I’m in love with you and I want to spend every moment of the rest of my life by your side if you’ll let me.”
Your hand lifted to cover your mouth and muffle the soft gasp that left your lips. He had an entirely serious look on his face as his eyes scanned yours.
“James Barnes, are you proposing to me?” You were breathless, just standing and looking at him in disbelief. His eyes went wide.
“No! Well, not that I don’t want to marry you - God, do I wanna be your husband - but it wasn’t supposed to go like this.” He dragged a hand through his hair.
“I don’t have a ring, and I was gonna do something big and romantic. You like that stuff. It was supposed to -” You cut off his ramblings and took both of his hands in yours.
“Stop, stop thinking. I don’t need a ring or some grand gesture to know I love you, or that I want to marry you.” You promised him. That stunning smile returned to your face, and his heart skipped a beat. “Just…ask the question.”
“(Y/N), will you marry me?” There was hardly a millisecond before your lips were on his in a sweet, slow kiss.
“I want nothing more.”
And in that moment, as Bucky held you and thought about being able to do just that forever, he decided that maybe everything would turn out better than he’d ever imagined.
Pairing: (Eventual) Doctor!Bucky Barnes x Patient!Reader
Warnings: Heartbreak, Bullying
A/N: This fic was my entry for @wkemeup‘s 4K Writing Challenge. I just decided to rewrite the prologue. I DON’T DO TAGLISTS!
Scarlet sheets soaked in salty tears, quivering lips and trembling hands balled into fists. You fought the urge to let it break you once again, but you knew it was too late. You were already broken, so what even was the point of holding it all in?
The pain of your first broken heart was one that was not easy to bear, but also one that you should probably get used to. Deep down, you knew that it would be the first of many more to come. But that did not make this any easier, not for a hopeless romantic like yourself.
“Honey, you’ve got to tell me what’s going on…” Your mother said softly as she stroked your hair, her heart breaking as she heard the sobs of her seventeen year old daughter. “What is it, baby? Did something happen at school?” She asked, pausing for a moment between her questions before she brought up his name. “Is it Bucky?”
Summary: After he broke off with you, you got a phone call that left you worried, you had no chance but to find him and make sure he was okay.
Requested: Prompts: “I don’t care, I don’t care about your past, I don’t care about what those people/HYDRA did to you. Because it is in the past and we out grew it, just let me love you.” // “You’re scared, aren’t you?” by @jjasalemhope you like it honey bee.
Warnings: past abuse (very brief), very very angsty, a bit fluff, smut (as usual *wink*), caring!bucky, soft!bucky
a/n: I know abuse could be disturbing and may trigger some of you so I tried to be brief about it as much as I can. Sorry if I disturb any of you. This request is important for me, so I wasted so much time on this.
Italics are flashbacks!
You carried your bags to your apartment, they were heavy and you didn’t know what to else to do since the elevator was not working. You took lots of breaks to take a breath and curse yourself to buy so much stuff that you can’t carry by your own.
As soon as you put your key in the keyhole your phone started to buzz in your jeans backpocket. You sighed and one hand went for your phone as the other one tried to turn the key. You already dropped the bags on the floor so your back wouldn’t crack.
You opened your door as soon as your hand met with your phone. You bent over and carried your grocery bags as you opened your phone.
“Hey.” You answered the call, without checking the caller ID. You didn’t get much of calls so you knew it was important.
“Hey, Y/N. This is Sam.” You heard the worry in his voice, you frowned as you closed the door behind you. It was odd for him to call you, even right from the start.
“Hi Sam. Is everything okay?” You put your keys on the counter, not caring about the ice cream you bought for yourself to melt. You wanted to learn what he was going to say to you.
“Uhm.. Actually it is not, I can’t find Bucky anywhere, since our last mission blew, like literally blew in our faces. I just called you to know if you have any idea where he might be…”
Your world just stopped for a second when Sam mentioned him. He broke up with you, one or two weeks ago. You were having hard time with getting used to having him gone, and hearing his name in a situation like this really did not help it.
With now him diseappearing like that without letting know anyone really concerned you. You still cared for him, and it was a hard thing to change.
“Actually Sam, I have no idea where he might be. Sorry. You know w…” You bit inside of your cheek, it was not a mutual call, suddenly one day he wanted to leave, and you didn’t stop him. “…he broke up with me.” You tried not to sound hurt, but you were still hurt.
“Yeah I know, sorry for bothering… He is just so good at covering his tracks and disappear. O have checked like 75% of New York, still got nothing. Can you call me if you hear from him, or have an idea where he might be?” You silently nodded, when you figured he couldn’t see you, you opened your mouth.
“Sure, I will call.” You sounded cold and bitter, it was better than bursting into tears, at least.
“Thank you Y/N. Goodbye.” He sounded in a rush, you didn’t even know why he didn’t talk with Sam since then. You knew something was wrong from the moment he stepped in your door, when he got back.
“Bye.” You tossed the phone on to your couch to make sure it does not get broken. Your hands went to your face, trying to even your breaths and let a single tear fall. You couldn’t stop worrying, and preying that he was safe, in wherever the hell was.
Bucky was not looking good after he came back from his last mission. He was always a silent guy, so you didn’t want to push him by asking him on this too much, and whenever you asked him what was wrong he just shrugged and forced a smile. “I’m fine, just a bit tired doll.” He didn’t forget to add that sentence too. Always the same answer, each time you have asked him.
But you knew he wasn’t fine, and too scared if you have pushed him too much; he might have shut down himself to you completely. He had problems with sleeping too, whenever you woke up there was nothing beside you in bed and his pillow looked neat. He didn’t even get himself to bed, next to you. One of his favorite things, after he got back from a mission, was spending time with you on the bed. He went for his morning runs more than usual, became more and more silent everyday. Shutting himself to you step by step, which was nothing but a pure torture for you.
Until the day he told you he needed some time to be alone, and broke up with you. You called or texted Sam few times asking him about if there was something went wrong while they went for a mission but he said there was nothing unusual, it just didn’t end up good…
“You can’t be with someone like me, I’m dangerous Y/N. I can’t keep you safe from myself. What if… What if I get captured and they turn me into Winter Soldier again? I won’t remember who you are and what you mean to me. I will just be a machine that is programmed to kill anyone who got in my way. That is what they did to me, that is what I did, good or bad I killed people. You can’t want to be with someone like that, let alone love. I can’t be with someone right now.”
“I don’t care, I don’t care about your past, I don’t care about what HYDRA did to you. Because it is in the past and we outgrew it, just let me love you.”
“But I care, that is not in the past… I didn’t - I can’t outgrow it. I am not the man I used to be, no matter how much I want it. I could be easily reprogrammed again, if they find a way to capture me. I don’t want you in my way. I don’t need this much of a fear in my life, I can’t control myself if something like that happens. I don’t want to hurt you. I need to be alone, I need some time to be alone.”
Those were the words before he picked his stuff up and leave. He even didn’t respond when you told him you loved him. You felt broken, it was the first time you used that word to him, and it was in an argument which didn’t end well. Guess real life is not like the one in the movies…
You sighed and went back to your groceries, carefully unpacking them and placing them around your kitchen.
After you cleaned your place, cooked yourself your dinner, trying to watch some soap operas and not to think of him. You were unsuccessful. The words Sam told you, and the worry in his voice really concerned you. When you added them to the recent behaviours of his you were starting to get panicked. After how much you tried to tire yourself, your heart was beating like crazy, your mind was unable to not think about him.
You picked your keys again, leaving your place. You weren’t sure where he was, but you had some ideas. There was a place he was staying, before he moved in with you. He was the one who moved in because his place was small and didn’t have much of a stuff. More like a cacoon then a place anybody would like to stay in.
Thankfully after all this time you could still remember his adress. You were having second thoughts, when you reached his door. Why did you even still care about him, after all of the things he said about himself? He told you he didn’t want to be with you, and he had a nice explanation for this. He was dangerous, right from the beginning. Why should you still want him and be there for him? You hoped for the good when you raised your hand to knock on the door. He wasn’t going to kick you, or beat you till you choughed blood. Right?
As much as you didn’t want to remember your father, his memories still lingered through your mind. Both you and Bucky went through some bad things, that was why could understand him even better than you thought.
He opened the door. When his eyes met your stressed figure, he froze. He never expected you to come and find him, neither did you…
“Y/N?” He asked, he still couldn’t believe his eyes.
“B-Bucky, hey.” You could see the frown forming on his face. He was still shocked by your presence, he was sure you wouldn’t come back to him.
“What are you doing here? I told yo-“ You cut him short, didn’t want to go over the same speech again, you couldn’t even shake off from the last one.
“I know, you don’t want me here, but Sam called me, he told me that he didn’t know where you were. I thought you might be here, I didn’t inform Sam but I…” You looked down, fidgeting your hands. “I was worried…” You finished your sentence, afraid to look up.
“Get in.” He cocked his head to side, taking a step back so you could get inside.
He shut and locked the door behind you. Your eyes looked around, that place didn’t change much. Looked a bit messier, but he was never a tidy guy so it was ok.
You saw a frozen video of his on the screen of a laptop. He was probably watching it before you came, it looked like some security camera footage.
You gulped and turned around to see him. He looked a bit stressed, probably because of your presence in his place. “You know you didn’t have to come.” He said, before passing you and shutting his laptop, not wanting you to see what was on the screen.
“I just wanted to. Wouldn’t you do the same? Wouldn’t you be worried if I disappear and not heard from all of a sudden.” You asked, afraid of how his answer might be hurtful to you.
“Yeah, I guess.” He would be terrified if you got lost, nowhere to be found. He still loved you, in no hell he would stop doing that. He loved you with the bottom of his heart, not just his heart. He loved you with every living thing with his body. He wanted to keep you safe, from him. After what you have been through, he wouldn’t want to hurt you too.
“So.. should I ask why you wanted to disappear all of a sudden?” He didn’t say anything. “Is it something about the last mission?” You stepped closer to him, he stayed still. Not giving you any answer still. “Is it something about HYDRA?” He looked up to your eyes, you saw how darkened they were. You took a step back, not because you were scared of him, you were just surprised to see him like that. His eyes never that dark before.
“Bucky… You can’t shut each of them down by a single hand. You will need help. You need to talk with Sam.” You tried to not show any emotions in your sentence.
He shook his head. “You don’t understand. His way and mine are.. different.” You clearly understood what he meant by different. You have been with him for a long time, more than a year, but you never saw him determined and dark like that. “He wants justice, and I want revenge.” He said.
“Bucky…” You reached to grab his arm but he pushed you off. “Revenge is not going to solve anything, you know it.” You just wished that he knew it. You knew if he really put his mind into it, he could try to hunt each of them down alone. A scenario which didn’t look that would end well, even for a super soldier.
“You don’t understand. They turned me into this thing… even you don’t know how.” He was right, you didn’t know much about his Winter Soldier times, only heard some rumours from the news and some people around, but you didn’t want to dig deep. It was in the past, and digging deep, really doesn’t pop up nice things.
He wasn’t that man anymore, he was James Bucky Barnes, and nothing could change it. Right?
He opened his laptop showing you a video piece, it was set before he met Steve. More like before Steve found him again. He looked, dark. He had this dark paint around his eyes, had his gear and his mask back on. He had his old metal arm again, the one with the red star. It was clear it was from a mission he was assigned as Winter Soldier.
You flinched when you saw what he did to the man. Beating the crap out of him, then he reached to his knife, talking in Russian. Then he slid his throat, blood spilling out. Your hand went to your mouth covering your gasp. The video continued to roll. Another footage it showed was when he was somewhere like a lab, talking with someone looking like a scientist, they made him sit into something like a chair and tied him into it, there was heavy machinery around him.
Before you understood what it was, they electiricuted him, you saw him shift in his seat, his silenced cries. You wanted to cry to, or at least stop the video, but you were too shocked to move. You saw how much pain he was in, his chest was going up and down, he looked, really hurt.
Then he opened another video, where he killed someone there too, with his raw hands, choking an innocent woman and her husband. You saw how the man asked for help from him, for his wife but Bucky just killed him and her without even blinking.
Was he right? How they turned him into a monster deserves a price? Did he really deserve his revenge?
More important thing was, could he be like that again? Could he murder you too without a blink, with his raw hands, too?
“You are scared. Aren’t you?” You took your attention from the video clip to him. He was sad, from showing you who he was before, what he did to those people. He was ashamed from all the things he did to them. He thought he never deserved your love, and was sure you would run away from him in a few seconds. Without looking back, at him.
“No.” You talked in a stern voice, you knew his past was dark, you didn’t know all about the things he did, but you were not surprised to see them. You already knew what you got yourself into.
What is in the past, stays in there.
“Why? I could turn to that guy again, easily. They did it once, why wouldn’t they do it once more.”
“Bucky…” You walked towards him, tried to reach into his hand and grab it, but he pulled himself away from you.
“I might come home like that; I could hurt you. They might think you are an obstacle on my way, something to blur my mind. They can make me kill you too.”
Killing you. It was probably his worst nightmare, if he understood what he did to you, and who were you. He would kill himself too.
He wrapped his hand around your throat. Your eyes went wide, but you didn’t stop him, you knew he was not going to kill you. He didn’t even applied any pressure on it. “I can kill you, just like that. And if they want me to I won’t even hesitate once. Are you scared now?” It wasn’t anger you saw in his eyes, it was desperation. He wanted something to hold into, he wanted to have hope on that he won’t be like that anymore. He wanted to believe in that so much, he was sure he was losing his mind.
“No.” He pulled his hand away from you.
“I did that before, I hurt the ones I loved and cared, just like I love and care about you too. How come you are not scared? I was an assassin Y/N. I have so much blood in my hands, I can’t even finish to count them over night!”
“Because I love you, and if my death will be by your hands then so be it. Hurt me as much as you want. I don’t want to stop just because there is a possibility they can get to you again, and switch you back to Winter Soldier. You are different now.” He sighed, resting his elbows on the kitchen counter.
His hands went to his face. “Y/N… I don’t want to be like your father.”
The guy who came home drunk most of the nights, screaming at things around; and yelling at your mother and you. You remembered the one time he beat the crap out of her, you were only seven trying to do your homework. Your mother’s desperate pleas and screams and how none of your neighbours came for help.
How much you were scared and unable to do anything to stop him.
“You can never be like my father.” You spoke, monotonously, even mentioning him was hurting your chest.
He shook his head both sides. “I can be worse… I don’t want to hurt you, not even a single hair of yours.”
“My father was a monster, who never deserved being loved and understood.” You looked down, the sudden memories that you burried deep was coming to surface. “He hurt us because he wanted to, you are not… you are not like that..”
You are not like him.
You were always shy and sensitive when you talked about your father, which was normal considering what type of a man he was. If Bucky knew you back then, he wouldn’t hesitate even for a second to take him down. He was not a man, he was something below trash. He wanted to nothing much to find him, and face with him because of all the things he had done to you.
He always wanted to protect you, he always wanted to be there for you whether you were sad or happy. He just wanted to be with you.
After his mind started to get blurry again, remembering all the things he done as Winter Soldier. He was scared that, he could turn to him again one day, not remembering his true self. He was scared to hurt you, hurt anyone in that matter.
His nightmares came back again, after the last mission. He was afraid to sleep next to you. He was scared that he could hurt you in his sleep. He didn’t notice how keeping his distance affected you. He didn’t notice how much he hurt you, by doing that. But now he was seeing it, hatimg his guta to make you feel like that.
“Y/N/N…” The sound of his voice was sweet as always, calming you. He hugged you tightly, your body wanishing between his thick arms. He wanted to take all of your pain away, by just touching you. You burried your face on his chest, he was playing with your hair. His touch was soft, like if he would put any pressure on you, you would break into pieces like a glass. “I love you Y/N. I will always love you, but I need to fix this too. I need to make sure that they are gone, then I will come back to you. Wherever you are I will always find you. But I can’t ask you to wait for me, you understand it right?” You shook your head.
He leaned down when he released his arms, his hands gently cupped your cheeks. “I wish there was an easier way, I don’t want to leave too. I must do it, and fix this by myself.” Your eyes went to his lips, you wanted nothing but to feel him again.
“Bucky…” You leaned in, kissing him. He stopd there for a second, your kiss was so soft and pure. He couldn’t help himself to not kissing you back. Feeling your soft and warm lips awakened something inside him. “I am willing to take this risk.” You said to him, after you pulled back from the kiss.
You opened his belt. “I am willing to take the risk.” Your hands went to his zipper, slowly opening it. “I trust you, I want to be with you, I don’t want you to be alone…”
“Y/N…” He talked between his teeth, his metal hand held yours, grisping it.
“Do you want me to repeat myself?” Your hands reached for his belt buckle, slowly pulling him towards you. “I am willing to take the risk, I found out about your past, and I am still here, because I want to.” Your hands opened his belt, you looked up to see if he wanted to stop you or not.
“Y/N, please.” His sound came as something between a whisper and a whimper. You pressed yourself more onto him.
“Please what?” You battled your eyelashes, you knew this always worked on him.
“Please stop me.” He leaned in kissing you. It was a hungry kiss. He settled in between your legs, hands went to your waist. You both moaned into the kiss when his tongue found yours. You jumped wrapping your legs around his waist.
“Don’t stop.” You whispered pulling away from the kiss. “Please don’t stop.”
You kissed him again. He placed you on to the kitchen counter; too eager to find somewhere comfortable. Cold stone was leaving goosebumps around your soft skin. “Oh doll…” He whispered to your lips. You felt his buldge between your legs pressing himself to you.
“Bucky…” You said, almost losing yourself. His hand went between your legs. You were lucky to chose wearing skirt. His fingers brushed through your folds over your panties. Getting you wet enough with anticipation. “You missed me, right?” He said with a smirk, probably the first time he smiled in weeks.
“Yes!” You almost screamed when he pressed his thumb on your clit through your underwear. “Bucky, please.” You moaned as he pushed your panties aside, showing himself how wet you were.
“Please what, doll?”
“Please fuck me.” His hands went to his pants, pushing them down with his boxers. His cock was fully erected and tip was shining with arousal.
“Your wish is my command.” He spit on his cock, getting himself wet enough for you to take him. When he slowly pushed the tip in, you moaned. It was a long time after you two had your last sex.
He pulled you to himself by your top. Kissing you again, as he pushed himself more into you. You felt how good he was stretching you, by his thick cock.
You moaned when you felt all of him inside of you. He pushed his tongue inside of your mouth, meeting with yours. He started rocking himself into you slowly, making sure that you were comfortable with his size again.
He was slowly increasing his speed, filling you up each time, until he hit your limit. His hand went inside from your loose top, grasping your boob, and flinching your nipple. You moaned again; jerking your hips up to meet him in the midway. “Bucky!” You moaned again into the kiss.
He started moving rapidly in and out of you to the point where the only thing you could focus was how good he was making you feel. He leaned his forehead on yours, closing your eyes to focus on the feeling of your tight velvet-like walls around him:
You held on to the kitchen counter, and your mind felt loose as your felt the familiar pressure forming again in no time. You were barely able to keep yourself up, thanks for his tight grip on your waist.
Your legs were shaking as you wrapped them tighter around his waist. His thrusts were making you lose all of your senses into the extacy cloud he created around your bodies. “B-Bucky!..” You closed your eyes as you felt your walls clenching around him and the bubble like pressure around your lower body exploded. Making fireworks explode around your body, a silent cry of passion and lust escaped from your lips as you came down from your high.
You felt not so kong after his hot cum, spilling into you. “Doll, you are making me lose myself.” He whispered to your ear. Kissing your temple as he was cumming. He gently pulled out, making you hiss at the losing the feeling of him.
“You know I will always find you again. Right?” He smiled at your words, pulling you into a small kiss. You giggled into the small kiss, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders.
“I don’t want to think about the otherwise, doll.” He whispered, kissing your neck.
a/n: The request was made by using the prompt list here, you can use it if you want to make a request or you can just send your request right away.
Anyways I hope you guys liked it, please don’t hesitate to like, make comments telling me what you think good or bad, and reblog I really wonder your reaction.
pairing : Bucky Barnes x fem!reader, Steve Rogers x fem!reader
word count : 1369 words
warnings : a little angsty, mean!bucky
synopsis : you come to terms with the fact that love isn’t always returned.
a/n : no authors note lol
It stated off as friends with benefits, nothing but late night meet ups and sometimes dates when things got bad for him. He’d come, but never stay. You always needed him to stay.
The team never knew about the two of you, Natasha had her small suspicions but she never confronted either of you about it. When he left, it was as if he’d never met you in the first place, and it hurt, truly.
You’d see him in the training hall, greeting him, only to be met with an almost inaudible ‘hi’. You’d see him at team dinners and he’d make no effort to join in the conversation you started, he didn’t laugh at your jokes or acknowledge your answers whenever someone asked how you were.
Y/N Rogers is the granddaughter of Steve Rogers, and today you will meet him. Today, you will meet the man who she had heard so many stories about, but was never able to see face to face.
Y/N Rogers, is dying.
In the time that you have left, you want nothing more than to spend the time you have left to get to know Steve as best as possible. It has always been on your bucket list, even before you found out you were terminally sick.
After meeting the man, the myth and the legend, plus a few confirming tests, you settle into Stark Tower at the behest of Steve himself.
You haven’t told him that you’re dying, you haven’t told him that you may not live to see year because you didn’t want that to be a motivating factor for letting you into his life.
Though it isn’t long until he finds out; until everyone on the team finds out.
All you wanted when you started the process of getting to know Steve Rogers, was the chance to know the greatest man in your family lineage.
What you got was a real family, a great love of your own, and real hope to fight until your last breath.
Am I the only one who thinks that Bucky would 100% wear a mask, even though he can’t get sick and wearing a mask can trigger his PTSD so he has a note from his therapist but he still wears it because he knows it’s the right thing to do????
I’m sorry I haven’t posted any new chapters and/or requests recently, but I kind of just drifted from them without even knowing
I think I just need a little more time before I feel ready to jump back in if that’s okay. Idk what’s going on w me right now, but once I’m out of it or have it figured out, I’ll be sure to start updating stories and requests again
Notes: this was written for @the-ss-horniest-book-club and my internet is still dodgy so hopefully this posts with no interference! Happy weekend!!
The high pitched giggles that seemed to travel through the walls in your apartment was enough to make anyone crazy, but under these circumstances? Outrageous.
Your roommate’s long-term boyfriend Bucky was staying over this weekend. In the past it had never bothered you, they were a cute couple and obviously very serious.
But for the past, maybe, 4 or 5 months, you’ve been having these indecent thoughts about him. You couldn’t put your finger on why you were suddenly so shy and became flustered around the man, you’ve had no problems talking to him in the past.
Sometimes, you wondered if he knew about your sudden crush. You talk less to him, eye contact is non existent. These signs sure make him a little suspicious. But it could never be reciprocated.
You sighed, throwing the pillow off the bed and deciding to give up sleep. You grabbed a blanket off the bottom of the bed and trudged into the living room, where your roommate had left the lamp on.
Flopping down on the couch and grabbing the control off the table, you start to flick through some channels when your roommate’s door suddenly opens and Bucky steps through it.
It’s late so he’s a bit surprised to see you up. “Oh hey Y/N. Couldn’t sleep?” Bucky asked, running a hand through his hair and suppressing a yawn.
“Uh—yeah. Uh, something like that.” You staggered over your words, feeling a warm feeling pet your cheeks as the blush changes colour.
“Didn’t keep you awake?”
“N—Noo.” You lied, worried your flustered state might give you away. But it doesn’t, Bucky nods and heads to the fridge to grab a few bottles of water and struts back to the bedroom.
“Good night!” He says as he closes the door and you sink into the cushions, cringing at your interaction with him.