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decolonize-the-left · 1 year

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Happy 2nd The-Right-Literally-Stromed-The-Capitol-And-Dems-Still-Won't-Stop-Platforming-Them-In-Elections Anniversary!!!

Let's place a bet, yeah?

I bet your lives that the person dems tries to pit themselves against for the presidential election in 2024 is gonna be some Ted Cruz/Ben Carson/Trump-esque right-wing Trashcan that Dems will think is too extreme to be an actual contender in a presidential race.

And I bet it's another close call because Dems refuse to see that the gap that made them different from Republicans is only for show at this point.

And I bet after the last couple election cycles that things go absolutely fucking left for all of us because now we All know the right is willing to storm the capitol meanwhile anyone short of being a straight up leftist can't decide if breaking a window at protest is a justifiable action in response to police literally murdering people in broad daylight on a regular basis.

So like. Yeah.

Super in love with the concept that despite knowing all this and despite the fact that leftists and progressives have pointed this out Year After Year that Democrats and liberals will STILL try and gaslight all of us into thinking it's just coincidence that they keep platforming harmful bigots and it's just Coincidence that They happen to be the only ones who can save us every election. And the rise in right-wing ideology DEFINITELY doesn't have anything to do with democrats literally advertising it to people (who otherwise would've supported a MUCH more conservative and center-right candidate....who could've beat a democrat).

.......but yeah vote blue. The party literally platforming and advertising extremists aren't extremists themselves. Definitely not. They're definitely taking Super Normal and Acceptable measures to keep themselves in power keep people in the USA safe. Platforming extremists and spreading right wing ideology is what good, compassionate people do. As long as the ends justify the means right? As long as it's for the greater good, right?

For the record.... Republicans are PISSED about this. And I understand that as Democrats and liberals you have an impulsive need to be happy about that. I get it. Republicans suck. You know what sucks more? Nazis. White supremacists. Even Republicans know that. They don't want Dems platforming them. Let me say that again. Even Republicans know how harmful and fucked up this tactic is.

And maybe the rising numbers of white supremacists and bigots don't pose a threat to you, but they do pose a Literal increasing threat to minorities who have to deal with and face them on a daily basis, a reality politicians and privileged liberals forget because it's not Your reality.

I can assure you I'd rather have a conservative republican who Doesn't increase the amount of people who want me dead sitting in office than to have a democrat in office who chose to risk MY life and safety for a seat that they won't even use to protect me (after THEY created more hateful violence around me) knowing full well they'll do the same thing in another 2 years.

I really don't want to be right but if I am, you can bet your ass I'm gonna drag this post out of the fucking depths to reblog during the campaigns. And it's not an election year or election cycle right now either so don't give me that "you're just a psyop/Republican/Russian plant" bullshit. I'm a minority of Several communities and as such I'm a fucking target for hate like this. I'm allowed to critique the people who intentionally INCREASE the number of people who want people like me dead.

Like you all can say a lot about Republicans but Republicans aren't the ones spreading right wing propaganda on primetime TV. Democrats are. And it's not even a secret. They don't even deny it. Y'all just don't wanna think about the implications of what that means for You as someone who supports Democrats. So you pretend it's fucking normal. An acceptable risk.

It's not, you freaks.

#decolme #elections #2023 #2024 elections #Biden #democrats #liberals #progressives

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delusion-of-negation · 10 months

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gross and racist as hell for you all to dogpile and harrass a black trans person for calling you out on being a fucking gross pedophile/pedo defender, CALL THEM HOMOHOBIC for thinking thats fucked up, exclusively she/her him bc him being trans doesnt fit the narrative youre peddling, imply shes never dealt with transphobia or homophobia, CLAIM THEYRE RACEFAKING and then turn around and be racist as hell to them, and then evade their blocks to screenshot their posts and continue to try to start shit with him when hes expressed that he wants you freaks to leave him alone…. all while doubling down that being a p*do is ok as long as youre “non offending”. i have to laugh !

also, claiming that people who criticize you for being a p*do apologist are being homohobic to you, IS homophobia. dont equate being lgbta with being a p*do/p*do apologist. wtf is wrong w u

- a trans person, before you arbitrarily decide im cis, too

my brother in christ, the full context is linked here for y'all to see

we didn't "dogpile" anyone, what happened was somebody was posting, tagging seebs and commenting on posts, incessantly. specifically, falsely accusing seebs of being a pedo/defender, in response to seebs saying, very clearly, somebody who does not sexually assault children is preferable to somebody who does. it obviously was nonsensical, and I said to seebs that I didn't know exactly how, in the current political climate, people could go out falsely accusing random queer people of being pedos... then the random asshole started replying to my reblogs and telling me to unalive, then started sending me hate messages saying that too because, apparently, just saying "that's bullshit" warrants stupid harassment. having followers myself, this obviously led to those agreeing with me weighing in too, I can't and won't tell people to avoid expressing their opinions when someone harasses me. it's definitely not "calling me out" to send messages telling me that.

not to "they started it!!" but yeah, if I speak to someone about it actually being ridiculous that you're harassing them, and so you begin randomly harassing and suicide baiting me, I will respond.

again, you can see in the link, on every single post I used they, it explicitly says "any pronouns" and "I'm a boy and a girl" on there, meaning I didn't "correct" this person who said "she" because I'd literally read that it's fine to use that!! I said they were enabling a homophobic narrative, I said they prop up the "queers are pedos actually" bullshit by doing this, I made no claims of knowing any secret homophobia dwelling in their heart lmao. you read on the person's blog that I she/her'd them and didn't bother reading to discover that I actually didn't do that, you just believed their lies. reading the above linked posts will make it obvious how they are endlessly lying about the race of people involved and what they actually said - I didn't she/her them, and they cut up a sentence within seebs post, to imply something that clearly was not said.

not once did I deny their race or their status as trans/bi, again it simply is a crock of shit they're spinning, because they have this narrative to spin- I've linked back to everything said, I've made it absolutely clear time and time again, I've posted full screens for anything I referenced, whereas they keep vagueposting saying I misgendered them or called them white or even called them the pedophile (I did not, I was and am explicitly against doing that). everything they're claiming in their vagues is bullshit, and all the evidence is in actually reading the conversation, which is why I'll constantly link back to it and they'll constantly obfuscate it, bro. because nowhere did I deny they face bigotry, nowhere did I say anything about racefaking (white chicks is a movie about black dudes pretending to be white chicks, saying they talk as though they're auditioning for a remake is explicitly saying they're black talking like a white chick, please just go watch the damn movie).

similarly, I was never racist, I never block evaded, unless you are saying they also block evaded- they continued talking about me incessantly, lying about me, and I found out, so I screenshotted posts and corrected them, I never tried to contact them again, I simply corrected constant lies about me, meanwhile they did go around said block to keep looking at my blog too, referencing all those posts themself, so they did exactly what I did. if it's bad if somebody lying about me is shown to me and I respond, isn't it equally bad that said person evades the block right back? that's honestly one of the most baffling claims y'all keep making, it's a problem when I simply look at lies about me and leave you be, it however isn't a problem for you to tell those lies, message me to suicide bait, and keep looking at my blog despite those blocks?? speaking of hypocrisy, you're attempting (and failing) to dogpile.

being a pedo is okay as long as you're non-offending. like, yes I'll double down on that. heck, I'll go a step further, I think that any person who's committed a crime or harm deserves to have their liberty, life, happiness, etc, and shouldn't be tortured or harmed because of this stupid desire to punish everyone. I'm a victim of childhood sexual abuse and childhood abuse and torture when I was a child, and I put one abuser in prison, and it didn't help the person become better and kinder, they sent me what was really basically a love letter when they got out. I think a better system, where people get to learn how to be kind and then get a life that treats them well, is possible and should be strived for, and one a victim gets help to recover from what happened should also be, because right now the mental health system in my country (not america, which y'all also don't seem to have grasped) is dogshit. people who don't abuse kids are the outcome we want, so these pedophiles, they didn't choose to have that attraction, it is just a thing brains do sometimes, and when they don't rape kids that's literally the better outcome, that's the best outcome, because it really comes down to that or them raping kids- you can't read all minds in the world and detect the pedos and kill them, and that would be a fucking dystopian nightmare, so if you want to kill all pedos then you have to rely on them telling you they're pedos, I genuinely hope I don't have to explain to you why they wouldn't confess that to you if you were running the death squad. so that leaves us with either they don't rape kids, or they do. I like don't, personally. I think that's the better one. as someone who was an actual victim of childhood abuse. and additionally, two thirds of sexual abusers of children aren't pedos, according to the stats I found a while back, so eradicating pedos wouldn't fix the issues.

anyway, back to the topic at hand, it's not starting shit to make posts correcting the person lying about you, they started all the shits, every single shit I took was in response to the shits they're spewing out about me so fast that I'm worried about their toilet.

nowhere did I say "being queer is pedo apologia!" I said that the people falsely accusing random queer people of being pedos is feeding the "the gays are pedos! the transes are pedos!" lies the rightwing constantly spin right now. I'm not equating being gay whatsoever to being a pedo, I'm saying that people do, and that refusal to think about it while you lie and call random queer folk pedophiles for your internet tough guy points is just dangerous, potentially deadly, and feeding into rightwing talking points. it's another example of you refusing to actually read what I posted, similar to your little quip at the end that relies on the false claim there was a single moment where I denied that they're trans! to further demonstrate how bullshit it is, you should check who I'd compared them to... it was blaire white. a trans person. if what I posted relied on assuming people who disagree with me are cis, where would she fit into that? why would I bring her up? maybe because I specifically was saying them being trans makes those talking points all the more dangerous... because the right will be frothing at the mouth to say "even the queers agree with us!" so referencing an example of that happening is relevant. wait, that couldn't be the case, because that would mean I didn't call them cisgender at any point!! meanwhile they're calling natives white, everybody who disagrees with them white, implying we haven't faced homophobia/transphobia/biophobia ourselves, and lying through their teeth about everything, so look in the mirror, bruh.

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greypetrel · 9 months

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Hi! You don’t need to post this if you don’t want, but I saw the response to that comic you had before you deleted it, and wanted to reassure you that there was no way to interpret your comic as making fun of the atomic bomb. I think the other commenter may have been confused and thought that any mention of the Oppenheimer movie was an issue?

Hi noonie, thank you for reaching out!

Replying the next morning because yesterday it was extremely late and I tried to get some sleep.

Thank you for the assurance, I indeed think I accidentally stepped on ground that was made delicate and hurtful by the whole thread without realising.

My ignorance doesn't justify me or make what I wrote less hurtful, still. But it's gone now, so no more people will get upset, I won't engage anymore in trends I know nothing of thinking I act outside the chorus when I'm not, the topic is problematic as a whole, let's not risk again to hurt other people.

... Or at least, I hope it's that, and that it wasn't the summit of many things I drew and said that caused some hurt without me realising. I sincerely hope they weren't there brooding over my content and reacted at the Nth problematic one. (but that's my anxiety speaking... Or so I hope)

I would just like to add any further that if I reacted a little harshly, it was just because I felt accused out of the blue in a modality (a comment under a post) that really makes me unconfortable. It was the first time I interacted with that person and not being given even the benefit of the doubt... I don't blame them, they were hurt. I could surely have reacted better than I did with a person that i don't know and who doesn't know me and I'm sorry.

I'll stop before I start justifying every single thing I ever did or choice I made.

To make this useful for everyone, just some notes under the cut if they may be useful to clarify some things about me and my behaviour on socials.

Thank you for your kind words, noonie, really! And sorry if this comes out as terribly long and wordy. I'm not the best with anons, I'd reply privately if I could. But since this is public anyway, I'm trying to get some good for everyone and hopefully help avoiding further miscommunications.

This blog is for my art and writing. I reblog DA stuff here because there are people following me here from the fandom.

All other topics are reblogged on my sideblog @stridingcorgi.

I don't talk about stuff if I don't have anything constructive to say or a fully formed opinion of. It doesn't mean I don't like to read about it, even if the opinion is the opposite of mine.

I actually love to hear different opinions! Please, tell me when your opinion differ from mine! I loved shivunin's Your Fate For Mine... And Solas is definitely an antagonistic figure there, I loved seeing that take! Unironically, even if I like to write him differently.

(and just to clarify further: I love Vivienne. She's one of the most complex and nuanced characters in DAI. I don't write her because I never played her -yet- at high approval and I know I'm missing a lot of her characterisation. I won't just mock other people's takes on her before having first-hand experience in game, that's all. Take this for every character you don't see me writing about.)

If I say or do something that hurts you: please, by all means, tell me. I have no problems editing or deleting posts, and I have zero issues apologising.

All I ask is, please: some politeness. I am a person and I'm trying, if there's something hurtful for you assume I apologise in advance, I didn't do it on purpose. Does it minimise the hurt you're feeling? NO, at all. But rest assure that I wasn't aiming at you, there wasn't any malevolence, there's no need to attack.

Just, since I have my idiosinchrasies (again: Anxiety Disorder): if you can, please reach out to me in private. Message me and let's discuss it there! If you want explanations I can give them, and if you don't that's perfectly fine, I'll apologise and fix my mess without you having to explain why. Hurt is hurt, whether I see why or not. Just a "Hey that post hurt me can you edit this or delete the whole of it?" will do.

I just... Don't like much discussing these things in public, PARTICULARLY in places I have a limit of characters. My first reaction is explaining my thought and what I did, because getting why people acts some way I find offensive helps me cope with it and accept it better. The character limit deprives me of the chance and makes me feel anxious.

My anon asks are open until I have a reason to close them.

I will tell you that I had bad experiences with anons... And my tolerance for them is lower than other people's. It has nothing to do with this story, but just so you all know.

#petrel replies #noonie #This is the last I'll write about the subject I swear #I'm just anxious and nitpicking everything #... I hope this post doesn't come out as problematic in itself

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sir-adamus · 3 years

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the way some people get on like Tai’s failings as a parent are somehow justified and he shouldn’t be criticised for them is real fucking annoying

#rwb/y #like yeah - he was grieving over losing Summer #but so were the kids!#and they were so young they barely understood what was happening #and because he fucked up and didn't get help looking after them #Yang basically had to take care of things BY HERSELF #and the timeline we're given would barely put her at five years old during that time #but i've just seen someone complain about the criticisms against him as 'whining that he's not like Ghira or Kali' no!#that's not what this is #he dropped the ball and i'm calling that out because the fandom refuses to acknowledge it #and when they do they try to justify it like there's ANY excuse for child neglect #over the years i've seen some pretty terrible takes on this subject #like once i saw someone say that it was FINE that Tai neglected the kids because Yang was able to pick up the slack #like???#a) that was EXTREMELY lucky because she was a child and #b) she should NEVER have had to 'pick up the slack'#they were children who needed a parent and he failed them #but again - in response to that response i'd reblogged - i'm seeing people trying to justify and excuse that

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anarmorofwords · 3 years

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Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

#the last hours #tlh #alastair carstairs #shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles #anti charles fairchild #is this anti anna?#kamala joshi #ariadne bridgestock #chain of iron #chain of gold #spilling the tea

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mellometal · 3 years

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Hey, everyone.

I've tried to compose myself before making this post. This is a subject that I've touched on a little bit in posts, but I've never done a deep dive into JUST this topic. I was going to make a post solely about this subject sooner, but this one in particular is really hard for me to talk about without getting emotional...and yet Dhar Mann has talked about this on quite a few occasions in the most insincere, toxic ways. I'll do my best to discuss this topic without getting too emotional.

It's about a serious subject that people still are ignorant about and don't take seriously. Even to this day, with the body positivity and body neutrality movements. (I don't know of a better way to describe just being neutral about your body. Sorry if it sounds weird.)

For anyone who doesn't know what I'm referring to (honestly, I don't blame you, as this is a subject that's often seen as normal and is encouraged in society for the most part), I'm talking about fatphobia. Hating on people for being fat. Discriminating people because of their weight in the workplace, at the doctor's office, just in general. Not many stores having inclusive sizes. People being treated like they're subhuman because they're fat.

I want to say this first, before I bash on Dhar Mann again: I'm a plus-size young woman. This is something that I have personal experience with. Your weight has no significance to your worth as a person. If you do happen to be overweight, obese, whatever, you're not subhuman. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're worthy of being loved, listened to, treated with kindness, and respected, just like anyone else who isn't fat.

If you treat people like utter shit for their weight, get some help. Why do you care about somebody else's weight? Obviously there's an exception to this, like if they're so big they can't move or they're so skinny their organs are showing....because those are causes for concern, but other than that, mind your own business. Even if they are in those extremities, unless you're their doctor and/or their family, STILL mind your own business. How the fuck does a fat person simply breathing and existing affect you in any way? News flash: there will always be fat people.

Before I get to the weekly ritual of tearing TWO of Dhar Mann's videos apart (the next one will be in another post or I'll reblog this post and continue on there), here's an obligatory trigger warning for the video analysis itself and my response: The following post contains fatphobia, fat shaming, a man being super fucking misogynistic and treating women like they're objects, and there's even a touch of some racial aggression. How shocking. Because Dhar Mann really seems to get a kick out of writing about racism to make it all cute. Oh yeah, you're totally solving racism, Dhar Mann. /s

My response contains my experience with fatphobia, relationships with food, mentioned/implied thoughts of s3lf h@rm, feeling like I'm unworthy of being treated like an actual person because of my weight, and absolute rage. Like usual. My responses are very heated. This one especially. It's LONG. Buckle up.

With all this out of the way, let's get to the first video that I want to tear apart. This one is about the auditions for a record deal. I will get to the video about a kid wanting to be a host of a radio show later.

To sum up the first video, a plus-size white woman (Krissy Elliot) is singing for an agent (Isaac) and his assistant (Evette) so she can follow her dream to become a singer. Isaac cuts Krissy off to viciously bash her for being a plus-size woman. Evette stands up for this woman, and says she sounded fine and to let her finish. Isaac doesn't listen to Evette, let alone take what she said into consideration. He continues to ridicule Krissy for her appearance, that she'll "never make it in the music industry" (WRONG, do you know how many plus-size people are in the fucking music industry? There are A LOT more now than when I was growing up and it honestly makes me so happy. There were more plus-size people in the entertainment industry than in the music industry back then.), suggested that she "become a chef or a food critic" because she apparently loves being around food (being a chef or a food critic are noble professions, but NEVER fucking assume ANYONE'S relationships with food), to the point where Krissy left the room in tears.

Here are a few screenshots for context:

When this skinny, conventionally attractive woman (Jesse) comes in, Isaac's mood does a COMPLETE 180° and he's all sunshine and rainbows. Then right as soon as Jesse did her audition, Isaac is over the fucking moon, complimenting her physical appearance, treating her like an object, and signs her up for a record deal RIGHT AWAY. Pay attention to Isaac's facial expressions in one of these screenshots.

Evette suggests that they sign Krissy for a record deal instead. Because she was "the best singer they've had all day". Isaac, still all hot and bothered by a skinny, conventionally attractive woman that he's treating like an object, tells Evette that people like Krissy don't make it in the music industry because they're "overweight and unattractive", and is verbally aggressive towards her when she does nothing but explain her stance. Isaac sees this as Evette "talking back" (remember how I mentioned that there's racial aggression? He says that Evette is "talking back" because she happens to be a black woman) and fires her. He signs Jesse a record deal and has a blast with her.

The award ceremony comes around, and they're picking a winner for Best New Artist. They pick the winner, and it's....guess what? You'll never get it! It's Krissy Elliot! Why? Because Evette became her agent after Isaac fired her. Krissy goes into her whole story about how she was laughed out of every single agency and that she worked hard. Good for her. Jesse is obviously very happy for Krissy. We gotta love women supporting women.

This video was again another dumpster fire. As usual. Like I said, with this video in particular, I couldn't get through the first thirty seconds the first time around. Because I've dealt with shit like this. Obviously not with the music industry because I don't even think I'd be good enough to step into an agency...but I mean in my personal life.

Being told by my own dad that he was "tired of buying bigger clothes for me" when I was a young teenager, despite him buying almost nothing but "junk food".

Having my abuser make comments about my weight and talking about diets while I'm trying to eat my food, despite her being overweight.

Having someone I know (not anyone I'm friends with) make a comment about me eating a few things (ONE small piece of broccoli, two baby carrots, a small handful of chips, and ONE small piece of pineapple) and said to "save some for everyone else", even though I was saving food for everyone else, which is why I took so little. She tried to justify it with the fact nobody was there yet (why do you think I took very little food?), and she "was saying that to everyone" (why did she look at ME when she said that instead of making it clear that she was talking to everyone [saying "Hey, everyone" before the comment about saving some for everyone else IS NOT HARD]?), even though I know it was just to save her own ass. I knew she said that to me because I'm plus-size. She didn't say anything to anyone else, nor did she make it clear that she was talking to everyone.

Another person I know (not a person I'm friends with) saying that I overreacted (I did not overreact; SOMEONE TRIGGERED ME and you did NOTHING about it) even though they all KNEW my relationship with food is complicated. They KNEW that I don't really like eating in front of other people. I was upset that someone MADE A FUCKING DISGUSTING, TRIGGERING COMMENT ABOUT ME EATING VERY FEW FOOD ITEMS, ALMOST ALL WERE HEALTHY, DESPITE OTHER PEOPLE EATING A LOT MORE THAN I DID AND PICKING AT EVERYTHING. That day, I was begging one of my friends (one of the people I trust to eat around) to PLEASE take me home because I didn't want to be there (never wanted to be there in the first place), I was tired (I worked all night the night before and was forced to go to a meeting before all this happened), I didn't feel comfortable there anymore, there were way too many people (four individuals plus all their staff from another house were in the house I work in), I couldn't breathe (I was either about to pass out, have a panic attack, or just start crying), but nobody listened to me. I ended up getting a bus to go home.

(Sorry about all that. I was trying not to get emotional in this post. I just needed to share how this can affect people.)

Onto my response, which is all in the screenshots below.

ETA: I know the screenshots for my response are very jumbled right now and it’s difficult to read. I apologize to anyone who’s unable to fully read it! Because this is part one of this whole subject of fatphobia (I’m making a post about the boy wanting to become a radio host very soon), my response here will tie into that post. My response to that video is vastly the same, despite not making a comment on that video as of right now (the radio host one).

I’ll be typing out my full response here. I apologize for weird formatting. Instagram wouldn’t let me break up my response into paragraphs. I’ll break them up into paragraphs here instead.

CC (Combination of the first, second, and third screenshots, aka, the first part of my response):

I have a few questions before I get into my thoughts on this video. One, how the hell does your weight have any significance on your worth as a person, and if you do think this way, why would you think that? Two, do you know that fatphobia is a lot more than just judging a person for being fat? Three, why do you feel like you can speak for fat people like myself with this piss poor excuse for a video that I could barely get through the first thirty seconds of the first time?

You can’t speak for any of us. I can’t speak for every fat person because not everyone has the same experiences as me.

I’ve been bullied for my weight in real life as well as online. People have called me ugly just because of my weight. By the way, your weight doesn’t equal beauty, and that’s what I’m still learning. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

On quite a few occasions, I have actually thought about doing dangerous things to my body that I don’t feel comfortable going into here. All because I had people try to boil me down to my weight, call me ugly, and destroy whatever self-esteem I had left. You don’t know what fat people go through, so don’t act like you do.

There are many factors that go into why a person may be fat, including medical conditions, mental illness, trauma, genetics, etc. All of those things are none of your business unless those people decide to be open about it.

No, it’s not always healthy to be fat (obviously there are extremities on both sides of the spectrum of weight that are extremely unhealthy), but it doesn’t make a person any less of a human being. Fat people are human too. Quit treating us like we’re not. We deserve to be treated like everyone else who isn’t fat. I’m not saying put all fat people on a pedestal. I’m saying treat us like human beings.

CC (Combination of the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh screenshots, aka, the second part of my response):

Remember how I said that fatphobia isn’t just about judging people for being fat? Well, there’s the “fat tax” on plus-size clothing (even though it maybe only costs a little bit more in fabric, if there’s any difference in making clothes for people who aren’t fat), limited styles for fat people in stores (making a lot of us have to buy fast fashion or have to spend a fortune on clothes that actually flatter us), not very many stores have inclusive sizes still (if you don’t at least carry max 5XL or a size 38/40 in pants size, you cannot call yourself inclusive), and a lot of other things.

Many fat people, myself included, are afraid to seek medical attention for anything (even checkups) because of doctors who only focus on our weight and not on what we came in to see them for. They write it off as if our weight is the sole cause of our problems, which isn’t always the case.

How about we talk about how expensive it is to eat healthy in a lot of places? Not everyone can afford to make fresh meals every day, let alone once a week. Maybe they were never taught how to due to their upbringing. You don’t know.

I’ve had people comment on my weight, what I’m eating (even if I’m eating something healthy like fruits and veggies), talk about my weight or diets EVEN WHILE I’M TRYING TO EAT, and it’s caused me to wait until I’m alone or around someone I trust to eat anything. As a result, I have a complicated relationship with food now.

Telling someone they’re fat doesn’t help them. They know that. They see themselves every day. People may want to change, but they either are afraid to ask for help, or they don’t know where to start. Some may not want to change. It’s up to them, honestly. If you want to help them lose weight, maybe suggest any physical activity they’d have fun doing and do them with them? I dance for fun. Also, you could help set up meal plans with them.

If you’re not going to at least try to help them lose weight if you’re so concerned about them (this is all if they actually want to change things and don’t know where to start), I cannot say this in a sweeter way: shut your mouth and mind your own business. Because you’re just being a cunt at that point.

CC (eighth screenshot, aka, the third and final part to my response):

There are quite a few plus-size people in the entertainment industry as a whole who are/were very successful. Remember the late Chris Farley and Aretha Franklin? Chris Farley was big, but that didn’t change how great of an actor he was, how funny he was, or how much of an impact he made in the entertainment industry. Aretha Franklin was a plus-size black woman in the music industry, but she’s inspired SO MANY artists we have today! There are many plus-size men, women, and I believe even nonbinary people in the public eye in general. Like I’ve said, beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. That’s why the body positivity and body neutrality movements are a thing.

(I know I implied that I thought about sh here in my response, but please don't worry about me as far as that goes. I'm fine now. I would never go through with anything like that.)

In the last part of my response where I mentioned some plus-size people in the entertainment industry as well as the music industry (the late Chris Farley and the late Aretha Franklin), I was going to name more people, but my comments were getting too long. I'll name some more here off the top of my head:

Lizzo (rapper), the Piggy Dolls (the first K-Pop girl group made up of actual plus-size women), K*v*n Sp*c*y (I don't feel comfortable saying his name because he's a disgusting person, but he's another plus-size man...he was in King of Queens and in A LOT of movies), PSY, Greyson Gritt (a genderqueer person in the music industry), Elle King, Produce Pandas (the first music group in China full of plus-size men), Martha Wash, Chubby Checker, Fats Domino, Big Angel (a J-Pop group of all plus-size women), Chubbiness (another J-Pop group of all plus-size women), Pottya (another J-Pop group of all plus-size women)...there are so many that I found, but if you want to add more plus-size artists, plus-size actors, plus-size comedians/comediennes, feel free to add them in the comments!

Dhar Mann, you'll never know what plus-size people go through. You don't know what we go through. You have NO IDEA what we go through on a daily basis. Stop acting like you do. Because you don't, and you never will.

By the way, Dhar Mann, this will NOT be the last post I'll make about you or your videos. The more you make fucking deplorable, poorly written bullshit, the more posts I'll make! Teehee!

If you got this far, thank you so much. The next part of this is coming very soon. I'm sorry for not posting too many screenshots from the video. I wanted to fit in my response because it's important for people to see.

Have a good day/afternoon/night, y'all. Love you!

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