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#but I say yes

Nothing like a bad dream to wake a person up for the day

#text post, #it was something kind of petty in the dream tbh, #like in the dream it took place on one of the discord servers im on, #and it was as simple as a mistake abt like asking folks what their pride flag was in celebration of pride month, #and it wasnt even me that asked in the dream but i responded to the informal poll as well as did one other person, #and so me and the asker and the other responder got a huge call out post from one of the mods, #with everyone else piling on and sending vague responses to my apologizing abt it with like quotes abt hearts breaking and not being fixable, #and it was leaking over onto tumblr and i had an inbox of hate messages asking shit like 'why you ppl have to make everything abt being gay', #and even the other lgbt folks on the server were joining in the callout saying it was a cruel poll because some of them were still closeted, #at least irl and so the poll had made them feel bad, #and it ended with one of them telling me to 'step back and let other ppl in the community enjoy this month. this is why you cant trust a man, #gay or not' and like i just kept apologizing to all of them for having responded to the poll and finally asked if they wanted me to leave, #the server and no one would out and out say yes. only passive aggressively be like 'well what do u think u should do since u cant really, #apologize for something like this cuz u caused so much hurt' and i had finally made the decision to go, #but then one of the mods messaged me and was like 'jesus gay men are all drama arent you. maybe it is better u go but i was gonna say, #i give u my permission to stay' and the dream ended with me not knowing if i should stay or go or just ask them to ban me, #and in the entire dream the asker of the poll wouldn't respond to me and neither would the other responder, #i literally woke up from this dream just now almost in tears, #and had to check all the servers im on because it felt so real, #it wasnt of course but now any confidence i had to talk much today is shot, #i can list like four ppl i would feel safe talking to online rn because the rest were mad at me in the dream and i know it wasnt real, #and that the whole dream is probably trying to tell me to work thru some feelings or something, #but rn im just stupidly shaken and feel bad for something that didnt even actually happen, #brains are fucked up sometimes
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