buddie + poetry
- richard siken, you are jeff
275 notes · View notes
So we know Eddie is a sweet little technophobe right? And my tiktok feed keep showing me videos about smart appliances for home, and apparently there are even smart pans that shows what’s the temperature and how you should grill your steak m and so on, and I just can see Buck being curious about it and wanting to try and Eddie being like: no smart pans on our houses Buck lmao
so this, uh, how you say, got away from me a tiny bit. idk man i'm not in control of my life. (once again rip to my job)
it starts, like—well, like almost nothing ever does—with the late-night shopping channel.
look, it's not that buck makes a habit of watching it—it's just that it's the middle of the night, and he's the only one on shift who is apparently incapable of sleeping, and there's nothing else on tv, and he's far too comfortable in his nest on the couch to get up and start fiddling with any of the gaming systems.
and, okay, maybe he kind of finds the ridiculous cadence of the salespeople soothing.
and, okay, maybe he's a little bit fascinated by the sheer variety of things on sale. gadgets he's never even considered might exist, but which he is now increasingly convinced he needs.
his phone is in his hand before he fully knows what he's doing, and he's pulling up the website listed in the corner of the tv screen. when the site asks for delivery address, he puts in eddie's house without thinking about it.
it just makes sense. he does most of his cooking at eddie's house, anyway. it just doesn't seem worth it cooking for one when he's alone at his loft.
it's not because he's in love with eddie. really, it's not. it just makes his life easier when he doesn't have to try and adjust recipe ratios so he doesn't make too much for just himself and end up with leftovers slowly mouldering in his fridge.
the alarm goes off just as he hits confirm, and in the only mostly controlled chaos of the apartment fire they're sent to, he forgets all about his spur-of-the-moment purchase.
until he's on eddie's couch watching a movie with christopher and the doorbell rings, and eddie comes back from opening the door holding a package and looking confused.
"it's—for you," eddie says, looking at buck. "why are you getting mail sent to my house?"
"i'm not—oh!" he says, practically leaping off the couch. "i forgot!" he grabs the package from eddie and heads into the kitchen.
"forgot about what?" eddie asks, trailing behind him.
"i was watching the shopping channel the other day—"
"i'm pretty sure nothing good has ever come of the sentence i was watching the shopping channel," eddie interrupts.
"then you're clearly not talking to the right people," buck says, working to get the box open. "anyway, so i was watching the shopping channel, and—" he pulls out the contents of the package and brandishes it at eddie. "see?"
"what am i seeing, exactly?"
"it's a singing pasta timer!" buck exclaims. "look, you put it in with the pasta, and then it starts singing when the pasta is done."
eddie takes the box buck is holding out and inspects it. "he looks creepy."
it's... not an inaccurate assessment. the timer is made of white plastic, and shaped like a rotund man in a chef's hat with uncomfortably pursed lips.
"i don't think you're really supposed to look at him," buck says. "i mean, you know what they say about watched pots and boiling."
eddie huffs. "still creepy, though. and putting a humanoid thing in boiling water also seems creepy."
"he's plastic," buck points out. "i don't think he's exactly bothered by the heat."
"i don't want to teach my child—"
he's interrupted by a laugh from the doorway, where christopher is leaning on his crutches. "he's not real, dad."
"there you go," buck says. "chris knows that he's plastic. why are you so opposed to letting the little pasta man help you stop overcooking your pasta?"
"i'm not—" eddie starts, and buck raises his eyebrows.
"fine," eddie sighs. "i just don't—how does he know?"
buck blinks at eddie for a second before he realises what eddie means, and then he's laughing before he can stop himself, so hard he has to grip the kitchen counter for support.
"eddie," he says when he can breathe again, trying hard to keep his tone as neutral as possible. "are you afraid of the little plastic pasta man?"
"no!" eddie says, and it would be a lot more convincing if he wasn't still holding the timer and eyeing it warily. "i just don't like it when things know things."
"it's hardly hildy," buck says, still trying to hold back laughter. "it's just a thermometer and a timer, look, it just senses when the water starts to boil and counts time from there. i promise you it doesn't have any kind of unnatural knowledge of pasta."
he gets a glare for that, but it melts into a sheepish grin soon enough. "well, in that case," eddie says, sounding like he's acquiescing to something much more harrowing than a plastic pasta timer. "i suppose he can stay."
they try him out that very night, and eddie almost jumps out of his skin when the timer starts singing. buck only laughs at him a little.
later, once they've put christopher to bed and get started on cleaning the kitchen, eddie tries to hand the now-clean timer to buck. buck stares at him, uncomprehending.
"don't you want to take it home?" eddie asks. "it had your name on the package, i assume you bought it for yourself."
"good thing, too," buck says. "i'm not convinced you wouldn't have tried to exorcise it if you'd opened it without me around."
"no comment," eddie says, and buck laughs.
"i was gonna just leave it here, though," buck says. "assuming you're not going to try and cleanse it with holy fire in the middle of the night?"
"i make no promises," eddie says. "why? don't you want it after all?"
"it's not that," buck says. "i just—don't really cook so much at the loft. not when it's just for me."
"oh," eddie says. "well, i'm happy to share custody. full visitation rights."
"we already co-parent an entire child, what's one unnecessarily humanoid kitchen appliance on top of that?"
buck freezes with a glass in his hand, suspended halfway to the cabinet he was returning it to. they haven't talked about christopher, about any of it, not since eddie was released from the hospital. they certainly haven't talked about co-parenting. "eddie—"
slowly, buck turns to face eddie. he doesn't know what he's expecting—regret, maybe, or that fish-out-of-the-water face eddie sometimes makes when he says the wrong thing without thinking—but all he finds on eddie's face is fond amusement.
"you can't tell me you're that surprised," eddie says.
"no, i just—we haven't really—you've never said," buck says.
"only because i didn't think i needed to," eddie says, barely holding back an eye roll. but unlike when other people roll their eyes at him, it doesn't make buck feel small. just warm.
"i'm saying it now, okay?" eddie continues.
two weeks later buck is watching the late-night shopping channel again when eddie emerges from the bunk room and settles on the sofa next to him.
"what are you—no," eddie cuts himself off when the words smart pan flash across the screen. he snatches buck's phone out of his hand and hides it in his pocket.
"eddie," buck whines. "i was just going to—"
"no, you're not," eddie says. "i can accept the pasta man, but you are not bringing a smart pan into our kitchen. i am drawing a line. the line is drawn. no artificial intelligence that also controls temperature, not in our house."
and eddie's staring him down like he's expecting buck to argue, but buck's brain is stuck on one thing. one specific word, to be exact.
eddie gives him the same look he sometimes does on a call when buck doesn't immediately get moving. the one that means catch the fuck up, buckley.
"we share custody of a child and an upsettingly realistic pasta man," eddie says. "how is this news to you?"
"you keep not telling me things!" buck says. "what else are you not telling me? are you secretly royalty or something?"
"no, but i am in love with you," eddie says.
buck stares at him. "if you're just trying to distract me from the smart pan, that's a dick move."
"just trying to—jesus christ," eddie mutters. "okay, do you believe me now?" and then his lips are on buck's and, okay, maybe it wasn't just a distraction. because buck's kissed a lot of people in his life, but very few of them have kissed him like this. like he matters.
eddie pulls back just enough to look buck in the eye. "okay?"
"okay," buck says, and leans in to kiss eddie again.
some time later, eddie pulls away again, and this time he's frowning at buck. "you better be trying to feel me up right now," he says. "you better not be trying to get your phone to order that unholy frying pan."
buck grins. "i can multi-task."
242 notes · View notes
Buck knows when something is wrong with Eddie
222 notes · View notes
cap, i should be the one to go down. so we can end up with two cut lines?
Hugh and Olivia Crain in the Haunting of Hill House || Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz in 9-1-1
189 notes · View notes
#21 “I…I can’t do this without you.”
It had been a rough day. Those days, happened, Eddie knew – but this one had felt rougher than most. Eddie always hated the days where he had to be a tough dad. For so long, it had been him and Christopher against the world, and they were buddies, okay.
Sure, Eddie was the dad in this situation – he did the laundry, he packed Christopher’s lunches, and he set bedtimes. But he was still a fun dad, and Eddie liked being a fun dad. The day he’d packed the truck and started the drive from El Paso to Los Angeles, he’d promised Christopher it would be an adventure, and he made sure it was one. They’d stayed at hotels Eddie couldn’t afford, and they’d driven through Vegas, late at night, and Christopher had been enthralled by the lights, and they’d had milkshakes for breakfast and breakfast for dinner and Christopher’s mind had been blown.
He’d kept those silly traditions going, in LA. Sometimes, Eddie would just bundle Christopher into the car, and they’d go on a drive, and get milkshakes, usually in their pyjamas. Or he’d take Christopher to the bookstore after school and let him go wild. Single parenthood was hard, and you had to find the joy somewhere, and Eddie had always been good at finding the joy, in making sure that Christopher never wanted for fun, for excitement.
But he still had to be the parent, sometimes. Christopher had been in a bad mood, all day, and everything Eddie tried to do was wrong. Eddie tried not to take it personality – Christopher was twelve, and he was a tweenager, and he was bound to be in a bad mood, sometimes – but it had only gotten worse when Eddie had tried to get Christopher to do his homework.
Logically, he knew that Christopher didn’t hate him – but hearing the words ‘I hate you’ from your child was always grim. No one ever prepared you for how it would feel to be on the receiving end of harsh words from a tired, grumpy child. Usually, Eddie was better at ignoring it, at letting the words roll off his back, but he’d hit a breaking point, today, and after he’d sent an angry Christopher to his room, he’d called Buck with shaking hands.
He rarely asked Buck to be the strict parent. Buck’s role had always been the fun guy – the fun friend, in the beginning, and a fun parent, these days, because Eddie couldn’t deny that Buck was his co-parent, in this. Lately, though, Eddie had come to lean on Buck a bit more when it came to the strict parenting of it all.
“The weapon has been neutralised,” Buck joked, strolling into the kitchen. “He’s having a time out before he comes out to talk to you.”
Eddie could feel his lip wobbling, as he nodded. He’d asked Christopher, to take ten minutes and calm down, and he’d gotten a biting reply from his angry son.
“Hey, Eddie, it’s okay,” Buck soothed, rubbing his hands down the sides of Eddie’s arms. “It’s just a bad day.”
Eddie wiped roughly at his eyes. “You didn’t just have your son tell you that he hates you and you’re a terrible dad,” he hiccupped out, hating how upset he was about it all. Eddie wasn’t supposed to be the one who got upset – he was the parent, in this situation, and he was supposed to be the strong one, the calm one.
“True,” Buck agreed. “But you know he doesn’t mean it, Eds.”
Eddie huffed out an annoyed breath. “I know,” he bit back, feeling a little bad that he was taking his mood out on Buck, but he couldn’t stop himself. Buck was an easy target, simply because he was standing right in front of Eddie.
“Hey, talk to me,” Buck nudged, perceptive as hell, as always.
“I’ve done this – parenting – on my own for so long,” Eddie began, pausing for a second, trying to gather his thoughts. “And I feel like – I can’t do this without you, anymore, Buck. Christopher was acting out, and you were the first person I thought to call for backup.”
“Is that such a bad thing?” Buck inquired.
“Yes!” Eddie said, a little louder than intended. “Because – because if you don’t want us, anymore, I have to go back to doing this on my own, and I can’t – not anymore. You’re my partner, in this, Buck.”
“Eddie,” Buck said, voice soft as he closed the space between them, putting his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, thumbs digging circles into Eddie’s collarbone, the touch grounding – and that scared Eddie, to his core, because he had never felt comfortable enough with anyone to allow them to see him like this, so vulnerable. “I will always want you, and Christopher.”
“You can’t know that,” Eddie shook his head.
“I can,” Buck said, and before Eddie could protest, again, Buck was leaning in and kissing Eddie, the embrace soft, and chaste. “I can say that because you are everything I have ever wanted, Eddie. I want to be in this with you – the bad days, and the hard parenting moments, and the good stuff, too. I want it all. Okay?”
Eddie had been having a really bad day. He had been having a really bad day, and he was overwhelmed, and he wasn’t ready to have this conversation yet, if he was being honest – he knew there was so much he and Buck needed to talk about and discuss and so many more things they needed to put to bed before they could do this, for real, before they could be together in the way Eddie had dreamed of, for so long.
But not tonight.
Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck’s middle, pressing his face into Buck’s chest, letting the tears he had been holding back fall as the younger man hugged him tightly, Buck pressing soft kisses to the top of Eddie’s hair.
“Daddy?” Christopher’s meek, tiny voice broke the silence, and Eddie twisted, in Buck’s arms, his son looking suitable embarrassed. “You’re crying,” he said, Christopher’s lip wobbling as he realised he’d upset Eddie so much.
“I think he just needs a hug from you, kid,” Buck said, untangling Eddie from his arms. “And an apology, Christopher,” he added sternly, and God, Eddie loved this man, and loved how willing Buck was to step into a parenting role, and do the hard stuff, with Eddie.
Eddie scooped Christopher up, his heart thundering in his chest as Christopher burrowed his head into the crook of Eddie’s neck, clinging to him like a monkey – like he used to, when he was little.
“I’m sorry, dad,” Christopher mumbled, and Eddie could feel Buck’s hand on the small of his back and it had been a rough day, but he was here, with his family, and everything felt like maybe – just maybe – it could be okay.
Eddie glanced at Buck, giving the other man a soft smile. “That’s okay, Chris.”
192 notes · View notes
Buck’s Love Language and the difference between Taylor and Eddie understanding it:
As we all know, Buck’s main love language can be seen as Words of Affirmation. This is how he tends to understand love, since he lacked it so much growing up. His parents were never very verbal with their love, but Maddie was. So in order for Buck to understand whether or not he means something to someone, he needs them to verbally tell him that. We have seen many instances where he doubts himself and gets all up in his head. Yes he has taken to physical intimacy to fill that void he has, but he uses physical touch as a placeholder, since he never had the words to go by. Why am I mentioning this? Because let’s take a look at his relationship with Taylor and with Eddie separately.
His relationship with Taylor is based on the foundation of sexual attraction and intimacy. They started off having sex and never really learned how to be friends. They then jumped into a relationship thinking its what they both want. As we have seen, Taylor isn't the greatest with her words. She has called Buck “needy”, “a bad friend” and given him bad advice, such as “Maybe you might want to consider not everything is about you.” Obviously, to Buck, he’s going to internalize that and focus on her words because he takes to words more than other things, such as actions or touch. Given what she told him, you can see in Buck’s facial expression that it wasn't the greatest advice and he didn't like what she said to him. But it resonated with him and gave him mixed feelings on whether or not the problem with Chimney was about him. He already has issues about not fitting in and being left behind, issues about being insecure, so for her to say that to him? I’m sure it led him to believe that he’s really not important enough so he should take himself out of the situation (transfer from the 118) so that everyone else would be happier.
Then, when he came home and she had laid out that breakfast for him, we all sensed the weird vibe going on. She tried to do something “nice” for him and when he admitted to her that he clearly didn't take her advice, but the advice of his team members, you clearly can see her entire demeanor change. She is somewhat upset and at somewhat of a loss for words. So what does she do? She reaches out for him to give him physical contact, a hug that is very weird and awkward. She knows that touching him has worked for her in the past, so since her words were unable to reassure him, maybe her touch will. But as we all saw, yes Buck is very tactile, but even he wasn’t satisfied with their little awkward hug. Because he needs more than touch, he needs words, someone who will understand him and speak his love language back to him. Clearly, that person is not Taylor and I don’t think it ever will be Taylor.
Now when we take a look at Buck’s entire relationship with Eddie, we see a significant difference in how they work. Eddie has always been this closed off, private guy. He’s quiet and sassy, and is overall great with words. But given his upbringing and the environment in which he grew up in, maybe he wasn't able to freely express his words as much as he does with Buck now. But, there’s just the simple way of how much Eddie knows Buck, like really knows him. He know’s how well Buck takes to words of affirmation, and because he knows this, he uses words to speak in a language in which Buck will understand. What do I mean by this? Well Eddie has been known to show his love with Acts of Service. He has left Christopher in Buck’s care when Buck was depressed. He invited Buck over to hang out with him and his son for each Christmas they’ve known each other. He has wholly embraced Buck into his family, in hopes of showing how important Buck is to him. But even then, considering all these acts Eddie does for Buck, he still does not grasp how important he is, or how loved he is until Eddie explicitly tells him. It wasn't enough that Eddie trusted his son in Buck’s care, but when Eddie told Buck, “There’s nobody in this world I trust more with my son, than you”, you can see the automatic effect it has on Buck. We see him registering Eddie’s words, the meaning and importance behind those words. Then we get the iconic moment where Buck tells Eddie it would have been better for all of them if Buck was the one who got shot. He is insecure about himself and you can see how low his self esteem is in that moment. What does Eddie do? He tells Buck about his will. He made that action a year ago, once again using his own love language to show Buck how important and loved he is. But it wasn't until Eddie told him explicitly, “Because, Evan...You act like you’re expendable. But you’re wrong”, that Buck understood how important and loved he really is by Eddie. It wasn’t enough for Eddie to just give Buck his entire heart, no he had to tell Buck that’s what he was doing so it registered with Buck the importance of it. There have been many more instances where Eddie has been supportive and reassuring to Buck with his words, but that means I would go on forever. Eddie truly knows who Buck is as a person to the extent where he not only understands Buck’s love language, but he keeps making an effort to speak it back to him where he can understand it. Even in 5.05, Eddie chooses words to let Buck know that he’s “Stuck with us” because he knows how insecure Buck was about the entire Chimney situation. It wasn't until Eddie and the team reassured Buck with their words, that we saw him finally relax and truly smile for the first time. They were able to do what Taylor wasn’t able to.
With all things considered, we have seen time and time again how easily Eddie and Buck love each other because they both speak one another’s love languages. In order for any successful relationship to thrive, I think it’s super important that your partner really understands your love language and speaks in back to you. We have seen Taylor struggle with this and I think she will continue struggling with this because her and Buck truly do not know each other well enough. Whereas Buck and Eddie are solid in that department and I think we will continue seeing Eddie supporting Buck through his words, which will then lead into him confessing his love for Buck, so that Buck truly does know that Eddie is serious. He is in love with him and the only way to make it truly known to Buck will be to explicitly confess his feelings.
190 notes · View notes
Buck: You okay?
Eddie, crying: Yeah, it's just these onions.
Buck, to the onions: What the fuck did you say to my boyfriend?!
163 notes · View notes
After Bobby catches Buck and Eddie one too many times
131 notes · View notes
Here’s the thing, right?
It’s the idea that we as viewers would settle for Buck -- one of our mains, if not the biggest main, whose quest to find love has been a thing since the very first episode of the show, who's had a whole episode focusing on him and his love life titled Buck, actually, who’s had several storylines about feeling lonely and wanting to feel loved -- having a girlfriend ‘on paper’ but that we barely get to see. It’s the idea that we would settle for him just suddenly having a partner and believe it’s everything he’s wanted, everything he’s been looking for, without getting to see any of it. Without getting to know her at all. It’s the idea that we would be satisfied with that, after all these years.
Like, that’s absurd? You know?
129 notes · View notes
That’s because the 4.14 face was not only “Buck, I don’t like it.” But also his “Buck, I’m deeply hurting for not only myself but also you that you think that” face. Not that this couldn’t have warranted something similar, but I think the sentiments are different enough. Quashing bodily harm or death on oneself vs removing his wholly healthy body to another location.
I believe this ask is in response to these tags:
#Eddie’s ‘hey buck stop trying to jump on a live grenade’ face#I know his face in 4.14 when Buck says it would’ve been better if he’d gotten shot is different#on account of Eddie being drugged to shit#but thematically the same#Eddie Diaz#9-1-1
on this post
So, like, I get what you're saying, that they're slightly different sentiments, and they are! But there are three whole instances of Eddie's blatant annoyance/irritation/disgust with Buck's complete lack of regard for himself, these moments where Buck makes himself completely expendable, right?
First off, there's the moment in 3x18 below:
Buck is volunteering to do something idiotically dangerous which could send an entire train car crashing down on top of him, specifically to save Abby's fiance. And this moment gets called out as being jealousy a lot by the fandom, and maybe that's an element of it, but I honestly think Eddie's just absolutely repulsed that Abby still has enough of a hold over Buck to make him think he's not worth anything compared to her current fiance. Buck is basically volunteering to die in his place -- and obviously everything comes out fine, but they have no way of knowing that going in -- and Eddie, to whom Buck is not and has never been expendable, can't stand it.
And then we have the moment in 4x14 when Buck tells him he thinks it would be better for everyone if Buck had been the one to get shot:
And yeah, Eddie's drugged up to his eyeballs, but it does later result in the comment, the explicit textual statement that Buck is not expendable as he so often thinks.
And since this ask is in response to my tags on a post comparing Eddie's face when Buck says he's putting in for a transfer, and Eddie's face when Buck volunteers to go outside the train car, we lastly have the scene below in 5x05 (I couldn't find the exact gif but I think it gets the point across):
Eddie's clearly saying with his eyes, "Do you guys hear this shit, are you kidding me? (Right in front of my salad?)" because he thought he finally made it clear to Buck that he isn't expendable, and here Buck goes, trying to remove himself from the situation. Again.
All three of these moments are in some kind of conversation with each other, but it is a grey and rainy Wednesday morning and my coffee hasn't kicked all the way in so I can't fully hear the conversation. If someone smarter than me wants to pick it up, please go for it.
130 notes · View notes
“You give me a reason to be better, to do better.”
It’s not as though getting hurt on the job was completely unusual. They were firefighters, after all – they all had their fair share of scrapes, and bruises, and burn-marks. It was a hazard of the job, Eddie had realised early on – because no matter how careful you were, sometimes a glove slipped, in the midst of a hectic fire scene, or you’d scrape your arm, doing a rescue, because you’d made the mistake of wearing your short-sleeve uniform, that day. Shit happened – it came with the job.
This felt different. Buck getting hurt off shift – it felt different. Eddie had control, when they were working – maybe he didn’t have full control, of everything that was happening, but he had a certain amount of control, and he had equipment. Eddie always felt confident, even in the most precarious of moments, because he knew he was a damn good firefighter, and so was Buck, and they were able to protect each other.
Eddie couldn’t exactly protect his partner from getting rear-ended by a drunk driver.
It had been one of the worst moments of Eddie’s life, he decided. He’d been on the phone with Buck – Buck’s phone in its holder, the call hands-free, of course – when it had happened, and he’d heard Buck swear at the driver behind him, who was apparently driving up his ass, and Eddie had heard the sickening screech of tires, and Buck’s yelling, and then, silence.
(“Buck, baby?” Eddie’s voice trembled, as he called out, met with overwhelming silence. “Buck, are you okay?”
There were a few things, Eddie was grateful for in that moment – location sharing, and the fact he still had a landline, even though Buck teased him for it. He scrambled, to try and find Buck’s location, keeping the call open in case Buck replied.
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“It’s uh – Firefighter Diaz, 118,” Eddie said, all in one breath. “My boyfriend – he was driving, and he got hit, I think, and he’s not speaking,” he was losing it, Eddie was losing it. “He’s not saying anything.”
“Firefighter Diaz, do you have your boyfriend’s location?”
And okay, okay, Eddie could do that – he could tell her where Buck was, and he could get Buck help.)
He’d stayed on the phone until he’d heard sirens, approaching, and he’d called out, when he’d heard the muffled conversation of other firefighters, and Stella from the 133 had told Eddie they’d be taking him to Presbyterian.
Eddie had gotten there before the ambulance, and he’d chewed on his fingers as the 133 had unloaded Buck, his stomach churning as he realised Buck was bloodied, and bruised, his boyfriend in a sorry state as they’d rolled him into the ER.
Head injury. That’s what they’d finally admitted to Eddie after he’d yelled at a nurse (he made a mental note to apologise to her.) Eddie might not have been Buck’s husband, but he was his medical proxy, he’d pointed out, and so he had the right to know.
This thing between them was so new, and so fragile – and Eddie could blame himself for a lot of that, because having a sexuality crisis in your thirties was a really time-consuming thing – but they hadn’t been ready before, neither of them had been ready before now, but they’d finally figured it all out, and they were together, and now – now it might be over before Eddie had the chance to enjoy the greatest relationship of his life.
All because someone had gotten drunk and gotten behind the wheel of their car.
(“He’s been arrested,” Athena had reassured, and Eddie had seen red. If the driver had been arrested, he was well enough to leave hospital, and be brought down to the closest station – all while the love of Eddie’s life was in emergency brain surgery.
“You’re telling me he damn near killed Buck, and he’s walked away without a scratch?” Eddie had practically snarled, his anger feeling uncontrollable. The expression on Athena’s face had told him everything he needed to know – the guy had gotten drunk, and nearly killed Buck, and he was going to be just fine.)
Maybe Eddie shouldn’t have yelled, again – and maybe he shouldn’t have told Bobby, and Hen, not to touch him, not to come near him. He had a growing list of apologies he was going to have to make, but he couldn’t think clearly.
Not when Evan was lying unconscious in a hospital bed, and the doctors weren’t sure when he might wake up.
“Come on, Buck,” Eddie pleaded, holding Buck’s hand to his cheek, willing the other man to wake up, to do what he usually did, and scratch his fingers lightly against Eddie’s cheek, smiling softly at Eddie in that new way he did, loving and open, no secrets left between them that either of them were trying to hide. “You’ve got to wake up.”
Eddie blinked back tears, pressing a kiss to the palm of Buck’s hand. He felt cold, Eddie realised – he’d have to ask for another blanket. “You – you give me a reason to be better, to do better,” he managed to hiccup out, sobs clawing at his throat. If he started crying, now, he might not ever stop, Eddie realised. “So please, Evan – wake up for me. I – I promise I’ll take good care of you, while you recover,” he tried to not let himself think about what the doctors had said – a long road ahead of him, and a need for PT, because they weren’t sure if Buck might have lost his ability to do certain things. The damage would be on his right side, they had explained, and Buck was right-handed. “I’ll learn to cook, properly, this time. I’ll even take lessons. And you know I’m good at laundry – I’ll do it all, Buck, I swear. Just – just wake up for me. Please.”
Eddie gripped tightly to Buck’s hand, as though he could will the younger man awake. “I can’t do this without you, Buck.”
137 notes · View notes
i tear myself down (to be built back up again)
1.3k. i’m just in my feelings about buck in the last ep so. here u go.
Buck breaks things. He doesn't mean to—he's always tried so hard not to—but somehow, eventually, things always end up in pieces.
And it was happening again, with Chimney, and Maddie, and his team; it felt like his whole life was shattering like glass, and he'd caused the first crack.
You break everything you touch.
His mother's voice echoed in his head. She'd said it one day when he was young, after he'd snapped the stem off a wine glass when being a bit too heavy handed in washing the dishes. He didn't think she was trying to be mean, there was no venom behind the words, it was just a statement of a fact. She'd even smiled a bit when she took the cloth from him and told him to go amuse himself somewhere else. One of those rare moments when she'd even seemed a bit fond of him.
But the words had stuck with him for his whole life. You break everything you touch. They were always there in the back of his mind, like a taunt, like that was just the way of things. There was a point after he'd left home that he decided to be different, to fix instead of break, but it always seemed to catch up to him. It didn't matter how hard he tried to do the right thing, to make the right decision, to help; he inevitably wound up at the end holding the remains of what he'd tried to keep together.
He didn't know how to help Maddie. He'd screwed everything up with Chimney. And his team was... different. Off-kilter without Chim.
He knew, on some level, that this wasn't all on him (not everything is about you), his team had told him as much when he'd brought it up. They didn't blame him, but it was hard to not blame himself anyway. Especially when it felt like everything he loved was slipping away from him.
He leaned on the railing of his balcony, looked out over the city he'd made his home, and let out a breath. His shift had ended hours ago, but the empty feeling in his chest lingered. He let himself wonder, for a moment, if he'd ever stop feeling this way.
Then Buck heard footsteps behind him, and he glanced up to find Eddie watching him from the doorway.
"Hey," Eddie said. Buck wasn't surprised he'd shown up; Eddie had a way of knowing when he was letting himself wallow in self-pity for too long.
"Hey," Buck replied. "What are you doing here?" As in, why aren't you at home sleeping or relaxing or hanging out with your kid? As in, why would you choose to be here, with all of my broken pieces, instead of someplace brighter?
"I just... wanted to see you, I guess. To make sure you were okay." He didn't elaborate, but he didn't need to. Everything Buck had said at the table last night was still fresh in his mind. Eddie took a couple steps out onto the balcony where Buck was standing, but stopped before he was truly close. The space left between them felt wrong, somehow. "Are you okay?"
Buck looked back out towards the city. "I'm sorry about that," he said, avoiding the question. "About—about what I said. The whole dramatic spiel about leaving. It was stupid."
"You didn't answer my question."
For a moment, Buck thought about telling him the truth. About opening himself up and spilling every bit of his fear and loneliness and self-hatred on the ground at Eddie's feet, and begging him to find something worthwhile underneath all the shards of himself. But it was easier to pretend sometimes, and he wasn't sure he could even put it into words.
"I'm fine," Buck said finally. It didn't even sound convincing to him.
Eddie didn't say anything at first, just took those last few steps across the balcony and leaned back against the railing beside Buck. Close now, but there was still a space between them; a small gap that felt miles wide. Buck didn't close it.
"Did you mean it?" Eddie asked after a minute. "About the transfer?"
"I don't know. Yeah. Probably," Buck said truthfully. In that moment he had meant it. He didn't want to leave, but if that was the price of his friends’ happiness, he would have paid it. He figured if all he was good for was tearing things apart, the least he could do was separate them from his mess.
"Did you really think we would have just let you go?"
And... Buck honestly didn't know how to respond to that. The simple answer was yes, he did; he'd gotten it into his head that he'd caused all this tension, and they wouldn't want him around anymore. That they'd take the out and let him walk away. The more complicated answer was... he didn't know. He knew that they cared about him, they'd proved that over and over, but once his mind fell into that endless loop of this is your fault, this is your fault, this is your fault, it was hard to pull back. It wasn't rational, but emotions that big rarely are.
Buck just looked at Eddie, and hoped he'd understand. Eddie held his gaze for a second, then nodded.
"You know we don't blame you for anything that's happened, right? I don't blame you."
Buck turned away again. "Yeah, I know."
"Then what's really going on?"
You break everything you touch.
"It just feels like something broke when Chim left, and I'm the one who broke it."
"Come on, that's not on you."
"Isn't it? He won't even speak to me anymore, that's how badly I fucked things up between us. It doesn't matter how many times I call him or text him— I-I don't even think he checks them anymore. And I haven't heard from Maddie since—"
"Chimney is dealing with a lot right now," Eddie interrupted before Buck could spiral further. "You're family, he'll come around. Maybe you just need to give him some space."
"He's probably states away, how much space does he need?" Buck muttered bitterly, which earned him a snort from Eddie, but Buck knew he was right.
"And Maddie will call," he continued. "You said yourself that she needs time."
Buck hummed. "I did say that, didn't I?"
"You did," Eddie said. "And until they come home, you've still got us. You've still got me. That's gotta count for something, right?"
"Yeah, I guess," Buck said with a small smile.
"Oh, 'you guess'?" Eddie teased, jostling him a bit, and Buck laughed. Sometimes just being around Eddie made his heart feel lighter.
"It'll be okay," Eddie said in a more serious tone. "I know you always want to fix things for people, and you feel like you've failed if you can't, but sometimes they're not for you to fix. You don't need to shoulder all that responsibility."
You're the guy who likes to fix things.
Buck didn't understand it, but somehow Eddie could take one look at him and see through every layer of hurt and worry, and every way his mind had twisted situations into something uglier than they were, and really see him. He always knew exactly what to say to ease the weight on Buck's shoulders, and he was grateful for it. He loved him for it.
"And Buck?" Eddie waited until Buck looked at him again. "Ravi is great, but he's not you. You're not just... replaceable like that. I know sometimes you don't believe that, but I really don't know what I'd do without you."
You’re stuck with us.
Buck slid over those last few inches until their arms were pressed against each other, and he felt grounded. "Well, doesn't look like I'm going anywhere anytime soon. So I guess you're stuck with me too."
Eddie smiled. "Wouldn't have it any other way."
106 notes · View notes
So about Bachelor Buck and Cameraman Eddie - we see as the show progresses that Buck is into exactly zero (0) of the contestants but there are moments he seems to be looking so tenderly and fondly at something or someone behind the camera.
So viewers try to figure out who tf he's looking at bc he has never looked at any of the contestants so softly and so fondly.
And in between episodes, Buck seeks Eddie out more and they fall in love 🥺
Idk how the reveal will happen but I imagine at the very last episode when Buck is to choose (?? I have very vague ideas about how the Bachelor works), he walks off stage and he goes to Eddie instead
YOUR GALAXY BRAIN OP...............
ok this for real reminds me of a sterek fic i read many moons ago and couldn't possibly hope to find again BUT i love love the idea and think it suits buddie sooooo well
and like buck would still go on his dates with the contestants or whatever, but they would always be kind of awkward, and he never kisses any of them which is kind of weird but everyone's like?? maybe he's just a gentleman?? except in his confessionals (eddie behind the camera) he's always much more open and engaged, even a little flirty. and eddie is... confused to say the least, because yeah, okay, buck is the first ever bi bachelor so yeah, he likes guys. but eddie has seen the guys competing on the show, he's filmed them and like... they're always in suits, or have their shirts off, and eddie's in an all-black work uniform hidden behind the camera half the time with a stupid headset on and like. who would even look twice at him among all these other hot guys actively vying for buck's hand?
but buck. buck pays attention. buck hears the little, muttered-under-the-breath comments eddie provides as he films the frankly ridiculous scenes. buck knows the slope of eddie's shoulders behind the camera, has spent hours, alone in his room in the bachelor mansion, thinking about what it would be like to slide the headset from over eddie's ears; to run his fingers through what looks like impossibly soft hair. and the more confessionals he films with eddie, the more he coaxes the little comments out of him; until most times, once they've shot what they've needed to, eddie will turn off the camera and they'll just. talk. not for much more than five or ten minutes, because buck is in high demand on the set – but enough for buck to learn about christopher, and eddie's distrust of technology ("you literally work on a film set you can't be amish" "I didn't say I was fucking amish, buck"), and the running route he takes on the mornings he doesn't have a 5am call time, and his favourite colour (blue), and the fact he knows every word to taylor swift's red album.
and eddie – eddie already knows all about buck. but it's tv buck he knows, behind-the-camera buck. when the green light's switched off, something of an... ease, settles across his shoulders. his smile becomes smaller, more real. he fidgets with his hands. he tells eddie about his sister, and falling off his bike as a kid so bad he scraped up and down both shins and forearms. he tells him how he's so afraid he doesn't know what to do with his life; that maddie's boyfriend, chim, is a firefighter, and he thinks maybe he'd like to be one too, but he's so scared of failing yet again that he's never tried.
"I think you'd make a great firefighter," eddie tells him, and pretends like the smile buck gives him in return doesn't split him wide open. "I'd let you rescue me."
i also have a very iffy understanding of how the actual tv show works, but at the end. at the end. buck's supposed to choose, between – let's say ali, and taylor, and josh. and he likes them all; would have been able to picture a future with all three of them, maybe, if this stupid, handsome, endearing, intelligent, sweet, kind, affectionate, sarcastic, heartbreaking cameraman hadn't caught his eye.
so he chooses no one. he hugs all three and kisses them on the cheek and sends them away and eddie puts down his camera. he's never stepped in front of it before but he does now, and buck slides the headset from his ears, lets it rest gently against his neck. cards his fingers through eddie's hair and when they kiss it's not hollywood, or whatever hollywood-adjacent city the bachelor is being filmed in. their noses bump, it's awkward. it's silly, buck can't stop smiling.
and when the episode finally goes to air, months and months later, months and months of keeping their relationship under wraps, the camerawork is shaky but unmistakeable: a slow zoom through leaves and fairy lights, of two men kissing, so caught up in each other it's as though the rest of the world doesn't exist. one's in a burgundy suit, hair perfectly gelled, shoes shined. the other is in black jeans, a black henley, work boots. headset looped around his neck.
it's the most-watched episode in bachelor history.
93 notes · View notes
Buck + Eddie - 5.05 Peer Pressure
109 notes · View notes
*whispers* what does it mean
61 notes · View notes
I'm with you on the whole reading of Eddie's looks in those scenes. That's someone very irritated that Buck isn't valuing his own life and presence enough. Nobody disrespects Buck like that in front of Eddie, even Buck. I'm a little obsessed with feral Eddie being protective of Buck's worthiness.
Or maybe I'm just looking for a distraction from this god-awful meeting I'm on and wanting to go grab a chai latte...
“Nobody disrespects Buck like that in front of Eddie, even Buck.”
I would hazard to say especially Buck. Because the people Eddie knows and they people he spends time with who also know Buck? Those people don’t undervalue or disrespect Buck. Bobby? Might not say it out loud but Buck comes much closer to surrogate son than anything else to him and Eddie knows that. Hen? Buck is like the sometimes annoying but deeply loved little brother she may or may not have ever wanted but Eddie knows without question that Hen loves him. Chimney? Hell, Eddie just had a whole conversation with Buck about the fact Buck and Chim love each other, recent anger notwithstanding since it’s certainly not the kind of anger that will supersede the love they have for each other. Even Ravi respects Buck (a tiny skosh out of fear sometimes but it is still genuine respect).
The only person Eddie spends quality time with who routinely does not care about Buck and does not respect Buck is, well. Buck. And I think every time Buck does something to demonstrate this, Eddie gets one step closer to just like. Grabbing him by the face and being like “do you not understand that I love you and it kills me every time you think you aren’t worthy of love”
And anyway! I am looking forward to this moment of snapping.
He already gave Buck his son for all intents and purposes. Can’t wait to see what he tries next
95 notes · View notes
“Lucky for you I'm an excellent dancer.”
95 notes · View notes
In Buck’s defense, the matching family onesies were on sale and the Buckley-Diaz clan does look adorable in them.
68 notes · View notes
3.06 | 3.16 | 5.05
79 notes · View notes