#buns randoms | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

glitchyk · 2 months

Text

Hey! Welcome to the random incorrect quotes of the mafia au, mostly by Dia.

For those of you wondering, it’s pretty much a random idea I said and these cool artists I admire created it— and well now we’re all (kinda?) friends, and so I decided to do a goofy thing of all of our mafia characters with incorrect quotes.

Just canon characters— sorry for all the cool canon ones, but most of these quotes were made a while ago, just not put into this at the time of it being posted. These were generated a while ago… sorry for any characters that might’ve been added to canon since then!

Don’t worry, I’ll do another one on just the aces mob/ the blacks (for anyone seeing this out of context, it’s not a race thing, just ‘black cards’ against ‘red cards’. Wanted to clear that up before confusion started!) so any canon characters I didn’t have here- I’ll have there!

Characters are

M!Dash

M!Kay

M!Jeffery

M!Candice

M!Dia

M!Diamond

M!Rabid

M!Bun

M!Moshieee

M!Arsenic

Dia, Diamond, Candice, and Jeffery all belong to @dia-smthidk

Rabid and arsenic (plz tell me if I spelt that wrong) belong to @rabid-mercenary15

Moshie belongs to @moshieee obv

Bun belongs to Milo/Bun — @bunnybunnsowo

Dash belongs to @ner5y

And lastly Kay belongs to me! Most of these are sonas, so that’s why they might have the same or similar name to the creator, you should check all of them out!

A lot of them do tadc content mostly (or at least as of current times) but their all amazing at so many other things, like this AU they all made, so go and check them out! (And their all amazing artists and just fun to interact with or see)

Note: Dia and Diamond are different people (bc I’m not gonna bring up the whole name debate) just know that

Diamond -> sister of Dia, part of the enemy mob

Candice -> old friend of Jeffery, leader of the enemy mob

Arsenic -> Traitor. Friends with the enemy.

And remember, a lot of these situations would never happen for multiple reasons, but, I still found them funny!

Other mafia incorrect quotes

——————

M!Rabid: If I say I love you, will you say it back?

M!Arsenic: Yes.

M!Rabid: I love you.

M!Arsenic: It back.

*Later*

M!Moshieee: Why is M!Rabid crying face-down on the floor?

••+^+••

M!Moshieee, running: Slow down, M!Bun, I can’t ketchup!

M!Bun, not slowing down: You’ll just have to use all the strength you can mustard.

••+^+••

M!Kay, excitedly: Heeyy!!

M!Candice: Hey, someone's excited.

M!Rabid, deadpan: Yeah, and it's making me sick.

••+^+••

M!Kay: Hostage or not, sometimes it’s nice being held.

M!Dash: Are you okay.

••+^+••

*Squad is playing Among Us*

M!Candice: I believe M!Diamond is innocent, I was with them the whole time. M!Rabid, what were you doing?

M!Rabid: Oh, I was just murdering… I mean, nothing!

••+^+••

M!Moshieee: My stomach growled super loud in French.

M!Moshieee: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.

M!Dash: Bonjour.

M!Rabid: Le growl.

M!Bun: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.

••+^+••

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.

M!Diamond, with M!Jeffery and M!Kay behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!

Police: Yes…three.

M!Diamond: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?

Police: Wha-

M!Diamond: M!Dia FUCKING FELL OFF!

••+^+••

M!Bun: Why do humans have different blood groups?

M!Moshieee: So mosquitoes can enjoy different flavors.

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: My favorite thing about big dogs is that when you push them over, they're all like "Oh, I'm lying down now! Someone might scratch my stomach! I might nap! Endless possibilities!"

M!Arsenic: ...whereas, when you push little dogs over, they're all like, "Vengeance! Death before dishonor!"

••+^+••

M!Diamond, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.

M!Moshieee: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...

M!Dia, visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven?

M!Diamond, spraying M!Moshieee: You FUCKING DUMBASS!

M!Moshieee: Dude, I forgot-

M!Diamond: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?

M!Kay: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*

••+^+••

M!Kay: Please! Pretend I'm useful!

••+^+••

M!Diamond: Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!?

M!Dash: Well. How would you like me to mock you? I take requests.

••+^+••

M!Dia: You know guys, sometimes I feel like M!Rabid doesn't take me seriously enough.

M!Jeffery: "Sometimes"?

M!Arsenic: "Enough"?

M!Dia:

M!Arsenic: Change that to 'at all' and we'll talk.

••+^+••

M!Candice: Yeah I'm LGBT.

M!Candice: cuLt leader.

M!Candice: God hates me personally.

M!Candice: cowBoy hat.

M!Candice: *sniffles* Trying my best.

••+^+••

M!Diamond: So my therapist was talking to me and she said that I really just need to break down my walls and let people in.

M!Diamond: So I’ve decided to break the fourth wall.

M!Diamond: *looks at camera* Hi there. I use humor as a coping mechanism.

••+^+••

M!Kay: The shadow realm? No, I’m sending you to Ohio!

••+^+••

M!Kay: Can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project?

M!Dash: Do it or you're straight.

M!Kay: I said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!

••+^+••

M!Kay, about M!Bun: I could fix them, but honestly whatever the hell is wrong with them is way funnier.

M!Rabid: That's what any god probably thinks about me.

••+^+••

M!Bun: You wanna fight?! You got one!

M!Kay: Okay! *raises fists*

*M!Arsenic runs in, scoops M!Kay up in their arms, and runs away carrying them*

M!Bun:

M!Bun: What?

••+^+••

M!Diamond: Heyyy M!Kay, how’s your… drink??

M!Kay: What do you mean drink? It’s coffee.

M!Diamond: You sure?? *Looks to coffee maker*

M!Kay: *Looks to coffee maker*

*Cement sitting beside the coffee maker*

M!Kay:...I’m on my third fucking drink right now, I should be dead.

••+^+••

M!Moshieee, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

••+^+••

M!Dash: Whoa, M!Kay, what’s up with that angry face?

M!Kay: M!Diamond won’t stop talking about how “Ancient Egyptians were furries”.

M!Diamond: But they were! Just looks at all their gods-

M!Kay: Oh my god, SHUT UP!

••+^+••

M!Kay: Why are you drinking, M!Diamond?

M!Diamond: I don’t drink anymore, so don’t start with that.

M!Kay, holding an empty water bottle: So why was this under your bed?

M!Diamond: WE NEED WATER TO LIVE!

M!Kay: NOT IN MY DAMN HOUSE!

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: There are some things beyond our understanding. We must accept them and learn from them. Because these moments of crisis are also potential moments of faith. A time, when we either come together or fall apart. Nature always has a way of balancing itself. The only question is, what part will we play?

M!Rabid: Did you just make that up?

M!Jeffery: No. I read it in a fortune cookie once.

M!Rabid:

M!Jeffery: A really long fortune cookie.

••+^+••

M!Kay on stage: Everyone's talking 'bout climate change,but when is M!Arsenic gonna start talking 'bout some underwear change? Am I right ladies?

Crowd of People: *cheers*

M!Kay: *pulls out a gun and shoots M!Arsenic until they run out of bullets*

M!Kay: *reloads, then shoots M!Arsenic until they run out of bullets*

M!Kay: *looks into camera after a brief pause* Who killed M!Arsenic?

••+^+••

M!Arsenic: M!Diamond, you’ve tried 37 times and you’ve failed every time. Give it a break.

M!Diamond: DO I HEAR “FIRST TRY PART 38?”

••+^+••

M!Kay: Did you know spiders can hold 8 guns at once?

M!Dash: How does it WALK??

M!Kay:

M!Kay: Did you know spiders can hold 7 guns at once?

••+^+••

M!Kay: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you.

M!Kay: Ask me to kill for you.

M!Diamond: ...First of all, calm down-

••+^+••

M!Rabid: Which way did M!Kay go?

M!Candice: Well, based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks in the corner, and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I'd guess they went left.

M!Rabid: You could really figure it out from that?

M!Candice: No, you idiot, M!Kay sent me a text. See?

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this.

M!Dia: What did you do M!Jeffery?

M!Jeffery: a Mistake.

••+^+••

M!Dia: I can catch one of them. Let's go, M!Kay.

M!Kay: I didn't volunteer.

M!Dia: A stake out needs two people! Think, M!Kay. Who's gonna watch all the crime stuff while the other one eats a hoagie?

••+^+••

M!Kay: I’m gonna kill you.

M!Rabid: Get in line!

••+^+••

M!Rabid: Alright M!Dia, M!Kay. Let's go over this one more time.

M!Rabid: If something breaks?

M!Dia: We try to fix it before M!Moshieee gets home.

M!Rabid: If it doesn't work?

M!Kay: We blame M!Jeffery.

M!Jeffery: Seriously guys, what the hell?!

••+^+••

M!Dia: I hate to tell you this, but one of you was adopted.

M!Kay & M!Bun:

M!Kay: Only one...?

••+^+••

M!Moshieee: You're alive.

M!Kay: There's no need to sound so disappointed.

••+^+••

M!Kay: Comparing M!Dash and M!Diamond is like comparing apples and oranges.

M!Dash: We’re both unique in our own ways?

M!Kay: Apples are superior in every way and all oranges should be eliminated.

M!Diamond: Which one of us is the orange?

••+^+••

M!Moshieee: Astrology is fun because I can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a Gemini and not symptoms of mental illness.

M!Rabid: Being a Gemini is a mental illness. That’s not hate it’s just a fact.

••+^+••

M!Kay: Caw caw, motherfuckers.

••+^+••

M!Moshieee: Am I a boy? Am I a girl? It doesn't matter. I'm going to burn your house down.

••+^+••

M!Arsenic: Go to hell!

M!Kay: Oh! I’ve been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.

••+^+••

M!Arsenic: Why are you drinking?

M!Diamond: I drink when I'm depressed.

M!Arsenic: But you're always drinking?

M!Diamond: *smug grin*

••+^+••

M!Kay: *Reading a letter*

M!Bun: Well, what does it say?

M!Kay: It’s a confession letter. It turns out M!Diamond killed my pet rock.

••+^+••

M!Rabid: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.

M!Dia: What if it bites me and it dies?!

M!Rabid: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, M!Dia, learn to listen.

M!Diamond: What if it bites itself and I die?

M!Rabid: That's voodoo.

M!Kay: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

M!Rabid: That's correlation, not causation.

M!Moshieee: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?

M!Rabid: That's kinky.

M!Arsenic: Oh my god.

••+^+••

M!Kay: Its hard to resist, I'm really sorry- I mean, considering your approach so far, you had us tied here for- what? Hours? And you haven’t even had us confirm what exactly we are!

M!Rabid: What are you then?

M!Kay: I'm a Virgo!

••+^+••

M!Arsenic, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

M!Kay, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.

M!Bun: What the fuck are you guys doing?

M!Arsenic: Playing systemic oppression.

••+^+••

M!Dash: Where are your parents?

M!Kay: What are parents?

M!Dash: That’s just about the saddest thing I ever heard get said.

••+^+••

M!Rabid: You should have realised, M!Kay, if M!Jeffery didn't kill you, we would.

••+^+••

M!Kay: Now it's time for some witty back and forth banter. You go first.

M!Jeffery: *sobbing*

M!Kay: Look, I'm not sure where to go with that.

••+^+••

M!Kay: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.

M!Dash: You mean you stabbed them?

M!Kay: They ran into my knife.

••+^+••

M!Dash, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need—

M!Kay: A family.

M!Rabid: A better love life.

M!Diamond: Mental stability.

M!Bun: *clueless* Bagels?

••+^+••

M!Rabid: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

M!Candice: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.

M!Dash: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

M!Kay: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

••+^+••

M!Rabid: Look at the buns on that guy!

M!Kay: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns*

M!Jeffery: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny!

M!Rabid: I'm not going back to jail!

••+^+••

M!Candice: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch.

Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with.

M!Candice: Lmao, @M!Diamond.

••+^+••

M!Dash: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it.

M!Moshieee: ...what happened?

M!Dash: I made a VERY bad mistake.

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: So, what's for dinner?

M!Rabid, staring at the food they burnt: Regret.

••+^+•• (hehe friends quote below)

M!Diamond: Hey guys, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?

M!Arsenic, M!Kay, and M!Rabid: No!

M!Moshieee: Alright, that’s it, you guys. What happened out there?

M!Arsenic: What? We took a walk. Nothing happened. I came back with nothing all over me.

M!Moshieee: What does that mean?

M!Diamond: Come on, what happened? M!Kay?

M!Kay: Alright.

M!Arsenic: No. M!Kay, we swore we’d never tell!

M!Rabid: They’ll never understand.

M!Kay: But we have to say something. We have to get it out. It’s eating me alive.

M!Kay: M!Arsenic got stung by a jellyfish!

M!Arsenic: Alright! I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn’t stand. I- I couldn’t walk.

M!Rabid: We were two miles from the house. We were scared and alone. We didn’t think we could make it.

M!Arsenic: I was in too much pain.

M!Kay: And I was tired from digging a huge hole.

M!Rabid: And then M!Kay remembered something.

M!Kay: I’d seen this thing in the Discovery Channel.

M!Diamond: Wait a minute, I saw that. On the Discovery Channel. Yeah, about jellyfish and how if you— EW! You peed on yourself?

M!Moshieee and M!Dia: EW!!

M!Arsenic: You can’t say that! You don’t know! I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain. Anyway, I tried, but I couldn’t... bend that way. So... *looks at M!Kay*

M!Diamond, M!Moshieee, and M!Dia: Ew!

M!Kay: That’s right. I stepped up. They’re my friend and they needed help. If I had to, I’d pee on any one of you.

M!Kay: Only, uh, I couldn’t. I got stage fright. I wanted to help but there was too much pressure. So, I, um, I turned to M!Rabid.

M!Rabid: M!Kay kept screaming at me, “Do it now. Do it. Do it now.” Sometimes, late at night I can still hear the screaming.

M!Kay: That’s because sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: Hey, M!Kay, have you thought about having children?

M!Kay: ...

M!Kay: Does looking over you and the others not seem like I already do? Because I promise you, it sure feels like it.

M!Jeffery: But we're not childr-

M!Kay, already distracted: M!DIAMOND, PUT THE FIRE DOWN!

••+^+••

M!Kay: I find it very unseemly of M!Dia to start dating again. Isn't the customary period of mourning 10 years?

M!Candice: Die. Let's find out.

••+^+••

M!Candice: That's greatly offensive to my people.

M!Arsenic: College dropouts?

••+^+••

M!Rabid, throwing a pokeball at M!Diamond: M!Diamond, I choose you!

M!Diamond, not looking up from their book and catching it: You need an Ultra ball to catch this Legendary Pokémon.

••+^+••

M!Bun: M!Dia… I’m bleeding…

M!Dia: Oh god… what’s your blood type?!

M!Bun: B positive…

M!Dia: I’m trying to but you’re bleeding-

••+^+••

M!Rabid: I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.

••+^+••

M!Dash: There's no meeting today because M!Rabid is at the police station.

M!Arsenic: They're in jail?!

M!Kay: We have to get them out!

M!Diamond: Jailbreak! I'm in!

M!Kay: I'll dress up and distract the guard!

M!Diamond: Ooh, I'll bake some food to help distract ALL the guards!

M!Arsenic: I guess I could bring my frying pan in case we need a shield to keep us from being shot-

M!Dash: No! M!Rabid wasn't arrested! They're undercover, taking the system down from the inside. They don't need our help!

••+^+••

M!Moshieee: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

••+^+••

M!Kay: Hey, M!Dia. What kind of flowers do you prefer?

M!Dia: I like sunflowers.

M!Kay, pulling out a bouquet of Venus Flytraps: Well, shit-

••+^+••

M!Dash: When M!Rabid was born, the gods said, "They're too perfect for this world."

M!Dia: Please. When they were born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

••+^+••

M!Jeffery, to M!Kay and M!Bun: *holding knife out in front of them* Are you or are you not an enemy of the people?!

M!Kay: ...

M!Bun: ...

M!Kay: That is such an open-ended question.

M!Bun: Yeah, it really depends on a lot of different factors-

••+^+••

M!Dia: *bites lip* Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?

Cop: That isn’t gonna work, hands behind your back.

••+^+••

Cop: What are your names?

M!Diamond: Don't tell them, M!Jeffery.

Cop, writing: M!Jeffery...

M!Diamond: Crap.

M!Jeffery: Nice going, M!Diamond.

Cop:

M!Jeffery: Uh oh.

••+^+••

That’s all for now! I’ll be sure to link if I make another one! Remember to check all these awesome people out, AND to ask their mafia sona/characters!

Kay - @mafia-kay

Dia + Jeffery(kinda) - @mafia-dia-smthidk

Rabid - @mafia-rabid-mercenary2

Moshieee - @mafia-moshie

Bun - @mafia-bun

Dash - @the-mafia-bear

(Sorry for the double ping, y’all)

12 notes · View notes