#but again it's different than previous times: because this Cas has known Humanity on an intimate level; he's been there. felt it personally.
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Destiel Chronicles
It was a love story from the very beginning
Vol. LXXI
Don't You Love Me?
(11x19)
Hi everyone! How are you? This is another piece from this adventure, it has more than one year and we reached and passed volume 70th!! I'm so glad you are still reading my nonsenses, and keep sharing my ramblings. Thank you! So much hard work rewatching and taking notes is worth it if you are reading this on the other side! 💕💕
Are you ready for the angst? Let's do this!
Worried about Cas
After seeing with his own eyes that Castiel didn't want to be rescued, that he really wanted to be used by Lucifer so they could defeat Amara, Dean stays all night long awake, trying to find a way to rescue him now from Amara, who has Casifer prisoner.
With a heart broken again, and worried because Amara could kill Cas anytime, Dean can't sleep. First if all, the pain in his heart for being rejected again, is too big, and the idea of loosing Cas for ever, to see the man he loves die, terrifies him.
So the first dialogue between Dean and Sam shows us all of that.
Gif credit @subcas
Sam: Dude, you even move since last night?
Is the first words we heard from Sam, and is showing to the audience a very important point: why Dean didn't moved the whole time? It means that when Sam went to bed, he was in the same spot. Is saying Dean didn't slept that night. He didn't move from that chair, trying to find Cas. A very important point to show how much Dean cares about Cas.
Dean: [tiredly] Sleeping is the new smoking.
Sam: What? No, it’s not. It’s sitting. Sitting is the new smoking.
Dean: That’s can’t be right.
Okay, this could be an innocent quote, Dean mistaking the famous phrase, but is not. Dean is relating the quote to DEPRESSION, that's why he names SLEEPING to SMOKING, because he's talking about depression. But when Sam relates this with SITTING, which we know is talking about other kind of diseases, Diabetes, hypertension, etc, Dean says 'THAT'S CAN'T RIGHT' because those are not meanings he was looking for, he wasn't talking about those diseases, that's why he didn't talk about sitting/sedentariness, but sleeping/depression. Because he was feeling that way.
Sam: Dean, we’ll find Cas, okay? He’s stronger that he looks.
And because Sammy knows, he knows why Dean is in that shape: Cas.
Dean: You know, we gambled with Cas, and now Amara has him.
Sam: For a reason, which means he’s still alive.
Dean is spitting out his fears right there, but not all the fears he was ruminating the whole night, and Sam is trying to give to each depressing thought a light of hopes, to make his brother to feel better.
Dean: [shakes his head] I’ve been with Amara. Her beef is with the big guys … with God, with Lucifer. The small fries, even an angel like Cas, doesn’t even register. And if it meant hurting Lucifer, killing Cas would mean nothing to her.
Another thought flying in his mind, he is afraid Amara could kill Cas.
Sam: It’s been a week. We’ve still got no leads.
Dean: You think I don’t know that? [rises from the chair]
So we just had three thoughts that kept Dean awake the whole night: HE DIDN'T NOTICED CAS WOULD SAY YES TO LUCIFER, HE KNOWS AMARA COULD KILL HIM ANYTIME, AND IT'S BEEN A WEEK! It's been a week, which means, Dean had been an entire week in this shape, without sleeping and worried about him.
Knowing this, let's jump to the other point.
Worrisome+heart broken
Repressing all the feelings again
I just want you to recall a timeline about Dean's perceptions of Cas feelings for him. If you read my previous metas From season 5+6, 8, 9 and 10, you would be aware of the following facts:
- Finale S5: Cas flew away from the car without saying goodbye to Dean. Dean went to Lisa and never contacted Cas (feeling kind of offended) until Sam said Cas wasn't answering to his prayers.
-S8: After the crypt scene, Dean felt rejected.
-S9: Road Trip episode: Castiel comforted Dean as a lover, with devoted words and supportive looks.
-s10: After Dean came back from being a demon, Castiel names a female in his car waiting for him, and Dean reacts like a jilted lover, and the episode after that is using OOC a blind dates app.
And now... We have a rejected Dean, because Cas didn't want to be rescued by him. Again. Like in Purgatory. So... Time to repress the feeling even more... And we had 11x19 'The Chitters' talking about that.
This is gonna be a very huge mis if symbolism in just one monster. First of all, we have the description of the eyes...
Cori: [hesitates] The thing that took Libby was naked and pale. Except for the eyes. I swear to God, they flashed green for a second.
Okay, I'm the crazy old lady of colors, so you know what I'm gonna point here: GREEN is DEAN. Keep that in mind...
Cori: It was shaped like a man. Or was it a woman?
Dean: [curiously] Was it a man or a woman?
Cori: It didn’t have a … [points downward with her fingers]
Dean: A penis?
Cori: [wide-eyed] It didn’t have anything.
Dean: What you’re saying it was junkless?
Cori: Completely.
Second thing I want you to recall is... This monster has not genre, first thing Dean thought about angels, remember? But we learned, same angel can take different genres of vessels. Because they are utterly indifferent to sexuality. Just pointing here that this characteristic is related to angels, in Dean's mind junkless, and in canon with Raphael and even Castiel taking male and female vessel. Keep this facts in mind too...
This monster took a vessel too to copulate, into a very huge orgy. Lest's take a piece of the dialogue between the Winchester and one of the residents who lost his husband.
Etta: Oh, yeah [nods]. Gran said that if you got the chitters, you get so revved up with lust that your eyes would shine like emeralds
So, time to convey all these facts...
This is representing two important things: Green eyes talks about Dean, so, this junkless monster that search's for a vessel to copulate represents angels. They are presenting this chitter as something filthy, and people doing insane, sinful things (the orgies) Is something BAD AND FILTHY, as we will see in the next scene, but pay attention to these two conclusions: Dean thinks he doesn't deserve Cas, he thinks Cas is not interested romantically on him. So he repressed his feelings (including lust and shame of daring to love a celestial and pure creature, and passion too because is part of being in love). Second, we have the angels and their Sacred Oath, they can't bond with humans physically, we talked about this in season 8 with the tests Castiel had to achieve to close Heaven and we will talk about this in s12 too. If angels have sex with humans, both deserve to die because IS DEFINITELY NOT ALLOWED. So the cause of those forbidden feelings in Castiel has GREEN EYES.
Last thing i want to point is one of Cochrane's quote, when he was talking about her daughter and the people that had died 30 years ago...
Cochran: Yeah, better to bury it. [voice cracks] All of it.
The angst from this scene is huge, but the phrase I marked here, plus all the things we were talking about SHAME/REPRESSED FEELINGS, is showing us how finally Dean, brokenhearted as he is right now, were thinking all of this things these nights he was awake, plus the depression of not seeing Cas in bad shape saying yes to Lucy, plus the fear of lose him for ever.
And finally, to show you this entire "Chitters'" thing was about and angel and a human in love... I will turn this scene into a Destiel one...
Gif credit @spacedudeee
Because who's the sinner? And who's the rebel?
Do I have to answer that? Okay, DEAN AND CAS. Sinner and Rebel. Can a sinner, with shame inside, feel that he deserves a love of an angel? And can a rebel angel allow himself to love a human with such passion?
Again, this episode was a huge Dean's POV...
I think I explained my point here... Let's jump to the easy part 🤣🤣
Jesse and Cesar: What we want for Destiel
This is a canon fact very well known for the fandom, Jesse as Dean mirror and Cesar as Castiel.
Both men were a reflection of what Dean really wants in his heart, his curiosity spoke by itself when he asked
Gif credit @mooseleys
Dean: What’s it like, settling down with a hunter?
Is expressing perfectly his deep desires. And seeing them both together, supporting each other, and being a real couple, was very important to his self discovering. Two badass Manly men that fell in love with each other.
It wasn't casual writers decided to team up Cesar with Dean and Jesse with Sam, it was like a picture of Dean talking with Cas about himself, and Sam talking with Dean about their childhood traumas.
It was a very beautiful gesture of Dean to not disturb them asking them for help with Amara, because he knew about their plans of retirement. And this is talking about another wish in Dean's heart: retirement with his beloved.
Gif credit @thejabberwock
To Conclude:
Episode 11x19 was about everything Dean has playing in his mind: Fears of loosing Cas, shame for loving him and feeling he doesn't deserve him. His fantasies about what Cas thinks about him, or worst, about him being in love with him. And how he decided to repress all of it again, because he felt rejected again by the angel, and that's why he will start saying We and not I.
It also presents Sacred Oath for angels, a very important topic for the next season.
And we had Jesse and Cesar, Destiel beautiful mirror, talking about Dean's deep desire. And what we want for Destiel.
Hope you like this meta! See you in the next one!
Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper
@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha
@imjustkipping @destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis
If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.
If you want to read the previous metas From s11, here you have the links:
Vol. LXII, LXIII, LXIV, LXV, LXVI, LXVII, LXVIII, LXIX. LXX.
Buenos Aires July 21th 2020 6:34 PM
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[TRANSLATION: anan No. 2231; 12.2020]
7 MEN SAMURAI SOLO INTERVIEW + MESSAGE + CROSS TALK
Scans not mine
Neither an English nor a Japanese native speaker
Feel free to correct me, thanks
7 MEN 侍
Dignified and Bold
7 MEN 侍's long-awaited first appearance on anan. Experiencing a turbulent 2020, these 6 people are pursuing a new entertainment. Challenging the stage play 「DREAM BOYS」, looked closer at their real selves.
Nakamura Reia
I like to make each of my choices the correct answer.
I was originally a kid who skateboards wearing a cap over a long hair and loose jeans. That's why I didn't have interest in being an idol, rather, I thought that having a neat appearance was lame. But, when I unwillingly went to the audition, I was selected to be a member of Snow Prince choir so I couldn't quit...My awareness changed when I started working as Sexy Boyz with Kishi (Yuta) and Jinguji (Yuta). It was different from my lenient and care-free self, I am positive and had the desire to improve myself with my works, I really got motivated. During the time when Sexy Zone who is close to me also debuted, I am the only one who didn't feel impatient or frustrated, rather, I felt "yabai". Since then, I started to think to do my best to be an idol seriously.
I am happy that Johnny-san chose me to be the center of 7 MEN 侍, but I am not the type who pulls everyone, the other 5 members have better skills than I am, they are also reliable, and on the contrary, I am being supported by them. It's just that, only my mental strength is strong. I totally don't care about things like criticisms from the society. Something like it is better to say bad things about me rather than attacking the other members. Because more than those criticisms, the fans are telling me that they like me. Or rather, this toughness might be my unique talent (LOL).
Since I came to like acting because of「Koi no Yamai to Yarougumi」, I want to try playing NG guy who has an older girl as the partner kind of role like「Himemon」or 「Kimi wa Petto」.
Is becoming an idol my fate...? But after all, everything is from the choices that I made by myself. I decided to go to the audition, I was taught by Johnny-san about how wonderful to be an idol, and I've continued being an idol up to now. From now on too, I would like to make each of my choices the correct answer.
Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?
Before the live, with the meaning of "please look over us", I talk to the photo of Johnny-san that is placed in the backstage room, I also put my hands together. I am the type who is moderately nervous but I don't hate that feeling of being encouraged.
Motodaka Katsuki
It seems that the feeling of home when the 6 of us gathers is very valuable.
I started singing, dancing, and playing on stage when I entered Johnny's. But, being completely absorbed in an instant than being skillful is my strength. But, with the keyboard I am in-charge of, my experience playing the piano since I was 3 years old was put into use. At that time, I really didn't like playing the piano. It was like that but I got the sense of perfect pitch. I am thankful to my parents to let me, who hates playing piano, attend the class.
I am attending college now but during my high school, I got a lot of advices from Snow Man's Abe (Ryohei)-kun. Since I have been chasing him on his back for a long time, I have been encouraged on how he flapped big his wings as Snow Man. Honestly, 3 months before the first concert as 7 MEN 侍, I wanted to see the world from the different point of view so I planned to study abroad in New York. At that time, I once again tried to think about this job. And then, I realized that I grew to love this job. The good sides and the bad sides, as a human being evaluated directly, there's a sense of accomplishment in here. That's why, studying abroad became not necessary for me until I take a break from the work that I love.
This year, I had a lot of chances to be in quiz shows alone, and I thought "Is being not with the members this disheartening?"...To that extent, I can feel that the feeling of home when going back to 7 MEN 侍 is very important. The members often tease me, but since I am not a talkative and interesting type of person, I become happy too when I made them laugh when they tease me. But behind the scenes, the members are relying on me and I often receive personal consultations too. 7 MEN 侍 who is in the process of exploring it's form, now and from now on too, I want to support everyone. And in the year 2021, even if we encounter struggles, this may be the year where we can have a firm grip to make great strides!
Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?
This is just my own value but I don't believe in luck. Everything is result of my own decision and it is my own responsibility. I don't want to blame "luck", and I also don't want to think that what happened is thanks to "luck". Suppose there is luck, pulling that luck towards yourself is a great deal of effort.
Sugeta Rinne
An idol is a wonderful job that has the charm to inspire people's hearts.
When I was an elementary student, I went to Hey!Say!JUMP-san's live and when I saw a girl who is in front of Yamada (Ryosuke)-kun cry and laugh, I thought that an idol is a wonderful job that has the charm to inspire people's hearts. Rinne also wants to be like that so Rinne uploaded everyday in ISLAND TV during stay home. I had worries like, "Won't they get tired of me?" but it turned to "I am sure the fans are happy with this, right?"
Rinne's special skills are acrobatics and sports, and I was able to appear in shows like 「Honoo-no Taiiku-kai TV」や「SASUKE」. For me, I think a person who is athletic is cool, and since you will want to support a person who is working hard, from now one too, I want to appeal as a Johnny's who can do sports. It would be nice if I can also appear in 「Run for Money」this 2021.
The senior that I admired is Ueda Tatsuya-kun. There was a time during a race in 「Honoo-no Taiiku-kai TV」, I showed off to hype up the audience and my time got slower. During that time, I really got scolded by Ueda-kun saying, "You can't win like that." Since that was the first time I got scolded throughout my Johnny's life, I think a senior who can properly scold his juniors is cool.
In 2020, I got 1 million yen when I guested in 「Quiz! Only 1」, I think Rinne is a guy who can grab luck. Before, when the my previous unit was gone, it felt like I have lost my chance...Given that I thought of quitting Johnny's if I am not going to be put in a group until 2020, I am so glad that I went to talk directly to Johnny-san. Since I now have a group original song and individual job, I think this is really the time to give my all.
Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have a ritual that only you doTo have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?
Before the actual show, I watch videos of my senior's lives starting with Hey!Say!JUMP-san's. Since I think having a proper image of "idol" as " a work to make people happy", I can do a better performance.
Sasaki Taiko
The 6 of us, even though we are late bloomers, I believe that we can definitely bloom.
The one who opened my path to Johnny's is Takahashi Kaito-kun. I also sent my resume when I heard that Kaito-kun who I thought cool when I saw him in a dance contest. With that, now that I am working as the same Johnny's, this is an amazing fate! I talk about music with Sato Shori-kun who likes the same band as mine, and I also receive dishes that he makes. Kishi (Yuta)-kun who Shori-kun is good friend with, took me to a his favorite soba stall saying, "It's a delicious shop." Since then, I've been addicted to that shop too.
I have been practicing dancing and playing drums when I was a kid, but Johnny-san chose my drumming skills more. At first, even though I am very thankful to be able to show it, I have become greedier and greedier, and I honestly thought that "I can also dance"...But 3 months before Johnny-san passed away, I heard from Oriyama (Nao) of Shounen Ninja that Johnny-san said, "Sasaki is good at dancing too." From here, I want to say with confidence that I am also good at dancing that Johnny-san had recognized. After all, dancing is a must in Johnny's! In addition, while polishing thoroughly my singing and acting too, I want to reach for something extraordinary.
With 7 MEN 侍 changing the members twice, a self-conscious was born each time and I have come do develop mutual trust with them. Even if these 6 people bump into a big wall, if these 6 people are together, they will be able to cross over it, they are probably late bloomers but I believe they can be successful and well known. (T/N: lit. 花を咲かせられる (flower can bloom; it is like an "idiomatic expression" for becoming successful and well known) In 2021, if possible, I want to do a live where 100% of the audience can go. It is going to be a live where they can think "I am glad I am supporting 7 MEN 侍." I'll cry if that happens (LOL).
Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?
I do things as I please like how I kissed Hamada Masatoshi-san of Downtown in a variety show, but I am really very nervous...Before the show, I am the type who right the character "人" 3 times on my palm, I do it seriously (LOL).
Konno Taiki
I think I could grab the chance because I was able to meet Johnny-san.
I like Kimura Takuya-san since I was 3 years old, and thinking that I want to be like him, I sent my resume to the agency. In year 2020, when I was able to go and see Kimura-san's tour, I told him those feelings, he said, "Let's take a photo together." I thought that a star is different after all.
From the start, even before joining Johnny's, with singing as my strong point, I love singing in front of people. I often sing Misora Hibari-san's 「Kawa No Nagare No Youni」. But when I hit the puberty, I came to hate my own voice. I stopped singing for a while but during my 4th year in Johnny's, when I casually hummed to Kinki Kids'san's 「Anniversary」near Johnny-san, he praised me saying, "You're good in singing!" More than anything else, I am glad that Johnny-san who loved me like a parent recognized my singing which is something that I am trying to make as my strong point. From that moment, I worked hard because I wanted to be praised by Johnny-san, but when he passed away, it felt like I have lost my aim. But for Johnny-san, he hates negative remarks the most. That's why it is not the time to feel down, aiming seriously for this group to debut, I feel like that timing completely changed my awareness towards work. I think I could grab the chance because I was able to meet Johnny-san after all. If that didn't happen, no doubt I am not here now.
2020 is the year where I got to experience a lot of things for the first time. Especially with the stage play 「The Happy Prince」, I was able to feel the enjoyment of plays. I think it would be nice if I can challenge campus love story in a drama or movie this 2021.
Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?
When I want to calm down, I use a perfume that has a sweet vanilla scent. Since「The Happy Prince」is my first stage play, I was very nervous. When I used this perfume during that time too, it was able to relieve my nervousness.
Yabana Rei
A performance that will also remain to the memories of those who are not knowledgeable about music.
I took the audition 4 times. For the details, you can try watching the episode where I talked about it in YouTube channel (LOL). Even if I passed the document screening but I couldn't go to the practice, I will repeat the cycle of going through audition again. If ever I continued [being a Jr.] during my first audition, I might be dancing and I might not had been able to make an appeal with musical instruments as my special skill during the band boom of Johnny-san. I am being told, "You're not Johnny's-like" because I say that I am better in playing instruments than dancing. It's just that, if I didn't enter Johnny's, I won't be playing instruments until now. So I can say that it feels like a wonderful destiny to be playing instruments as 7 MEN 侍.
Other than the bass that I am in-charged of playing, I also play guitar and harmonica. The first instrument I started with was drums and I got very hooked with 「Taiko no Tatsujin」(LOL). If you play different things, you will pick up the characteristics of each sound and you will be able to make songs too. I also want learn about the theories so I am attending college of music. I am a complete geek as regards to music (LOL). Me going on a rampage on stage is the result of me thinking on how I can show 7 MEN 侍's style. In the letters from the fans, letters with "you are cool playing the guitar" is not few even though I am playing the bass. Since there was a time when I also don't know clearly the difference between the guitar and the bass, so I can understand that feeling. That's why I want to do a performance that will remain to the memories of anyone.
With the aim "to be not less than what I am now" for next year, I want to be able to do more work than I did for this year. ...by the way, this is not a prank, right? I am very overwhelmed lately and I still can't believe that I am having an interview for anan (LOL).
Q. To have the luck on your side, do you have your own ritual?
Going to this certain shrine. Since I visited there alone during New Year, we had talk about changing the instruments we play and I have luck on my side. I like that it is quiet there even though it is located within the city, when I found that shrine, I prayed to the god of works.
Message
To Nakamura
To stand as the face of the group, you stand as the center of the group. His personality is my pace and gentle-mannered. Since you are not the "follow me!" type, that's why I think the members with strong personalities are also kept in place. Because I get stiff in front of seniors, Reia's sense of "being loved by everyone" is really nice. Even though you have the longest history in agency in the group, you are not prideful at all, Reia who can understand the things he can't do and who can rely to others is amazing. (Motodaka)
To Motodaka
Our overwhelmingly highly educated member. And yet, you are not annoying because you are a cute guy who is an overeater and carelessly says foolish things like "therefore!?" (LOL) Before the group was formed, you are a companion who I find easy to talk with, but you see me as a senior, right? The way you call me too was "Reia-kun". But I am happy that you interact with me on equal terms lately. (Nakamura)
To Yabana
Banasan is seen as someone reliable, and among the fans, I think they see him as peculiar, funny, and has a lively image. But unexpectedly, he has a delicate side too, and he is fairly a considerate person.He is really a very nice person that sometimes he looks pitiful. Well, I also usually tease Yabana (LOL). That's why, everyone too, please take good care of Yabana more! (Konno)
To Konno
He doesn't seem elusive at first glance, but I think he is stubborn. Konpi definitely won't cross the line he can't compromise with. And, he hates lounging around doing nothing. When work is done, he will be the first person who will say "I'm going home." At the start of 2020, when we changed the atmosphere of our band, I was struggling with the hook part's harmony, but Konpi can properly play the sound. I am super jealous of his talent! (Yabana)
To Sasaki
Among the members, he has the biggest gap. Despite being called as "mad dog", he still makes weird faces and also jokes around doing things that are not Johnny's-like. Since he is a youngest child, he might also have an impression of being a brat and naughty. But in lives, he shows a sparking cool dance, and he has a excellent style too. Since his range is really amazing, I hope you can enjoy his both sides! (Sugeta)
To Sugeta
You have the cuteness like an idol. Especially you like Yamada-kun, you have Hey!Say!JUMP's DVD and there was a time when we enjoyed watching it together. Also, your muscle is amazing, you are really healthy (LOL). But in reality, you are the type who will be silent when you get mad so I will ask Reia, "Why is he mad? Did I do something?" (LOL) Thinking of the members, I think the member who likes 7 MEN 侍 the most is Rinne! Since you always listens to our original songs. (Sasaki)
Cross Talk
Motodaka: anan is the magazine that my mother often buys. Thus, I am happy to be able to appear in anan! At home, I am always being asked, "Are you going to work today?", but this morning I said, "No, it's not for work" (lit. it's different). I want to make it a surprise [for my mom] once this issue is released.
Yabana: It would be funny if she didn't notice it even if it is already released~!
Nakamura: Even when they have the magazine at home LOL.
What is the history of your group name?
Sugeta: At the time we got the group name, I was doing activities with another 7 people. Rinne and Reia went to Johhny-san asking "we want a group name." And then, Johnny-san told us "I understand, I will think about it."
Nakamura: And then we thought that day was already over.
Sugeta: 5 minutes later, we got called "Samura~i!"
Nakamura: I thought, "Who is he calling Samurai!?" but when I looked around, it is only us who were there.
Sugeta: When the 2 of us went to Johnny-san, he asked us, "Do you know Kurosawa Akira's 「Shichinin no Samurai」?" Then, when we answered, "We know that film," he told us, "Then, how about being called 7 MEN 侍 from now on?" Each of the samurai who appeared in the movie are properly...like this...
Konno: Having strong personalities and skills.
Sugeta: Yeah
Konno: I am grateful that 7 people like that (having strong personalities and skills) were gathered.
Have you seen the movie?
All: ...(Only Nakamura-san raised his hand)
Nakamura: Wait a minute!
Sasaki: Everyone has not seen the movie except for Reia LOL.
Nakamura: It is the origin of our group name so let's watch it~!!
Yabana: Gerin-san (Sugeta) lying to Johnny-san saying "I know the film" is the worst LOL.
Nakamura: It is a wonderful film and you will learn something from it so please watch it!
What is 7 MEN 侍's strength?
Motodaka: Our difference from the other groups is that [playing a] "band" is our strength. As idols, we don't only play as a band but we can also show our dance.
Sasaki: Yeah, having both band and dance as "weapons" is huge, isn't it?
Motodaka: Yeah, since our first original song 「samudama」 is a band song, and our second original song 「Siren」 is a dance song.
Konno: When our next song was thought to be a band song too, our next song came out as a cool dance song.
Nakamura: With this, our third song became something incalculable. From now on too, I want for the fans to look forward to what our new song is each time we announce our new song.
Within the group, who is the member who has the element of "samurai" the most?
Konno: It's either me or Yabana, right?
Sugeta: Is it about the appearance?
Konno: In the sense of sticking with the will.
Yabana: Don't say that yourself!
In Yabana-san's solo interview, he described Konno-san exactly the same way you with what you (Konno) have said...
Konnp: Is that so? Then I shouldn't have said it. Please tell me properly about it. This is embarrassing!
Motodaka: Konpi dragged Yabana with guarantee LOL. For Yabana, getting dragged is just a trouble.
Yabana: Don't drag me into it~!
Nakamura: LOL. I love kanji, I wonder if that is samurai-like. I also play Sengoku. But, if we talk about the body, then isn't Rinne the one who is samurai-like?
Sugeta: Rinne thinks that more than being a samurai, I am more like a ninja.
Yabana: What is that? A self-awareness of a secret mystery from your heart LOL.
Nakamura: Of course we are idols, but I think it is also good to show the manly side of us exclusively during our band performances.
Yabana: We will go on a rampage like Sakamoto Ryouma who tried to change Japan!
Sasaki: For me, changing...or rather it's more like I want to create a new path.
Konno: Defying the public belief.
Yabana: The awareness that we don't want to go with the typical type is something we all have in common, right?
Motodaka: All 6 of us have different personalities but we that the same awareness.
Konno: We don't want to pretend to be someone else.
Sasaki: It's a subjective image but I think protecting a girl is an element of a samurai. It is gonna be a cheesy talk but I want to be an idol who can protect the fans.
Motodaka: You just said something really good! But, what would be the good thing to do to protect the fans?
Sasaki: I think making them happy.
Sugeta: By making our fans happy, as a result, we are able to protect them!
Motodaka: We are saying good things today, aren't we?
Nakamura: With what said earlier , it doesn't feel like you worked LOL.
Currently, you are in the middle of practice for the stage play 「DREAM BOYS」.
Konno: I watched the DREAM BOYS 2019 where Reia and Taiko appeared, and since I thought I wanted to appear on it again, I am so happy to be able to appear on DREAM BOYS again.
Sugeta: Since there is already a vision in Domoto Koichi-san who is directing the play, I am looking forward to recieving direction and guidance even before the practice.
Sasaki: Reia will stand in front of the audience after a while, right?
Nakamura: Yeah. I currently have a feeling like I am seeing the person I love after a while that my heart is throbbing.
ALL: OH~!!
Sasaki: Rinne made a face that he doesn't want to lose [to Reia] after hearing Reia's comment LOL.
Nakamura: Probably, this comment will be used by Rinne on a different interview, right? LOL.
What is the charm of 「DREAM BOYS」?
Sugeta: The burning passion of two men towards boxing is its charm after all, right?
Nakamura: Yeah. The feelings are delivered in a straight manner.
Motodaka: It is a story that firmly depicts humans and their relationships with each other.
Sasaki: Youth! It has the entertainment that is unique to Johnny's so you won't get tired of watching it. Oh, which minds me, as soon as the practice started, Kishi (Yuta)-kun asked, "Is Yabana not around today?"
Yabana: He told me "teach me how to play the guitar please." It is an honor to be needed by a senior.
Sasaki: But (Iwasaki) Taisho is a strong opponent. It looks difficult to keep up with him LOL.
Yabana: Taisho mistook me for a nourishment or something and my energy gets absorbed.
Konno: It looks like Yabana has no time to rest LOL.
By the way, 7 MEN 侍 still does not have a leader, right?
Sugeta: *raised actively his hand alone*
ALL: *roar of laughter*
Sasaki: If our leader is like Rinne, 7 MEN 侍 is seriously over LOL. This is different from asking in in the werewolf game on who is the fortune teller and you will say, "I am."
Yabana: I think it is his win because he said it first LOL.
Konno: Announcing it during the anan round-table discussion which is a big occasion LOL.
Yabana: Doesn't it feel like the same thing for the MC part in YouTube channel...?
Nakamura: When Rinne realized that being the MC is not that great...
Sugeta: Well, whatever!
Sasaki: Since he stopped doing the MC, he wanted to have punishment games so that he would be shown in the camera even just for a little LOL.
Sugeta: In the filming recently, Rinne is always beside Yabana, right?
Motodaka: Don't tell me that's because if you are standing next to the MC, you will be in the camera too...?
Sugeta: Yup. I revealed this for the first time now.
Konno: In a sense, you are a genius LOL.
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Perfectly Confused Angel- Part 13
A/N: Hello friends! Here’s another new update! Temporary living will give you plenty of time to come up with new ideas! But I start working again next Monday so updates will most likely come on the weekends.
(Season 15 spoilers! Only in the description!) I imagine this battle against Chuck happening in place of the fight Sam, Dean, and Castiel had with the second ending of the world at the start of season 15.
As always, masterlist can be found here, prompt list is here, ask me anything! Feedback is always welcome! Tag list requests are open!
Previous Chapter
Warnings: Fluff, battle preparation, sassiness, slight anger, tooth-rotting fluff, especially at the end
Word Count: 1,900
Once Cas and I told Sam and Dean of our news, we all devised a plan to make Chuck pay for what he did to me. It wasn’t going to be easy and we knew he was going to try to break up the wedding, but in no way were we going to let him, or anyone else, stop us. Chuck has already caused enough chaos in our lives; he’s not going to cause anymore on the most important day of our lives. We knew the three boys were not going to be enough to take down someone like Chuck, so we enlisted a group of the best hunters we could think of. Planning a wedding while trying to take out a powerful creature like Chuck? Yeah, that’s normal.
I walkout of my shared room with Cas and head to the map table, where I see Sam, Dean, and Cas all on the phone and writing names down on a notebook. I smile at the boys, my boys, as they work hard to defend me from God, and try to busy myself. If I stood around for too long, just watching them and not being able to help or not know what was going on, I would get too worried and I can’t let myself get that bad. Walking into the kitchen, I take out supplies from the fridge and begin working on breakfast. If I can’t help with the battle or even recruiting people, at least I can keep everyone fed.
“Good morning, my fiancé,” I hear a voice say in my ear and feel hands on my hips, instantly causing me to melt to the touch.
“Well good morning to you too, my fiancé,” I reply to the angel and turn around to kiss him.
“I like calling you that. Makes it sound like you’re really mine,” He says with a small grin on his face.
“Wait until you get to call me your wife,” I say in a flirty tone.
“Trust me y/n, I already am,” He admits, cheeks turning red. “So, what are you making?”
“Well I figured I have to keep my boys fed since they’re working so hard to protect me, so I just grabbed food and thought I’d just make things I think would be good together. A little bit of everything for everyone.” I say as I delicately place five more strips of bacon into the pan.
“Let me guess, bacon for Dean?” Cas says, now standing back to really watch me.
“And me too! He’s not the only one who likes it, ya know.” I say, nibbling on an already cooked piece before Cas takes it out of my hand and eats the rest.
“Hey!” I whine but a quick kiss makes up for the food thief. Soon enough and with Castiel’s help, there is a wide variety of food laid out for everyone to enjoy.
“Sam! Dean! Food’s up!” I yell as I set up the kitchen counters with plates, forks and napkins.
“Holy shit, y/n, this looks amazing!” Dean says, walking in first and grabbing his plate, heading straight for the bacon.
“Hey, Dean, save some of that bacon for others.” I comment, seeing him almost fill his plate up with just bacon.
“What others?” He comments, with a slice hanging from his mouth.
I walk over to him and rip the bacon from his mouth and say, “me” before taking a bite of the half-eaten strip.
Castiel and Sam just laughed at the surprised look on Dean’s face.
“Pretty ballsy of you to do, kid. But I’ll give you credit for it.” Dean says, adding other food to his plate.
“I’ve been living with you barbarians for a long time; I know what I have to do to survive.”
We all gather around the map table to eat our food, chattering about the process of getting people involved.
“So, y/n, we figured you wouldn’t want to be left alone during a time like this, so we asked a few of the hunters to stay behind and keep you company.” Sam said, flipping through the notebook.
“Wait, really?” I ask, hoping it was a cruel joke. “Seriously? You guys do know this isn’t the first time I’ve been left alone while you go hunting.” I say, looking at Cas.
“Yes, that is true, but considering what happened to you the last time we left alone, we all agreed it would best if someone would stay with you.”
“Who’s staying behind?” I ask, my tone coming off stronger than I meant it to, but I was pretty upset.
“Donna and Jody. They volunteered to stay behind, plus you have a wedding to plan.” Dean said.
“Oh great, so while my fiancé and my best friends, as well as a bunch of other hunters, are fighting to take down the toughest being in all of existence, I get to sit at home and plan a wedding?” I say, more infuriated than I was before.
“Look, honeybee, I know this isn’t easy for you, but your best option is to stay here and be safe. Plus, you did say you wanted a somewhat large wedding, right?” Cas said, running his hands up and down my arms, in an attempt to settle me down.
“Yeah, I guess so.” I say, caving into the beautiful blue eyes that shone brightly when he looked at me.
“Great, I fully trust you to make our wedding absolutely beautiful.” Cas says, holding me close and from behind.
“You do know you have to help somewhat, right? I need your opinion on the flavor of cake, the front on the invitations, the flowers!” I say, turning my head to look back at the angel.
“Yes, I do know. I’ve been doing research on how involved the groom tends to me for the wedding when you agreed to marry me. Which is why I’m staying behind as well.”
“No. Cas, I can’t let you stay behind while the biggest fight of all time is going to take place. You need to be there, to stand up to your father! You can’t stay here!” I argue.
“I can do whatever I feel like is important, and while this fight is important, me being here with you is my number one priority. That way, we can plan things for the wedding, together.” He countered and knowing Castiel, I knew he wasn’t going to lose this argument. Fighting with an angel is impossible to win because they usually always find a way to change your mind. Some weird mind control thing or something.
“Alright fine, but you’re helping me make every decision except for the dresses.” I say, making Cas a deal.
“You got yourself a deal. I want to be involved in this wedding as much as you want me to be. My kind take weddings and marriage very seriously.”
“Really? Didn’t think angels got married.”
“Typically, we don’t, but what is written about marriage and how we’re to help those in crisis, it’s rather important.”
“Well, I guess I can consider myself lucky to have the first angel husband.”
“Oh no y/n, we’re going to have the first-ever angel-human wedding.”
“Great, so no pressure?” I say and sigh, leaning on Cas.
“Not at all. This is a special day and I know how long you’ve been waiting for your wedding day.”
“What? How do you know that?”
Cas hesitated to tell me at first but then, told me everything.
“I used to watch over you as a child.”
“You what?! You watched over me as a child? How? How do you know I’m the same person?”
“When you were little, you were prayed over, and I was sent to watch over you. I wasn’t allowed to get too close, for we can traumatize a child, but I was sent to watch over you. I visited you quite often actually. In fact, we talked a lot. I would have tea parties with you, I was there when you took your first steps, the first time you went to school. But once you reached a certain age, you decided I wasn’t allowed to see you anymore. So, I left and never came back. And I know it’s you because you are the only Y/F/N Y/L/N in this area of the world.”
I took a minute to absorb what was just told to me and I remembered.
“Wait, I remember now. You were my imaginary friend. No one else was able to see you but I and I never knew why but you were always there for me. You did see everything and were apart of everything. Although, I don’t remember deciding I was too old for an imaginary friend. Actually, I remember going to look for you on several occasions. I would call out for you but you never came back to see me, so I assumed you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Oh my gosh, Castiel. You’re Castiel from my childhood. I, I can’t believe it’s really you.” I say, reaching my hand up to stroke his cheek.
“Wait, you’ve known her her whole life? And you’re just now telling her all this?” Dean questioned the angel.
“Yes. I didn’t say anything when I first met you, y/n, because I wasn’t sure how you were going to react to seeing me after all these years. I didn’t want to interrupt the life you already made for yourself, but once I came back and I-I fell in love with you and we were going to be married, I knew it was time. My father told me so many times not to tell you who I was, angels never fully reveal themselves to humans, but this calls for the entire truth. You and me, we are to be one, and I need you to know everything. I am so sorry I left you. I didn’t know it was going to hurt you so much. I wanted to go back and see you and I heard every single prayer you made to me, but I wasn’t allowed to go back. Once a child reaches a certain age, we are to move on.”
I wanted to be mad, to be angry over this whole situation, because I went fifteen years without seeing him, but I couldn’t be upset.
“I can’t believe it,” I say, looking up to Castiel. “I can’t believe I’m going to marry the first man I ever loved.” And with that, our kiss was just as blissful as they were at the beginning. My heart raced as I kissed him, with the realization that he was the one who always looked after me. Now we get to be married and to be with each other forever.
Second a/n: I know there is no proof that angels can control humans’ minds but I wanted to try something different with this chapter.
And how about that plot twist at the end here?? I am open to discussions on this!
Tag list: @simpleboox @fandom-princess-forevermore @juju-la-tortue @forever-trapped-in-my-dreams @markofdean79 @tloveswriting @grace15ella
#castiel#castiel angel of the lord#castiel fluff#castiel x reader#castiel x you#castiel x y/n#cas fanfic#Misha Collins#supernatural
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Bound To You - Chapter 10: Secret In Plain Sight
< - - - Previous Chapter
WARNING: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 15
NOTE: Pairings and Ratings Will Change As Story Is Updated
Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Rating: General Audiences
Chapter Word Count: 6,616
Overall Word Count: 77,283
Status: Multi Chapter Fic - In Progress (10/?)
Chapter Preview:
They very nearly end up running Sam over as they clash in the bend of the hallway, Sam having shot up and raced towards Eileen’s shouts the second he heard them.
“What’s going on?” Sam demands, frantic eyes darting between Eileen and Dean.
“Ask her,” Dean replies, jabbing a thumb behind him towards Eileen. “Your girlfriend started banging on my door at ass o’clock in the morning and took me for a joyride…”
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Character Key For Telepathic Conversations
'Italic Text' - Castiel
'Bold Text' - Dean
Eileen had been at it for hours now. Having long since given up combing over research in the library, she had retreated to Sam’s their bedroom, bringing with her a few relevant looking books and documents to read over in comfort. There’s only so long you can spend in those hard wooden chairs before your back starts screaming at you…
Sam was still diligently focused on their research, only giving her a small shake of his head when she had asked him if he wanted to take a break, focused solely on the book in front of him. She had been planning to take a break herself – perhaps even catch a few winks of sleep – but seeing Sam so devoted to finding an answer… she knew she’d just feel like crap if she left him to do all the research himself.
Dean had practically disappeared to his bedroom shortly after the red-haired witch had left. Not that she can blame him. She knew how much both her and Sam liked to tease Dean about his whole thing with Cas and – truth be told – she’s not one hundred percent sure that him and Cas are even a thing yet; it’s not like Dean is the kind of guy to talk openly about his relationships. Still, even without Cas being in a physical form, without the usual shy glances and timid touches she caught between them in private moments… she could still see how much Dean cared for Cas. How much he means to him, how much… well, how much he loves him. Even if Dean doesn’t quite realize it himself -or, as she hopes it to be – knows but doesn’t like talking to them about it.
Finding out that your best friend has a literal death timer hanging over his head, and with what seems like every solution being a dead-end… she’s not surprised Dean had slinked off to be alone for a while.
Well… probably not alone, but within company of the only person he wants to be around right now.
And so now… now they’re left with this impossible-seeming task that they somehow have to do within a time limit of anywhere between a month to only a few weeks. And the crazy thing is how desperate she feels to find a way to save Cas, too. It’s crazy, because… well, she hasn’t known Cas for all that long. A few brief encounters with the angel here and there, in the occasional times that he dropped by in the bunker. Yet, despite that brief time… she’s come to care for the angel. Maybe it’s the brother's love for him that rubbed off on her, maybe it’s seeing Sam and Dean work themselves into a grave to find a solution; maybe it’s something as simple as Cas being a good guy, and she likes him. Either way, she’s found herself situated in this odd, dependent, multi-species family, and she’s going to do all she can to keep this family together.
The book in her lap felt like it was getting heavier and heavier, likely branding her skin with it’s raised gold letters as the minutes ticked by with the heavy block of paper sat atop legs. It wasn’t the only thing that was getting heavier; her eyelids had been fighting her resolve to stay awake for a few hours now, finding it harder and harder to fight gravity as her body shouts its protests.
“Alright,” She grunts, closing the book hard enough that it made an audible ‘thud’, tapping her fingers along the hard cloth cover. “Guess I’m doing this…”
Praying was… not too common of a thing for her. Having been raised in the hunter life ever since she can remember, fueled by the reminder of her parent’s and the creature that killed them – and had left her unable to hear - the thought of there being a God out there seemed unbelievable. Ridiculous, even. How could a God leave the Earth in such a state? How could a God let his creation be tainted by such vicious creatures, hunting down his children in the night, a stain on the beautiful world he had created? Of course, now she knows that God got a kick out of that kind of stuff…
Things are different now, though. God is gone. No, not gone – replaced. Replaced by the son of Lucifer - no, no that’s not right. She knows Jack is more than that. She knows from Sam’s sad, soft smiles when he talks of him, of the pained sheen in Dean’s eyes at any mention of Jack that he was more than just his genetics. Jack is… Jack is their kid. There was no other way to describe him, really. It didn’t matter that they weren’t of the same blood, or even entirely of the same species. The Winchesters had taken him into their home, had raised him, taught him what it’s like to be human.
Made him a Winchester.
“Hey, um… God. Or is it still Jack? I’m not sure what you prefer…” Eileen begins, unsure whether she should have her hands clasped together in prayer for this to work. She does it anyway, just to be on the safe side. “I, uh…. I never actually got to meet you. I was dead when you were born… then you were dead when I was brought back, then I left when you were brought back… we uh, kind of kept missing each other.”
Eileen couldn’t help but laugh awkwardly at that. Or was it more of a nervous laughter? She couldn’t quite tell… “I know that we don’t really know each other, but… I think it’s safe to say we have shared friends… family, even. I don’t know how much you know of what’s going on – I mean, I know God is supposed to know all but considering Chuck needed my eyes to see what was happening in the bunker, maybe not? It’s… I don’t know how it works, if you’re keeping an eye on us down here or you’re busy doing other stuff, but…”
Eileen sighs, closing her eyes and resting her head against her clasped hands. “Things aren’t looking good, Jack. And I know there’s probably no point to this seeing as Sam, Dean and Cas must have prayed to you a billion times already, but… I thought I’d give it a shot anyway. Cas, uh… Cas isn’t doing too good. He doesn’t have much time left, and… it feels like he could go at any second. I know from all the stories Sam’s told me that you and Cas… you were pretty much a mini him. Both of you always trying to do your best… just wanting to be good. And I know that Cas, he… he always had your back. Even before you were born, even in the times… the times that Dean and Sam were unsure…
I guess what I’m trying to say is… Cas needs your help. It just feels like after everything, isn’t this something we deserve? Something Cas deserves? After all these years, all they want is some sense of normality. As close as you can get to it in this life, anyway… And I know you were only three or something, but… I think we could both see how much Cas and Dean mean to each other. Losing Cas… yeah, it would hurt big time for me and Sam. Losing a friend for me, losing a best friend for Sam… but if Dean has to lose Cas? Again? I just… I don’t want to think about what that’s going to be like. I know he’s trying to stay strong in the face of everything, including dealing with his injury… but I think having Cas here with him has been what’s keeping him going.”
Eileen pulled her head away from her hands, tilting her head up to the burning bright glow of the ceiling light, closing her eyes to shield them from the piercing light. “Listen, I can’t even begin to try and understand what it must be like to be God. All that responsibility, all that power you suddenly have to handle… It must be overwhelming. You’re trying your best, I know that. Sam’s said about how you weren’t going to be involved anymore, but… we’re running out of options here Jack, and I… I can’t see how you’d happily sit back and watch Cas die; let him go back to the Empty to suffer for eternity. You might be God, but you’re still part human. You still care for Cas, I know it. So please. Please, just… help us. Help Cas. Do something.”
She peels her eyes open as the second tick by in silence, tilting her head back down and glancing around the empty room. Empty. Not a God-child in sight. She hadn’t truly been expecting for anything to happen, yet it still felt like a punch to the gut. It would be too easy for them, wouldn’t it? A tap of the fingers from Jack and all their problems would just disappear…
Above her, the light on the ceiling flickers. One single flicker, a split second where the bulb dims before returning to its full brightness. Eileen pulls herself out of bed with a tired sigh and a grumble of: “Damn old bunker…” The bulb flickers again, and again, and Eileen reaches up on her tiptoes to tap at the old glass bulb. The flickering stops the second her fingers come into contact with it, and she remains there for a few moments, waiting to see if it would flicker once more.
Satisfied she had solved the problem for the time being, she turns back around to climb back into bed, ready to call it a night. Her gaze drops down to a single piece of paper sat upon the floor, that she must have kicked off the bed as she stood up to fix the bulb. She plucks it up from the ground, recognizing it as the file of the angel experiment, the one that Sam and Dean’s grandfather had a part to play in…
Eileen drops back down into her bed with paper still in hand, eyes scanning curiously over the thick document. There was still something so strange to her about this document. Perhaps it was a bit odd to get so caught up on the thickness level of a piece of paper, but something about it was just… calling to her. Begging for her attention. She leans back against the headboard of the bed, holding the paper in front of her as her gaze drifts across the neatly printed words.
Her gaze freezes in place as she lifts the paper up, blocking the light of the ceiling. As the light shone through the thick paper, she could see… words. Blurred, tiny words… that were hidden behind the words on the front of the page.
“Oh my God…” She mumbles, scrambling up to her feet. She holds the piece of paper closer to the light, shifting the angle of the paper to see more and more blurred words stretching out across the width of the page.
There was something inside the page.
Eileen rushes to her duffle bag, throwing the zip open and searching through its contents until she found the swiss army knife she keeps tucked away. She flicks the small blade open, making a small incision into the side of the thick paper, carefully sawing across the side until it had been fully opened. Sure enough, when she shakes the thick piece of paper over the bed, another piece of paper falls out. This paper was much thinner than the other, only slightly smaller, and filled with writing almost too small to see.
She brings the paper as close to her face as she can without her eyes losing focus, squinting harshly as she tries to make out the tiny text. She scans across the passages as fast as she can, trying to get somewhat of an understanding of what this extra, seemingly hidden addition to the original file could be.
“This is…” She whispers to herself, eyes slowly widening as she realizes what she’s holding.
Within seconds she’s racing out of their room, not feeling the slightest bit guilty for banging against Dean’s door and waking him as she went. “DEAN! SAM! I FOUND SOMETHING!”
* * *
Dean shot awake with a strangled gasp, the last dregs of sleep clinging on tight as he blearily looks around the darkened room. His body is directing him over to his wheelchair before he can fully process it, not entirely sure if the shouts he heard from Eileen were because of something good, or of some sort of trouble within the bunker.
‘What the - - you hear what she said, Cas?’
‘I’m still rather disorientated from the sudden awakening, but… it almost sounded like she said she found something?’
Dean grunted in response, Cas's answer aligning with what he thought he’d heard himself.
Eileen was still banging incessantly against his door, the sound way too long considering he had been fast asleep about thirty seconds ago. Dean drops into his wheelchair with a pained grunt, pushing himself towards the door with half-closed eyes.
“What are you-,”
“We need to get Sam,” Eileen cuts him off the second he gets the door open, rushing around behind him and grabbing hold of the wheelchair's handles. Dean startles awake just a little bit more at the sudden push behind him, hanging onto his wheelchair for grip as Eileen races towards the library.
They very nearly end up running Sam over as they clash in the bend of the hallway, Sam having shot up and raced towards Eileen’s shouts the second he heard them.
“What’s going on?” Sam demands, frantic eyes darting between Eileen and Dean.
“Ask her,” Dean replies, jabbing a thumb behind him towards Eileen. “Your girlfriend started banging on my door at ass o’clock in the morning and took me for a joyride…”
“I think I’ve found something,” Eileen pants, gesturing with her head for Sam to follow as she continues towards the library.
“You found something? What, like, something that will help Cas?” Sam asks, jogging behind Eileen as they burst into the library.
“I think so, yeah,” Eileen answers, parking Dean in front of the table before pulling the folded piece of paper out of her back pocket. “You remember that file on the angel experiment? The exorcism one with the explosives?”
“Not gonna forget it…” Dean mumbles under his breath.
“Something about that file just felt weird to me. Just now, I held the paper up the light, and I could see there was something inside the paper! It was like a secret compartment or something!” Eileen waves the paper at them. “I cut it open and this was inside it!”
Eileen shoves the piece of paper into Sam’s hands, who still looked a tad bit disorientated about the sudden change of events. “Go ahead, read it!”
Sam’s head snapped towards his older brother, taking in the smallest glimmer of hope that sat behind his eyes. Sam quickly shuffled over to the table, unfolding the piece of paper and flattening out the creases as much as he could, the two of them leaning over the file as they tried to read the small writing.
‘I imagine this will get me into heaps of trouble if I was to ever be caught… but to be frank, I do not give much of a damn.
When Sinclair came to me with his proposition… I couldn’t turn it down. They’ve barely trusted me with much more than maid’s work around the bunker, so to be offered a chance to take part in an official experiment; How could I say no?
Of course, I should have started asking questions when Sinclair avoided giving me any details on the nature of the experiment… I thought we were going to be doing a good thing. That we would rid that man of the angelic parasite attached to him.
Instead… we blew an innocent man into pieces. We took away his chance of life. We took him away from his family, people who loved and would miss him… All in the name of so-called ‘necessary research’. Sinclair didn’t even seem to care. The only reason for his frustration being that the experiment failed, that he was wrong on a subject, not that we had killed someone. Which we did. We killed that man, and the Men of Letters didn’t even blink an eye.
I tried to move past it. Told myself that these were the kind of things I would have to deal with in this institution. Except… I’ve been unable to get it out of my head. The moment Sinclair pressed that button… the sight of that man reduced to chunks has been haunting my dreams. And the smell… my god, the smell… A mix of burning flesh and raw, bloody meat… makes me heave just thinking of it.
I did not know who to confide in, if anyone. They would likely tell me to man up and get over myself. I may even risk being kicked out - if that’s even an option… So, I have kept my worries to myself. I harbored all the guilt, all the blame for that man’s death until I could no more.
I told myself I would find a way to fix this. I would bring that man back, give him back the life he deserved to live. I know it was foolish of me to assign myself this task, that too many things could have gone wrong… And yet, I did it anyway.
I had to hire the help of a witch to aid me in this endeavor… perhaps the worst part of this whole thing. Dealing with someone who so willingly delves into such arts felt as if I was poisoning myself, but it was a necessity. Her name was Annika Whitmore. Still a young thing, not the old hagged witches you typically see portrayed in the fairytales. She was perfectly respectful I suppose; well mannered and eager to help. And I suppose, and the end of everything… she’s found me something.’
The words tapered off there, reaching the end of the thin piece of paper. Sam and Dean looked to each other in a mixture of shock and disappointment; shocked that there may be a lead after all, but disappointed that this was seemingly all that had been written.
“It ends there?” Sam asks Eileen, turning his head to the side to face her. “That’s it?”
Eileen responds by rolling her eyes at him, grabbing the page by its side and flipping the piece of paper over to reveal another page of writing.
“Oh…” Sam’s face flushes, awkwardly clearing his throat and giving his brother a disgraced glance out of the corner of his eye before continuing to read the passage.
‘The spell is, thankfully, fairly simple to perform. A few common ingredients along with some that are… more difficult to come by. Thankfully, I already have possession of such ingredients. Then, it is simply a matter of speaking the correct incantation. Or, so I’ve been told. I suppose I will not know until I perform the ritual. I am fully aware that what I am doing is, unquestionably, the wrong move to make. Logically, and for the safety of myself and my peers, I should not be doing this. However, it is morally what’s right, and as such, I will be unable to rest peacefully until I’ve at least attempted the spell.
Who knows? Maybe this will work. Or, if the space under this is left empty… it went horribly, horribly wrong…
Update: It has been three weeks since I last left an update. In that time, I have collected all the ingredients necessary for the spell, and perfected the incantations and sigils required.
One such ingredient I was told was required was the angel’s grace. Sneaking that out from under Sinclair’s nose was certainly no easy task. And I imagine finding an excuse as to where it disappeared to will be an even greater challenge…
After all my efforts… I was finally able to undertake the ritual to bring this man back to the world of the living.
I do not have the words for it, really. Other than… it did not go as I had hoped. For a moment… I thought it had. The body was there. Laying atop the Enochian sigil, as naked as the day he had been born. But… there was nothing. He was alive, yes. But those eyes… those dead eyes… He was alive, but he wasn’t truly alive. Nothing more than a shell, a failed recreation of the man he once was. I do not know why I overlooked such a thing… of course the body would be empty; his soul would still remain to whichever plane of existence it had been reaped to.
This, however… this was different. I’ve read the encounters the Men of Letters have had with soulless bodies. They were… well, I wouldn’t say themselves, but there was still a hint of the person they once were there, just… with their humanity gone. Their sense of good and evil, of doing what’s best for others, not solely for themselves.
What came back? It had no semblance to the man he once was. Nothing but… an empty copy. No emotions, no sense of awareness. When I looked to him, he stared straight past me.
I have not told my superiors of this experiment. And they have no need to know. For the creature I have created… I decided the best course of action would be to put it out of its misery. To live like that – if you can even call it that – is not a life worth living. There wasn’t even a hint of fear in its eyes when I leveled the revolver to its face. In fact… I would almost say there was a thankfulness there.
I have left the spell below. My hope is that someday… someone worthy will find it. Someone who can expand upon the work I have done, to find an answer… or, at the very least, find an answer to Sinclair’s previous experiment so that this one never needs to be performed again.
I do not know what else to write on this other than… I tried, Sir. I tried to bring you back to your family. I hope you are at peace, wherever it is that you are.
I’m sorry.’
“This is it…” Dean breathes out in his shock. “This is… it’s what we were looking for, isn’t it? Recreating the vessel so it’s able to sustain life, but not need a soul?”
Dean reaches out to pull the paper closer, timidly pulling it towards him in the fear the eighty-year-old paper would crumble apart under his fingertips.
“I can’t believe it…” Sam says, turning wide, stunned eyes over to Eileen, his face breaking out into an ecstatic grin – one that she happily returns. “Eileen, you – you did it!”
Eileen chuckles warmly when Sam practically envelops her into a bone-crushing hug, disappearing underneath layers of flannel. “I lucked out, is all.”
“Doesn’t matter if it was luck,” Dean tells her once she unpeels herself from Sam. “It was you that found it. Without you… We would never have found this. And if we did… it’d probably be when it’s too late.”
‘Cas, this is…’
‘I know.’
This ‘I know’ was different from the one last night. Castiel’s voice in his mind was different now. One of cautious hope, rather than acceptance and surrender. There was going to be so many questions on the legitimacy of this spell, and whether it’d actually work, but… right now, it felt like an answer. It felt like safety.
It felt like Cas was saved.
“I think we’ve got more of the main ingredients in the supplies, too,” Sam picks up the piece of paper to double-check, eyes scanning across the actual spell. “Yeah! Most of these we can gather up from – oh…”
Dean’s head shot up at his little brothers disheartened sounding ‘oh’, glancing nervously back and forth between Sam and the paper he held. “What do you mean ‘oh?’ What’s wrong?”
“Say’s here that one of the main ingredients to the spell is… the angel's grace. Pretty much a third of what the spell relies on.”
‘ Makes sense…’
‘It does?’
‘Every vessel we possess leaves… I suppose you could call it a mark. An imprint on our grace. That connection between grace and vessel is likely what gives the spell most of its power.’
Dean conveys this information over to Sam and Eileen, who only appear more worried at the news. Sam sighs, scratching at the stubble growing across his cheeks. “With the experiment Sinclair used… he extracted nearly all of the angel's grace. Grandpa then used that grace for the spell. That was nearly the angel’s entire amount of grace, but with Cas…?”
“He’s already running on fumes…” Dean mumbles in realization. “So, what – it won’t work?”
“I don’t know,” Sam answers honestly. “Grandpa didn’t note how much of the grace he used – or how much was required.”
“Any chance we can track down the witch?” Eileen asks. “Maybe she’d be willing to help?”
Sam hurried back over to his seat, dropping the paper onto the table and pulling his discarded laptop closer before opening its lid. His fingers tap across the keys, eyes darting across the screen once he hits enter. Immediately, his face drops at what he reads, leaning back against his chair and wiping a hand across his mouth. “No good… she was labeled as ‘missing’ back in fifty-seven… by the Government, anyway. But according to the Men of Letters files-,” Sam turned the laptop around, showing Eileen and Dean an old, grainy, black and white photo of a pile of ash. “-She is officially dead. Taken out by their hunters…”
Dean sighed in frustration, placing his elbow on the library table and leaning his forehead against his knuckles. “Of course… guess we’ve gotta do this all on our own…”
“Don’t do that just yet,” Sam warned, slamming the laptop closed and picking the spell back up from the table. “The spell might work still. We just need two other ingredients…”
“What…” Dean groaned as his brother trailed off.
“Uh… apparently… we need something of importance to the angel that was possessing the vessel…”
All three glanced at one another, waiting for someone to throw in a suggestion of what that could be.
“…we could use Dean?” Eileen offers, half-joking, half being dead serious. “Unless… does this ‘something’ need to be sacrificed, or…?”
“Wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case…” Dean mumbles.
‘Dean… don’t you dare-,’
“Not a sacrifice,” Sam tells them, lips quirked up in a half-smile at Eileen’s suggestion. “It’s placed within the Enochian sigil, not with the rest of the ingredients. Plus, the spell does say an ‘item’ of importance, so… I’m assuming it can’t be alive.”
“Okay… what’s the other thing we need?” Eileen asks.
“This one I’m… not too sure about,” Sam says, crossing his arms as he holds the paper out, re-reading the spell. “We need a vial of blood from a relative of the vessel. I don’t really know who we can-,”
The answer comes to Sam, Dean, and Cas all at the same time, the two brothers locking eyes as the name falls from their lips.
“Claire.”
“Uh… who?” Eileen asks, waiting for the brothers to expand on this apparent revelation.
“Claire!” Sam repeats, like that provided any semblance of an answer. “She, uh, she’s Jimmy Novak’s daughter; Cas’s vessel's daughter… She’s… she’s the only one of his family left alive…”
“Do you know her?” Eileen asks.
“You could say that…”
“She hired some people to kill me once,” Dean adds with a strained smile. “To be fair – I totally deserved it at the time. She totally loves me now, though.”
‘That might be an exaggeration…’
‘Hey – if she’s your kid, she’s my kid too. We’re co-parenting Jack, you can’t take Claire away from me, too.’
“And… how does she feel about Cas?” Eileen asked gingerly, glancing down to Dean. “Since Cas did take her father’s body and all…”
“It, uh… wasn’t smooth sailing for them two at first,” Dean answers for Cas. “Claire was pretty bitter for a while; Dad taken by an angel, left in the care of the foster system by her mom… yeah, the reunion wasn’t too great.”
“And now?”
“I’d say she’s damn fond of the guy,” Dean says. “Doubt she’d ever admit it, but…”
‘Huh,’ Eileen thought, ‘Who does that remind me of…’
“So, you think she would help?” Eileen asks.
“I don’t see why not,” Sam says with a shrug of his shoulders. “It’s just a vial of blood, nothing life-threatening or altering. Up to her of course, but… doubt she’d say no.”
“Guess that means we’re making a surprise visit to Sherriff Mills,” Dean says cheerfully, already picturing the mouth-watering homemade meal that would be waiting.
“Doesn’t have to be a surprise visit, you know,” Sam scolds him. “You could not be an asshole and call ahead?
Dean makes a ‘pfft’ sound in response, waving off his brother’s good manners. “Where’s the fun in that? I wanna see the surprise on her face when we show up unannounced at their doorstep – with me in a wheelchair! Gotta get some kind of amusement out of my disability, Sammy.”
“First of all: you’re a jerk.”
“Bitch-,”
“Second of all-,” Sam continues sternly. “-We’ve still got the second ingredient to figure out, remember? What the hell are we gonna use that’s ‘of importance’ to Cas?”
* * *
‘ Why do you have no possessions, Cas?’
Dean wheels himself down the bunker hallways as he asks Cas this, eyes scanning across the golden numbers glued on the wooden doors as he went.
‘I rarely have use for them. The few I had which I would deem ‘of importance’ were on me at the time of my death. Along with myself… they were destroyed.’
‘What’d you have on you?’
‘Not much: The clothes on my back, my angel blade tucked within my sleeve. And your mixtape.’
Dean stopped pushing the wheels of his chair at that. ‘You… you kept that on you?’
‘Of course. It served as a reminder that, in those eight years we had known each other, you still cared enough to put your effort into creating something of importance for me. Something that allowed you to share your love of music with me. Despite all I had done… you still cared.’
‘And you needed to be reminded of that?’
‘…yes?’
‘Either I was the crappiest friend in the world, Cas, or you were a blind dumbass.’
‘I’m leaning towards it being both.’
‘You know what? You’re probably right.’
‘I am sorry for that, you know.’
‘For what? Being right? Or being a dumbass?’
Dean grinned at the scowl Cas sent in his head. ‘Neither… I meant that… I’m sorry for losing your mixtape. You spent your time on making that, and now-,’
‘Pretty sure it would have ruined the moment if you whipped out my mixtape and threw it at me to save it while you were dying, Cas. Besides, now I get to make you a new one. Perhaps an extended version, top twenty maybe?’
‘Why do I get the feeling you’re eventually going to make a ‘top tracks’ cassette tape that has ALL of Led Zeppelin’s songs on it?’
‘Well, it’d be accurate, since they’re all the best of the best.’
‘Do you think you’ll ever expand your music tastes?’
‘Cas, what I’m about to tell you, I’m only telling you because I love you: I still listen to Taylor Swift on occasion. I sneak it in every now and then when I’ve got my headphones on cleaning Baby. Don’t tell Sam.’
‘You… you listen to-,’
Dean blocks off what’s likely to be a multitude of questions from Cas on his little musical secret, coming to a stop in front of Castiel’s room. If it can even be called that… it was a rarity for Castiel to use the room. Which, to be fair, is understandable when Dean considers the fact that Cas is an angel and, as such, does not require sleep. Still… it always hurt to walk past the room when the door was left open, seeing the bed bare and the room empty of any… Casness (was that a word? He’s pretty sure it’s not a word).
And yet, as Dean reached for the handle of the door, his finger stilled. The door had been kept shut for a reason. After… after what happened, he had never intended to open this door again. No matter what, it was Cas’s room, and nothing would ever replace it.
‘Are you okay, Dean?’
‘Yeah… yeah, I just… it’s stupid. Feels weird going in your room. I know you’re not technically dead anymore, but…’
‘Would it help if I said I give you my permission?’
Dean snorted quietly, shaking his head as he readies himself. ‘Not really, but I’m going in anyway.’
The door swings open into the room, revealing its gray, empty walls and lonesome looking bed up against the wall. Practically every room was a copy of the others in the bunker, not truly theirs until they set up their own little customizations. Which is why he was always kinda bummed that Cas didn’t bother with that stuff. It made him feel like Cas didn’t want the room, that… he didn’t consider the bunker his home.
‘That’s because it’s not.’
‘Huh? Ah, crap – was I directing stuff at you again?’
‘Yes, you were. And as I was saying, the bunker isn’t my home.’
‘Oh… uh, so what – is Heaven still your home?’
‘No. After all that’s happened… I don’t consider ‘home’ a place. To me… home is wherever you are.’
‘You gonna pull out these cheesy lines on me more now we’re a thing?’
‘I didn’t know it was considered cheesy. I’m just speaking my mind. Also – we’re a ‘thing?’
‘Yeah, I don’t like putting labels on shit. Calling us boyfriends feels weird. Saying we’re ‘partner’s feels just as weird.’
‘And you think calling us ‘a thing’ is better?’
‘You got any better suggestions?’
‘I suppose not. We’re just… ‘us.’
Dean wheeled himself further into Cas’s room, pushing the door closed behind him as he made his way to the middle of the room. He hadn’t actually been in Cas’s room all that often… mostly it was Cas who would come to visit him in his room. Otherwise, he usually finds Cas in the kitchen, in the library, or in the man cave – by which Dean means he drags Cas in there to liven up his life with whatever movie Dean had picked for that night.
‘Damn… you really didn’t have much, did you?’
‘I don’t have much need for material possessions. I told you this already.’
Which… was quite the problem. Spells don’t typically contain ingredients that are ‘optional’; this wasn’t some typical recipe found in a middle-aged woman’s pretentious cookbook – this was complicated and often risky magic that’s capable of doing what most deem impossible.
They needed to find something, otherwise…
This spell was worthless.
Dean wheels himself over to the single mahogany closet tucked away in the corner of Cas’s room, huffing to himself in his frustration as he grabs hold of the handles to the doors. “There’s gotta be something in here of yours Cas, I can’t believe there’s nothing of-,’
His words get caught in his throat as he swings the doors open, staring bug-eyed into the interior of the closet. Even Cas seemed to have been shocked into silence in his head.
It was… it was impossible.
Dean reaches out a shaky hand, half expecting his hand to feel air instead of the sole piece of clothing hanging in the otherwise empty closet. Instead, his fingers brush against the oh too familiar scratchy material of its sleeve, his eyes beginning to burn with unexpected tears as he takes in the beige colors.
It was Cas’s trench coat.
‘How is this… did you have an extra one of these or something, Cas?’
‘No… just this one.’
‘So… this isn’t a hallucination? Or some kind of trick?’
‘If it is, it’s a VERY good copy. I can feel it’s mine…’
Dean reached up as far as he could, straining as he tugged the coat’s hanger off the closet’s bar. He slid the hanger out of the coat, tossing it back into the closet, keeping his eyes focused solely on the trench coat in his hands. His fingers scrunch tightly into the trench coat, bringing it up to his chest and leaning his head down into it. The tears burning in his eyes almost spill over when he realizes he can smell Cas ingrained into the trench coat. The same scent he had picked up from Cas’s grace in his dreams: that otherworldly, unrecognizable smell mixed with smells that make him feel at home; a lingering soapy cleanness, fresh air blowing through a pine forest; a flowery, subtle smell that’s kinda sweet, sort of like… like honey.
This was stupid of him, he knew that. Cas was alive. But… having something physical of his angel’s held in his grasp for the first time since he was taken from him… it almost felt like getting to see Cas again – not just listening to his voice inside his head. Something real, something that would always be associated with Cas, back with him.
‘I can’t wait to see you, too. Not just in reflections, or in your dreams… to be able to truly hold you, to feel you, to kiss you in MY body.’
‘You better stick to that promise.’
‘I fully intend to.’
‘I’m just… I’m a little worried as to how this is ever here… You said it was destroyed?’
‘It was.’
‘So… how’s it here?’
‘I wish I could tell you, Dean.’
‘Can you sense anything on it? Some type of monster gunk? Some mojo maybe?’
‘No. There’s nothing. I can sense my presence on it, but that’s it.’
‘Okay… okay, so, for some reason, someone or something has found a way to recreate your trench-coat and just place it back into the closet of your room, in the bunker – the safest place we know – and left it there for us to find in the most convenient moment?’
‘It appears so, yes.’
‘Huh. Sweet.’
Dean pats down the pockets to Cas’s trench coat, unable to feel the hard shape of Cas’s angel blade hidden away in the sleeves or the pockets. ‘Damn, seems whatever brought back your coat didn’t bring back your other stuff either. Sorry, Cas.’
‘I consider it a lucky break to even have my coat… At least, I’m assuming it’s a lucky break…’
‘Hey, weird stuff happens to us all the time. If you can’t sense anything evil within the coat – which I’m sort of just guessing there isn’t since you’d probably have said something before I buried my face in it – then I don’t see why this should be a bad thing.’
‘I suppose that’s true… I still want to know who is responsible for it, though.’
‘Trust me, we’re in the same boat on that one, Cas. And we will find out. After we get you back into your body.’
And just like that, the light at the end of the tunnel began to flicker back into sight.
Next Chapter - - - >
#destiel fanfiction#destiel fanfic#destiel#destiel fix it#destiel fix it fic#destiel fic#fix it fic#castiel/dean winchester#castiel/dean#dean/cas#Dean Winchester/Castiel#casdean#supernatural spoilers#season 15 spoilers#fluff#angst
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The Skeleton Ate Curry
A small moment in which one of the two certainties in life encounters a frequent visitor who has yet to become a permanent guest, despite his apparent wish to.
Kind of a crossover with Terry Pratchett's Discworld series, but you probably don't need to read that to understand what's going on. Even if you definitely should.
“Oh, ow…”
Stan opened his eyes blearily-only to find himself surrounded by darkness filled with strange, echoey noises. For a moment he wasn’t sure his eyes were genuinely open, until he blinked and realized that yes, they were.
Hot Belgian waffles, I’m blind! What happened?! What’s goin’ on?!
For a few seconds Stan’s thoughts were paralyzed with icy panic; then a voice that sounded like the rumble of a coffin lid said to his right, OH, IT’S YOU AGAIN.
Stan whirled around, and saw a tall, thin figure standing there, somehow clearly discernible despite being dressed in some kind of black robe like those Blind Eye weirdos. He was holding the reins of a white horse in one long, bony hand. A horse that looked...different than any he’d ever seen before. I mean, Stan didn’t have much experience with horses as it was, besides watching shows like Grandpa the Kid, but somehow this one looked way more...more real than any horse he’d ever seen, and not just because it was there in person instead of on a television.
However, his attention was mainly focused on the assumed owner of the animal; namely the fact that the hand was bony in a quite literal sense, and now he was seeing past the hood to the face beneath, and the dark sockets in the center of it, empty except for two small specks of pale blue light…
Oh, [CENSORED].
********
“...Are you-?”
It was a stupid question and Stan knew it, but in life there are some things that you just have to ask in certain situations.
I GET ASKED THAT A LOT, the figure commented, tilting his head to the side in an oddly human, thoughtful way.
Told you.
Stan gulped. He wasn’t ready for this. He really, really wasn’t ready for this, not now, not when he was finally getting some happiness out of life!
“Do-do I really have ta-”
IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I’VE SEEN YOU, the skeleton interrupted. I’M SURPRISED, ACTUALLY-YOUR FAMILY AS A WHOLE SEEMS TO HAVE A PATHOLOGICAL INABILITY TO STAY OUT OF SITUATIONS THAT GIVE YOU THE OCCASIONAL NEAR-ME EXPERIENCE.
Stan blinked. “‘Scuse me?”
GRANTED, I HAVE NOT HAD A NEAR-STANLEY PINES EXPERIENCE OR A NEAR-STANFORD PINES EXPERIENCE IN ALMOST A MONTH; I CONSIDER THAT A NEW RECORD. I WAS BEGINNING TO WONDER WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO YOU TWO.
“Okay, what are you talking about?” Stan hoped he wasn’t beginning to sound like a parrot.
WELL, SINCE YOU HAVE NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES, IT ONLY MAKES SENSE TO SAY THAT I HAVE NEAR-YOU EXPERIENCES. IT’S A WELL-KNOWN FACT.
Stan processed this for a second. Then he asked, with the caution of someone who sees a light at the end of the tunnel but is uncertain if this means the sunlight of freedom or the incoming train of certain doom, “...So am I not dead? You said near death. Not total death.”
The skeleton shrugged. IT’S A LITTLE EARLY TO TELL. EITHER WAY, I WAS PLANNING ON GOING TO THIS DELICIOUS CURRY RESTAURANT A FEW MILES AWAY WHEN I HAPPENED TO SEE YOU.
“Curry restaurant,” Stan said flatly. He was becoming more and more resigned to the general weirdness of the situation by the second.
The skeleton nodded. ONE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS; IT’S LIKE BITING INTO A RED-HOT ICE CUBE.
The echoing noises came again, louder and more frantic-sounding. Stan glanced at Death.
“You hear that too, right?”
The skeleton, however, was getting on the back of his horse, and didn’t seem to hear him.
The next time the noise came, he started being able to actually distinguish some of it as parts of words.
“St...ley...ca...ear...e? Wa...please…me on, knuck...”
IT SEEMS LIKELY THAT YOU ARE GOING TO GET ANOTHER EARFUL FROM HIM, Death commented. Then, more hesitantly, THAT IS THE CORRECT PHRASE, ISN’T IT?
“Only for people who use nerdy phrases like that-ow!” A sudden, searing pain tore its way into Stan’s chest, and he clutched at it with a gasp. He barely heard the parting words, UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN, THEN, and the clopping of horse’s hooves galloping away…
********
Stan’s eyes opened again.
This time, instead of darkness he saw a face staring down at him.
A frantic, worried face, wearing glasses with a small crack in the left lens, and eyes that were more bloodshot and panicked than usual.
As soon as they saw him, the bushy eyebrows above them relaxed from their previous scrunched-together position, and the rest of the face let out an exhausted-sounding exhale of pure relief.
“Good, Stan, that’s very good. The antidote is working, that’s great.”
Anti-ohhhh.
He remembered now: there had been a small...incident earlier, with some elves who’d turned out to be kind of hostile. Specifically they’d tried to shoot them with poison darts, and Stan had seen them coming before Ford did. So of course he did what any good brother would, and shoved his brother out of the way in the nick of time, so he was the only one who got hit.
And it seemed like Ford had just remembered that too, because he scowled at Stan and snarled, “This means that as soon as you’re well enough I can kill you myself!”
Looks like the skeleton was right.
“How could you?!” Ford demanded, slamming his fist down on the table. Stan realized that they were in their kitchen; Ford must have somehow gotten them back to the boat safely. “You could have just yelled ‘Look out!’ or pulled me out of the way, or anything else that would have not involved you being shot by six poisoned darts at once! Do you have any idea how close you came to-if I hadn’t managed to-” His words crumbled in on themselves, and he began to blink rapidly.
Huh. His angry tirade was crumbling faster than Stan was used to. He really had come close to death this time.
No duh, knucklehead, you were just talking to him in person.
At the thought, Stan’s face inadvertently split into the beginnings of a weak laugh.
“This is not funny, Stanley!” Ford, of course, completely misinterpreted the expression. “You-”
“I-I know, I’m sorry, Sixer,” Stan croaked quickly. He still hadn’t regained full use of his limbs, but he managed to twitch his hand in what he hoped was a pacifying gesture. “I just...wanted ta protect you. That’s my job. I didn’t think beyond savin’ your hide. You know that.”
Ford’s lip trembled, but at least he seemed to have calmed down a little. “You’re going to give me an ulcer one of these days.” He accompanied the phrase by wrapping his hand around Stan’s and squeezing tightly.
Stan squeezed back. And decided to wait until later to tell his twin that he had a sudden odd craving for curry.
********
If you do decide to read Discworld, I would recommend starting with either Mort or Guards! Guards! They’re the ones that start my favorite two mini-series, and they do a good job of establishing Sir Terry’s world. Small Gods is another good one.
#gravity falls#sea grunks#Discworld#Death (Discworld)#near-death experience#literally#grunkle stan#grunkle ford
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Sims 4 Legacy Challenge (My Version)
This challenge has many of the same rules as the official legacy challenge. Most of the rules are copy and pasted from the sims 4 Legacy Challenge webpage. In this version you do not have to score your gameplay but you can if you want to by going to the webpage that is linked below.
Rules CAS:
1. Must be a young adult
2. Only sim in the household.
Rules Gameplay:
1. Once you have finished your founder, move them into any empty lot. Return to the world screen. Select your founder on their empty lot and pick “Move Family”.
2. You may found your family in any neighborhood that has a 50×50 or larger lot. Locate a 50 x 50 or larger lot and bulldoze it, evicting the family present if there is one. Move your founder into it.
3. You may use mods and hack for money and if you have MCCC you may use it to level up skills faster.
4. Absolutely no restating after an unfortunate even; that is cheating.
5. You may not move or merge in other Sims into the Legacy Family with the exception Sims that will aid in bringing in the next generation aka the “spouse”. (See the Spouse section for details. As of the latest rule change, you can bring in more than one spouse). You may have non-heir family members leave the Legacy Family, but once they are gone, they may not be moved back in.
6. The family must stay on the same lot throughout the whole challenge. This excludes vacations.
7. A Sim may utilize an anti-aging item ONCE in their lifetime. This includes drinking a youth potion or milking the cow plant. Any cheats that freeze aging or lengthen (or shorten) lifespan times may not be used. Sims lifespans must be set to “Normal” in the gameplay menu.
8. The only time you may change your sims aspiration is when they have finished it and then you may choose another one as long as you haven’t completed it before.
9. You may not bring a Sim back from the dead once the reaper has taken them. You MAY plead with the reaper in order to save a recently dead Sim.
10. You may not move/marry out the sim who currently holds the title of ‘heir’. All of the other children in that generation (known as ‘spares’) may move or marry out. Once a sim moves out, they are ineligible to be heir, even if conditions change that might make them the rightful heir.
11. If you move in more sims into the town you may use them as friends and spouses.
12. When creating your founder you may use the story mode.
(If you want to see the rules for the stuff/game packs you may go to this webpage http://simslegacychallenge.com/sims-4-legacy-challenge-gameplay-rules/ )
Rules Succession Laws. When your founder eventually dies, you will need to determine who among their children will become the next heir, the Leader of the family for the second generation. The title of heir has many important implications that will be explained as we go along. How your family handles succession is actually quite customizable. Your succession law is made up of three components. Think of the succession law as the “personality” of your family. Choose wisely, as you must abide by this succession law for your entire challenge and cannot change it part-way through:
:Gender Law:
1. Matriarchy: The Founder must be female. Only girls are eligible to be named heir unless there are no female children, at which point boys become eligible for that generation.
2. Strict Matriarchy: The Founder must be female. Only girls are eligible to be named heir. Male children cannot, under any circumstance, ever be the heir to the next generation.
3. Patriarchy: The Founder must be male. Only boys are eligible to be named heir unless there are no male children, at which point girls become eligible for that generation.
4. Strict Patriarchy: The Founder must be male. Only boys are eligible to be named heir. Female children cannot, under any circumstance, ever be the heir to the next generation.
5. Equality: The Founder may be of either gender. Both boys and girls are eligible for the title of heir.
6. Strict Equality: The founder may be of either gender. However, only children of the opposite gender to the founder are eligible to be named heir. This repeats itself for the next generation (the next heir must be a different gender than the previous heir) so that each generation will have alternating-genders as heirs.
:Bloodline Law:
1. Strict Traditional : To be eligible to be named heir, a child must be naturally born from their previous-generation parents and be able to trace an unbroken bloodline back to the founder. Adopted children may never be named heir.
2. Traditional: Children who are naturally born from the previous generation are eligible to be named heir. Adopted children are ineligible to be named heir unless there are no naturally born children, at which point they become eligible for that generation.
3. Modern: Both Naturally born and adopted children are eligible to be named heir.
4. Foster: Children who are adopted are eligible to be named heir. Naturally born children are not eligible to be named heir unless there are no adopted children, at which point they become eligible for that generation.
5. Strict Foster: Only Children who are adopted are eligible for the title of heir. Naturally born children may never be heir.
(Even though these are important they do not completely choose who the heir is.)
:Heir Law (Important):
1. First Born: The oldest, by order of joining the family, eligible living child is named heir.
2. Last Born: The youngest, by order of joining the family, eligible living child is named heir.
3. Living Will: The eligible child with the highest friendly relationship score with their previous-generation’s parent will be named heir.
4. Merit: The child with the most fully completed aspirations will be named heir. If there is a tie, the child with the highest level in a single skill will become heir from among the children who are tied.
5. Strength: The first born eligible child becomes heir by default… but the tile can be forcefully taken from them if an eligible sibling beats them in a fight. That sibling may have their title taken, (or taken back) if they lose a fight to another eligible sibling.
6. Random: The title of heir is randomly selected from the pool of all eligible children. Every time the eligible pool changes size, The heir must be re-rolled using the new pool.
7. Exemplar: At the beginning of the challenge, name a single trait. This trait must be one of your founder’s three traits.. Any eligible heir that has this trait will gain the title of heir. If a single generation has no children with this trait follow the First Born rule. If more than one child has the Exemplar trait then the oldest child WITH the trait will be the heir.
8. Democracy: This rule may be used if you are displaying your Legacy Challenge in some public way. Either via Let’s Play, Livestream, blog or other format where people can leave comment. The heir is chosen by your viewers/readers from among the pool of eligible heirs.
9. Magical Bloodline: Choose the heir by whoever has the strongest magical bloodline trait. If there is no magical bloodline trait (ie in the earlier generations) then the law defaults to first born until magic is introduced to the family. If multiple potential heirs have the same level of magical trait, choose the oldest one.
10. Magical Strength: Similar to the Strength law above, this one requires two or more potential heirs to have a magical duel. Whoever wins the duel, is the new heir.
:Species law (Optional):
1. Xenoarchy – Heirs must alternate between human and alien.
2. Xenophobic – Heirs cannot be a different species from the founder.
3. Brood – Heirs must be carried in a pregnancy by the previous heir, regardless of the heir’s gender.
4. Tolerant – The species of the child has no impact on their eligibility for heir status
:Spouses:
1. Spouses may not bring in any money with them when they move in/marry into the family.
2. With the update that allowed you to customize your Sims genders, you are able to have same-gender couples. There is no rule preventing this.
:Children:
1. Regardless of your succession law, you may always introduce children into your family via pregnancy or adoption.
2. With the addition of The Sims 4 Get to Work alien babies can also be brought into the family via abduction.
3. Children may only be adopted as infants. You may not adopt if there are any infants (natural born or adopted) living in the house at the time and must wait for them to grow to toddlers before adopting a new one. You may rename the baby, and it is recommended (but not required) that you change their last name to the Legacy Family’s name.
4. Regardless of their status, when an infant ages up into a toddler, you must roll for their toddler trait (and later their aspiration and their first trait using the calculator found here when they become a child). Be sure to put the traits of the two parents (even for adopted children) in the calculator because the algorithm it uses factors those in when generating random traits for the children.
5. When the child grows into a teenager, you consult the calculator again for their adult aspiration and their second trait. Finally the calculator will be used to generate the third trait upon reaching young adulthood.
6. You are allowed to use fruit and/or music to influence the gender of an unborn child, should you choose to do so.
7. The addition of Toddlers should not change the flow of your Legacy families, you just have a new age to deal with.
I hope you guys like my version of the legacy challenge please post in the comments with pictures of your households.
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Recap/review 15.12: “Galaxy Brain”
Oh, my friends, so many things have happened since we last got together. Most of them bad. But let’s try to forget them and immerse ourselves in our favorite show again, shall we?
THEN: Sammy lost hope (Saaaaaaammmmmm!!!!), Chuck needs to visit his other worlds, and oh. Crap. Kaia. Claire’s wooden response to Kaia’s death, Dark Kaia’s stupid dramatic poses… ugh. I’m not here for any of this. And also, Jack has to do exactly what Billie says if he wants to kill God.
NOW: Four weeks ago. Earth 2. Apparently Radio Shack Shed is still in business in this other world. Maybe because Hillary Clinton is the president. Oh, but things are going to go downhill for Radio Shed, because Chuck just walked in.
I take it you’re unsatisfied with your viewing experience at home?
You have no idea.
Hee!
The friendly Radio Shed employee tries to interest Chuck in his giant wall o’televisions, but he’s not here for a TV. What is he here for? “An audience. It’s monologue time.” Each of the TVs begins to show scenes from one of Chuck’s worlds, including the interior of the bunker in our world, as he begins his monologue. As we watch Sam’s visions from the other worlds, Chuck complains that he created his one world, created copies, and should be happy. Because he’s gotten what he wants from hundreds of Sams and Deans, and could get more. But the other worlds don’t spark joy like the original Sam and Dean do. “They challenge me. They disappoint me. They surprise me. They’re the ones.” Chuck doesn’t need more. He suddenly realizes he needs less. It’s time to cancel “all the other worlds, the alternate realities, the subplots, the failed spinoffs.” YES, CHUCK, ESPECIALLY THE FAILED SPINOFFS.
Title card!
Sioux Falls. Our version. Jody is examining a dead cow. Alex calls, wanting to know when she’ll be home to eat vegan lasagna. Which sounds nasty. I’ve got nothing against vegan cuisine, but I think taking a dish that’s supposed to be loaded with cheese, and loading it with not-cheese, is a mistake. Just make spaghetti. Jody says she thinks her dead cow is evidence of humans, not monsters. She sees something suspicious in a barn and heads inside, where she is promptly clobbered.
Bunker. Sam’s wearing that orange plaid shirt that fits him just right, although the collar is higher than I’d like, and we’ve discussed my feelings on orange. Whatever TFW is talking about, he doesn’t like it. “Which part?” Dean asks. “Jack’s deal with Death, or the part where she’s got him eating angel hearts?” Yeah, there’s a lot to dislike there. Sam doesn’t think they should trust Billie, and he’s concerned about Jack’s state of mind, considering that he is still soulless, and was in the Empty for months. And I’m sure this was not intentional on the writers’ part, but I like the way this played out. When they first saw Jack, Sam was the one who immediately reached out, because his boy was back, and it wasn’t until later that he thought oh, things might be fucked up. Dean, on the other hand, immediately had his guard up, and took a moment before he decided it was okay and accepted Jack. This feels true to the characters and I like it. But as I said, I’m sure it’s an accident.
For his part, Jack is wandering the dark rooms of the bunker. He comes across the initials scratched into the table and touches Mary’s, then retreats to his room. Where a strange woman suddenly appears behind him and says she’s answering Jack’s silent prayer to Death, who is busy at the moment.
Meanwhile, Cas says he has some concerns, but Jack trusts Billie and he trusts Jack. And that makes sense. Jack is, what, two years old now? So of course he’s learned who is trustworthy. It’s not like he ever trusted Lucifer or anything like that. Sam reminds them of the required cosmic balance, what with Amara needing to be cancelled out by God. Dean says, having spent time with Billie and visited her library, that he believes in her and her commitment to the rules. He thinks she’s probably got it all figured out.
“Probably?” Sam says. “Like she had the Ma’lak box figured out?” Well, there’s an interesting point. Billie was sure there was only one road that didn’t end in chaotic destruction, and she was wrong. {Or she was lying. Discuss.} But Dean’s still willing to put his faith in her. After all, she was right about Rowena. And it’s the only plan they’ve got, which Sam reluctantly agrees with. Well, he doesn’t agree as much as he just stops arguing.
Skeptical Sam!
Jack is telling his visitor about how he called out to Billie for help with the Grigori, but she didn’t respond. The visitor must be a reaper. She’s a pleasant change from other reapers – a middle-aged woman with gorgeous silver hair and a matronly outfit. She assures Jack that Billie must have known everything would turn out okay, or else she would have stepped in. All Jack has to do is follow Billie’s rules – lie low, wait for instructions, and don’t use your powers under any circumstances, because God might find you. Oooh, what could possibly happen now? Whose life will be in jeopardy, forcing Jack to use his powers?
Approaching Jack’s room, Sam hears him talking to the reaper. Sam knocks on the door and then opens it, which is not cool. {Sidebar: A knock is supposed to say “can I come in,” not “here I come.” You should wait for permission to open the door.} Anyway. When Sam enters, the reaper is gone. Jack claims he was talking to “no one,” and Sam lets that pass. He tells Jack he’s just checking in on him, and stumbles a bit when trying to express how glad they are to have him back. He tells Jack that he could have come to them, even though I’m pretty sure Jack said he couldn’t because he was hiding from God, but that was so long ago that I’ve forgotten. But let’s concentrate on the important part of this conversation. Sam’s face.
He’s awkward and endearing and I adore him.
Dean and Cas are sharing a decanter of whiskey now that Sam’s finally out of their hair. {waves to the Destiel shippers.} Cas explains that he was sure Jack would save the world somehow, and he was “lost” when Jack “died” because he knew Jack’s story couldn’t be done yet. And now, he is absolutely sure that he was right all along. “Here’s to being right,” Dean offers as a toast. He’s also excited about the idea of revenge against Chuck, though Cas says he’s only interested in “Jack fulfilling his destiny.”
Can we just have several minutes of Dean drinking whiskey? Please?
But before Dean can spend a lot of time basking in his anticipated revenge, his phone rings. It’s Jody. Someone’s holding a phone up to her face, so she must be tied up. “Dean, I’m in trouble. Route 11, Fletcher Farm, the old barn. If you don’t come, I’m dead.” Yeah, looks like trouble, all right.
Fletcher Farm. The Impala pulls up next to Jody’s Sheriffmobile. (Aw, typing that makes me miss the Pimpmobile.) It’s just Sam and Dean, though Sam is on the phone with someone when they arrive.
Hello, gorgeous.
The guys find Jody tied up, as predicted, inside the old Fletcher barn. Sam starts to untie her, as Dean conveniently looks the other way and therefore completely misses someone attacking Sam. You will probably not be surprised to hear that this someone is Dark Kaia. She dispatches Sam easily, as people always do when it’s convenient for plot reasons, and gets Dean by the throat. “You have something that belongs to me,” she says. Which, as we know from the Then, is her magic spear. That got broken. Oops. Dean doesn’t care that he promised her he’d get her back to her own world, or that he promised to return the spear, because “that promise expired the minute you hurt our friend.” Although, Dean, you were conveniently ignoring that promise long before Jody got involved, but okay. Luckily, Jody is able to sneak up behind Dark Kaia and hit her with something, allowing Dean and Sam to pull their guns. Yay! {Sidebar: I love Jody, y’all, but that doesn’t mean I want her being the badass instead of Sam.} Sam asks Dark Kaia why she’s so desperate to get back to “that hellhole,” because apparently Sam doesn’t get that your home is your home, even if it’s a hellhole, which makes perfect sense, she said sarcastically.
It turns out the awful orange jacket doesn’t actually match the orange plaid shirt all that well.
Dark Kaia explains that her world is dying, and she knows this because she’s psychically connected to Kaia 1.0. Who is still alive, somehow. Jody feels awful, but Sam and Dean are the ones who didn’t even bother to haul her carcass back through the rift, so. {Sidebar: Coincidentally, I just watched “Defending Your Life.” I wonder if Dean’s feelings of guilt have changed since that episode?}
Bunker. Jack is beating Cas at Connect Four when they hear the creaky door open. {Sidebar: The Husband winces every time he hears the Impala’s squeaky doors. Do the Winchesters not know what WD-40 is?} Sam comes downstairs with Jody, and we have this weird conversation.
Jody!
Hey, Jack, Cas.
Nice to finally meet you in person.
Have Jody and Cas really never met? And if not, why did she casually greet him with “hey, Cas?” Weird. Carrying on. Dean appears with Dark Kaia, who also greets Jack, because I guess she knows him from Kaia 1.0’s dreams or whatever.
Time jump. Cas insists Jack can’t help Dark Kaia, and the guys are like, no shit. But they still want to rescue Kaia 1.0 somehow, so they send Jody into the depths of the bunker to look for something they might not have thought of that can help them jump worlds. Let’s just think about that for a minute. These two, experts in hunting and lore, residents of the bunker for the past 7 years and at least one of them a cataloguer of its contents, who spent a huge part of previous seasons trying to break into a different world and scouring the bunker for anything that would help, think Jody will find something they didn’t?
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Cas says he’s going to call Sergei to see if he has any more archangel grace. Sergei? Sergei who almost killed Sam recently, and had to be threatened with death to fix what he’d done?
Oh, seriously, for fuck’s sake.
Carrying on. Cas wants archangel grace because, other than Jack, it’s the only thing that’s opened a rift before. And Sam agrees, because both Sam and Cas have forgotten that an angel’s vessel retains some grace which can be extracted after the angel is gone.
Come on, guys. I’m trying, but you’ve got to meet me halfway. And this isn’t even a Buckleming episode.
Shhh. Concentrate on the pretty.
Dark Kaia yells that they’re wasting time, and Jack is right there and could get them to her world right now. “Hey, Not Kaia?” Dean says. “Not helping.” Hee! Jack decides he’ll do research instead, and then they have to decide what they’ll do with Dark Kaia. Jody says “She killed a prize heifer just to get my attention, then she jumped me, beat me up, and threatened to kill me. Do I get a vote?” Oooh, I like Dark Jody.
But the worst thing that happens to Dark Kaia is that they handcuff her to a table and force her to read a fashion magazine. She pretends she’s not interested, hurling it across the table, but sweetie, you’re not fooling anyone. I’m looking at your hair and makeup right now and I can tell you’re into it.
{Sidebar: Is this model supposed to remind her of Claire? Is that why she got upset, because she feels Kaia 1.0’s love for Claire? Discuss.}
Jack throws himself into the research and finds an old Italian spell that requires the liver of a monster which is, unfortunately, extinct because John Winchester killed the last one. Awkward. Dean suggests Jack check on Cas and Jody, and Jack does the oh, because I’m a failure look. The guys are sure they won’t find anything, but to me, the possibility of one spell that requires a monster’s liver implies that other spells might be possible. I mean, how special could that one monster be? Unless it was an archangel monster. Sam suggests he might be able to jerry-rig some magic using a substitute, and oh, guys, once again I’m sure this was accidental, but I love Sam being able and willing to do magic. Love it so hard. Unfortunately, he abandons this idea, since no substitutes are available.
In another part of the bunker, Cas is leaving fruitless messages with Sergei, who presumably remembers the last episode he was in better than Cas does. And Jody’s not having any luck identifying what she finds. They have a little chat about Claire, who is out of cell phone range (which means she won’t show up in this episode, thank you baby Jesus). Jody doesn’t want to involve her anyway, because she loved Kaia so freaking much after knowing her for, what, a day, and if they’re not able to rescue her, Claire would just be crushed.
I don’t know how we’ll be able to tell, since this is Claire’s crushed-by-the-loss-of-her-true-love face. And it’s also her Alex-borrowed-my-sweater-without-asking face. And her Patience-ate-all-the-Cheetos face.
Uh oh! Jack was listening! What will that do to him? He goes to see Dark Kaia and apologizes for not being able to do more. Dark Kaia blames him for Kaia 1.0 crossing over, and reminds him again that she’s going to die soon. Oddly, she doesn’t try this guilt trip on Dean, who pointed a gun at Kaia 1.0 and forced her into the car, as we saw in the Then. Dark Kaia says she crossed over into our world because she envied Kaia 1.0’s peaceful world, but it turns out she hates it, and desperately wants to go back to her own world. She grabs Jack’s hands and begs him to fix it. Jack touches her face, like he did when he was showing the Winchesters where Mary was being held in AU World, and sees Kaia 1.0 in the Bad Place. She’s got a shelter and a campfire and a lizard in a cage, so I guess things could be worse.
He goes to Sam and Dean and tells them he saw Kaia 1.0 and is going to save her. He confesses to dreamwalking, which is against Billie’s rules, but he insists it’s the right thing to do. “You’ve gotta be kidding me” says a voice from the shadows. Jack introduces Merle, his silver-haired reaper. “How did you get in here?” Dean asks, because he’s forgotten how reapers work, I guess.
(Checks again to make sure this isn’t a Buckleming episode.)
Merle says being willing to risk everything for one person isn’t just dumb, “that’s Winchester dumb.” Dean is offended but, well. She ain’t wrong. Merle says if Jack tries to use his power to save Kaia 1.0, she’ll tell Death. Jack says she should go tell Billie, but while she does that, he’ll open a rift, and therefore Merle will be in big trouble. And I kind of had the impression that reapers didn’t have to, you know, physically go find Billie to tell her anything, but maybe I’m the one who forgot how reapers work.
{Spoiler alert: I don’t think I am.}
Anyway, Jack’s threats work. Merle agrees to fix the bunker’s cosmic warding, which the Winchesters did not completely repair after Amara destroyed it. It can’t be restored permanently, but she can put up a temporary fix that will hopefully hide Jack from Chuck. And she’ll need to use Cas to juice it up. Oh, so many possibilities for disaster here. Later, Sam performs a spell and we see glowing sigils appear on the walls, which is a nice effect.
Sam reading the spell is also a nice effect.
Another time jump. The guys are packing for their journey. Dean asks how Sam feels about it, and Sam says “Honestly? It feels like we’re taking a big, probably stupid risk. It feels good. Disobeying cosmic entities, doing the dumb right thing. Feels like we’re back.” Aw yes. My boys, doing the dumb right thing.
Jody thanks Cas for staying, and he asks her to stay too. Because he’s concerned that if she gets killed, Claire will never get over it. Jody agrees that he’s right. And I’m pretty sure this is going to be important somehow; that something awful will happen because Jody isn’t there, or Jody staying behind will mean she’s able to save the guys somehow. {Spoiler alert: I’m wrong.}
Oddly enough, Jody doesn’t seem to actually tell the Winchesters she’s not going. I guess it happened off camera. Merle and Cas power up the sigils, Jack does his thing, and the rift opens. Dark Kaia goes through first, followed by Sam and Dean.
Bad Place! It’s dark and windy and there are lots of those weird little red-eyed dudes around, but they don’t attack. Dark Kaia says they’re afraid of the oncoming storm. {Sidebar: What evolutionary purpose is solved by glowing eyes? It seems like a hindrance.} They yell for Kaia 1.0, and she comes out to meet them, grabbing Dean for a hug. {Sidebar: Yeah, of course it’s Dean.} They turn to leave and wait, you’re just going to leave your lizard? He’s in a cage! He’ll starve! Dark Kaia doesn’t follow, and says she’s going to stay. Sam reminds her she’ll die, but she doesn’t care. She can’t live in our world. Which, well. It sucks sometimes. No judgment here, kiddo. And I guess she can take care of Kaia 1.0’s lizard. The Winchesters head back to the rift with Kaia 1.0 just as the lightning picks up and a huge cloud of destruction approaches. Oh. I guess that lizard didn’t need anyone to take care of him after all. Bye bye, Bad Place!
Bunker. Jody is sitting in front of the rift when the boys burst through with Kaia 1.0. Big hug! Later, we see Kaia (I’m gonna just call her Kaia now, since I think she’s the only one left) wearing Jack’s clothes. It’s cute. Jody invites her to move back with her. “Will Claire be there?” Kaia asks, because, you know, the love story for the ages, blah blah blah. Kaia thanks the guys, and leaves with Jody. Yay! Job well done, right? Except there’s a little too much time left in this episode for a happy wrap-up, so.
Merle tells the guys that if she gave a rat’s ass about Kaia, she’d call this a victory. But she’s pretty sure their scheme worked, since none of them are dead and oh crap, she’s impaled by a scythe. Guess again, Merle!
So, yeah, Billie’s here and she’s not happy. She lectures everyone and points out that one life isn’t important, because all the worlds are dying. All of them except this one. Sam angrily asks Billie what her plan is. She tells them everyone has a death book in her library, even God. God didn’t plot his own death, but “the books wrote themselves,” so Chuck’s death is in there, pre-plotted. But no one gets to read their own book unless Billie lets them. Jack is in Chuck’s book, and so are the Winchesters. “This is your destiny. You are the messengers of God’s destruction.”
Back at the Radio Shed, Chuck is watching his worlds self-destruct on the bank of TVs. He’s been there a while, judging by the number of takeout containers. The sales clerk is curled up on the floor, having served him “for weeks.” He asks Chuck if he’ll be spared, and Chuck says “You’ll be fine. Everything’s just fine.” Then he walks out of the store just as the sky fills with falling meteorites. Hey, I think that was a lie!
So. Several annoying things happened (yes, we know, because you wouldn’t shut up about them) but I can’t call this a bad episode. But I can’t call it a really good one, either. As mytharc episodes go, I guess it could be worse. What did you think? (And what does the title mean?)
Please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!
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I know this is a weird question, but with his waning powers, how do you think Cas got out of hell?
Hellevator?
I have a companion question for you. When Cas shoved Belphegor through the rift, of everywhere they could’ve potentially landed in Hell (we know it’s a huge place that holds billions of souls and demons, and we’ve seen a number of different regions of it over the years), how did they land right exactly where they needed to be?
They landed just a few steps away from the vault containing the horn they were looking for. At this point, I’d like to introduce you to some of my other anons who’ve been sitting in my inbox waiting for replies for a while...
[Contents of anon message: hold on how did cas get out of that pit. did he wall up the side like a mountain climber. did he bring bungee cords and slingshot himself out??? im confused]
and these two that I think go together (apologies if I’m mistaken, but they seem a continuation of one another, and I wanna address both of them here anyway):
[contents of two anon messages: Hi Mittens! Quick question. If the Lilith’s horn thing was capable of sucking up souls and demons, why didn’t Cas use it in season 6 for his whole god plan? Crowley had to know about it, right? (He was Lilith’s lover, wasn’t he? If Bel knew about, Crowley had to too) Idk... Retcon makes me dizzy. what was the point of looking for Purgatory if there was a simpler solution that Crowley could have very easily accessed?
For that matter, why didn’t Lucifer use the horn to suck up all the souls to defeat Amara? Would that have been a possibility?]
This... is gonna get long here... There’s actually two ways to approach all these questions, which I think all have the exact same very simple answer. But first, I need to lay out why these questions are all so interesting in the first place, and demonstrate that attempting to give separate answers to each of them using canon to justify all the answers is an exercise in futility.
Let’s begin with the first two questions, which are functionally identical. How did Cas get out of Hell so quickly? And the companion question I posed above... How did he and Belphegor get IN to Hell so quickly, or at least to their specific destination. Because that was... indescribably convenient, yes?
They could’ve fallen ANYWHERE in Hell. Why would the bottom of a magical hole into Hell drop them in the exact destination they were searching for? Do portals to Hell have something to do with intent? I mean, we use the symbolic visual of “falling into a hole” for going to Hell (like Sam diving into the Cage in 5.22), but Hell is no more “underground” than Heaven is “in the sky,” you know? They’re not physical places in the human world, any more than the Alternate Universes we’ve visited over the years are. Without going into a physics lecture, I’ve been thinking of the wound in the ground in the graveyard as metaphysically the same as the Sandbox Portal to Heaven, or the glowy space vagina portal into an alternate universe. Walk up to it, walk through it, and ZAP you’re on the other side, in another dimension of reality.
They don’t step into the Heaven Sandbox and physically ride up into the sky like an elevator, you know? They step, it glows, it spits them out in Heaven, no climbing required. I think the Hell Portal/Big-ass Hole is the same sort of thing. But with the added drama of getting to watch them fall into a big-ass hole. So... we didn’t get to see it, but reversing the process, I think it would’ve just... booped Cas back out and deposited him on the grass where he’d jumped through in the first place.
More interesting to me is the fact that Belphegor presented them with this solution (bearing in mind he’d been gradually manipulating them all along into agreeing to Bigger and Bigger Spells, and each time TFW being desperate enough to agree to give his spells a try, and each time they proved moderately successful. But this was The Big One, you know? This was the one he wasn’t performing to continue earning the trust and assistance of TFW, this was the one he engineered SPECIFICALLY to enact all along-- earning Dean’s trust, getting Cas to the point where he not only could look at him, but actively work with him (even grudgingly). He NEEDED Cas in that room to unlock the box with the horn, much like Cas needed Dean to unlock the box that contained the Angel Tablet in 8.17. Much like Lucifer needed Crowley to “escape” so he could follow him to the storage locker where he’d hidden the Staff of Aaron in 11.15. Much like Zachariah plotted out everything that happened in s4 to get Sam where he was needed to release Lucifer in 4.22 (and manipulated into it so that he’d be willing to do the series of Terrible Things required of him by “prophecy.”)
Which is all a little suspicious when you start looking at past canon to explain it all, you know? All this “prophecy” and “destiny” stuff starts to look a bit contrived, right?
Belphegor and Cas somehow miraculously landed in the Dramatic Entrance Hall to the exact room they needed to find. Where a demon Bel was friends with happened to be looting the place (discovering a ring that received a weird amount of focus for something we’ve never heard of before nor the powers it holds described in any way, and yet ALSO featured in the SPPT promo video, despite being entirely irrelevant to their current situation... which is weird in itself... and something that could come up again later... or not, but it could).
So, did Belphegor’s intent lead them to fall directly to that spot, or is something else at play here?
That brings us to the next question: Lilith’s Crook, which wasn’t a crook at all, but a Horn. First off, why was it called a “crook” when it was plainly a “horn?” A Crook is a specific tool used to catch wayward sheep around the neck like a lasso, but also can be used as a walking stick or a weapon. Wolves come after your flock, you can whallop them with your big stick.
But like all the “horns” introduced in canon, this one has... other powers. We had the Horn of Gabriel introduced as a concept in 6.06 but demonstrated in “reality” only in s9... which wasn’t a horn at all, but a spell. But it did summon angels the same way Lilith’s Crook sucked in demons and souls. Even the shape of the sigil in the spell had a “crook.”
Bringing in the flock, as it were.
We also saw the Horn of Joshua, where the original purpose of the “weapon” was rendered irrelevant by being of interest to TFW as a “Hand of God” potentially imbued with God’s powers they hoped to use to defeat Amara back in s11. All this previous “horn fuckery” in canon has left me inherently suspicious of ANY sort of horn now. But I’ll get to that in a minute... Let’s focus on the rest of the horn-related questions first, since this one is so big that I think the only way to truly justify it is with my final answer...
The next question is, “why didn’t Cas use THIS horn back in s6?” combined with “didn’t Crowley know about this horn back then too? Why did he never mention it when he was searching for power?”
Well... even if Crowley DID know about this horn, it wouldn’t have actually done what he was trying to do back then. Crowley already HAD the throne of Hell, you know? All of that power was already his. He LOANED Cas 50,000 souls to smack down Raphael, which Cas presumably returned to Hell after that. But Crowley had been looking for ADDITIONAL power for himself. The horn... only brought in the souls of Hell-- which were already in Crowley’s possession. Hoovering up all the souls that already made up his current power base would’ve been... power cannibalism, you know? It wouldn’t have given him anything he didn’t already have. He was looking for MORE power. The horn would’ve been worse than useless to him. And he DEFINITELY wouldn’t have given it to Cas back then, because Cas would’ve used it to soak up all the power Crowley DID have and steal it for his own, you know?
So, what would the purpose of the horn have been to Lilith? I’ve been considering the possibility that it was actually an Apocalypse Failsafe, if Sam had failed to kill her to release Lucifer. I mean, as a last-ditch effort to bring about the Apocalypse, she could’ve called all the power of every soul and demon in Hell to her and theoretically have the power to smash open the cage, or otherwise bring Apocalypse-Level Drama of some sort. Evil Vengeful God Powered Demon does seem to make for a formidable foe for Michael to defeat.
Or... maybe something along those lines? But that brings us to the next question: Why wouldn’t Lucifer have used it himself to suck up all the souls to defeat Amara in s11? Or even further, why wouldn’t Lucifer have used it to suck up some souls to defeat AU Michael when we literally saw him eating other Angels for power in s13? He’d been desperate for additional power in both of those circumstances. He even spent time in s11 specifically looking for Hands of God weapons and other power enhancing weapons, and the contents of his crypts was brought to him at one point in 11.15. He was disappointed that whatever he’d been looking for was not among the meager selection of weapons from his apparently looted crypts. But if anyone HAD known of this apparently incredibly powerful weapon, why would nobody have even mentioned its existence before?
Which makes me wonder if Lucifer DID know of its existence, you know? Maintaining the belief that the horn had existed all along, locked away in a box that only angels (or someone able to read and sing Enochian) could even access, Lucifer at least could’ve had reason enough to use it if he thought it would help him replenish his own power either in s11 or in s13. Yet he never even mentioned it. Could it have been something Lilith made for herself after Lucifer had been locked away? Weird, right? WHY?!
Why ANY of this? Why even make something like this, only to have it mentioned NOW, at the very end of the line?
Because every answer I’ve attempted to give here eventually breaks down and fails to satisfy the original question, only leaving us with more questions. So I’d like to present my thesis. While the canon-related questions are a bit of personal fun for me, because I love attempting to reconcile canon like this, I think the show has already told us exactly what’s happening here. I think it’s both DEEPLY rooted in past canon, but also hanging a lampshade on a lot of specific events of past canon.
I think Chuck is basically pantsing his way through writing yet another Dramatic Cosmic Plot that TFW doesn’t even realize they’re still part of yet. And that this “weapon” was invented on the spot by Chuck to force TFW into enacting a hastily scrawled rewrite of some of his favorite scenes from his own Grand Story. Just enough to give him time to figure out what he actually wants to DO with the story, since he’s effectively trapped himself in this iteration of it by one of his own hastily created plot devices... kinda “backfiring” on him-- The Equalizer gun.
Chuck has been repeatedly characterized as kind of a hack writer, not a Great Storyteller, you know? He’s really... not very good at this. He’s like Anne Rice after she fired her editor. He’s got no direction, no original ideas, only “cool plot twists” that entertain nobody but himself. He makes up rules on the fly to try to solve narrative problems of his own making. And he’s been doing that for years.
And he’s been getting worse at it, and more desperate about it, since Amara showed up to confront him from a perspective that began this entire “unmasking the creator for what he really is” process we’ve been seeing unfold since 11.20.
Which is closer to what I think the *actual* mytharc plot of s15 is.
Right now, TFW is caught up on the details-- these magical things they believe are manifestations of a Post-Chuck-Involvement universe. When in reality, it’s STILL Chuck interfering directly in all of their lives. I think right now Dean is the only one even remotely on the right track with that one, even if he’s emotionally reeling to the point where he doesn’t actually *know* he’s realized the extent to which Chuck has fucked with all their lives.
Sam is reeling from the things he had to do because of “prophecy,” the fact he believed he had no other choice. This was one level of remove from his resignation about needing to say yes to Lucifer in 5.22 to personally drag him into the Cage. Emotionally, I’m not sure if he sees it any differently than all the suffering his actions back then brought about. This time, it wasn’t *him* making that sacrifice, but someone he truly cared about making it for him. Sam is having to deal with this from the other side this time around. He’s not seeing the bigger picture, that Chuck was responsible for ALL of this. He’s convinced that this was the price they needed to pay in order to “fix the universe once and for all,” which... we know as viewers isn’t true at all. Chuck is still out there, and magically hooked directly into Sam via that equalizer wound. Is Sam even CAPABLE of seeing outside of his current apparent situation, or is Chuck somehow directly influencing his choices and thoughts? That remains to be seen, but it is a primary concern-- how is that wound affecting both Sam and Chuck, and what part did it have to play in Rowena’s apparent sacrifice?
(and potentially, will Sam be able to eventually wrest control of what that connection is doing once he becomes fully aware of what the consequences of that wound really are? I mean this also goes directly back to the sorts of visions he was manipulated into believing in s11, only to learn when it was too late that they were all a manipulation from Lucifer. This feels thematically similar, but potentially giving Sam power over the situation that he hasn’t realized yet...)
Cas is stuck on his own guilt, he believes now validated by Dean’s rejection of him. He’s not seeing Dean’s perspective here, that it’s not just Jack’s death or even Mary’s death that Dean is angry about. Cas had invested HIS ENTIRE SENSE OF SELF and his entire sense of family and belonging into Jack directly. Jack had been the symbol of Cas’s lifeline to the people he loves and chose to stand with and the symbol of what someday losing those people to mortality would leave Cas with... another immortal being to endure by his side for eternity. The immediacy of Cas’s anger is all tied up in that singular act of Chuck’s, in killing Jack. And seemingly not understanding that Dean is angry about... all of it. About an entire lifetime of direct manipulation and loss and tragedy.
Dean’s big fear, in pushing Cas away, was that Cas himself had been just another one of Chuck’s plot devices written specifically to force his choices or disrupt his life. Dean can’t see the forest for the trees, and he has NO IDEA (or had no idea until Cas chose to walk out of his life) that Cas has repeatedly chosen HIM, DIRECTLY, for A DECADE. Dean has no idea, because right now he’s so blinded by his own hurt, his own disillusionment, and his own anger to see Cas clearly. He trusts nothing and no one, because everyone and everything might just be one more plot device.
He’s having a hard time seeing Cas as anything other than on a par with the Equalizer gun-- hastily invented on the spot to solve a problem of Chuck’s own devising. And I think it’s gonna take a while for Dean’s mental state to settle out enough to be able to accept the truth that *we* know.
I mean, Cas has defied every supposed law of the universe, coming back to him over and over again, inexplicably, from death and the Empty and situations that never should’ve been possible to come back from. I believe he’s questioning if any of that was even real now, you know? but we’ve now got the long haul of emotional coming-to-terms, and narrative progress into Chuck’s story but also Chuck’s storytelling. I think we’re finally gonna come to understand not only his writing process, but also expose all his storytelling weaknesses and failed drafts and eternal rewrites. And his intended ending that TFW will now have to plot their own way out of.
And to me, in s15, that’s the story I’m actually interested in dissecting, because that’s the real story of Faith vs Free Will, and I think that’s what must become the final showdown of the season.
And all of these narrative WTF moments, like these questions have raised above, will go to serve as Red Herrings or Chekhov’s Guns, or both. Because Chuck’s panic writing without an editor, and his head’s so far up his own ass and is more interested in narrative vengeance on his rebellious characters that he’s losing touch with what the reality of the universe he’s created actually *is.* Or what his theoretical audience would actually want for these characters as an emotionally satisfying ending after 15 years of them becoming “real” in his story.
I think this will be the main point of 15.04 (and possibly 15.05, based on the very little I actually know about that episode yet). So as painful as it is for us right now, try not to lose sight of this larger picture. And don’t let yourself become too obsessed with Chuck’s increasingly improbable plot devices, because they’re a narrative distraction (for TFW and us-the-audience alike, like an incompetent stage magician pointing over the audience’s head and yelling OMG IS THAT BIGFOOT?! and hoping the audience will all turn around long enough to shove a rabbit in his hat...)
#spn 15.03#spn s15 spoilers#spn s15 speculation#spn cosmology#supernatural weapons#heaven hell purgatory and the empty#chuck is a hack#and it's supposed to be obvious that he's a hack... :'D#Anonymous
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The Memory Remains
Summary: Y/N memory had been erased, but a car crash brings more pain than just the physical.
Pairing: Previous Castiel x Reader
Word Count: 2040
Warnings: Car wreck, related minor/moderate injuries.
Square Filled: Castiel
A/N: Written for @spngenrebingo. This is my first Wednesday post since I promised myself weeks ago that I would attempt to post at least every Wednesday for now and see how it goes! Hope you all enjoy this!
“Here you go, Frank. Anything else you need besides that deposit?”
The elderly man shook his head and winked at her. “Y/N, promise me you’ll never leave this branch, or this town. You’re too sweet.”
“So are you,” she smiled. “I’ll see you next week?”
Frank gave her a thumb’s up, then turned to slowly walk out to his car. Y/N smiled after him. She had come to love all of her bank customers, but the elderly ones had a special place in her heart.
At closing time, she locked the front door, waiting for her manager to lock up the safe, and walked out to the parking lot with him. He bid her a good night, and Y/N returned the sentiment. She got in her car, took a deep breath before navigating into rush hour traffic, and reminded herself she would be home and relaxing before she knew it.
Except, she didn’t plan on the car that ran the red light. She didn’t plan on the ambulance and the broken arm and the concussion. She didn’t plan on the hospital stay.
She didn’t plan on the memories that came rushing back to her.
* * * * *
“Dude, did you see the blood spatter when I chopped that vamp’s head off?”
Y/N rolled her eyes. “Not the first vamp you’ve killed, Dean-o. It’s usually the same splatter, every time.”
“And it’s very satisfying. Every time.”
She laughed along with Sam, then leaned her head on Castiel’s shoulder. They were in the backseat of the Impala, making their way back to Lebanon after another successful hunting trip. Thanks to the four of them, a whole vampire nest had been taken out, and the world was a little safer than before.
Castiel kissed her forehead; Y/N grinned. He was still getting used to displaying affection — still getting used to a lot of human things after having his grace stolen by Metatron. Y/N had been the one to help him adjust to things, and that guidance had bloomed into stronger feelings for her. She was patient with him because she loved him that much.
“Can I make you dinner when we get back?” Castiel offered. She noted that he kept looking in Dean’s direction, and the older Winchester brother was glancing in the rearview mirror, carefully watching the interaction.
Y/N smirked at Castiel. “Was this your idea?”
A blush painted Castiel’s cheeks. “I wanted to do something special for you, but I didn’t know what to do. Dean said food was always a good idea with you.”
“Dean’s not wrong, for once,” Y/N laughed. “I would love it if you made me dinner.”
When they got back, got unpacked and cleaned up, and got some rest, Castiel was eager to start cooking. Y/N hung around, knowing that food in general was another new concept for Castiel. He only needed a little help, which impressed her.
After they did the dishes together, Y/N wrapped her arms around his middle. “Thank you for dinner. Would you mind if I kissed you?”
Castiel cleared his throat. “Would you mind if my intention in making you dinner was to get a kiss from you?”
Smiling, Y/N pressed her lips softly to his. “I don’t mind, but I want you to know, you don’t always have to do something special to get a kiss from me. Whenever you want to kiss me, just go ahead. I won’t mind.”
“Good to know,” Castiel smiled, kissing her again.
* * * * *
Y/N rubbed her hands over her eyes. Her head was pounding. Between the concussion and the true memories of the life she lived before she came to this town, she wasn’t sure that throbbing pain would ever go away.
“How are you feeling?” a nurse asked, coming in to administer some pain medicine and check her vitals.
“My head hurts. My arm, not so much.”
The nurse took her pulse on her good arm. “That will probably be the case for a while. I’m giving you more pain medicine, and some anti-nausea medicine. The break or the concussion, or even the pain meds, can make you sick to your stomach. This should prevent that from happening.”
“Thank you,” Y/N whispered. The pain medicine had been given through her IV, and she was already feeling the effects of it. “Could I have some water? And maybe another blanket?”
“Of course. I’ll be back in a few.”
Y/N thanked the nurse again, then pulled the blanket she did have up as far as she could with one hand. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she remembered the thing that had drove her away from everything she had known before. Just before grogginess turned to sleep, she whispered his name on a prayer.
“Castiel …”
* * * * *
She had sent her love off as a human, and he returned as an angel once more. She wanted to be happy for him, but her heart was breaking. Now that Castiel was no longer a human, she was certain any feelings for her would disappear. Later, when they were alone, Castiel did his best to spare her own feelings as he confirmed her fears.
“I still feel a certain fondness for you,” Castiel explained. “Angels are not without the ability to care deeply for someone. But love — love is not necessary for us.”
She swallowed hard. “I understand all of that, but there’s one thing I don’t understand.”
Castiel looked away, unable to meet her eyes. “What’s that?”
“You chose this,” she shrugged, letting the tears that had previously glazed her eyes fall free. “You knew what would happen when you took Theo’s grace. You chose being an angel over being with me.”
“I can do the world so much more good as an angel, Y/N. What good could I do you as a human?”
She let her head fall back momentarily, a sardonic chuckle escaping her throat. Wiping at her tears and standing up a little straighter, she shrugged again. This time, the action was exaggerated.
“If you have to ask, Cas, then I was in way deeper than you, and this is for the best.” She walked forward and pressed her lips against his, rough and wanting — wanting more than anything for him to return the kiss. When he didn’t, she stepped away and asked if he would do her one more favor.
“I don’t want to become the angry person that Dean is. I don’t want to live the rest of my life heartbroken like Sam. I want you to erase my memory of the hunting life.”
“Y/N …”
“Erase my memory, and theirs. Everyone who I’ve ever encountered. I know that’s a big favor to ask, but I can’t — I can’t stay here, around you, and I can’t be another member of hunting family who walks away from Sam and Dean.”
Castiel opened his mouth several times before he was able to reply. “If I do this, there’s no going back, Y/N. I won’t bring you back for any reason, and if the Winchesters don’t remember you, they won’t ask for you to come back. You make a difference here. You save lives.”
“And so do hundreds of other hunters,” she returned. “Maybe I’m far more weak than I ever thought possible, but I don’t want to do this life without you.”
Castiel put his hands on her forearms. He kissed her forehead. When she made to pull away, he put a hand on the back of her head and kept his lips where they were. A bright, blue-white light flashed through the room, and then everything went dark.
* * * * *
That was the last memory she had before it picked up here. The bank, her studio apartment, her friends here — they had all really come out of nowhere. Castiel hadn’t only taken her memories, he had given her a happy life.
Every bit of happiness she felt now, however, was gone. Her heart felt as though it had been ripped apart, just as she had felt when Castiel informed them he had his grace back. Not only that, now that she remembered everything, she missed all of it terribly. Sam, Dean, Castiel, hunting, saving. They were all things her broken heart was missing.
“You must have hit your head pretty hard.”
Figuring any visitor would be at the door, Y/N turned her eyes in that direction. No one was there.
“Hello, Y/N.”
She turned her attention to the wall with the big picture window, and there he was. Blue tie, suit, trench coat — just as he had been in the last of her newly recovered memories. Her eyes welled with tears again.
“You must have hit your head pretty hard,” he noted, “to have the barrier I set up be broken. Have they done scans? It could be more than a concussion.”
“They’ve done a good job. Everything they’re supposed to.”
Castiel nodded. “I’m sorry that I didn’t do a better job.”
“You did what you could on borrowed grace,” she replied in a snippy tone.
The angel looked around the room before approaching her bedside. “Let me set the barrier up again, Y/N. Dean and Sam, they have no memory of you. Not one person in the hunting world has memories of you.”
“Better set them up stronger barriers, Cas. Don’t want to have to do any tricky stuff in a hospital room.” She swallowed hard. “No.”
“No?”
“I don’t want you to block my memories again.”
“You’re hurting, Y/N, and it’s more than physical. You’re grieving what you lost.”
She snorted. “What I lost, Castiel? Or what you took from me? I was a hunter. I never thought that I would find love, and if I did I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew when I met you that an angel could never love me back, but I couldn’t stop myself from feeling that. Then, one day, you did love me back — before you so willingly threw it all away.”
“You don’t think my heart was broken, too, Y/N? Maybe I cannot love you the way you want, but I can and do have a deep care for your well-being. For how you feel. But I had to think of the greater good.”
Y/N swallowed down the lump in her throat. “The greater good, right. No new information there. Just go. Leave me with my memories.”
He reached out to touch her face, but Y/N pulled away. Too great a risk that a simple touch of affection could turn into a touch that would steal her memories away again. He leaned forward again, and this time she felt a calm come over her. She didn’t need to resist Castiel. He wouldn’t seal her memories without her permission.
Castiel leaned over the bed railing and kissed her forehead, much like he had done in the backseat of the Impala after that vampire hunt. The throbbing sensation in her head was gone, but her memories were still there.
“I’m sorry,” was the last thing Castiel said before he disappeared from the hospital room.
* * * * *
After the vampire hunt and after dinner and after more kisses, Y/N found a spare blanket. She took Castiel by the hand and led him outside.
“Do all of those stars have names?” she asked. Her finger traced designs between each twinkling light in the night sky.
Castiel smiled. This was the first time he had looked at the sky since the angels had fallen, and not felt something inside him shatter.
“Every single one. Do you want me to tell you?”
Y/N rolled to her belly and set her chin on his chest. Slowly, her head moved back and forth a couple of times. “No. I just want to be here, with you. Do you think it will always be like this?”
Castiel pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. He studied her face for a moment before rolling them over so that she was on her back and he was balanced over her. Without any hesitation, he leaned down and pressed a sweet kiss to her lips.
“Always,” he answered. “You and me.”
* * * * * * * * * *
The Whole Shebang: @illisea @ashleymalfoy @busybee612 @mrswhozeewhatsis @sherlock44 @ravenesque @feelmyroarrrr @atc74 @theplaidshirtmadness @blacktithe7 @moonlessnight14 @kitchenwitchsuperwhovian @smoothdogsgirl @melbrandes @xtina2191 @spnbaby-67 @emoryhemsworth @goldenolaf25 @gabriels-trix @applesugar88 @rainflowermoon @deansgirl215 @thisismysecrethappyplace @calaofnoldor
#SPNGenreBingo#Castiel#supernatual#fanfiction#reader#reader insert#cas#castiel x reader#cas x reader#fluff#angst#flangst#spnfanficpond#jellyfish#iwantthedeanupdates#iwantthedean's tag team#all my lovelies#that's my queue
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1/2 Hello, always thank you for the reasonable posts! I just wanted to ask though if you also think that Dean and Cas are 'both' at faults and they 'both' need to be better? Cause I personally don't see what Cas has done wrong. Dean and Sam both knew about Jack's states, Sam stated that to Dean himself. And I also see opinions about how Cas is going behind the brothers back by not telling them about the empty deal he made and I feel like I missed something
½ cause it’s cas’s choice and has nothing to do with the brothers. Could you share your thoughts?
—
Hi there! Fair warning but this is long. Because apparently I’m just frustrated and angry enough about the comprehension fail of some fans here and I love Cas enough to go on this rant. With Dean and Cas I’m not talking about doing wrong necessarily in the moral sense but more in the narrative (drama creating) sense. It’s about an interesting story, yeah?
In that one previous post with Dean and Cas’ issues I was not talking specifically about 14B til now. I’m talking about the history of how they interact with one another going all the way back to Cas refusing to tell Dean about everything with Raphael in S6 (the show revisits the Leviathan mistake in 15x03 with Belphegor trying to take in Hell souls to transform into God so this isn’t something the show has forgotten either since Chuck is still mentioning Leviathan as recently as two episodes ago) and recently emphasized by Dean not explaining to Cas in S13 what Cas’ death did to him. These two keep secrets from one another, perpetually. The biggest of which are heart secrets. The moment where Dean was raking leaves (fuck my whole life), Cas was right there, he could have figured things out with Dean, but instead Cas turned and went the other way in an effort to give Dean peace.
Cas serves Dean, from the moment he rebelled Cas started treated Dean like his new God. As an angel he’s quite literally built to serve “God”, both as a warrior and guardian, so much of that is in his “programming”. And angels aren’t meant to focus that devotion on one human, to filter that devotion in a human way while staying on Earth. As Dean laments in S6, it breaks them (and Dean’s ultimately wrong here, but his mindset here is important, even as S12 sees it start to change). 12x10 touches on this extensively as well with Ishim when we see his obsession with Lily and how it destroyed both of their lives. It’s learning to love PROPERLY without children suffering for it but I’M GETTING THERE! We see this issue displayed predominantly in Jack, product of a human and angel, as we are meant to question whether such a union is possible and, in fact, best. All this is more Destiel-ish but I don’t think you can talk about this subject without Destiel at this point. So here we are: Cas’ “MISTAKES”.
Back in 6x20 we see the root of the relationship’s communication problem. We see it develop and stagnate as the show faces infinite renewal. And it all boils down to Cas wanting to stay with Dean (“Most of the time I’d rather be here” and all), but feeling like if he does then he’ll be bringing all of Heaven’s/God’s problems with him to Dean. He sees Dean’s fated involvement (past and present) as unfair and so he tries to bring Dean peace and to keep all that stuff away from him as much as possible. But back then Cas didn’t know Dean as well as he does now. Cas liked an idea of Dean. That’s why he got so angry in 5x18 and beat the shit out of him in that alleyway. Cas does know Dean now tho. Things are very different, but somewhat the same as far as devotion goes. It’s faith and it’s love. Cas has always acted with Dean’s best interests at heart rather than maybe a situation’s best interest. Even solving Heaven’s problems later in S9 just became, for Cas, simply a way to make up for his actions in S6 and to STILL get angels in a place where he could again try and stay with Dean. If Cas is alive he’ll always try to both stay with Dean and to make up for the situation he feels he caused trying to do this the first time in S6.
That’s what all this has been about. Cas finding a way to stay beside Dean, but not at the expense it caused in S6. Somewhere along the way in S8 in Purgatory the guilt over how he burned everything he’s ever known for this slowly began to eat away at him, make him depressed to the point where he’s instead just happy now to die making Dean happy. Cas decided to sentence himself to his own personal Hell when he let go of Dean’s hand at the purgatory portal. How could he be allowed to be happy with Dean when so many of his kind, so many others, had to die for it? And the solution eluded Cas until… Jack. Cas’ “mistakes” against others (the biggest being the slaughter of most of his kind by his own hand) are rooted in his frustrations over being unable to simply stay with Dean (helping Dean vs helping others). And now we speed up to Jack era and S14/S15. Cas now sees Jack as his new God. He’s sees Jack as the way to make him staying with Dean happen without the cost Cas has previously paid. Cas thinks Jack will lead the Winchesters and humanity to a better world. Jack is literally the solution to all Cas’ problems in Cas’ mind. He sees the path with Jack as a union of the two things that have systematically driven his depression: choosing Dean’s happiness/life or the happiness/lives of others. Because given the choice Cas will choose Dean’s happiness over the world but with Jack Cas feels he doesn’t have to choose anymore. So Cas no longer sees Dean as his God to serve. Dean no longer creates the “problem” as well as functions as the “solution”. That gets to be Jack. But Cas still wants to be with him, wants Dean happy. This is plain when Cas puts himself between Dean and Jack in 14x20.
I think there’s a lesson here, in how you are not suppose to treat your children as something for yourself. John didn’t learn that. Chuck hasn’t learned that. Neither have Dean and Cas. Just look at the parents of Billy in 15x04. You can’t use your kids like that. It’s a hard lesson. It’s one of S15’s ultimate lesson tho I believe. It’s how Chuck will let go of the Winchesters (his children), in time. So yes. This is Cas’ biggest mistake with Jack. It’s what he’s ultimately “done wrong”. I’m off topic tho. I know. You’ve asked me about Dean and Cas’ recent issues and how they need to communicate better essentially. I can’t not talk about one without talking about the history here tho.
The Dean stans mad at Cas over what he’s done in the name of Dean’s own happiness just don’t care about seeing any of this, none of their complicated history together, as 4x22 and Cas’ decision to rebel for Dean specifically literally led to all this, everything that follows. This is what Sam’s S15 visions reveal (the importance of Cas reveling, being with them both), though not yet clearly defined in so many words (likely eventually by Sam). It’s like Dean stans and Cas haters see Dean and Cas in competition for a narrative arc or Sam’s place or something. This is the problem when you can’t value what the show values: found family. Family don’t end in blood. Maybe it needs to be put on some more merchandise or something because FUCKING HELL.
*takes a calming breath*
Dean and Cas are essentially the same damn person. They were raised under the same crappy absent father and fight their respective “programming” in order to find who they both are underneath when given a choice. And who they both are is in conflict against what God has decided they should both be (though God’s focus is more on Dean rather than Cas, with God having written off all the angels awhile ago). And so S15 brings us exactly here, to the nature of how Dean and Cas function to one another, want one another in the other’s lives and how they both need to explain this to one another clearly without bringing in anyone else (Sam or Jack) into their words to one another. And moreso, how it’s not just Dean and Cas together that produces a new world, but how Sam is also essential to this. 5x04 showed us what happens if Sam doesn’t stay. Remove Sam, Dean or Cas from one another and it all (a happy ending) falls apart. Jack is different because of Cas’ mistake in how he views him as glue to Dean (which isn’t Cas’ whole view but irrelevant). Removing Jack, and pulling Sam into a place of understanding concerning Dean and Cas, the shows forces Dean and Cas to ask themselves what they want from one another without the both of them there. Not that they have to live in a world like that necessarily, obviously, but it’s asking them to consider what their little world together would be like. Cas doesn’t see how he can stay under the baggage of his mistakes without the future Jack promises. Like in S8, he leaves Dean. This is where they will be forced to “do better” and express this desire to stay with each other without dragging poor Jack (or Sam) into the mix, without dragging anything else into the mix.
Dean and Cas refusing to admit why they want to stay with each other has lead to so many conflicts with other things, namely Heaven with Cas and what Dean did in 9x01 with Sam. In Carver era this is how the show begins to craft itself, showing how these three lives are forever connected, producing great misery when communication completely fails. Dean does drastic things to Sam to keep him with him whenever Cas leaves him. It used to be Dean only needed Sam and did drastic things to keep Sam with him because of John’s conditioning. Carver era changed that, structurally. Now, in Cas, it’s framed so that Dean has found a kindred spirit, one which would theoretically allow him to let Sam go if only Cas stayed with him. Because that was the ending Carver era was seemingly going for, or at least seriously considered. The child must be let go. Instead of Sam now, it feels like it is Jack (because Sam’s “call to action” in S15 is being framed more as he is an essential part of Dean and Cas reconciling). Both Jack and Sam have been in the child role to both Dean and Cas respectively at different points. And SPN has churned out 9 more seasons of drama based on these dynamics, this goal (sacrificing Sam) and lack of clear communication since S6. Having ran through as much as they feasibly could before Jack, Jack was created, essentially, to sustain these problems until we reached the end with the ultimate lesson that open communication literally solves everything. And also… he creates a situation where Sam doesn’t need to be sacrificed (but still could).
Not discussing the show structurally, and instead in a more character based psychological way, concerning Jack specifically TFW all knew his power and how living with him was always a risk. They each claimed Jack and undertook the risk, because they all saw themselves in Jack in some way and so decided since they all turned out okay then so would Jack. Because choices matter, the desire to be better, to fight for better, matters. Jack came into their lives and they rolled with it. All of TFW made that “mistake” taking in Jack. It’s not just on Cas and Sam spells that out to Dean and the audience quite clearly. Comprehension fails such as hating Cas on other fan’s part is something I feel S15 is trying very hard to point out. S15 discusses the narrative’s literal elements. It forces comprehension in a way that puts these fans that hate whatever character out of TFW in the wrong. You like Dean and Cas but want Sam gone? You’re in the wrong according to the show. Same thing for fans that want Sam and Dean together and for Cas to stay dead. With S15 the show is telling you to GET FUCKED but like… politely and for now, only visually, lol.
As far as the Empty deal goes (are Dean stans seriously mad Cas hasn’t told Dean?), the show IMO couldn’t outline Cas’ depression even harder if it fucking tried. But apparently for them they need to try harder? I just can’t with this. What an insult to writers which have handled this particular storyline with the utmost care. OH BOY. Part of outlining the EXACT problem here is that part of the solution is with it so instead they’ve just gone as far as they can instead. 13x04 was as far as they could fucking go with TIPTOEING around (the tulips with) this thing between Dean and Cas that is keeping Cas miserable and wishing for death in service of some other happiness for Dean (as if it ACTUALLY exists without Cas, it doesn’t). Cas has made peace with never telling Dean he’s in love with him. Before he was given a choice Cas was happy to simply remove himself from the equation (14x08) and leave Jack to bring Dean happiness without him. Because AGAIN! Communication! Cas getting taken by the Empty isn’t going to cause anything horrible to happen to the world (on a global scale). He’s just gonna be gone. Are Dean stans really saying, essentially, “How dare Cas not try to stay as tool for Dean”?? Like… what??? I honestly stopped reading people with this level of reading comprehension fail a long time ago and just started ignoring them for the lost causes they are. Telling Dean about the Empty deal would force Dean to reveal himself one way or another. And as I’ve just said, in perpetuity this is the storyline conflict that has kept SPN going for many years now. It’s something Cas wants to avoid as long as possible because he’s so in love that he’ll keep himself miserable and in suspense because being miserable with Dean is still him physically with Dean. Once Dean knows they’d have to face the truth together, whatever that is. That’s the only thing not telling Dean about the deal prevents. Some people just see it as Cas keeping more secrets but it’s not like what secrets were like in S6. The only one Cas would be effecting (to HIM, in HIS MIND) is himself. And what he can do for Dean versus what Cas sees Jack being able to accomplish for Dean? Well to Cas that’s no contest. Because he’s long made peace with being Dean’s tool because he doesn’t think he could ever be someone Dean chooses to love and keep for no reason other than Dean wants him with him. Cas being able to stop seeing him and Jack as tools is essential to whatever comes next. It’s an explanation, a comprehension problem left to Dean then later, concerning how Cas sees Jack, to Cas.
#ask zerbe#anonymous#spn speculation#this is so much#and it’s just kinda everywhere#im so sorry#narrative structure#destiel for ts#the spiraling narrative of supernatural#miscommunication#zerbe discusses things#long post for ts#carver era#im too tired to reread this again so here you go#end of the road#wank for ts#i guess since im mentioning people who hate cas#spoiler alert but he’s basically dean trying to save his own sam#and his sam has been both dean and jack over the years#his most important person#dean didnt choose to have sam in his life#but cas chose to have dean in his#and that forever blows dean’s mind#you’re hating cas for the same reason you love dean and im forever scratching my head over that shit bruh
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21 Supernatural Questions
I was tagged by @amwritingmeta – thank you for including me, sweetie. You’re so lovely! I gotta tell you that it honestly made my day when I read that one of my favorite meta writers considers my blog one of her favorites, so yeah… thanks! :’D
Now let’s tackle these super fun questions ;-)
1. When did you start watching Supernatural?
I remember I watched for the first time around 2009. Season 4 was on, here in my country, on Warner Channel. I’m sure that season had already finished in the U.S. at that time, but it was just starting to air here in El Salvador. I didn’t know anything about the show and I didn’t know what season that was either, but now I know it was 4 because all I remember was that some dude had rescued another dude from Hell. Period. I understood next to nothing about the plot because I hadn’t seen any episode prior to the beginning of S4. I caught a few episodes now and then and continued to watch for some time until the schedule changed. The eps started to air at 11:00 p.m. and I had to get up early for work, so I stopped watching.
In 2013, I spent one year living in North Carolina with my older sister. I was having a difficult time, so I moved to my birth country (USA) to escape everyone and everything. I had no TV in my room, but I had my laptop and my sis had the first 7 seasons of Supernatural, so I was like, “Hey! I might FINALLY understand that freaking show that looked so cool”. That’s how I started. I wasn’t planning to binge-watch the whole thing, but it became addictive pretty fast.
I loved the first 3 seasons, but once I got to season 4 and Castiel was introduced, I was hooked for real! When I watched season 5 and I saw the “I did it, all of it, for you” from 5x02, I started Googling Dean and Cas, because I was SO SURE I was seeing romance there, and I couldn’t be the only one. I was super excited when I found out there was a Supernatural FANDOM (back then I had no idea that was a thing). And I was even more excited when I learned about Destiel, about shipping, and about all the fandom culture. I joined Twitter, became a Misha stan because the more I read about him, the more I adored him, and I got caught up just in time to watch 8x17 live.
Can you imagine becoming a Dean/Cas shipper all on my own, doing research, finding out about Destiel and then the VERY FIRST EPISODE I watched live, while living in the U.S., was Goodbye Stranger written by Robbie Thompson?!! Those were the days!
I have been watching live, along with the fandom, ever since March 20, 2013. I joined Tumblr during the hiatus and started writing meta (accidentally) at the very beginning of season 9. So yeah! This show has been a very important part of my life for over 6 years now, and I don’t want to think about how things might change after the show ends. NOPE. Not thinking about it AT ALL. (At least not yet).
2. Who is your favorite in TFW?
I absolutely LOVE my three boys. I want them to be happy because they deserve it. But, we can all have a favorite, right? I was a Dean!girl when I started binge-watching. When Cas was introduced, I became a huge Cas fan, and I thought he had become my favorite. However, lately I’ve understood that I became a huge MISHA fan, and that’s a little different. If we’re talking about the SPN cast, Misha is and will always be my favorite because he’s a real life angel. I love that man with all I have! But, if we’re talking about the SPN characters, I have to admit that I will forever be a Dean!girl, no matter what.
I’ll continue after the cut because, apparently, it’s impossible for me to give brief answers :P
3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?
This question sounds cruel, but I want to understand it in a ranking way, not in an “I hate this character” one.
If I have to rank TFW, for me, it would be:
Dean
Cas
Sam
HOWEVER, let it be known that I love my three boys immensely, and I want a happy endgame for the three of them. If Dean and Cas had a happy ending, but Sammy didn’t, that would ruin it for me. Ranking doesn’t equal hating.
4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs!
I’ve said I follow very few blogs because I curate my fandom experience a lot, but you guys make my time on Tumblr extraordinary. I enjoy seeing you in my dash, reading what you blog or reblog and just knowing that you’re around as part of this community. If you answer these questions, please tag me ‘cause I’d like to read what you got to say about our beloved show. Much love to each of you! ♥♥♥♥♥
@dimples-of-discontent @mittensmorgul @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @naruhearts @casthegrumpy @fangirlingtodeath513 @bluestar86 @viva-la-cockles @obsessionisaperfume @caswouldratherbehere @perfectlyelegantdelusion @occamshipper @amwritingmeta (and no, Annelie, I’m not tagging you because you tagged me; you truly deserve to be here).
If you’re not tagged, please forgive my poor memory, but if we’ve talked before, or I reblog/like your posts, please know that I adore you. ♥
5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?
Oh my! This is so hard to answer. Supernatural has had so many amazing characters that choosing only one is hard. But I guess I have to go with Charlie Bradbury. The only time I seriously considered to stop watching the show was when Charlie was killed off. I was very angry and disappointed, and 10x21 became an episode I truly hate. I don’t think I have ever re-watched the whole ep because the writing was SO BAD. Dean and Sam were stupid in that ep, and Cas was basically a lamp. I… NOPE. Disgusting episode for sure. And I lost my beautiful lesbian queen.
6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?
I should say Charlie again, but because she got covered in my favorite non-TFW character, I will choose someone else for favorite woman.
And that has got to be Rowena. I don’t think there has ever been a female character in Supernatural written better than Rowena. And because the show’s ending, there will never be.
7. John or Mary?
Definitely Mary. We got to know her better. I know certain parts of the fandom didn’t care much for her, but I loved her a lot, not despite her flaws but because of them! She was made human in a realistic way. We had only seen the idealized version of her through Dean’s eyes, but once we got to meet the real Mary, it was something I enjoyed. John, on the other hand, is not a bad person, but he wasn’t the best parent. He loved his children, and I know that, but his love doesn’t negate all the crap he put his sons through, even if his intentions came from a good place. I like the closure the boys got with him in 14x13, though. I was not against it at all. But, as John would say in that ep, “Me versus your mom? That’s – that’s not even a choice.”
8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?
Dean: Since the first moment I saw Dean, I knew he was faking and was trying to hide how broken he felt. That’s why I fell in love with him from the get-go.
Sam: My first opinion was that he was supposed to be the mature and detached brother.
Cas: I thought that he was meant to be the epitome for the enemies to friends trope. (And I added “to lovers” one season later).
Jack: The only opinion I had was that he was going to be the opposite of Lucifer. The characters were saying he was evil way too early for it not to be subverted.
9. What’s your favorite season?
There are many seasons I love. I mean, this show has given us SO MUCH. But, season 8 is probably my favorite for two reasons. First of all, because it was the first one I watched live once I caught up. And to this day, the season finale still blows my mind.
And second, because it was when Carver took the reins of the show and did his best to fix the Gamble era. He gave the Dean/Cas dynamic a serious note, narratively speaking. I’ve said before that even though I shipped Destiel in the previous seasons, it wasn’t until season 8 that I saw an intentional development. It wasn’t played for kicks and laughs anymore, and it wasn’t just Misha’s and Jensen’s doing either. It was in the plot. The whole ‘I stayed one year in Purgatory just to get you back’ and all the ‘I couldn’t bear to think you didn’t want to come with me, so I chose to make it my fault’. Season 8 marked a new era, indeed, and Destiel became a real thing from then on, in my opinion.
10. What’s your least favorite season?
Even though there are some episodes from that season that I truly love (and they’ve become memorable, like The French Mistake or The Man Who Would Be King), as a whole, I don’t enjoy season 6 much. After a formidable season 5, Sera struggled to keep the boat afloat and it shows. Season 6 is certainly the weakest.
11. Opinions on Destiel?
My whole blog was born because of Destiel, so? What do you want me to say? Hahahaha. Destiel is life. And I can divide my opinion in 4 (depending on the showrunner):
Destiel was a fortunate accident during the Kripke era. It was played for laughs and it was the result of whatever was going on between Jensen and Misha. Their chemistry had nothing to do with the script.
Destiel was a tool during the Gamble era. I don’t like to use the word “queerbait”, but I think the closest Supernatural has been to that was when Sera was the showrunner. It seems to me like she used the ship to lure the fandom and keep the audience, but it’s clear she had no intention of giving a resolution (we all know how she treated Misha, so…).
Destiel became an intentional part of the narrative during the Carver era. As I said before, it wasn’t until season 8 when you could clearly see that things were not accidentally there anymore. It wasn’t a joke, either. The ship sailed for real during the Carver era, but Jeremy was not allowed to give a resolution because the show continued to be renewed.
Destiel became canon during the Dabb era. I mean, I know people will argue that it’s not canon yet. And I understand what they mean. But, in my opinion, Destiel hasn’t been TEXTUALLY made canon, but when Andrew took the reins of the show, he made Dean and Cas sooooo married that I came to the conclusion explaining the subtext was unnecessary. It was WAY too in the nose to need explaining. So, I stopped trying hahaha. I don’t know if we’ll ever get Textual Canon Destiel, but in regards to Subtext, it can’t get more canon than that. And noooo, that doesn’t mean queerbait at all. Queercoding is a thing, you know?
12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?
As per my previous answer, currently I don’t think Supernatural queerbaits. I do believe Dabb, Bobo and company want to give the Dean/Cas storyline a satisfying resolution. I have no idea what they will be allowed to do, but even if they can’t textually give us what we want, I have faith they will find a subtextually strong way to wrap things up. I enjoyed when Misha and Jensen explained in the DC Cockles panel the restrictions the CW puts, and I think it applies to so much more than blood and language.
13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?
Seasons 8-14, no doubt. For two reasons: 1) They are really good (and gave Destiel relevance) and 2) those are the seasons when I was already part of the fandom and could enjoy week after week.
14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?
I think Chuck is the best of the best. Because when we look back, we now know that all the other villains were thanks to Chuck’s machinations. Plot wise that’s amazeballs! I mean, the fact that we always thought (or hoped) that God was on the Winchesters’ side just to learn he was the villain all along. Chef’s kiss!
15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?
I think they squeezed the freaking Lucifer plot line as much as they could… until it got to a point where I was sick of it. Everything related to Nick and Lucifer in season 14 was stupid and boring, to say the least. The plot line should have ended when Dean stabbed Lucifer. Although… I would have liked a better closure for Sam, but I’m good. As long as I don’t have to see Pellegrino again, I’m good.
16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?
I don’t like this question and refuse to answer because trauma is NOT a competition (either in real life or in fiction). Trauma is trauma and it affects people. Something Sam went through was painful to him and that same thing may be less traumatic to Cas, but that doesn’t mean the repercussions and the suffering are less real for Sam, just because Cas suffered in other ways that may have affected him more. Trauma is personal. All I know is that the three of them have gone through A LOT and that’s why they deserve peace and happiness. Period.
17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?
There are more than 300 reasons to love this show. I mean, it’s almost impossible to choose ONE episode out of so many that I love. But for the sake of this question, I will answer with a very personal choice. My favorite ep could probably be 12x22 because of the moments between Dean and Mary. Dean needed a moment to finally say what he had been repressing all his life. All that hate mixed with all that love. He needed to let it out. And it was both gut-wrenching and beautiful to watch. I always cry when I see it (and I mean gross sobbing for real).
18. Do you like case episodes?
I like them most of the time. I don’t enjoy them so much when they air because I would like the plot to move forward, but it’s the case episodes where we learn more about what’s going on with our characters (their internal emotional battles) through other characters and subtext. It’s an interesting exercise, and that’s why I end up liking most case episodes in the end.
19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?
For people who have been following my blog for some time, this will come as no surprise. I relate the most to Dean Winchester.
In fact, I AM DEAN. I can find in my life every single thing about Dean’s journey. I came to accept my sexuality thanks to Dean (first as bisexual, and later as demisexual once I became more educated). I have felt worthless and like I don’t deserve to live or to be loved, just as much as Dean. I have felt like a burden, like I’m here just to help/please others, and if I’m not doing that, then I’m failing at life.
I get why Dean lashes out and hurts the people he loves even though he’s so afraid to lose them. I understand why Dean builds huge walls to protect himself from being hurt and what he needs to grow. Because his struggles are my struggles. And now I’m crying, so I better move on to the next question.
20. Why do you like Supernatural?
I like Supernatural because I’ve been able to learn about myself thanks to the characters. Despite being a genre show, the personal journeys (character arcs) have been so real and relatable that I truly think this show is a masterpiece. The fact that I’ve grown as a human being thanks to an ordinary TV show is incredible. I don’t think there will ever be another show like Supernatural in my life.
21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?
I would bring back Charlie. The original Charlie. I mean, I know we have seen lovely Felicia Day again thanks to AU!Charlie, but I couldn’t connect with her the same way I did with the original one. Probably because not even the boys have been able to connect with her the same way, either. They see her and they will always see the little sister they lost. It’s hard to think of AU!Charlie as her own person if she always reminds you of the one you lost. ETA: I forgot who I would kill. I guess no one. I mean, if Lucifer were still around, I'd kill him. Or Nick. I just got tired of his face.
Wow! This turned into a very long post, but I had so much fun.
I tag EVERYONE who would like to do this as a way to pay tribute to our wonderful show. Much love to y’all!
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Cas raised Sam right and took him with him to confront Raphael. Raphael recognized Sam for what he is instead of what he's meant to be but isn't, they fell in love. Amara still got freed, as did Lucifer. Raphael died in the fight against Amara. When Jack starts dying because of the loss of his Grace, Sam prays to his beloved archangel to return from the Empty to heal him the way only Heaven's Healer could.
Does this fic have a title? It does not, (yet). Also, I wrote this with the intention of both Sam and Raphael as being asexual.
Word count: 3074
Rating: TPairings: SaRaph + Destiel
Sam was torn, as he stood before the small cairn of stone in the backyard of the bunker. There was a much fresher memorial beside it, but he paid that one no mind.
He probably should have been inside, offering what little comfort he could to the bedridden and dying nephilim inside. But Jack was sleeping. And as he looked down as the paper in his hand, he knew he had to try. Jack was the closest thing to a son he'd had ever thought he could have, and he had to try this one last desperate measure. Especially if it meant sharing the child he considered to be his adopted son with the love of his life.
This was not the first time he had done this, read a letter to Raphael at the spot he has built the memorial to them. It wasn't a grave, not with Amara having imploded Raphael and leaving nothing behind to burn or bury. Knowing what he did now, Sam half hoped Raphael had been able to hear them, but also felt divided on whether or not he wanted to succeed at this. Did Raphael not deserve the peace they all craved? But he also knew that if he did manage to wake Raphael, the Healer would fix this, if they were able to. And maybe this could be the very last time they all tried to save the world. It was time to retire and raise the new generation of hunters and let them take over.
Sam didn’t need the white picket fence and the apple pie life, but he wanted his mate. The one who understood him better than anyone else ever had.
Amara had given Dean a “gift”, but no one had ever asked him if there was anything he wanted or needed.
“Dean Raphael,” Sam said, hoping, praying. He had poured every ounce of his lover and hope into this letter. This prayer. “If we had known Gabriel was alive all those years ago, I know you would have led the battle against the Prince of Hell and his legions of demons, I would have been there right by your side. I wish you had been here to dissuade him from yet more self sacrifice. You were the same way, I recall, and I’ve always been that way too, but we were good for each other. I also just wish I could have gotten to know the side of him you always talked about when you talked about your little brother, and I wish you could have seen him again. But I talked about Gabriel in my last letter and I have something a little more pressing to tell you now.
“I’ve told you about your nephew, Jack Kline. He saved us from the apocalypse ‘verse Michael and helped us get out of apocalypse World. But there’s something wrong with him and he’s dying. I wish you were here to heal him, and I wish you could have met him. He’s a sweet little kid for all that he looks like a young adult, and because we’ve been raising him, I suppose I can’t help but think of his as kind of like my own son, and I do really wish I could share this with you. I know we never really talked about having our own kids, biological or otherwise, especially what with us still being firmly rooted in the hunter lifestyle. But I’m definitely ready to give that all up if I can just share this with you. Please.
"But you deserve your peace, too, and I hope that at the very least you are at peace. I just want you to know that only you will ever hold the keys to my heart, and I miss you so much.
"Please come back to me.”
Sam took the matchbook from his pocket, and used it to set the letter on fire over the cairn, just as he had with all the other letters. He knew it probably affected nothing, meant nothing, but it mattered to him.
“Please come back to me,” he repeated, whispered, as his eyes watered. He didn’t want to lose any more of the people that he cared about. Not both the love of his life and the kid he would never stop wishing he could have raised with his mate.
Amara had obliterated Raphael near the beginning of that whole thing. She’d gone straight for Heaven, intent on killing the first of Chuck’s creations that she had so despised.
Neither she nor Chuck had offered any condolences for that. They’d never said anything at all, with the possible exception of calling it “a most unfortunate tragedy” but he couldn’t really remember that conversation, as he had been too filled with anger and grief to really register it. They had just… left. Like nothing else mattered at all, and Dean hadn’t understood his grief either. No one had.
But you don’t share life altering love with another being for five years and then just let it go when they disappear from your life entirely.
“Look what I found!”
The shout from a voice he wasn’t expecting to ever hear again in either life nor death had Sam turning around as he blinked past the tears falling down his face. Cocky Gabriel was standing there, cocky grin on his face, but as soon as Sam saw who he had brought with him, he had eyes for nothing else. The vessel was new, taller than he was, and more obviously androgynous, but besides that it seemed to be an almost perfect mix of their two last vessels. Sam hoped that meant Raphael was would be more comfortable in it than in their previous vessels, but Sam cared nothing about their physical appearance.
“Raph!” he shouted running forward and wrapping around his mate. “You’re here!”
“I love you,” Raphael whispered in Sam’s ear, as they returned Sam’s hug in the way best done by the taller person. There were reasons they had waited so long for Gabriel to help finish making them this perfect vessel. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Hey! What am I, chopped liver?”
Sam glance over at Gabriel, but the younger archangel did not appear to actually be offended, as he was grinning happily at them.
“Gabriel," Raphael scolded without looking at their brother. "I have not seen my mate in four years, let us have this moment.”
“Okay, okay. But I’m pretty sure Sam mentioned a matter of timely importance.”
“I would like to meet this child you want to be ours,” Raphael agreed, but allowed Sam to pull away from the hug first. They didn’t not remain separated for long, as Sam took one of their hands a second later.
Sam studied the way Raphael’s hand fit snugly into his larger hand. He had missed this so much it still ached like a fresh wound. But Raphael was here before him and he almost couldn’t believe it.
“Jack’s inside,” he said finally, and then led the way. Dean was nowhere to be seen when Sam led the two archangels into Jack’s room. Castiel alone sat in the chair by the head of the bed.
Castiel looked up as they entered the room. “Gabriel, Raphael. I am glad to see you both alive and well.”
“Where is Dean?” Sam asked. He knew he had to reveal this to Dean sooner over later, but he was glad Dean was not in the room because he didn’t want any screaming matches to occur in Jack’s bedroom.
“I sent him to the store,” Castiel said, “to buy some random objects. It should keep him busy for the next two hours. I didn’t want him to cause a scene when there are more important things at stake.”
Raphael nodded. “Thank you. I would like to heal the child, if I might have a closer look? Can you tell me what you know about what happened?”
“He’s dying from low grace levels,” Castiel explained, standing so Raphael could take the seat he had been occupying. “His organs are failing.”
“Low grace levels isn’t usually fatal...Nephilim do have a higher chance of death from that, but only when… What did you do?”
“We tried to give him the remaining vial of Gabriel’s grace we tracked down from a shaman. But Jack had a bad reaction to it,” Sam explained. “The low grace levels are from destroying the Michael in the alternate universe, and whatever he’s been up lately.”
“Of course he had a bad reaction to my grace!” Gabriel shouted. He sighed, taking a moment to compose himself. “I ran with the pagans for a really long time. Long enough it made permanent alterations to the makeup of my grace. Think STDs, except for Grace. But it also means that it isn’t compatible with anyone else’s anymore, even those with whom it would have been compatible in the beginning.”
“Grace has compatibilities?” Sam asked.
Raphael put a hand on Jack’s forehead. “It’s a little bit like how human blood has rules for whose is compatible with who, with a few things such as Gabriel’s experiences with the Pagan or Lucifer’s causes it to shift, but it also has natural rules it follows as well. In the beginning, each archangel had a different type, and all the ranks of angels that followed had one of those four. My grace is a bit like the universal donor, probably for cases like this. There’s probably instances where it could be rejected, same for the incredibly rare human blood types such as hh, but I’ve never seen it happen.”
“Even Lucifer’s?” Castiel asked.
“Jacks’ grace is not identical to what Lucifer’s grace looked like in recent times. There’s a small genetic component sure, possibly similar to Lucifer’s original grace type, which was not the universal recipient, but his own choices and actions are also apart of the equation. I would be shocked if my grace was rejected by the good kid Sam described to me the last two years.”
Sam’s eyes widened. “You heard my prayers?”
“I heard all of your prayers addressed to me,” Rapahel answered. “I was just unable to return before now, and I apologize for that.”
Rapahel’s eyes glowed the soft blue of grace being used and Jack’s flew open, unseeing but filled with the same effect.
“Do you want a snack, Sam?” Cas asked.
Sam didn’t register that Castiel was talking to him, too busy entranced by Raphael’s ethereal presence.
All too soon, the light faded and Jack’s eyes closed. Raphael took an unsteady step backwards, but Sam was right there to support them. “Are you okay?” Sam asked, and Castiel asked if Jack would be alright.
“I’m fine, Sam. It’s just been awhile since I’ve done something like this. But I wouldn’t be opposed to retiring for the evening. Jack is also recovering. I imagine he will sleep until sometime this evening or tomorrow morning. Would you like to join me, Sam?”
Sam nodded, and they walked hand in hand back to their shared room. The room looked untouched to Rapahel, as though no one had stepped into it since Amara had exploded him almost four years previously. There was also not a single spec of dust, thought it almost felt as if that had been a recent change, as there was a very faint feeling of lingering grace having performed the single act of freshening the space. But it was clear to him that Sam had not been sleeping in here. Not once.
“Do you want to change into something more comfortable?” Sam asked. “We might need to go shopping, but I think this will fit?”
Raphael agreed about about getting some new clothing, their new vessel was taller and shaped differently than their previous ones. Gabriel had helped them finish it, but it had been an idea they’d contemplated even before Amara had imploded them.
Sam was holding a long silky sleep shirt that they had given to him, though he’d only worn it a few times.
They had worn it more, back then. It wasn’t really Sam’s aesthetic, but there was just something pleasant about stealing clothing from Sam’s wardrobe.
This form was built more petite than Sam, still, just taller. They had mainly wanted something androgynous, so they could really feel like themself in this skin, but they’d kept Sam in mind too.
They smiled at Sam. “I would like that.”
There was a wicker laundry basket under the desk and Sam put his jeans and flannel into it, leaving his t-shirt and underwear on.
Raphael stripped, slowly so that they could show off this vessel to Sam, but not so slowly that it was a tease. Sam hummed appreciatively, but he did not seem interested in anything more than that.
“Gabriel helped me make this vessel for me, do you like it?”
Sam smiled and nodded. “Are you happy and comfortable in it?”
“I like that it allows me the freedom to change what gender is present down there. Are you feeling up for a demonstration?’
“Maybe some other time?” Sam shook his head, but he was still smiling. He passed Raphael the sleep shirt. “Will you just hold me, tonight?”
“Of course.”
Together, they pulled the comforter back from the top of the bed so that they could crawl under the sheets and blankets.
Sam intended to fall asleep last, as he wanted to savor that he was lying next to his mate who he had missed so much, had longed for the return of. But he had not slept well in so long that it was impossible to say awake.
Raphael took longer to fall asleep.They were tired from the grace transfusion, but they did not really need sleep. Just to rest quietly.
The unaltered state of the room concerned them, because it felt like Sam had not moved on at all, had perhaps not had the opportunity to finish grieving.
Sam looked small tucked beside them. Weary, desperate. It did not suit him, and Raphael hoped their return could help ease him. They closed their eyes, letting Sam's presence soothe them in return. They had missed sleeping and waking up with their mate in their arms.
Sam’s cry woke Raphael sometime later. It seemed to have woken Sam as well, though Raphael noticed that Sam did not wake instantly as he used to.
Was that because they were here now and Sam’s subconscious remember he was safe? Had Sam broken the habit of waking instantly himself? Or was this something else entirely?Sam woke slowly in a tight embrace, tears falling down his face. He’d been having a nice dream about Raphael being back and he didn’t want to wake up for fear of it having been nothing more than a dream.
There was a gentle rumble next to him, followed by what had to be an Enochian lullaby and he blinked wearily at the figure holding him. “Raphael,” he croaked hoarsely. “You are here.”
“I’m right here, Beloved,” Raphael swore. “Right where I belong.”
Sam cried harder into Raphael’s shirt, fingers wrapping tightly around the hem of the fabric.
Raphael held Sam tighter and resumed singing the Enochian lullabies they had half forgotten. Sam did not seem settled enough to go back to sleep, but that did not mean that they were not going to soothe and comfort him to the best of their abilities.
Sam could not sleep and did not want to. He layed curled in Raphael's arms and let their voice ground him in the present and reassure him that this was very real and that everything would be okay.
Raphael was sure that Sam was almost ready to fall asleep unintentionally a while later, but that was right when their bedroom door opened quietly.
Gabriel stood in the dark corridor, a platter in his hands. Besides him, Jack was gripping Gabriel's shirt. Raphael was unable to tell whether that was because Jack was unsteady on his feet, or simply terrified.
"I brought some grilled cheeses," Gabriel said. "I thought you lovebirds might like some nourishment."
Sam blushed crimson and tried to hide under Raphael and the blankets. Raphael laughed because it was nice to see Sam embarrassed rather than so afraid of losing them again.
"Uh huh," Raphael said. "Sam? Do you think you can eat some sandwiches?" Even if Sam said no, they intended to see if they could get him to eat a little. Sam looked more gaunt than they remembered him being and they had both missed the reasonable dinner hour by sleeping it away.
Sam shrugged, which Raphael was going to take. "Looks like we could eat those sandwiches."
"I also brought Jack. He got lost looking for you guys so I got him to help me make these."
That got Sam's attention and he sat up. "I'd love a sandwich. Jack, do you want to come lie down up here? There's plenty of room for all of us. You were sleeping, but my mate, Raphael, here, saved your life."
Gabriel handed the tray to Jack and Jack brought it over to Sam. "You did?" he asked, addressing Raphael.
"I did. I've heard a lot about you from Sam, but circumstances prevented me from coming sooner. I'm really glad to meet you now though. Are you feeling better? I don't think you'll be completely well for a few days, but you should be fine with a few days of rest and low energy activities. No smiting anything."
"I'm okay, thank you."
Sam took the tray from Jack as Gabriel shut the door as he left. "Why don't you climb up here between us? It's nice and warm up here."
Jack considered the instruction for a moment, then followed the directions, scrambling over Sam and into the space between them.
"I was just singing some Enochian lullabies for Sam, would you like to hear them too?" Raphael asked as they tucked Jack under the covers.
Jack nodded, so Raphael resumed their singing and Sam held their hand behind Jack's head as he leaned against the headboard eating the sandwiches.
Raphael banished the tray to the kitchen when Sam had eaten his fill, and they smiled as Sam curled up protectively behind Jack and followed the child's lead at returning to sleep.
This was the "Heaven" they had all been waiting for.
Sam was torn, as he stood before the small cairn of stone in the backyard of the bunker. There was a much fresher memorial beside it, but he paid that one no mind.
He probably should have been inside, offering what little comfort he could to the bedridden and dying nephilim inside. But Jack was sleeping. And as he looked down as the paper in his hand, he knew he had to try. Jack was the closest thing to a son he'd had ever thought he could have, and he had to try this one last desperate measure. Especially if it meant sharing the child he considered to be his adopted son with the love of his life.
This was not the first time he had done this, read a letter to Raphael at the spot he has built the memorial to them. It wasn't a grave, not with Amara having imploded Raphael and leaving nothing behind to burn or bury. Knowing what he did now, Sam half hoped Raphael had been able to hear them, but also felt divided on whether or not he wanted to succeed at this. Did Raphael not deserve the peace they all craved? But he also knew that if he did manage to wake Raphael, the Healer would fix this, if they were able to. And maybe this could be the very last time they all tried to save the world. It was time to retire and raise the new generation of hunters and let them take over.
Sam didn’t need the white picket fence and the apple pie life, but he wanted his mate. The one who understood him better than anyone else ever had.
Amara had given Dean a “gift”, but no one had ever asked him if there was anything he wanted or needed.
“Dean Raphael,” Sam said, hoping, praying. He had poured every ounce of his lover and hope into this letter. This prayer. “If we had known Gabriel was alive all those years ago, I know you would have led the battle against the Prince of Hell and his legions of demons, I would have been there right by your side. I wish you had been here to dissuade him from yet more self sacrifice. You were the same way, I recall, and I’ve always been that way too, but we were good for each other. I also just wish I could have gotten to know the side of him you always talked about when you talked about your little brother, and I wish you could have seen him again. But I talked about Gabriel in my last letter and I have something a little more pressing to tell you now.
“I’ve told you about your nephew, Jack Kline. He saved us from the apocalypse ‘verse Michael and helped us get out of apocalypse World. But there’s something wrong with him and he’s dying. I wish you were here to heal him, and I wish you could have met him. He’s a sweet little kid for all that he looks like a young adult, and because we’ve been raising him, I suppose I can’t help but think of his as kind of like my own son, and I do really wish I could share this with you. I know we never really talked about having our own kids, biological or otherwise, especially what with us still being firmly rooted in the hunter lifestyle. But I’m definitely ready to give that all up if I can just share this with you. Please.
"But you deserve your peace, too, and I hope that at the very least you are at peace. I just want you to know that only you will ever hold the keys to my heart, and I miss you so much.
"Please come back to me.”
Sam took the matchbook from his pocket, and used it to set the letter on fire over the cairn, just as he had with all the other letters. He knew it probably affected nothing, meant nothing, but it mattered to him.
“Please come back to me,” he repeated, whispered, as his eyes watered. He didn’t want to lose any more of the people that he cared about. Not both the love of his life and the kid he would never stop wishing he could have raised with his mate.
Amara had obliterated Raphael near the beginning of that whole thing. She’d gone straight for Heaven, intent on killing the first of Chuck’s creations that she had so despised.
Neither she nor Chuck had offered any condolences for that. They’d never said anything at all, with the possible exception of calling it “a most unfortunate tragedy” but he couldn’t really remember that conversation, as he had been too filled with anger and grief to really register it. They had just… left. Like nothing else mattered at all, and Dean hadn’t understood his grief either. No one had.
But you don’t share life altering love with another being for five years and then just let it go when they disappear from your life entirely.
“Look what I found!”
The shout from a voice he wasn’t expecting to ever hear again in either life nor death had Sam turning around as he blinked past the tears falling down his face. Cocky Gabriel was standing there, cocky grin on his face, but as soon as Sam saw who he had brought with him, he had eyes for nothing else. The vessel was new, taller than he was, and more obviously androgynous, but besides that it seemed to be an almost perfect mix of their two last vessels. Sam hoped that meant Raphael was would be more comfortable in it than in their previous vessels, but Sam cared nothing about their physical appearance.
“Raph!” he shouted running forward and wrapping around his mate. “You’re here!”
“I love you,” Raphael whispered in Sam’s ear, as they returned Sam’s hug in the way best done by the taller person. There were reasons they had waited so long for Gabriel to help finish making them this perfect vessel. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Hey! What am I, chopped liver?”
Sam glance over at Gabriel, but the younger archangel did not appear to actually be offended, as he was grinning happily at them.
“Gabriel," Raphael scolded without looking at their brother. "I have not seen my mate in four years, let us have this moment.”
“Okay, okay. But I’m pretty sure Sam mentioned a matter of timely importance.”
“I would like to meet this child you want to be ours,” Raphael agreed, but allowed Sam to pull away from the hug first. They didn’t not remain separated for long, as Sam took one of their hands a second later.
Sam studied the way Raphael’s hand fit snugly into his larger hand. He had missed this so much it still ached like a fresh wound. But Raphael was here before him and he almost couldn’t believe it.
“Jack’s inside,” he said finally, and then led the way. Dean was nowhere to be seen when Sam led the two archangels into Jack’s room. Castiel alone sat in the chair by the head of the bed.
Castiel looked up as they entered the room. “Gabriel, Raphael. I am glad to see you both alive and well.”
“Where is Dean?” Sam asked. He knew he had to reveal this to Dean sooner over later, but he was glad Dean was not in the room because he didn’t want any screaming matches to occur in Jack’s bedroom.
“I sent him to the store,” Castiel said, “to buy some random objects. It should keep him busy for the next two hours. I didn’t want him to cause a scene when there are more important things at stake.”
Raphael nodded. “Thank you. I would like to heal the child, if I might have a closer look? Can you tell me what you know about what happened?”
“He’s dying from low grace levels,” Castiel explained, standing so Raphael could take the seat he had been occupying. “His organs are failing.”
“Low grace levels isn’t usually fatal...Nephilim do have a higher chance of death from that, but only when… What did you do?”
“We tried to give him the remaining vial of Gabriel’s grace we tracked down from a shaman. But Jack had a bad reaction to it,” Sam explained. “The low grace levels are from destroying the Michael in the alternate universe, and whatever he’s been up lately.”
“Of course he had a bad reaction to my grace!” Gabriel shouted. He sighed, taking a moment to compose himself. “I ran with the pagans for a really long time. Long enough it made permanent alterations to the makeup of my grace. Think STDs, except for Grace. But it also means that it isn’t compatible with anyone else’s anymore, even those with whom it would have been compatible in the beginning.”
“Grace has compatibilities?” Sam asked.
Raphael put a hand on Jack’s forehead. “It’s a little bit like how human blood has rules for whose is compatible with who, with a few things such as Gabriel’s experiences with the Pagan or Lucifer’s causes it to shift, but it also has natural rules it follows as well. In the beginning, each archangel had a different type, and all the ranks of angels that followed had one of those four. My grace is a bit like the universal donor, probably for cases like this. There’s probably instances where it could be rejected, same for the incredibly rare human blood types such as hh, but I’ve never seen it happen.”
“Even Lucifer’s?” Castiel asked.
“Jacks’ grace is not identical to what Lucifer’s grace looked like in recent times. There’s a small genetic component sure, possibly similar to Lucifer’s original grace type, which was not the universal recipient, but his own choices and actions are also apart of the equation. I would be shocked if my grace was rejected by the good kid Sam described to me the last two years.”
Sam’s eyes widened. “You heard my prayers?”
“I heard all of your prayers addressed to me,” Raphael answered. “I was just unable to return before now, and I apologize for that.”
Rapahel’s eyes glowed the soft blue of grace being used and Jack’s flew open, unseeing but filled with the same effect.
“Do you want a snack, Sam?” Cas asked.
Sam didn’t register that Castiel was talking to him, too busy entranced by Raphael’s ethereal presence.
All too soon, the light faded and Jack’s eyes closed. Raphael took an unsteady step backwards, but Sam was right there to support them. “Are you okay?” Sam asked, and Castiel asked if Jack would be alright.
“I’m fine, Sam. It’s just been awhile since I’ve done something like this. But I wouldn’t be opposed to retiring for the evening. Jack is also recovering. I imagine he will sleep until sometime this evening or tomorrow morning. Would you like to join me, Sam?”
Sam nodded, and they walked hand in hand back to their shared room. The room looked untouched to Rapahel, as though no one had stepped into it since Amara had exploded him almost four years previously. There was also not a single spec of dust, thought it almost felt as if that had been a recent change, as there was a very faint feeling of lingering grace having performed the single act of freshening the space. But it was clear to him that Sam had not been sleeping in here. Not once.
“Do you want to change into something more comfortable?” Sam asked. “We might need to go shopping, but I think this will fit?”
Raphael agreed about about getting some new clothing, their new vessel was taller and shaped differently than their previous ones. Gabriel had helped them finish it, but it had been an idea they’d contemplated even before Amara had imploded them.
Sam was holding a long silky sleep shirt that they had given to him, though he’d only worn it a few times.
They had worn it more, back then. It wasn’t really Sam’s aesthetic, but there was just something pleasant about stealing clothing from Sam’s wardrobe.
This form was built more petite than Sam, still, just taller. They had mainly wanted something androgynous, so they could really feel like themself in this skin, but they’d kept Sam in mind too.
They smiled at Sam. “I would like that.”
There was a wicker laundry basket under the desk and Sam put his jeans and flannel into it, leaving his t-shirt and underwear on.
Raphael stripped, slowly so that they could show off this vessel to Sam, but not so slowly that it was a tease. Sam hummed appreciatively, but he did not seem interested in anything more than that.
“Gabriel helped me make this vessel for me, do you like it?”
Sam smiled and nodded. “Are you happy and comfortable in it?”
“I like that it allows me the freedom to change what gender is present down there. Are you feeling up for a demonstration?’
“Maybe some other time?” Sam shook his head, but he was still smiling. He passed Raphael the sleep shirt. “Will you just hold me, tonight?”
“Of course.”
Together, they pulled the comforter back from the top of the bed so that they could crawl under the sheets and blankets.
Sam intended to fall asleep last, as he wanted to savor that he was lying next to his mate who he had missed so much, had longed for the return of. But he had not slept well in so long that it was impossible to say awake.
Raphael took longer to fall asleep.They were tired from the grace transfusion, but they did not really need sleep. Just to rest quietly.
The unaltered state of the room concerned them, because it felt like Sam had not moved on at all, had perhaps not had the opportunity to finish grieving.
Sam looked small tucked beside them. Weary, desperate. It did not suit him, and Raphael hoped their return could help ease him. They closed their eyes, letting Sam's presence soothe them in return. They had missed sleeping and waking up with their mate in their arms.
Sam’s cry woke Raphael sometime later. It seemed to have woken Sam as well, though Raphael noticed that Sam did not wake instantly as he used to.
Was that because they were here now and Sam’s subconscious remember he was safe? Had Sam broken the habit of waking instantly himself? Or was this something else entirely?Sam woke slowly in a tight embrace, tears falling down his face. He’d been having a nice dream about Raphael being back and he didn’t want to wake up for fear of it having been nothing more than a dream.
There was a gentle rumble next to him, followed by what had to be an Enochian lullaby and he blinked wearily at the figure holding him. “Raphael,” he croaked hoarsely. “You are here.”
“I’m right here, Beloved,” Raphael swore. “Right where I belong.”
Sam cried harder into Raphael’s shirt, fingers wrapping tightly around the hem of the fabric.
Raphael held Sam tighter and resumed singing the Enochian lullabies they had half forgotten. Sam did not seem settled enough to go back to sleep, but that did not mean that they were not going to soothe and comfort him to the best of their abilities.
Sam could not sleep and did not want to. He layed curled in Raphael's arms and let their voice ground him in the present and reassure him that this was very real and that everything would be okay.
Raphael was sure that Sam was almost ready to fall asleep unintentionally a while later, but that was right when their bedroom door opened quietly.
Gabriel stood in the dark corridor, a platter in his hands. Besides him, Jack was gripping Gabriel's shirt. Raphael was unable to tell whether that was because Jack was unsteady on his feet, or simply terrified.
"I brought some grilled cheeses," Gabriel said. "I thought you lovebirds might like some nourishment."
Sam blushed crimson and tried to hide under Raphael and the blankets. Raphael laughed because it was nice to see Sam embarrassed rather than so afraid of losing them again.
"Uh huh," Raphael said. "Sam? Do you think you can eat some sandwiches?" Even if Sam said no, they intended to see if they could get him to eat a little. Sam looked more gaunt than they remembered him being and they had both missed the reasonable dinner hour by sleeping it away.
Sam shrugged, which Raphael was going to take. "Looks like we could eat those sandwiches."
"I also brought Jack. He got lost looking for you guys so I got him to help me make these."
That got Sam's attention and he sat up. "I'd love a sandwich. Jack, do you want to come lie down up here? There's plenty of room for all of us. You were sleeping, but my mate, Raphael, here, saved your life."
Gabriel handed the tray to Jack and Jack brought it over to Sam. "You did?" he asked, addressing Raphael.
"I did. I've heard a lot about you from Sam, but circumstances prevented me from coming sooner. I'm really glad to meet you now though. Are you feeling better? I don't think you'll be completely well for a few days, but you should be fine with a few days of rest and low energy activities. No smiting anything."
"I'm okay, thank you."
Sam took the tray from Jack as Gabriel shut the door as he left. "Why don't you climb up here between us? It's nice and warm up here."
Jack considered the instruction for a moment, then followed the directions, scrambling over Sam and into the space between them.
"I was just singing some Enochian lullabies for Sam, would you like to hear them too?" Raphael asked as they tucked Jack under the covers.
Jack nodded, so Raphael resumed their singing and Sam held their hand behind Jack's head as he leaned against the headboard eating the sandwiches.
Raphael banished the tray to the kitchen when Sam had eaten his fill, and they smiled as Sam curled up protectively behind Jack and followed the child's lead at returning to sleep.
This was the "Heaven" they had all been waiting for.
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Destiel: Season 10 - A catalog of Supernatural episodes
A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.
Season 10 Summary Analysis
Dean becomes a demon and goes on an extended vacation with Crowley. Cas is dying because his temporary grace is waning, but he still does whatever he can to save Dean. Cas has a chance to connect with a fellow angel, Hannah, but he gives that up in favor of helping the Winchesters. Cas embraces his humanity more and more throughout the season, taking a particular interest in helping Claire Novak. Cas also works tirelessly with Sam to figure out a way to save Dean from the Mark of Cain. Dean has trouble forgiving himself for what he does while under the influence of the Mark, and his self-loathing grows over the course of the season. Dean resigns himself to his fate, and after Charlie’s death, he goes off the deep end, almost killing Cas.
My interpretation: Dean and Cas both have people who develop affection for them (Crowley and Hannah, respectively), but neither one of them reciprocate because they’re hung up on each other. Castiel’s experience being human the previous season helps him make space to more fully embrace his connection to humanity, and his desire to be there for Claire ties him to Earth more than ever before. Cas also grows continually more distant from heaven as the season progresses. Dean‘s self-hatred and resignation about the Mark of Cain close him off from the people who love him, but he is able to resist killing Cas because of the deep connection they share.
10.01 Black
While talking on the phone with Sam, Cas says he misses Dean.
Crowley has grown attached to Dean during their extended vacation, but Dean doesn’t reciprocate those feelings.
Cas demonstrates his love for humanity while speaking with Hannah: “Well, perhaps I’ve been down here with them for too long. There’s seemingly nothing but chaos, but not all bad comes from it—art, hope, love, dreams.” “But those are human things.” “Yes.”
10.02 Reichenbach
When Cas finds out that Dean is a demon, he drops everything to help, even though Hannah doesn’t think it’s a good idea: “Castiel, I think the Winchesters are a bad influence on you.” “Sam and Dean may be a bit rough around the edges, but they’re the best men I’ve ever known. And they’re my friends.”
Crowley makes a joke about the nature of his relationship with Dean: “It’s over. What can I say? Crazy ones, well, they’re good for a fling, but they’re just not relationship material.”
10.03 Soul Survivor
Cas explains his desire to help the Winchesters, looking forlorn as he speaks of Dean’s current state: “Sam is alone in this. He’s attempting to change Dean from demon to human with a cure of sanctified blood, but there’s no guarantee that will work. If it doesn’t, then Dean is gone, and the demon must be dealt with.”
Hannah has grown attached to Castiel as they’ve been traveling together, but Cas doesn’t reciprocate her feelings: “Um, Hannah, you know this road we’re on, it’s dangerous.” “Alright.” “Um, we can’t afford to lose our way.” “I know that. I’m sorry about the map.” “No detours of ANY kind.” “Castiel, if these are metaphors and you’re attempting another human communication, it isn’t working.” “I’m just trying to say that this mission is everything.” “I know that.” “Getting to Dean and hunting these rogues... I’m not at full capacity, so I... we need total focus.” “Like a laser. Got it.” “Just, I’ve been around humans for long enough to see how easily distractions occur.” “Distractions...” “Emotions, feelings, they’re dangerous temptations.” “How very biblical, Castiel.” “I don’t mean to be unkind.” “You don’t need to be kind.” “I just... I’m trying to keep our priorities clear.” “Not to worry, then. I’m very clear on my priorities, and yours.”
Cas understands Dean’s point of view more clearly than Sam does: “Even after I gave him all that blood, he still said he didn’t want to be cured, that he didn’t want to be human.” “Well, I see his point. You know, only humans can feel real joy, but also such profound pain. This is easier.”
Cas visits Dean’s room to check on him, and Dean appreciates his presence: “You look terrible.” “You know, it wouldn’t kill ya to lie every now and again.” “No, it wouldn’t kill me, I just... you...” “Forget it. Well you, on the other hand, you... lookin’ good. So, are you back?” “At least temporarily. Yeah, it’s a long story—Crowley, stolen grace, there’s a female outside in the car... another time.” “Well, thank you for, um, steppin’ in when you did.”
Cas helps make Dean feel better about how he treated Sam as a demon: “I’m glad you’re here, man.” “Hey, maybe you should, um, take some time before you get back to work—allow yourself to heal. It’s, uh, I don’t know... timing might be right. Heaven and hell, they seem reasonably back in order. It’s quiet out there.”
10.05 Fan Fiction
Destiel is mentioned when we find out that the musical actors playing Dean and Cas (Siobhan and Kristen) are a couple in real life. Sam is amused by it, even joking about a pairing of him and Cas, but it makes Dean uncomfortable.
10.07 Girls, Girls, Girls
Hannah flirts with Cas and makes him feel flustered.
Hannah kisses Cas in order to convince her vessel’s husband that she left him for another man, but then she decides to leave her vessel and return to heaven, explaining Castiel’s influence on her: “Being on Earth, working with you, I’ve felt things, human things—passions, hungers, to shower, feel water on my skin, to get closer to you. But all of that was nothing compared to what I get when I saw him, her husband—his anger and grief. And Caroline was inside of me, screaming out for him, for her life back. These feelings, they aren’t for me, for us. They belong to her. I know it’s time to step aside. Goodbye, Castiel.”
10.09 The Things We Left Behind
Inspired by Hannah’s choice to take responsibility for how her actions have affected her vessel, Cas seeks out Claire Novak. He explains that his worldview has changed: “Before, I was very self-assured. I was convinced I was on this righteous path. Now I realize that there is no righteous path, it’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it’s far to easy to do your worst.”
After Claire takes off, Cas calls Dean and Sam for help. Dean is reluctant at first, but agrees to help when he sees how important it is to Cas. When Dean gives Cas some advice, Cas demonstrates how much respect he has for Dean: “Alright, so spill. What’s with the family reunion?” “I dunno. Just been thinking about people. I’ve helped some, but I’ve hurt some.” “So you’re havin’ a mid-life crisis.” “Well, I’m extremely old. I think I’m entitled.” “Cas, listen to me. There’s some stuff you just gotta let go, k? The people you let down, the ones you can’t save, you gotta forget about ‘em, for your own good.” “That what you do?” “That’s the opposite of what I do, but I ain’t exactly a role model.” “That’s not true.”
Cas sees through Dean’s tough exterior: “How are you, Dean?” “Fine. I’m great.” “No, you’re not.” “Yeah, well, I’ve lost the black eyes, so that’s a plus, but I still have this.” “Is the Mark of Cain still affecting you? ...Dean?”
Dean confides in Cas and asks him to do what he knows Sam cannot do for him: “Cas, I need you to promise me something.” “Of course.” “If I do go darkside, you gotta take me out.” “What do you mean?” “Knife me, smite me, throw me into the freakin’ sun, whatever. And don’t let Sam get in the way, because he’ll try. I can’t go down that road again, man. I can’t be that thing again.”
10.10 The Hunter Games
Claire calls Cas out for defending Dean after his massacre: “Dean Winchester’s a monster.” “It’s possible there’s a little monster in all of us.” “You want me to trust you, and the fact that you’d even try to defend him just proves to me that I can’t.”
Dean expresses concern for Claire on Castiel’s behalf, and Cas asks him for help with her again: “Listen, man, if I could make it better, I would.” “That’s actually why I’m here. I was hoping you might reach out to her.” “Me?” “Yes.” “Seriously, I’m probably the last person she would wanna hear from.” “I thought there would be a connection. One extremely messed up human to another, you could explain why you murdered her only friend.” “Oh, well yeah, when you put it like that.” “All I know is she won’t talk to me. I thought if she understood the kind of man Randy was and the danger she was in, she might...” “What the hell? Why not? Long shots seem to be the theme around here.”
10.14 The Executioner’s Song
When Dean returns after defeating Cain, he entrusts the First Blade to Cas.
10.16 Paint it Black
Dean goes to confession and admits he doesn’t want to die, that he hasn’t experienced life to the fullest extent that he would like to: “Recent events, uh, make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And I don’t know, I mean, you know, there’s things, there’s people, feelings that I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time.”
10.17 Inside Man
Against the express wishes of Hannah and the other angels, Cas teams up with Sam to break Metatron out of Heaven, choosing Dean over heaven yet again.
10.18 Book of the Damned
Cas refuses to forgive Metatron for what he did to Dean: “I thought we were having a moment. Can’t we be besties?” “No. Because you killed my friend.” “Oh, Dean is fine, mostly. Can’t you get past that?” “Never.”
Dean is happy to see Cas when he returns to the bunker: “Good to have you back, pal.”
10.19 The Werther Project
While Dean is under a spell, his subconscious (in the form of Benny) tries to convince him to kill himself by bringing up the possibility of hurting those around him, naming Cas before Sam: “What, you just wanna wait for the Mark to reclaim you? Go out swingin’, die topside, then what? Maybe kill a few humans? Kill Cas? Kill your brother?” “You gonna get Sam and Cas to put you down? You really think they’re gonna keep that agreement? Come on. Dean, let’s say they do. Do you think that they will ever recover from that? It will ruin them.”
10.20 Angel Heart
When Cas calls the boys for help with Claire, Dean questions whether his presence is a good idea, and Cas insists he needs him there: “I need help from both of you. You were both troubled teens. You speak her language.”
Cas uses his stern dad voice on both Claire and Dean: “No fighting.” “Yeah, tell HER that.” “BOTH of you.”
Dean and Claire grow closer and become friends.
10.21 Dark Dynasty
Cas agrees to help Sam go behind Dean’s back to crack the Book of the Damned, saying he’ll do it “for Dean.”
10.22 The Prisoner
Rowena notices how rare Cas is for choosing humans over heaven: “You’re just fascinating. An angel that rejected heaven, that’s like a fish that wants to fly or a dog that thinks he’s people.” “Well, I’m a lot like people.” “Keep telling yourself that, dear.”
After Dean kills all the Stynes, Cas tries to stop him, explaining that his perspective on the situation is unique: “Maybe you could fight the Mark for years, maybe centuries, like Cain did, but you cannot fight it forever. And when you finally turn, and you will turn, Sam and everyone you know, everyone you love, they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I’m the one who will have to watch you murder the world, so if there’s even a small chance that we can save you, I won’t let you walk out of this room.” “Oh, you think you have a choice.” “I think the Mark is changing you.” “You’re wrong.” “Am I? Because the Dean Winchester I know would never have murdered that kid.”
When Cas tries to stop Dean from leaving, Dean beats him to a bloody pulp. Dean gets close to killing him, but resists the urge at the last second: “No, Dean. Please...”
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Since Cas is supposed to be spending a lot of time with Jack next season and teaching him about life and stuff, and probably being really sad about Dean while he does it, do you think Jack might notice and bring up Cas and Dean's relationship? He certainly would have no reason to avoid the topic like Sam or anyone else would. If they're really serious about focusing more on interpersonal relationships then I really don't see how they can avoid talking about Dean and Cas.
The tone of your question is making me weirdly feel like we’re verging somewhere between reality show and scripted drama, where the characters are almost out of control of the writers and all the drama is bubbling under the surface, ready to spill out at any moment :P
Like, from a writing perspective, I feel that they just do not approach it as if Dean and Cas are literally real and in love in the same way that to fans who only get the finished content, it can come across… There’s a much more mechanical approach to actually writing scenes than feeling like there is any inevitability. It depends entirely on what Dabb and/or the writer of the scene/episode wants to convey on a wider thematic level and on the closer personal level. If they wanted to emphasise that both Cas and Jack are missing Dean and Jack asks Cas about Dean, then it’s 100% in their control to script Jack’s innocence and Cas’s care with responding, based on circumstances, location, current mood, other things that happen this episode, and wider season-long factors, to be as cagey as he likes.
If Cas and Jack were having that throwing the ball back and forth moment I was dreaming of this morning, it could be cute and wholesome, and Cas regretfully says that they’re doing this because it’s the kind of human thing Dean would suggest, and Jack makes a sad inquiry about how Dean helped Cas become more human and learn to do human things, and Cas, aware that Jack is struggling to be human, answers from the POV of his own slide towards humanity that Dean’s caused, and talks about how Dean has lead him down that path with fondness and pain, and ends with assuring Jack he’s doing really well compared to Cas’s own attempt, and we just charged through a ton of serious Destiel territory without touching the sides.
Maybe Jack gets hurt on a fight that they get into in the sharp end of the dramatic search for Dean, and Cas has to heal him and laments his dumb humans always getting hurt and now Jack is one of them, but then prompted or not, starts talking about how strong Dean is regardless, and it lapses into a quiet moment of them agreeing they’ll save Dean and he’ll be okay, and again, Cas says some deep shit about Dean but it’s not romantic in the surface text, it’s prompted by his sense of protectiveness of Dean and Jack, and that linking factor is just the conversation starter.
Or Jack does some gross thing and then blames Dean, like spitting food like Dean did in front of him in 13x04 and Cas tells him off and Jack says Dean does it, defensively, and Cas gets all roll-eyes-fond-smile, and says that Dean is the best and worst teacher of humanity, and they get into the subject that way… You know, that would be a comic beats, quick answer, joke about Dean to break the tension moment and wouldn’t really get deep at all except for the implied massive fondness they both have for Dean.
Or Jack and Cas are having a quiet moment maybe driving somewhere or stopped at the side of the road and Jack asks Cas to tell him more about Dean because he seems to know him so well but they would be fully in the right to make the question innocent and to have Cas respond carefully like for a kid who doesn’t need to know all his angst, and Jack might see how Cas is handling it all but he will remember Sam and Dean acting so differently about losing Cas when he was newborn that he can only really at the most probing to maintain his innocence ask Cas about how he is feeling about Dean compared to how Sam and Mary are handling it. And as messed up as Cas might be he’s not under an obligation to tell Jack that he’s pining for Dean romantically, and their shared connection to Dean is a family one, not the extra romantic stuff that only Cas has, so talking about that is what can result in any probing directly from Jack in a calm moment if they don’t want to force a confession, which would be the writers’ hand, not Jack or Cas making it happen.
You know, those ideas just as an example of many ways of how to think about the themes and character stuff going on about how a scene is structured and why you would write it. As Jack spent so much more time with Dean than he did with Cas, and ditto Cas has of course more knowledge of Dean, AND that freakin attention hog drama llama is off being possessed by Michael and the main mytharc for them as a result, there’s so many reasons for Jack and Cas to discuss Dean or find him the common thread in a scene that will help them connect.
But there’s no actual imperative on the writing or with the characters that will FORCE them to talk about Cas’s feelings because as much as they’re so strongly implied the text is sagging and tearing and creaking around the weight of it all, the writers are using romance TROPES but they are NOT writing a romance NARRATIVE. Like, romantic things happen all the time between Dean and Cas, but of course the actual story is action/horror/drama and all of those tropes have the bigger storytelling weight. The overlap is enough you can see the ups and downs of the story as basically any narrative - it’s like horoscopes in that sense - and you need to take common sense clues on the writing to know what is actually being told.
The jokes we make that the writers keep Dean n Cas separate or whatever because they’ll just start making out are funny and true in some ways for us as the audience, our expectations and desires if we had full control of the story, especially when reading the emotional weight of their personal narrative. Like, we can identify SO MANY “just kiss him you fool!” moments in the story, obviously none of which were actually kisses despite being the opportune moment.
In the wider picture, the story is never constructed around telling itself just about Dean n Cas and making the beats of their relationship the MAIN reason anything is happening, as in, this story is first and foremost about the hunter pining for the angel and everything has been constructed to be about that from the start. It can inform major events and stuff, but it still isn’t WHY they are writing the story. I know it’s common discourse to be like NOTHING MAKES SENSE WITHOUT DESTIEL but in truth you can ALWAYS see the real line the writers mean to take and while I don’t think the Destiel is accidental, I also don’t think it’s a primary motivator to the plot or characterisation.
This is also NOT a wild hot take for a Destiel shipper or meta writer, it’s being clear about what the show’s intent actually is, and trying to understand where the Destiel reading comes from. Like, in no ways am I saying Destiel isn’t real, a solid part of the narrative and acting, and knowingly written into scenes and story arcs and that there’s always a romantic flavour to Dean n Cas stuff that lacks elsewhere. Of course there’s all this subtext to float a massive ship on. But the luxury of this sort of subtextual romantic story is that the main arc between the characters can have plausible deniability and that in no way for where the writers are working from, does that force them to make choices which they aren’t extremely knowingly doing when it comes to the give and take of making scenes read one way or another.
Like, the entire point is, no previous season has been written as if the actual pitch was canon Destiel at the highest level, because if it had been, we’d have canon Destiel right now, I can say from the luxury of a hiatus where all previous seasons are laid out before us very firmly not having canon Destiel. 13x01-6 was written to be about Dean and Cas in a way that has not ever really been so overt that the emotional arc Dean feels about Cas is the controlling interest but at the end of the day it did not go canon in that time and we moved onto the next story arc. Which is nice we GOT a story arc so much about how they feel but it was still just teasing and subtext and all.
And I am seriously, seriously, not saying this from a place of negativity, bitterness, or whatever else. It’s not a criticism!!! it’s just stating how the fact of the story is. The narrative about Destiel has got so wildly derailed by attention grabbing hype I’ve been clutching my face and wailing at recently about how the end of last season was their big moment to make it canon or they’d have irredeemably fucked up, and blah blah everything seemed to be going that way... No! It wasn’t! The story is not beholden to Destiel! It’s CLEARLY not except for 13x01-6 and that was a contained arc and honestly I still haven’t processed what it means in a bigger picture except that I have no bitterness and all the chill for now.
But the writers’ room is just plodding along through seasons and plotlines and all the different character arcs, and all their MotW and episode pitches and ridiculous ideas and they’re using Destiel as a known emotional tool we respond to and they also clearly like, while at the same time all their focus on plot stuff can very clearly be nothing to do with Destiel and in no particular hurry to do anything about it.
I need this to be really really clear because I spent last season yelling into the void it felt like, repeatedly warning about fandom hype, expectations, and so on, and a bunch of people still got all revved up then really confused and disappointed and upset that the whole thing hadn’t been a massive Destiel whatever, and that instead the episode had been about *gasp* Sam and Jack and Lucifer??? (And also Michael!Dean with no build up and out of the blue because we hadn’t been warned since 12x12 it was happening, because the only thing that happened in 12x12 was Destiel flirting and confessions and sometimes if you were looking closely Mary being an evil hag :P)
So this year I’m going full grump about fandom narratives, expectations, predictions, told-you-sos and so on. At least on my blog, if you come chat to me sounding like the narrative is locked in stone and Dean n Cas are so real they’re breaking the bounds of reality to force the writers to write them being gay together, I’ve just been in fandom too long at this point not to feel like I’ve seen it all before and the only predictions I make are about the fandom meltdowns and what do you know, of THAT I have 100% clarity >.>
PLEASE be critical of what you read; things that might be jokes are hyperbole and things that might be are serious are usually filled with disclaimers and attention to how the reader might react, such as reminders of anyone’s ability to predict canon, and so on. If I’m going around making unfounded statements about Sam ripping the sleeves off his shirts, I’ve seen a BTS pic with a sensible explanation for why we’re not seeing this on screen but it’s a hilarious detail to know when he wears a jacket indoors... But I’m going to PRETEND Sam has flipped and torn the sleeves off all his shirts until canon proves me wrong, because I know it will so I can dick around making jokes about it because no one gets hurt when it doesn’t happen. When someone is making gargantuan claims about canon, Destiel, intent etc, even if you think they’re so much smarter than you (we’re all just faking it, truly. You’re good :P) don’t take anyone’s word as gospel. Understand that meta has no secret access or understanding, there’s no certainty in what we say or do.
i mean I am flat out being hesitant to talk about things which others think are firm spoilers because I just do not think they’re at the point where we know anything about them to say anything. What is the tone, the context, the, you know, full episode surrounding it? I don’t really care about spoilers because they never mean anything, it’s just a weird collecting hobby we do on the internet, and belatedly offer interesting context but before we see the episode are just infuriating and misleading and can only ever be. Full spoiler CLIPS of episodes can be infuriating and misleading, if it’s of an early scene that is pretending to be something else before we get to the real tone/plot/reason for the episode. There’s no validation or proof from spoilers, only glimpses and PR and no storytelling context to explain why it looks the way it does.
The spoilers from SDCC were all utterly banal, empty, predictable answers that tell us nothing of any use or relevance because they’re not going to tell us anything actually interesting or useful because if they were, Dabb would start narrating his full meaning of a chunk of episode. At best we can use the common themes of the answers they gave as our starting points for interrogating the text, like I did above with my hypothesis for Cas and Jack conversations, about Jack feeling human without his powers, and we know they’re spending more time together and they’re looking for Dean. So we can construct ideas but they can go anywhere the imagination takes us... Which is, of course, not where the season is going unless we happen to roll some really lucky speculation dice. Which means, again, the spoilers are only actually relevant/matter WHEN WE HAVE THE ACTUAL EPISODES.
Speculation is ridiculous and I am more and more annoyed by it the longer I’m in fandom, because it ends up with everyone seeming to want to know the story in advance. There’s a media industry in guessing, selectively spoiling, and basically just over-analysing things only to try and work out what happens next. People on the internet being able to guess all the plot twists and secrets because tropes work in certain ways and there are inevitable conclusions sometimes, or legit detectiveing the resolution to a final book or episode or whatever, are missing the entire point, in their need to KNOW what happens next, that it’s only watching it which is actually fun. And if people struggle watching something without knowing what happens, then wait a day and spoil yourself on the real facts and then watch... Blargh.
Wanting to know the raw beats of the story and all the things that happen, usually just to look smart and like you beat the system of the mystery of storytelling, is not what we should be doing as a fandom. We should be ENJOYING ourselves in the fictional space, not stressing over what will or won’t happen. Or feeling like the story now HAS to happen one way or another.
No. It doesn’t. It never does. It can act like it does right up until the last minute and we can hope that it goes where it seems to be indicating and talk about storytelling integrity ahead of any rug pull or whatever, but the writers themselves, the people crafting the story, are under NO pressure from the characters, story, plot... not to do whatever they want with it.
Like... idk, I just feel like fandom has got so full of hyperbole that we’ve got to the point where people aren’t reading it as hyperbole any more and are legit operating on a level where demands and interpretation are on this completely wild place where everything’s just Destiel holding the writers hostage and screaming and there’s full agendas and No Homo Interns galore and I really can not tell at this point, if I whipped up the No Homo Intern from scratch now instead of 3 years ago, if people would BELIEVE it because things got so wild at the end of last season, when it came to how people were treating the text as a living, almost violent thing.
Destiel is ever-present in our lives, yes. It is NOT the writers’ top priority in a scene and they’re under no obligation to make it so despite what would be in the best interests of the show and story, and scenes written without it overtly present are not going to be bad, negligent, stupid, poorly-written, confused, forced at gunpoint by the No Homo Intern, or all written by Buckleming. It is very very possible that the show continues to be written entirely as it has been almost the entire time - which is to say, with Destiel subtextual, and not on the top priority of the agenda in every writers’ mind in every scene, up to and including when Dean and Cas interact or one of them talks about the other.
It’s just one of those things like the social contract which I tend to assume we’re all operating on until things have gone way too far and I realise I am the only one who read the terms and conditions and also someone just got stabbed??
#Asks#destiel#riverboat gambling#fandom problems#wank for ts#like... I know comments like this ask are common jokes#but seriously#I would rather let you down and write this instead of a funny ask#than fuck up and write a funny ask about that comment and leave someone truly believing what they just wrote >.>
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today on the TNT loop (which I slept through because migraine which is mildly better now, so I'm watching the blu ray today), 2.13 Houses of the Holy. Aka that one where Dean's skepticism is put to its first real challenge and he's left with a HUGE question he can't answer. It's also where I can clearly see Chuck at work in the narrative, directly challenging Dean's beliefs and forcing him to consider this.
DEAN: That's cute. I'm just saying, man, there's just some legends that you just, you file under "bullcrap".
SAM: And you've got angels on the bullcrap list.
DEAN: Yep.
SAM: Why?
DEAN (looks up): Because I've never seen one.
SAM: So what?
DEAN: So I believe in what I can see.
SAM: Dean! You and I have seen things that most people couldn't even dream about.
DEAN: Exactly. With our own eyes. That's hard proof, okay? But in all this time I have never seen anything that looks like an angel. And don't you think that if they existed that we would have crossed paths with them? Or at least know someone that crossed paths with them? No. This is a ... a demon or a spirit. You know, they find people a few fries short of a Happy Meal, and they trick them into killing these randoms
Troubled people are being visited by "an angel" giving them orders to carry out "divine will," stopping others from committing horrific acts against innocent people by killing them before they can hurt anyone else. Sam wants desperately to believe it's actually an angel, and he confesses to Dean that he does have faith in God and that he prays every day. We also learn that-- because Mary had faith, had always told Dean that "angels are watching over you"-- that Dean hasn't trusted in that faith since Mary died.
There's a lot in this episode that will become the framework for actual angels when they eventually show up, as well as Heaven itself. Think of this as a smaller-scale version of what we eventually learn Heaven is, in an "as above, so below" sort of way:
DEAN: But she seriously believes that she was ... touched by an angel?
SAM: Yeah. Blinding light, feelings of spiritual ecstasy, the works. I mean, she's living in a locked ward and she's totally at peace.
But then they start looking into the person she killed, and discover a literal pile of skeletons buried in the man's basement.
SAM: So much for the innocent churchgoing librarian.
DEAN: Yeah, well, whatever spoke to Gloria about this knew what it was talking about, I'll give you that.
But Dean is still convinced it's some sort of spirit, and not an actual angel. Sam desperately wants to believe.
DEAN: Huh. Well, I guess if you're gonna stab someone, good timing. I don't know, man, this is weird, you know? I mean, sure, some spirits are out for vengeance, but this one's almost like a do-gooder, you know? Like, like a --
SAM: Avenging angel? (DEAN turns away) Well, how else do you explain it, Dean? Three guys, not connected to each other, all stabbed through the heart? At least two were world-class pervs, and I bet if you dug deep enough on the other guy —
What they do discover is the connection between all the victims and angel-inspired killers. They all attend the same church, where a priest had been murdered for his car a few months earlier, right before these killings began.
So they go to the church to find the truth, under the false pretenses of wanting to join the parish. Irony much? Even after being caught out in the lie about the previous parish they attended, they persist.
FR. REYNOLDS: Yes. The victims were parishioners of mine, I'd known them for years.
SAM: And the killers said that an angel made them do that?
FR. REYNOLDS: Yes. Misguided souls, to think that God's messenger would appear and incite people to murder. It's tragic.
DEAN: So you don't believe in those angel yarns, huh?
FR. REYNOLDS: Oh, no, I absolutely believe. Kind of goes with the job description.
SAM: (nodding to a painting on the wall) Father, that's Michael, right?
FR. REYNOLDS: That's right. The archangel Michael, with the flaming sword. The fighter of demons. Holy force against evil.
SAM: So they're not really the Hallmark card version that everybody thinks? They're fierce, right? Vigilant?
FR. REYNOLDS: Well, I like to think of them as more loving than wrathful. But, uh, yes, a lot of Scripture paints angels as God's warriors. "An angel of the Lord appeared to them, the glory of the Lord shone down upon them, and they were terrified." (SAM nods, DEAN looks confused) Luke. Two nine.
(moment to remind everyone what Cas's opinion on Luke was, from 4.18, when Dean was incredulous about learning that Chuck was a prophet of the Lord to be protected: "You should've seen Luke." Apparently prophets are historically disaster humans...)
It's interesting that Sam and Dean come away from this conversation with such wildly different conclusions based on their own personal biases-- Sam's Faith vs Dean's Skepticism. And then after visiting Father Gregory's grave, it's Sam the "angel" chooses to speak to, using his will to believe against Sam, to manipulate him, just like he had with the other troubled people he talked into doing his bidding. Because that's what he'd done.
Father Gregory's spirit believed he was doing the Lord's will, using information gleaned from listing to confessions, and possibly gleaned after his death about the ongoing lives of these people. Like Sue Ann in 1.12, he chose troubled yet essentially good people (drug addicts, alcoholics, mentally ill people) to give this twisted shot at "redemption" to by committing murder in the name of God, killing people guilty of far, far worse crimes. And post 14.20, I'm wondering if his spirit wasn't given just a bit more info about certain members of his parish specifically to push Sam and Dean into their own crises of faith, especially considering what has come after this.
This episode has always been a game changer with Dean's experience throughout-- refusing to believe in anything he hasn't witnessed with his own eyes. And it's Sam's first test of his own faith in God that shakes his belief in a higher power when he's experiencing so much doubt in himself already. In some ways, we learn that it's his hope that God and angels and good things exist that powers him through his self-doubt, his feelings of unworthiness and impurity and his own confusing powers. We'll see this aspect of Sam's will to believe in God play out over and over again-- being tested by all his life experiences afterward, from learning about the demon blood by the end of s2, to his months without Dean developing his powers, to s4 in believing he can turn his demon-granted powers into something GOOD by saving people's lives... everything that leads to Sam's downfall is directly tied to his need to believe that a divine force he prays to is actually answering his prayers for help. Right on through desperately wanting to believe it was God talking to him in s11 (it was Lucifer), and believing that Chuck might actually help them deal with Jack by healing instead of manipulating and killing. It's 14.20 that finally shattered Sam's belief.
FR. GREGORY: You can't understand it now. But the rules of man and the rules of God are two very different things.
SAM: Those people. They're locked up.
FR. GREGORY: No, they're happy. They've found peace, beaten their demons. And I've given them the keys to Heaven.
FR. REYNOLDS: No. No, this is vengeance, it's wrong. Thomas, this goes against everything you believed. You're lost, misguided.
FR. GREGORY: Father. No, I'm not misguided.
FR. REYNOLDS: You are not an angel, Thomas. Men cannot be angels.
FR. GREGORY: But . . . but I, I don't understand. You prayed for me to come.
FR. REYNOLDS: I prayed for God's help. Not this. What you're doing is not God's will. "Thou shalt not kill". That's the word of God.
Heck, Chuck's said a lot of things over the years, hasn't he? He simultaneously ordered the angels to watch over and protect humanity, while leaving instructions for the Apocalypse. Two orders that directly contradict one another, on a very basic level. Yes, thou shalt not kill, but... there's always that caveat of "no, they're happy! they found peace in death! heaven awaits the righteous and that's where they'll eventually find happiness and peace! life on earth is irrelevant in the face of eternal rest despite any and all suffering experienced while alive!"
eta: also, “Men cannot be angels.” Well, Jack may have proven that wrong, but he had to destroy their human souls and warp them into angel grace, just as destroying human souls to warp them into demon smoke makes them no longer human. When we didn’t know this was possible, it was more a theological curiosity, but now? We can see it for the sinister implication of the bigger picture at play on Chuck’s level of the narrative. And it’s chilling.
But Dean? He had to be crushed, to be brought to the point where he doubted everything he's ever stood for, be forced to doubt his own free will and identity through repeated possession and manipulation by Michael to be brought to the point where he would even be willing to sacrifice himself and Jack both in the belief that he truly had no other choice, that his lifelong belief in his own autonomy was a sham and that God's Will was the only force to be obeyed. And even then, gun raised to Jack's head, he couldn't submit. But that seed of doubt was planted in this episode, watching a series of events he could not explain nor justify with his current understanding of reality. He couldn't even explain what he'd seen to Sam.
All he could say in the face of having stopped this man from committing assault (and possibly worse), ending in a car chase where the man is impaled through his chest by a flying piece of pipe flung from a passing truck, was "Holy..." After which he's forced to confront the evidence of his own eyes and find an explanation for what he's seen on his own. He still isn't comfortable declaring it's proof that God exists and interfering in human events, but it shakes him:
DEAN: Gregory's spirit gave you some pretty good information. That guy in the car was bad news. I barely got there in time.
SAM: What happened?
DEAN: He's dead.
SAM: Did . . . you?
DEAN: No. But I'll tell you one thing. If . . . The way he died, if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes I never would have believed it. I mean ... I don't know what to call it.
SAM: What? Dean, what did you see?
DEAN: Maybe . . . God's will.
The one thing Dean has yet to work out, once he's confronted with the reality of Angels, Heaven, and God's existence later down the line, is whether or not God's Will and God's Plans can even remotely be considered a good thing... and after 14.20, he's got the essential proof. "Good" and "Evil" become irrelevant in the face of that revelation. It becomes a case of Divine Manipulation vs Human Will, and the struggle for individual identity and free will in the face of some Grand Plan of the universe. Divine reward of peace and happiness in Heaven after a life of obedience and suffering? Nah, Dean wants his life back now. Screw the end of the road.
#spn 2.13#spn 14.20#s14 hellatus rewatch#it's spirals all the way down#spiders georg of the tnt loop#spn cosmology#that's what free will is#if you say 'mysterious ways' so help me i will kick your ass#spn 4.18#spn 1.12
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