#but I’ve gotten out of the habit again and so I’m gaining again

[abbyshands]

hers only

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

synopsis; gf!abby does not like clara, the gym trainer who can’t keep her hands off you. so who’s surprised when she loses her composure, channeling her rage in the form of rough, hard sex?

pairing; dom!abby anderson x sub!fem!reader

warnings; abby’s jealous as fuck, a little toxic!abby but not really, use of a strap-on, abby refers to the strap as her dick/cock, and strap is referred to as her dick/cock, throat-fucking (with fingers), fingering, choking, pretty rough sex, degrading (slut/bitch/whore, etc), a little praise, use of baby/honey, one use of y/n BEFORE the smut (sorry, it was necessary), spanking, reader cries, abby gives reader a sensory overload, dumbfucking, etc

a/n; hello! my name is kitlyn, kit for short :) i’m a huge writer, and tlou is my latest obsession. so, ofc, i had to get this fic out for my gf, and much more to come. i hope you like this, and if you have any ideas for me to write, please lmk!

p.s.; your daily reminder (or a fun fact), abby canonically bench presses 205 pounds. i rest my case <3

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she could only make it a few weeks before her annoyance got the best of her.

you were bulking up for an upcoming mission, assigned to you by issac. in the area you would be in, scar presence was heavy, and you wouldn’t be back to the wlf for a bit, so gaining muscle was a necessity.

abby just wished she didn’t have to watch that girl’s hands all over you to get the job done.

she didn’t understand why she couldn’t train you herself, why issac wouldn’t fucking let her. he waved her off, giving her some bullshit about “a lack of focus.”

come on. if she knew you needed to bulk up, if it meant it would keep you safe, she wouldn’t lose her focus just because it was you.

maybe.

but this was the replacement. some other girl in the wlf, hands all over you as she helped you do pull-ups. your body was covered in sweat, and you had been at this for over an hour. the girl, whose name was clara, had her hands on your hips as you lifted yourself up and over the bar again and again.

“c’mon, give me ten more. you got it,” clara said. you were looking at yourself in the mirror as you let out a grunt with each pull-up you did, on your tenth at this point. but you did your best to push through.

“clara,” you groaned. “i can’t fucking—“ you began. but your trainer cut you off.

“don’t use your breath. just keep going. i’ve seen you do it before. you got it,” clara said once more, tone firm. you didn’t think it would be a good idea to deny her. so you went on.

but you were fully oblivious to the pair of blue eyes fixed on you across the room.

you had forgotten that abby also worked out around this time to lift with manny, so it didn’t even occur to you that she was gazing at this whole thing like a hawk.

“abs!” manny said to abby, accent thick. he snapped his fingers in front of abby’s face, and abby looked at him both confusedly, but also annoyedly.

“huh? what, what is it?” abby asked. she had fully spaced out, and her cheeks were red. but it wasn’t because of the workout.

it was your fucking trainer.

“estás bien? i lost you a few minutes ago,” manny said. abby had gotten used to his habit of going back and forth from spanish to english, to the point where she knew a thing or two. so she easily responded.

“yeah, i’m fine. let’s just finish for today, okay? i’m not feeling it,” she excused. but manny could see where her eyes were.

you.

“ah,” manny said. he seemed to understand now, a look of comprehension across his face as he said that. “okay. i’ll see you back at the room, then, sí?” manny asked as he held his fist out.

abby did the same and gave him the small fist bump he was looking for. “yeah, see you.”

once manny had left, abby began to pack up her gym bag. by now, you had finished your pull-ups, and were taking needy gulps from your water bottle. clara gave you a small pat on the back once you had finished drinking.

“that was good. you got any more in you?” clara laughed.

you smiled at her, shrugging. “not sure. i’ve gotta meet my girlfriend soon,” you said. really, it was in an hour or two. but you’d have to shower, change, etc. so, to you, it was soon.

nevertheless, you figured a bit more couldn’t hurt. so, you said, “but i think i can do a few more reps.”

clara just gave you a nod. each time you would bring up this girlfriend of yours, her demeanor changed like that. she’d tense, and pause her words.

you knew what it seemed like, and obviously, you didn’t like clara. but you did kind of need her.

and besides, if abby—fuck, if abby knew? it'd be a fucking field day to say the least.

you ended up choosing back squatting as a way to finish off your session with clara. you ducked your head under the bar, elbows flexing as you removed it from the rack. you caved a little under the heaviness of it, but with clara’s reassurance, you did your best to move.

clara put her arms under yours as you held the bar behind your back. she squatted along with you, body behind yours as she spotted you.

you could only make it ten or so reps before you failed on the eleventh, much to your surprise, as it had never happened to you before. clara put her hands on your chest quickly, and helped you move the bar back up to the rack.

“sorry,” you whispered in a huff, face red from the tension your body had just undergone. clara’s front pressed to your back for just a moment, and you felt a little uncomfy. she had spotted you before while doing a back squat, but not once did you fail one, forcing her to really touch you like that.

“it’s okay, it’s okay. you did fine,” clara smiled. this time, she put a hand on your shoulder, way too close for comfort. and then, she murmured to you, her own face red. “i’m proud of you.”

oh, that was fucking it.

abby discarded her gym bag on the floor. she tossed it somewhere. she would grab it later. but she couldn’t fucking watch this anymore. who the hell did this girl think she was, hands all over you like that? and who knows what she was saying to you? that was abby’s fucking job.

and hers only.

“y/n,” an all too familiar voice said from your left, and you didn’t need to look to know who had spoken.

you were thinking, my savior, once abby’s voice filled your ears. but when your eyes moved to hers, you were sure your soul left your body.

because she looked pissed.

clara moved her hand off your shoulder, and you hated the way she did it—like the two of you had been doing way more than just working out.

“grab your shit, we’re leaving,” abby said firmly to you, and she couldn’t help but send a small glare clara’s way. you weren’t the only one feeling scared, because clara was pale as a ghost. she had known you had a girlfriend, obviously.

but it was abby fucking anderson?

neither you nor clara said a word as you packed up your gym bag. once you had, abby was grabbing you by the waist, and yanking you out of the gym, leaving clara far, far behind you.

“abs—“ you tried, you really fucking did. but abby didn’t want to hear it.

“not a fucking word.”

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

manny knew better than to come back to the room once he saw abby eyeing you like that in the gym. it wouldn’t be the first, nor would it be the last, time that abby’s temper had ended in a room full of sex.

as soon as you were inside of the room, abby was grabbing your gym bag from your hands, tossing it far away, and kissing you aggressively. you responded with a whine, but let her, kissing her back with just as much passion. her hand gripped your neck as she all but slammed you onto the door, free hand running over your body like it was a temple she was born to worship.

really, it was.

abby put her free hand under your leg and held it up, pressing herself into you as her tongue battled yours. you moaned into her mouth as her grip on your neck compressed, her fingers digging into the soft skin of your thighs.

what a good day to have worn shorts…

when abby finally pulled back, your lips were spilling with drool, lips numb and plump from the belligerence in abby’s kisses. your whole face was hot, and abby’s face was red.

and, fuck, did she look mad.

abby smashed her lips back onto yours, and kissed you all the way to her bed. once there, she pushed you down onto it and got on top of you, her large thighs on either side of your lap.

if you weren’t in for it before, you surely were now.

abby reached her arm out to open the drawer of her bedside table, and it was only a moment or two before she was pulling out a very familiar item.

her strap.

“a- abs, wh- what are you—“ you began dumbly, way too curious to find out what it was she had in mind. but abby wasn’t feeling at all gracious.

you talk when she says you can.

“shut the fuck up,” abby damn near growled at you, the kind of tone she reserved for when she was really fucking angry. you had heard it many times before. when you were on a mission and battling scars. when issac reprimanded her for being careless in the field. when mel pissed her off one too many times.

bottom line, when shit didn’t go her way.

and the idea that she felt that way now both turned you on and scared the fuck out of you.

abby was quick to secure the strap’s harness to her waist. the view of the dildo attached to it always made your mouth fill with drool: black, veiny, seven and a half inches long. she’d made you cum with it so many times you lost count, and it was a million times better than the real thing.

especially when you had abby anderson on top of you, or behind you, or below you, encouraging you to take it like the good girl you were.

she grabbed your hips with fervor, forcing you to wrap your legs around her torso once your bottoms, and underwear, were out of her way. you let out a needy mewl as she slid the tip through your already wet folds, riling you up, just like that.

when your eyes closed as an answer, abby tutted, and moved one of her large hands down to grab you by the chin. “look at me,” she demanded.

and who the hell would you be to deny that?

your eyes were weak and needy as they met abby’s, pupils big with just a touch of fear, heart pounding in your ears. abby spoke firmly, and you could tell that she wasn’t playing around.

you had left fun and games behind the second you walked into this room.

“you’re gonna take this dick as much as i want you to, over and over again. n’ i’m gonna fuck you rough, ‘til you’re babbling out nonsense. do you hear me?”

your body felt paralyzed when those words left abby’s lips, her tone dripping in anger. you couldn’t manage much, and all you could do was nod. but she was not having that.

she squeezed down on your chin, which made you whimper out. “words.”

“y- yes, ma’am, i- i understand,” you weakly muttered out, and that seemed to suffice for her. abby let up on her grip, and her hand moved down from your chin to your lips.

“good. now suck.”

you didn’t delay. you opened your mouth for abby to push her fingers inside of it, index and ring beginning to fuck it. abby could feel your drool as she pumped the two fingers in and out of you, your tongue eagerly wrapping around them.

she doesn’t give a damn in the world as she pounds them to the back of your throat, making you gag, and your eyes close and roll back as she does so.

not for long.

“open your eyes. keep ‘em on me,” abby says in a rough tone, and you oblige a little too quickly. water’s already filling the corners of your eyes, and abby can see that when she looks at you.

and she’s barely begun.

“crying for me already, hm? why am i not surprised?” abby couldn’t help but mock you. you looked so feeble like this, choking on her fingers like the whore you were.

“i’d save your tears, honey. ‘cause there’s a lot more where this came from.”

just as you’re beginning to get used to the rough feeling of abby fucking your face with her fingers, she pulls them out, and you let out a small whimper of disapproval.

but it quickly blends into a moan.

her index and ring, the two fingers that you had just had your tongue around, that were soaked in your drool, pushed inside of you without so much as a warning.

“oh, f- fuck, abby,” you moaned as the suddenness of the moment took over your senses. your thighs clenched around her as she skillfully pumped her fingers in and out of your cunt, just as she had so many times in the past.

abby used her other hand to pry your thighs back open. “ah ah, baby. spread your legs for me.”

just when you figured this couldn’t get any more forceful, abby was pushing a third finger inside of you, her middle one, and using her thumb to rub your clit.

your response was way too fast as you grabbed one of abby’s broad shoulders, digging your fingernails into the freckled skin on it. you let out a loud moan as your eyes squeezed shut, letting it all sink in. three of abby’s fingers deep inside of you, pumping in and out of your wet pussy as she thumbed your clit like a fucking pro.

“fuckfuckfuck,” you groaned, and, god, did abby like that. barely begun with you, and you were already drunk off her touch.

but then again, that’s how it always went.

“look at you, fucking soaked for me. needy bitch,” abby degraded you mercilessly as she curled her fingers inside of you, easily hitting your g-spot.

“mmph, abby…” you could barely manage.

“hush,” she said harshly. your gaze moved up to hers as she fingered you, her usual pale blue eyes big, pupils enlarged. it was clear that she wasn’t letting up any time soon. “don’t talk unless i say you can.”

you didn’t.

abby had you soaking her fingers in your release soon enough, your orgasm spilling over you. she pulled her fingers out of you and moved them to her lips, leaving not even one drop behind as she sucked them dry. the view filled your abdomen with butterflies: that was for damn sure.

if this is how she made you feel with your fingers, you could hardly imagine her dick.

and abby didn’t delay. you didn’t get even a second to process before she was lining the tip of the silicone toy to your cunt, and pushing into you forcefully.

“abby, w- wait, fuck. t- too soon,” you whimpered, but you knew abby didn’t give a shit about what you had to say. she shushed you with her hand, putting her fingers past your lips once more.

“don’t care. you’re gonna take this cock like a good fucking girl,” she emphasized the word as she thrust into you hard. “and i don’t wanna hear shit. got that?”

you nodded, and didn’t try to speak again. you just did what abby wanted you to, sucking on her long fingers to keep you occupied while she pounded into your pussy.

“clara can’t fuck you this good, can she, baby?” abby rasped as each thrust grew more ravenous, both fingers pushing deeper.

so that’s what this was all about. well, really, you figured as much. you knew clara’s behavior would somehow bite you in the ass. but now that you had abby’s words to confirm it, you couldn’t be more sure.

you did what you could to shake your head, but let’s be real. it was abby fucking anderson. speechlessness was never an answer in her books. she took her fingers out of your mouth for the last time, eager to hear you talk now.

“say it.”

“n- no, abby. s’just you. s’only you,” your tongue slurred as the words left your lips, and abby couldn’t help but get off on the way you were speaking, a smug smirk on her face.

“mmhm. only i get to fuck this pretty pussy of yours, y’hear me?” abby let out in a grunt, her drool covered hand settling onto your neck, squeezing down. she was fucking you hard, no mercy as her hips thrust aggressively, pushing herself as deep inside of you as she could possibly go.

you were more than okay with that.

“y- yes, ma’am,” you let out a groan of your own as abby rutted her hips into you, eyes locked on hers. “i’m yours. a- all yours.”

you were a whining and whimpering mess as abby gave you a nod of approval, hand gripping your neck like it was her lifeline. “that’s a good whore. mine and no one else’s.”

“how do you think days like today make me feel, huh? fucking bitch with her hands all over you, gawking at you like you’re hers. well, let me tell you somethin’,” abby snarls. she pulls out of you, tip pressed to your folds, and for a moment, you think she’s going to make you beg for her to fuck you once more. but just like that, she’s slamming back inside, going, arguably, deeper than she had before.

“she doesn’t get to have you. no one’s ever gonna fuck you this good. no one’s ever gonna love you like i do. you’re all fucking mine, like it or not. got that?”

you’re not surprised by the aggression in her tone, but, damn, is she pissed. you can feel her anger seep into your skin as she fucks you like a toy, addresses you like a doll.

and you let her.

“m’sorry, abby, m’so sorry. i know i’m yours. i’m yours, swear to god i am. m’so sorry,” you moan dumbly as she squeezes your neck.

which you’re sure will have marks to show for it tomorrow.

“i know you are, baby,” abby rasps. her hand moves from her neck to your thigh now, and she digs her fingernails into it as she slams into you. “and you fucking should be.”

and again, abby has you cumming, her name rolling off your tongue like music as, this time, it’s her cock you soak in your release. “there you go, honey. know you like when i fuck this pussy like this. that’s it,” abby whispered.

your brain was way too foggy with the aggression of this session with your girlfriend to get your words out properly.

what was is it that abby had said about making you babble again?

“f- fuck, abby. oh, fuck,” you whined, body tired from receiving your second orgasm that evening. but abby was nowhere near done with you: both of you knew that.

abby didn’t speak as she pulled herself out of you, grabbing you by the hips and flipping your body over, so that you were no longer on your back. she forced you onto all fours, your ass poking up into the air. she yanks your bottoms fully off of you from behind, underwear following, and settles her hands onto your ass.

“abby, come on, please,” you all but cry out. you’re not sure how much you can take, not when it’s so sudden, anyway. abby’s anger is slowly going away, your caring girlfriend coming back little by little. but you weren’t quite there yet.

“you’ve got one more in you, baby, i know you do,” abby says softly, and she circles her thumbs over your ass. the move is almost loving.

“and you’re gonna take it, like the good slut you are. mkay?”

like you said. almost.

you grumble, but you can’t say no. not only did you not want to, but when it came to abby, that was one of the last things on your mind. probably. . .not a good idea. so, “mkay,” is what you say in response.

“good girl. can fuck you better like this, anyway,” abby hums. she begins to take your shirt off, and you lift your arms up to help her remove you tank top. and then, who’s surprised, she unhooks your bra with ease, discarding it on the floor somewhere.

the feeling’s familiar as abby pushes inside of your aching pussy once more. you’re sore and tired, brain fucked out from abby’s belligerence. but you need her, just as much as you need the very oxygen in your lungs.

and she needs you.

as if this isn’t enough, her arms move under yours, and squeeze each of your tits. it quickly reminds you of the way clara spotted you earlier, because that was one of the very things that had caused this in the first place.

but this felt so much better.

your eyes rolled back into your head as abby rubbed hard circles into your nipples, eager and needy to get you off for the third time in a row. she knew it wouldn’t be long now. each time she fucked you like this, round after round, your orgasms came in quick successions.

literally.

abby was pushing into your g-spot once again, and the feeling of it all was almost too much. if she wanted you to babble, then she got it: because there was no other way to describe the words spilling from your lips.

“a- abby, fuck, please don’t stop. you feel s- so good, f- fuck, please.” you weren’t making any sense by now, at least not to yourself. but abby knew what you wanted.

because she knew just how to please you.

“keep moaning, baby. you sound adorable,” abby chuckled as she fucked you, hips pushing deep into a spot you didn’t even know you had. “all cockdrunk off this dick, like the whore you are. my whore.”

she just had to add that. for good measure.

“tell me how much you like it. tell me how much you like it when i pound your pussy like this.”

you were licking your lips in the neediest way as she pressed her thumbs into your tits. you couldn’t help but push yourself back into her, that fucking needy for her. “i- i love it, abby. love it so much, fuck. you fuck me so good.”

abby moved one of her hands back from your tit and onto your ass, and gave you a small spank there. “fuck, yeah, i do. never gonna get it this good from anyone else, are you, baby? not clara, not any other bitch. just me, yeah?”

“mmph, mhm,” you murmured, and, fuck, were you on the brink. of course no one else could fuck you like this. no one could fuck like this period. some days, you wished the world could see just what abby anderson had to offer.

but that would involve a hell of a lot of sharing that you didn’t want to do.

“aw, i’m fucking you dumb, huh, baby? can’t even get a word out. dumb fucking slut,” abby smirked, slapping your ass one more time, then massaging the red mark with her thumb. “who do you belong to, hm?”

abby wasn’t wrong. your brain was fogged up, cloudy as she slammed into you from the back, and you couldn’t even see as your eyes rolled back into your head for the millionth time over. your words came out messy, drunken, incoherent. “i- i b—i’m—yours, i b- belong to—to you.”

you could feel your third orgasm bubbling up inside of you as abby pounded you from the back, and she had both hands on your tits once more, gripping both of them as she thumbed at your nipples. your face was hot, your lewd moans filling the room to the brim, as abby filled you.

“f- fuck, abby, don’t stop,” you whimpered out, and you had never sounded so broken before. “g- gonna cum.”

well, that much was obvious.

abby didn’t hold you back. she encouraged you with each thrust of her hips, every one increasing in speed with each second that passed by. she was a pro at this, and she knew it.

“that’s it, honey. cum on my cock, loud, like you mean it. wanna hear you scream for me,” she said with a small grunt, and she said it like it was a demand.

you obeyed.

you were yelling your girlfriend’s name as white spilled all over the silicone that was her dick, a series of pornographic moans falling from your swollen lips. your expression was just that, too: lewd, broken, because you had never been fucked like that in your life.

for the last time, abby pulled out of you, and unsecured the harness around her torso. once she put it to the side, she couldn’t help but put her fingers to your pussy for the last time, scooping a bit of your white release onto them. you shuddered as she did so, and looked behind you, just to see her suck her fingers off.

you lay limp on the bed as abby got up to grab a small towel. gingerly, she began to wipe your body clean, beginning with your thighs. she kissed up them as she did it, and it was so, so different to the way she had been manhandling you mere seconds beforehand.

that was abby for you.

once you were both clean, abby laid down beside you, and pulled you close to her body. she put her hands on your waist, and pressed a kiss to your forehead as you snuggled into her broad chest. you didn’t even feel awkward about the fact that you were the only one naked.

if abby didn’t care, then neither did you.

“you okay, baby? wasn’t too rough with you, was i?” abby asked, her thumb circling your cheek. you smiled up at her, a rush of butterflies soaring inside your abdomen at the small rasp in the way she cooed.

“no, abs. not at all. i mean, i always knew you got jealous, but—wow,” you couldn’t help your giggle.

abby feigned annoyance by giving you an eye roll, but you could tell that she was just being playful. besides, it’s not like she could deny the fact. so she smirked. “what can i say? you just have that effect on me. besides, you have to admit—clara was way too close for comfort.”

“mmhm,” you hum.

“but maybe that was a good thing.”

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

reblogs are very much welcomed <3

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#abby anderson #abby anderson fic #abby anderson fan fiction #abby anderson smut #abby anderson tlou2 #abby anderson the last of us 2 #abby tlou #the last of us smut #wlw ns/fw #wlw smut #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x you #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson x y/n #tlou2 smut

[papayatori]

Don’t Blink!(P5)

LN4 x fem!reader

Warnings: none

Thanks again for keeping with me on this story 😁 I’ve fallen in love with it. Let me know if you have requests/questions! -Tori (i'm sorry this is out so much later than I anticipated, I got really caught up in a phone call, so I made it a little longer than it was initially was going to be...)

Life had a funny way of stringing me along recently, and after the longest week of my entire existence, Bahrain was finally here.

I had never been on a plane before, so that was quite the experience. I shook when the plane took off, to which Lando grabbed my hand for moral support. At least, that’s what I’m going to call it. It couldn’t have been anything more than that.

We eventually landed, much to my gratitude. If it weren’t for my new job, I would never fly again. I could’ve kissed the ground when we got off had it not been for my wobbly legs and self respect.

Now, we were in the hotel. All of our rooms were conveniently beside one another’s, if not directly near. Oscar and Lando had free practice today, regardless of being jetlagged more than likely. I suppose, however, they were used to this.

My room was breathtaking. It had a small balcony that I could lounge on if I desired. The room itself was a series of multiple rooms, a small main room that branched into the bedroom itself, with a mid sized bathroom to the left. Even with my freelance photography, I could’ve never afforded something like this, and I made a mental note not to think about it.

After getting myself situated, I decided to talk a walk around the hotel. I figured that if there was anything to do to pass the time, it was to get myself acquainted with my surroundings.

Opening the door, I saw Lando and Oscar walking past to their rooms beside me. I gained Lando’s attention rather quickly, taking Oscar a moment to take in what was happening.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Oscar joked. I giggled in response.

“I wonder why?” I heard Lando snort at my comment from beside Oscar, who gave me a deadpan before smiling again.

“Where are you headed?” Lando asked, head tilting to the side slightly. His gesture made my chest burn.

“Just to look around, I’ve already gotten unpacked.” I saw Oscar smile.

“Well, I’d show you around but I’ve got to unpack myself before practice, so I’ll catch up in a bit.” He reached to kiss my hand, a small gesture that had started to become more of a habit for him. I felt my cheeks redden, he’d never done it in front of anyone else, much less Oscar.

“I’ll show you around, mate. I'm sure Lando won’t mind.” He smiled after Lando was no longer in ear shot. I laughed, hoping to keep the air around us light.

I had never really spoken to Oscar outside of our conversations with Lan. He seemed wonderful, I had just never really gotten to know him. Though, he didn't exactly take long to open up to me.

“How long has that been happening?” He gave me a lopsided smile, reverting back to Lando kissing my hand. My gaze dropped to the floor, a small smile creeping upwards.

“I’m not really sure what you’re talking about, Oscar.” I tried to play it off, but the lack of eye contact told him exactly what he needed to know.

“I’m talking about you and Lando. He never stops talking about you, y/n.” His tone was playful, lighthearted; but my eyes lit up nonetheless.

“What is there to talk about?” I looked up to meet his gaze now, worried about what he was saying. I trusted Lan, I didn’t think he’d speak ill of me, but there was always a chance.

“Oh, you know, about how beautiful you are, how your smile is contagious, how you can’t stop looking at his eyes-“ I cut him off after that last bit.

“He said what?” Oscar laughed, almost toppling over. The people around us had started giving us strange looks. "Traitorous Bastard." I mumbled quietly, causing him to laugh a bit more.

“Don’t be too upset with him, I had to sit and listen to him ramble about yours at practice yesterday.” He had calmed his laughter, giving me a smirk as my face had started to give away my emotions again. “I think you should talk to him about it.”

“About my eyes?” He deadpanned.

“No, stupid. You two obviously have a thing for each other. You should probably say something before you don’t have a chance.” He was smiling, but I was not.

“You don’t genuinely think that, do you?” Oscar gave me a look that told me just about how slow he thought I was.

“I’ve had this conversation with both of you, and both of you act as if I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to love." This time, it was my turn to look at him like he was stupid. "What? I'm the one with a relationship here, and I'm willing to bet good money that I'm a better wingman than you think."

With a sigh, i gave in.

"Alright, so you're telling me that if I were to talk to Lan about my.. urm, feelings, that he would have those same sort of feelings."

Oscar's hand immediately went to his forehead with a loud groan.

"Yes! That's-" another groan followed by a small laugh, "listen, I'll help you out with it, just promise me you'll do it. I can only listen to Lando ramble for so long."

With much reluctance, I agreed, shaking Oscar's hand as if this was some business proposal rather than a simple agreement over whether or not he was going to help me with a boy.

After exchanging phone numbers and finding our way back up to our rooms, Oscar gave me a sideways hug.

"Don't worry about it too much. Just text me if you need help with the situation." At about that time, Lando had walked out of his room with a somewhat confused look on his face, which I'm assuming was directed towards the hug Oscar had just given me. He eyed Oscar warily as he walked past him, winking at me as he did so. I rolled my eyes. "I'm just going to unpack, then I'll be ready to leave."

Lando gave him a look, still untrusting, but nodded in his direction before letting him walk off and turning his attention to me.

"How was your walk?" He asked, eyeing me still. He wore an expression that I wasn't entirely sure how to read.

"It was interesting, nice hotel though." I smiled at him, hoping he would take the bait and smile back. Much to my satisfaction, he grinned back, though it didn't entirely meet his eyes.

"Well, seeing as we have nothing to do until Oscar is finished, care to join me for a few minutes?" He motioned for his hotel door with a more genuine look this time. I wasn't sure where he had been going previously, but he seemed to have forgotten all about it now.

"Lead the way, mate."

Shutting the door behind him, he gave me a look that I couldn't read, yet again. His eyes were swirling with emotion, which oddly, he was incredibly good at hiding. I sat on the little couch in his main room. His room was set up just like mine, only opposite mine. I tilted my head as he walked over to sit beside me.

"How do you think your practices are going to go?" I looked at him, not sure whether to be worried or not. He shrugged.

"It's either going to be really good, or really badly.. This really could be my season. Hell, McLaren's season for all we know. I'm just hoping it isn't completely dominant again, even if Max deserved it." I squeezed his hand this time, that must have been what he was thinking when I walked in. At least that's what I was telling myself. "I'm sure you're going to do great this season. Just don't beat yourself up over it. I have no idea what it's like to be in that position, but I do know that it is difficult to overcome hardship. I'm here for that if you need it." I smiled a small smile, looking deeply into his eyes. He chuckled lightly, breaking eye contact. "I wish it were that easy, mate; but I'll keep it in mind." I still held his hand tightly, not wanting to let it go. He had turned on the TV mindlessly watching while rubbing circles on the back of my hand idly.

The door opened, scaring both of us. Lando had stopped circling, but he hadn't let go of my hand. I looked up to see a smirking Oscar standing in the door. I made a mental note to explain what was happening later.

"I see you two are comfortable." Lando shot daggers across the room. Not only were his eyes beautiful, but they were deadly too it seemed. I wanted to smile at him, but I restrained myself. "Anyways, I'm here to collect Lando now. Zak says we're leaving." I felt Lando squeeze my hand one more time before letting go and standing up.

"Feel free to stay here if you want, we'll be gone most of the day." Oscar groaned at Lan's comment. "Free practices are boring." Oscar stated. "Maybe so, but they're useful." Lando said, walking over to the door.

As they walked out the door I couldn't help but miss the feeling of Lando's hand in mine. I missed the warmth, the safe feeling I had when he was around. I think Oscar had done something to me. I think he had implanted some sort of chemical in my brain that was causing me to feel all of this when I had met them the first time. There was no other viable explanation for my feelings. I let out an exasperated groan, falling dramatically back onto the couch in Lan's hotel room.

Without thinking about it, I let myself fall to sleep.

...

...

...

"Nah, she won't be home for a few hours.. She's watching some silly race at her parents house.. She left a few minutes ago." I heard faintly from the other room.

I was standing in the main room, I had left my phone in the house as I was leaving for my Dad's. We were going to watch the first race of the season together and I was absolutely stoked... At least until I heard what was happening in my bedroom. "Are you sure? I thought I just heard someone.." I heard a females voice ask. Was I losing my mind?

I picked up my phone off of the bar in the kitchen, realizing I must have left it there while I was getting ready and forgot about it.

"I'm sure, you're just paranoid, love."

I felt the blood rising into my face. My hands shook slightly. Without a second thought, I trudged into my bedroom to find my boyfriend with a blonde girl I had never even met before. I heard two collective gasps from the bed, one being my boyfriends. Well, I suppose now ex boyfriend. "I- y/n! I can explain I swear!" I heard him call to me, but I had already made up my mind.

"Out. Now." I murmured, deathly quiet. The two stood, gathering their clothes. "y/n-" "Go! And if I ever see your face again, I'll mess it up so badly that no female will be able to look at you long enough to fuck you again."

…

…

…

“Y/n..?” I felt a soft shake on my shoulder. “Are you okay..?” Why would anyone be asking me if I was okay? I opened my eyes, my eyes that had suddenly felt swollen shut and hard to open. I reached up to feel my face, it was puffy and wet.

Had I been crying?

I finally looked up to see Lando, who had concern written all over his face.

“y/n what the hell happened to you?” He was crouched in front of me, frantically searching my eyes for something I wasn’t even sure was there. Then I remembered the memory that I had repressed for so long, almost exactly a year now. I felt another tear roll down my face. Lando helped me sit up and sat beside me. I saw a look of remorse on his face and immediately started to worry about that too, causing more tears. As if not being able to take it any longer, he pulled me into his chest. His strong arms were wrapped gently around me, encasing me in his body. Lando was warm, he smelled like sweat, but he was warm. "I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner." He said, stroking my hair gently as I cried into his chest. "Please don't cry anymore, you have no idea how much it hurts me to see you cry, darling." I looked up at Lando, eyes watery and sad. He looked so hurt and confused. God, I couldn't even explain to him why I was crying.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled before falling back into his chest, too afraid to let him see me any longer. "You don't have anything to be sorry for, y/n. Please don't apologize to me." What he didn't realize is that I had everything to be sorry for. Not only did I fall asleep on his couch, but I had also made it inevitable that he would come back from practice, potentially upset and exhausted, finding me on his couch asleep. Somehow, it had managed to be worse than that. Without another word, he lifted my chin, not giving me another opportunity to look away. He caressed my cheek tenderly, wiping stray tears as he did so. "Who did this to you?" I saw the anger in his eyes as he asked me this, wondering who the hell had hurt someone he cared about. My heart skipped a beat as the warmth of his hand burned itself into my cheek. "It's been a year.." I managed to say softly. "..in my own bedroom." I choked, feeling the tears slide down a bit heavier now. His hand held firm, not letting me back away. My pulse radiated through my skull, beating so hard that I wasn't sure if it wouldn't explode. "Tell me everything.." He said softly, his eyes filled to the brim with anger. I nodded, doing my very best to choke out the words that I needed to. After some time, Lando had finally let go of my face. I explained everything to him, even what I had told him when I last saw him. "That's my girl." He had replied, making my heart skip probably ten beats. It was a miracle I was still living currently. We had lied there for God knows how long, just talking and crying everything out. Well, I was the only one doing the crying, but that's besides the point. I snuggled into his warmth. Despite having slept for so long, I wanted nothing more than to lay in his embrace. His touch was my comfort. I could feel every breath he took, every move he made, every beat his heart sounded. This felt better than anything I had ever felt before. Not to mention, this felt right. "Thank you, Lan. For everything." I gave him a sleepy smile, my eyes still watery and face still puffy from earlier. He gave me one in return. "Anything for you, darling." This time, I was fully awake and aware of what was happening as he bent down, kissing my forehead. Heat rose to my cheeks, and for once I was grateful for my swollen, red face. The last thing I remember was Lando's thumbs tracing circles on my arm and back, comforting me in any way possible. We lay there with each other, the only audible sound being our breaths. This bastard really knew what he was doing, didn't he?

For those of you who wanted to be tagged^^(please let me know if you would like to be tagged) @kapsylia

#don’t blink #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #formula 1 #lando norris #mclaren formula 1 #f1 x y/n #lando x reader #fanfic #formula one #ln4 x y/n #ln4 fluff #ln4 imagine #ln4 fic #ln4 #lando norris x you #lando norris x reader #lando x you

[average-vibe]

I’m Mr Loverman (and i miss my lover, man.)

Pair: Wilbur Soot x Fem!Reader

Summary: A song fic based off of ‘Mr Loverman’ by Ricky Montgomery

Genre: Angst

TW: Alcohol, stalkerish behavior, language.

AN: Hi! I realized this song would make a good fic, so here we are! I did 0 research prior to writing this, so if i misinterpret anything, please lmk and i will fix it!

I’m headed straight for the floor,

the alcohol served it’s tour.

Wilbur sat, mindlessly staring into the floor, tears rolling down his face. A week, it had been, since you had decided you’d had enough of being left on read, being ignored, and being replaced by alcohol and music. He hated himself for it. He glanced over to the empty wine and Vodka bottles that were sitting on the opposite side of the room. He shut his eyes, just wanting to go back to sleep, and dream. He knew that you were there, in his dreams, comforting him and hugging him. Making him feel alive again.

And it’s heading straight for my skin,

Leaving me daft, and dim.

Ever since he was little, Wilbur had found himself scratching his skin often, as a nervous habit. Not because he was itchy, but simply because it got rid of his nerves. Now, as a older, more mature adult, he scratches his skin, more as a coping mechanism. That, along with the alcohol, left his eyes bloodshot and his body swollen.

I’ve got this shake in my legs,

Shaking the thoughts from my head.

Wilbur sat on a barstool at the old pub he usually went to, some friend inviting him. It’s not like he wanted to be there, but hey, at least he had a distraction from his vibrating leg, always bouncing up and down, courtesy of his growing depression and anxiety. When he was home alone, all he could think about was that moment where you yelled, shouted at him, told him to get out and go.

But who put these waves in the door?

I crack and out, I pour.

The alcohol had gotten to him after a few weeks, making him hallucinogenic, seeing things that he shouldn’t have seen. Zigzags, lines, everything was blurry. He couldn’t see straight. He saw you, smiling as you did. When he woke up from the lucid dreams and nightmares, he would cry, scream at himself for not being there for you more, all while nursing a hangover.

I’m Mr Loverman,

And I miss my lover, man.

I’m Mr Loverman,

Oh, and I miss my lover.

He would go to clubs, pubs, anywhere that had a seat, people, and a drink. He would eventually gain the confidence to vent to his family, friends, anyone who would listen. How he longed for you, he’d do anything for you. He was in love with someone who didn’t even know he ever did love them.

The ways in which you talk to me,

Have me wishin I were gone.

One day, he found you, at some party, dressed in your favorite dress, your hair curled and styled, heels clicking across the floor. When he first saw you, he wanted to hide, run, wherever he could go, he wanted to be. But unfortunately, you saw him, waving him over with a smile. Hey! Wilbur!, you’d call, with a toothy smile that sent his heart leaping. Although you didn’t mean for it to hurt him, he spent that night crying, thinking about how perfect, how beautiful you were, and how he left you.

The ways in which you say my name,

Have me running on and on.

You two had exchanged numbers that night, promising to remain friends, no matter how bad it hurt Wilbur. You’d text him, Hi! He’d respond, almost heartbrokenly, Hey. You’d meet up for coffee to talk about life, how everything was going. Everytime you’d say his name, his heart would skip 3 beats. All of a sudden, the feeling he got when everything started came right back to him, hitting him hard.

Oh, I’m cramping up,

I’m cramping, up.

His heart, it’s physically hurt. Not because he was in pain, but because you hit him so hard, so unexpectedly. Your smile, your eyes. Everything about you made him hurt more and more. He knew it was wrong, he knew it was against what he wanted to do, but he couldn’t help himself.

But you’re cracking up,

You’re cracking, up.

He didn’t realize it, but he started to flinch whenever you would laugh at one of his mates jokes, a twinge of jealousy running through his system. He cursed himself for it. Why were you laughing, while he was right there, eyebrows furrowed in emotional pain. He wanted to yell, to shout, to scream at you for not noticing how angry he was. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the depression he was fighting, maybe it was just how he felt. Whatever it was, it made him relentlessly angry.

I’m Mr Loverman.

And I miss my lover, man.

He didn’t so much miss you, anymore. He just missed the love, the way you loved him. He wasn’t so much infatuated with you anymore, more so what you did. Your looks didn’t draw him in, it was the way you treated him, as if he wasn’t some douche who dumped you for alcohol and his own relief.

I’m shattered now, I’m pouring out,

Upon this linoleum ground.

There he was again, crying on the floor, wanting it all to be over. Please, let it be over. He wanted to drown in the thought of you smiling and saying yes, accepting his offer to be in a relationship again. Instead, you had shook your head, saying that you’d already seen someone. That sent him spiraling, drowning in alcohol, head swimming through various memories.

I’m reeling in, my brain again,

Before it can get back to you.

He wouldn’t tell anyone what he thought, fearful that you’d back away, thinking he was so strange for thinking the things he did. No one knew that when he said he was “Busy”, he was really sat in bed, stress taking over his body.

Oh, what am I supposed to do?

Without you.

He was lost, a goner. No one heard of him for a while, texts going into read, never a response. It was pathetic, really, how depressed he was because of you. He didn’t know what to do with himself, or how to do anything anymore. It had cut too deep, it was the last straw. He couldn’t do it, he was lost.

I’m Mr Loverman,

And I miss my lover, man.

4 months later, he finally got his life together. He moved into a easier living situation, far away from wherever you were. He got a easy job, slowly getting promoted and making more money. He became successful. He was well-known, celebrated.

But there was always a little part of him, begging for some form of a reminder of who you were.

He missed his past lover, even though she didn’t even remember him.

—

AN: THIS TOOK 3 DAYS BRO!!! AND IT STILL SUCKS!!!!

anyways have a good day :)

#wilbur soot x you #wilbur soot #wilbur soot fluff #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur #wilbur soot angst #wilbur soot fanart #wilbur soot smut #wilbur soot x yn #wilbur soot x y/n #Spotify #mr loverman #ricky montgomery #tommy x reader #tommyinnit fluff #tommyinnit x reader #tommyinnit #tommy shelby #tommy gun #tommy coolatta #dsmp fanart #wilbur fanart #post revival #cquackity #sbi fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #ao3 #ao3 writer

[courtrecord]

On twitter sometime ago you described your writing habits as something similar to my own (slow, tedious, perfectionist, compulsive, agonizing over getting the words perfect instead of editing later, etc) And you also wrote a lot of dope things like Galactic 2E and Venture that are I hope you dont mind me saying, deeply inspirational. So coming from someone who hasnt Gotten There yet I have to ask, how do you get yourself to get up and just write the damn thing already?

omg thank u so much, that means more than i can possibly say. i wish i had a better set of advice but honestly so much of my creative work is vibes and hyperfixation based, and every time i finish something i look back on it like “how the fuck did i do that”, but here are the things that work for me. they are very much based on my own particular adhd and writing hangups so ur mileage will definitely vary.

start small: i didn’t start writing ttrpgs with big projects like venture & g2e. i started with a 200 word game, then some one-pagers, then kept growing from there. @jdragsky has talked a lot about the importance of building the skill of finishing things, and small projects are a really good way of doing that. hell, even g2e only exists bc i started with the smaller project of galactic, then went back to it a year later to build on it again.

share as u go: when i started working on bigger games, and this year as i’ve been working on longer fics, friends to share screenshots of my wip have been invaluable. that way i can get the immediate validation of someone reading my thing and giving feedback without feeling like i need to Publish it yet. biggest shoutout in the world to my friends who tolerate my writing nonsense.

write in chunks: this is kind of the combination of those first two points. bob games are big piles of little lists. i tend to write fic in short, impactful scenes. i have a wip that’s an sbr game, which is a big pile of little advances. that way, i am constantly getting that feeling of accomplishment when i write something. i can agonize over word choice and vibes and editing but then i actually get to a stopping point, where i like that little bit enough to move on to the next one. it seems crazy looking back that i wrote 36 places & 36 traits for g2e, but i didn’t just sit down and knock them all out. i wrote a few, sent them to some friends, then i wrote a few more. u know?

don’t force it: sometimes, the vibe just isn’t there. sometimes, u spend a year doing barely any writing or game design bc there’s a pandemic and ur brain doesn’t work anymore. etc. i’ve thought a lot the past few years about the difference btwn the feeling of wanting to write bc i want to write the thing, and the feeling of wanting to write bc i like the idea of being the person who wrote the thing. when i realize i’m in that second mindset, i go and think about something else. bc no good writing comes from that (at least ime)

find what u like: this is kinda related to the one above, but it’s another thing i’ve been thinking about lately. i spent a lot of time when i was younger assuming that bc i like writing, i had to write a novel, bc that’s what writers do. i would try to follow writing advice made for people who simply aren’t me. “writers must learn to use description sparingly” lol way ahead of u. that kinda thing. realizing that i love writing fanfiction for its transformativity, and i love writing dialogue bc it’s what i’m good at, was a huge revelation. i can just do that. i don’t have to follow the regular writer mold when i can just write really fucking good dialogue-heavy fanfiction. and in that realization, i’ve been able to grow as a writer by gaining the ability to write things down that i’m happy with, and grow from there.

prescription adderall: i told u this list was a mess. this one has kinda been crucial for me. i realized i had adhd in my first year of college in 2017 and started taking adderall for my second year of college in mid-2018. i started churning out creative projects in 2019. coincidence? absolutely not oh my god are u kidding

#<333 #i can’t figure out how to put a ‘read more’ thing in on mobile but this isn’t like.. That long right? it’s fine #writing #bumbleeaintme #look people talk to me

[ariadnes-red-thread]

Congratulations on the 150 🥳 you deserve it! "Bad Habits" lives rent free in my head (Fives 😮‍💨) and I recently reread "In His Sights" (now that I'm back in my Crosshair era) and the feelings are just 🤌.

Can we get either “I will never get enough of you.” for Fives or “You can do better than that.” for Crosshair and afab reader?

Thank you, can't wait to read everything you come up with!!

Hiiii Zwei! Thank you so much for celebrating with me! You're so sweet, I'm so glad my writing resonated with you. That has honestly been the wildest part of being on here - not only are other people reading and enjoying my writing, but so many of you are badass writers like yourself, and I'm just "...you like MY writing?" 🥺

I decided to write the Fives prompt, but TBH, I actually started the Crosshair prompt, too, because I LOVE the line you chose for him. I need more time to sit with that idea, though, and you've already been so patient. So thank you for celebrating with me. Here's a little Fives spiciness, and maybe keep your eye out for Crosshair down the line!

Pairing: Fives x F!Reader

Warnings/Tags: NSFT *Minors DNI*, Established relationship, Teasing, Fingering, Oral (female receiving), Public play, Explicit consent

Word Count: 1.2k

One of the best things about dating Fives, aside from everything about him, was how you instantly gained a whole gang of brothers who loved you nearly as much as he did when they saw you were good for him and that he was serious about you.

Fives, however, hated it, or so he liked to say. The weighest, most dramatic sighs would leave his lips when you and Kix would tag team to roast him, or when the punchline of yours and Jesse’s elaborate pranks would finally land. Still, he would always hug you a little harder and smile a little wider afterward.

He also never hesitated to give it back to you, like he was right now. As retribution for you and Kix dragging his choice of candles during his last “secret” spa night, he had just revealed to his brothers that your sense of direction was so bad that you had once gotten lost in your own apartment building six years after moving in.

“I’ve had about enough of your nonsense.” You wagged your finger at Fives, in between bouts of bellyaching laughter.

He pretended to snap at it. You jerked your hand back to your core, clutching it to your heart in mock offense. Fives let out a full laugh as his arm snaked around your shoulder, and he pulled you into his chest. You leaned against the broad frame of your handsome boyfriend as you turned back to face his brothers. Jesse, Kix, and Tup watched you both with grins on their faces.

“Now they’re just getting gross.” Jesse shook his head as he elbowed Tup.  

“Jealousy is a bad look, Jesse.” Fives snorted.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jesse waved him off before he stood and stretched. He cast his eyes out over the rest of the club. “Only thing I’m jealous of is that full drink in front of you. Tup, Kix, let’s get another round and try our luck on the dance floor.”

Kix smirked as he rose to his feet. You watched as his eyes sifted through the crowd until they found the cute woman you'd noticed Kix trade glances with all night. She felt his look right away, her eyes lifting from the friend she was talking to and meeting his, bringing a shy smile to her pretty face and a flush to her cheeks. She quickly glanced back down at her drink before tilting her look back up again and watching Kix through hooded eyes. Kix’s cool smile never flickered. He turned back to your table with the same cool, confident smirk.

“Someday, you’ll learn, Jess.” Kix patted his brother on the shoulder. “Luck’s got nothing to do with it.”

Kix began an unhurried walk toward the woman. Jesse frowned as he followed his brother’s look. Then, he cursed under his breath as he moved to trail behind Kix. 

Tup chuckled to himself as he watched them go. 

“You can hang out, Tup.” You smiled at the remaining clone, “Promise we’re not that gross.”

“Someone’s got to keep an eye on Jesse.” He shrugged as he reached up for his hair tie. “Besides, he doesn’t remember, but it’s his turn to be wingman tonight. He owes me one.”

Tup winked at you and Fives as his dark curls fell over his shoulders. Then, with a quiet swagger, he followed his brothers’ path to the bar.

“Go easy on ‘em, you rancor.” Fives called out. Then he turned to you with shining eyes. "Just the two of us now."

He dug his finger into the flesh just above your knee. Slowly and without releasing pressure, he dragged his calloused fingertips up the inside of your leg until he found the most inner crease of your thigh.

“What are you up to?” You flashed a cheeky smile at your boyfriend, despite the stirring feeling that suddenly appeared in the pit of your stomach.

“Oh, you know," Fives' eyes flashed darkly at you. Beneath the table, his touch crept underneath your panties to find your already pooling entrance. "Nonsense."

It wasn't the first time you'd played in public, but this was certainly the most exposed you'd ever been. Your eyes scanned the crowd, but no one was looking into your dark corner booth. Their attention was on their own affairs.

Fives waited until you turned back to him, his eyes locking on yours. You knew what he was waiting for.

“Don't stop." You finally spoke, the words more choked than you'd expected them to be.

Two broad fingers slowly breached you, the slow friction making you dizzy with the sudden pleasure. Your head fell to his neck as he began to thrust, pulling heavy breath from you with every motion. You began to grind into his palm, unconsciously searching for more friction.

Then his hand disappeared from underneath your panties. When you looked back up at him, his fingertips had found their way up his grinning lips. He popped his fingers between them, winking at you as he cleaned them of your juices. He pulled it from his mouth with a pop before he hungrily leaned in to capture you in a furious kiss. You could taste yourself on his tongue, mixed with the headyness of his kiss, and the liquor from your drinks. The slick between your legs grew. 

Finally, he broke the kiss, and as he pulled away, he lifted his arm from your shoulder. With a sideways smile and a surprising amount of stealth for still wearing the lower half of his armor, Fives dropped to the floor and disappeared underneath the tablecloth. You quickly felt his hot breath on your knees.  

“But I thought you’d had enough of my nonsense?” Fives' voice was cheeky and raised just enough so you could hear him above the din. He spread your legs apart, his eagerness clear in his speed and strength.

You started to say something when a finger slid back inside of you, stopping the words on your lips. Instead, you let out a small whine. You quickly scanned the crowd again. Still, no one was paying attention to your dark corner.

Fives pressed a kiss to the inside of your knee and smiled against your skin, bringing your attention back where it belonged. He slowly kissed a soft line up your thigh, tracing the path his fingers had taken earlier. At the same time, he began to drag his finger in and out of you, hooking it as he moved, alternating between spreading you open and reaching your sensitive spongey spot. Then, his teeth nipped your inner thigh as his head reached your center. He pulled your panties to the side with his free hand. You held your breath. The neon lights flashed around you, adding to the intoxicating feeling of the moment. On the dancefloor, the music began to crescendo. A second finger breached you. Then, his broad tongue found your clit. You had to bite your lip to stifle a moan. Your hand fell and found purchase in his hair. The pressure spurred him on as he began to dance over your sensitive nub, sending wave after wave to your core.

“I will never get enough of you.” You let out a breathy sigh as your head fell back into the cushion of the booth. Bliss followed soon after.

#fives x reader #fives x you #arc trooper fives #tcw fives #tcw fives smut #fives x you smut #tcw #the clone wars #fives #star wars #clone wars #the clone wars smut #nsft #aria's 150 followers celebration #ariadnesredthread 150 follower celebration

[thewritetofreespeech]

Could I request Mori (Bungou Stray Dogs) with a beautiful daughter who gets kidnapped by an enemy group who's leader wants to marry her because of her powerful ability and good looks?

“Do you honestly think this will work?” You ask in a dull tone to your would-be kidnapper. Sitting on the ground with your hands behind your back. “This isn’t some medieval children’s story. You can’t just kidnap me and expect me to marry you.”

The man sucked on his teeth. Another disgusting quality and habit of his, which was why you would never marry him. Besides the kidnapping. “Still as stubborn as ever. But that only makes me want you more. Your steadfastness is something I admire! Not something I want to take away from you.”

“Just my freedom.” You quip before moving your hands to try and loosen the ropes again. “You really should let me go.”

“Not until the priest gets here and we’re married!”

You sigh. “No priest is going to marry two people, one of whom is tied up, unless he’s a very bad priest.” The disgusting smirk on the man’s face told you that he was a bad priest. “Why do you want to marry me anyway?”

“Why?? Because I’m in love with you!” An odd thing to say for two people who had only ever met a handful of times and spoken to one another even less. “Your beauty! Your ability! Your confidence! I love it all! With you by my side, nothing will stop us! My organization will topple that even of the Port Mafia! Assuming we don’t inherit what remains from your father.”

You sigh again. ‘Of course’. It wasn’t about you. It was just about your looks and your ability again. Or worse yet your father. People only ever seemed to see you as a means to an end. Except those ‘bad people’ in the Port Mafia that treated you like actual family.

You weren’t naïve. You knew that they weren’t good people. But that also didn’t necessarily make them bad. Especially when it came to one of their own.

“You really should have let me go….”

The man seemed confused by your remark, but then gained a look of terror when the back wall of his terrible little bad guy hideout was ripped off. The crumbled piece of wall float in the air before they rain down on your kidnapper and his men like hail. Kicking up a horrible amount of dust and other debris before it finally settled. “Are you alright [Y/N]-sama?!”

You cough a few times due to the dust, but still nod at Chuuya. “Yes. I’m fine.” The young man rushed over and untied your hands. Helping you to your feet. “How did you find me so quickly?”

“The boss told us where to find you. Apparently he has your phone tracked.”

“Of course he does.” You make a mental note to get a new one. “Is he with you?”

“He…thought it would be best if he stayed back at headquarters. He didn’t trust himself to not take things too far, where you’re concerned.”

“He’s probably right.” If your father was here, you’d be here all night while he tortured the kidnappers for their crimes. Again, not bad people but not good people either.

“Please let me escort you back to headquarters [Y/N]-sama.” Chuuya interjected. “The boss is eager for you to get home safe. And I’m sure he’ll want to make sure you’re looked over by a doctor.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary.” You tell Chuuya as you head in the direction you assume the car was in. “They didn’t actually hurt me. Just annoyed me more than anything. I couldn’t have gotten out on my own in a bit you know.” As you reach the care and grab the handle, you pause and ask, “was he really that worried about me?”

“I’ve never seen him so upset, [Y/N]-sama.”

You smile a little to yourself and then get in the car. Chuuya gets in the front with the driver, leaving the full back to yourself. ‘Harrowing’ wasn’t really the word you would call this evening, but it was certainly stressful. Your father might not be a good man, but he did love you clearly. Once you were home he would be sure to cry all over you when you got through the door. You smiled a little as you try to get yourself ready for that.

#;ask and ye shall receive (request answers) #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs imagines #bungo stray dogs scenarios #bsd imagines #bsd scenarios #chuya nakahara #ogai mori #imagine #scenarios

[theladyofbloodshed]

inspired by this post, i love the idea of nesta gaining weight after her recovery and her s/o (eris, azriel, or cassian whoever it may be) being absolutely in love and obsessed with her weight gain.

Awwww I loved this prompt. I've set it as if Nesta and Eris are married in the future.

‘I’ve gained weight.’

Nesta turned in front of the mirror, examining the cut of her grey dress on her body. The sleeves were tighter on her upper arms, her collar bones no longer protruded beneath the skin, and when she sat, her stomach had rolls. Multiple.

Eris came to stand behind her, hands resting on her shoulders.

‘You only ate a meal if I stood and watched you when you first came here,’ he reminded her.

That was true. She had lived through poverty then depression. Nesta starved herself as a punishment some days. Other days it was less of a punishment, more because she couldn’t muster the energy to get out of bed and feed herself. Eris had put her on a regimented plan that slowly built up the number of meals she ate every day and increased the size until it became a habit to dine together for all three. Then Nesta found that she enjoyed eating. Meals became a social activity filled with friends and laughter. Wherever Eris went, he brought her home sugary treats too.

‘I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been.’

He turned her from the mirror to face him. His brows drew into a frown. ‘Are you unhappy about that?’

‘Yes. No. I don’t know. Stop feeding me so much cake. I won’t fit in my clothes.’

‘But you love cake. I’ll buy you more clothes.’

When they readied for bed, his amber eyes canvassed the pale skin of her body on display with desire. Nesta was conscious of the gain in her weight. It had steadily arrived, but only now could she notice the changes in her body. She was softer around the edges, no longer prickly bone. Her breasts had gotten larger and they’d become a cushion to her friend’s baby whenever Nesta got her hands on him. She used to feel the cold terribly, but it wasn’t as bad anymore.

Nesta rejected Eris’ advances when he’d tried to touch her, preferring to curl onto her side in the bed than let him remove her shift so she was naked. His body pressed behind hers on the mattress. A hand spread along her thigh.

‘It has stretch-marks, now. Not just there but on my stomach too. And my hips.’

‘They’re natural.’

‘I hate them.’

‘They will fade. Let me kiss them.’

Nesta wiggled closer to him, to stop him, and was met with a kiss on the back of her neck instead. ‘I wouldn’t mind if I was carrying a child, but I’m carrying dessert. Why do you let me eat pudding after every meal?’

Eris chuckled in the darkness. ‘Because you are so delightfully happy each time the servants present the evening’s pudding – and I rather like not being your enemy.’ He kissed her again, this time on her shoulder. ‘You’d accept a changing body to bring a child into the world so why won’t you accept a changing body because you’re happier now?’

And she was happier. Life as Eris’ wife was happier than anything she could have imagined when she was turned fae. Every day, he made her laugh. Every day, he’d dance with her or take her out for adventures, showing her new places in Prythian. They visited new towns, tried new foods, met new friends.

‘I don’t know. I’m heavier now.’

‘Does it change who you are?’ Another kiss to her spine. ‘You are still the same brave, clever female who runs rings around stiff council members with your charming wit. Only now, your eyes aren’t ringed with shadow, your cheeks aren’t hollow and you can sit on my lap without stabbing me.’ Eris trailed kisses down her arm. ‘I see a female of blood and milk.’

‘You don’t mind that I’m heavier?’

His hand settled on her stomach. It was an involuntary move to breathe in, as if to somehow trick him that she didn’t have a belly. ‘My wife is happy and healthy which makes me a happy husband.’

Only in the darkness could she give a voice to her niggling fear. ‘You still like my body?’

Eris made a sort of growl in the back of his throat and pressed his body to hers so Nesta could feel exactly how much he liked her body. ‘I love all of your body. I did before and I do now. I love you even more because you’re happier. If I had it my way, you’d be naked and on top of me right now.’ A hand gripped her thigh, squeezing gently. ‘This is mine. I would kiss all of you from head to toe then toe to head until the sun rose.’

#neris #acotar snippet

[melodyofthevoid]

"When did i lose you?"

(Don't mind this, just trying to do some more stuff with my ocs. anyways)

It was… unfortunate that Arran got involved. Unfortunate, but not entirely unexpected. Even Alexander had to concede that his behavior as of late would catch the Montalan prince’s attention. He always had a habit of nosing into others’ business when it suited him. And Alexander might have snapped more than he should have at mentions of Felix. Gotten too defensive. Been too tired to notice how his own reflection sometimes stared back at him even when he wasn’t in his study. 

But no matter. It was fine. 

A small bump in the road that he dealt with, and Arran wouldn’t be a problem again. Not he’d hurt him in any way. A small forgetfulness spell, just to keep him from asking any further questions or spilling his secrets. A tidy solution. 

Although given that it required magic, Arran needed to be cursed in private, and thus, his study filled the role once more. 

Now more than a little dazed, Arran blinked at him with grayed eyes. Mind searching for an answer that it could no longer provide. 

“Are you feeling alright, Arran? You don’t seem to be listening.”

“Yes,” he responded after some time, “I- I feel like I’ve forgotten something. I can’t… I can’t remember.” 

“Maybe after some food it’ll come to you. If not, it probably wasn’t that important.” 

Arran nodded, brow furrowed as he stepped towards the door and away from the mirror. No desperate cries followed him, no attempts to break through or pleas to his better nature, which came as some relief. The strain of that spell certainly didn’t do his body any favors as of now, though it was nothing that some rest and food could not fix. Hiding that pain from Arran even for a moment pushed him to his limits. 

As Alexander winced and ground his teeth at the surge of stinging nothing that forced his hand to twitch and clench, he relished in the small swell of satisfaction that Felix got it through his head. That his role and place belonged to Alexander now, as it should be. His twin’s attempts at escape were futile, and now Alexander could enjoy his victory. 

Already images of rolls and savory pies danced in his head, images so vivid he could practically taste them.  With a nice long soak in a tub to relieve the aches and so on, this day had the potential to be truly amazing-

“…when…” 

A noise more of a breeze than a voice barely rose over the creak of the door. Alexander scowled. Of course he spoke too soon. 

“When did… when did I lose you?” 

The retort sat ready and waiting on his tongue, the same answer as he’d given Felix a thousand times before. He turned, ready to put him in his place. 

Then he froze. 

Felix’s form in the glass stood still and unmoving, hazy around the edges as if Alexander had forgotten to clean his glasses. Out of focus. In his eyes there was simply nothing at all. Only an emptiness that stared straight through Alexander. Devoid of light, of hope. 

“…I… I’m…” 

The thought never concluded, trailing off into nothing. As if Felix didn’t want him to hear. Or forgot what he was about to say. 

Alexander fled left the room as his stomach turned in revulsion. Mind racing to make sense of what he saw. What remained of Felix. What he’d done to Felix. 

No, no, no- Alexander shook his head, letting out a shuddering breath as he pushed the image from his mind. Banished the creeping dread and mix of emotions that weighed on his shoulders. Yet- yet each time it came back, even as he shut the door to his room. Even as he covered every reflective surface in sight. Even then he still felt those eyes on him. Condemning him. Condemned themselves to a fate- 

No. It was an act. It was an act. A ploy to gain his sympathies and nothing more. From now on he’d focus on the future. Leave that study behind. After all, once he ascended to the throne his personal accommodations would stretch beyond what that small study offered him. 

Eventually he’d forget what remained in there. Eventually it’d be nothing at all. 

And it was fine. 

#fading reflections #my writing #melody rambles

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

disordered eating things

today i survived my second therapy appointment--this was the first one focused on my food issues. my therapist (who’s still training, she’s technically not a therapist yet) has no experience working with eating disorders, so she did research on ARFID at my request before this second visit. 

so she asked me questions today, then more follow-up ones, and then told me that while she will be consulting other experts and she definitely wants to help me with my food habits that are concerning, i don’t fit the diagnostic criteria of ARFID as she understands them because...i’m fat. 

she didn’t phrase it that way, but that was the essence of it, because according to her understanding of what she’s reading, a diagnosis requires significant weight loss, severe nutritional issues, or otherwise suffering things like being unable to get out of bed or using a feeding tube. 

(she tried to explain it with a comparison using anorexia, but it still didn’t make sense to me because it seemed to be implying that someone whose behavior is anorexic who still ‘functions’ in their life despite their symptoms wouldn’t be considered anorexic. and when i asked for clarity about that, she said that no, they would be--which still leaves me wondering how i could then have symptoms but not be disordered technically due to my weight or my health problems being not bad enough.)

i pushed back against everything she said that i didn’t understand, or that didn’t match my knowledge of ARFID--it can be a struggle for me to stay focused and stand up for myself with medical professionals but i’m trying really hard in this case. and since i know lots of people with disordered eating have trouble getting help when they’re fat, i was aware this might happen, so it was important to me to clarify how negatively and severely my life is impacted by my food struggles. 

(also i’ve lost nearly 40 pounds in less than a year without any exercise because my eating has gotten so much worse, and i just learned i have a major zinc deficiency after i had to take supplements for years to fix a B deficiency that got so bad i couldn’t walk. so i even have the health effects she was talking about. i’m just not dangerously thin, and am therefore regarded as not-disordered.)

in a month, i’ll see her again in person and see what further insight she’s gained from her colleagues. i won’t be shocked if the anti-fat bias in my healthcare system means she concludes that i don’t have an eating disorder, even as my ‘safe foods’ keep growing more restricted and right now i’m surviving on mostly toast, mac & cheese, fries and popcorn. 

the good news is that she does mean well and we get along okay, so she’s listened thus far and understands me as well as any non-autistic, non-experienced-with-spectrum-folks therapist can. i just may not get a diagnosis unless someday i can access one of the very few places/professionals that’s experienced with ARFID and knows the nuances in how it can affect people.

most likely in the meantime she’ll be helping me with the psychological side of my food issues without the label, and she knows i want guidance on how to find help with the physical stuff that isn’t her area. i know i can’t fix this on my own, and at least i’m trying to navigate a really complicated system despite how frustrating it is. i always feel great relief when i’m done with an appointment, but i also feel hopeful about this. so that’s nice.

#arfid #general eating disorder mention #tw disordered eating #life stuff #mental health #autistic

[whentherewerebicycles]

good morning! I felt pretty lousy all week but I feel so much better now—I think in retrospect I was bracing myself for something going wrong with the ultrasounds and delaying me another month. but I did the IUI yesterday and everything went well. I always feel most at peace right after the IUI because the timing is now out of my hands but I’m also still far enough from testing that I don’t feel too much anxiety about it. I’ve tentatively decided I won’t test at two weeks but will just wait for my period to come or not come. I am going to try not to calendar watch—luckily my days are a lot busier now that liz is here, school is starting, and I’m doing choir and voice lessons, so I hope the time won’t drag as much as it did last winter/spring. I’m also going to try to eat really well and will make it a fun meal planning game.

here are my goals for the next two weeks:

walk for 45-60 minutes every day (I’ve been slipping a little as things have gotten busier but I want to carve out time for it again esp while the weather is still so gorgeous)

no (or minimal) processed sugar

eat leafy dark greens every day—the easiest way to do this is to sauté big handfuls of frozen spinach with garlic and red pepper flakes and eat it as a little snack. so I will do that (but will also try to incorporate greens into my cooking).

try making beetroot juice lol apparently it’s very good for implantation in IVF cycles so might as well try it

really focus on whole food plant-based eating (although I am also eating eggs and full-fat dairy at the moment so not vegan)

don’t snack at work—people are always bringing in candy or pizza or treats which is nice but I can really mindlessly graze if it’s easily accessible. I’ll try chewing gum and/or making tea instead

hmm ok what else what else. choir was fine and then I had a great voice lesson yesterday. my teacher is a little eccentric but what person in a music career isn’t lol. she focuses a lot on helping you understand and manipulate the actual bodily mechanics of singing/sound production and I’m finding it really fascinating, so much so that it might be my next research rabbithole. I feel like she’s also good at identifying places where I’ve formed a very fixed rigid idea about what my voice “is” or is capable of doing, then creating exercises that get me to do the thing I thought I couldn’t without realizing I’m doing it. I think what I like most about the bodily-mechanics approach is that it does away with the idea that good singing is just a thing some people can naturally do and others can’t. it’s much closer to being an athlete! you have to strengthen and condition certain tiny muscles, and then through carefully scaffolded drills you develop a fine-grained ability to manipulate certain muscles and ligaments to produce different effects, and you have to be careful about using good technique when you train and perform (because like in sports, people develop bad habits to compensate for real or perceived weaknesses, which can put them at higher risk for injury). I sang for almost two decades and had 10+ years of formal vocal training as a kid/teen and I don’t know if anyone ever presented it to me in that way… or maybe they did but it didn’t click for me back then because I hadn’t yet done all of this reading and thinking about how people learn/improve/gain expertise in their chosen skills or fields. anyway I was originally thinking I’d just do a handful of voice lessons to help me feel more confident in choir but my interest is PIQUED you know my intellect is ENGAGED I think I might want to add weekly voice lessons to my budget. and I want to read everything out there on the subject lol. there is no greater joy for me than working in a focused way on improving at a skill.

okay and now let’s think about the day… here are some things I want to get done:

order peel and stick wallpaper (I am trying to figure out how to fix

plan meals

grocery shop

put laundry away

do old navy + everlane returns

swing by home depot to pick up soil, two paintbrushes, and paint (bring swatches to color match)

hourlong walk maybe on the paved trail

hammock reading in the park??

[finnpinefall]

Wren Ch. 1

Ah fuck, midday already?

Rich had developed the habit of passing out on the east side of the road, so the buildings would keep the sun from waking him up for as long as possible. More time asleep meant less time hungover.

Nope, there’s The Old Ox. I didn’t even make it ten yards before passing out. Can’t be past ten. Well, at least I’m in one piece and I’ve still got—

Rich’s heart skipped a beat. His sword was gone, not even the sheath was still there. He felt a twang of pain and his hand reflexively jolted to the back of his head, dried blood. And pain. A lot of pain. He ran back towards the tavern and found the door locked. He knocked hard, there was no response.

“Dammit! Mags I know you’re in there!”

“Fuck off! We’re closed.” Replied a voice from inside the building.

“I need to talk to you! If you don’t open the door, I’ll have to find somewhere else to drink.”.

There was the sound of footsteps approaching the door, “Whaddya want, Rich?” She opened it halfway, blocking the opening with her body. “You know we’re not open til sundown.” “I need to ask some questions about what happened last night.”

“You got attacked.”

“Yeah I need to know by who.”

“Rich, you know that I don’t discuss my customers with anyone, not even my best one. Isn’t that why you drink here?”

“It’s important.”

Mags slowly started to close the door. “It’s always important to some— shit!” She withdrew her hand from the door handle, with mild burn marks on it. “Alright, bastard, it must be important if you’re using magic for it.” She pushed the door the rest of the way open, being careful to not touch the handle. “Follow me.”

That could have gone a lot worse for me. At least it only cost me a day, not a day and a beating. And one I’d earned too. Rich didn’t know it, but he’d gained a single new gray hair with his trick.

He followed her inside. The tavern was different during the day. There were no people, that’s to be expected, but it also seemed less miserable. Then again, when he drank there the other customers never seemed as miserable as he was. He didn’t want to think about what that might mean about him. They walked towards the back of the room. Halfway through, Rich noticed a faint smell of burning wood. Shit! He thought, and extinguished the beginning of a fire started by his heating of the door handle. There goes another couple days.

Once they got through the back door into her office, she took a seat on the far side of a desk that was remarkably ornate, given the rest of the tavern. “Sit,” she said, and she gestured towards a chair. Rich sat.

“So what could possibly be so urgent that you’d sacrifice time for it?” she asked, “I saw you passed out down the street when I locked up early this morning, you can’t have gotten in that much trouble since then.”

“My sword’s gone. Stolen, I think. There’s dried blood on the back of my head, I must’ve been attacked for it.”

“What’s so bad about that? Sure it’ll be expensive to replace, but I’ve seen how much you drink in a night, and you never leave with an open tab. You can afford it.”

“It’s enchanted.”

“By you?”

“Yeah”

“Shit. It’ll hurt business if you die. Why’d you enchant it anyway? I know you don’t like to take risks. And enchanting something is a huge risk. All it takes is tripping with it in your hands, and you’re dead.”

“I’d prefer not to talk about it. Can we get back on topic?”

“Fine. What do you need from me?”

“If you could tell me anything you know about my attacker, it’d be a start.”

“I already told you I don’t discuss my customers.”

“I’ll start drinking somewhere else then. You just said it’ll hurt business if I stop drinking here.”

“I said it’d hurt business, not run me out of business. And you may not believe it, but a large part of my success is because of my policy.”

“Fine. I’ll make a donation to the business then. So large you could buy every building nearby and make the largest bar anyone has ever seen.”

“Now I’m interested. I’ll tell you what I know, but I’m not sure how much help it’ll be.

“Try.”

“I think someone might’ve been following you. She came in not long after you, and was watching you all night. As soon as you were out the door she paid her tab and left.”

“What did she look like?”

“Auburn hair and brown eyes, maybe five and a half feet tall. Covered in either dirt or shit, like most of the people who come in here. She looked like she came straight from one of the villages, except her clothes. Had a red cloak, over a white tunic. I’ve never known the villagers to wear white, too hard to maintain, stains show too easily. She could’ve stolen that from someone else before she stole your sword. I assume she’s not an ex-lover?”

“Maybe she was planning on stealing it and selling it, you know, help her family with the extra gold. What was she doing?”

“She spent the night moving from table to table, making conversation and drinking everyone else under the table. She seemed to be a happy drunk though, everyone’s best friend the drunker she got. She seemed pretty clear headed when it came time to pay her tab though, as if she hadn’t been drinking at all. I did think it was odd, but you know me. I don’t question my customers.”

“How did she react when you told her the tab? If she’s drinking that much, she probably isn’t motivated by profit.”

“She didn’t even flinch. Just paid it like it was nothing to her, and then went outside, and I assume had her run-in with you.”

“So we’ve got a peasant who spends like a king, stalking me, and stealing my sword. The only thing I can think of is a shape changer, but I’ve never heard of them doing anything like this. I’ve got to go talk to someone. Thanks for your help.”

“Just don’t die. I can’t afford to lose your business.”

Continue reading here: https://www.finnpinefall.com/271_ch-2

#writeblr #writing #original writing #fantasy #fiction

[yanderederere]

Oh, my loves

All I can think and feel, is what a nice morning.

I was so tired when Josh’s alarm went off but not so much that I’d be back asleep instantly so I was pretending. But Josh was kind of sweet this morning, it’s been a long time since he treated me like that, without even saying anything to provoke that type of behaviour. He gave me nice cuddles this morning, I know that sounds basic but it was different from usual as in, he got me all wrapped me up in his arms like he actually cared about me. Then, he was so patient with waking me up but before he did I’m not sure why but he propped his face on my shoulder while I lay on my side curled up in the fetal position and just looked at me for a good 15 seconds I have no idea why though. He then woke me up in the way I like to be; gently and followed by cuddles. It was the small details that stood out to me the most, that made me feel cared for like the gentle whisper to tell me it’s time to wake up, or combing the top of my hair while I’m asleep, cuddling me back after being woken up because he knows I’m not a morning person, being patient with me even though he’s running late - then considering Uber because it was so hard to wake me but the truth is even though I was so tired I didn’t get up because I wanted him to keep treating me like that.

it felt good driving back home. I’ve gained a lot of clarity in what I want, what I want for my baby and the family I long to have of my own. I’m gonna do things differently, my way. By quitting vaping and refusing to give into temptation and bad habits that have gotten me to the place I’m at mentally, physically and emotionally. I will start treating myself like someone I care about and give myself all the love that was spoiled by others. I wasn’t anxious or overthinking anything on my way home, I actually was at peace with everything; letting Josh go - giving up being taking advantage of for so long and it makes sense we’ve been in eachothers faces for the longest time now that it was kinda bound to happen. But I was thinking about what is required in order to have the future I want… we need some space to work on ourselves, I need to get my self esteem and confidence back by giving back to myself - self respect/self love all the things to rebuild my sense of worth again because It’s been damaged for a long time now. I need to do things differently to ensure that I am respected and considered in this relationship. And no more of this immature manipulative nonsense. But a lot of this depends on Josh and wether he wants to work on the issues he carries with him because I won’t be with him if he doesn’t or can’t see that the things he’s done in and out of our relationship aren’t normal and I’ve learnt enough to know that he is still very unhealed. So for me, indifference is the key I’d say to releasing this anxiousness. But I know I can do it, I can make it on my own if things don’t go as planned, at least I can say I tried.

I do love Josh, enough that if both of us are willing to put in the work I’ll give us a try. And I love myself enough to know what I deserve and I do.

Xo

#deep thoughts #emotions #venting #foodforthought #psychology #thoughts #opinion #writing #sadnees #relationship #hopefully #manifesting #sunrise #good morning #self love #love #i love you #my love #my baby #future #meditation

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

#ACLA24 #ACLA24Leaders #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental justice #environment protection #environmental health #Youtube

[theblackwomb]

The Nine Delights

I’ve had a really trying couple of weeks but the clouds are lifting today so I’m going to post about The Nine Delights and how they’ve improved my life.

The long and short of it is that I saw these as a concept online late last year and when I realised how well they chimed with some of my own self-improvement intentions for the immediate future, I decided to try living by the Delights as New Year’s Resolutions of a sort, thinking that if I at least tried to experience some of them each day then that would still be a net positive, even if I didn’t stick rigidly to it.

So far, it’s working beautifully!

Walking Around I decided that I just wanted to move my body more in general whether that be purposeful exercise or just literal walking around.

Fellowship I am notoriously bad for keeping in touch with people, especially long distance, so I decided to purposefully reach out to my friends much more often.

Deliciousness As well as moving more, I wanted to improve and expand my diet but honestly, just cooking and enjoying the experience counts for this one. 

Transcendence  I’d gotten into a bit of a depression spiral and wasn’t taking as good care of myself as I might so I decided this one would centre on self-care and self-love. 

Goofing I also hadn’t been reading nearly as much as usual or as much as I’d like so that’s been my main focus, although just generally consuming good media counts for this. Like, actually watching new shows and good films and not just vegging out in front of The Office for the 70th time. 

Amelioration  This one I defined as general learning and self-improvement but I also work in a very specialised field where professional development and networking is really important so any time I make the effort to do more of that counts toward this. 

Coitus  This one is fairly straight forward and is the only one I haven’t managed to do consistently. I decided that general self-exploration counted though and I’ve tentatively come to the conclusion that I’m some degree of ace/aro so that’s still a net positive!

Enthrallment This one has been similar to Amelioration thus far. I decided it would pertain to serious focused job-hunting and similar endeavours but now that I have the bitchin’ job I want, I’m thinking about reimagining things. 

Wildcard  In the original tweet, this was literally just a wildcard option but I decided it would be defined as any time I managed to be less of a wildcard in terms of my mental health. I’d a terrible habit of keeping things all bottled up until I exploded so I’ve made more of an effort to voice my feelings and deal with them in healthier ways. 

I’ve stuck to it so far and gained such a sense of accomplishment - there have been many times that, even after a really bad day, I think about it and realise I’ve actually experienced like 7-8 of the Nine Delights along the way and it instantly makes me feel better.

And again, you don’t even have to experience all of them, just as many as you’re able! Many has been the day that ‘Transcendence’ was just brushing my teeth or washing my face or ‘Amelioration’ was just messing around on Twitter for five minutes liking a few profession-related tweets. 

Like, these are just my personal definitions  - their greatest benefit is in their flexibility - but I’d encourage everyone to try the Nine Delights today!

#don't know what to tag this as actually #self care #self improvement #the nine delights #self love! #like I just want to share the love #it's been a fuckin horrible couple of weeks #really tricky #but I had some good news today and there's finally light at the end of the tunnel #bask with me in the light chums!

[aquietwritingcorner]

That’s Gonna Scar

Title: That’s Gonna Scar       Day: Febuwhump 2023, Day 5: “That’s Gonna Scar”   Fandom: Mystic Messenger Word Count: 1444   Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl Rating: T   Characters: Jaehee Kang, Zen     Warning: NA     Summary: After Zen jumps in front of an attack to protect Jaehee, Jaehee and MC wait to hear word of him at the hospital. But hospitals were never happy places for Jaehee, and she has to fight off her own anxiety and guilt as she waits to see how injured the star is.   Notes:  I have never written fic for Mystic Messenger before, and it’s been years since I either rped as her or played the game so here’s hoping I do this justice. For the purposes of this story, MC is not dating anyone, but is close friends with all of them. ff.net || AO3

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That’s Gonna Scar

“Jaehee—Jaehee look out!”

A push. Stumbling. A flash of white in front of her. Hitting the ground. Looking up to see a fight. Catching a glimpse of red marring skin. Blood hitting the ground. Screams. Lights. Panic.

She moved.

A hand landed on Jaehee’s shoulder, startling her and breaking her out of her thoughts. She looked over to the side to MC see smiling kindly at her. Jaehee blinked, trying to bring herself back out of the recent memory she had been in.

The other woman seemed to sense this and held out a drink to her.  “Tea?”

“Oh—thank you,” Jaehee said, more out of habit than anything. She took the tea, taking a sip of it. It was somehow both bland and bitter, and Jaehee decided she’d be better off just holding the cup in her hands. Perhaps the warmth would help her.

MC sat down beside her, looking up at the TV that was mounted high on the wall of the hospital waiting room. She nodded at it. “It’s all over the news,” she commented, it half sounding like a question.

Jaehee nodded, her heart tightening. “It is,” she said. “On most of the stations. I’ve not looked, but I’m sure it’s all over the fan boards as well.”

“Of course, it is,” MC said. “It’s big news, especially since there’s not been an official release on his state yet.”

Jaehee looked down at the tea she had in her hands, worry clawing at her. She knew how she had last seen him, but some part of her was panicking that it was worse than she thought. “I suppose so. I—” she stopped, not sure what she wanted to say, exactly.

“You what?” MC pressed.

“Nothing,” Jaehee said, giving MC her practiced smile, hiding her thoughts and feelings as best she could.

MC, unfortunately thought, was very astute—especially about her friends. “Jaehee, you’re not blaming yourself for this, are you?”

Jaehee’s chest tightened again, and she wondered if it wouldn’t be better to be drinking the tea. At least then she would have a reason not to answer MC. Instead, she held her silence, trying to figure out what to say.

MC frowned. “You know what happened wasn’t your fault, Jaehee.”

Jaehee’s hands tightened on the cup, a reflection of her feelings. “No, I know that they were the fault of that man. But perhaps if I had been more attentive then Zen wouldn’t have jumped in the way and gotten hurt.” She glanced up at the news, where the newscasters were still reporting on the attack and injury of the popular, upcoming actor. “He’s gaining so much popularity. His career is taking off. If this affects it, I…” Jaehee shook her head.

MC put her hand on Jaehee’s arm, holding it firmly. “Jaehee. It’s not your fault.” Her voice was insistent. “It’s not your fault.”

Jaehee didn’t say anything.

MC sighed, and fell quiet, settling in beside Jaehee.

For the next hour or so, the two women sat there. Jaehee kept her eyes on the news that was playing, steadfastly ignoring her phone. She knew that the chatroom had been active, but she had allowed MC to handle that. Jaehee didn’t want to deal with everyone’s concern—or, perhaps, the blame, even if no one else blamed her but herself.

And maybe Zen.

Jaehee didn’t know.

She hated hospitals. Or, more precisely, she hated being in hospitals. Her experiences with hospitals and being in hospital waiting rooms had not been good ones. Her father’s death. Her mother’s death. A time or two of sickness. Hospitals were where she got bad news, where she had spent time waiting for her world to come crashing down on her.

She didn’t know if she could stand for it to happen again.

“Jaehee Kang?”

A voice called out her name, and Jaehee’s head snapped up, anxiety filling her. A doctor was looking around the waiting room, and Jaehee stood up.

“Yes, here,” she said quickly.

“If you could come with me,” he said. “There is a patient requesting to see you.”

“Yes, of course.”

Jaehee spared a glace towards MC, who just waved her on. She quickly walked towards the doctor, following behind as he led her back through the hospital, towards a more private area. Finally, he stopped a door and gestured for her to go it.

Jaehee pushed it open, anxiety twisting her stomach. She had no idea what she’d find behind this door, and she felt sick just from the possibilities. “Zen?”

Zen looked up at her from where he sat on the bed, not even in a hospital gown and gave her a smile. “Jaehee!”

Jaehee felt both immediate relief that things weren’t worse than they were, and immediate concern. A large cut was stitched up on face, stretching from his forehead, down along the side of his face, to his jawline. She stepped into the room, her eyes glued on it.

Zen frowned a little, his eyes searching her. “Jaehee, are you alright? You weren’t hurt, were you?”

He was worried about her? He was injured and he was worried about her? She stepped forward, her hands clutching together tightly. “That’s going to scar,” she said softly.

He blinked at her, but then gave her a roguish grin. “Yeah, it probably will. But I think a scar will only make me look more dashing, don’t you?”

He struck a pose, and Jaehee knew it was supposed to make her laugh, but all she felt inside was a pit of guilt and shame. She looked down, shamefaced.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “If I had been quicker or had been paying more attention, then you wouldn’t have pushed me out of the way or gotten hurt.”

“Hey—wait, no, Jaehee.” Zen looked startled and reached out, taking her hands. “Jaehee, you didn’t do anything wrong. No one expected a crazy guy like that to come out of nowhere.”

“I should have been more aware,” Jaehee insisted. “Or at least moved quicker. I have training. I should have been able to handle him without the need for you to get involved.”

Zen’s expression turned hard. “When some man goes crazy and begins attacking me without regards to others around, I think I have a right to get involved.”

Jaehee blinked at him, confused. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

Zen shook his head. “I’ve been talking to the police. Apparently, he’s targeting actors and singers. Something about undermining traditions and culture? They’re still looking into it. They say it looks like he would have come after me even if I hadn’t of gotten between you and him. The only difference is that he would have hurt you as well.” Zen paused. “You aren’t hurt, are you?” he asked. “You never answered my question.”

She had a few scrapes and some places that would probably bruise, due to the fact that she jumped into the fight, helping Zen to subdue the man with the knife. However, she had definitely come out on the better end, with Zen taking the most damage.

“I—no,” Jaehee said. “I’m not. Perhaps a bruise or two will show up, but I am not hurt.”

“Good,” Zen said, looking distinctly relieved. He dropped some of the silliness and presentation from his demeanor, turning serious. “Jaehee—look, I just want you to know that you really saved me out there. I might have pushed you out of the way, and gotten this cut, but you stopped him before he could do anything else. Thanks to you, he was subdued and didn’t get the chance to hurt me more than this or hurt anyone else. You jumped in and made sure that everyone was safe, and I can’t thank you enough for that.” He drew her hands up, looking her in the eyes. “You saved me, Jaehee. This cut is well worth the price—even if it scars.”

Jaehee stared at him, eyes wide and breath caught. She hadn’t been expecting this. She gave him a trembling smile back as she felt her eyes start to tear up. “I was only doing the right thing. But… thank you Zen. I was so worried. I’m glad that you’re going to be alright.”

Zen squeezed her hands. “All thanks to you. Jaehee, I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”

“Nor could I,” Jaehee said. “After all, you protected me, too.”

Zen smiled at her, and despite the cut that they both knew would scar, Jaehee couldn’t help the warm feeling that grew in her. Perhaps this was one hospital visit where everything would turn out all right in the end.

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