#but 911 backs up what they say w actions

[liesoverthec]

I think the reason OG 911 works so well for me is that everything, always, is about love.

Too many shows nowadays I feel are written on - “what can we do to these characters that is interesting or exciting?” Whereas to me, OG comes from a place of saying, “okay, what do these characters love? What can we write to showcase that, to get something compelling out of that love?”

And the writers use so many types of love - how the characters love their jobs, the way they love their spouses, their love for their children, their love of feeling useful, their love for their team, their love of making a difference.

And then out of that, comes everything else. The way the characters care about each other, their kindness, their fears, their respect for each other, their joy and the way they share their failures together. When they fight, it’s because they love each other and it’s really hard to love other people sometimes. And then they always make up, because, surprise, they love each other.

And I think it gives 911 this genuine feeling that I find is missing from so many other shows. Because love is built into the very bones of the show, not a single person on the show ever forgets it. And they actively feed into that love. It’s so obvious to me how much the actors love their characters, how much the directors care about every little detail of their episodes, how much the set crew loves being at work, how the writers show love by switching the focus of episodes around to give everyone attention, and how they make sure that everyone gets a story and season-long development.

Sure, the show stumbles and makes mistakes, but I think that overall - that amount of love that is built into OG from its very core is something so valuable, and I’m just appreciating it extra today.

#911 fox #fire fam #sappy meta about og 911 #I have so many thoughts on this I’m sappy #I think that’s why the montages and the voiceovers work so well and are so impactful #Bc from other shows it would probably be unbearably sappy or ring false #but 911 backs up what they say w actions #to me every character is treated w such dignity #there’s no constant snipping or bullying that is brushed off as comedy #and they write everyone’s stories in such a way that you’re rooting for them! #when they fight each other #which is SO RARE #you can honestly understand both sides of it #I think the few episodes where they’ve stumbled #eg breaking point #they’re strayed away from that love and gotten more into #what would be a fun plot?? #I’m trying so hard to articulate this and I’m not sure I’ll ever get there #but this is the gist of it to me

[the-cult-of-russo]

Billy Russo Fluff Alphabet

A/N: a Billy x reader fluff Alphabet anyone? 🙃

-----

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

Billy admires everything about you. From your looks to your personality. He often just watches you with a dopey smile on his face as he wonders how he managed to get someone like you. 

He's gone his life feeling like people only wanted him around because they wanted something from him. His money, his skill or his looks. But you just want him for him. It scares the shit out of him sometimes but it touches his heart to have found someone who isn't using him and actually cares.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

I answered this in the NSFW alphabet but, his favourite body parts are your neck and eyes. 

Your eyes give everything away and he can pick up even minute changes in your mood from them. He adores them.

With your neck, it gets him going ridiculously. 

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

With you, Billy is a huge cuddler. He loves it when you lay your head on his chest. He hitches your thigh up so he can grasp it, his other arm wound tightly around you. He also loves being the big spoon. 

He just enjoys the closeness, he feels like he can never get close enough to you. 

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

As much as he can do fancy dinners, he much prefers at home dates. He loves the dates where he cooks for you at home and then you cuddle on the sofa afterwards. It feels much more intimate to him. 

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

Billy is very emotionally stunted. At first, he struggles to deal with having feelings and expressing himself. But once that hurdle is over, he has no issues with constantly telling you he loves you. He's also very affectionate because sometimes it's easier to show you rather than to tell you. Sweet kisses, soft touches or his hands gripping your hips.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

Billy never wanted a family before. He didn't think he was built that way after his upbringing. The looming threat of failing as a parent would haunt him. 

But with you he started to crave that. Started to want what Frank and Maria have.

He started to be able to see himself as a dad, the father to your kids.  

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

Billy loves showering you with gifts and he's surprisingly good at getting sentimental ones. He has a fantastic memory and he never forgets what you say. If you say something in passing conversation about something you like or want, you'll end up with it not long after. 

Billy will pull all the strings he needs to in order to make sure you get what you want. He loves to spoil you.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

Billy likes holding hands, feeling his fingers laced with yours. But he much prefers wrapping an arm around your waist or shoulders. Holding hands creates some distance and he doesn't like that. He likes you as close as possible at all times. Pressed against his side with his arm around you brings him a sense of peace.

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

Over the top. 

Stubbed your toe? It's the end of the world. 

Accidentally cut your finger when chopping vegetables? You're dying and he needs to call 911.

“Billy, you don’t need to call 911,”

“What, you wanna bleed out?”

“It’s-It’s a tiny slice...”

“Right, and the next thing you know, you got sepsis and they’re choppin’ off your arm. I’m callin’ 911,”

“Billy-”

“Yeah, hi. My girl’s bleedin’ out, we need an ambulance...”

If you get injured because of someone else, even if it's an accident, he wants blood. Anyone that hurts you is on his shit list. 

If anyone purposely hurts you… their days are numbered. Billy won't rest until he's got retribution for that. No one messes with his family. 

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Billy loves to joke with you. He's constantly teasing you and making you laugh with dad jokes and bad puns. 

He also loves to see your face when you slurp your coffee that has salt and not sugar in it. 

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

Billy loves kisses. He loves giving you little affectionate kisses on your head, cheek, temple, shoulder, neck. It reassures him you're still there and he can't help it, the need to be close to you. 

When he kisses your lips though, it's hard to hold back. Whether it's the slow and sensual kisses that have you melting or the bruising kisses that are all tongues and teeth, he can't hold back. Even sweet pecks on your lips turn into dirty kisses as he loses himself in you. 

He's the kind of guy that kisses with his whole body. His hands wandering and gripping you, his body moving against yours. Kissing Billy is a very involved experience.

Kissing you is his favorite thing to do. 

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

He sometimes struggles with his words and Billy is very much a man of action. Things like making you breakfast in bed when he's off work, cooking you dinner. Sometimes he leaves little notes for you since he wakes up early for work and he doesn't want to wake you when you look so peaceful. 

He's always checking in with you, wanting to make sure you're healthy and happy. There isn't anything he wouldn't do for you. 

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

His favourite memory is the day you told him you loved him. It would be ingrained in his memory forever. It was the day he realised that just maybe he could have a happy ever after. 

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

Losing you. Billy's seen a lot of shit in his life and lost people close to him. His biggest fear is losing you in any way. Whether that's you willingly walking away, something that plagues him daily. Or you being taken from him somehow. He'd die if anything happened to you. 

Losing you is not an option for Billy and he will do everything humanly possible to make sure that doesn't happen.

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

He's a neat freak. He loves things being neat and orderly, he can't help it. His bookcase is arranged alphabetically, his suits coordinated by color. 

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

Sweetheart is his go to. He constantly calls you sweetheart and doesn't even realise it. When he's feeling especially soft, it's baby. 

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

He loves any time he gets with you no matter where it is. As long as you're by his side, he's fine. 

He really loves the domestic home life with you. His arms wrapped around you while you cook, snuggled on the sofa together etc. 

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

Closer by Nine Inch Nails 👀😂

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

It takes him a while to open up since he has trust issues. But once he realised you genuinely love him, he started to open up bit by bit. Every time he revealed something about himself he was convinced you'd leave. But when you didn't, he got more confident to share his life with you. 

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

It took a little bit. It started off casual but he knew he wanted more. You were like an addiction to him. He rarely went back to someone for sex, only if he was getting something out of it. But he liked having you around. Enjoyed being with you even when you weren't having sex. Eventually he realised he wanted more with you.

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

Billy hates it when you're upset. He wants to be able to fix it, to make you happy. And when it's something beyond his control he loathes it. If he can fix it, he will. Instantly. No questions asked. No matter what he has to do.

If someone is the cause of your tears, he's feral. He'll make them pay for every tear you shed because of them.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

Billy is as proud as a peacock. His biggest achievement is Anvil and he's proud of that.

His life hasn't been easy and Anvil to him is more than a company. It's a tangible representation of how far he's come in life. In how he started at the bottom and clawed his way up to the top. 

He's also proud of being a former marine. He knows he did some bad things and there's part of his time there he regrets. But he's still proud to have served his country and being part of that. 

Billy loves to show you off. Any galas or events and he's got you at his side, introducing you as his girl proudly. If you can't be there then he can't help talking about you. 

He has a picture of you both that takes pride of place on his desk. 

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

Billy's taught you how to fight and use weapons. Of course he wants to be the one to protect you, but he's a practical man. He knows that he can't always be there. He's ensured you know how to protect yourself. 

If you had to fight, he wouldn't be happy about it. He'd hate that you'd been in that situation. But he'd be super proud of you and fuss over you to make sure you're okay. 

Billy would most definitely fight for you. Sometimes it isn't even necessary when he tries to go for people. You have to calm him down when someone bumps into you in the street and almost knocks you over. He'd murder someone in broad daylight. 

Billy would literally go to war for you.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

Billy is scary with how well he can read you. You can't hide anything from him. He's super perceptive and picks up the slightest thing. Whether that's a slight change in body language, something in your eyes or voice. He always knows if somethings wrong and he knows right away if you're lying to him. Nothing gets past him. 

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

Billy would want to go all out and be super romantic. He'd tailor it to things you like, making sure it's all about you. He wouldn't do it out in public with an audience. Not only because of his deep rooted fear of rejection, but mostly because he wouldn't want to pressure you. It would be intimate and sweet and he'd give a long ass speech on how you changed his life and he can't live without you. 

He'd also cry. 

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

You. You are his safe space, his home. Any time things are intense with him, you can bring him back and soothe him. Being close to you instantly makes him feel better. Holding you in his arms calms him right down. 

If you're not around then exercise. Working out helps him relieve stress.

Combining them both with sex with you… well that's just his favorite way to calm down. 

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #the punisher #billy russo imagine #billy russo headcanons

[set-phasers-to-whump]

i just thought it didn’t rain in california

whumpee: eddie diaz

fandom: 911

hi! this fic is for @rogue205​ who requested a car crash into water w a kinda self-sacrifice thing. that is a simplification of the idea but yeah there’s a car crash there’s drowning there’s lots of stuff. i played it a bit fast and loose with the prompt bc that’s where the story took me but hopefully it’s ok anyways! i hope you enjoy and also i am so sorry this took forever. also idrk when this is set but at some point after s4. title from this life by vampire weekend

It’s one of those rare dark and stormy nights in LA. They’re coming off a fairly easy 24-hour shift, and Eddie’s thoughts are tending in the direction of a nice hot shower and a movie with Christopher. He settles in behind the wheel of his truck and is about to turn the key in the ignition when there’s a knock on the window. 

He rolls it down. Buck gives him a little wave, dripping wet in the rain. 

“Miss me already?” Eddie jokes. “What’s up?”

“Any chance you could give me a ride home? My car won’t start and I don’t really wanna try and fix it in this weather.”

“Sure,” Eddie agrees, unlocking the doors. Buck walks around the car and slides into the passenger seat, flashing him a smile even though he’s absolutely soaked. There are raindrops on his eyelashes and his hair has gone slightly curly from being damp. Not that Eddie is paying attention to that sort of thing. Definitely not, he tells himself, starting the engine. 

The drive to Buck’s place is slower than usual, thanks to the frankly torrential storm. There actually isn’t a ton of traffic this evening, but with how slowly everyone is driving, the roads are backing up quickly. Finally, though, some of the traffic starts to thin out, and Eddie can drive at a more respectable speed as they begin to approach the river. 

“Wow,” Buck says quietly, his face pressed to the window, breath fogging up the glass. Eddie takes a quick look and finds himself staring down at the usually calm and fairly shallow Los Angeles River, now absolutely roaring along, the water dark and angry and dangerous. “Lucky we didn’t get any calls about people falling in,” he remarks, hitting the brakes a bit as the person in front of him slows down. 

“Other stations might have,” Buck points out. “I haven’t seen it this bad in years.”

“Let’s just hope nobody gets hurt tonight,” Eddie says. It’s a futile hope and they both know it, but it gives him some peace of mind to put the statement out into the world. 

An especially loud clap of thunder makes the both of them jump. Buck huffs a laugh, and Eddie can’t help joining in. A sudden, unexpected wave of happiness washes over him, simple and pure, and for a second he thinks this is it, I’m going to say it, I’m going to do it - 

And he opens his mouth, maybe to say it, maybe to abort at the last second, but never gets the chance either way. Seemingly from out of nowhere, a car slams into them, pushing Eddie’s truck straight into - and then over - the guardrail. The truck flips. Buck shouts. Eddie hits the brakes, as though that’s going to do anything. They hit the water head-on, plunging into the roaring current with enough force to knock Eddie’s forehead against the steering wheel. The blackness swallows him faster than the water swallows the truck. 

--

He wakes quickly, to a sharp tap on his cheek. He experiences a single second of confusion, rapidly replaced by the need to get into action. The truck is sinking and getting tossed around down the river at the same time, the headlights bouncing crazily through the dark water, which is steadily filling the truck. It’s only beginning to cover the seats, so Eddie knows he hasn’t been out too long. 

“You good?” Buck asks. It’s extremely relative, but he’s alive and not hurt, so Eddie nods. “You?”

“Fine.”

They don’t have a lot of time. Eddie tries the windows, which refuse to open. 

“We’re gonna have to break them,” Buck says, opening the half-flooded center console and finding one of the three bright orange glass breakers Eddie keeps in his truck. “Can you get your seatbelt off? I got mine but yours wouldn’t unbuckle. Might be the angle.”

Eddie tries his seatbelt and finds it stuck. Buck wordlessly hands over the glass breaker, grabbing a second one from the glove compartment. Eddie uses it to cut through his seatbelt, the process taking what feels like years. When he’s finally free of it the water has risen to chest level, and he can feel himself starting to panic. 

Buck must be able to tell, because he says, “it’s gonna be fine, we’re almost out.” Eddie forces the panic down. He knows Buck’s right. They’ll be fine. They’re together, aren’t they? There’s safety in numbers, safety in Buck…

“Eddie?”

He shakes his head, willing his mind to clear. He might’ve hit the steering wheel a little harder than he’d thought. “I’m good. We breaking the windows?”

“On three,” Buck agrees. They both raise the pointed ends of the glass breakers. “One, two, three!”

Buck’s window shatters with a crash, and water begins flooding into the cab. Eddie’s tool, on the other hand, has somehow managed to bounce off the glass. He raises his arm to strike again as the water reaches his chin.

“Eddie!”

“Go, Buck, I’m right behind you!”

There isn’t time for Buck to do anything except nod and push himself out the window. He disappears almost immediately. Eddie takes a deep breath as the water fills the rest of the truck, completely submerging him. 

He isn’t panicking now. Maybe he should be, but he just isn’t. He tries the glass breaker again, but his speed is hampered by the water, and the tool again bounces harmlessly off the window. No problem, he’ll just go out Buck’s window instead. 

He’s nearly there when something happens - he doesn’t know what, exactly. There’s a horrible, distorted screeching of metal, and the truck shifts and tumbles in the water, Eddie tumbling right along with it like clothes in a washing machine. 

When the movement stops, he’s so dizzy he can barely see straight and his leg has gotten wedged beneath a seat. He pulls on it, expecting it to come free. It doesn’t. The panic returns now, in full force, and he strains desperately against the confines of his own truck, feeling his leg get scraped and cut but still not moving. It’s no use. He’s trapped and he knows he can’t hold his breath much longer. He thinks of the well. This is somehow better than that. He’s been through this once in real life already (and hundreds of times in his dreams). He knows it. And Christopher - Chris will be okay because he’ll have Buck, who will also be okay because he’ll have Chris. Eddie is grateful, above all, that Buck has gotten out. Buck is safe (Buck has to be safe) and this means that his two favorite people, the two people he loves the most in all the world, are going to be okay. He’d rather be with them, of course, but it’s enough knowing that they’ll have each other. He tries one more time to free himself. His leg still won’t move. His lungs lose the battle with his brain, and he breathes. 

--

A moment or so earlier

Buck’s head breaks the surface of the water. He coughs, sucks in a deep breath, then looks expectantly around for Eddie. There are flashing lights and shouting voices, but no sign of his best friend. 

“Eddie!” he screams, as loudly as he can. “Eddie!” 

Nothing. He swims against the current, looking below him into the inky black water for any sign of the truck, of Eddie. 

Nothing. “Eddie!” Water splashes up into his mouth and he coughs. He’s shaking, he realizes, somewhere in the back of his mind. From cold or fear, he doesn’t know. “Eddie!”

Nothing. It’s sickeningly familiar. He can almost feel the impossibly heavy weight of Christopher’s glasses around his neck. Not again, he thinks, pleading with the universe. Please, not again. 

Someone grabs him. He opens his eyes - he’d closed them? - and asks, “Eddie?” because who else can it be?

But it isn’t Eddie. “Are you okay, sir?” asks a firefighter from the 144, pulling Buck into a rescue boat. 

The familiarity of the firefighter, the boat, kicks Buck’s brain back into action. “Evan Buckley, 118. I’m fine. My partner, Eddie Diaz, he’s still in the water. Maybe still in his truck, I don’t know. I should have - he said he was right behind me, but -”

“We’ll get him,” says the other firefighter. 

“Let me help.”

“You know I can’t let you do that. Let our paramedics check you out. We’ll find him, Firefighter Buckley.”

They’re already at the edge of the water, which has risen so high that it’s getting close to the top of the channel - they can’t be more than 5 feet below the road. Dimly, Buck recognizes that he doesn’t really have another choice, and he lets himself be hauled up out of the boat and onto dry land. 

What feels like an eternity later, he’s sitting on the back of an ambulance with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and a paramedic looking him over. She isn’t talking to him except when necessary. Buck can’t decide whether he appreciates this or hates it. 

Suddenly there’s a flurry of activity. He shoots up from his position, nearly bowling over the unsuspecting paramedic. He searches frantically until - there, just where he’d been hauled over the top of the channel, someone else is being pulled up. 

He’s there in a second, the paramedic close on his heels. She gently moves him aside and joins her coworkers, surrounding an unmoving body lying on a backboard. 

It’s Eddie. There’s a livid bruise on his forehead and the left leg of his pants is all but gone, the skin underneath red and raw and bloody. He’s way too pale and he isn’t moving. 

Buck stands there, blanket still around his shoulders, soaking wet and shivering fiercely, staring down at the paramedics as they administer CPR. He looks at them, at Eddie, thinks I should be doing something but doesn’t know what. Absurdly, he thinks that he should push them all aside, perform CPR himself, as though this will make a difference. But he doesn’t move. Just stands there and watches as someone else breathes for Eddie, as someone else breaks his ribs in the hopes of keeping him alive. 

Someone needs to call Christopher, he thinks suddenly. Chris and Carla, and Tía Pepa, Eddie’s sisters, Abuelita, maybe his parents, the 118…too many people to think about all at once. Chris is the most important, of course. Someone has to call Chris. 

Just then a firefighter - the one who’d rescued him, Buck recalls - comes up and stands next to him. “We’re doing everything we can,” he says. Buck knows. “Is there anyone we should call?”

At first his voice is barely a whisper. “Ch - his son, Christopher. He’s with Carla, his caregiver.” He rattles off her number from memory. “Is he -” he starts to ask, even though he knows the answer the other firefighter has to give. 

He doesn’t get a chance to answer, anyway, because suddenly Eddie is back. He’s coughing up mouthful after mouthful of water and starting to shiver so hard it looks painful and Buck shoves himself in between two paramedics, dropping to his knees next to Eddie, still choking up all the water he’d swallowed. Buck wants to say something but finds he can’t speak. He grabs Eddie’s freezing-cold hand instead, holding on for all he’s worth. The paramedics kindly work around him, loading Eddie into the back of an ambulance and beginning to check him over, Buck never once letting go of his hand.

Neither one of them has stopped shaking when they reach the hospital, though Buck is feeling marginally warmer thanks to the three blankets the paramedics had piled atop him in the ambulance. Eddie is still largely out of it, but fully conscious. He walks with Eddie and the paramedics to the doors and for once doesn’t stop and turn around when he’s met by a delegation of doctors and nurses.

--

Half an hour later, he’s sitting beside a sleeping Eddie, the both of them fully dried off and warm. Eddie is okay - he has a mild concussion, some scrapes and bruises, and two broken ribs. He’ll have a sore throat for a little while, but otherwise shouldn’t feel any lasting effects from his drowning. Because he’d drowned. Buck can’t get that one word out of his head. He can feel the guilt settling down on him like a heavy, familiar blanket. He’d almost lost Eddie, just like he’d almost lost Chris, and again it’s his fault. If he’d just stayed in the truck with Eddie when his window hadn’t broken, if he hadn’t listened when Eddie’d told him to go…

Then we might both be dead, pipes up a voice in the back of his head that sounds suspiciously like Eddie. 

Maybe, Buck allows. Or maybe we’d both - 

“Quit thinkin’ so hard. ‘S giving me a headache.”

Buck nearly falls out of his chair. “Eddie!”

Eddie gives him a smile, tired and small but genuine. “You okay?” he asks, then coughs, then winces. Buck passes him a paper cup of water, which he eyes warily before slowly drinking. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Think I asked you a question first.”

“Of course I’m fine,” Buck says. Because you’re fine, he doesn’t say. “How are you?”

Eddie seems to seriously consider the question, for once. “Sore,” he says, eventually. “Tired. But okay. Where’s Chris?”

“He and Carla are on their way. Technically visiting hours are almost up, but lucky for you I can be very convincing,” Buck says, finally allowing himself to smile in return. “The doctor says you should be good to leave tomorrow, by the way. They just wanna observe you overnight.”

Eddie doesn’t look too pleased about the second piece of information, but his smile widens at the mention of Christopher, and for a few seconds they lapse into a comfortable silence. Eddie lets his eyes flutter closed, though Buck can tell he’s not asleep. Buck, for his part, stares at Eddie and hopes that he’s not being too obvious about it. He thinks, now, that he might stare at Eddie forever, half out of a desire to make sure he doesn’t get hurt again and half out of a desire that he’s not quite brave enough to name.

Eddie’s still just a touch too pale, though he looks a good deal better than he had before. His hair has dried messily, sticking out in every direction. The bruise on his forehead is a deep shade of purple, and if Buck looks close enough he can see the bumply texture of the steering wheel on it. The ghost of his earlier smile is still on his face, soft and open. Even here, or perhaps especially here, beneath the hospital’s harsh fluorescents with the raw feeling of fear still buzzing in the air, Eddie is beautiful.

You love him, says the voice in the back of Buck’s head, sounding like Maddie this time. 

I know that, he thinks. He’s my best friend. 

You know what I mean, Maddie’s voice insists. 

He does know, of course - it might be Maddie’s voice but it’s his head - but what exactly is he supposed to do with that now? He can’t very well tell Eddie, hey, I think I’m in love with you while Eddie is in the hospital because Buck couldn’t do enough to stop him from getting hurt, again. 

“Hey.” Eddie opens his eyes, and Buck snaps himself out of his thoughts. 

“Do you need anything? How are you feeling?”

Eddie actually laughs. Rarely has Buck heard a better sound. “I’m alright, Buck. I promise.” He pauses for a second before continuing, his voice turning serious. “Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry, okay? I made you think I was right behind you and then I wasn’t, and I know how bad it must’ve been for you to get out of there and see I wasn’t with you. I just -”

“Eddie, stop, it wasn’t your fault. It was mine, I should’ve stayed with you until you got out too, I should’ve tried harder to get back to you -”

“Hold on, no. Buck. If you had stayed with me we might both be dead. It was my decision. That’s not on you.”

“Eddie, you almost died.”

“I didn’t. And neither did you. That’s all that matters.”

Buck can see the logic behind this, at least. “You’re alive,” he agrees. 

“You’re alive,” replies Eddie. 

I love you, Buck thinks. 

“I’m in love with you,” replies Eddie.

Wait. “What?”

All at once, all of the missing color, plus a lot more, floods back into Eddie’s cheeks. “Sorry, I - well, maybe I’m not sorry, I love you, I do, but if you don’t -”

“I do.”

Eddie looks at him (or maybe Eddie still hasn’t stopped looking at him). His face is still so soft and so open and so full of love and he looks exactly like he always does but somehow Buck hasn’t seen it before, not like this, not now that he knows and god, he really just wants to kiss Eddie and then pull him impossibly close and never let go. 

“How’s your breathing?” is what he ends up asking, which is decidedly not the most romantic way to ask someone if they’re up for a kiss. 

Eddie, however, gets the point. “Good enough for a kiss, I think,” he says. “Assuming that’s what you’re thinking?”

In response, Buck leans in, one hand pressing into the uncomfortably hard hospital mattress, the other cupping the side of Eddie’s face. The kiss is soft and gentle and fairly quick, but it leaves them both nearly breathless all the same. When they pull away Eddie is still smiling, and he leans forwards and rests his head against Buck’s collarbone. “I love you,” he whispers. “A lot.”

Buck rests his cheek atop Eddie’s hair. “I love you a lot, too.”

“Dad!”

Chris comes clattering into the room, Carla hot on his heels. “Hi, boys,” she says, as Buck and Eddie separate. If Buck’s not mistaken, there’s a hint of satisfaction in her voice. “I see you’re doing just fine.”

It’s Buck’s turn to blush. He sits back down in his chair as Chris and Eddie hug. Carla gives him that all-too-knowing smile. His face heats up even more, but he smiles right back. 

“Buck!” Chris has made his way around the bed and now flings himself into Buck’s arms. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he says, his face buried in Buck’s shoulder. Buck holds onto him a little tighter at that and mentally tells himself to keep it together. 

“Can we have a sleepover tonight?” Is the next thing Chris says, with all the slyness of an eleven-year-old who knows full well what the answer to his question is going to be but who is going to ask anyway. 

“Not tonight, buddy. Your dad has to have a sleepover here -” Chris pulls a face that is startlingly familiar, the same face Buck had used on the nurse to convince her to bend the visitation hours so Chris could still come by tonight “- but how about we have a sleepover tomorrow, once he can go home?”

Chris nods happily, then settles himself down into the chair next to Buck’s. “Are you gonna stay here with Dad tonight?”

Buck looks to Eddie, then to Carla. Both of them nod. “Yeah, I am.”

Chris looks satisfied with this. Just then, the nurse stops by and informs them that, with the exception of Mr. Buckley, they need to be going. Chris and Carla each hug Eddie and then Buck before making their way to the door. Just before they step out into the hallway, Chris turns around. 

“Hey Buck?”

“Yeah?”

Chris smiles at him, and it’s all Carla. “I forgot to give Dad a goodnight kiss. Can you do it for me?”

Eddie makes a very undignified sound. Carla looks a second away from doubling over and exploding in laughter. Buck, for his part, simply stands up, leans down over Eddie, and presses a chaste kiss to his lips. “Goodnight,” he whispers, resting their foreheads together for a brief second. He then turns back to Chris, raises his eyebrows. Chris positively beams. 

He and Carla leave the room for real this time. “Night, Dad. Love you! Night, Buck. Love you!” Chris calls. “See you tomorrow!”

“Love you, too,” Buck and Eddie return, nearly in unison. They watch Chris and Carla until they disappear around a corner, at which point Buck turns to Eddie and says, “perceptive kid.”

Eddie grins - Buck can’t remember the last time the both of them smiled this much - and says, “it’s one of his many strengths.”

“Such as persuading me into a sleepover,” Buck adds. “By the way, are you okay with that? Chris just seemed so excited, but if you’re not up for it -”

“Buck. I’m up for a lot more sleepovers than just tomorrow.”

“Yeah?”

Eddie nods. “Starting now.” He scooches over in the bed as much as he can. There’s still barely enough space next to him for even the smallest of people, but Eddie is determined. “Come on, you can fit.”

“I doubt that,” Buck replies, but he’s already wedging himself in, exceedingly mindful of Eddie’s injuries. 

They end up smashed together, one of Buck’s legs hanging over the guardrail, Eddie more than halfway on top of Buck, a little bit too warm, a little bit too aware of the way the bed creaks rather ominously beneath them. But even like this they fit together in a way that feels right, their hands clasped like they had been in the ambulance. 

“I love you,” Buck says, and it’s barely been an hour but he doesn’t think he is ever going to get tired of saying those words. 

“I love you too,” Eddie whispers back. “Goodnight, Buck.”

“Goodnight, Eddie.”

thanks for reading!!! anyways i don’t know shit about the la river but it does exist and it does get super high in the rain sometimes so. yeah. idk about if they would need to drive over it or not but whatever this is fantasy land. i hope you enjoyed this fic!!! love u all <3

#911 #eddie diaz #car crash #wet #drowning #my writing #i say things #this was such a joy to write omg #i really hope you like it ik it gets pretty soft but that's just where it took me #and again so many apologies for this taking like. a solid month. my bad on that. #but anyways actually the la river is so interesting bc like it's all man-contained in these channels bc there used to be massive flooding #so now they control it so that doesn't happen anymore #and for a long time that meant it kind of sucked and got disregarded #but now there seems to be a real effort in like. making it an actual river again #pretty interesting stuff i think!

[datleggy]

i had a tylenol pm fueled dream where it was just me watching the new season of 911 and i can’t remember what but just that something occurred in the episode which lead to buck being kidnapped/in danger and the team is racing to find our boy and they split up when they get to this warehouse or w/e and eddie finds buck, tied up and only half awake and he unties him, calling on his radio for help asap from everyone else, and he’s like putting his medic training into action, checking bucks pulse and stuff like that, when buck’s eyes roll to the back of his head and he goes limp in eddies arms and he’s still breathing, eddie can feel it, he’s just unconscious, probably from exhaustion and dehydration, but eddie isn’t thinking logically, and he freaks out and is like screaming bucks name and he holds him close, chest to chest, heaving in his panicked state, begging buck to wake up, and he pulls away for half a second and says “please, i love you, please” and their faces are impossibly close and bucks eyes open just a fraction, glazed over and not really all there, but he’s awake, thank god, and eddie is so relieved he’s crying and the team barges in and then the dream goes back to me on the couch SCREAMING cause holy shit eddie just CONFESSED and is now crying siygghrieufoajhrd fuuuuck and then i woke up mad as hell it was a dream lmaooooo 

#shrufojhsgriefl bitch i was so HYPED #only to wake up and realize i gotta wait like a whole ass month for the new season to come out #i don't even NEED the holy crap im in love w my best friend moment to be THIS extra lmao dream me is just a dramatic hoe #but also how fun would it be if eddie realizes he's in love w buck while holding him in his arms trying to revive him isngt9fepowjdb #but if im being honest i think a soft OH moment on eddies part where he realizes he's in love after watching buck do/say something so #incredibly ridiculously mundane????? #like #fucking folding laundry or helping chris w his hw or spouting some silly random factoid?? #and eddie's just standing there in silent awe as it finally dawns to him #holy shit i'm in love with evan buck buckley #ughhghisulfhbodgraifejl #I NEED THIS SHOW TO COME BACK TO ME ALREADY AND GIVE ME NICE THINGS #buddie #rant

[caxsthetic]

Let it Brimmed

Tsukishima Kei x F!Reader

911, What's the emergency? I need someone to reassure me that it's okay to cry and share the burden with.

Your phone has been buzzing nonstop for the past fifteen minutes. You only glances at it, ignoring the phone call and all of the incoming messages from god knows who.

Insecurity is a bitch, that's what you know for sure. Your parents somehow always told you that it was your burden alone, and you couldn’t drag people down by showing your weakness.

But sometimes, you just hope that you didn’t have to go through all of this on your own.

You actually didn’t know what hit you right now. It’s not that something triggered you. And right now, you were so sick with how your mind works.

You could be smiling in a minute, thinking about how mean your boyfriend was toward the others but not you. And the other minute the smile could dissipate as you wonder why Tsukishima Kei wanted to be with you.

You are just an average student, someone in the same class as the setter of Karasuno. There’s nothing enthralling from your physique, and you still questioned how you got yourself a boyfriend.

You were falling too deep in your own battle, sat at the corner of the room, trying to fight the insecurity alone. Crying wouldn’t do much, that’s what you learn from your parents.

So you just keep biting your lips, trying to hold back the tears. Because from what you can conclude from your parents words, just tears means weakness.

And you didn’t want to feel weak, not even when you were at the peak of your sanity.

Sometimes you just want to scream for a simple thing. You wanted to cry when you got bad grades, you wanted to cry when your homework was due tomorrow and you haven’t finished it.

You wanted to cry out of frustration, wanting to know the feeling to let you feel all of that as you question the outcome of it.

And in the middle of your own thought, someone sat in front of you, lifting your chin so your eyes could bore into his.

You widened your eyes at the sight of your boyfriend, sitting there with his usual facade without uttering a word.

“W-What are you doing here?” You were surprised, you remember that he had a volleyball practice until late. So you didn’t expect him to be here right now.

“You are stupid if you think I didn’t notice.” He sounded angry as he spat the word, but there’s another emotion lingering there, “You started to distance yourself from me, I know you do.”

It was something that you always did, trying to be as far as you can with anyone that you really care. All because it became your defensive mechanism as you know you shouldn’t burden anyone with your own problem.

And this is something that your boyfriend wanted to change,

“I don’t care anymore but,” He untied the plastic bag that he brought from the way here, “Your mom told me that you haven’t eaten for dinner,” His finger gently opened up the box, “And you need to have something.”

You sobbed at the sight, he just bought you a sweet strawberry shortcake. His favourite food that you somehow like the taste of because it felt like you were near him every time you eat it.

Knowing you didn’t react to eat the cake, his hand grasped the little plastic fork that came with the box, cutting the edge of it and directing it in front of your lips.

“You need to eat,” His voice was a mix of plea and command, and so there’s nothing you could do except cater to his wish. A small smile appeared on his face when you ate the cake, “Good?”

“Pewfek.” You answered him immediately when the question was out from his lips. You know the taste of this cake, it was from the favourite patisserie that he always brought you to.

“Swallow the cake first before answering, you simpleton.” He sighed and spat the insult like usual. You were used to it, it was like he gave you cute nicknames.

But cute apparently didn’t exist in his vocabulary since the most romantic things that he ever gave you was, my idiot.

It’s not even romantic and just pure affront if you erase the first word from the nickname. But either way, you love it when he calls you names like that. It was unique, and you could always blurt another meanie names to him.

You were his first girlfriend, and somehow he didn’t know what he had to do every time you were like this. So he started to ask his upperclassmen around, trying to grasp the idea of comforting someone.

Sugawara said that he needed to make sure you ate and drank water normally, so now, this is what he did.

He kept feeding you the strawberry shortcake, people that know him might tease him about it. He was afraid of people telling him that he’s selfish, since he bought you his favourite food instead of yours.

But Nishinoya reminded him that the best comfort food was something sweet, and you were not really someone who preferred sweet rather than savoury taste.

So this is what came into his mind when he rushed to your home, knowing well you did enjoy the taste of the shortcakes every time he asked you out on an impromptu date after school hours.

He gave you his water bottle, too lazy to go downstairs for a glass of water. And at the same time, it would make him leave you, and right now, he didn’t want to leave you alone. Not even for a second.

Tsukishima looked around and realised how messy your bed was. He decided to stand up and make your bed. You were dumbstruck, but since you don’t want him to do it alone, you decided to clean the mess at the floor and drawer.

Once done, he took off his jacket and put his bag on your bedside table. He positioned himself comfortably in your bed, looking at you as you still cleaning up your drawer,

“(Y/n),” He called out to you, but you seem to be in trance, “Simpleton,” You turned your head to face him when you realised that he called you, “Come here.”

You blinked, you didn’t know what he meant by that. Tsukishima Kei was awkward when it came to love, he rarely took you out on a date, rarely gave you a kiss, overall just a beginner.

So right now, you were questioning the meaning behind his words,

“I ask you to cuddle with me, come here.” You widened your eyes, he blushed a little when he saw how your face lit up immediately, “If you are not in my arms for ten seconds, I would leave.”

“No!” You squeaked when you heard his threat, “I want to cuddle with you!” He smirked at this and patted the space on the bed.

It’s the first time the two of you cuddling, so you were shy right now. You sat at the edge of the bed, a little bit hesitant. But then, Tsukishima pulled you to his embrace, positioning your head to fall on his chest.

It was so sudden, and you couldn’t comprehend the sudden action.

“I am here,” His words were so soft, unlike before when he teased you, “Hear it? I am here.”

You closed your eyes when his large hand gently stroked your hair. It was so calming, like you felt so invincible all of a sudden. Right now, you could only focus on his heartbeat.

It gave you the feeling of comfort, just to know that he was here for you. This feeling was so foreign, never once in your life you felt like this before.

“Why do you choose me, Kei?” Your voice sounded so desperate, “You were so perfect, why did you want to be with me?” Here you go again, mind spiraling to the deep end of insecurity.

“What do you mean by that?” There is no sarcasm or malice as he asked you, “You want me to answer that?”

You nodded, and Tsukishima only let out a long sigh at this. He tightened his embrace a little, wanting you to feel his warmth but at the same time didn’t want to suffocate you.

“Because you know me,” It was a simple reason, “No one actually wants to talk to me, you know?” You widen your eyes a little, never thought about this, “But you talk back to me, actually want to talk to me, and it’s… Mesmerizing.”

“Oh, yeah?” You giggled, “I am mesmerizing?” He flicked your head a little, making you chuckle, “Sorry, sorry.”

“Well,” A faint smile appeared on his face as he reminisced about the earlier time when he first knew you, “You are mesmerizing I guess.” Your heart skipped a beat at how blunt he is.

You felt so loved, like finally you were not standing alone in this life. You bit his lips, trying to hold your tears. Tsukishima could feel how your body trembled a little.

He was panicking inside, lifting up your chin to kiss your forehead lovingly, trying to make you calm down. That’s when he noticed how glossy your eyes were.

He waited for seconds, waiting for you to cry or just scream at him. Something was off, you always tried to hold yourself from crying, and it made an impact on your body.

“(Y/n), let it all out.” You shook his head, your mind still filled with the belief that you should never make others feel your burden, “Hey, let it all out…” But his voice was so soft as he said it that you couldn’t help but burst, “That’s it…”

You sobbed, and you were sure you didn’t look mesmerizing at all in this moment. But your boyfriend didn’t care, he kept caressing your cheek, kissing your tears away at some moment, he was showing you that it’s alright.

It’s alright to share the burden that you felt,

“Just cry, it’s alright.” He kissed your forehead gently, “I am here, I am not going to leave.” He didn’t know any comfort words, he didn’t know what was the right thing to say.

But he was sure that he would never let you cry alone, he was sure, he would be here for you. And help you get out from the insecurity that you felt.

“You meant everything to me,” Honestly, Tsukishima felt so heavy all of a sudden, “So please,” He let out a long sigh, “Tell me, just tell me if you need a shoulder to cry on.”

“B-But, I don’t want you to feel the b-burden too.” You hiccuped, and his face looks confused as you said it, “I even questioning myself why I cry in front of you, it’s just not right to-”

“It’s right.” He gritted his teeth, angry for the person who was responsible for the way you’re thinking right now, “Share it to me, It would never be a burden.” He closed his eyes, putting his forehead on yours, “You would never be a burden for me.”

All your life you have been told that you have to fight everything alone. You have told that no one would be there to save you. And so, never once you let people see the vulnerable side of you.

So it felt like you just breathed fresh air on the mountainside as you let go every burden and every insecurity that you felt with the tears. The tears that somehow, you shared with someone else.

You thought you would feel heavy and guilty, you thought you would feel suffocated if you cry.

But instead of any of that, you felt relieved. It felt so right and your mind felt so feathery as you cried in his embrace.

“From now on,” You heard your boyfriend whisper under his breath, “You were not alone,” He said it with reassurance coating his every word, “From now on… We share our burden together, okay?”

By just one night, he changed your way of thinking.

By just one night, he made you know that it was okay to share the burden.

By just one night, he gave you comfort that you never thought you needed.

And for the first time in your life, you knew that having someone there to stand beside you, was better than having to fight everything on your own.

“Okay,”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*     ༶•┈┈⛧┈♛ ♛┈⛧┈┈•༶    *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Tagged Lovelies:

@allywritesimagines @benewol @letmeshouyou @nitricflame @vventure @heccingdead @muffins-puffins @miyulovestowrite @nanashinanashi @vlovers-world @proplayer-kenma @kashika @cuddlyasahi @blacckdiamondposts @muffngw @baby-boy-taichi @of-heroes-and-dreams @for-ests @giyuwu-san @oli-imagines @lordeofthunder @min-nevermind

#tsukishima kei #hq tsukishima #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima haikyuu #tsukishima imagine #tsukishima scenario #tsukishima drabbles #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu imagines #caxsthetic 911 #911 comfort #911 imagine

[dancer-me]

Fic Writer Questions

@hopeintheashes tagged me (that was pleasantly surprising, so YAY) as well as anyone who wants to play (so if you want do - just do it!!!) 1) How many works do you have on AO3?

I have nine!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

106,461! I broke 100,000 on AO3 and didn't notice =O

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

For posted fanfiction, I have written for 5 fandoms at this point. Naruto (this was my early days, around 2007 to 2015, with pretty huge gaps inbetwen), Merlin (oops), High Seas (just the one small fic because Netflix had me angsting hard enough to break my hiatus), and of course 9-1-1 and 9-1-1 Lone Star!

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Express to Nowhere (911 / 911 Lone Star) 2. Giving up Ground (911 / 911 Lone Star) 3. Quarter Life Crisis (911) 4. Pull me Under (911) 5. Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You (911)

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I hesitate to say this about a WIP but I'm pretty sure it's going to be Giving up Ground when it's done. Not that it's going to have a sad ending, but that it's part of a continuous series and I already have the next part planned out and partially started (titled "Overdrawn" for anyone interested) so it will leave things feeling hopeful but open-ended, which can be construed as angsty. But really, all my other stories, while they have angst for the most part, have happy endings because I'm a sucker for it. Chaotic Energy is slow burning itself to the happiest of endings.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Hmm... I think it's Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You! This story was just such a fun blast of drama, hijinks, and hilarity, with our two leads getting their love story at the end of it all :) All my completed works have very happy endings, but this one resonates because there really wasn't any angst at all in the whole thing. Just good fun!

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

The only cross-over I have ever written or been compelled to write in my life has been with 9-1-1 and 9-1-1: Lone Star, and that's my Chaotic Energy series. I don't know if it's "crazy", though it's turning out to be crazy long, since my original plan for it was 5 separate one-shots and Captain, that ship has long since sailed. We're deep at sea now, SOS. I love what it's become, though, and I hope everyone who reads it is enjoying the journey :)

8) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Weeeeeeeeell. Here's the thing. I wrote m/f smut back in the day, on ff.net and carried my one shots over to AO3 when I made the move. I'm talking way back in the day - those two "E" stories are dated 2015 but I actually originally posted them in 2011 - TEN years ago!! I haven't written smut since (I'm not counting TK and Carlos getting frisky in chapter 2 of Giving up Ground). It's not that I wouldn't, but that I haven't been inspired and with time somehow I have also become ragingly self-conscious over whether I could still do a good job. My smut has always been emotion based though, as I've never been able to truly go PWP. That said, I'm actively open to and considering some m/m smut for my current fandom. Fingers crossed I don't embarrass myself.

9) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do on all my recent work on AO3 (basically my 9-1-1 and lone star fics that I've written since coming out of hiatus).

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not on any of my AO3 work, though I have received hate on my much older work on ff.net to varying degrees of reasonability. So far the AO3 community has been very kind to me! I’ll get some comments where I think readers had hoped I’d go in a different direction, but nothing has ever been too much.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of! Imitation is the greatest form of flattery but also no, stop, don’t do that.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, actually! I wrote my first ever published fic for Naruto called “Stand Alone” back between 2007 and 2011 (took a couple years off in the middle there to, you know, finish high school…) that someone asked me if they could translate into Russian. At the time I thought that was super cool, and it still is, but now I look back at that story and I think oof, now we can cringe at it in multiple languages. (more on that later)

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I’m not opposed to it! I’ve seen some excellent fic partnerships and it’s so great seeing writers leverage the creativity and talents of their friends and peers.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Y’know, before 9-1-1, it was Merlin x Arthur, but Buck x Eddie have 110% of my heart and attention now.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

On the topic of Merlin… I started writing “The Quest for the Knife” back in 2015 at the peak of my Merlin fixation after painstakingly planning it out. I have pages upon pages of outlines and notes for a 14 chapter adventure… somewhere. I found a piece of it like an archeological dig when I was moving this pandemic season, but the rest seems lost to time. I’m sad because I had gotten so excited about it and loved my first two chapters, but I don’t think I’ll ever finish it. I might take it down so I can stop wallowing in guilt.

16) What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I write good action / adventure scenes and plot lines, because I love painting vivid pictures of what I see playing out in my head whenever I think through my stories. I like to incorporate subtle (and not so subtle) humour as well in my work, which is born from my very active internal narrator voice as I go through my day-to-day and try to find the humour in everything. I also like to make outlines before all my bigger stories too, which ‘usually’ means I avoid cringey plot holes and can make some fun connections.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

*looks at the camera very seriously* writing convincing smut. Well, that, and the kind of emotional, flirty love and fluff that I love devouring in fics. I don’t think I do nearly as good a job there. Get in a character’s head and angst them up? Sure. Wax poetic in a convincing and not jarring way about how much Character A is in love with Character B without making it seem like it was a bit too much of a leap? Debatable.

Also… I tend to require my readers to suspend a lot of disbelief to enjoy my fics with elements of adventure, because I tend to do exactly 5 minutes of Google research for something before I decide I’ve had enough and go ahead.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Here we revisit the cringe of “Stand Alone,” where I tried in the first half (the 2007 portion) to incorporate Japanese since I watched the anime in Japanese and felt this was the best way to try and have the character’s voices come off the page. It… is really just a big ol’ cringe, because I didn’t know the language, and I definitely didn’t use suffixes right at ALL. So… I tend to avoid it personally because I don’t want to cringe at how wrong my use of other languages is.

But if it fits you, your story, fits your character, and you know the language confidently enough to not embarrass yourself? You do you *carefully side steps around discourse and leaves the room*

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Naruto!

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I think it has to be “Express to Nowhere” these days. It was wanting to write that fic that pulled me out of hiatus and helped me find joy in writing and sharing my work again, and I have nothing but love for it and how it turned out.

Holy Cow I was warned that this level of introspection was going to take a minute but whew this was a good chunk of time. Fun to do and think about though!

Tagging: @221bsunsettowers, @onelonelytortillachip, @blueeyedbuckley and anyone who sees this and thinks, "hey, I have an answer for these questions." Because I am madly curious and would love to see your take!

#danswers #fic writer game #she's a long boi

[quokkacore]

mojave, mo’problems (m)

summary: throughout your life, you’d been told that a life of crime was the loneliest of all. now, however, your boyfriends, johnny and jaehyun, a pair of bank robbers, and you, their getaway driver, beg to differ.

pairing: seo johnny x jeong jaehyun x fem reader

genre: SMUT, fluff, minor angst, found family, criminals!au

warnings: poly relationship, language, guns, mentions of cops (acab!!!), armed robbery, mentioned physical, mental and emotional abuse, reader, johnny and jaehyun are from broken homes, mentioned alcohol abuse, overuse of pet names :’), unprotected sex (dont be silly wrap ur willy!!), JAEHYUN HAS NIPPLE PIERCINGS, minor daddy kink? its used like,, once, dirty talk, threesome, boyxboy, soft dom johnny switch jaehyun, sub reader, hair pulling, slight overstimulation, orgasm denial, spitroasting, praise kink, size kink, mentions of double penetration, blowjobs, cunnilingus, general filth

song recs: stevie nicks & don henley - leather & lace ♡ nct 127 - fly away with me ♡ lana del rey - national anthem ♡ triple h - retro future

word count: 9.4k

a/n: this was originally uploaded to my old writing blog on july 22nd, 2020. there were a few things in the original a/n that i wanted to keep. one, due to how multicultural los angeles is, i imagine the reader being latina or bipoc, but i make no mention of skin color!! two, i blame the w korea johnjae photoshoot for this. the room they were shooting in and the hawaiian shirts totally gave me desert motel vibes. and finally, pls stay safe, wash ur hands, and pls keep urself informed on current issues with resources like this carrd. <3

Burbank, Los Angeles, California, 12:22 PM

“You both remember the plan, right?"

"Yeah, John.”

“Oh my god, Johnny, we went over the plan seven times last night and twice on the way here. We know what to do.”

Johnny huffed, staring pointedly at you before rolling his eyes.

“…Fine. We’ll take less than fifteen minutes, okay? You know what to do, smart girl."

You looked at Johnny, who was sitting shotgun next to you, as his hand came up to touch the back of your head, gaze warm.

"Be careful,” You said, eyes moving to the rearview mirror, where you met Jaehyun’s eyes, “Both of you.”

Jaehyun nodded, his hand coming up to cover Johnny’s. “We will be. You be careful too, baby.”

You mirrored his action, nodding, and watched as they got out of the car to walk one block down to the bank. You watched them until they disappeared from sight, drumming your fingers on the steering wheel to calm your nerves. You were grateful Johnny had chosen this quiet, relatively empty street to wait on, avoiding calling attention to yourself.

Even after two years of doing this, it still made you nervous to wait for their signal to drive up to the front with your face mask on. One of the two burner phones you’d acquired a week prior was burning a hole in your pocket, the other tucked safely into Jaehyun’s.

You let out a deep breath, letting your eyes close for a moment, briefly thinking back to the first time you’d met them. You were nineteen, Jaehyun was twenty-one, and Johnny twenty-three.

Downtown, Los Angeles, California 3:48 AM

Two years ago, you had been working a shitty job at an old 50s style diner in the more dangerous side of LA to scrounge up enough money to run away from a less-than-ideal home life. The only noise of the diner, coming from the old jukebox in the corner crooning out some old Stevie Nicks song, was broken up by two tall, handsome men entering and sitting at a booth from across each other. You were immediately wary of them. They were obviously trying not to draw attention to themselves, but it was a bit difficult with their statures and hunched backs, leaning close to each other and whispering in rushed tones.

Still, after gathering your pen and notepad, and grabbing a pair of menus, you approached the table, doing your best to put on a customer service smile despite your feet aching and head pounding from your exhaustion.

“Welcome to Ernie’s. Can I get you boys anything?” You asked quietly, setting down the menus on the table. The two men exchanged glances, before the taller one spoke.

“For now, two black coffees would be great—”

“Actually, can I get a burger with some fries?”

Your eyes darted to the shorter one, who was sporting a small, friendly smile as he fiddled with the menu.

You nodded, pulling out the notepad to write down the order. “Do you still want both coffees, or…?”

“Uhh, sure. Why not, we could use the caffeine.” He chuckled softly, and your smile got bigger at the pleasant noise. Even through the early morning hour daze, you could pick up on his charm from miles away.

“Sure thing, I can bring you guys the coffee right now, but your burger and fries might take a little bit. Anything else I can get you?”

The taller man on your left gazed up at you with wide brown eyes rimmed with dark circles underneath, totally devoid of any emotion. “We’re good, thanks.”

As you approached the kitchen window to hand the cook the order, you were able to pick up on a few not so subtle murmurs.

“Why are you in such a good mood, Jaehyun? It’s three in the morning, Yuta bailed on us and the shipment is coming in four days and we don’t even have half of a plan.”

Pouring the coffee as quietly as you could, you strained your ears to listen. Maybe if you hadn’t been so exhausted, you wouldn’t have eavesdropped, but you’d been working since 10 PM. Your head hurt, your feet ached, and you were in the mood for some entertainment, and now your curiosity had been piqued.

“Babe, calm down. I told you I have another guy who could work as our getaway driver—”

“I wouldn’t get into another car with Yangyang behind the wheel if I were covered in full fucking body armor. And I’m sure as hell not letting him be our getaway driver!” As you set the old white mugs on your serving tray, your breath hitched at his agitated whisper.

Getaway driver?

“We’re robbing a bank for Christ’s sake, Jae, not playing bumper cars.”

As you turned to face the two from behind the counter, they immediately tensed. You pretended not to have heard anything, flashing them an innocent smile as you cautiously set the mugs down on the table.

“You’re lucky I made a new pot a half hour ago! Not too hot, but not super cold either.”

The man on the right, who you now knew was named Jaehyun, had tried his best to put on his first smile, but it wasn’t working too well. It looked slightly too forced, too tight-lipped to be believable. “Thank you…” He said through somewhat gritted teeth, briefly glancing at your nametag, “…Y/N.”

“You’re very welcome,” You replied, tempted to know what would happen if you added on his name since you’d only heard it while eavesdropping, but quickly decided against it.

“If you need anything else, don’t be afraid to let me know.”

You quickly headed back to the counter, pretending to mind your business as you wiped down the counter. They murmured to each other about needing a fast driver, and the taller, stricter man, who you soon learned was named Johnny, was grumbling about needing someone able to drive as fast as this Yuta guy or even faster.

You remained silent, but all too pensive over the tempting ideas popping into your head upon hearing about their predicament.

All too soon, Jaehyun’s food was ready, and you brought it over, an innocent smile plastered once more over your face as you set it down, but said nothing when you straightened yourself. Unmoving, you met Jaehyun’s eyes. His dark eyes looked slightly alarmed, gaze darting between yours and Johnny’s.

“You know,” You hummed, after taking a deep breath, “For two people planning a crime, you’re both incredibly stupid. You do realize I heard basically everything, right?”

The two men stiffened again, momentarily panicking as they locked eyes, but that quickly melted into confusion when you giggled at their reactions.

“That being said, you’re also both incredibly lucky that Doug, the cook, is a ‘Nam veteran who can’t hear out of his left ear, and that I am a very fast driver who is in desperate need of some good cash.”

Johnny’s eyes were unreadable. “You. A waitress. A fast driver.” His teeth were gritted, and his tone agitated.

“I hate to toot my own horn,” You sighed sarcastically, unsure where your sudden confidence was coming from, “But I know what I’m talking about. I grew up around cars. Both of my parents are mechanics. I practically grew up in their garage. I have some older cousins who drag race on the weekends and taught me how to. I drove my first car when I was like, twelve.”

“What if we say no?” Jaehyun asked, eyes now void of any friendliness, “What then?”

You held up your phone, which had been hiding in your apron pocket, 911 already dialed. You saw Johnny swallow when he saw the numbers, Adam’s apple bobbing as he did so. You felt a surge of power rush to your head, having caught the scarier of the two men now looking like a deer in headlights.

“All I need to do is call. I’m sure the cops would be thrilled to take a look at all the weapons you say you have in your trunk. I want in. You either do this with me or not at all, assholes.”

The two stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. They seemed to be having an entire conversation with just their eyes. You tried your best to hide the shaking in your knees and the tremble in your fingers, to ignore the fact that this could easily backfire. If they were considering robbing a bank, they were automatically dangerous. One of them could easily have a gun with them here, and they could very easily pull it out and use it to hurt you or Doug.

Finally, Johnny sighed. He didn’t look very happy, but there was a glint in Jaehyun’s eyes that gave you catharsis.

“Alright, sweetheart,” Johnny said in a cold voice, “Let’s talk business.”

Everything had spiraled from there. You took them for a drive around the city to show them just how fast you could be, they opened themselves up to you being their third musketeer. The first time you robbed a bank, they were there to comfort you after you panicked at the idea of living on the run.

Eventually, you found out about their relationship as lovers, and they found out why you were so willing to drop everything and run away with two strangers, among other things. The story of how you drove your first car at twelve because your alcoholic parents were too wasted to drive to the grocery store, how you were cautious to hide the scars of cigarette burns along your inner forearm. After that, they opened up to you as well.

Why Jaehyun ran away from a promising life studying pre-med at an Ivy League University where expectations were eternally piled onto his shoulders, like Atlas holding up the sky. Why Johnny left suburban Chicago behind for LA at sixteen, tired of the monotony of a normal life where everything in his life had to look perfect, everywhere except behind the curtains of his house because his parents couldn’t stand him being attracted to both women and men, since it wasn’t befitting of the perfect family they so desired to be.

Somewhere along the lines, your strange business relationship of robbing banks and splitting the money equally three ways blossomed into something just as strange, but even better, something you’d never expected. You found yourself falling in love with the both of them, growing into the loving family you’d always wanted but of which you’d always been deprived. They both became fiercely protective of you, and after months of them calling you love, baby, sweetheart, princess, they finally asked you to become a permanent part of their relationship, and you accepted.

You expected so many things to happen in your life, but never to fall in love like this. And it was better than anything you could have asked for. They kept you safe and reminded you that you were worthy of love, something you hadn’t felt growing up.

The sudden vibrating of the burner in your pocket snapped you out of your reverie, and you quickly pulled on the black ski mask over your face before you started the car, not hesitating to speed towards the bank. You could hear police cars in the distance, and you took a deep breath as you rolled up to the front door, where the boys were currently exiting, bags full and guns out.

Your chest swelled with a strange sense of pride as they bolted into the car, shouting at you to drive.

Outrunning the police was a challenge, as always, but you were always faster, despite the fact that the boys had to keep telling you to wiggle your fingers since they were so stiff on the wheel and the last thing you needed was for your hands to cramp up now. Sure, you damaged the car a bit, but you could care less. This wasn’t actually your car. This was the car you’d hotwired almost a week ago, the real getaway car was hiding in a rather empty parking building, which you managed to enter and exit without much difficulty, now riding in a blue station wagon rather than the red Pontiac you’d driven to the bank. You all pulled off your masks, Jaehyun laying down to hide himself from the view of the window behind you.

Soon enough, you were out of Los Angeles, driving east towards the state line, and Jaehyun settled into the back seat. You drove for hours, the mood in the car finally having settled into an excited one a few minutes after leaving LA.

“How much did you guys manage to pull out of them?” You asked with a grin, and Johnny and Jaehyun shared a look, something that they always did.

“Baby girl, we managed to get 900,000 dollars from ‘em, we got ‘em good.” God, if you weren’t driving, you would have kissed Johnny then and there. Instead, you shrieked, “Nine hundred thousand!? That’s the biggest amount we’ve pulled yet!”

Jaehyun leaned forward, resting his chin on the front seat as Johnny looked back at him, pressing a soft kiss to the younger’s lips. “We’re celebrating big time, tonight,” Johnny declared once he pulled away from Jaehyun’s lips, much to Jaehyun’s dismay.

“How much longer till we get there?” Jaehyun asked, deep voice rumbling with satisfaction, mostly undeterred from Johnny’s teasing.

You glanced at the clock built into the dashboard, green lights blinking 4:18 PM. “I could get us there in two hours, but I don’t wanna draw attention by speeding. I’d much rather get to the motel at around eight.”

“Take your time, baby girl,” Jaehyun told you, leaning over even further to press a warm kiss to your temple, and your fingers stiffened on the wheel once more, “Whatever you feel works best.”

“Not too long, though,” Johnny added, “I don’t wanna piss myself before we get there.”

Both you and Jaehyun processed what he said, and immediately burst out laughing afterwards.

Yeah, these were the idiots you fell in love with.

The desert seemed endless, nothing in sight for miles but arid dirt and plants along the road. Somewhere along the road, as the sun began to set in the distance, Jaehyun pulled out his real phone from one of his suitcases in the back of the car, playing soft rock for the three of you to listen to as day turned to night, and the lampposts on the side of the road turned on.

There were far and few towns in between the vast expanse of desert, and because of that the stars shone bright in the limitless sky. When you saw the first flash of the moon up above, a song Jaehyun had put on had just ended, and a familiar Stevie Nicks song started playing afterwards. You smiled to yourself, humming along to the soft, tinkling melody.

Lovers forever, face to face                         

My city, your mountains

Stay with me, stay

I need you to love me

I need you today

Give to me, your leather

Take from me, my lace…

Eventually, after an eternity, you passed the sign you’d been so looking forward to seeing.

Welcome to Verona, Nevada

Population: 1,239

The motel wasn’t that hard to find, as it was just off of the highway. Johnny signed in in under 10 minutes, and you settled into the room on the second floor as quickly as you were allowed. The room smelled like mothballs and the carpet looked like it had once been a deep forest green, but was now a dark brown.

Yes, it was disgusting, but this was necessary to lay low for a while. Posing as three friends on a road trip crashing in a dingy motel for the night was generally the ploy. Next morning you would be out on the road again, driving further away from LA, then after a few days, you would finally return back to your shared apartment.

The three of you carried in the suitcases where the bags had been hidden in, and while you were stretching your legs and Jaehyun was showering, Johnny ordered three large pizzas using the phone on the nightstand.  

You lay down on the large, lumpy mattress a few minutes later, grabbing the remote and turning on the small, ancient TV across the room. The bed was lower than what the average bed was for some reason, and you suspected that the frame had broken at some point, and that the motel either didn’t know or didn’t care.

Regardless of how the mattress felt, your eyes started to droop despite flicking through the channels. You could feel your mind start to relax as you let go of your driver mindset, releasing pent up tension and alertness. Johnny turned to face the TV, sparing you a glance with his eyebrows raised.

“The news?”

“You know it, big boy."

He stalked over to where you were and plopped himself down to sit next to you, not hesitating to pull you into his lap. You smiled as he wrapped his hands around your waist, large hands spanning across your skin easily. The TV, now stuck on a channel showing some melodramatic Mexican telenovela, seemed to fade into the background.

"You did so well, today, baby,” He murmured, pressing a kiss to your shoulder, “We all did really good.”

You smiled softly at his gentleness, hands meeting his on your waist, before turning your head enough to meet his gaze, nose brushing against his. His big, brown eyes were hooded, whether from tiredness or admiration of your features, you weren’t sure, but you gave it no further thought once he pressed his lips to yours.

His lips were slightly chapped, and you made a mental note to nag him later to drink more water. One of his hands came to brush some hair out of your face, and you became hyper-aware of each of his movements.

“Hmm, Johnny…"

"Shh, baby girl, let me kiss you a little bit more.”

When his lips came back to yours, his movements became more aggressive, pushing his tongue into your mouth as his grip on your waist tightened. Your breath hitched as you sucked on his tongue, whining softly against his mouth.

“Fuck,” you heard Jaehyun groan from the other side of the room, and Johnny pulled away before you could protest. Your eyes cracked open, hooded eyes finding Jaehyun bathed in warm light from the bathroom. His hair was still kind of damp and he hadn’t bothered buttoning his shirt up.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Johnny greeted, and you bit your lip at the teasing lilt in his tone, “Care to join us?"

"I was gonna wait until after dinner,” Jaehyun said, setting his towel on one of the chairs in the room, “But if you insist…”

“Jae,” You called, voice soft, “Come here, pretty boy.”

Jaehyun smiled as he approached you, standing right in front of you and Johnny, who had now started pressing kisses against your neck. “You want a kiss, princess?”

You nodded as best you could with Johnny sucking on your neck, pouting up at Jaehyun, who in return leaned down and grasped your face before pulling you into a kiss. He tasted like the watermelon bubblegum he always carried around in his pocket. One of your hands came up to comb through his wet, brown hair, nails scratching against his scalp, and he groaned quietly against your lips.

“You’re both so hot,” Johnny murmured against your ear, and you whined at his deep voice, both you and Jaehyun pulling away to look at him, the two of you evidently affected by what he was saying.

To say Johnny was the leader of your relationship was a bit of an understatement. Johnny was the mastermind behind most of your heists, and commanded a presence over both you and Jaehyun, wherever you were. Where Johnny went, you and Jaehyun followed with few objections, trailing behind him like ducklings. Johnny, in return, accepted his more dominant role easily, and did his best to take care of you both.

Sometimes, you wondered if your upbringings influenced the dynamics of your relationship. Maybe Johnny was  eager to dominate the both of you because he was raised under strict, controlling parents dictating his every move and treating him as their little puppet. Jaehyun submitting to Johnny, but not to you, out of the need to please as a kid who had been emotionally neglected but forced to live up to his family’s expectations. And you, submitting to both of them because you were forced to take care of yourself and your parents from a young age when it should have been the other way around.

The moment was broken by a knock at the door, the three of you immediately tensing up. “It’s just the pizza guy,” Jaehyun whispered in reassurance, taking a deep breath, but it didn’t do much to calm your nerves.

“Jae,” Johnny said, nodding toward him, looking alert, “Look through the peephole first. Wait for me.”

Jaehyun nodded, standing slowly. You were taking deep breaths in an attempt to keep yourself calm, but the possibilities of it being anyone but the pizza guy were causing your heart to beat into overdrive. LA police. Nevada police. State troopers. The FBI. Those weird Hungarian guys Jaehyun pissed off a few months ago. Suddenly it was all of them, waiting to burst into the room and take your family away from you.  

Johnny set you down on the bed, flashing you a soft look before pulling the back of his button up to reveal a gun hiding in the waistband of his pants, putting a hand on the grip, just in case. You stood, watching as Jaehyun slowly approached the door to look through the peephole, his eyes dark and eyebrows furrowed, heart pounding in your chest. He shut one eye, looking through the small hole in the door, before allowing his shoulders to slump a moment later, and giving you both a thumbs up.

Coast clear.

You sighed in relief, sitting back down on the bed as Jaehyun stepped away from the door. Johnny handed Jaehyun his gun, pulling out his wallet from the pocket of his pants, and swung open the door, beginning a casual discussion with the delivery man as he pulled some money out of his wallet, before grabbing the pizzas and telling the guy to keep the change.

He closed the door, waiting a few seconds before sighing in relief as well and slumping against it.

“Jesus fuck, that’s one way to kill a boner,” He muttered, looking up as Jaehyun set down the gun on the nightstand.

“Y/N, you should have seen your face,” The younger man said while he stifled a laugh, coming closer to wrap his arms around you, and you huffed.

“Fuck off,” You told him, rejecting his embrace, and pouted, “I was genuinely about to piss myself.”

Jaehyun laughed again, and you retaliated by punching him in the arm, but not too hard, but he still grabbed your hand and pulled you towards Johnny, who had since set the pizzas down on the desk and locked the door again. He opened a box and grabbed a slice, and your spat with Jaehyun was forgotten, especially after having been on the road for over eight hours without stopping to eat.

Jaehyun grabbed another slice, eagerly taking a large bite before his eyes turned to the TV, which was still playing the Mexican telenovela. He raised an eyebrow after a few moments.

“Why are we watching Pasión de Gavilanes?” He asked, reading the name of the show as it cut to a commercial break.

“I was looking for the news,” You replied, giving Johnny a sideways glance, “But someone had other ideas.”

Johnny shrugged, already on his second slice of pizza. “You didn’t seem to mind,” He said after swallowing his food, eyes alight with mischief. You rolled your eyes, but didn’t deny him, and watched as he walked back to the bed, where the remote lay abandoned. He began switching through the channels until he finally stumbled upon the nine o’clock news report on a random channel, and the three of you quietly made your way towards the bed, all three of you waiting for the exact same thing.

And when it came, it was amazing. You were the main story, the breaking news of the armed robbery that had occurred in one of the safest parts of the city.

The three of you huddled together, occasionally getting up to pick up more slices of pizza, all relishing in having your egos stroked as the reporters all went over the details of the heist, how, when the police searched the getaway car (which had been mysteriously abandoned), no trace of any of the thieves were found, that any and all fingerprints didn’t match with any already registered in the LAPD’s database.

“The FBI has already involved itself in the investigation, believing this is the work of the same perpetrators as the Municipal Bank of Santa Monica six months ago, where two assailants…” The female reporter faded into the background, and you nodded to yourself, finishing your pizza happily. You peeked over at Jaehyun, who had a smug look on his face, satisfaction evident. You looked back to the TV as the scene changed, ignoring Johnny as he shifted next to you.

“We have no way  to identify the perpetrators,” A representative for the FBI explained, “All we know is that the suspects are two males, both taller than six feet, and a female of unknown stature. All are believed to be between early and mid 20s.”

You zoned out for the rest of the report, content at both the fullness in your stomach and the lack of evidence the police had against you, before feeling Johnny shift next to you again. You furrowed your eyebrows, turning your head to look at him, only to raise your eyebrows as you realized what was going on.

Your eyes looked down to Johnny’s hand, which had drifted to between Jaehyun’s legs. Jaehyun was slumped against Johnny’s side, panting quietly as Johnny’s hand groped him roughly. Johnny’s gaze met yours, dark eyes twinkling.

“And to think he told us off for not being able to wait,” He murmured, and Jaehyun hummed at the deep roll of his voice. “Come on, princess. Help me make him feel good.”

You nodded, knowing better than to disobey Johnny when he got like this. You lowered yourself to your knees, crawling towards Jaehyun. Johnny moved again, this time sitting behind Jaehyun so he could begin to unbutton Jaehyun’s shirt. You placed yourself in between Jaehyun’s legs, hands coming up to touch the tent in his white shorts.

“I’ve been wanting to do this all night,” You sighed, reaching to unzip his pants. Jaehyun looked down at you, face flushed, but eyes still burning with lust. “That desperate, baby?”

“For you two, always,” You answered quietly, pulling his pants down as he wiggled his hips. Johnny slid the button up down the younger man’s arms, leaving Jaehyun in black boxers. You glanced at Johnny, who was kissing the back of Jaehyun’s neck, big hands sliding up and down Jaehyun’s toned torso, purposely avoiding the metal studs embedded in Jaehyun’s nipples, something you knew Jaehyun loved for Johnny to play with. You bit your lip, not missing  the fact that Johnny was rocking his hips steadily against Jaehyun’s.

You eyed the bulge in Jaehyun’s boxers hungrily, feeling your core heat up at the thought of what was to come, before pulling down the garment and freeing Jaehyun’s dick. He hummed at the feeling, and you didn’t hesitate to wrap a hand around it.

Jaehyun’s head fell back, breath hitching as you pressed a kiss to his tip, and Johnny chose that moment to tug on the piercings. “Fuck, John,” He muttered, eyes squeezing shut.

“Don’t be mean, pretty boy,” Johnny cooed, fingers flicking the nubs incessantly, “Y/N’s helping you out too, don’t ignore her.”

“Y-Y/N—Shit, baby, nngh…”

You smiled at his whine, before taking his tip into your mouth, Jaehyun’s hips instinctually moving to thrust into your mouth. Your hand moved to stroke what you couldn’t fit into your mouth, listening to Johnny whisper filth into Jaehyun’s ear, not letting up his fingers, despite Jaehyun’s squirming.

His pretty face was flushed, letting out soft moans as Johnny tugged on the metal and pressed open mouthed kisses against his neck. You closed your eyes, focusing on hollowing your cheeks and making him feel good. He hissed when he hit the back of your throat, and your eyes opened as you forced yourself not to gag. Drool was pooling in your mouth, threatening to spill down your chin.

“She’s so pretty like this, John…” Jaehyun’s voice sounded breathless as his hands wound into your hair, keeping it out of your face. Your eyes screwed shut, whining quietly at his praise.

"She’s fucking gorgeous when she’s sucking cock,” Johnny growled against Jaehyun’s neck, voice guttural and dangerous, “And she loves it. Isn’t that right, princess?”

Jaehyun’s hand tightened against your scalp, trying to pull you off of his cock. “Give him an answer, baby girl.”

You pulled away from him, hand still gripping his shaft, still pumping slowly. You gasped for air, and the spit that had been gathering in your mouth spilled onto your chin, and they both groaned in unison at the sight. “I love it, John,” You murmured, meeting his dark stare. “Baby, you’re both so big, you both stretch me out so good.”

Jaehyun groaned again, and Johnny hummed, pressing a kiss to Jaehyun’s temple before he stood from the bed. He pulled you up on top of the bed with them, pulling you into his lap. You wrapped your legs around his waist, smiling to yourself as you felt something hard poking at your core. “Jae,” Johnny hummed, and Jaehyun shuffled over to meet you both.

“Spit in her mouth,” Johnny ordered quietly, and you whimpered in delight. Jaehyun looked at you with mischief in his eyes, before grabbing your chin. Your mouth fell open without need for an order, and he pressed his nose against yours. Then he opened his mouth, and you moaned when his spit fell onto your tongue.

“Don’t swallow yet, princess.” Johnny’s voice was deep, dark, and you knew he was thoroughly enjoying watching the both of you. You kept your mouth open, as one of his hands came to hold the back of your neck, drawing him closer to you. He pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth, before opening his mouth and spitting in yours as well.

His eyes never left yours the entire time, nearly black with desire. His face was flushed, and the hand on your neck was hot.

“Swallow,” He growled against your mouth, and you couldn’t bring yourself to disobey. When you opened your mouth to show him how good you were being, he groaned and pressed his lips against yours in a bruising kiss. Your hands busied themselves unbuttoning his shirt, while his hands groped your ass, forcing you to grind against him. You moaned his name, and his tongue found itself into your mouth, taking the lead of the wet, messy kiss.

Your mind was quickly hazing up at the feeling of Johnny’s clothed cock rubbing against you through your denim shorts, but you still picked up on the sounds of skin against skin and panting coming from your left. You pulled away from Johnny’s lips to look towards Jaehyun. Johnny took this chance to tug your shirt off, leaving you in a plain purple bra. Your breath caught in your throat when your eyes fell to Jaehyun’s hands, Johnny’s lips trailing down to the skin of your collarbones.

Jaehyun had one hand stroking himself at a steady pace, the other wrapped around the base of his cock, as if he were trying to stave off an incoming orgasm. He was watching the both of you with eyes darker than the Mojave desert in the middle of the night.

“Jae,” You whined, breathless against Johnny’s frame, “C’mere and kiss me, baby.”

“Yeah?” Jae answered, just as breathless as you, quirking an eyebrow up, “You want me, needy baby?”

You nodded in response, one hand reaching out to him. He leaned forward again, and your eyes fluttered shut as his lips landed against yours.

Jaehyun’s kisses were so different from Johnny’s. Jaehyun was gentler, but he didn’t need to tease you by letting you dominate the kiss and then taking over. No, Jaehyun dominated the kiss from the beginning, plump lips sliding against yours, hands leaving his cock to caress your sides, brushing over Johnny’s hands very briefly. Then, they moved to your back, unclipping your bra and discarding it somewhere on the bed.

He pulled away from your lips, and Johnny, who had been sucking a purple mark into your shoulder, did the same. You noted that all of your chests were heaving. Johnny’s hands were still moving your hips against his, and the pleasure left your mind reeling.

“You close, princess?” Jaehyun asked, and you shook your head. “N-not yet, but… s-soon.”

“Look at how pretty our baby girl is, Jaehyun,” Johnny murmured,  dark eyes glittering in adoration as he watched your hips speed up of their own accord, rutting against him like a mindless animal. Jaehyun hummed in agreement, leaning his head against Johnny’s shoulder. Your head tipped back, unable to handle both of them looking at you, looking through you, as you fell apart on Johnny’s lap.

“You’re so perfect, Y/N. So good for us, baby girl.”

By now, the fabric of your shorts and your panties against your core were starting to feel uncomfortable, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You were so lost in hazy pleasure, head swimming with nothing but thoughts of your two lovers. Your hands linked around Johnny’s neck, trying to find something to tether yourself to the mortal world, because you were certain that if you didn’t, you would float off into space, never to be seen again.

“Ah, f-fuck,” You said, “L-love you both so much…”

Jaehyun’s hand caressed your neck, before coming to caress your cheek. He moved your head as well, forcing you to meet his eyes. His eyes were warm, clouded with desire. Your gaze flickered between his face and Johnny’s, and you whined again. They were watching you wordlessly, in a way that made you feel safe, loved, needed, and even though it’d been about a year and a half since they started looking at you like that, it never failed to make your head spin in love and arousal.  

Johnny let loose a lazy smile at your words, hips bucking against your own. “We love you too, princess. You’re so sweet, do you wanna come soon?”

You nodded desperately, opening your mouth to answer but moaning instead when Johnny pressed you down even more against his cock. They both laughed at your noise, and you just had to laugh along with them.

The laughter died down a few moments later, and you felt yourself dangling over the edge. You just needed one little push, and a little push is what you got when Jaehyun turned his face to Johnny, and the older man met him for a kiss. Johnny growled against Jaehyun’s lips, biting down on his lower lip, and Jaehyun’s hand ran through Johnny’s hair, now sweaty and damp.

The sight of your lovers making out in front of you tipped you over the edge. Your eyes screwing shut, their names and profanities spilling from your mouth, moaning as the pleasure started in your hands and feet, before spreading up your arms and legs and taking over your body. Your hips didn’t stop moving, seemingly having a mind of your own, trying to draw out your orgasm as you clenched around nothing. All too soon, the sensation washed away, leaving you pliant and breathless in Johnny’s arms.

Your eyes opened to find that they hadn’t exactly broken away. They’d stopped kissing to pay attention to you, but they were still close enough for each other’s lips to remain against their own. When they finally separated, a small trail of spit connected their lower lips.

“That was so hot,” Johnny groaned, pressing your head against his chest, which was now bare, somehow. Jaehyun must have slipped off his shirt at some point without you noticing, you concluded in your frazzled state of mind. You closed your eyes as you allowed your breathing to return to normal, vaguely aware of your boys kissing each other a bit more.

“How are you doing, princess?” Jaehyun said once you had calmed down, no longer panting. His hand was caressing your side up and down, almost as if he was comforting you. You straightened your posture to look up at him and Johnny, giving them a soft, sleepy smile. Johnny’s big hands squeezed your hips as he spoke. “You wanna stop, or do you wanna keep going?”

You nodded, brushing away a damp strand of hair that was in your face. “I still haven’t gotten fucked by either of you,” You mumbled, “What makes you think I’m stopping before that happens?”

The pair exchanged a dark glance, wicked smiles gracing their faces before looking back at you.

“Clothes off,” Jaehyun ordered, “Now.”

You moved off of Johnny, legs wobbling slightly, to lay down next to them. You popped the button on your shorts and pulled down the zipper, watching as Jaehyun undressed Johnny, doing the same with his shorts as he kissed down the older man’s neck. You were left in now ruined cotton panties, the drenched fabric clinging to your folds in an awkward way. Your eyes turned to the pair in front of you as Jaehyun pulled down Johnny’s boxers, leaving him naked as well. They faced you, and Johnny grabbed you by the ankle, dragging you towards them with a soft smile on his face. You laughed quietly, the noise dying when Jaehyun grabbed your other leg as well and parted them, before lying in between them, face inches away from your core.

“John, baby,” He said, craning his neck to stare at him, “Can I…?”

“Go ahead, pretty boy,” Johnny replied, as he lay next to you, “Y/N made you feel good earlier, and we need to get her ready for us, right? You can return the favor, can’t you?”

Jaehyun nodded, and Johnny raised an eyebrow as he moved to lie next to you. “Words, baby boy.”

Jaehyun gulped, hands resting on your hips. “Yes, John.”

His hands reached for your panties, his eyes meeting yours as he pressed a kiss to your thigh. Your hand brushed some sandy brown hair out of his eyes, and you hummed as you watched him pull down the last piece of clothing, discarding it. “Jae,” You mumbled, “You’re so pretty, baby.”

Jaehyun smiled, the tips of his ears turning red. It had taken you a few weeks for you to put it together when you started dating, but you eventually figured out that Jaehyun loved getting praised. Anytime you or Johnny said something about how good or handsome he was, how nice he made either of you feel, he’d turn to putty in your hands.

He grabbed your thighs, pulling them over his shoulders, his face close to where you needed him most but did nothing. He was riling you up, you knew he was. He loved to do this, loved to wait how long he could wait before making you beg. “Babe,” You murmured, “Jae, please don’t tease me.”

His eyes twinkled with something you couldn’t read as he pressed another kiss to your thigh, big, rough hands gripping your hips possessively. “You beg so nicely, princess. How could I refuse?”

He lowered his mouth to your hole, and your eyes squeezed shut, hissing out at the sensitivity. Johnny pressed a kiss to your forehead. The hand that wasn’t tugging on Jaehyun’s hair shot out to grasp Johnny’s forearm. Johnny responded by grabbing your hand and guiding it to his cock, and you obeyed his silent command by wrapping your hand around him, pumping him slowly.

You could hear his breathing right next to your ear, combined with the wet sounds Jaehyun was making as he mouthed along your slit. You weren’t sure what to focus on, letting out a high keen as Jaehyun slid a finger inside of you, his mouth coming up to suckle on your clit.

“Ah, Jaehyun, baby,” You whined, hips trying to move, but being stopped by Jaehyun’s other hand, “F-feels so good.”

Jaehyun hummed against your clit, the vibration causing you to squirm even further, crying out his name. Already you could feel the familiar sensation in your lower stomach again, forcing you to focus on Jaehyun’s mouth, alternating between sucking your clit and flicking it with the tip of your tongue.

“You like how he’s making you feel, baby girl?” Johnny asked a few moments later, and you nodded as he pressed his forehead against your temple to whisper into your ear. “You like the way he’s being a good boy and eating your pussy like he’s starving?”

You nodded again, whining even louder when Jaehyun added a second finger. Johnny’s hand rose to your breast, teasing your nipple as your head fell back, hand falling into a sloppy rhythm against Johnny’s cock. He pinched harshly, and you tried to move away from his grip, but he wouldn’t let you. “Neither of you seem to want to use your words today, huh? Come on, princess, tell Jaehyun how much you like it.”

You opened your mouth, trying to speak, but shrieking when Jaehyun’s fingers began to thrust into you at a rapid pace. Your hips were bucking wildly against Jaehyun’s mouth and fingers now, despite his best efforts to hold you down.

“J-Jae, fuck, fuck, fuck… Ah, your fingers are s-so big… They’re fucking me so good, I-I’m so sensitive, I don’t think I can h-hold on much longer…”

“Aw, already?” Jaehyun teased from between your legs, fingers not letting up as he slowed down their pace, “It’s only been a few minutes.”

“Jaehyun,” You whined, grasp tightening on his hair, “I’m gonna come, p-please…”

“No.”

Your eyes shot open to glare at Johnny, breathing heavily as Jaehyun removed his fingers from your aching core, and your hand stopped its movement against Johnny’s dick. “Why not?” You whined, and Johnny sat up, propping himself against the faded maroon headboard of the bed.

“Because you’re not cumming again until both of us have.” His tone was stern, leaving no room for argument. His gaze, however, was warm. “Now, what’s gonna happen is this: you’re gonna get on your hands and knees, and pretty boy over there is gonna fuck you from behind, and you’re gonna let me fuck your face. Can you two do that for me?”

He was giving both you and Jaehyun the chance to drop it now, disguised under the illusion of a command. But you didn’t want to stop. You rarely did when it came to your boyfriends.

“Yes, John,” You and Jaehyun answered at the same time, looking at him. Johnny grinned, patting his thighs with both hands.

“Come here, Y/N. Hands and knees, like I said.”

You crawled over to him, eyes not leaving Johnny’s face. His dark eyes followed yours, face covered with a light sheen of sweat, hair brushed back to reveal his forehead. You leaned forward when you got to the spot where he ordered you to be, pressing a kiss to his jawline. Your mouth trailed down to his neck, smiling against his skin when you heard him sigh in satisfaction.

You felt the bed shift as Jaehyun came to kneel behind you, hands trailing down your back, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Your kisses trailed down Johnny’s tan skin, past his collarbones, across his pecs, down his stomach, ghosting along his right hip. Your lips left his skin as Jaehyun gripped your hip with one hand, using his hand to grind his dick against your soaking folds.

“You want me to put it in, baby?” Jaehyun asked you, and you nodded without hesitating, your face heating at your desperation. “Yes, Jae.”

“Suck Johnny’s dick and I’ll do whatever you want, lovely girl.”

His words were accompanied by Johnny’s hands touching the back of your neck, not pushing, but still commanding a certain power over you, still compelling you to lower yourself onto his cock.

One thing you’d learned very early on from having sex with both Johnny and Jaehyun, you thought as you let your mouth relax around Johnny’s dick, was that they were both bigger than the past lays you’d had. Jaehyun was a bit longer, but Johnny was thicker. Regardless, they both had the power to leave your legs shaking, and your throat scratchy for days.

Once you’d allowed your jaw to loosen enough, you began bobbing your head up and down slowly, tonguing along the underside of the shaft. Your hands held you up, grasping Johnny’s toned thighs for support. A rush came through you as you realized that those thighs were what had made you come earlier, and that helped you push Johnny even further down your throat.

A groan bubbled out of Johnny’s throat, and Jaehyun took that as his sign to push into you. You moaned against Johnny, and his groan got louder, hands pushing you even further against Johnny’s pelvis. You held back the urge to gag, forcing yourself to focus on breathing through your nose despite the intrusion in your mouth.  

Jaehyun’s movements started slow, letting you get used to the both of them fucking into you from both ends. He let out a low hiss as you clenched around him, hips grinding against you in a way that had you seeing stars.

It was as if they were connected telepathically, something unspoken between the two of them that always confused and amused you. You felt the amusement again as they both sped up the movements of their hips at the same time, a gradual buildup from teasing, subtle grinding, to harsh bucks of the hips, fucking in and out of you as if you were their own little tool for pleasure, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Any noises that left you were either muffled shrieks of pleasure as Jaehyun pounded away at your still sensitive pussy, or gagging noises, as Johnny’s hands forced you up and down his cock, bottoming out into your throat whenever he wanted to prolong little bursts of ecstasy. Tears were running down your face as he did so, and when he noticed, he let out a strained laugh.

“Hey, baby girl, are you crying because of my dick or Jaehyun’s?”

He pulled you off of him, and you took the chance to catch your breath before answering a few seconds later.

“B-both,” You moaned, and Jaehyun grunted in acknowledgement.

“Good,” He hummed, and you bit your lip as you fucked back against him, “Using our little girl like this feels so nice, doesn’t it, Johnny?”

“It feels fucking fantastic, pretty boy,” Johnny answered as you craned your neck to kiss along his shaft, “She’s so small, but she takes us both like a fucking champ. Maybe next time we should stuff her pussy and her ass at the same time… would you like that, angel?”

You cried out enthusiastically, stomach twisting at the suggestion. Jaehyun threw his head back, letting out a guttural groan.

“Oh, she’d love that, baby. You should’ve felt how much tighter she got when you said that.”

Johnny grinned, and lifted you off of his cock one more time.

“Hey, Y/N,” He said, lifting your chin to get you to look at him.

“H-hey, Johnny,” You whimpered, and Johnny pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth.

“Get off his dick, princess,” He told you, loud enough for Jaehyun to hear, “I’ve got an idea.”

Jaehyun stopped his movements, pulling out of you. You whined at the sudden emptiness, and Johnny patted your head to calm you before standing. Given that the bed frame was a lot lower than most beds, it allowed him to tower over both you and Jaehyun as Johnny propped the younger man up, then told you to sit in his lap, letting Jaehyun slide back inside of you.

“I wanna watch you both,” He murmured lovingly, carding a hand through Jaehyun’s hair, who hummed happily. Your mind was turning fuzzy fast, clinging to Jaehyun and pressing soft kisses to his jaw.

“Can we still touch you, Johnny?” You asked, voice small, flashing him big, pouty eyes that he could seldom refuse as he sat back down at where he once was.

Johnny nodded, his hand moving to your head and repeating the movement he’d made on Jaehyun’s head. “Of course you can, baby,” He answered, “But you’ll do it when I say so and how I tell you to do it. Is that okay?”

“Yes, Johnny.”

“Okay.”

Johnny smiled at the both of you, and slowly Jaehyun began his rhythm again, fucking in and out of you slowly, before speeding up again. Your lips trailed down to his neck, sucking on a spot you wanted to leave a mark on, and your hands came up to toy with his nipple piercings, mimicking what Johnny had been doing to him earlier.

Jaehyun groaned, eyebrows furrowing and eyes fluttering shut as you began to move with him and tug at the piercings. He turned his head to lock eyes with Johnny, who was stroking himself as he watched the two of you gradually lose control against each other’s body. The two held each other’s gaze, Jaehyun’s eyes lowering first as he pressed a kiss to your  sweaty forehead.

“John,” Jaehyun pleaded, voice deep and teasing, “Come here, daddy, I wanna jack you off.”

Johnny raised an eyebrow. You and Jaehyun only brought out daddy when you wanted to be little shits to him and tease him more than usual. Nevertheless, he relented, standing and walking around the bed. Your eyes peeled open a few moments later, finding Johnny standing to the side of you, cock being stroked by Jaehyun as he continued to roll his hips into you.

Given that the bed was lower than usual, and Johnny was freakishly tall, his dick was more or less level with your faces, and through the hazy pleasure of Jaehyun pounding away at you, you got an idea.

You leaned slightly to the side, pressing a kiss to the head of Johnny’s member, and Johnny groaned as he realized what you wanted to do. Jaehyun seemed to like the idea, his hips fucking into you even faster once he registered what was going on.

Johnny used his knees to lean against the mattress, allowing you to lean back into your original position as he tipped his head back.

“Our dirty girl,” Johnny hissed, “You want cock so bad, don’t you? Can’t handle just one fucking you, you need another one down your throat.”

Jaehyun pulled you off of him. “Give him an answer, sweetheart,” He ordered, before taking your place and taking Johnny into his mouth.

“I’m yours,” You told them, “Want you both all day, all night, ngh, always… I love you both s-so much, I can’t handle not being fucked like this ever again…”

“You belong to us now, baby. We own you, body and soul.” Johnny’s voice was slightly strained now, but his words still held the same effect. You were eager to agree, unable to say anything as Jaehyun hit the one spot inside of you that had you crying out his name.

“Fuck, Jae! Right there!”

Jaehyun pulled off of Johnny’s cock, pulling you into a bruising kiss as he continued to hit your sweet spot time and time again.

“Yeah, you’re gonna cum again soon?” Jaehyun asked when he pulled away, and you nodded, before turning to Johnny and taking him into your mouth again.

“Don’t forget, princess,” Johnny said, “You can’t cum until either of us have. Understood?”

You nodded, trying to hold off the impending wave that was soon to crash on you.

“I’m so fucking close, Johnny,” Jaehyun mumbled, and Johnny gave a garbled agreement when Jaehyun’s free hand came up to stroke along with your hand.

“Me too, baby,” Johnny groaned, “You gonna fill Y/N up? Cum inside that tight pussy of hers?”

Your legs wrapped around Jaehyun’s waist, before you pulled your mouth away from Johnny, opting to stroke him as Jaehyun took him into his mouth once more.

“Give it to me, Jae,” You begged, voice shaky.

Johnny came first with a loud, “Fuck!” He watched as you and Jaehyun took turns licking away the cum as it shot out of the tip of his dick, tongues meeting occasionally as you both mouthed along the head.

“Shit, you’re both so good to me.”

Jaehyun’s orgasm came moments later. He buried his face in your neck, wrapping his arms around your waist as his pace turned sloppy and sporadic, filling you with hot cum as he groaned out both your name and Johnny’s. You whimpered at the sensitivity of your insides as he twitched against your walls, painting them white, but you didn’t stop bouncing in his lap.

“Y-you both came,” You moaned, desperate to cum. You could see on Jaehyun’s face that he was growing sensitive as well, but his hands on your waist weren’t stopping you at all. “Please let me cum, I’ve been a good girl…”

Johnny sat behind you, letting your head roll onto his shoulder. One hand wrapped around your neck, not squeezing, but still tight enough to send a thrill down your spine. “Yeah, you’ve been really well behaved tonight, baby. You weren’t as bratty as you usually are, hmm?”

You couldn’t answer, not when his other hand reached down to tap away at your swollen clit.

“J-John, ah—”

“You wanna cum, baby girl?”

You nodded, eyes squeezing shut as your hips took on a mind of their own.

“Then cum, sweetheart.”

And somehow, his deep, warm voice triggered your orgasm.

You threw your head back, almost positive that what you were speaking in tongues rather than actually saying anything coherent. You clung onto Jaehyun with one hand, writhing in his hold, and reached back to grip Johnny’s bicep. Beneath your eyelids, colors danced around you. You were certain this was what heaven felt like, and that this was some sort of divine ascension…

Verona, Nevada, 10:06 PM

When you managed to come down, you felt groggy, and your vision felt hazy, as if you were in a dream.  The only sound came from the three of you, breathing heavily as you recovered from what had just happened. The room smelled like sex, sweat, and oddly enough, greasy pizza.

“Y/N?” Jaehyun murmured, “You still with us?"

You nodded, trying to ignore the scratchiness in your throat. "Yeah… ‘m good. Came really hard.”

Johnny chuckled from behind you, before pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “Certainly looked like it, baby.”

You smiled, eyes drooping already at the tiredness you were beginning to feel.  

You settled down between the two of them, ignoring the smell of sweat emanating from the three of you all together. Yes, you loved being like this, sandwiched between your two favorite people, but you couldn’t deny that the body heat radiating from everyone, plus slight tackiness of sweaty skin against more sweaty skin made you want to cringe. And as much as you loved the idea of Jaehyun’s cum staying inside of you, it was slowly beginning to trickle down your thigh, further contributing to your growing discomfort.

“I need to shower,” You finally mumbled, rubbing your eyes sleepily, before pouting. Looking around the motel room, you noted that it was dingy enough, you didn’t want to imagine the bathroom. “How bad is the bathroom?”

Jaehyun groaned, hand coming to rub at his forehead in disdain.

“Oh, it’s fuckin’ nasty.”

“...Shit.”

#kpop smut #kpop scenarios #kpop au #kpop x reader #nct smut #nct x reader #nct scenarios #nct au #jaehyun smut #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun x reader #johnny seo x reader #johnny seo smut #johnny seo scenarios #my writing

[readinginthereadyroom]

it’s rage (911 3x05) and the divorce lawsuit arc keeps eddie from reaching out to buck. 

but the thing is. eddie’s been isolating himself. not on purpose. but as a means of coping. with the almost-baby. the would-be divorce. shannon’s death. his family visiting. the ladder bombing. buck’s blood clots. the tsunami. christopher’s ptsd. and there’s no time for anything else. certainly not time for himself. 

and he’ll willingly take christopher to therapy. but won’t give that to himself. he’s not touchy-feely like that. or at least. he doesn’t think he’s allowed to be. 

eddie basically admits it in kids today (911 3x01). look, I know it sucks, but that's life, right? whenever stuff didn't work out for me, my dad always told me to brush it off, keep moving forward. It wasn't easy but he wasn't wrong. 

but instead of that he listens to his team. decides that hen’s I don't know if I should just give him a swift kick in the butt and get him back out there or hug him and tell him that it's all gonna be okay. is the better advice. so he shows up unannounced at buck’s loft. gives him a swift kick in the ass outta bed. hands him a hug in the shape of christopher. he never feels sorry for himself. and it seems to work. for a while. I learned one thing from that tsunami: it's that I don't quit. I fight. because even after the tsunami. after losing christopher during the second wave. eddie still trusts buck. because buck never stopped searching. never stopped trying to find christopher. and that means everything. thank you for not giving up.

but then there’s the fallout. christopher’s having nightmares. and he’s unwilling to talk about them to eddie. he obviously saw something terrible when he was separated from buck. something that he conflates with his mother’s death. something about a woman drowning. 

which is absolutey heartbreaking. especially since there’s nothing eddie can really do. just keep loving him. 

and bosko means well. she and eddie are building their own friendship since the tsunamis. and it’s been growing while she temps at the 118. she gives him invaluable advice when he talks about christopher. that no matter what, her mom shared her feelings with her. however we felt, we were in it together, no matter what.

but she’s also a literal buck stand-in. a temporary coworker and a temporary confidante. especially once the lawsuit is underway. well, there's no way I was gonna call my abuela or the 118, and I'm not allowed to talk to buck.

because buck is trying to get his job back. feeling hurt and betrayed and lashing out. and inadvertabtly hurting those he cares about most. because he told his lawyer about shannon’s death. how eddie never took any time off to grieve. never saw a counselor.

and eddie’s not okay with that. not after the revelation about christopher’s nightmares. the fresh wounds that would leave. because eddie’s a private guy. guarded about his emotions. he’s silly and soft with christopher in their own home. but he’ll cry alone on the beach. 

and maybe buck didn’t say all that to this stranger. this ambulance chaser. but it feels like he did. that buck aired all his dirty laundry. personal things. that buck didn’t have his back. 

but maybe bosko can. she might be a buck mirror in the tsunami eps but she’s also an eddie mirror. she’s not into touchy feely emotions either. and she likes to fight. so she takes him to fake fight club. let’s him work off some steam. 

only it fails spectacularly. because eddie’s not actually mad. he’s not angry. no, he’s hurting. and he doesn’t know how to show it. and maybe that's where our rage comes from. a feeling that our world, our lives are out of control.

and it all comes spilling out in the pet aisle of a grocery store. because buck’s there to apologize and eddie. eddie misses him. I can't even talk to you and you’re not around. 

even worse. christopher misses him. and buck didn’t even realize that.

and there’s a lifetime bad advice is still rattling around in eddie’s head. we all have our own problems, but you don't see us whining about it. no, somehow, we just manage to suck it up. why can't you? and then he says something truly awful. something he doesn’t actually mean.

you're exhausting.

which is to say. eddie’s exhausted. he’s obviously not sleeping, not with christopher waking up to nightmares. and everything feels like it’s out of control. eddie feels like he’s out of control. 

and just when he felt like he was getting some of that control back--buck becoming a fire marshal. a new friend. admitting he’s sad to chris. a week without nightmares--that lawyer takes it all away. makes him feel like he’s still not enough. awakens the old fears that he’ll drag christopher down with him. because he didn’t grieve properly. didn’t let himself feel. and that’s what sparked all of christopher’s problems. 

nevermind that none of it’s true. that it’s just eddie projecting. because he feels helpless. powerless. weak. alone.

and that’s why eddie goes to the private fights. why he continues going. despite the bruises and the beatings. and why he gives buck the cold shoulder in monsters (911 3x06) when he notices them. nothing you need to be concerned with.

because their team is broken. when you decided to sue the department, to make cap the bad guy, did you ever stop for a minute to think what that could do to us? and yeah, eddie’s obtensibly refering to the 118 team. but that little finger waggle gives him away. us as in you and me. us as in you and christopher. us as in the buckley-diaz team.

your actions, your choices, they impact the rest of us. that's what it means to be a part of a team. because eddie’s ready to finish their conversation from the grocery story. ready to listen. because buck’s proven he’s listened too. acknoweldged that he didn’t think about what could happen. that he didn’t mean for it to go so far. didn’t mean for anyone. let alone eddie and chris. to get hurt. 

only he was so mad. at bobby. at the 118. at the world. at himself. and he wanted to punch something. 

just like eddie. 

and maybe that’s what does it. because eddie’s forgiven buck before he can even finish asking. I forgive you. also what it means to be part of a team. because they were the same. they were both hurting. both retreating inward and lashing outwards. alone and suffering for it. 

so eddie puts their team back together. seals all that tough love with a hug. 

and it’s not quite over. they still have some healing to do--eddie’s still cage fighting and buck’s still repairing his relationship with bobby. but now they have each other’s backs. they can heal together. 

because they’re on the same team. again.

#just rewatched the lawsuit arc #and oof is 3x04 hard to watch #but also i never noticed how sharply the bobby and buck conflict #veers into an eddie and buck confict #once they are face to face in the grocery store #like bobby says NOTHING to buck #just let's eddie pour his messy feelings all over the pet aisle #and all the things eddie says basically boil down to #I'm tired and I miss you #i need you to have my back while i deal with all these messy feelings #and the same for buck! #he didn't feel like eddie had his back with bobby #it's about the team as family #not just the 118 but them #the buckley-diaz team as family #and it's about listening #really listening #to ourselves and those who care about us #and about changing those dialogues when they are toxic #i dunno #lots of feels about this whole arc #it's messy and UNCOMFORTABLE and I know fandom likes to skip over it #or pretend it didn't happen #but i think it's important #maybe because it's messy and uncomfortable #because in the end thier relationship is stronger #because they realize how much they need each other #how lost they were alone #okay enough rambling in the tag #eddie diaz

[sourwolf-sterek32]

Call 911 ( Norman Reedus x Reader )

Summary: You met Norman Reedus on set of The Walking Dead and after years of filming together, the two of you finally started dating. Everything was going great and the two of you were as happy as ever. Until a stunt while filming goes horribly wrong and everything comes crashing down.

Pairing: Norman Reedus x Reader

Word Count: 5k

You had been a part of The Walking Dead cast since Season 2, coming into the show as Rick's younger sister. You had grown close to the cast over the years, especially Norman Reedus and after six years of working together onset, you two finally got together in real life.

You were currently filming a fight scene with Jeffrey Dean Morgan after your character, George, managed to run Negan off the road.

The only other actor rostered on for today was Norman. The director wanted to focus on the highway chase scene between Daryl, George and Negan later today since you had good weather for once.

You were in the middle of a hand-to-hand combat scene with Jeffrey. It was a full on fight scene since your character had just found out about Carl's death and was blaming Negan for it.

You and Jeffrey had practiced this scene for hours when you and Norman came over at his farm a few weeks ago.

So, you felt fairly confident that the two of you could do it without the need of stunt doubles, but as soon as you took a wrong step backwards trying to dodge Lucille, you knew you were screwed.

You would have been better off just taking the hit from Lucille since it was a foam prop, but instead you took a step backwards tripping over the stairs.

You didn't even get a chance to try and stop yourself before you tumbled down the staircase, your forehead slamming against the bottom cement step as you reached the ground.

For a second you thought you were going to pass out as black spots began clouding your vision, but you quickly blinked them away.

"Y/N!" Norman's voice yelled as he raced over to you, his hands instantly cupping your face as he took in the bruise already forming on your forehead.

"Shit, baby. Are you okay?" He asked as he slowly helped you into a sitting position before Jeffrey appeared beside you.

"I'm good. Sorry I screwed that take up Jeff." You groaned resting your hand against your forehead in pain.

"That doesn't matter, maybe we should have used stunt doubles, huh?" Jeffrey responded as you chuckled with a small nod despite the pain in your head.

"Move out the way guys, we need to take a look at her." The medic suddenly called out ushering Norman and Jeffrey to the side as they began asking you questioned and doing small tests on you to make sure you didn't have concussion or something.

"She'll be fine, but maybe take the rest of the day off." The head medic suggested as he handed you an ice pack which you immediately pressed against your forehead.

"Just give me an hour and a couple pain killers and we can continue shooting." You argued as Norman held his hand out, helping you to your feet with a concerned look on his face.

"You sure you're up for it? That was a big fall. Nobody expects you to keep working." Norman replied as he slowly walked you back to the chairs set up behind all the cameras as Jeffrey followed.

"I told you, I'm fine. Plus, George is wearing a motorcycle helmet during our next scene so the bruise won't matter." You simply replied before one of the assistants handed you a bottle of water. It was just a small bruise, you have had worse injuries during filming.

"You're one tough chick, Y/N." Jeffrey commented patting your shoulder as he took a seat on the high chair beside you.

-

*Two hours later*

You were sitting on top of George's motorcycle, Norman standing beside Daryl's motorcycle waiting for everyone to get in place for the scene while Jeffrey started up the Jeep that Negan was driving away in.

The crew had cameras set up down the abandon highway, along with a camera drone to capture a bird's eye view of the chase.

"And action!" The director yelled as Jeffrey took off down the road in the Jeep.

"We can't let him get back to Alexandria!" You yelled pulling on your motorcycle helmet.

You glanced over at Norman who nodded before climbing on his own motorcycle starting the engine.

"We ain't lettin' that happen. Let's go!" Norman yelled in his gruff Daryl voice before the two of you took off down the road.

For the first few minutes as the two of you rode down the road everything was going smoothly. You were riding a few metres in front of Daryl just how the director wanted it when suddenly you began to feel dizzy.

You quickly hit the brakes on the motorcycle knowing something was seriously wrong. But you were too late because the next thing you knew you hit the dirt on the side of the road, your motorcycle tumbling a few more metres.

The world was spinning around you as splitting pain erupted in your head. You frantically tried pulling your helmet off in hope to relieve the pain, but you couldn't undo the strap.

You were vaguely aware of Norman dropping down beside you, helping you take the helmet off, but the pain didn't go away.

You could see Norman's lips moving as if he was trying to talk to you, but you couldn't hear anything above the ringing in your ears. His eyes were panicked as he waved his hand in front of your face clearly trying to get your attention, but before you could reply everything faded to black.

"I need help! Y/N! Baby, c'mon stay with me." Norman begged cradling your head in his lap, his trembling hands cupping the side of your face trying to get you to wake up.

"Shit. Call 911!" One of the medics yelled behind him when they noticed your unconscious body laying in Norman's lap. "Did she say anything before passing out?"

"She was mumbling something about her head hurting. Is she gonna be okay?" Norman questioned glancing over his shoulder towards the two medics as they quickly dropped down beside him examining your head.

"Give us some room, she could have a head injury." The head medic replied, but Norman didn't move. His fingers tightened around the fabric of your shirt, not wanting to leave your side.

"How could she have a head injury? I saw the whole thing, she didn't hit her head when she fell off and she was wearing a helmet!" Norman responded a little louder than he probably should have.

"It might have been caused from her accident this morning."

"You guys checked her! You said she was fine!" Norman yelled glaring over at the medic beside him before he suddenly felt a pair of hands grab his shoulders firmly.

"Bubba, it's not their fault. Come on, give them room to work." Jeffrey's voice said calmly from behind him.

Norman reluctantly nodded, standing up and taking a couple steps back as he watched the medics hover over his girl.

"Her heartbeat is faint. Elevate her head and someone get me an ETA on that ambulance!" The medic yelled as more and more people from the crew began rushing towards the scene.

It felt like hours before the ambulance finally arrived, but it was probably only a few minutes. Time seemed to go in slow motion as Norman watched the paramedics strap you onto the hospital gurney.

"Is she gonna be okay? What's happening?" Norman frantically questioned as he hovered behind all the medics watching as they secured a neck brace around your neck.

"Sir, step back. We have to take her to the hospital." One of the paramedics informed as they lifted the gurney into the back of the ambulance.

"I gotta go with her, she's my girlfriend." He responded glancing into the back of the ambulance as the paramedics began climbing inside and setting up what he assumed was an IV drip.

"I'm sorry, there's not enough room. We're taking her to Piedmont Atlanta Hospital, meet us there." The paramedic instructed as he closed the back door of the ambulance before climbing into the front seat and driving off with the sirens flashing.

"I-I gotta go." Norman mumbled turning back towards the crew as he spotted the director who quickly nodded in understanding.

"Come on, I'll drive you. Boss we're taking the Jeep back to the trailers." Jeffrey shouted glancing over towards the producer before grabbing Norman's shoulder.

The two of them climbed into Negans Jeep and drove back to the actors trailers where their own vehicles where parked nearby.

"We'll take your truck, I can get my car later." Jeffrey stated and Norman just nodded as he handed over his keys, knowing he was in no condition to drive.

Neither of them spoke the entire drive to the hospital, what could he even say? His girlfriend had just been rushed to the hospital and he knew jack shit about what's happening other than the fact that she might have a possible head injury. But, what did that even mean? Was it serious? Was she going to be alright? He had so many questions, but zero answers.

Jeffrey didn't even bother finding a proper car park when they arrived at the hospital. He would deal with any parking tickets later, right now they needed to get inside the hospital and find Y/N.

"Which room is Y/N Y/L/N in?" Norman questioned as him and Jeffrey ran through the door of the hospital towards the front desk.

"Sorry sir, I can't give away client information." The young woman behind the desk answered.

"I'm her boyfriend! She just came in here from an ambulance, where is she? Is she okay?" He shouted clearly frightening the young woman as she flinch at his raised voice before Jeffrey grabbed his shoulder, calming him down.

"W-What was her name?"

"Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N." Jeffrey answered for him as they watched the receptionist type your name into the computer.

"The doctors are running a series of imaging tests on her at the moment. Once they finish, a nurse will come out and tell you what's happening. You guys can take a seat in the waiting area, there's also a cafeteria through that door if you want." The woman informed motioning towards the double doors to the right.

"How long will that take?" Norman questioned.

"25-30 minutes."

"Okay, thanks." Jeffrey replied giving the woman a nod before he slowly walked Norman over to the waiting room.

There were four rows of chairs lining the area, with a couple tables, one stacked with newspapers, the other stacked with children's toys, along with a large tv mounted to the far wall.

"They're doing scans, that's gotta be a good sign right? I mean they're not rushing her into surgery or anything, that's gotta be good." Norman rambled, taking a seat on the row of chairs leaning against the wall rubbing his face with his hands.

"I don't know, Norman. I hope so." Jeffrey replied sitting down beside him.

He glanced around the waiting room, glad that there were only a couple other people seated in the room. He was not in the mood to deal with any people who would recognise him, not now.

The two of them sat in silence for the next 50 minutes, neither knowing what to say as they stared at the clock on the wall across the room. What the hell's taking so long? They said 30 minutes, it's been nearly an hour, what else could they be doing?

"Who's here for Miss Y/L/N?" A nurse suddenly questioned, walking out through the a set of double doors near the front desk.

"We are. Is she okay? What's going on?" Norman frantically questioned as him and Jeffrey quickly walked over to the nurse, trying to read her masked expression.

"She has a subarachnoid hemorrhagic, which is basically bleeding between the brain and the membranes that cover it. She has been rushed into an emergency surgery and they are operating on her now as speak." The nurse explained glancing between the two of them as Norman stared at the woman in shock, he knew bleeding in the brain could be bad, but how bad?

"How long will the surgery take? Is she going to be okay?" Norman asked in worry as he ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

"Over five hours at least, but I'm sorry sir, I can't tell you if she's going to be okay or not. The surgeons are doing the best they can to make sure she survives and fully recovers, but this kind of injury and surgery is highly dangerous. There is a chance that she might not make it." The nurse answered as Norman froze.

His heart stopped for a split second as he took in that information. There was a chance that you weren't going to survive? No, no, this couldn't be happening. Not to you, this couldn't be true.

"Hey, c'mon let's sit down. Keep us posted doc." Jeffrey said calmly as he grabbed Norman's shoulders which were now shaking as he carefully guided his friend down onto the nearest chair.

"S-She was fine after the accident. She had a massive bruise on her forehead from the fall, but she was just as bubbly and happy as usual afterwards. How could this happen?" Norman questioned out loud, unable to hold back the tears in his eyes as he dropped his head.

"Hey, she's the strongest woman I know. If anyone can get through this, it's her." Jeffrey replied softly resting his hand on Norman's back trying to comfort him.

"What if she doesn't?" Norman questioned lifting his head up to meet Jeffrey's own sad eyes as he shook his head.

"Don't go down that path, Bubba. You can't start thinking like that." He replied and Norman nodded knowing his friend was right. Y/N was strong, she had to make it. She had to because he didn't know what he was going to do if she didn't.

-

Slowly minutes turned into hours as they both sat on the hard cushioned chairs, spread out in the waiting room. The clock now just passing 11pm as the last person in the waiting room walked out, leaving them alone in the room.

They hadn't heard anything else from the nurse or surgeons which meant she was still in surgery and he wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. On one hand it was good because it meant she was still alive, but on the other it meant they still hadn't gotten all the blood out and it's been over six hours already.

"I'm gonna go get a coffee, do yo-" Jeffrey began asking, breaking the silence before his phone began ringing.

He quickly pulled it out his pocket flicking it to silent as he read the name on the screen.

"It's Hilarie, she's probably wondering where I am. I'll be back in a minute." Jeffrey said glancing over at Norman who nodded before he quickly stood up putting his phone to his ear as he walked out the room.

A couple minutes later he rushed back inside catching Norman's attention when he noticed the sudden shocked and panicked expression on the other man's face.

"She's in labour. My mother is with her at the moment and they're packing, getting ready to go to the hospital-"

"Go." Norman said cutting the man off as he looked over at his friend with a small smile. "Be with your girl. She needs you, man."

"You sure?" Jeffrey asked, not liking the idea of leaving him alone in the hospital when his girlfriend was in critical surgery.

"Go be with your family, I'll update you if I hear anything about Y/N." He replied as Jeffrey nodded pulling the car keys out his pocket, realising it was Norman's car he took.

"We will sort out vehicles later. Just don't scratch my truck." Norman joked, trying to show that he was okay as Jeffrey smiled with a nod before he jogged out the room.

"Please be okay, Y/N." Norman whispered, closing his eyes feeling tears threatening to spill as he rested his hands behind his head trying to calm his breathing.

Another hour went past and he still had no further information about what was going on.

He knew he was being impatient and that these sort of things took time, but he couldn't help it. His girlfriend could be dying right now and there wasn't a damn thing he could about it.

"Norman." A familiar British accent suddenly called out as he looked up to find Andy walking into the room.

"Hey, man." He replied, his voice thick with emotion as he stood up embracing his best friend into tight hug.

"I am so sorry, brother. Jeff called and told me everything, have you heard anything else?" Andy asked, but he shook his head, pulling away feeling tears starting to rise in his eyes again as they both sat down.

"I haven't heard anything for nearly eight hours, I don't know what's going on." He sighed leaning back in his chair as he took a deep shaky breath.

"Hey, she's going to be okay." Andy tried saying, but he quickly shook his head.

"You don't know that. She could die." He responded, his voice breaking at the end as he wiped his eyes with the palm of his hands.

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes before Andy started talking again.

"Remember that time back during Season 4 when we were filming those Terminus scenes where Y/N was doing that stunt and broke her wrist? She pretended like she was fine for the whole day and none of us even noticed until we finished filming the last scene and she told us." Andy explained causing him to chuckle slightly at your stupidity.

"Yeah, she rolled up her sleeve and her wrist was just swollen and black. Nearly made Chandler throw up." He replied unable to hide his smile.

He remembered that day so clearly and how he drove you to the hospital despite you telling him that you were okay to drive. You had always managed to surprise him with how strong and brave you were, he just hoped like hell that this would be another one of those times.

"She..." Andy trailed off as a nurse began walking over towards the two of them.

"Miss Y/L/N, is out of surgery. The surgery went well, she should start to wake up in a few hours."

"So, she's gonna be okay?" Norman questioned a sliver of hope in his voice as he stared at the nurse.

"Yes, she'll be fine. Now usually I wouldn't allow this because visiting hours are over, but I know who you guys are. My daughter watches The Walking Dead and Y/N's character, George, is her favourite. Y/N's in room 32 through that hallway." The nurse replied motioning over her shoulder as they both gave her grateful nod before she began walking away.

"Go see her, I'll call Jeffrey and let him know whats happening." Andy said pulling his phone out from his pocket and Norman nodded.

"Thank you." He replied patting the man's shoulder before he walked off down the white hallway.

His eyes scanned the numbers on each door until he reached 32. He wasn't sure what to expect as he opened the door, but he did not expect this.

The room was dark, a small lamp lighting up the large room as a singular bed sat in the middle. But, that wasn't what shocked him, what shocked him was seeing your unconscious body laying on the hospital bed, cords and machines hanging up all around you. Even from where he stood by the door he could see how ghostly pale your skin was, along with the thick white bandage that was wrapped around your forehead.

Slowly he walked into the room, closing the door behind himself as he made his way to your bedside. He hated seeing you like this. You looked so small, so vulnerable lying there in that hospital gown and oxygen mask, it just wasn't right.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N." He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

He sat down on the plastic chair beside your bed, his hand resting on top of yours as he squeezed it gently. You had cuts and bruises all up your arms from when you crashed the motorcycle, along with the deep purple and blue bruise peaking out from under the bandage from the staircase incident.

"I should've noticed something was wrong earlier, I shouldn't have let you on that motorcycle." He sobbed, tears falling down his cheeks as he stared at your sleeping form, his shaky fingers gently brushing the hair out of your face.

How could he let this happen? He should've been more persistent on you taking a the day off, you should have never gotten on that bike.

"God, I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry." He whimpered, not bothering to wipe his tears away.

You were always so happy and full of life, so strong and fearless. You shouldn't be laying on a hospital bed completely helpless, it wasn't right and he couldn't stand seeing you like this.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there crying, but when he heard a soft knock on the door he quickly tried wiping away his tears before glancing over his shoulder as Andy slowly opened the door, a tray of coffees in his hand.

"How's she doing?" Andy asked quietly, shutting the door behind himself as he slowly made his way towards his two friends.

"Still unconscious." He replied, hating how weak his voice sounded as he turned back to your bed not wanting Andy to see his eyes which were no doubt red and puffy.

"Hey." Andy quickly said, placing the two coffees on the bedside table as he reached for Norman's shoulder, noticing how broken his voice sounded. "They said she's gonna be okay, what's going on?"

"I can't do this, man." He replied, standing up from his chair as took a few steps away feeling tears rise in his eyes again.

"You can't do what?" Andy asked carefully as he watched his best friend who's back was still turned to him.

"I can't do this! I can't sit here while she's lying on that fucking hospital bed after just having brain surgery, look at her! She's the most nicest, most caring and strongest girl I've ever met, she doesn't deserve this! She doesn't deserve any of this!" He yelled, his voice cracking as tears fell down his cheeks.

"Nobody deserves this, especially her. But hey, look at me." Andy instructed walking over to him as he reluctantly turned around, dropping his head as Andy grabbed the side of his face forcing him to look at him. "I know you're hurting brother, seeing her like this, it hurts me too. But you need to be strong, you have to be strong for her! She's gonna need you more than ever once she wakes up, you have to be strong."

"I know. I know." He whispered, wiping the tears from his eyes as he took a deep shaky breath.

"Come sit down, have some coffee." Andy replied motioning towards the coffee cups on the bedside table as the two of them walked back over to the bed.

"How's Hilarie going?" He asked after a few minutes, glancing over at Andy who was now sitting on a plastic chair beside him.

"Really good. She gave birth to a healthy baby girl about 20 minutes before I called. Jeffrey was so happy." Andy informed causing Norman to smile at the news, relieved that both Hilarie and the baby were doing fine. "They're actually at this hospital too, after finding out about Y/N, Hilarie refused to be taken anywhere else. They're up on Level 2 at the moment. You should come visit them with me, Y/N won't be awake for a while the doctor said."

"Nah, I ain't going anywhere until she wakes up. Go see the baby, I'll let you know when she wakes up." He replied nodding towards the door as Andy gave him a small smile.

"Y/N's lucky to have you. I'll be back soon."

-

You must have been asleep because everything was black and dead silent, minus a soft beeping sound in the background. What was that noise and why did it smell like disinfectants? You thought to yourself as you slowly opened your eyes.

Everything was blurry at first, your head still foggy from the nightmare you had about crashing your characters motorcycle. You blinked a few times forcing your eyes to focus and that's when you realised you definitely weren't at home.

You quickly turned your head in confusion, spotting some sort of heart rate machine and bunch of other machines you didn't know of. Where the hell where you? Looking down you realised you weren't in your usual pyjamas, you were wearing a hospital gown with some kind of IV needle sticking out your arm. You were in a hospital. Why were you in a hospital?

You quickly glanced around the dimly lit room in panic as your eyes landed on Norman who seemed to be fast asleep with his head on his arms which were resting on the side of your bed.

You felt yourself slowly relaxing now that you knew he was there, but why was he still wearing his Daryl uniform? He still had the vest on and everything, why didn't he get changed? You thought to yourself when suddenly it clicked.

It wasn't a nightmare. You did crash your characters motorcycle. You were filming that highway scene with Norman and Jeffrey, did you really hurt yourself that badly to end up in a hospital? You could have sworn you hit the brakes before falling off the bike, but by the thumping headache you were staring to feel, you were beginning to think otherwise.

You focused back on Norman as you gently began running your fingers through his hair and after a few minutes he began to stir. He slowly lifted his head, his tired eyes locking with yours and it took him a few seconds to process the fact that you were actually awake as his eyes went wide with shock.

"Hey." You said softly, your voice rough as you pulled the oxygen mask off and tried to clear your throat before Norman quickly grabbed a cup of water from the bedside table and handing it to you.

"You got it? Just slowly." He said hovering over you as you took a few sips of water before he placed the plastic cup back on the table. "How are you feeling?" He asked worriedly, his hand resting on top of yours squeezing it gently.

"Got a killer headache. What happened?" You asked, your voice a little clearer now.

"You had bleeding in your brain, probably caused from when you hit your head on those stairs during your fight scene. But, nobody realised until you crashed the motorcycle and passed out. The crew called an ambulance and they put you through into emergency surgery, I don't know the details, but they said you're going to fine." Norman explained as you stared at him in disbelief, trying to take in all that information. You were in surgery because your brain was bleeding? Holy shit, you didn't even hit your head that hard, did you?

"Shouldn't have let you continue working after the accident. If I-" He began saying, but you quickly cut him off knowing what he was going to say.

"It's not your fault. Don't even think about blaming yourself." You responded squeezing his hand gently when you noticed tears in his eyes as he shook his head.

"You could have died, Y/N. The nurse didn't even know if you were going to make it through surgery... I thought I was going to lose you." He mumbled, dropping his head, but you could tell by the way his shoulders were shaking, that he was crying.

"You didn't lose me. Hey, I'm okay. I'm okay." You said gently reaching your hand out to cup the side of his face as he leant into your touch. "I ain't going anywhere, Norman. It's going to be okay." You whispered, brushing your thumb against his cheek wiping away his tears.

"God, I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around." He mumbled, grabbing your hand against his cheek as he kissed your palm gently.

"I'm fine, Norman. Maybe once these painkillers wear off, it might be a different story. But I'm fine." You insisted as you started sitting yourself up in bed with Norman's help, wincing slightly at the thumping in you head.

Suddenly, his phone began to ring as he quickly pulled it out, realising it was a text message from Andy. He opened the message and he couldn't help the smile on his face when he saw the photo of Jeffrey holding his baby daughter.

"What's got you smiling like that?" You asked curiously watching your boyfriend beside you as he handed you his phone.

It took a few seconds to realise why Jeffrey was holding a baby before you started smiling too. She had her baby. You stared at the photo for a few seconds before Andy sent through a text with the photo.

'Meet George, a healthy baby girl who's already stolen Uncle Andy's heart. Also, Hilarie and Jeff wanted to name her after Y/N so they named her after Y/N's character, they're both relieved that she made it through surgery. Hope she wakes up soon.'

"They named her after my character." You whispered in shock as you handed the phone back to Norman who frowned in confusion before he saw the next text message as his face broke out into a smile. "She's beautiful."

"Must come with the name." He responded glancing up from his phone towards you as you rolled your eyes.

"Yeah, because a bandage wrapped around my forehead with no doubt stitches in my head somewhere is attractive." You commented with a chuckle as he shook his head.

"You're still beautiful, Y/N." He replied, putting his phone away as he laced his fingers with yours and you smiled. "I love you so much." He whispered, placing a soft kiss over the bandage on your forehead.

"I love you too, Norman."

-

A/N- Link in bio for Masterlist. I will reblog with Daryl Dixon Tag List, if you want to be added to the list, just comment below. 

Anyway, this was my first ever Norman Reedus fanfic and I really enjoyed writing it, it was completely different writing for an actor instead of a character and I would like to write more in the future if you guys would like to read those sort of fics let me know in the comments below. 

Just a little heads up, I don’t really have any other fics finished to start posting (I have so many wip’s that i need to finish, but work and life is really busy and I don’t have much time these days to sit down and write, so I’m sorry in advance, but I might be a little bit quite on this site. 

I hope you all enjoyed this fic and I will keep you guys posted on my writing as often as I can. Anyway, until next time stay safe everyone and have a great day xx

#Norman Reedus #The Walking Dead #Norman Reedus x Reader #norman reedus fanfic #norman reedus fanfiction #Daryl Dixon #Daryl Dixon x Reader #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon fanfiction #twd #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #Andrew Lincoln #Reader insert

[caswlw]

another thing i didn’t get about the ep was that they were clearly trying to do the whole “the call directly corresponds/influences the current issue x character is facing” 911 thing with eddie and the family with the dad who the balcony collapsed on and the kid being like “is dad dead?” but. literally that dude was just in a freak accident it had absolutely nothing to do with his (or eddie’s) job at all

PLS RIGHT

like all of these cases will always tie to the thesis of the ep (usually a title relation too) and smth that’s going on w the mains, like ig there’s bt and the work couple, you have bobby and the ppl from that building, etc

but like that dude was fine 😩 if anything it gave more focus toward the more analytical perspective of oh. so even if it looks like eddie is in Danger Danger, he’s going to be okay !! esp if yk a little kid (his son) is viewing it solely from the perspective of someone who cares abt him and doesn’t understand the nuance of every little emergency

more analysis under the cut bc i can’t help myself

plus you have to think like. eddie was told by carla in 413 to do what his heart wanted- not chris; whether or not it’s addressed here in this way, yet again eddie is making the choice that for chris this Must be the best course of action rather than literally anything else (which is also pointed out as carla tells him that he really loves this job and doing what he does- but leaving it is again. doing what she warned him against in 413).

what’s obvs important to note is that chris is eddie’s heart in a less than literal way, so when he’s all rash w decision making, it’s bc he sees chris as an extension of himself in how he takes care of his own shit. that said tho, i wouldn’t be surprised to have an arc where eddie realizes that he isn’t happy w whatever he’s doing post leaving the 118 bc his true calling is being a firefighter- whether it goes in the TK direction of saving ppl while not on the job and seeing how it’s instinctual (like buck 302/303) or it’s in the vibe of clipboard fire marshal buck where he tries to do smth close to being a firefighter that fits Wrong (which. that idea is worth a whole other analysis post of possibilities). like chris is Extremely important to eddie of Course but being the sole driving factor behind every single one of his choices would create a weird dependency situation- smth well avoided by most of the other parent-child relationships on 911 proper.

i also think that the best way for the show to address the situation w/o rocking the boat literally out of the water would be to have eddie and chris talk about what his job entails and why he Has to do it- probably w some other plot intertwined w chris specifically so he can understand why the instinct is there yk? and chris obvs has expressed joy at the idea of being a firefighter (end of 301? 302 opening?) and the fact that eddie is a firefighter ! but these traumatic events back to back clearly are hurting him and the best way to solve it isn’t to avoid it completely like eddie plans on doing (as he’s chosen as of 510 at least).

not to mention buddie excessively too but telling chris abt the will? the way that there’s a family (extended 118, more spec the diaz-buckley situation) built up around them no matter what. and obviously this doesn’t ensure that eddie is safe and sound like chris wishes, but it could show that all of them take care of each other and keep each other safe, as well as chris if it Comes to that (again, the will). and what’s insane is that eddie KNOWS this and has for a WHILE and avoiding the concept* completely isn’t helping chris, it’s not helping him, and it’s not helping his relationship w that aforementioned family

i guess what i mean to say is that everything is weird. if eddie does become a paramedic then there’s no telling what that means for the whole balance of the team yk? or how they’ll structure the final 8 eps bc if eddie is a focus of like 2 w his “leaving”/stage 4 plot, and we need at LEAST two probably three eps abt the madney happenings PLUS the crossover, that leaves little time for whatever the finale disaster is plus whatever they throw in for hen (more med school advancement, general wilson family moments), athena (idk i just don’t want her to be a cop anymore :/ but generally accepting that her kids r older now and they have shit going on that is separate from her), bobby (general upkeep of the family when it’s Actively falling apart + idk what they’re doing w all these refs to yk. building construction. but s1 refs abound), buck (WOW i could talk abt the bt shit forever but they’re probably breaking up by the end of 5B- maybe the finale even, MADDIE COMING BACK??, rekindling friendship w chim, the will i hope), and that’s just the mains !! albert existing, may and her fitting inside the dispatch and her family without having to abandon either PLUS any chance of college still, and ravi and that little backstory snippet from 508(?). there’s so much to still b addressed and obvs there’s B and C plots but i have to say i’m both thinking 24/7 abt how they’re going to do it best to not hurt anything else and i’m also obsessed w just. imagining how they’re gonna fuck it up

*the lack of major story reference to s4 is a bit strange imo like obvs madney was major last season and they’re not really now? and the plot bunnies left in the final few eps w buddie or bathena ?? ALBERT’S EXISTENCE ??? when he most def could be in things despite chim not being here like he and buck were roommates- and then you have hen and med school ?? weird but anyway ykwim it’s like major things are just going unspoken

#ok i’m so sorry anon this is 90% just a ramble abt my thoughts on eddie and 5B in general when u were just. talking abt a case rip #but i hope i answered (?) ur ask well enough at the start !!! #911 spoilers #911 fox #anon #pls i hope this read more works

[techgoddessdeluxe18]

Stop Fucking Up My Dream Firefighter AUs with Incorrect Research - A Long Rant

As a proud veteran of the fan fiction gang (what up 2011 fanfiction.net, pre porn banned Tumblr and 9 years deep into AO3) and an actual volunteer firefighter 

(Im not kidding we had a call to get a cat out a drain and this kid and his friends who had called it in were standing nearby and the kid had the Homunculus symbol from FMAB drawn on his hand and I asked him if he watched the show and he just look at me in awe that a firefighter could even fathom anime.)

I have a SLIGHT problem when wanting to read Firefighter AUs. The writers tend to get the vibe right, the steamy romance, the unhygienic sex in the fire engines, etcetera. But the basic info is almost always jarringly wrong, and its sort of painful to read through. 

So here is a incredibly basic breakdown of what you need to know when writing a Firefighter AU.

Paid vs Volunteer Company

In America, Canada, and most suburban and rural areas, depending on how wealthy your town is, are volunteer companies. Local families and people who have been serving for generations dedicate their time and lives to serve their community. They’re small, so they might have old but well cared for rigs (fire truck, engine, rigs are just easier to call them). Theres usually one Chief, an Assistant Chief, 2 Captains, 2 Lieutenants, and the firefighters underneath them. They work in conjunction with the surrounding companies when responding to a call.

Depending on how wealthy the town is, they might have paid or combination companies. My town was rich enough to fully staff 30 stations, but allowed volunteers to run with them as well.

Major and even minor cities, are mainly paid companies. Theres just too many people in small spaces and incidents tend to multiply in cities. The command structure is similar to the volunteer company, however they don’t have individual chiefs, they have 1 Battalion Chief that responds for the whole city, like for a big structure fire they would assume command from the commanding officer on scene.

Getting Dispatched 

In every county, city, province, there is a small office building with lovely people called the Dispatch Center. People call the country’s emergency number (North America - 911), dispatch takes your information, and says over county radio 

The box number (like say its Company 12, so Box 12-3 would be the north side of town, 12-7 would be the south, 12-10 would be the river, or something like that)

The Incident: Most common but not limited to:

 Possible or Working Structure Fire,

Fire Investigation, 

Fire Alarm (most common and so annoying at 3 AM)

Vehicle Fire (classified by size, like car, van, tractor trailer)

Traffic Accident (Accident w/ injuries, Multi Car pileup, Rollover, Accident with entrapment (stuck but not hurt), Accident with confinement (literally crushed in with the car)

Less exciting ones like Gas Leaks, Carbon Monoxide Alarms, Electrical Hazards, Cats stuck in trees

Medical calls - depending on the company, but mostly Cardiac Arrests, Stroke, Lift Assists (helping old people who fall in their tubs), possible pregnancies?

The most common are fire alarms. Pain in the butts and are usually nothing, but you always have to be prepared for something to go wrong. For some reason Structure Fires and Cardiac Arrests come in batches, so like 2 weeks of like nonstop action, then like a month of boring fire alarms.

The basic rigs are 

Engine (water suppression, 500-gallon tank)

Rescue (Rapid Intervention, vehicle accidents and technical rescue)

Ladder (single 90'-110' ladder), 

Tower (Ladder with bucket at the end)

 Some cities allow combinations such as a Quint, a ladder truck with a tank in it. Most of the time, for most incidents, its 1 Engine and 1 Rescue or Truck or Ladder. The Engine is the constant. For any incident you may write, there should be more engines than anything else, but for a basic fire, 3 engines, 2 Ladder or Truck, and 2 Rescues are good.

For accidents, usually 1 Engine and a Rescue

What to Wear?

All of your gear is in your locker in the Apparatus Bay, in lockers with your name on them. Gear is heavy, about 30 lbs. This is the order they go on, should be dressed and zipped and on the rig in less than a minute and a half (yes we’re tested on that)

1. Boots and Bunker Pants

Your bunker pants are tucked into your boots and they have grips, so tug them on and get your pants up over whatever clothes you have underneath. Suspenders on, though some people don’t use them.

2. Nomex Hood

It looks like a dark colored balaclava, but its soft, stretchy, and thick material, it goes over your head and then pushed back off so it sits around your neck. VERY IMPORTANT, WILL KEEP YOU FROM GETTING BURNED TOO BAD.

3. Jacket

Swing it up and over your shoulders and get your hands into the wristlets. Fire gloves will either be in the pockets or strapped to the front (I perfer strapped its easier to grab and put on)

4. Helmet

This is where OP can get creative because almost all helmets are very personalized, whether with cameras or flashlights or stickers or special handmade leather fronts with the Company number and firefighter name. (Mine has a chinese idiom that translates to water and fire have no mercy, cause im half Chinese)

Going on the Call

So to wrap up this very long post, going on each call is always different. No two are the same. The fire alarms are boring and tedious. The structure fires are fun and exciting and adrenaline rush, but just be aware that there is an entire room on fire and its 1400F degrees and its just you and a hose and you breathing heavily through your airpack. Its scary but walking out of it after is such an invigorating feeling. Your camaraderie with your crew will never be stronger than in that moment. Vehicle accidents are the same, just you and the spreaders (Jaws of Life), and praying that the patient inside is still breathing and conscious. Lastly, for medical calls, never underestimate the capacity of human grief. Cardiac arrests almost never seem to work. Its always very sobering to leave, but you did what you could.

In the end, firefighters are human. We are not epic heros like people like to believe. We enjoy what we do, helping others. We cherish the time we have.

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY RANT IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS FEEL FREE TO ASK ANYTIME ANYTHING 

#fireman #fanfic #fanfiction #firefighter au #fic help #fandom #sidgeno #destiel

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

September 11, 2021

Heather Cox Richardson

On the twentieth anniversary of the day terrorists from the al-Qaeda network used four civilian airplanes as weapons against the United States, the weather was eerily similar to the bright, clear blue sky of what has come to be known as 9/11. George W. Bush, who was president on that horrific day, spoke in Pennsylvania at a memorial for the passengers of United Airlines Flight 93 who, on September 11, 2001, stormed the cockpit and brought their airplane down in a field, killing everyone on board but denying the terrorists a fourth American trophy.

Former president Bush said: “Twenty years ago, terrorists chose a random group of Americans, on a routine flight, to be collateral damage in a spectacular act of terror. The 33 passengers and 7 crew of Flight 93 could have been any group of citizens selected by fate. In a sense, they stood in for us all.” And, Bush continued, “The terrorists soon discovered that a random group of Americans is an exceptional group of people. Facing an impossible circumstance, they comforted their loved ones by phone, braced each other for action, and defeated the designs of evil.”

Recalling his experience that day, Bush talked of “the America I know.”

“On America's day of trial and grief, I saw millions of people instinctively grab for a neighbor's hand and rally to the cause of one another…. At a time when religious bigotry might have flowed freely, I saw Americans reject prejudice and embrace people of Muslim faith…. At a time when nativism could have stirred hatred and violence against people perceived as outsiders, I saw Americans reaffirm their welcome to immigrants and refugees…. At a time when some viewed the rising generation as individualistic and decadent, I saw young people embrace an ethic of service and rise to selfless action.”

Today’s commemorations of that tragic day almost a generation ago seemed to celebrate exactly what Bush did: the selfless heroism and care for others shown by those like Welles Crowther, the man in the red bandana, who helped others out of danger before succumbing himself; the airplane passengers who called their loved ones to say goodbye; neighbors; firefighters; law enforcement officers; the men and women who volunteered for military service after the attack.

That day, and our memories of it, show American democracy at its best: ordinary Americans putting in the work, even at its dirtiest and most dangerous, to take care of each other.

It is this America we commemorate today.

But even in 2001, that America was under siege by those who distrusted the same democracy today’s events commemorated. Those people, concentrated in the Republican Party, worried that permitting all Americans to have a say in their government would lead to “socialism”: minorities and women would demand government programs paid for with tax dollars collected from hardworking people—usually, white men. They wanted to slash taxes and government regulations, giving individuals the “freedom” to do as they wished.

In 1986, they had begun to talk about purifying the vote; when the Democrats in 1993 passed the so-called Motor Voter law permitting people to register to vote at certain government offices, they claimed that Democrats were buying votes. The next year, Republicans began to claim that Democrats won elections through fraud, and in 1998, the Florida legislature passed a voter ID law that led to a purge of as many as 100,000 voters from the system before the election of 2000, resulting in what the United States Commission on Civil Rights called “an extraordinarily high and inexcusable level of disenfranchisement,” particularly of African American voters.

It was that election that put George W. Bush in the White House, despite his losing the popular vote to Democrat Al Gore by more than a half a million votes.

Bush had run on the promise he would be “a uniter, not a divider,” but as soon as he took office, he advanced the worldview of those who distrusted democracy. He slashed government programs and in June pushed a $1.3 trillion cut through Congress. These measures increased the deficit without spurring the economy, and voters were beginning to sour on a presidency that had been precarious since its controversial beginnings.

On the morning of September 11, 2001, hours before the planes hit the Twin Towers, a New York Times editorial announced: “There is a whiff of panic in the air.”

And then the planes hit.

“In our grief and anger we have found our mission and our moment,” Bush said. America had seemed to drift since the Cold War had ended twelve years before, but now the country was in a new death struggle, against an even more implacable foe. To defeat the nation’s enemies, America must defend free enterprise and Christianity at all costs.

In the wake of the attacks, Bush’s popularity soared to 90 percent. He and his advisers saw that popularity as a mandate to change America, and the world, according to their own ideology. “Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists,” he announced.

Immediately, the administration focused on strengthening business. It shored up the airline industry and, at the advice of oil industry executives, deregulated the oil industry and increased drilling. By the end of the year, Congress had appropriated more than $350 billion for the military and homeland security, but that money would not go to established state and local organizations; it would go to new federal programs run by administration loyalists. Bush’s proposed $2.13 trillion 2003 budget increased military spending by $48 billion while slashing highway funding, environmental initiatives, job training, and other domestic spending. It would throw the budget $401 billion in the red. Republicans attacked any opposition as an attack on “the homeland.”

The military response to the attacks also turned ideological quickly. As soon as he heard about the attacks, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld asked his aides to see if there was enough evidence to “hit” Iraqi president Saddam Hussein as well as al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. In fact, Saddam had not been involved in the attack on America: the al-Qaeda terrorists of 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and the United Arab Emirates.

Rumsfeld was trying to fit the events of 911 into the worldview of the so-called neocons who had come together in 1997 to complain that President Bill Clinton’s foreign policy was “incoherent” and to demand that the U.S. take international preeminence in the wake of the Cold War. They demanded significantly increased defense spending and American-backed “regime change” in countries that did not have “political and economic freedom.” They wanted to see a world order “friendly to our security, our prosperity, and our principles.”

After 9/11, Bush launched rocket attacks on the Taliban government of Afghanistan that had provided a safe haven for al-Qaeda, successfully overthrowing it before the end of the year. But then the administration undertook to reorder the Middle East in America's image. In 2002, it announced that the U.S. would no longer simply try to contain our enemies as President Harry S. Truman had planned, or to fund their opponents as President Ronald Reagan had done, but to strike nations suspected of planning attacks on the U.S. preemptively: the so-called Bush Doctrine. In 2003, after setting up a pro-American government in Afghanistan, the administration invaded Iraq.

By 2004, the administration was so deeply entrenched in its own ideology that a senior adviser to Bush told journalist Ron Suskind that people like him—Suskind—were in “the reality-based community”: they believed people could find solutions based on their observations and careful study of discernible reality. But, the aide continued, such a worldview was obsolete. “That’s not the way the world really works anymore.… We are an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you’re studying that reality—judiciously, as you will—we’ll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that’s how things will sort out. We’re history’s actors…and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.”

The 9/11 attacks enabled Republicans to tar those who questioned the administration's economic or foreign policies as un-American: either socialists or traitors making the nation vulnerable to terrorist attacks. Surely, such people should not have a voice at the polls. Republican gerrymandering and voter suppression began to shut Democratic voices out of our government, aided by a series of Supreme Court decisions. In 2010, the court opened the floodgates of corporate money into our elections to sway voters; in 2013, it gutted the 1965 Voting Rights Act; in 2021, it said that election laws that affected different groups of voters unevenly were not unconstitutional.

And now we grapple with the logical extension of that argument as a former Republican president claims he won the 2020 election because, all evidence to the contrary, Democratic votes were fraudulent.

Today, former president Bush called out the similarities between today’s domestic terrorists who attacked our Capitol to overthrow our government on January 6 and the terrorists of 9/11. “There is little cultural overlap between violent extremists abroad and violent extremists at home, “he said. “But in their disdain for pluralism, in their disregard for human life, in their determination to defile national symbols, they are children of the same foul spirit. And it is our continuing duty to confront them.”

In doing so, we can take guidance from the passengers on Flight 93, who demonstrated as profoundly as it is possible to do what confronting such an ideology means. While we cannot know for certain what happened on that plane on that fateful day, investigators believe that before the passengers of Flight 93 stormed the cockpit, throwing themselves between the terrorists and our government, and downed the plane, they all took a vote.

---

Notes:

https://www.cnn.com/2021/09/11/politics/transcript-george-w-bush-speech-09-11-2021/index.html

https://web.archive.org/web/20050205041635/http://www.newamericancentury.org/statementofprinciples.htm

http://www.historycommons.org/entity.jsp?entity=project_for_the_new_american_century

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

#9/11 #September 11th #Letters From An American #Heather Cox Richardson #GWOT #G.W. Bush #forever wars #corrupt GOP #criminal GOP

[set-phasers-to-whump]

insomnia

prompt: insomnia

whumpee: eddie diaz

fandom: 911

hi!!! i hope that u like this fic :) it’s set after eddie begins and deals a little w the events of that. (also if u look for this on ao3 it has a different title but im gonna keep everything on here titled with the prompt for consistency lol)

In the wake of it, Eddie hasn’t been able to sleep. He’s tried and tried, but the second he falls asleep he’s back underground choking on mud and fighting for his life and that on its own is more exhausting than simply not sleeping, so he doesn’t. He doesn’t sleep if he can help it, and he feels like shit because of it, but it’s better than the nightmares, it’s better than dying every night.

He hasn’t slept more than an hour in days. Weeks, maybe. He’s been doing his best to appear normal, but it’s exhausting. He’s tried to hide it in front of Chris, especially, not wanting him to worry about it, but he can tell the façade is slipping. He catches Chris looking quizzically at him when he jerks himself awake from half-falling asleep on the couch, when he sits and watches Chris and Buck play in the park rather than joining in. He’s slipping. 

Pretty soon Buck is going to start noticing it, too, with as much time as they spend together. Then the team will notice. He imagines there will be an uncomfortable combination of irritation and pity thrown his way when it happens. So he does his best to avoid it, acting as normal as he possibly can.

Today, it’s harder. He’d dropped Chris off at school and had nearly gotten into an accident on the way to work - he’d yawned, closing his eyes, and had almost slammed into the back of the truck in front of him. So he wasn’t in the best mood to begin with. 

Then, everyone at the station was getting on his nerves. He knew they weren’t doing it on purpose, but every spoon dropped in the kitchen, every shout of laughter from people playing videogames, every squeak of a shoe on the floor, made him feel like punching something. But he was too tired to work out, so he kept the irritation inside of him. 

“Hey, Eds, you want a turn?” Buck calls to him from across the room. He’s sitting in front of the TV with Chim, who is doing a victory dance as the screen proclaims him the winner. “Fair warning, Chim cheats.”

“I do not!”

He shakes his head.

Evidently, Buck doesn’t see. “Eddie? You wanna play?”

“I said no,” he snaps, wincing when Buck’s face falls. He might go over to apologize, but just then the alarm rings, far too loudly for his liking. 

He trudges down the stairs, too tired to completely pick up his feet, and slumps into his seat in the truck. He catches Buck giving him a look from his spot in the driver’s seat, but then he turns around to pull the truck out of the station, leaving Eddie to stare out the window and ignore everything else going on around him. 

When they arrive at the scene, Eddie’s the last out of the truck. As the team makes its way towards their victim (a man with his entire arm stuck inside a vending machine), Buck bumps Eddie’s shoulder in a way Eddie knows is meant to be friendly. He flinches away anyway. 

“What’s up?” he asks, and he sounds so genuinely concerned for Eddie’s wellbeing that Eddie half wants to punch him. “You’re acting weird.”

He shrugs, stepping away from Buck, kneeling down next to the victim. “Didn’t sleep well last night,” he says, which isn’t exactly a lie. 

They manage to get the guy out after a few minutes of careful maneuvering, and he emerges relatively unscathed, hand wrapped around the candy bar he’d been in the middle of grabbing. He thanks them for their assistance and asks whether the vending machine will be okay, and then ambles off, unwrapping his candy. 

The team heads back to their vehicles, Bobby and Buck leading the pack, Buck talking animatedly about something, gesturing with his hands. Chim and Hen walk behind them, and Eddie hears Hen laugh, sees Chimney shake his head at something. He himself walks behind the group, forcing his feet to keep moving. His head pounds - he’s had a headache all week, but in the last half-hour it’s intensified, and every time he moves it feels like something is being slammed into his skull. He briefly considers sitting down right there, in the middle of a parking lot, just to catch his breath. He decides against this because he is genuinely worried that he wouldn’t be able to get back up.

“Eddie,” he hears Bobby call, and he looks up to see that everyone else is back in their spots in the truck and ambulance, save for him. 

“Coming,” he says, though it sounds so quiet to his own ears that there’s no way that Bobby had heard him. 

He takes a step - and then he’s falling. He feels his palms scrape against asphalt, feels his cheek press into the rough surface. He thinks about standing up, but that’s all the action he’s able to take on the matter.

He hears footsteps run up to him. Someone rolls him over so he’s on his back. Hands press to his neck, checking his pulse. His eyes are opened, and a light shines into them. He flinches away from it, turning his head. 

“Eddie? You awake?”

“Always,” he slurs out, moving to push himself up. A hand rests on his arm, pushes him down. 

“Hold on there,” Hen says. “You just collapsed. You’re not going anywhere.”

He doesn’t say anything. 

“Your breathing’s a little shallow, but otherwise your vitals are normal,” Chim says. “Nothing that would have caused you to collapse.”

“I’m fine,” he snaps. “Let me get up.”

A hand is placed on his shoulder - Buck’s hand. “He said he didn’t sleep too good last night,” Buck offers, as Chim dabs his hands with something that makes them sting. 

“One night of bad sleep wouldn’t do this,” Hen says, as Chimney moves on to bandaging his hands. 

“Eddie,” says Bobby, “when was the last time you slept?”

He doesn’t know. He shrugs. 

“Eddie,” Hen’s voice leaves no room for argument. 

“I don’t know,” he mutters. “Can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” Chim asks, putting a hand to his forehead.

“‘M not sick.”

“Well, something’s the matter,” Buck says. “You’ve been off all day - actually, all week. Quiet. Kinda snappy.”

“What’s going on?” asks Bobby. 

“I can’t -” He can’t do this here, can’t admit that he’s terrified to sleep, in a way he hasn’t been since he first returned from Afghanistan. He can’t be weak. Not like this.

Nobody says anything for a long minute. Eddie’s eyes are closed, but he imagines his teammates exchanging glances over his body. 

After a bit, he feels Bobby gently grab his freshly-bandaged hand, and then he’s being pulled to his feet. Bobby all but carries him to the truck, and Eddie breathes a mental sigh of relief to feel the leather seat underneath him, instead of the gurney in the back of the ambulance, which he’d feared they’d force him into. 

Someone reaches across him and buckles his seatbelt, and he leans his head back against the seat as the truck starts moving.

When they arrive back at the station, Eddie fumbles with his seatbelt and manages to get it off, then forces himself to his feet, where he wavers for a second before carefully stepping out of the truck. 

Immediately, Hen is next to him, letting him grab onto her arm when he stumbles. “Easy there,” she tells him, and carefully leads him upstairs, Chim walking very closely behind them like he thinks Eddie’s going to fall backwards at any minute.

Once they are safely upstairs, Hen guides Eddie to the couch and eases him down. She leaves, and a second later she’s pressing a cool bottle of water into his hands. He looks at it. Chim takes it from his hands and opens it, handing it back. “Drink it,” he says sternly, in a voice Eddie just knows he’s gonna get a lot of mileage out of when his new kid comes. 

He drinks some of the water with shaking hands. If Chim and Hen notice this, they don’t say anything, a fact he’s grateful for. Hen takes the bottle from him when he’s finished, and Chim pats him on the leg, and then they both get up as someone else approaches. He very slowly turns his head to look. 

Buck stands at the end of the couch, smiling softly at him, not a trace of irritation or pity on his face. He walks over to Eddie, extending a hand. Eddie grabs it, letting Buck pull him to his feet and slip an arm around his waist. 

“Let’s get you some sleep, okay?” Buck asks.

Eddie shakes his head. He can’t, no matter how much his body might want to. 

“Okay,” Buck says, not arguing. “You don’t have to sleep. But you are going to lay down.”

Eddie agrees to that, and they enter the bunkroom, which is empty, seeing as how it’s the middle of the day. Buck pulls Eddie along to his usual bed and gently guides him down. 

Without a word, Buck takes off Eddie’s shoes, and then his own. Eddie stretches out along the bed, turning his body to face the wall. He feels Buck sit down beside him, feels the bed move as Buck gets himself comfortable. Neither of them says anything. Eddie tries desperately to keep his eyes open. 

“You can sleep, Eddie,” Buck says quietly. 

“I can’t,” Eddie whispers. “I’m afraid.”

The admission slips from him a good deal easier than he’d thought it would. “I’m afraid,” he repeats. “Every time I close my eyes, I’m back underground…” he trails off, not wanting to elaborate. “I can’t, Buck. What kind of coward can’t even fall asleep?” he asks, half to himself. 

“Eddie,” Buck says, sounding stern for the first time all day. “Eddie,” he repeats, putting a hand to his back. “You are the furthest thing from a coward. You went through something traumatizing, and your brain knows that. It keeps reminding you every time you fall asleep. But your body doesn’t know that. It just knows it’s exhausted. You have to sleep.”

“But-”

Buck doesn’t let him protest. “And I know that’s scary, and I know there’s not a lot I can do to help, but I can say this. When I said I had your back, I meant it. I am always gonna be here for you, Eds, whether that means working together on a call or this right here. Anything. I promise I won’t leave you.”

Eddie takes a deep breath, letting his eyes close at last. 

“That’s it,” says Buck, and Eddie feels his hand brush through his hair, a repetitive, calming motion. “Let yourself sleep.”

It’s not a magic fix by any means, but when the alarm rings three hours later, Eddie wakes up from a nightmare-less sleep feeling a good deal more alive, with Buck still pressed to his back, just as he’d promised.

#febuwhump2021 #febuwhumpday6 #insomnia #911 #eddie diaz #exhaustion #collapse #cared for #my writing #i say things

[bones-bones]

Shampoo Bottles

Inspired by Peach Pit's "Shampoo Bottles" When an accident sends Dean to Castiel's emergency room, how do the ex-lovers handle their surprise reunion? Is two years enough time to heal old wounds?

Read on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28679034/chapters/70308246

Chapter 1: Thanksgiving 2019

Dean’s day was going great; his term paper was coming along nicely, his favorite barista was working today so his cappuccino was made perfectly, and his brother just let him know that everyone would be able to attend Christmas at his place that year.

It was November in Boston and Dean was able to spend his Thanksgiving in his favorite coffee shop without the usual hustle and bustle. His pea coat, hat, and scarf hung up on the coat rack by the door, Dean was enjoying his cayenne pepper cappuccino by the small electric fireplace in the center of the shop. He looked up from his laptop to see Meg and Jo on either side of the counter playing a game of paper football. The shop was slow but Dean was glad that Meg decided to open her shop at all that day. Usually she accompanied her boyfriend, Alfie, home for all holidays but the two were in the middle of a fight and they decided that they should take a break this holiday and cool off. Jo was still in town because she knew that Dean didn’t have any plans and wanted to make sure that someone was with him for Thanksgiving. Dean appreciated that his friends were still concerned about him, and he knew that they meant well, but he was quickly growing tired of the constant streams of babysitters that were in his life. Regardless, Dean was thankful that Jo didn’t travel back to Lawrence this year. While he was doing better, he agreed that he was nervous at the prospect of spending a major holiday by himself.

With most of his friends out of town, Dean was able to focus more on his school work and get a head start on this term paper. He was nearing the end of his first semester in graduate school and he was loving the work. He was working to obtain his master’s in Psychology with a concentration in childhood trauma. When he announced his plans to enroll in this program to his friends a year ago, everyone was worried if this was a good idea, that he was trying to take on too much at once, that the subject matter would be too overwhelming for Dean. He heard everyone’s thoughts and concerns, and even admitted that they were all valid. Dean was still in a fragile headspace but he had thought this through and knew that this was the next step in his life and that he would have the support system to work through whatever came next.

So here he sits on Thanksgiving, term paper chugging along and an excellent source of caffeine to fuel him through it. Everything was going swimmingly until Dean heard a commotion outside the coffee shop. A shrill screaming and a deep, male voice yelling at the top of his lungs. Dean stood up and walked over to the window in hopes of an explanation for the noise, and what he saw chilled him despite the unusually pleasant weather outside.

Outside Hellflame Coffee, a woman had been hustling down the sidewalk with her young son when a man jumped out and grabbed the boy. He stood with his arms wrapped around the boy and a pocket knife to the boy’s throat. He was yelling something at the woman, although Dean couldn’t quite make out the words that he was saying. Dean leapt out of his seat and was out on the sidewalk before he had a clear idea of what he was going to do.

Dean paused on the sidewalk, watching this event unfold trying to decide what his best course of action was. After only a few moments of deliberation, Dean resolved to confront the man. As Dean approached the man, Dean quickly realized that there was something off about him; his eyes wouldn’t quite focus on any one thing, he was switching from picking at his right forearm with his free hand and all of his actions seemed to be very erratic. He was acting like a junkie coming down and in need of another hit.

“HEY!!” Dean said sharply, trying to get the man’s attention on him, instead of on this woman and child.

The man didn’t respond at first and did not seem to even notice that Dean was talking to him. Instead, he kept his eyes trained on the woman who was fumbling with her purse. Dean looked around to see if there was anyone else on the street that could back him up, but of course there wasn’t. It was 9:30 am on Thanksgiving, no one was just walking the streets when they could be with their family. The only help Dean might have hoped for were Meg and Jo inside the shop, where the hell were they?

The man finally seems to recognize that Dean is on the sidewalk with them and looks up to make eye contact with Dean. Once Dean gets a closer look at his eyes, his first idea about this man being a junkie is confirmed. Every move Dean makes should be carefully considered as this man is not in his right mind and will not be predictable.

Dean maintains eye contact with this guy and slowly raises his hands to show him that there was nothing in them. He sidesteps across the sidewalk until he’s between the man and the woman.

“Hey, man, let’s settle down here,” Dean says in a low, calm voice. “There’s no need for any of this today. It's a holiday and these people are just trying to go about their day.”

The man was distracted enough by Dean that his grip on the boy loosened and he was able to slip away and run back to his mom. The man panicked a little as he realized that his only leverage was gone. His eyes darting from side to side trying to come up with his next move.

Dean used this temporary distraction and slowly started to step towards the man, raising his hands slightly to try to grab the knife from his hands.

The man lunged at Dean with the knife, waving his arm in wild, erratic slashing motions. Dean had  been in his fair share of fights before, but always with men that he was able to track and predict, this man was unpredictable and dangerous. Dean is able to dodge and avoid his slashes well enough until he hears the woman’s crying again and tries to look for her. By the time he looks up at the man again, no more than a second later, the man is too close to evade. The man slashes once more and catches Dean across his abdomen and up his left side towards his elbow. Dean stumbles back out of the slash and out of the man’s reach into the street behind him. In all the commotion, Dean wasn’t paying attention to the road and didn’t see the car coming down the street until it made contact with his right leg.

Luckily for Dean, the driver of the car was paying attention to the fight on the sidewalk and was already slowing his car down by the time Dean was in the street. When the car hit Dean, it wasn’t going very fast. Unfortunately, it was still going fast enough to crack the bone in Dean’s thigh, but at least he wasn’t run over. The driver jumped out of his car and ran over to Dean, already dialing 911. The driver finds a bloody Dean and a scared woman and child, the driver looks up to try to find the man that attacked Dean but found that he had already run off.

By this point, both Meg and Jo had run out of the shop and were attending to the woman and the boy. Meg quickly sent Jo back inside to whip up a special batch of hot chocolate while they all waited for an ambulance and the police to arrive.

“What the hell took you so long to get out here??” Dean asked, inhaling sharply as Meg pressed a rag against his abdomen to stop the bleeding.

“This seemed a delicate enough situation that we both thought it would be best to handle it on your own… and then Jo burned her hand when she saw that guy pull a knife and stumbled into a stack of milk crates which blocked me in my office for about as long as it for him to slash you, and here we are” Meg replied curtly.

“Hi, wow I’m not sure what to even say here,” the woman said from behind Meg. Meg turned and shuffled back a little so that she wasn’t between Dean and this woman.

“Hi, again, I know I just said that but I am flustered and scared and I do not know where to begin to thank you for what you did. I’m Lisa, by the way, and that’s my son, Ben.” Lisa pointed over to the boy sitting on the curb nearby.

“Well, Lisa, I’m Dean and I would say that it was no problem but, heh, that wouldn’t really be true now would it?” Dean replied with a light chuckle in his voice, followed by a light wince. Right, he was hurt. “But hey, really though, I can handle this, I’ve been through a lot worse and come out the other side of it. I would rather this be me laying in the street than you or Ben.”

“Are you sure you’re going to be ok? I mean I feel like I can’t let either of us leave today without knowing that I’m going to be able to make this up to you someday?”

“How about this, as soon as I’m out of the hospital I’ll give you a call and you can take me out for a drink?” Dean winked.

“Sounds like a plan, cowboy. And thank you again,” Lisa replied softly, digging through her purse for something with her number on it. “Here you go, and I’ll be expecting that phone call, Dean.”

Dean and Meg watched as Lisa sat down on the curb next to her son and placed her jacket around his shoulders.

“What the hell Dean?!” Meg scolded, smacking Dean’s shoulder.

“Dude! What did I do? I’m just laying here bleeding  in the street and you’re hitting me??”

“I mean what the hell are you doing getting some chick’s number while you’re lying here in the street bleeding?? And who the hell is she to be giving guys her number while her son is over there, probably in shock from having a knife to neck not 10 minutes ago???” Meg responded, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Meg, I appreciate the concern but I can handle myself, and besides it’ll probably just be the one drink for her to make it up to me. You know I haven’t dated anyone since… well, you know.” Dean replied, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at Meg.

“Yeah princess I know, that’s why I’m concerned, I don’t want you rushing into anything and while I want you to get out there again, I’m not sure that a traumatized, single mom is the move for you right now.” Meg said, grabbing Dean’s hand to give it a soft squeeze.

Jo returned with the hot chocolate as the ambulance arrived. Meg and Jo agreed that they would stay behind and keep the Lisa and Ben company until the police arrived. Dean was loaded up and he assured both the girls that he would call them with updates and that he would be fine.

#Destiel fanfic #Destiel #supernatural #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #dean winchester #castiel #DEANCAS #Dean Winchester is bi and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise

[datleggy]

I’m autistic and one of the things I have trouble with is change. I’ve watched 911 since the third episode and now they have a second one? Idk. I’ve been seeing a lot of good things about it but I’m not sure if I want to watch it. Basically what I want to know is if it’s worth watching. Is it good? Are there any parallels between the new one and the Buck one? Who are the characters and what are they like? Will you start writing for this series instead of the other one? %

so, this got WAY longer than i thought it would, sorry!!! TL;DR is at the very very end!

tbh i didn’t wanna really give 911 lonestar a chance originally, i was lowkey annoyed bc it felt like they were like “oh u guys want buck and eddie, who are CLEARLY meant to be and have all this canon chemistry and relationship development to eventually get together??? lol NOPE but here’s a spinoff where u get ur white/latino gay ship :D”

which i do genuinely hope to god isn’t the case, like, i really need OG 911 to be like PSYCH here u go, some DIAZ-BUCKLEY fam. as a treat.

i did end up watching it bc curiosity and too many awesome gifsets finally got to me lol

and im only a couple of episodes in (haven’t had a chance to watch the 3rd ep bc of work and other things D: ) and so far i gotta say, i like the OG 911 calls that they get sent to more than 911 lonestars calls but again, im only 2 ep in, maybe they get more “woah thats crazy/hilarious/hearbreaking!” as the show goes on.

i honestly don’t see too many parallels between Buck and TK—the only thing i noticed where they’re pretty similar is how much they both enjoy easy physical contact. buck is very touchy feely and comfortable about showing affection/feelings and i feel like TK is the same regarding physical contact (with his dad at least)? but that’s about it.

for what it’s worth i do think the show is pretty entertaining and worth a watch!

my main reason for watching past the first episode is my enjoyment of the characters. i just think they’re all neat.

this is from a post i made when i first watched the show lol:

captain strand: good dad to all of his children

tk: hot gay messy boi

grace ryder: a fave, no nonsense beauty, judds better half

judd ryder: tragic big boi

captain blake: chaotic good w baby voice

marjan: wild feral messy gurl

mateo: if anybody’s mean to my SON im throwin hands bih

paul: again, if anybody’s mean to my SON im THROWIN hands

officer reyes: ready to dick tk down

here’s a more descriptive/longer summary of the characters if u wanna know more, if not skip down to the bolded sentence below lol:

owen strand is the captain (played by rob lowe) and to me he gives off chris traeger vibes (from parks and rec if u watched?) but with more depth. i like his character a lot, he’s a caring dad, seems like he knows what he’s doing, and like, c’mon, it’s rob lowe (i fell in love with him a million years ago when he played soda pop in the outsiders nipr;guebwuogrnofw)

tk is his son and a hot gay mess w some substance abuse issues (tho a lot has happened to him in only 2 ep i really don’t know how to feel about him entirely, bc besides stuff happening TO him, i don’t feel like he’s reacted in a way that shows much of his character?) idk maybe it’s just me. but he is a certified cutie so. lol

grace ryder, she’s smart (one of the only characters with more than ONE brain cell lmao) and gorgeous and an emergency 911 operator. she’s very supportive of her husband and what he’s going thru (which is A LOT), she herself has been thru a lot bc of the big incident at the beginning of the series and is still somehow held strong in spite of it all, she’s a personal fave of mine.

judd ryder is kind of a dick at first but i think its very understandable given the hell he’s been thru, im actually surprised at the amount that i like him. he’s very raw and vulnerable but has this “don’t worry im fine, back up” attitude that i loooove. 

captain blake is the captain for EMTs, she’s got this soft teeny baby voice that contradicts so hard with her give no fucks ima do what i need to to find my missing sister actions irwughqwgoriegjf i like. she’s caring and does goes out of  her way for the little guy.

marjan has ZERO chill but in a good way, i can already absolutely see her getting into trouble by doing some crazy impulsive thing on a call in order to rescue someone—-TBH she actually reminds me a lot of Buck from OG 911 in that way. like yea she’s reckless and impulsive but u can tell its bc she CARES and this firefighting thing is what she’s meant to do. i really like her.

mateo—-OH MAN. he’s 10000000% my favorite. it hurts me everytime he’s on screen, bc he’s such a sweet and HARD WORKING man and he deserves to be a firefighter and do what he wants/has been waiting for for so long, im so HAPPY captain strand gives him a chance. i think he might have some learning disability or maybe he grew up in a household where maybe his family was too busy or didn’t care to check up on how he was doing in school and they neglected to see how much he was struggling—this is all just pure speculation from the fact that on the show he tells captain strand during the interview that he’s always passed the physical exam to be a firefighter but keeps failing the written part :( i love my son.

paul is a trans firefighter who’s mainly known for his crazy good observational skills in the field—there’s an ep—ep 2?—that shows off his talent but like, i found it unintentional funny bc the way they did it was in a scene that honestly truly felt to me like a scene I MYSELF would write in a fanfiction if i wanted to show off a cool skill the character has but was also too lazy to make it look good???? lmaoooo im not trying to be mean but like, if u do watch it, its the 2nd ep i believe, the “office meeting” scene. other than that tho there’s only been a few scenes with paul in it (my personal fave being the skin care routine scene lol) but i look forward to more scenes of my son being a lil sherlock holmes :)

officer reyes is tk’s potential new mans. he seems like a good cop from what little ive seen of him doing police work. so, i saw a post someone made basically saying how ugly are the men in texas that officer reyes is out here thirsting over tk so HARD—and not to be rude, but he really is!!!! reyes is a goodlookin guy, so idk what’s up with that, maybe he likes messy bois? bc same.

p.s. im not sure how to feel about reyes and tk together yet bc it doesn’t really seem as if they have too much chemistry. hopefully that changes? i do kinda like that they haven’t started off their potential relationship on the best of foots, bc i love drama, an indisputable fact.

ONTO THE FINAL QUESTION!

OG 911 will always be my first love and i just don’t see this changing anytime soon. buddie will always be the #1 ship in my heart! and i have about a gazillion awesome prompts i need to work on so me switching over to 911 lonestar isn’t gonna happen. i love OG 911 way too much iuqhur4ogfoie3jwnwjinioj

tho i may occasionally—per the request of prompts i’ve gotten in the last week or so–take a couple of the characters from 911 lonestar and put them in a 911 fic as a crossover? we’ll see.

this ended up soooo long oruhibgruoeqwp i hope some of it helped tho?

tl;dt: 911 lonestar seems fun and the characters are interesting enough to keep me entertained so i say give it a chance  :)

#long post is long #ask #anon #also i got ur other ask #NP! never a bother :) #911 lonestar #911 fox #tldr at the end #read more

[rydiin]

Do you think he kept the picture of him mom in his pocket while it happened bc he wanted her to be with him while he did it (like in a bad way) he always told her he was gonna blow up the school and stuff and that it could’ve be been his way of getting back at her, kind of like he did with putting his MAGA hat in her grave? Or he just had that picture with him always idk

That’s a really good question....and I’m honestly not sure 😔 trust me, I’ve spent SO much time thinking about this. It’s so hard to reach a conclusion but by the end of this post I kind of do.

If we’re looking at this from a black and white lens, there’s two views/opinions:

VIEW #1: NC loves his mother and wanted to honor her and remember her always, so he kept her photo with him at all times (or as often as possible). People who claim this use the instance of his fight with Rock as an example, since (allegedly) the fight started because he couldn’t find a photo of his mother so he was frustrated. Indicating that he often clung to a photo of her as comfort.

VIEW #2: NC despised his mother. Sure, maybe he “loved” her in the basic way that everyone “loves” their mother...deep down he may have loved how she nurtured him and cared for him for so long. But ultimately he despised her and wanted to cause her pain. I’ll admit, there seems to be far more evidence thus far of THIS side than the first (the fact that he knocked her teeth out, he assaulted her many times, he chased her out the house with a rifle, and just read my somewhat recent post on the banker on nT to hear about allll the allegations of emotional and even physical abuse against her....he wanted her to die.)

For this side, it would also make sense for the photo to be in his pocket during the sh**ting. According to allegations, he told his mom things that foreshadowed the sh**ting, they were basically threats of what he was going to do. These quotes included, “no one will stop me from what I need to do”, “they will really know me soon, don’t worry, they’ll see.” He told her he was going to “bl*w up the school”. So he was clearly warning his mom that one day he would commit mass horror. The way he spoke to her, he almost treated her as if she was in the way of this plan by saying things such as telling Lynda to k*ll herself or that he’d do it for her because THEN no one would stop him from what needed to be done. Or how he said that when Lynda was gone, he’d be able to do whatever he wanted.

We also cannot forget the MAGA hat incident. He buried his mom with this hat and by his own admission he did this because he knew his mother hated Trump, so he thought it would be funny. I remember when the news of this first broke many accounts tried to say “Aww; this hat meant so much to him so burying her with it was an act of him giving her something that he prized.” Pretty sure I fell for it too! But then Hunter revealed NC’s actual intentions behind it and those sweet assumptions sort of went out the window lol

All of this anger and hatred that he seemed to have toward his mother, and this spirit of revenge that we see in the MAGA hat action and even in his language from the banker allegations, it would make complete sense for him to carry his mom’s photo with him when he went and committed the sh**ting, almost as if this was the final “F*** YOU” to his mom.

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So those are the two sides if we’re looking at it in black and white terms. And as much as I hate to say it, the reason the second side has such a longer explanation is because there’s not much evidence for the first side 😣 Like I know we love to think that he adored his mother and was a mamas boy through and through, but his actions and words just did not align with this. I will admit that much of what we know is based off of witness statements, so I’m not saying any of this is solid fact. But when you combine his evidenced assaults against his mother, and the reliability of certain statements, specifically his brother Zach and friend Hunter, (I don’t know much about the banker so I won’t comment on how reliable she is, altho her statement does seem to line up with things we already did know)....it’s clear that NC acted extremely hatefully toward his mom and I wouldn’t hold it past him to have her photo in his pocket as a last act of retribution against her.

But then we step out of the black and white and realize that BOTH could potentially be true. Which I know people may find absurd. But someone was asking me recently to explain more about my own family dynamic with my mama because I’ve shared how I reallllly treated her terrible during my teenage years. It haunts me everyday. That woman was my world, and yet I seemed to blame her for every ounce of suffering I ever had to go through. So while I never sought revenge (to this extreme) against her for these falsely perceived wrongs, I can at least empathize with NC because I know what it’s like to have such a skewed perception of reality that you literally treat the person who loves you the most as your ENEMY. And you say anything you can to hurt them and break them down because you’re so convinced that the pain you suffer is somehow due to the power they hold over your life 😞

So if I had to even come close to explaining my opinion on this, it’d be just that. He loved her. I believe he did. I hear the pain and genuine heartache in his voice during those 911 calls where he has to tell the operator he just lost his mom. It’s tear-jerking because it is so raw and real 🤧 And yet, he hated her. He despised her because, in his false view of reality, if ANYONE could’ve given him a better life where he was more accepted by others, more welcomed at school and in the neighborhood, viewed as more normal by his peers, it would’ve been his mom. He saw her as his superhero in a sense. She was with him to care and nurture since day one...so why couldn’t she fix the “injustices” he faced as a young boy being outcasted by society? Why couldn’t she make life easier for him outside of their home? In his eyes, she should’ve been able to do all this. And yet, she didn’t!!! So she had to pay.

He made sure that she was with him during that sh**ting. Some even say he was TALKING TO HER while looking for people to k*ll. This was a very personal thing between the two of them, in his eyes. Although she was dead by then, he refused to let her go without forcing her to see the final straw....... what he was “forced” to do because SHE never rescued him and made life easier for him, or at least as easy and bearable as he was wanting.

#asks