#but I cannot message my best friends or anyone that's in any servers with me right now

[winndycakes]

I did not wish to make this, I do not wish to bring bad light to others, so I am doing everything I can in this statement to keep it as vague as possible to grant others the same privacy I should have. But because my privacy was not respected I have no choice but to come forward with this.

If you know what I am talking about, then this is my side of things. If you don't know what I am talking about, then please move on.

(Also to note, I realize what day I am posting this on. This is absolutely NOT a joke.)

To preface this. My dad died suddenly Feb 26th. I cannot begin to detail what it feels like to lose him, after I've lost many others, to try and handle my emotions and grief while also handling the logistics of his belongings and estate, all this while having to write this on top of it. If I come across as intense, this is why. 

I was in a discord server when it first opened. I dedicated a lot of time, energy, art and passion to it. I was even a mod at one point but stepped down due to my own reasons. 

While there, we had an anonymous survey posted to gather information from the community about the server, what we could do to improve, what was liked and so on. Instead, some used it as a means to anonymously complain about members. I was a target of these complaints. 

A quick note. This server was made within a community that has suffered MANY hardships due to anons. Keep this in mind.

One of the rules is that if you have a personal grievance with another member, to try to resolve it through DMs before coming to a mod or to even send in a ticket.

I must be clear; I was NEVER DMed by anyone how I made them uncomfortable. Not once. Nor were these complaints directly messaged to the mods. This was all through the survey (I will touch up more on this later).

I and other staff/mods that used to be on the team suggested we remove the anonymity. It's too risky for it to be abused, because as noted earlier, this community has suffered a lot through abuse from anons. This suggestion was ignored.

Now, I suppose I should say what the complaints were about. I was told I made others uncomfortable due to, and I am paraphrasing here; "talking over others, redirecting conversations back to myself and my ocs, and making too many jokes and insults about characters."

I will also say. I am autistic. What was mentioned are signs of someone with autism. My dad was autistic. I do not bring this up to deflect or excuse anything, merely to give further context.

I want to explain a bit of my process when I interact with others, in this case especially pertaining to an online space.

When I am talking with someone, anyone, I try to be as inclusive and welcoming as I can be. Saying hello, how they’re doing, that sort of thing. But a conversation is a two way street. If I don’t get a reply or any sort of means to keep the conversation going, I move on. That’s just… how talking goes. I can get very passionate in talking to folks, especially friends and things in line with my interests. It’s hard for me to notice if folks are uncomfortable in person, online it is impossible to tell. I need people to tell me directly if I am doing something uncomfortable and what it is, and if I can fix it.

My process for ocs is this: I see someone talking about their oc, they say something that reminds me of one of mine, then I share my oc. This is not to direct the conversation to me, but to share in it, it is in conjunction. I want to learn more of yours and I do that best by sharing mine. I cannot know if this isn't what you want if I am not told. And I wasn't.

I like to make jokes about characters, analyze them, critique them. I try to do this in a way that makes it clear this isn't an insult to those who like the character(s). But again, I need to be told directly by someone if I need to stop or tone it down. I would only be told sparingly by folks, and when I would, of course I'd stop, do my best to tone it down. But again, I was rarely told directly by people.

What is being described as my crimes are simply the experience of being autistic.

I cannot control it. I cannot stop it. I try to be as inclusive, warm and welcoming to all I come across. You do not HAVE to like me. But if you don't, just ignore me. You HAVE to learn to ignore people who you just… don't like. You have to learn to ignore pet peeves or to reasonably talk to the person. That's life.

So, when I received the above message, I was furious. I was at my dad’s apartment, cleaning out his stuff, and dealing with some harrowing emotions when I got this. I responded that getting this was extremely poor timing and yes, I was angry. But the one who sent this KNEW my dad died. They had seen me post about it, they acknowledged it, and still decided to message me. Who wouldn’t be angry?

Because of what I had been messaged, and the timing, I had decided to go to the owner of the server. I did not feel like it was appropriate for a mod, any mod, to message me about something that is a personal issue that folks should have messaged me themselves (and again, it is listed in the rules that things SHOULD be talked out privately between members before a mod gets involved), in a time that has been hell on earth for me.

I explained to the server owner what all happened with my feelings on the matter. I said that regardless, I would leave the server, because this was something that no one, absolutely no one, should experience. I requested for anything I contributed to the server to be removed, for I no longer felt comfortable for folks to use my art who could be the very same ones pettily using an anonymous survey to speak ill of me. So I sent my message, waited, and got a response.

I do not have anything against the server owner, but there are a few things that I must address with their response as well, because some are factually incorrect. There is full admittance to the complaints received through the anonymous survey, most recently at that. This goes counter to the rules stated that members should resolve private disputes amongst themselves first. (Again please note the screenshots of the rules.)

While perhaps not all of the mods knew of my dad’s passing, but enough DID that they should have known better. I posted briefly in the server in a slow thread so it could be better seen by people, including the mods. I had posted on tumblr as well. But the claim is no one saw it. 

Again. This is just not true. Look to the above screenshots.

I do not have a screenshot of when I had sent the message initially in the server of my dad’s passing (I apologize for this), but the point being is that people knew. Another member messaged me in DMs to give their condolences. While I am and have been open about his passing, I also tried my best to not talk too much about it in the server as to bring down the mood, and I sought out the server and talked there as a source of comfort. Saying this was not clear to anyone, is false.

Now, I am sorry that I made people uncomfortable, it was never my intention to, and I will take fault in that. That isn’t what I mean to address in all this. The issue is; if people were uncomfortable, they needed to follow the rules and come to me DIRECTLY stating such, NOT give these complaints through an anonymous survey. And that I should NOT have been told during such an awful period. How can I take this at face value when I am not offered the same?

I wish to point out as well, why I kept bringing up the anonymous survey, and to bring back a note I made earlier.

There is a great deal of falsehood in using an anonymous survey to gather information, when this community has experienced a lot of hardship from anons. I have seen many people torn down and even chased out of this community and others because of people hiding behind anon. Creators, fans, and yes members, mods and even the server owner have all been victim to negativity from anons. 

Now, I also must bring attention to this.

This is a screenshot I was sent of another mod posting, after I left. This is ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY. This is why I feel the need to make this statement. Giving details like this is completely unnecessary, and with this said after I left is unacceptable.

I am sorry to be redundant, but I truly am sorry if I ever did make people uncomfortable. All I wanted to do was to make friends and share in the joy in creating art and characters with others. To share space in a community with something I truly found enjoyable. It’s why I’d get enthusiastic whenever OC’s were brought up and I’d share mine. I also wanted to share joy in the topic of the server, and yes some of that for me IS making jokes about characters or even giving critique.

I am not saying any of this to bad mouth or slander anyone. I say all of this to express my side of things. Someone who is grieving the loss of their dad, and so many others who came before him that are making me remember now because of his passing.

#winndy serious

[ousama]

ok im going to try and address the callout in the best way that i can now that im fully medicated and in the right mindspace. i will go over every part of it to be as concise as possible!

let me state right now this post is not to garner pity. i am not asking for apologies. i am not asking people to refollow me if they are uncomfortable. if i make you uncomfortable please put your mental health first for the both of us

ok lets start with this! over a year ago i sent people fake gore. this is fact. those people were pedophiles and fascists. you are allowed to have the opinion its wrong for me to send anyone gore but i want to make clear i only targeted genuinely dangerous individuals. i am a grown adult as well! that is true. but i do think there's quite a difference in the maturity of an unmedicated 20 year old who had been, if most of my long time followers recall, recovering from a literal cult. and a now 22 year old who is fully medicated and has a job. i have matured and changed i think

this was in regards to i believe that how intimidating am i ask meme? though i mentioned gore here i am noting again i had actually stopped sending gore by this point in my life. I do still send fascists their IP addresses to scare them into deleting. I understand i can block, report and warn others but quite frankly. Staff does not care about the fascist problem. blocking and reporting does not do shit on this website and i believe personally its best to take it into my own hands especially when, in my experience, i have a 90% success rate in getting them to deactivate via just mentioning the town they live in

im. not sure why this image is included quite frankly but ill try my best to address it. The person messaging has been harassing me for about a week including misgendering me and using ableist language against a developmentally delayed individual. This is the kill yourself website. I did not think replying with a blingee would be an issue. They mentioned gore only because my carrd says if you stealth follow and are a pedophile or other brand of freak ill send you gore . my carrd is not updated and that has been there for about two years. it is not accurate to what i do now.

this is me explaining that^ also included in the callout. don't know what to say here as im clearly acknowledging it.

same person harassing me doubling down on the fact my carrd outdatedly mentions gore. I answer honestly, because again id only ever used horror movie screenshots. To Fascists And Pedophiles.

im not elaborating this is my post. it explains itself but its added here as it was in the callout

now we get to malistaire. i will say right now. I have nothing against malistaire personally. i also cannot check their tumblr so will default to they them. if these are the wrong pronouns i apologize but i quite literally cannot confirm.

Malistaire does have a history with our group. we are a friend group called the overdosis group chat. other members may dislike malistaire. that is not my problem quite frankly. i do not hold any ill will or intentions toward them. as you can see in both screenshots. Neither Discord Message Is From Me. I have NO obligation to take responsibility for other people in a shared server especially when i am one of the least active members. I believe the first message was prompted by malistaires old blog having a post that implied our group might be stalking them. we were not. as far as i know they left the server due to personal drama with one member. the second dm is also not me. my name is not liv, you may notice. i am not responsible for this. adding it to a post about me is pointless at least and misinformation at most.

they go on to list other members. which is irrelevant to a post about me. but i find the comment about the groups name most interesting because

Malistaire Was An Original Member Of The Group. They Had Joined The Server Twice Actually.

they were aware of the suicide note (of a racist, mind you) and even joked about it in the server. They do not mention this at all on the callout.

they also partook in sending death threats. alongside us.

im out of image space i will continue this in a reblog. please do not reblog this post in its current state.

[zuzsenpai]

This is another personal post with TW mental illness. I'm sorry there have been so many recently. I really have nowhere else to put these things. Feel free to ignore.

I don't think my depression has ever been this bad before, in the almost 13 years I've had it. For maybe the past two months it's been steadily growing to a point of intensity that I can't ignore. The absolutely awful feelings won't go away. I can't stop thinking about how miserable I feel.

I can barely take care of myself. I eat takeout every day. There's garbage everywhere at my house. I can't get shit done at work and at some point people are going to notice. I have multiple really REALLY urgent doctor's appointments/calls I HAVE to make (one of which is to my psychiatrist who apparently I'm blocked from messaging on the healthcare app), yet I can't seem to pick up the phone. I am mentally incapable somehow. There's a wall there.

I have been told to exercise and meditate and I physically and mentally cannot. Again, there is a wall.

I have a video game I wanted to play, I try to play it, and I feel completely unattached to it (even though I have loved it in the past). I joined a really exclusive roleplay community for that game and proceeded to be too overwhelmed to make the character application and now the mods are asking me what I want to do. I haven't written fanfiction in two months because of severe burnout, and I miss it so desperately that it's making me realize I might have been using it as a bandaid/distraction. But my brain is so fried that I feel too overwhelmed to write again. People are leaving me nice comments on my fics and I can't even bring myself to read them let alone respond to them. My memory is so bad that I can't remember a lot of what happens in any of my fave series' and I feel like creating good fan content for those things is impossible at this point.

I'm ignoring online friends in my favorite server. I promised multiple IRL friends I would watch animes they like and I am feeling guilty that I mentally cannot do that. I'm dreading the two anime cons I have coming up in March because I don't think I'm going to feel comfortable in my cosplay this year. I have a close friend (who is also my coworker) who keeps trying to get me to do things with her and her husband and I keep turning them down because I'm worried I'll get overwhelmed by social anxiety and general awkwardness. Just the thought of having awkward social interactions is terrifying me and pushing me down harder than it ever has.

I had a boyfriend between October 2022 and December 2023, but I felt like it was a huge chore every time I had to see him and I developed zero feelings for him. I felt repulsed by the thought of us being romantic. We ghosted each other in December and now I feel like shit about it because he may have been the only chance I'll ever have at a relationship... but I also am in such a bad state that it's probably good things are over. Why don't I feel relieved?

I'm having physical tics in my abdomen and jaw that are getting worse and worse to the point of pain and people noticing. I can't talk to literally anyone without sounding upset, negative, angry. I had my best friends from out of state over a few weekends ago and I was so sick the whole time, I felt like I was letting them down. I've been repeating awkward interactions with friends and coworkers over and over in my head to the point where I think about it at night.

I haven't put my Christmas decorations away because I fucking CAN'T.

This week has been particularly bad. Yesterday I was working from home because of snow. When the snow stopped I rushed to my parents' house because I needed to be somewhere with people I know. But I was so negative in how I spoke with them, and it's making me feel even worse. I used to be really talkative and intelligent when having conversations with my family, but depression has taken that away from me pretty badly over the years, to the point where I can barely talk without thinking about how absolutely dreadful I am at conversation.

But today might be the worst of it (unrelated to Valentine's Day, though it certainly isn't helping). It pained me emotionally and physically to get out of bed, and I wanted to take a mental health day. Literally fell back asleep for an hour before I had to get up and DREAMT about taking a mental health day. But being alone at home is actually so much worse than being at work where there are at least people I am comfortable with. So I went in. I have been absolutely bombarded with depressed feelings all day though. I get up to walk down the hall to the bathroom and somehow that feels worse than sitting and staring at my computer without accomplishing anything. I'm sitting here crying at work, completely destroying the four months of tally marks I had for 'days without crying at work'. I didn't break my record, sadly.

I have a therapist. I have an appointment with her today actually. Maybe I'll just read all of this to her. I don't know where it's going to lead or what she's going to tell me to do, but all I want is to walk down the hall to the bathroom and have at least average, neutral emotions instead of carrying a chest full of raging depression. I want to be able to say something happy to someone so that they don't dump me as a friend for being toxically negative. I want to live, and I have things to live for. But damn if this depression isn't making it extremely difficult to enjoy those things.

#personal post for ts; #personal post #zuzu note; #mental illness tw #depression tw

[frabbitx]

My interpretation and theorys about tommys season 1 dsmp final!

SPOILER WARNING FOR TOMMYS "The last stream" LORE STREAM!!!!

After tommy was revived, he finally made sense of the core of dreams desire for the server, he cannot understand why dream had to do the things he did to make that happen, why simplier times had to be the way he wanted them to be or why he hurt everyone in an attempt to achieve it, but he gets the core desire of his views, just showing how compassionate tommy is despite dream having tortured and abused and killed him for the past 2 years.

Dreams sees that and imidiently tries to use it into manipulating tommy to join their side, pretending to be all simple and just wanting to be friends. Of course that is untill he realizes that he is gonna die and that it was a trap.

Tommy saying "I'm sorry" wasnt him apologizing to dream for what he did but more for that he had to kill him, bc in the end, tommy never wanted to kill anyone, but to save the server he had to.

The nuke only hit the prison, like it intended to do.

However somehow the 5 people that were in the prison woke up somewhere else. Prehaps it was still the same server, just far away from everything or maybe it was a completly new world. They all had their memory wiped, but prehaps memory can be recovered?

(Also a lil theory im case that the whole server was nuked and everything was reset)

What cdream and ccwilbur said about the server got me thinking

Cdream said "how do people just apear on the server?" And ccwilbur said "prehaps ctommy and cwilbur met on another world, parted ways but met again on the dream smp."

It makes it seem like the server just started existing at one point and one after another, people joined. That doesn't make sense tho considering certain people have memorys from befor them officially joining the server that played on the server tho? (Like ranboo, puffy, eret) or that karl can go back in time to stuff existing on the smp and also the egg existing for a long time on the server. It makes no sense!

But what if the server is a loop? What if this isnt the first time that the server existed? What if dreamXD just resets the server everytime things go bad?

It would mean everyone has amnesia, but only some are aware that they have a past they forgotten. And that would mean that while the server gets reset, its possible to regain the memories of the past loop.

I would also like to think that there is people who were/are not part of the loop bc they came from somewhere else. Techno came from somewhere, so he would have no memories of a past life he forgotten. Same goes for phil and wilbur. However, phil might be part of the cycle now considering he was on the server when it was reset. Or prehaps he is not. I'd like to belief that wilbur isn't effected by the loop since he is not on the server, so if he ever returns he would be the only one who can remember the old dream smp. Maybe also foolish keepe his memories considering he is a demi god. He just didn't interact with anyone befor beside eret so he would not know that the server gets reset. Maybe also connor bc it would be funny.

------------------------------------------

Even if I am wrong about all this, a saw a lot of takes on the ending that kinda saved it for me? Considering that tommy raged about cdream defenders in his offline chat before I think it wasn't intentional made to sympathize with cdream. Was it well executed? Not at all but again, the people on the dream smp are not writers in any way and I can see how it was hard to convey the message they wanted to give. I am already happy with alot of stuff that happened and the way ctommys character was handled. Because after all, ctommy is a compassinate person who always tries to see the best in people(we have seen that many times in people like techno or wilbur) who tries to belief there is good in everyone and that even small speeks of good are worth fighting for. No matter how much cdream hurt ctommy, he wanted to do all he could to not have to kill him in the end. Unfortunatly it was too late the moment tommy stepped into that prison.

#mcyt #dream smp #tommyinnit #dsmp #dreamwastaken #lore #dsmp lore #dream smp lore #ctommy #cdream #lore take #cdream neg #cdream apologist dni #spoilers

[causmonaut]

aaaand we’re back…

with another long ass post !!

documenting my stupidity immaturity:::::

she tweets: i love my bf!

he tweets: i love my gf!

she tweets: i miss my hubby i cant eat or sleep i cant breath i cant live like this

and hoooowwww do i see it? by logging into the acc i follow her on (to softblock everyone and keep the account as an archive since i had been using it for years)…

i !!! was confused? at first. then icked out… then hurt.

how do you shit on me for not even directly questioning your sexuality once because you loved to talk about dating men and dated and LOVED a man for 3 years, and say you’re a pure lesbian and i’m projecting by suggesting that you might have curiosity or the capacity to be attracted to men .. and then go date a man?

that part got me for a bit but her sexuality is really none of my business nor do i really care about it past the fact that she got super aggressive with me when i would question her comments. if she’s figuring out her sexuality then, good on her. i don’t believe in holding anyone to labels they’ve given themselves, it takes a long while before someone might settle (or decide not to settle) on whatever label(s) they feel comfortable with.

but it confirms that she’s with someone, it confirms that she likely lined him up soon after or before she dumped me which also stings because i think she’s shown me my worth to her so many times and it’s really not much. i think i was worth more than a few weeks of recovery? but it’s fine. i think she’s emotionally constipated and avoidant as fuck so i lowkey hope it all builds up and blows up in her face eventually (this is hateful, i’m rarely ever hateful…)

i decided to reach out before yesterday ended because it gave me an excuse to go and a: make it known that i know she’s a “lesbian” with a boyfriend and b: make it clear that i think it’s best i don’t have her on any of my social media accounts.. so i removed her on my defunct instagram… removed her from the server we used to share stuff and vc during games… took her out of groupchats with my friends.

her responses vv

“my tweets? do we still follow eo anywhere? but yeah, sure. please delete my personal info on there.”

“ooh i see”

“alright alright, thanks”

^^ putting these here.. for a few reasons

i think it’s important for me to reflect on how little energy she was giving me despite my long-winded over-explanations for my actions.. i wanted to make it clear i wasn’t removing her out of malice and stuff.. but really i don’t think i owed her the clarification.

i don’t think she thinks that deeply about things, and probably didn’t care much since they’re logical steps.

i wish i could’ve been more reserved during a lot of our conversations together but my overthinking makes it so hard not to assume she’d need the same reassurance as i might need in that situation.

i think for the first time she’s actually given me pretty mature responses. curt, dry, detached. probably in part because i’ve been pathetic as fuck in a lot of my messages to her, i’m sure she’s tired (i know she’s tired).

i would like to adopt her way of being firm in her decisions and knowing when to step away.

i could’ve honestly just quietly removed her from things, didn’t need to open up that can of worms or do that to myself or her.

i’ve now been dealing with the consequences of feeling a little hurt by her short responses, by removing her from things i wasn’t ready to remove her from.. by her moving on so quickly. her using the L word .. didn’t necessarily want her to while she was with me but she couldn’t say it even after a year, but with anyone else she’s said it within months? my self worth has taken a major hit. i think it’s half her and half me. two mentally ill people cannot function together for sure.

on the topic of mental illness, she subtweeted .. with “mental illness” .. friend saw and sent over a screenshot

yes, i’m mentally ill. i deal with chronic depression, anxiety disorder, a whole separate cocktail of other stuff, and ADHD… not to mention addiction (sober, btw).. and if we are being honest i am probably bordering on a personality disorder and all of that in combination with my anxious attachment style turn me into a monster when i’m with someone who can’t meet my needs or be consistent.

i recognize that and my needs, and what i need to work on.. i’ve known for a very long time but i still end up being attracted to manic types who are wishy washy and leave me questioning their intentions 24/7… this last girl was also a love bomber so that was not fun.

not excluding my own mistakes and toxic tendencies btw. i could lean into manipulative territory when i was upset, probably overloaded her with information in attempt to be transparent and it likely came off as being over critical and uncaring, because she could be petty i also allowed myself to be petty, too. we would get snappy at each other, she’d fuck up and i’d hold it against her for a while because she’d never genuinely apologize.. i’d fuck up and she’d never let it go, never communicate, only bring it up when it was too late for me to make up for it. it just wasn’t a good match.

but at the end of the day, once again, i can blame others as much as i want for things. i can hate her, i can ruminate on how little i must’ve meant to her in comparison to how much she meant and still means to me, i can torture myself with old screenshots or what ifs and would’ve should’ve could’ves but it doesn’t serve me.

^ easy to recognize that it doesn’t serve me but hard to not think or do these things anyway. i’m not good at combatting negative thoughts. i either don’t have them or they dominate all other thoughts. no in-between.

i think my anxiety and tendency to overthink are the biggest roadblocks i face.

kind of feeling like i am damaged goods. kind of feeling like i’d rather not date again so i don’t turn into an insecurity monster over someone that ain’t shit for the hundredth time.

life is tough as is. i have a lot on my plate, and sometimes i fear i’ll never feel peace. i don’t need a relationship to come and muddy everything up on top of all of the shit i go through on a regular basis.

buut as much as i don’t need it, that fear of loneliness sure does know how to creep in at just the right moments.

i’m talking about general loneliness. dying alone.. being distant from family… but also romantic loneliness, yea. everyone grows and branches out, my friends will find people they’ll go live in their own little bubble with, my cousins will do the same.. my parents are split and it wont be long before they both find people, too.. and here i am, their adult daughter who Should be more independent but i have honestly been so stunted by the amount of trauma we’ve all been through and it’s hard to feel my age, hard to cope with the fact that my life is my own. i don’t have the support structure of someone with parents that love them unconditionally or healthily.. it’s hard to grow when i spend so much time in their shadow trying to patch things up with them and help out without ever being nurtured in return.

in a lot of my relationships, i’m the one who lifts and supports others while i’m expected to get through things on my own. i fear it won’t ever change.

this all sounds very woe is me but i think i deserve to sit in that energy for a bit.

#junkrant not junkrat

[shirophantomvox]

How Illumi, Hisoka, and Chrollo would react to their S/O in the hospital

Hi, anon! You are welcome to join my Discord Server if you are a fan of Hxh, Voltron, or both! I promise this is a safe environment! This is an interesting topic for sure! To the other anon(s), I am working on your request! This will contain both fluff and angst. I forgot to include Leorio in this, so I’ll include him in the next HxH post. You’ll have to forgive me, I have 2 more requests in my inbox and I am not feeling the best. I just got my second Covid shot and it is hurting like hell. Nevertheless, I encourage you all to get your shot if you can. I will be on this site one and off and I should be on it for real next week. I have run out of ideas to write and I began to think I was annoying people with my HxH content (no one said this I just assumed). This post has 1974 words. After these requests are finished, I plan on doing a character analysis for Leorio.

Anyway, let’s get into the post!

We’ll start with Hisoka this time.

Hisoka

In all honesty, this man has heard of a hospital (since he sends a lot of people to it after fights) but has never been in one.

The signs, floors, staircase numbers, and elevators all confuse him. He has only been in one once when he was a kid and has never been again.

He isn’t a social butterfly in this setting because this is a professional establishment and not a college party. Asking for directions takes quite a toll on him because of his established pride. You know guys act when they want to find a destination on their own and will go miles out of the way instead of just asking for direction.

He doesn’t talk to anyone; all he wants to do is find you and make sure you are alright.

He is the tallest person in the freight elevator. So tall that everyone at turns to look at him at once for at least 10 seconds and turn back around surprised.

“How tall is he,” one of the nurses ask.

“Tall enough to be my house!”

This annoys him. He takes out the Joker card and lays it against his thigh but realizes he cannot make any hasty decisions. His bloodlust was activated merely out of irritation and not by threat. You were on his mind and destroying these worthless humans wasn’t an option for today.

He approached the guest desk and waited for about 2 minutes before he was acknowledged.

“May I help you,” a smug receptionist asked. Wow, these people do not know who they’re talking to.

“I’m here to see y/n.”

“Y/n is in room 345. Go down the hall and to the right all the way down.”

This man nearly ran with a quickness! His jester shoes somehow made the floor shake as he ran.

You were awake, eating the horrible food the hospital provided and watching TV. It seemed like you were doing ok, but you had just been in a car accident. Your arms and right leg were still sore. It was so bad that you’d be fine with Hisoka carrying you everywhere.

When you two are alone in serious public places, he doesn’t play games or tricks. He is often portrayed as a ruthless man, but in settings like this, he places the jokes and games aside for later. When he enters your room, he is silent for 30 seconds. Much too long. He was shocked; he walked around your hospital bed, pulled up a chair, and stared at your cast. It had many names written on it.

“Yes, I am ok.”

“I apologize for not being there for you,” he began to say.

“Shh… it’s ok. This is life. It hurts like hell, but I’m a trooper!”

Admiring your cast and its multiple fonts of handwriting and messages, he grabbed a sharpie marker, wrote his name, with a heart and spade next to it. Surprisingly, his cursive was very neat and legible.

“I didn’t know you knew how to write in cursive! Why don’t you write me letters?”

“I see you every day and it hurts my hand.”

The doctor wouldn’t be in for another 1 ½ hours, so Hisoka used your thigh as a pillow as he took a nap. He had been up for countless nights thinking about you. He was screwing up so bad, Chrollo let him leave early.

“As soon as your better, we will fight again. I won’t go easy on you. You won’t be in the hospital but you get the jest.”

Illumi

Illumi isn’t the type of man to overreact in these types of situations. When you both agreed to date each other, you knew you all were tough cookies. You were aware of the dangers of dating an assassin and he knew about the dangers of dating a bounty hunter. People hated you both and you targeted.

One night you both were caught in a vulnerable state. While you both enjoyed chocolate milkshakes at a laid-back 1950’s styled diner, two men were previously thrown out for fighting. While your back was turned one of those men shot your arm, causing you to carelessly throw your body to the ground due to impact.

While everyone else was screaming, Illumi jumped to the ground and tied his hair tie around your arm to temporarily stop the bleeding.

“Illu, why does it feel cold in here,” you managed to breathe out.

His heart dropped to his stomach for the first time in history.

“Don’t say things like that!”

Illumi is already horrible at displaying emotions, but all he could do is frown in fear. Once the EMS came barling in, he demanded that he ride with you.

Illumi hadn’t experienced anything like this since Killua had been injured when he fell from a tree.

You and he were separated when you were rushed into surgery leaving him alone in the waiting room.

When Illumi is stressed and cannot properly display how he feels, he tends to act in “odd” ways.

He begins to furiously turn pages in magazines or bother the receptions every 2 minutes about the status of your surgery. When the woman finally says that you’re still alive, he tones it down a little.

Illumi is open to conforming advice from strangers; he has been receiving it secretly from strangers. Since Silva was busy abusing him, he often found comfort from “the streets”.

He has a bad habit of pacing back and forth and fidgeting in his seat while horrific images fill his mind. All he has seen is pain and even though he was used to it, he didn’t want you to go through it as well.

While sitting in his seat (finally!) and head in his lap, doubled over indescribable sorrow, a little girl walks up to him with her hands folded and a doll under her arms. Illumi feels her presence and looks up. The girl’s curly hair covered her endearing eyes and her smile is wide.

“They’ll be alright. I just know they will,” turning around returning to her mother, the girl said with confidence.

On cue, Illumi placed his hand over his heart, smiling just a little.

He walked quickly to your room once you were out of surgery.

His speed walk mimics one of a soldier; his left arm in since with his right leg. His shoes echoed throughout the hall.

As soon as he enters the room, he shuts the door harder than usual and gives you a tight embrace. This surprises you! You’re lucky if he lays his head on your shoulder!

Illumi had been working out lately. He wanted to beat you in the “squish the melon” contest. He is very competitive and even if he lost, that doesn’t hurt his ego. Not in the slightest. Since it was just the both of you alone, he bends down to hug you tight, so tight that your face is squished against his.

This behavior is only surprising because he usually doesn’t coddle you even when you get hurt, but this time he realized that you could have died from the gunshot wound.

After that he kissed your forehead and almost simultaneously the doctor barreled in just missing the sweet moment between you and your beau.

Chrollo

When Chrollo is holding meetings with the Phantom Troupe, he always appears to be neutral. That is very important. A leader has to show strength even through the worst/hurtful times of their lives.

Chrollo had gotten a call from Nobunaga that you had gotten hurt on a mission and had actually gotten captured by the enemy. Phinks was able to get you back but you suffered horrible injuries.

This is protocol; they do this for any of the members. The troupe was oblivious to the fact that you and Chrollo were dating. They thought you were here to replace Uvo.

In situations like this, he is calm on the outside but screaming on the inside. Common sense will tell you if you are startled by the news you’ve just received and you begin to drive, you could cause more harm on the way to your destination.

Chrollo is very silent; he doesn’t call to check on your status or anything; he would rather see it for himself.

You were a trooper! After all, you are dating a dangerous robber.

Chrollo already knew what room you were in so he just went.

“I knew I should have kept y/n by my side. Y/n insisted on doing my dirty work that they almost died! How foolish could I have been?” He constantly cursed himself for letting his guard down with you.

He always gave you room to think and complete your own tasks but he can’t help his protective nature; one he has for the troupe but times 10.

His childhood friends had been shot by law enforcers, his home was horrific, and the last thing he needed was for you to be gone. You were keeping him afloat in society.

When he opened the door, Phinks was sitting in a chair, one leg over the other, laughing at a TikTok video.

Nobunaga on the other hand was watching the world news and seemed invested that he didn’t hear Chrollo enter the room. Once they both saw, they stood to their feet.

“Y/n is ok boss. They suffered a few cuts and burns, but they're breathing.”

Chrollo’s straight face remained as he stared at you.

Chrollo’s silence is something the troupe has internalized as a sign of anger, rage, or both. When he didn’t speak and just stared, everyone knew that their next mission was going to be a brutal one.

Chrollo is a man that isn’t afraid to express how he feels. He could cry right now if he wanted to and no one would dare laugh at him or insult him. After all, Nobunaga cried when he realized Uvo was dead.

Nobunaga and Phinks excused themselves as they saw him place his hand over his mouth.

Once the door closed, He pulled up the chair, grabbed your hand, and gently squeezed it. His warmth woke you up instantly and you turned your head. You winced in pain causing Chrollo to jump from his seat, moving to your right side so you wouldn’t turn your head too much.

“I’m glad you're alive, darling. What were you doing putting yourself in danger? Feitan could have handled the beast!”

He isn’t trying to doubt your ability to fight, he’s just concerned for your safety. Even so, why would he insist that you join the spiders?

A tear dropped from his face as he silently kissed your hand three times. You smiled warmly and placed your right left hand on top of his.

“I am fine, boss. You need not worry. I’m a trooper, remember?”

He placed your hand against his dry cheek and continued to kiss it. You were his lifeline and he wanted to spend every moment with you.

#hisoka morow #hunterxhunter #hunter x 2011 #hunter x hunter #illumi zoldyck #hxh 1999 #hisoka #chrollo lucilfer #chrollo #hxh illumi #illumi #hisoka morrow x reader #hunter x hunter x reader #hunter x hunter x you #hunter x hunter x y/n #illumi x reader #illumi x y/n #illumi x you #chrollo x y/n #chrollo x oc #chrollo x reader #chrollo x you #hxh headcanons #hxh imagines #hxh chrollo #hxh x reader #hxh 2011 #gon hxh #hxh fanart #y/n

[personasintro]

idk who needs to hear/read this but if you're not enjoying where a story is going, or how long something is taking. to put it simply. just stop reading then. if its not for you, its not for you. thats ok. you can have your preference on things. but they're need to berate authors is questionable. sometimes i think anons just need other people to agree with them thinking it'll change something. or get the author to write what they want instead. which. idk. lol the world doesn't revolve around them (anons who demand, or give unsolicited writing advice).

tbf when they started sleeping together casually as two single people, i thought 'wow omg this is progressing faster than i thought. ' (this coming from a person who likes to read angsty shit for fun) lol so idk what people are expecting. i remember talking about it on your discord server how a bunch of us all thought there would be other things that would happen before they started sleeping together again, and then bam mimi delivered jk/yn hooking up on a silver platter. and people still have the audacity to.. complain??

i think the pace of everything is realistic. developing feelings for a friend you had no intention of ever having feelings for in the first place, is a difficult thing to navigate. i think the reason why mh has become one of my favourite series is the fact that it is realistic, to how yn holds back, how jk is navigating his attraction to yn. everything. sure they both found each other attractive when they first met, but i personally think if either of them was interested in each other in that way at the very beginning. one of them (jk, probably) would have made it a point to make a move. the fact that neither of them did, to my knowledge, and decided to be friends and become best friends without any intention of dating each other is kind of refreshing and nice. its not often where this is the case, most times when i've read best friends to lovers/fwb, someone has always had feelings and just suppressed them in order to just be friends. which im not saying is a bad thing, but thats clearly not the case for yn + jk.

being attracted to someone, and falling in love and developing feelings for someone are two very different things. to top it all off, they are best friends. they trust each other immensely, and care for one another on a whole different level. the fact that they managed to be that for each other without being in love with one another, is something so so so SO special. the thought of anything potentially ruining that. is terrifying. they already managed to have slept together (multiple times), and keep their friendship intact sans feelings. thats a difficult thing in and of itself.

then again, this is just my interpretation on mimi's story, and because of how mimi has written this story. she's made every character have this depth to each of them, every character (esp jk + yn) have so many different dimensions to them. nothing is predictable and thats what makes it so realistic to me. reading how yn + jk navigate this very new and scary thing, for me, is very rewarding. it also makes me feel a lot of strong feelings i didn't know i could still feel for fictional characters.

there's something building up, and i for one, cannot wait for whatever it is you have in store for us mimi. 💜

ps. sorry, i never can seem to write you a short + sweet message. always gotta be a damn novel.

Thank you for doing god's work!🙏 honestly, there are times when I simply just don't go into full depth when those kind of anons asks come, because I feel like there's no point of trying to explain things. At the end, this story is free for anyone to read and obviously, if somebody doesn't like it's storyline or whatever, they can stop reading and that's what I've been saying all the time with no hard feelings. If you don't like a movie, you stop watching it right? It's very similar with stories (if not totally the same). Even if I express my thoughts (which I think just irritates them more because I don't really care🤣) I always get attacked and they hide behind "constructive criticism", it's the same old story every time.

Which is why I appreciate every single nice message. Honestly, I don't think I can thank you enough for writing all of this (not because our opinions are the same or because you're kissing my ass like somebody would say🤪) you pretty much fully understand this story and I love your interpretation but most importantly, thank you for trusting me and loving this story to the point you've decided to share this with us. It really means a lot!

Don't apologize, I love novels😌💓 thank you again!

#ask #ask: mutual help

[the-vault-apprentice]

Previous

Next

Shout out to @llluckymaggie @brainweird-moth and @hlr413 who I namedrop in this chapter as they are essential to my overall experience of the Trials and the strength of friendships in Sky. More will likely be coming, but I can't put all her friends in one chapter. The unnamed one is one who only has the randomly generated name, and I couldn't check what it was because the servers were undergoing maintenance at the EXACT time of me writing this, but she dragged my butt through the Trial of Fire TWICE. Fly high, little friend.

In Which a Friend(?) Is Made

Cold, cold, cold, it is COLD in this one!

Kani misses her cape, but at least she now has shoes. For a very long time, she was doing this barefoot! And she has more layers now that she has gotten nicer clothes. But still, it is cold. What else can be expected from an ocean of ice?

Crunch, crunch, crunch goes the snow- Has anyone left any funny notes on the candles? A small giggle escapes as she recalls the time she found a message- "I swear I didn't pee in the pool" it said. It had made her laugh then, and it makes her laugh now.

Hmmmmm. I can't read these....

Wait

Is someone there

Someone IS there?! By the statue... Hmmmm.

Well, that's okay. She will do the Trial and they will do the Trial and they may not overlap at all. It CAN be done alone, after all, and only an idiot would want to stay here longer than absolutely necessary.... As peaceful as it is, there is something fundamentally WRONG to not have the gift of flight.... Even if she sometimes prefers to keep her feet on the ground, at least the OPTION is there. Not so here. A bird with no wings.

But something is.... Wrong.... Are they sick? They look sick.

She does not look at them much. Only to see once quickly. But they are dressed very plain, which is not too strange. .... At the very least, they seem to have the Candlemaker's hair. Very new ones cannot reach this place, though. So maybe they are not so new?

No shoes, no shoes, their poor feet...

They are the wrong color, too. Faces are not easy to judge, because of the masks, but the hands and the feet and the legs of the Skykids she has met are very brown under what they wear. Brown like mud and dirt and clay! Warm and alive.

Are they dying? They look like they are almost a statue. They are not moving. I think they are scared.

There are sounds that might be words, she is only halfway listening.... Inside her head has gotten very loud. She steps back and away from the candles, away from the statue. Watches the water come up and go down, stands right at the edge of where is safe. Turns a candle over in her hands. Pulls at her pigtails. Gives them every chance to go on.

They have not moved. They will not come closer to the water.

Help, don't help, want space to BREATHE, but.... But they are alone.

There is a big difference between alone that you choose, and alone you do not.

And she remembers. She remembers doing the Trials alone, trying to. Water was okay. Earth was good. But.... Air. Air was so so so so so hard. She kept getting very close and just falling short.

She remembers the time three others were in there with her. She had offered up candles, looking for a friend, a hand, some help. None were taken, and despite her best efforts to keep up, they left her behind after the first time she fell.

She remembers dear Hazel making time to come and guide her. She remembers having a hand to hold through the whole thing, she remembers landing the final jump because of her friend- A friend who taught her how to do it for herself, yes, but still held her hand the first time.

She remembers the Trial of Fire. Dark and lonely and scared. Not so bad at first, but then... Those Things In The Dark. She has cleared that Trial twice. Both times because of a short Skid in a pink cape with puffy hair, who took her hand and led her through a path she never would have reached alone- Climbing the walls and not being afraid of the dark anymore because her friend would keep her light shining, reaching the end.

She remembers her friend from the Prairie, she remembers Maggie. She remembers running full speed across the sand of the Isle to hug her, remembers showing her the butterfly cliff, remembers holding her hand through this exact Trial- And later on, through Eden, through Orbit, through rebirth- And all the times she was with her in the realms between.

She remembers Ariadne, and guiding her through Sanctuary- A place she couldn't have reached alone, so very new to the world. The waterfalls and the mantas and the views and showing her friend the beauty there was to be found- But only because someone was there TO show her.

All of this remembering comes at once and Kani puffs her cheeks and shakes her head. Sometimes she wishes she could just reach inside and pull out whatever it is that makes her care so much!

But what she pulls out is a candle. She's going to need it. Still looking at the ground, she holds out her other hand in the direction of this someone who is Like Her and Also Not.

"...... It is..... Okay. .... I know how to get across. We can go together..."

She still does not look at them.

Their hand is cold. Cold like a rock. Cold like a statue. Cold like the ice.

Talk talk tell them how. If you fall, they will need to keep going until you catch up.

"Dark water.... Is bad. The light water outside is good for swimming. But not here. Secret is.... Breathing. Breathe deep in when the water comes up. Breathe slow out when the water goes down. Then you will get a feeling of when is safe to move. I will do my best to not let you fall."

"Look, I'm not trying to be rude...."

The thought stops and there is quiet for another moment. They sound like a he. Maybe they are. She does not blame them if they do not trust her right away. Not everybody is always nice.

"Thanks. It's good to meet you. My name is Jack."

She nods, watching the water come up and go back down. Not this time- They will run the next. What an odd name. A hard sound in your mouth. Sharp. Quick. Not much to think of, saying it.

"Do.... Do YOU have a name?"

Ah. Part of her had hoped he would not ask. Names are important things, and she is still unsure how much Like Her he is.... And how much Not.

"My name is Koulokani. If we are still friends at the end of this, you can call me Kani. ...."

Breathe in, pause-

GO!

Down the hill and light the fire and her new friend is laughing when the snow under them rises and suddenly they are above where the water can reach-

"..... You are the third very strange person I have seen today."

She had looked behind her, just a moment, just to be sure she had not lost her friend on the very first step.

He does not have a mask. Did the man in the Village? .... He was too tall. I couldn't tell. How odd, these people are....

Secretly, she envies the stranger a bit- How lovely it must be, to have eyes with COLORS in them!

#sky: children of the light #that sky game #koulakani #season of childhood #kani's story #Eeeeeesh this got long my bad

[reporterleroux]

I have a request long distance relationship with ranboo and he surprises her during her birthday stream

Ok but like long distance relationships are kinda a vibe tho

Characters: irl!ranboo x streamer!reader

A/N: let's gooooooo

UPDATE AFTER WRITING:

I have been made aware that Ranboo is uncomfortable with x readers, I am trying to privately save any to find things that may possibly be uncomfortable for him in the future and avoid them, however I cannot do that with asks. I will put a read more below, please scroll if youre uncomfortable with this. I have re-edited this, so you may read this as a platonic friendship if you please.

-------------------------------------------------------

All you could hear was the Discord message tone come through your phone as you were trying to sleep. You told him you were going to try and sleep. It was 2am for you, you were on the other side of the world to him. You finally gave in with a groan as you checked your DM's. Obviously, it was from Ranboo, spamming "VC VC VC." in your messages. You joined the VC.

"I told you I'm tryna sleep man come on."

You whined, voice sleepy. You could hear him laughing on the other end.

"I know. I wanted to talk to you to help you fall asleep. We've been best friends long enough for me to know that it takes you a while to fall asleep."

You smiled, even though he couldn't see you. It was true, you struggled to fall asleep. Even more so since it was your birthday tomorrow. You usually had alot on your mind. You were thankful to have Ranboo as your best friend, Ranboo as someone who understands.

"Turn your camera on, I wanna make sure you're ok."

You did as you were told to do. You turned on your camera and propped up your phone so Ranboo could see your face. You got back comfy into your bed and he began talking. Nothing much in particular, just about his streams, his friends etc etc. It suprised you how much his voice actually managed to send you to sleep everytime, but it happens. And boy were you greatful for it. You dozed off within a matter of minutes.

The call had ended by the time you woke up. Ranboo was gone, Discord had already kicked you out the empty call. But that was ok. Because it was your birthday today. You were gonna do a big birthday stream where you did a vast variety of things, like playing Minecraft of unboxing things and everything in-between. It wasn't until about halfway through your stream that you were a tiny bit upset, but you weren't letting it show. You hadn't heard from your best friend on Discord or from your chat the entire stream. Just then though, Ranboo sent through a multiplayer server link into your Discord DM's without context. You knew what it was, of course you did. You've played enough multiplayer Minecraft to know what it is.

"Hold on chat, might have to pause on this a moment, Ranboo just sent a Minecraft server link to my DM's."

You announced to chat as you put your virtual drawing board to the side and opened Minecraft. Just as you were about to join the server Ranboo sent to your DM's "VC 3." Supposing you had to join it, you went onto the SMP group and into VC 3.

"You good?"

Ranboo asked, checking up on you.

"Yeah, I'm good. Should I join this server now?"

You asked in a simple reply. A simple "Yup." just rang through your ears as you joined the server. The world loaded in and you were just in a fully black room, Ranboo's character standing infront of you.

"Follow me."

He said simply as his character began walking away. You ran towards him to catch up, eventually level enough to go at walking speed. You walked down a black hallway until a redstone door opened up into the rest of the world.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N!"

Ranboo shouted through the headset. You couldn't help but smile at what he did. It was a Minecraft world with all of your favourite things built in it, from animals to shows.

"I really am devistated I can't be with you for your birthday, so I though why not suprise you during your birthday stream?"

You really wished you could just run up to him, hug him tightly and thank him so much at the time, but the best you could do was simply be in awe of what he did. There were simply no words that could help you at this moment.

-------------------------------------------------------

A/N: happy birthday to anyone reading this who's birthday it is today/has been/is soon!

#dream smp #ranboo #ranboo mcyt #ranboo x reader #ranboo x you #ranboo x y/n

[starcloud-nova]

Favorite fics by some of your buddies on Tumblr and Discord?

God nonnie. You fucked up big time. You underestimated just how hard I can appreciate my friends. I’d like to formally apologize for how long and in-depth this got, but I would pick a stopping point and then go ‘oh! but i cant leave out so-and-so’ and then this got mega out of hand.

Organized by author and not genre! And if I didn’t include any of your works (or I did and it was not the one you wanted), please, don’t take it personally. I am trusting everyone who comes across this post to read the tags themselves, but for two of the fics I have left TWs in front of them.

Cassia’s fics:

Internet Enemies by @cassiopeia721 (x)

At school, Midoriya Izuku is ignored at best. At home, he's raised by a single mother who seems to be always taking night shifts, and who he communicates with almost exclusively through notes on lunch boxes and texts lying about his location. As such, Midoriya Izuku turns to the internet— or more specifically, an All Might fan server on discord— for companionship. Like most things in his life, it goes wrong eventually. It just takes longer than usual.

hypnic jump

Izuku finds himself somewhere he doesn't recognize in an oversized green jumpsuit with a hero he's never seen at his back. He's pretty sure he's dreaming, and subsequent events only solidify that theory into rock-solid certainty.

Paradigm Shift (Harry Potter)

Harry undergoes a paradigm shift at the beginning of his fifth year. (Slytherin Harry)

~~~

Kestrel’s fics:

Compass by @autisticmidoriyas (x)

Midoriya Izuku never had the chance to become a hero—or even to grow up. Fifteen years after his death, Akatani Izuku tries to save the life of a dying hero and in return receives a target painted on his back and a power humming in his bones.

All Might, Sir Nighteye, Ground Zero, Suneater, and Skyquake are left scrambling in the wake of Lemillion’s death to figure out who now holds One For All.

Intertwined with all this, the League of Villains’ war against Japan burns on. With the loss of Lemillion, the advantage is now theirs, and with the loss of One For All, victory is all-but-assured.

(What the villains don’t know is that One For All lives on in the blood of a boy who was always meant to be a hero.)

triskelion

A few seconds, and their lives—their life—is changed forever. Where three people used to exist, there is now only one.

While visiting the mall with their class, Izuku, Katsuki, and Shouto are the victims of someone whose quirk can fuse together objects … and people.

Permanently.

Facing down the fact that they may never be unfused, a long adjustment period lies ahead of them as they learn how to be themself and figure out where they fit into their families, their class, and their world.

the meaning of hope

One day, the smoke will reach its end. They hold out hope for that. Even with quirks, fires cannot burn forever. They will consume all their fuel, until there is nothing left, and they will wither and die.

~~~

Lilly’s fics:

Rise of the Rat Finks by Authoress_Lilly

“You're not in trouble Neito. You’ve been tapped to join The Rats.”

The boy blinks. “The what?”

Vlad opens up a folder and hands Monoma a flyer and a small pin in the shape of a rat. “It’s a sort of secret society here at UA.

Or: an excuse to put Monoma and Midoriya together in way too many words 😅

The Root to Villainy

Prompt: Izuku doesn't realize how fucked up his past was until Aizawa does an immersive class on villain origins.

Whoops?

~~~

Dance’s fics:

Never Take Your Problem Children To Costco by DanceInTheKitchen

“SECURE THE EGGS! I REPEAT SECURE THE EGGS!” Bakugou bellowed.

“YES SIR! AYE AYE SIR!” Izuku saluted.

Shouta is staring at his students, one of whom seems to be reenacting the Lion King with a carton of eggs while the other salutes him, and wonders. What the hell did he do in his past life to deserve this?? Past him must have committed some great sin, like putting sugar in his coffee, or being a dog person.

 Or, Aizawa, Bakugou and Midoriya walk into a Costco.

grow as we go

The dorms were silent, but out here in the open air, she felt both isolated and free. Isolated from the world, but free from the responsibility crushing her, isolated from her friends and family, but free from judgement. Up here, with only the stars and Iida as company, Momo felt like she could breathe.

They sat next to each other in silence, watching the stars silently crawl their way across the sky. Iida doesn’t break the silence, but he also doesn’t leave. It’s a silent promise, to listen if she needs it, or to keep her company if she doesn’t want to speak. It’s comforting.

She’s not sure when she speaks, it’s somewhere between staring up at the stars, and looking at the shiny dew covering the grass of the hills behind UA.

“I’m not ready.”

 Or, with graduation right around the corner, Momo has a conversation with Iida about what growing up means.

~~~

Azure’s fics:

A Helping Hand for All by azureskyy

Izuku doesn't know why everyone's talking about a certain hero analyst online. He's tried browsing through the forums and other sites, but he just can't find the person they're talking about.

Maybe he'll ask them later. For now, he has some analysis to do.

Or: Izuku is a well-known hero and quirk analyst across multiple social media platforms.

Not that he's aware of it, of course.

A Missed Chance

Two paths cross then diverge. In another universe, perhaps, they could have walked on the same path; they could have talked for the second time that day, and Izuku could have been given an opportunity that could change his entire life. And maybe, just maybe, he would have taken it.

But this isn’t that universe.

Or: What if All Might wasn't able to find Izuku after the Sludge Villain Incident?

~~~

Alice’s fics:

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by @makeitbluue (x)

“Did you think you’d be safe from me forever? That you could chip away at my power base and I would not care or try to hunt you down?” The man asks as he steps forwards.

Izuku scrambles backwards in his bed, searching the covers as he goes for his phone. If he can get a text off to All Might or Aizawa-sensei he can alert people to the potential danger.

But even as he moves, something in the back of his mind tells him he had heard this voice before. A different time, a different context, but the same voice.

~~~

Ely’s fics:

bend and break by @queenangst (x)

In a world where you can feel your soulmate's pain, Eijirou spends a lot of his life up until meeting his soulmate hurting.

draw and quarter

In District Twelve, no one volunteers.

When Aizawa Shouta’s name is called, no one says a word. He stands there for a moment, feeling all the world slow around him, and then he straightens his shoulders and walks to his death.

He will die fighting. At the very least, Shouta can promise that.

Shouta's name is drawn for the Hunger Games, alongside Shirakumo Oboro. No one from their district has ever won.

damage control

After All for One's defeat, Aizawa Shouta is grasping for ways to protect his students. At the same time, a discrepancy in Midoriya's behavior leads Shouta down a dangerous line of investigation and to a single question: if Midoriya is the U.A. traitor.

Between the Wind and the Water

Staying at U.A. for winter break, Izuku hopes it'll be a quiet chance to spend the holidays with Todoroki and supervising teachers All Might and Aizawa-sensei.

It's just his luck a gift-shopping trip turns into a gift from a villain, and Izuku's new Half-Cold, Half-Hot Quirk is not so easy to control. Neither are the secrets he's been carefully keeping.

a glimpse of tomorrow (looking back)

Subject: Aldera Time Capsule Ceremony Forwarded Message— This year marks ten years for the Aldera Middle School graduating class of 20XX.To celebrate, we would like to invite pro heroes Kingpin and Deku, Aldera alumni, to participate in a public time-capsule opening. We are incredibly proud to have helped them on their journeys to becoming heroes, and would be most honored to receive them as guests and for them to speak at the ceremony. [...]

"Well," Deku says, leaning over to turn the monitor towards him. His eyes flick over the contents of the email one more time. "If they haven't changed, then I guess we could return the favor."

Ten years down the line, Bakugou and Midoriya are invited to a time capsule ceremony at their middle school to read letters from their past selves, and look back on their past and how it shaped their future. For anyone else, it would have been a celebration.

For the two of them, it's an opportunity.

A look into Bakugou and Midoriya's past—through a future neither of them imagined—as pro heroes, agency partners, and friends.

of the mighty heart

It was just complicated. Kacchan had changed. Izuku had changed. What was between them was constant—Kacchan was always there—but even constants, Izuku supposed, could change, too.

...You saved me, sometimes you say Deku and it doesn’t sound so much like an insult, you say it like you mean it, you say it like you mean me.

After the war ends and the dust settles, Izuku is left in pain and feeling useless. There's still so much to do and people to save, and it's just... too much for one person.

And then there's Kacchan.

~~~

Fawn’s fics:

Bough Breaks by @fawnvelveteen (x) (trigger warning for discussion of rape/noncon)

In life, nothing is certain. Pro-heroes aren’t always the good guys. Children are not spared from the darkest realms of humanity. Izuku isn't acting like his normal self at school lately, and his homeroom teacher has taken notice. After learning about the mother’s new, unwelcomed boyfriend, Aizawa’s concern shifts into dread. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep his student away from harm.

Almost Moon (trigger warning for suicide) (Black Clover)

It was always at night. One of Noelle's squadmates, apparently, believes it's a good idea to walk across the rooftop, directly over her head while she is trying to get some sleep. Finally, she decides to confront the nighttime nuisance. What she discovers is something she never expected, nor did she wish to see.

~~~

Nez’s fics:

The True Successor by @neko-nez (x)

Toshinori is caught in a time loop.

~~~

Aodh’s fics:

new game + (the pros of being over-leveled, the catharsis of finally beating That One Boss, and a bonus social link) by @takeyamayuu (x)

Izuku hasn’t been noticed yet, being as far from the fight as he is. Or if he has, they’re dismissing him in favor of the larger threat of Aizawa-sensei. As they should, since he takes out the last one with a well placed kick, turning to face Shigaraki,

Izuku tenses, this is-

This is where his teacher’s arm is injured and then-

The Nomu.

One for All spikes to around fifty percent, his muscles stinging, bones creaking as Izuku darts forward, aiming for Shigaraki’s head with an axe-kick.

Second year Midoriya Izuku gets hit with a Quirk, skids into the USJ, and learns a little about self-care along the way.

~~~

Ghost’s fics:

fingerpaint bruises and a kick in the teeth by @ghoststrawberries (x)

There’s a sour taste in Shouta’s mouth as he stares at Jackrabbit’s bright smile. The smile he’s wearing in every clear photo of him. It somewhat reminds Shouta of All Might’s smile.

Jackrabbit might be a menace to the Commission, but there’s no way Shouta can believe that a man with that smile is anything less than good to his core.

“And I’m your last resort to handle this quietly.” He says knowingly, keeping his thoughts to himself.

“Precisely.”

Shouta’s gut response is to refuse.

The words “I don’t kill.” are halfway up his throat before they become stuck.

As an underground hero, sometimes Shouta Aizawa is called upon to do darker jobs than one might expect a hero to have to do. This time, when he's tasked with taking out a vigilante who's managed to bother the Hero Public Safety Commission one too many times, he's not sure he'll be able to follow through.

~~~

Amira’s fics:

And Now I See Daylight by @awake-my-oceans (x)

AnalysisOverload Current mood: HERO CON HERO CON HERO CON HERO CON

AnalysisOverload reblogged AnalysisOverload  Okay, let’s talk HeroCon. 

Look around, and you’ll see a lot of discrimination—against people whose Quirk is debilitating, against people whose Quirks scare us, against people who have trouble controlling their Quirk, against people who don’t have a Quirk at all. It’s easy to feel alone in a sea of discrimination.

Enter HeroCon:X.

A social media fic following Deku post-graduation.

The chaotic neutral’s guide to time travel

“You claim you are from the future,” Nedzu said, hopping onto his desk. “Do you have anything to prove this?”

Hitoshi fished around in his pocket. “Here’s my hero license,” he said, holding it up.

Nedzu opened his mouth, but Hitoshi kept right on going, producing a handful of odds and ends from his pocket. “Also a movie ticket, some dryer lint, some, uh, didn’t know I still had that but it’s old gum—“

That was when Aizawa walked in, capture weapon floating around him. “What’s the emergency?” he asked, clipped, as he kicked open the door.

“—and the left arm of a Deku plushie,” Hitoshi finished, unruffled. “My cat ate the rest.”

~~~

Aaaaaand that’s all I got. Thanks for making it to the end!

#bnha #bnha fic #fic rec #fic rec list #fic rec masterpost #nova talks #all my friends in one post. sniffle #most of em anyway #not sure what to tag this so. ill hit send! #forgot too tag this as an ask rip #anonymous #ask

[captainkirbypunch]

My love has left tumblr once again.

As many of you may know, the account under the name MDZADR, has left tumblr. They felt unsafe in their fandom, and as such have deleted their tumblr and AO3 account due to the bad memories linked to them.

As a part of their departure, they have asked me to post something in their name, as follows.

If you want more details about how I came to this realization, continue to read. If not, here is your summary:

TL;DR: For the safety and health of this fandom, I wanted to spread the word that Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and MelodyoftheVoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don’t “ship zadr correctly.” She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is. 

Full story below.

I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. Nobody did anything to me today, but this just wasn’t worth it.

My AO3 and tumblr are both gone. I didn’t say goodbye because I didn’t want to look like an attention seeker.

Here’s the thing. I wasn’t going to name drop, but you guys need to know the truth. I’m instructing my boyfriend (hi y’all) to turn asks off for his own safety after this because this is going to be a nightmare, but... allow me to tell you the full story. I’ll try to break up the text so it’s less difficult to read, but this is important. I’m sorry to air discourse so publicly, but please... I need you to listen to me.

I’ll start from the beginning, without being vague anymore about who “she” is. I request that you please read the whole thing and not skip parts of it. The whole story matters.

I finally returned to the fandom about two months or so ago. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t do well in my thoughts while left alone too long, so I posted saying I would stop messaging people I knew because I didn’t want to bother them. There were only two people I was talking to at the time, but one of them is famous so I didn’t want to message her directly saying that. Doing so would have put her in a position of feeling obligated to say “you’re not bothering me” rather than just simply being able to sigh with relief from no longer being contacted. 

But the first person to contact me was the famous person, and she asked if I was okay, and told me she liked talking to me.

God, I actually cried.

But, that’s just her. Melodyofthevoid is the type of person to talk to people in the fandom, totally unaware of her demigod status. She comments on stories, interacts on posts, messages first... a pillar of kindness, so it seemed.

But let the story continue.

Over time, we were talking more often. 

Mostly sending memes (cause everyone I knew, myself included, aren’t exactly great at holding conversations. No shade. Memes are a love language). I was still in the hero worship stage of our relationship, so my view of her was that that was perfect.

Now, let me bridge a connection with a new story idea I got around December 28th or so, and my thinking she was perfect.

I had recently finished watching Madoka and questioned “If I had magical powers, what would they be?” It then turned into its own story idea, basing creators’ powers around the strengths and weaknesses in creations. I actually realized “oh fuck. My stuff is incoherent. My friends’ works aren’t too different...”

Thus spawned the name “Incoherent” for the project.

What does that have to do with this? Well, here’s the thing that really fucked everything up quickly. 

This was not on purpose, because originally the project (which I had told nobody of yet at the time) was all about improving your works, making platonic friends, dressing our personas in cute outfits, and writing fun magic.

While listening to music and thinking of the story one day, my brain accidentally shipped my persona with hers, and I couldn’t unsee it. And I’m lousy at keeping my own secrets (other’s are different) so she found out on probably day one or two about my weird crush because of an ask meme of all things. 

She didn’t try to put me off any, which was another problem for future things to come, and so I decided that since Incoherent was finally making me feel alive again and feeling the euphoric feelings of love wouldn’t hurt anything (I figured they’d mellow out on their own eventually because that’s how infatuation works) since they helped fuel my inspiration, and then we would just continue from friends to better friends one day and this part of our lives would be over.

Besides, the forbidden is attractive somehow, and makes stories more entertaining. She’s aro/ace, so I had no chance anyway. Someone safe to crush on, in her own way.

This isn’t a story of a love betrayal however. There was no such thing. But it’s important to the story because Incoherent is where my mistakes were made, and hers brought to light.

By this time, I had a handful of people I was talking to, and I created a discord server for the project. Only my boyfriend (hi!) and I were in it at the time. I was not-so-subtly asking my friends what they’d look like if they were a magical person, what their names would be... I thought I would have had to lure Melody in to make her want to join us, but I managed to get her in very easily. Everyone was happy and excited! It was a no obligation, no time limit thing for us to enjoy, a little sandbox to play around in. 

Sure there were plans to make it bigger and I was working on art to the best of my ability, but it was gonna be a fun thing mostly. No pressure on anyone.

And how things started becoming a problem was that the rest of us posted publicly about the project and interacted with each other’s posts relating to the story, but she had started to interact publicly less and less with our things, and everyone noticed it.

It wasn’t because we were greedy and wanted the popular girl to reblog our things. It’s because we had a feeling she was ashamed of being seen publicly with us. The reason we were worried before then and started making that connection was because I mentioned I was going to ask another user if they were interested in joining Incoherent. Melody was the only one that seemed uncomfortable, and I messaged her asking about it. We agreed I wouldn’t invite that person but I knew things were off about it.

That person is like me. How long until Melody didn’t want to talk to me anymore? A few days ago, the other shoe finally dropped. A member of our little group and I were talking and (let’s call them Friend for simplicity. They asked to not be name dropped here) Friend was worried they had made Melody upset by tagging her in a meme picture they drew of her persona, and the two had agreed that Friend remove the tag. This spawned an anxiety-filled conversation where Friend and I expressed our concerns about Melody not interacting with the project, or us.

So since I wanted reassurance that that wasn’t the case, I messaged Melody with my concerns. I told her I had the feeling she was ashamed of being seen in public with us because of her friends, and she didn’t refute me. She simply told me to go get some rest. I messaged back with “I’m right.”

I deleted Discord off my phone for hours and nearly deleted my Tumblr, AO3, and the server after my boyfriend helped pass messages between us. Melody confessed that was the case because her friends expressed discomfort with my works, and she was playing both sides.

Her words, not mine.

Melody told me she would be withdrawing from the Incoherent project because it wasn’t fair to us if her heart wasn’t in it.

She didn’t stand up on my behalf when they said things about me. Her friends are the type who talk behind creators’ backs for shipping zadr “incorrectly.” Worse than antis because they actually participate in the “pro-shipping” side of the fandom. I broke that day and messaged her at 3 am.

We finally spoke at 3pm. We both missed each other. I tried to understand more. I wanted it to be more like a conversation rather than an interrogation. It was only one-sided however, and she never opened up further. And I made some mistakes and poor choices of words, and we ended up parting ways permanently right there. 

I nearly deleted everything, but much like a coma patient attached to many machines on a hospital bed, my blog was kept alive a little longer by people sending kind words in droves. I was briefly fuelled by spite, wishing to watch the world burn by making everyone on the "correct" side of the fandom upset by posting the worst, most vile content this fandom has ever seen.

I was also welcomed with open arms by a very kind server with fellow degenerates, all of them screaming and crying and partying when they managed to get me in their server. It was so heartwarming...

But as I spoke to others about my situation, I realized something. A disturbing pattern.

People telling me horror stories about how Mooping-10 was cult-like. How the people running it were antis. I was even told once that they have a secondary server where they go to have their talks and do their work, likely the place where the real bashing is held.

The server itself has rules against such behavior, but I suppose it's different when they do it.

One person (and this is the most unnerving part for me, personally) told me Melody actually set off alarm bells in their head without having even done anything yet, and the most disturbing part of the story was that one of the moderators was afraid and upset because they got Covid, and received basically no moral support at all. Only getting told "spoiler that. Sorry you got Covid".

I was horrified. That server has 100 people in it. How many of them are the same? They act like popular kids in school who picked up an unpopular main character and then bash others, and the main character joined in because they don't want to be left behind by their new "friends".

To put it short, back to my point:

TL;DR: I simply only wanted to spread the word that: Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and Melodyofthevoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don't "ship zadr correctly". She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is.

#Invader Zim #zadr #tagr #rapr #zagr #mdzadr #MelodyoftheVoid

[lilshotgun]

So here's why i've been inactive for the past couple months on tumblr:

As many of you know, I've been a fairly avid content creator for the warrior nun fandom creating a ton of content for free. I joined a Warrior Nun discord server named Future Warrior Nuns (which is a ridiculous name considering in the show Ava says there will be no more warrior nuns but that's besides the point) and the treatment I received there was amazing. At the beginning. I spoke up about racism and injustices within the community because you cannot escape it anywhere unfortunately and I believed I'd found a community that would protect me and be there for me if i was ever faced with racism or hate.

For clarity, anyone in blue is a moderator. As you go on to read this their usernames and profile images might change so I’ll clarify who is who. I’ll only be using the names I’ve been presented with and only the ones that are most relevant to the situation. 

Fiesta  (white American cis woman) aka Doesn't Kelly, Witch Rhyme

Taz (white Australian cis woman) 

Milan (a very sheltered American transmasculine poc whos uncomfortable talking about racism because they've never had to deal with it) aka Who The Fuck Is Kelly

Rory (white Australian cis woman) aka Stronger Kelly

 But after a while, things slowly started to change. It was subtle and if you hadn't been there from the beginning, you wouldn't have noticed. It started with the moderators spending less time in the server because they had made many of their own servers and spent far more time over there. Which is understandable when you’re a group of friends that all have a common purpose. But the lack of leadership was palpable. I had to sometimes direct fellow server members to proper channels or do a few other things that were supposed to be things that the moderators were supposed to take care of and their lack of care for the server was becoming more relevant. If you were in their little group of friends or kissed their ass then they wouldn't target you unnecessarily. 

    Exactly three weeks later, (and only one week after my birthday in which everyone was super sweet and nice to me) the love and friendship they claimed to have for me vanished completely. For context, people in positions of power, especially in a server, should be people you can come to if you ever have an issue with anything or anyone. They should also be people that can come to terms with admitting their behavior was incorrect when being told so. So here is what happened:

I have always been open about being a transmasculine person of color on all my platforms, and if you know me on any platform you know that. The behavior shown here between me and the moderators was absolutely appalling to me. They pushed my voice aside and only acknowledged Narcissa, a cis white woman, who was agreeing and saying the same things i had because i had asked her in private to help me out because i felt it was unfair that two server moderators were coming at me so aggressively. 

As you can see from the screenshots, they claimed that I attacked Fiesta when i was simply pointing out that her behavior was hypocritical and unfair especially because she is in a position of power and that's something people of power should be aware of. 

I was the only one brave enough to say what everyone was thinking. And that's something I have always taken pride in. Speaking up for others when they are too scared to do so themselves. And that was shown through multiple people coming into my dms to tell me they either felt the same way I did or they felt the way I was treated in the conversation above was unfair. This next screenshot is from a private message from a former manager. 

Narcissa (white cis woman)  received a few apologies from the server managers privately, yet my dms stayed vacant. At this point, they made a “public apology” towards everyone in the server which I forgot to screenshot, and not a single server manager reached out to me in private. But they did share these in the server for everyone to see:

They then opened an anonymous feedback form for us to share if we had any issues privately, which of course, I did, and so I filled it out saying “wheres my fucking apology ~king” so they would know exactly who the response was coming from. I was angry and hurt that they treated me the way they did. I regretted wording it like that almost instantly after sending it. But the deed was done and it was unchangeable. And not too long after, this was posted publicly in the server feedback channel so that everyone in the server could see:

Whether I shared that it was from me or not, she violated the server moderators unanimous statement saying that everything posted in the feedback form would stay anonymous and made my response public using the excuse that me sharing my name made it okay for her to show it to everyone. I was also being informed by other people I’m friends with that the forms that were being submitted were not staying anonymous and that they were being shared from other moderators privately in other peoples' dms.

I stuck around in the server because the people that I had formed friendships with were there and they were special to me and I wanted to be able to talk to them still in spite of everything that had happened to me up until this point. I was much more subdued at this point, I was posting less art and as you noticed I practically disappeared from twitter as well. 

My love for Warrior Nun was decreasing rapidly because the environment had become so toxic and unwelcoming that I felt scared to say much in the server in fear of being banned after seeing one of my trans poc friends banned for saying hi to another member. They had been looking for a reason to ban him for being on my side instead of theirs and apparently found the “perfect” excuse. They deleted his messages and claimed in their private admin channel that he had harassed someone in the server without screenshotting the false evidence first. How do I know this? Because I had a person on the team that valued me as a person instead of as a content creator and what I could give to the server.

I proceeded to curate the server for what fit me best, considering the ridiculous number of channels they created that had nothing to do with the show at this point. And there was an option for members to do that so I used the tools they had provided with and opted out of channels I no longer wanted to see. I consolidated it down to 35 out of 66 channels because some of them had no opt out option. And still, it was way more channels than I'd prefer to be in. I narrowed it down to only ships I actually cared about instead of having a bunch of channels I was never gonna read or say things in. And that's when the manager that cared about us provided me with these telling screenshots.

Why put me in “jail” over removing some roles? It may not have been explicit, but the internalized racism of putting a person of color in “jail” for curating what they wanted from a server is frankly off putting to say the least. "Implicit racism includes unconscious biases, expectations, or tendencies that exist within an individual, regardless of ill-will or any self-aware prejudices." 

And what does carl bot do exactly? It logs EVERYTHING. But only if that feature is enabled. And clearly, in Future Warrior Nuns, it is.

 They didn’t care about me and didn’t care that I was a consistent content creator. For lack of better words, I was one of the biggest reasons the actual part of the server that was dedicated to the show was constantly active and once I became quiet, along with a few other content creators I talked with, the activity decreased immensely. I said things here and there but that was about it. Until I was looking through their emotes. I noticed that they had trans, gay, demi, bi, aro, and ace heart emotes but the lesbian one wasnt there. Which was honestly surprising considering how much of the fandom identifies as lesbian. So I asked for it to be added and after it was, so many people were super happy because of it.

One day later i asked for more Mary emotes because they hadn’t completely brushed me off after requesting for the lesbian pride one. I noticed that Ava, the white character, had 72 animated and still emotes at the time while Mary, the black character, only had 18. And only 4 out of those were positive emotes. Here's that conversation:

I offered up my services to create Mary emotes for them considering I was an artist and content creator and it would be no issue for me at all to contribute but they declined, saying they were working on some themselves and that they would eventually add them to the server. The ones that they had created all looked terrible. They didn't know how to color correct her skin so that it wouldn't look ashy because of the filters used in the show and instead of asking for help from me, an artist of color, they simply did their own thing. And from 18 emotes, it went up to a dazzling 24. 

Needless to say, the racism they claimed not to have was pretty evident at this point. It was shockingly clear that they didn’t care as much about the characters of color than they did for the white and white passing ones. After this entire debacle I didn't even bother trying to ask for more emotes for Lilith considering how warmly I was welcomed with asking for more Mary emotes. 

A little less than two months after the initial incident, I still hadn’t been contacted by anyone on the admin team about absolutely anything in private. It wasn’t until people asked Fiesta if she had reached out to me or even bothered with an apology before she sent me this:

The “apology” was worthless. Too much time had passed since I was publicly humiliated and portrayed as the evil transmasculine person of color to them, and only a select few people interacted with me. I felt completely shut out because of how the admin team handled a difference of opinion. Instead of correcting themselves and admitting they were wrong, they doubled down on the intimidation and bullying  by changing their rules so that they could find excuses to ban or punish anyone they felt was not on their side. 

At this point, my grades were heavily declining. I was already struggling with keeping up with everything on my own due to covid and my mental disabilities. Being a victim of this racist behavior made everything worse. I couldn’t get out of bed, I was barely eating a meal a day because I had no motivation to work so I had little to no money to buy myself food. I was starving most days. And I didn’t ask my mom for help because I felt everything was my fault and that I really was in the wrong and shouldn't have said anything even though looking back at it I wasn't wrong for what I said. I had also been informed that my dad died because of covid and because of all of this stress and depression I had officially failed my classes. 

This is really difficult for me to say because I’m a very private person and I hate asking for help or sharing anything about my private life, but for you to understand everything that was happening to me at the time, this is stuff you unfortunately need to know. 

There’s many more things that I could say about this server but this thread is already long enough as it is and it was hard enough to write this all down. But behind closed doors, the admin team had some of the nastiest attitudes and behaviors you could’ve seen. Had they realized we had someone on their team that actually valued us and others as people, they probably would have kept their blatant ignorance and dislike towards server members hidden better. But white people like oppressing others when they know they can get away with it and this is just another sad unfortunate example that cost me and my fellow friends of color some heavy emotional and psychological damage.     They did wrong and refused to acknowledge it and instead tried to find a way to ban us for not having the hivemind that they so desperately want to control everyone with. If you want to see for yourself, feel free to find a link to a discord server named Future Warrior Nuns. If you look back through their channels, you’ll find most of these conversations either gone or have many messages missing. I hope my story will help understand why I’ve been gone from tumblr for so long and i hope something like this never happens to you.

#warrior nun #warrior nun netflix #warrior nun discord #future warrior nuns #future warrior nun #FWN #ava silva #shotgun mary #sister lilith #sister beatrice #sister camila #avatrice #lilshotgun #discord #wnedit #warrior nun edit #warrior nun art #Toya Turner #Lorena Andrea #alba baptista #olivia delcán #kristina tonteri young

[beetleboo]

long post. one i’ve been trying to make for a while now. hell, i wrote this like... third week of may. didn’t post it until now because i didn’t know if I wanted to.

but something i want to lay out, been wanting to lay out for months. dont want to talk to anyone about it, just want to put the info out there for it to be seen.

if you re/blog this i will block you. i may put this on the relevant sideblog at some point.

because 2020 was the worst year on record for me for a number of reasons, and it’s torn me down to the lowest point i’ve been in a long time, and this is just. everything that’s gone down. not a callout post, no one gets named, but these are all the events

partially in relation to my fandom sideblog, because that’s where i had community, and where it’s all just. gone. doesnt exist anymore.

i started up a server, ages ago now. somewhere i curated to be a positive and safe space for things, and for a while, it was that.

around the end of 2019, spilling over to the start of 2020 when it picked up, i found, both on my blog and in discord spaces, in particular the server i ran, that people no longer talked to me. no one would hold a conversation with me past a few basic responses, no one replied to anything i shared, no one engaged when i tried to start discussions. so i pulled back from the main server - S1. thought it was just a lull in activity. stayed that way for weeks, months, and I just muted the server. no one ever cared about anything i had to say. was lucky if anything i posted got even a token emoji react

was in another, smaller server - S2. people i talked to damn near every day, even in voice. played games together - that became... no fun simply because everyone else was so much better/further ahead in the game. i was completely useless, so didn’t server a function in game and never really felt like anyone actively wanted me around, but i still participated in chat.

but again, no one ever responded to anything I posted beyond maybe a token react

couple people discussing something one day. I contributed with Theory A, and quite immediately got that shut down. few minutes later, they rephrased exactly what I said and happily nattered away. so whatever I said wasn’t worth it when it came out of my mouth but if they talked about it, it was all well and valid. so again, between that specific experience and no one interacting with me, nor anything I post. server muted. treatment taught me no one cared about my presence there.

gave admin rights to S1, my server, to someone I trusted. two requests only: dont delete channels and let me know if you want to invite anyone (since I kept it private)

RYE (i’m just assigning random three letter names to people to keep this straight) posted public invites several times. never asked me. one of the two things i asked. brought it up with them that it bothered me, just got vague noncomittal responses. more public invites. eventually, after having the server muted for months, i handed over full control and left. that was almost a full year ago. none of the people have talked to me in that entire year, through discord or here or anything.

except RYE who sent me a message after a couple months like ‘wow i havent heard from you in a while hope you’re doing ok’. i wasn’t. after a bit but still the same day, i said as much. that i wasn’t doing well. they never responded. and i don’t mean like, they didn’t respond that day. i mean i literally never heard from them until months later when they sent me a meme and also didn’t respond to me commenting on that meme.

and this is one side of things. all of the above was the first half of the year. this next bit happened about. march2020? I was in another server - S3. another place that was a good space at the time. was in voice chat with two other people. started talking about one thing. MIN very suddenly said something along the lines of ‘i don’t care about this i’ll come back when you’re done’

this is one of the very few things that can trigger me - i’ve had a lot of people talk down to me if I dare look excited about anything. when they came back, i asked if they could try to just. depart conversations more softly. MIN always said ‘if i do anything hurtful to you just tell me! i dont want to do that kind of thing!’

this was clearly a lie as they exploded on me, telling me they always have to walk on eggshells around me, that I ask so many things from them. before what I asked them that day, I can only recall one other thing i asked (which was not to talk about a person who was abusive towards me, and they were like ‘yea sure np’ about that, over a year prior’)

the whole thing turned into basically me having to shut down the fact that i was hurt by what they did, had to ignore that now and i had to fawn and placate them and the only thing i got out of that was that my feelings were irrelevant, only theirs.

(incidentally, I have had two other people turn on me in similar ways, accusing me of doing shifty/bad/terrible things, and not being willing to tell me what they are when I ask, only saying that ‘i should know what i did’ so that’s also now a Fun New Bit Of Trauma.)

and that entire weeklong event lead me straight to a breakdown. literal genuine breakdown i cannot convey how devastating that entire scenario was without going into far too many details.

so between all of these things happening in less than six months, with three different community spaces folding and collapsing and fading away from me, with many of the friends i thought i had just. moving on to other things and dropping me. people i talked to every day just not bothering with me anymore. they all have gone on to other stuff and no one ever went ‘hey beets wanna see what i’m up to’ or ‘wanna do this thing with me’

a handful of instances of me saying ‘yeah i’m dealing with these fears that have been reinforced lately that people aren’t safe to deal with, even thought part of me knows they’re probably irrational it feels like i have evidence to back it up’ and people immediately take it personally like i’m saying they’re not safe. despite. me outright saying. i know logically it should be irrational. but their reactions just reinforce it so it’s just a loop and tells me, again, never to bring up any of my problems with anyone.

so this all just reinforces that there’s something wrong with me. couple years back i spoke to a friend and how i was frustrated that I seemed to end up in bad spaces and they said ‘well you’re the one thing in common so its probably your fault’ and obviously they’re not my friend anymore but that has affected me so deeply. i can’t do anything without overthinking, whenever anything goes wrong i tear apart everything i’ve done and everything i’ve said or thought and i don’t know why things keep going bad. i try so hard but i’m just. not right.

so it all teaches me that there’s no point in reaching out in trying to talk to people because if i say ‘hey this hurt me’ i get ignored at best or torn down, yelled at, scolded. no point in trying to talk to new people because everyone just walks away at some point. not even a natural drift apart, i can handle that. but just very suddenly, they’re gone, off with better people doing better things.

roundabout, ties back to ‘consumption versus community’ - this is why i’ve been struggling so hard with lack of engagement on my sideblog. lucky to get a dozen notes on anything i make, unless it’s something other people can use (like mods) and even THEN it’s rare to see much activity. and that was FINE because i had people to talk to elsewhere, who would ask questions and we could back and forth and i shared my stuff and they shared those and it didnt matter if my posts only got a dozen notes because i had friends to talk to.

now i get (example) seven notes, six of which are likes and one is a reblog with no commentary. when i have something with a ton of notes, still, minimal commentary, no one talks to me. even on a mod with five hundred notes it just feels like i went ‘hey i made something :)’ and everyone picked it up and walked away with it, no one went ‘hey this is cool i want to talk to the person who made it.’

and it just feels like 95% of the time, i’m just overlooked. 

and it’s worse than it’s ever been in my entire life, and I wonder, what’s the point of any of this anymore.

why bother to make the posts to share when it all just gets passed by. what’s the point in trying to reach out to new people and make friends when i get lashed out at or left behind? the social is gone out of my social media. i had community, and now it’s gone.

so this has all been going on for months and months and months and hey! suffering. and i dont expect it to get any better, don’t expect this post to fix these issues, but i’ve been trying to say something about all of this for fucking months and i think just, laying it all out is all I can do about it. i’m sure i’ve forgotten some things to touch on but as it is, all these events, all of it happening all together. new traumas, old traumas reawoken, reinforced, i’ve been torn to pieces i don’t know how to function, i can’t remember the last time i felt like even half a real person. taught that the safe, positive spaces that meant so much to me don’t actually exist and they’ll all turn on me and be torn away. nowhere is safe anymore, and trying to make it safe is just going to ruin me again.

people aren’t safe, places aren’t safe, been proven to me time and time again so i just. stay away.

no matter how much i try to fight that, it just doesnt work.

anyway tl;dr beets needs therapy probably

#beetleposts #miserytag

[justletmeplayminecraft]

Maybe prompt 15 for an iskall and mumbo pacific moment? Tbf it fits them

15. “Let me explain. I was bored and you left me alone.”

okay, i had fun doing this one! some fun fluff between the lads. warnings for overworking, although light-hearted! dragging mumbo to bed seems to be a trend in my fics.

prompt list is here!

"Mumbo?" Iskall calls, searching through the building. He's been away from the server for a bit (a whole situation with a decaying world, it's best not to get into it), and now his partner is missing. With no response to Iskall's messages. It's not Iskall's fault he missed Mumbo's meeting requests! But now, when Iskall is finally here to meet up, Mumbo's the one who's missing. Of course. Just his luck.

He lands back on the ground floor, taking note of the half built redstone structures in the entrance. With a frown, he circles them, deciding to follow the wiring down to the basement. He's pretty sure these weren't here before. Although he doesn't want to spoil the surprise, finding Mumbo takes priority. He's careful not to disrupt any redstone, trying to remember how to walk without constant enchantments. Ducking into the darkened room, he looks over the unfinished wiring.

Ah.

Iskall sighs, shaking his head with a fond smile. Tucked into the corner of the redstone, folded into a one block gap, is Mumbo. One leg is tucked awkwardly beneath him, whilst another is hooked on the block above. A similar situation appears to have happened with his arms. One of the long limbs is sprawled across the block behind him. And yet, somehow, Mumbo is sound asleep. His black hair brushes the redstone wiring where his head has rolled onto the block.

Iskall comes to a stop in front of Mumbo's crumpled form.

"Mumbo." He reaches out, shaking Mumbo's shoulder. The half-awake mumble he gets in response forces him to stifle a laugh. "Come on, dude, wakey wakey time."

"Mmh." Mumbo blinks. He manages to move one hand to rub at his face. "I'm awake, gimme a-" Dark eyes meet Iskall's, widening considerably. "Oh dear."

"Oh dear indeed," Iskall mimics, standing up straight with a snicker. Mumbo attempts to drag his limbs free before falling limp, and slightly out of breath. Iskall's laugh is a bit fuller this time. "So, how did this one happen, then?"

"I, uh, you see-" Mumbo laughs, running his hand through dark hair as redstone dust sprinkles onto his shoulders. "-It turned out this redstone was a bit harder than I thought it would be. And, well- I tripped." Iskall has a suspicion.

"Mumbo, what day is it?" He asks, resting his hands on his hips. Mumbo tries to move his arm, but Iskall clicks his tongue before he can. "Nope! Without looking!" Mumbo's arm drops like a stone.

"Uh." The fact his face scrunches up that much is a good enough tell, but Iskall's polite enough to let him finish. "Monday? No, no, Tuesday."

"Well, it's Friday. Neither guess was right." Mumbo groans, falling back into his redstone. He's not attempted to move his legs from their awkward position a second time. Iskall would bet good money that Mumbo can't feel them anymore.

"Let me explain," Mumbo holds his hand up. "I was bored, and you left me alone." Iskall blinks, taking a deep breath in.

"That's not an explanation." Iskall replies.

"That is a perfectly valid explanation, thank you!" Iskall laughs, pressing his palms onto his face. The contrast between his heated cheek and his cool metal eye is obvious.

"Why didn't you call anyone for help!"

"I am a fully grown man, Iskall, and I am trapped in my redstone like a child. It's embarrassing."

Iskall shakes his head, having to take in a deep breath, "For goodness sake, Mumbo. And you planned to get out how?"

"Well, I thought if I wiggled enough I'd get free but-"

"You fell asleep."

"I- I, yeah. I fell asleep." When Iskall's laughter only gets louder, Mumbo groans. "At this point, it would be preferable if you just killed me, if I'm honest!"

Iskall shakes his head, crouching down to Mumbo's level and tapping his nose, "I don't know, dude, maybe I should leave you there until you learn your lesson." Mumbo scrunches his face up.

"Iskall! You- you wouldn't actually do that, right? We're partners! You can't leave me like this!"

"No- I-" He breaks off to laugh again. "Unfortunately, I care too much about you to leave you here." Iskall attempts to reach around Mumbo's waist and pull. All he succeeds in doing is getting a squeaky cry from the redstoner. "Are you- how do you manage these things, Mumbo?"

Mumbo lets out a self-deprecating sigh, "I honestly wish I could tell you."

It takes some careful manoeuvring on Iskall's part, bending Mumbo's stiff limbs and ignoring his whining, to roll Mumbo out of his redstone prison. Mumbo lets out a quiet 'oof' as he lands on his side. He's barely pushed himself up when Iskall scoops him onto solid shoulders.

"Hey- Iskall!" Iskall ignores Mumbo's squeaky cry, adjusting him into a fireman's carry and holding the squirmy spoon tight. "You- let me down! This is ridiculous!"

"Nope." Iskall grins, patting Mumbo's thigh. He starts work on a safe way to carry him out of the basement. "You are going to bed, Mr. It's Tuesday."

"You cannot be serious- Iskall, I'm not two, I can decide my own bedtime!" Iskall squeezes Mumbo's hand where he's holding it to keep him steady.

"Clearly not if you're napping in your redstone," Iskall reminds him, before following up with the real threat, "Of course, I could always tell Xisuma."

"You wouldn't-" At Iskall's silence, Mumbo sighs. His head flops down. "You would. I hate you."

"It's for your own good. You're a safety hazard." Mumbo doesn't even try arguing with Iskall on that one. Instead, he shimmies until he's more comfortable on Iskall's shoulders, making a soft noise. Iskall lets him rest.

-

They're halfway through the nether when Mumbo speaks again.

"Hey, Iskall?" He calls, sleepiness creeping into his voice.

"Yeah?" Iskall tries to glance over his shoulder, but quickly remembers to focus on where he's going. Distraction in the nether all too often equals death, and he's carrying precious cargo.

"You're a good friend, dude." Iskall's glad Mumbo can't see the sappy look that forces its way onto his face.

"Yeah. You too, Mumbo." He bounces him softly. "Some might say a great friend, in fact." He gets no response. A few minutes later, he hears a sleepy snuffle, and smiles.

#hermitcraft #mumbojumbo #mumbo jumbo #iskall85 #my writing #ask #anonymous #also to the anon who requested a continuation i have received it! but i need some time to work on it lmao

[ma-lark-ey]

I'm making this post the disclose my current opinions on the Dndads discourse and how frivolous its become.

I would like to preface with one thing;

This post contains content of grooming and manipulation, as this has been the main discussion in this fandom and the issues. I am speaking from my own personal experience, as a former victim of grooming who only recently escaped my abuser. I will not say their name, those who I feel comfortable knowing further information on this already know.

this is my trauma, and I am speaking from my experiences. This is one of the hardest possible topics I could touch on, and I beg anyone who still cares to listen, whether I change your mind or not. Listen.

I've wrestled with my support of this podcast for eleven weeks now. Maybe longer. Since before the discourse became a major thing. I've wrestled with this since episode 34 was released, and I need you understand that.

I need you to understand that I believe the hosts have done what they can to fix these issues. And I genuinely do not see what people still want from them. I will address each topic one at a time, and if I touch on things lesser than others, please understand that this discourse triggers a trauma that I underwent less than a year ago. a trauma I am still processing.

1. Grant, and his over sexualization.

The jokes revolving Grant and his sexual orientation or exploration were sometimes in very poor taste, I am not that blind. I will not defend them or say they weren't as bad as they are. But here'd what people have to think about when we talk about this; Those jokes are already in the episode. They cannot be removed, and the best the hosts can do about that is avoid that humor in the future. Humans are not perfect, and humor is ever growing part of a person, its always a tossup of if a joke will land or not. These did not, and they have not made these jokes since they got called on it.

On the Discord claims about them discussing his porn history, I can say nothing on that. I've seen no sources or proof that that happened. I won't make any opinions or comments on that until I've seen concrete proof that these conversations happened.

2. The Unsafe Discord.

They're Discord is no longer unsafe. Blanket statement, no discussion open. Here's the thing and here's where I'm going into my personal experience; Discords minor precautions arent up to par either. The DnDads hosts have made their 18+ channels, they've made the Discord clear to not be a totally kid friendly place and has tried to separate adults and minors. But they genuinely can only do so much. Minors can easily bypass these guidelines, and that is where we get to the whole grooming argument.

As a grooming victim, this is not the slippery slope people make it out to be. And adult fans,,this is where I'm telling you to sit down and shut up for a minute. Listen, for just a moment. I know I'm "just a kid" but, I've lived the possible outcomes you've thrown out. I lived that experience, and I lived. I survived, and the way you talk about it is so invalidating to me its absolutely disgusting.

I'm prefacing this with this may sound ineloquent, and not as "pleasant" as I usually like to sound. Because with this I expect people to listen. Its not in the public ass Discord server where you should watch out for the child. Its if you see an 18+ individual actively DMing that person, and this minor speaking about this person as if they're a major part of their life.

I need you to understand that I was genuinely wary of one of our own community members when I first began speaking with them, because of this trauma. I wary of ALL of our community members. I didn't share my other socials with people in this community unless I knew their content first. There have been multiple times I've stopped myself from messaging who I will call "My Annus" because of this trauma I've endured.

And I'm sorry, but Waterdeep genuinely has no precautions set in place to separate adults and minors that the DnDads Patreon does not. You cannot act like saints and villainize them, when they adjusted and became you. Then either both of you are saints or both of you are demons.

Children interacting with adults is always a bit set back at first. But I've been groomed. Twice. And you people act like its obvious, like it can happen so easily. And it does, it happens easily. First its them texting you so much you feel overwhelmed, then its them becoming someone you rely on. Someone who makes you pity them.

And its not gonna be people who are SIGNIFCANTLY older. (i.e, I feel much less worry interacting with 30 year olds than I do 18-22 year olds.) Because the adult people that feel 'more understandable' to be friends with cause their just barely adults? they tend to pry harder. They can get away with it. Thats just fact. The people who say "Oh I'm eighteen, but I just turned eighteen" I'm always the wariest of. Not because I'm convinced they're bad people or whatever, but because both times; my abuser was one of those people. This was two different people as well.

And thats what the adults of this fandom won't address. That its not the slope they've made it out to be. Because then they have to retract statements they made, and a lot of people, minors and adults, just don't have the humility to do that.

The only advice I can give to people in the server, who are worried for the minors. These are the only signs I can give you, and this is from my experience or the experience of other survivors I've spoken to, and I'm by no means saying this is concrete.

Abusers tend to be /just/ enough of an adult to be considered on, but not so old that it'll be considered weird for them to befriend a minor. The age gaps I see most often are 14/19 or in that kind of range. They'll go for the lonelier or newer folks, the ones who haven't built their group in the community and are just entering. The ones looking for their place in the hierarchy. If you want to help protect us, you watch like a mother bear when a new minor joins.

A lot of us don't realize its happening until its too late, and by the time we realize the situation we've fallen into its too late for us to get ourselves out. The majority of us have weak wills and a fear of conflict.

3. What the Hosts have done in response.

I honestly, genuinely think the hosts have done a lot of steps in the right direction. And in recent episodes? man, they've tagged their shit better than the McElroys, and no I'm not reaching there.

Honestly, they kind of did before to, on topics they knew were really rough for some people.

When they warned for the Willy Stapler stuff, I was grateful. They warned me I may be triggered by Ron and Willy's dynamic before I was forced with it. The McElroys had a scene with grooming in Grad, and I wasn't warned. I couldn't mentally prepare myself and I had a minor reaction to it. And thats not at all to shit on the McElroys, anyone who knows me know I love that family more than anything. That they saved me. Thats just a statement I need you all to understand.

The Hosts aren't "ignoring us" they're listening to us. They genuinely are. They saw we wanted content warnings, and they gave us some of the best content warnings I've seen. They've content warned episodes I didnt see reason for content warnings.

4. The Transcripts.

Look, this is beating a dead horse at this point. I, personally, have debated beginning to transcribe episode. I know they said they will, and I trust their word. But thats all we can really do, right?

I've transcribed things myself before, guys, and thats hard. and it takes time. and knowing them, they'll want to get all the current episodes up at once, and thats gonna take a hot minute to get down. And we can go into "Well why didnt they transcribe from the beginning?" and well, that's because transcribing just wasn't a thing until recently? Like again, going back to MBMBAM and McElroys, they don't even have all of TAZ transcribed last I checked (I believe their transcriptions go from Grad-Stolen Century, and anything before Stolen Century doesn't have one yet. I may be wrong on that.)

I will not speak on the other grievances and issues people have brought up in the show. The topics I covered are the only ones I feel comfortable speaking on on a public platform, where my words can sway opinions.

There is no TL;DR, because as I said in the beginning; if you can't read this, you aren't listening well enough nor willing to actually discuss the issues you have. You're looking for something to be mad about. Period, end of discussion.

I don't say that to act like I'm some authority on this, or some higher being above all of you for "being forgiving." Because, frankly I don't forgive them. I will continue to support them for making steps in the right direction, and upping their game. But, I won't forgive them for their jokes or the brief lack of precaution in the server. But, I will move on and I will support them. Because, as a victim of the problems people brought up in those situations, the steps the took are the best ones they could have. And I am grateful for that.

If other survivors read this and disagree, you're perfectly valid in that. We all went something, and it effects each of us differently. My heart goes out to you, as well, I know how isolating and genuinely terrifying those experiences and situations can be.

To those who aren't survivors and have read this; I beg you to think about this.

I am open to discussion further on this, but to an extent. There are some opinions I hold in this message that I will flat out tell you to not debate me on, not because of anything other than what I said in this post was hard enough to me to say.

Thank you for your time. EDIT: I implore anyone reading to the read the notes on this post, more information and discussion can be found and all of it is just as important. 

#dndads #dndads discourse #discourse #dungeons and daddies

[sunshinejihyun]

As 2020 is coming to a close, I find myself looking back on the year and I’m kind of an emotional mess. I’ve lost people, but I’ve also gained such new and wonderful friends and I’m so grateful for that. Tumblr first started as a silly place for me to follow some writing from blogs I liked, and has now ended the year with me being a writer, which I didn’t think would happen! I just wanted to take a moment to thank a few people who made 2020 the way it was for me.

First off, I just want to say a big THANK YOU! To all my followers! Whether you’re a new follower or you’ve been here since the beginning, please know I’m so thankful you’ve decided to come on this journey with me. You guys all make me so happy and I know I’m bad at answering messages and asks but I promise I’ll work on it and get better!!

@saeyoungs-sunflower - where do I even START? My Sunny gal, I love you so much. You’re the whole reason I started my blog in the first place and I’m forever grateful to you for that. Not just that, I’m so grateful for your friendship. You’ve been there with me through so many ups and downs in 6 months and there’s no one else I’d want to go through everything with. I love you so much bbgorl, I can’t wait for more adventures with you next. Thank you for putting up with all my shit (hello wisdom teeth removal) and still loving me regardless of how many otome boys I simp for.

@jihyuncompass - ANNE!!! I’m so happy we got over our awkwardness at the beginning because you have absolutely been such a wonderful constant in my life and you’re someone I can always rely on when needed or joke with when I’m feeling silly. You’re an absolutely wonderful human being and I can’t wait for the day you, me and Squids will visit Twilight Town and get wine drunk 💛

Speaking of @spacesquidlings.... Squids, you’re so lovely. I’m so happy that we connected like we did. Seriously, every time I see your name on my phone, whether it be on here, Discord, or Snapchat, I’m always grinning like an absolute fool because I just know you’re gonna have something fun to say that will make me laugh. Thank you so much for everything, you’ve done so much more for me than I can even begin to tell you.

@kingkassam - You know when you meet someone and you just have the feeling ‘this is a person I want in my life forever’? Well, that’s how I feel about you. You’re such an outstanding friend with a kind heart and I’m so lucky to have you in my life. Thank you for putting up with my random thoughts, lots of ranting and just.... everything. I cannot thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me.

@dreamer-hyun - Valvalval 🥰 I still remember the first time I ever interacted with you. You left such a kind message on my AO3 and I was so chuffed to imagine my work had any sort of impact on anyone but... getting to know you through the discord server and then one on one was 100000x better than I could imagine. I always look forward to your next message and I can always count on you to encourage every writing idea I have (and then never actually do alsksks). Thank you for being such a kind and warm present in this cold and confusing year.

@otomecooties - I seriously have no clue how to express how thankful I am for you and how much you mean to me... but here I am, trying. You came to me in the part of my life where I needed you the most, and I’m so thankful for that. You’re the person who understands me the most, who can put into words what I’m feeling when I can’t, the Yin to my Yang, the Helios to my Kiro. But despite you being Helios in the relationship, you’re such a positive ray of sunshine for me. Thank you for all the laughs, the serious convos, and most importantly: your friendship and love. I couldn’t imagine having a better platonic soulmate.

@yusuuna - my darling Rina, I love you more than words can express. I can always count on you to tell me how you feel straight up and I know you’re always looking out for my best interest when you do so. I’ve loved seeing your journey as an artist and I can’t wait to see you grow even more. Thank you for sharing a love of Yoosung with me and dealing with all my midnight ramblings. I love you.

@kittidot - Kitti, I’ve probably known you for longer than anyone on this list but we definitely took our time in becoming friends, and that’s why I cherish you so much. You’ve been a constant in my life for quite some time now and I’m so thankful for the fact that we have grown closer. Fangirling about Lovelink, MLQC, and sometimes Love Island with you is one of my favorite things to do... especially when we talk about writing ideas we swear we will do (but most of them haven’t even been started yet). Thank you for always being there for me when I need you most.

And some other people who I want to tag because they’ve definitely contributed to my amazing 2020 @stehkotori @beautiful-mystic-mess @belovedstill @ginkgowritings @birdcopsfangirlsblog @playheej @andinewton @eslyra @cheesy09 @thatfanfictionchick @mchamster @crystal13unny @meowlayn-art @thewritingsofadummy and I’m sure there is plenty more people I could mention. Please just know if I haven’t tagged you and we’ve interacted that I’m sure I meant to put you on this list, I’m just super forgetful xx

#spreading the love 💞 #bryn talks #long post