#bucky barns x reader
Galas, New Dates and Exes (Part 5)
Summary: Bucky and (Y/N) broke up and they see each other for the first time at one of Tony's parties. The only problem is, she has a new date.
Word Count: 2k
Author's Note: Hope you guys like this part! Please comment if you want to see another part!
Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt.3 Pt.4
Walking through the almost abandoned building, (y/n) was teamed up with Torres. He was an expert at gathering information. Wanda and Natasha were at the south side of the building and Steve and Sam were at the north entrance. Bucky was left roaming the inside, looking for potential intruders.
As they entered the control room, Torres started coughing.
“Allergies?” (Y/n) chuckled as she approached the spiderweb filled computers. She inserted the USB, seeing the screen come to life.
“It’s something else, I think something died in here.” Torres replied, looking all over the room.
A sudden gasp made (Y/n) turn around. “What is it?”
She walked over to where the soldier was standing, before them lied a dead rat with its left arm ripped off. On its neck hung a small paper with the writing: Добро пожаловать домой, Солдат
(Y/n) gulped before pressing on her earpiece. “Captain, it’s a trap. Get Bucky out of here.”
Torres looked at her confused. “What does that even mean?”
“Welcome home Soldat.” She said before running out of the room. Torres following her.
From outside the building, Steve received her message and immediately went in. “Bucky, Bucky where are you?”
He heard no reply. Looking down at his screen he saw that Bucky’s chip was on the third floor. They all rushed over to where he was but only saw the chip left behind with a trail of blood. “Shit.”
On the other side of the building, (Y/n) stormed into a room. Bucky was being held back by three men in masks, one man in front of him spitting out the words that would trigger the Winter Soldier. With one swift move she shot two of the three men holding her ex boyfriend back. They groaned before shooting back. The leader quickly fled and (Y/n) followed him, leaving Bucky and Torres fighting with the others.
(Y/n) followed him to the top of the building, where a helicopter was ready to take the leader. (Y/n) got closer to him, shots getting more and more precise, she was about to shoot the man in front of her until he turned around and lifted her off by the neck.
(Y/n)’s breath hitched, her arms trying to get a hold of anything. “You look stronger than you actually are.” He said, taking her hair with his other hand and pulling it back, exposing her neck. He took his knife and softly traced it back and forth from each side of (y/n)’s neck. “How easy would it be if I just killed you.”
“Take me!” Was one of the last things (Y/n) heard, the death grip the leader had on her neck making her vision and her hearing fuzzy. The only thing she could hear was her heart beat getting slower and slower.
The leader chuckled as he saw the entire team coming up to the helipad, he turned (y/n) still holding the knife to her neck. As he hopped on the helicopter, he turned to Bucky. “I’ll be back for you Soldat.”
With that, the leader fired a gunshot in (Y/n)’s back. Her body fell limp as the helicopter rose, leaving everyone gasping.
The next couple of days were blurry for (Y/n). She saw people gathered around her, burning white lights surrounding her. She heard a couple of voices saying her vitals were stabilizing before her vision went dark again.
“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?” She heard Buck’s voice before she could actually open her eyes. She forced her eyelids to open, those same white lights making her groan. She couldn’t actually get a sound out, her throat dried out.
“Hey handsome, what are you doing here.” She croaked out, trying to get up from the uncomfortable bed.
Bucky’s eyes widened and he quickly stood up. “Nurse! I need a nurse now!” He yelled.
Two nurses came running into the room, checking all of her vitals. “Okay Ms. (y/l/n) please take big breath in, and out.”
After a few tests, (y/n) was getting tired. “Look, I’m alive, can we just stop this?”
“Yes, we’re done. In a couple of hours, we’ll get you over to our imaging center to get an MRI. But for now, please get some rest.” One of the nurse’s told her and she nodded, resting her head back on the pillows.
“Could I get some water or something.” (Y/n) said wincing as she touched her neck, the nurses nodded again and left the room.
“You scared me back there.” Bucky said, pulling his chair closer to her bed. His eyes burning as the tears threatened to escape. “I thought I lost you.”
“You can’t get rid of me that easy.” (Y/n) tried to chuckle, the pain coming back.
“The pain I felt when we, we ended things. I thought that was the most I could ever feel. It wasn’t like when I was being tested on, that was physical pain. You get used to it, you get used to hearing your bones crack and your muscles tear. But this, these past few days. I felt it here.” Bucky said taking her soft hand and placing it over his heart. “I can’t do this again. I don’t want to ever feel that way. I don’t think I’ll make it.”
“Buck, this is my job. I cant just leave it.” (Y/n) tried to say, feeling the medicine rush through her veins, making her close her eyes.
“We’ll talk about this later. Get some rest, doll.” Bucky sighed, placing a kiss on her temple.
“Buck, please, please don’t leave.” She managed to whisper.
“I’ll never leave.”
“I have a surprise for you back on the jet.” (Y/n) whispered as she walked alongside her boyfriend, gun in hand.
“Oh yeah?” He questioned with a light laugh. “Am I going to like it?”
“Hmmm, I think you’ll grow to love it.” (Y/n) replied, biting the inside of her cheek as she remembered where she hid the pregnancy test. They were on a mission, looking out for Sam as he gathered the samples of the super soldier serum. Cap had sent the three of them out, thinking the mission was going to be easy. After all, they were his three best soldiers.
What he hadn’t realized was that the mission was destined to fail. Two super soldiers had come up to the couple, they were stronger and quicker than Bucky and (y/n).
One of the super soldiers punched (Y/n), thinking he had knocked her out, before going straight for Bucky. He was already receiving kicks in the stomach, not being able to stand up. They were going to kill him.
Before Bucky could react, (Y/n) ran and got on the super soldier’s back trying to distract him from her boyfriend. Bucky managed to get up an defend himself.
“Watch out!” Bucky yelled but it was too late, the super soldier managed to get (y/n) off his back, throwing her across the room. She was thrown against some metal poles that were behind her knocking her out. It was like everything went silent and the only thing he could hear were her bones cracking as she crashed. Bucky’s vision was blurred, the only thing he cared about was killing everyone in front of him, hurting everyone that stood in his way.
The next day, as (Y/n) left the hospital with only a dislocated shoulder, she was met by Steve.
“(Y/n),” He said looking down at the floor. “I’m taking you off the team.”
She looked up at the captain in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“You’re too big of a liability for us, you only put us in danger.” Steve said, pain lacing his voice.
“This must be a joke. I dedicate my life to protecting everyone and now I’m the liability?!” She yelled. “It’s a fucking dislocated shoulder.”
“You don’t have anything to protect yourself, putting us in danger.” Steve tried to reason. “Bucky made me realize it. We all have our things, you know? We have the serum, Sam has his wings, Wanda-“
“Bucky said this?” As she saw Steve answer her question, she felt a shock in her chest. “If that’s the only reason, then why isn’t Natasha being left behind either?”
“That’s not fair.” Steve started. “You know she-“
“Yeah, I know you and her have some kind of weird wet dreams about each other. But she doesn’t have powers either. Why am I the only one being reprimanded!”
“(Y/n),” Steve’s tone started getting more and more serious as he saw people gather around the two of them. “Bucky and I have already made our decision.”
“So now that the two of you have self-appointed yourselves as my guardians, you think you can make this decision?” (Y/n) yelled. “But when I was risking my fucking life for you two, it was fine! No one cared that I was taking my last fucking breath when I was saving Captain America’s precious life. This is bullshit.”
“We’re only doing this because we care.” She heard Bucky say from behind her, as she turned around he saw the fire building up in her eyes.
“If you really cared about me, you wouldn’t be doing this.” She said, it was like knives were coming out of her mouth with every word she said.
“I want us to live the life we’ve always dreamed of.” Bucky whispered, trying to take her hand in his but she quickly slapped it away.
“No, you just want my life to fit into your fucked up puzzle.” She replied, tears rushing down her face. “You’re ruining my life to get what you want.”
“Look, (Y/n), we already made our decision. Tony has your file on his desk and will approve it in a couple of hours.” Steve said.
“Fuck, you.” She said to Steve.
“(Y/n) don’t do this. Don’t act like this, you know I’m only doing this because I love you.” It was like the words sputtering out of Bucky’s mouth opened a wound in (y/n)’s heart.
She turned around and saw Bucky’s face. A single tear rolling down his cheek. “This is my life you’re talking about. Every single day I put in the work, and you’re taking it away just because you don’t want to deal with the consequences.” She stepped closer to him. “Dont try to say that you’re doing this because you love me. If you actually did, you would know that this isn’t what I want.”
Bucky shook his head tying to explain, seeing his relationship crumble in front of him.
“You turned out to be like every other guy. You wanted me, but as soon as things got complicated you just turn around and dump me. Like I’m some sort of expired good. I’m a person, not some sort of trophy you get to show off.” She said. “So if this is your decision, just know that youll never see me again.”
“Im sorry doll, I really want there to be another way.” Bucky said, looking down.
“So this is it, huh.” She huffed, turning around to get one last look at him. “You really had me fooled. I thought you were different. But you just turned out to be like every other fucker out there. I just want you to know, that if this actually happens, and I’m never on the field again; it wasn’t the right decision, and when you’re out there, hearing your heartbeat for the last time. You’re going to wish I was there to save your asses.”
(Y/n) woke up with a loud gasp, shaking as she relieved her darkest memory.
“What the fuck is this?” Bucky snapped.
“What? I, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She said, trying to look over the file Bucky had thrown on her lap.
“We were going to have a kid?!” He yelled.
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PART I -- AFTER THE BLIP
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!reader
Plot: Weeks after everyone was snapped back, Bucky finds himself pardoned and visiting weekly with a therapist named Doctor Raynor in order to keep his freedom. However, things don’t come easily, especially when he is now expected to reform his relationship with those who have been hurt by him.
Word Count: 5.4K
Warnings: Mentions of past trauma, flashbacks, and a brief panic attack
According to the files the American government had on him, Bucky Barnes, formerly known as the Winter Soldier, had murdered over two dozen civilians. This, of course, was a rough estimate; just like most of the knowledge that is known about the infamous Hydra group. It was nothing more than a throw in the dark at what he did, at what he had been through, because they, for some reason, had to know. They didn’t care about the details, though. The electric currents running through his body, the robotic words, the loss of his humanity—no, none of this mattered.
As long as they could point a finger at someone for this atrocity, the specifics didn’t matter.
It was trivial to them. The happenings of Hydra and the death they had caused, it was all in the past now. The blip had taken away five years of most government officials’ precious lives, and they had more important things to catch up on than the old story that was the Winter Soldier.
So, they had pardoned him.
It was rushed. A small court summons full of military and government officials that Bucky paid no mind to. They hardly even bothered to learn his name (“The Winter Solidi—James, James Buchanan Barnes, I mean”), so why should he remember theirs? Besides, if he was lucky, he’d never have to see their faces again.
The action of being pardoned—forgiven, as the definition states— was, for lack of a better term, bullshit, Bucky felt. During the trial, they declared that due to lack of sanity, he could not be held fully responsible for his crimes. That the torture he had undergone made him forgetful, emotionless, unable to control his own body and mind. He could not even remember his own government name, so how could he remember these misdeeds?
It was…laughable. If they had even bothered talking to him, they might think differently. They might have just thrown him into cuffs and locked him up like they had before. But they didn’t ask, and Bucky didn’t tell them.
Instead of solitary confinement, Bucky was given only one punishment: mandatory therapist visits with a woman named Doctor Christina Raynor until further notice. Until further notice, the judge had said. What they meant was until he got better, until he regained some sort of recognition of the man he was before.
They seemed confident, too, so assured that this would work. That the infamous Winter Soldier would be no more with the assistance of a shrink and some well-spoken words of encouragement. Again, laughable.
However, though Bucky would never admit this to anyone, they were partially correct. This persona that had been forced onto him could dissipate with time and work. His time in Wakanda had shown him that. But the memories and faces and blood on his hands, that was forever. No amount of mental or physical work could fix the nightmares he had of them, even at the hands of a professional.
Yet, he attended the weekly meetings.
Sure, they were required. Still didn’t mean he had to acknowledge them, let alone go. If he wanted to, he could just fly under the radar, maybe go back to Wakanda until he could come up with another solution. Or so that’s what he told himself during the hour long walk it took him to get to Doctor Raynor’s office.
He had the option to leave at any time, despite what the pardon specifically stated. Of course, it wasn’t legal, and would probably get him arrested, but the comfort of the alternative made the appointments tolerable. If it went bad, if she pushed too hard, he could just get up and leave. Yeah, that’s what Bucky convinced himself.
Surprisingly, the sessions weren’t all that bad. Doctor Raynor was pushy and had a bit of an attitude, of course, but she filled up the minutes when Bucky didn’t have anything to say—or rather didn’t want to say. She was average height, smaller than him, and had lips that pressed into a thin line when she was deep in thought, usually about his replies—or lack thereof. Bucky suspected she was at least forty. She had deep smile lines and permanent wrinkles on her forehead from years of engrossment. Some might consider her old, but he didn’t. If anything, he was the old man here.
And she made sure he knew that.
Not on purpose, or at least not in the way she meant for the statements to come across. It was just casual replies regarding his earlier life; his childhood, Cap, and of course, the war. At first it was easy questions. What was the music like back then? What foods did you eat at lunch? What sort of games did you play as a child? Bucky guessed she was starting out with simple questions to not only ease him into the whole therapy thing, but to also gauge at how much he actually remembered.
He answered the questions with short replies. Jazz. Whatever was available. Chess.
She seemed surprised at the answer of chess.
Nevertheless, the barrage of questions became nonstop once she noticed him actually opening up to it. Actually, during the entirety of the first session, all they talked about was his life before the war. Before the fall from the train. Before Hydra. Before the blip. It was all inquiring that had nothing to do with the terms of the pardon. Nothing about his time under mind control or really anything about what had ended him up in therapy in the first place.
Bucky didn’t expect it to last long, and he was correct.
By the time the second session rolled around, she was already pressing deeper and deeper into a void that Bucky wished she would just leave alone. This was expected, yeah, but there was still some part of him that hoped this would just be an hour of casual conversation between two people who weren’t strangers nor friends.
He didn’t care if she knew the simple things. What books he read or what the weather was like in Brooklyn all those years ago. No, that didn’t bother him at all. It was when she began to ask more personal questions that he began close up.
Just like with the first session, she started slow. Questions about Hydra. Things that even the general public knew. He knew that she already knew the answer to the questions, she was just seeing if he knew, or rather if he’d be willing to talk with her about it.
And he was willing to, albeit reluctantly.
Eventually, the replies became longer. It wasn’t that he wanted to. The questions posed just required more and more detail as they progressed. Soon, it no longer concerned Hydra, but rather his personal life, specifically now that the population had returned from the five-year long blip.
Like with most things nowadays, Bucky wasn’t too sure what his answers were. He didn’t know if they were logical, because, hell, sometimes he doesn’t even know what he ate this morning, let alone how his relationship with Sam was now that he was just about the only person he had left from before.
The only person left from before. Doctor Raynor seemed really interested in that.
“Well, have you tried meeting new people? Getting out and seeing the sights?” She had asked, pen positioned just above that darned notebook she had with her every session. Every time she scribbled something down, Bucky wanted to grab the notepad and throw it out the nearest window.
He had given out a long sigh, purposefully prolonging it to give him more time to think. More time to make up an answer that would satisfy her, so she’d stop asking. ”Of course, Doc. Nothing like the smell of gas fumes to wake a guy up.”
She knew he was lying almost immediately, and he hated that.
It was like no matter how hard he tried to be convincing, to show her that he was fine, she always saw in between the cracks of the wall he had built around himself. Every. Single. Time.
By the fourth session, she proposed a new plan. Something that would motivate him to get moving and to start living the great life that has been so graciously given when the government had pardoned him.
“Three rules,” She stated, eyeing the familiar notebook in Bucky’s hand. It was Cap’s. One of the only physical things he had left of his best friend, well, besides the shield, of course, but that wasn’t his. Nor did he want it to be. “Nothing illegal, nobody gets hurt, and, most importantly, make sure they know James Buchanan Barnes is no longer the Winter Soldier.”
He had flinched when she called him James.
If she noticed, she didn’t remark on it. Bucky was fine with that. Actually, he was fine when she didn’t comment on anything about him. But unfortunately, that was her job, and she did it with frustrating accuracy.
Along with the rules, she had asked him to bring something to write on to the session. He had probably spent too much time pouring over the thoughts of what he’d bring with him. Does he go out and buy one? Should he ask her for one? It wasn’t like he owned much, let alone something like that. Reminded him too much of the past. However, he settled on something that had already done the job for one person.
It had been sitting on top of his fridge for a while. A place where he knew it was safe, but also where he couldn’t directly see it unless he tried to.
The notebook was small. So small and seemingly unimportant that Bucky was actually surprised it had come this far without disappearing like so many things had. It had a somewhat worn-down red cover and a black bind that held its mostly blank pages together.
He held it for what seemed like hours.
The floor of his kitchen was cold. It seeped through the material of his jeans and deep into his body. He didn’t mind, honestly, he didn’t really acknowledge it at all. Every part of him was so fully engaged with the significance of the notebook that someone could break in, and he wouldn’t even notice.
Time passed by quickly during that time. Soon, the light of day seeped through his closed curtains and painted the room in dim light. Bucky was still sat in the same spot, eyes locked on the handwriting, the words that Cap had written. Captain America. Steve Rogers. Bucky’s best friend. The one who had pulled him out of the trance Hydra had put him into and showed him that he was still human after all.
This was Steve’s. The notebook, the pages, the goals. It was all his.
And now that he was gone, it was Bucky’s.
However, the purpose of it stayed the same.
At first, he almost laughed at the option Doctor Raynor had presented him with.
“It’s all about making amendments,” she had told Bucky. “Track them down and turn them in, as long as you stick with the rules I’ve presented you with.”
Bucky had run them over in his mind for the fourth time that session. Don’t hurt anyone, don’t do anything illegal, and tell them that the Winter Soldier no longer exists. Making amendments with the bad guys. The ones who had caused him to not only murder other people, but to also murder parts of himself that he would never get back. He supposed this was the only legal way to get back at what they did, what they had made him do. A punishment for the crimes they had committed.
But what about the ones he had? They had died at his hands, mind control or not. Every last breath was snatched from them because of him, and though it had been by the commandments of other people, Bucky still couldn’t help but feeling the weight of what had happened.
It was slowly suffocating him, and it seemed that his government sanctioned shrink could tell.
Although it had been stated numerous times already, she spoke the words that Bucky stopped paying attention to long ago. “It wasn’t your fault, Bucky.”
Wasn’t his fault? Then why did their faces haunt his dreams? “I know.” Still did it, though.
There went the forehead lines again. She could see right through him.
By the end of it, they had agreed that Bucky would write down the names of those who had been either affected by his past, or those who had been the direct cause of the trauma he had endured. He had to…properly deal with it, as Doctor Raynor put it.
Bucky thought he had been properly dealing with it, but apparently not up to her standards. Stupid. Now he had to list out every name that he would rather not see ever again.
And that’s where he found himself, taking the long walk back to the apartment building all while wracking his brain, searching for the many names that he now had to write down in order to reform his relationships with them.
His mind was reeling at one hundred miles per hour.
When…when did it get so hot? His shirt felt too small. It was like it had suddenly shrunk up so tight against his skin that he could now feel every subtle shift of the fabric as he walked.
His stomach began to churn. Did he eat something bad? He couldn’t even remember what he had for breakfast. Surely he ate today, right?
The ground felt like it was shifting beneath his feet. This. This was normal, Bucky assured himself.
He had to look up. Had to stop. The letters placed so familiarly by each other, it made him want to hurl.
Why did he have to do this? The therapy, the required visits, surely that was enough in itself to keep his pardon and his freedom. Maybe he could just make up an excuse. Tell Doctor Raynor that he got caught up, forgot to do it, left the notebook at home. Hell, lost it on his walk back to the apartment.
Yeah, that would work. He could just store the notebook where it had been for the past few weeks and forget about the names altogether. She would have to pull them from his brain with force before he would willingly do this. He…He wasn’t ready. Not yet. It’s been years, but it still felt as fresh as it had before.
Thankfully, he wasn’t stuck with his thoughts for much longer. Turning around the corner of the block, the brick building he had been calling home came into his line of sight. He felt his shoulders loosen up just the slightest.
But he realized from here, he couldn’t see the entrance doors. For a moment, confusion clouded his brain, until he finally pieced it together.
A truck. Mostly white, except for a bright orange stripe and bold, black letters that stated U HAUL.
It was a moving truck, in front of his building. Someone was moving in. Someone new, unfamiliar. Great, just what he needed today. Another face to get used to. He still had trouble assuring himself that the current residents were no threat to him.
He neared much more slowly than before. The sleeves of his grey shirt felt stiff against his arms, namely his left one. With a gloved hand, he mindlessly tugged at the fabric, feeling the hard vibranium underneath his sleeve.
Now Bucky was on the same side of the street as the building. The sidewalk no longer shifted as violently as before under his feet, yet he still kept glancing down at it to make sure it wasn’t moving. Voices traveled through the air the closer he got. Multiple, a few men, and then a distinct female voice that sounded quite worried.
Currently, they weren’t blocking the doors. One man who had on a black jacket was pointing towards a brown recliner, staring at the woman who currently looked like Bucky felt. Exasperated. Tired. Maybe a little angry. Bucky didn’t care at the moment. As long as he could slip past them and into the building, he was fine. Social interaction, especially with someone new, wasn’t what he wanted right now. He couldn’t handle it. Not after writing those names.
He remembered when he had first moved back to Brooklyn. Everything was so new and scary. The technology, the slang, nothing was like it had been when he was Sergeant James Barnes. It was all so loud now. Even when he was in the military, the ruckus then could not even compare to the amount of noise that burdened his daily life. Speeding cars, beeping at anything that even slightly irritated them, and the people. My god, the people. They were all so complex and so vastly different from what he was used to that it gave him a headache.
It seemed that society changed even more than he had.
The real challenge, however, was not acclimating to his new surroundings. It was the damn access card that he had to take with him everywhere if he wished to get back into the building.
On the white plastic was a picture of him, pre haircut. It was blurry, causing some parts of his face to morph together. Sometimes, if he stared at it long enough, he could no longer convince himself that it was truly him in the picture. He wished he could just cut it off, or maybe just cover it up with a stupid sticker. But the security guard that sometimes happened to be doing his job was required to look at it, inspect it compared to how Bucky looked now, and then return it with a bored look. Surely the security guard recognized him by now, but no. He still had to grab it and stare at it for an uncomfortably long time before handing it back.
Though, thankfully, the dispute between the woman and the workers continued, Bucky found himself stuck in front of the entrance doors, his gloved hand shoved in the pocket of his jeans. His fingers pinched around the card and pulled it out. He didn’t glance at the picture, instead, he shoved it up to the data pad that sat directly to the right of the door. A high-pitched beep sounded once, then again, indicating that the door was still locked. Bucky’s jaw clenched and he tried again. Two beeps. He wanted to slam a fist into the data pad.
He sucked in a breath, more for distraction than actual respiration, and tried again. The card slid slowly over the electrical device. Finally, it beeped once and a clicking sound reverberated.
Bucky quickly opened the door and slid inside the air-conditioned building.
There weren’t many places he felt fully safe anymore. His time under Hydra’s influences had corrupted nearly every part of his existence, no matter how small. Every time he slept, talked, or looked in the mirror, he was constantly reminded of what he had been through and what had happened during those many years. It didn’t matter if the words no longer held the same affect or if they were all dead—he was still being tortured daily by hands that hadn’t touched him in years.
Bucky supposed he was used to it by now. The constant edge, like someone was going to pop out and repeat his trauma all over again. It became a dull ache in the back of his mind. Something he rarely noticed in full light. But every so often, it was abruptly triggered.
He had learned to recognize these set offs. Circular pacing, particularly around him. The sound of a pen or pencil on paper. Pressure to his head. By discerning these, he could either avoid them or learn how to prevent a reaction before it happened. However, there always seemed to be some new triggers simmering just beneath the surface in places where he could not see.
While he knew hearing certain names initiated harsh reactions, he did not realize that seeing them on paper would bring a similar response. It seems almost overtly obvious that they would, but he hadn’t been exposed to it before. He didn’t know, and so there was no way to prevent the thrashing of his heart against his rib cage, or the disorientation that overtook him as soon as he closed the door to his two-room apartment.
There were ways for him to cope with these things. A hot shower, a walk, or whatever Doctor Raynor had suggested. But it all flew out of his head the minute the sensations started.
It started gradual, like the questions in therapy.
The feeling of restraints around his lower arm. Hard, like metal, like his arm. They dug into his flesh, and he swore he could already feel the bruises forming. The pressure spread, moving to the middle of his upper arms. It was the same sensation as on the lower, but this time it felt hard to move. It was like he was being strapped against something. He couldn’t shift or breathe or function.
Bucky didn’t know where he was. The smell of mildew and burning flesh attacked his nose until he couldn’t take in a breath anymore. Something was covering his nose. He couldn’t breathe. Everything was so overbearing and constant and loud. There was a guttural sound in the distance. It was raw, like a caged animal screaming its last words because it knew death was coming.
A coldness spread along his body. Bucky thought it might be ice. It was cold and wet as if he was laying atop frozen water.
He felt his body gradually return. His muscles were burning and sore as if he had been running for hours and just now stopped to take a break.
It was only now that he realized how hard he had been squeezing his eyes shut. There were bright bursts of white clouding his vision among the inky blackness. Even after he peeled his eyes open, the stars remained in his line of sight for minutes. His throat was abraded, swollen, and inflamed by what he guessed was his own doings. Is that what he had heard? His own cries? He wasn’t sure, nor did he spend much time considering it.
The wetness, he realized, was because he was laying in a pool of his own sweat. Somehow during it all, he had ended up curled up on the floor with his hands pressed against his head, as if imitating the pressure that he experienced every time Hydra felt that he needed another reminder of who he was—or who they wanted him to be.
This—the flashbacks and panic—was something he had gone a whole two weeks without. Partially, he felt, it was due to the appointments with Doctor Raynor. She gave him ways to avoid this, and to deal with it when it happened. She made it so they didn’t happen so frequently. However, there was no way she could permanently stall them, at least not now. Not while everything still felt so fresh.
His whole body felt stiff as he tried to stand. The muscles and tendons of his limbs cried out in pain as he shifted from a position he had probably been in for minutes. Or hours. He didn’t know. There wasn’t a clock in his apartment. He should probably get one.
An hour later, Bucky was stepping out of the shower. The bathroom was full of hot fog that clouded up the mirror that sat on the wall above the sink. He smeared it around with his hand just enough to get a blurry glimpse at the exhausted state of his face.
Heavy, dark bags sat under dull blue eyes. The spark that had resided in them was long gone; it left with Sergeant James Barnes and the 1940’s. Now, all that looked back at him was a hollow shell of what he used to be.
Maybe it was salvageable. The Winter Solider was gone. Bucky Barnes could return back in full force with a flashing smile and equally intoxicating ocean eyes. He almost cracked a smile at that.
Besides a couple of dark colored shirts and jeans, Bucky didn’t really have many clothing options. He honestly had more variety in underwear than he did in any other type of fabric. So, he snatched a pair of tan boxers and headed to the somewhat comfy blanket that laid across the hardwood floor in his living space.
It wasn’t that he didn’t have a bedroom. He did. And it was inhabited by a king bed.
But he just. He couldn’t sleep on it.
Of course, he tried. Many times. Many nights that ended up either sleepless or full of haunting nightmares that left him shaky the rest of the day. So, he just ended up settling on the floor.
He took the dark grey comforter from the bed and laid it across the floor, acting as a cushion between him and the hard flooring. However, that’s all he took from the bed. Not the fluffy pillows that decorated it or the under sheet. Instead, he settled on one of the pillows from the recliner in his apartment and a thin, Dijon yellow colored blanket that he had been gifted from Doctor Raynor during his third visit after he mentioned that he didn’t really own any small comforts.
That was all he needed.
Even before everything, he was never the one to fall into a peaceful sleep. It took, maybe, thirty minutes post military to even relax enough to sleep. Now, that was intensely multiplied.
He actually stopped timing his sleep schedule because it made it worse, but Bucky estimated it took probably two hours to be able to close his eyes for more than five minutes at a time. After that, he wasn’t sure how much time passed. All he knew was that the sun started to peak into his window long before he fell into a restless sleep most nights.
Tonight, was no different. The episode of panic had made his physical body exhausted, but his mind just kept wandering endlessly. It went from his sessions with Doctor Raynor to his time in the military to the last moments he had shared with the Avengers, and then it looped back endlessly until he was almost dizzy from the whiplash.
The memories weren’t particularly happy, even though they should be. His sessions of therapy had improved his mental health drastically, even if it made him tremendously uncomfortable most times. The time in the military provided him with relieving memories of a before. Of a time when, despite the challenges, he was truly happy and himself. It was blurry from time, but he still looked upon them with a sort of bittersweet cheerfulness. Then came the Avengers. He didn’t know what to make of those times, nor did he want to think too much on them. They carried too much pain, too much sorrow for him to even entertain a moment’s thought about them.
Just when he thought his mind could race no further, the banging started.
It was a dull thud. Continuous, soft, like someone was repeatedly dropping something dense.
At first, it didn’t bother him. It reminded him of the clock in Doctor Raynor’s office. The repetitive ticking as the seconds passed by while he was either in the waiting room or actually in her workroom. It was kind of calming, comparable to counting sheep.
Then a loud THUNK sounded out.
If it just happened once, he wouldn’t pay it much mind. Just some young adult screwing around during the odd vibrance night seemed to bring. But it kept happening. Once, twice, three times, and then on the fourth, Bucky sat up.
He listened attentively for a moment, the soft texture of the blanket rubbing against his abdomen. The sounds of frustrated drivers honking periodically beeped in the distance, but really nothing else. Probably for about three minutes? But just when he was confident it wasn’t going to happen again, it did. Rather abruptly.
That’s it. Maybe he just needed an excuse to get up, he didn’t fully know. But he was going to go check it out.
This felt too miniscule to require a full thought-out outfit. Plus, he was too tired to dress himself just to pull it all off sometime soon. He snatched a navy-blue robe from the hooks by the door and pulled it over himself, tying the belt of it tightly so that it wouldn’t fly open.
Then he was outside of his apartment. The air was noticeably colder in the hall. He wondered what the electricity bill was like for the tenant for them to keep the temperature so chilly.
The short, maroon carpet of the hallway felt surprisingly rough beneath his feet. He momentarily considered going back in for shoes but decided against it when the familiar sound rang out through the hall. Whatever, whoever it was, they had to be somewhat close for him to hear it so clearly. It sounded like it came from the stairway that was about halfway down the hall, only a few meters away from where he currently stood.
His eyes stung slightly as he walked, the breeze from his pace allowing the cold air to seep directly onto his face. He blinked away the tears that raised in them as he neared the stairs that led to the lobby area.
There was approximately thirteen stairs from his floor to the main space of the apartment building, and Bucky only had to walk down eight of them before he saw exactly who and what was causing all the noise.
It was a woman he didn’t recognize—or at least from the view of her hunched over position. She was currently bent over the back of a brown recliner, trying to grab at the sides of it in order to move it up the stairs. Or so Bucky guessed. He wasn’t sure why else half of it would be over the first stair while the rest of it rested atop the tile flooring.
He didn’t know if he should speak. It felt awkward to just stare at the situation that was currently unfolding, but he was at a loss of words for what exactly to say. The original plan wasn’t to help whatever was making the loud noise, however seeing this person struggling so badly tugged at the soft side of Bucky.
In the end, he didn’t need to call out for her attention. Her head raised; eyes shut tightly in exasperation.
Bucky realized suddenly that he recognized the chair. It was the same one from earlier, the one that the worker and woman were arguing about. However, this wasn’t the same woman, he was sure of it. The one from before looked older than the woman in front of him. Her skin was wrought from age, while this person was glowing despite the obvious stress caused by the heavy recliner.
There was…something familiar about her. It was on the tip of his tongue, just enough that he could tell it was there, but not fully identified it. Maybe it was the way her hair framed her face or the oddly familiar shape of her nose. There was something that he recognized, and his tired mind buzzed with it.
Then, just as her eyes met his, it clicked.
Authors Note: I hope you guys enjoy this !! It is going to be written from Bucky’s perspective. I also decided to skip the second person and to just refer to the reader with she/her pronouns. Please let me know if you see any typos !!
Thanks for reading ~
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𝐌𝐘 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 | 𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬
summary: john walker is flirting with you in front of bucky and he won't take it
pairing: bucky barnes x female!reader
word count: 2k
warnings: john walker (yes, he is a warning), jealous!bucky, some angst, fluff.
english is not my mother tongue, so please forgive me if there is a grammatical error. hope you like it!
You snorted as you dropped between Bucky and Sam, your gaze on everything but the big jerk dressed as Steve sitting across from you. And by the time the vehicle started to move, you knew that you had regretted getting into it in the first place.
"You know we just saved your asses, right?" John Walker, the clown himself, questioned, shooting you an almost mocking look.
"We had everything under control." You replied dryly, finally joining your gaze with his blue one, crossing your arms over your chest. You frowned when you saw how he blatantly moved his eyes from your face to your chest and vice versa, and Bucky could see it too as he immediately tensed sitting next to you.
"And if 'having everything under control' means getting your butt kicked out, of course, you had everything under control." John joked, but seeing that none of the three invited passengers smiled at his words, he sighed. "We're on the same team, guys, c'mon. I don't know why you act like you hate us."
"We're not on the same team, man." Sam was quick to reply, as calm as ever. You found it incredible that he could maintain his composure even in such stressful situations.
"And we do hate you." Bucky added, you nodded at his words.
"My point is, we could work well on the same side." John leaned in, resting his elbows on his knees and by the time his eyes landed on you, you knew some disgusting statement was coming. "And we could use an avenger of your caliber, sweetheart." You raised an eyebrow at the nickname. "You have a hell of potential, but I can see you don't work well with these two. Maybe you're on the wrong team."
John smiled widely when he saw a smile rise on your lips as well and when you approached him, he approached as well.
"Uh, I wouldn't recommend doing that." Sam muttered under his breath seeing John's closeness to you.
"I'm going to give you two seconds to retract all the bullshit you just said if you don't want a broken nose." You said in a low tone against his ear still with that dark smile on your lips and Bucky smiled totally satisfied at Walker's expression, who looked truly terrified for a couple of seconds.
Your lover's vibranium hand rested gently on your thigh, trying to calm you down, which worked almost automatically. He knew how much the subject of the shield and Steve affected you, even as much as him.
The fake Captain America cleared his throat, straightening his body to sit well. "Look, I'm not trying to replace anyone, okay?"
"Oh, so is that why you're dressed exactly as Steve Rogers?" Sam answered wryly, raising his eyebrows at him.
"I'm not Steve Rogers, I'm Captain America."
Sam, Bucky and you laughed, the three of you looking at Walker in disbelief.
"You know that carrying that shield around doesn't make you Captain America, right?" You questioned in a cold tone.
Bucky, still with his hand on your thigh, dedicated himself to gaze intently with narrowed eyes at who, until now, had easily proven worthy of being his potential enemy. He quick noticed how John Walker's disgusting eyes traveled over your body, sometimes stopping at cuts that had ripped open your suit from the previous fight.
And God he wanted to break his therapist's rule number two so badly.
John Walker finally glanced at Sam, pointing at the super soldier with a movement of his fingers. "He always stares like that?"
"You get used to it." Sam replied calmly and proceeded to shrug. "And man, you've been flirting with his girl in front of his eyes all this time, do it a little while longer and I assure you it will be more than a stare."
"I confirm that." Bucky agreed with a darkly ironic look, giving Walker an even darker smile, almost looking like psycho.
John sighed for almost the tenth time in the hour, looking truly defeated. "If you guys joined us, this would be a lot easier for everyone." His blue eyes traveled over the hate-filled faces of the trio of passengers in front of him. "I know it's a complicated subject, but with Falcon, Diamondback, and the Winter Soldier we could― "
You quickly interrupted him in a warning tone, your eyebrows furrowing with anger. "Don't call him that."
"Easy, Walker." Sam spoke at the same time as you did, also looking a little more tense with the name brought into the conversation, gesturing with his hand and pointing at Walker with his index finger warningly.
The aforementioned blinked a few times and then dropped his shoulders, exhaling a great breath of air. His blue eyes fell back on you before he spoke. "I'm trying, sweetheart, I really am― "
"Don't call her that." Bucky snapped this time, annoyed, but John completely ignored him, continuing to look at you in a way that really disgusted you and your lover alike, even Sam got uncomfortable with it, frowning at him.
"I still think you should switch sides here, (Y/N)." You kept quiet, allowing him to keep talking. Maybe you wanted to hear him, maybe you were giving him a chance to say something that would clean up all the garbage he had been saying so far. "I mean, you are an avenger, the last one standing and a very good friend of Steve, you were his partner. The right thing to do now would be for you to be my partner, don't you think?"
You were going to answer something immediately, your trembling lips parting as you felt a strange sensation when hearing the words Steve and avenger in the same sentence, but Bucky, once again, interrupted the conversation, raising his head towards the driver with a clenched jaw. He had enough. You had enough.
"Stop the car!"
Walker rolled his eyes, watching as Bucky stood up as the car came to a stop and moved to the side of the road, his hand entwining with yours, gently pulling you to follow him, knowing full well that all you wanted was to get out of there as fast as possible, just by reading your body language. "You know what? I get it, alright?"
When the blue-eyed super-soldier was on the ground, he turned to look at you, offering his hand to help you down as well, but you turned to Walker, feeling a wave of fury shake your body. "No, you don't get it. You don't understand what this shield means to us, what Steve means to us. You never will, John."
Walker opened his mouth to reply, but you interrupted him with your eyebrows rising ironically. "Oh, I almost forgot."
What immediately came following your words was your fist impacting against his face so fast and hard that not even he saw it coming. He let out a great whine and brought his hand to his nose, feeling how the blood began to come out of the nostrils thanks to, probably, a fracture.
You didn't stop to watch the man whimper and cry down on his seat, as you hurried to get out of the vehicle taking Bucky's hand, who kept a wide smile full of pride on his lips, looking openly satisfied with the situation.
"That's my girl." He murmured against your forehead as his arms pulled you close to his body and placed a soft kiss on the crown of your head. "I'm sorry you had to listen to all that, doll."
Sam decided to stay with John and his partner for a couple of minutes, to, as his good heart requested, listen to what he had to say, perhaps waiting for an apology. While you and your lover were simply holding each other on the side of the road, already away from the car.
You kissed Bucky's clavicle before separating from him and raising your head to join your gaze with his beautiful blue eyes, which, in the contrast of daylight, shone like never before. His orbs automatically softened once they landed on you. "He's a dick, don't worry about him, love."
"But he really choose to flirt with you in front of me. How bold. Switch sides he said, right?" Bucky's hands rested on your waist, keeping you close to him, as if you were such an idiot to want to get away from the warmth and comfort that his body offered you. "You're not going to leave me, are you, doll?"
You could feel your heart squeeze inside your chest when you saw a hint of insecurity flash in the blue of his eyes. Suddenly, he looked like a little lost puppy.
"Oh, baby, no." You released with an exhale of air, as you stood on tiptoe to level a bit with his height and both of your hands were raised towards his cheeks, lowering his face to you, making him focus only on you. "I'll never leave you, James. You're all I have, all I need. Only you. Some fool with a shield won't be able to keep me away from you, Steve couldn't, and neither will this one." You gave him a short kiss, caressing his face with the greatest delicacy in the world. You raised your eyebrows before speaking again. "And hell, there is a big difference between them."
Bucky gave you a little smile, almost dazzling you at how beautiful he was when he smiled. But after a few seconds that warm smile turned sad and melancholic, just before wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer to his body once more, in a strong hug, full of shared emotions.
"Never leave me, baby doll." He whispered against your ear, leaving a soft kiss on the side of your head.
"Never." You replied immediately, showing absolutely no doubt.
"You two finished?" Sam's voice brought you both back to reality. Bucky grunted, reluctantly pulling away his face from your neck. Your coworker was looking at you with a single raised eyebrow and when he saw how you finally separated from each other, he crossed his arms. "You know what the rule is, love birds."
"I hate you." The super soldier responded by shooting his co-worker a short, annoyed look.
Sam smirked. "No you don't."
The three of you started walking across the path back home, Bucky intertwining his flesh fingers with yours, keeping you close to him, as always.
"That punch back there was really necessary, though, (Y/N)?" The Falcon asked you, while he walked to your other side. An amused expression as he turned to you.
"It really was." You nodded your head with a big smile on your mouth, giggling shortly, making Sam laugh too with it.
But you and your best friend were surprised all of a sudden at hearing Bucky laughing next to you as well, both of you turning to look at him with raised eyebrows, totally stunned by his open display of emotion.
"My girl is the most badass of all." The super-soldier said after a few seconds of laughing softly, unable to erase the huge smile of pride plastered on his pretty face. A soft kiss was placed on your forehead, as he brought you closer to him. “My girl.”
Sam rolled his eyes at you. "No PDA in front of me, guys. You know te rule, c’mon.”
"Shut up, Sam." You declared this time with a smile, while you put Bucky's flesh arm around your shoulders to be even closer to him, passing your arm around his waist, immediately feeling his natural warmth delightfully invade you.
"I love you, doll." He murmured against the side of your head, his warm breath crashing against your skin.
"I love you too." You mumbled back, leaning your head against his chest.
"That's it, I'm flying."
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“My child is fine”
Your child has an obsession with multiple people and they’re not even real.
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Ok but imagine
it's Sunday morning and you're sitting on the counter top with your man standing in between your legs. He's letting you shave his face and while you are staring intensely at his face cause you're concentrated on not cutting him, his hands hold your waist or hips and he stares at you with so much love and a hint of amusement.
and that ladies and gents is my love language
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Y/N: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE MOTHERFUCKERS….
Y/N: *aggressively throws water bottles*
Bucky: what the hell…??
Nat: Y/N is trying to yell mental health and well-being into you guys…
Y/N: I LOVE AND APPRECIATE BOTH OF YOU BOYS…
Loki: *on a verge of crying* It’s working…
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Meanwhile Bucky in therapy :
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Voicemails to an Unmanned Inbox
Pairing: Bucky x reader
Summary: When Bucky takes an argument a little too far, you take off. All he wants is for you to come back home.
Word count: 3.3k
Warnings: Heavy Angst
a/n: I’m currently working on Flashing Lights part 2 and felt like I needed some angst in my life. So, enjoy the angst!!
The walk back to your shared room was excruciatingly quiet, the sound of Bucky’s angry footsteps the only thing reverberating against the halls of the compound. You jogged a little faster to keep up with him.
“Bucky,” you tried, breath labored from your pace. “Bucky, just wait a sec. We can talk about this,” he ignored you, jaw set and mouth fixed into a frown. You let out a sigh and continued behind him, not looking forward to the discussion to come.
You had just finished Bucky’s latest therapy session, the office across the compound. This week, his therapist had asked you to attend the session since you were such a major part of his life. Bucky had been hesitant to agree, but given that it was court mandated therapy, he didn’t have much of a choice.
Your boyfriend’s current mood was brought on by your participation in said session. You hadn’t given up sensitive information or anything. His therapist just asked if Bucky had been waking up in the middle of the night and you said yes. That response had snowballed and Bucky was now set up with a sleep therapy appointment next Wednesday.
You could tell immediately that he was upset about it. His hands balled up into fists atop his knees and his eyebrows shot up in silent disagreement. To be fair, he hadn’t told you beforehand if there was anything he wanted you to keep private. You didn’t think you would’ve been able to keep it a secret if he asked though; his nightmares were worse than ever before and he refused to get help for them.
Bucky threw open the door to your room, stalking in and promptly taking a seat on the bed. You sheepishly followed in behind him, clicking the door shut. The air in the room was tense and awkward, like a pressing fog that forced you into silence. You fiddled with your hands as Bucky’s eyes made patterns in the ceiling. After waiting a beat, you tried to dispel the tension.
“I know you’re angry,” you began, “But I think this is a good thing, Buck. You’ve been having such a hard time sleeping, you’re basically running on fumes. You can try the therapy and if it doesn’t work, no harm done,” he shifted his eyes down to you.
“No harm done, huh?” He sardonically replied. His tone confused you.
“I mean, I think so? I know you don’t like therapy, but if they can somehow help you sleep, even just a little, then I think it’ll be worth it,” you tried to keep your tone optimistic, like a juxtaposition to his.
He spent a while staring at you before he spoke, a near permanent crease in his brow. “How am I supposed to trust you?” His words sent you physically stepping back, confusion and hurt marring your face.
“What?” Your voice was a somber whisper.
“How am I supposed to trust you? You told her something private; something between us. And you—you treated me like a charity case,” he shot back.
“Charity case?” You questioned, bewildered. “Bucky, she’s your therapist. She wants to help you, but she can’t do that if you never share anything with her. And I didn’t even want to tell her! It’s just that your nightmares were getting so bad, Buck. When you kept coming back from field missions all torn up because you were running on no sleep, I got scared.
“You kept getting hurt, and nothing was helping. I want you safe! I didn’t give her any specific details, just that you were having trouble sleeping and it was affecting you in the field.”
“Oh, trust me, sweetheart. I know exactly what you said. Was sitting right there getting a front row seat to your pity parade,” his hands ran through his hair, frustratingly tugging at the strands.
“It wasn’t like that, Bucky! I don’t pity you, I love you! I just want you safe and happy and healthy. If you would just listen—”
“I did listen!” he cut you off, yelling now. “And all I heard was my girlfriend treating me like a child. Now every time you open your mouth, all I hear is that sympathy in your voice.
“I’m a grown man, y/n. I’m perfectly capable of making my own damn decisions. So I think I’ll make the decision and ask you to get out,” you jerked your head back, the hurt on your face increasing tenfold. Your fingers felt numb as you dropped your hands to your sides.
“If that’s what you really want.”
“It is. Door’s over there,” his tone was final. You backed up slowly, trying to give him time to change his mind. He had never yelled at you like that before, and he certainly had never asked you to leave. Tears built up in your eyes as you made it to the door.
“I’m, um, I’m really sorry, Bucky. I only wanted to help,” you didn’t wait for his response as you beelined it out of the room, desperate to hide your tears.
You didn’t know where you were going, but you knew you had to get out of the compound. The anger in Bucky’s voice was still sending shockwaves through your spine, and tears were still making heavy tracks down your face at the thought of him not trusting you. You had worked so hard to earn his trust when he first came to the compound, and now it seemed like that was all lost.
The engine of your car roared to life in the garage, the photostrip of you and Bucky sitting in front of the speedometer mocking you. You let a few more tears slip before you clicked your seat belt into place and peeled out of the compound. His words played through your head as you decided on making the trek to the city. It would take about 3 hours to get there, but it's not like you had anywhere else to go. In your flurry to leave, you didn’t notice you left your phone sitting on the therapist’s desk.
Once he’d cooled off, Bucky immediately regretted his words. He knew you meant well, he just hated when people felt sorry for him; it made him feel weak and incapable. Sleep therapy had been brought up multiple times in Bucky’s sessions, but he always turned it down due to the element of control. You gave him the push he needed to get it started and look where that got you. Alone and upset.
When he thought back to your argument, licks of vexation still found their way through his chest, but not nearly enough to warrant his reaction. His pride wouldn’t let him forgive you, but he knew he still trusted you. He trusted you more than anyone else in the world, maybe even more than Steve.
He guessed that you would take the hit the hardest if he brought up trust, and he had wanted you to feel embarrassed like he did in that office. But when he saw that look on your face and watched as you flinched back from him as if he struck you, he never wished to take something back more. His pride kept him going though; kept him from reaching out and holding you and letting you know that he loved you and everything was okay.
Bucky blew out a breath and flopped down onto the bed, throwing his arm over his eyes. He’d let the situation settle a bit before going to get you. You were probably in Nat’s room or off telling Steve how stupid he was acting. He definitely deserved it. Everything you did was for Bucky’s benefit, and he just acted like you betrayed him.
He started to get a bit antsy at the 2 hour mark, and made his way out to the common room. His stomach dropped when just about everyone in the compound was sitting there, watching a movie. Everyone except for you.
“Hey, robocop. Where’s your lady? Been trying to call her for a half an hour. We’re watching her favorite,” Tony gestured to the screen.
“She hasn't been with any of you?” Bucky pathetically asked. Steve perked up from his corner of the couch.
“What do you mean, Buck. Thought she was going to your session today?”
“She did. I kinda—” Bucky paused, scratching the back of his neck in a defeated manner. “I kinda yelled at her. Was hoping she came to one of you guys after.”
“You yelled at her?” Natasha sounded angry.
“Yeah, I know. Didn't mean to make her so upset. Look, can you lecture me later? I just wanna find my girl. Any of you seen her?” The shake of their heads was he all needed to move on. He went to the kitchen, the library, even the gym which he was pretty sure you’d never even stepped foot in on your own. The last place—the one he was dreading the most—was the garage.
If your car wasn’t there, he would have absolutely no idea where you were. Bucky’s palms started to sweat as the elevator took him down to the bottom level. He wiped them on his jeans and grabbed his phone from his pocket, pressing your contact just in case. Dread washed through him when he saw your usual parking spot completely barren.
You weren’t an Avenger, you were just on the medical team. Your car had no tracking devices on it, and Bucky was positive that you weren’t paying attention the day he dragged you to the gym to teach you self-defense. It was already 9pm on a Friday, and you definitely shouldn’t of been driving with how upset you were.
He frantically held his phone up to his ear. Where could you have gone for 2 hours? The compound was pretty deep in upstate New York, the closest grocery store nearly 45 minutes away. The phone rang 5 times before he got your voicemail.
“Hey, y/n,” he nervously said into the receiver, “I know you’re upset. I shouldn’t have said the things I did. I wanna talk to you so just—just please call me back. Or call anyone back, doesn’t have to be me.”
Back on the main floor, Bucky pressed everyone to call you, hoping that you’d pick up a number that wasn’t his. You didn’t answer a single one, and he was starting to panic. He sat beside Steve in the kitchen, passing his phone between his hands.
“You don't think—I mean you don’t think she’d leave me, do you, Stevie? I know I messed up, but she wouldn’t just leave like that, right?” Bucky kept his voice low. Steve passed him a sympathetic smile.
“She loves you, Buck. I don’t think she would leave you. Just give her some time to come around, I’m sure she’ll call you back.”
Bucky didn’t want to give you anymore time. It was reaching the three hour mark since you’d left, and worry was coursing through him. He made his way into your bedroom and picked up his phone once again, less surprised this time when it went to voicemail.
“Hey, sweetheart, it’s Bucky again. I know we're probably blowin’ up your phone wherever you are, but please. Call me back. I’m so sorry, I take back everything I said. I’m just worried about you, baby. I won’t make you come back to the compound, I swear.”
He gave it about 5 minutes of staring blankly at his phone before he called again. And again. And again. Each voicemail he left was more desperate than the last, fear building in his chest with each one.
“I know callin’ you again probably won’t do anything, but it's worth a shot, right? If you answer, I promise I won’t say anything. You can scream at me for however long you want and I’ll sit here and take it. Come on, sweetheart, you gonna pass up on a deal like that?”
“Just give me anything to let me know you’re safe. Send me a text? Or whatever those things are called. I know I said not to text because I don’t understand it, but I’ll take anything you’ll give me. Please, baby, you got me beggin’ over here.”
“Stevie said I should give you some space, and I’m more than willing. Just—I just need to know you’re safe. You can stay as far away from me as you want, sweetheart, but please at least call Nat. Tell her you’re okay. She hates me, so you can guarantee she won’t tell me where you are.”
“Shit, it’s raining. Call me back.”
“Is this you leaving me? Please, don’t do this. I love you. I’d do anything to take back what I said, just please don’t do this.”
Eventually, the phone stopped ringing, each call from Bucky immediately met by the answering machine. He found himself missing the shrill, monotone beeps; they meant there was a chance you would pick up.
“Did your phone just die? God, I hope not. I got Tony tryna track your phone, but no luck. You pull the tracker out or somethin’?”
“You’re tearin’ my heart out, sweetheart, I’m freaking out without you here. I know I messed up, but I need you. I need you to tell me when I’m wrong and when I’m bein’ stupid like how I was today. I need you to hold my hand and force me to take those meditation classes for my heart health or whatever you said it was for. I need—” he took a breath, tears falling down his face for the first time that night. “I need you here, loving me. Because that’s the only time I feel like Bucky. The only time I feel like me. Please, baby, let me—”
“The mailbox is full and cannot accept any messages at this time, goodbye,” the call ended abruptly. Bucky called back, one last time, but was met with the same message.
He stared down at his phone and contemplated chucking it at the wall. Was this really it? Had he screwed up so badly that you didn’t want him anymore? Or worse, were you hurt somewhere? Unable to pick up the phone because Bucky had forced you out of the safety of your bedroom.
Bucky was pulled from his thoughts by a vibration in his hands. Looking down, he almost didn’t believe his phone is ringing, somehow drawn to the conclusion that the stupid thing didn’t work at this point. But the screen clearly read some number he’s never seen before, and the vibrations were strong in his hand. Expecting the worst, he lifted it to his ear.
“Bucky?” your voice called, screaming over the rain. He immediately sat up and wiped the tears from his face, his full attention granted to you.
“Y/n? Sweetheart, where are you? Are you okay? I’ll come get you, where are you?” He was frantic, racing around the room to find his shoes and grab the blanket on the bed to wrap you in when he found you. He could hear your teeth clattering through the phone.
“Bucky, I can barely hear you! I’m at some call box in the middle of nowhere, I have no idea where I am,” your tears mixed with the rain beating down on your face. “I know you said you wanted me to leave, but I need help. I tried to get to the city, but my car completely broke down. Can you—can you find me. Please?”
His heart broke at your words. As if he ever wouldn’t find you. “You think I care about what I said, sweetheart? There’s only one callbox between here and the city, I know exactly where you are. I’m gonna come get you baby, you stay put. Your car nearby?”
“Yeah, Buck, like a few yards away,” He sighed in relief.
“Okay, good. Listen, sweetheart, I put a gun under the passenger's seat so—”
“You put a what!” You gaped. He ignored your interruption.
“— go grab it and wait in the car. You remember how to turn the safety off?” he asked, breath huffing through the speaker as he ran to one of Tony’s cars.
“I mean yeah, but I don’t think—”
“Good girl. I’ll be there as fast as I can. Anyone stops by your car, you shoot,” he tensed, sliding into the driver’s seat.
“Bucky, I’m not gonna shoot anybody,” you yelled, rain still distorting your voice.
“You shoot anyone who’s not me, got it? Go get in the car, I’m on my way. I love you. So much. I’m so happy you’re okay,” he hung up, the call box’s service too weak to hear your response.
Bucky was pretty sure he’d never driven a car faster in his life. Not even when he was sent on missions as the winter soldier. It didn’t matter that they had control over his mind, you had control over his everything and he’d be damned if he was going to leave you alone out there for one second longer.
When your car came into view, he skidded to a halt and practically threw his car door from its hinges. He had yours open a second later, and you were scooped into his arms before you had the chance to be scared. The rain was beating down on Bucky’s back as he held onto you for dear life, all of the words he put into those voicemails translating into his hold on you.
“Baby,” he stressed, words spoken into your shoulder. “I thought you left me. You weren’t answerin’ and I thought I sent you away for good. I didn’t mean it like that, sweetheart, I take it all back,” you pulled back from his protesting arms, gripping his face between your hands.
“Leave you? Bucky, you’re everything to me. Only reason I left is because you were so upset with me. And I’m sorry I told that therapist all that stuff, it wasn’t my place. You don’t have to do anything you don't want to,” Bucky was already shaking his head before you could finish, pressing you back into his chest as if it hurt him to not be close to you.
“‘Course it’s your place, sweetheart. I’m yours, and you’re mine. If you’re not looking out for me, then no one is. I’m sorry I got so upset. I do trust you,” his grip on your waist tightened. “I trust you more than I trust myself sometimes.” You took a brief pause to absorb the weight of his words.
“I only do the things I do because I love you, Bucky. Always,” he was the one to pull back this time, allowing the rain to drip from his hair onto your face. His gaze shifted from your eyes down to your lips, and then back up again. His thumb came up to brush your lower lip.
“Can I kiss you?” his voice was lost in the rain, but his eyes shone with clear, devastating adoration.
“You never have to ask,” and so he kissed you. He kissed you and he kissed you until you felt nothing but him. Rain mingled in with his lips and you were briefly reminded of all the romance movies you made Bucky watch when he first got to the compound. You weren’t sure if he was actually paying attention to them, but the way he was kissing you now made up for it and then some.
“Never do that again,” he stressed as you parted. “Never leave. Stay and scream at me and tell me I’m wrong and hit me, but never make me worry I’ve lost you. Not when I haven’t yet.”
“Okay, Bucky,” you whispered, still dazed from the kiss. “I’ll always stay.”
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Me, seeing my fav character: they must be great in bed.
My friend: How could you possibly know? They are just fictional cha-
Me: I JUST KNOW.
829 notes · View notes
Chubby Baker Bucky, my beloved 😍
Chubby Baker Bucky is ready for his first date with you. Natasha made him wear this outfit and he has no idea if he looks good or not.
He really really hopes you like it.
Outside the cafe, Bucky fiddles with the sunglasses, Nat said it would pull the whole outfit together and he has no idea what that means. But he's willing to stand on his head if it means you'll like him.
He has a few crumpled notes on how to impress women in his pocket and he's already scooped out the place. So he knows where to sit and what to order without sounding nervous.
Bucky wants this date to go well. He can't stop dreaming about you and all he needs is one chance to show you that he can be so good for you.
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Sunday Kinda’ Love
Summary: You weren't sure when it happened, falling in love with Bucky Barnes.
Pairing: Bucky x reader
Warnings: insane amounts of fluff, domestic Bucky, Explicit sexual content, Oral (f receiving), fingering, vaginal penetration, lazy counter-top sex, 18+
Word Count: 1.3K
Authors Note: shoutout to @sweeterthanthis who Puts up with me sending her screenshots of my fics every 10 minutes 😂 love you bitch. Thank you for helping me babe!
all mistakes are my own.
The rain patting on the windowsill pulled you from your hangover induced coma as the smell of coffee wafted into the bedroom. You reached over, running your fingers across the empty bed in hopes to find your soldier, though he seemed to have already made the most of your day off.
You, on the other hand, were fully content to lay in bed all day and sleep away the reminisce of vodka Carol had challenged you to the night before.
The sound of Bucky humming along to the distant radio brought a small smile to tug at the corners of your lips. The way you knew he was shuffling around the kitchen, trying to keep his hands busy until you woke made you melt.
You weren't sure when it happened.
The nights seemed to lull into days spent in Bucky’s apartment. Lazing away the afternoons when you both returned home from a mission too sleep deprived to find your way back to your own bed. And you supposed there were worse ways to wake up.
You struggled, sliding out of the warm covers and onto the chilly hardwood floors. The ground beneath you creaked slightly as you stumbled across the room, grabbing one of Bucky’s old T-shirts and tossing it over your head.
You patted into the living room, leaning against the kitchen counter until Bucky finally spun around. His super hearing, already picking up on your presence, but the man never seemed to let on he could predict your every move.
Even though you knew he could.
“Mornin’, sunshine.” He hummed, his voice melting over you like a warm bath.
You smiled, unable to contain the way he made your tummy erupt into a fit of flutters. The pet name always fell from his lips so effortlessly. As if the old Brooklyn charm was always just beneath the surface of that stormy gaze.
“Good morning, Sarge.” You quipped, sneaking past him as he groaned under his breath, neck luling back as he eyed you pouring yourself a cup of coffee.
“You know, you could get away with murder by calling me that.” He mumbled, caging you against the counter, his hot breath fanning against the shell of your ear.
“Who told you my master plan?” You chuckled, setting down the mug and leaning into his touch.
The man was, in every sense of the word, intoxicating. From the way he called your name to the feather like touches that sent electric shivers to explode through your body each and every time he held you. It was unnerving how easily you gave yourself to him. And completely out of character for you…
That was, of course, until you met Bucky Barnes.
Bucky hummed, a careless laugh rumbling against your skin as he spun you around, his lips instantly melting with yours.
You laced your arms around his neck, breathing him in - the faint taste of his mouthwash tingling against your tongue, rendering you weak.
His vibranium arm whirled, clutching you by your waist and lifting you effortlessly onto the counter as he stepped between your legs. His hands lazily rubbing your thighs, lips dancing across the sensitive skin on your throat.
“Bucky,” You managed to breathe out, head lulling back against the cupboards as he began tugging at your panties. “What about breakfast?”
Bucky chuckled, stilling in his movements as you met his gaze. His eyes, crinkled at the corners as he grinned down at you with a softness you couldn't quite put your finger on. With a soft kiss on the nose, he rested his forehead against yours, warm minty breath fanning against your lips.
“Sunshine, you're all I want.”
You smirked, miring his lopsided smile as you lifted yourself off the counter. In one skilful movement, Bucky had your panties sliding down your leg, hanging around your ankle as he pressed his erection against your dampness.
Your eyes rolled back in your head, blissed out as he dropped to his knees, hands on either side of your knees as he licked a long, hot strip up your thigh. His fingers, easing into your slick folds, opening you up as his tongue lapped against your dripping hole.
“Tease.” You accused, hands tangled in his cropped hair as he slipped his index finger deep inside, curling it against your fluttering walls.
“Is that so?” He mumbled, and though you couldn't see his lips, you knew the exact smirk playing on them.
You head snapped back, crashing against the wooden cupboard as his tongue found your clit, swirling around the aching bud as he drank you in. Your whole body was lit aflame - legs lazily wrapped around his broad shoulders while he made quick work of your impending orgasm.
You couldn't help it, the man knew every weak spot you had. The way he memorized every way to pull you apart in his hands had you trembling, begging to shatter.
“Oh god - fuck, Bucky. I’m-”
He hummed, and with the flick of his tongue, you were falling off the edge. Figuratively and literally and he held you up, your orgasm crashing over you like a title-wave as you drowned in it’s ecstasy.
“Fuck-” Bucky gasped, your slick coating his stubble as he licked his lips clean, the action causing you to shudder. “You taste so sweet. Gotta’ have you.”
Before you could answer, Bucky had you wrapped around his waist, spinning you carefully as you tumbled against the kitchen island, body still quivering. You watched from hooded eyes as he freed himself from his boxers, stroking his cock and lining himself up with your dripping cunt.
He sank into you, slowly at first, hooking his cold fingers under your knee and wrapping your leg around him. You could only arch your back, body aching and used as he carefully rocked his hips into you. You bit back a moan, watching Bucky toss his head back, eyes snapping shut while he slowed his pace.
You knew he was holding back, you had seen him come undone before. And yet, something about the way your bodies tangled together felt different. His actions- more deliberate and calculated. His body conveying something words never stood a fighting chance to.
He kept his agonizing pace, his length dragging against your walls, pulling him deeper into you until he had your eyes rolling back in your head. You begged for more, body vibrating as he pulled you against him. His lips, searing as they found yours, carelessly running down your throat and sucking on that sweet spot that had you moaning his name like a prayer.
“That’s it sunshine. Fuck, just like tha-”
Bucky’s fist crashed down beside you, his hips snapping to meet yours as he chased his high. You could feel the familiar coil building in your belly, his cock pulling you closer and closer to the very edge until he let out a gasp, hands finding your waist as he held you still. Spurts of his hot spend coated your walls, never easing up on his thrusts until he had you screaming his name.
You stayed like that, your head resting in the crook of his neck as you both tried to steady your breathing. Your heart felt like it might explode out of your chest as his hands ran circles across your back, grounding you and bringing you back to him.
“I’m falling in love with you, Buck.”
You didn't even know the words had left your lips as Bucky slipped himself out, eyes trained on yours. The silence before he spoke eating away at you until the gnawing almost became too much. Maybe he wasn't ready for that? Had you spoken too soon? Had you read the room-
“I can't believe you beat me to it.” Bucky chuckled, his lips instantly finding yours as he smiled into the kiss. “You’re full of surprises, aren't you, sunshine?”
“I’m full of something, Sarge.”
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Hi! I love your writing, you are amazing! Are you taking requests? if you are, can I ask for one, where the reader is bi, but has only been with women so far, so she's really nervous about sleeping with Bucky for the first time? I don't know if this is good, but if you want to write it, it would be great! If not, that's totally okay! Love u🖤
Hello my love! I am so sorry this took so long to get to. I hope you enjoy it.
Pairing: Bucky x Bi Female Reader
⚠️ Warnings: Smut. NSFW 18+!
Word Count: 2.5k
A/N: A big thank you to my beta reader, @liebs82 . All mistakes are my own.
“How was the date?” Sam grins at you as you enter the kitchen. “What’s her name again?”
“Awful and who cares cause I’m never gonna see her again,” you roll your eyes.
“What happened?” Bucky asks from his seat at the island.
“We were talking about when we came out and the moment I said I’m bisexual, she got this look on her face. She said she only dates lesbians because she doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t make up their mind.”
“Oh, man. What did you say?” Sam shakes his head.
“I said, oh, and when did you choose to be a lesbian? And she was like, I didn’t, I was born this way.”
“And then I answered, yeah, me too. Got up from the table, threw down some cash to cover my portion of dinner and left. It’s so frustrating. I’ve always been attracted to both genders. It’s who I am. Just, ugh, I’m so sick of people who are only attracted to one gender having some sort of superiority about it and… I’m sorry, guys. I’ll get off my soapbox.
“No problem, doll. You can always vent to us,” Bucky says sweetly.
“Right. I’m heading out though. Gonna meet a lady friend for a drink,” Sam says with a wave.
“Booty call,” you sing-song, giving Bucky a wink.
“I heard that,” Sam calls.
“I meant for you to!” You yell back.
Bucky chuckles but then sobers as he gives you a onceover, “She really must be an idiot.”
“Thanks, Buck. Some peoples’ prejudices, ya know?” you shrug.
“I, uh, didn’t realize you’re bi. I always thought you were-”
“I haven’t really dated guys much.”
“No reason,” you survey Bucky. You had wondered more than once in the past if he was attracted to you.
“But you’d date a guy?”
“Why? You interested?” You lean on the counter, giving him a great view of your cleavage, and smirk.
“Yeah, doll. Have been since you first got here. Just didn’t think I had a shot,” Bucky gives you a cocky grin.
“Shoot your shot then, Barnes.”
Two weeks later, you and Bucky had been on a half dozen dates and made out until you were throbbing with need. There was one thing Bucky didn’t know and it was the reason you hadn’t dragged him to your bed.
Sam was gone on a mission with Joaquin, giving you and Bucky the house to yourselves. You had asked him if he’d like to stay in tonight, get a pizza, and watch a movie. The understood code of “let’s ignore the movie and make out.” Which is exactly where you were at this moment, laid out on the couch with Bucky on top of you. You are so wet you had probably soaked through every layer of clothing between the two of you.
"Bucky," you attempt to get his attention but it comes out a moan. His answer is to redouble his efforts, sucking a mark on your collarbone. "Barnes!"
That causes his head to snap up, "You okay?"
"Yeah," you nervously bite your lip.
Bucky gives you a cocky grin, "You wanna take this to the bedroom?"
You nod then giggle as Bucky shoots up from the couch and practically carries you to his bed. But as soon as you are laid out under him and he starts to pull your shirt off, your nerves bubble up. "Bucky?"
"Yeah, Doll?" Bucky pulls back to look at you.
"I've, um, I've never been with a guy. So, if I'm awkward at this, I'm sorry."
"You're a virgin, Doll?"
"Hardly, Barnes. I've had plenty of sex. Just never with a guy. I've always been with women."
"But you've never had a cock in you?"
"Look," you push Bucky back and straddle him, "I've been fucked good with a strap on and fingers and tongue." You put your hands under his shirt as you feel some of your confidence come back. "But it's always been with women. You won't hurt me or anything. I wanted you to know in case I'm a little awkward with anything." You pull his shirt off and smile at him, "I mean, I doubt you can beat the orgasm record that I've accomplished in a single session but I'm sure you can make it good. Right?"
Bucky rolls you under him and smirks down at you, "Is that a challenge?"
"Only if you're up for it, Sarge," you reply playfully.
Bucky leans down to whisper confidently in your ear, "Hope you don't have any big plans for tomorrow. You won't be walking straight."
“Big talk. Not seeing much action.”
Bucky grins devilishly as he gets to his knees, fists your shirt and rips it open. Your bra falls victim to him next and then your pants and panties are removed without further damage, "Wanna keep mouthing off, Doll?"
"If it gets me results, Sarge," you sass with a giggle. Your laugh quickly dies on a moan as Bucky explores your folds with his fingers.
“Fuck, you’re so wet,” Bucky whispers as he kisses you again. His fingers are making slow circles around your clit causing you to writhe against him. He builds you up, making the circles faster and tighter until the coil in you snaps.
“Yes, fuck!” you cry out.
“One,” Bucky whispers in your ear. His lips slide down your neck and then to your breasts. He gives each one attention as his fingers still make circles over your clit. You arch into his mouth when he swirls his tongue around your nipple and gently suckles. He trails his tongue over your belly, dipping into your navel, and then down to your mound. He traces his tongue over your folds and then his tongue spears into your opening and you cry out. He works his tongue in and out of you while never pausing the work of his fingers.
“Bucky! Fuck,” you cry out as you fall over the edge again.
“Two,” Bucky says before swiping his tongue up and over your clit. The new sensation causing you to writhe against him. You grab his hair to hold him against you as he laps at your bud.
“Bucky, God, it’s so good.”
His lips wrap around your clit and you arch as another orgasm slams through you.
“Three. What was that record again?” Bucky smirks at you from between your legs, his tongue still playing over you.
“I’ll let you know if you get there,” you smirk back at him.
“That’s how it’s gonna be, huh?” Bucky presses a finger into you as he speaks.
“Yes,” you reply breathlessly. His thick digit digging into your g spot as you throw your head back. Bucky’s tongue flicks over your clit in time with his strokes. Another moan escapes when he presses a second finger in. Each motion takes you higher until you cry, “Bucky! Oh, fuck, Bucky, I’m gonna..fuck!”
“Four. You like that, doll? Right there?” Bucky’s fingers massage your g spot.
“Yes. Bucky, will you, um, will you…” you falter, feeling a little embarrassed to ask for what you want. Something you had fantasized about more than once.
“Will I what, doll?” Bucky looks up at you.
You bite your lip for a second while butterflies erupt in your stomach, “Use your other hand?” The surprised expression that crosses his face makes you regret asking almost instantly.
“You want… you want that?” Bucky looks at you with wonder as he trails his metal hand up your leg.
“Yes. I want all of you, Bucky.”
He moves slowly but your moans encourage him. His mouth again covers your clit as he works two metal fingers in you. Your mind runs amok feeling how excited he is by your request. He's eating you as if starving and his fingers are firm yet gentle as they take you higher. The coil in you bursts yet again and the loud moan you release drives Bucky crazy.
“Five,” he groans as he kisses his way back up your body. His lips take yours again and you feel his hard length press against you through his sweatpants. Your hands slide past his waistband and encircle him. His skin was soft despite how incredibly hard his cock is. He moans into your mouth while your hands explore. You pull your hands out and roll Bucky onto his back. Sliding down him, you pull at his sweats and he lifts himself so you can pull them off. You lick your lips looking down at his well endowed cock. You reach your hand out and gently caress the length.
“I want to taste you, baby,” you say as you lower your mouth to lick the tip of his cock.
“I haven’t done this before. You’ll tell me if I do something wrong?” You ask self-consciously.
“You won’t do anything wrong, doll,” Bucky holds himself still to allow you time to explore. He’s so hard it’s painful but when your sweet tongue swirls around his head, he’s ready to explode. Your lips wrap around him and the silky texture makes your eyes roll back in your head. You want to feel every inch of him on your tongue. You lick a stripe from his balls to the tip and grin when you see him fist the sheets. You repeat the action making him moan and squirm. You do it one more time and then slide him as deep as you can in your mouth. Involuntarily, his hips flex up and you pull back as you gag.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” Bucky is sitting up immediately.
“No, you’re interrupting my oral exploration of your cock. Lay down!” You smirk as you push him back onto the pillows. He chuckles as you wink at him and lean down to suck him again. You hold your thumb to help suppress your gag reflex. Your tongue flicks back and forth on his underside as you take him a little deeper with each stroke. Your hand comes up to cup his balls and his breath leaves him.
“Fuck. Doll, I’m gonna come.”
“Mmmm,” you moan as you take him deep and bob your head. You guide his hand to your hair and he moans as he begins guiding you where he wants. He releases a long groan as his cum hits the back of your throat. You swallow and lick him clean. You look at him and ask with a bit of heat in your cheeks, “Was that okay?”
“So much better than okay,” Bucky winks at you. Suddenly, he’s up and maneuvered you onto your hands and knees. You gasp when it’s not his cock but his tongue that is pressed to you. He makes a long swipe from your clit all the way to your tightest hole. His tongue dances there for a second making your insides flutter before it licks its way back to your entrance. He shoves his face into you causing his tongue to plunge into your pussy. You clench around his tongue and cry out at the onslaught. He bounces you against his face making you gasp and moan with each movement. His fingers glide over your slick clit, tightening the coil in you. You release a cry when you come. Your body shudders as the waves crash over you. He rolls you onto your back, grabs his t-shirt to wipe his face which is covered in your slick, and grins down at you, “Six.”
“Getting close, Barnes,” you tease.
“And we’re nowhere near finished, doll,” he lowers himself over you. “Ready?” He flexes his hips bringing his hard cock against you.
“So fucking ready,” you whine, arching into him. His first thrust takes your breath away. The thickness of his cock stretches you deliciously. Your breath hitches with each stroke that buries him deeper. “Fuck, baby. You feel so good inside me.”
“You feel good too, doll. So wet and ready for me. Squeezing my cock,” Bucky’s lips find yours as he thrusts harder. You grab his ass, encouraging each stroke. His hands are everywhere, on your hips, caressing your breasts, holding your face for his kiss. You can’t get enough of his hips driving into you.
“Faster, please, baby,” you whimper in his ear. Bucky responds immediately, grinding against you with quick, shallow strokes. Your legs begin to tremble as you barrel towards orgasm and then you’re crying out, writhing against Bucky.
“Seven,” Bucky says as he flips you on top of him and starts fucking up into you. Pushing up from his chest, you look down at him as you ride his cock. His eyes slide down your body and back up again. Grabbing his hands, you place them on your breasts and watch him as you roll your hips faster. His cock hits that spot deep inside and then he trails a hand down to circle your clit.
“Right there. Oh, God. Just like that, just like that. Fuck!” you’re coming again, surprising yourself with how quickly it came on.
“Eight,” Bucky sits up to wrap his arms around you. He kisses you in earnest, tongues twining as he slowly rocks you on his lap. He puts his forehead to yours and stares into your eyes while guiding your hips in slow circles. Nervously, you guide his hands from your hips to wrap around your neck. You continue the movement of your hips exactly as he had been guiding you and bite your lip as you look in his eyes. He caressed your jawline with his thumbs and then you see his expression change as his hands tighten. Your breathing becomes ragged with excitement. With each circle of your hips, his hands squeeze a little more, cutting off your blood flow. “Harder,” he demands and your eyes nearly roll back in your head from the commanding tone. You keep your slow pace but grind down on him with more force. You shudder when your orgasm streaks through you, clenching down on him. “Fuck, nine.”
When you recover your breath, you whisper, “My doubt in you was misplaced, Barnes. You’re even with the record. Care to beat it?”
Bucky has you on your back in seconds and is holding your knees open wide. He pounds into you. You grab handfuls of the sheets as you let out loud cries with each thrust. Your body arches from the intense onslaught and the coil in you tightens again. Bucky lets go of your legs, puts one hand next to your head to hold himself above you, and grabs your face. He forces your mouth open with his fingers against your cheeks and spits in your mouth. He puts his hand over your mouth until he sees you swallow. “Good girl.”
The words were all it took. Your mouth opens wide in a scream as your entire body spasms. You grab hold of Bucky as your body milks him, clenching tightly around his cock as it paints your insides. His moan as he comes is sinfully delicious to your ears.
You lay together catching your breath. The low rumble of Bucky’s voice causes you to grin as he mutters sleepily, “Ten.”
“A new high score,” you giggle.
“I can beat it,” Bucky grins.
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𝐒𝐀𝐅𝐄 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄 | 𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬
summary: bucky can't stand seeing another man touching you. but it is for a deeper reason than you might think.
pairing: bucky barnes x female!reader
word count: 1,9k
warnings: non-consensual physical touch, slight angst, anxiety attacks, protective!bucky, soft!bucky
english is not my mother tongue, so please forgive me if there is a grammatical error. hope you like it!
"I so disagree with this." Bucky's growl interrupted the tense silence that had formed in the cold atmosphere of the night. His blue eyes sparkled with anxiety when they fell on you again and you spent a few seconds analyzing him, something you were completely used to doing almost unconsciously now.
He had been in a bad mood pretty much the entire day, since you had to accept Baron Zemo as part of your little team if you wanted to get to the bottom of the serum issue, he had started to act more surly, especially against Baron himself. He did hated him.
Zemo, as calm and diplomatic as ever, turned to look at him. Warm steam slipped from his lips as he began to speak. "We have to do this if we want to succeed this mission. Don't you want to gather the necessary information to―"
Bucky shut him up shooting him a single glare filled, once again, with anger. Zemo immediately closed his mouth. "Still, it's too dangerous for her."
You rolled your eyes.
"Stop talking like I'm not even here." A sigh escaped your lips, grabbing Bucky's right arm between your fingers to gain his full attention, which happened quickly. You felt him relax under your touch, his gaze clouded by softness once it fell on you again. "I know I'm not an avenger or superhero like you guys, but I know how to defend myself. If I have to kick a couple of butts, I will. And as Zemo says, gathering this information is essential."
The Winter Soldier still had a debating expression reigning on his tired face. Of course, he cared about you just as much as he cared about Steve in the old days. And since Steve was gone, you were the only thing left for him in that dark world. You were his everything. His light in the dark. His safe place.
He truly loved you, but as the coward he was, he had never confessed. And he doubted that he could do it in the near future. As always, he'll just run away from his feelings.
"It's not the first time she's been into something like this, Buck." Sam spoke this time, arranging his gaudy, colorful coat with both hands. He showed you support, making you smile a little. He always had your back. "Steve himself trained her. I'm sure she'll be fine."
Bringing Steve into the conversation felt like an instant relaxer for Bucky. The name of his fallen friend always felt like his heart was being squeezed, he felt like a lump he was well acquainted with creeping up his throat. Those two emotions were the ones that always followed along with the memory of Captain America, the real Captain America.
He sighed and nodded his head just once "I know."
"But I'm afraid of losing her too."
. . .
Modern music blasting out of the huge speakers made the nightclub floor vibrate, the ceiling lights blinking electric colors in the darkness, adding to the euphoria that reigned in the atmosphere.
When you noticed how many people were inside the place, you remembered why you hated parties. But Zemo had been insistent on staying in character or at least trying.
And because of that, you had that unknown to you and annoying man named Robert practically almost glued to your body. His arm was around your shoulders, as you both sat on the long leather sofas that were one side of the dance floor. You almost felt nauseous when he gave you a wide smile, letting you see almost proudly those teeth adorned with pure gold.
"So what were we on, princess?" Her voice as unpleasant as none you've ever heard whispered leaning ‘discreetly’ towards your ear.
Bucky saw the whole scene in the distance, sitting in front of the bar with Sam and Zemo, both his metal and flesh hands were clenched into fists on his knees.
He was no longer angry, he was furious.
He felt guilty for dragging you into this mess, which is exactly why you were there in the first place, having an unknown man all over you, his hands crawling over your body so shamelessly that even he wanted to vomit right there. And there was nothing he could do about it. Bucky Barnes, once again that night, felt a huge surge of emotions shake his whole body.
Sam, sitting at his other side, shot him a knowing look, realizing how uncomfortable he was being with the whole situation, perhaps as uncomfortable as he was. "Buck, calm down. (Y/N) has it all under control."
"She will give the order any second now." Zemo added in his husky voice, a glass full of a strange and repulsive alcoholic beverage grabbed in his hand.
And it wasn't until your gaze found his among the euphoric mass of people on the dance floor that Bucky felt determined.
He could see the fear in your eyes, even among all the meters that separated you from each other. And he suddenly saw himself in you. When he was forced to do things that he did not want to do, commanded by cruelty and evilness.
And Bucky knew that all of that was wrong.
"It's enough." He grunted, causing both men at his sides to turn to look at him in pure alarm.
Practically seconds later, Bucky found himself on the other side of the nightclub, with Robert's neck between his metal fingers, body propped against the wall above the sofa he was sitting on previously. Drastically feeling as small as an ant under the towering presence of the Winter Soldier, just right in front of him.
Around them a sudden silence formed, people had apparently stopped dancing, shifting their attention to the metal-arm man and the show he was giving them. Some even took out their cell phones, starting to record, truly entertained.
The blue of Bucky's eyes were darkened with the anger and adrenaline of the moment. Robert half-opened his mouth and tried to free himself from his strong hold, already feeling the air escaping from his lungs. He did his best to retain as much oxygen as he could with heavy, ragged inhalations.
Bucky saw how his eyes began to close and he squeezed harder, but his gaze traveled to the side when a small hand rested on his metal forearm and immediately relaxed when he met your eyes.
"Buck, just let him go. You'll break rule number two." After your murmur, Robert's neck was released and he fell to the ground, stumbling, grabbing as much oxygen as possible with long breaths.
"The next time you touch her I will break your neck." He threatened, almost spitting the words at Robert.
Your arm clasped with Bucky's metal one and you raised your hand to his cheek, drawing his attention from the man on the ground back to you again, noticing how his breathing had increased his speed enormously. Signs that he might be having one of his anxiety attacks.
And you knew exactly what to do.
"It's okay, James. Just breathe. Focus on me."
Your voice was like an angelic melody inside his head, causing him to close his eyes for a few moments and unconsciously lean against the warmth and familiarity that was the touch of your hand. Completely forgetting everything around him. His everything, was you.
"You're safe. You're with me. You're not like that anymore."
Bucky concentrated on your breathing and tried to following it with his own, finally sighing after a few seconds. And by the time he opened his eyes, he finally noticed how the whole nightclub was looking at you both almost as intently as if you were a show.
Behind you stand Sam and Zemo, silently watching you as well.
The Baron cleared his throat, glancing at how the various pairs of eyes were on you now. "We have to go."
And without further ado, you intertwined your fingers with Bucky's and lured him to you, making him walk along and follow Zemo and Sam, who advanced towards the exit of the club.
And when you guys left the place, Bucky stopped, causing you to stop as well, making you turn your head and look at him in confusion. He kept his gaze down, at a nonexistent point on the ground and then moved to the point where he joined you, your intertwined hands.
"I just..." He began to speak in a soft, low tone.
You turned completely towards him now, raising your other hand to his chest and placing it delicately on his heart, feeling under his skin how it throbbed with force. His blue eyes were enveloped with shame and despite the darkness of the night in the alley, you could notice how a reddish tone tinged his pale cheeks.
Then, you took his hand with yours and pulled it to your chest, placing his palm against your heart, making him feel also how fast it was beating.
You knew this calmed him down almost immediately, but it was a ritual you did when you were alone, never in front of someone else, much less in front of Sam, who raised his eyebrows when he turned to check on you both.
From the corner of your eye you could see how he leaned towards Zemo and said something that you barely managed to hear but that was like "Let's go find the car" or something like that, knowing that it was better to leave you both alone. He knew that Bucky had been feeling bad all day and practically all week, maybe all his life. And it was clear to him that, being with you, he couldn't be in better hands.
"I just wanted to tell you that― " Bucky continued with his whisper, your eyes gazing up at him with anticipation. He leaned into you and rested his forehead against yours, closing his eyes again, trying to calm the nerves that were almost eating him alive. "I wouldn't mind breaking rule number two for you, a-actually I wouldn't mind breaking any rule for you."
Both of his hands lowered toward the curve of your waist as he finally spoke, surrounding you with signs of protection, almost like preventing you from walking away when he said the words.
But instead, you smiled with your eyes closed at his confession, realizing that it was the first time in many days that he let himself be seen vulnerable before you. Just for you.
Your hands rose to his chest, always fascinated to feel his heart beat under your palms, your fingers began tracing imaginary lines on the surface of his leather jacket. "That would be bad if you want to keep this peace truce with the government, darling."
"Fuck the government." Bucky simply replied, finally opening his eyes, which remained bright once they met yours. Fun flashed across his gaze while he spoke.
"I'd break any rules for you too, Buck." You declared in a soft tone after a minute of comfortable silence, words almost inaudible, but he managed to hear them perfectly and felt a warmth rise from the bottom of his stomach to his chest and finally to his face, blushing slightly his cheeks, once again.
A shaky sighed came from between his pink lips when he separated his forehead from yours.
"Would you like to go eat somewhere with me after this is all over?"
You frowned slightly. "We go to eat at places all the time, Buck― “
He denied with his head, interrupting you. He rolled his eyes as he spoke. "Not like that, doll."
You raised a single eyebrow on your forehead, really don't understand what he was referring to, although your heart was starting to beat more fiercely anyway. "Then like what?"
And when his eyes lifted off the ground once more and looked at you, you could understand it all.
"Like a date."
2K notes · View notes
Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: Bucky comes home to you.
Word Count: Over 1.3k
Warnings: Explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, porn with feels, Nix’s edit (Nix is a muse and warning)
A/N: Posting for Sinday! Inspired by this beautiful @nix-akimbo edit. Thank you for letting me use this! This is not beta read, so any and all mistakes are my own.
18+ Please!!! Please comment, like and reblog if you desire. Enjoy, lovelies!
You asked Bucky Barnes for two things. The first was to never break your heart. The second was to never lie to you. So when he had to go on the run, he was honest. He had to go without you and didn't know how long he'd be gone for. And though he wanted you to wait for him, he didn't expect you to.
"Trying to force me to break your heart means breaking my heart. You're worth the wait. So keep your word and come back to me."
Your faith in him kept you going as the days went by. Those quickly faded to weeks. You occupied your time with small things, like visiting your favorite coffee shop. It felt strange without Bucky sitting across from you, but you easily pictured that soft smile reserved for you as he sipped his favorite drink.
Each night, you fluffed the pillow on the floor in the living room and spread out the blanket like he was still there. He swore he slept better with you in his arms, but he had that spot as a backup when the nightmares were too much. You even jotted down notes of things to talk with him about when he returned. You didn't want him to miss a thing.
"Love you, Bucky," you whispered every evening before you went to sleep, hoping wherever he was that he'd feel your love for him. You swore he whispered it back.
It felt like months later when you woke up, stretching a little. It felt too early. Why were you awake?
"Bucky?" you croaked, snapping out of your sleepy state as your eyes flew open. You swore you were dreaming when you saw him standing by the bed, but you couldn't have dreamt the longer, different hair and beard. The look was too distinct to not be real. "You're back."
"I'm back," he whispered, the mattress dipping as he sat down.
“You’re back? You’re safe?” you asked as you sat up.
“I’m back and I’m safe,” he assured you. “I can’t lie to you.”
You captured his lips in a searing kiss, the other questions you had pushed to the back of your mind as you deepened it. Your body shuddered as he pulled you against him, fitting there like a missing puzzle piece. He kissed you back like a starved man and you couldn’t help but moan.
“Missed you,” you breathed heavily when he pulled his mouth away.
“I missed you more,” he swore, pulling the blanket back with a smirk. “That’s my shirt.”
“It’s mine now,” you told him, burying your face in his neck and hearing him inhale sharply at the feel of your lips. You needed to feel him close to you.
“I think I want it back.”
“So take it back,” you urged, tilting your head back to gaze at him.
His fingertips brushed your sides through the worn shirt, gripping and tugging it over your head. “Fuck…” he exhaled when he saw that you were completely naked. You made it a habit not to wear underwear in bed once you two got together. “You were waiting for me.”
“And worth the wait, remember?”
His heated gaze swept over you before he began to take his clothes off. Your eyes raked over him in return, not just in appreciation. You were looking for new bruises and scars. You memorized each of them. While you couldn’t take away the pain inflicted on him, you could make him feel something else for a short time.
“Need you,” you said softly, reaching out to run your hand down his abs. You moved lower, lightly grazing your fingertips over your prize. He twitched under your touch and you throbbed in anticipation. "What do you need?"
Your free hand slid into his hair when he went in for another kiss. Everything else faded away as he gently moved his tongue with yours. Kisses like that told you that you were his and he was yours. They said that you had love for each other. And it was a "thank you" for giving him the choice to decide.
"I always need you," he groaned when your nipples brushed against his warm chest, moving to rest you back on the bed.
He shifted above you, gazing at you like you were his world. Tears filled your eyes before you could stop them. His body was used to carry out evil deeds, but the heart of the man never faded. You would never break his.
"I'm here," he whispered, kissing a tear away that fell.
You spread your legs, trembling as he moved a hand between them. His fingers stretching you open always felt better than your own. And he read you so well. He knew when to be careful and when to just take.
Seconds or minutes could have passed as he worked you over, arousal pooling in your stomach. You keened at the growing sensations, another spike of heat flowing through you as he quickly replaced his fingers with his cock. He pushed in, both of you moaning as he slid home completely.
"Every single time," he groaned as he let you adjust. "Always so fucking good for me."
You wiggled your hips when he moved, setting a leisurely pace. "Bucky."
"Slow, doll. We have all the time in the world. Just let me take care of you. I'll make your gorgeous pussy ache for me.'
You clenched as you raised your hips, moaning as tenderly moved in and out of you. The pleasure was indescribable as he dragged his cock along your slick walls. His hands moved to your waist, making your own reach up to grip his back. You don't want space between you after so much time apart.
“More,” you begged, your voice breathy as you lifted your hips another fraction.
"I've got you. I know what you need," he promised, angling his thrusts to make you cry out. "Fuck, that's beautiful. You're beautiful."
Underneath him with his cock stretching and filling you, beautiful was how you felt. More than that, you felt cherished. He trusted you enough to show you all of him. And he would always be safe in your hands.
"Bucky, please," you whined as his hand suddenly gripped your chin, watching as his face narrowed in a mix of concentration and ecstasy.
"Keep looking at me. I need to see you."
Who were you to deny Bucky Barnes anything? You saw the world in his eyes and yours reflected the same. "You have me. All of me."
Your promise spurred him on, whining as your greedy body desperately sucked him back in. He took you in long, deep strokes, making the fire burn within you. He loved watching you fall apart for him and you always pulled him over that edge with you. Together. Always together.
"Need to feel you come. Need it. Give it to me."
The slight growl to his voice made you clamp down, your vision whiting out for a moment as you came. You cried his name as your body jerked, his hand not releasing your chin as he rode it out. He could take every drop of pleasure from and still manage to find more.
"Fuck, doll. Squeezing my cock like you own it," he said gruffly, chasing his release. You felt his release after a few more thrusts, sighing happily as he truly filled you.
"Thought I did," you smiled blissfully as you both caught your breath.
"We own each other," he corrected, making your heart do a funny flip.
“I love you so much," you whispered.
He leaned down to brush his lips against yours, feeling his heart race against your chest. “Love you, too, doll."
"I have to say. I like the new look."
"Like?" he repeated, releasing your chin to hold you close. You gasped at the feel of him still inside you.
"Love," you admitted.
"Maybe I'll keep it then," he smirked.
"And you're really okay?"
He smiled that soft smile for you before he kissed your forehead. “I'm okay. I’m home.”
He would later tell you that his home was where you were. And it always would be.
2K notes · View notes
Pairing: College AU!Bucky Barnes X Reader
Summary: you realise that you are in love with your best friend, only for him to confess that he loves someone else
Warnings: angst, sad reader, late love realisations, fluff at end
@buckybingo : finding each other once again
@star-spangled-bingo : unrequited love
@anyfandomangstbingo : Walking Away
@anyfandomgoesbingo : They're mad at me, i did something stupid
@drysdale-barnes 600 FWC: When he loves me I feel like I'm floating
@saiyanprincessswanie 2.5K FWC: Thank you, I love you. I knew it the minute I met you. I'm sorry it took so long for me to catch up. - (Silver Linings Playbook)
A/N: inspired from a drabble I wrote for @justagirlinafandomworld flash fic challenge! Huge thanks to @princessmisery666 for betaing this in such a short time! Inspired by the movie Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. And to @msmarvelouswinchester for being excited about this when I told her the idea lol Dividers by firefly-graphics
Hope you like reading this Xx
Main Masterlist • Marvel Masterlist
You loved him.
Gosh, you were so stupid for not realizing it earlier.
You shook your head as you smiled to yourself. You had always considered Bucky to be slightly more than a best friend, but you had never known that this was what was called love.
Someone patted your shoulder from behind and you almost gave yourself a whiplash with how fast you turned, deflating when you realized it was Dot, and not, um - you know, Bucky.
"Woah, hope your neck is okay." She teased, but there was an edge of concern.
You hummed, "I'm fine, what's up?"
"Bucky told me to tell you that he wants to talk to you about something. He'll be at your dorm."
You thanked Dot and picked up your bag before making your way home.
For some reason, you couldn't control the smile on your face.
You knew the reason why you couldn't stop smiling. You had a feeling that something good was going to happen. The guy wanted to talk to you at the exact time you realized your feelings for him, that meant something, right?
Maybe he felt the same too...
And with that thought, you walked back to your dorm with a skip in your step.
Bucky was right there, sitting on your bed, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he shyly looked anywhere but you, his cheeks pink. You opened your mouth to greet him but he spoke first.
"I love you."
You couldn't believe that Bucky was actually saying the three words right as you entered your room. He had probably been practising while he waited for you and maybe just blurted it out. You didn't know what to say - what to think. You were in awe as you stared at him in surprise.
Bucky let out a breathy laugh as he brushed his hands through his hair before finally meeting your eyes. "What do you think she'll say if I tell her that?"
And just like that, eleven words was all it took to bring your whole world crashing down.
Your smile dropped and you couldn't help but ask, "What?"
"Dot - I wanna tell her that I love her." Bucky said as he licked his lips, blushing. "Fuck, I have been saying 'I Love You' to myself for ages, practising, before you even came in."
Tears blurred your eyes but you willed them away, finally understanding what was happening.
"I know that you're shocked, you didn't even yell at me for cursing. Hell, I'm shocked. Who knew a girl like Dot could lock this playboy down." Bucky stood up, hugging you tightly.
It was true, Bucky was known as a love 'em, leave 'em kinda guy throughout college, and you, his best friend from day one of college, was probably the only girl he had talked to for more than a week… well, maybe except Dot.
You returned his hug, wrapping your arms around his neck like always. But this time, something had changed.
Maybe everything had changed.
Bucky pulled away, his own eyes a bit red-rimmed even though you had never seen him smile so brightly.
You couldn't take it anymore, so you turned around on your heels, placed your bag on your desk and started taking out stuff as a distraction.
"You think I should tell her?" He asked in a small voice. You had never thought that Bucky could ever be this shy even a second from all of your time with him.
You nodded, not trusting your voice as you discreetly wiped your tears. You felt him hug you one last time from behind before he muttered, "Wish me luck." and rushed out of your dorm, the door slamming in his wake.
And thus, you were left alone with your thoughts in the quiet that followed.
It would be a lie if you said you didn't cry at all. You had just been through your first heartbreak.
You woke up the next day, sighing when your gaze fell on the mascara stained pillows.
Will it be just as hard to remove the stains as it will be to remove Bucky from your heart?
Was your love even real if he never felt what you did?
Taking a deep breath, you made a call to the only person who you knew would have the answers, trying to rub the tears off your cheeks even though you couldn't stop crying when she picked up.
"Mama, can you die from a broken heart?"
It wasn't hard to distance yourself from him when final exams of your last term were just a week away. You could give him simple excuses like; "I have to study," and he didn't have any other choice but to believe you.
"After exams," Bucky said one morning when you crossed paths on the campus. You tried to walk away, but he had clasped your hand, "You and I are going to spend a whole day together. I miss my best friend."
"Of course," you replied without missing a beat. But you had already planned to leave an hour after your last paper was handed in. Now, the thought of escaping was the only thing that made you happy.
"I'll be waiting for you." Bucky smiled, showing his pearly whites, but then frowned when he saw that your smile didn't reach your eyes. "Did something happen, Y/N?"
"Something did happen, but don't worry about it, you won't understand." You squeezed his hand twice, knowing that it was probably the last time you were going to talk to him, maybe forever.
You would've hugged him, but he knew you well enough to understand it as a confirmation that something was definitely wrong.
So, that was the last time you ever met James Bucky Barnes, memorizing him as a goofy guy with a cheeky smile and blue eyes that shined with life, his white shirt stained with ink and half tucked in.
Well, that was to be expected since you kept your heart tightly bound in so that no one could break it again.
With distance, they say, the heart grows fonder, but yours just kept on getting even more numb.
Everyone around you tried to make you talk it out, but you just shoved your feelings aside and began working harder for your career.
"Bye, Y/N!" Wanda and Natasha yelled as you waved at them for the final time before you boarded your flight to Brooklyn.
You smiled and thanked the flight attendant who directed you to your seat, mentally thanking Natasha for booking you a window one. You settled down, hoping to get some rest on your long haul flight after the hectic week you had.
A lady who seemed to be in her sixties took the middle seat while a man in a blue suit and sunglasses occupied the aisle one.
The moment the man sat down, you could tell that the old lady was on edge. She bounced her foot irately before pushing the 'call' button thrice incessantly.
A young flight attendant immediately rushed to your row, "Hi! What can I help you with?"
The old lady, however, was in no mood of being polite.
"I had booked the aisle seat," She grumbled. "Here's my ticket!"
The flight attendant checked it over, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but it looks like you may have accidentally booked the middle seat."
"That's not possible. I always sit on the aisle seat. You move me right now!" You felt pity for the flight attendant, who obviously wasn't used to such passengers yet.
"If it's fine, she can change seats with me," The man on the aisle seat said.
The flight attendant gratefully nodded, "it's fine sir, but you don't have to-"
"It's fine." The man and the old lady quickly changed seats so that the former was sitting next to you instead.
Now that he was closer, you spared a few seconds to look him over as he typed something in his phone. His jaw was sharp and covered with a small beard that looked professionally trimmed, and his hair dark which complimented his fair skin beautifully.
Not wanting to get caught, you quickly looked away.
The other passengers were still boarding when another flight attendant approached with a clipboard. "Miss Y/L/N." she said politely. “The meal you pre-booked isn’t available, here’s a menu so you can choose something else. I hope that’s okay.”
“Not a problem,” you said, taking the offered menu. She said she would come back shortly and wandered off down the plane.
The man next to you, however, started glancing at you every few minutes or so and you noticed through your peripheral vision.
After all the meals were served and the stranger had glanced at you for the sixth time, you were annoyed. "What's up?"
He was startled, as if he hadn't thought he would get caught. "Oh shit, I'm sorry. Didn't wanna make you uncomfortable." He cleared his throat before continuing. "Are you related to Y/N Y/L/N?"
You had worked really hard for where you were career-wise. You were the editor-in-chief of a popular newspaper, so it wasn't uncommon that your name would be recognized here and there.
But you also didn't have the energy for any such interaction right now.
Playing it safe, you said, "Oh, yes. I'm a distant cousin. Do you know her?"
The man visibly deflated before smiling sadly. "Yeah. We used to be best friends."
Your eyebrows shot up in confusion. "Is that so? What is your name if you don't mind me asking?"
There weren't many times that life gave you curveballs. You were proud that you felt ready to face any challenge thrown your way, but this, you never thought would happen.
"Yeah. Has she ever talked about me?" There was that hint of a smile that made your heart stop, and then it began beating erratically when he removed his sunglasses to reveal those baby blues.
"It's me, Bucky. I'm Y/N." You breathed out.
Funnily enough, his reaction was more dramatic than yours. He had brought up a spoonful of mashed potatoes up to his mouth which clattered back onto the plate.
For a moment, you could tell Bucky was at a loss about what to do - wanting to shout at you and hug you at the same time.
Thankfully, he settled for the latter.
"I missed you so much." He said, awkwardly twisting his huge body in the small space between the two rows in the airplane.
You patted his back, smiling as tears sprang to your eyes.
Gosh, you hated Bucky for still having this much effect on you.
"So, what are you doing nowadays?" You asked, wiping your eyes with a tissue after he let you go.
"Took over my dad's business." He replied, to which you raised your eyebrows.
"I thought you didn't want to do that?"
Bucky shrugged, "Times change, I guess. I'm happy doing it now, though."
You hummed, "That's good. I'm an editor-in-chief at -"
"- New York Times, I know." Bucky cringed as he interrupted your sentence, realizing how creepy it must've come across. "Ma reads it, she's really proud of your achievements. She’s collected some of your articles in this cute little scrapbook."
You blushed. "That's really sweet, please thank her for me. Is she well?"
Bucky laughed, "Oh, she's really well. Bex just gave her a granddaughter, I'm on my way home to meet her."
Bex was Bucky's younger sister, who you had really bonded with throughout the four years of college. You felt like you were going to burst with happiness, "Oh my god, are you serious? That's amazing! Do you have pictures?"
He regretfully shook his head, "I would but I accidentally rebooted my phone and all the pictures Bex sent are gone." He bit his lower lip, as if hesitating before he said, "Well, I don't wanna cross any boundaries, but if you're okay with it, you can come over for dinner sometime this week if you're in Brooklyn."
Uh. What were you supposed to say?
It wasn't like you didn't wanna go, you missed Bucky's mom and Bex a lot.
But, on the other hand, Bucky was obviously going to be there, and since you didn't know anything about him now, you weren't sure if you were mentally equipped to deal with anything as well as how awkward it was going to be.
"I'll have to check with my secretary. Why don't you give me your number and I'll text you?" Okay, that was safe, right? You passed your phone to him to put his number in. This way, you didn't have to worry about making anyone upset in case you couldn't go.
Well, more upset than they already must've been with you.
"Hey, Buck?" You asked, almost muttering, "I hope your mom isn't mad at me for, uh, ghosting her..."
Bucky snorted as he passed you your phone back. "Mad at you? Never. She was actually mad at me when we couldn't find you after graduation, convinced that I did something stupid. Managed to make me think so too when you ignored my calls."
"Woah." You didn't know what else to say.
"For what it's worth now, I'm really sorry for whatever I did. I promise I never had any intention of hurting you."
Nothing would ever break your heart more than hearing the crack in Bucky's voice. How could you tell him it was never his fault, it was all you.
The only thing you did was wrap your hands around his arm closest to you, and his other hand instinctively came up to grab yours, only this time, his fingers were dead cold, metallic.
You looked down, taking his hands to inspect them. You gasped as you realised that his left hand wasn't organic.
"What happened, Bucky?"
He shook his head before smiling sadly. "Just a small mishap I had in our factory a few years ago. I'm okay, got used to it now, see!" He moved his fingers in a random pattern, a small whirring sound coming from within, while doing nothing to make you feel less guilty about not being there when he needed you the most.
Bucky could probably tell that too, so he was quick to change the subject. "So, is there anyone special in your life? I remember you saying something about wanting a guy who was like 'when he loves me, I want to feel like I'm floating'." He teased using something you had told him during one very late-night conversation. You were surprised he still remembered it.
"Shut up," You said, pushing him playfully. "But to answer your question, no there's no one special. I fell in love with someone a long time ago and I'm not sure if I can love anyone else." Bucky went silent for a couple of seconds, so you inquired, "What about you? You still with Dot?"
It successfully broke him out of his reverie as he snorted. "Nah, unfortunately something happened and I was too late to realize what I felt for another girl was much stronger than what I felt for Dot, but it was too late then."
"Never knew we were so similar." You humorlessly laughed before looking out of the window, not being able to meet his eyes.
"Yeah." Bucky sighed. "Wish I'd told her at the very least."
"Bucky," You shakily breathed out. His words were resonating in your mind as you gathered courage. What was the worst that could happen? He could just say no or humiliate you.
But even the last possibility was better than this little thing eating away at you forever.
"It was you, I loved you back in college and I still do."
Even the old lady on the aisle seat was looking at you in surprise. You, however, felt like a big burden was taken off your shoulders, breathing heavily.
His Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped and you prepared yourself for whatever was going to come.
"Thank you, I love you. I knew it the minute I met you. I'm sorry it took so long for me to catch up. I could never build up the courage to tell you." The words poured out of Bucky's mouth like they had been waiting there for far too long.
"We're idiots." You said, clasping his cheeks as you both leaned in. "Why didn't you move on?"
"I did try, but no one else was you." He replied, his right hand coming up to caress your jaw as you stared in his blue eyes, drowning in them. "Why didn't you?"
"Because I couldn't find you.," You whispered, only a centimeter between your lips.
"Just kiss!" Came a yell from the other side of Bucky, who turned out to be the old lady.
"Young love, huh?" She said disgustedly, making you laugh.
Bucky smiled, wetting his lips before they finally met yours.
I’d love to hear what you think of it! Please like, reblog and comment to let me know Xx
To read more of my writings, check out the masterlists linked above!
Your feedback would mean the world to me ☺
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Y/N: Okay so what do you think… Red dress or black dress tonight…?
Bucky: oh idk you look beautiful in whatever you decide…
Y/N: Well thank you but I’m actually having a hard time deciding so I was hoping you could pick one…
Bucky: Either way you gonna be the prettiest person in the party doll…I love you so much…
Y/N: Okay no…I love you too , and I know you think I’m beautiful but this isn’t a test honey …so tell me which dress would you prefer to see me in tonight….?
Bucky: I prefer you just the way you are…
Y/N: Omg…no wonder why I need two boyfriends… HEY LOKI…
Loki: Yes Darling?
Y/N: Red dress or Black?
Loki: Black…red makes you look like a bitch.
Y/N: Thank you love….
Loki: No problem…
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The amount of money I would pay Tumblr to read fanfic that is no longer available due to the Tumblr being deactivated is astronomical:
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Come Back Home (Bucky x reader)
Come back home
Bucky x reader
Word count: 3,061
Summary: You were getting worse and were afraid to hurt Bucky, but unable to hide it. Instead of talking it out, you ran away. Embarrassed and afraid, you avoid the calls and voicemails from the man you left. But one night, you can’t help but listen to them, and you need to hear his voice.
Warnings: depression, reader blames herself, Bucky blames himself, anxiety attack, lots of tears, lots of fluff and comfort
I actually got this idea from @thelifeof.jana on TikTok, she posts different scenarios with comfort characters and I wanted to make it into a fic.
Tags: @buckfics @buckys2thicc @abitgryffindorky @stucky-on-spiderman @thatfangirl42 @thundering-barnes
A/N: It’s nearly finals week and it is CRUNCH TIME so I’ve been writing when I can, I apologize for the sporadic-ness of it. Thanks for sticking with me!
A/N 2: I left a few things to interpretation, such as a nightmare. Insert what you want, I know everyone has different experiences and I wanted this to be as relatable to as many people as I could. I also left out when y/n gives an address because 1) I don’t know New York and 2) It’s likely somebody’s address in real life so...interpretation.
Your phone began ringing, piercing the otherwise silent house and startling you
You stared at the phone, taking a deep breath.
You picked it up and turned it over, closing your eyes and letting a breath out.
Don’t answer it.
You looked at the screen again, seeing the name of your favorite person.
Please, I wanna hear his voice.
Letting a breath out, you put the phone down and sat on the floor next to your bed, leaning your head back and closing your eyes.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
Then you were left in the silence once again.
You let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding, waiting a few more seconds for the next noise. Sure enough, your phone made a sound, notifying you of yet another voicemail.
Another addition to your library of ignored messages.
You picked up your phone, clicking to see the messages you never listened to.
25 unheard messages. All of them from Bucky.
Your finger hovered over them for a moment, allowing yourself to ponder listening to them. But you sighed, closing your phone and placing it back on the nightstand. You couldn’t listen to them. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be able to resist calling him back. And you couldn’t take that risk.
You’d spent this much time without him. Once you heard his voice you’d be spilling everything to him. Just like you used to. Which is why you left in the first place.
Bucky was special to you. He always had been. Despite all the trauma he’d gone through, he was still kind and gentle. He had been the one to pull you out of the dark place you were in at the time. He was always there to talk to you, listen to you, or help you take care of yourself when you just couldn’t anymore. He’d sat through many of your panic attacks and calm you down if you had a nightmare, just as you would for him. He would drop anything for you, you always came first.
And that was the problem.
He did too much for you, and you couldn’t help but feel guilty. This man had already gone through so much pain and suffering and was finally getting better. He was going out more and the nightmares happened much less often. You were grateful for the love he gave you, and you loved him more than anything.
Which is why you couldn’t bring him down anymore. So, one day when he was out on a mission, you had packed up your few positions and left him a note.
I just wanted you to know that I love you so much, but I have to go now. I’m sorry.
You had to keep it brief. If you said anything more you knew you’d say too much, and it would only make leaving harder. And if he knew you were leaving because you were hurting too much, he wouldn’t stop until he found you.
Not that he wasn’t looking for you know.
You had rented out a room in the cheapest hotel your could find in somewhere-New-York-City. It was small, it wasn’t the cleanest, but it was fine. You didn’t care, it was functional. Within hours of leaving, your phone started ringing. Not that you answered. You couldn’t, not when you would start crying once you heard his voice.
You got many texts and calls that night.
Where are you? Y/n are you okay??
Tell me where you are, we can talk this out, please.
You couldn’t bring yourself to read more than that. You silenced his messages and let the calls go to voicemail, never able to bring yourself to reject a call, instead letting it ring all the way until he got the same voicemail message every time.
Hi, it’s y/n. Leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can, have a nice day!
The same fake cheery message every time, giving an empty promise.
What you didn’t know was that on the other end of the line, Bucky was shattering a bit more with each voicemail he left.
He couldn’t understand what could have happened. Why you had left all of a sudden. He knew you had some bad days, and the first time he had read it he was terrified that you had done something. He usually was able to see when things were getting bad again but he couldn’t think of what he could have missed. When he saw that you had read his texts that night, seeing the word read appear after a few of them, he told himself that you were okay.
Because he didn’t know what he was going to do if you weren’t.
What you didn’t know was that you had helped Bucky just as much if not more so than he had helped you. His nightmares happened less often because you were there with him every night. He was more outgoing because you had dragged him out to those first few bars and parties. He felt happier because he was helping you, and you made him feel safe and wanted.
And then you left.
He couldn’t sleep most nights, worried about you. Most of the nights he did sleep, he dreamt about you and everything that could have happened. He called you every day, multiple times, needing desperately to hear your voice. He withdrew again, only going on one mission when the team absolutely needed him. It was his only sense of purpose anymore, but it meant nothing compared to what you had meant to him
But you didn’t know that. Because you hadn’t opened any of his messages yet.
It was late now, and Bucky was discouraged. It had been over a week since you had left, and his texts had gone unread ever since a the first night you left. It wasn’t a long time. But it was still too long. He decided to try your phone once more.
Bucky closed his eyes, begging you would pick up, silently knowing you wouldn’t.
“Hi, it’s y/n. Leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can, have a nice day!”
Sighing, he got ready to leave a voicemail. After the beep he said, broken.
“Please y/n. Come back home.”
You sighed as yet another round of rings echoed through your apartment, hearing the notification soon after, notifying you of yet another new voicemail.
You looked at the time. 11:03 P.M.
You sighed, knowing you should get some sleep. But no matter how tired you were, you knew that once you closed your eyes, you would have nightmares again. And no one would be here this time.
You couldn’t deny it, you weren’t doing well. Your appetite had diminished and you relied heavily on caffeine to supplement the sleep you refused to get. Not that it helped your appetite in any way.
You would go through the motions, make it to work (most days) and get through the day just to...get through the day. You weren’t living really. Just surviving. You knew it was getting bad again, some nights so dark you weren’t sure if you would see the light the next day. Yet you couldn’t let yourself call him. You didn’t want to hurt him.
But you didn’t know that you had already hurt him more by leaving than you ever could’ve by staying.
You sighed, knowing that eventually, you were going to need to sleep. Might as well try to. You didn’t know if for sure you would have a nightmare, so may as well try?
That turned out to be wishful thinking.
Major wishful thinking.
You woke up screaming, drenched in sweat and looking around the room frantically. When you realized it was just a dream, you put your face in your hands and felt tears immediately prick your eyes.
When was this going to stop?
You felt your chest contract as you realized the truth. It wasn’t. Not like this at least.
Just over a week and you were already at your breaking point.
You looked at the time. 2:47 AM.
You couldn’t call him now.
You opened your phone and found Bucky’s contact, finger hovering over the name once again. At the last second, you clicked your voicemail inbox instead, scrolling back down to the first one on the night you left.
Your breath hitched as you heard his voice, fresh tears pricking your eyes. Not just from his voice and how much you had missed it, but also the absolute panic in his voice.
“Where are you? Are you okay? Why- why did you leave? Please, answer the phone, I need to know you’re okay.”
You clicked on another one from a few hours later.
“Y/n, please, I saw you read the first few texts I sent. Please answer the phone. We can talk this out, whatever it is just - please call me.”
Tears were falling from your eyes, and you didn’t have it in your power or even the desire to stop them. You flicked to another one that was sent a few days later, this one was longer.
“Please y/n,” it started, his voice soft and cracking with emotion. “Where are you? Just - just tell me where you are, please. I need you. These past few days it’s like I hear your voice and then there’s nothing. I miss you so much. I’m nothing without you please....please just come back home. I don’t care what you did or think you did or why you left. I love you. And I could never stop loving you. I can come get you, we can talk this out. Please. I can’t do this without you. I - I’m falling apart.”
You were now sobbing as you flicked over to your text messages and clicked on Bucky’s name, seeing texts upon texts from him.
One of the more recent one’s caught your attention.
“I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong?”
Never, never in your heart did you ever think Bucky would think that he had done something to drive you away. Your heart broke, realizing he could be blaming himself for your leaving. It was never his fault. It could never be his fault.
With shaking hands, you pressed the phone icon below his name, bringing the phone to your ear as you listened to it ring.
You tried to control your breathing through the tears, falling apart after a few seconds of thinking you had it together.
Please pick up, I need to hear your voice.
I’m sorry this is all my fault.
Please, I -
Your breath hitched and your eyes flew open. Your words got caught in your mouth, having no idea what to say. Bucky, on the other side of the line, hadn’t even looked at the caller ID. He hadn’t fully fallen asleep yet, but the tiredness was evidence in his voice.
“Hello?” he said again
“I’m sorry,” you choked out.
Bucky’s eyes flew open and he pulled away his phone, seeing your name across the screen. All exhaustion was gone from his body, and he heard you trying to control your breathing on the other side of the line.
“I’m so sorry…” you said again, breaking out into sobs.
“Y/n, can you tell me what’s wrong? Where are you?” he said, panicked and getting out of bed, pulling on a shirt and shoes.
“I’m sorry, Bucky, I’m so sorry,” you said again, not being able to say much else.
“Y/n, sweetheart, it’s okay. You’re okay. But I need you to tell me where you are, can you do that for me?”
He waited for a moment while you tried to pull yourself together enough to repeat the address of the hotel.
As you did, Bucky was already out the door and in the car, starting it and putting you on speaker, driving as fast as he could to the hotel and ignoring all traffic signals. It was the middle of the night, and you were not okay.
“I’ll be there soon, angel, can you keep talking to me?
“I’m sorry Bucky…”
“It’s okay y/n. You’re okay. We’re okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
His words didn’t reach your ears, your breathing getting harder to control and your tears fell faster. You had fucked up, this was your fault. Why did you call him, now he knows where you are and you were going to burden him with all your shit again.
He could hear your breathing become labored as he sped further towards your location. He tried talking to you more but he soon realized that he wouldn’t be of much use until he was in front of you. His heart was breaking and he was hoping nothing was seriously wrong.
But you wouldn’t have called him like this if nothing was wrong.
Clenching his jaw, he scanned the street signs for yours, knowing the city well enough to know he was close.
When he pulled up to the street, he couldn’t help but wince at how dingy this place was. It was run down and the smell was putrid. He was so sad that this was where you had run off to. He took his phone, saying how he was here but it fell upon deaf ears. You weren’t calm enough to hear his voice from the phone you had dropped when you had moved to cover your face instead.
Bucky took the stairs 3 at a time, getting to your room in record time. He pounded on the door, trying the knob even though he knew it would be locked. Calling out your name and getting no response, he decided to break the door in. It was barely hanging on its hinges anyway.
“Y/n? Y/n where are you?” he called out, met only with the sounds of your labored breathing. He followed it to your room, where you had curled yourself into a ball against the headboard, hands covering your face as you struggled to breathe.
He walked over to your side, reaching out his hand but thinking better at the last moment. He needed to make sure you knew that he was there, he didn’t want to scare you.
“Y/n?” he starts softly.
You lifted your head and looked around yourself wildly, startled when you saw the figure of a man standing in front of you, trying to push him away. He grabbed your arms and you tried to break free
How did he get in here?
What does he want with me?
Your eyes settle on his. Light blue eyes, staring right back into yours. You knew them, you were safe with them. Your own eyes, red and blotchy flash with realization and you let out a sob.
He took you into his arms as sobs wracked your body, rubbing an arm up and down your back in efforts to calm your shaking form. He was repeating comforting words over and over again. You clung to his shirt as you kept apologizing over and over again, not knowing what else to say - or even how to say it.
“I’m so sorry…”
“Shh, y/n, it’s okay.”
“I’m here. I got you.”
You tried to focus on his heartbeat, steady and strong, as you tried to take deep breaths. Eventually your tears slowed down as you still clung to him, tears drying on your face as you were able to deepen your breathing to match his. His hand still rubbed up and down your back as the two of you sat in silence for a few minutes.
You took a shaky breath. “I - I’m so sorry Bucky.”
Bucky took a deep breath and held her a little more tightly. He could still feel her heart racing. What could she possibly have to be sorry for?
“What happened y/n?”
You felt tears prick your eyes again. Sadness, shame, embarrassment and made you feel sick to your stomach. You opened and closed your mouth a few times before you were able to speak.
“I - I don’t know.”
“Please y/n. Tell me why you left.”
“I just… I was… “ you swallowed and let out a shaky breath. “It was getting bad again,” you said, voice barely audible.
Bucky clenched his jaw, angry at himself that he didn’t see it. “Why didn’t you tell me? I told you you could talk to me about anything.”
You screwed your eyes shut. “That was the problem…”
Bucky pulled you back to look at you. “What?”
Your eyes darted everywhere but Bucky’s face. You didn’t want to see the pained expression you knew he’d have right now. You took a deep breath.
“I just… you were doing so well. And I - I just felt so bad for bringing you down all the time. You would drop anything for me, and you were always there and you were always perfect but I wasn’t.” you finally looked at him. “And I left because I realized I was never going to be.” You shook your head slightly. “I didn’t want to put you through that when you were doing so well.”
You looked away, unable to look at Bucky’s sad eyes any longer. Bucky broke the silence after a few moments. “You were the only reason I was better.”
Now it was your turn to look at him confused. “What?”
“You brought me out to places when all I wanted was to hide. The nightmares stopped because you were there to make me feel safe. Every time I helped you, I was helping me too,” he said, voice cracking. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You weren’t too much for me, you never could be.”
When you still looked unsure, he moved his hand to cup your cheek. “It’s okay to let people help you, y/n.”
Tears pooled in your eyes once again. That had been what you had said to him when he began closing himself off, be it an intense nightmare or being triggered. Back when things were bad. Like they were for you now.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered.
“It’s okay.” he whispered, hugging you again. “Let’s go home.”
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𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒐𝒚𝒂𝒍 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒍
pairing: guard!bucky x princess!reader
summary: even though you are a royalty, you've never been happy enough with your life, that is until a handsome guard is appointed to keep you safe, and you find a friend in him.
this fic was written for @agentofbarnes 's writing challenge. congratulations on the milestone once again, love, i had fun writing this!
warnings: smut, 18+ minors dni, alcohol consumption, loss of virginity, misogyny, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving), fingering, discrimination
a/n: this was my first time writing smut, so please bear with me <3. i wrote this fic with a poc!reader in mind, but i tried my best to be as inclusive as possible. also, this is based in medieval times, so please excuse and historical inaccuracies i might have, i am no history student.
word count: 4.4k+
Being a royalty might be a dream for millions of people, and you knew you were lucky to have been born as a princess, but it was far from sparkly tiaras and luxurious silk robes. Shakespeare wasn't wrong when he said, "All that glisters is not gold."
You were a disappointment to your father, mainly because you hadn't taken birth as his son. Your mother wasn't very fond of you either, because you didn't have the qualities a princess ought to have. You lacked the grace of a lady, or so she said. As a princess, your sole purpose was to woo a ruler of a more powerful kingdom, so that you could find an ally for your father. That was what you were seen as your entire life, nothing more than a treaty.
You had the most impressive library in the kingdom all to yourself, intricately embroidered gowns brought from far off lands, and jewelry made from carefully carved rubies and diamonds. Yet, it wasn't enough, you had learnt at a young age that the worth of happiness was worth more than the entire palace your father owned. The pearl necklace around your neck felt like a halter obstructing your throat, and the bracelets on your wrists like handcuffs, all because they were a constant reminder of how you had everything, yet what you wanted could never be bought. A sprinkle of love, and a drop of happiness in your life was all you asked for, but never got.
It was a chilly autumn night, when an intruder had made his way inside the castle, past all the lines of defense, and had found himself in the part of the castle which housed the royal family. How he had managed that, no one knew, but what was known was that he was discovered only when he had tried to stab your younger brother, and the prince had managed to dodge him somehow and raised alarm. Now your younger brother was very dear to your parents, and to the entire kingdom, he was the heir to the throne after all, so it was quite understandable why the security was doubled in the castle the next morning. Even though you were used to being accompanied by a chaperone all the time, the nasty old woman now had been replaced by a young guard. He was a tall built man with dark features, and his eyes? God, when you looked up into his eyes, the blue in them seemed to take control of your breathing and stop it for a few seconds somehow. Then it was his voice; it was a simple greeting with a low bow from him.
"Your highness, I am your new guard, and I am appointed to keep you safe at all times," was all he had said, and your corset seemed to tighten before something similar to an electric current went straight between your thighs.
You were scared of him initially, because no one had ever had the effect he had on you, and no one had ever looked at you the way he did. Trying to maintain a distance from him wasn't any use, the man was supposed to accompany you everywhere except when you were in your chambers.
He held a certain mystery, and as you were a curious person, you had like a million questions in your head about the man. His gaze was always so calculating, and he never uttered a word till he was sure he had something useful to say. What intrigued you the most was the metal hand peeking out from the armor he wore as a uniform, how could he have a metal arm? You weren't allowed out of the palace, you could count on your fingers just how many times you had been outside, so you wouldn't know about the world except for what you learnt through books. You remember how one day, you sat in the library, with an old, giant book lying open in front of you. It wasn't anything new, but the unusual thing was that the book didn't have your attention, rather it was the handsome guard standing about a foot away from your table. You thought you were being discreet as you stared at him, studying him carefully to remember what he looked like. You didn't know why, but at nights when you couldn't sleep, you often thought of him, and you didn't like it when you couldn't remember a certain detail about his looks. Well, turns out, you only thought you were being discrete, because as you remembered, it was a sound of him clearing his throat that pulled you out of your reverie, and you saw his lips twitch upwards when your cheeks heated up in embarrassment.
"What is your name?" you had asked him later that day.
"James," he said, "but you can call me Bucky, princess."
It was there again, the electric current that ran through your chest and across your abdomen, straight to the apex of your thighs. Princess, what was new about it? You were used to being addressed that, but maybe not with his deep voice.
"Y/N, address me as Y/N," you said, "but be careful around the King and Queen with that."
Over the coming few weeks, your questions for him increased, and James was always happy in answering. Three months in, and he had become a dear friend. He would tell you about the outer world, bring you flowers that you never saw in the royal gardens, and talk about the lands he had traveled to. He even brought you a shell necklace once, it wasn't shiny like the ones you wore usually, neither was its monetary value too high, but you adored it. You never wore it, because you knew your mother would chide you for wearing something as dull and worthless, and would definitely make you throw it away, but you stored it in your chest, among your precious jewels, because to you, it was just as expensive.
Apparently, James had noticed how your family never paid any attention to you, even though you were a princess, their first born. He had hinted and asked you about it once or twice, but you refused to cast your family in the negative light, and always brushed him off. After all, you couldn't be thankless for everything your family had done for you and provided you with, besides, your father's image mattered to you, you wouldn't utter a word against him, no matter what. But James wasn't blind, he didn't have to have your answer to confirm that you didn't matter to your family as much. The most obvious example of that being the fact that both your parents had two guards each to protect them, while your brother had four, and you only had one. It wasn't a complaint, he knew he was enough to keep you safe himself, he wouldn't let anyone lay a hand on you, but the discrimination agitated him, you didn't deserve any of it.
Another six months of your life passed, and you and James were closer than ever, so much so that your mother resented the proximity of you with a knight. For the first time in your life you had found a friend, a friend who understood you, made you smile, and someone who actually cared for you, you didn't plan on letting him go.
"Being a princess, it does not suit you to be that close with a servant," your mother said one night as you all dined, "the King of Wraitia will be visiting our kingdom, I want you act like a princess ought to, for once, Y/N. Your father and I think you both would be the perfect match, we do not want you to make a fool of yourself in front of him."
Right, the King of Wraitia, you didn't even know what his name was, but he was one of the wealthiest kings of the east. You remember hearing something about his army acquiring more sophisticated ammunition than any other kingdoms. Of course, Wraitia would make a wonderful ally to your father. No wonder your parents thought he was the perfect match for you.
Honestly, you had been waiting for them to marry you off like that ever since you had started understanding politics, yet something about the idea didn't quite appeal to you. You should've been ready for this, but you weren't. You wanted to go talk to James about it as you sat under the old maple tree which stood in the corner of the royal gardens, because surely, you would feel better after that.
"Your guard will be dismissed from his position as well," your mother continued, and your head snapped up to look at her.
"I beg your pardon?" you asked, looking at your parents in disbelief.
"You heard your mother, Y/N," your father said, wiping his mouth with his napkin and meeting your eyes, "we do not like you mixing up with a commoner."
"But James has kept me safe all this time, why w-" you started, but your father's growl cut you off.
"Do not argue with me, that knight will not be returning to his job tomorrow morning," he said, leaving you to stare at him in return.
You had always been an obedient daughter, never rebelling, abiding by every word your parents said, mainly because you knew, being stubborn wouldn't get you anywhere, it would only make your life even more miserable than it already was. But there's a first time for everything right? So the sudden anger you felt due to your parents' decision prompted that first rebellion. You stood up from the dinner table, with your half eaten meal sitting there and stormed out of the room. James was standing right outside the door, as his job required him to be, and you took his hand wordlessly, leading him away from there. He didn't ask you any questions, because your face held the combination of anger and sadness, not something he had seen before.
You led him to the wine cellar, which was a few minute's walking distance from the royal chambers. At that time of the night, no one was to be seen there, given the fact that the alcohol had already been served with the dinner. The path that led to the cellar was quite dark, the only source of illumination being the moonlight but the doors of the cellar were overshadowed by the neighboring walls. Luckily though, you found a lantern hung right next to the gateway.
"Kick it open, will you?" you told James as you took hold of the lantern, and with his strength, just a firm push from his metal hand did the work. The light from the lantern cast your shadows against the walls as you looked for something specific among the wooden shelves, and it didn't take too long to find it.
"Hold this," you said, thrusting the handle of the lamp into his hand as you reached for the glass bottle you had your eyes on. James read the mischief in your eyes as you carefully looked at the bottle in your hand, your lips curving up into a smile.
"This wine is older than both of us," you said, waving the bottle in the air, "a prized possession of my father, and we are both going to drink this."
You knew your father would definitely want to have this served for the Wraitian king's visit the next day, which only fueled your desire to go through with what you had in mind.
"Y/N, are you sure?" James asked.
You didn't answer him, you only unscrewed the cork with some effort, and brought the rim of the bottle to your lips to take a long swig and wiped off your mouth with the back of your hand, relishing the way the drink burnt down your throat.
"Here, try it," you said, handing him the bottle with a grin, feeling quite proud of yourself.
James raised a questioning brow at you, before taking the bottle and taking a sip from it. He knew that drink was worth more than his annual salary, and he hadn't ever tasted anything as expensive, probably why after the first taste, he drank from it more greedily. You chuckled seeing him like that, and he returned it to you after drinking halfway through it. Since it wasn't hard for you to get drunk, you limited your consumption, while James was the one who had emptied the bottle. You couldn't help but laugh at what you had done when you finished, realizing that your anger had almost dissipated.
Maybe it was the slight buzz the wine had given you, but when you heard the deep laughter from James' armored chest, you couldn't help yourself. You reached out to cup his jaw, as your thumb caressed his stubble. Even in the dim light of the lantern, you saw his eyes held a look you hadn't seen before. You saw him place the lantern on the ground, and his flesh hand coming to grip your waist, while his metal hand cradled your face, guiding it so that your lips could meet his. The kiss started out as an innocent one, absolutely sweet and loving, a result of pining for each other for the past few months, which is why the patience wore out pretty quickly, and it took a turn towards a fiercer one. His metal hand had moved from your cheek, to tangle in your hair, weaving the strands around his fingers. His flesh hand descended from your waist, pulling at your skirt and bunching it in his hand, he didn't stop tugging until the embroidered silk along with your undertunic rested against your hip bone. You felt exposed, even though your linen hose covered you from your thigh till your toes, you weren't used to being seen like that. It was when you felt the warmth of his hand through the cotton fabric covering your lady parts, that your breath hitched and made you break the kiss. You didn't realize when he backed you against the wooden rack, but it was a great support for when you threw your head back at the pleasure you felt due to the movement of his fingers. He had you panting in no time, you didn't know if that could be attributed to the lack of experience on your part or to his skillset, all you knew was that you didn't want him to stop anytime soon.
"Princess," James groaned, hearing the soft sounds you made, and boy, you felt a sudden wetness seep out of you at the way he addressed you by your title.
"James," you panted, your hand gripping the vambrace of his armor, "this feels so good."
"I know, princess, I know," he whispered, seeing you bite your lower lip as your eyes screwed shut. He could tell you were close, and slipped his metal hand inside your loincloth, searching for your entrance, and pushed his pointer finger inside when he found it. The sudden intrusion was what catalyzed you to reach your climax, taking your breath away from you, as you felt a coil burst in your stomach. You felt your thighs shake while the thrusting of the metal digits didn't stop, easing the slight burn you had felt initially.
"Jesus Christ," James mumbled when you calmed down, his desire for you increased ten fold seeing you fall apart like that. You watched him lift his metal hand to his mouth, licking it clean where you could see it glistening a few seconds before.
"I want a taste," you heard him speak under his breath.
You had never heard or seen what he just did to you, your beloved books never told you anything, but something informed you that it was anything but sinful. Before you knew it, his hands were reaching behind your back to untie the ties of your corset, and you didn't even try to stop him.
"This is...this is wrong," you whispered, and his movements halted.
"Do you want me to stop, princess?" James asked, brushing your hair back, "you're right, I shouldn't have, my apologies, I-"
"No," you cut him off, feeling those rebellious thoughts return, and it wasn't just that, you wanted to know what he could do, wanted to feel what he could do.
"I want to...I want this," you admitted shyly, before undoing the remaining ties of your corset, causing your gown to fall on the dusty ground, but you didn't care. You suddenly felt self conscious, your modesty causing your arms to rise on their own to cover yourself. But James seemed to pick up on your discomfort, and before you could hide yourself, he was taking your wrists and pinning them above your head. His lips kissed the corner of your mouth, and traveled along your jawline, kissing and nipping as he went, descending down to give your neck the same treatment.
"God, princess, you are so beautiful," he spoke against your skin, "I have been meaning to tell you all this time, couldn't ever take my eyes off of you." You only whimpered in response, feeling butterflies erupt in your stomach in response to his compliments. His kisses made their way down your chest and abdomen, his hand leaving your wrists finally when he had to get rid of your loincloth, leaving you in your hose alone. James fell to his knees before you, the metal of his armor clanking against the ground, and brought your leg to rest on his shoulder. You didn't understand what he was doing, or why, and your brows furrowed in confusion.
"What are you doing?" you asked, and the knight just smirked looking up at you.
"Told you I wanted a taste, princess," he said.
You still didn't understand, but found yourself letting out a shaky breath at the feel of his lips littering featherlight kisses along your inner thighs, and let out an involuntary moan when his lips met your clit. He smirked to himself at your responsiveness, your lack of experience being the reason behind it. You gasped loudly feeling his tongue swipe along your slit,
how hadn't you experienced such a pleasure before? Your gasps turned into whimpers and then into moans while James ate you out as if it was the last day of his life, and for all you knew, it could be if someone saw you both in that position. As much as you wanted the feeling to last forever, you knew that couldn't happen because you felt the familiar tightening of the coil in your lower abdomen. With his tongue prodding at your entrance, your eyes rolled back, all your muscles stiffening before your entire body went limp, and your juices gushed out of you, awarding James with his treat. When he finally decided to stand up, he took your leg off his shoulder and placed it back on the ground, only for your knees to buckle under you, and you landed on the dirt covered floor.
"Y/N!" James said, alarmed at the sudden accident. He offered you his hand, one of his arms going around your waist to help you up but you shook your head.
"I can't, I can't stand, James," you spoke through ragged breaths, and that just made a smug smirk appear on his face.
You sat against the lower shelf, which was lined with the glass bottles that poked you from behind, recovering from your orgasm, and James took that time to get out of his armor. You wondered how long it must take for him to get ready for his duties when he had to wear something like that. The metal clashing against the ground and other armor parts was all you heard for a few minute's, before he was left in his breeches alone. You had never seen a naked man before, but did all men look that good? You made a mental note of every detail the light of lantern allowed you to see, every pec, every scar and even the place where his prosthetic arm fused with his skin. He looked like one of those sculpted chalcedony statues in your palace brought to life, even the best of your kingdom's sculptors wouldn't be able to do justice to his looks if they were to carve him.
"You seem to be enjoying the view, princess," he said, smirking before he crouched to be at your level.
"I, uh," you said, tearing your eyes from him, feeling your cheeks burning out of embarrassment. His prosthetic hand gripped your chin to make you look up at him.
"You can look all you want, your highness, I have no objections," he said, bringing your face closer to kiss him. He gently laid you down on the floor while the two of you made out lovingly. You had never imagined being in this position outside of marriage, God, if anyone were to walk in on you, it would be a scandal, a scandal that would plague the name of your entire dynasty. And even though you were in such a compromising situation, you felt….safe, after all it was James' job to keep you safe, but he made you feel warm and secure even outside the scope if his job.
"Do you still want this?" he whispered, pulling away from after a few moments. You nodded in response to his question with a soft smile on your lips.
James grinned at your response, and kissing your forehead, he made quick work of his breeches, leaving you alone to get anxious seeing the size of him. You couldn't even get a word out, because what could you say about his private parts, which should have only been seen by his wife? You didn't worry about the reaction of the midwives when they would perform the physical examination for the confirmation of your purity before marriage, because right now, you were too worried about something as big entering you. You wished that the act of consummation didn't require him to do what you had heard of, but whom were you kidding?
The moment James came to hover above you, your heart rate quickened, you were scared, even if you weren't voicing your concerns, but he seemed to pick up on that.
"It will be fine," he cooed, "and if you want me to stop, all you have to do is just let me know, and I will."
"Hold my hand, please," you mumbled, and he complied with your request, his flesh hand came to hold your left one, while his prosthetic hand went to line his member with your entrance. His lips met your once more to distract you from any discomfort you would feel while he entered you. But you broke the kiss the moment his tip was inside you, for some weird reason, you wanted to focus on the entire experience. You'd be lying if you said it didn't hurt, the burn that came with the stretch wasn't a pain that you were used to, but thankfully, James was going as slow as he could. It was a real test of patience if you ask him, it took everything in him to not just slam into you, with your heat gripping him so tightly. He didn't find that kind of pleasure no matter how many nights he got laid in the whorehouses, you were so different, so unique, just like one of the luxuries you had been brought up in.
"Just….breathe, princess," he grunted through clenched teeth once he was fully sheathed inside you. He knew now what the other knights talked about when they returned the next morning from their wedding night; the pleasure of fucking a virgin was unmatched. It felt like it took your hours to get accustomed to him, but it had only been a few minutes.
"M-move, James," you said softly, and he started thrusting into you slowly. It was different from what he was used to, in a brothel bed, he usually kept his pace fast and rough, mainly to take out his pent up frustration, but he wanted to savor you, take his time with you, and remember you for life, because who knew what the future held for both of you. He knew you were going to be better than his hand when he fantasized you at nights, but he just did not expect what he was experiencing. The speed only helped you to cope with the pain and once it had turned into pleasure, his pace quickened, and so did his volume, his grunts and groans now echoing off the walls before reaching your ears. It was a good thing no one came to the wine cellar at that hour, because you were unable to hold back your moans, which soon turned into screams. You were too shy to tell him not to stop, or to tell him how good he felt, but your mewls did the part of informing him of how much you appreciated him. Maybe your deeds would take you to hell after death, but you didn't care, you already knew what heaven felt like, thanks to your guard.
Both of your scents replaced the fruity smell of alcohol in the air, the sweat covering your body caused the dirt to cling to your skin underneath; your maids would surely be puzzled the next morning while preparing your bath.
"J-James, oh dear," you whined, feeling your approaching orgasm again. You weren't to be blamed for not being able to last as long, what else could you expect from a virgin? Your words spurred him on, and he quickened his pace, his metal digits reaching to massage your pleasure pearl while he groaned at the feel of your walls clamping around him, he could feel his own climax coming.
"Let go, Y/N, I am right behind you," James grunted in your ear, and you were done for, letting out a high pitched scream as you finished. He thrusted into you a few more times, before you felt his seed warming up your inner walls.
You didn't know what you would do if his essence took root inside you, you didn't know what you would do if the midwives declared you had lain with a man outside the holy vows of marriage, you didn't know what you would do if your parents disowned you and left you on your own, the truth was, you didn't want to know. You were too caught up in your post coital bliss to worry about it.
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made me think of baker!bucky’s treats for peach
All you did was mention that you wanted a snack. In front of your boyfriend. Your baker boyfriend. Your baker boyfriend who loves to cater to you.
Next thing you know, you're being carried into the kitchen listening him to list off things he can make you. Lemon tart, Peach pie, red velvety cupcakes, white chocolate and strawberry cake.
Bucky sets you on the island and stands between your legs, cradling your face in his large hands, his thumbs brushing over your cheeks. "Alright Peach, what do you want?"
Biting your lip, you scrunch your nose apologetically. "Well, I was thinking maybe some popcorn or some um...." your voice trails off when his face drops.
Bucky sighs, pulling you into his chest. He tilts your head back and gazes at you. Oh you know this look, your body instantly responding to the way his pupils are dilating. A hunger darkening his bright blue eyes. His lips drop to yours. "Fine then, eat your popcorn but I'm still making you a dessert. I was going to share it with you but now I'm going to eat it off of you."
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