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#but also like hell bc i kept trying new things lmao
broodsys · 5 months
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ive been thinking about this a lot lately and kinda just wanna say it somewhere.
that said, feel free to just scroll on by bc this is heavy. also super long? i just- needed to get it off my chest, kinda.
cw: sexual assault, alcohol and drug use
so, in highschool there were these two guys who were in my friend group but i wasn't rly friends with, we'll just say L and N. L had an obvious crush on me and kept trying to get me to date him even tho i had a boyfriend and he knew my boyfriend - once i ended up going on a date with him bc my autistic ass thought he was just trying to hang out, lmao. anyway, it was awkward, esp once my friends told me uhhh no that was a date? u just described a date.
N was a lot more chill but also kinda... he was nice and all, genuinely nice, but he was also one of those no no i'm not sexist i'm an equal-opportunity hater haha! guys. so i wasn't rly close with either of them
but when i went to college they were the only two ppl i already knew and i was rly overwhelmed about being all alone on campus at first, so i ended up spending quite a bit more time with both of them, in and out of school. and it was fun when it was the three of us! they were amusingly raunchy and we talked a lot about related subjects and went on walks together and idk, it was nice. this was before i realized i was trans but i think it fulfilled a Just One Of The Guys need i had at that time
got p close with both of them, esp L. ended up at his house by myself quite frequently. and, well, we drank - this being before i realized i had a unrelated liver disease. and by this point i was out as trans and my family was AWFUL about using the right pronouns and i had no in-person connections who used the right pronouns and i was... p desperate for validation. while also using both alcohol and weed quite heavily to cope
so, yknow... hang out with someone who calls me 'he', talk about gender shit, sigh and go along with the eight million dumb YT videos he wanted to show me, but whatever, i got free liquor and it was smth to do, right? i was even able to lean into being a system around him! that was super validating.
so, surprise surprise, we ended up becoming kinda fuckbuddies. and i was okay with that - p open that i wasn't interested in a relationship but like, sure, we can fuck around. so we did. usually drunk. usually quite drunk. but that was okay because there was still consent going on
but i had one very clear, very explicit boundary. and once he started to cross it - i called him out on it and he pushed back and i had to tell him to stop several times. it wasn't like... aggressive? just very, very coercive. took me a long time to accept that it was still a form of rape. hell, i still struggle to type that out, i want to add caveats to it. but it just was. and that was the big change for me, when i realized he wasn't actually going to respect my boundaries. still hung out with him for a while after that and we had sex a few more times while i was processing my feelings about everything and trying to accept that he was in the wrong and i had a right to be upset
but after that, i just started feeling rly shitty on the walk home whenever i left him. there were subspace/subdrop issues at play, too, which was another brand-new discovery for me, and no aftercare ever, but it was... yeah. it was bad.
still, took me a while to break off the relationship. i was actually at a conference for a school thing when i did it, because being around ppl who saw me as a man, who respected me, who treated me kindly... it totally changed how i saw interpersonal dynamics. like, that whole experience was a MASSIVE wake-up call for me. so that was when i cut him out of my life
now, oddly, this story isn't about L. it's about N.
afaik, N had no idea about any of this. but a while ago, idk probably over a year now, he sent me a nice text mentioning that he didn't know why we'd fallen out of touch. and i usually delete texts after a while but i still have that one. sometimes i want to reply - not telling him the details, just like 'yeah so me and L had smth weird and i didn't want to put u in a position where u had to choose' but also just- memories, yknow? i associate them together very strongly bc the three of us spent sm time together
but i still feel kinda bad. kinda miss N. i saw him become a better person while i saw L kinda become a worse person. i just feel... idk. torn? ultimately i gotta take care of me because no one else can, but i think about him quite often, and about that text i've never replied to. and i also spent time with N alone, and it was just chill. he never tried to fuck me. when i slept over he let me have his bed and made sure there were fresh sheets and everything. he watched me play videogames at his house and let me spend forever on character customization and made sure i had vegetarian food to eat. he was nice, without any strings attached. and we talked about, shit, everything. once we walked for hours and hours - p much the entire night - just talking. he rly opened up to me a lot, and i opened up to him - not about everything and not about anything with L, but about a lot of other stuff. it was an important friendship.
and i just... i regret losing that a lot. i've been thinking about both of them a lot recently. part of it is just coming head to head with things i was using weed to repress now that i've been sober for a while, granted. bc i've been thinking about a lot of things in my past recently.
relationships are messy. but i regret that a good friendship got stained by a bad one.
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kennabeth · 9 months
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here's my running list of things I'd like to see in the color of revenge:
roxane being like an actual actual witch. idk if cornelia is still using the word bufana but that's my #1. can sing so beautifully she makes the rocks cry? can make anything grow in her shitty soil? indescribably beautiful? her kids being really really good at everything?? (not to take away from jehan's dedication to his craft but there's no way there's not smth supernatural going on with him) I think I'd prefer dustfinger and the prince knowing (and dustfinger being like "....yeah jehan knows witches bc of roxane lol" leans into this imo) and getting to watch the kids have a crisis over whether they're human or something else, getting pissed at the adults for keeping it from them, but I will also take roxane having kept this a secret from everyone. I will likely cry blood if this doesn't come true at all but it's fine I'm normal and well-adjusted about roxane it's fine!
the bracelet stays. I'm on my knees begging
I think cornelia said she's got a queer in the book?? forming a prayer circle that's it's brianna but I'll take anyone (new or established) as long as they're written well. several queer characters would rock though would love that 4 me
fenoglio dies. badly.
farid and jehan having that adhd and autistic solidarity where they're best friends but also each other's worst nightmare
jehan dealing with a lot of (valid) frustration and jealously wrt farid and dustfinger. I'm almost definitely reading too far into it but the part where he's like "dustfinger promised he won't try to replace my birth father but he totally can bc I don't remember him lmao" is like. he's so glad to have a father again but farid's been out and about for so long that jehan hasn't really seen the extent to which dustfinger can be a father to a kid who isn't his biologically, and it was honestly very ugly watching jehan panic trying to take care of dustfinger during his mental breakdown but the second the prince says farid is fine, dustfinger calms down? like you have another son right there who needs you so badly, douchebag. anyway while this is not the fault of either kid I want jehan to be Pissed.
unwrite the part where it says roxane is pale because No She's Not 💗
DRAGON LORE¡¡¡¡¡¡ the laughing prince was said to have hunted dragons and I've been going crazy for 15 years over the way that was just said in passing?? I don't think living/awake dragons match the mood of this series but FUCK I could see nyame and the witch girl stumbling onto a graveyard or something and she'd get her stereotypical tiefling rant about how humans suck for killing beautiful creatures for their own gain and I would be cheering her on because I'm a whore for dragons
I sorta want dustfinger to have to give up his ability to speak to fire to bring everyone back. it's very fullmetal alchemist-stan of me but my f a v o r i t e type of sacrifice is the surrender of power
I'm already heads over heels in love with nyame but I want to be feral over him the entire time I want to be in his head I want to be in his past and his future and I want to see him brought to his knees and tempted with the power to bring about the change he so desperately craves and i want him to know in his heart and with metaphorical blood pouring from his eyes that replacing one reign of tyranny with another is not the solution he wants but hell does he want it and I want him to have the most beautiful conclusion any character has ever had and still get to make the world a better place on a large scale because he's the only one who consistently cares!! and hes so fucking tired.I love him so fucking much. nyame
would enjoy nettle showing up just to call dustfinger a bitch and leave. want that to be a running gag
loved the discussion about religion coming in and criminalizing reproductive healthcare. I feel like that was not the most appropriate time to have been having that conversation but I want it to stay and contribute to the theme of autonomy and agency that have always been at the heart of the inkworld.
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carltonlassie · 2 years
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Just thinking about how today a guy at work said my idea for a hackathon week (=a week to try out and learn new things you've never done before) is a waste of time because it won't yield anything tangible. """In his experience""" (experience as what? He's never done anything like this before!) it's a waste of time. He kept on cutting me off to say the same thing over and over, saying in his view it's a waste of time and a bad project. Ok for more context I said we should get an account of the information the users care about the most so we can translate that into a design. Bc what's the point of just putting random shit together if none of it's based on what the users actually need. but apparently it's a waste of time to understand what the users really want and we should force our ideas onto them bc users don't know anything lol. And then he proceeded to ask people to vote for his idea which he already had prior agreement with his posse? (Why are we voting? This is a week for me to try out new things and if I wanna do something I'll do it, I don't need people's vote to do what I wanna do? It also seemed like my vote didn't matter since his had majority vote from his posse.... And they're gonna do it anyways regardless of it gets votes or not) so What is SO wrong with me wanting to try out something new. Whereas he can just do something that half of the team doesn't even know about. He says this is gonna yield crucial impact but I can argue the same thing that his idea is a waste of time and it could be better spent fixing stupid bugs his posse introduces daily?
Ugh anyways I really hope I can switch to the design team. I feel like my talents are wasted here because I'm honestly doing whatever they're telling me to do because I CAN do it but it doesn't mean I enjoy doing it... I think that's the thing. I CAN do all the things im doing rn and I'm pretty good at it but I don't see a future in this? I can take up another job on a whim but I think I'll run into the same problem of apathy and lack of ambition towards the """"""career trajectory""""""" these people love to harp on about. I simply don't see a trajectory where I'd be happy doing this but with even more responsibility and miniscule pay increase. The rubric they hand out for different levels is so funny because I've been kinda doing all that since the very beginning. They've loaded so much work onto me that I've juggled, idk, 5 different roles! I'm sending out marketing emails (marketing team/PM role), creating ui/ux mockups (designer role), doing testing (QA role), working on infrastructure (DevOps role), answering customer questions (customer support role), and on top of that he's been making me lead team fun and games sessions/baby showers/parties and general glue role that doesn't get recognized when it comes to promotion cycles (idk, emotional labor role), doing elevator pitches, presentations and demos (Sales role), and all this is on top of my regular job title Software Engineer lmao what the hell I'm a one man band and they're throwing pennies at me to do this stupid jig?? Anyways. The point is that the rubric is funny because I'm doing all of it already and I'm not even motivated to apply for promotion. I actually never want to apply for promotion because then it will be EVEN more work for not that much pay increase. And I don't want to be doing the same kind of work any more. And it's not an issue of my team nor my company because engineering is just boring like this. Never given enough time and resources that people write shitty code... And the company trying to hire "rock star' developers who they can exploit rather than taking the time to train someone to do good.
At least when I'm on the design team I'd be able to do more stuff that's interesting to me. Like, I wanna know how to best display the information for ease of use. I wanna try to do rapid prototyping where I generate twenty different ideas and pare it down to get to the best solution. Problem solving as an engineer role is so limited by frameworks that you should use (or what's the most trendy and therefore should use) and we're not given enough time to truly try out different options. I guess I got pretty close to doing something like that with my current one but the upper management thought it was a waste of time to explore and do this right because they wanted user facing features with High Impact and Revenue Right Now. So we got pressured into wrapping it up asap and still are getting pressured when the only resource allocated is me and this other guy. And two contractors. One dropped out and we never got a replacement lol. Uggghhh anyways. I hope I'm not escaping reality by thinking the design team would be better lol. I'm sure it has its fair share of problems but I think culture wise too......, I don't think I want to work with my coworkers anymore lmao
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rottingsparrow · 2 years
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Part 6! Of rereading Lore Olympus. Ep 51-60
On these next few parts i really just kept ranting oops. Also I just keep getting busier and forgetting to read more, but I haven't caught up with what I've read yet and that's the only thing keeping me going. Does anyone read these? Last part:
Ep 51
“What about my brother” artemis please its kinda clear at this point
So did hermes question anything or
“ i have no right to be jealous” yeah also theyre just friends dude
“Oh but hermes liked persephone” no hes a gay man argue with the wall(/j)
Why they got eels
I love how tall and slender hecate is seeing as like eventually everyone dissolves into one shape
Yes im over exaggerating what about it
Who are the fire people i love them
Bro imagine dying and like “finally free from this hell where i have to work all the time” only to be put to work when you die
“Everyone should get a fair trial with the king of the underworld” i agree but wouldnt that take forever too like there are so many deaths all the time
I literally get so tired of hades in this episode mfer has such a lack of control in his emotions
like . are you physically unable to have a conversation with her without losing it so you gotta ice her out??
“I cant accept gifts from employees” i mean yeah if they are trying to bribe you its just fuckin food man
Also this part minthe keep it in ur pants ur at work
Ep 52
Wow all women hate persephone bc shes so gorgeous so they treat her bad and like make out with her crush
My point got lost there but you get what i mean like women cant just exist they either are used to compare persephone and show how good she is or uplift her
Im not saying you cant have mean women please do but the way it all comes together just. :/
Persephone is like trying to hard to be nice and friendly and hades just kinda sits there like an idiot smh
Hermes my beloved
I want bakalava now
How would she have a driver's license demeter kept her in the mortal realm you think she would let her get that
Why do they want a car thanatos you have wings my guy
I mean. Did you die hades?
Also smth to ask before hand lmao thats on you
Hecate, agent of chaos, my wife, my everything, my-
Ep 53
I know hecate has reasons to do things but i like to believe she doesnt and she does what she wants
Theres no way minthe sounds happy on the phone when she knows its just hecate
Nah nvm shes probably scared of her
How. how does anything get done at this place
Hades can you. Can you treat her like a friend or even a worker instead of a crush its not that hard youre a big guy
I love the eels
The moment when the artstyle changes randomly and you have to get adjusted to a new one
Hecate is now a different shade of blue what
Fuck you hades putting all your emotions on a 19 y/o
Unfortunately he does treat her like any other of his employees hes just. A shitty boss
“Oh no she thinks im mad at her” yeah dude ur acting like a dick
Sorry this just pisses me off
“Shes like me” she just like me fr
Why is the building confusing what do they gain from that
Its actually so rachel doesnt have to remember the layout
Ep 54
“Is she angry” no shes tired wtf do you think
I know rachel tried so hard on the “please dont grab me” panel girl was sweating
Personally id just leave if i was the reporter but ig he needs smth
Asking for a statement isnt the bad thing its the grabbing and like pressuring yknow
Do they have close ties
I know its supposed to be casual but i wouldnt hold my mothers friend/ business partner. Whatever their lie was, like that
Idk how i would actually im going to be thinking of that
I do like how she has a trigger but im gonna be real i dont think its ever brought up again
Sure you could say she is just good at avoiding it but idk
“I dont always get to do what i want” you literally do unless it doesnt help the story
Rereading has made me see how many things are in place for the story that disappear when not needed
“Man im a lousy tour guide” and a lousy boss :D
I do just want to make sure you guys know how much i hate hades as a boss
Ep 55
Its a lobby. Thats funny ill laugh at that
“That not exactly what we do here” what do you do
I havent read greek mythology in so long
“They may become hysterical” please explain psyche i saw i reply talking about how we didnt see her reactions to phone
They were so right that mustve been fucking bonkers
How do they ease them into it? Do they go through all the years of technological advancements just quickly??
Who is hecate talking to
Let her get the jacket make hades pay the designer to make another one
Also only 3? Like 20 id get but 3? Nah
“Why is she employed here?” you were there yesterday minthe remember she got an introduction
I think hades needs an HR department yknow what
“ a coveted position” PLEASE JUST EXPLAIN THE JOBS AND THE WORK LADDER
I agree with hecate except no one treats it like a work place
Not even you really lmao
If they are scared of her why would they go bitch to her esp if they know she doesnt care
Small medium cause shes so petite but she has curves bc shes gorgeous and-
Rachel smythe sniped me :/
How did she put that on
Ep 56
Whose the green person in the back poseidon idk
Also glasses again :)
“Stop staring at me with them big ol eyes”
Yes i already made the joke its funny tho
meg/persophone is my otp /j
Seriously its already more healthy than hades gotta be honest
So nice of her to let her borrow it how is she gonna return it. They talked more im sure but its funny to think that she actually doesnt know who meg is
Why does his hair get longer in the mortal realm get up
Omg does he have extensions that would be so funny
“I have to have control” yeah you do its gross
I love persephone fury look tho
Wait why did her hair grow
I get like thats the style in that time or whatever but
“I for one find you terrifying” is such a cute line not gonna lie
Persephone why do you look like youre trying to kiss him
“How can she be doing better than me” because zeus is married
I feel like thats obvious
Blue nymph obviously evil she has to be shes a woman and-
But also i forgot her name. Tha. no uh
Its thetis :)
Ep 57
“My visions arent always correct. But they are most of the time” is such a sloppy line
Omg i forgot that hera was the reporter
Also idk how her visions work but couldnt it have been literally anyone? How does she think shell narrow it down
Persephone you are wearing a skirt thing be careful
Also. dont push off people chest just generally
Her hair got much longer but i can excuse this one bc shes using her powers and they tend to coincide
“I gotta inspect that volcano” yep. Sure is a volcano
“But once they die theyre all in service to the underworld for the rest of the eternity” is there a way to die after death bc that sounds awful
Ok but why do they have to wait how does that earn you money
Like no i get the like immediate ride for a obol or whatever but why 100 years. You lose out on so many laborers for a while that way
I love Styx hand in marriage
Haha why is she bald in the last panel
Ep 58
“Reminds me of a younger me” is supposed be like a red flag but was zeus not chill during his formative years
Why does he get so mad a her vision genuinely
Also like why he get mad about her guessing apollo
I know i know “reputation ruined and so is ours” people change yknow also i do second guess your ability to choose olympians
Spit on him queen
This is one of the spots where i feel like rachel was just pushing to make zeus a bad guy. Not like a dick but actually antagonistic qualities
“I prefer the financial benefits of ongoing unpaid labor” haha so funny /s go fuck yourself
Yeah theyre dead and have nothing else to do but damn
“Why would my mom hide it from me” i mean. Thats fair but youre the one that calls her like hovering so i doubt she wants people trying to sex you
I mean fertility doesnt have to mean sex its more than that also one second
Nvm i googled it i was gonna say hestia was a goddess of fertility but shes the goddess of home a stuff my bad
Arnold reaction meme
Oh why is it dangerous
No i know why lmao
Persephones jaw goes from ) to ] in a matter of seconds
“Just stay away from tower 4 until we get to the” THE WHAT??? THE WHAT
Thats not a joke the sentence ends there
“OH you said yes!’ to you helping her like friends do
Ok but how will he know its her
Ep 59
Yes persephone you communicate clearly!! Be healthy!!
I love the flower nymphs personally i know everyone says we dont see persephone be close with them but its the little things i think
“I literally have no idea why you want to be here” me either hades
Haha flower nymphs are dumb! Village people! Haha racism
No i know thats not what shes saying but the racism of nymphs is overlooked
Me, everytime she was handed something pomegranates: :OOOO ITS THE!! ITS THE THING
No minthe has a right to be upset id be pissed if id have to change someones entire schedule
Not the snapchat filter
Why is his name big spenda thats so funny
Ep 60
As someone who has been jealous before i have to say this isnt healthy
Like duh but so intense for someone you barely know
Hades, watching her in silence: wtf is happening
Im glad she realizes its unhealthy
Ok i know i said they dont ever bring up the “any time any place” question but they do here which reminds me that that deal should no longer exist now that hes her boss
I dont think hooking up is bad esp when they werent in a relationship tbh
Like now she is in a relationship so yeah its bad
I love snarky chat that is the most real thing in this comic
“ we need to do smth about persephone” or yall could do your jobs. Kooky idea i know
She is still flirting with thanatos which is bad
Yknow assuming the boundaries her and hades set was monogamy and no flirting
And yeah hes flirting too thats also bad
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ipatrichor · 2 years
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i love you, pat. i hope you’re doing well. if you need to talk i’m here, okay?
this is wild bc i was literally the in middle of typing an ask to u sending lots of love and also pictures of my dog lmao
anyway i'm. doing about as well as can be expected? i spent some time with my family after hearing the news, and i've just been taking things slow and trying to be patient with myself. honestly, i don't think it's really hit me yet? but i'm sorta taking care of myself in advance because i know it will eventually :'
it's actually really nice to hear from you, thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️ i love you sm, and i hope you're also doing okay. if there's anything i can do, let me know? i'm here for you too, this is hard as hell but we're gonna make it through
(here's the dog pictures! some of them are blurry bc she kept moving. her name is panda, she has rlly bad anxiety about fireworks so we have a compression hat thing to help. she looks like a little old lady with it on, so i was hoping it would make you smile ^^)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
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ebullienced-a · 2 years
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Last night I had a dream I was In a new season of ST but like it was real and I have a lot of beef with shift-tok but WHY THE FUCK WOULD PPL WANNA GO THERE. IT WAS AWFUL. IT WAS STRESSFUL AND I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE THE WHOLE TIME.
I was there with some friends from my old work and my dad lol but he didn’t show up till later. basically it was kinda like squid games and after school every week there was a thing that got you to like play a game with your classmates to win points. no one else was really sus about it but I was like oh hell no this is giving me secret organisation who unalives you for losing vibes.
I won the first game somehow and I got points but no one died for losing, so I kinda looked a bit further into it. Meanwhile, I was trying to get the hellfire club to come sit with me and my friends at lunch bc we also play dnd and only after the first game Mike and Lucas came over and I was like :’) omg guys thanks cause they were on board with my investigations. I kept trying to get Eddie to join but no dice. he was a grumpy fucker.
Anyways I continued investigating this thing and I found out that there’s a big old holographic counter that has been tracking who’s been going to each game and who’s been absent. Turns out if you don’t go for whatever reason and the score reaches zero, that might be the kicker. Someone was trying to keep us here. Jonatha.n was nearby and he grabbed my hand and I was like oooooh ok was not expecting THIS but i like it
Anyways the dream ended with me telling everyone and then my friends Zac and Kandice trying to find a radio-proof shirt for me to wear lmao (and me saying “so bc this is a dream I can pick out what I want right” and I didn’t wanna wake up but I think I did lucid-ly)
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futchbambi · 4 months
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[thanksgiving journal-esque babbling under the cut]
Thanksgiving last night was alright. We went to my aunt and uncle's new house and with everybody there, it was a little cramped but still a good time. Aunt's niece just recently had a baby, so he was the star of the event haha.
Only thing that really irked me was that one of my aunt's sons (kinda my step-cousins? only I wouldn't claim them unless I'd get a million dollars) kept saying shit to his mom. Like, the new baby was having bad acid reflux and would randomly break into crying, and my aunt took him for a cuddle while the baby's mom and dad ate dinner.
So of course, the baby randomly started bawling bc he's only six weeks old and acid reflux sucks even when you're an adult who knows what's going on. So he started crying and aunt's younger son starts ragging on his mom, saying she's why he's crying. I mean this was beyond picking and teasing. It felt downright mean. He just kept harping on and on that she's why the baby's crying, she's scaring the baby, just really taking potshots at her.
And I was unfortunately sitting next to him and was genuinely so shocked by his behavior that I just sat there and didn't do anything. I hate I didn't say anything to try to get him to stop or lay off. It absolutely wasn't my place, but jesus christ. This guy is 30 years old and lives rent-free on a twin bed in their back bedroom that he shares with his older, also mooching 32 yo brother. Like, my aunt sent these morons to two different, out of state colleges, paid their tuition and rent, paid their car payments for most of their lives, etc., and they do literally nothing to help out the household (materially, financially, nor upkeep or chores) or try to pay her back for any of it. Like what footing do you stand on to talk to your mother that way? The fuck is wrong with you?
On a better note, I saw my favorite cousin. He's been growing out his beard and it's getting massively long. I asked if he was going to braid it or add beard beads or anything and he blushed and kind of stuttered ohhh idk... he's so straight-laced that even the barest suggestion of standing out freaks him out lol
And today, we met my grandfather for lunch, which was surprisingly pleasant. He didn't even do a dig at my hair, which is huge for him. We then went to his house to clean up this china cabinet that my grandmother had where one of the shelves had collapsed and broken a lot of glasses inside. So today we emptied it, cleaned up the broken pieces, swept up the shards, and repaired the shelves to re-place the surviving pieces. It took nearly three hours in his stuffingly-hot house. We both had to take repeated breaks to go outside in the 40°F weather to cool off and breathe lmao. Came home, showered, and collapsed in bed.
Now to take the rest of the weekend to rest and heal up from all this activity. Fucking hell lmao.
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thelovelybitten · 9 months
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vera’s first watch of south park — season five (part 1)
lfg babes i’m bored so lets watch
EPISODE 1:
LETS GO NEW SEASONNNNNN
KEPT THE BANGER INTRO YES WOOOOTTT
there’s a shit counter HAHAH LETS SEE HOW THIS GOES LMAO
BUTTERS VANDALIZING THE WALL
but tbh he slayed it
EVERYONE EXCITED ABT THE FUCKING SHIT LINE I CAN’T
kyle: i don’t give a fuck (SO REAL)
NOT THE CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HAHAH
huh ?? raining frogs ???
timmy SAID IT LETS GO
kyle is abt TO BLOW UP
sand in the vagina — cartman will not let him go
GARRISON NOT THE F SLUR
S H I T
what the fuck are these the seven deadly sins or sumth
cartman and his shirt LMAO
okay KYLE POP AWF he’s my smart bby boy
shit…twice, BFFR
chef helping the core four solve this stuff KING SHIT
CARTMAN STOP
no NOT KENNY ANYONE BUT KENNY PLS
okay who the fuck is this guy
no kenny looks so sick :’(
oh WHAT THE HELL
a rune ??? okay
LAS VEGASSSSS LET’S GOOOO
GANDALF???
MEECROB OH MY GOD CARTMAN WAS RIGHT
JIMBO IS A HOMOSEXUAL INTERESTING
shit counter thru the roof
not A WHOLE ASS DRAGON
CARTMAN LET IT GO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
KYLE PREACHING 2 THE GOSPEL ICONIC
oh that was fucking feral i did not need to see all of kenny’s intestines
interesting ep
EPISODE 2:
FIRST NIGHT OF SCOUTS ?????
yO STAN THAT WAS OUTTA POCKET
timmy being strapped onto the back of the pickup
BUTTERS
KENNY AND STAN’S DAD ARE SHOOK
JIMMYYYYYY
give timmy his spotlight pls
well. last season he got it so ig give jimmy it
not the homophobia….
OKAY JIMMY POP OFF
JIMMY PLEASE NOT THE PLAN B JOKE
TIMMY BEING ROBBED BUT I LOVE JIMMY
BIG SILLY GOOSE
YOU DO NOT SAY BIG SILLY GOOSE— YOU CALL HIM AN ASSHOLE LIKE A NORMAL KID
but dad, i was just trying to—
STANLEY YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND AN ASSHOLE THIS INSTANT.
asshole.
CRACKED ME UP LMAO
troop 69 oh they knew what they were doing
jimmy this is so bad
oh BUT THESE IMPRESSIONS FUCKING SLAYED
okay BUT DON’T GET TIMMY I’LL BE MAD
jimmy deserved
homophobia is not cute STOP
oh MY GOD TIMMY KNOWS WHAT’S UP
kenny jacket is bad luck ig
the way jimmy avoided everything
jimmy ripping on timmy is not cool i’m mad
NAKED PICTURES ?!?!?!?! NOT THE CHILD PORNOGRAPHY
butters tryna explain they being exploited
not THE PUPPIES CARTMAN
OH THEY FIGHTIN
kenny’s parents and brother in the chapel aw
OH FUCK THEY GOING AT ITTT
everyone and their mothers watching two disabled kids beat each other up… weird
not THE NUTS
NOT IT BEING BROADCASTED
hc: all those boys are scarred abt their nude photos being taken and the unfortunate thing is the photos get leaked when they’re in college and it’s so bad :(
wait has kyle not been here the whole time.
WAIT
oh FUCK KYLE WASN’T HERE
prolly bc of his religion or sumth
anyways get the homophobes so true and real
real
wait what
timmy wyd
timmy OH MY GOD LMAOOOOO
okay that last bit was funny alr
EPISODE 3:
radiohead special guests???
cartman wtf u mean u got pubes
wait what the fuck
stan real
KYLE ATE
nah don’t mess w cartman
CARTMAN U DID NOT ATTACH THOSE—
oh lord…
damn scott gaslit the gaslighter
this what he gets for being 8 years old
EW
oh beg FOR IT HE SAID GET HIM
also cartman deserves it
WOW SCOTT IS RUTHLESS
WENDY IN FRAME I MISS HER
everyone is so… dumbfounded
GOD CARTMAN LMAO THIS IS GOING NO WHERE
uhm. this is so awk
undercover cartman
okay pls hold must feed my cats
okay am back
wait must control my cats
back fr
NED NO
also wtf
cartman pls this is a gag
scott one upping cartman is so iconic
YO CARTMAN THIS WAS GENIUS NGL
WHAT THE FUCK CARTMAN THAT WAS TOO MESSED UP
tbh don’t mess w cartman
anyways gonna go 2 bed will continue at a later date
EPISODE 4:
GOOD EVENING GAMERS IM BACC
let's get’r done
not the terrance n phillip shit i dispise them
they shitting their PANTS FOR T AN P
kyle real for waiting for those tickets
oh kyle abt to eat those words oh no
YO TERRANCE IS BIG BRO
wait who the fuck is this
“kenny’s a random slut” damn cartman
clyde i love u my son
THEY GOING TO CANADA MY HOME
phillip being part of an acting crew ok
cartman right kyle oh boy
KENNY’S ARM WHAT THE FUCK— HE GONNA BLEED OUT
NOT HIS OTHER ARM :’((((
i’m sad abt kenny this is torture
mid ep :/
EPISODE 5:
oh damn… i’m sorry cartman
oh no wait this boy being ungrateful as normal
HUH SHE LEFT CARTMAN 1 MILLION DOLLARS
OH NO EGOMANIAC IS ON THE RISE
WENDY WYD FOLLOWING CARTMAN
kyle being real part 8393659373
he gonna. buy a whole ass amusement park for himself
NO NOT THE HEMORRHOID
not style angst
CARTMANLAND how fucking fitting.
style gonna beat his ass as they should
I NEED MY CWEAM— I NEED MY CWEEEEEEEM
properTAH
kyle in his delulu era
butters and clyde icons
STAN LSNDNCHSJDNCN I WISH U GOT AWAY W IT
KYLE U BETTER NOT DIE
kenny got bodied by that pole
kyle PLEASE MY SON DON’T DO IT
I LOVE WHEN KARMA KICKS CARTMANS ASS
“YOU ARE UP THERE ;”)” KYLE DSKHGHDSGSJJS UNHINGED
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amerrymystery · 1 year
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Headcanons abt my mcs and their interactions with yours.
-Carlotta does find Bernie a bit annoying, but she doesn’t say anything bc she doesn’t want to make him sad (she is unaware of his life.) He told her a bunch of jokes one day and he seemed so upbeat that she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. 
-Carlotta uses Bernie and Maisie’s full names. 
-Jane decided that Odhran was her best friend a day after hanging out with him. Keep in mind that it does not take much for Jane to consider someone a friend. He took longer to come around to her.
-Renee was surprised when she met Aine, bc she didn’t expect Odhran to be related to someone… normal.
-Mia and Maisie friendship. M girl supremacy.
-They became friends due to them being in the same Care of Magical Creatures class. Maisie kept showing up at Mia’s door with dangerous creatures bc she thought they were neat (also what house is Maisie in bc I forgot?)
-Bernie and Maisie got their cats from Mia and Nettie, thanks to Nettie and Mia’s cats having kittens. Also pspsp do the cats have names?
-The one thing that Odhran and Megan can both agree on is that they are annoyed by the Hale sisters calling football “soccer.”
-Jane tried to style Odhran’s hair to be less messy. He would not let her. The “just got out of bed” look is part of his charm I guess.
-Mia is envious of Carla’s new friends since Carlotta is a better friend to them than she was to Mia. Which means that Mia is envious of Eli. I think she might be the first person to be envious of him.
-David will argue with Duncan on Sandra’s behalf, whether Sandra wants him to or not (spoiler: she does not). They are perfectly willing to throw hands with this thirteen year old. 
-David adopted a bird as an adult. And guess just who she named it after? That’s right :) Cooper “Chicken” Everett. The bird’s name is chicken coop, even though he’s not a chicken.
-I don’t want to exclude Conner so I’m just gonna say that Sandra keeps trying to befriend him, but he keeps pushing her away since he thinks she’s just doing it out of pity.
-It is physically impossible to say anything bad about Bernie to Bernie. He’s just too Bernie
-No one knows who she’s talking about
-That’s some kindred spirits shit right there, I love it
-Lmao me neither
-Go M girlies go
-Oh my god I love that. And she’s a Slytherin
-Hell yeah! They don’t have names, but I know they’re all puns
-Like civilised people
-The birds that have been nesting in there didn’t let her. Also hell yeah, autistic swag
-Bro imagine being envious of Elias fucking Quintin, that poor girl
-I think they should throw hands. It would be funny
-LETS FUCKING GOOOO I love Chicken Coop
-Simple Plan listener behaviour from Conner
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goblinselfshippr · 2 years
Note
Here's a gush pass 🎫!!! If you'd like an f/o yo fixate on to gush, may I recommend Virgil? Please feel free to send this gush pass to three other self shippers if you've the energy (but no pressure to of course!)
I like the way you think anon, I’ve been kind of thinking of him recently too. Really quick before I get into this, the original dmc games are my oldest special interest since my dad brought it home when I was like 6. Vergil’s fic journals go back literal YEARS, the first fic journal I ever wrote for him was in one of those voice activated “My Password Journals” (yeah, remember those?) at age like 12. Honestly, he’s one of those blorbos that is so different from his original source now that he’s his own character lmao. It’s below the cut and gets kinda dark at times so read with caution. (Part 1/2 bc of length I’m so sorry anon)
So to understand how we sort of are now, you have to understand how it started.
Vergil craved power and rejected humanity, and as a siren going through a similar awakening, our meeting was inevitable. He was looking for a way to raise a demon tower and merge both human and demon worlds, and Samael had just the book he needed in his library. I was 15, he was 17. Neither of us had social skills, and both of us had plenty of time to wander endlessly through the modern library of Alexandria.
I knew he’d be there, admittedly. I’d known Dante longer, we’d met maybe five years earlier. Because our home worlds are parallel and the library is a shared doorway between the two, I’d already known who both of them were and that neither were aware of the other’s life. I didn’t know that I’d fall so fast for Vergil though. He was so stuffy at first, but when he opened up he was clever and funny and broken. He was still arrogant, just a little. He was also a bit like speaking to a mirror, he was the least loved, the one that needed to be responsible for everyone and everything, the one that knew better. He was the one isolated and shut out from the warmth, and I was the exact same. We raised the tower together, and were naïve to do so. Vergil changed when he was in that tower, and I saw it as my punishment. I could have kept the book from him and feigned ignorance, but I wanted his happiness so badly I’d gift wrapped the damn thing. Gone were the bookmarked poems and carefully copied sonnets, and in their wake was silence, cold nights, and an irritating competitor. Alice. She’d try hard for his attention and lose every time. I hated the frigid bed, but the defeated look in her face soothed my wounds just a little. I was glad when she disappeared to seek her own ambitions. I’d managed to make it to the top of the tower on my then barely used wings, but not before the portal closed. I wasn’t able to see him leave, or give him an earnest goodbye. I wanted to hate Dante when he returned with only his new acquaintance, but I couldn’t.
The time between when Vergil fell into hell and reappeared under Mundus’ control was hard. A mourning period. Dante tried his best to keep my mind off it, but the truth was that we were both struggling to keep it together. It wasn’t all bad, there were happy moments too, but sometimes a book here or a button there would return the somber mood. Vergil admits that he doesn’t have many coherent memories during this time either, and the few he does have are dreamlike fantasies. When he lost against Mundus he lost control of his mind and body for the most part, and when he did come to? Mundus had already made a copy of me to occupy him. This is unfortunately how Nero entered the picture. Once the copy served her purpose she was erased for further torment. When Dante returned from Mallet island and finally opened up, he’d apologized to me for being unable to rescue his brother once again.
Part 2 here
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bvlnoriyas · 2 years
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001012 — jongho in some music videos
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moonlit-imagines · 2 years
Text
Ghost of Failure
TASM!Peter Parker x sibling!reader
warnings: nwh spoilers, blood and death ment, also im sorry lmao
a/n: gif cred - @buckypascal also no there will not be a part 2 i am so sorry
prompt: anonymous: “hey!! Could i request being Peter Parker’s sibling (Andrew) oneshot and he thought reader died the same day that Gwen did reader comes to the universe bc they’re apart of the ppl who know Peter Parker and they meet again?? And then they’re fighting alongside all the Spider-Man with him as best as they can and he’s super protective (and it’s not weird at all just completely platonic)”
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It all started ten years ago for Peter. You had just died due to a lethal electrocution and Gwen wasn’t too far behind, which made this day go down in history as Peter’s worst nightmare. He felt so lonely without Gwen, his first love, his broken promise—but you, his sibling? Without you, he was empty. Peter walked past the door of your unoccupied room every morning, wishing that just once more he could hear your music and bang on the door to tell you to turn it down. Or fight over the end of the milk carton. Or have you argue with him for waking you up when he sneaks back in the house at night. He missed you dearly and it destroyed him inside.
As his world, and many others, kept turning, he got bitter. Driven by grief. The two people he loved most had been taken from him and he had no choice but to blame himself. And in all these years, he never forgave or forgot.
But you were never a stranger to strange occurrences, so when you ended up in a different New York, you knew something was up. Not only was it a different place, it was a different time. “Oh…no.” You wondered if you should stay in place, or maybe try and call someone? Last you checked, Peter was fighting Electro and you were on standby, but who knows if that was still true. You grabbed your phone from your pocket and to your surprise, no bars—and a time glitch. “What the hell is going on?” You asked yourself and groaned, dropping your arms to your sides and throwing your head back. After a few moments of thinking, you decided to wander.
It wasn’t long before you walked straight into a portal. This was definitely not your New York at all.
“Hey!” You shouted, trying to push your way out of the dark cell you’d found yourself in. “What’s the deal?! Who are you? Where am I?!” You kept annoyingly knocking on the invisible division between captivity and freedom. “Peter..?” You squinted at the red-suited figure that walked from the shadows, the one who had just learned of his own mistakes.
“Yeah, that’s me…” The boy shyly replied while you recognized the fact that he was not your brother. “Who are you?”
“Who am I?” You raised your eyebrows. “Who are you? You sure aren’t Spider-Man.”
“Actually, I am,” he scratched the back of his head, feeling bad for putting you through all this confusion, “but I can explain. I kind of pulled you out of your universe by accident because Dr. Strange, him, he cast a spell that I messed up and so yeah. Sorry.” Peter rambled and you stared at him like he was crazy.
“Can you just let me out of here?” You asked exhaustedly. “I’ve had a rough day both here and home.” You leaned on the barrier and waited for it to disappear.
“Tell us who you are first.” Doctor Strange first asked.
“I’m y/n Parker.” You revealed, shocking this Peter immediately since he was an only child. “Judging by the look on your face, I don’t exist here.”
“You do not.” Peter gulped, maybe a little jealous of this other him. “Okay, can we let them out now?” He asked the wizard and the man hesitated. “Please, sir? They can help my friends find the others. I’m sure they have experience with this kind of thing, don’t you, y/n?”
“A lot, actually. Before I was taken from my world, I was fighting a man made of electricity who was trying to take all of New York offline to gain more power.” You explained and both looked at the wizard with begging eyes before he caved, waving his hand to release you. You first ran towards the variation of your brother and grabbed his hand to shake it. “Now, I have to say that this is so cool. I have living proof that the multiverse is real, this is so crazy.” You laughed and Peter just knew you were definitely his relative, no matter how far the family trees were rooted.
“You have no idea,” Peter smiled, but suddenly brought you in for a hug, “I never imagined meeting my sibling from another universe!” You hugged him back, he was your brother, after all. Sure reminded you of him.
“Speaking of siblings,” you veered off, “do you have any idea if my brother is here? I disappeared while he was in the middle of a catastrophic battle, he’s probably really worried about me.” Peter had a sorry look on his face, making you wonder if you said something wrong.
“I’m really sorry, but I don’t know. But my friends are on their way! They’re gonna help me track everyone down online, so you can help find him!” He exclaimed and you perked up. “Wanna get a head start?” You nodded and Peter took you to a laptop that looked a bit newer.
“Peter, what year is it?” You decided to ask a strange question and he humored you.
“2024.” He said and your jaw dropped.
“It was 2014 two hours ago, Peter.” You mumbled and heard a chuckle from the shadows, looking up to see a familiar, scaly face. “Doctor Conners?” You asked in disbelief. “You’re a lizard again…”
“Hello, Mx. Parker.” The creature greeted, surprising your new friend. “We seem to be in the same boat.”
“He’s from your universe?” Peter curiously asked, more curious as to why the man looked like a beast.
“Yeah, he was my dad’s partner, another scientist. Smart guy, but it got to be a little much when he tried to turn all of New York into lizards as a little science experiment.” You explained, excited to try out this laptop from the future as you looked away from old memories and powered it up.
“You and your brother refuse to understand my work. As lizards, we would have functioned better as a community.” Dr. Conners replied and you scoffed.
“Yeah, but we’d also be lizards.” You would have kept bickering, but Peter’s friends arrived and got to meet his very own multiversal sibling. They were nothing short of amazed by the discovery.
“So you know this lizard guy?!” His friend, Ned, asked, partially because he thought it was a dinosaur that wanted to eat him. While you conversed with Peter’s friends, you stumbled across a new discovery. Another threat.
“Peter, check it out.” You pointed to the screen at several reports describing a strange figure flying about. “This your guy? The one you were searching for?” Peter took a look and pulled his mask on.
“I’m gonna check it out, you guys sit tight!” He rushed out of the room and went on his way to capture this guy, especially with his enhanced web shooter in his artillery. While you waited for your new “friend” to arrive, you indulged in some otherworldly snacks while Peter’s friends flipped out trying to figure out what was going on. You hadn’t put it together through the fuzzy connection on the screen, but when he appeared in the cell a few minutes later, you froze.
“Max?” You finally stepped into view and heard him begin to laugh.
“Looks like I’m seeing a ghost.” He commented as you walked closer, seeing your puzzled expression and only growing more entertained. “Oh, so that didn’t happen yet?”
“What are you talking about?” You questioned as the room went quiet, intrigued by your conversation.
“Last you remember, you were in our world, right? And I was doing my thing, taking all the power, fighting your brother?” Max recounted the events you’d just lived and you nodded your response. “Yeah, I killed you. Yet here you are.”
“Yeah, here I am.” You shot back and stormed away with an uncomfortable feeling in your chest. When you reconvened with Ned and MJ, they pulled you closer and began their whispers.
“What is he talking about?” MJ asked and you shook your head.
“Nothing. I don’t know. He’s lost it, trust me.” You peered over your shoulder to see his sinister smile, staring right at you.
It wasn’t long before Peter and Strange came back and the while situation was explained to you all. Everyone here had died while fighting your brother, but you had died helping him. Electro wasn’t lying when he said he took you out, so he started laughing again.
“What are you laughing at, man? You die like, ten minutes after me.” You snapped at him and he shrugged.
“Yeah, but at least I got back at Spider-Man.” Max told you and you rolled your eyes, landing them on Peter. You knew exactly what he was thinking, he was just like your brother. So he vouched for a way to save you all so he didn’t have your blood on his hands. It just so happened that the wizard wasn’t having it, so Peter took things into his own hands.
“Y/N, MJ, Ned,” Peter addressed you with the box that could save or end you with a press of a button, “take this and do not press the button until I say so. I have to give them a chance, give you a chance.” Peter looked to you and you grabbed him for another hug.
“Thank you, Peter.” You tried not to burst into tears at your seemingly inevitable future.
“Of course, y/n. It’s what brothers do.” He loved calling himself that. Peter then pat you on the back and sent you on your way, your new meeting place at Ned’s lola’s house. Hours went by and you grew more terrified by the moment. Your death sentence was sitting on the dining room table and a very protective girlfriend had it in her grips.
“I’m gonna press it.” MJ whispered to Ned.
“No! Are you really gonna do that to y/n?” Ned fought with her with more whispers while you sat in the living room with your thoughts alone.
“It’s them or him, Ned.” She argued and looked back at the worrying images on the television. “He put me in charge of it for a reason. We haven’t heard from him in hours.”
“I just wish we could see Peter.” Ned raised his hands and sparks flew near you. Startled, you jumped back and looked over at two confused teens, deciding to join them. So he did it again, and this time a full-fledged portal opened and from afar, you saw Spider-Man. A Spider-Man more recognizable to you than anyone else.
“Peter?” You tilted your head and waited for him to come through the portal. And when he did, he was in for a big surprise. You.
“Y/N?” He ripped off his mask in disbelief and you smiled while his eyes glossed over and he ran into you for the biggest hug he’d ever given another soul. “Y/N. It’s really you. Oh, my god.” He sobbed and you held him tight. For you, it’d been a day. For him, it’d been a decade. And his guilt for your death had eaten him alive, so seeing you in the flesh had completely shook him to his core.
“How long?” You decided to check your brother’s timeline.
“Ten years. Ten horrible, horrible years. Oh, my god. I missed you. I’m so sorry, y/n. I’m sorry.” He gripped you tightly, letting it all out as the rest of the room spectated your reunion, Ned and MJ shedding a few tears. “This is another universe, huh?”
“It is.” You had spilled a few tears of your own, wiping them away as you pulled away and looked at your aged brother. “And a few of your old friends are here, too. Doctor Conners and Max Dillon.” You told him and his face dropped at the name of your killer, his bitterness flooding his body in that immediate moment. “He told me what he did.”
“Did he, now?” Peter balled his fists and you grabbed his arm to calm him. “He took you away from me, y/n. He took my sibling away from me. And then I lost Gwen…” He trailed off and your expression dropped.
“Gwen’s gone?” You mumbled and Peter nodded, choking back tears as he relived that fateful day. You slid your hand down to his own and grabbed it in solidarity.
“Harry, he dropped her from the top of a clocktower only an hour or two after you were gone. I tried to catch her, but…” You gulped, understanding the amount he lost in such a short period of time. It broke your heart that you couldn’t have been there for him, and that she wasn’t there for him. Just him and Aunt May. Oh, she must have been devastated at the news of both of your passings.
“Peter…” You whispered and hugged him once more. He needed your embrace, it had been missing from his life for too long. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey,” he grabbed you and looked you in the eye, “you have nothing to be sorry for. I failed you.” Peter just looked at you a minute and smiled. “I’m just so glad I get another chance to see you.”
“Pete, we were working on curing all the villains that ended up in this world, there’s a few from another universe that needed help, too. Thing is, they all died in their worlds.” You explained to him, knowing that’s something he’d absolutely approve of, despite the anger that festered deep within. “It’ll give them another chance, make sure that they don’t die in their final battles.”
“That’s…that’s great, okay. So where are they?” He asked.
“Well, about that…” Ned interjected and chuckled. “We can’t find our Peter. We have no idea what is going on.” Your brother turned to you, who had a very awkward smile on your face. “I can try again, though!” It wasn’t too much of a surprise when another Peter showed up. But this was no time for socializing, there were much more pressing matters.
Your brother didn’t want to let you out of his sight, that was his mistake all those years ago. And when you were helping him and the other Peter’s with these cures, he was the happiest he had been in a long time. Like not a day had passed.
“Peter, Peter, I have to talk to you.” You pulled him aside and he broke out of his joyous mood. “Hey, listen…I just, I don’t know if they can save me, okay? Don’t—Don’t get your hopes up.”
“What do you mean? Of course we can, we will.” Peter grasped your hands and you began to cry, knowing that you were inches from the end and if he lost you again, he’d be destroyed. “What? Why are you so worried?”
“Peter, I die before Max does.” You told him. “I’m already gone.”
“So we send you back with, uh, uh, with something to ground you. You know, so the shock travels through you? Or maybe another device that’ll absorb the energy.” Peter sparked some ideas for you, but you still weren’t convinced, just scared.
“What if that’s not how it works?” You replied and took a deep breath, looking back at the others working so hard to save the bad guys. “Peter, I need you to be prepared for the worst.”
“The worst has already happened, y/n.” Your brother hadn’t tired of hugging you yet, this was still a gift to him, seeing you. And the chance that he could right this wrong was all the more reason to keep working. “I’m gonna do everything I can to get you back, don’t worry. You deserve…” His voice cracked. “You deserve to live your life, okay? I’m gonna make sure you can.” He walked off to his station, shoving everything aside and working on your “cure.” You accepted his help and grabbed his work in progress devices, putting the finishing touches on Conners’ and even Max’s—with some hesitation.
The rest of the group paused a moment, seeing two siblings working in perfect unison with a common goal in mind. To them, it was a feat. To you, same old, same old. Nothing had changed, that was the same Peter you’d parted from despite the years that went by.
“I…think…I…got it!” Peter attached one more wire to his creation and presented it to you proudly. “This is it, y/n. This is gonna save you, okay? Just, just strap it on here,” he instructed, doing it himself as he put this harness over your arms and secured it behind your back, “and keep it on no matter what. Got it?” You nodded slowly, looking down to examine the device that would supposedly prevent your fate.
“Thanks, Peter.” You told him, still hesitant about the past and future of you.
“It’s gonna work, y/n. I swear.” Peter assured you and you avoided eye contact with him. It’s not that you didn’t trust him, but things never worked out right for you guys. Your parents, your uncle, the spider thing, Gwen’s dad, Gwen…and you.
“I know, I believe you.” You forced a smile and gave him a high five. “We did it, let’s do this!” You cheered and the lot of Spiders and friends joined in, hoping for success.
“Okay, we gotta go, but I’ll see you soon.” Your brother winked and you took a deep breath, trying not to start shaking before him. “Just stay here, you’ll be safe here.” You agreed and watched him leave, but just before he made it out the door, you yelled:
“Love you, Pete!” He turned back and waved to you with a huge, hopeful smile and tears in his eyes from what would be a true success.
“Love you more, y/n!” You laughed and let him go, taking a seat on one of the school science lab stools and started fidgeting with the sink handles, on and off and on and off.
“Are you okay?” MJ and Ned asked after staring at you for some time.
“Oh, yeah,” you scooted back from the distraction and leaned on the table instead, “just waiting for something to happen.”
“Oh, then watch this! I think I’ve got this magic thing down!” Ned turned to face the wall and lifted his hands, asking to find Peter Parker and actually managing to do it this time. You witnessed the exchange of the magic box and your stomach sank again. That thing and you were not on the same side. But you had to stop focusing on that once Ned was unable to close the portal and there was an open doorway from the battle straight to you.
“Close it!” You urgently shouted. “Ned!” You ran forward and looked out to the distant harbor past the Statue. All seemed alright for just a minute.
“So, you got a sibling?” Peter 2 asked your brother while they waited for trouble. “We were on our own, you’re lucky.”
“I am, aren’t I?” Peter 3 chuckled and looked down from this height. “Yeah, I wish I were lucky. I messed up, got them killed. I just really hope this works, I need some luck.” He explained to his variant and shrugged off his bad feelings. “But hey, I got to see y/n for the first time in ten years! How awesome is that?” Peter 2 rested his hand on your brother’s back.
“It’s gonna work, Peter. Wanna know why?” Your brother cocked his eyebrow, curious to his answer. “Because you made it. It’s what we do.”
“I guess you’re right.” He chuckled and let some of his anxieties go just in time for the villains to arrive. But this time, Peter knew you were safe. Far, far away from here.
“Ned, just close the damn portal!” You shouted while sounds of violence traveled to you. “Oh, my god, Ned, you’re gonna kill us all.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to close it, I’ve never had to!” He kept waving his hands back and forth.
“I know! I’m sorry, I’m not trying to yell at you, I’m just freaking out!” You shouted back and caught glimpse of your world’s villains. “Please, this is insane.”
“Ned, just tell it to close the portal!” MJ pitched in and gave advice already thought of. You all continued your bickering for some time until the worst happened, you were spotted by a Doctor Curtis Conners.
“Really, Conners? My dad and you go way back and you’re gonna try to kill me?” You argued with the creature while running for your life.
“You can thank your brother.” Lizard snarled and you booked it to the portal, probably the worst place you could have decided to go, but at least there were superheroes there. It was just the matter of avoiding the bad guys. Which you immediately failed at.
“Hey, y/n. long time, no see.” Max Dillon hovered before you with an evil grin as you stepped back. “Why don’t I put us back on track?”
“Peter!” You screamed for any one of them, needing someone to save the day.
“Not then and not now, kid.” He charged up and hit you dead on, flooding your device with electricity. You took it as best as you could before your brother swung your way, giving a swift kick in the face to dear ol’ Max before landing in front of you.
“Are you okay?” Peter ran up to you and looked down at the device. “Oh, no.”
“It’s toast.” You tapped on the front, singed from the blast. “All shorted out. But hey, it worked!”
“Y/N, go back to the lab and fix it. You have to fix it.” Peter instructed and your face dropped. “What’s the matter?”
“Conners destroyed the lab. Ned couldn’t close the portal and he found us.” You told your brother and all hope flushed from his face.
“Just—Just go back, okay? Try.” He told you, knowing it was a lost cause. You just snuck away and tried to make yourself as small a target as possible until the firefight was over. And when it was…
“Peter, hey, we tried, we did.” You assured him as Dr. Strange started his spells, defending this universe from impending doom.
“No, don’t talk like that, y/n. I can still fix it, give it to me.” Peter grabbed the device and opened it up to find completely shot wiring and a fried circut board.
“There’s no time.” You gently grabbed his wrist and pulled him forward one last time, gripping him tightly as he did the same and sobbed. “I love you, Peter. Thank you for trying.”
“I love you more. I’m so, so sorry. I should have never dragged you into this.” He cried into your shoulder and you gulped, choking back your tears for just a moment longer.
“This isn’t your fault, Peter. I made my choice. Please don’t blame yourself. Please keep on living for me.” You began to sob yourself as the others gave you looks of pity. All of the ones guilty of murder and destruction were going home with a new chance, but you were a teenager without a single sin who was being sentenced to death once again.
“Wait, wait, wait.” He desperately walked back and grabbed a large piece of metal, looking up at the repairing sky. “Hold this. Don’t let go, okay.” He handed it to you and you hesitantly accepted it, knowing that he was desperate. “Keep your feet together, too. I don’t know, maybe this can still work, just try it for me. If you can, connect that to another piece of metal and do not let go, I will find you. I did find you. It was just too late.” You heard the story of your death from another perspective and died on the inside, feeling more sorrow for your brother than yourself. Seeing that must have haunted him for years. You could see in his eyes, it still does.
“Okay. I’ll try.” You took a deep breath out and looked at all the friends you made along the way. “Thank you guys for everything, you really are amazing in every sense of the word.” You smiled through your hiccups and turned to your brother as you began to fade with your heavy piece of metal truss in hand. “Remember what I said, okay?” Peter frowned and nodded to you, and you soon reappeared right where you left off, bracing yourself for electrical impact.
taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartlizzie07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @johnmurphyisqueer // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck // @randomawesomeperson102 // @brutal-out-here // @wonderful-writer // @of-a-chaotic-mind // @resplendentlady // @procrastinatingsapphictrash // @lxncelot // @swanimagines // @randomfandomimagine // @petersgroupie // @dindjarinsspouse // @werewolf-himbo // @lost-fantasy // @moobrvoobl-moobmoob-oobmpoobroom // @summersimmerus // @cipheress-to-k-pop // @augustvandyne // @spoodermans // @the-did-i-ask // @glxwingrxse // @scarthefangirl // @cyanide-mustard // @druigmybelovedone // @beth-gallagher22 // @bad4amficideas // @magnificentzombiebasement // @sheridans-dynamos // @seraphinevalentine // @mystic-writings //
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tobiosmilktea · 3 years
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hiii can i request tsumu, kenma, oikawa, and kuroo where they’re in a secret relationship and the reader feels like they’re hiding her bc they’re ashamed of her ? like a hurt too comfort type of thing? thank u bb 🥺🥺
- 🍒
secret relationships w/ atsumu, kenma, oikawa, and kuroo
a/n: i have so many angst requests,, yall must like getting hurt 💀 also this wasn’t as angsty as i thought it was gonna be since im going through writers block yet again and i can not handle pain rn (also not proofread, so read with caution lmao)
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— m. atsumu
it honestly surprised you at first, the way someone like miya atsumu returning your feelings the moment you told him you liked him near the start of the school year
there wasn’t that instant gratification though, knowing that one of inarizaki’s golden boys still felt out of your reach
despite being in a relationship with you, it wasn’t like anyone knew of it besides osamu and your closest friend
of course you didn’t really mind as you’ve always thought couples who were obnoxious with their relationships 24/7 and constantly making out in the hallways wasn’t your cup of tea either, so you get why atsumu wanted to keep it a secret
besides, with a guy so popular like him, you really just thought he was sparing you from the harassment (not that it would be bad if all the girls crushing on him new)
you get that he was just trying to protect you, and yet the more you thought of it, the more than it was simply just an assumption and you really didn’t know why your relationship was kept secret
it wasn’t like either of you would get backlash in any way, so what was the problem?
you weren’t exactly the type to be the most insecure either
sure, you were aware of the flaws you had, but it wasn’t something you were ashamed of as you learned to get used to it
yet it’s hard to fully love yourself when your boyfriend isn’t even comfortable with the fact that no one knows you two are even together
you hated jumping to conclusions, but you couldn’t help but to think the worst case scenario—was he ashamed of being with you?
you honestly thought the idea was impossible
if he was seriously ashamed of the thought of being with you in public, why would he even waste all those months dating? were all those dates and nights sneaking out to see each other for nothing?
it was like this for weeks with the way your own thoughts sabotaged you as you stood next to him during lunch
in moments like this in school, surrounded by your classmates and acquaintances, you and atsumu were only friends who sat next to each other occasionally and shared conversations that only friends would have
only friends
god, you hated the way that atsumu wouldn’t even look at you the way that he would when you two are alone
was he that embarrassed to be with you?
you didn’t want six months of all your hard work and effort of making time to be with him for nothing,, you had to do something about it
everyday, you, atsumu, and osamu would walk to school together with osamu typically walking ahead of you and your boyfriend
most couples would hold hands as they walked together, but atsumu had made it explicitly clear as the closer they get to school the farther they had to be from each other to avoid suspicions
thinking of it now, it sounded wrong to begin with and you had no idea why you even agreed to do such a thing
the school was close, maybe a block away and instead of slowing down your pace to create a gap between you and atsumu, you stubbornly stayed next to him to which he flickered you a weird look
he shrugged it off but the moment you two passed the gates and into campus, you slipped your hand into his
without missing a single beat atsumu immediately pulled his hand away from you with a look on his face that held all the questions running through his head at that very moment
“what are you doing?” he asks, almost in a harsh whisper
a frown melted upon your expression at how quickly he pulled away, almost as if he was disgusted by you. “i um, didn’t know you hated the thought of people seeing us together so badly.”
you didn’t know where all your strength went as it disappeared the moment you needed it the most
yet as you were about to walk away, atsumu tugs at your wrist lightly and pulls you into his embrace—his warmth and comforting scent of chamomile from  saved you from the embarrassment that was tainting your cheeks red
“no, no it’s not that,” he mutters, lips tickling your forehead. “i just wanted to keep you to myself a bit longer.”
— k. kenma
you honestly weren’t surprised at the fact that kenma wanted this relationship to be kept secret
he never seemed like the type to be in a relationship let alone get the attention of being in one in the first place, yet it irked you to the core
it was fine at first; acting like you two were just friends while at school or at volleyball practice and it wasn’t at all weird or out of the ordinary
maybe that’s why you were okay with it in the first few months of your relationship with kenma as you were always near him the majority of the time
yet you constantly had to fight the urge to not be so touchy with him from wanting to hold his hand to leaning your head onto his shoulder—you often had to stop yourself especially in front of your friends and his teammates
you were good at keep secrets, but it was absolute hell not being able to even tell kuroo considering you always hung out with him too (it was a given obviously but you digress)
kuroo is a bit curious in his closest friend’s antics so his constant teases of how you and kenma would be such a cute couple annoyed you to your core
he laughs as if you and kenma being together would be absolutely impossible and wouldn’t happen in a million years, and yet here you two were, pretending to laugh at his jokes and agreeing and it would be, in fact, impossible
as mentioned before, you’re more annoyed at keeping your relationship secret rather than angry
your actions were more abrupt and cold rather than your usual warm self and kenma definitely noticed
despite his usual calm and collected expression that he has on a daily basis, it covered up his own emotions of blatant insecurity and worry that you were losing your feelings and losing them quick
the last thing kenma wanted was for everything that happened between the two of you to be wasted over his own fear of being judged for being with you
you were his first in everything and he certainly wasn’t going to let you become his first heartbreak either
he worried about this for a few days, overthinking while he played video games with kuroo, lev, and yaku that they noticed how quiet he was being over the call
it was then did he impulsively asked kuroo to go on a separate voice channel with him just so he could blurt out, “i’m dating (y/n).”
and to his surprise, all his best friend said was: “yeah, i know. (y/n) told me.”
“what? why?” kenma asked with confusion evident on his visage
“she had no one else to go to vent.” kuroo answers, his amused laugh echoing through kenma’s headphones. “don’t worry, i won’t tell anyone.”
“thanks, but... i think (y/n)’s angry at me and i don’t know what to do.”
“she told me that she was getting tired of keeping your relationship a secret. she asked me if you felt embarrassed or even ashamed of being with her.” he explained.
confusion and a bit of worry washed over kenma as his words suddenly faltered, “i could never be ashamed of being with her,”
“then i guess, you should tell her that.”
“what should i do?”
his best friend lets on a smirk (not that kenma could even see it, anyway), “i’m so glad you asked.”
you weren’t exactly sure what you expecting to be honest
you knew there was something going on between kenma and kuroo as if they were planning something intricate, but you weren’t bothered to even ask
perhaps you were still in that petty mindset of giving kenma the cold shoulder after having to keep your relationship on hold all the time that stopped your curiosity
sure, it was a bit childish, but you were planning on talking about it with kenma the moment he came back into the classroom after going off somewhere with kuroo
which by the way, where the hell were they? lunch was ending soon and you needed to talk to you boyfriend asap
the timing was almost perfect the way the thought of him entered your mind was at the same time as his familiar blonde hair walked back into the classroom with a melon bun and a canned drink in his hand from the vending machine—your favorites
“i noticed you didn’t eat lunch, so i bought you this.” he says, placing them down onto your desk.
“is this supposed to be your way of apologizing to me or something?” you mused at him.
there was a faint smile on kenma’s face when you did. this was your usual self, one that constantly smiled at him rather than deadpanned and cold. “no,” he simple put it. taking in a breath of confidence before pressing his lips on the corner of yours. “but i was hoping that would.”
with wide eyes, your eyes scanned the room to see if anyone noticed, afraid at the fact that you broke the first rule. despite being a blushing mess from a minuscule peck on your cheek, there was an inkling of confusion still evident within you, “why did you do that?”
“kuroo told me everything.”
“i knew that guy couldn’t keep a secret,” you mutter as you tried to ignore that infamous feeling of butterflies in the pit of your stomach. “i don’t think people saw, so they won’t think we’re together—”
“what if i wanted people to know we’re together?” ded asf
— o. tooru
you honestly should’ve known oikawa was going to keep this relationship between the two of you a secret since the moment he confessed his feelings to you
what else could you have expected from aoba johsai’s most popular boy wonder with an actual fanclub full of naive girls
perhaps you’ve become naive yourself considering you dealt with months of having your relationship constantly being swept under the rug, psyching yourself out that he was doing this for your sake
and you understood that
it was the reason why you even agreed to keep your relationship on the downlow considering how annoyingly notorious oikawa’s fangirls were, they wouldn’t have let you see the light of day if they were to find out
if you were in fact being honest, there was a period in time near the beginning of the relationship how cautious you were being—barely talking to oikawa unless it had to do with school, avoiding his gazes during class, and even swallowing your pride by just watching his fangirls flirt with him and there was nothing you could do about it
you honestly had to give yourself a pat on the bat for dealing with six months of this treatment
you figured it wouldn’t be that bad, especially after schools where you and oikawa could finally have alone time to yourselves, but even those times alone with him there was a lingering feeling of tension and unease
the thought of someone from school even finding out of you two being  together even affected your relationship outside of school hours
you were tired of waiting outside the school gates for hours just for him to come out of volleyball practice and apologize that he couldn’t walk you home yet again
you figured that oikawa had grown far to used to seeing you waiting for him all the time that it was practically common sense that he was going to reject you again and again
you had to stop waiting for him at some point, but there was an inkling inside that for once, just for once, he would look at you with a smile so sweet that he would finally go with you
but not once has it happened
was he really that afraid of people finding out of his relationship with you that he’s willing to disregard all your hard work to even make this thing (whatever is was) to even happen?
if you were truly being honest with yourself, the only reason why this relationship is still up and active for this long is all because of you
you’re the one always asking him when he’s available during the weekends so you two could finally see each other, you’re the one always texting him first, you’re the one always being the most understanding of the situation
and yet it’s almost like oikawa isn’t even batting an eye at how difficult it has been for you
you absolutely hated jumping to conclusions and thinking of the worst case scenario and yet here you were, suddenly drowning at the possibility that the only reason why oikawa wanted a secret relationship was because he was ashamed to be with you
it was a thought that kept you up at night, tainting your optimistic thoughts of hope that this relationship would actually work out to decimate into thin air
the more is simmered in your head, the worse it became—what if his feelings that he confessed to you was a lie?
you hated overthinking
but if you really thought about it, even before you and oikawa dated, neither of you two were close. just two acquaintances in the same class that occasionally shared answers with each other just by the convenience of sitting nearby
you even went as far as believing that him dating you was just a joke, that this whole goddamn relationship was just some mindless prank just because he was bored
six months of wasted time. you were over it
the next day at school, you didn’t even look at him, you didn’t smile or even acknowledge the way he said good morning to you (as a friend does)
you figured he’s probably too dense to even notice, but he did. the usual glow you had each morning when you said good morning back to him was gone
he already missed the way your gazes would meet and how he would constantly find himself lost in your irises, but now you couldn’t even look at him in the eye
the only person who’s aware that you and oikawa were dating was iwaizumi. it was a given as who else would oikawa ramble on and on and on about how pretty you looked or how smart you are if it wasn’t his best friend?
if anything, iwa was the only guy oikawa could complain about how you were ignoring him
“maybe she’s bored of you for once,” iwaizumi cuts straight to the point. there was really no point in beating around the bush
offense was written all over oikawa’s face, utterly surprised, “how could she?”
“you can’t keep your relationship with her a secret forever, you know.” his best friend goes on to explain, “with the way things are going with you two acting like you’re nothing but acquaintances, (y/n)’s bound to lose her feelings.”
“but i don’t want her to lose feelings for me! and it’s not like i can suddenly tell all my fangirls that i’m dating someone, they’ll freak!” whines oikawa.
“why do you care about your fangirls’ feelings more than your own girlfriend? seems to me, it doesn’t even look like you care about (y/n) at all the way she’s constantly waiting for you after practice only to be rejected.”
it’s obvious iwaizumi wasn’t here to sugarcoat
“i just don’t want them to harass (y/n)...” oikawa reasons, trying to ignore the way his heart drop at iwa’s words like a gripping poison
“then that’s your job to tell those girls to back off.” he suggests, “they literally treat you like a god, surely they’ll listen if you tell them to leave her alone.”
the following day, you came across oikawa waiting outside your door, dressed in his uniform with his gaze lingering about to occupying his attention
“what are you doing here?” you ask him as you close your front door behind you. he’s probably here to break up with you, you thought to yourself
you had to force yourself to ignore the way your heart dropped at your own self-destructive thoughts
taking a deep breath as you approached him, you readied yourself for harsh news to come your way
but it never did
instead, you were greeted by oikawa’s infamous smile that made everyone at school to fall in love with this guy (including you)
he takes your hand into his, intertwining his calloused fingers that dwarfed yours in size. you don’t remember the last time you held oikawa’s hand, but it felt so familiar and warm
it was like home
you couldn’t help but feeling the ends of your lips tugging into a smile as you looked up at him, “what if someone at school sees us?”
you were expecting some kind of excuse, but all he did was shrug. “who cares?”
— k. tetsurou
when you and kuroo started going out, you certainly wasn’t expecting it to be like this
if anything, ‘going out’ would be a stretch if you count late night dates and sneaking out at midnight just to see each other as dating
it certainly wasn’t your usual definition of dating either as you yearned greatly to be able to do normal couple things with your boyfriend—like actually going out on dates during the day, eating lunch together, hell, even just holding hands!
it almost seemed laughable how normal things done in relationships were something you never even experienced with kuroo even after a few months of being together all due to him wanting to keep the relationship a secret
and if you were truly being honest with yourself, you never really understood why he wanted to keep it on the downlow in the first place
you never really questioned it as you just that much of an understanding person, but at a certain point it just wasn’t adding up
it wasn’t like he had girls going after him 24/7 despite being at the top of his class, popular, and nekoma’s volleyball captain
it wasn’t like oikawa who had an actual problem with hoards of girls surrounding him and tracking his ever move, so what was the big deal of letting your relationship public?
it was then did it hit you
the suddenly downpour of insecurity within your own loving boyfriend that you trust so much was getting the best of you
“what if he’s embarrassed to even be with me?” you contemplated in a harsh whisper to your best friend
it was in the middle of lunch and you two were sitting alone on a bench in the school’s courtyard chatting while eating—well, more like overthinking in your case while you friend just sat there and nodded
“if he actually felt that way, then he would’ve broken up with you already.” your friend stated in between bites, “besides, if i didn’t have feelings for someone, i wouldn’t put in the effort to sneak out just to see them.”
you hummed, not sure what to say as she did have a point
but could you really blame yourself for wanting an actual relationship rather than one that’s forced to go unnoticed?
“i should talk to kuroo about it...” you sigh out.
“talk to me about what?” an oh-so-familiar voice calls out to you and your friend
kuroo’s figure approaches the two of you as he give you a curt smile with hidden meanings that you weren’t able to even notice. you were too caught up in your own meddling thoughts that you also didn’t notice the way kuroo frowned slightly at the way you avoided eye contact with him
“nothing,” was all you said before standing up and throwing your trash away. “lunch is almost over so we should all get to class.” was all you said before briskly walking away
kuroo’s brows furrow in confusion as he looks over to your friend, “what’s up with (y/n)?”
“she thinks you’re too embarrassed to be with her, that’s why you hide your relationship.” she cuts straight to the point (homegirl just wants to eat her lunch in peace ffs)
“what?” your boyfriend huffs out in shock, almost offended at the fact that you out of all people would believe such a thing. “why does she think that?”
your friends shrugs, “not sure. that’s something you should be asking her, but if it were me, i would want a normal relationship as well.”
kuroo doesn’t say another word before walking away. and yet his walk quickened so he could catch up to you before you could get to class, footsteps echoing through the hallway in patters as he sees your familiar figure near your classroom 
“(y/n)!” he calls out to you as you slide the classroom’s door open. it was sure to catch the attention of the rest of the students already in the classroom as you turn towards him, brows furrowed in the same confusion
as he neared you, there was almost no sign in him stopping, sending your heart beating in a frenzy as you parted your lips to tell him to slow down
but before a single syllable could even fall from your lips, your boyfriend’s own pair press against yours harshly. it was sweet like caramel and you swore everything moved in a slow motion when you suddenly realized where you two were
he stole your breath away when he pulled apart from you, eyes immediately scanning the room of his own classmates staring at him in awe
“since when were you two dating?” matsukawa asked rather loudly, it seemed that others were interested in knowing as well.
panic suddenly coursed through you as you gave kuroo a look, gravely ignoring the way yoru heart was thumping against your chest and the dozens of unanswered questions running through your head
“w-we’re not actually dati—”
“we’ve been together for a few months actually.” kuroo cuts you off, sending you a wink before entering the classroom
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realcube · 3 years
Text
video games + blowjob 🎮
characters: bakugo, kirishima, sero & kaminari
tw// oral (giving), swearing, fem!reader, nsfw - minors dni
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all aged up!
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katsuki bakugo
♡ bakugo only finds the time to play video games once every millennia 
♡ most of the time, he’s working, training or spending time with you 
♡ also he only plays when the bakusquad arrange a time + date on the gc bc - he’ll never admit it - but he misses talking to them and playing like he used to, so the occasional Battlefield call they have really triggers a sense of nostalgia for all of them
♡ but the calls usually last a good while though lol - minimum 5 hours
♡ usually you let him be and don’t bother him during his calls bc you know how rarely he gets to call his pals but one day, he had been teasing you so much leading up to  his call - leaving you extra needy - and you couldn’t really help yourself
♡ so you snuck into the study room while he was playing, starting off by giving him a light massage which he enjoyed but the problem arose when you slowly got to your knees and began pawing at his sweatpants
♡ that’s when he noticed that you dressed up in your best lace for him too, which made him hard lol
♡ at first he looked pissed off and tried to ignore you but he kept losing focus on the game, his mind brimming with all the things he wanted to do with you
♡ eventually, he gave in and briefly muted his mic to hiss in your ear, ‘fine. but if you make a single fuckin’ sound or try to tease me, i’ll fuck you for all of them to hear, kay?’
♡ you simply hum in agreement before pulling both his boxer and sweatpants down without hesitation, then getting to work
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
bakugo growled deeply, at both your expert mouth movements around his hard member and at the shitty orders kirishima gave. “ ‘over here’ ? where the fuck is that?” it took an embarrassing amount of effort to suppress his moans while said that.
but he wasn’t all to blame. as you made it a point to deep-throat him as soon as you thought he was going to open his mouth to say something. 
“what happened to you, bakugo? you’re so quiet! is everything okay?” mina offhandedly pointed out while heading to the ‘over here’ that kirishima described. although you couldn’t hear what mina said since bakugo was wearing a headset, his reaction was enough to amuse you. 
bakugo snarled, immediately barking profanities at her, “shut it, pinkie! nothing’s fucking wrong! now get back to shoot-” he realised he was on the verge of climaxing so he desperately went to mute is mic before letting a moan escape his lips as he slumped back into his chair in pure bliss, his eyes rolling back into his head slightly as faint pops could be heard from his sweaty palms.
something about the pleasure you worked so hard to bring him an shot an indescribable sense of euphoria through his body, hence he reached down to ruffle your hair without averting his eyes from the screen. “good girl. now scram.”
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eijiro kirishima 
♡ again, he doesn’t really have time for video games; his main priorities are work, training & you 
♡ but sometimes video games can fall into the ‘you’ category bc occasionally he asks you to play super mario cart, animal crossing, wii sports etc with him
♡ the only time he plays video games without you is when he plays with the bakusquad on the arranged date they planned
♡ but before the call starts, you can tell he is really tense by the way he is biting his nails so you inquire about it and he kinda just gestures to your new - rather revealing - pyjama set then at his throbbing erection
♡ and ofc being the supportive gf you are, you offered to give him a blowie
♡he loved the idea but at first, he was kinda worried that he might get caught since he is usually very vocal during sex so obviously it’d be hard to just...stop
♡ however you reassured him that he’s manliest guy you’ve ever met so he’d definitely be able to resist a few moans
♡ so he came around quite quickly lol
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
“come over here quickly!” kirishima commanded proudly into the mic, a wide grin spread across his face at not only how good you were making him feel, but also at how well he was repressing his moans and the praise he so desperately wanted to give you for sucking so skilfully.
he had to say though, the amount of energy it was talking him to do all of the above was enough to leave him exhausted to the point that the game was just a blur of background noise. and the bakusquad could tell something was wrong as usually kirishima has the best aim out of them all but he has yet to make a single headshot.
although his eyes were glued to the screen, his mind was fixated on only you and how good you made him feel. as he approached his orgasm, he simply let his eyelids flutter shut as he focussed on the little movements you made; your tongue rubbing the underside of his cock, your occasional desperate attempts to deepthroat him, the way your lips wrapped perfectly around his girth, how you resorted to using your hands to take care of the parts of his length that your mouth couldn’t fit. 
“good job.” he hummed his praise for you as he felt you helplessly try to take him into your throat once more before he was ready to cum but the moments leading up to his high were interrupted by a “thanks, man!” from denki which made kirishima’s eyes widen before he hastily muted his mic, allowing himself to orgasm in your mouth from there and let out all the loud moans he had been hiding. 
“thanks, baby.” he said, slowly feeling the post-cum ecstasy fade as he leaned over to press a gentle kiss on your forehead, proceeding to slap his hand over your mouth as he noticed you were about to head in the direction of the bin. “swallow it.”
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hanta sero
♡ since sero became a pro-hero he definitely plays way less video games than he did before but he didn’t quit
♡ but whenever he does play, you’re either on his lap or giving him a blowie 
♡ so needless to say, this wouldn’t be your first time sucking him off while he played
♡ anyway, y’all were getting ✨spicy ✨ one day until he realised that he had a call + battlefield scheduled with the bakusquad
♡ deadass he was kissin’ down your neck while rubbing circles on your clothed clit until he just faltered like ‘oh shit i’ve got a call with ‘em today, don’t i?’
♡ DFRGTHYJU you were livid >:((
♡ bc he had got you all riled up and now he was just gonna leave 😩
♡ you asked him if he could skip the call just this once to finish what he started but he was like ‘bros before hoes’ while putting on his headset 
♡ but being the generous king he is, he unzipped to allow you to give him a blowie while he played 
♡ at first you were all pouty bc he should be the one giving you oral but once you realised that it was his offer or nothing, you begrudgingly got to your knees and began 
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
“eijiro, cover-- eijiro! kirishima!” he yelled into his mic, clearly getting riled up from the high action of the game and the matching high action of your mouth. “hellooo? you there, man? oi, i think kiri ‘s afk.” sero reasoned, looking at the frozen figure of his teammate. 
he felt the tip of his cock hit the back of your throat so he couldn’t help but look down at you, shooting you a cocky smirk instead of the moan you were expecting. he knew what you were trying to do but he wanted to make it clear that it wasn’t going to work on him.
sero had lots of practise at choking back moans and hiding orgasms so it was going to take much more than deepthroating to catch him off-guard. 
he momentarily muted his mic so he could instruct you to go deeper while simultaneously grabbing fistful of your hair to force you to deepthroat him once more, bringing him much closer to his orgasm.
eventually, he suddenly reached his climax but you didn’t allow him to mute himself; you wanted to see him struggle. but unfortunately for you, it was hardly an issue as by now, he was used to cumming silently. but you forgive him as the faces he mada are enough to make you wet as hell.
“alright, mr tough guy.” you purred in his ear, muting his mic for your sake, “let me ride you. let’s see how quiet you can be then, hm?”
challenge accepted. 
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denki kaminari 
♡ probably still plays video games a lot - even when he gets a job as a pro-hero
♡ but mans still got his priorities straight so if you ever approach him while he’s playing, saying that you’re feeling a bit horny, he’ll quit real quick lmao
♡ and a video games session with the bakusquad is no exception
♡ you’re feeling horny just thinking about the way he ate you out last night so you told him you want to return the favour as you watch him put on his headset
♡ you knew this was a special time with his friends though so you would’ve been too hurt if he said no but ofc he gladly accepted your offer
♡ but he still wanted to play though so he was a bit conflicted for a moment or two until an idea struck him
♡ ‘just blow me while i play, babe!’
♡ to say you were confused and a little concerned would be accurate, so you inquired further to make sure that he was 100% comfortable with it and he’d deal with the repercussions of a slipped moan 
♡ he seemed confident that it wouldn’t happen though - a little too confident. but this stemmed from the fact sero had told him that he lets his girl suck him off while he plays video games and nobody ever notices. but kaminari didn’t realise that sero’s impressive ability came from years of practise.
♡ you obliged though, happily setting yourself on your knees in front of him and taking his length into your mouth 
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
“thanks, man!” kaminari exclaimed cheerily, a bright smile spread across his face; partially due to his teammate’s praise but mostly how he’s made it so long into the call without a single moan despite the fact you were making him feel so good down there.
however, as you looked up at him and observed his cocky smirk, something snapped inside you - as it reminded you of the grin he wore last night that you got to see when he’d occasionally pull away from your soaking cunt for air. hence, you recalled how much of a tease he was yesterday and how it pissed you off to no end.
so now that he was sitting submissive to your touch in front of you, why not take your revenge?
your neck slowly retreated backwards to the point where the only thing connecting you to kaminari’s cock was a string of saliva, to which he instinctively whined, “hey! w-why’d ya stop?” completely disregarding the fact he forgot to turn his mic of so mina replied, “who stopped what?” out of confusion.
kaminari’s eyes widened and his face flushed in a way that brought you great amounts of satisfaction, so for being good entertainment, you rewarded him by unhurriedly enveloping his cock with your mouth once more. 
“oh, nothing!” kaminari choked back a moan, realising that his high was fast approaching so he acted accordingly, going to mute his mic, “one second gu-- ah~” the front is cock was finally  - and suddenly - welcomed into the walls of your throat, followed by rapid thrusts which was enough to result in an irrepressible groan escaping his lips.
luckily, his finger found the mute button before the bakusquad was forced to listen to the rest of kaminari’s orgasm. “fuck, baby~” he groaned, tossing his head back in pleasure as his hips jerked back and forth and before he knew it, he was at his climax. out of habit, he yanked his dick away to cum all over your face and chest, barley able to see the masterpiece he created through his heavy lids.
once he finished, he looked down at you with a proud smile, drool staining the corner of his lip, “always so pretty for me~”
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velvett-tearss · 3 years
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Black Tea & Blushes — L. Ackerman
summary: The two of you never got along, but there were times that even fire and ice made a perfect pair.
warnings: cursing, no spoilers for anything past early s1, Levi’s a little shit at first (surprise, surprise), mentions of blood (they’re fighting titans :-) lol) gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned)
genre: semi-canonverse, fluff, enemies to lovers (?)
word count: 3.3k
a/n: this was very self-indulgent lmao, sorry if it’s a bit messy 😭, <Hange, Connie & Sasha3 make an appearance bc I love them and you should too, hope you enjoy it <3
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"Couldn't you have gotten a cadet to do this?"
You raised a sharp brow at the man, trying to keep yourself from flipping his desk over. "Would you have yelled at them like you just yelled at me?"
The man's grey eyes didn’t meet yours, but there was a scowl on his face. Despite his steely eyes, he didn't say anything back. Instead, he pursed his lips and turned back to continue his paperwork.
You huffed in an attempt to ground yourself after being yelled at for the past two minutes. You took a sip from your own cup of the tea you had prepared for him, letting yourself savor the taste.
     "I don't understand." you said, tasting the earthy, black tea. "You said it was too cold last time, so I made sure it was extra warm. What's wrong with it? Is it too sour for you? I only added a few drops of lemon this time."
Levi remained silent, but you stood your ground, tapping your boot against the pavemented floor as you waited at his desk for an answer. You wouldn't let him win, not this time. Day after day, it seemed like he only grew ruder and ruder.
Your dislike for Levi Ackerman started the day you met him. He was still just a soldier when you joined the Survey Corp, and it wasn't long after that he become Captain.
He was mean, and he never seemed to care about anything, but God forbid you make a reckless move out in the field. It was as if all hell broke loose if you used a bit too much gas when slicing the nape of a Titan's neck.
     "Not everyone is Humanity's Strongest." you had spat at him when he scolded you on the way back to the walls. That only earned you a glare, seeing as Hange managed to secure your safety. If it weren't for them, you were certain you would've gotten stuck with stable duty for a month's end.
     You were glad he was nice to them, at least.
     At some point, you got promoted to Captain as well. One would think that since you shared the same rank, he would grow warmer to you, but that was another one of your mistakes.
     Everything about him rubbed you the wrong way, from his disagreeable manners to his awful way of speaking to soldiers. And, it was your disdain for him that got you stuck in this mess.
"A cadet could've done this." Levi stated again; you felt like you were being patronized. He raised a brow at you, holding the teacup in his hand. "A cadet could’ve made better tea than you.”
"Obviously not, Captain." you threw back sourly, snatching the cup from his hand. "A cadet could not have done this because if I hadn't interfered two weeks ago, who knows what you would've done to the poor man. And, all he did was make your tea wrong!”
Levi blinked at you, appearing bored with your conversation. "If you hadn't interfered, that soldier would be back with those good for nothing Military Police Officers doing what they're best at."
     You gritted your teeth. "And, what are they good for, Captain Ackerman?”
     His brow twitched slightly. “Absolutely nothing."
You let out a bitter laugh, placing the white ceramic teacups back on the tray you had brought in. "Now that you say it out loud, that reminds me a lot of someone I know."
     "What an awful way to talk about yourself.” Levi threw back with ease.
     The urge to roll your eyes at him was weighing on you, but you were stronger than the immaturity he seemed to bring out in you. "Captain, you must be growing old if you've already forgotten we're the same rank."
     Your decision of keeping yourself calm in his presence payed to be of use when you noticed the slight pause in his pen strokes at your words.
     But, you were well aware of how trustworthy Levi was in the sense that you knew he could always come back with something even worse than what he's told you before.
      "If you were of any use, you would know what's wrong with your tea. I'm sure even King Fritz could tell good tea from awful tea, and he's the most useless of them all." Levi told you, pen moving over the papers in front of him swiftly.
     "He could probably also tell a grown man from a spoiled brat," you told him, taking the tray with you as you left his office. "But, you make even that task seem impossible."
     You had to stop the triumphant grin from growing on your face when you heard his faint scoff from the other side of the wooden door.
Even if you managed to snag the last word of that argument, it didn’t feel as good as it usually did. The only reason you involved yourself in Levi Ackerman’s nightly tea was because 1) you didn’t like the way he spoke to the poor soldier who got stuck with job of handling it, and 2) Erwin asked that you try and be a bit nicer to your fellow captain.
You only did it to keep your job, really, and you would never let your Commander think less of you, even if he did favor Levi. Even Hange had tried to coax you into not letting The Ackerman’s sharp tongue get to you, but that didn’t seem to work.
Levi and you would never be friends, if that’s what Erwin meant when he pulled you aside at supper a few nights before. It was a lie to say you didn’t admire the man’s impressive skills, because you did.
But, admiration and respect were two separate things.
The two of you were jagged edges of broken glass that didn’t fit together, and that was perfectly fine. You didn’t mind being Levi being a sharp piece of glass, just as long as he kept his corners to himself and far from you.
Erwin, as observant as usual, caught on to the solution to your problem, and he even made sure you and Levi would rarely ever cross paths when the Scouts were out on an expedition. The two of you worked on opposite sides of the formation.
The only time you would ever work together would be if there were no other options, but both of you were reliable in your own senses: him with his... whatever he called it, and you with your wits.
You didn't mind being farthest from him, and if it were up to you, you'd go even farther.
     “Hey, you got new glasses.” you stated, noticing the new pair of brown frames that Hange wore the morning as the Scouts waited for the signal to begin the expedition.
“Oh, don’t remind me.” they said with a frown, holding the glasses in their hands. “Last night, Moblit and I were doing some research, and someone must’ve stolen my glasses because I couldn’t find them this morning.”
“Stole? Isn’t that a big accusation?”
They let out a hearty laugh. “It is! That’s why I’m saying it!” Hange replied, golden eyes widened at you in exasperation. “I’ve been stuck with these, and they’re too big for my face. All they do is fall off.”
“So maybe don’t wear them?” you wondered as you caught a glimpse of the dark head of hair you knew too well. “What’ll you do if you lose them out in the field? Better safe than sorry.”
“I wish, but I’m as blind as a bat without them.” Hange reasoned with a sigh before quickly composing themselves. “But, now that you mention it, I never did mind a challenge.”
The smirk growing on their face was one you didn’t quite like. Before you could talk some sense into them (if that were even possible) the signal went off to begin the mission.
They gave a wide smile and a thumbs up as a good luck token. "Don’t do anything crazy!” you called out when the two of you parted ways, taking your squad with you. “I mean it, Hange!”
Hange waved you off, charging in faster in their horse. It was up to poor Moblit to chase right after them.
Your squad remained close together for the majority of the mission. There wasn't much to do on your end of things, which was a relief. At some point, you decided to stop for a quick break before pushing forward.
If you were able to see five mintues into the future, you would never have let your squad talk you into taking a lunch break. Just as you were relaxing a bit, there was an Abnormal coming from the thick trees.
Your sense of smell wasn't as skilled as Miche, and if it weren't for one of the younger cadets on your squad who had a keen sense of hearing, you all would've been Titan food.
It didn't take long for you to spring into action, your squad following suit. You made sure to use the plans Erwin had issued out on previous Scout meetings.
When the Abnormal finally made it to where you and your squad stopped, the beastly creature managed to catch one of your soldiers in midair. As the young boy was raised in the air, his stomach couldn't contain his recent lunch.
Gravity works in wonders, you thought when his earlier lunch fell onto you with a splat! You couldn't blame the poor boy; it was better upstairs than downstairs. As terrible a feeling it was to have chunky vomit all over you, you knew it would be as even worse feeling if the boy died under your care.
Your squad got to him before any damage was permanent, at least physically. When the killing blow was done, you tended to your soldier. He muttered out apologies for having thrown up on you, but you were merely in the line of fire.
"It's okay, Connie." you reassured him after pulling off your green cape that had been soiled in aid to shield you. “I’d rather it be your lunch on me than your organs.”
You ordered that he ride with your other cadet, Sasha. He let out a pained laugh at your words, leaning against her on her horse. She scolded him for “wasting so much food,” to which lead to their silly banter, which you didn’t mind as long as they were safe.
     As unfortunate as it was, that incident wasn't the last of it. There wasn't much time between Connie getting his ribs crushed by a Titan and the numerous amount of red flares that were being shot into the air.  The amount of red powder in the sky was enough to cast a shadow of worry over you.
     By the time your squad made it to where the red flares had been signaled, it was a mess. Abnormal and Pure Titans were ambushing the rest of whatever was left of the Survey Corp. Your squad wasted no time in following your orders as you made a beeline for the trees where a group of Abnormals were huddled together.
     When you finally got a good look at the scene in the forest, your sight was met with Titan smoke and blood of fallen comrades. It was a disaster, as it always was. But you knew, where there was smoke, there was definitely fire.
And, that fire was Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.
He looked ablaze, nothing but a flash in the distance. Slicing Titan limbs as if they were merely flowers in his way, Levi Ackerman was kicking ass. It was in moments like this — where he looked like the answer to all the prayers of the people inside the walls — that you wondered if you truly hated him all along.
“Section Commander!” Moblit cried, chasing after Hange as they swung on the highest tree of the forest. It seemed as though they forgot all about how loose their glasses were as they did a number of twirls in the air. His voice was enough to snap you out of your trance and assist your fellow comrades.
You managed to fight off three Pure Titans and two Abnormals for what seemed like forever. It might’ve been even worse if not for Connie Springer’s lunch all over you that acted as Titan Repellant.
Perhaps you would tell Hange of your new discovery, but every time you managed to get close to them while fighting off the Titans, all they did was badger you with questions upon questions.
“Are you sure you haven’t you seen them?!” Hange cried for the fifth time, eyes squinted at you from their branch opposite you. Moblit was fighting off a creepy Abnormal with ugly teeth a few feet from you.
“No, I haven’t! And, didn’t I tell you your glasses would fall if you took them with you?!” you shouted back from your place on the tree before taking a breath to try to slice the neck of your second Pure Titan. “Go back to the wagon, Hange, before you get yourself killed!”
They huffed and puffed, but they let Moblit guide them to the wagon to wait until the rest of the Scouts could find a moment to retreat back to the walls.
After finally slicing the nape of your final Titan, you looked over to where you had last seen Levi. Only, he was nowhere to be found. A panic set in when you couldn’t find any sight of him.
“Captain?” you called out from your place on a tree branch where you were catching your breath. You squinted your eyes to get a farther look, but it didn’t help that much. “Captain Ackerman, are you there? Do you—”
But, that’s when you felt a jostle of wind hit your back. You turned quickly to see the dark-haired man swinging through the trees, holding an unconscious Oluo.
You followed him, figuring if you took his squad member off his hands that Levi would have a better chance of taking down more Titans. Maybe even with a man who weighed far more than himself in his hands, Levi could still have a better chance than you.
“Captain, I’ve got him. I’ll take—”
But, Levi wouldn’t budge. It was like he wasn’t listening to you, and you didn’t know if it was by choice or coincidence. You huffed and rushed quicker to help him in carrying Oluo.
Maybe it was just your luck, or maybe it was just his, but right before you managed to reach him, a Titan’s jaw came from below him, wide and ready for lunchtime.
There was nothing for him to do, not with his hands full. Surely he knew that from the way his grey eyes finally broke through from that awful void he’d placed you in, the one where all you ever got from him was scoldings and insults and cold stares that often made you wonder if he actually did hate you.
And, for the first time, you saw panic flash through his grey eyes, his life flash before his eyes.
“Levi!” you cried, using the rest of your ODM gear’s gas to catch up to him. You knew if he were to survive such an event, he would scold you for wasting your gas on an old lump like him.
But, for once, Levi had something to say about you that didn’t regard your incompetence to make decent tea or your recklessness that spurred you to use all your gas just to save him and the bullheaded, baboon by the name of Oluo.
It was your astonishing speed.
You got to the two men right before the great wide jaws of the Titan could snap closed and swallow the three of you for its meal, which Levi had to admit (but probably never would) was quite impressive.
“Shit!” you hissed out when the three of you landed on another tree branch. As quick as you got to the branch was as quick as Miche was to come and ensure your safety, slicing the Titan’s nape with ease.
Oluo was still unconscious and a little bloodied up and battered, but he was safe.
“What the hell were you thinking?!” Levi yelled, voice slightly hoarse from everything that had just happened. His hair was a mess, and you held back a laugh at the sight of him. “Why— why would you? I mean, what— and, why do you smell like—”
“A thank you is perfectly fine, Ackerman.” you coughed out, catching your breath from the overexertion you just forced yourself through. Carrying two grown men was tough, especially when it was between life or death. “As for the smell, one of my soldiers threw up on me.”
Levi blinked at you, his expression consisting of disgust and confusion. “What?”
“My soldier. He threw up on me earlier.”
“I heard you the first time.” he told you, blinking quickly as if it were going to grant him some clarity. You didn’t know if his confusion was from your act of saving him and his squad member or from not knowing what to say to you after.
He looked funny, with his hair that of a bird’s nest and his cheeks flushed pink.
“Did you hit your head on the way down?”
“W-what?”
“Your head? Did you hit it?”
“No, I-I’m fine.” he scrambled upright, finding purchase on the unconscious Oluo’s shin. Your eyes flickered to where his hand was placed, and he snatched it right off immediately, burning a deeper shade of pink.
“Oh.” you muttered, holding back a chuckle. There was no way Levi was without a concussion, not with the way he was acting all of a sudden: stuttering and turning pink on you. It was a wonder you caught up to him before he collapsed.
“Are you sure you’re okay, Captain?” you asked again, fixing your uniform before getting to your feet. You wobbled a bit; Levi raised a brow at you. “You look sick. Why don’t you sit in the injury wagon for a bit on the way back? Just in case.”
He waved you off, standing on his two feet as well. You didn’t want to cause a fight, not right after what had just happened and not outside the walls, so you decided to say nothing about his seeming concussion.
The two of you lifted Oluo off the ground, blood seeping from the side of the man’s mouth. “Is it his ribs? Was it an Abnormal? They were awful today.” you questioned, looking to Levi for answers.
“He bit his tongue, again, before ramming into a tree.” Levi told you, averting his gaze from you as he shifted the man against his shoulder for a better grip. “He said something f-fell from the sky.”
You nodded, letting yourself chuckle. “What could it’ve been? Bird shit?”
Levi shrugged at your words.
He was far too quiet for your liking. Maybe he did have a concussion. It wouldn’t be good if he rode back like that. Perhaps if you spoke to Erwin or Hange about it, one of them could convince Levi to get checked out once you got back to the walls.
The two of you managed to get back to the rest of the Scouts safely. You helped Levi placing Oluo in the wagon with the wounded and the fallen while everyone else was getting accounted for.
All the while, Hange was trying to persuade Erwin into letting them form a search party for their glasses that had fallen while they were swinging on the trees.
Though you were straining to listen to their conversation, you were more than certain that Erwin would never allow such a thing, but you had to admire Hange’s efforts, as fruitless as they were.
“Thank you.”
You snapped your head to Levi.
He refused to meet your gaze again, busying himself with readjusting his soldier’s cape. If not for the obvious step into uncharted territory between the two of you, you would’ve commented on the rosy blush he adorned.
Suddenly, you were overcome with a laughter, waving him off with your hand quickly. “I was just joking about that, Captain. Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, but I’m just surprised you actually—”
He scoffed, the expression on his face shifting to one of impatience. “Don’t be a brat. Just take the compliment.” Levi huffed out, visibly annoyed with your chatter.
A look of shock overtook your face. “Oh, so you’re complimenting me? Why didn’t you just say so, then?”
“Oi, that’s not what I meant—”
“No, it’s fine. I heard you, loud and clear.” you interrupted, smiling widely at him. “You’re oh-so very welcome, Captain Ackerman, and if you ever need me to save your ass again, you know where to find me.”
Levi opted to say nothing back, merely shaking his head at you when you gave a lazy salute and started back to the other side of the formation where your horse and squad awaited you.
“Besides,” you shrugged, turning back for a moment to catch him looking at you. “Who else would teach me how to make tea?”
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note: I don’t think I specified it, but Oluo was knocked unconscious bc some object (Hange’s glasses) fell from the sky lmao 🐸
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greensaplinggrace · 3 years
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honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...
not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..
like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.
alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???
honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.
Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.
HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.
👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!
Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".
Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.
Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.
I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.
And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.
And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?
The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.
His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).
And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.
She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.
Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.
And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.
Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.
Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.
The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.
In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.
The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.
Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.
Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.
This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.
So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.
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