#but also it is very much about paranoia

[everymadara]

Chapter 624

#naruto #madara #madara uchiha #uchiha madara #hashirama flashback #+ hashirama #Madara willingly turns his back to Hashirama as he says this and to me this means two main things: #1) obviously it visually marks Hashirama as someone in particular that makes Madara vulnerable #2) it marks a wall of distrust that's being built between them; wall that Madara puts up there himself (in willingly turning his back to hi #instead of being caught by surprise like usual) because Izuna's safety is more important and also -- significantly -- something he thinks i #more achievable than pretending he can dream his way into peace with Hashirama. Noticeably while his back is turned on Hashirama he's facin #Izuna (and ''his side'' of the war) directly. #Again it's about what's in front of him and what he can see and what he can control vs what he can't #It's also about his baby brother whom he loves very much #because obviously in the same way that for Hashirama it's about Tobirama for Madara it's about Izuna #The way I see Madara is his whole deal is just frequent overlapping of his distrust/paranoia and self-centredness and attachment to power #and his love for Izuna and sense of duty to his clan in like and his honest desire for peace and but mostly safety. in everything he does. #The fact that he falls is bc Izuna and his clan were no longer factors and the last part became warped by the first 3. #I like Madara a lot if y'all couldn't tell lmfao

[sidesteppostinghours]

hey *with the intention of fucking up your siblings relationships even more*

#thinking thoughts about cyrus abusing his shields and shutting his thoughts down completely post robbery fight #endless guilt over what happened and unwilling paranoia over anybody in his thoughts (even if its *literally his siblings*) #he cant cut the chord to the connection. wont even think about it. he needs to feel them /there/ to some capacity #but hes willing to build a fort around it #only allowing passing thoughts to leak through #he builds the wall after he argues with river about nearly killing fawn because theres no way hes letting any of those two- #-feel him get so fragile again #and then he argues with fawn about (gestures vaguely at everything) and the insistence that they /need/ to feel him there is enough to- #-make those walls crumble #also this is very much unrelated to everything i put here #but cyrus takes 4 years to be finally convinced to break out the farm himself and. yk. i think itd be a little goofy silly to see #fawn and rivers reaction to him clinging so stubbornly to being a hero and still failing #cyrus becker(s) #nmoc: fawn becker #nmoc: river becker #keeping up with the beckers #pulp speaks

[thedreadvampy]

hey uh no offence but when a famous person cheats on their spouse it always sits kind of weird with me when people treat it as if they were just caught doing sex crimes or something. like infidelity is often received as being as or more severe than sexual assault or harassment or domestic violence.

like don't get me wrong AT ALL. cheating on your partner is an extremely shitty and cruel thing to do in most situations. but it's also. a very interpersonal thing. like are you justified for despising someone for cheating ON YOU? yeah for sure. but this is not your marriage is not your partner and you're not the one hurt.

and maybe that's a lack of imagination on my part. but idk cheating feels so much more personal than most Cancelable Offences. bc like for real it's not your marriage, it's a complex issue, and it's not an act of direct violence. different people will cheat for different reasons and different people will respond to being cheated on differently.

(and also sometimes it's not even cheating bc can we look at the vitriol leveled at Jada Pinkett-Smith for 'infidelity' when she and her husband were in a consensual non-monogamy situation by all accounts?)

cheating on your partner is a shitty thing to do but it doesn't, imo, indicate that you're a Danger To Those Around You like for example sexual harassment does. you did a lot of harm to your partner and they will need support and friendship through that. but to people outside this relationship and who don't know you personally like. how is this their business???

#red said #IN FAIRNESS #i have very skewed morals on cheating because I've much more often seen accusations of cheating #do harm as part of a system of coercive control #and paranoia about cheating do harm as a cover for violence and control #than i have seen cheating itself do lasting harm #like i think once you've MORE THAN ONCE had the experience of being sexually assaulted and then attacked for cheating with the assaulter #it makes it hard to get a straight look at the issue #also tbf i haven't actually minded being cheated on when it's happened bc all the monogamous relationships I've been in #were ones i wanted out of but didn't feel allowed to leave #and my partner cheating have me permission to leave bc i knew they had someone else #man shout out to my ex who got SO MANY AND THREATENING when i dumped him bc he COULDN'T SURVIVE ALONE #and had a baby with his best friend's girlfriend SIX MONTHS LATER #anyway yeah i will freely admit that cheating is a lot less of a painful concept for me than for most people #and that doesn't mean other people are wrong for being more hurt by it because it is super super shitty #i just. i feel strongly about this but equally i know that the severity of cheating is a relative blind spot for me

[quietwingsinthesky]

i just loved that the writers were like mark of cain dean slowly becomes more and more barbaric and inhuman as he can’t control this primordial, gaping wound in the form of an already healed over scar that has been borne by the devil himself and is in fact what made him the devil and therefore will make dean long and lust after maiming and ultimately murdering people with an urge stronger than any love or passion or resolution he’s ever experienced in his life And Also He’s A Huge Misogynist

well. TO BE FAIR. you have just kind of described dean when he is normal also.

#this is dean winchester we are talking about. on the ‘we hate women’ show. #god I feel like I’m gonna get to the Mark in my rewatch and the hype will have built it up too much #the mark in my head is so cool you guys have no idea because I never talk about it but trust me it is #I think I like. barely scraped a mention of it in that one Lucifer/Raphael fic and another time in a 3 sentence fic #murder death kill drive is fine but I think the mark should fuck up ur thinking even more. hallucifer 2 this time with God’s evil sister #slowly trying to eat your soul from the inside. amplifying anger for anyone sure but playing to the worst parts of someone mostly #Dean is angry but why enhance his anger when you can enhance his paranoia. his abandonment issues. his need for control. and make those the #reasons for him to lash out and kill people. I mean the show never fucking settled on if the mark actually corrupted someone into something #that they aren’t or just revealed what was already there. I felt it wanted to have both. to say to Lucifer ‘you were always sick’ and to #Dean ‘well we can fix you’ but no fuck that let’s lean hard into the revealing what’s there already aspect #I think partially I’m also still just mad about the demon origins retcon but shhhh whatever whatever #anyway. sorry for rambling anon. you are very funny. I chuckled. #ask #spn #dean winchester

[lurking-latinist]

🐈

#ooh I have a lot of thoughts about Six and Charley and her mysteriousness and how he responds to it #but they intersect with my Six's Mental Health Thoughts which are extremely headcanony #and I know a lot of the fandom would rather just kind of wall off Twin Dilemma and assume Six's proper characterization doesn't include it #and I don't know that I blame them for that #but I like trying to make things fit together #and also there's no way to do that without probably misusing real-world mental health terminology #because (watsonian) the doctor is an alien with an alien brain and (doylist) the writers do not know all that much about psychiatry #but. at least for a bit after his regeneration he deals with paranoia right? #like that's the term the narrative uses. (and it clearly explains his attack on peri - he's perceiving her as a threat due to delusion) #& she says 'I'm not letting a manic depressive paranoid personality like you shut me up' & he objects specifically to 'manic depressive' #later in uhhhh revelation of the daleks? he doesn't tell her about a real danger #and he says 'I didn't want to burden you with what might have been a piece of paranoid speculation on my part' #again I cannot emphasize enough how much I am talking about a fictional character with fictional problems. I do not know psychiatry either! #I do not want to mislead #but one of this character's problems is that he has a badly calibrated sense of danger. sometimes he sees things as threatening that aren't #and sometimes he overcompensates for that #and I think when he first meets Charley he is really not very sure whether he should trust the alarm bells he's hearing or not #she seems deeply suspicious! but also nice? he wants to like her? but deeply suspicious! #'or am I just being crazy?' he asks himself #and so he just kind of... keeps watching her #also unrelatedly to all that I think he kind of likes having the excuse of Mystery for doing what he does anyway which is orbiting her #just slightly obsessing over his companion at the time even if he also occasionally forgets they're there #(he's just very all or nothing in everything all the time) #but yeah. you know how 11 gets about Clara and her Mystery Plotline? 6 is like that about every companion in turn anyway #so he doesn't actually mind having the excuse of Mystery with Charley #this is also why 6 and Clara is so compelling #(this was a tag essay in response to lrb but I decided it was opening too many cans of worms and needed its own post)

[sk1nnysuccubus]

also realized i haven't been sharing my cal intake these past few days, oops

wednesday: went out with my aunt, had a chicken sandwich. then later for dinner i had some shrimp alfredo. net: 972

thursday: had some alfredo for breakfast, walked for an hour and lost about 300 cals. then had some mashed potatoes and 2 chicken strips, which wasn't the best day ever. it made me go to about 1,200 calories that day.. (was my own fault, didn't count the calories properly). but because of my exercise, my net was: 881

friday: basically had microwaved sesame ginger cod all day- think i ate the whole box actually... oops. got close to 1,000 overall, but my net from exercise was: 692

and then today was: 3 pieces of salmon and a 10 cal monster. may or may not have something else very small, bc i feel like i've been eating way too much lately. about to do my exercises, but net as of posting this is: 390

#tw ana bløg #tw ed sheeran #tw ed but not sheeran #tw disordered thoughts #tw restriction #anabllog #tw restrictive ed #very much so not happy with what i've been eating in terms of cal amounts #but i have to remind myself that i've been doing good bc my net has always been under 1000 #and yes i did log tuesday and monday too i just didn't list them in this post #also unsure if the amount of cals lost from exercise is accurate?? #i keep checking and double checking various sources #and my app says i lost about 300 from that hour long walk #the paranoia of not being 100% certain... #and yeah i wanna get a fitbit or something to track my steps and calorie intake

[fideidefenswhore]

"The end of Anne Boleyn marks the more sinister transformation in Henry's kingship which underlay his solemn protestations of spiritual headship and godly reform. Nobody could now call him to account in the sacred or secular realm, and although it goes too far to say that his will was law, since some respect was still due to the judicial process, the legal travesty of Anne's trial and execution shows what his unchecked authority could achieve. It also illustrated the forces which Henry had unleashed by breaking with Rome. From this point onwards, political division would be matched by a level of ideological division previously unknown. Anne had been backed by those who supported religious reform and sneered at papal pretension; her fall was hastened by the efforts of those whose loyalties lay with Princess Mary and the Catholic past. Cromwell had slipped adeptly (and temporarily) from the former group to the latter, and such political reinventions were to remain common, but many continued to be fired by strong religious convictions, allowing religious division to exacerbate political tensions to a dangerous extent." (Henry VIII, Lucy Wooding)

+

"For all Henry's protestations of the contrary, the atmosphere at his court in his final years was almost as unsettled and claustrophobic as during the Wars of the Roses. John Husee answered the charge that he no longer sent reports of state affairs to the Lisles by explaining, 'I thereby might put myself in danger of my life...for there is divers here that hath been punished for reading and copying with publishing abroad of news; yea, some of them are at this hour in the Tower.' Civil order was maintained, but only because Henry sold the bulk of the confiscated monastic lands at rock-bottom prices to willing purchasers to create a whole new class of property-owners with a vested interest in the status quo. Spies and informers stalked the country, safe-conducts were needed to travel abroad and the posts were intercepted-- no one felt completely safe." (Hunting the Falcon, Fox&Guy).

#yeah...this was the watershed moment #this is why these three are the tudor historians i tend to reccomend the most; they have the clearest vision of tudor politics imo #it wasn't the gm which was the turning point that made court divisions worse than ever before. it was may 1536- which made this a reality #things that make you go hmmm. #and i do agree with fox/guy here but i think they argued this better with different examples in different sections #(the atmosphere which led to rebellion; etc. #the Lisle quote is a good piece to support this argument #but spies and informers in the country and safe conducts needed is...slippery #this was also the case during his father's reign. and edward iv's. and many abroad. so . like... ) #and i do think the 'almost' is also key here. i wouldn't agree with this at certain points . or 'as much' which has been argued. #bcus for all the conflict hviii did avoid civil war. so... #it isn't to say all was or would be rosy had anne remained queen either. but it is to say as wooding argued... #that this shattered his image and credibility and no one escaped. like...i think it's just interesting to think about #how the exeter conspiracy would've shaped out in the context of the boleyn faction's survival. and how interesting it is #that all their enemies perished at the expense of this man's paranoia . that they had to face the fate they believed their own #enemies deserved...the same scaffold. the same terror . #also some of the jury who condemned them facing execution soon themselves #all just very indicative of how cutthroat courtier ambition was #you could hack and hack and hack away at all the vines but it still might not prevent them from growing back and strangling you instead

[orangerosebush]

In my opinion, Artemis and Angeline have very similar experiences of paranoia as a symptom of

And thus every single family vacation will have a like, medieval war general moment where you can watch them animatedly debate the merits and/or weak points of whatever barricade they've constructed in front of the hotel room door

#I jest but I HC that Artemis' paranoia somewhat genetically comes from his mother's side whereas his issues with dissociation and #reality assessment is more genetically on his father's side of the family #The twins occupy this weird space in the family where they were born after a lot of things exacerbating mental illness in the family were #less present than when Artemis was young due to the Fowl empire #like my personal version of this is watching my aunts' kids grow up in a house where they were diagnosed with autism and adhd really really #young bc their mothers work in early ed. and are really knowledgeable about how to apply that in their home so that they have the support #they need #and let me tell you watching young autistic relatives exist and interact w kids their age who are so much better #about including 'different' peers socially then when I was a kid? that is so fucking surreal #I am very much an 'autistic Artemis truther' and I know Fox has some posts about Tim being autistic too during an era of the Fowls where it #wouldn't have even been 'masking' to borrow a contemporary term so much as just learning Not to Act Fucking Weird ever and performing this #whenever there is someone else present #but to return to the point of this post Artemis and Angeline will see a 5-star resort with insane security and go 'what I'm hearing is that #when the sun sets we will be in the Purge' #Artemis' form of paranoia is fascinating because he experiences it in the 'struggles trusting people and can spiral and believe people are #out to get him and harm him when that is not realistically assessing a situation' but also has horrible risk assessment which is so realist #realistic lmao

[thisisthethanksiget]

UNPROMPTED || ALWAYS ACCEPTING!

anonymous asked: does his majesty kiss men . the public needs to know .

❝ "His majesty" is loyal to her highness. ❞

[...Though that hadn't always been the case, at least before he'd founded his kingdom. He may or may not have had several torrid love affairs with men -- not that the public needed to know that. The illusion of a perfect king would be better maintained if he remained faithful to his queen; pretending that his relationship with Queen Amaya had been his only relationship also sold the illusion of "true love." It was better this way.]

❝ That's all you need to know. ❞

#✨ || ᶤ'ᵐ ᵃˡʷᵃʸˢ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ ʷʰᵉᶰ ʸᵒᵘ ᶰᵉᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵛᵉᶰᵗˑ (answered.) || ✨ #{ yes yes he does } #{ i can't look at this man and go ''yeah he's straight'' } #{ forgot to put it on his about page but he's 100000% bi. he may or may not have a preference for men too adkjsad } #{ not to say that he doesn't love the queen; he cares about her very much & his paranoia also includes her getting hurt by Stray Wishes } #{ but that also makes it funnier if she still rebels against him in my funny lil au. girl what ''evil'' shit did you witness from him } #{ opening the forbidden book????? ok }

[cuntwrap--supreme]

Uh-oh! Made the mistake of watching horror content while in a delicate mental state and now I can feel I'm going to be paranoid for a while! Oopsie daisy! Silly me! Ha ha 🤪

#mental health #neurodivergent #paranoia #undiagnosed mental illness #girl i wish i knew exactly what it was so i could work with my brain on this #basically sometimes - usually when I'm big stressy - and i watch anything even mildly creepy #i start to feel like I'm being stalked by a malicious entity and i think everyone wants to hurt me and i do s lot of dumb shit #in order to avoid people (danger) but also can't be alone (more danger) and it can't be dark (shadow people) etc etc #i asked my last therapist about this and they said it's not schizophrenia even though that's kinda what I've always felt like it could be? #shrink said no one who's 'that kind of crazy' is aware that they're crazy #which is kinda very ableist #but also. hi. I'm somewhat intelligent. i can absolutely tell the difference between how my brain and others' brains work #I've also talked about this enough times over the years to know that not everyone has visual hallucinations of shadows moving #and not everyone has auditory hallucinations of either someone screaming in fright or random static with the occasional pronounced voice #it's scary as shit and my only method of dealing with it is to logic my way out of it - which doesn't always work #there's only so much you can tell yourself you're not being watched you know?

[piplupod]

yet again i am trying to figure out how much to tell the counselor/therapist about how bad things are getting bc the considerations i must take into account include:

1) will i be put into the psych ward for this, and

2) will telling a professional actually help me, what kind of help would actually be available for this, and

3) are they going to give me more medications that don't actually address or fix the root of the problem while still giving me awful side effects that I'm just supposed to deal with and hopefully not end up in the hospital for

#i am going to try to not be around much on here but djfjdkdl that never happens for very long #on one hand i need to not be online bc it's fucking w my head a lot and im teetering close to an actual Episode #but on the other hand. i have no other sources of socializing other than the dbt group once a week #and socializing helps anchor me in reality but. it has to happen online. which fucks w my head bc im just holding this magic little device #and having to trust that theres an actual real person on the other side and that its not all just some made up program I'm talking to #esp w how ai is rn. even video chats could be made up!! i don't know!!! #but honestly even in person im getting a bad feeling like everyone is fake and im making this all up. so. ha. goody goody great for me :))) #also i am really sorry for staying so quiet about current events but i am struggling to avoid this possible psychotic episode #if i can get my shit under control then i will be looking into things more and helping spread info !!! #I'm just really struggling to keep my head firmly in reality rn and maybe that's not a good enough reason idk #but i just... really want to avoid being put into the psych ward or my parents catching wind of me having these reality issues fjfkdl #anyways wah wah poor me I know sorry. i promise i am trying to look at things when i can. hopefully i can engage soon #paranoia tw #delusions tw

[v-iv-rusty]

maslow's hierarchy of needs but the whole thing is just 'being able to live in a walkable city'

#misc.txt #literally I've never spent a significant amount of time just. walking around a large city. before yesterday #bc growing up my parents CONSTANTLY drilled it into my head that all cities are p much hell on earth. so much deep paranoia #that I am very much not used to anything larger than a medium sized town its extremely foreign to me #and like ik there are issues that I couldn't see by essentially being a tourist for one day. obviously #but I think..theres something abt living jn a place where there's people #and you can walk to community spaces/centers. you can walk to stores. you can walk to shops. you can just. hang out #as much as I am not good at interacting with others yet #I really like being around people #in general #strangers. crowds. ppl I will chat with once and never see again. etc. it doesn't matter #I like being in places that feel alive and are not suburban hellscapes. idk didn't really sink in until yesterday #then again I also wonder if it's just bc the only time I feel I'm able to somewhat sucessfully connect w people I don't know #is when I'm just passing through a place. idk #much 2 think about

[queer-cosette]

so a very large house spider turned up in the bathtub and it was not a good experience for me because the last time a very large house spider turned up in that tub was four years ago and it triggered a severe panic attack/meltdown that ended in me cutting off part of my own hair with a pair of craft scissors. so that was fun

#coco speaks #personal #spider mention #admittedly during said meltdown I was already having a very bad trip (yay for paranoia!) #I had also just broken up with my then-boyfriend-ish for the last time because I was trying to get my life back together #and I'd been cheated on about four months prior by a girl who I'd been overwhelmingly in love with #or rather cheated with. and then her girlfriend (who she used me to cheat on) was so insecure she copied my haircut #so I'd gone back to screwing around with this guy I used to party with when I was in high school #he was three years older than me and I couldn't tell you the first thing about him but he was a very good rebound fling #but it wasn't the first time I'd rebounded with him and I had this moment of realising that I didn't want this to be my life #anyway I was overwhelmed and my parents were out of the country and I'd smoked too much weed the night before #and the spider in the bathtub when I went to wash my hair was the straw that broke the camel's back

[rutadales]

I think like c!foolish's story could be such a different one ya know? like, not even with changes in pivotal moments like his execution but in his motives. he's making deal's with gods, he's forcing himself to be more comfortable with his own acts of violence, he's actively hunting down some of the most powerful objects on the server, and he's all of this so he can be the strongest, so he can overcome their god.

but all of it is to safe guard himself. He's not trying to have power over other people, it's all for his own protection and peace of mind. his story is about feeling safe. it's about feeling safe after having that feeling ripped away from you.

#c!foolish #dsmp #foolish gamers #dream smp #it's also about his own relation to divinity and how he fits within it #or more accurately how he doesn't fit #But it's also very much a truama story you know? #Like much of his storyline post red banquet is him trying and failing to recognize and come to terms with what happened #It wasn't just the betrayal #Even though that permanently and irrevocably damaged his ability to trust others #But it permanently changed his view on himself #Something happened to him that he didn't think was possible to happen to him #He thought he was safe from that kind of pain and that illusion of protection was shattered #So he's doing everything in his power to reclaim that safety #He also has these extreme moments of paranoia where he tries to use his own power to reassure something like that can't happen again #and idk it's just really really relatable #Him and dreams method of dealing with truama speaks to me #root talks

[asexualjedi]

As a kid I wanted to like be like the doctor like play them on tv but then I was likely they’ll never hire me I’m American and then I was like ok best I can get is companion but I need to like figure out how to break into acting I’m only gonna get older I’m running out of time. I need to get enough credits to ever be able to audition. Anyways long story short sometimes I’ll see the doctor or the companions and my brain just awaken that demon and is like ok we’ll time to drop out of law school change my life completely in need to hurry up and speed run if I’m not gonna run out of time.

#idk if I’m explaining it right bc I’m half wake but truly funny that’s ingrained in me just like I know how old I was at every grade bc in #elementary full I mapped it out bc I wanted to know how long I was trapped what year I would get out and how old I would be and that’s just #entranced in me no math no thinking #can’t think in any other way about it #but yeah something something autism something something my chronic depression anxiety #making me feel like very choose I made choosing to look at only the roads that are now closed and what could have been even if thetr easnt t #much of a chance for the other road or like why I decided what #anyways when I had idea for this post I meant to bring it up bc #I did acting right #but it was just small school stuff and trying out for like local theate companies and stuff #and like i didn’t go to far into it bc I had real really bad paranoia #like it’s better now #like it doesn’t mess with my life like it did or whatver BUT like I hated being on camera and people seeing me hearing me prociecing me. #like during the acting whatver but afterwards. like I’m better now I’m a private person don’t like to over share face on whatever online but #that’s also just internet safety right #anyways so I think it’s funny like yeqh person who hates to be prveeved and doesn’t want anyone to know there name or face go run quick and #become a television actor aim for a very ijnthe spotlight roll nothing bad can come from this ajdjdjd #feel like I lost the plot/whatver joke I originally had but I’m tired and have been doing property for like most of my waking hours the #past 2 days so if it’s not a hour like future interests in real estate my Brian’s scrambled

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

I have Opinions about the discussion that pops up every few months about the ethics of labeling JM an abuser but I am afraid of the vague posts and anon hate I would get if I posted them 🫠 which probably means I should be brave and post them. Speak now or whatever she said lol

#this topic is so very nuanced in pretty much every possible way #and it is not nearly as simple as any of the takes I have seen so far about this #JM #tw abuse #abuse #c #trauma #there’s some sticky nuance around parasocial relationships and the nature of celebrity status #also the whole Thing about cancel culture and how labeling people abusers is steeped in carceral feminism and actively harms survivors #plus the value of learning language for your experiences and learning about what abuse is from pop culture #so there’s an important element of sharing information and learning about abuse as a way of empowering survivors who may not Know Yet #if we’re comfortable talking about the relationship dynamics in her love songs we need to be comfy talking about them in WCS and dear john #we can’t expect Taylor - a survivor (long story short I survived) to owe the public a statement about John Fucking Mayer #there’s legal garbage! he would SUE HER IF SHE SAID THAT #she is treading a very fine line with what she says publicly - something that most survivors also experience (but #her discography is quite literal with how she handles Trauma: flashbacks triggers insomnia paranoia trust issues etc #it’s all there and we need to be careful about paternalizing survivors and that is actually compatable with not buying into cancel culture #his actions as described by her + things he himself has said in interviews at various points are textbook abuse #and pointing that out is valuable. #telling john Mayer to kill himself on Twitter is Not Valuable. #she is not our little sister. she is a grown adult woman who is clearly processing her trauma #she has trusted her fans with her vulnerability and authenticity #and to brush it off and expect her to Perform Victimhood by making a public accusation against an extremely powerful man in her industry???? #whoops I ranted in my tags but yeah it’s nuanced as hell #would’ve could’ve should’ve hours #would’ve could’ve should’ve #all that said!! I definitely understand and empathize with the sentiment of letting survivors tell their own stories and not forcing labels #In the hypothetical situation where she sees us discussing and learning from her art and her life story: #is that forcing something on her? or is that critically engaging with her art? #she said midnights is autobiographical and she said 19 and called him the devil who stole her girlhood come on