#but I DON'T CARE I'M FOND OF IT

[theatricalnebula]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

#akio and utena #m #long ramble in the tags sorry: #the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human #he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims #he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry. #and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios #(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think. #like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her #i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing #not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that. #and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did #but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her? #whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway #idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims #the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it? #how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions. #(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive #but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.) #when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her #but is there something genuine there too? i don't know. #again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me. #on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had #reflected back at him through her mean anything? #is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid. #either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over. #i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways) #but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly #wants you to analyze and think about. #which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.

[buglaur]

answered asks below 💞

THANK YOU GUYS 💞💞💞💞💞 it really means a lot 🥺 @deehya @pxeltownie @leafbatraccoon

AWH thank you!!!! you're literally so sweet. i'm so happy you like my gameplay!! i might try and get some new cc out soon too, i was working on a new pair of earrings before i started my exams. you made my day with this seriously thank you 🥺🙏

right?? i feel like a bit of a fraudster tagging all the posts with tjol, because he's literally not doing ANY of the things he's supposed to. i honestly might abandon the tjol efforts and just play with him regularly 😭 so glad you've loving him though!! i love him too no matter how much grief he causes me 😭

@rainymoodlet i've been hoarding your asks like little good luck charms in my inbox for so longgg 😭😭 and i've read your tags on my post and I MISS YOU TOOOOO i can't wait to be back around here on the daily. so glad to be almost done, when i am i'm going on a huge rainymoodlet.tumblr.com binge 💞💞💞 seriously thank you for checking up on me!!! ilysmmm

#ask #my last exam is this friday #it's economics #which i hate with a burning passion #my teacher and i were not too fond of each other #so i learned literally nothing in her class #i don't have an academic brain i can't stand all the theory and learning stuff off by heart 💔 #i honestly don't care what happens in this exam though #nothing can bring me down from the high that was art appreciation and art history #that exam was so beautiful i want to kiss whoever made it #that grade will carry me #have i done enough to get into my preferred course? no fucking clue #we get our results on aug 28 #i'm not going to think about it until then 😭 #bring on july i'm so excited for that music festival #blondie i'm coming

[seagullcharmer]

i don't think this applies to any mutuals but i've been stewing vaguely over tp fans who think link only fell for midna when he saw her true form. like. we did Not play the same game apparently

#libra.txt #i don't even ship midlink that hard but people who make link sooo shallow #and say he could only have fallen for her when he saw her true form just. ugh i can't stand it #like. they have such an interesting dynamic + relationship #starting out from 'begrudging coworkers' to 'maaaybe friends......?' to 'yeah we vibin' to 'Oh.' #and for awhile i didn't really see midlink as a very romantic dynamic #but then. idk. getting to the desert the first time. and midna shares a secret. the way she presses close to link #and not in a flirty way or trying to get on his nerves but as. 'hey. this is really important to me and i'm actually kind of scared but #i Trust you. i believe in you. we can do this together' #/that's/ when i said 'Oh.' #and now i'm almost done with the game. i've beaten zant and i've headed to the castle #(sidenote: love the freaky spider form midna has with the fused shadows. need to do more with that) #and the way link catches her!!!!! the way they smile at each other!!!!! #they care about each other!!!! they're fond!!!!!! #need to actually finish the game but. maybe i like midlink more than i think. hmm! #i'm just sick of people who only use midna as a reason to give link manpain. or make link shallow etc etc #midna is an interesting character on her own!!!!!!! so is link!!!!!! #they just so happen to work well together too!!!!!!!!!!!! #and don't get me started on midzelink okay

[einstetic]

i'm not tired, i'm exhausted

#my head is full of sooo many thoughts and i'm feeling way too many emotions right now #i struggled with my thesis today again after a few months break #yesterday a guy i'm kind of getting to know asked me a question that hit home when we were talking about the effects of past events #“'last time when cuddling and i gave you a kiss you tensed up completely for a sec. was that you being shy or being uncomfortable. ' #i didn't even realise it and now i'm feeling extremely anxious about my subconscious acting out when i am in fact feeling comfortable #background: he knows my history of unpleasant events concerning intimacy/sex and he's very mindful about it yet challenges me in a good way #but now i am a mixture of extreme exhaustion experiencing high levels of fondness and yet feeling extremely agitated #and having constant minor flashbacks and i really don't know what to do or how to merely exist in this moment now #not going to bother anyone with this and my thoughts as they are having a good time and that also goes for the pretty nice guy i mentioned #so i'm on my own in my own company #maybe some music crying and ice cream straight from the tub would help haha #thank you for taking your time to read this mess love you and have a nice morning day or night #literally no one cares emma

[quatregats]

He literally has the most embarrassing middle-school level gay crush on his captain and he's being so so brave about it <3

#it's been a year since i even did a semi-reread of book one (a proper reread is on the docket once i get through blue at the mizzen) #but i'm a little bit fond of him. like he's having such a rough time out here and everyone's so mean to him ://// #tbf he also makes it other people's problem but i don't care gay rights #the world needs more mediocre middle-aged gay guys who aren't afraid to be cringe 😔✊ #perce rambles #aubreyad #i have a james dillon on the docket as well but we'll see if that ever gets done #master and commander truly has some excellent characters though <3 they just don't make them like that anymore (book 20)

[crehador]

parting thoughts on ragna crimson (first cour)

i think it was... the first episode? that i didn't really vibe with. felt like a decent enough fantasy, but unremarkable in just about every way

THEN A WEIRD GUY APPEAR

iirc it wasn't until the second week that we really met crimson, which is kind of a shame because imo the show doesn't really start to come together until then. i like ragna well enough, but it's really the combination of the two of them that compels me

always love a duo where they have the same goal, but drastically different personalities/values/modes of operation/etc

always extra love a duo that's like "team up with me, a dragon, to kill all dragons then once we've achieved our goal you'll kill me too"

(like vanoe but with dragons. i think. my memories of vnc are actually very hazy)

and always extra extra love when ayu gets to just do his thing, playing guys who are girls who are guys who are etc etc etc

it's certainly not the best of the season, and still overall fairly unremarkable imo, but also not really bad in any way. if there's one thing i find lackluster i guess it's that i feel like they don't lean enough into this... pseudo-past life thing that ragna has going on (with the powers and presumably memories of his 'older self' passed down to him)

like ragna is still more or less his 'normal' self in terms of personality, which is fine, he's got a fun enough personality, but if he had some like... old man tendencies mixed in there, or if we saw more of his memories with crimson maybe? i don't know, just feels like something more could have been done with that fusion of past and present (or rather future and present)

looking forward to the second cour but at the same time... hoping this series won't be too long lol

#crab watches #ragna crimson #parting thoughts #i feel like... this isn't really a criticism but #much like vnc i feel like the main draw for me here is the Final battle #where it goes from ragna and crimson to ragna vs crimson #so it feels like the type of series that really shouldn't be dragged out for too long #unless each of the fights are going to be genuinely exceptional (which they're... not) #(like they're not bad. they're fine. but it's no snv) #anyway i guess it's just. the appeal of this kind of set-up (to me) is seeing these fools work together #possibly get attached #and have a very dramatic/emotional/well-choreographed final fight #toxic doomed yaoi and all that #but ragna and crimson don't really seem to be going in that direction like there's no fondness there lmao #which i actually like!! it's a bit unexpected and makes their dynamic fun in a refreshing way #they're working together but fully committed to fucking hating each other (or at best Not Caring about each other) and i love that for them #but it's just like. well if there's not going to be some intense character/relationship development #then the enjoyment of the series hinges all on the fights which are okay but not Spectacular #so... basically i'm still interested for now but don't think that interest would last for more than like 18 volumes max #and seeing as the manga is already 13 volumes and still counting... well we'll see

[bearsace]

trying to follow some more ikesen blogs!

i haven't really been on in a while and did a mass unfollow! i'd really appreciate if you liked/reblogged this if you post ikemen sengoku exclusively/predominantly!

#ikesen #ikemen sengoku #cybird #cybird otome #otome #ikesen mitsuhide #ikesen shingen #ikesen nobunaga #ikesen ieyasu #ikesen kanetsugu #ikesen masamune #just a couple of my faves tagged uwu #pls. i really miss like 2016/17 ikemen sengoku community #anyway yes my dash is DEAD dead #and i really don't care much for ikevamp/ikerev/ikepri tbh #i really wanted to but i wasn't able to get into it #i'm about the story and the fondness i have for ikesen characters

[high-voltage-rat]

Vyvanse is such a silly little drug. I get up at 11, take it at noon, what's a normal sleep phase I don't know her.

The first hour passes and I'm like "dude nothings happening except me getting sweaty and my heart's going a bit faster" and then I blink and it's another 2 hours later and I've just blitzed doing every chore available to me, organized all my shit for the day, read through 500 tumblr posts, watched some random-ass YouTube clips, and made myself food I don't want to eat because my appetite is suppressed but I know food consumption is a task. It's like all of my ADHD bullshit for the entire day happens at light speed over a few hours.

Then I sit down and can do The Big Task of the day for 5 hours or more and, unlike with a hyperfocus, can remain focused on it even after taking breaks to go do other stuff.

Then the end of the day hits and I'm tired and need to go to sleep but I still feel the Productivity Need so for some reason I watch 50 more "Educational" YouTube videos until it subsides and then finally fall asleep at 2am.

Like. Does it cure my ADHD? Absolutely not. Does it make me less chaotic? No. But does it allow me to consistently channel my ADHD energy productively? Oh, yeah. I'm not 100% sure that's what my doctors were going for when they prescribed it, but I gotta be honest I kinda love it.

#not video games #late nights with ali #nd blogging #actuallyADHD #I'm pretty sure my docs were intending for a bit more... how you say... stability? #but a lot of my ADHD traits don't go away. just the most important one- activation-based executive dysfunction #And honestly without that I think I like the way I function with the rest? usually anyway #If I'm in control of it. I love my hyperfocus. I love my bouncing around chaotically. I love being impulsively spontaneous #don't get me wrong. there are days where I do hate my adhd. when the emotional regulation problems kick in it's hell. #rejection sensitive dysphoria is a bitch. I can forget self care in lieu of 'more important' things. my working memory can fuck me over. #but in comparison to how I lived before medication? it's amazing. and I've learned to be fond of aspects of my disorder #and to live with the ones that are inconvenient. it's so nice honestly #I could do without the sweating and appetite suppression. but it is SO worth it to like my own mind again. #before I was diagnosed I knew I had it. so my only options were self medicating with caffiene and developing an anxiety disorder. #the thing that bypasses the dopamine-based activation is adrenaline-based activation #so I literally just. got so anxious about stuff I needed to do that it would trigger the adrenaline activation where dopamine failed me #I don't think I actually 100% KNEW that's what I was doing per se. but I do think some of my anxiety came from intentional doom spiralling #anyway moral of the story. Vyvanse helps with ADHD is some truly strange ways but at the end of the day it's a fucking miracle #New River Pharmaceuticals developers of lisdexamfetamine I am kissing you on the mouth

[wereshrew-admirer]

.txt

#coworkers they/theming me in emails despite my never ever coming out at work feels like a triumph #i just openly wear dresses and a beard at the same time but i tell nobody anything #and certainly don't request any particular pronouns #and it sets me up to be very fond of my coworkers #the wild old scientist i took over my lab from who he/hims me but has never once even blinked at me in a sundress #the lady in material control who thinks i care about fashion and asks me for advice that i can't give #the QA ladies that occasionally compliment an 'outfit' (i cannot stress enough how little i pay attention to how i combine my clothes) #and the three of four (i think one quit? idk) people that 'they/them' me very conspicuously like they're trying real hard #i'm very lucky to have the type of work environment i do #upper management treats me like shit but everyone i work with directly is 100% fine #the QC guy who took me aside to ask if i was trans and scared the crap out of me but it was because his son just came out and he wanted adv #ice <3<3 #<3 #i'm not social and i can't remember most of these folks' names #but i do like people a lot actually #(just added a new “person that has conspicuously and spontaneously decided to they/them me” to my collection) #...for the record they/them are my least favorite pronouns on account that people will default there to avoid using it/its #but from the mouths of the ignorant i like it a lot

[petrichormeraki]

#i don't remember if we're given a canon last name but i don't care #personally I'm fond of 'noceda' but he does end up with darius and eberwolf it looks like #anyway #the owl house #meraki post

[fragmentedblade]

Not to be a jingfu on main, but it's so cute that Jing Yuan thought of Fu Xuan with those jelly beans

#me: the Xianzhou characters are all just coworkers #also me whenever anyone is shown to be fond and have intimate knowledge of some other character: awwww #Like Fu Xuan and Jing Yuan playing starchess and teasing each other or making a reference to things they like #or Jing Yuan talking about young Yukong #Quingque apparently disliking Fu Xuan but obviously that not being the case‚ knowing what she likes and how she thinks #Fu Xuan hiding that she has a sweet tooth but Jing Yuan and Quingque knowing it and teasing her for it #I don't know. There are a lot of instances of these small intimate details in the middle of what looks like a coworker relationship #Good coworkers‚ but coworkers nonetheless #And ironically it moves me so much? Even more so than Belobog. I've been told several times that Belobog seemed more tight. And I agree #In Belobog people were friends or family or companions but linked by something closer than mere coworkers with Wildfire #Even Sampo in the Underworld was strangely 'theirs'. He had the magenta colour of Wildfire and he was trusted to some extent #The Luofu characters don't have that. And yet the fragments of intimacy scattered through their interactions move me a lot #These are people who have known each other for centuries. Jing Yuan knows of Yukong's youth‚ its joy and grief #He knows Fu Xuan has a sweet tooth and teases her about her height. Quingque does too #Fu Xuan chastises both of them for being lazy but she knows they're smart and good at their job. She plays starchess with Jing Yuan #Quingque mocks Fu Xuan for being a workaholic but is very aware of the weight she carries both in her position and ideas about destiny #I won't mention Yanqing and Bailu because there is obviously more than a coworker bound when it comes to them #But yes I love the moments of intimate knowledge scattered through the Xianzhou‚ so telling of the fact that these people have known #each other for longer than several human lifetimes‚ and that perhaps they don't necessarily regard each other as more than their coworker #But perhaps that's enough in order for them to care. Perhaps in a lifetime over one thousand years the intimacy gained with a coworker #through several centuries is something beyond what we could understand in our decades lifespan #But also‚ perhaps‚ I don't know. Also‚ perhaps‚ the do care beyond coworkers in that strange line between work and friendship #Perhaps it's strange for Xianzhou natives to tell apart that kind of relationship after so much intimacy and knowledge through the years #And perhaps‚ once again‚ as it often happens for them‚ they think they'll always have enough time to tell; until they run out of it #They play chess together. Quingque can lose time because Fu Xuan can't stay mad if she brings her sweets. Are they just coworkers? #We play chess. I know what tea and sweets you like best. I brought them today since you would indulge me and play starchess with me #Thanks for playing with me‚ I'm running out of book puzzles. You keep divining my moves but I'll invent a fake story to distract you #Are we coworkers or something more like friends? Where is the line after so many years? #I talk too much but I love this charged nothingness haha I find it ironically so true to how many relationships in real life develop #And I find it so moving‚ that representation of this endearing smallness of everyday life. Of these small things is life made

[suburbanlegnd]

*slowly backing away bc i've read marxist literature once or twice* 😔

NOOOO DON'T GO PLS I LOVE YOU BESTIE PLS DON'T HATE ME 😭😭😭😭

#I'm sorry #I'm just not quite fond of communism #and Karl Marx #I do agree with some of his points (esp. about religion) #but I quite disagree with others #being Polish has taught me that both capitalism and communism are equally bad #but I'm not a communist liberal nor a capitalist #I'd say I'm against politics politicians and all political parties in general #plus I hate monarchy ofc #the fact that you've read some Marxist books isn't bad #but people who are really obsessed with them and with communism are just a bunch of weirdos #just like all those people who think that all politicians care about them (spoiler alert: they don't!) #they think only of power over the people (especially those who voted for them) and money that shouldn't belong to them #ok i'm done #lol #stella 🏎️ #asked

[hecatesbroom]

Did I just finish Maude or did Maude finish me?

#i don't care for that very last episode tbh. i'm not that fond of all the new characters #& tbh i'm very glad bea arthur declined making a new maude show in that setting #but the second last episode?? i was in SHAMBLES #i cried #i never cry lmao #it was just so sad i'm 😭 #(if you weren't able to tell from this: i'm incredibly bad at saying goodbye lmao #and that episode REALLY went all out with the saying goodbye stuff) #alys.txt #maude 1972 #i wanted to write a review or something to wrap it all up but at this point i'm just SAD

[red-hemlock]

Fan Fiction/RP Tropes tier list

Tagged by: @cxpperhead

Tagging: (Anyone who wants to do thiiiis @-tag me. <3)

#Outof'Lock #(No particular order for any of them. I'd say S A and B tiers are honestly ones I'm pretty much always fine with writing.) #(They can be tier-interchangeable depending on my mood too. =0) #(C tier I'm also pretty much fine with writing/plotting but these ones I can live without them happening too. =D) #(Pregnancy/baby stuff in particular definitely needs to be discussed prior though! Unless it's some weird time thing where Dags is a babs.) #(I would say D tier is the stuff I don't really care-for/want to write...) #(Like I just can't picture Riv being a royal or in anything historical and I've never really been fond of ABO. =T)

[meownotgood]

Realness from u I'm still reading part 2 just in case of smth happens but CSM part 2 is getting slow for me 😭🙏 still love that series ofc but u know Fujimoto WTF are u cooking

no seriously... I just... haven't really cared much for chainsaw man part 2 in the last couple months... I was really interested at first, but as time has gone on I've just stopped. it's not bad or anything, I just don't really care for it, especially compared to how much I love part 1.

maybe I was expecting too much? fujimoto did say it'd be really different from part 1 after all lolol

#yeaaaah I'm just reading to stay caught up with what my mutuals are talking about on twitter #the plot of csm pt 1 was always intriguing with a lightning fast pacing #I can't really say I care much for the plot of part 2 besides what happens to denji #I don't care for this apocalypse stuff #and I'm not particularly fond of any of the new characters that were introduced #I don't hate asa by any means #but to put it this way #if asa died in the next csm chapter and she was never coming back I would not be fazed #maybe she'll get more interesting... seems her arc might be just beginning #I dunno it's hard for me to put it into words it's more of just a feeling really #the original csm had something to captivating about it #but part 2 just doesn't grab me in the same way #like I said it's not terrible and I understand why people like it and they're free to like it #it's just not as much for me I suppose #hayakawa family come back I miss u #ask mags