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king-paimon · 3 years

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HnK Chapter 95 Thoughts: The cruelest chapter of all times

AKA: The chapter everyone hated

AKA: No happy ending in sight

AKA: Haruko Ichikawa is a monster

AKA: I called it again (and I wish I was wrong)

AKA: Talk about kicking someone while they’re down

Ms. Haruko Ichikawa. You’ve truly done it. You truly are a cruel, sadistic, trolling monster. You leave us with this chapter? This chapter that truly shows us that despite every hardship they faced, Phos gets nothing. This chapter shows that Phos was destined to be in constant misery, and to rub that in with literally everyone else is free and happy? And to add more salt to the wound, you’re leaving us on an hiatus for who knows how long??

This is without a doubt the cruelest chapter to leave us on and this is probably one of the cruelest things a mangaka can ever do for a series as intense as this. I wish the previous chapter was the last one for the end of this year because at least with that one, it would have given us some sense of something.

Man. I’m both horrified and amazed by you, Ms. Ichikawa. I’m not even being sarcastic, I’m truly in awe.

Ugh.

As you can see, I have several things I have to say about this and... Just wow. This chapter. In these posts, I try my best to try and write my thoughts with the most rational mindset but... I don’t know how well I’ll be able to do that with this chapter. What a way to end this horrible year.

But with this chapter’s ending and the implication for what is yet to come... this marks as the story’s descend to it’s bitter end, and I now wish I didn’t make that prediction last month.

I know I said in another post that I was going to write this in a few days, but I changed my mind. I’m getting this out now while my thoughts are still fresh in my mind. Please don’t mind the writing errors, I’m very tired, I’m writing this at 3 in the morning and I need to sleep. I promise I will come back to this and tidy it up later.

Anyways, here we go:

Haruko Ichikawa: Manipulator of emotions

Ms. Ichikawa really toyed with us with this chapter. So many things happened in such a short amount of time and I’m trying to process it. Also, doesn’t feel like too much happened in this chapter? Especially in comparison to the previous chapters, where everything was stretched out, to then have this chapter have so many things happen all at once. This chapter, in many ways, feels very rushed... and this style of story telling has me very worried about what’ll happen from here on out. I’ll talk more about what I mean by this later, but for now, let’s focus on the story of this chapter:

So... Antarctictite is back now. Adamant is back, too. So are most of destroyed gems, both the ones we knew and the ones we never got meet. And they are all now Lunarians... Hm.

I don’t like this or anything in this chapter for many reasons. In fact, I’ll go as far to say that I don’t like where the whole story is headed for these same reasons:

The first reason: The emotional turmoil from the previous chapters

For the past 10 or so chapters, I’d been anticipating the destruction of the gems and Adamant. I was one of the people who didn’t like the idea of it happening, though I knew they kind of deserve it. And I remember how sad I was seeing Adamant turn to nothing but dust and seeing how everything was affecting Phos after the bloodlust ceased.

But it all led up to...this. In the very next chapter, after watching those heart wrenching scenes of the gems being broken down and Adamant’s last moments with Phos...we see him and the other gems being brought back like it was nothing. And on top of that, they are totally happy Lunarians now. Yeah. Okay.

So it feels like the emotional tole that I felt for these characters I didn’t want to see get destroyed...meant nothing. Not going to lie: I kind of wish you all stayed destroyed.

And you know what? It’s kind of funny. In my Chapter 94 post, I said I was sad that we didn’t get to see Adamant and Aechmea interact and I didn’t think there would be a way now that Adamant is dust. Well. I was wrong. It happened. I got the interaction that wanted. Wasn’t worth it.

So to sum up this first reason: The emotional turmoil that I personally experienced watching the characters I like get destroyed... meant nothing in the end.

Now I don’t know how to feel about these characters. It sucks. I even had a post that I was starting write about on a certain controversial character that I couldn’t bring myself to hate, despite everything, but I’m now debating whether or not I should still write it. I think I will, but there will be a lot of edits.

The second reason: Negation of personal growth

One of the things that has been brought up many times by fans is about how the gems dealt with problems. Instead of trying to address the problem and talk to try to fix it, they chose to ignore it and sweep it under the rug, no matter how upsetting it is to the characters involved. All of the gems, both Earth and Moon, constantly choose to not confront the issue and stay blissfully ignorant.

And now that they’re accepting to be Lunarians, it feels like they’re just running away again. Instead of confronting the Lunarians or having the gems properly talking with each other about how things got to the point where they had to once fight each other, they are like: Oh, we can be Lunarians so we don’t have to fight with them anymore? Awesome. Let’s do it.

Everyone is once again going with the flow, just sweeping the glaring issues that they all carried for so long, and are just accepting the new reality that they are in with no problems whatsoever. No addressing of anything means no character growth for all of them. No one grew from this experience. No one learned that ignoring the problems doesn’t solve them. They aren’t solving their previous issues, they are masking it under the belief that becoming Lunarian automatically solves all of their problems.

No talking between Diamond or Bort. No talking with Yellow about their traumas or any of the other gems in the same boat. And no talking about how everything that happened lead to Phos doing what they did. It’s even more disappointing how Antarcticite was the only one who showed any concern about Phos or even thought to bring them up in the first place.

Edit: Also to add, the other problem here is how the are conscious choosing to remove your identity. They are not only choosing to loose their identity as gems, but they are fine loosing their memories as well. Not to mention how Cairngorm is once again being given a new identity to go by, from Aechmea, and is totally fine with it. That scene was small but once again, the fact that they are fine pretty much erasing what made them who they are is...unnerving.

So pretty much to sum up this: Once again, everything meant nothing in the end.

Speaking of Phos...

The third reason: Phos’s miserable fate

Phos, once again, got the short end of the stick. After everything that they’ve done, from trying to save everyone but themselves, to doing what was once seen as cruel for the sake of everyone to finally do something for themselves to go back to wanting to save the others after the bloodlust was gone... to get this ending for themselves.

But wow, what a cruel twist: Phos’s old goal was fulfilled. Thanks to them, the gems don’t have to live in fear of being destroyed or taken or anything. Thanks to Phos, everyone is free. Everyone now is going to be happy for the rest of their existance...at the cost of Phos’s expense.

Phos lost everything.

Their body.

Their sanity.

Their identity.

Everything.

What do they get in return?

10,000 years of nothing but their own miserable existence and dark, depressing thoughts.

In the end, everything that Phos experienced not only sent them crashing down to rock bottom: it sent him to the chore of the earth, back out the other side, then back into the earth, in an endless cycle of just constant misery.

That’s a theme in buddhism, if that’s what I’m recalling right from @rinboz‘s posts: a cycle of continuous misery. That is clearly embodied here through Phos and Phos will continue to suffer the pain of existing while everyone else got what they wanted in the end, especially Aechmea.

Speaking of which, I also genuinely want to know if there’s still fans out there who view Aechmea as a good guy for ‘liberating’ Phos, because as far as I see, thanks to him, Phos is now stuck in an even more miserable form of existence. At least before everything, everyone was miserable together with Phos. Sort of. Still better than what we got with this chapter, in my opinion. (Please do share your thoughts, if you do. I promise, this is not an attack. I’m just interested to hear your thoughts, if you’re willing to share)

But now, there’s no there for Phos. And unlike those other instances where Phos was in a situation and someone somewhat saves them like Adamant and Padparadscha once did before, there’s no one there. So unless there’s some Admirabilis hiding around there or if the Gem/lunarians decide to come to them, which I doubt will happen, there’s no one for Phos. No one is coming to help/save them.

Phos will have to suffer all alone. For 10,000 years. Phos is the last existing gem being now...even though technically, they aren’t really a gem anymore.

Once again, to sum up why I don’t like this chapter nor how the story has progressed: Phos’s suffering meant nothing to them in the end. That’s the other theme I’m trying to hammer in in this post: Everything meant nothing in the end.

I’ve already seen a few fans react to the chapter and I saw one state that if the Lunarians, including the gems, were to come to Phos to pray for them, the poster hopes Phos tells them to “F* off” And you know what, I hope so too. But this revelation has me fearing for what’s going to happen the series, or more specifically, how and when it’ll officially end.

No true happy ending in sight and not exactly for the reasons you think

As always, it’s hard to predict how Ms. Ichikawa is going to end this series. Us fans made many predictions and a good number of them came true, but it’s the ending that eludes us. Some hope for a happy ending for Phos, while many, including myself, predict that it’ll be anything but happy. And now, with this chapter...I think it’s set in stone now.

Last month, in response to someone asking me how I think the series might end, I made a few small predictions. Some for a good ending, a bittersweet ending, and a bad ending....

...and it looks like that first sad ending is where the series is heading after all:

Everyone is gone/moved on and Phos stays behind as a lonely, immortal being.

Even though this small prediction was correct, how it’s all playing out was not exactly how I’d envisioned. It’s worse. And what’s making me even more worried is that based off of where the story is headed, my gut feelings are saying that the series ending is near. And it won’t be to anyone’s satisfaction.

Whenever I get invested in a series, other than worrying about how the creators will handle their characters and story, one of my biggest worries is about how the creators handle their ending. I’m truly afraid about what Ms. Ichikawa is planning for this series because I can’t help but fear it’s not going to end well. It’s not the worry that the series will have a sad/bittersweet ending, even though that concern is still there though I’ve accepted the likelihood, but rather I’m worried that the next chapter or so will be the abrupt end to this series. This concern is because of how rushed this chapter felt and I can’t help but worry that Ms. Ichikawa is now rushing to the end of the story. And to be honest, the addition fact that Ms. Ichikawa is going on hiatus is not helping these uneasy feelings.

I hate being the pessimistic one but what if this happens? What if Ms. Ichikawa decides to end the series here or in the next chapter? What if the next chapter is literally another time skip, with all of the characters that I once cared about just NOT progressing, and Phos continuously being stuck in this immortal and we’re expected to accept this as the ending. Because other than Phos, everyone’s story, from what it looks like, is at their end now. I really hope that doesn’t happen. I’ve seen great series end so terribly too often and I’ve loved this story for so long that I hope that doesn’t happen with this series too. I love this series a lot and it’s characters, even the ones who I don’t think I like as much as I did after this chapter. I hope the series will end nicely... but I don’t think it will.

Back to predictions on how the story will progress: I made a post a few days ago about how I hope the forgotten plot elements will come into play and the fact that Aechmea isn’t omnipresent. More than ever, part of me hopes those elements will come back and have a positive impact for Phos’s story, especially the omnipresent part. But again, I don’t think I’ll hope too much for it because looking at Ms. Ichikawa’s past works... I don’t think they will, at least not in the way I’m hoping for.

Maybe I’m too used to Western (American/European) stories, where the protagonist somehow beats the odds and wins in the end. This isn’t always the case for Eastern stories, especially stories from Japan. They usually end bittersweet and I don’t think Houseki no Kuni will be the exception. I know I’ve said this saying many times before and with each passing chapter, these words become more and more true:

Phos’s suffering is never going to end.

And unless someone does something to change the course of the story, which I don’t think will ever happen now, Phos is never going to have a happy ending.

If I could wish for anything, it’d be that this story ends on a satisfying note. I know, I know. It’s foolish to still hope for that it’ll happen, given everything I’ve seen from Ms. Ichikawa before...But still. I don’t want to lose all of the hope that I have left for this series. Even though that hope is nearly diminished, it’s still there.

So please, Ms. Ichikawa. Please give us a satisfying ending for Phos. Please let them go. If anyone deserves a dignifying conclusion to their story, it’s them. Let them rest. End their suffering. Please give them the ending they deserve after everything they went through.

You’ll likely won’t though.

Because this is Phos.

And to be Phos is to constantly suffer.

Well, regardless, I truly hope you’re hiatus goes well, Ms. Ichikawa. Even though you are a cruel troll, your work is still amazing and I applaud you for your story telling and your love to mess with us. I hope you enjoy your time away and when you return, I hope that you’ll continue to give us amazing content and eventually give Phos the ending they deserve. Please. That’s all I want.

I hope you all a nice holiday season, too, or at least try to.

Happy Holidays.

Can’t wait for 2020 to end.

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tinglyalloy · 2 years

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A short ficlet for Yashi - Prompt below

I don’t normally write self-inserts, and I haven’t written either fanfic or an OC for a really long time, so I tried my best!

‘So, chuuya/dazai × reader where the reader gets kidnapped because of their association with the boys and the said boys are panicking (from their pov if you can) and then they get to the scene only for their usually sweet calm and very nice S/O and upon seeing them reader just turns back into their sweet self’

I hope I managed to fulfill the prompt close enough to what you wanted, and I hope you enjoy :D

I’ve currently got two more prompts for things to write, but I do take requests! They might not be the best, but I’ll write for free (I’m currently looking for practice and improvement on my writing skills) so I guess its a win-win for both parties… I’m also working on one or two longer pieces rn, so that’s fun.

Once again, enjoy! Hope this makes you guys happy :D

— — — —

Some information about OC: Aiko Ichikawa, you can make up an age an appearance, no gift, part of the Port Mafia but isn’t normally seen as a fighter. I don’t have a lot for her background as I just made her up for this fic, but have fun reading!

— — — —

There will always, undoubtedly, come a point in your life when every single one of your previous decisions - good, bad, that grey shade of in-between - is reflected on, criticised, and assessed by the very mind that made them to begin with. For Aiko Ichikawa, her current crisis of faith in her own decision-making skills began with a kidnapping and ended with something that not even Dazai expected.

“Well, you know, how does anyone get in this situation? After all, it’s not like I exactly wanted to join the Mafi- Ow. That really hurt, Mister Kidnapper. You really need to work on your people skills.” Aiko’s rambling, and she knows it. She knows that her big mouth will get her hurt one day, that far, far too many people will be too eager to exploit her inability to talk without putting a filter on her words. “Hitting me isn’t exactly going to make me like you.”

“Shut up. I asked about Osamu Dazai and Chuuya Nakahara, not whatever sob story about your life you’re going to spin out,” her kidnapper spat, yellowed teeth protruding from beneath a truly impressive moustache. Aiko wondered if, she asked nicely, he would allow her to have her phone back just so that she could snap a photo for Dazai and Chuuya when they inevitably broke her out. And they would break her out, of course they would, they had to-

“Wow. Rude. I was going to talk about how I met Dazai and Chuuya, but if you’re going to be so crass about it, I might as well not bother at all.” Shit. The chatterbox problem again.

Another hit, this time landing squarely on Aiko’s mouth. She tasted blood - damn, she must have bit down on her tongue.

“You asshole! I had a date planned today. I can’t exactly show up with a split lip and bloody face, can I?”

— — — —

“She’ll be fine, Chuuya.” You didn’t have to have the near-telepathic connection that Soukoku shared in order to see that Dazai didn’t believe his words. “She’ll be okay.”

“Are you as dumb as you look?” The shorter ginger snapped, face tense and eyes wild. “Aiko’s got no ability. She’s got no fighting skill to speak of. She’s like someone - like someone dressed a cinnamon roll in the skin of a human being and then decided to set it loose on the streets of Yokohama.”

“As disturbing as that image is, I have to agree with Dazai. Aiko is very capable. She’ll be fine.”

“Shut up. You don’t get an opinion.” Chuuya snapped, prompting a brief flash of hurt on Mori’s face.

“You need to work on your temper, Chuuya. May I remind you that I hold the power as to whether we send out a search party for Aiko or simply let her get hurt? You might want to play nice for now.”

Chuuya scowled, brow furrowing and eyes darkening. “I just- I just don’t want her to get hurt.”

“I don’t think anyone in this room does.” Dazai said grimly, eyes gleaming with barely-suppressed pain.

— — — —

Two hours pass. They’re a difficult two hours, the kind of two hours that trickle by like sand dripping through an hourglass, like water dripping through the cupped hands of a child playing near the waves, unaware that the world was dark, will be dark, will always be dark, cloaked in bullets and knives and pain and hurt.

This world was no place for someone like Aiko Ichikawa. Just like the world was no place for Oda Sakunosuke, no place for his orphans, for Katsumi, for Kosuke, for Sakura, for Shinji, for Yu. No place for the innocent. And because Aiko had that innocence, that kindness, that warmth that just made her so damn kind, she was going to get hurt.

And it was all Osamu Dazai’s fault. Yet again, all his fault.

“Aiko? Aiko!” Chuuya’s voice cracked as he turned yet another corner in the sprawling labyrinth that was the abandoned warehouse. It hadn’t been too difficult to find Aiko’s location - the Port Mafia was capable, after all, with people everywhere. People were often surprised by just how deep the roots of the Port Mafia went. “Aiko!”

“You’re not going to find her just by shouting, Chuuya.” Dazai placed his hand on his partner’s shoulder. “You might as well advertise our location on a glowing sign.”

“Do you not care what happens to her?” Chuuya practically spat, venom riddling his voice like bullets in a corpse. “Do you not care that she might be dead? Do you not care that she might never come back again?”

“She’ll be fine. She has to be fine.” The brunet said quietly, voice barely a murmur above the beating of his own heart, the heart that he constantly tried to keep off his sleeve, to keep away from all the people that would only end up hurting him. Aiko was the reason that he stayed in the Port Mafia. He couldn’t have her die. He couldn’t.

“Chuuya? Dazai? It’s great to see you here!”

— — — —

If he was going to be honest with himself, Dazai was expecting more blood. He was expecting to find Aiko tied to a chair, hurt, beaten, maybe even - no. He wasn’t going to think of that. He wasn’t.

What he had definitely not expected to find was Aiko surrounded by the unconscious bodies of what looked like several hired thugs and practically unharmed apart from what looked like a broken nose.

“So, I was waiting for you two to show up, and then this man pulled me into his van - it was really dark, and scary, but also a really ugly van, like he really needs to re-decorate or get it serviced or something -”

“Stop talking. We’ll get your nose looked at.” Chuuya carefully maneuvered Aiko’s waving hands down to her lap. She smiled, before gasping.

“I completely forgot! I am so, so sorry - I got blood all over my dress - I don’t think I’ll be able to come to the date tonight -”

Dazai broke into a smile. Classic Aiko. She seemed completely fine, her usual bubbly self, and it made him even happier that what had happened had not led to tragedy.

“You’re thinking about that now? You were literally just kidnapped, Aiko. Take a break.”

“But it was something you were planning for a long time -”

“It doesn’t matter. We’re just happy you’re here and okay. You should go home and rest, Aiko”

“Chuuya, you do realise that Mori is going to make us clean this mess up?”

“….Shit. Aiko, you wouldn’t refuse to give us a helping hand, would you?”

Aiko laughed. “Because it’s you two, I would never.”

#bungou gay dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd fanfic #soukoku #oc x canon #written for request #:D

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imasallstars · 2 years

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「Costume Gacha」st@rt!

The special “Costume Gacha” has returned! This box will features the new 2021 Unit limited outfits as well as a rerun on past ones along with the current permanent pool of cards.

※ you are only able to do PAID pulls with this special box ※ The contents of the box feature all PERMANENT cards released before 07/20 15:00 JST on top the outfits available

Every 10-pull will also give you one Outfit Pick Ticket, that will allow you to choose one of the outfits available. If you have obtained every outfit available, the ticket given will be a LTD-including SR Minimum Ticket.

※ The pool for the ticket features all PERMANENT cards with the addition of the LIMITED cards released before 12/10 15:00 JST

The costumes available for this gacha are:

[2019] Unit Costume

[2020] Unit Costume

[2021] Unit Costume ※ flavor text translations located under the readmore

The box will run until January 1st 11:59 JST

2021 UNIT COSTUME FLAVOR TEXT TRANSLATIONS

ILLUMINATION STARS

[By-Today Restaurant] Mano Sakuragi “Welcome, to the shining place”

[By-Today Restaurant] Hiori Kazano “Have you decided on your order?”

[By-Today Restaurant] Meguru Hachimiya “Let me handle the trays♪”

L’ANTICA

[Reflection Theme Park] Kogane Tsukioka “This tail is honest and fitting for her age”

[Reflection Theme Park] Mamimi Tanaka “Welcome, everyone is a child here”

[Reflection Theme Park] Sakuya Shirase “Until you forget yourself”

[Reflection Theme Park] Yuika Mitsumine “Shining Reflection”

[Reflection Theme Park] Kiriko Yukoku “I’ll take care of your childish heart”

HOUKAGO CLIMAX GIRLS

[Climax Tea Uniform] Kaho Komiya “Your snacks will be handmade cake”

[Climax Tea Uniform] Chiyoko Sonoda “Juri-chan’s honesty is her greatest weapon”

[Climax Tea Uniform] Juri Saijo “Things don’t always work out as you hope”

[Climax Tea Uniform] Rinze Morino “Innocence Sold Out.”

[Climax Tea Uniform] Natsuha Arisugawa “Tea with a squeeze of lemon”

ALSTROEMERIA

[Oppose Paradiso] Amana Osaki “For if I fall with you

[Oppose Paradiso] Tenka Osaki “For if we fall together”

[Oppose Paradiso] Chiyuki Kuwayama “I’ll catch and hold you close with my two hands”

Straylight

[Freeside JK] Asahi Serizawa “The bestest group ever!”

[Freeside JK] Fuyuko Mayuzumi “This ‘ere’s cute enough”

[Freeside JK] Mei Izumi “We ain’t half-assing this♪”

noctchill

[Fancy Free Nursing] Toru Asakura “Okay, time to pull out your heart-”

[Fancy Free Nursing] Madoka Higuchi “I’ll pamper you, with a little prick”

[Fancy Free Nursing] Koito Fukumaru “Take care”

[Fancy Free Nursing] Hinana Ichikawa “I’m prescribing you to a week of happiness”

noctchill

[Set-Up Crazy] Nichika Nanakusa “Stubborn Tweed”

[Set-Up Crazy] Mikoto Aketa “checkmate!”

#shinymas gacha #shinymas campaign

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houseki-yes-kuni · 5 years

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just read chap 76

those last panels murdered me. thanks ichikawa!

#i just want phos to be okay?? is that so bad #i think i teared up a bit #🅱️lease dont give us a repeat of night 1 #ALSO: why the fuck is aechmea the only character with plot armor #like ik ichikawa will be willing to kill everyone but shitmea #did cairn blow up the lab on purpose?? or do they seriously not know what theyre doing??#more horror: i was rlly hoping they were joking when they said they wanted to go w pissmea but WHHY are they serious abt it #RUN CAIRN RUN #hnk spoilers #houseki no kuni spoilers #lotl spoilers #land of the lustrous spoilers #ok but they were crying. im so hurt rn #hnk 76

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jokertrap-ran · 4 years

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[Drama CD] Kankin Danshi Vol.3 ～Amai Ori～監禁男子 Vol.3 ～甘い檻～

Company: CANDY CUBE CV: Teradake Jun (寺竹順)

*Commissioned by Anon , Thank you! *Spoiler free: Translations under cut *CD can be purchased via Animate here!

Commissions are OPEN!!

Track 1:

Ah, did I wake you? Sorry. I couldn’t sleep so I came to take a look at you. What’s the matter? Feeling lonely? If so, then I’ll stay here. Always.

Does your leg hurt…? Take the medicine in the morning. Come on, don’t pull a face like that.

Don’t worry, I’ll always be by your side.

Track 2:

Ah! Good morning. You’re awake? What’s wrong?

Where are you, you ask? Are you still half-asleep? This is my guest home. Who am I…? Even if you ask that...Eh? You really don’t know…? That’s harsh even for a joke… I’m your boyfriend, Uno Kyoya. I’m not asking this jokingly but, do you really not...remember me?

You don’t remember being in an accident either? A car ran into you and you got away with a sprained ankle and a periodical fever of sorts. We went to a doctor to get you checked up just in case but you were diagnosed to be fine. And we even came all the way here after that…

Do you remember yesterday at all? Vaguely, huh…

I wonder what happened…

We should go to the hospital again to get you checked if your head starts hurting or if you feel unwell at all.

Ahh, right...But your car’s currently being repaired…

It does take quite a while to get to the nearest hospital, but-- Y-Yeah, that’s not it at all, right? Sorry. Um... Haah…

Is there anything else that you remember? How about Satou? He was in the same class as us in university! Your friend, Ichikawa-san? Yeah, that’s right…

So you’ve really forgotten about nothing but me. So to the you now, I guess you’re meeting me for the first time? Oh, sorry! You’re the one who feels the most uneasy about this, right?

We planned to live here for a while before you got into the accident. And after you got into the accident yesterday, it was a great opportunity to move in and we agreed to take it slow.

Do you want to tell someone about your memory loss? You said that you’d handle telling everyone about what happened after the accident and I don’t know your parents’ contacts.

Do you want to call them? I’ll bring your bag over.

Here.

Do you not have your phone…? Hmm...I haven’t seen it. Your possessions are supposedly being sent here later, but I don’t think your phone will be in those boxes either. Let’s look for your phone later. You seem confused so how about resting a little more. Ah, wait...I’m sure you feel troubled being told by a stranger to rest but we’re really a couple. Just a little fine, but I want you to rely on me. It’s not an inconvenience at all! You’re the world’s best girlfriend to me and there’s no way I can leave you here while you’re like this! Don’t make such a sorry-looking face. Here, in any case, you should rest a little more. Don’t apologise. Yeah, see you later then.

Track 3:

Oh, you’re awake? Oh no, you don’t have to force yourself to get up and walk around. I’ll get it for you so just stay put. And also, pardon me for a bit. Heh, it’s faster this way so keep still. I’ll carry you to the table.

Hm? Why? You’re not heavy at all.

Ah...Heh. That’s true. Of course you’d be surprised if I did something like this so suddenly. Sorry.

Here, sit down. For starters, I tried making your favourite dish. Feel free to dig in, take a taste test. You’re hungry, aren't you? Just a bite’s fine, so try it out? How is it? It’s not bad…? Thank god! Here, feel free!

When I failed when I first tried my hand at making it, remember? And so I've kept practicing to get it right ever since. I can never forget the face you pulled back then when you took a bite. You really should have just told me straight that it was bad, but you still ate everything. Ahh...Sorry for bringing up something that you don’t remember. RIght! Is there anything you’d like to ask? That’s fine I’ll answer any questions you have.

How did we meet? Right… I guess you must be wondering when this all started. I met you during the university entrance ceremony. You might not remember but you actually picked up something that I dropped by accident, that was when we first met. And then, we ended up attending the same lectures and got to know each other, became friends and started talking. I was the one who confessed. I was admittedly a little stubborn about it and made it seem to be like a work of fate itself. Then we became lovers and graduated from university. And we’re still together even after the both of us found jobs and got employed. I’m now a freelance programmer, working on softwares on contracts and even making my own programmes.

Haha, you always say that I’m unfair because I can work on things whenever I want. And you..Well, you seemed like you enjoyed your job, but...You also seemed to be troubled about something as of late. You didn’t tell me anything about it and seemingly sank into the abyss of whatever it was that you were worrying about alone so I was really worried. I was actually thinking of taking the opportunity to propose to you. But...I felt like I couldn’t just push that onto you when you’re there, troubled and worrying over something that you couldn’t even share with me.

I was always...always worried. I don’t want to leave you. Ah! Sorry...I guess I got too close to you. Um, well...If you don’t mind...Could I stay with you? It’s fine even if it’s only till you recover your memories. Even if you don’t get your memories back...That still doesn't change the fact that I love you.

Thank you. Once again, I’ll be under your care from now on, I hope we get along.

Track 4:

It’s already 12. Do you feel sleepy? Let’s do other things later. And well, after that...We could get off the mountain and go outside for some fresh air. How about a movie? Umm...Of course, that’s only if you’re alright with being together with me. You don't have to force yourself to do it just because you’re my girlfriend. You still can’t remember anything, right? Thank you.

I’ll make sure you don’t bored! And also, in hopes of you getting your memory back soon…

Oh, right! Want to go see the stars? You’ll have to get to the 2nd floor in order to do that so, do you mind me carrying you up? Here, come on. I can get you all the way up there.

The stairs here aren’t that steep so it’s not a problem at all. Heh, it’s fine. I won’t drop you, don’t worry. That door there’s my room. There’s a complicated computer system and server set up in there so don’t go randomly touching anything in there, alright?

Here we are. The winds are cold even at night, huh. You alright? How’s it. Maybe it’s because we’re deep in the mountains but it feels like the sky’s closer to us than ever. You know something about that star over there? Well, it’s probably a constellation.

Beautiful, isn’t it? Ah...Sorry. I was just wondering if you remembered anything. I thought that just being together was enough...Well, that’s fine...Even if your memories are gone forever, we just have to start here all over again.

Ah...You don't have to stick so close to me if you don’t feel comfortable with it. You feel bad about it…? I’m really grateful that you want to remember everything, but...Are you sure you aren’t pushing yourself? ...Really?

Whoa!! Are you okay? It’s rather easy to slip over here. Sorry for getting so close to you.

Heh, it’s fine. Let go of my hand? You’re find with holding it? Alright...Me too. I don’t want to let you go either.

Are you nervous? Me too. How was living together? Were you taken aback that someone like me was actually your boyfriend? Really? But...I’m really glad that you think that way! You think that it’s okay to start anew even with someone like me?

Thank you! I’m really happy…! I love you. More so than anyone else, so much more. Yeah...You don't have to say anything. I just felt like saying so. Oh no, this is bad, If you get so close to me...I’d want to kiss you. Is it okay? I’m...I’m serious. Really?

Did you remember something? That’s fine. I’m glad that you’re even letting me kiss you like this.

Ah...Really...You’re just so cute! I love you, I really do. Did you know how I felt when I heard that you got into an accident? I didn't even know If I could ever hold or feel you in my arms ever again...I didn't know what I’d do if you disappeared for my life.

No...There's no need to think of these things anymore right? We’re both here right now.

Just the fact that you;re still looking up to me’s enough…

Track 5:

Ah! Morning! Sorry, I overslept because I was working till late. You’re making breakfast? Thanks! You need the eggs? I’ll fetch it! It’s alright. Even if you’re able to walk for an extended period of time now, that still doesn't change the fact that you still need to get as much rest as you can. Here you go. Is there still anything else that you require? Can I watch you work from the sidelines then?

You’re apt at this. You’re really much more used to doing these things than me, huh. Let me cook dinner, I’ve acquired a good portion of things through this morning. Next is...the bread? Let me do it. Don’t worry, just take a seat. Right! Remember how I said that your possessions were being sent over here before? They’re all due to arrive today. You were planning on moving out before hand so I thought we could take the opportunity to move in together. But...Feel free to move out whenever you wish, if you feel like it. Still, I honestly want you to stay.

Of course! I always want you here! Ah, um...Maybe not always, but as much as you can…? Is that okay? Thank you! Yeah, I’m elated. Oh right! You’ll have to shift the stuff in your room to accommodate the things that are being delivered right? I’ll help you unpack once they are here!

Ah- Whoa!! What’s wrong? You alright? You’re clinging on rather tightly to me. I guess we can head to the living room first?

Sorry for being late. Something came up on the way back so I had to take the longer route. You must have felt uneasy, being left alone for such a long time. You don't have to cling that hard to me...I won’t go anywhere. What should I do...Even though I’m worried, I’m still happy. To think you’d worry about me, about what you’d do if I wasn’t around anymore.

It’ll be fine. I’ll always stay by your side.

Ah...Sorry! I couldn’t help myself. You’ll catch a cold, all drenched like that. Go get changed. Ah- Did you just kiss me? You did, didn’t you? Are you playing around with me? Don’t look at me like that...Okay?

I’m sure that there must be times where you feel like touching me even though your real feelings have yet to catch up with your current state of mind...Then...I guess we’re of the same mind right now?

I want to touch you even more.

Ahh...The warmth of another person’s really warm. I can feel it even more acutely so because I’ve been walking in the rain before this.

Really, you have to let go of me so...Um, you’re a really lovely person and all but I don’t think you can even begin to understand how much I have to hold back just by being around you like this. Not just when we’re holding hands, but even when we brush each other through skin contact. I’ve always been holding back against my urges of wanting to touch you more, to feel you.

Do you hate me now…? Even if you crane your neck ever so cutely like that...I’m still troubled. I don’t know what I’ll do.

Even if you tell me to stop...There’s no way I can do it when I’m in this state.

Sorry for doing it in a place like this but...There’s no way I can hold on all the way till we reach the bed. Please, resist if you don’t want this.

I love you.

I’ll continue, okay?

It tickles? Your ears really are weak, huh. What a cute voice. Does it feel good? I can see the front of your chest hardening. I want to lick here too...Your chest, your back, and even the soft skin you have...All of it, relentlessly. I want to pepper kisses all over them, suck it. So much that no place is left untouched, over and over. Hehe, did you visualise it? How cute.

Are you feeling it? Even before this all happened, I really, personally, want to touch your skin.

Your skin’s really hot to the touch, it feels great.

I’m just rubbing against it but it feels really amazing...Both mine and yours are all a mess. Oh no, this is bad. Just this is enough to get me off. Your body’s really twitching, huh. Must feel good. It’s so very soft and hot...

I think I might be reaching my limit…? I’ll put it in.

You alright? Just a little more. It went in...It feels so good I think I might come undone.

Your face is really red, how cute

If you pull such an expression...I don’t think I can hold myself back even if I wanted us to take this slow.

More...I want to feel you closer! I love you. More so than anyone else.

Are you okay? We’ve really worked up a sweat but it still feels great...I’m in bliss.

If only this moment we share together can go on forever.

Are you awake? No, not at all. Not much time has passed actually. Maybe about half an hour?

Ahaha! If you make such a unguarded face, I’d want to kiss you again.

Come to think of it, your possessions have arrived, right? I’ll help you out with them tomorrow. It would be great if you managed to remember something about us then. I wonder if you have a picture of us together or something lying around?

Even when you say “let’s take a picture together!”, you’d always get too embarrassed about it in the end that it never got done. Hmm...Ah! There it is! This is a photo from our university days. Heh, there are so many photos of us from back then! That’s right, these are all taken by me. I was really bad back in university, so much that I did a good load of really stupid things. But, you managed to stop me back then when I got hold of a really fishy and suspicious job that supposedly paid well. I think you thought that I was really naive and all back then, but...That alone saved me. Yeah, I don’t think you’ll remember even if you tried to. That was how bad I really was back then. But,,,From that they onwards, you really became my only beacon of light. An existence above all else, someone much more important to me. That’s who you were.

Track 6:

Alright! I guess I’ve managed to clean things up a bit!

What’s wrong? DId something happen? A diary…? Oh-! Err, right! I didn’t know that you had one…

I see. Ah, no, I’m alright! It would be great if you remembered something through reading it. I mean- It’s your private matters that are being written in that diary so it wouldn’t be morally right if I were to read it too. I’m fine, really. You can go through it first. I don’t want to read it!

Ah- Sorry… In any case, I’m really sorry. I’ll be on the 2nd floor if you need me.

What’s wrong? Does your leg hurt? I’d have gone down if you just called for me. Anyway, come in. Ahh...There’s no place to sit, huh. How about taking a seat on the bed? Did you read the diary? Did you understand the feelings you felt before you lost your memory? Was it written in there? THe feelings of love you harboured for that guy? Do you feel like getting out of this house again…? Or do you not even want to see my face anymore? I’ll apologize. But...I just wanted you, no matter what! You’re...You don’t know, you don’t understand just how much I love you! If it’s to get my hands on you, to have you, to hold you...I’d do anything.

So...I know that it’s bad but if you’re not here, I-! Eh…?

Why are you surprised…? Was there something written inside the diary? It was written that you loved me…?

No way… There’s no way, there's no way something like that would be written in there…! Can I...Can I read it…? It’s true...That’s my name that’s written there.

“I realized that I really did love him during the time I spent with him, accepting him and being loved by him.”...So it is written. Really? Something like this...To think that you really wrote something like this inside your diary...This has never happened before.

We weren’t actually an official couple in any way. There was actually someone else you loved out there but...You lost to my zealousness and reluctantly came to accept me and come to terms with it…

I know that I said that I loved you...But you never did reciprocate my feelings so I was starting to think that it was hopeless to be pining for you. Even when I heard that you had kept a diary, I couldn’t help but to feel that way. Because...I thought that there was no way you’d feel the same, much less even pen that down. I thought that this would be the end for us if you so much as found out that I was actually hiding something from you. Sorry for being weak…

You’re the only one out there who’d say that it’s fine even after everything. Even if I lost you again, I was glad that you accepted me. Really...You’re so kind. Knowing that I have someone as selfless as you by my side really makes me happy. I’m not kind at all...The things I’ve done...They’re all because I love you. Hey, tell me. What do you really think? What do you really feel? Regardless of how the past you thought, regardless of what’s written in that diary of yours...

…!! R-Really…? You’re okay with this…?

It’s the first time I’m hearing all of this...And also, to find out that you loved me even before you lost all your memories…

Ah..Haha! I see...Then, we’re really finally reciprocating each other’s feelings? It’s mutual?

I love you. I always did.

Track 7:

I don’t want to leave you, even if it’s only just for a bit. I love you.

These eyes, lips, skin, body and heart...Become mine? They already got all perky. Feels good? How sweet. The last time wasn’t enough. I want to kiss and lick even more areas now. Come on now, don’t close your legs on me. Show me everything? That’s right, what a good girl. I’ll coddle you lots so long as you stay obediently so.

Does it feel good? You get all twitchy when I lick this place here.

What? You want to lick mine too? Yes, of course. I’m okay with it, in fact, I’m elated. How about you get on top of me then? And turn your ass here. Let me see all of your embarrassing parts.

Feels nice...Being licked, I mean. That’s right, palm the bottom. I’ll make you feel good too.

It’s dripping...I’ll mix it all up inside with my finger. Harder...That’s fine. I’ll add more fingers for you. Whoa, your hips are trembling. Words can’t even begin to convey how sexy that is. You can come, you know? Have you become relaxed now? I look forward to what’s coming.

This place here...It’s twitching so very much, almost as if enticing me to hurry and enter it.

Heh, is just the entrance fine? I wanted to put it in, and do it properly at least once. That’s right, to go in deeper, as deep as it can. That’s right, I’ll put it in for you. A little more…

It’s in. It’s all twitchy even though I haven’t even made a move yet...Can you tell how hard I am? How cute… I want to bury myself as deep as I can, quick. That’s fine, you did tell me that you loved me, didn’t you. Do you really love me? More...Say it more, please...Tell me that you love me!

Don’t look at me like that. The one who’s so happy that tears might fall from their eyes is me…

I won’t let go of you anymore…! More…Open your mouth?

There’s no way I’ll ever let you forget about me anymore. I love you.

Track 8:

“I can’t...not anymore. I won’t let you go, I can’t let you go!”

What are you doing? Oh, a camera? How sharp of you to notice one. That’s right, I left it out.

Still, really now...Even after I told you not to touch the things in my room. How naughty of you to not listen to what I told you to do. Why, you ask. I’m just worried about you. I’ll be able to watch over you in case anything happens if I put a surveillance camera in the rooms, no?

Is it wrong of me to want to watch over and protect the person I love? That’s scary, you say? How mean of you. It's a recording of our love. I was always worried, right from the get-go, right from when I first met you up till now. I’ve been watching over you. And all the recordings I have of you up till now are all very much treasured.

I mean, we’re lovers, aren’t we? You thought it was weird? What was?

Isn’t it fine that we don’t even have a single photo of us together? Because I’ve got loads of pictures that I’ve taken of you. Right! Here. Your phone. I’ve been keeping hold onto it but I guess I can return it to you now that our feelings are mutual. I mean, I had no choice but to keep your phone with me since I thought you’d try to contact some other guy out there that wasn’t me.

Why do you look so terrified? You remembered? What did you remember? Ahh...You remembered everything up till the point where you tried to escape from this place? I see, well, well. I guess it’s a failure again. To think that I finally managed to make you fall for me now, only for you to remember the unnecessary memories from the past…

I wonder why it didn’t go smoothly? I thought we could finally be happy together this time. That’s right. Didn't I tell you so? There’s something I haven't yet told you. The fact that you were in an accident is true, but that was half a year ago. The leg injury you suffered from was from back when you tried to flee from here.

Ahh...Really now. You were happily writing in your diary the last time. And this time, you finally said that you loved me for the first time. Why do you always try to run from me? Even though I love you and just want to keep watch over you to protect you. Say, If you remember me, then you must have remembered what caused the accident half a year ago. That man you were with half a year ago...He betrayed you and you wallowed within the pits of despair. You despaired so much...That you jumped right in front of a car. Do you know how I felt? Witnessing all of that first-hand?

That was the first time I regretted the part of myself that was satisfied with just watching the events unfold. The choice that I made back then, when faced with you, all teary and wishing for death...It wasn’t wrong. I thought of trapping you in a world, one where the two of us could be happy, so long as it meant that I wouldn’t lose you. I’d do anything, if it meant having you within my grasp. I won’t hand you over to a guy like that. I’ll make you happy.

Alright, that’s all. Let’s redo this again. I won’t let you run away this time. Become mine.

No! Don’t run! Tsk. You’re a good girl so...Don’t cry. Just swallow. It’s just a sleeping pill. It’s one that’s commonly found and can be bought over the counter. But even so, it’s a little different from the usual ones.

At first, you’ll forget all the pain and sadness and then you’ll start to feel happy. But after taking it for a while, you’ll be able to forget anything that you wish to forget. Want another pill?

See? Forget about all the bad things. If you do that...Then we can be happy. I’ll give you lots of it to swallow. We’re going to attain happiness from now on.

Come on now. Why are you trying to flee? Even after I’ve doted on you so. I wonder if there’s not enough drugs in your system. You’re only allowed to be on this bed, understand?

Don’t cry, okay? I’ll make you feel great. I notice that you’re edging and angling yourself towards me. Come now, If you want me to touch you, then how about you spread open yourself?

Heh, you’re dripping. To think that you ended up in this sorry state just from one little kiss. Lewd, don’t you say? Do you want me to stroke your insides? How cute~ Do you want me inside you?

If so then, I’m sure you remember what you should say. Say it more, more...Tell me that you love me. Well done. A good girl deserves a reward. Spread your legs further. I’m taking head.

It went in deep, huh. You don’t want it? Why? Don’t you like me messing you all up from deep within? Let me...Let me hear more of your voice.

I’ve gotten sick and tired…! Of hearing you say no, stop and the like…! From now on, I only wish to hear that you like me, that you love me! And next, we’ll definitely be happy together!

What? I love you...I love you. Once this is over, let’s start all over from the beginning, okay?

Ah, did I wake you? Sorry. I couldn’t sleep so I came to take a look at you. Who am I, you ask...Are you still half-asleep? What’s wrong? You feel uneasy? If so then I’ll stay here forever. It’ll be alright. There’s nothing scary here so rest assured, for I’ll always be by your side. What a good girl you are. Good night...

Track 9:

Good morning. You awake? Ack-! W-What? Why are you angry all of a sudden? What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare? It’s alright, even if it’s scary, I’m sure that’s just a dream-- Ack!

Could it be that...No way. Did you remember it all? Why...I mean, didn’t you forget everything up till now!? You love me? But you remembered it...didn’t you…? Even all the things that I’ve done. All of it?

There’s no way you’d still love me even after remembering all those things that I’ve done! Ah...No! Take your medicine. You’ll forget everything that troubles you so long as you take it! I mean, it worked for me…

Did you...remember that? That’s right. At that time, I couldn’t get myself off these drugs the last time. So much that I even became a dealer of them in order to pay it off to get some of it for myself. I betrayed you, with my actions, with what I’ve done. It didn’t hurt at all, but...For some odd reason, you were so bright at that time. So dazzling, that I couldn’t advert my eyes. I see...So you remembered. I thought that I was never within your league. That’s why I tried to protect you. I really wonder why you told me that you loved me. Someone like me. I’m not kind at all. In fact, I did nothing at all. It was just a coincidence that I protected you from that burly man. The fact that I stuck with you for so long even after you accident...It was all because I just wanted to protect you. I felt the need to...When I saw you in tears. I did something so idiotic...And I’m sorry. It’s fine even if you don’t forgive me. I’m still glad to hear you say that you love me.

Don’t kiss me so gently. Why do you...Why did you save someone like me? I love you. I really do...Thank you.

#Drama CD #translations #commissions #comission #Translation comission #Translation commission #Kankin Danshi #Kankin Danshi Vol.3 ～Amai Ori～#監禁男子 #監禁男子 Vol.3 ～甘い檻～#CANDY CUBE #Teradake Jun #寺竹順

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rutilation · 5 years

Photo

Let’s talk about chapter 81

I have a fondness for anticlimax humor, so I found this chapter to be pretty hilarious, alongside all the heartbreak and intrigue. This woman threatens to dump the ending of Eva on us, keeps us in suspense for a month, only for Phos to be too much of a klutz to bring about third impact. It reminds me a bit of the bait and switch with Shiro. I love it. This bit was great too. After keeping his duplicity in the realm of subtext for nearly thirty chapters, Aechmea just comes right out and says, with a flummoxed expression, that he has more terrible secrets than he could possibly explain within twenty minutes. Ichikawa went right for my jugular.

Many others have already written at length about how Rutile’s attempt to find purpose in repairing Padparadscha has completely ruined their relationship and made Rutile a worse person in the process, so I won’t retread that old ground. But, I would like to reiterate that this attitude is a reoccurring and prominent thread of the story. Bort found purpose in protecting their beloved Dia, but in their zeal, they drove Dia away by making them feel like a useless burden, by expecting them to be content with existing as a mere object of protection. While Aechmea doesn’t seem to find purpose in Cairngorm, he does act entitled and possessive towards them, would greatly prefer it if Cairn acted like a passive trophy wife 100% of the time instead of just 85% of the time, and generally pushes back whenever they try to do anything remotely proactive. And who can forget that time he pitched a fit when Cairn actually went against his wishes.

Phos is one of the few to buck this trend. Their reaction to the debacle with Cairn was pretty even-keeled, especially considering that they don’t know what went down in chapter 67. They’re clearly bitter and hurt, but they still took Cairn’s advice to heart, and also asked if they were okay before leaving for earth. And in this chapter, we got some insight into how they feel about their other failed relationship. At first, they reached toward the clipboard with a look of desperation. But, in the moment that they realize Cinnabar has left both them and the promise that gave them purpose behind, there is no desperation or rage—only resignation. The typically implacable Phos admits defeat without a fight. It’s a deeply sad moment, but the way Phos refuses to let their feelings curdle into spiteful entitlement is downright refreshing. This could be considered another parallel they share with Kongou, who is also very accepting of other’s choices and desires, even to his own detriment.

Anyway, hopefully this is a turning point for Rutile so that they’ll snap out of their terrible attitude and rethink their life, or something.

In chapter 72, Cairn offhandedly mentions they have no idea what Aechmea is talking about most of the time, and that they prefer to keep it that way. This was the first of several hints indicating that they’re kind of terrified of finding out what Aechmea’s deal is. In particular, this line from chapter 75 seems to have really rattled them—they’ve brought it up several times now, and it’s been on their mind even after the long time skip. When Cairn thinks they’re about to die without learning the truth, they confront Aechmea directly, but the second that Phos messes up, they back down and return to more trivial topics of conversation. (This is also the moment the moe eyes return after being largely absent for a chapter and a half.)

Their line here is a callback to what Aechmea said in chapter 78, and probably a deliberate one on their part. If I were to read between the lines, I think what they’re really saying is something this: “I know I’m not getting anything out of you at this point, so I’m not even going to try. Also, I’m going to pretend everything is fine and that this debacle never happened. Secrets? What secrets?!” As per usual, they’ve taken one step forward and two steps back. But, as much as Cairn might wish they could, they can’t un-open Pandora’s Box. I will say, though, that I’m a little nervous about what lengths they might go to in order to keep things as they are, so that they don’t have to face those potentially awful truths.

(Y’know, I can’t help but see some parallels in my own emotional reaction to this series. On one hand, I really want to know what happens next, and where Ichikawa is going with all this, but at the same time, I kind of want to remain ignorant of all the strife to come, and instead escape to some 500k slowburn cinnaphos coffeeshop AU. It would be so much less stressful if Phos were breaking the espresso machine* instead of my heart.)

Anyway whatever this secret is, I suspect it might re-contextualize chapter 67. Ichikawa seems to value the agency of her characters a lot, and the plot tends to progress because of choices instead of contrivance or coincidence (more on that in a moment,) even if it means that those choices make a previously popular character less sympathetic. With that in mind, I doubt Ichikawa intends for Cairn to get away with abdicating responsibility for every choice they made before chapter 68.

For the past handful of chapters, Phos has seemed pretty suicidal. So, it’s interesting that even after saying they’ve lost the will to go on, they nonetheless ran for their life when the others started chasing them, instead of throwing in the towel and simply letting themselves be shattered. It seems like they still have some fight left in them, even if only subconsciously.

Speaking of Phos’s subconscious, I’ve saved the aspect of this chapter I found most fascinating for last—the way in which the apocalypse is averted by Phos, uh, knocking over a table and making too much noise with their spider-limbs. This is pure speculation, so take it with a grain of salt, but I think it’s possible that Phos alerted the gems on purpose. According to what Aechmea said last chapter, they’ve been looming over Kongou for two whole hours, so it seems a little odd that they’d lose their balance now, at the last possible moment. While it is, as I’ve stated earlier, totally hilarious, this turn of events is a little too convenient, especially for a story that’s so aggressively character driven. As I wrote in my last essay, it’s most fitting that this moment comes down to Phos or Kongou’s choice, so I’m inclined to believe that is, in fact, what happened. I also think it’s quite possible that this act of self-sabotage was subconscious, like some events earlier in the story such as Phos’s out-of-control legs, or the cage made of their arms.

Furthermore, remember how Phos came to earth this time around with the hope that Euclase would be willing to hear them out? Well, if this blunder was, in actuality, a veiled cry for help, then their original plan has actually come to pass, just not in the way they were expecting—which is kind of the story of Phos’s life. (Man, it feels weird to try and adjust my brain to Euclase-stan-mode.)

Regarding the framing of the scene, we only see the moment Phos trips from Aechmea and Cairn’s perspective, and we don’t get a clear look at the action until the table has already tipped over. That Ichikawa chose to compose the scene in this manner leads me to believe there’s some sleight of hand going on here. Not to mention the fact that we’re not privy to Phos’s thoughts for the entire chapter, and it’s a little hard to parse their expressions when their face has been pureed.

Assuming my interpretation is correct, if I were to take a stab at why Phos backed out, it would be this:

A. They can’t stand looking at a snail in pain for five seconds, so watching Kongou stare up at them for two hours with the expression of a ewe watching its lamb ride off to the slaughter house might have been more than they could bear.

B. It’s been established that they already suspect Aechmea of withholding information, so perhaps they’re hesitant to give him what he wants without knowing the consequences.

Like I said, this is merely a possibility…but if it is the case, I would like Phos to know that I am very proud of them.

And finally, a few little observations that don’t fit in anywhere else

Judging from context clues, it seems that after Padparadscha was cured of their mercury poisoning, Aechmea removed their replacements, hid them away, and told the others that they were dead, or something. What a dick. The question is, why did he do that? They have shown themselves to be much more canny and goal-oriented than the other gems on the moon, so maybe Aechmea didn’t want someone like that around, and used the opportunity to get rid of them. But, who knows?

In chapter 79, it seemed like there was a huge hole in Phos’s torso, but in this chapter, what pieces are missing seems to change from drawing to drawing, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Regardless, there are consistently huge chunks of their head and legs missing, and the earth gems are unlikely to just give them back, so it’s likely they’ll be replaced. Their replacements are just as much a part of the Phos we’ve come to know as their original material, so the prospect of losing even a part of those replacements is rather sad. Those legs were gifted with love, dammit!

My boy cicada came to save Phos :,). IIRC, Cicada and Ventri are the only characters who have given Phos a hug over the course of the story, and are thus the only valid members of the supporting cast. Padparadscha is also allowed into this exclusive club for giving Phos a very comforting head pat.

Bort has started wearing powder on their left leg again.

Amethyst(?) brought a rope along. Like this is some sort of Phos-rodeo. Hilarious.

*bonus points if the espresso machine is nicknamed “sensei”

#houseki no kuni #land of the lustrous

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houseki-no-suffering · 5 years

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on ch 82 and what the hell is the deal with phos

super long wall of words ahead, you've been warned. also, im not qualified to discuss the emotional effects of trauma, so please correct me where im wrong and don’t hesitate to add on this post

contains an analysis of phos’ character arc, explanation on why and how they snapped and what might happen to our child next:

1. genki phos 2. post winter phos 3. laphos 4. on trauma 5. on snapping 6. speculations about the future

so, first things first, I could not help but notice the sheer number of parallels between this chapter and other significant points of the story. it seems to me that parallels are becoming more and more frequent as the moon arc goes on, and that’s not just because there are simply more chapters to draw parallels from as the story grows in size.

I believe that we’re at a turning point in the story, or even that the turning point has been reached, (aechmea telling barbata to fix phos for the umpteenth time is most likely going to give phos the last treasure, but ill get to it).

so, to try and understand what in the seven hells is going on with our baby at this point (the fandom collectively adopted phos since chapter 2, sign the papers if you haven’t already and donate to the fund to send phos to therapy) let’s retrace phos’ character journey.

1: genki phos

the phos who is too good for this world, too pure, the cinnamon roll who has no idea what the hell is gonna happen to them. oh joy.

hnk sets off as a coming of age story. phos is the youngest, they’re seemingly useless in a society that values usefulness above anything else so genki phos is initially driven by lack of purpose.

i’ve speculated already on the characteristics of the lustrous society, a society that emphasizes sameness over difference and that has no place for outcasts like phos and cinnabar. your value, in lustrous society, is dictated by how much and in which way you can contribute to the survival of the species, with elite fighters (the diamonds) being at the apex of the social pyramid and everyone else coming after.

additionally, while gems live in a highly interdependent and close-knitted society, such interdependence never takes into account emotions, loss, imagination, introspection and free-thinking. the society is extremely practical, apathetic, immobile, and everyone is expected to conform to that.

think about antarc: they’re the poster child of lustrous society: a 3 mohs hardness gem who managed to become an elite fighter out of sheer willpower, who’s blindly loyal to sensei, who sacrifices themselves for the greater good (the group’s interests > the individual’s interests), that does little if any introspection and that is happy about all of this and wants to leave it this way.

phos isn’t like this at all.

since the very beginning of the series we learn that phos is an anomaly. and that’s okay, other gems have been anomalies, like padparadscha, cinnabar, even antarcticite, but while those gems found a way to tip toe to the margins of lustrous society to remain unobtrusive exceptions, or forge themselves into proper, useful members of the group, phos cannot do that. which is ironic, because we know that one of phos’ core characteristics is that they’re able to change and to bring about change in a world that is as immobile and still and stiff as… well.. rock.

like @ruddy-rutile pointed out in a past analysis, phos’ problem wasn’t so much that they didn’t fit in, but that they didn’t fit in the appropriate way: they’re emotional, they’re loud, they’re unreliable, they’re not apathetic. they’re kind. compassionate. imaginative. and imagination is something the other gems lack.

this fuels a deep sense of self-hatred that even at this early stages of the story is lying just beneath the surface and oozes out quite easily, like when phos wants to help ventricosus and mumbles that it’s no problem if they die in the attempt, they’re a good for nothing after all, what difference would it make if they dont come back. at least they were able to help someone, contrary to how they were unable to help cinnabar.

this is the leitmotif of the series: phos is a kind, selfless gem who cultivates a deep sense of self-hatred. the internalized pressure and need to feel useful turns into a necessity for change. they need to save cinnabar, they need to save ventricosus, they need to become a fighter, they need to help sensei.

contrary to most of the other gems, phos loves and loves openly and unconditionally, they’re self-less by nature and that selflessness is a barrier that hides the real reason theyre so ready to put their life on the line for other people: the fact that phos thinks that their own life isnt wort a scrap.

as someone who believes to be worthless, guided by shame and guilt just for being alive and fueled by a deep desire to feel loved and accepted (just like a child), phos is unable to cope with grief and emotion if not by guilt tripping themselves even further.

the fact that the amethysts were almost taken is their fault, the fact that cinnabar is suicidal is their fault, the fact that antarc was taken is their fault, same with ghost’s abduction. the only way phos knows to cope with this guilt is by doing what every other gem does: bury these feelings deep inside their head and throw themselves into work. be useful, like alexandrite, rutile or red beryl.

2. post winter phos

what was a story about purpose, about phos’ coming of age, reaches an end at this very point, with antarc’s death. phos has become stronger at this point of the story, they have agathe legs and gold arms and they have grief to cope with, trauma.

just like alex’s job is studying the enemy and red’s job is making clothes, phos’ job is the one they originally desired for themselves: to fight. because there is nothing as valued as a good fighter in gem society and probably young phos unconsciously hoped to overcome self-hatred by taking on the most useful job there is.

post winter antarc is a skilled soldier, so skilled that bort wants to pair up with them. phos has reached their old goal: through loss and maturity, now they have a place within their society, they’re accepted and appreciated, valued but not loved. because these gems are so, so bad at emotions.

and this is where ms ichikawa begins to fool us all. she had us think that this story would be simple, but now hnk starts its steep and unrelenting detour toward existentialism and phos begins their dance toward madness and bottomless grief.

post winter phos is a soldier, they can fight off lunarians, but theyre still blaming themselves for antarc’s death.

we already said that phos is a very emotional gem and they possess a fervid imagination (probably just like lapis). so what do they do? they start thinking. “maybe i can retrieve antarc if we collect enough pieces. if i can communicate with the lunarians. if i can understand why we’re fighting.”

thinking quickly turns into questioning: why are we fighting? why are we so weak? why am i different? what changed me? is it the new additions, is it just life experiences? can we change? how can we change? antarc told me i shouldnt shy away from life, so im gonna push myself further and further.

that’s when shiro’s arc happens and sensei seems to know something about it, something he won’t tell the gems. phos’ questions suddenly turn to him.

phos is pretty much paranoid at this point of the narrative: they have experienced loss for the first time. consumed by guilt and grief for antarc’s recent abduction (even if phos still doesnt know what death means, we’ll get to that in a while), phos cannot think straight. they can’t be questioning the one authority every gem recognizes, the person phos and everyone else wants to protect, their leader, father, teacher.

phos feels like scum just for even thinking about it, as loyal and young as they are. and yet once you start questioning one minuscule thing about the way you have always lived your life, more and more will follow. it’s a cascade effect and it becomes faster the higher the number of questions, until you’re left with nothing but doubts and you must take into your hands the responsibility to find out for yourself.

this is more or less what happens to phos. they feel awful for doubting sensei the first time, in chapter 27, so they spill their guts to cinnabar, confessing their sins. but what cinnabar says does anything but put phos at ease: of course phos is doubting sensei: he’s shady, everyone knows.

however, while cinnabar is a quiet outcast, extremely prudent (and cowardly if you want) in the way they decide to face life, phos is the total opposite. they just needed a little nudge, they were already on the edge of a cliff of doubts and existential fears. cinnabar’s words are the second, big step that sets phos off on their path to the moon.

chapter 28 is when we see phos self-destructing because of this inner conflict for the first time, a pattern that will be repeated again and again the more phos loses sight of the truth, of a reliable something, a goal to cling onto and find direction.

it is ironic, because phos becomes a direction, a goal, the gems and the moon people’s hope (ch 59 and 72), but in doing so they have no hope left for themselves. let’s not forget that phos is very young by gems’ standards, not to mention in comparison to the moon people. how fair is to expect from a traumatized child to save the world and find answers to questions that run thousands of years deep and give phos nothing in return?

the pressure is enough to break phos and it does, quite literally, over and over and over again.

3. Laphos

lapis’ head comes at a time when phos was literally no longer able to manage this pressure.

it brings a waft of fresh air, it brings what emotional, kind phos needed to detach themselves from grief: coldness, rationality. and yet, it takes something away from phos as well: laphos is the phos that can no longer talk with cinnabar, the phos that brings cairn to reject the gems altogether and launch themselves into their kin’s killer’s arms. laphos is the gems and lunarians’ hope for a brief time, then it becomes the enemy.

i find it interesting how phos feels responsible for goshe and morga’s abduction too, even if phos was unconscious when it happened. phos has no clear boundaries between themselves and the rest of the world. they feel responsible for everything and guilty for everything. whatever they do will never be enough neither to make up for their past mistakes nor to find everyone a clear sense of purpose, safety, truth.

ichikawa plays with truth a lot. truth is that the lunarians are bad people and the gems must defend themselves, truth is that sensei is shady, truth is that the moon people are actually good, truth is that death is real, truth is that sensei is evil, truth is that cinnabar hates phos, truth is that the gems are evil, truth is that sensei is the only one that loves phos. who knows what the next truth will be, but can you call it truth, at this point?

if there is one point, i believe, that ichikawa is trying to make clear is that truth is subjective and that it changes, just like phos’ goal, the more knowledge you acquire and the more mistakes you make. truth is subjective but it must be sought after: you gotta keep fighting, you gotta move on even if you keep making mistakes, even if you cant undo your actions.

and another thing i think she’s trying to say is that you cannot make it alone. the moment phos tried to take it all on their shoulders, they moment they acquired lapis’ head, is the moment everything came crumbling down ten times faster than before.

and the most ironic part is that phos is still kind, even underneath that mantle of aloofness: they tried to do everything by themselves because they didn’t want to put anyone in danger, but in doing so they manipulated the gems just like aechmea. and aechmea knows and he’s been using phos for this.

4. Even more trauma

running after truth and after newer and more nuanced goals, phos has completely lost sight of themselves.

where do their alliances lie? what about their history? phos wakes up in ch 72 after the night raid and immediately breaks into pieces because they’re reminded of how cinnabar attacked them, the one gem they thought was their friend. one of the few truths phos had been clinging to.

phos wakes up after the night raid and asks the enemy “to the lunarians i look like a gem and to the gems i look like a lunarian. what am i?”

they break into pieces because they still believe they’re useless. they couldn't save cinnabar, they couldn't save antarc, they couldn't communicate with the earth gems, they couldn't even see adamant.

this is reminiscent of the very beginning of the manga: phos needs to feel useful, they need a goal, they need to be good at something. and just like they were ready to get lost at sea forever to help ventricosus they’re ready to die for someone else’s cause (not even phos’ own because they have no idea what to believe in at this point) just to be of use. after all, to phos, phos is nothing more than a scrap.

euc disagrees. ch 71 “we need you in our future” is a sentence that phos has probably ached to hear for centuries. “we need you. you are loved, you mean something, you are enough. you belong. we cannot build a future where you aren’t part of the equation. you matter”

and look at the way phos looks at euc. they can barely believe them and in fact they don’t. phos expresses some concern about dying (”after all, those less than 5 includes me”) but they still throw themselves into danger, they still take no care of themselves.

Phos’ self hatred and self-destructive tendencies run deeper than euc’s words could ever cut. those words meant well, but they were too little too late. phos thinks they don’t deserve this kind of hope, they cannot understand it, cannot fathom a world in which they are true and so they will go on believing that they are alone and worthless. next time they go on earth, they’ll go alone and unharmed

it is ironic. they did so much, they went to the moon and back multiple times, put their life on the line multiple times, made more progress toward unveiling the truth about the lunarians and finding a way for them to be free of samsara than anyone else did in hundreds (presumably) of thousands of years. they did it by themselves. in barely three hundred years. that’s impressive. and yet it’s not enough for phos. in their mind, they just keep failing.

so what’s the big deal? they can sacrifice themselves, it’s the least they can do and no one will miss them after all. unfortunately, this is true, at least to some extent.

im appalled by how little even the moon gems care about phos. they’re so self-centered it’s almost funny.

even alex, who has gone through loss and grief if not as much at least in a way similar to phos cannot find enough compassion in themselves to be concerned about phos’ wellbeing after a few months on the moon.

ive heard people mention how this could be a result of the moon people injecting who knows what into the gems or manipulating them someway or another, but i believe that there was no need to. phos is an anomaly after all, their kindness is an anomaly. the lustrous are little more than self-centered children: they are able of little if no introspection and they cannot process complex emotions like grief if not by shutting off those emotions altogether.

the moon gems are still vaguely concerned about phos. in ch 76, when phos departs for earth for the last time, they do tell them to be careful and come back if things get bad, but they do little more than that. it’s little comfort and too little emotional closeness and by no means close to the huge amount of support and (emotional) assistance that phos needs at this point.

phos tries to make do with what they have: a will to end this war and the superficial words of what should be their family, but it’s not even remotely enough. and yet phos, just like any other lustrous, is very bad at introspection: they don’t notice or if they notice they repress it. what’s one more thing down the subconscious after all? it’s fine. phos can take it, until they can no more and they snap without having any idea that they will snap.

phos’ journey, which has made them increasingly more emotional, fragile and human (the last one quite literally) has also made phos even more alone than they were at the beginning of the story. more alone, with the same sense of worthlessness, the same urgency to be good for something or self-destroy, and so much more grief, trauma, guilt and repressed emotions.

5. snapping

“I mustn’t think of anything” phos reminds themselves in ch 76. because thinking never brought anything good and because euc would see right through it.

once again, phos is repressing emotions. here they go, trying to be a cold blooded killer, ready to betray sensei again, the one person who has been good to them and that phos tried to hate with all their heart but just couldnt.

as ive written in a previous analysis, one of aechmea’s lowest blows was to tell the gems he was exploiting and manipulating to reach a salvation he doesnt deserve that if the gems want to acquire freedom they must do so by themselves. talk about coherence.

but that isnt all, he sinks even lower than this: he makes phos and the others question sensei’s affection for them. he says that sensei’s love is fake, it’s synthetic, the gems should totally make him pray or destroy him, no remorse, no strings attached. it’s such a dirty move.

no wonder it confuses phos even more. phos believes it, or tries to, they say they want to break sensei into pieces, but after the night raid they realize that it cant be that simple. sensei never attacked them. he has always been good to phos. and phos feels even more worthless, more of a traitor for daring believe in love, in sensei’s affection, when here they are, on the lunarians’ side, ready to betray him again.

how dare phos hope for anything? they dont deserve love, they dont deserve hope, they dont deserve happiness. they can try to give it to other people, they’ll kill themselves in order to do so, but they have no more hope and no love left for themselves, and they had so little to begin with.

as ive said, phos has little self-awareness and little introspection. i do believe that they had no idea they were going to snap until they did. even in ch 77, when sensei tells them he cannot pray, phos spends their last seconds of consciousness (before being attacked by all of the gems) to kindly ask him to pray. they dont care about themselves, but they dont reflect long enough to consider that reaching out to sensei like that could be interpreted as hostile by the paranoid earth gems. i think this is the first sign that phos is about to snap: they’re quite literally desperate.

tired beyond measure and forced to spend 220 more years in isolation, broken into pieces scattered all over the island, when phos comes to their senses again once kongo reassembles them they’re beyond despair. this war is taking the last toll on them and phos has no more energy to go on.

“please,” they say “pray. do it for no one else but me. grant me mercy,” from one bodhisattva to the other. they’re still somewhat normal, but when sensei fails to pray again phos can’t take it anymore. desperation and rage, fueled by hopelessness, worthlessness, grief and exhaustion make phos launch themselves against sensei, which, ironically, it’s exactly what the story needs.

apparently, phos is human enough to activate sensei but not human enough to make him pray. however, when the two of them join hands, sensei can actually pray. maybe it’s because both phos and sensei are intended to be bodhisattva? maybe because human voice commands are not as strong as contact? i have no idea.

phos has snapped by the way, and it’s weird how they go from “If only you weren’t here” to “sensei actually loves me” in a couple of chapters. in a certain way, we’re seeing phos going back to their roots: they love sensei and trust in sensei’s love, they’re once again openly emotional and impulsive, they’re once again ostracized by the gems (of course, much more violently this time).

i have written about how, after ‘fusing’ with sensei for a brief second, phos doesnt speak for the entirety of ch 81. they look and act like a literal monster, a scared animal, which is ironic since we know that they’re now human. i hypothesized that they might be reborn and that’s why they don’t speak, they’re a literal infant, but in light of ch 82, i think they’re simply hurt beyond measure.

they reversed to their old emotional persona, vomiting out all the emotions and pain and rage and hate they repressed during these 300 years. and yet they still don’t hurt anyone, not as much and as deliberately as they could at least.

they’re conscious enough to recognize the notebook and be reminded of their lost friends, realize how little the earth gems care for phos and for what they’re doing. and, i believe, when phos is rescued and comes back to the moon, they are, for the first time in the whole manga, enraged by the earth gems’ stupidity and sheer ungratefulness.

phos has been fighting for the wellbeing of everyone for centuries, putting their life on the line, never asking for anything in return and always believing that they were doing the right thing. and yet it’s not enough.

aechmea is a clever politician, and like every good politician he’s good at picking up changes and turning them in his favor.

he notices that there’s something wrong with phos and with the way they feel about the gems. maybe he doesnt yet realize that phos is angry at them for being ungrateful, but he senses something so he provokes phos: “you said to leave you on earth last time. did you change your mind?” that is “i’m not your enemy. see? im doing what you want me to do. not quite like those people down there on earth. oh, wait, were those your friends? aw, such a pity. to think they attacked you after everything you’ve done for them. but they’re your family, right? i’ll send you back to them if this is what you want. see? i’ll listen to your wishes. i am grateful.”

look how intently he looks at phos as phos incoherently and obsessively repeats the same thing over and over: “he would have prayed. he would have prayed for me. he loves me. he would have prayed.” if you want, this is also a syìubtle way for phos to apologize: they still feel responsible for their failure, but aechmea must understand: phos did everything they could, it would have worked, it was the gems’ fault.

adamant put phos back together, showing phos that he still cares. he is the only one that loves phos, while the gems (all gems, phos doesnt care much for differences at this point) keep hurting phos even if phos is only trying to help. so they must be killed. to hell with them all. and, notice, phos doesnt include themselves in the ‘gem’ category: they’re no longer a lustrous. they’re a monster, a liminal creature.

with nothing left to believe in if not sensei’s love and a promise to make him pray and then die in peace, phos wants to destroy the only thing that they believe stands between them and finally being useful, but also between them and freedom (freedom from suffering, from guilt, from existing, from their pain, from being): the gems.

this isn’t the first time that phos wants to kill something: in ch 68 they spoke about crushing sensei to pieces. it’s heartbreaking how phos went from “if only the moon people weren’t here” to “if only sensei weren’t here” to “if only the gems weren’t here.” will it turn into: “if only i weren’t here?” who are phos’ allies? who does phos feel kinship with? who is phos? they no longer know, and they’ve not known for a long time.

aechmea has noticed and he’s quick to turn the situation to his advantage. he shakes phos’ hand, he’ll grant them freedom just like phos will grant the lunarians’ freedom. he’ll forgive phos for failing, for their sins, for the bottomless despair and guilt that phos has been living with for centuries. salvation, hope, that is all phos needs.

as @rinboz pointed out, phos’ gold in ch 82 takes the shape of a lotus seed pod, a direct reference to when antarc was abducted and the gold had turned into a lotus flower.

through pain, phos had blossomed into a new character that day, marking the beginning of their long journey toward truth and toward discovering that there is no truth. the day the story changed from a coming of age manga to something much, much more intricate.

phos’ pod is empty, they have nothing left to lose, it’s a dead flower. this is the end of the journey that started with antarc’s abduction. when phos wakes up again, it will probably be with new memories and a new addition to their body, possibly red diamond.

phos’ self destruction has reached its apex because it finally became so intense to extend outwards, to other people that, in their immense grief, phos wants to bring down with them. this might be a minuscule form of progress: anger is better than repressing emotions at least, but phos’ problems are far from being solved.

6. on the future

what will be of phos then? it really depends.

the fact that they’re finally showing all that sufferance and those emotions they tried so hard to repress is good, but aechmea is still there to take advantage of it.

phos will never be free as long as they dont associate themselves with someone that truly loves them and as long as they cant find someone that can help them deal with their emotions. aechmea is just using them and only ichikawa knows what he meant when he told barbata to be careful with those 200 years emotions.

theoretically, phos was unconscious during the timelapse, but if there are emotions to treat carefully maybe they weren’t? maybe the change we’ve seen in phos this chapter depends on what they had to endure during that time. or maybe aechmea simply wants to make sure that his pet is easy to use.

i do believe we’re close to the end. i dont know if it will be the end of the series or just the end of phos as we know them. i could hope for something good to finally happen to them and for them to heal, but it would take a therapist or someone that loves phos.

maybe euclase could side up with sensei, they seemed the most concerned about phos’ status and the most prone to believe them. maybe goshe and cicada could do something again, maybe rutile will fix padpa once more and padpa will talk with the earth gems (not very likely, but im throwing theories left and right at this point), or maybe barbata will refuse to follow aechmea’s instructions, at least in part, and try to help phos.

as always, im afraid we’ll have to wait. in the meantime, please hug phos. if you read up to this point hug phos. hug them now and shower them with love, because no one else will

#houseki no kuni #land of the lustrous #hnk #phosphophyllite #meta #best

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nikitasbt · 5 years

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Memories of Matsuko (嫌われ松子の一生 Kiraware Matsuko no Isshō, 2006) by Tetsuya Nakashima

Japanese director Tetsuya Nakashima is primarily known for his 2004 film Kamikaze Girls winning him a reward of Best Director at Yokohama Film Festival and 2010 Confession acclaimed internationally and receiving Academy Awards nomination for The Best Foreign Language Film. The 2006 film Memories of Matsuko is not considered his best film, but from my point of view, its frenetic style and story are representing the Japanese contemporary filmmaking quite well.

The film starts with a visual splurge in the opening credits and first scenes. We see a lot of short fragments which seem to be unrelated shown in anime-like style with insane colours, screams and lots of music themes changing each other very fast. This is not just a one-time thing for Memories of Matsuko, it would be running long this way. At first, it might get the western viewer a little confused, though one need to refer to the modern Japanese culture to understand it. Had you ever seen the Japanese ads, TV shows or music videos, you would get an idea what do the credits in Matsuko look like. The pace of the whole movie would be deranged with protagonists breaking into tears or starting dancing with a bizarre music on a background. The viewers either get along with that or stop watching in in the first 15 minutes. I have gone through the initial confusion, and shortly afterwards I started liking this exhilirating pace and vivid images.

Memories of Matsuko is a story told by the nephew Sho Kawajiri (Eita) of recently deceased Matsuko (portrayed by Miki Nakatani famous for the role in horror film Ring). Unable to deal with the consequences of a break-up with the girlfriend he locks himself in an apartment and sinks in alcohol before his father visits him to inform Matsuko is dead. Sho Had never known her or thinks he hadn't. First driven by father request and later by curiosity, he visits the place in the rundown building which is more like a shack where Matsuko has spent the last years he starts learning her lifestory from the words, memories and flashbacks of people who used to know her.

This is a story of a chronically clumsy and unhappy girl who has been engaged with problems since the early childhood. Her sister Kumi (Mikako Ichikawa) was seriously ill und unable to go out of the house which resulted in father's long-lasting depression. Kumi loves her old sisters, but Matsuko has been desperately seeking a father's love and attention he life was lacking. Unable to get it after all, she becomes traumatized. One day Matsuko runs away from home to start living by her own which would make her family to reject her. Moreover, the trauma would later lead her to several abusive relationships with men. All she needed was love she hasn't gotten from her father and she thought it would be better to be with the abusive men rather than live alone. She fails in this desperate hope over and over, and the life leads Matsuko her to numerous collapses, work as an escort girl, murder and serving a term in jail, relationships with a thug and other awful things. Matsuko’s drama never causes any sympathy from her family members who choose to act like she doesn’t exist for them anymore.

The characters we see on the screen explain the personailty of Matsuko as kind, caring, outgoing and vivid. Yet she becomes a victim of abuse again and again. She is able to stand up every time after the new punch of fate and regains the will to live further. But as time goes by, it becomes clear the events of cher childhood and work at the school resulted in her total loneliness she cannot get over. The film's focus is the fate or young girl living among the abusive men who torture her throughout the whole life. But this is not just a story of abused and harassed woman, but poignant events that occur to many people. The story is emotional as Matsuko is a character we sypmathize, and it is pretty much into life.

Symbolycally, the last hit Matsuko receives comes from a teenager, just like the first serious trouble in her life of school teacher when she took the blame for stealing for boy Ryu. She was set up by this teenager who secretely loved her which follow with terrible consequences in Matsuko's life. A kid puts the innocent young girl down and in the end, another teenager kills her for practically no reason. The only question Matsuko is able to ask over and over is Why? This is the very essence of her life.

Above the plot, the most important part of the film is the visuality. Tetsuya Nakashima employs many techniques similar to Japanese clip-making in his film. In this mix of drama and comedy, we see many crazy dances and in-film clips illustrating different changes in Matsuko's life. Sometimes the action shifts to the cartoon-like images. And this all comes with dozens of songs which are okay for Japanese shows and ads but might weird out the viewers who are not used to it. Nevertheless, the camera is able to capture many beautiful shots and colours are impressive.

Memories of Matsuko is very dynamic in its aesthetics. Unless you totally dislike the visual style, the film keeps you entertained from the first minutes till the very end with a kaleidoscope of events, fragments and exciting images. Miki Nakatani is absolutely brilliant in the role of Matsuko showing both comism of character's personality and bitterness of her troubled life.

All-in-all, Memories of Matsuko is a good film to represent the modern Japanese culture and filmmaking. However, the visual blasts and hectic pace don't appear to be irretating becoming an exciting addition for comprehending the story in Japanese reality.

#memories of matsuko #嫌われ松子の一生 #tetsuya nakashima #中島哲也 #miki nakatani #中谷美紀

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rangerdew · 5 years

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okay i love the hnk fandom but can some of y’all stop with the ridiculously bad takes

1. “trauma isn’t a competition”

got some people commenting on the bit where cinnabar says, “you don’t know what it’s like to be lonely.” this line, obviously, isn’t true. phos knows exactly what it’s like to be lonely. hell, they’re literally fighting a whole war for a whole group of people, all alone. everyone they’ve ever loved has either died or left them. they know loneliness. but this doesn’t invalidate ANY of cinnabar’s loneliness. like, don’t go around saying, “cinnabar, loneliness isn’t a competition” and then go on to be like “phos is so much more lonely and has more pain than cinnabar could ever experience, screw you cinnabar for lashing out after literally being alone and isolated from your peers for a long long time and showing signs of suicidal thoughts”

2. “rutile is a psychopath!1!!!!!!!”

dude, their best friend got taken to the moon, and then came back and attacked them. they have a right to be stressed and angry at phos for taking their friend away. i mean, from the earth gem’s point of view, phos has been brainwashed and is brainwashing their friends. rutile isn’t crazy, she’s acting human. also, do you KNOW what psychopath means

3. “fuck the earth gems!”

okay there is SO much to unpack here. let’s start with this: the earth gems are not wrong. they aren’t doing anything horrible or shitty. hell, i don’t even think their actions qualify as “morally grey”. “morally grey” would mean that the weight of their actions isn’t necessarily good or bad. phos is fighting on the wrong side of a losing war. the earth gems are doing the right thing - protecting their leader, sticking together with their friends, etc... they are doing the right thing in any situation. actually, if this were any normal, generic manga, the point of view of the story would probably be one of the earth gems, fighting off the lunarians, wondering what’s happened to phos, etc. (probably with cinnabar as the protag), but ichikawa seems to be going a more clever route with this.

but, tl;dr, the earth gems are doing the right thing here. they have GOOD INTENTIONS, and their outcome is A GOOD IMPACT ON OTHERS. they made adamant, their leader, feel welcomed, they bonded as a group after a fight with their close friends (who have betrayed them), and cinnabar has found friends in the gems and worth in her power by fighting off the lunarians. they are on the right side. phos has GOOD INTENTIONS, but ultimately their outcome is A BAD IMPACT ON OTHERS. maybe not the lunarians, obviously, but overall, i think their impact on them will be unhealthy too. they’re giving them false hope.

i’m not saying, “fuck phos! they suck!” phos is my favorite character in all of houseki no kuni. but that doesn’t matter, because ultimately, phos is the one in the wrong here. their desperation to do the right thing (probably either tied to their trauma or their upbringing where they constantly felt like they had to prove themself) is their downfall.

i understand the argument here - “fuck the earth gems! they’re mean to phos!” yeah, they are. they don’t know the whole story. i’m rooting for phos here, too. i want them to know phos’ pain and desperation and motivations, and it frustrates me that they won’t listen. it’s annoying, but the earth gems aren’t in the wrong, they just don’t know the full story.

thanks for reading.

#hnk spoilers

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lookitsahinkle · 6 years

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The Unsettling Truth About Phos’s New Legs

So someone made a post here connecting the Admirabilis to the gem dust on the moon, and it has been on my mind ever since, but I really had nothing to add to it until I was re-watching the series with my sister, and she asked me to explain what agate is, and I had to restrain myself from talking about this theory to someone who hasn’t seen past episode 5.

Anyway, I've thought a lot about the implications of something like this, since to me, it seems exactly like something Ichikawa would definitely do, even if it's not how we want think, because she is a master at relating these small, insignificant things to larger events later.

Before I go on, this might not cover much past the anime, mainly because

I am against using fan subs, and I only bought up to volume 5 and am waiting for volume 9 to drop before I order the rest because shipping from Japan is expensive, so I can't properly source anything beyond that.

--WITH THAT BEING SAID--

I encourage everyone to go read the original post because it is fantastic and had me thinking for days, but in a short summary, it pointed out how the Admirabilis have been eating the "sweet sand" of the moon, which is mostly actually the gem dust scattered about the surface.

So while I was watching episode 5 (Chapter 11), Rutile is talking to Phos about attaching the shell thorns as legs but is really concerned about actually going through with it. As per exposition, Rutile explains that in order to replace a body part with another stone, it has to have no inclusion dwelling inside of it. Rutile appraises the inside as a piece of agate and the outside is something softer than Phos, but then pesters Phos about what the thorn actually is, since they are not too sure about this procedure.

Going back to the theory, the composition of the shell would make sense. Shells are made out of calcium carbonate, which has a Mohs hardness of 3, less than 3.5/Phos. I'm no snail biologist, but I'm pretty sure that growing shells is similar to growing hair and nails, in that the growth happens on the inside and pushes out, so it then also makes sense that the inside would be filled with the agate, since Ventricosus explains that eating on the moon made their people grow massively in size.

That then brings us to Ventricosus's shell, since it doesn't seem like it was filled with agate like Aculeatus's shell. In Episode 4 (Chapter 10) Aculeatus points out that Ventricosus was the only one who kept their mind on the moon. This might be a correlation, which makes me wonder if the reason the Admirabilis were so mindless was in some way connected to the fact that they had bits of tens(? Hundreds? Who knows how many gems are on the moon) of different personalities influencing them, which would then makes sense how Aculeatus regained their sanity shortly after leaving that shell.

WHICH THEN makes me wonder then, does that mean that the inclusions are still there within Aculeatus's shell?

Rutile points out that they need a piece without inclusions in order to attach to Phos, but it isn't clear whether or not Rutile can tell if there are inclusions in the stone, which leads me to think that there most definitely are inclusions in the legs that were attached to Phos, for two reasons:

1) If the inclusions are the remains of living creatures that underwent millennia of crystallization at the bottom of the ocean, I doubt that something as calm as digestion-via-snail would be able to kill them.

2) Phos's legs behave very strangely after being attached, starting by not moving at all and then working far too much for our little protagonist to keep up with. From what I've heard, it seems that this is exactly how attaching Lapis's head went down, since Phos started by taking a century long nap, before then being worn out by Lapis's different abilities being too much to handle (again, haven't actually read that part yet, so I don’t know if this is correct). Lapis's head is full of inclusions (obviously), so in parallel, I think that it would make sense that the abilities of all of the gems taken and spread across the moon, having been dissolved and reformed together, would give Phos the attributes of a gem who is significantly faster and more agile (sorry Phos).

This then, going about this like a mathematical proof, made me wonder if maybe Phos's personality also changed like the Admirabilis, before I whacked myself for even having to ask that question.

I went back to Episode 10 (chapter 22), where Alexi speculates that gems may rewrite their personalities to fit their new composition whenever their bodies are broken and replaced with new bits. I think Alexi is on the right path, but not how they expect.

When Phos loses their legs, they don't change thaaaat drastically, but they do seem more tired and less of that spunky child they started as. However, once Phos loses their arms, they lose a lot of inclusions that were previously competing with the number of separate inclusions and different personalities. In fact, I'm willing to bet that Phos's personality change could be due less to a loss of phosphophyllite but more to a replacement with separate gems (oh, and you know, all of the trauma too, but that is a separate matter).

However, although I'm personally more focused on molecular biological sciences, I can't let the less-than-obvious gem elephant in the room pass. How the heck does a bunch of gem dust create agate? Agate is SiO2, so unless it is just a conglomeration of all of the amethyst # 1-32 and # 34-83, there is no way that a combination of all of those gems would result in agate.

However, metamorphic rocks, where there are separate layers of different kinds of rock appearing almost like agate, can sometimes be mistaken as such. This, while not chemically perfect, would make more sense than the shell actually being filled with agate, meaning that instead, the shell is filled with a conglomeration of all of the different gems from the moon. (Yes, I also thought about fossil agate, but that also wouldn't fit chemically, and I think the implications of a metamorphic rock build upon the themes already established). It honestly does look more like agate than metamorphic rock, but a) if we are assuming that it is just a conglomeration of all of the different gems, I am okay with saying that it would be able to look that pretty and b) if we can have full bodies of crystallized cinnabar, rutile, and phosphophyllite, then there is no reason why crystallized metamorphic rock can't also join the club of gems way too rare to actually exist that prettily in that much quantity.

--Inhales--

Anyway, I don't actually have any strong points to make with this, since I have no clue what Ichikawa actually plans to do, and based off of reading her other books, I really don't think that it will be the perfect happy ending I really want for my children. However, I thought this was really neat, and I hope that something similar to this is revealed to be cannon.

TLDR; The Admirabilis have been eating the gem dust, which is why they are mindless and huge on the moon. It also explains why Phos's legs behaved so oddly after being attached, and why their personality has changed so much, because it is not agate, but actually a combination of all of the inclusions from gems on the moon. Finally, Rutile needs to stick to corundum research, because they have no clue how to recognize agate or inclusions.

STLDR; I love this theory, bless @baka27powwaa.

#hnk #houseki no kuni #dear baka27powwaa you dont know who I am but i love you #I hope this is okay that I used your stuff #if not just let me know or something

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