#but again when it's done right it makes me really happy to see because FUKC YEAH representation good

[arcplaysgames]

I am a Persona 5 enthusiast above all else and a Persona 3 Portable lover directly after that, but fuck if the MC x Yosuke relationship doesn’t own my entire life

I should prob wait until I'm fully done bc I think I'm at the final dungeon now (or, there's a bonus one later i guess that's optional?) but

jesus fucking christ can i please just talk about Yosuke finally because I feel like i'm gonna explode

I don't think I see Yosuke as bisexual is the thing that I have settled on. I feel like Yosuke is a badly closeted scared shitty teenager who is simmering with so much repressed anger and resignation, he doesn't know how to adequately handle it (and frankly he's slowly getting better over the course of the game). But all of his worst moments in the story feel like he's acting from a script, namely the CompHet Script From Hell.

(Also, I would say that I think of Kanji as The Bisexual One while Yosuke is just attracted to dudes, which isn't what I anticipated from the start.)

But Yosuke mostly makes me sad. I feel like the expectations on him, the ones that he has wrapped around himself like a shield in an attempt to ward off people hurting him. Because he's so isolated and desperate for affection, he's willing to do stupid shit to get the attention he wants. All of his bad antics always feel like.... they come from less of a place of horny lust and more from a place of....... fear?

Like when he does the shit around the camping trip and his other sketchy actions, it always feels like a way to say "please be with me in this thing, this is what guys do, right?" like if he hits his mark well enough, he'll unlock some happiness he hasn't figured out yet.

but it's all so SCRIPTED! like when does Yosuke go off the deep end? when there's a script he thinks he has to hit. oh, the spring camping trip can't just be a school trip, it has to be a chance to score with the ladies. oh, you can't just want to get motorcycles and hang out with your best friend, it has to be for laaaaaadies.

but as soon as you separate him from those scripts and he goes back to being him, he's.... such a fucking decent, empathetic guy. he takes in teddie and outright fights to keep him living with him. he takes the lead in the case alongside naoto. he is the first person to rope in Nanako into the group and consistently keeps her involved. and once he gets over his homophobic panic over kanji, he keeps fukcing trying to wingman for kanji, even if kanji would prefer he didn't. and that feels genuine! kanji reacts to it like a cat in a bath, but more than once, yosuke prodding kanji for his taste in boys (and girls and naoto) feels like real interest, not a set up for a punchline. and I've remarked before that he's REALLY decent to naoto re: gender, esp in comparison to the rest of the game, which was STUNNING.

and then he's like "OH SHIT i need to be more of a Dude's Dude" and he morphs into an asshole for a day. then he snaps right back.

the out of universe explanations are clear, i'm not a dumbass. but I am choosing to kill the fucking author and examine what all this genuinely means for the character.

and the guy who attaches himself the MC's hip, and who's growth thru his bullshit is linked to the MC, and who cries around the MC and who accepts a long lingering hug and lets not forget if you roleplay wanting to date him, he's happy.

Maybe in the future this will change, but for the Yosuke of now, in the moment, it feels like his expectations of what Guys And Girls are supposed to be gets in his way of forming stronger relationships (which, again, is why the Naoto thing intrigues me). It feels like he thinks he's supposed to want to date Chie, but when he seeks out intimacy that veers into the romantic, it's not with girls.

ANYWAY I THINK YOSUKE'S GAY, but his closet is sadly made of knives, and it cuts him as he tries to keep himself contorted into the correct shape to keep hidden.

best case scenario is him hanging around the MC until he trips happily into the relationship he wants, built brick by brick until the plausible deniability is left out in the cold

worst case is he's going to get married at 20 and make some poor woman abjectly fucking miserable until they're divorced.

phew okay, all that felt like an exorcism, i feel better now

#Anonymous #yosuke hanamura #p4 #persona liveblog

[batarangsoundsdumb]

See this hc of Tim being half Japanese is well thought out and has wonderful implications for Tim’s character and upbringing and everything, but every time I see it in fandom, it’s always fetishizing Asian culture in only the way Americans like it and only the parts Americans think is good, and that’s why I fucking hate it. But kudos to you for not doing that. (~thirsty nightwing anon)

yeah i totally get what you mean, and i also understand people when they say ‘hey making [character] poc is racist actually’ because when it’s done wrong it can be stereotyping, and fetishising and have no real understanding of the culture it’s trying to represent.

but when it's done right, often by people who are members of the culture themselves, or close to it, it is an amazing read and it can be really nice for people to see themselves represented in their favourite media.

if you're writing anything you don't know that much about, don't. take a moment, read the wikipedia page, read articles written by experts, talk to people who know about the topic, do your research.

#american media is not very mindful of what they're saying about ANYONE #executives in hollywood are often white people whose understanding of (east) asian culture seems to be limited to anime and kpop #this is not only the case for (east) asian culture but african cultures south american cultures and even european cultures #im not convinced anyone in hollywood has ever been to any european city other than paris/amsterdam #hollywoods exec are like 'europe is so interesting haha anyways here's emily in paris' #i mean not to be like 'stop disrespecting french people' bc fuck france yanno but its really racist to not have poc in a show about paris #the 2015 census had 40% of parisians being poc so only having 2 poc characters just feels very offensive to me #i didnt even watch the show but i feel offended for everybody in paris #their one asian character was also like 'haha im not like other chinese people i love freedom and america and i hate french people!!!' #like bro what the fuck my guy i didnt even watch the show but god how do you fuck up paris? it already sucks #but yeah stereotyping bad and its a major part of representation in us media #but again when it's done right it makes me really happy to see because FUKC YEAH representation good #sometimes asian characters are like *half dyed hair* 'this is my grandfather who taught me martial arts' #but thankfully there are also complex and interesting characters that dont have harmful stereotypes and are allowed to develop and FUCK YEA #i just mean to say 'representation not always good but it can be good so don't call everything the same kind of rep' #'and because this is fandom it's almost always pushed into the same category but there is still a difference between that good and bad rep' #thanks for listening #and also i really love you thirsty nightwing anon youre the mvp #and also the person who sent in the japanese tim headcanons that are amazing!!!! go check it out #anon #ask #bataranswers #i also mean to say it's not me that wrote the headcanons but the anon that sent it in #thanks for reading be respectful or die!!!! #but i think in a lot of american media ive seen there's that typical stereotyping of every single race and identity which is just ew #but ive noticed that most european media leans into those stereotypes and pokes fun of them and tries to shed those stereotypes at the end #of an arc american media does it very seriously without changing them and makes those stereotypes an intrinsical part of the character #okay rant over #i dont wanna group anything together bc there's way better rep these days than it used to be #racial headcanons

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

#wonder egg priority #wonder egg spoilers #ai ohto #rika kawai #momoe sawaki #wonder egg priority neiru #i forgot neirus name #anime review #wonder egg ai #lgbtq anime

[mcsstydia]

I wouldn’t tell them- Peter Parker

Request:

prompt: paparazzi see you and Spider-Man together, now they stalk you and constantly interrogate you about his identity.  

pairing: peter parker x reader

WARNINGS: a tiny bit of fighting and angst, but fluff mostly 

words: 2.1k

A/N: peter parker makes my heart go !!!!!!!  also not yet proof read so prepare for some typos

Masterlist in bio and all imagine can be found under #Masterlist

Every time Peter picked you up at home wearing his suit, you were concerned someone could see the two of you together. 

But Peter would reassure you, telling you that “up here no one sees us babe.”, and of course, so far nobody did. 

But you knew the day would come, sooner or later. And you already worried what you would do once it did.

Right now, Peter was about to bring you home, swinging from building to building. Once you arrived at your building complex, he landed right in front of the door. The street lamps had already been turned on; it was late. He still had an arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close to him. 

  “Now don’t worry about Flash anymore, okay, babe?”, he asked lowly, his hand caressing your back. You sighed, looking up at him. “You know I’m only worried because he keeps being mean to you.”, you replied, wrapping your arms around the back of his neck. He leaned his forehead against yours. “I know but-”, he started, but stopped because his spider sense alarmed him. 

He whipped around, right in time for a flashlight blinding the both of you. “What the hell?”, he almost yelled. Once the both of you regained sight, you saw a journalist standing in front of you, having just snapped a picture of the sight before him.

  “Spidey, is this your girlfriend?”, he asked frantically. “How did you guys meet? Do you plan on going public? Do you-”, he continued asking, but Peter cut him off. “That’s the point where I leave.”, he stated simply, looking at you shortly before shooting a web and disappearing into the night. 

Now the journalists gaze met yours. Your eyes widened and you spun around quickly, already searching your keys. “Are you two a thing? Do you know his identity?”, he kept asking when you finally found your key and disappeared into your apartment complex.

You received a text message as you went into your apartment. 

‘Everything alright?’ It was from Peter, of course.

‘Yeah. Guy was creepy, tho.’, you replied.

‘What’d he ask you?’, he asked

‘Whether we dated and if I knew your identity.’

‘You didn’t say anything, right?’, he questioned further.

‘Of course not, baby. Don’t worry, okay?’, you tried calming him down.

‘I’ll try. Love you, see you tomorrow.’

‘Love you too.’

  On the next day, when you were about to leave your home and go to school, you almost screamed out of shock when you saw the same journalist from last night standing in front of your apartment complex. Only now, two of his colleagues were standing next to him, directing a camera and a microphone into your direction. 

You turned on your heel and tried to get away from them, but they kept following you. “We’re here with the girl Spider-Man himself brought home last night. How does it feel to be Spider-Man’s girlfriend?”, the journalist asked. You thought about ignoring him, but he could see that as prove. 

  “I’m not his girlfriend. He simply brought me home as a nice gesture.”, you stated, not looking at either of them. Your back was turned towards them as they kept interrogating you. But they kept following you, even into the train you took to school.

“Can you tell us anything about him? Do you know his name? Or where he lives?”, you tried ignoring them as best as you could, but you felt insanely uncomfortable and prayed Peter would find you once he was on the train himself.

  “Ehm, excuse me?”, you heard a familiar voice. The three journalists turned around, and so did you. “Can you leave her alone? Don’t you see how anxious you make her?”, Peter asked, clearly annoyed at how these three grown men were behaving. 

“And you are?”, the journalist asked. “Her boyfriend.”, he stated, his eyebrows furrowed in anger. The journalists face lit up. “Oh, so you must be happy to hear that your girlfriend kissed Spider-Man last night.”, he grinned.

  “I didn’t !”, you stepped into the conversation. “You know you just made that up right now, so leave us alone!”, you stated, grabbed Peter’s hand and turned away from them, searching for another spot in the train.

Once Peter thought you were far enough away from the reporters, he pulled you into him. “He couldn’t have seen us kissing yesterday, could he?”, he whispered into your ear, worry evident in his voice. 

  “No. We sure were about to kiss last night, but we didn’t because you sensed him before, remember?”, you whispered back. He nodded in response, but he didn’t really seem convinced. 

“Hey,”, you said lowly, making him look up from the ground and look at you. You raised your hand and placed it on his neck, playing with his small brown curls. “Everything’s alright, okay? They know nothing,”, you said in a calm voice. He nodded again, leaning into your hand for comfort. 

“I love you so much,”, he whispered, making you grin in contentment. “I love you too,”, you replied, before pulling his face down to press your lips against is soft ones.

  Even as the both of you reached Midtown High, the reporters were still following you, asking you questions. But Peter simply squeezted your hand, and the two of you kept walking and ignoring them.

Only once you were inside of school, did you really feel comfortable again. They hadn’t followed you into the building, yet. 

The day went on without any other disturbances. That was, until lunch time.

  You sat together with Ned and MJ, waiting for Peter, when suddenly it seemed as though the whole cafeteria started talking at once. The three of you looked around, everyone as confused as the other. 

“What the hell is going on?”, Ned asked, as you shrugged your shoulders. “Guys!”, MJ exclaimed, looking at her phone with wide eyes. “I might know what they’re talking about,”, she continued as she showed the two of you her phone. 

  It was an article of The Daily Bugle, headlined ‘Spider-Man allegedly going to Midtown Highschool of Science’. Your mouth fell open in shock. How could they know? You looked around in panic, searching for Peter’s face in the cafeteria. 

You spotted him at the entrance and your gazes locked. He looked at you with shock, hurt, disappointed and anger all mixed on his face. Wait. He couldn’t. Or did he really think you were the one telling the reporters Spider-Man was a student? 

  For what seemed like an eternity, you just stared into each others eyes from across the room. But when he finally shook his head and turned on his heel, you jumped up from your seat and ran after him. 

You caught him right outside of the cafeteria, grabbing the sleeve of his jacket to make him stop. “Pete!”, you exclaimed. He suddenly whipped around, looking at you with the same emotions as just a few seconds ago. Hurt. Anger. Disappointment. Shock.

  “What do you want, Y/N?”, he almost yelled. You were taken aback by the anger lacing his voice. You couldn’t talk. But you didn’t have to, since Peter wasn’t done letting out his frustration.

“What were you thinking? Were you so intimidated by those reporters that you just told them? Or did you think they would leave you alone if you told them just a little bit of my private life? Or even better, do you just enjoy being in the spotlight for once?”, he asked angrily, letting his anger out on you. 

  Tears had been welling up in your eyes ever since he began talking, but now they were freely streaming down your face. You looked at him, speechless. You could visibly see him calm down now, his face softened more by the second. 

“Y/N I’m sorry I shouldn’t have yelled it’s just-”, he started talking, taking a step towards you. You took a step back, making him go silent.

  “And did you, for one second, just think about the possibility that I didn’t tell them? That I simply love you too much to ever do something to hurt you? That I would rather let them follow me for weeks than tell them even the tiniest bit about you?”, you asked quietly, looking at the ground. 

“But if you really thought I could do all that, then you don’t know me at all,”, you said, looking at your boyfriend. There were tears glistening in Peter’s eyes now as well and his lip was quivering when you turned around and returned to the cafeteria.

  For the rest of the day, you neither talked to nor saw Peter. You didn’t want to, either. You were still mad at him. Well, more hurt than mad. In fact, you just wanted this fight to be over. You missed him. But you were also just so fukcing hurt by the things he said that you wouldn’t be the one to apologize.

But when you were lying in bed that night, crying your eyes out, you really thought you lost him. Maybe he thought about what you said and now thought he didn’t really know you. Maybe he finally realised that you weren’t good enough for him or that-

  Your thoughts were interrupted by a knocking on your window. You were sitting upright within a second and standing on your feet within the next. You knew it could only be your boyfriend. No one else could be outside of a window in the 18th floor. 

You opened your window to a depressed looking Spider-Man, holding flowers and chocolate in his hands. No one said anything for a second. “Can I- Uhm you know can I come in?”, he asked lowly. You stepped aside, muttering a quiet ‘sure’.

  He climbed in and then he was standing in front of you, towering over you, still wearing his Spider-Man mask. “I-I bought your favourite flowers,”, he said, handing them to you. “and uh..your favourite chocolate as well,”, he added, giving it to you.

He still had his mask on, and you knew exactly why. So you put his gifts away and cupped his face gently. You gripped the hem of his mask gently. “You don’t have to hide from me,”, you gently whispered. He gave a short nod in response and you slowly rolled his mask up until you could see the last bit of his messy curls.

  His face was tear-stained and his eyes all red and swollen, matching yours. You got on your tip toes, gripping his neck in the process. You pressed your lips against his in a desperate, long over-due kiss. Both of you sighed into the kiss contently.

You pulled away again and flopped down onto your feet. “Now continue.”, you demanded, grinning at him. He huffed out a laugh before gently gripping your hands into his.

  “I was so fucking wrong,”, he began, making you giggle. “Truth is I do know you. And I know you wouldn’t do any of the stuff I said you did. And I was wrong for saying all this and for making you cry. I wish I could take it all back but I can’t. So I’m here to ask you if you can forgive me for being so fucking irrational and dumb.”, he spoke quietly, but you heard every single word and you knew he meant it. 

“Of course I forgive you,”, you said. “But I was wrong too. I shouldn’t have said you don’t kniw me because you’re the only person on this world who really does,”, you continued as you caressed his cheek gently. 

  Peter cupped your face with both his hands and pulled you in for a gentle kiss. It was full of apologies and tears, but the way your lips moved together didn’t feel any different. 

“Don’t ever apologise for something that is my fault ever again, you hear me?”, he said, staring into your eyes once he pulled away. “Sure,”, you smiled, kissing him again.

  “Do you know who told them in the end?”, Peter asked as you lay next to him, plaing with his fingers as he gazed at you lovingly. You shook your head, looking at him curiously.

“Flash,”, he grinned. “No way!”, you called out, sitting up. He mirrored your actions and smirked. “Yeah. He said Spider-Man was his best friend and that he goes to our school.”, he told you. “Oh no he didn’t,”, you laughed. “Sadly, he did.”, Peter said as he joined you in laughing.

#peter parker imagine #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker headcanon #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman imagine #spiderman headcanon #Spider-Man imagine #peter parker smut #peter parker fanfiction #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland headcanon #tom holland smut #steve rogers imagine #tony stark imagine #thor odinson imagine #chris evans imagine #chris hemsworth imagine #rdj imagine #avengers imagine #avengers endgame #spiderman: far from home #sffh #harry holland imagine #harry holland #sam holland

[luobingmeis]

fukc,,,, talking about lucretia reminded me of how much i love her afionavaw. you said that you have thoughts about the order of the seven birds forgiving her? you don't have to elaborate it rn but what order do you think it it? i think magnus or merle would be one of the first ones to forgive her, then lup and barry, and davenport and taako would be the later ones. also sorry im bombarding you with questions alfwbgkh

@marblesaremyfavoriterock asked: I’m loving this discussion u and anon are having abt Lucretia and forgiveness!! In the post abt Lup u said you’ve put a bunch of thought into how each of the birds come to forgive Lucretia and how long that takes and I’d love to hear ur thoughts on that stuff if you want to talk abt it!!!

(disclaimer: i am speaking for myself and only myself and i get that not everyone might agree with what i think, and obvi that’s fine, but i’m not here to start fights/angry discussions)

my entire blog is actually just a secret campaign to get everyone to love lucretia adventurezone

but!!! about the other birds!!!!! i have put so much thought into this so first let me just put everything in the order of which i think forgiveness happens

merle/lup (during s&s)

magnus (during s&s)/davenport (shortly after s&s)

barry (a while after s&s)

taako (a while after s&s)

and now, my explanations:

merle: from the get-go of s&s, we see that merle never treats lucretia with animosity. while taako and magnus are pointing their weapons at her, merle is constantly asking what they’re doing and trying to get them to put their weapons down. also, canonically, i think it’s safe to say that merle doesn’t hold much of a grudge. he appears to like kravitz, even though kravitz almost killed him and had probably some hand (pun intended) in merle’s loss of faith for a little bit. he also greeted john warmly and kindly, even though their last interaction involved merle telling john to “kiss my ass, you sanctimonious bastard.” also, though, maybe it’s just me, but i saw merle and lucretia as two very good friends. in stolen century, he constantly encouraged her and was the one to tell her that she should consider taking on a more leaderlike role. in the bureau, he admired the faith she had in herself. so, i think he would forgive lucretia first because, honestly? that’s just how merle is. not only does he admire lucretia and see her as a good friend, but it’s just in his nature. also, important to note, merle obviously loves his kids, and without lucretia, he wouldn’t have his kids. so, w/ the prior friendship he had with lucretia/madame director, his personality, and what he got after the voidfishing, i think he was always in a state of forgiving lucretia.

lup: see this post

magnus: magnus is actually interesting in my opinion because, if it wasn’t for the fact that he found happiness in raven’s roost, i think he would be a lot less inclined to forgive lucretia. during stolen century, magnus learned how to ask for help and really became “the protector” during those one hundred years. he gained a family, and a dear pet, that he swore he would protect. however, this was lost after the voidfishing. he still wanted to protect but he didn’t exactly know who, or what. factor in the fact that he was the first one to start distrusting the director, plus the fact that he was getting very close with the voidfish, who didn’t seem to know how to answer any of his questions about the director, and all of that would add up to a rocky forgiveness of lucretia. except, now we have to consider two things. one being the fact that travis said it’s canon that magnus saw how hard of a decision lucretia had to make and, because of that, magnus doesn’t hold a lot of malice against her. the second thing that i think we need to consider is raven’s roost. after stolen century, i think we can say that magnus got the “happiest voidfishing,” in a way. he had raven’s roost, a stable job. he lead a city through a revolution that they all believed to be a success. he found the love of his life. it is canon that those years in raven’s roost were some of the happiest years magnus has ever experienced. if magnus didn’t have raven’s roost, didn’t at one point have julia, i think it would’ve been a lot harder for him to forgive her, bc what would he have had? he would’ve lost his friends, and who’s to say what life he would’ve made outside of raven’s roost. but, because lucretia was technically responsible for him going to raven’s roost and eventually finding julia (and stephen), i think that also factors into his forgiveness of her (plus the canonical stuff travis said, which i am 100% here for).

davenport: i firmly think that davenport forgives lucretia fairly quickly after s&s. now, you might be saying, “jordyn, what the actual fuck,” and don’t worry, i said the same thing to myself. but play with me in this space, give me a chance. i would put lucretia at lawful good, or at least in the “good” category between lawful/neutral. davenport, i think, falls kinda more around true lawful/true neutral. and this, i think, would factor into his forgiveness of lucretia. in stolen century, i think we saw early on that davenport is a very “means to the end” type of guy. he was the one who suggested destroying the crystal on the robot planet. he suggested blowing up the sacred mountain of the conservatory. by cycle 66, he was angry and tired. in cycle, what, 92? when they voted on the relics? davenport didn’t actually vote! he never expressed his opinion on the matter. he let the majority decide because, with whatever they chose, he would go along with it as long as they could see an end to their journey. then, during s&s, he was the one to suggest leaving. he was the one to suggest killing the voidfish. throughout seeing his actual character, and not just voidfished davenport, we see him constantly pushing towards the gruesome, though some might say “easy way out,” decisions. bc that’s who he is. destroy the crystal bc, even if it hurts people now, it will stop the hunger later. destroy the mountain bc, even if it sucks for this world, we can use the light to save other ones. make a decision between relics and a barrier because, even though we don’t know the results now, it could help later. leave this world, people are gonna die now, but we can try again next cycle. kill the voidfish, because then everyone can fight back. see? very “means to an end.” so, now, how does this factor into forgiveness? w/ the other birds’ forgiveness, it’s hinged on a much more emotional/social level. merle forgives bc it’s in his nature. magnus forgives bc of the bonds he has formed. davenport, though? it’s all… pragmatic, professional, almost? i think he would look at lucretia, at what she had done, and then at the fact that they saved the world, and would think, “well, she did what she had to, because without that, we wouldn’t have saved this world.” i don’t think he enjoyed being turned into just his name, and i still think he and lucretia need to talk, but i think, looking at the results of everything, he kinda sees it as “X had to happen so that Y could.” now, his forgiveness does hinge on saving the world. say they ran to a different plane? i don’t know if davenport would have forgiven her as easily, because then their failure would just look like a halt in their journey. but because they won? i think he would forgive lucretia because, well, they won. they finally got a happy ending and, after looking at all the decisions davenport tried to make, i think it’s safe to say that he understands having to make hard decisions.

barry: barry, like magnus, is complicated, i think. i think he has more notches in the “not forgiving lucretia for a while” category than not. why? similarly to taako, because of lup. except, instead of taako not knowing who lup was until the end, for barry it’s because he knew. when he was a lich, he 1) figured out what lucretia was doing and 2) figured out that lup had been voidfished. he found out that lucretia had made this organization w/ an inherent distrust of magic items and powerful magic users, he found out that lup had been voidfished entirely, and, most of all? lucretia was now actively working against him. i do not subscribe to the idea of lucretia being a villain, but in barry’s eyes, i think she was, just like barry might have been closer to an antagonist in lucretia’s eyes bc he was trying to undo her plan. so, i think barry takes a while to forgive lucretia bc 1) he lost lup, and knew he would forget lup once again once he was “alive” again, 2) lucretia knew he was out there and was now making her organization a place where he could never be, and 3) his friends were now actively working against him bc of the structure of the bureau. i think a huge part of the reason for barry and taako’s reluctance to forgive is so closely hinged on lup (well, for taako, that’s canonical) because i think it’s also important to remember that lup never forgot. sure, she was forgotten, which sucks a whole lot obvi, but she never had to forget her love and her brother. so i think that’s where a sort of rift happens bc taako and barry had to deal with forgetting lup, while lup never forgot them, and though that might be a post in itself if i could think of the right way to word it, i think that also factors into forgiveness a lot. i think, like w/ taako, he and lucretia also have a discussion, except i think that one might be a lot more emotionally charged bc these two were actively working against each other for a time. but i do think that they eventually reach reconciliation and perhaps do actually consider each other friends again.

taako: taako in itself is complicated just bc of how so many people are divided on it, but i think taako’s general rate of forgiveness (and lack thereof for a time) is self explanatory, but i gave my two cents here if you’re interested. tbh, the taako&lucretia situation would be much better told if i actually just wrote a fic on it, bc i feel like my thoughts could be much better expressed in prose than me trying to word my headcanons in a way that people could understand exactly what i have in my head. however, if pressed and given some time to answer and sort out my thoughts in a completely different post, i could probably try to write out all my thoughts on taako&lucretia post-s&s.

#answered #i saw seven birds #Anonymous #// #///// #taz balance

[sleepymarmot]

COUNTER/Weight liveblog, part 3

Finale +post-mortem

Am I glad to return to the political big picture! It's such a relief that the finale is in this format! Hopefully it won't devolve into another “fighting a giant robot” scene.

Oh, so the Chime are leading the faction game now! Somehow I completely missed the point of the two previous scenes that indicated Aria becoming the new leader of the Righteous Vanguard – I was very surprised and then 10 minutes later went “Oh that's what it was, time to go back and relisten”

Pronoun update: Austin consistently uses “they”, Art consistently uses “he”. End my suffering…

The sheer comedic impact of seven Makos, Larry and Lazer Ted all in a room together has healed my soul immediately. Can we end on this image so nothing bad happens

I'm so proud of Orth!! “I'm sorry, which one are you?” lmao

Oooh the relationship drama~ But how come Jacqui didn't know Jill was alive? Actually, now that I think of it, back then it was clearly said that Jacqui knows Jillian is back and is sad because Jillian doesn't remember her. This show's retcons…

Look I know shit must hit the fan pretty soon but for now this finale is just. So relaxing. I'm having a lot of fun listening to these squabbles. (The only exception were Mako and Orth – boys, stop fighting, why!)

That Cass & Aria scene was cool but please don't give me world leader old friends sneaking away for secret stress relief sparring sessions when I'm not supposed to start shipping them

Oh hell yeah, I was hoping that since Jacqui went with Jillian, Aria would go with Ibex. (Not very relevant here, but Ibex is from Kesh like Maryland, right? If so, there must be fanart of young Ibex and Maryland in 19th century outfits?)

Stop cryptically saying oh Sokrates isn't here, oh they aren't using their candidate name, like what's up with them?! Are they doing well? I'm worried!

Oh Orth wants to dance with Ibex huh *eyes emoji* Rematch! Rematch!

“I'll take anything” “Anything?” My mind, of course, autocompletes “Then perish”

THIS WAS A LOT and I need to take a couple of minutes to start breathing normally again. Also there just has to be a lovingly drawn fanart adaptation of this entire scene (in, like, fukcing Leyendecker style), come on fandom please say someone has done it

Jacq/Jill continuing with the heartbreaking scenes, I see

Mako doesn't like dancing now…… holy shit this is the most upsetting ball ever… (The cynical part of me must say that it's only Austin who talks about this connection, Keith doesn't and still sounds way less emotional about the whole thing than the others assume Mako to be)

I amend my previous statement, I also need fanart with snapshots of every dance: Orth firmly taking Ibex's hand and receiving a surprised but approving look, Jillian throwing her head back in laughter and Jacqui watching with a pained smile, sullen Mako leaning on a wall cross-armed and looking for an opportunity to slip away, Cass dropping his one-liner with a completely dispassionate face.

Wow Ibex is really getting ready for death. Sounds as if he knows the exact date.

HOLY SHIT THE DIVINES' ORIGIN STORY!!! FINALLY!!! I'm surprised they were all created by the same person…

I'm relieved Mako and Orth are on good terms again!

I love the new Aria as this competent politician who does a lot of swordfighting and dealing with old flames

Have I mentioned I really love the game they're playing? It almost synthesizes the best parts of the game they played previously – as if it was written just for this finale. It's so great how this show and specifically this campaign go through so many games, showing the universe and the characters from different angles, instead of having them be defined by only one game system and its limitations and quirks.

That's some real good mech if it can function for 80,000 years, Divines' body or not!

Okay, I fucking knew Liberty and Discovery would split up at some point (which is what I meant above by my expectations for AuDy's fate), but why is Liberty attacking Ibex?

Mako's robots!!! :DDD Now that's the real finale shit!

I CAN'T BELIEVE Keith missed Tower's brief appearance of all things. It's like a fucking scene from the show on the level of dramatic irony. They were truly not meant to be, even the universe in real life is saying that. Do you ever get rejected so badly that the guy you like runs away from you at the prom, and then lets you fall into a deadly portal with the rest of your planet, and then you get brainwashed, and then you are killed by an ally of that guy, and the person playing him doesn't even witness that?!

I thought Orth was going to challenge Kobus about Liberty…

“I have Liberty contained” *winces*

Every time it is asked what is Mako wearing I just mentally pull out the popcorn

“I welcome anyone to tell Cass that AuDy is a non-person”

Let me restate how much I'm loving how the scenes that in any other show would be minor fluff or short summaries in an epilogue are a legit fully rendered part of the finale

Sokrates & Orth reunion please!!

Aw Ted! It never occured to me that this comic relief character has, in fact, lost his entire planet and almost everyone he knows.

…I think I like Apokine Cass more than Chime Cass

That's a big lore dump holy cow! I'm glad Apostolosians are ex-humans after all, but I wonder how they turned into fish people

So what happened to the idea of Mako hacking Grace?

They just… went and straight up murdered two Divines… If it had happened early in the show I'd probably cheer, and no tears were shed for Grace, but Liberty… Just take a third of another player character and drive it into a sun…

Of course. I knew Sokrates is the kind of character who dies nobly in a grand finale.

I've spent all this time wondering how the piece of Voice in Mako doesn't get infected by Rigor, and it seems to finally happen and Larry seems to die repairing it, but what about all other Makos, aren't they in danger too?

This is way too easy so far, just sacrifice NPCs one by one to win.

This whole time I was assuming Mako saved as many clones as he could, not just his own… If he gets another turn I bet it's submit or die :/

Hello I'm crying over Lazer Ted! Choices in the campaign sound futile now: who cares which guy Mako saved – they both died anyway! All named NPCs did!

Except for Jacqui. Congratulations, the NPC Who Lived! (I mistyped “loved” at first, which is also relevant. And yes, I cried here too.)

How the hell would falling into a sun kill Rigor if it was previously not killed by a bomb that destroys hundreds of suns?

Poor Cass… Not only sacrificing yourself in such a difficult way, but to have a final conversation only just to learn that your friend, a passionate revolutionary further empowered by Righteousness, has deserted… The sheer contempt and disappointment he pours in just three words “Ibex told you”...

Welp. Mako's fate was not tragic like I feared! Good news I guess, but it's still kind of sad. And I think the saddest part is that Mako himself doesn't realize. Because it can just sound like the natural continuation of his character growth – after he had to learn to be the responsible one first in contrast to Larry and then to the other Makos. But it's not that, or not just that, and it's kind of chilling to hear that he never knows it, and never knows peace.

Executive Joie, oh my… It's so strange and cool how Aria somehow continues the legacy of Jace and Ibex at once.

The race is over. It's so strange that now there are no consequences to fear or spoilers to avoid.

I didn't like the final battle as much as the rest of the finale – I hoped for a more clever solution than just throwing bodies at the enemy (but I guess the intro warned me lol…). Especially since these bodies had very unequal impact – I'm not going to care about Diego Rose or Chet Wise or Orth's newly-created lieutenants or as much as I care about Jacqui -- so it felt unfair towards players/characters who had more important or likeable chracters in their faction. I'm opposed on principle to making the big confrontation feel important and emotional just by killing off characters (hi, J. K. Rowling and Russo brothers), I think it's cheap and emotionally manipulative, but in this case the emotional manipulation doesn't even work so it’s doubly disappointing.

If someone's reading this, you can see that what I expected or wanted from the story was not what it gave me, and that was frustrating or disappointing at times. But nevertheless, it was a wild ride.

I've slept on it and it still fucks me up that out of the Chime only Aria gets a genuinely happy ending! Cass is fucking dead, Liberty is dead while AuDy becomes a ghost, and Mako loses everyone and is lonely for the rest of his life!

It's so strange to listen to the opening theme in the post-mortem and think that this is the second-to-last time. (Relistens don't count, it's not the same thing.) By the way, I love that theme – it sounds like a half song with the words on the tip of my tongue, like space, or like city at night. Really atmospheric.

I love how everyone continues to be into that moment where Aria has the opportunity to kill Cass lol (I am too)

Yeah, thanks for reminding me about that coin toss moment for Kobus in the finale, that was so sudden and shocking I was completely losing it for the long few seconds it lasted

I'm glad someone asked whether Jack knew the Big Spoiler in advance – he was so calm about it in the following episodes that I started wondering

Oh so it wasn't my imagination that the players needed the comic relief of the Lazer Ted episode no less than the characters

After a sad talk about Mako's dead friends, Andi, cheerfully: “I love to kill and I love to hurt and I never regretted anything I ever did! :D” which won the least surprising comment of the hour award lol. Honestly, after that one scene with Diego I started to get a bit nervous whenever Andi announced they had an idea… C/w was fun because I now realize the cinnamon roll Aubrey was actually them playing against type.

I love that someone asked about Mako's first kiss and/or Orth's fandom life!!

Keith's answer is sad, though… He “had literally never considered Mako even being capable of kissing someone, like it wasn't something on the table” and that was unexpected to me. I'd mentioned several times that he sounded reluctant to play up the romance, but I was assuming it was the player's preference, not an innate trait of the character whose attraction to someone was a part of his character creation. How do I interpret it? Mako is aro? Mako never had a chance to properly grow emotionally because his youth was fake and for the rest of his life, all emotional connections were sabotaged by Rigour's shadow, and also literally all his potential love interests died? Ugh, I just keep making myself more and more upset.

Holy shit I forgot about Art asking if there's an old Apostolosian mech on September by any chance lmao

Cene always knew?! Holy shit w h a t

It's nice to hear Ali talk about her growth in confidence as a player because she's definitely kind of an inspiration – for years I've thought tabletop roleplaying is too intense and I'll never do it, but when I finally tried out it was not so scary, so maybe there's hope for me too!

The concept that the real challenge of the final battle was that the easier it would be to defeat Rigor, the worse shape would the world be afterwards sounds much better than what that battle actually felt like to me. Instead of paying for victory with the health of society and their faction's political power, in the actual gameplay they paid with NPCs from their circle and that was it; the political consequences came later and sounded entirely unrelated. Maybe if they had to go against their faction's goals or sacrifice its assets – e.g. “use Minerva's Rigor-tech mechs in exchange for the promise to leave them alone afterwards” instead of “sacrifice all Mako clones”… Aria had something similar with Weight, but it was the price of Jacqui's life, not the price of a victorious battle against Rigour.

It's very cool to learn where the sound effects in the theme come from! And god, every line as its own take? My head hurts just imagining that…

Austin getting distracted by the idea of fucking Rigor was hilarious, but I never, ever want to hear the word “daddy” in this context! What's with these jokes this season, ew, please stop.

Excuse me, Ali wanted to kiss Ibex as who exactly, Jace or Aria? Both options are equally crazy!

See, “You wanna say ‘Oh he was just doing what was necessary, he was just doing the thing that's good in the end’, and yeah that's him working on you” is exactly why he reminds me of Dukat! Literally the same mind game on the viewers/listeners!

Why is the link broken, I want to see AuDy in Titanfall!

Listening to team “Fuck Ibex!” and team “Fuck Ibex ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)” yell at each other is very entertaining

“Nobody on the Kingdom Come is cishet” is a nice sentiment but I'm kind of confused by which definition of cis Cass is not. Have I missed something about them changing pronouns in-universe? Just because English doesn't have exact analogies for the Apostolosian pronouns doesn't mean everyone who uses them isn't following their own society's conventions. And now Austin also's saying “We never wanted to say these pronouns are equivalent to gender” which is, a, not true, and b, sends the whole problem back to square one – because if that's not the Apostolosian gender then what is? This! Is! A! Mess!

#friends at the table #blah blah blah

[timesababy]

I feel like I believe myself to be this inferior being. Deep down inside I know I'm different and I feel inferior. Like I dont fit in. Like maybe i never will. Like nobody could ever understand  me or like me.

Alone. I am a horrible person. I am pathetic. I don't deserve to be loved, appreciated, understood... but it's all I've ever wanted really. Happiness. A chance to go to heaven. If god is real he fucking hates me. I literally ripped up his stupid fucking book once.

"I have faith in you, kiddo."

"Yeah I can see that, its true, you do work hard!"

"Maybe you should take a break? You've been there for hours."

"From now on you eat, sleep, breathe, and and drink polynomials."

"But your empathy is part of what makes you YOU! Your emotional experience is unique to YOU!"

"Don't feel bad for being human"

"But... you were in the right. You didn't do anything wrong. I would've done the same."

"You aren't as bad as you think you are. Look at me. You're a good boy. I know that. You're just a bit misunderstood."

"Hey. Just breathe, alright? Theres nobody there. You're safe. Trust me."

"Haha did you just flinch? Do you get abused or some shit? Pussy."

"You're so fucking fat."

"Why aren't you eating?"

"If you eat all that, you have to exercise later."

"YOU BETTER NOT BE FUCKING CUTTING IN THERE"

"Crying doesnt fix anything"

"Stop saying sorry"

"STUPID FUCKING CUNT HOLY SHIT JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN TO ME GODDAMNIT I HATE YOU"

"I know what you're trying to do."

"What's wrong with being a woman?"

"Why do I have to fucking feed you?"

"You need to grow the fuck up"

"I dont know what you're trying to do there but you're not a little kid anymore."

"Did you gain weight or something? Your legs look fatter now."

"Stop clicking your pen."

"Satanic d*ke" "fucking faggot" "what are you, a tranny?" "Look guys, its angry" "weirdo he-she" "shemale" "I'm going to wait for him to come out so I can have a word with him"

"I'm not giving them back. Either you come with me or you dont get your glasses back."

"GET OFF HIM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"We're so sorry about his behaviour."

"You cant leave your sketchbook on the table and except people NOT to open it up"

"A few concerned teachers have reported seeing what appears to be self harm scars on your forearms"

"We found a few disturbing passages of writing in your sketchbook."

"I'm sorry, okay?"

Fuck, it just doesnt cut it

I'm just so insanely damaged. I feel like it's an inherent part of me, that I'm fucking broken. You broke me. Now what? You break your toy but it's okay. I was your least favourite one anyway. You move on to another. Do you have any idea how hard it is to live broken? To inhale and exhale shards of glass? To be always misunderstood, always hated, never appreciated, always judged, never loved, always berated, never consoled. From birth.

My mistreatment at the hands of adults, my feeling of  abnormality, of alienation within society, its led me to yearn for what I never properly had. A good fucking upbringing. To be cared about. For my emotions to be cared about. To be LISTENED to when I talked.

It's too late now. What I want I can never fucking have. That's how you broke me. You took that away from me.

Yknow, I'm a sad, pathetic little human being. Just another worthless faggot. Cant believe I ever let anyone hype me up, telling me that I could do it, that one day I'll light the match.

Because that's the kinda person i am. I'm meant for lighting the fcuking match it's my destiny.

Either it was that or suicide.

[  ] But it almost feels worse when I do badly... because how tf will I light the match when this is my math grade? All I want is peace and love and shit like that yes I am softboy uwuw whatever I am. I'm basically a little baby

[  ]  And i do need to be taken care.of STILL

[  ] I'm tired of being used and lied to and broken and replaced.

They think highly of me... all of a sudden. It's like people are finally realizing hey, maybe I shouldn't have stomped all over this kid... damn it's too late, I bet if I'm a bit nicer he'll forgive us.

This is suspicious behaviour on part of my parents and

.... I dont know, I just dont view authority figures and adults to be the ones to believe in me. That's never fukcing happened before.

Its almost like in a sappy coming of age movie.

I dont care If you had it harder my trauma is valid too because it hurt me badly.

It left long lasting effects and behavioural issues, I've made bad decisions and put myself in danger because of it.

I'm sitll healing. It's been forever.

I wonder how sorry they are for how they treated me. Rejected me. Made me feel like I was alone and nobody loved me.

McDonalds car.

I can go on and on.

I wonder how sorry my dad is for going off at me like that. I hope it plauges him while he tries to sleep. I hope he cant stop feeling guilty. I'm in pain.

It's weird cos I'm not used to it but.its good. I cried at that because it.meant someone could see the sparks in my eyes when I cried over the bird. It's all I want.

It proabbly doesnt plauge him. He stands by everything he said. He hates me.

I just wish i couldve been raised knowing what love meant.

I feel like i still havent forgiven myself for what i did even though everyone else did.

They arent scared of me. They dont dislike me. In fact, they love hanging out with me.

I dont think i scarred them.

But.

Theres always the possibility. Theres always the possibility that it's being hidden. 

And I will never forgive myself.

I like to think that other people would be understanding. But I have to take this to the grave. Everyone would hate me if they knew. Of course they wouldnt understand the many factors that could cause a child to try that.

I'm crying again. All I ever needed was a caring guardian who would appreciate me and love me and listen to me and help me and NEVER reject me and allow me to Express myself and my emotions and instead I got years of repression. Just a tomboy.

Ntohing more. Anything more and we hate you.

[dystovian]

When They Wake Up Next To You

{g osh my body B U R N S for this request thank you and everything you’ve done ever}

This was a request from @alteaplier I had lost the original ask for it but it has finally been finished!! Hope you enjoy it may be a bit cheesy and sappy but I L I V E for that ~~~~~~~~~~~ [Shiro]

•you and him totally fell asleep holding one another, but your back is against his (godly) chest

•when he wakes up and rubs his crusty eyelids and can actually see you clearly, he’s already setting up a thanksgiving dinner just for an excuse to thank whoever is up there something extra

•it’s only now does he realize he’s awake really early, probably around 2 or 3AM

•it’s only when he feels how sticky he is with sweat and how he’s breathing quite heavily does he realize he woke up from a nightmare that he’s glad he forgot

•and that’s also when he realizes that you’re face and just the fact you are alive and well and breathing was the reason he forgot so quickly

is very hesitant to reach for your face because he feels that it may be a dream that you’re there, and when he touches you…

•you’ll disappear

•once he touches your cheek and nothing happens, he lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and just laughs

•(oh go sh k i l l me) he leans in and kisses the top of your forehead and then light pulls you closer to him

•kinda feels like crying because you’re so pure and full of love and thinks you don’t deserve him because he feels he isn’t “to your standards” and is imperfect

•but then he swipes that from his mind because if he had said that out loud and you were awake to hear it you would probably smack the back of his head or start crying (+ a long lecture about why he’s perfect the way he is, even if he bites into ice cream) there’s no in between

•falls asleep easily and dreams of something a lot better than usual

[Lance]

•definitely woke up because you turned toward him

•opens his eyes and just smiles but not like a H U G E grin, just, a smile showing he is content and pleased and, happy. yeah, happy.

•the both of you are in his room in the castle, he’s facing toward the wall with his back to the window.

•the way the light pours in, and rests ever so gently upon your face absolutely blows him away

•you know those times when you just think, and realize wow, I’m actually seeing this with my own two eyes, I am living and breathing and my internal body can do wonders beyond the minds of others. That’s what’s happening.

•he’s seeing you, and truly you, in front of him, where your only worries are your dreams and whether they are good or bad

•just the way the light is on you, and his shoulder casts a shadow on it as well, makes him feel so breathtaken (that’s a word right?) and he has no idea why

•rubs his thumb against your cheek and just shuts his eyes slowly and takes it in. Your feel, your smell, everything.

•kisses your forehead, nose, cheeks, eyelids, eyebrows, that one very obvious freckle on your face that you clearly despise because of how obvious it is but he just loves it

•I’m getting sappy and I want to cry pls end me

•bruv you open your eyes at the right time and he just sees how beautiful your eyes are with the light on them like that and he just rolls onto his back

•goes “ok woah who gave you permission! Certainly not me!”

•God could he get used to this though.

[Keith]

•I feel like he wouldn’t have known you were sleeping with him in the first place

•he probably had some nightmare and you happened to be awake to hear it happening and your mom instincts came on and you went in his room right away

•his head was under your chin, so when he woke up he was really confused and gently pulled back

•sees you and is just so confused for several minutes

•like, “what? when did u get here? why?”

•100% believes he doesn’t deserve you

•although he believes that, he still cherishes you and doesn’t try to bring you down by telling you how he feels about your relationship with him

•I feel he’s the one to wake you up, whether it’s an accident or on purpose.

•maybe he pushes you lightly and whispers your name a few times and it’s all just so he could thank you politely and properly

•or he noticed how your hair was stuck under your eyelashes and your mouth and he has super short nails so he accidentally pinches you grabbing them

•totally laughs if that’s the case like I’ll fight you on this

•you: “keith ow wtf”

•keith: pffffffffttttttttfffffff

[Hunk]

•omg please my pure chil d I love him sm

•OKAY ALL THE OTHER ONES SO FAR ALL LIKE KISSES ON THE FACE BUT IMMA TELL YOU NOW THAT HUNK DOESNT DO JUST THAT

•holds your hands

•rubs his hands up the sides of your arms and on your waist

•just, gosh my breathing is slowing down and now its speeding up and I can see every math equation

•already knows he’s gonna make you some B O M B A S S b-fast and even if you don’t like it he’ll make it better!

•besides that, he almost cried and he’s just like “ohmygodjdbbd hhhhhhhhhffffff I love you”

•let’s say he has a camera on him, 99.9999999% chance he’ll take a photo of you no matter the flash

•you’ll probably wake up and be like ok tf

•he just looks at you, gently pulls you to him with his hand on the back of your head and kisses your forehead, then rests his own against it

••you’re probably blown away because he’s so wholesome and sweet especially so early in the morning where souls are still asleep

•tells you to go back to sleep

•if u do he’ll play with your hair and if you don’t he’ll play with your hair

•coran walks in at one point and hunk just fukcing stares him in the eyes and coran puts his hands up and backs out “ok ok ok ok ok o-”

[Pidge]

•as soon as I saw this request I had Pidge’s planned out RIGHT away

•ok so basically, pidge is designing a new robot that can help create fabrics and new clothes for everyone in the castle, for when they don’t have the time to borrow some from Coran or Allura or go to a Space Mall

•you watch as her brain works through everything and her fingers are moving so quickly as she pieced together each and every intricate part of the robot

•you end up falling asleep on her shoulder and she doesn’t realize until she herself starts drifting off so you both fall asleep against the side of her bed

•allura happens to be checking on you and asks Shiro to help the both of you into the bed

•when Pidge wakes up not only is she confused, she’s also worried

•you two had stayed up so late, that there’s no doubt it’s really late into the afternoon, but when she realizes it’s not, and she must’ve woke up randomly, she sighs in relief

•she kisses your forehead and just continues to look at you

•touch your face again? Never. she didn’t want to risk waking you, or stirring you to the point that you roll over

•everything was perfect, almost all stress was gone from her

•her last thought before falling asleep is “I hope we find Matt soon, alive and well, so he can meet the person that makes me truly feel and truly love.”

•most likely whispers I love you or holds your hand before falling into a lovely slumber

#voltron x reader #shito hcs #pidge gunderson x reader #pidge x reader #pidge #pidge gunderson #hunk garrett x reader #hunk x reader #hunk garrett #hunk #lance #lance mcclain #lance x reader #lance mcclain x reader #keith kogane x reader #keith x reader #keith kogane #keith #takashi shirogane #takashi shirogane x reader #shiro x reader #shiro

[granular-experience]

I Mean This. Forever. Alternate Ending

OK so I feel bad because I haven’t been updateing Heroes, so I’ll give you this. It takes place after chapter 59. Instead of takeing her home they took her to the hospital. I wrote this because I was tired of the story and thought I needed to end quick, but thanks to @thepromiseofanend I drug it out the way it needed, so thank you for that.  three chapters in one.

Jareds pov

When they finally got to the hospital there was a quiet commotion in the lobby.

I don’t know she just disappeared. We didn’t even stitch her up! She woke up in the ambulance and as soon as we opened the doors she jumped into an SUV and was gone!

Fuck.

I found Rob in waiting room nonchalantly reading Better Homes and Gardens. “Dude they lost her.” I took the seat next to him letting out a breath of exhaustion.

He closed the magazine and sighed, “Fucking figures. Did you talk to them?”

I shook my head.

“Then how do you know they lost her?”

“I heard them talking. She jumped out of the ambulance and got into an SUV. Why would she do that?”

“She’s probably being investigated again. What has she been doing lately?”

“Nothing, I mean I’m not sure I go to work on the other side of the house everyday. I don’t know. She’s on the phone a lot, but I just assumed it was normal business.”

“Normal? Do you know what she says?”

“No, I don’t eavesdrop.” Rob cursed under his breath. He walked to the desk and asked about Rhiannon. I stayed put trying to process the fact Anni was hiding stuff from me. I mean I understand that she can’t tell me everything she does. The less I know the better, but I wish she would tell me if she was doing shit that was illegal enough she wouldn’t be able to buy her way out of it.

“Yeah you’re right. She bolted. The SUV they described was one of her guys’, and she’s not answering her phone.”

“What do we do?”

“I need to go through her office to see if there’s any evidence of what she’s doing.”

I had completely forgotten about Ruby and Blair until Blair chimed in. “What’s going on is she ok?”

“No she bounced.” Rob said annoyed.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s not here. She left. We don’t know where she is.” he threw up his hands and walked out of the ER.

I followed outside into the morning air. “I guess I’ll see you at the house.” I walked back to where I left the car only to find it gone. The only thing there was her cell phone. I picked it up and walked over Rob’s truck. “She came back for the car and left this.”

On the ride home I listened to the voice mail the random number had left for me.

“Hello, Mr. Leto. This is Agent Greem with Child Protective services. If you would please give me a call back as soon as possible it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you have a nice day.”

Yes, a nice fucking day. Why the fuck is CPS calling me? When we returned to Wonderland there was a black car in the drive waiting for us. What the fuck now? As we all piled out of the truck I told Blair and Ruby they should go out and see LA, and called them a car to drive them around. I didn’t want either of them there right now. I don’t need them asking questions, and I couldn’t just blatantly tell them to fuck off. I walked up to the car waiting as a man stepped out. “Hello Mr. Leto. I’m Agent Greem. How are you?”  He held out his hand for me to shake.

I ignored his small talk and shook his hand, “What is it that you need to talk to me about. I’m not sure why CPS would need to contact me.”

“Well mr. Leto is there somewhere we could talk? Inside perhaps?” I nodded and he followed me into the house. We sat on opposite couches, and he pulled out a stack of papers. “Do you know an Annaleese McGregor?”

I wracked my brain trying to remember the name. “Not that I know of why?”

“Because she has passed from lung cancer and her daughters birth certificate states you are the father.”

“How old is she? Her daughter?” I’m not a father I’ve been very fucking careful about that shit.

“She’s ten.” I thought for a moment not being able to recall a time I didn’t wear a condom with a random woman.

“I want to do a DNA test first.”

“Yes, that’s why I am here. I just need to prick your finger for a drop of blood to put in here and we’ll have to results in about fifteen minutes.” he held up a DNA test kit. I held out my hand giving him my finger to draw the blood from. I’m not this kids father. There’s no way in hell. While we waited for the test to finish I excused myself to find Rob.

He was in her office digging through paperwork. “How often does this happen?”

He stopped and looked up at me. I’m sure the worry and fear was imprinted across my face. “Every once in awhile, but she usually cleans up her mess then comes home fairly soon. Not much to worry about. All I can find in here is arms shipment schedules. She’s either planning a heist or she’s running guns again.”

“Are you fukcing kidding me?” I groaned and ran my hand over my face.

“Hey man, it’s cool she’s done this quite a bit, actually. She’ll usually call tonight from a untraceable phone and let us know when she’ll be back. She just had to disappear for a while. She left at the hospital because she doesn’t want the ATF knowing where she is.”

“That’s not the only problem I have right now.”

“What do you meen?”

“I might have a ten year old daughter, I’ve never known existed, whose mom just died from lung cancer.”

“Oh shit. Is that who that guys was?” I nodded and sunk down into a chair. “Are you doing a DNA test?” I nodded. “Maybe she’s not yours…”

“There no way she could be I was careful with that shit.”

“What are you going to do if she is?”

“Well I can’t just say ‘No I don’t want her; take her away’ I can’t be that father. Not after the shit mine pulled. I’d never be able to live with myself. I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to be a dad and work like I do. What happens when I go to shoot another film or Mars goes on tour. I’m just going to have to stop.”

“Hey calm the fuck down man. You aren’t going to have to do this alone. Rhi will be back soon, I’m sure your mom would be out here in a heartbeat and I’ll stick around and help until Rhi gets back. It’ll be ok. That’s why you have family, but hey, we don’t even know if she’s really yours yet.”

I nodded and returned to the living room, “Mr. Leto congratulations! Your DNA’s match.”

Well shit.

“What do I need to do?”

“Well I need to know if you’ll take her in. If not I’ll have to turn her over to the state of California, and let them find her a foster home.”

“No, I’ll take her. I can’t send her through that shit.”

“Well that will make everything much easier for all of us. I just need to do a walk through of the house and make sure she has her own bedroom to sleep in.”

“Of course where would you like to start? there’s 55,000 square feet.”

It’s took an hour to tour the entire house. “Everything looks good although I do have some concerns. The staged dungeon down stairs and some of the art could be considered quite, um, vulgar.” He pushed his glasses back up his nose as I looked over to Rob. “It’s art…and those are museum pieces. The guillotine in harmless.”

He hesitated and looked between the two of us. “Very well. I will go pick her up from her grandmother’s house. Along with her belongings and will be back momentarily. Thank you for taking her in Mr. Leto. Her grandmother would have but she’s also battling cancer.

Agent Greem left and I sank back into the couch processing everything. I pulled out my phone and called mom. It rang three times before she answered, “Hello, dear.”

“Hey mom. You’ll never guess what’s happening.”

#2

Mom was on a plane within the hour, and I had gotten off the phone with Shannon when Agt. Green pulled back in the drive. I watched from a window as he helped the little girl out of the car. She looked exactly like me. Thick dark Brown wavy hair, slender, sharp cheekbones, and bright blue eyes. I looked to Rob who was watching too. “She is most definitely yours, dude.” There was no doubt about it, and it instantly made me angry I hadn’t known her, her entire life. She was something I had helped create. I felt robbed.

I stood there washing over with emotions. I’m a dad…I’m scared, happy, nervous. What if I fuck up? What if I don’t live up to her expectations? I’m angry at her mother for not telling me. Who knows why she told her why I wasn’t in her life. She most likely built me up to be a terrible person. One thing I do know is that I’ll do anything to make her happy, and I wish Anni was here. The doorbell pulled me back to reality. I took a deep breath and opened the door. She stood there sad and scared clutching onto her pink backpack. There was a pause of silence before Agt. Greem spoke up, “Cecilia, This is your father, Jared. Jared, Cecilia.”

I instantly fell in love with her. I moved down to her level, “Hi Cecilia. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

She gave me a funny look, “Why is your hair is your pink?”

“Because it’s one of my favorite colors.”

She smiled, “Me too.”

I couldn’t fight the smile that invaded my face when she smiled. “Would you like to come inside?” She nodded. I stood and everyone followed me back into the living room. We sat and i introduced her to Rob, “This is one of your uncles, Rob.”

“He’s your brother?”

“No he is my fiance’s brother. My brother is on his way over.”

“Oh. Where’s your fiance?”

Fuck. “She’s on a business trip right now.”

“When will she be back?”

“We aren’t for sure, but hopefully soon.”

“Oh.” she looked down at her hands gathering her words. “Is it ok if I live with you?”

“Of course it is. That’s why you’re here. Do you want to live here?” she nodded silently. “Would you like to go pick out your room?”

Agt. Greem interrupted us. “How about I have you sign these papers real quick. They just state custody and parental rights. Then I’ll be out of your hair.” I signed the papers and walked him to the door. “I’ll call in a month to check in on things. Thank you again.”

I nodded and shook his hand before pulling the rest of Cecilia’s things in the house. “Shall we pick out the room now?”  she grabbed my hand and we walked to the hall lined with bedrooms. “This is my room here. You can pick from anyone of these rooms in this hallway.” she carefully walked down the hall and inspected each room. Finally landing on the one with the big four poster bed.

“May I have this one? It has a princess bed.”

“Yes, you may.” She’s so polite.

Over the weekend she got settled in and we redecorated her room by adding more pink. I dropped her off at school in the morning and Mom, Emma, Rob, Shannon, or I would pick her up. I worked all day trying to keep myself busy so I could keep my anxiety at bay. I didn’t sleep much. Rhiannon being gone with no real explanation was wearing on me. No one had heard anything from her. Days turned into weeks with nothing still. Christmas and my birthday had come and went. New years, nothing. I’ve kept in touch with her family. Her nonna flew out to let my mom go back to New York for a while. Anni’s absence has all but driven me mad.

I sat down with Catiana one night after putting Cecilia to bed. We sat in silence drinking tea. “Rhiannon contacted me today.” Cat seemed somber.

“Really?! Where is she?! Is she coming home?” Cat shook her head and handed me a small piece of paper. Scrawled across it was Anni’s handwriting, ‘I’m alive.’ “That’s it?! Are you fucking kidding me! ‘I’m alive.’ Nothing else?! What the fuck is this? Some kind of fucking game for her?!”

Catiana rested her hand over mine. “No it’s not a game, Jared. This is how it is. James had to go into hiding with no explanation right after we got married. He was gone for three years. Then one day he just reappeared. When I asked him where he had been he simply said, ‘It’s over that’s all you need to know.’ and after thirty-seven years of marriage I still don’t know where he went or why he left. All I know is he did it to keep his family out of harm’s way. He did it for us. Don’t hate her for what she has to do. This is apart of our life, Jared. Most likely she brought on some heat and someone is after her. She left to keep you away from that. She will be back. I can promise you that.”

The months turned into a year. It was Christmas time again and I decided we should head to Italy with Rhiannon’s family.

Cecilia and I had talked about Anni. I told her what truth I could about her being gone. She seemed to understand. Cecilia was extremely smart. She wanted so bad to meet Anni and asked me questions about her constantly.

When we arrived in Porto Cervo we went straight to the house, “Daddy, it’s beautiful here.”

“Yes, it is.” I hadn’t been back since I killed Chris. Chills moved up my spine as I crossed the threshold into the house. It was warm and smelled like her, and cooking, like she had been her seconds before. I reveled in the ambiance of the house.

“Does it matter which room I take daddy? Dad?” I snapped out of my trance as I looked over everything.

“No, it doesn’t.” The first door she opened she stepped and stepped back out. That room overlooked the water, “What’s wrong with that one?”

“There’s a crib in it.” My heart thundered in my chest. There wasn’t a crib in there last time. I walked through the door and was it had been painted light green and was set up as a nursery. What the fuck was going on? I went to the kitchen to find the back doors open and a hot pot of tea steeping on the island. I looked out the doors to the water. There she was standing with her back to me. Her hair was black again and reached down to her shoulders into a dramatic bob. She had a sweater wrapped around her as she looked out over the water. I felt like I was watching a mirage. Cecilia stood next to me, “You see this?”

“Yeah, is that Rhiannon?”

“Yeah.” my voice was barely audible.

#3

A tall thick man dressed in a very expensive suit walked up next to her with a tiny baby in his arms. Fire in my chest raged out of control. She fucking left and moved on? “Are you fucking kidding me?” I whispered. “That’s impossible. She can’t have kids.”

“Maybe it’s not hers…”

I moved through the kitchen as she took the child from the man. When she turned back the house she saw me standing on the patio with my arms crossed. A huge smile spread across her face. She walked quickly to me, “Jared! I-”

I threw my hands up to stop her, “Don’t. What the fuck is all this?” I motioned to her, the baby and the man in the suit.

“This is Simone. He helps with Alex.”

“That’s Alex?” I pointed to the baby. She nodded. “Where did he come from?”

“He’s yours, Jared.”

“That’s impossible.”

“No, it’s not. Let’s go inside it’s getting chilly.” She pulled Alex to her chest and covered him with his blanket.

As soon as she saw Cecilia she smiled undoubtedly knowing who she was. Anni held out her hand to her, “Hi, I’m Rhiannon. You look just like your daddy.” Cecilia shook her hand and smiled at me. Alex started fussing in her arms as she walked to the fridge and pulled out a bottle and placed it into a bottle warmer. She had changed. She was softer now. I stood shocked. This was real.

“Did you leave because you were pregnant?”

“No. I didn’t know I was pregnant when I left.” She stood with her back to me swaying softly to comfort  Alex. “I’m sorry I left. I had too. I got myself into some trouble and needed to hide out for a while. Then I found out I was pregnant and it took a lot out of me. All the scar tissue from being shot made it painful the entire time, and the doctor didn’t want me to fly.”

“Why didn’t you tell me I could have been here with you. I could have flown here.”

“Because you needed to take care of her, not me.” she nodded over her shoulder to Cecilia. She pulled the bottle from the warmer and shook it. “I’m sorry you didn’t know. I couldn’t let you know until now anyway. Until a few days ago I was still hiding, but everything’s been taken care of. Nothing like that will happen again.” She turned around and gave me a faded smile.

“Are you ok?” she looked drained.

“Yes just tired is all.” she led us into the living room and turned back to me, “Would you like to feed your son?” My heart jumped. First my daughter now my son. I nodded and sat in a chair. She handed him down to me. A huge slime across his face. He clutched at my beard and giggled. His bright green eyes shifted from me to the bottle in his mother’s hand. I brought it to his mouth while he flapped his hands happily. I was instantly in love again.

“He’s so tiny.”

“He didn’t have much room. He was only five pounds when he was born.”

“And he’s healthy?”

“Yes very much so.”

Alex and I watched each other closely while he ate. He twirled my beard in his tiny fingers while he drank. “What’s his full name?”

“I named him after his uncle’s, Shannon Alexander Leto. His birthday is August 3rd.” I smiled I couldn’t have picked a better name. Both of our brothers would be excited, and my mom. Looking up to see Anni and Cecilia talking and laughing made my heart swell even more. Catching the light bouncing off the goddy engagement ring she still wore I’ve never felt more love in my life. I could lose everything tomorrow and I would be fine as long as I had these three with me. Anni looked up at me smiling. We watched each other while Cecilia babbled on about decorating for Christmas, and Alex ate in my arms. I couldn’t live without this.

#I mean this forever #jared leto fanfiction

[phichitappreciationblog]

Why Phichit is my Favorite Character

In honor of reaching 500 followers, I decided it was about time I made a post that shows that this blog is actually what it sounds like. This is going to be a long ride full of incoherent rambling, so hold on tight. Yes I am listening to Shall We Skate and Terra Incognita on repeat while writing this

Lets start from the beginning. The first time we see Phichit, we see him for only a few seconds, where he only says one line of dialogue, ¨Yuuri!¨, which was preceded by a giggle. We don’t see him again for the rest of the episode, or the next. Or the next. There is nothing that you can glean from this character at first glance.

But that was the moment I fell in love with the character that is Phichit Chulanont. 

See, It wasn't his first official appearance that made me fall in love with him. The reason I liked this character so much was because I understood he was close to Yuuri and cared about him. Now, for those of you who don’t know, I became invested in Yuri!!! on ICE because of Yuuri and the premise + figure skating. Not victuuri, although that was wonderful because!!! Representation!!! I was just glad there was a main character I, and many others, could deeply relate to. But this post isn't about Yuuri. Its about Phichit. And because I could see he cared for Yuuri, I got interested. 

So I watched the scene again to figure out what I could. And here is what I was able to come up with.

He lives in Thailand, but has just arrived home after being somewhere else, or is leaving. More likely the former. He is cheerful, and invested somewhat in social media. He is close friends with Yuuri, or at least acquainted, and is likely a figure skater. 

I looked him up after that, and my love only grew. 

Also, we had this picture in the ending

God I love him

The next time we see Phichit, we see him in a video call with Yuuri in episode 4. His first appearances are all very Yuuri-centered. 

But boy did this scene deliver a BIG LOAD of information. 

I had been right about quite a few things from my first guesses about Phichit. He just arrived back in Thailand and likes social media, as seen by the literal touchscreen gloves and multiple IG posts. He is also very close with Yuuri. VERY CLOSE. I damn near cried over how comfortable and happy Yuuri became when he was talking with Phichit. And how comfortable PHICHIT looked when he was talking to Yuuri. 

They had clearly been friends for a long time, Yuuri even knew phrases in Phichits native language, and I have no doubts that Phichit knows phrases in Japanese.

This sort of familiarity and calm interaction is something we only really see Yuuri take part in when he is with his family, +the Nishigori’s, at least at the beginning of the series. 

When Yuuri starts talking about composer girl, Phichit is able to immediately understand what Yuuri needs without even having to hear Yuuri say it. That is the kind of friendship some can only dream of. 

We already know Phichit is a wonderful, reliable friend from less than a minute of interaction. Less than a minute. I counted. I have seen dozens of shows where it takes multiple WHOLE EPISODES to understand the relationship between two characters, but with Yuri on Ice it takes less than a minute. This is a result of good writing and good, rounded characters. 

Which leads to my next topic of discussion.

Phichit is such a well-rounded character holy shit

There are no lingering doubts about Phichit’s character. There isn't a scene where you are left wondering, “Why did Phichit do this” or “What is Phichit thinking” because we know, at least in my case. As long as you understand Phichit as a character you can understand the motivations behind his actions. 

Episode 6 is a beautiful Phichitfest and I was having a good ol’ time. 

Now, for reference, episode 6 is when I really got into Yuri on Ice as a show. Characters I didn't really like were starting to have more appeal, like Viktor, and characters I loved got better, somehow. 

Bonus points for fashion goddamn

HE CALLS CELESTINO CIAO CIAO. CIAO CIAO. HE IS SO PRECIOUS

His constant need to document everything on social media is also much appreciated. 

also this

Captain of the #victuuri ship honestly same Phichit

So,as I’m watching this episode I’m just waiting and thinking 

when do i get to see Phichit skate?? when??

I find out Phichit skates first and Im !!!!

then he skates. 

AND BOY DOES HE EVER FUCKING SKATE

Phichit steps out onto that rink in his princely attire and I am gone then and there.

Shall We Skate? is such a masterpiece and I LOVE IT

You can say what you want about Phichit, but if you cant see how much Phichit adores skating through his performance than you clearly haven't watched the series. 

I have a record of crying every time I watch Phichit skate when I watched the episodes he was in for the first time. Every time. This one is no exception. 

The fact that the audience is shown to get very caught up in Phichit’s performance made me so happy? These people, who are all there to support the more popular skaters, are getting caught up in the dance of a skater who hadn't even been on their radar. 

After his skate was done, he was still RIDICULOUSLY PROUD AND SUPPORTIVE OF HIS FELLOW SKATERS EVEN IF THEY SCORED HIGHER THAN HIM

JUST

LOOK AT HIM

HES SO PROUD!!

what a good friend fukc i love him

What I wouldn't give to have a friend like Phichit

Ok.

Terra Incognita. 

me too ciao ciao

This performance showed how much you can glean from a person while watching them skate. And yes. I cried. 

Just.

His motivation for skating is so fucking clear. 

He wants to make his country proud.

And he does. 

The audience is rooting for Phichit, he gets the crowd hyped up and he delivers. 

He worked his ass off for this performance and it pays off

He nails all of his components and scores higher than he ever has

He is so confident that hes won and he WINS

HE FUCKING WINS

HE BEATS YUURI AND CHRIS AND LEO ALL OF WHOM WERE MAJOR CONTENDERS FOR THE GRAND PRIX 

HE WINS HIS FIRST GOLD MEDAL

AND AFTER THE ROSTELECOM CUP BECOMES THE FIRST THAI SKATER TO ADVANCE TO THE GRAND PRIX FINAL

HE??? IS SO GOOD

And that’s why it made me so mad when he lost the Grand Prix Final. 

Sixth. Place. 

I love the other skaters. I really do. But JJ did not deserve a bronze medal. He was way over scored and should have gotten last place. Phichit scored about as high as the previous years third place winner. JJ. 

His Shall We Skate made me hella emotional and sob along with him at the end. He is SUCH A GOOD SKATER. 

I never cried as hard during the entirety of YOI as I did during Phichit’s Terra Incognita performance. He was so happy to just be performing. Even after he messed up one jump he continued to smile. 

That is what makes a performer. 

Phichit entertains the audience. He holds their attention and gets them hyped up and on the edge of their seats. 

He has fun while he skates and just genuinely loves his sport. 

This gif sums it up pretty well

The scenes he got outside of the competition made me happy at least, and some of the flashbacks provided some nice information and depth

and the iconic #victuuricaptain moment

and I may be really salty about his loss but i am SO PROUD OF HIM

I am going to quote something I said when I first made this blog. 

“Just by qualifying for the Grand Prix Finals, Phichit won. He may not have won a medal, but he achieved not only one of his dreams, skating “Shall We Skate” in a major competition, but also made history by becoming the first Thai skater to compete in the Grand Prix Finals. WE should all be extremely proud of him, and hopefully watch him continue to made his dreams reality in the next season!”

I stand by this statement fully and wholeheartedly. Yes, Phichit deserved to be placed higher, and yes, it was completely unfair. But lets be proud of what he did achieve, and appreciate him for the amazing character he is. 

tldr; Phichit is a wonderful character and I love him. Thanks for 500 followers!

#phichit chulanont #yuri!!! on ice #yoi #katsuki yuuri #victor nikiforov #victuuri mention #appreciation post #long post/// #gifs// #text// #phichit #celestino cialdini #guang hong ji #christophe giacometti #leo de la iglesia