#but I still feel so gross and bad

[toytulini]

listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.

yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?

maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".

get a better joke

#toy txt post #god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones #let it flop..........pls #internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop #i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having #1 million bajillion disclaimers #virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word #disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word #grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used #to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023 #and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like #im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild #i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good' #like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you #but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches' #'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay #god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil #but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful #and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like #hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine #and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr #and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like #and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay #its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat #? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty? #you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right #stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny #whatever #if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll #i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2015.

[willel]

Jonathan Byers : #1 brother surgeon in the world

#stranger things #will byers #el hopper #jonathan byers #willel #my content #I noticed this while making a different gifset #I was like OH WAIT #HE IS A DURGEON! #Jonathan immediately jumps into action even if it's gross #truly an a+ brother #even for El who wasn't his sister yet #it's too bad they didn't allow him to remove the monster in season 3 #bleh still sour about that but whatever #ANYWAY JONATHAN BEST BROTHER EVER #I feel sad that his moments are so... buried #even by me who looks at everything 100 times over #maybe because other characters rarely acknowledge him? #hmm

[jichanxo]

some bleach for these bloody hands, some bleach for my baptism! [from june/2023]

#masato arakawa #arakawa masato #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza #like a dragon #yakuza 7 #jichanart #if the caption doesn't make it obvious this one originally had an accompanying piece of aoki with the second part of the text #but i don't like it anymore so i won't post it here #anyway i really wanted to make something bleach themed for masato because i feel like it has some cool symbolic potential #like YES in universe it's meant to be this gross political thing about cleaning the filth of society #buuuut i can hijack that and use it as a fun contrast to the blood that started him down this path #and yeah it'll clean everything so you can start from a clean slate but it'll still hurt you bro... it's still bad for you...

[fate-defiant]

I can't believe they put my boy Mytho "does fucked up shit to himself because his entire identity and self image relies on being loved(in the right way by the right people)" and my girl Rue "does fucked up shit to everyone else because her entire identity and self image relies on being loved(in the right way by the right people)" togehter in the same show and never did anything to meaningfully juxtapose and explore All That

#princess tutu #rue #mytho #this is a gross oversimplification but you get it you understand #unstoppable selfishness vs immovable selflessness vs unstopable selflessness vs immovable selfishness #these two coulda been so insane their dynamic could've blown minds #i can;t tell you exactly how but it would've #what if the show ended not on them leavig entirely intentionally but lik #e #in the commotion of the story ending they just sorta fall bakc into the story and vanish into the real world #and their ending is them realizing they've both ended up in the fairytale.its not delibarate the way it was in the show #and like. rue has nowhere to go and mytho is still kinda lost in the sauce but they're both unsure how to feel and what to do #so they just kinda. pick a direction and hope for the best #this at least is how i'd tweak it to give us space to imagine they'll have the time to work through everything the show ran outta time for #otherwise id fucking. id tweak the actual show dangnabbit #but yeag. #its just like. there;s this preconcieved notion of the person you are meant to be and sometimes that constructed self has all these surviva #all these survival mechanisms that'll cloud your judgement and someitmes actively harm you the living being the real tangible organism #because you are sad ape and big leaf you need love and sunlight #but the self is an aesthetic it can survive on bad decisions #and a cookie cutter self no matter how painful is better than the uncertainty of being potentially literally anything because in the end #you are sad ape and a big leaf and you can just live however as long as theres love and light and fun and sustenance #and you die either way but the self is a character with a neat narrative attached and the ape is real and messy and uncertain #so the self fights for survival and takes over the sad ape #you Get It. You Understand. #fate.txt

[lycanthian]

gonna be 19 in less than a week. its hitting me. girl what tha fuck.

#i dont even know if this is a bad thing its just scary #ive gotten a couple goals in for the year? getting a boyfriend and opening commissions being the main two #but it feels like ive spent most of the past year struggling with depression and debilitating anxiety and. ueagh #ive spentnso much time feeling awful and hating myself and not enough time enjoying myself. #i still struggle with doing basic tasks both hobbywise and selfcare wise and just. ueaagh. #i feel gross and annoying and difficult to get along with and awkward and lazy and. uaaaghhhggh #itsso bad rn i cant even put into words how im feeling properly #ive been teetering back and forth on the edge of a depressive spiral a la december 2023 for the past month #and imscared im gonna hit that again. and not have a way to cope and rest through it this time #because i have finals and portfolio stuff and im moving #and i have to help my friend make sure that shes going to have a place to live over the summer #and i have to get my drivers license and i have to get working on community service hours and i have so so so so so much to do and. weh #im scared i wont be able to do any of it #lycan howls

[autistic-katara]

the urge to text him at 2am and tell him i love him nd then kill myself bcz im scared of his reaction

#stg i did not sign up for the internalised homophobia this crush has brought me #for so long i “had no internalised homophobia bcz it felt so natural and was never rlly portrayed as a bad thing” or whatever #but suddenly this happens and the moment i think of him in any way my brains like #“kys u fucking fag stop being a perv he probably knows nd is def uncomfortable as hell just be normal ffs” #LIKE BRO I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS #I THOUGHT ID BEEN SPARED #AT LEAST WHEN IT CAME TO SEXUALITY (genders its own thing) #BUT NO MY BRAIN IG SAW HOW MY BLORBOS REACTED TO THIS STUFF IN FANFIC AND UNIRONICALLY COPIED IT OR WHAYEVER #he’s literally gay too but i still feel gross as hell abt it yk #like when he IDed as aroace it made a bit of sense for me to feel like that but he’s literally into men yk- #idk i can’t fully explain it #ryan shut the fuck up

[basofy]

hmmmm i guess i can let these out in the wild now

these are doodles i did the next day i watched that convo, while still having a bad stomachache, so they're more like vent art

idk if im the only one that took this thing extremely seriously, but it made me sad and it keeps making me sad the more i think about it

img that describes what the scene felt like to me

#my feelings on the matter are extremely conflicted #because im not really opposed to the themes that were explored #but i keep rejecting the conversation no matter what #wheter it's because of the execution or because this happened like 10 years later i dunno #it was such a strange thing to be surprised with #sometimes i dont know if it was made to be serious or not #my main conflict is how different it feels from how lisa tends to tackle these things #i was talking to a friend and they mentioned that it could be made to feel like a joke at first and then get rly dark #because thats how it feels when youre a kid in the position jack was in #i keep wishing there was more to that though #anything that showed that the game cares about jack after it #i think it was made as some sort of trap? to see who took it as a joke and who took it seriously maybe #but it keeps giving me a stomachache im rly bad with triggers haha #didnt expect my comfort game to put this right on my face and leaving it all up to me so im not having a lotta fun #my stuff #lisa rpg #this was my first fanart for the DE wtfff #still wish they got something extra that wasnt a pain to watch just becuz i like both charas #in fact i dont understand some of the choices in the conversations but there are some i liked a lot #i might probably still like garth out of nostalgia but it's random sometimes i like him sometimes im grossed out and so on #lisa garth #garth lisa the painful #jack lisa #if ya need this tagged tell meee #honestly this goes further than 'i hate garth now im gonna send him to the roulette' for me #i dont stop anyone from hating him my issue is with the scene in itself i think. i just wasnt expecting this #also be nice in the tags this thing makes me overthink so much lololol #everytime i make art for this thing i end up changing my mind like i dont feel the same way about the first doodle anymore #upd8 from 3 months later im more at peace with this thing MENTAL ILLNESS CURED YAYYYY #i just allow it to make me sad when it has to

[solvicrafts]

Just saw some people saying that the Loki s2 finale was crap because it wasn't approached with a Christian perspective.

Loki is based off of the Norse deity, you absolute chucklefucks.

#loki #there are things I do and don't like about the series and tbh I'm still not sure how I feel about the finale #BUT the symbolism was clearly meant to pay homage to Norse mythology #and it's not like this is the first time it's come up just in this season alone #fuck's sake it was even hinted at like 2 episodes ago #if anything I'm fucking glad they did their homework and tried approaching this series from a pagan perspective #ESPECIALLY given the history of Christianity and the Nordic pagan faiths #every second I think about this absolute garbage take on the series it gets even more gross #I legitimately do not understand Christians being 'fans' of a /pagan/ character that is also very very queer #and then just erasing everything pagan and queer about him #I used to see this all the time back in the day with RPers that would say in their bios that they didn't allow slash shipping with him #specifically because it offended their religion #WHY FIXATE ON THIS CHARACTER THEN? #there's nothing wrong with being Christian and being a fan of the character for the record #I follow Christians who love this series and character so don't get it twisted #BUT THERE IS SOMETHING /VERY/ WRONG WITH DECIDING THAT THE PAGAN PERSPECTIVE ON A PAGAN CHARACTER IS BAD AND WRONG #BECAUSE IT'S NOT CHRISTIAN AND/OR BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET YOUR STRAIGHT SHIP OUT OF IT

[the-knife-consumer]

Forgot just how upsetting gloomed korok forest is

#idk. just this one sanctuary that was different from the rest in that all of these spirits only link and a few others #can see are offering you help and safety. care uniquely for you. a bed for YOU. YOUR sword. kept safe for 100 years for YOU. #thrown together shops just for YOU because nobody else goes here or even knows it exists. #and then you return and the people who cared so much about you dont even speak to you anymore #they cant speak. they just stand there #idk korok forest made me feel the most like i fucked up somehow #rito village was bad but still livable. if things got any worse then they would have to abandon home until it settled #but no one was in immediate life threatening danger #gerudo was really REALLY bad and people were in danger. just all crammed inside a bunker. no going into town because your #home doesnt belong to you anymore #and then the zora were ... idk felt the least pressing even though it definitely should be bc like. they breathe water. #if the water is gross theyll die. but idk something about how it was executed felt less terrible #maybe they outwardly expressed more hope? idk. same with the gorons didnt feel like there was a pressing threat #but korok forest is fucking AWFUL. god #idk. nobody in hyrule talks about it because they dont know there are people there. nobody else can see them so nobody knows #somethings wrong. with no lead into it finding korok forest the way it is just feels soooo much worse. #idk. on my first playthru i kind thought i fucked up and shouldve gotten there sooner. #it just feels like no matter what youre too late and its your fault

[silenthillbunni]

📓🖊️🧸

#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk #my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me #nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her #so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333 #anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :(( #but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy 🤢🤮 (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol) #then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude #they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he #pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole?????? #got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :(( #it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back #hurt so bad too sksksks :< #but i managed to write a little but on my assignment #then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad #wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk #felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomach🤣 #now a few hours later i feel better physically #buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding #idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better #like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T #im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :(( #and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all #im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks #i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!! #i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :( #but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all #mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk

[anotherpapercut]

so anyway I woke up multiple times last night bc of coughing fits and I've been coughing all fucking day and I was just standing outside on my porch trying to like chill before going from job 1 to job 2 and i coughed so hard I threw up. how's everyone else doing this afternoon

#really wish i could call in but i work in like an hour and theyd fucking kill me #i mean they wouldnt. theyre really nice. but theyd be so disappointed that i would die #anyway the good thing is i used to have bad emetophobia and that wouldve caused a severe panic attack and like more illness #but at some point in the past like year or two its gotten a lot better and i can actually throw up without freaking the fuck out now #so i still kind of want to die bc its gross and feels bad but like. im ok which is cool #sorry that was gross and tmi. welcome to my blog #cw vomit #cw emetophobia #i should clarify ive had some type of upper respiratory something for literally like 2 months. ive tested negative for covid several times #i just really need to go to the fuckin doctor lmao

[hella1975]

girls after an average shift

#CANT FEEL MY LEGS 🧍🏻‍♀️ #tbh i get bad joints sometimes like not awful it is just a little achey bc my mum’s arthritis genetics Got Me #and i woke up this morning and immediately was like. oh. this is gonna be bad isn’t it #and then clocked a 9 hour shift that literally didn’t have a single slow down #like when I tell you we were slammed off our feet from the moment I walked through the DOOR #and it was just a perpetual rush from that moment on. like i haven’t stopped. close was MIDNIGHT #my legs hurt so bad I feel like there’s metal in my knees. i feel like i need oiling #I’m sweaty and gross and tired and achey and I have another close shift TOMORROW #but it’s agricultural show weekend (hence the business) so a load of the waitresses ‘snuck’ outside (we pretend to clear glasses from the #outdoor tables) to watch the fireworks and it was pretty cute. like no matter how shit my job or shift is i do still love most of my #colleagues and we always have a proper laugh together. small victories #AND I GET PAID TODAY LETS GOOOOOOO #hella slaves to capitalism

[drumlincountry]

A thing I must remember is that I am a freak. I mean I am a freak (complimentary). Genuinely and truly a bit strange, though. A little odd. Even if we put aside the political radicalism and the queerness, I coo over carniverous plants. I'm curently in the process of buying a Goncharov poster. When I was 7 years old, I performed a poem about a dead fish on stage, in front of my whole town. I am, additionlly, diagnosably a freak, for what that's worth. These are good things! On tumblr, these are not notably strange things. But I MUST REMEMBER!!!! when I am out there in the world. That I am a freak. I must not be surprised when other people seem strange to me, or when I seem strange to them. I must own my freakness, and spend as little time as possible in spaces where being a freak is an unpleasant experience.

#I was telling my boss about how butterwort eats flies by curling its leaves up and trapping them the other day #and he was like :( gross :( #i was SO SURPRISED??? #but yes true not everyone is charmed by this #still im not gonna feel bad about the guy who loves to find plane crashes thinking im a bit odd #me fein

[bpdohwhatajoy]

He’s literally the most evil person I’ve ever met. He couldn’t just be my most abusive ex and leave it at that. No. He has to keep triggering me over and over by reminding me of his presence. I have blocked him so many times on so many different things and yet he’ll keep making throwaways and alts.

#ryan.txt #fucked up people #abusive ex #trauma #traumatized #cptsd #ptsd #it makes me feel fucking gross #the way he is literally trying to stop me from healing #my ptsd has been so bad ever since him #and he’s intent on it getting worse #he did so much to me #that apparently wasn’t bad enough #it wasn’t bad enough to worsen my ptsd to a state where it’s the worst it’s ever been #and make me so terrified that I isolate myself like crazy and refuse to date again #no that wasn’t enough apparently #he can’t let me move on #he can’t just leave me fucking be #he’s miserable and he’s still trying to drag me down just like he did when we were together #he wants me to post about him on Reddit so bad I know he does #he only cares about being remembered the worst thing to him is being forgotten #so I’m not gonna post on there about him #it’s what he wants #I have to keep remembering that #I almost relapsed on checking his Reddit #but despite it all I stayed strong even though the urges are clawing at me #I’m strong

[bloodenjoyer]

omfg

#i’ll be honest the main reason i dyed my hair a couple days ago was i was feeling sooooo ugly #However i still look so bad rn 😭i look downright washed up and gross and withered and hideous . ugh #maybe i wouldn’t look this bad if i drank water and got a normal amount of sleep and took a shower and all that. well.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

why is trying to decide if you’re sick enough to call off work so hard

#i feel gross and so so so sore #like the so so so sore is on top of the usual pain i get from tourettes too so like it’s Painful #and like i wanna be selfish and call off work tomorrow bc i feel like i won’t be able to teach bc Pain #but there might be a lot of ppl already out tomorrow so what if i make things worse #but then again i’ve been sick a couple times this school year and haven’t taken any days off and still pushed through so don’t i deserve to #be a little selfish??? and like i am barely typing this right now the pain is so bad #idkkkkkk #i hate capitalism #sorry for the petty pathetic rant lol