partially inspired by this fic by @capseycartwright. special thanks to my love @zeethebooknerd ❤
buck/eddie, 1108 words, fluff.
the first time they kiss is when chris and eddie have had a fight, and eddie’s in the kitchen upset and spiralling and doubting himself, and buck reassures him and comforts him and promises that he's not going anywhere. it’s small, it’s quick, barely noticeable among buck's words and the way he has their foreheads pressed together, but it warms eddie to his core.
they don't talk about it.
maybe it's for the best — maybe they're not ready, but it's okay because christopher comes out and he and eddie apologise to each other and eddie still has his family. he still has his son in his arms, and he still has buck, with fond glances and soft touches and seamless partnership and his friendship.
(if his gaze lingers sometimes, if every time he touches buck he wants to grab on and never let go, well. he’ll tell buck one day.
he's just not ready yet.)
the second time they kiss is also in eddie’s house.
(he’s starting to think this house, his home, will always contain traces of buck. he wouldn’t want it any other way.)
they’re off shift, and his son is asleep down the hall, and he and buck are lounging on the couch, half-ignoring whatever movie’s playing on the screen in favour of just existing with each other, and eddie thinks this is the most relaxed he’s ever been. it’s been a perfect evening, extremely domestic in its simplicity, and maybe it should scare him — the level of comfort and dependency he has with his best friend — but instead it just makes him feel secure.
a loud sound from the tv startles him out of his musings, and he rolls his head against the back of the couch to turn to buck to find him looking right back at eddie, mirroring his position on the couch as his eyes twinkle.
they both lean in at the same time. it’s a little longer this time round, and eddie has time to wonder at the softness of buck’s lips and the warmth of his skin before they break apart to beam at each other.
they still don’t talk about it.
(and it’s not like eddie’s unsure of his feelings for buck, but he’s definitely not sure of himself, and he knows buck has his own hang ups too, so. they don’t talk about it, and they keep being companions and partners on and off the field and whatever this something-more-than-friends zone is that they’ve found themselves in.)
the third time almost doesn’t count, except eddie can’t stop thinking about it.
it’s been a rough call, and as they all return to the station and get cleaned up, and bobby heads to his office to call athena and hen and chim head upstairs to watch one of their dumb reality shows, eddie waits in the locker room for buck to come out of the showers.
he’s so wrapped up in his own thoughts, though, that he doesn’t even notice buck’s footsteps until his shadow falls across his lap and eddie looks up from the ground to see him in shorts and an (is that eddie’s?) lafd hoodie and damp hair. buck wordlessly holds out a hand and eddie lets himself be pulled up, but instead of keeping him still, buck uses the momentum to wrap his arms around his waist and pull him into a hug. eddie folds himself around him in return, feels his partner relax into him and bury his head in the crook of eddie’s neck like he always does.
eddie’s very aware of the way his own hands are gripping buck’s hoodie tight, and the way buck’s breath feels on his skin, and that after minutes pass and buck shows no signs of letting go, they’re in a room with glass walls and have been hugging longer than friends ever do, but he can’t make himself let go, either — especially when he feels buck’s lips press into his neck in the ghost of a kiss and stay there.
that small bit of comfort stays with him, even as they break apart and move upstairs, as they work their way through a simple meal, as bobby puts them back on rotation and they go out for more calls, as the sun rises and they all head home to sleep off their shift.
but they don’t talk about it.
eddie’s not an idiot - he knows they can’t go on like this forever, but he’s content with this slow pace, in this limbo with buck.
(maybe he’s a little terrified of himself, though — every relationship he’s ever been in, he’s been selfish and inconsiderate and pushed and pushed until his partner broke. he’s already lost his child’s mother, in more ways than one, and he thinks — no, he knows — he wouldn’t recover from losing buck.)
the fourth time is different.
the fourth time isn’t by happenstance, the fourth time eddie makes happen, because. because - he can’t stop thinking about the way buck hugged him, the way he comforted eddie and let eddie comfort him, the way he and buck have always been so in sync with each other, how after a bad day all eddie wants is to see christopher and buck, and he’s lying in bed in the middle of the night, about to drift off, when his own words from that same locker room come back to him, unbidden - tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. so if you love her, tell her.
suddenly eddie’s wide awake.
he doesn’t get any sleep that night. he gets up before his alarm, wakes up christopher and feeds him breakfast, gets him ready, drives him to school, and when christopher has disappeared into the building with a kiss on the cheek and a love you, dad!, eddie’s driving to buck’s loft on autopilot before he knows it.
he doesn’t know what he’s doing, can’t form a coherent thought beyond tell him. he’s not even sure what he wants to tell buck, he’s not sure he’s not going to fuck everything up, he’s not sure why he’s banging on buck’s door at eight in the morning, but when buck sleepily opens the door and mumbles ‘eds, what-’ all eddie can do is take buck’s face in his hands and press their lips together right there in the doorway until buck relaxes in his hold and kisses him back.
the need for air forces them to break apart eventually, and buck’s smile could power a thousand suns. eddie can only grin back helplessly and think that maybe ready is overrated.
408 notes · View notes
IT’S FRIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY *collapses*
Title: The Monsterfucker’s Symphony
Chapter Summary: If professional composers can write ten different versions of a violin duet then I can write a couple versions of mermaid anatomy goddammit.
22 notes · View notes
Sometimes it's all three.
653 notes · View notes
Things 911 writers took straight (nothing is straight about this) out of fanfics. Season 5 Edition.
▪️Buck getting all petty and jealous about Eddie and Ana moving forward with their relationship and the idea of them having a baby
▫️Eddie’s heart eyes at Buck
▪️Eddie not considering christening as a serious step in his relationship with Ana. Looks more like he doesn’t even consider their relationship as something serious
▫️Christopher (and Eddie, but bastard won’t admit it) looking uncomfortable about EddieAna relationship
▪️Eddie panicking at Ana being Christopher’s mom (haven’t read about panic attacks in particular but read a few about panicked thoughts)
▪️Ana denying being Christopher’s mom
▫️Taylor prioritizing work over Buck and their relationship
▪️Buck getting all suspicious and petty and sarcastic about Eddie hiding something from him
▪️Buck and Eddie arguing like a married couple after Buck figuring out Eddie is hiding something
▫️Hen and Chimney’s 👀 after Buck and Eddie’s argument
▪️Eddie being in denial about his panic attacks
291 notes · View notes
ahh that's amazing! thank you in advance. I got this idea into my head: what if there is this one time they're all on a call, and maybe it's something that hits a little too close to home for Buck, maybe it's playing on his fears and insecurities, but the moment Buck sees what they're dealing with he gets SCARED, and freezes, and subconsciously grabs Eddie's hand, because Eddie makes him feel safe. He is his best friend (who he's in love with, ofc) after all. Eddie is well. Surprised. Very much.
Anon! Thank you so much for your patience with this one! I know it's been ages since you sent it in. I hope it's worth the wait and that I did justice to your prompt! (CW: drowning)
Eddie feels Buck tense up beside him as soon as Bobby tells them where they're going: Splash Zone Water Park. They have calls to pools fairly often, and Buck always gets a little bit tense going into it, no matter how long it’s been since the tsunami. Eddie presses his knee against Buck’s in the truck, offering a silent comfort to his friend. Buck seems to push down his fears by the time they pull up to the scene, forcing himself to shift into Firefighter Buckley mode as they make their way through the park. Eddie lets himself be relieved, until they arrive in front of the wave pool.
Of course it’s the goddamn wave pool. Even worse, there’s a nine year old boy laid out on the stone patio next to the pool, dripping wet, brown hair plastered to his forehead. He’s unconscious, bleeding from the side of his head, and his chest isn't rising and falling like it should be. Buck freezes immediately at the sight, reaching out for Eddie with his right hand, and wrapping his fingers around Eddie’s left wrist. It takes Eddie a moment to realize that Buck is feeling for his pulse, grounding himself.
Eddie does his best to steady his breathing and heart rate once he realizes what Buck is doing. The sight in front of them is upsetting to him, of course it is, but he knows it’s worse for Buck. He’s not the one who walked around for hours not knowing if Christopher was dead or alive. He’s not the one who almost died himself (at least, not that day.) “It’s okay,” he murmurs quietly, so only Buck can hear. “I’m here, I’m alive. That’s not Christopher.” It’s purely a medical call at this point, so he makes no attempt to move away from Buck as Hen and Chimney begin administering CPR to the boy. His mother is crying, wailing, begging them to save him. His lips are turning blue. Buck’s grip on Eddie’s wrist is like a vice.
“We got a pulse!” Hen finally calls out.
Buck’s grip doesn’t loosen, but Eddie does hear him let out of a heavy breath. He twists his hand out of Buck’s grip just enough that he can slide his arm up, so Buck is no longer holding his wrist, but is holding his hand. He gives Buck’s hand a firm squeeze and finally hazards a glance up at the man in question. Buck is staring at their intertwined hands now, confused. At least, Eddie decides, he’s distracted from the drowning boy. He runs his thumb along the back of Buck’s hand, in what he hopes is a comforting gesture.
He knows they’re crossing some kind of line here, that hand holding in the middle of an emergency scene (even one where their presence turned out not to be strictly necessary) is not something that he’ll be able to brush off as strictly platonic. It doesn’t scare him like it used to, though. Maybe it’s because he watched Buck date Taylor, so he knows how much worse it would be to not have Buck, or maybe it’s all the therapy he’s been in since the shooting. Either way, Eddie’s not afraid anymore. He and Buck have been on the edge of something--or maybe everything--for months, so if holding Buck’s hand will help ground him, keep his mind from thrusting him back in time, then it’s a risk Eddie is willing to take.
Hen and Chimney are loading the boy into the ambulance--he is breathing again, still unconscious and probably severely concussed, but alive--when Bobby finally makes his way over to them. He takes in the haunted look in Buck’s eyes, and the fact that their hands are still tightly clasped together, and frowns.
“You boys alright?” He asks, but he’s looking at Buck.
Buck nods slowly. “I--Yeah. Just...Brought up some bad memories.”
“This was a rough one,” Bobby agrees. “I’m gonna take us off rotation for a while when we get back to the station.”
“Thanks, Cap,” Eddie says. Buck doesn’t say anything.
Bobby smiles in that warm, fatherly way of his, looking between them. “Take care of each other.”
As if there’s any universe where they wouldn’t.
Eddie doesn’t let go of Buck’s hand until they get back to the station, and only because he needs two hands to cook.
“I’m not hungry,” Buck says, still hovering in Eddie’s space.
“You were about to eat before the call came in,” Eddie insists gently. “You need to eat.”
“And you’re gonna cook for me?” Buck shakes his head. “I think I’ll take my chances with starvation.”
Eddie rolls his eyes, pulling out a griddle and a clean spatula. “I think I can handle grilled cheese, Buck.”
Buck’s mouth opens and closes in surprise. “Grilled cheese?”
“Maddie may have mentioned making it for you a lot growing up.” Eddie flushes slightly at having to admit he’s talked to Maddie about Buck. “I thought it would be comforting.”
Buck stares at him, eyes wide and mouth turning up into a tentative smile. “Yeah, it is.”
“Good,” Eddie smiles back. “Now, go sit down.”
Eddie bustles about the kitchen, pulling out the good buttermilk bread that Chimney always buys instead of the whole wheat bread that Bobby puts on the list, the pre-sliced cheddar cheese, and the butter. “After we eat, how about we video call Christopher?” It’s late in the afternoon, he’ll be home from school by now.
Buck lets out a long exhale. “Yes, please.”
Eddie flips the bread slices on the griddle and places the cheese slices on the toasted side. “Great.”
“I--” Buck starts. “I didn’t know how to ask.”
Eddie looks up from the sandwiches. “How to ask for what?”
“To talk to Christopher,” Buck draws patterns on the tabletop with his index finger. “I know I’m not--He’s not mine.”
Eddie doesn’t say anything at first, just plates up the sandwiches, brings them over to the table, and sits down next to Buck, who takes a small, tentative bite.
“I don’t think that’s true.”
“You said Christopher isn’t yours,” Eddie picks up his sandwich, but doesn’t bite into it. “I don’t think that’s true.”
Buck is staring at him again, confused.
“Look, I don’t know what we are anymore, Buck,” Eddie admits. “Things are different between us now, and I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know that you love Christopher, and that he loves you just as much. If that doesn’t give you a right to call him, to reassure yourself that he’s okay, then I don’t know what does.”
“I…” Buck’s eyes fill with tears.
"It's okay, Buck." Eddie reaches over to wipe Buck's tears with his thumb. “Just eat your grilled cheese."
Buck does as he’s told, making it halfway through the sandwich in three bites. “You know, there’s no law that says we have to wait until we finish eating to call Christopher.”
Eddie raises a skeptical eyebrow, looking up from his own half-eaten lunch. “Will you actually finish eating if we call now?”
“Absolutely.” Buck takes a big bite to prove his point. “See?” He says, through a mouthful of food. Something so childish shouldn’t be so endearing, and yet, somehow it is.
Helpless, Eddie pulls out his phone. Carla answers on the second ring. “You better have a good reason for interrupting math homework.”
“I do.” Eddie assures her. “Can you put Chris on?”
Carla gives him a look, but does as he asks. Christopher is grinning--probably excited to have his math homework interrupted “Hi, Dad!”
“Hey, kid.” Eddie can’t help but return his son’s smile. “How’s the math homework going?”
Christopher’s smile falters slightly. “Oh, it’s good.”
Somehow Eddie doesn’t totally believe that, but it’s not important now. “Listen, I’ve got somebody here who wants to say ‘hi’, is that okay?”
The boy’s smile comes back even wider than before. “Is it Buck?”
“Yeah,” Buck says, loud enough that the phone can catch it. “It’s me.”
“Hand the phone to Buck, Dad!” Christopher is bouncing with excitement. “Hand the phone to Buck!”
He does, scooching his chair closer so he can still see the screen himself, and before Buck can even greet Christopher, the kid is launching into a monologue.
“Buck! Dr. Lassiter assigned us a big, semester-long project for science class, can you pleeeaaase help me with it? I want to build a model of the solar system, but it has to be totally accurate.”
The tension Buck's body has been holding onto since the phrase “water park” fell from Bobby’s lips is finally starting to fade.
“Absolutely. Do we want it to move?”
Christopher’s eyes widen on screen. “Yes!”
Buck laughs. “Well then, we’ve got our work cut out for us.”
Eddie smiles softly, as Buck and Christopher begin planning their project. He knows he must look like a lovesick fool, but to be fair, that’s what he is. He rests one hand over the crook of Buck’s elbow, and doesn’t miss the pink that appears across his cheeks.
“Alright, you three,” that’s Carla’s voice, “Somebody still has math homework to finish, and I’m sure you boys will have to get back to work soon.”
Eddie sighs. Carla is right, unfortunately. But Buck looks lighter than he has all day. “We better do what Carla says.”
“Will you come over after work?” Christopher asks. They won't get off until after Christopher will already be at school, so Buck will probably go to his loft after work. But Eddie doesn’t doubt now that Christopher has asked, Buck will manage to make it over to their house by the time Christopher is home from school. He wonders if it's too soon to ask Buck to sleep in his bed, instead of going to his loft at all. It's yet another line to cross, but at this point Eddie's lost track of all the lines they've crossed.
“You bet,” is Buck’s answer. “Now get back to your math!”
“Okay, dad,” Christopher says, rolling his eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm. It’s meant to be a joke at Buck’s expense, but Eddie can see the breath catching in Buck’s throat all the same, so he pulls the phone from his hand and takes over.
“Good-bye, Christopher! We love you!”
“Bye Dad! Bye Buck! I love you guys, too.”
Buck finds his voice again. “Bye Superman!”
“So,” Eddie says, putting the phone down. “Do you feel better now?”
“Eddie…” Buck hesitates, dropping his hand down so it rests over Eddie’s. His skin is warm and rough and unlike earlier Eddie can actually enjoy the feeling. “Thank you.” He’s thanking Eddie for more than just the grilled cheese and the phone call, and Eddie knows it.
His answer is simple. He turns his hand over, and interlocks their fingers. “Always, Buck.”
269 notes · View notes
Buddie 405 meta
This ep was The Buckley Siblings Begin tied in to being Buck Begins and I very much love it. That’s about as much as I can say about Buck and/or the sibling relationship, because like last week, there are things that hit too close to home and I’ve been crying way too much since the ep aired. But even as an older sister, I had to say I loved this! And I loved that where Buck’s parents couldn’t see beyond their pain and looked right through him, Maddie kept every postcard and image of Buck on his journey to find himself. She saw it all and she retained it all and it all mattered. Excuse me, I am a puddle of feels.
* * *
Overall, I think out of all of the ‘Begins’ eps, Buck’s resembled Eddie’s the most in terms of structure. Both eps start with something that the protagonist needs to learn tied in to his present story by and large, then we have a crisis during a call, and eventually the way that the call is resolved ties in with the protagonist coming to embrace a resolution that will help him grow and move on from the past that was just fleshed out to us. I won’t bore you with an analysis of the other ‘Begins’ eps, but each of them is missing at least one crucial component of this structure. And I like that this means the parallels you can draw between 315 and 405 are almost endless. I like that in this, the show highlights how much these two men have in common, having been mistreated by their own parents, going through a crisis, almost giving up, but then finding exactly what they needed to move towards their own new families that they invested themselves in out of choice (Eddie finding the realization he has built a new family with the 118, and with Buck and Chris; Buck finding that Maddie was there for him even when he thought she wasn’t and, if he was unsure during the LS crossover whether his friends would come for him, learning that they would, always).
* * *
We didn’t get a lot of Buck with the firefam scenes, if you think about it. And when we did, they were short. However! In each one of those scenes, Eddie was emphasized. From the moment Buck starts voicing his pain through the humorous tone, Eddie is the first face the camera cuts to, capturing his reaction, with a zoom in, twice in a row. That Eddie was first was already telling, but for a more neutral tone, I would have expected the camera to do the second zoom in on another of Buck’s teammates, to allow them to deliver the second line that lets us know how much pain Buck is actually in. But nope, we get Eddie again. Then the camera turns to Bobby and Hen together. Yes, it will then also zoom in on the rest individually, but the pattern established of Eddie being highlighted will continue. The building explodes with Buck inside? Eddie gets a lot of zoom in shots, while Chim and Hen are mostly shown together. The team makes it inside to save Buck? Eddie will be the first to appear, the first to grab the rope which signals Buck’s rescue, and the only one zoomed in on. Buck has a scene with the firefam after he’s out and Eddie’s not there? Eddie will be the first one to greet him when Buck returns from his medical check up and they will share this scene all by themselves while Bobby just walks away like it’s obvious they need time for themselves. Hen wasn’t focused on like this while Chim was inside with the bomber. Chim wasn’t zoomed in on like this when Hen was trapped underground. If Buddie isn’t endgame, why are they so constantly emphasized in relation to each other, Buck during the well collapsing in 315 and Eddie during Buck’s internal and external turmoil in 405?
* * *
Speaking of that turmoil. We have all noticed that Buck is trying to play his pain off as a joke, right? At first Eddie reacts in kind, but then he realizes that it’s way more serious than Buck initially let on (and in this, Eddie sets the tone for the rest of the firefam in that scene, too). I wanted to point out that this made me think we keep seeing them rubbing off on each other. Just like we saw Eddie in 403 sharing weird trivia he clearly knew thanks to Buck’s passion (which is even hinted at in the dialogue), we see here that Buck has learned from Eddie’s tendency to use humor when trying to deflect pain. This is so married couple behavior, I’m astounded.
* * *
In that bar in Peru, Buck was also using his passion for trivia in order to try and connect with the guy he was serving. He drops it when the guy checks out a girl passing by, sort of laughing it off knowingly, even though they continue talking. It’s subtle and more open to interpretation, but the fact that he drops it when the guy shows his sexual interests lie elsewhere makes it seem like maybe Buck was interested, but realized the guy’s a no go. Yes, we have another bi!Buck hint IMO. Then consider how with Eddie, Buck is successful in connecting using this tactic and I’m… at a loss for words, really.
* * *
Ooof, when Eddie welcomes Buck upon his return from his medical check up, that scene is so coupley, I can’t even… First, that he was waiting for Buck to return, like a good spouse. Then, he brings back their coupley banter and Eddie looks so happy to be doing that! Next, we see Buck explaining himself, not to his Captain (who has had issues with Buck's recklessness in the past) but to Eddie, he’s the one that counts and is expected to be upset. But Eddie isn’t, doesn’t even roll his eyes (like he did, for example, at Buck’s passion for rope rescues in 316). No, he’s soft and fond and familiar, knowing that this is what Buck had to do and clearly finding something very comforting in that: in that Buck is still the guy he is even during rough times; in that Eddie gets how he is and in that Eddie values him for it. Again with the parallels to 315, think of how Eddie himself had to cut the rope, so he gets why Buck had to try and save the guy despite the risk. But then also consider the parallel with Ali in 218. She watched Buck and who he is, but couldn’t take it. Eddie not only takes it, he loves the way his husband ticks. And yes, I said husband, there is no other word for them at this point. Especially because then we get Eddie telling Buck about his parents, which suggests that he had been spending time with them, probably sharing with them the stories about how amazing Buck is. How is that not spouse behavior? Tim Minear, explain!
Thank you so much to the incredible @bicepsie for making these wonderful gifs for my meta post! xoxox Also, if you like my takes on Buddie, you can find more of my meta and fics for them here and you can find my kind of fix it fic for Buck Begins, Reflections of You, here.
812 notes · View notes
some of my favourite buddie fanfics part 3
once again, sharing some of my favourite buck and eddie fanfictions that i’ve read in the last little while
part 1 is here!
part 2 is here!
Look How They Shine For You by icarvslwt
Buck turned in the corner of the hallway and waited for Eddie to get in the elevator. The doors were closing when Buck looked at him and opened his mouth to speak. Eddie watched him closing it and opening it again.
“Can we-” he finally said before a loud noise sounded from somewhere and just like that, the lights were off.
or another blackout fic
Fade to Black by Britt89
I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t even know when this all started. I can’t put my finger on that moment and go “A-ha! Yeah, that’s it.”
Or Eddie is dating Ana and Buck is devastated. He doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings or escape the darkness.
At Night by ZainClaw
“My heart’s pounding,” Buck whispers.
Eddie swallows thickly, his own heart slamming so hard against his ribcage that it’s starting to hurt. He only needs to lean forward ever so slightly for their foreheads to touch, causing both their breaths to stutter into the small space left between them.
“Mine, too,” he admits.
And it almost feels like enough. Just being in this in-between. Just knowing they both feel something that’s more. More than just best friends. Without having to take the leap and change their relationship forever. Without doing something that can’t be undone.
I’d Live For You by LeandraLocke
“Eddie, we-- we’re not both getting outta here alive.”
Eddie let out a strangled, angry kind of chuckle before Buck could see him swallow and shake his head. “So, what? You’re telling me one of us should open the hatch so the other can escape and leave--” His voice broke in his throat, and the look of frustration on his features crumbled, fear and disbelief in his brown eyes.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Buck replied, still that panic in the pit of his stomach, but a sense of calm laid itself over it as he looked at Eddie, “And it’s gonna be me.”
The 118 get called to help with a beached fishing boat, and things quickly go adrift.
Aches and Pains by bigfootsmom
Buck's leg may have been healed, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still bother him sometimes, especially when the weather turns cold and along with the old pain, some bottled-up emotions come to the surface.
The moment Buck opened his eyes, he knew it was going to be a rough day. Rain pounded against the windows of the loft, and along with the already pounding headache it brought him, an unseasonable chill had settled in the air.
it gets better in the dark (i feel closer to your heart) by Mellaithwen
Speculation/Spoilers for Season 5
Eddie’s in control. The nightmares aren’t as frequent as they once were. He’s got regular sessions scheduled with a therapist, and he’s working on opening up more about things... Some things at least.
He’s certainly not about to admit to one of the station’s shrinks that he’s developed some fairly strong feelings for his co-worker. Feelings he thinks might have been brewing for years, feelings that suddenly became incredibly obvious when he was dying in his arms inside of a different firehouse’s engine cab—stay with me, just hang on—Nope. Definitely not bringing that one up.
That’s something he downright refuses to discuss with anyone. Ever.
Eddie's back in work after the shooting, the power keeps cutting out across Los Angeles, and he's just realised he's hopelessly in love with his best friend.
This is fine.
Dear Eddie by Spotsandsocks
Buck wrote a letter
Eddie found it
But he wasn’t supposed to read it. Not now, not ever.
When he does anyway a tidal wave of emotions threatens to engulf him
Buck has to work out what's upset his friend and deal with the fallout of unintended revelations
Eddie watched the paper flutter down and land on the floor by his feet. It had dropped there when he’d lifted the books Buck had given him yesterday. He reached down to pick it up wondering if it was important. He unfolded it and frowned when he saw his name on the top line. Why would Buck have written a letter to him, did I he mean to put it with the books? Well if it had his name on it, it must be for him he reasoned and anyway he was curious.
I Got You, Always by Natta11
They were out of the building, Buck was sitting in the back of an ambulance, Bobby and Hen by his side. Eddie was aching to talk to Buck, more than anything he wanted to be the one by his side. But he wasn’t selfish. He knew what Buck needed right then, and it wasn’t him. What Buck needed was to hear that he had people who cared about him, people who would always be there for him, who he could rely on.
Eddie reacts, there's just nobody to witness it. Until there is.
132 notes · View notes
Buddie prompt: they go to Christopher’s parent-teacher conference together. The teacher goes “ah, this is the Buck he speaks so highly of.” Buck blushes, Eddie thinks it’s cute, and the teacher tells them Christopher is doing great and to keep doing what they’re doing.
Eddie’s not sure why he asked Buck to come with him. The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind until Buck had wished him luck and then the question had just popped out.
Who invites their best friend to their son’s parent-teacher conference? It was a weird thing for Eddie to do judging by the expressions on Hen and Chimney’s faces but before he could take it back Buck had grinned, his whole face lighting up at the idea, and said yes.
So now they’re sitting side-by-side, in chairs designed for legs much shorter than theirs. Buck looks ridiculous, sitting with his knees bent so high but Eddie can’t stop staring, because Buck had said yes. He’d said yes to spending his evening listening to strangers talk about someone else’s kid. Why? He could have been doing anything else with his time, but he’s here, knocking his knee into Eddie’s and chatting away while they wait for Chris’s science teacher. Buck’s completely oblivious to the stares of the other parents as he laughs about the disaster that was Chris’s last science project. They’d been experimenting with mentos and soda and they’d both needed hosing off before Eddie would let them back into the house.
Watching Buck talk about Chris with an expression of such fond amusement stirs something inside Eddie. It’s a fizz, hot and heady deep inside his belly, and he has to resist the urge to reach out to Buck because all he wants in that moment is to kiss him stupid.
“Eds.” Buck’s leg is pressed up against Eddie’s and his hand is on his shoulder pulling him out of his head. “We’re up.”
Sure enough, Chris’s science teacher is beckoning them over. They follow her into the classroom, taking a seat in front of the desk.
“Mr Diaz, it’s good to see you again,” she starts, and Eddie for the life of him can’t think of her name. “And you must be—?” She trails off waiting for the introduction.
“Sorry, this is Buck— Evan Buckley,” Eddie supplies, wondering how the hell he’s supposed to explain why he brought Buck along.
Turns out he doesn’t need to.
“Ah, so you’re the Buck I’ve heard so much about,” she says, reaching out to shake Buck’s hand. “Chris speaks very highly of you.”
There’s a flush creeping up Buck’s neck and blooming in his cheeks. “Oh, uh—” he stumbles over the words. “He does?”
God, it’s so endearing the way he blushes and fumbles through the short conversation and Eddie can’t tear his eyes away as Buck goes on about what a great kid Chris is. How did he manage to find someone like Buck, someone who loves his son with his whole being?
Eddie is so in love with him it hurts.
“He really is a great kid,” Chris’s teacher agrees, and Eddie nods along but he’s still watching Buck out of the corner of his eye. “You’re doing a great job with him, he’s smart and inquisitive and the way he talks about you I can tell you’re encouraging his love of science at home. I really have nothing to say except keep doing what you’re doing.”
She’s looking at Eddie, waiting for a response but he doesn’t notice until Buck gives him a nudge, his eyes dancing with amusement.
“Yes, thank you. I—” Eddie turns his attention back to Chris’s teacher. “We will. Thank you.” He wants to hide his face in his hands and he all but drags Buck from the classroom, desperate to end his humiliation. “Great, now I can never speak to her again.”
Buck’s lips are pinched together like he’s trying not to laugh. “Yeah, you seemed a little distracted.” The blush is back, and he’s watching Eddie so intently. “Do you, uh, want to get out of here?” he asks suddenly. “That was the last one, right?”
“It was,” Eddie says, nodding slowly. “We could get go get dinner, grab a beer?”
Buck hesitates. “Is that—are you asking— like a date?”
“Yes.” Eddie’s heart pounds loudly in his chest. “Like a date.” He waits, palms sweating for the eternity it takes Buck to respond.
“I’d like that.”
132 notes · View notes
You Always Understand
Pairing: Canon-compliant Buddie - Evan Buckley (Buck) x Eddie Diaz
Word Count: 1707
Coda for 5x04 - Contains spoilers for the ep!!
SPOILERS - Coda for 5x04 - missing scene between Chim punching Buck and the Balcony Scene
Inspired by @djdangerlove‘s comment on this post <3
Beta’d by @firemedicdiaz Thanks babe <3
Read it on Ao3
“Door’s open,” Buck called, wincing as his head throbbed from the volume of his own voice.
Eddie, who had just knocked, came inside, shut the door behind him, and greeted Buck, who did not look up from where he was seated at the table. He set down the six pack of beer he’d brought with him onto the counter and moved over to where Buck was sitting, already sensing that something was off.
“Hey, what’s up?” Eddie asked, sitting down across from him. Buck, who had been hiding his head in his hands, slowly raised his head, and Eddie’s mouth fell open in unpleasant surprise.
“What the hell? Are you okay?” Eddie asked, startled. His gaze took in the deeply colourful bruise around Buck’s eye, wincing as he imagined how much it must hurt.
“Aside from my entire head being in constant pain, yeah, I’m fine,” Buck replied, and his tone was hard to read.
“Who did that to you?” Eddie asked, heat licking at his chest as anger swept through him at the idea of someone cold-clocking Buck in the face.
“Chim, actually,” Buck said, letting out a short laugh at the look of surprise on Eddie’s face.
“Chim did that?!” Eddie asked incredulously, staring at the bruise, surprise replacing his immediate anger. He knew that Chim could get very heated sometimes when he was upset, but he’d never imagined him taking a swing, especially at his own brother-in-law.
“Yeah. He might be a foot shorter than me but he packs a hell of a punch,” Buck commented, wincing as he reached up to touch the bruise and a sharper pain briefly shot through the side of his face.
Reacting to his pain response, Eddie immediately rose and moved to Buck’s side.
“Just let me look at it,” Eddie said firmly as Buck began to grouse at him, and the younger man sighed but fell silent, tilting his head so Eddie could see it.
“Hm, the light in here is terrible,” Eddie commented, lightly setting his hand on Buck’s shoulder and leaning closer. “Come on, let’s go out onto the balcony so I can see it in the natural light.”
Buck grumbled a little under his breath but did as he was told, leading the way out onto the balcony. He looked around as he heard a scraping sound and watched as Eddie picked up a chair from the kitchen counter and brought it out onto the balcony with him.
“Sit,” he ordered, pushing gently on Buck’s chest, and Buck, amused, sat.
“Do you really have to do this?” Buck asked with a sigh, resigned as Eddie took hold of his head and carefully angled it so he could see the bruise better.
“Yes,” Eddie replied simply. “Stop moving.”
“Eddie, it’s really no big dea- ow!” Buck gasped as Eddie’s fingers skirted the edge of the large bruise, feeling pain radiate through his face.
“Sorry. Did you ice this after it happened?” Eddie asked, his touch becoming more gentle, clearly trying not to hurt him again.
“No,” Buck admitted, glancing away from Eddie’s slightly disapproving look.
Why hadn’t he iced it? He’d thought of it last night, eventually, after some of the shock had faded. After Chim had punched him and stormed out, Buck had merely stood there for many long minutes, hand to his cheek, reeling from what had just happened.
Eventually he’d sunk down into a chair at the table and stared down at its surface, lost in the memory of the argument, the memory of his phone call from Maddie. The memory of him promising to keep her secret after she pleaded with him not to say anything to Chim. He hadn’t liked lying. He never liked being dishonest, but his loyalty to Chim did not outweigh his loyalty to his sister.
He’d tried to be reasonable with Chim, tried to impress on him that he trusted Maddie and that’s why he knew she’d be back, tried to do everything he could without revealing what he knew. He’d thought maybe, since Chim knew how close Buck and Maddie were, that he would trust Buck’s word on the matter, would feel comforted by Buck’s confidence in Maddie’s return. Buck had felt awful as he’d watched Chim spiral, and he’d nearly broken his promise more than once. He didn’t really understand why Maddie had begged him not to tell Chim what had happened with Jee-Yun and he seriously considered telling Chim the truth, but Maddie had been so adamant that Buck couldn’t break his promise. She had done so much for him his whole life, the least he could do was keep her secret, even if it left his stomach twisted into anxious knots.
The sinking feeling in his gut when Chim had realized that Buck knew why Maddie and Jee had been in the hospital was still there, even more than twelve hours later. Buck understood why Chim had decked him. He even wondered if maybe he deserved it, though he felt like he’d been stuck between a rock and a hard place and he didn’t know what else he could’ve done. There had been no way for him to both keep Maddie’s promise and completely reassure Chim, and Buck kind of felt like he’d failed them both. He couldn’t shake the slight feeling of indignation he felt at being put in the situation in the first place, but all he wanted was for Maddie to do what she needed to get herself feeling better, even if she wouldn’t tell him where she was going.
So Buck had sat at the table for hours, alternating between staring at the wall and staring at his phone. He’d tried to text Chim multiple times, but every time he ended up deleting what he’d written before he sent it. He couldn’t think of the words to say to truly express how he was feeling about everything that had happened, how he was so sorry that Chim was suffering. He couldn’t think of a way to reassure Chim that Maddie truly would return. He couldn’t think of a way to say anything that Chim would respond well to in his current headspace so he ended up not sending anything.
He eventually went to bed, but his face hurt so badly he barely slept. He thought about asking Chim, after he’d cooled down a bit, if he wanted Buck to take Jee for a while to give him a chance to rest, both mentally and physically. However, he had a feeling that after their encounter, Chim would not be willing to let Buck take her. His heart ached, wondering when he would see his niece again, wondering when he’d see Maddie again. Wondering whether his relationship with Chim would ever be the same again.
He considered texting or calling Taylor for comfort, but the thought of having to explain everything that had happened to her made his stomach twist even worse, so he refrained. He also considered calling Eddie; Eddie knew about Maddie’s PPD and Buck knew that Eddie would understand what had happened, but it was also two in the morning and he didn’t want to wake Eddie or Chris.
Eventually he did sleep, though fitfully. He woke in the early afternoon with a pounding headache and found quite quickly that neither ibuprofen nor acetaminophen took much of the deep ache away.
He glanced at his phone; nothing from Chim, though he hadn’t actually expected anything. Just a reminder text from Eddie that he was heading over soon. Buck swore with a sigh; he’d forgotten that he and Eddie had plans that day. He wasn’t looking forward to Eddie seeing him like this, though he had to admit he was hoping that talking to Eddie about what had happened would help the anxiety permanently prickling his chest.
Belatedly, Buck shook himself from his thoughts and sighed. Eddie was waiting patiently for him to respond, and Buck realized Eddie had asked him why he hadn’t iced it.
“I was really up in my head about everything and I just… didn’t.”
Buck expected Eddie to chastise him, to tell him to take better care of himself, but he didn’t. Eddie sighed lightly and gently let go of him, reaching down and squeezing his shoulder in a reassuring way.
“Stay here,” Eddie said, and Buck was surprised to hear that his tone was unexpectedly soft, understanding. Buck stayed, watching as Eddie went inside the apartment and retrieved ice from his freezer, putting it into a plastic ziploc bag. He brought out the ice and set two beers down on the table as well, before reaching out and gently pressing the ice to Buck’s cheekbone.
Buck let out a gasp from both the chill and the pain, but after a few seconds, the pain ebbed a bit and Buck sagged. He reached up to take possession of the ice, his hand briefly poised directly over Eddie’s, which sent an unexpected bolt of nervous energy through him that had nothing to do with his injury.
“Thanks,” Buck said, feeling vulnerable all of a sudden, avoiding Eddie’s gaze.
“You want to talk about all this?” Eddie asked, cracking one of the beers and handing it to Buck, who took and immediately sipped it. He peered over at Eddie, who was watching him with a calm, even expression. As usual, it seemed to Buck that Eddie knew exactly what he needed, and Buck wondered - not for the first time - when the two of them had become so well attuned to the other’s needs.
“Yeah,” Buck replied after a moment. “Yeah, I would like that.”
And as he launched into the story of Maddie’s secret and how it had culminated in Chim’s punch, Buck realized how comfortable he felt talking to Eddie, how much he trusted the other man with his emotions; something he felt was very difficult for him to do with others, at least on any deeper level. As their talk went on and Eddie gave him some very accurate and poignant advice, Buck genuinely felt like everything might actually work out in the end, feeling that twisting anxiety in his gut loosen just a little, even though it had given him even more to think about.
If you would like to be added to (or removed from) my tag list, please send me a message or an ask!
Tag list: @firemedicdiaz @diekatimitdemhutohnehut @inuhimesblog @dearestdiaz @charnease @bicepsie @perfectlynervousbeard @floralbuckleys @outrunningthedark @morganayenneferburnham @fleurdebeton
@princessbb @alwayseddietrash @cantlivewithoutyoumalec
89 notes · View notes
you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody
Summary: Eddie has a close call in the helicopter and Buck needs him to understand a few things.
The one where they both finally have a talk and Eddie gets to finally be happy.
"Because, Edmundo." Buck spoke with intent, remembering months ago when Eddie used the same trick and Buck had felt like his name had never sounded better. That moment had been so special for Buck and now he was trying to do the same for his friend, getting Eddie's attention immediately. "You think you need to be this big tough guy who never panics and has everything under control... but you're wrong."
"Buck…" Eddie whispered brokenly, the name escaping his lips like a prayer. And he had to look away, because everything was getting to be too much.
This felt a lot like the hospital scene where Eddie opened up his heart with the sole purpose of making Buck understand he was important, that he had a family. Only this time, Eddie was on the receiving end and it felt… weird. He wanted to say he didn't like it and that he needed the conversation to end, but it felt nice. It felt right.
"No, you need to listen to me." He couldn't let Eddie get out of this conversation, he wouldn't do it.
"You think you need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders but I'm here for you, share the weight with me. Let me help you, let me in."
read the rest on ao3
tagging some mutuals: @eddiesbuckaroo @wolf-diaz @browney3dgirl6 @honestlydarkprincess @eddiediazisascorpio @bitchdiaz @cowboydiaz @trashbaget @enbyeddiediaz @justsmilestuffhappens @himbodiaz @evcndiaz @outrunningthedark @phonotactless @alwayseddietrash
( if you didn't want to be tagged, let me know and i'll get you out of the taglist )
124 notes · View notes
wherever we go, it'll be together
Buck and Eddie were sitting at the table, the remnants of their dinner littering the table. They hadn’t had the energy yet to get up and start the dishes. Christopher had gone to his room to get some homework done before they watch a movie while Buck and Eddie got the dishes done. So far, though, no luck.
Buck had been over more and more since Eddie’s breakup with Ana— it finally felt like things were going back to normal. To how it was before they both got girlfriends, before Eddie was shot, before it felt like there was this distance between the two of them that neither liked but neither knew how to fix.
Eddie’s breakup with Ana hadn’t been exactly messy, but it wasn’t as amenable as Buck and Taylor’s— those two had known they weren’t meant to last. Buck wanted a family, he wanted to settle down. Taylor was riding the high of her career— as she should, she had worked extremely hard to get to where she was and Buck was happy for her. However, their needs didn’t match up and it had started to become a problem.
But things were finally getting back to normal for the Buckley-Diaz family— and that’s what they were, a family.
The quiet, comfortable silence was broken by Christopher coming back into the kitchen, a confused frown on his face and what looked to be a slim stack of homework in his hands.
“Hey, dad? Can you help me with my science homework?” Christopher asked softly, coming up beside Buck and leaning into his side. Buck wrapped an arm around Christopher’s was it, in part to keep him steady but mostly because the quiet, casual affection from the boy he privately considered to be his and Eddie’s warmed his heart in a way nothing else did. He loved that Christopher was comfortable with him, that he sought out affection from Buck, it made Buck feel wanted and worthy like nothing ever had before.
Eddie winced. “I’ll try, buddy, but you know science isn’t my forte,” Eddie replied, looking to Buck for help. Social studies and history Eddie could do but for science and english, Eddie always looked to Buck for help. Neither of them, however, could do math.
Christopher giggled. “I know, daddy. That’s why I asked dad!” He said, leaning more heavily against Buck and putting the papers he was holding down in front of him.
[continue on ao3]
109 notes · View notes
"God, I love you so much", Buck said, closing his eyes and leaning down until his forehead was resting against Eddie's.
Commission I did for @buddiepromptaday about their fanfic! Ao3 link here!
Lockscreen version available in buy me a coffee!
567 notes · View notes
Ana is ableist, but she’s not obvious or aggressive about it.
Until Buck mentions having ADHD around her.
He’s not ashamed, and doesn't hide it—especially from Eddie and Chris.
At first, of course, she’s subtle. She comes across as wanting to hear Buck’s perspective as a neurodivergent—careful to make it seem like she’s interested in how Buck sees the world personally since neurodivergent people are not one and the same. In reality, she’s trying to pry for information on how much she can “trust” Buck when he’s a “liability.”
It takes some time for her to start rubbing Buck the wrong way with backhanded compliments or questionable comments—especially when she’s questioning Buck’s ability to care for Chris alone. She makes jokes on how Eddie has a lot of patience to hear Buck ramble about random information, or how she mentions Buck being a big kid with an air of disapproval.
Her mistake was to not be more careful with how she acts and talks about Buck where Eddie can see and hear.
Because Eddie is the type of person who doesn’t mind being insulted and punched. But someone touches one hair on Chris or Buck’s body, someone says something about a hair on Chris or Buck’s body? That’s it. They have no place in his life.
Of course, Eddie is also in love with Buck which doesn’t bode well for Ana in a situation where she’s insulting Buck for not being how she would prefer him to be when Eddie loves Buck because of who he is.
No need to claim a prompt. If written on AO3, please gift it to me. On tumblr, tag me. I have the same name on both websites.
93 notes · View notes
if you're doing the soft prompts thing, could i request " i knew you wouldn't go to sleep willingly, so i brought you some chamomile tea and a blanket. twenty minutes of shut-eye, okay? " + buddie? preferably post shooting but whatever you like, thank you ❤
At long last! I am finally filling this prompt! It didn't turn out to be a recovery fic, but it's definitely impacted by the events of 4x14, so I really hope you like it! It's very soft.
Buck is being ridiculous. Absolutely irrational. He’s well aware of this fact. And yet, he finds his thumb hovering over the call button.
It’s not like it’s Christopher’s first sleepover. He’s eleven years old, of course it’s not. It’s not his first sleepover since the pandemic, either, or since Eddie was shot. He’s had quite a few since then, actually. It’s not even his first sleepover since he and Eddie went from work partners to life partners.
But it is Christopher’s first sleepover since Buck moved in with them. The first time he spent his evening cooking dinner for only two. The first time he didn’t have to help with homework or watch a movie that Christopher picked out. The first time in a month that Buck has had to go to sleep without kissing his head goodnight.
And sure, there were good parts. There are certain benefits to being alone with his boyfriend and not having to worry about being unknowingly interrupted by an eleven year old. But it’s nearly midnight now and all that’s left to do is sleep--or at least, pretend to sleep while actually staring at the ceiling and wait for a panicked middle of the night call because something went wrong.
He’s sitting up in the bed he and Eddie now share, phone in hand, willing himself not to call Christopher and check in. He knows Christopher is a pre-teen now, that he’s probably having a great time, that his calling would just be embarrassing, and probably (hopefully) wake him up. He sighs, tossing his phone down on the empty pillow beside him. It’s going to be a long night.
Eddie is supposed to be in bed with him, and he’s sure being alone is making it worse. He’s not even sure where Eddie is--he said he would follow Buck to bed after getting some water and brushing his teeth--but it’s been a little too long for just teeth brushing, so Buck has a feeling his boyfriend is up to something. His suspicions are confirmed a moment later when he hears the tea kettle whistling. Odd, considering the tea kettle is Buck’s, something he brought with him when he moved in--Eddie isn’t a big tea drinker, usually only drinking it when he’s sick, preferring to caffeinate with coffee.
Buck only has to wonder what Eddie is doing for a few moments before Eddie shuffles into their bedroom, a blanket Buck recognizes from Christopher’s bed piled under one arm and a steaming mug in the other hand.
“Whatcha got there?” Buck asks, glad for a distraction at least.
“Well,” Eddie sets the mug down on Buck’s bedside table. “I knew you wouldn’t go to sleep willingly, so I brought you some chamomile tea and a blanket.” He tosses the blanket at Buck’s face. It smells like Christopher’s no-tears kid shampoo, and Buck inhales deeply. “Twenty-minutes of shut-eye, okay?”
Buck spreads the twin sized blanket out over his side of the bed. “You made me tea?”
Eddie rolls his eyes. “Are you or are you not going over every possible worst case scenario in your head right now?”
“Uh.” Buck swallows, sheepish. “Maybe?”
“Exactly.” Eddie crawls into bed next to Buck, picks up Buck’s phone from his pillow, stretches to place it next to the mug, and finally wraps an arm around him. “I just want to help you relax.”
“Even though I’m being totally irrational?” Buck asks, leaning into Eddie’s embrace.
“Yup.” Eddie drops a kiss onto the top of Buck’s head. “I remember Christopher’s first sleepover. I sent that mom so many emails. And then I didn’t sleep at all, I was just waiting for something to go wrong.”
“But he was younger then, and this isn’t his first--”
“It’s your first, though.” Eddie cuts him off. “I know you’ve loved him for a long time, but this is the first night since you moved in that he hasn’t been here.”
Buck sips his tea and grips the blanket a little tighter. “I miss him.”
Eddie chuckles, low and warm. “I know.”
“Do you ever...get used to this feeling?” Buck asks carefully.
“If you mean, will you ever stop worrying about him when you’re not around to protect him, the answer is no,” Eddie shakes his head. “That’s what being a parent is.”
“I’m not a--”
“Evan, you better not have been about to say you’re not a parent,” Eddie says, voice so firm and serious that Buck has no choice but to listen. “You’ve loved Christopher like he was your own since before we were even dating. You take care of him, you worry about him, you always help him when he needs it.”
Buck’s heart feels like it’s about to burst out of his chest. “Of course--of course I love him so much, but you’re his dad. But it’s not like I’m--maybe if we were--but I’m just your boyfriend.”
“Maybe if we were what?” Eddie narrows his eyes. “If we were married?”
Buck’s throat is dry. Sometimes he really hates how easily Eddie can read him. “Uh.”
“Because we could do that,” Eddie continues. “If that’s something you want.”
And now Buck’s brain is short-circuiting. “Is it something you want?”
Eddie bites his lip. “I didn’t think it was, not after Shannon. But…” He sighs. “I told Chimney once that tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, and I know that you’re it for me, and it’s not like Shannon and I had much of a wedding anyway, so it might be nice to, I don’t know, do it right? If it’s what you want.”
“I do,” Buck answers hastily. “Want that. I already know we’re forever, but I think it would...help. With some of my doubts. If we made it official.”
Eddie beams. “Then I guess we’re getting married.”
Buck can’t quite remember how to breathe. There are so many words he wants to say, but none of them seem right, so he just pulls Eddie into a soft kiss, which Eddie reciprocates eagerly. “I love you so much,” he murmurs when he pulls back. “Of course I want to marry you.”
“I love you so much, too.” Eddie presses a kiss to his temple, and then one to his jaw, and a few to his neck.
They fall into a comfortable silence for a few moments, the only sounds in the room the sounds of soft breaths and Buck sipping on his tea.
“Are you feeling better?” Eddie asks, breaking the silence.
Buck considers this for a moment. There’s still worry gnawing at him, but he feels less silly about it now. And most of him is simply overwhelmed with happiness. “Yeah, yeah I am.”
“Good.” Eddie gives a brisk nod. “Now shut up, drink your leaf water, and go to sleep.”
“Actually, chamomile tea is made with the blossoms of the--”
186 notes · View notes
made for a greater love (a 4.14 coda)
read on ao3
Eddie has never and will never believe that the universe is speaking to him in any way whatsoever. Strange things that happen aren’t ‘signs’, there’s no such thing as jinxes, and fate is nothing but a trumped-up, bogus concept designed to make people think they’re not responsible for their own choices when really they are. What Eddie does believe in are coincidences and working hard to get what you want.
And yet. The day he breaks up with Ana and immediately goes to find Buck, there’s a little part of him that can’t help but think the universe might just be telling him something after all.
“Hey!” Buck beams, opening the door wider. “Should you be up and about? Did you drive here? The doctor said that until—”
“I got an Uber.” Eddie rolls his eyes, but it’s so good to see Buck smiling, light and carefree, that he can’t bring himself to be irritated by his mother-henning. “I wanted to see you.”
“Well I’m glad you’re here, man. I wanna talk to you, too. So much has happened since—well, y’know,” he gestures to Eddie’s chest, his arm still sling-bound and bandage still there under the thin fabric of his shirt, “but I wanted to let you heal and shit before I start going on about myself again.”
“Don’t do that,” Eddie tells him sternly, because Buck disparaging himself is totally unacceptable in Eddie’s mind. “I want to hear about you.”
He wonders if he’s maybe being too obvious, if the fact that he loves Buck with every ounce of his being is on show. It feels so big to Eddie now that he’s let himself acknowledge it, big enough that surely the whole world can read it on his face. But Buck just softens a bit, leads him into the kitchen and pours two cups of coffee.
“Taylor and I are officially dating,” he announces, a swagger to his steps and wide grin firmly back in place.
Instantly, ice-cold disappointment floods Eddie’s insides. An ache starts behind his ribcage and reaches out with dull tendrils of pain until all of him hurts, and it has nothing to do with the bullet hole just a few inches to the right.
So yeah, just maybe the universe is giving him a sign, only in this case it’s a giant middle finger.
“That’s, uh, that’s great,” Eddie says, and he’s an expert at this, at painting on a mask and pretending that everything is fine. “I thought she’d firmly friend-zoned you?”
“So did I!” Buck exclaims. He’s clearly happy, sunshine radiating out of his every pore, and he deserves that more than anything so Eddie smiles, and aches, and listens. “We had a moment, I guess, while you were in the hospital. I was a mess, y’know, but she was really there for me and it’s just—I’m sick of being alone, Eddie. Sick of being single. And Taylor is so great, I think being friends first this time really helped.”
For a brief second, Eddie kind of wishes he was still comatose. It would be easier.
“Ana and I broke up. Like, an hour ago,” he blurts out.
It’s almost satisfying, the way Buck’s face morphs into surprise, concern and then guilt, the way he sags back against the island like he’s deflating.
“What? Dude, why didn’t you say? Shit, there’s me going on about my new relationship… What happened?”
He could just do it. Eddie could rip off the band-aid and just say to Buck, ‘I broke up with Ana because I realized I’m in love with you’. But it wouldn’t be fair. He’s missed his chance. He should have been braver before; before Ana or Taylor were even in the picture, when he knew what the warmth that blossomed in his chest around Buck meant, even if he was too cowardly to confront or name it. Now it’s too late.
So instead, he tells Buck, “It’s been coming for a while. Carla said something before I even got shot, about making sure it was what I really wanted and not just what I thought was good for Chris. And it got me thinking, and then when I was laying on the ground in a pool of my own blood—”
“Eddie,” Buck says, pained.
“When I was lying there… It was so clear. I knew that it wasn’t Ana that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.”
Eddie doesn’t shy away from Buck’s gaze and he spots the exact moment that something shifts. And the thing is, Buck’s not stupid. Eddie has actually thought sometimes that Buck would be the first one to say something, to catch him off guard, because he wears his stupid, giant heart on his sleeve and Eddie’s the one who’s emotionally stunted. Buck has always been fearless, while Eddie only pretends.
"Eddie,” Buck says again, quieter this time. He blows out a breath. Then, “I’m with Taylor.”
“I know,” Eddie nods, and the scant space between them feels like an ocean. Honestly, he adds, “If you’re happy, that’s all that matters to me.”
“But you’re not,” Buck says, his eyes wet. Eddie hates that, doesn’t want to make Buck cry again so soon after the last time. Nobody’s dying, he wants to point out. Buck has everything he wants, he doesn’t need to feel sad about that.
So Eddie shrugs, then winces when it pulls at his stitches. “I will be.”
With a slow exhalation, Buck sinks onto the stool beside him, forearms on his knees as his chin drops to his chest. Eddie waits, because he doesn’t know what else to do. They can still come back from this. They haven’t passed the point of no return yet, he hasn’t quite spilled his guts and ugly secrets all over Buck’s kitchen floor. There’s still a chance of plausible deniability.
“I waited, for a really long time,” Buck explains quietly to his feet. “Before Taylor, there was nobody else because I was waiting and hoping—but nothing kept happening and that was fine, I swear, I was still happy with how things were. And I accepted that things wouldn’t change, that you weren’t in the same place, so when Taylor came along I let myself fall for her and I have, Eddie. I really, really like her. I think we’re good for each other.”
Eddie has to sit down then, too. Sunlight streams in through the window, warming the back of his neck, and he tries to focus on that rather than the way his hands are trembling.
“I’m an idiot,” he huffs bitterly, “what else is new?”
Buck shakes his head. He finally looks up at Eddie. “I’m sorry.”
“Buck, don’t, honestly.” Eddie swallows hard around the sickly lump in his throat. “I think I’m still a little loopy on the pain meds, I probably won’t even remember this conversation in—”
“No,” Buck interrupts. “This isn’t something you can run away from. You don’t need to do that. I’m not going anywhere, Eddie, and neither are you. I was so goddamn scared when you got hurt. You’re not the only one who gained a bit of perspective. So we’re gonna be just fine.”
Buck holds out his fist with a tentative smile. Eddie laughs wetly and bumps it with his own, relief giving way to his tears. He swipes at his face, sniffs a few times, then knocks Buck’s shoulder with his good one.
“Our shrinks would be so fucking proud of us right now,” he comments mildly, and Buck snorts.
“I think Doctor Copeland’s gonna have her work cut out with me when I explain this one.”
They smile at each other and in that moment it’s easy to believe Buck’s reassurance. Eddie still feels like his world has been taken apart only to be put back together again a little different from before, but he can adjust. If it means he doesn’t lose Buck, he will adjust.
“Wanna order pizza and play video games until it’s time to go and get Chris?” Buck offers and his voice is light even though Eddie can hear the uncertainty underneath.
“Obviously,” Eddie retorts, sliding off the stool carefully, mindful of his injury. But before he can go anywhere Buck’s hand catches his good wrist and he gently brings him back in for a hug.
It’s a good kind of ache, standing there with his chin on Buck’s shoulder and his arm around his waist, like digging a thumb into a bruise to feel alive, and Buck is so soft with him, gripping him firmly but not crushing his bad side, a heavy, steady weight for Eddie to lean into.
“Don’t ever get shot again,” Buck murmurs into the skin behind his ear, and just for a minute, Eddie allows himself to hide in Buck’s embrace and breathe a few tremulous breaths and take comfort in him, in the feel of their bodies pressed close and the warmth of him.
Like all good things, eventually it ends. Buck’s slow to let go—when did their fingers tangle together?—but they finally end up on the couch and things feel almost normal between them. Eddie grumbles about his sling making holding the controller awkward and Buck threatens to march him back to the doctor if he even thinks about taking it off.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be nice and let you win,” Buck gloats.
“I’m sorry, let me win? Even one-handed I can whoop your ass,” Eddie snaps back, and he’s fine, he really is—they are both totally, absolutely going to be fine.
It’s not until hours later, after Eddie has put Christopher to bed and read three chapters of a story to him because Chris has been extra-clingy since Eddie got out of the hospital, that it occurs to Eddie just how monumental the conversation between himself and Buck really was. He’s actually kind of proud of himself. The Eddie of three years ago would have fled with his tail between his legs to go and lick his wounds in private, rather than openly grieve the missed opportunity with the very person he wants but can’t have. He’s grown, he decides. And one day, he’ll tell Christopher, because the last thing on earth he wants is his son growing up not knowing that it’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes.
Feeling buoyed by this, Eddie keeps loading the dishwasher one-handed and doesn’t immediately hear the key turning in the front door, the quiet footsteps in the hall, but he definitely stops and notices when Buck appears in the doorframe, his eyes a little wild.
Buck’s across the kitchen in three strides. “Earlier, you said you were the idiot but you were wrong, I am,” Buck says, and he swoops forward to take Eddie’s face in his hands and press their mouths together. He kisses Eddie quickly, two, three times, then mutters against his lips, “I love you so much.”
It’s perfect, so perfect, and Eddie drops the plate he’s holding back in the sink so he can use his only available hand for something more worthwhile, like running down Buck’s spine just to feel him shiver.
“But, Taylor?” he gasps eventually, when they come up for air, although selfishly in that moment he doesn’t care how or why Buck has ended up in his house tonight with his tongue in Eddie’s mouth instead of Taylor’s.
“I spoke to her and we decided we really are better as friends. It’s you, Eddie,” Buck tells him so earnestly and with such certainty that Eddie’s knees go weak. “It’s only ever been you.”
And finally, finally, Eddie feels brave.
184 notes · View notes
some of my favourite buddie fanfics part 2
once again, sharing some of my favourite buck and eddie fanfictions that i’ve read in the last little while
part 1 is here!
Fundamental Pieces by intotheblue
Eddie’s knees hit the ground with a dull thud that he doesn’t feel.
He doesn’t feel anything, actually. He can’t. Because if he feels something, he’s going to feel everything, and if he feels everything, he’s going to come apart at the seams.
He can’t look away from the smoldering pile of rubble in front of him. Dimly, he’s aware that there are other people around, people who could be hurt, people who might need his help. He’s frozen, though. Stuck on his knees, might as well be fossilized in amber.
getaway green by cyllaeth
“And here I’ve thought Judd calls you Hollywood because of the looks but now I’m sure it’s because of how dumb you are.” TK says boldly.
Eddie raises his head to gaze upon his friend. There’s a very amused grin on his face and he looks like he’s refraining himself from laughing out loud.
“You really have no clue, don’t you?” TK asks. “Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh at you but it’s so funny how oblivious and blind two people can be.”
“Are you gonna keep mocking me or you’re gonna tell me what you mean?”
forgotten by some, remembered by you by honestlydarkprincess
It's Buck's birthday! The FireFam forgets and Buck sulks. Thankfully, Christopher comes to save the day. Oh, and Eddie pines.
In Their Own Bubble by sugarandspace
The well rescue left Eddie uncomfortable with small spaces and absolutely hating the idea of being stuck somewhere. Things go south when Buck and Eddie get trapped in a small elevator while they are working.
Where your Scars Meet Mine by mktellstales
"Buck, please -" Eddie begged for the sweet torture of Buck's touch to stop before it completely ripped him apart at the seams and saw everything he kept hidden away inside.
"Are you in love with me?" Buck asked.
Just another emotional conversation in Buck's kitchen.
17 Steps to Inevitability by allyasavedtheday
“Thanks for clearing it with Cap,” he says lowly, feeling oddly self-conscious under Buck’s knowing gaze.
Because just Buck shrugs like it’s not a big deal, claps him on the shoulder and squeezes once. “Of course,” he says earnestly. “I told you he wouldn’t mind.”
Eddie swallows back an emotion he doesn’t know how to name and bumps their shoulders together as they head for the stairs. He’d forgotten friendship could be like this, forgotten what the unconditional support of having a team around him felt like.
He’s not sure he’s ever had friends like this though.
Eddie doesn't plan for Buck to become part of his and Christopher's family; it just sort of happens. He doesn't plan to fall in love with Buck either; that just sort of happens too.
you’re a real life fantasy by ColorMeParanoid
"Would you fuck me?" Buck asked so suddenly that Eddie nearly choked on his coffee. Chimney, who was walking up to join them in their little rec room area turned on his heel and stumbled down the stairs in an effort to avoid this upcoming conversation. Eddie couldn’t even blame him for running away. This was a lot, even for Buck.
Not deterred in the slightest by Eddie’s obvious shock, Buck said, “Not to sound vain or anything, but I work hard to keep my ass in shape. And yet, nobody seems to care.”
(Or, the one where Buck wants to fulfil a certain fantasy and Eddie is more than happy to lend him a helping dick)
The Beauty of the Chaos by twofirefighterdads (angrysmolthug)
“Hey,” he says softly, reaching out to put a hand on Buck’s cheek. He can see the uncertainty, the insecurity, in Buck's eyes. Buck’s glasses have slipped down a bit and he uses his thumb to carefully push them back up the bridge of his nose.
“There is no one way you have to act or be,” he says and he means it with all his heart. “Nobody cares if you’re energetic and chaotic or quiet and nerdy or however you are or want to be. We love you any and every way you are.”
“Yeah?” Buck asks and he sounds a little breathless.
Eddie grins. “Yeah. And hey, I like it when you’re being nerdy, especially with the way it’s rubbing off on my son, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like you any other time. I’m not perfect either and you’ve always known exactly how to pull me out of my shell with your enthusiasm and energy”
OR: Buck once again learns more about himself – and Eddie loves him through it all. And those glasses, Eddie definitely loves those glasses too.
163 notes · View notes
Could I request 8 or 15 with Buddie, if it inspires you? :)
Eddie frowned as he walked into Buck’s apartment for the third day in a row to find Buck on the couch, buried ears-deep in the same pile of pillows and blankets he’d been living in since he’d first gotten sick. A harsh, dry cough echoed around the loft and the blankets shook a little from the force of it, and Eddie’s expression turned sympathetic as he set the groceries he’d brought with him down in the kitchen. He dropped his keys next to them and made his way into the living room, nudging the coffee table away from the couch to give himself just enough space to sidle in. He pushed a few containers of cold medicine, a water glass, and a half-empty bowl of soup aside so he could sit down. Buck peered up at him blearily, dropping his head back onto the cushions once he recognized Eddie.
“How’re you holding up?” Eddie asked, reaching out to press the back of his hand to Buck’s forehead, frowning at the heat of the fever burning beneath the younger man’s skin.
Eddie rolled his eyes, dropping his hand away and looking at the assortment of medicines beside him, fishing out a bottle of plain old Tylenol.
“When was the last time you took anything for the fever?”
Buck groaned, reaching out and groping around for his phone. He lit up the display, tossing it aside once more as he looked at the time.
“Three hours ago, maybe? I don’t even know anymore,” he said tiredly.
Eddie nodded. At the risk of overdosing Buck, he set the bottle aside again and reached for Buck’s empty water glass. He assured Buck he’d be back in just a moment before standing and heading into the kitchen. Buck watched him go for a moment before settling back into the couch and letting his eyes fall closed once more.
Eddie took his time in the kitchen. He could already hear Buck’s soft, congested snores emanating from the couch and he smiled a little as he unpacked the groceries he’d bought. It didn’t take him long to put on some tea and get the beginnings of some chicken soup going on the stove, and soon he was heading back to Buck’s side with a small tray in hand.
He set the tray, laden with tea, water, and a popsicle, down on the coffee table and disappeared again, only to return with the med kit he usually kept in the back of his car for emergencies slung over his shoulder. He returned to Buck’s side in time to find Buck sitting up, clumsily unwrapping the popsicle and sticking it into his mouth. Eddie waited with bated breath for Buck’s reaction as he set his kit down and sat down beside the other man, but Buck didn’t seem fazed by the treat.
“Can’t taste anything, huh?” Eddie commented.
Buck shook his head, looking wary as he glanced down at the popsicle and then back at Eddie.
“It’s Pedialyte,” Eddie explained. “I’m sure this fever sweat’s got both your fluids and electrolytes pretty depleted, so I figured a popsicle might cover both bases. Christopher loves them when he’s sick.”
Buck smiled weakly but gratefully. He went back to licking at the treat, looking relieved when the cool liquid that melted on his tongue ran down his throat and soothed it.
“It does make getting an accurate temp on you a little more tricky, though, so I brought backup.”
Buck watched as Eddie unzipped his kit and quickly and efficiently located what he was looking for. Just like the kits they used at the station, Eddie’s personal kit was fully stocked and neatly compartmentalized for easy access. Returning his attention to Buck with a scanning thermometer in hand, Eddie held it up, wordlessly asking for permission. Buck nodded easily.
Eddie turned the thermometer on, swiping it across Buck’s forehead, down to his temple, and to the curve of his jaw. The screen flashed an angry red, displaying a temperature well over a hundred degrees, and Eddie sighed as he set it aside once more.
“You’re gonna have to come out from under those blankets,” he instructed, his tone firm but kind. “Just until your fever breaks.”
Buck groaned, protesting a bit before finally complying and allowing Eddie to help unwrap him. Eddie stood, taking the blankets that Buck shucked off one by one, folding them neatly and setting them aside to wash later on. In the meantime, his focus was on Buck.
Buck, who looked somehow small and vulnerable without the blankets for bulk. Buck, who shivered as the cool ambient air caressed his skin. Buck, who groaned as he hung his head, a headache in full swing pulsing behind his closed eyes. Buck, who started coughing when he attempted to clear his throat and clung desperately to the cough as the paroxysm wracked his body, unable to stop it.
Eddie sat down at his side again, rubbing his back in gentle, reassuring circles and plucking the last bit of the popsicle out of Buck’s hand. He set the mostly-melted treat back in its wrapper and focused his attention on Buck, encouraging the younger man to take some slow, steady breaths as the coughing began to subside.
Reaching into his kit, Eddie located his stethoscope and pulled it out as Buck slowly sat up straight, his breathing coming a little easier as he eyed Eddie warily. Eddie smiled at him softly, reaching out to run his fingers through Buck’s damp, ruffled curls, eliciting a shiver from the younger man.
“It’s okay,” Eddie assured him. “I’m just going to take a listen. I want to make sure it’s not pneumonia setting in.”
Buck looked a little uncomfortable at the idea but he agreed with a nod nevertheless. He sat forward as Eddie slipped the stethoscope’s eartips into place. Eddie warmed the diaphragm against his palm for a moment before reaching forward and slipping his hand underneath Buck’s shirt, pressing it to his back.
“Breathe for me,” Eddie instructed as he slowly moved the stethoscope around Buck’s back. “Nice and slow, in and out.”
Buck did his best to follow along, but the urge to cough was too strong. He buried his face in his elbow as Eddie continued listening, doing his best not to contaminate the other man. Eddie didn’t seem too bothered, though, and sat patiently by as Buck caught his breath and straightened up again.
“Sorry,” Buck croaked.
Eddie shook his head, smiling commiseratingly at Buck as he withdrew his hand from his back, reaching up beneath the front of his shirt instead. Buck shivered as Eddie pressed the stethoscope to his chest, stilling as Eddie concentrated on his exam. Buck’s heartbeat was quick but steady, and Eddie took his time listening to make sure he wasn’t missing anything.
Pulling away after a minute, Eddie hung his stethoscope around his neck and reached for Buck’s wrist, encircling it with his fingers to feel Buck’s pulse. Buck tensed a little at that, but relaxed quickly enough as Eddie flashed him a warm, reassuring smile before glancing down at his watch to time Buck’s heart rate.
“You’re really pulling out all the stops, huh?” Buck rasped, his throat raw from coughing.
“Seeing as you won’t let me take you to get checked out, I thought I’d bring the check-up to you,” Eddie murmured, glancing up from where he’d been counting. “You’re tachy. Do you think you can take some slow, deep breaths for me? In and out. Let’s slow down your pulse a little, okay?”
“I can try,” Buck replied tiredly, sagging back against the couch cushions as Eddie continued to hold his wrist. “I might start coughing again, though.”
Buck rolled his eyes, attempting a slow, deep breath. Eddie encouraged him softly, keeping an eye on Buck’s pulse as the younger man worked through a few cycles of deep breathing. After a little while, Buck’s heart rate began to slowly come down, and Eddie released his wrist after one last quick count of his pulse, satisfied with Buck’s progress.
“Better,” Eddie said softly. “And I’m sure it’ll come down even more after we’ve broken that fever. Which brings me to my next order of business.”
Buck raised an eyebrow at Eddie’s words, wondering what Eddie was thinking.
“The antipyretics aren’t doing enough to bring your temperature down, so we need to help your body out a bit,” Eddie explained. “I want to run you a cool bath and we’ll keep working on your hydration. How does that sound?”
Buck groaned, but he knew he wasn’t going to get a better deal than that. He knew it was either Eddie’s way or urgent care, so he settled on the comforts of home even if the thought of a cool bath was distinctly unpleasant. He nodded eventually.
“Terrible,” Buck groused. “But tolerable as long as you keep me company.”
Eddie barked out a laugh and put his hands up in a gesture of surrender.
“How can I refuse an offer like that?”
Buck smiled genuinely for what felt like the first time in forever. Eddie regarded him with a soft, affectionate expression and leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to Buck’s sweaty forehead before pulling away to go get a start on that bath. Buck’s eyes followed him for a moment before he, too, pushed off the couch to follow, resigned to his fate.
Request a drabble.
97 notes · View notes
It Isn’t in my Blood
Prompt: Inspired by @kitkatpancakestack‘s “what if Buck finds the pamphlet“ post
Pairing: Implied future Buddie - Evan Buckley (Buck) x Eddie Diaz
Word Count: 2,330
Summary: SPOILERS - A 5x01 missing scene - Buck finds the pamphlet on anxiety and panic attacks given to him by the cardiologist at the hospital and encourages Eddie to tell him what happened. Eddie breaks down and admits that maybe not everything is okay.
Beta’d by @firemedicdiaz Thank you babe <3
Read it on Ao3
“I’ll just be a minute, you staying here?” Eddie asked, hopping out of the truck and looking over at Buck.
“Sure, sounds good,” Buck said, yawning. Eddie nodded and closed the door, hurrying up the sidewalk as Buck settled back in his seat. It had been such a long, chaotic shift and Buck was exhausted; Eddie just had to drop off a form at Christopher’s school and then they were going for breakfast. Buck figured he had time for a short nap and shut his eyes, but sleep wouldn’t come.
After a while it became apparent that Eddie was going to be longer than he’d said, and Buck was getting restless. He grew bored quite easily of late, so he began poking around Eddie’s truck - changing the radio station, fiddling with the air freshener. Absently, Buck hit the button on the dashboard that opened the glove box in front of him and looked down into it, wondering if there were any travel brochures left in there from a previous road trip that he could look at. Instead, he pulled out a very different kind of pamphlet that looked like it had been shoved in carelessly and as he read the front, his eyebrows contracted with a small frown.
Understanding Anxiety and Panic Attacks - Recognize the Signs and Symptoms
Underneath the pamphlet were a couple of folded sheets of paper. Upon quick inspection, Buck saw that they were discharge papers from the hospital dated a few days earlier with Eddie’s name in the patient field.
Buck’s heart squeezed painfully as he stared at the slightly crumpled papers and then back at the pamphlet, realizing what it must all mean. Buck had been startled earlier in the shift when that doctor had called out to Eddie, but Eddie had been very resistant to talking about his trip to the hospital. Buck had dropped it for the time being as they had been chaotically busy the entire shift, but he had always intended to grill Eddie about it later. Now, he suddenly understood what must have happened. He knew from experience how scary panic attacks could be, how they could feel like a heart attack, especially if a person had never had one before.
He remembered how uncomfortable Eddie had looked when Buck had tried to confront him. Buck knew how much Eddie relied on everyone thinking he was this stoic, unmoving rock, because it allowed him to hide his feelings and keep everything bottled up. Buck was well aware that he himself and Bobby were the only two people that Eddie ever opened up to, and it made Buck’s heart hurt as he considered how shaken up Eddie must have been by the whole incident to be so resistant to telling him about it.
Buck sighed, wishing he had known, thinking about how he could try to help Eddie as he skimmed the pamphlet. He wanted to help, hating the idea that Eddie could be going through this alone. He distinctly remembered how Eddie had tried to drag Buck out of his horrible depression and anxiety after the fire truck had crushed his leg and he wanted to be there for Eddie in turn. Buck knew that Eddie had Ana, but if Buck was right about their relationship, he suspected that Eddie would be uncomfortable talking to her about his emotions. He’d always had the feeling that while Eddie clearly liked Ana and they got along well, their relationship wasn’t particularly deep and Buck knew that Eddie had to really trust someone before he would open up.
Lost in his thoughts, Buck was still looking at the pamphlet in one hand, the discharge papers held loosely in the other, when Eddie returned.
“Alright, that’s all done, let’s go t-- Buck, what the hell?”
Buck jumped as the driver’s door opened and Eddie swung himself inside, only to freeze when he saw what Buck was holding and reading through. Buck started to stammer as Eddie snatched the papers and pamphlet out of his hands and threw them back into the glove box, snapping it shut and staring straight ahead, his chest rising and falling quickly, his jaw set.
“Eddie, I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to snoop, I just found that in the glove box and I couldn’t help looking at it…”
“It’s fine. It’s nothing.” Eddie’s voice was clipped, and Buck could tell he felt vulnerable and was not pleased about it.
“I mean, it’s not nothing,” Buck replied cautiously in a coaxing tone. He hadn’t been planning on talking to Eddie about this before breakfast, but then there was no time like the present. “Is this why you were in the hospital the other day?”
Eddie shot him an annoyed look, because it was obvious that Buck had seen the discharge papers so the question was redundant, but then he sighed and nodded.
“Yeah. I’m fine though.”
“Eddie… you’ve been through so much. There’s no shame in having a panic attack--” Buck began, but Eddie started the truck and cut through his words sharply.
“I don’t panic.”
Buck frowned as Eddie pulled away from the curb and began to drive without saying another word. Deciding to give him some space for a few so he could collect his thoughts, Buck stayed silent as they moved through the streets. To his surprise, Eddie pulled up in front of Buck’s apartment building and parked, still looking straight ahead.
“I… thought we were going for breakfast?” Buck asked slowly, not sure what to expect. Eddie seemed to steel himself, then glanced towards the building and shut off the truck.
“I know you’re not going to let this go, and I don’t want to do it in public. Let’s go up to your loft.”
Eddie’s voice was gruff, but Buck was grimly pleased that he wasn’t resisting. Buck knew that Eddie knew Buck would not let this slide, would not let it rest until he was sure that Eddie was okay. Taking his lead, Buck agreed and hopped out of the truck, following Eddie up to his building and then leading the way into his apartment.
“Let’s get this over with,” Eddie said in a resigned voice as he moved into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, Buck pulling himself up and sitting on the counter across from him. “What do you want to know?”
“What happened?” Buck asked simply. “I know you went to the hospital, you were seen by a cardiologist, and now you have a pamphlet on panic attacks. What actually happened?”
Eddie gnawed the inside of his lip, still refusing to look at Buck as he mulled over what to say. He was staring at the lower part of the counter in front of him, Buck’s shoe dangling in his line of sight, though he wasn’t seeing much. All he could see in his mind was that damn suit store, the feeling of the tightness in his chest making him feel claustrophobic and deeply uncomfortable.
“I don’t know. We were trying on suits, and then I just… collapsed. I thought I was having a heart attack,” Eddie summarized it as succinctly as he could, but he knew it wasn’t going to be enough for Buck.
“Okay, but what triggered that?” Buck asked, his voice gently prodding. “Did something upset you, or…?”
Eddie shifted uncomfortably, and Buck’s lips curled in a small, sad smile.
“Eddie, it’s just me. You can talk to me. You know you can trust me. Please tell me what happened.”
For a brief moment, Eddie lifted his eyes and met Buck’s gaze. Buck’s expression was earnest, concerned, and Eddie knew he was right. If there was anyone in this world he could trust, it was Buck. Still, he hated talking about his emotions, especially ones he felt like he couldn’t control. And yet, he felt like if he didn’t share it with someone he may explode because he was starting to seriously wonder what was going on in his brain.
“I… you know I’m not good at this,” Eddie muttered, and Buck nodded.
“I know, but… you were there for me when everything with my parents was going on. You told me it was okay to feel what I was feeling, and to share it. I want that for you, too,” Buck told him gently, and Eddie sighed. He felt like a hypocrite; he had told Buck those things, and he had meant it. But for some reason when it came to himself, he had different rules.
“The last time Chris and I wore suits was at Shannon’s funeral,” Eddie said, averting his gaze once more as he began to speak. “I guess that was already putting me on edge. I couldn’t stop thinking about her death and everything that had happened right before she died. I just wanted to get out of there.”
Eddie paused but Buck didn’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt. Buck had a feeling that if Eddie stopped talking he wouldn’t start again so he waited patiently, keeping his mouth shut.
“I think Chris was feeling it, too, but I was too distracted to notice. And then… then the sales guy called Ana Chris’s mom.”
Buck tilted his head to the side, looking over at Eddie, slightly confused. Eddie and Ana had been together for nearly six months, it was only natural that at some point she would be mistaken for Chris’s mom. But Eddie seemed shaken and Buck wasn’t sure he was going to continue.
“What happened then?” Buck asked quietly, trying to gently prompt Eddie to speak again without spooking him. Eddie had gotten a somewhat haunted look in his eyes and Buck could tell he was getting upset. He was tempted to tell Eddie to stop, not wanting him to be distraught, but he sensed Eddie really needed to get it out there, so Buck would do everything he could to coax it out.
“I- I genuinely don’t know,” Eddie said, shaking his head. “Hearing that, it just… it intensified my thoughts about Shannon, and thinking of Ana as Chris’s mom is just - just so far beyond where we are in our relationship, and I- I…”
Eddie was starting to get visibly upset and Buck slipped off the counter, moving over to stand beside him in case he needed support.
“It made me realize that m-maybe I don’t want-- maybe things aren’t going so great, or something. I don’t know.”
“And then?” Buck prompted gently, feeling his heart break as Eddie glanced at him, clearly upset.
“And then… I don’t know. I don’t panic,” Eddie said stubbornly, though as he thought back to what had happened, he let out a long, unhappy sigh. “But… I guess I panicked. I don’t know. I felt overwhelmed, and my chest got tight and I couldn’t breathe… I got really dizzy and fell over, I thought I was having a heart attack.”
“Panic attacks can be really scary,” Buck told him, trying to reassure him. “They can definitely feel like heart attacks.”
“I don’t panic,” Eddie repeated, scowling at the floor. “I never panic. Not in the military, not when Shannon died, not when you nearly died several times…”
“Eddie, you’ve been through a lot,” Buck reasoned, trying to brush off the last part of the sentence, as though it wasn’t a big deal to him that his near-death experiences were one of the things Eddie considered most upsetting. “Do you think the shooting could be part of this? Or is it just your relationship?”
Eddie shifted uncomfortably again, not responding, and as Buck watched him, he saw tears start to pool in Eddie’s eyes, despite Eddie continually refusing to make eye contact.
“Are you okay?” Buck asked quietly, reaching out and touching him, gripping Eddie’s forearm lightly in a gesture of support. This one little touch seemed to have caused him to come undone, however, and Buck saw his expression contort, his lips pressed together tightly as he tried and failed to stop himself crying.
“No,” Eddie finally blurted out, seemingly completely against his will. “No, I’m not okay.”
Buck’s heart broke and he immediately reached out to embrace Eddie, giving him a chance to pull away if he wanted. When he didn’t, Buck wrapped his arms around him and held him as Eddie choked into his shoulder, trying desperately to stop himself from outright sobbing. It was rare that Buck had seen Eddie cry - he hadn’t seen it since Shannon’s death - and Buck wished he could take Eddie’s pain away, wished he could make the world right for him again.
After a few moments Eddie squirmed in his arms and Buck got the message that he was uncomfortable so he pulled away, but he didn’t go far. Eddie seemed determined to not meet his gaze, furiously wiping at his eyes, and Buck gently rubbed his back, sensing that he really wanted comfort but was trying to stop himself from allowing it. They stood like that for a while, until Eddie’s attempts at stopping his tears dissolved and he took a shaky breath, letting them slip down his cheeks as he pulled himself together.
“It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. You’re going to get through this,” Buck told him, his hand stilling in the middle of Eddie’s back. “And I’m gonna help you get through it, if that’s what you want.”
Eddie swallowed, sniffing, as he listened to Buck speak. He’d always gone through things alone. He’d always thought that was the best way to do it. But in that moment, standing there, knowing he had Buck’s full love and support behind him, Eddie started to wonder if maybe having Buck at his side would be a much better option than going it alone. Eddie nodded slowly, glancing at Buck for a moment before looking away, nodding again.
“Yeah,” Eddie took a shaky breath and looked over at Buck, feeling the tiniest flicker of hope in his heart. “That’s what I want.”
If you would like to be added to (or removed from) my tag list, please send me a message or an ask!
Tag list: @firemedicdiaz @diekatimitdemhutohnehut @inuhimesblog @dearestdiaz @charnease @bicepsie @perfectlynervousbeard @floralbuckleys @outrunningthedark @morganayenneferburnham @fleurdebeton @princessbb
92 notes · View notes
✯ i was enchanted to meet you ✯
⌇˚⋆ ao3 link
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Pairing: Evan Buckley / Eddie Diaz ( 9-1-1 )
Warnings: mentions of blood, implied family violence ( buck mentions his dad hit him but he says it in passing and doesn't go into detail )
Additional Tags: Fluff, Humor, Alternative Universe- Different First Meeting, Hurt/ Injured Evan Buckley, Ex model Eddie Diaz, Doctor Eddie Diaz, First Kiss, Strangers to Lovers(?, kinda.
Summary: Eddie is a resident at St. Luke's Hospital in Pennsylvania, working a shift at the E.R when Buck crashes into his life.
Eddie's paid Christopher's therapy and medical school, working at night as a model to pay the bills. And when Buck comes to the ER he recognizes from that.
( This is inspired by one scene of grey's anatomy in season one )
─── ･ ✦ ⋆ ☾☼☽⋆ ✦ ･ ───
The E.R is at its full capacity, there's been some kind of illegal bike race all over the city and since this morning it's been non-stop of incoming traumas. And is in days like these that Eddie wonders what was he thinking when he thought that getting into medical school and then becoming a resident at one of the most prestigious hospitals in Pennsylvania while being a single father was a good idea.
He's in hour ten of a twelve hour shift and he's exhausted to the bone, his mind only capable of thinking about jumping into bed once he gets home and then never wake up.
Eddie pulls out of his thoughts when an incoming trauma gets through the door of the E.R. He jumps from the coumter and rushes to where the paramedics are dropping a guy in a gurney.
"21 year old male, mostly scraps but he has a laceration caused by blunt trauma on his right side, some bruised ribs and a possible concussion but he's alert and responsive." The attending and in charge and some other interns get to the patient when they hear more ambulances coming.
"Diaz! Take him to one of the available beds and let me know if you need any help. I need you to do his stitches and maybe take it to a C.T" His attending orders and Eddie nods, taking the guy to where he was told to.
"I'm fine" He says the blond but immediately after grunts in pain so Eddie doesn't believe him and just shakes his head.
"Okay, tough guy. I still need to check you out."
"Uh, I like the sound of that." He says and Eddie lets a surprised huff, the guy wasn't ugly. Eddie can admit that he's gorgeous, with penetrating blue eyes, an adorable birth mark above his left eye and a doppy smile that was charming. And in any other situation Eddie would've felt flattered but righ now the guy was bruised all over, with blood running down his face and what looked like a gash on his side that'd need at least twenty stitches if not more.
Eddie prepares the table with the instruments he will be needing, the biggest wound isn't bleeding that much anymore so he puts on gloves and starts to clean it carefully.
"Tell me if it hurts..."
Eddie looks up, raising an eyebrow at the younger man.
"Interesting name." He tilts his head, looking curiously at the blonde who smiles down sheepishly and it's kinda adorable.
"Well my name is Evan Buckley but just call me Buck, please."
"Okay, Buck. Tell me if it hurts."
"Ahh. You've got a nice touch." Despite the pain that the guy was clearly feeling, he manages to grin at him and wink. "And, by the way, you are like the most gorgeous man I've seen."
Eddie can't help but to laugh, shaking his head in desbelief. Who in their right mind would be smiling and flirting with a complete stranger while having to get twenty stitches in a hospital room? And probably got a concussion too, Eddie thinks. "Seriously- do you actually think you have a shot here, man?"
"I'd like to think I've got a shot anywhere." He says with this cocky look on his eyes that doesn't quite make it because of the grimace that follows when Eddie pulls at a suture.
"Hmm." Eddie tries to hide his smile and shakes his head in amusement.
Buck frowns and for a minute there Eddie is concerned that the pain might be too much, he's about to ask if he wants needs to take a minute but then the blond looks at him in recognition; a big smile splitting his face in two and Eddie knows what Buck is about to say.
“Wait a minute! I know you!” Buck shouts excitedly, earning some weird looks from nurses and patients nearby. Eddie sighs heavily and shushes him.
“Calm down, this is an E.R. You can't scream in here like that.”
“Sorry,” Buck looks at him sheepishly and Eddie gives him a small smile but then looks down, continuing to carefully stich the wound up. “But… uh, I think I've seen you before. In a magazine.” Buck whispers like it's a big secret and Eddie cant't help to chuckle at the childish personality of the guy. “You know… in boxers. Really tight ones.” He whispers even lower and Eddie almost doesn't hear it. He looks up and Buck is looking at him with flush cheeks, wide eyes and a little bit in awe and Eddie blushes so hard is embarrasing.
“Yeah, I, uh… used to model to pay medical school and my son's therapy. Some of the interns gave me a hard time but hey, I'm the only one who's not drowning in student debt.” Eddie shrugs, looking down and concentrating on finishing the last stiches. He really shouldn't be talking about his life choices with a patient.
Though this is the first time he' been recognized, so he doesn't really know how to act or what to say. He've done some cheap ads for a brand of underwear that isn't that famous, definetely not Calvin Klein, and only a few of those showed his face.
“You got a kid? That's awesome, I love kids!” Buck is being loud again but Eddie doesn't have the heart to shut him up, not when he's looking so eager and happy at the mere mention of kids. It's cute.
He needs to stop thinking like that, though. So he clear his throat and finishes the last suture with practiced skill.
Buck follows his every move, and Eddie can't help but to think of a golden retriever. The guy obviously is harmless and charming, if he has to admit it, and Eddie kinda likes him. Buck certainly is making his night a lot less boring, that's for sure.
"Look, you really have to let me take you for some tests." He says once he's done patching him up. He can already see the blond shake his head, refusing any extra help and if the guy weren't in risk of a concussion, Eddie would've hit him in the head himself to knock some sense into the idiot. "At least do a CT. You could have an internal bleeding." He sighs, eyeing the bruises in Buck's face and ribs.
"Nah, I'm fine. Just... can you call the nurse Maddie? Buckley? She's my sister and works here." Eddie can see a hopeful look in those blue eyes, his lips forming a soft smile just thinking about his sister and Eddie feels his heart melt in his chest.
And then his brain process the words and knows is about to break this kid's heart. "Sorry, man. I knew Maddie but she doesn't work here anymore. I didn't really talk to her but for what I've heard from the hospital gossip, she left her husband and moved to L.A" he shrugs. Maddie worked there when he was just starting as a resident and then she was gone, so he didn't get to interact much with the woman.
"Oh." Buck's expression falls and Eddie wasn't expecting to see him so... defeated. It's like in seconds, this 6 foot tall gigantic man managed to make himself look so small. Buck's posture screams at him, his arms wrapped around himself as he hunches over, and with his teeth latched deep into the skin of his bottom lip in a desperate attempt to keep it all in. "No. That's... that's okay. We haven't talked in a while so obviously I wouldn't know if she left her job or whatever. Thanks for everything, I guess."
"Look, I'm really sorry about your sister. But give me one test. A C.T. I'll have you out of here in an hour." Eddie insists. It's weird, how he feels this sense of protectiveness towards this stranger, but there's something in those ocean blue eyes that pulls him in.
And sure, the guy looks fine and he's responsive, talking and even flirting with him, but Eddie's seen his share of patients where they're perfectly fine one second and the next are dropping death on the floor. He doesn't want Buck to be one of those patients, his heart constricts in his chest just thinking about it.
"I'm fine. I just wanna go, really." Buck shrugs, not even in the least worried.
Fuck, is this guy stubborn as hell. Eddie really needs to resist the urge to smack some sense into the idiot.
"Well, you realize you're leaving against medical advice and that I urge you to stay." Eddie purses his lips, obviously not happy with Buck's choice of leaving without the tests.
"Crystal clear." The blond smiles shamelessly and nods, even though Eddie can see he's in pain and tired.
"Fine. You'll need to sign a form." He sighs, frowning and trying to distract himself by starting to clean the room.
"Darling, I will do anything you want me to."
Eddie rolls his eyes and he definitely does not blush at those words. He's not blushing, seriously.
Buck laughs at him and Eddie so wishes he could hit him, or kiss him. No, that's not what he wants. He's just tired and his thoughts are a mess and his brain is just being dumb. He does not want to kiss this endearing beautiful reckless idiotic stranger. He doesn't!
"Don't worry. I'm sure you'll see me again." Buck calls back cheekily, already half way out the door and a little tiny part of Eddie is sorry to let him go. Just because Eddie's a good resident and worries about internal bleeding and head's injuries. That's all, is his job, after all.
"For your sake, I hope not!" He yells loud enough for Buck to hear him and the guy turns around and sends him a wink and a smug smile but Eddie can't help to notice that it doesn't reach his eyes.
Turns out that Buck was right. Eddie does see him again.
“Diaz! Someone in the E.R is asking for you.”
He's confused. He knows Chris is at school and his parents are not the type to visit him when he's at work, he doesn't have friends outside the hospital and he can't think of anyone who would specifically request him.
But when he gets to the E.R. Buck is sitting there, looking fucking calm, too calm for someone who's sporting several bruises along his jaw and a fucking bleeding wound in his forehead.
"He refused to be treated by anyone who isn't you." A nurse informs him and Eddie is again met with the urge to hit the dumbass and knock some sense into the reckless idiot. But instead, he breathes deeply and sighs, walking to Buck and not wasting time in putting the gloves on while he instructs the guy to lie down in the bed.
"I think I told you I hoped not to see you again." He says as way of greeting.
"I'm fine. Just some scraps and bruises and maybe some bleedimg but I'm really fine." Buck commented, leaning back in the E.R bed and crossing his arms, which emphasized his biceps, and made him look even more muscular and strong. Not that Eddie was looking, he thought, quickly pulling his gaze back to the wound in Buck's forehead. "But since I'm so generous I thought I'd come here and let you practice your sutures on me. You're welcome."
Eddie rolls his eyes and chuckles slightly. "Yeah, I'm doing sutures instead of going into the O.R and watched a badass braun surgery. Thank you so much, Buck." He says sarcastically and frowns a little, focusing on not messing up the stitches.
"Anytime, Eds." Buck says easily, looking up at him with a wide smile, showing off rows of perfectly white teeth.
"I'm concerned that I'm stitching up one of the wounds you got last week again. How did you get hurt like this again?" Eddie asks absentmindedly.
"I, uh... remember how was I here last time because I had an accident in my motorcycle?" Eddie nods as he finishes the sutures and leans back, watching Buck swallow hard and look away. Eddie frowns at this while he leaves the instruments down in the table beside him and takes off his gloves. "I spent my tuition money on the damn thing and well, let's say my dad wasn't happy about it when he found out... today."
Eddie doesn't know what to say. He looks at Buck and the guy seems... sad, lost and Eddie's heart constricts in his chest. What do you even say in situations like these? Eddie's parents are difficult and their relationship is complicated at best but he knows they love him, in their own way. But a parent purposely hurting their child? He does not understand that, the mere idea of ever hitting Christopher, for whatever reason, makes him so sick to his stomach he almost throws up right there and then.
"You didn't deserve that... You deserve so much better." He surprises himself and Buck when he speaks. Technically z he should be walking away. His job is done and Buck should go, but Eddie doesn't move. Maybe they're strangers but there's some magnetic force pulling him towards those ocean eyes. There's something that doesn't let him walk away, and Eddie doesn't want to. Not now, and maybe not ever. "Your dad, he shouldn't have done that. I could call social services or..."
Buck immediately starts to shake his head, already refusing the idea and Eddie has the sudden urge to cry.
"Don't. I, uh, I got in touch with my sister. Maddie? I mentioned her last time?" Buck says but it sounds more like a question and Eddie wants to laugh histerically. As he ever could forget that first encounter between them.
"Yeah, and turns out she's in L.A and she offered me to go there, stay with her until I figure out what I want to do with my life." Buck finishes, starting to sit on the bed and Eddie knew whatever this is, is about to end. He hates himself for feeling a pang of dissapointment.
He barely knows Buck, and clearly the guy is dealing with a lot of stuff and Eddie is too, so there shouldn't be any reason that this news are upsetting for Eddie. He doesn't have the right to feel anything about Buck leaving. That's insane and he knows that.
"Oh." It's all Eddie can say and he searches for something else but comes up empty. He just knows that he wants to drag this out as much as he can. "My abuela lives in L.A!" He nearly yells abruptly, startling Buck and some patients in the beds nearby. "I visited last years, the city is great. I'm sure you'll love it." He continues in a more subdued tone and it sounds lame, even to his ears.
"Huh, well... then maybe we'll see each other again." Buck smiles at him so earnest and so... hopeful? Like the idea of seeing Eddie again makes him happy, like he'd like to see Eddie again and it's a bittersweet thing to realize since this might be the last time they see each other.
"Yeah, maybe." Eddie nods and there's nothing else to say. This should be goodbye... but. ""Take care of yourself, okay? I would hate to know you're flirting with some other dumb resident in L.A. They're not nearly as good as us." Eddie blurts out and he immediately starts to die of embarrassment, his cheeks feeling hot and he prays for some emergency to come through the doors and give him and excuse to flee the conversation.
But Buck only grins at him and laugh like what Eddie just said is the funniest thing in the world. And then he gets up and Eddie feels the need to freeze time, at least for a little bit longer and it's irrational and so not him to feel that way for someone who he barely knows but apparently Buck makes him feel a lot of emotions he've never felt before and Eddie can't do anything about it.
"Before I go..." The blonde catches his hand and tugs him against his chest. And before Eddie can process what's happening, Buck is kissing him, taking his jaw in one hand and his waist in the other as Eddie's hands come up to rest on Buck's strong broad shoulders. He's being kissed like this is the last time Buck will ever get the chance ( which probably is true but Eddie does not want to think about it ), like the sun won't rise in the morning and this is the only time their lips will ever be pressed together like this ( Eddie does not think about it, he wants to live in denial a little bit longer ), and it's dizzying, in a good way.
When they finally pull apart, Buck looks sad and desperate, his eyes flick between Eddie's eyes and his lips. "Now you have something to remember me."
And then Buck is gone and Eddie is standing in the middle lf the E.R with flush cheeks and lips tingling from the most amazing kiss he've ever had and fuck, is not fair.
And the crazy thing is that Eddie is already planning on calling his Abuela and ask her when he can go visit with Vhriatopy, his mind thinking about the next time he has a time off and is insane that he's even contemplating going to L.A in the off chance that he runs into a stranger again.
He's still a little out of it when Chimney comes to stand next to him, chewing gum obnoxiously and crossing his arms.
"You make out with patients, now? Damn, Diaz. Didn't know you had it in you."
"Shut up, Chim."
.:｡✧*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. * * .:｡✧*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. *
tagging some of my mutuals: @honestlydarkprincess @trashbaget ( thanks for listening to me stress about this fic ) @eddiediazisascorpio @enbyeddiediaz @justsmilestuffhappens @potterchild @princessbb @dumbassndumbasser @bybuckley @browney3dgirl6 @insaneoldme (if you don't want to be tagged let me know )
.:｡✧*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. * * .:｡✧*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. *
101 notes · View notes
Just stay with me, Eddie.
175 notes · View notes