Thank you so much for your weekly meta. You pick up so much what I would miss otherwise. Your writing about Taylor reminded me of something: when she first appeared it was Chimney who said that Buck dating her is bascially if he dated himself. I guess they are STILL too similiar - hence why T. is more focused on her work and feels guilty for neglecting her bf. in the 5x6 promo she's shot /working/ once again. not surprising but interesting given she's supposed to be Buck signficant other?
Hi Nonnie! Thank you so much for the kindness, I'm always thrilled to know that people have read and enjoyed my meta!
And yes, when they first met back in s2, Taylor was meant to reflect back to Buck the parts of himself that, while not bad in themselves, were the biggest obstacles to him finding a relationship he can be settled in. He was already in the process of changing, so they didn't work out back then, and you're right, even now they still seem to be in a sense too similarly dedicated to their jobs.
Yes, she's shown as reporting in the promo for 506. We'll have to see in what capacity they use her in this ep.
I actually find it most telling they use her in eps 501 and 503. For both eps, keep in mind that the thing where she's featured in an ep as Buck's gf, and since she's a reporter, the show also uses her for some reporting, that's pretty standard for TV shows, it allows them to save a couple of bucks by using the same character for two functions.
Now in 501, Taylor does no reporting, in fact there's someone else who provides voice over reporting as she watches the news. She's only shown with Buck in one scene, and that scene doesn't really advance the blackout plot in any way. It's Karen, in the very next scene, who solves the mystery (letting us know it's a malware attack). So they literally only paid the actress to show in an intimate scene, she's more focused on her job than on Buck.
Ep 503 is telling as well, in that one they only bring her in to report, she's completely absent as Buck's gf. And it's not like the info she's reporting is anything the audience needs in order to figure out what's going on, they actually paid the actress just so Buck could be shown alone in his loft, uttering that very ironic "hi honey, I'm home."
My point is, this is a very deliberate choice, they're featuring her just to show that something is lacking between her and Buck. That normally doesn't go away unaddressed on TV dramas. So yes, I'm reinforcing what you said.
Let's not forget, with most people, Buck's job would get in the way in some capacity. It was true with Ali, and signs point to it being true again with Taylor. Interestingly, Buck DOES admire dedication to one's job, that's been made pretty clear over the seasons. But do you know who's someone that he admires, someone who's dedicated to his job, good at it, won't get scared of Buck being similarly dedicated to a dangerous job, in fact someone who gets why Buck has to do what he does, and with whom both of them being so dedicated to what they do won't result in a conflicting schedule and lack of personal time to spend together?
I'm just saying, the show repeatedly builds them to be each other's perfect partner.
Thank you again, Nonnie! Sending tons of love your way! xoxox
And to anyone who sent me an ask, I am going through all of them, thank you so much for your patience! If you wanna check whether I've replied to yours yet, you can have a look at my ask tag. xoxox
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Can you imagine, though, the peace Eddie must have felt after Buck—with no true obligation, with others willing to care for Christopher, with no knowledge of the will—chose to leave Eddie's side to go to Christopher. Knowing that there was a chance he would never see Eddie again; surely desperate, after what he'd just seen, to stay by Eddie's side, to be there when he wakes, to make sure he's safe and cared for properly. But there's no question, no hesitation. Buck goes to Christopher because Christopher needs him.
And I don't think for a moment that Eddie ever would have doubted or questioned that, but to have that knowledge—in stark reality, not just in theory—to wake from a moment of near death to learn, without any shadow of a doubt, that the person you've entrusted to care for your child who doesn't even know he's been given this trust put aside absolutely everything to make sure that your son is safe and loved and cared for in one of the most terrifying situations a child can experience?
The peace that must have brought for Eddie.
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Eddie Diaz and the symbolic meaning of his St. Christopher Medallion
I AM SCREAMING. GUYS!! Ok so I saw @eddie-diass post regarding Eddie’s St.Christopher necklace and the meaning behind him wearing it. I was discussing theories with @ktinaj and we realized we’ve never seen the actual medal up close.
Ok so some backstory on what St. Christopher represents. Saint Christopher was a large figure who later became known as the patron saint of travelers (x). As Shannon said to Eddie when she gave it to him in “Eddie Begins”, “To protect you, keep you safe. And to remind you you have a family to come home to.” His response was that, “No matter what happens, I’m always gonna fight to come home to my family.” Eddie kept that medal close to his heart while he was at war and the show really did showcase the importance of family to Eddie by using that medal.
Later, when Ana asks Eddie at Christopher’s show and tell if the medal is his good luck charm, he replies with, “No, he is” while smiling at his son. We never see Eddie wearing it before or after “Eddie Begins”, only in the flashbacks. So, it can represent family for Eddie. His son is his goodluck charm, and he keeps him close to his heart.
In the same article, Tina came across a part where St. Christopher was a popular saint for people growing up in the 40’s, ‘50s, & ‘60s, especially surfers in California. “Surfers wore St. Christopher’s for protection in the ocean and gave the medallions to their boyfriends and girlfriends as a sign of going steady.” Now why is this important? Well we know Christopher was taking surfing lessons because we saw a hand drawn card made for Buck that represented him and Buck with a surfboard in 3.01. We also know that Buck and Christopher were caught in a tsunami, and Buck carried Christopher through the ocean waters to safety. Now this circles back to who Saint Christopher was. He literally “carried a child, on his shoulders across an impassable river and delivered the child safely.” Upon looking at a St. Christopher medallion, we see it’s literally a man who had a smaller child on his shoulders. Eddie has been wearing a medal that has a man (Buck) carrying a younger boy (Christopher) around his neck as a symbol of what he fights to go home to.
The only time we have seen Eddie wear the medal besides “Eddie Begins” is when he’s telling Buck about his will. It’s very prominent and in the middle of his black shirt, once more symbolizing his connection to his son. This, to me, showcases Eddie’s acceptance of Buck into his family. He wears it proudly as a symbol of his love and devotion to both Christopher and Buck.
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I'm sorry but I'm just thinking about how Eddie has always felt Buck's absence. Buck is so scared of slipping through the cracks unnoticed, of drifting away and out of reach bc he has nothing to tether him home. And I just. I just. It couldn't be further from the truth.
I'm thinking about Eddie's "Almost" in response to Hen saying things are finally getting back to normal after the ladder truck bombing. I'm thinking about Eddie stepping into Buck's depression spiral and keeping him company there, with Chris. I'm thinking about the tipping point during the lawsuit where Buck's absence became a cavernous hole in Eddie's life. I'm thinking about "That won't happen to us." I'm thinking about Eddie reeling from the mere suggestion of losing Buck during the train wreck. I'm thinking about "I can know weird stuff, too." I'm thinking about "You act like you're expendable, but you're wrong."
It's something about the quiet urgency of these moments. Eddie so steadfastly rejects the notion of an existence absent Evan Buckley. It's something about the portrayal of these insinuations, how they occur both in Buck's presence and outside of it. We necessarily conclude that in the moments we see Buck by himself, Buck without either of the Diaz boys, there is by default someone out there missing and thinking of him.
Buck fears he'll end up alone, that he has nothing trustworthy to hold onto. The world is an uncertain place, Evan. His inevitable loneliness is a void where his previous attachments have withered, an abyss he periodically screams into and walks away from bc he assumes there will be no response: he never got one from Abby, or Ali, or even Taylor. But there always is, from Eddie, only Buck turns away before he can hear it.
It's just a lovely thought, that Buck spent the whole S4 finale desperately shouting into that lonely void, only to find himself confronting Eddie in such a shared, vulnerable space, where he could finally hear Eddie shouting back.
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Okay so this the second part of my over-analyzing 2x01.
Big disclaimer: This is not a buddie scene, these gifs are from an amazing Hen & Chim scene about the importance of representation for Asian-Americans. This is actually the scene that made me go “oh wow, they’ve levelled up the writing in season 2″ because not only does Chim get to be the face of the 118 and be the role model for generations of Asian-Americans like he never had growing up, but Hen reinforces the fact that he IS that role model he wants to be, not because he’s showing pecs and holding a kitty but because he legitimately is a hero who saves lives, who gets little girls back to their families on the worst of days of their lives, and I fucking had tears y’all. It was extremely important and I’m really grateful they did such a good job portraying that narrative beat.
That all said, I was in clown makeup at the time of watching and could not help but notice the absolute bullshit happening in the background and so I’ve giffed it to share my misery. Because for some reason, I had this impression the Evan “Love Me Anyway” Buckley was the one who couldn’t keep from touching Eddie and being in his space and Eddie just got roped into it and I’ll say again, I was bamboozled!
Look at this shit
1. First of all, Eddie why the fuck are you dancing, you absolute dork?
2. Then the camera turns around again to show us Eddie head-to-head leaning into Buck’s airspace. Literally his shirt logo disappears is how leaned in he is. Then he leans away, only to scooch his ass closer to him. Big smiles all around. So that’s all just fine.
3. And only then does Buck lean in, prompting Eddie to lean back in himself.
In conclusion, I submit that Evan “Intimacy-Starved” Buckley did indeed try to respect normal boundaries for 5 minutes and one Eddie Diaz went “nope, you smiled at me, no take-backs, all bets are off” and set the precedent to there being absolutely no standing room space between them every again.
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oli said that buck is probably going to push the issue with eddie and be “over the top” about it and i’m def getting “overprotective fussy buck checking bobby’s temperature and rambling about radiation poisoning” vibes. he’s gonna be SO worried and SO stubborn and we’ve already seen that eddie’s instinct is to deny, repress, and get impatient/exasperated - which seems to work with ana because she backed down immediately when she sensed he wasn’t going to talk about it.
the thing is that buck WON’T back down, he cares too much and he knows no matter how much he annoys him, eddie is never truly MAD and their relationship is never at risk even when there’s tension between them.
so i need to see this showdown where buck is push-push-pushing until eddie breaks and snaps at him and buck shoots back something like, “that doesn’t work on me. you can push everyone else away but i’ll still be here whether you like it or not because i CARE about you, so you can roll your eyes and bitch at me but i’ll still be here.”
because eddie needs to know that he’s wanted and loved and supported EVEN WHEN HE’S HURT AND SCARED, and he obviously doesn’t trust ana like that!!!! BUCK is gonna be the one to break through and dig into all his vulnerable parts and that’s just???????
the security and trust and faith and SUPPORT they have with each other is ???? i don’t have words but i can’t wait to see it fill my screen.
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Just want to talk about this scene for a second (off the top of my head upon first watch):
Firstly, let's look at how Eddie is dressed. He looks good here, like real good. That's definitely on purpose. (this man is so obviously in love)
Secondly, for all of the naysayers out there that are losing their shit because Buddie is being hinted at even more now while Ana also went bye bye last week (their last chance to be a self-insert in a hetero ship with Eddie in their fantasies, I guess), this is yet another scene where Eddie is providing emotional support to Buck, not just as his friend, but also as something Taylor should be doing. It should be Taylor Buck is talking to about this. Am I saying this conversation is exclusive to a significant other? No, I'm not. But the fact is we still have yet to see any building of Buck and Taylor's romantic relationship aka emotional connection. Instead, we see an episode that starts out with Eddie and Buck on the same scene but not working together or even interacting. Instead we get Eddie and Hen working together (which they had some very nice moments in the hospital before the shit hit the fan). Because the partnerships are yet again being paralleled. Chim is spiraling out due to Maddie's leaving and while Buck isn't, like Eddie said he's the guy "who likes to fix things" and thinks keeping it from Chim that he talked to Maddie while checking on Chim was the best thing for all involved. Hen knows Chim and knows what he was going to choose to do, just like Eddie knows Buck. They purposely went out of their way this episode to show us this parallel, right down to having Hen and Eddie working in the hospital and doing things that no firefighter paramedic would be doing, especially when the show has stressed previously that their jobs end at the doors (which if you think about it, the show keeps displaying that this is not happening this season, first time it was due to the chaos and they were lending a helping hand, now a mass casualty situation has happened and they're again lending a helping hand, they're showing this for a reason). In this episode, they wanted to show us Eddie and Hen while also relating them to the theme of the episode which is who you think you see/know may not really be who you think you see/know. The only time we see someone actually seeing/knowing who is in front of them is Eddie and Buck, Hen and Eddie, Chim and Buck, Hen and Chim, Bobby and Athena, Michael and Athena, May and Claudette, and May and Harry (which I absolutely loved that scene btw!!! We need MORE scenes with them!!!). Josh doesn't know Claudette (or is more being willingly blind I think), it's hinted Buck doesn't know Maddie (or who she is right now) or that Chim doesn't know Maddie, etc. And of course, we have Cassie and Makayla and that whole situation. So besides the obvious convo of the scene, this was definitely an emotional connection scene that paralleled to Hen and Chim's. But it also contrasts with it just as strongly.
For one, you don't have Hen or Chim looking at each other like this:
Instead, you have Hen and Chim telling each other that their significant others are lucky to have them. Purposeful. Dialogue. Because in the Buck and Eddie scene, yes, they discuss Maddie and what happened with Chim but we know Eddie just broke up with Ana and Buck is still dating Taylor but she's nowhere around this episode, nor is Christopher. They are trying to show us the difference, the contrast. Hen is married to Karen and they're together. Hen offers to drive with Chimney but he turns her down with the guise of 'would your wife be okay with that?' Chim leaves to go find Maddie who he loves and wants to bring back home. THE PARALLELS ARE RIGHT THERE. Sometimes, I want to force the naysayers into a lecture room and buckle them into their seats while taping their eyes open and ask them "WHAT FREAKING SHOW ARE YOU WATCHING??? IT'S ALL RIGHT THERE, DUH!!!!" But...I digress.
The point is it's an emotional connection scene (along with vulnerability) that's not just supposed to be friends, brothers, partners, neighbors or whatever other term antis will try to throw into the mix.
Thirdly, this is an intentional callback to this scene:
While there was no "sexual tension" in the 5x04 scene, we have the beers yet again. We have one handing a beer to the other, yet again. We have one reassuring the other emotionally. We also have a conversation about Maddie that turns into a conversation about one or the other. We have Eddie entering the scene first while being the first to talk and bringing something in Buck's direction (aka bringing something to Buck, to the dynamic). We have someone wanting to take a swing at Buck (but vs 3x09, Chim actually did). But this time, it's not night, Christopher isn't there (that we can see anyway though I thought I saw Gavin's name in the credits but I could be wrong), and it's in broad daylight on the balcony. And why? Because the show is literally letting us see now what's been right in front of us all along. Because Eddie (and Buck) are that much closer to where they've been steering this part of the story for two seasons now. They even had Buck and Eddie dressed similarly to that scene (Buck's hoodie is just a lighter color). The only difference is Eddie doesn't have an undershirt on (that we can see) but Buck suddenly does. (which again, I think it's because Eddie is aware of how he feels and while all of his cards may not be on the table right now, he knows; Buck on the other hand I don't think knows, or not that we've seen anyway; whereas in 3x09 Eddie had layers on because he was still sorting through things and wasn't being 100% honest while Buck was so no layers for him; this show makes choices I'm telling you)
It's all right there.
Fourthly, the constant beer sipping. I will admit, this action drove me nuts. The action was just so unnecessary but because it annoyed me so much, it garnered my attention to look at it more closely. Because Ryan is NOT a bad actor, and the show wouldn't have kept that in if it wasn't for a reason. Not only do we get the callback to the 3x09 scene (mentioned above) but Eddie is a lot softer in this scene, even in the way Ryan performs the dialogue. When he says "And you love Chimney", that is all kinds of soft (along with his expressions and snuck-in-there heart eyes). He's reassuring Buck but he's also letting his affection for Buck come through. Eddie is nervous here, but it's subtle, it doesn't come across that way. He is confident all throughout the scene until Buck asks him if he thinks Chim will forgive him. While he quickly reassures Buck (like always, 3x16 callback anyone?), his reaction afterwards and then the whole "Ice goes on the eye, bud" line with the constant sipping showcases his nervousness.
They're literally not even trying to hide it at this point. Like at all. I said Eddie's season 3 arc was peeking its head up and I knew it but damn I will admit I did not expect specific callbacks like this one. They're really out there circling back to stop at all of the Buddie pit stops along the way before finally sailing us home. Wow.
Fifthly, the line here: "When you see your sister, you think of the person you've always looked up to, the woman who's taken care of you." - I know we've all talked about the distinction Eddie keeps making with the word "woman" when it came to Ana, but holy hell this wasn't just another time he made this weird separation, he's literally saying it during this scene where he's giving some serious heart eyes and softness to Buck. He already used the word "person" to describe Maddie which is exactly what would have made sense. There was no reason to add "woman" in there. "When you see your sister, you think of the person you've always looked up to, who's taken care of you." -> that's literally how it could have gone but instead they had Ryan say the line with "woman" in it after using "person". Like I said, they're not even trying to hide it at this point.
Sixthly, there's something with Eddie's expression here and after a rewatch I'll be able to tune into exactly what it is a bit more but something is up here with the line "She's your sister" following Buck's "What was I supposed to do? She begged me not to tell him that we talked":
Plus, I think it's interesting that Eddie later says the line "Or you don't know her the way he does" (when in conjunction with this whole scene):
And last but certainly not least, *drumroll please*...
"This time, maybe she's the one who needs taking care of."
He's fucking telling Buck here 'You took care of me last time in season 3 when I needed it, I'm going to take care of you this time'. And they do the fucking slowest of slow zoom ins to both Eddie and Buck to see if Buck understands how this goddamn callback has now reversed their dynamic, if Buck gets what Eddie was telling him. I WAS FUCKING SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!! Eddie is literally out there putting himself on the line but doing it as close to safe as possible. HE'S TELLING BUCK 'IT'S MY TURN NOW TO BE THERE FOR YOU LIKE YOU WERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED YOU'!!!!!!!! (and sadly, Buck didn't get it, or if he did we didn't see it)
And then right after "You think he's gonna forgive me?" (ON THE CALLBACK SCENE TO 3x09 WHERE BUCK APOLOGIZED TO EDDIE, DON'T MIND ME I'M JUST DYING OVER HERE) "No." *then he sees Buck's literal wounded puppy face* "I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Maybe." (aka "Not that you didn't deserve it but I wouldn't do that...you're on blood thinners.") And then the whole "Ice goes on the eye, bud." (because Buck had stopped icing his eye, because Eddie cares but has to be careful right now about how he shows it) Because Buck has a black eye due to Chim taking a swing at him (aka Eddie wanting to take a swing at Buck because he deserved but he would never do that). The show literally chose for this conversation to happen revolving around Buck getting a black eye from a punch that Chimney gave him.
And ladies, gentlmen, and gentletheys, you have your contrast on the relationships between Eddie and Buck, and Buck and Chim.
Buck and Chim are brothers. They have been for a while and we've seen it displayed time and time again. They also have a friendship. Chimney didn't hold back from taking a swing at Buck because Buck deserved it (sorry, I get why Buck did what he did but still, that doesn't make it right).
Buck and Eddie are friends. And according to the naysayers and their bullshit, they're also brothers. When Buck deserved a punch for what happened back in season 3 (the lawsuit arc, again I get why Buck did what he did but I also couldn't blame Eddie and Bobby for being angry), Eddie didn't give it to him though he wanted to (aka Eddie beating up the guy over the parking space). And when Eddie started to lose his temper at Buck (before they were interrupted by the fight over the parking space ironically), he knew then that Lena was right, he needed an outlet for his anger, and went to the underground fights instead while the 118 and Buck went to the rage room. THE CONTRAST IS RIGHT THERE. He didn't want to hurt Buck even though he felt Buck "deserved it". And considering how we've seen the difference in temperaments between Eddie and Chim, Chim would have been the last person to take a swing. But because Chim was affected by Buck's decision to keep things quiet about Maddie (just like Eddie was affected by Buck's decision to cease all contact with the lawsuit back in season 3), he reacted and took the swing.
Literally, these characters' season 3 arcs are coming back and I fucking love it. From Eddie to Athena to Bobby to now Buck (plus Taylor as Abby, and Ana aka Shannon 2.0 being gone now) -- they literally are sailing us into the home stretch.
And we all remember how season 3 ended:
We're literally in the fucking home stretch. We may not get full on Buddie by the end of the season (though I think there's a good chance we might) but Eddie's feelings are definitely coming out this season and we are getting more Buckley Diaz family at some point. IT. IS. COMING.
Eddie is coming for that family, and he is coming hard. And I'm going to enjoy every second of it.
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Christopher is screaming for his dad just like the universe is screaming for Buck and Eddie.
There is a good reason to assume that Chris is Buck and Eddie's universe. That idea came from anon ask that I received in the last season. And I fall in love with this theory because it makes so much sense.
I think it's important to say that Christopher has a big role in Buck and Eddie's life and in their relationship. He admire both of them just as much as they admire him on the same level or even more. He can teach them more about the life then they are teaching him.
Therefore I think we all should be forced on his little comments about everything that relates to Buck and Eddie. It got me more attention to this especially from 5x02. Because what if Christopher's little comments are more then just a teasing. What if those are wake up calling?
I always sense that Christopher knows that his dad and Buck are pretty close and he always sees things that they are not aware of. So maybe he's just like his dad, want him to be happy and be natural about it but he is not fully understanding the complexity of this. Sometimes kids see things very simple, in the most honest and hopeful way. And I found it more beautiful and adorable and even refreshing because there's no hiding or being followed by some kind of rules. Most importantly they sense whatever their parents are feeling.
In the last two episodes, Christopher said those significant comments to his dad. The first one is after the panic attack and the second one is the cause of almost panic attack. I gotta be honest and say that I've been thinking about it since last week but I wasn't sure if it's has foundation well enough. And it happened again in this episode.
When Christopher said "and a firefighter " back in the hospital scene, I thought at first that it was about the allowance for being vulnerable in that position. Eddie is a hero for Christopher and maybe he was trying to remind him that it's okay to have emotions. Even Superman can cry. More so, it could be a reference to Eddie's wishes for Christopher as mentioned in 3x09 aka his therapy with Frank. It all can be true too but I want to add something to it after watching the newest episode and say that maybe it's a reference to Eddie's begin, back to his home after the argument with his parents. Eddie maybe did think about his son like he always did but this is the first time that he followed his heart. That is the wake up call for Eddie to remember his reasons for making their own futures without looking back, without asking for anything permission. Because they got each other and except each other for who they are.
When Christopher said "not yet" after Ravi was assuming by mistake that Ana was Eddie's wife. It was of course made Eddie a little bit freaked out. Because I think he was worried that Christopher may have thought about it deeply and maybe he was preparing himself to the next step. Sometimes kids and their parents have struggles with having a honest conversation. The fact that Buck was there is not a random choice and maybe that's what helped to Christopher to say it and to Eddie to calm down easily but also to finally face with his emotions. Because best friends share everything and they mostly know about each other more than themselves. This is a wake up call for Eddie to finally take a step and really follow his heart. Because "not yet " means "it's not too late ". It is a wake up call for him to do the best thing for himself this time. Time for him to be brave, to take risks and chances, to not be afraid of challenges. It's what Eddie need and even craving for. But most importantly this is what Chris crave for. Because he needs to know how real love looks like and how it should be . He needs to know that he can take risks and chances in order to have a better ending.
We all know that Eddie always thinks about Christopher and what best for him according to his parents' voices and the way he was raised by them but above all he always try to listen to him and do what he wants or needs without him having said it out loud. Now I think it's time that Christopher listen to his dad's wishes and be his deep voice that he had been so afraid of. Christopher will be the one who pull Eddie's true himself out.
Worth to mention that the welcoming scene is also a symbol of universe screaming for for buddie just like Christopher. Besides the hugs that were absolutely adorable. Christopher hugs Eddie on the right side and after that he hugs Buck on the left side. It only makes how much he loves them almost equally and how much place each one of them has in his heart also equally. Just like how a healthy relationship with the parents should be. Even the top that Christopher was wearing is there empower this symbol . Red and blue, aka the theme of the show, and yet again the universe itself.
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Can we talk about this look right here?
Because I see this as a turning point.
When they’ve talked about their love lives in the past, Buck and Eddie mostly made very little eye contact or even straight up spoke to other people instead of each other. This has always stricken me as… odd behaviour. It’s not the kind of enthusiasm you typically use when speaking to your best friend about their potential romantic interest.
Sometimes there’s just what seems to be a lack of interest in the conversation:
“So it’s pretty serious, huh?” said with zero enthusiasm. And distinctly no “congrats”.
But also the pre-clown and pre-turkey convos where they make little eye contact and just don’t seem all that invested in what the other has to say about their love life.
Sometimes it’s too much interest:
“H-h-how was the uhh, the big date?”
“What do you think Ana’s love language is?”
*Eddie oh so subtly self-inserting himself into every single conversation he sees between Buck and Taylor*
Sometimes it’s just straight up jealousy:
“Your girlfriend’s news story probably isn’t going to help with that.” “She’s not my girlfriend.”
“I’ll just be over here. By myself. Go team.”
But this look right here, I believe, is the first time they share extended eye contact while talking about their relationship with one of their love interests. They’re talking about Ana with the rest of the 118 crew and, as Bobby makes a comment, they exchange this look. As if they’re both assessing each other, trying to figure something out. Eddie especially looks like he’s figuring some stuff out. And yeah, that “stuff” might just be that he doesn’t want to be with Ana. But this meaningful look he shares with Buck? Buck specifically? Buck isn’t even the one who’s talking when they give each other this look. The way they cut from Bobby, who’s the one actually talking, to Buck to Eddie staring at each other, is a CHOICE. And one that really seems to imply that Eddie is considering his current partner versus the partner he actually wants. Why have Eddie stare so intently, with such intensity and consideration, at Buck while contemplating the fact that he doesn’t want to be with his girlfriend unless he wants to be him instead? He could’ve just been staring off into space, lost in his thoughts, but no. Eddie was staring at Buck. Contemplating.
The way they’ve transitioned from no eye contact during these conversations to extended and thoughtful stares like this seems to me like a telltale sign that Eddie is really starting to think about things and work through his denial (of his very differing feelings towards Ana and Buck). And that Buck - the resident Eddie expert - exchanges the look because he can obviously sense that something is off. (And of course because he’s never been one to shy away from Eddie, not physical contact, not extended eye contact and fond looks, not banter, not emotional support, not even guardianship of his child.)
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eddie hides behind christopher when he needs to say something he's scared to say. he says, christopher loves you, christopher misses you to shannon before admitting that he misses her in s2 when they meet outside chris' school. he says do you have any idea how much christopher misses you to buck when he's angry at the grocery store because he can't tell buck he misses him too. he finds it easier to like ana because christopher likes her.
so keep that in mind when, in season 5, we get a christopher loves you for buck.
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It’s not just that Carla clearly got in to Eddie’s head and, subsequently, got him thinking about what *his* heart wants with her evasive advice on his relationship with Ana.
It’s not just that he soon thereafter gets shot in front of Buck, that near-death situations tend to simplify matters of the heart, or that Eddie reached for Buck with what little strength he could force himself to rally as he bled out on the street.
It’s not just that we could see that Eddie acknowledged that Buck’s entire world stopped in that moment.
It’s not just that Eddie, who regained consciousness after massive blood loss enough to observe how Buck, having obviously, in his mind, gone in to Fight Mode when the shock broke, to ask if Buck was hurt upon seeing blood (his own) on Buck fell back in to unconsciousness only after Buck (let’s not even start on how we all just recently realized that Eddie says his name as he’s coming to), himself, told him that he is (read: only physically) fine, or that the writing, acting/directing, and filming/editing each treated all of this like a ‘you-die=I-die moment’.
It’s not just that Buck had to utilize aspects of his SEAL training, some thing that he emotionally sealed (no pun intended) off because his body rejects the instinct to compartmentalize by turning emotions off (so, really, he’s not in Fight Mode, like Eddie thinks, he’s in Desperate-Hero Mode) to do such a rescue, and to perform it while crawling under a firetruck, the very kind of vehicle that he still feels safe enough to ride in nearly every day in defiance of having almost losing life and limb to when we, the audience, last saw him (partially) under one after a mere solitary deep, and steadying, breath of preparation by honing in on his intention to keep Eddie breathing, his heart beating/yearning, and his brain churning out thoughts that have a predilection of visibly awe-striking the slightly-younger blond-haired man.
(I debated putting the rest under a cut for a long time, because, to me - bias, I know - it is that important of a read, but it is that long)
It’s not just that, while I’m on the topic, Eddie chose to hold Buck’s hand instead of going in to Medic Mode when he did finally get to Buck pinned under that truck at the end of Season Two/Eddie’s Freshman Season instead of trying to help get the truck off of Buck’s leg.
It’s not just that the desperation in Buck’s voice as he was pleading with Eddie to stay with him was so straight out of fan fiction that we finally got him canonically calling Eddie “Eds” for the first time during which.
It’s not just that I definitely can’t be alone in being 100% sure of exactly how Buck would answer Mehta’s question of if he was okay before Mehta was even done asking it, or even that Buck waited to respond until after Mehta had walked away, because concrete confirmation of the extent of how distraught Eddie’s shooting made Buck we would soon see would be granted to only that man himself and his son.
It’s not just that Buck was still visibly shaking after having changed out of his clothes splattered in Eddie’s blood, and had done his best to clean it off of his skin, he automatically assumed that Taylor was there for the story of it [did some one, A.K.A. Kristen Reidel (episode writer), subtextually say “Trust issues does not bode well for the relationship”?], or that assumption made him instantly dismissive of her despite the newfound friendship they recently had been building towards after Taylor had been just some cut-throat woman who blatantly used Buck for sex a few years earlier, and, nevertheless, that it was a given to all that he would be the one to tell Christopher of how his only still-living parent might be fatally wounded.
It’s not just that Christopher thought that it was only logical to deduce that, because it was the same doctors who saved Buck who were trying to save his father, his father would be okay, that Buck finally broke like never before, despite every thing that he’s already previously been through, only when Bobby texted him that Eddie actually would be okay/survive, or that Eddie was the only one who Buck admitted the breakdown to other than its witness.
It’s not just that, in hindsight, it would have been completely out of character for each member of this three-person chosen family unit if Buck didn’t collapse in to vulnerability upon facing Christopher’s pure earnestness, for Christopher to not console Buck through said vulnerability, or that Eddie wouldn’t have been the only person who Buck would confess the breakdown to only for Eddie to assure Buck that it didn’t matter - that all that mattered was Buck being there for Christopher like he had been - and for Eddie to not at Buck with sadness and dismay upon hearing that Buck still underestimates the critical importance that he’s earned in Eddie and Christopher’s lives.
It’s also not just that this is TV, and that skepticism of the depth of Eddie and Ana’s relationship had already been placed in scripted dialogue spoken before this episode, combined with the Eddie waking up in front of Ana not being shown to the audience, Eddie waking up right as Buck and Taylor kissed appeared to be what stopped Buck from chasing Taylor when she ran away right after, that Buck actually, on instinct, ran to Eddie instead of chasing after Taylor (Ana’s call to Buck could be paralleled to how Eddie’s first words in the V.A. hospital were “I need to call my wife” if even a provincial shipper wanted to do so), this being what the audience was actually privy to, that Eddie waited until he saw Buck, not his current girlfriend, Ana, to call Christopher, that Buck verbalized how he decidedly chose to not chase after Taylor, that this is the episode in which Buck and Taylor finally get together (continually setting them up for failure much?), and the fact that even the camera angles chosen throughout their blocks of the episode focused their relationship over their respective current female love interests all actually theoretically mean some thing from a good-serialized-storytelling standpoint.
It’s not just that Megan so believably portrayed Taylor as simply friend-zoning Buck up until the finale instead of a careful woman guarding her heart.
It’s not just that Eddie’s protectiveness over Buck around Taylor has resoundingly come off as jealousy throughout multiple seasons within the fandom.
It’s not just the direct and heavy-handed parallels to Bobby and Athena’s relationship throughout the episode, all that implies, or the fact that Bathena actually paralleled Buddie more than the other way around (grocery-story argument, meet outside-of-A.A.-meeting argument, you’re welcome and kudos to @itisa-profoundbond-sarandom for beating me at getting a post addressing this parallel published first with this GIFSet as this meta post has been steadily growing in my Drafts for a long while). We’re all waiting for an other bet scene, Tim, we’re all waiting for an other bet scene.
It’s not just that Eddie getting shot would have been a prime set up to examine the position of Ana as the terrified-and-relieved lover if they wanted us to take said relationship seriously and they, instead, framed Buck in that position.
It’s not just that Gabrielle, per social media posts, had alluded to her not returning next season (even Eddie and Ana’s break up might’ve been off-screen🙄 Gabrielle has now, unfortunately, been listed in Season Five so on-screen break-up it is), that Eddie only has ever kissed Ana on screen the exact same way that he kissed his tía and abuela, and that it’s the only (1) actual kiss that we’ve seen Eddie and Ana exchange.
It’s not just that Carla could’ve gone with any wrong colour for Ana’s eyes to test Eddie with and, yet, she chose blue (did Carla know even back then exactly which eyes to juxtapose Ana’s to in order to elicit an admission of an whether-Pavlovian-by-self-imposed-compulsory-heterosexuality-or-otherwise attraction?). I used to think that I was clowning myself for trying to read in to that with this line of thinking. Now, with Carla also putting emphasis on ‘your’ in “your heart,” I’m not so sure.
It’s not just the “Yes, there’s a lot to be said for getting back on the horse, but there’s also some value in learning that you don’t like horses” coming right out of the horse’s mouth. Eddie’s reaction is surely worth the re-watch. I’m definitely 👀 with you whom believe that Eddie’s been portrayed as merely a repressed gay more and more these days.
It’s not just that they had Ryan, playing Eddie, make that face as a response to Ana saying “I know that there hasn’t been any one else since he lost his mother” when viewers had already looked on as some one else has, in fact, consistently stepped in as an other parental figure to Christopher even while Shannon was still alive, and it’s not just ephemeral, because, again, Eddie had the legal paperwork drawn up that would dispute that erroneous notion that Ana posited in that moment by that time.
It’s not just that, to really put a point on that absolute dissidence, Eddie and Ana’s ‘meet-cute-turned-ugly-turned-cute-again’ episode ended with an adorable Buddiepher+Carla family moment that highlighted how Buck is better for both Christopher and Eddie by showing that he assisted in finding a way for Christopher to experience some thing that is typically reserved for only the able-bodied population in a safe, yet still thrilling, way while they shared heart!eyes for the nth time.
It’s not just all of the heart!eyes that, seemingly, have been glanced by either of them (both reciprocated and non-reciprocated/unseen by the other) so naturally since Eddie was first hired at the 118.
It’s not just that Buck canonically hated Eddie at first sight simply for being “a beautiful man” to then be only putty in the palm of one of Eddie’s precariously-skilled-with-a-grenade hands by the the end of Eddie’s first episode.
It’s not just that very first sight was scored with “Whatta’ Man” by Salt-N-Pepa Feat. En Vogue (I’m doubling down on my dare to Tim, or any fan fiction writer, to allow Buck to soberly sing “Don’t Let Go” directly to Eddie at karaoke when every one had previously thought that he was drunk) or that this first sight was framed from Buck’s POV.
It’s not just that so many of the show’s song selections point to Buck, Eddie, and Christopher being destined to become a family. From the one that I just cited, to “We Could Be Heroes” being strung over a montage in which Buck sees Christopher for the first time and we, the audience, observe as his facial expression journeys through ‘Aww! That’s so sweet!’ to ‘Oh, shit, I’m already in so deep!’ in literally under one second flat as he first sees Christopher in person and he watches Christopher hug his father (I’ll be the nth one to ask ‘Why did Buck have to drive Eddie to Christopher’s school?,’ especially seeing as Eddie would soon thereafter be hesitant about letting Shannon, Christopher’s mother, back in to his life to protect him, and considering the icy way in which Eddie was introduced to Buck), to “Come And Get Your Love” playing at Buck’s ‘Welcome Back’ party while Bobby, of BobbyKnows™ infamy, pushes Eddie to be the first one of the many there that night to give Buck a hug (and we all know what that hug looked like 👀), to “This Is The Day” playing as we see Buck really stepping/running in to the role of arguably (truly not, though, because, again, Eddie literally will, at that climatic moment (+1), soon after have filed the necessary legally-binding paperwork to disprove that it’s arguable) Dad #2 to Christopher at the pier and that the scene that led in to this was Chim and Maddie wondering if they were the only other adults they knew whom weren’t parents only to then have it dawn on them that Buck is also not a parent at the same time being book-ended by the Season Finale with Abby saying that Buck had “stopped waiting for her a long time ago” as the show directly cuts to Buck proclaiming the role of ‘Concerned Parent’ when discussing Christopher going away to Summer camp when we know that Eddie had already changed his will to say that Buck would get custody of Christopher should any thing happen to him (little did Chim and Maddie know that events of that season would prove them hypothetically, or actually, wrong on both fronts and, again, it’s all about how you wisely do televised storytelling, people), to “Photograph” playing over Eddie bringing Christopher back to Buck’s whilst Buck feels like he’s failed them and that he can’t be trusted with their safety (that all three instinctively understand that each of their respective safeties is mutually dependent is for us to delve on in a separate revelatory meta post for an other day), to “Bloom” mellowing soothingly in the background of Carla’s invisible string story Eddie and Christoper and Buck responding to his therapist’s greeting with “Hey, uh, Dr. Copeland, I’m–I’m doing good, … uh, I’ve actually been–been thinking a lot about what you said in our last session, and … How I hide my true feelings from others. … I’m starting to think you might be right” (1. which the show has mysteriously not yet really address and 2. * for a note below), to “Where Do We Go?” setting the tone for Buck and Taylor’s “double date” with Albert and Veronica with the lyrics, “I wanna’ know there will be some one else for you,” being what is predominantly featured, to “Solsbury Hill” bringing together a montage which included Christopher interrupting, and getting in the middle of (I’m not the only one it bugs that she didn’t defer to Eddie before letting him join), a date night between Eddie and Ana at the end of an episode which had displayed Buck and Eddie casually bantering parenting styles, to, finally, “Skyscraper” (à la ‘the sky’s the limit’) being strung over the montage that closed out the show’s latest season finale, the episode in which Eddie, for him, at long last, all of the sudden to Buck and the audience, revealed the most important particular of his will to make Buck see that he’s not “expendable,” and the song sharing our audible attention with Captain Bobby Nash delivering the signature monologue, this one quoting the words of Carl Sagan, “Extinction is the rule - survival is the exception” and our sage Captain adding “When your life--when the world--feels like a never-ending emergency, some times, just making it through the day can be a struggle ... we collect scars, physical and psychological reminders of what we’ve been through, of who, and what, we’ve lost, but maybe those scars can do more than memorialize our past traumas, maybe they’re also a testament to the fact that we’re still here, we are exceptional, we are survivors ... and we move forward”. I don’t know about any one else, but, to me, seeing it typed out like this is really striking as some thing that wants to be taken a as a declarative statement, like the writers are trying to convey that they are aware that there’s a conventional nature to TV storytelling--to living, but the only way to survive is evolution, and that they’re writing the type of show that will evolve out of certain conventional norms (more of them because they already have done that with so many).
It’s not just that Eddie spun out during the time that he couldn’t talk to Buck when had known him for only about a year or that the only reason why Buck sued the department was to get back to Eddie and the rest of the team.
It’s not just that Eddie’s thing with Buck has always been eye contact and confident words of affirmation, but had to keep looking away during the will conversation, or the telling trebidatious breath before “but you’re wrong”. The breathiness from either of them in that scene could drive any one insane (*remember how breathily Buck talked about hiding his true feelings👀 ... or how about when he breathily asked Eddie about his date with Ana when he’d been watching Christopher?👀).
While I’m on the topic of on-screen sexual chemistry, it’s not just that these two could take a full-year course on personal space, and still fail (except during shootings and the highest of momentous discussions), or that we all know about the belt theory cited in Simply Irresistible, and Buck and Eddie can’t stop proving it (potentially) right when they’re around each other.
Staying on topic, ... fuck it, I’m just going to cut and paste some thing from an old meta below:
LOOK!!! LOOK AT IT! … That is definitely eyes on ass!, there is NO EXPLANATION for the expression that rolls down Chimney’s face other than that of a friend seeing some one doing some thing that they know would embarrass the person, but they, themselves, think that it’s cute, and don’t want them catching on that they saw the thing, and, in the middle, is a man who is certain that his ass is being checked out, and IS HAPPY ABOUT IT!!!!! THIS IS THE ENTIRE MERE 24 FRAMES* (1 SECOND!) FROM THIS CAMERA ANGLE (when they could have just stayed on Bobby’s/Peter’s full-body grin!)!!! WHY DID IT MAKE IT TO AIR IF NOT TO SERVE A NECESSARY PURPOSE?!!!!!!!!!!
It’s not just that what flipped the script from them being faux-gut-feeling enemies to trusted friends was saving one Charlie from an explosive device in one of his legs (again, Eddie did not have to make Buck think about their dicks together in that scene, but he did), that rescuing an other Charlie’s mother from her comeuppance of being an abusive parent via Münchhausen syndrome by proxy avalanched in to the revelation that Eddie has wanted Buck to see himself as a potential parent to Christopher for the passed year, nor is it that the Charlie in between who needed to be rescued due to steroid use (read: unnatural growth by force) needed rescuing in the same episode in which Taylor was first introduced as a love interest for Buck (👀 x 3 and, again, Eddie has acted jealous and protective/possessive over Buck every single time that she’s around).
It’s not just that Eddie had always been written as waving the mere concept of Abby off until he actually met the woman and then he gave her the Taylor-Kelly-but-serious treatment in reaction to how he handle Buck and the situation after he saw how she effected Buck.
It’s not just that Buck’s favourite guys with the last name Diaz, potentially his future family if all of this means any thing, were used as an anchor for him in an episode in which he faces his romantic past.
It’s not just that Peter portrayed Bobby as confounded, yet oddly expectant, by how Buck and Eddie were acting after seeing Abby, mixed with how contentiously their handling the rescue of her fiancé and random innocent bystander, Georgia, could have been received as very biting and darkly intense, but, for many of us, it was just downright hilarious. I felt like Bobby wanted to scream “We’re still here (in regards to the status of Buck and Eddie’s relationship)?!” and “Of course we’re still here!” at the same time. Little did he know that Eddie had already done the thing that would eventually make Buck stop acting the way that was exasperating Bobby at the time.
It’s not just that “Buck invites Eddie” was listed off in a listing of couples/family members (really strictly couples save for one listing).
It’s not just that, again, copying and pasting from an earlier meta post of mine for reiteration sake, Buck never actually hit on Marjan, he was just genuinely awkwardly in awe of her being “Firefox” (that is how both Oliver and Natacha played their interactions), but a canonically gay male character, T.K., did think that Buck was hitting on him because they shared a similar (though less kinetic) dynamic to the one that Buck has with Eddie.
It’s not just that, again, continuing from above, … or the fact that, despite them trying to make it look like Eddie was hitting on her (whilst smiling as he talked about Buck), at the end of the day, he just wanted a new friend, and a follow back for his man, or that we’re getting an other crossover, and that there is no way that the 126 is going an other round with out commenting on their relationship, especially when we got this much during the last one.
It’s not just that truly in-sync couples tend to meld their idiosyncrasies, and Eddie has recently accumulated a collection of random marginally-known factoids, just like Buck.
It’s not just that I could rehash any of this and it all would probably ring even more true now than it did then. Any of my meta would.
It’s not just that, while I do wish that what I’m about to say is taken in genuine kindness given the words I’m about to use, @jackles-coded’s galaxy-brained meta posts are so minute-detail-oriented that they could come across as sheer madness if they weren’t 100% true.
It’s not just that, like @jackles-coded and others have pointed out, Christopher’s wardrobe and decor has been consistently prehistorically themed when ever Ana is near whilst being space/futuristically themed when Buck is around, or that the full Sagan quote is “Because it is clear from the fossil record that almost every species that has ever existed is extinct; extinction is the rule - survival is the exception”. Who thinks that Kristen already knew that before writing that episode?☝️🏻
It’s not just that we have confirmation that this show cares so much about the details that they brought back Captain Gerrard for a mini ‘Josh Begins’ story arc and have done similar things with other rarely reoccurring characters (they even took the time to canonically explain the double hiring of Julian Works by having Mervin be Mateo’s cousin).
It’s not just that Taylor was back in an episode called “Breaking Point” or that Ana was brought back in an episode entitled “Jinx”.
It’s not just that there was no question as to who was on the phone calling Eddie after Christopher had snuck off or why they were calling
It’s not just that Buck has been alluded to as queer multiple times just by his sister alone, let alone multiple other characters who have also participated in this, and it’s never been corrected/denied (and, again, allow me to remind you that he outright flirted with Connor right in front of Connor’s boyfriend, Paul, while Connor had a tape worm coming out of his ass, and this was in Season One, before Maddie was around to tease him and before Eddie joined the team to make doe eyes at and help raise a kid with).
It’s not just that it was a gay man who taught Buck what love is in the episode in which he was searching for its meaning or that, following the man’s imminent death (which was shortly after his husband’s, going together, like they always wanted), we witnessed one of Eddie’s first comforting gestures towards Buck when we had been used to seeing Bobby in that role.👀👀👀
It’s not just that hearing the story of this queer couple is how Buck started to see that he no longer wanted casual sex (what Taylor had begun offering him in that episode👀👀).
It’s not just that, when Bobby tried to teach Buck about love in Season One, he had to tell him to step in to the “trap” with Abby and Patricia to have a real relationship with Abby, so he was primed to naturally do so when Eddie and Christopher came to L.A. (and he did just that👀), or that Carla Price played/plays the same role in both dynamics (proving my point).
It’s not just that I don’t even need to really bring up the tsunami, the grocery store, the kitchen, the well, the treasure hunt, or every thing about those scenes in particular detail, because they’re so self-explanatory as to where we’re likely headed.
... It is all of it!
( @kitkatpancakestack asked to be tagged in this a long time ago )
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Ok so I know you don’t really like to speculate, so feel free to ignore this, if it’s not something you want to do, but: where do you think the journey with Taylor and Buddie is going? I feel like Taylor is there to make a point or cause some development and I can see the narrative framework for it (like the Ana parallels) but I can’t quite grasp it yet? Do you think it’s still too early to recognize or do you have an idea?
One speculation I’ve seen a few times is her causing Eddie to be jealous but to be honest I don’t think her and Buck are actually close enough to be jealous over? Like, compared to Eddie?
Anyway, I hope you have a great day and your Meta was awesome as always! :D
Hi hon! It's true, I prefer not to speculate too much, I feel like it's better to not get any hopes up and thus not suffer any disappointments, but I also try never to leave any ask unanswered...
I feel like a part of the reason why we got Ana and Taylor is 'coz Buck and Eddie were the show's only single characters, who went through ALL of s3 being single, and on a TV drama, that's not a situation that can last. So something had to happen for them romantically.
I do think it's very telling that the show would give them both girlfriends within the same time frame. One would have been enough, but nope, once more the show chose to parallel them.
Now, I believe what Ana contributed to Eddie's romantic journey was spelled out in part in ep 406 (Bobby telling Eddie explicitly that it's ok to move on) and in part only when they broke up in 503 (when Eddie finally chooses himself over pleasing this heteronotmative idea of a "perfect" family he had, "the idea of us" that he mentions to Ana).
Just like with Ana, I think we won't be able to fully say what Taylor has contributed to Buck's romantic journey until her part is over. Especially because right now, she doesn't feel significant enough to be able to point to something she’s given Buck, unlike how with Ana, it was clear from the start that she was the moment when Eddie was supposed to let go of his Shannon past, and where he could see it's alright to date again.
BUT the bit that stands out to me as the theme with Taylor for now has to do with Buck saying to her in 414 that he's done running after people who didn't want him. He did that with Abby, he did it with Taylor in 208, and again to a degree in s4. Even though he supposedly broke the pattern in that season’s finale by not chasing after her, he's once more the guy with the notably missing gf. So, I think that's what he needs to face, that he's still in a relationship where his partner is only partly present, and he has to decide for himself whether he's actually ok with that...
I hope this helped, lovely! Thank you for sending this ask! xoxox
To anyone who sent me an ask, I am going through all of them, thank you so much for your patience! If you wanna check whether I've replied to yours yet, you can have a look at my ask tag. xoxox
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Do you ever think about the fact that it's Mehta on the scene with them when Eddie is shot?
Because they kind of know each other, but it's in passing. They're work acquaintances but nothing more. Mehta knows nothing of the relationship between Buck and Eddie.
Buck has to stand there, watching Eddie bleed out, in complete and utter shock, and he has no one. No one who knows. No one to pull him back from the edge. No one but Eddie, dying in front of him.
They're moving around him, they're calling for help, they're doing the job, but they don't know. Eddie is just a job. And they're doing the job and doing it well, because that's who they are, just like Buck and Eddie and the 118, but they don't know.
They don't know that Buck's entire world is shattering before his eyes. They don't know it will be Buck who goes home to Christopher to tell him they might lose his father. They don't know that Buck will blame himself for not taking that bullet for Eddie. They don't know that Eddie is Buck's family. Not work buddy, not work family, but family family. A person whose loss will alter Buck's entire universe and leave an Eddie-shaped hole in Buck's heart too big to mend.
Mehta asks if he's okay, but he doesn't wait for an answer. Leaves Buck there, alone, covered in Eddie's blood and broken at the seams, held together by sheer force of will, but breaking apart with every moment that keeps Eddie from his sight.
And the idea that Buck had to go through that alone? That he didn't have Bobby or Hen or Chimney or Athena by his side to help ground him? That he had to watch the life drain out of the one person who means absolutely everything to him, completely alone?
That is absolutely fucking devastating.
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Buck’s Love Language and the difference between Taylor and Eddie understanding it:
As we all know, Buck’s main love language can be seen as Words of Affirmation. This is how he tends to understand love, since he lacked it so much growing up. His parents were never very verbal with their love, but Maddie was. So in order for Buck to understand whether or not he means something to someone, he needs them to verbally tell him that. We have seen many instances where he doubts himself and gets all up in his head. Yes he has taken to physical intimacy to fill that void he has, but he uses physical touch as a placeholder, since he never had the words to go by. Why am I mentioning this? Because let’s take a look at his relationship with Taylor and with Eddie separately.
His relationship with Taylor is based on the foundation of sexual attraction and intimacy. They started off having sex and never really learned how to be friends. They then jumped into a relationship thinking its what they both want. As we have seen, Taylor isn't the greatest with her words. She has called Buck “needy”, “a bad friend” and given him bad advice, such as “Maybe you might want to consider not everything is about you.” Obviously, to Buck, he’s going to internalize that and focus on her words because he takes to words more than other things, such as actions or touch. Given what she told him, you can see in Buck’s facial expression that it wasn't the greatest advice and he didn't like what she said to him. But it resonated with him and gave him mixed feelings on whether or not the problem with Chimney was about him. He already has issues about not fitting in and being left behind, issues about being insecure, so for her to say that to him? I’m sure it led him to believe that he’s really not important enough so he should take himself out of the situation (transfer from the 118) so that everyone else would be happier.
Then, when he came home and she had laid out that breakfast for him, we all sensed the weird vibe going on. She tried to do something “nice” for him and when he admitted to her that he clearly didn't take her advice, but the advice of his team members, you clearly can see her entire demeanor change. She is somewhat upset and at somewhat of a loss for words. So what does she do? She reaches out for him to give him physical contact, a hug that is very weird and awkward. She knows that touching him has worked for her in the past, so since her words were unable to reassure him, maybe her touch will. But as we all saw, yes Buck is very tactile, but even he wasn’t satisfied with their little awkward hug. Because he needs more than touch, he needs words, someone who will understand him and speak his love language back to him. Clearly, that person is not Taylor and I don’t think it ever will be Taylor.
Now when we take a look at Buck’s entire relationship with Eddie, we see a significant difference in how they work. Eddie has always been this closed off, private guy. He’s quiet and sassy, and is overall great with words. But given his upbringing and the environment in which he grew up in, maybe he wasn't able to freely express his words as much as he does with Buck now. But, there’s just the simple way of how much Eddie knows Buck, like really knows him. He know’s how well Buck takes to words of affirmation, and because he knows this, he uses words to speak in a language in which Buck will understand. What do I mean by this? Well Eddie has been known to show his love with Acts of Service. He has left Christopher in Buck’s care when Buck was depressed. He invited Buck over to hang out with him and his son for each Christmas they’ve known each other. He has wholly embraced Buck into his family, in hopes of showing how important Buck is to him. But even then, considering all these acts Eddie does for Buck, he still does not grasp how important he is, or how loved he is until Eddie explicitly tells him. It wasn't enough that Eddie trusted his son in Buck’s care, but when Eddie told Buck, “There’s nobody in this world I trust more with my son, than you”, you can see the automatic effect it has on Buck. We see him registering Eddie’s words, the meaning and importance behind those words. Then we get the iconic moment where Buck tells Eddie it would have been better for all of them if Buck was the one who got shot. He is insecure about himself and you can see how low his self esteem is in that moment. What does Eddie do? He tells Buck about his will. He made that action a year ago, once again using his own love language to show Buck how important and loved he is. But it wasn't until Eddie told him explicitly, “Because, Evan...You act like you’re expendable. But you’re wrong”, that Buck understood how important and loved he really is by Eddie. It wasn’t enough for Eddie to just give Buck his entire heart, no he had to tell Buck that’s what he was doing so it registered with Buck the importance of it. There have been many more instances where Eddie has been supportive and reassuring to Buck with his words, but that means I would go on forever. Eddie truly knows who Buck is as a person to the extent where he not only understands Buck’s love language, but he keeps making an effort to speak it back to him where he can understand it. Even in 5.05, Eddie chooses words to let Buck know that he’s “Stuck with us” because he knows how insecure Buck was about the entire Chimney situation. It wasn't until Eddie and the team reassured Buck with their words, that we saw him finally relax and truly smile for the first time. They were able to do what Taylor wasn’t able to.
With all things considered, we have seen time and time again how easily Eddie and Buck love each other because they both speak one another’s love languages. In order for any successful relationship to thrive, I think it’s super important that your partner really understands your love language and speaks in back to you. We have seen Taylor struggle with this and I think she will continue struggling with this because her and Buck truly do not know each other well enough. Whereas Buck and Eddie are solid in that department and I think we will continue seeing Eddie supporting Buck through his words, which will then lead into him confessing his love for Buck, so that Buck truly does know that Eddie is serious. He is in love with him and the only way to make it truly known to Buck will be to explicitly confess his feelings.
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I have had many OTPs over the years, but none have given me the 'soulmate vibes' like Buck and Eddie (and in extension of Eddie, Christopher) do
Not in a "there is one person you're destined to be with" way, but in "there was a hole in my heart and when you walked into my life it accomodated to fit you in perfectly" way
Buck and Eddie are exactly what the other needs. And sure, other ships have that too - they ground each other, but...
Evan "love me anyway" Buckley has found a person who loves him unconditionally - besides Maddie. Despite how little he thinks he's worth, despite the mistakes he's made (I feel like it isn't highlighted enough how little time was between the lawsuit and the well). He's the person Eddie trusts most with his son in the whole world.
And Eddie found a real partner, someone who offers instead of demands, who supports him without judgement or wanting something back. Who has the same priorities as he does - because we all know Buck would choose Christopher over Eddie in a heartbeat.
And those are just a few things, because there are so so many more
It's a love that seems so unlikely when you look at the two of them separately, but together?
They're soulmates in a way that is like looking at a puzzle and the last piece doesn't seem to fit.
But then you try and it slots in perfectly and it's not clear if the piece changed or the puzzle changed or if it was a perfect fit all along.
And then the picture is complete.
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Thinking today about how wild and unnecessary it was to make Buck Christopher’s legal guardian.
Take the legal guardianship out of the scene at the hospital, keep only the parts about not being expendable - does it lose meaning? Does it impact less to have Eddie say “you matter, people love you” on its own without legal consequences? They could have fluffed it up with a bit more “Christopher loves you” talk, which would have come on the heels of Buck stepping in and taking care of Christopher while Eddie was in the hospital. Tell me any of us would have been disappointed in that conversation.
Add to that the fact that it’s still bonkers that Buck was chosen ahead of literally the entire Diaz family (counting sisters and cousins here), chosen ahead of Carla his actual caretaker, chosen ahead of Bobby or Hen who have double incomes and similarly-aged kids.
And finally wrap it all up in Buck is also a firefighter and he’s almost died more than anyone else on your team you absolute lunatic. Literally, my guy Eddie, it’s like a running “joke” how much Buck almost dies.
I submit, adding the legal guardianship and retconning it by a full year:
Makes no sense
Which is why no one can take it from me.
Nobody can say “well it only makes sense....” or “well Eddie had to” cuz BENCH HE DIDN’T! And neither did the writers! Nobody was asking about it, it wasn’t part of some broader over-arcing theme of the episode! The only way it fits is into Buck’s emotional arc of the season of feeling like he’s not part of a family, that he’s not wanted.
So they just came out and said “actually Eddie wants you, and he wants you for Christopher too, forever :) and this isn’t new or sudden :)”
And I just am o v e r c o m e okay?
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so, to summarise what we’re speculating based on spoilers:
503: Eddie breaks up with Ana
504: Personally I’m guessing not much Buddie-wise? A lot of Maddie+Chim and Athena+Harry stuff, but we get to see Uncle Buck so that’s nice
505: Eddie is paired with Hen, Buck is paired with Ravi and they both have “issues” with their new partners (manifesting: lots of whining about missing their easy routine and mind-reading with the other) (Manifesting: Buck gets that black eye because Ravi makes a mistake and Eddie is Concerned/furious about it) (Manifesting: Eddie tenderly cradling Buck’s face to check the injury and having a Moment) (Manifesting: Eddie+Hen deep and meaningful conversations about new feelings and how did you know you weren’t straight?)
506: ??? Okay just for fun let’s play it that the 506 fake synopsis is actually real and we get some Eddie+Taylor conflict: Manifesting Eddie showing clear dislike of Taylor which he confides in Hen, “I just think he could do better”, etc, Taylor being absolutely cut-throat and calling him out on his jealousy and possessiveness, “What, did you think you’d have him all to yourself forever?” etc, manifesting Buck feeling stuck between Eddie and Taylor??? Manifesting BT conflict over ethics and her job??
507: EDDIE IS TAKEN HOSTAGE AND BUCK IS THE ONLY ONE THERE AND THEY’RE YELLING EACH OTHER’S NAMES.
There are several ways they can use this and each is equally !!!!!!!!!: big, relieved hug after they both lose their shit being worried about each other
or: Buck does something stupid to protect Eddie and Eddie is furious, bringing back the guardianship convo and “I THOUGHT WE TALKED ABOUT THIS, EVAN” + Buck revealing that when it’s Eddie he CAN’T be reasonable, he can’t think, he CAN’T do anything except try to protect him, Eddie really finally understanding just how much Buck loves him, + EDDIE yet again trying to impress on Buck that Christopher needs BOTH of them, that EDDIE needs Buck??????? That Eddie LOVES Buck???
like. is this It?? Is this The Conversation? The Confession?
I don’t know but holy shit the set-up is there.
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Every episode this season so far (1) Eddie Diaz really said “imma give the biggest heart eyes” to (1) Evan Buckley huh? Like consecutively! Each episode in a row! Even in scenes that had nothing to do with them and didn’t need it (looking at you the scene in 5x03 where Buck teased about being in charge). In all of these episodes where they haven’t even been the main focus, they made sure to squeeze in Eddie looking at Buck like he’s the sun. Like of course Eddie is the king of heart eyes but every. single. episode so far?? In a season where he had panic attacks about his gf and broke up with her? And then the next episode after he literally looks like he’s glowing and helping Buck? And then they both give each other the major heart eyes and soft smiles?? Like?? How am I supposed to think anything other than they’re in love??
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Eddie’s panic attack caused by assuming A*a is Christopher's mother. And it happened months after the shooting, after telling Buck thay he put him as Christopher's legal guidelines. It only tells me one thing, well two things actually. 1. Eddie doesn't want everyone to get closer to his son. 2. the only person that he really can trust is Buck. With the other people like his parents or Shannon or even A*a, he may slide it away all the things they have done or said before but he never forget.
Deep down, Eddie want people to assume that Evan Buckley is Christopher's other father.
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So y’all know how the fandom always thinks of Buck as the easygoing people person and social sunshine, and of Eddie as the sometimes grumpy, eternally exhausted guy who’s “not good with words”? Yeah, there’s a lot of truth to it. That’s their actual personalities around people they’re comfortable with. But when it comes to first impressions? Things are VERY different. @evandiaz-buckley pointed this out as well - when they first meet, Eddie gets along with everyone so easily, but Buck is immediately threatened by that and he’s stand-offish at first.
We see this play out again in Texas. Eddie has that very easygoing “I just know how to deal with people” character trait, he’s flirty with Marjan (which - my reaction to this was “I don’t want it send it back”, but I also can’t blame a guy she’s CUTE), he bonds over guy things with Judd, he plays the army card (which he did with the 118 as well - he knows he’s awesome and he’s not afraid to put that image out there) - but Buck, because of his insecurity, because of his issue of always feeling like he doesn’t truly belong or he can’t really accept that the people he loves want him there, he has a very different reaction to meeting new people. The first thing he does is look for Eddie and Hen, he stays by their truck waiting for them to come back instead of going out to just engage with the others and he can’t believe they would abandon him with all strangers around him. They’re his security blanket, because he doesn’t have to prove anything to them. Eddie and Hen on the other hand, they just walk into groups of strangers going “hi what can I do?” and it takes them no time at all to connect.
When he finds out Hen already has a job to do, he’s excited to at least have Eddie to himself. “Just you and me” - he doesn’t even want others there, he just wants to be with the person he knows best. And again he’s dumbfounded that Eddie would just leave him like that. When he’s first introduced to Mateo and TK, he’s kind of stand-offish again, he doesn’t really want to engage at first and he’s not about the small talk, until they warm up trading war stories. Meanwhile, Hen’s already sharing with Owen about their trauma and Eddie’s found a new BFF in Judd and is subtly letting Marjan know he’s you know, doing the single dad thing, while also, completely obliviously, talking about Buck every second he gets. Oh and making sure to keep Buck in line. And looking out for Buck’s feelings, asking Marjan to follow him back already. And you know, taking Buck to see his parents.
Consistency in character development. We love to see it!
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