#but also the narrative says that he's kind and he had a big heart and he perseveres

[ohmytyong]

mark me in your heart

PAIRING: drug dealer!mark x bartender!reader (female!reader)

GENRE: angst, smut, kinda friends with benefits au, bartender!renjun, best friend!renjun, action au, open-ended narrative

WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol, explicit description of drug use (don't do drugs kids), use of pet names, trust issues, explicit language, mentions of food, smoking, emotionally unavailable characters, both mark and y/n are kind of assholes, explicit sexual content, angry make-up sex, rough-ish sex, unprotected sex (!always use protection!), heavy make out, choking, lip biting, nipple play, pussy slapping, spitting, oral (both m and f receiving), degradation, praise, spanking, crying, hair pulling, incredibly cringey dirty talking, aftercare (?), not proofread (let me know if i missed any!)

WC: 13k (12,975)

‣[PLAYLIST]: 505 by arctic monkeys, bad omens by 5 seconds of summer, slow down by chase atlantic, why do you only call me when you’re high? by arctic monkeys, a little death by the neighborhood, okay by chase atlantic

SUMMARY: when a sensitive and broken heart meets another one of the same nature, their instinctive reaction is to seek comfort in each other, and in order to heal themselves, they both need to be equally strong and willing to put all their broken pieces back together. but sometimes, some hearts aren’t strong enough to be saved; the only way to save them is if the stronger heart of the two is willing to take the risk and try for the both of them, whatever it takes.

A/N: it's finally here! it took me too long to finish this one but here it is! i know it might seem a bit fast paced or vague in certain parts, but remember this is all about the vibes and i deeply hope that you will enjoy it and give it some love because it definitely needs it <3

read on wattpad / ao3

“Hey Renjun, pass me that glass” you said as you wiped the thick tall glass completely dry before you put it back on the shelf behind you. You were moving mechanically at this point, the exhaustion of the long night at the bar taking over your entire body. It was 5 in the morning and you had just barely managed to kick out some of the remaining drunk nobodies who were so wasted, that their toxic-infused brains couldn’t even give them the signals to move their own bodies.

Working at the bar wasn’t your dream job but it’s not as if you had a better choice. It was either a bartender or a stripper. Both of them sounded equally bad, so you decided to opt for the slightly better one. If you could even say it like that.

It wasn’t a particularly ideal job but it was enough to get you by. It earned you enough money to buy you food and pay the rent at the motel you were staying at, it got you as many free drinks as you needed to help your mind escape from all your worries and you also got to meet some relatively cool people, so that was somewhat good. The working hours weren’t such a big of an issue either, you couldn’t really sleep anyway. So you were fine with it.

Most nights, the bar usually closed at around 3 am. There wasn’t a set rule on this; it usually depended on how many customers there were and how much they were drinking. Your boss had suggested that you shouldn’t keep the bar open all night long, so you kinda decided that it was best to close a few hours after midnight. You weren’t complaining about this though; the sooner it closed, the more time you’d have to get high with your co-worker Renjun at the alleyway behind the bar.

Unfortunately, tonight luck wasn’t on your side, as a group of friends kept on drinking more and more as the hours passed by, which meant that you and Renjun had to keep the bar open until later. You weren’t opposed to this idea, it only meant that you would earn a little bit more money. It was Renjun who started complaining, so he decided to take action into his own hands and practically dragged the drunks out of the bar.

This is how you ended up cleaning up the place this late, rather this early in the morning, with your co-worker. The two of you were too tired to speak, so neither of you made any efforts to spark up a conversation. You both just attended to your respective tasks, waiting for a specific somebody to show up.

Luck surely wasn’t on your side tonight. He would usually show up at around 3:30 am, right after the bar closed, and he would have all the stuff ready, just at the exact moment you needed it. Why was he late today?

It didn’t take a genius to understand that Renjun was clearly affected by the lack of the stuff. He moved around the place nervously, tugging at his hair and stomping his foot rhythmically. He was in a desperate need of it, and you would honestly lie to yourself if you said you didn’t need it half as much as Renjun did.

You put the last clean glass on the shelf behind you and went over to the storage room to grab a broom, so that you could clean the floor a bit while Renjun was still wiping the bar counters. As soon as you closed the door of the storage room, the little bell that hung above the bar’s front door rang with a tinkle and soon after it followed the sound of the so familiar footsteps you were waiting for all night.

“Hey kids, Santa’s here,” his voice resonated in the empty room as he waved a small transparent plastic bag that looked white because of its content. Renjun threw the handkerchief he was holding to the other side of the counter and dramatically jumped over it to go and hug the male who just entered. All of that just at the sight of the clear plastic bag with the snowy content.

“Mark, what took you so long my guy, I’m literally a dead man walking! Give this beauty to me,” Renjun exclaimed and snatched the plastic bag straight out of Mark’s hand. Mark smirked at what Renjun said and immediately started grinning at the sight of the boy’s eagerness.

Renjun went to sit on the bar stool closer to him and placed the bag on top of the counter he had just wiped clean. With slender fingers, he opened the plastic bag and dredged some of the content on the counter. With nervousness in his movements, he set the bag aside and shuffled through his back pocket to find his ID card. He started scattering the white dust all over the counter before he gathered all of it in a straight line with the help of his ID card. When he was satisfied with the result, he put his ID card back into his pocket, lowered his head to the level that his nose touched the cold surface of the counter, took a deep breath and snorted the entire line of crack, the product going straight up into his nostrils.

Renjun blinked several times before he slowly lifted his head. He scrunched his nose and wiped it with the back of his hand, his drowsy eyes looking surprisingly bright considering his state. “Man, whoever hasn’t done crack, never, they haven’t known the beauty of life yet” he chuckled. Mark smirked at Renjun’s comment and you couldn’t help but shake your head amusingly, a small smile creeping up at your face.

Renjun took the plastic bag with the rest of the cocaine and put it in his pocket. “This baby’s for me, thank you,” he amused and turned his heel towards the storage room. “Don’t come look for me, I’ll be right here. If I take too long to come out, then you should be concerned,” he said and closed the storage room door behind him; a scene that was surprisingly quite familiar to you.

You then set the broom down and walked towards Mark. “Hey” you whispered and Mark greeted you back in a low husky voice. “What took you so long? We were expecting you to come earlier” you asked him.

Mark shrugged and leaned his elbow against the counter. “I came by at our usual meeting hour and saw that you guys were still open. I couldn’t risk anyone seeing me so I decided to drop by later,” he said and you nodded in understanding.

“You do have more of those plastic bags on you, don’t you?” you asked him and he chuckled. “Of course I do, pretty. Let’s go outside and treat ourselves a bit, shall we?” he suggested and you nodded again, walking beside him towards the alleyway behind the bar.

The sky was painted in a deep hue of light blue, the moon and the stars still visible in the early morning sky, the sun barely seen in the horizon. You huffed in a sharp breath and put both your hands inside the pockets of your jeans as a reaction to the crispy air of the early morning, as you leaned your back on the damp wall behind you. Mark followed right after you and did the same. He shuffled into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a clear plastic bag full of crack, two crack pipes and a lighter. With almost automatic motions, he filled the pipes with crack and lit them up. He handed you one of them and kept one for himself.

You looked at the crack pipe as if it were an oasis in the middle of an infinite desert and you were so thirsty that your dried up mouth and throat were already relieved just by the sight of it. It only took you one second to react to the visual stimuli in front of you, quickly removing your right hand from your pocket and pulling the pipe straight from Mark’s hand. You brought the pipe to your lips, closed your eyes and took a long, slow drag. This was exactly what you needed.

You immediately felt your body relax and your mind clearing up. The moment you took the drag in, all your worries and problems completely vanished, even if it were only temporary. It was your brief sweet escape from the huge bitter world you were forced to live in.

A chilly breeze flew and you lifted your shoulders at the shivering sensation. Mark noticed immediately and he pulled you closer to him, removed one of the sleeves of his jacket and draped it over your shoulder, slinging his arm over it too.

"So," Mark spoke up, breaking the easing silence, "how was work today?"

You shrugged your shoulders. "Eh, like usual. Bunch of random people came in to drink their problems away and give us their money in exchange for adulterated alcohol. But Renjun had to drag some of them out of the bar, he literally grabbed them by their collar and feet and dragged them out of the store, you should have seen it. It was way too funny" you said and chuckled at the memory of the incident that happened a couple hours ago.

Mark giggled at your statement. "Damn," he dragged out the word, "too bad I missed that" he said and brought the crack pipe to his lips and squinted his eyes in pleasure and relief when he inhaled the poisonous content.

The next few minutes remained silent. There was only the sound of cars passing by being heard in the distance, it was probably people going to their early shifts at work. Normal types of work. Unlike the one you had, unlike the fate you brought upon yourself. That’s when the realization of your situation hit you like a truck. How could your family cut you off so easily when they found out that your dreams were different from what they were expecting of you? Were you just a tool for them? Another burden to take care of?

"You seem unhappy" Mark broke the silence. He was looking straight ahead in the distance, his eyes focusing on nothing in particular, probably because he was a bit too high to notice anything.

"Because I am" you responded to his comment, turning your head to look at him, searching for a sense of home into his soulless eyes.

Mark smirked and turned his attention to his heels. "You know, I wanna help. Right? You know that" he said with a raspy voice due to his sleeplessness. "But I don't think that feeding you drugs is any help" he now turned his head to look you in the eyes.

You pressed your lips into a thin line before you spoke. "I ask for the drugs Mark, you're not feeding me anything. It's my only escape, what else am I supposed to do?"

"I love you, Y/n" Mark said.

You winced at his confession and turned your head to avoid his gaze and fixating yours on the wide sky ahead of you.

"You're high, Mark. Cut the crap" you said in a bitter tone.

"Do you think I'm lying? I mean it, Y/n. I fucking love you, for whatever reason I do. And I care about you, so come with me and let's get out of this shitty town. I’m running out of time too, they’ll soon find where I live" Mark defended himself.

You turned again to meet his eyes. "And go where, Mark? Where the fuck should we go, huh? I don't have anything else to do other than this shitty job. I only keep it because I need the money to survive and it's the only way to keep myself sane. The people I used to call family kicked me out of my house and this was the easiest solution I could come up with before I would collapse entirely and before it would become too difficult to get back on my own feet. So what else is left for me to do?" you were clearly getting angrier now, but not at Mark. At yourself.

Mark's eyes darkened in sadness. "That's what I'm saying! You deserve better than this! Look, we have enough money. I do deals, but I know this is a job I can't have forever. I told you, I’m on thin ice. If I’m seen doing deals again, I’ll go to jail. You know I play the guitar, right? I can join a band or something. I know a friend downtown, he might be of help" he said.

"And you," he continued, "you're a great bartender. You could make a career out of it" he said.

You shut your eyelids and shook your head in denial. "It won't work out. I'm a mess, you're a mess. We can't make this work. It's impossible" you said, turning your head away.

Mark sat up straight and put his hand below your chin to turn your attention towards him. "Look at me, Y/n. We can make it work. Believe me. Trust me. I can't leave you living like this. And I certainly can't live a life like this myself. You're the only person I can make a change with. I need you" he said.

You gulped and stared right into his eyes, unable to form a response. "So you just need me as a means to get you out of town and help you start your magical new life. No thanks, Mark, I'll pass" you said and shoved his hand away to release his grip on you.

Mark became frustrated and moved to stand right in front of you. The half of his jacket that was wrapped around your shoulders dropped and it hung behind his back.

"Okay, look Y/n, you're tired and you're high. We'll have this conversation again in the morning" Mark said defeated.

Your energy was running low despite the boost of energy you had just inhaled, so you let yourself loose. "Let's get you back to your room. You need some rest. Come on, I'll drop you off" Mark suggested and you gave in to him completely.

You took a step towards him and stumbled a bit. Mark, with his rapid reflexes, caught you firmly by the forearm and guided you to his car. The last thing you remembered was the faint sound of the car door closing, before you were engulfed into pretty sleep.

The next day you woke up to the sound of light guitar strumming from across the dim lit motel room. It was already past noon; the curtains were still drawn closed but the midday sun rays found their way in between the curtain folds and peaked through the dirty motel room windows to light up the inside of the place.

Mark was sitting on a wooden chair across the bed with a concentrated look on his face. With his jaw clenched and his cheekbones popping, he strum his fingers through the guitar strings, playing random chords in an attempt to create a melody he liked.

You shuffled between the bedsheets and stretched your body all over the old bed. A squeaky sound echoed in the room due to your sudden movement, which caught Mark’s attention. His strumming stopped abruptly and his head jolted up in surprise, his eyes opened wide and his lips dropped to a pout.

“Did I wake you up? Shit, I’m sorry” he whispered, trying to be as quiet as possible.

You rubbed your eyes to clear your vision and looked at him. “No, you didn’t. I like what you’re playing. Sounds pretty” you reassured him. “Good morning, Mark”

His previously guilty expression was taken over by a wide grin appearing on his face, which turned into a bright smile. “Good morning, pretty,” he said.

You smiled at him and he went back on strumming random chords on his guitar. His eyebrows scrunched in concentration and you couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of his messy hair and wrinkly t-shirt due to the, apparently, good quality sleep he just had. Your obsessive thoughts took over once again and didn’t let you enjoy this glimpse of happiness in the abyss of misery you were engulfed in. Your lips gradually dropped to a frown and your vision became blurry again.

Mark wasn’t perfect, but neither were you. He came into your life at the perfect moment, when you needed him the most. It was your first day at the bar, your first time as a bartender. Renjun had been training you all day, teaching you the basic parts of the job and giving you tips on how to handle weird or creepy customers. You were completely drained out that day, so your co-worker and soon-to-be best friend had promised you a pleasant surprise by the end of your shift.

Renjun’s definition of a “pleasant surprise” was slightly different from yours. That night, Mark walked into the empty bar with steps full of confidence. You didn’t know him back then, but from the very first second you saw his figure enter your life, there was only one word that kept circulating your mind; trouble.

Mark was trouble. With his sharp gaze and well-defined features, captivating aura and assertive moves, it was more than obvious that this guy would mean nothing but trouble to you. For some inexplicable reason, this was exactly why you were instantly attracted to him.

Mark came in carrying all the usual stuff Renjun wanted and gave them over to him without talking much. The two guys seemed to share a lot of past memories together, and you were right. Renjun had filled you in later that night on his relationship with Mark and how they helped each other stand back up on their own feet after they were forced to leave home. A story very familiar to you.

Mark came by the bar every single night. He didn’t give Renjun drugs every time, but he sure enjoyed both your and Renjun’s company. It’s not as if he had anywhere else to go.

That’s how you grew quite fond of him very easily. You found yourself looking forward to the end of your shift just so you could see him. He once offered you drugs but immediately took back his offer when he saw your shocked expression. You were at the lowest point in your life and doing drugs wouldn’t be the wisest habit to take up, even though this was, at the same time, the exact reason why you should do drugs. Eventually, reality hit you and you caved in, waiting for Mark to come at the end of your shift for one more reason other than just seeing him. He was reluctant at first. Mark didn’t want to drag you into this lifestyle, so you annoyed him and begged for it until he finally gave you the lethal medicine.

You and Mark were surprisingly very similar. Maybe that’s why you bonded so fast with each other. And maybe that’s exactly why you were equally bad for each other. You could see so much of yourself in him, just at a more put-together version. Sure, he was a drug dealer, which was certainly not a better job than yours, but he at least seemed to have a purpose in his life. Unlike you.

As time passed, you started spending more and more time with him. You would smoke crack, get high, talk endlessly until your mouths dried up, go back to your motel room, have sex with each other, and repeat. You found comfort in his presence and became attached to him without even noticing.

But you didn’t love him. No, you couldn’t call this love. Rather, you were depending on him, no matter how much you hated that. He acted as an emotional support beacon to you, you enjoyed his company and, if you were honest, you genuinely liked him. But it was hard for you to admit to any deeper feelings, so you repeatedly tried to convince yourself that you didn’t love him, so that it wouldn’t hurt as much if he ever decided to switch on you. You hoped it wouldn’t turn out like that.

You lightly shook your head to get rid of all these thoughts and got out of bed to wash up a bit. “I’m starving, I’ll go down to the diner to grab some breakfast, do you want anything?” you asked Mark as you were heading towards the humid bathroom.

“Let’s go eat there. Together” Mark suggested and you stopped at your steps.

He always avoided going out in places that were too public because he was at risk of being outed as a dealer. Especially now that he was caught selling drugs once and the guy who saw him threatened to report Mark to the police.

“Are you out of your fucking mind? You’re on thin ice, you said that yourself” you raised the tone of your voice and walked towards him. 

Mark put down his guitar to focus on you. “You worry too much Y/n, like, what are the odds? We’re in the middle of nowhere, I doubt anyone knows this place apart from us and the customers of your bar. I think we’ll be fine,” he cleared his throat, “I mean, I’ll be fine. Relax, I wanna spend some time with you.”

You decided against protesting and trusted Mark’s certainty of his words. Besides, he was right. The diner was out of town, it wasn’t very popular among people who weren’t familiar with the bar. Most customers at the diner were either drunk people from the bar or passersby. So you simply just nodded and whispered a soft “okay” before you went inside the bathroom, the door emitting a creaking sound as you closed it shut behind you.

The screeching sound of the fork scratching the surface of the porcelain plate turned your facial expression into a wince, which went completely unnoticed by Mark whose attention was entirely devoted to the pancakes in front of him.

The old diner was relatively empty despite it being lunch time. Other than you and Mark, there was only a group of friends and a guy sitting on a barstool. You were actually very satisfied with the quietness of the place, which was only disrupted by sounds of forks scraping plates and glasses thudding on the tables.

The diner was situated right down the same road your motel was at, so anytime your stomach growled in annoyance you would stop by and fulfill its needs. You were practically a regular customer now and probably the one who kept the place from going bankrupt. It was old, cheap and dirty; the perfect place for you.

Mark gulped down the last bite of his pancakes and thirstily drank the entire glass of water. He then set the glass down and leaned back on the booth, fixating his gaze on you.

You noticed his eager eyes on you and you set down your fork, mimicking his stance and staring right back at him, waiting for him to speak.

"That was a pretty good meal" Mark sighed and you smiled a bit. This wasn't what he wanted to say.

Since Mark seemed to be unwilling to speak his mind, you decided to take matters into your own hands instead.

"Why did you want to have lunch with me?" you asked him with your voice calm and your eyes searching for an answer in his.

Mark crossed his arms and scrunched up his nose before he answered your question. "’Cause I wanted to spend time with you. Actual time. You know, like normal people?" he said.

You rolled your eyes at his response and mimicked his body language once again, crossing your arms over your chest. "I don't buy it, Mark" you said.

Mark sat up straight and leaned closer to the table, resting his elbows on top of it. "Why are you always like this, Y/n? Whenever I tell you something, you never believe me! What's up with you?" Mark's frustration started building up in his attempt to defend himself.

"It's not that I don't believe you-"

"It's that you don't trust me" Mark interrupted you and you stood there with your mouth still open. You didn't know what to say.

Mark's gaze was piercing, his sharp eyes were darker than usual and his lips quivered at the blank stare you were giving him. "You don't trust me," he concluded.

The truth is that you weren't sure if you trusted him or not. You wanted to trust him and he had proved to you numerous times that he was someone who cared and didn't lie. Yet sometimes, you were afraid that if you trusted him too much, he would end up hurting you. So every time he said something you weren't expecting him to say, you immediately assumed that he was lying.

"Mark, listen to me," you started to say and Mark sat back against the booth, rolling his eyes. "I-I do trust you, it's just that-"

"What? You think I don't mean what I say? If I didn't meant what I fucking said then I wouldn't fucking say it! When I say I care about you, Y/n, I fucking mean it. When I say I fucking love y-"

"Don't get mad" you were the one that interrupted him now. Mark was clearly way too frustrated by you now, his voice was getting gradually louder, his eyes were full of fire and his nostrils were fuming.

At the sudden raise of Mark’s voice, the guy who was sitting at the barstool turned to look at your booth with a brief glance and then returned back to eating his food.

"Mark, just let it go, please" your voice came out almost like a whisper. You hated when Mark became angry at you and you hated it even more when he did it in public, even though it was practically just you and him in that diner.

Mark's jaw visibly relaxed and he lowered his eyes to his lap, nodding to himself. He lifted his head to look back at you with pleading eyes, much in contrast with his previous fiery gaze.

"Then why don't you come with me? Out of this fucking town? You deserve to live a better life than this. We deserve it. Look, I know I don't have an exact plan on how we'll do it, but I know that we can figure it out together. Please, Y/n" he said, taking your hand in his from across the table, rubbing your knuckles with his thumb.

You lowered your eyes at the spot your hands were joined together. Did you really love Mark? No, actually, did you really trust him enough to depend your entire life on him?

You couldn't give him an answer at that moment. Not a yes, not a no. Not even I don't know. Forget that, it would complicate things even more.

Mark noticed that you weren't going to give him an answer to his question soon, so he let go of your hand and started putting on his jacket. He reached into the inside pocket and took out some cash. He slammed it on the table and got up from the booth ready to leave.

"I have to go to work now, alright? I've arranged some deals. I'll come back later at the bar tonight. If you ever decide what you want to do with me, you know where to find me" he said and without even turning to look at him, you heard the sound of his footsteps grow fainter as he walked out the diner.

The bar was relatively full tonight. From behind the counter, you could spot only two empty tables. That was the fullest the bar has been in the last month. At the far back of the bar, you spotted Renjun already counting the tips he had earned and it was still midnight.

All the customers were busy chatting and enjoying their drinks. You found yourself craving some alcohol too, the need for an intoxicant substance was growing stronger and stronger, so you decided to mix just a little bit of something to treat yourself.

As you were filling in your glass, Renjun walked behind the counter and leaned close to your ear to speak, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to hear him through the loud chatting of the customers. “Man, I think we are in heaven, I lost count of my tips and I’m not even high yet” he said and you giggled at him.

He noticed the bottle of vodka you were holding and nudged you on your forearm. “Hey, pour me some of that too” he asked and your response was to grab a glass from the shelf behind the counter and fill it with the toxic liquid.

You had barely stopped filling in the glass when Renjun grabbed it and downed the liquid in an instant. He placed the glass on top of the counter with a thud and licked his lips, savoring the bitter taste. “What’s up with you and Mark?” Renjun asked you. You contemplated whether you should answer him or pretend you didn’t hear him just to buy you some time. A good couple of seconds passed so you just caved in and answered him.

“I don’t know. Go and ask him.” you said in a tone filled with nonchalance, sipping on your drink.

Renjun rested his elbows on the counter, his eyes scanning the place around him. “He said the exact same fucking thing when I asked him about you. You can’t be running in a vicious circle all the time. Just fuck it out, you’re both acting like little kids” he said and you sighed at his scolding tone.

Renjun wasn’t just your co-worker, he had also grown to become your best friend, a person you could talk to freely without fear of judgment because he always understood your intentions. Engulfed in your misery and loneliness, he was the person who helped you get back on your feet and have hope that things will somehow get slightly better. That sounds like something a friend would do.

You brought the glass to your lips to drink the last sip of vodka that was still inside, leaving it empty waiting to be filled with more of that toxic liquid. “You wanna know what, Renjun? Even though I hate the life I’ve made for myself, I enjoy having Mark in it. But I can’t do what he asks me to do. I can’t depend my entire life on him. I can count on him for some of it, yes, but starting anew with him? I don’t know. I really don’t. I’m not the kind of person you want to start a life with. I will fuck everything up. And he shouldn’t count on me as much as he does. It’s for the better. For both of us.”

Renjun kept staring at you, waiting for your little rant to be over so that he could take his turn to speak. He gulped and looked at your burnt out figure. Your eyeballs were turning a bit crimson due to the line of cocaine you snorted earlier, even though you promised you’d wait until Mark came later, and the lack of sleep provided you with dark hues under your eyes and skin as pale as the moon. 

“Look, Y/n,” Renjun started and came a bit closer to you so that he wouldn’t have to strain his vocal chords in order to be heard, “I see your point. And I understand exactly what you mean because I felt the same way when I came here. But in my case, I had nobody to lean on. I became an addict, left home and the rest of the story is familiar to you. But you and Mark have each other and, trust me, your future is looking way brighter than mine.”

You looked into his eyes searching for honesty. Renjun has always been honest with you and you never doubted any of his words. He really cared about you. Mark too, as it seemed. And he was right. Living in a cheap motel, starving and working long hours to barely make ends meet, depending on drugs and more specifically on an exceptionally lovely drug dealer wasn’t the life you imagined to have. But fate had different plans for you and now you ended up here, whatever this here is supposed to be.

Mark didn’t seem to be ill-intentioned. From the very first moment you met him, he was protective and caring, he had always treated you nice. He spoke to you softly and touched you in a just as smooth way. But the life he was living wasn’t that much better than yours; in fact, you could say it was even worse. He depended on you as much as you depended on him.

You didn’t know what was the thing that made you keep a sort of distance from him. Emotional distance. Part of it might be because you weren’t available to be fully devoted to him, because of fear that one day he would leave you, just like everyone else did. Part of it might be because the two of you weren’t so different and two broken souls mending together doesn’t necessarily make a fully healed one.

“I’ll talk to him when I’m ready. I could do it later but I’m afraid I’ll be too high to think rationally. Or maybe this will give me more insight, I don’t know, I’ve never thought of it. Do you think clearer when you’re high?” you asked Renjun but he was preoccupied, looking at the screen of his phone which radiated such brightness his eyes squinted as a reflex.

Scanning his features more carefully, you realized that the reason for his scrunched expression wasn’t lying solely on the brightness of the screen. You took half a step closer to him and Renjun tilted his phone away from you, hiding the screen from your eyesight.

“What’s wrong, Renjun?” you asked with worry lacing the tone of your voice. Renjun shook his head and put his phone away in his back pocket. “Mark won’t be coming by later. Something came up, I’m afraid we’re in trouble too. Listen, can you handle the bar for a couple hours by yourself? Mark needs some help” Renjun said, searching for his jacket underneath the counter.

Your eyes widened at Renjun’s words and you felt your heartbeat racing and your fingertips trembling. “Is Mark okay? Tell me, is he okay?” your rising voice quivered, betraying the nervousness you felt.

Renjun squeezed your shoulder and pressed his lips together in an attempt of a reassuring smile. “Yes, he is alright. He’s fine. He just needs some help with the cops. If you see anyone suspicious showing up, flash the stashes down the toilet, we don’t want them finding anything. I’ll be back soon.” 

With swift movements, Renjun turned his heel to walk out the bar in a hurry, muttering something under his breath that, due to your shocked and nervous state, you failed to hear, “How am I gonna save your ass this time, Mark?”

As soon as you heard the bell on top of the bar’s front door tinkle, you knew that Renjun was already outside and you were left alone in the bar. You were left standing frozen behind the counter, staring into nothingness. Your vision became blurry due to the tears that threatened to spill from the corners of your eyes, your hands curled into fists and your nails were digging deep into your palms, cold sweat forming at the sides of your forehead.

You were terrified. Mark was already caught selling drugs very recently, so your mind went to the worst case scenario which made you extremely terrified; that Mark was caught selling drugs by the police. 

You dreaded this moment at the exact same time your eyes met Mark’s sharp ones. You knew that, once you became thick as thieves with a drug dealer, you would be in for a lot of trouble. 

But you also knew how careful Mark was and this gave you hope that, whatever the case is right now, he would find a way to get himself out of there. Mark was a smart guy. You wanted to trust him, you wanted to believe that he would be smart enough not to get himself in trouble.

Yet something didn’t add up. Mark has been doing these types of deals for a long time now, he knew all the tricks of the job and he knew very well how to protect himself. So it sounded almost impossible that he would do something so reckless and irresponsible to get him caught. 

There was only one possible and logical answer to all of your questions. That somebody ratted him out.

Your train of thought was disrupted by the husky voice of a man. “Excuse me, miss, would you mind pouring me a drink?”

Your head snapped at the sudden sound of a voice other than the one inside your head. Your eyes met with a man sitting on a barstool at the other side of the counter, looking at you with wary eyes. Your gaze was roaming all over his figure when your eyes halted for a second as soon as they spotted something shiny at the right side of the man’s chest; a badge.

You cleared your throat to cover up the anxiety and fear that started to appear in your voice. “Officer! What can I get you?” you greeted him with bright eyes and a cheerful voice that masked your intense heartbeat and the trembling state of your hands behind the counter.

“Actually, I don’t want a drink,” he started and moved his hand inside his jacket to pull out a file with pictures and papers, “but I do want you to help me with something. Have you ever seen this guy?” he asked you, placing the file on the counter and turning it to your side.

You gulped at the sight in the front of you and your eyes quivered from side to side. A mugshot of the face you grew to almost love was staring back at you. Sharp gaze and popping cheekbones, defined jawline and dark eyes were presented in front of you and you knew more than well enough who the person in the picture was.

Your heart sank at the sight of Mark’s mugshot and you knew what you had to do. You drew in your eyebrows together and lifted the picture with your hand in order to bring it closer to your eyes and examine it better. “I don’t think I recognize this man, officer” you said.

You set the picture down on top of the counter and looked at the police officer, not trying to avoid eye contact. You wanted to seem as less guilty as possible.

The police officer took the picture and put it back inside the file. “Really? That’s a shame. But I’ve been informed that you do know this guy because you were seen with him this morning.”

You froze immediately. Your brain tried to put all the pieces of the puzzle together, you tried to digest and connect everything the cop just said in order to form your answer.

“Are you sure about this, officer? A lot of other girls look like me, maybe it was a mistake?” you asked with a rising intonation in an attempt to defend yourself by adding another lie to your previous one.

You tried to remember where you could be possibly seen with Mark, especially during the day. You always met with him at night and you avoided seeing each other in the morning. There was no way anyone saw you with Mark.

The moment you had this thought, the answer to your question suddenly popped up in your head as if a lit up light bulb. That morning, you and Mark had breakfast down at the diner. And you specifically remember that suspicious guy who kept staring at the two of you.

That’s when you knew you had to do something drastic to get you out of this situation, and you had to do it relatively fast.

The police officer didn’t seem to buy the lie you had just uttered and continued to pressure you more. “Is this where you keep all the drinks? Can I take a look inside your storage room?”

The rhythm of your heartbeat kept increasing more and more by each word the police officer said and you were running out of lies and excuses.

“Sure, it’s this way officer” you said with a nonchalant tone, gesturing towards the door behind the counter. 

The cop stood up and turned his heel to walk behind the counter and towards the storage room door. Your trembling hands had barely managed to hide the stashes you kept behind the cash register under your oversized shirt, and you followed the cop inside the storage room with uncertain steps.

The police officer could not find the rest of the stashes. It shouldn’t happen, and you had to act smart in order to prevent it. “Can I help you with something, officer? We can’t stay in here for too long, my co-worker finished early and we’re not allowed to leave the bar without having anyone to tend to the customers” you said in an attempt to speed up the process and get rid of him before he could find anything that could put you in jail.

“You can go back to your work, miss. This is my job here, you can go and do yours” the cop said as he had already taken a bottle of vodka in his hand to examine it for anything suspicious.

“Okay, I just wanted to help. Call me if you need anything,” your answer was convincing enough for him, but it wasn’t good enough for you to buy you more time.

You left the storage room and stood right outside the door, leaving it so open as to let you peek through it so that you were able to see what the police officer was doing.

With your still trembling fingers, you took out your phone from your pocket and dialed Renjun’s number with quick movements. Without taking your eyes away from the cop, you kept tapping your foot waiting for Renjun to pick up his phone.

The constant beeping sound in your ear signaled that Renjun wasn’t going to respond soon, so you put your phone back in your pocket and tried to think of what to do.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” you muttered under your breath, running your fingers through your hair. Your eyes were wavering from the police officer to the customers in the bar and then back to the police officer. You had to do something to get everyone out of there.

Your eyes followed the cop’s figure and certainly didn’t like what you were seeing. The cop squatted down so that he could reach the boxes under the shelves and stretched his arm to pull out one of them.

“No, no, no, fuck” you whispered. Those are the boxes in which you hid the drugs.

You turned your head to look at the inside of the bar. It was fully packed. There was not any chair or barstool that was empty and, just at that moment, the door opened to reveal a group of friends who wanted to get drunk and have fun just like the rest of the people inside the bar.

The only person who wasn’t having any fun right now was you. And obviously Mark and Renjun as well, who you had no idea about their whereabouts or their well-being. On any random night, all these people in the bar would equal a pretty satisfactory amount of tips that would make your life slightly easier to get by. However, you could definitely not say that for this particular night, when your main priority was your and your friends’ safety.

Shifting your gaze from the customers to the police officer and back to your phone for any missed calls or unread messages from either Renjun or Mark, you were completely on your own on this one. Cold sweat engulfed your entire body as the seconds passed and the cop was one step closer to finding the thing that could turn your entire life upside down.

You swallowed thickly and looked at your phone one last time. No sign of anybody.

“Okay, I got this” you muttered to yourself and walked behind the counter where you usually stood. A middle-aged woman was sitting on one of the barstools, smoking and sipping lightly from the cocktail you mixed for her earlier. You picked up the first bottle of alcohol you saw on the counter - you didn’t have the time to care what it was - and walked towards her.

“Excuse me, miss, would you like a refill?” you asked politely to gain her attention. Before she even opened her mouth to speak, your actions were faster than her words. You quickly snatched the cigarette from her hand and put it out on the counter, immediately pouring some alcohol right on that spot.

Soon enough, flames started building up and the counter caught on fire. The smell of smoke became suffocating and it was hard to breathe in such a small space full of people. Your plan worked.

Muttering a string of “sorrys” to the woman, you turned around to pull the fire alarm. Every customer turned their heads to the direction of the piercing sound full of worry. “Everyone must get out, the building is on fire!” you yelled as loudly as you could, motioning everyone out the door.

Very quickly, you managed to evacuate the building by leading all the panicked customers outside the bat through the front door. In the midst of all this chaos, you noticed with the corner of your eye the police officer you rushed out of the storage room without looking any scared at all. 

You ushered the last customers outside as the fire grew bigger, eventually leaving you and the cop as the only ones inside the flaming place. As he passed by you to get out the bar, he leaned closer to your face and whispered. "That was smart, young lady," he said and walked outside towards his car.

So he knew, you thought. He knew all along about the drug deals happening in this place and mainly the drug possession. He almost tricked you into thinking you tricked him. How amateurish of you.

You walked out the bar and shut the door behind you, watching the police officer drive away. A sigh of temporary relief escaped your lips and you pulled out your phone to dial a phone number you weren't particularly happy to call. Waiting for a few seconds, you heard the dreadful voice on the other line. "Hey boss, um, is it easy for you to come down to the bar? We kinda have a small problem" you said with a rapidly beating heart.

The time was already 3:16. You were pacing around your motel room, patiently waiting for any news about Mark. You had already called and texted him multiple times, but all of your efforts to reach him went in vain.

A few minutes after you called your boss, she arrived at the bar, totally shocked and deeply saddened upon seeing her not-so-small business all up in flames. You explained to her what happened, shaping the story so as not to sound guilty, and luckily she didn't blame you for anything.

After the firefighters arrived, your boss encouraged you to go home, saying that you already went through a lot for the night, so you needed to get some rest.

So now you were back to your motel room, unable to get some rest because you were still scared about yourself and your previous interaction with that police officer. But most importantly, you were anxious about Mark.

You were terrified for him. And your fear only increased because you couldn’t do anything to help him or save him. You realized that you depended on him twice as much as he depended on you and that made you feel useless in situations like this. Knowing that Renjun was - probably - with him eased your nerves a bit, but, at the same time, knowing that you didn’t do anything to help him made you feel selfish and hopeless.

Everything you did tonight was to save no one else but yourself. The entire night, you kept worrying about yourself and how you could avoid going to jail when during those very same moments in time you had no idea how Mark was or what he was going through.

Mark wasn’t the helpless one in this situation; it was you.

As you picked up your phone to call Renjun again, a loud thumping noise on the door startled you. Your body jolted up upon hearing the sudden sound and you walked nervously towards the door to look outside through the peephole.

Your eyes widened in shock and surprise at the sight of the face that was constantly on your mind. You didn’t waste any time opening the door and pulling the boy you were aching to see all night long inside the motel room, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug.

You rested your head in the crook of Mark’s neck and he reacted to your touch in an instant, stretching his arms to the small of your back to hug you as tightly as he physically could.

Tears fell from the corners of your eyes and you pulled back just as much as you needed in order to look into Mark’s exhausted eyes without breaking the embrace. “You can’t imagine how scared I was,” you whispered.

Mark stared deeply into your watery eyes. He moved his hands to cup both of your cheeks and nodded his head when he processed what you just said. “I know, I was terrified too. Renjun came to help me but we kinda fucked it up" he said with a stinging tone in his voice. 

“What happened?” you asked and Mark let go of you and walked towards the bed in the middle of the room, sitting on the edge of it. You copied his movements and sat down right next to him, turning your head to his side as you waited for him to fill you in on what you had missed.

“That bastard ratted me out. That asshole from the diner. I had a deal with some teenagers and he called the cops on me. I don’t even know how he tracked me down.” Mark confessed looking straight, his eyes full of void, focusing on nothing in particular. 

“Anyway, they took me to the police station and started questioning me about all this bullshit. There was no way I could excuse myself, they literally busted me, they saw me doing the deals. I texted Renjun and, I don’t know what he said to them but it didn't go well," he stopped to take a deep breath despite the desert that formed inside his mouth and the waterfalls that were forming in the corners of his eyes, "so we basically ran away and sooner or later the police will find me. I had nowhere else to go and I knew that your place would be relatively safe." Mark finished reciting you the events of the last few hours, tears staining his cheeks like the raindrops of a drizzle.

The dried tears that stained your cheeks became wet again when the new set of them fell down your face. You were staring at Mark through your teary gaze, trying to find any emotion in his void expression. He had never looked so soulless and it terrified you even more.

But the truth is that Mark himself was trying to mask his fear and anxiety by not showing them. The tears that traveled from his bambi eyes down to his popping cheekbones felt empty and the sight of him in such a state brought a stinging pain to your heart.

“So w-what does that mean?” your voice trembled at each word you uttered as you faced Mark with nothing but fear and another emotion that, at that moment, resembled love.

Mark made an attempt to wipe most of the tears off his face with the palms of his hands so that he could face you with clear vision. “It means I might go to jail. I will go to jail, unless I get out of here” he said. “Fuck, those bastards gave me an excuse to leave this fucking place” Mark scoffed as he sat up from the bed and started roaming around the narrow room, hands resting on his waist.

Your eyes trailed on every single one of his moves. You blinked several times to prevent any more tears from falling and cleared your throat to avoid your hoarse trembling voice. “So you’re really leaving” you said quietly, more to yourself than to Mark.

Mark turned around to look at you. “Yeah, I am. First thing in the morning. I don’t have many things to pack so it won’t take me long. And I can help you pack your things too, it will be quicker if-”

“Who said I’m coming with you?” you interrupted Mark and you immediately regretted doing so once you met his fuming gaze, which was now completely taken over by anger but was previously filled with nothing but emptiness.

“Y/n, we agreed to this. You’re coming with me and that’s it.” Mark growled as he took a step closer to you.

You stood up and started walking nervously around the place you called home, running your fingers through your hair in an attempt to ease your nerves. “We never agreed to anything. I told you I can’t-”

“Bullshit, that’s what you told me. Everything you said is bullshit. I want nothing but the best for you, we’ve been meaning to do this for such a long time and now that we have every reason to leave, you don’t want to! What’s wrong with you Y/n?” Mark clapped back at you.

A tear dropped down to your feet as you looked at Mark’s reddening face. Your lips trembled in your attempt to voice out your feelings, unfamiliar to your vulnerable state. “I’m scared, Mark,” you paused to sniff your nose, “I’m so fucking scared. For you, for me, for everything.”

Mark’s features softened at your sudden confession. He remained silent, gesturing to you to move on.

It was hard and unusual for you to open up to him like this. You hated the fact that he made you weak, that he had such a strong effect on you to make you eventually do as he says. But there was always this evil little voice in your head that told you not to trust him because, in the end, he would act just like everyone else and leave you.

“Do you know how scared I was tonight? I almost risked my fucking life for you! I had no idea where you were, I didn’t know what happened or why, and you know why? Because you never tell me anything! You only care about yourself,” all your fears and anxieties exploded and the outburst was so big you didn’t know how to stop. And you couldn’t stop even when you took a glimpse of Mark’s furrowed eyebrows and frowned lips, which you couldn’t tell if they were the result of sadness or anger.

You didn’t want to hurt him. But at this state, you couldn’t remain silent anymore. It wasn’t Mark’s fault, but you had reached a point where you couldn’t bottle up anything you felt anymore, so he just had to take everything you said.

You took a deep breath before you licked your dry lips to speak again in a calmer but still bitter tone. “If only you would disappear from my life I would-”

You never completed your sentence because Mark dashed towards you and grabbed you by the neck, squeezing the sides just so, so you could breathe a little bit, his face only a couple inches away from yours. “Shut the fuck up” Mark spat out with a growl which immediately kept you quiet.

His blackened eyes were piercing right through you, his fully black pupils bore into your wavering ones. You stood frozen there, completely locked in your place under Mark’s forceful hold on you, a position which made your lower stomach twitch.

Neither of you spoke for a few seconds. Mark’s face was painted in crimson, his eyebrows fully drawn in together and his nostrils flaring out, as he tried to keep his breathing steady. His angry state scared you even more; not because he would hurt you, but because he could hurt himself. Behind the mask of the angry man he presented himself as, you were the only one who could see the sad little boy who wanted nothing else from you but to love and trust him.

With Mark’s hand still pressing on your neck, your voice barely came out when you tried to speak. “Mark please, say someth-”

Mark interrupted you once again by smashing his lips on yours with the same force he held you under him and the same desperation he hid behind his bloody gaze. You didn’t waste a second, responding in an instant to him, moving your lips to the pace and rhythm he settled. You slightly parted your lips to allow him access to deepen it even more, as he slid his tongue in your mouth to dance with yours.

His presence and strong grip was too much to endure, so you stretched your arms to grab his hair. Mark sensed your need for more support, so he lessened the pressure on your neck and moved his free arm to the small of your back.

The previously quiet room was filled with the lewd sounds of your lips and tongues and the soft grunts and whimpers that left your lips in between each violent connection between them. You hadn’t realized how much you needed Mark, how much you had missed his touch and his burning essence on you until this very moment. Your body reacted to him almost immediately, as you felt your blood flow from your heart down to your aching core.

The heated argument from earlier was now completely forgotten and transformed into a passionate battlefield between two broken souls. Mark's crack infused breath, the bitter taste of alcohol on his dry lips and the lust overtaking his brain and controlling his actions electrified your entire body. There was not a single part of you that didn't want Mark, that didn't desire him and you couldn't help but want more of him.

Your brain, too foggy from the bold emotions and the alcohol you had consumed earlier, couldn't work properly, so your primal instincts took over you entirely. You kept kissing Mark while biting on his lower lip, which resulted in low whines coming out of him, his hardening length growing more inside the pressure of his pants.

You could sense him struggling to keep his cool and you were trying to give yourself some friction too by rubbing your thighs together. You reached your hand down to Mark's pants, cupping his dick outside the thick fabric of his jeans, the teasing action causing him to roll back his eyes.

Mark stopped kissing you abruptly and without wasting any time, he threw you on the bed with all his strength, watching you with hungry eyes. You plopped down on the bed, the sheets creasing at the sudden force and you looked at him with a lustfull gaze that invited him in.

"Wanna fuck you so dumb right now" Mark growled lowly as he took off his shirt from the back of his neck in a swift motion and continued to unbuckle his belt, his eyes never leaving your pleading ones.

You followed along, removing your own shirt and shorts, lying in bed only in your underwear. Mark had now discarded himself completely off of all his clothes except from his boxers, which had an undeniably visible precum stain on them.

Mark's body hovered above yours, connecting his lips with yours for a brief moment before he pulled back to attack your neck, biting and nipping on the spot right under your ear, which earned a loud gasp from you.

His lips kept on abusing your neck area, as you locked your fingers in his hair, tugging and pulling at it with every bite on your neck and chest. The hot sensation of his lips, tongue and wet saliva all over your body made you whimper under him, a sound that made his cock twitch inside his underwear.

Mark traveled lower down to your chest. He slipped his hand behind your back to undo your bra, removing the bra straps off your shoulders eagerly and tossing the piece of clothing somewhere in the dirty motel room. He was quick to attack your hard nipples, dropping his head to suck on one of them, and reaching the other one with his hand, twisting and rubbing it between his fingers.

Your moans and whimpers echoed in the room, the sound and smell of your bodily fluids polluted the small space, everything about the inside of the place being purely filthy.

The heat in your body kept rising and you could feel the stickiness in your panties. You wanted Mark, all of him. You wanted him to treat you however he wanted to, you wanted to please him by giving him all of you and you wanted to feel desired by him.

"Please Mark," you breathed in a soft moan, "please fuck me" your face reddened in your pathetic confession, but it didn't seem to stop Mark from ripping your panties apart, leaving your dripping cunt exposed to the dirty cold air of the room.

Your drowsy eyes and rapid breathing fueled Mark and all his inner needs, as he lifted his body off yours and parted your legs with his hands, pushing your thighs apart. You were breathing heavily in anticipation of his next move, which was a sharp slap to your pussy that sent a strong bolt of pleasure through your whole body. You moaned in pleasure and surprise and Mark repeated his action at the sound of your whiny moans.

"You're a pathetic little slut after all, aren't you?" Mark lowered his head and spat on your pussy, which had you clenching around nothing. "Look at you, begging to be fucked" he brushed one finger up and down your clit, just enough to tease you and elicit a sharp intake of breath from you. "You really pissed me off, you know?" he muttered.

"Please Mark, I want you. I need you so bad, please fuck me" you whined with a high-pitched voice, the one you knew that Mark could never resist, as you pouted your lips at him.

Mark rested his hands on your knees, holding your legs as far apart as possible, so as to have full access to your glistening cunt. His dark eyes were filled with nothing but hunger and lust, unable to control himself any longer from how bad he wanted to taste you. He lowered his head even further, brushing his lips over your clit.

"As you wish, princess" he mumbled to your wet core before he attacked your swollen bud, licking and sucking on your clit with absolutely no remorse.

A loud moan escaped from your lips at the abrupt touch of Mark's wet tongue on your pussy, your hands intertwining in his hair, grabbing and pulling at every licking stripe Mark left on you.

He kept on licking and sucking on your clit, mumbling sweet nothings and small praises, which reminded you more of the Mark you knew rather than the cold and hungry man that was presented in front of you a few minutes ago.

The lewd sounds of Mark's lips and tongue on your pussy mixed with your whiny moans turned him on to the fullest, as he pulled one of his hands away from your knee and dropped it down to slowly pump his dick underneath his underwear.

The burning desire rising up in his body was becoming too much for him, so he pulled away from your clit with one last sucking pop and took off his underwear, setting free his painfully hard length.

Mark positioned himself between your legs and with a swift motion, he turned you over to your stomach, pulling you by your hips so that your ass was higher up towards him.

"Need to fuck you so bad" Mark growled as he smacked your ass cheek with a sharp slap, your pussy clenching at the burning sensation.

"Please, Mark" you whined in the pillow, a tear rolling down your face and landing on the sheets as a response to the overstimulation taking over your body.

The way you kept whining his name and the juices almost dripping down your thighs had Mark gritting his teeth. He gave himself a few more light strokes as he positioned his dick right at your entrance. Without giving you any warning, he dived into your pussy with a sharp stroke.

You shut your eyes in pleasure and gripped the sheets tightly until your knuckles went white as Mark pounded into with sharp rhythmic strokes, each one pushing your head further into the pillow.

Your moans were coming out as crying mumbles as your face was buried deep in the sheets. Mark kept his pace and force, his head lolling back at the intensity of the moment. He kept his one hand on your hip in order to keep you steady while, with the other one, he reached down to grab a fistful of your hair, tugging at it and pulling it roughly, an action that triggered your hot tears to spill from your eyes at the pure sense of pleasure.

Mark's breathing was heavy and sharp at the sound of your soft growns and the sight of your ass jiggling at each stroke he left. "Is this what you wanted, pretty? Me fucking you so good you end up a crying fucking mess?" Mark provoked you in a voice as deep as the ocean, his groans low and hot like the pits of hell.

The sound of skin slapping on skin echoed inside the four walls of your motel room. Mark's hips connected with your ass in an intense force and a static speed, as he hit the spot that always brought you closer to the edge.

"I-I'm close, Mark, p-please" you whined as he gradually took you closer to your limits, your lower stomach twitching in pleasure and your jaw going slack as you felt your climax rising more and more.

"Let this pretty pussy cum on my dick, come on baby" Mark growled and with that, you let out a high-pitched groan into the pillow as your pussy clenched around Mark's dick, the forceful grip of your hands on the sheets was slowly loosened.

You felt Mark's strokes become sloppier as you coated his length with your warm fluids. He quickly pulled out and turned you over so your back was touching the soft mattress. He moved his body closer to you, pumping his dick slowly as he brought the tip to your lips, brushing softly against them as an invitation to take in his dripping cock.

"Open up for me, pretty" his fully blackened eyes bore into your teary ones. You slowly opened your mouth and Mark quickly pushed his cock into it, moving his hips as you bobbed your head up and down, sucking on his veiny length.

"That's right, baby. Such a good girl" Mark whimpered as he slowly released into your mouth, his hot cum dripping down your throat. You swallowed all of it completely before he pulled out and laid down on the bed next to you, both of your heavy panting echoing in the now quiet room.

Mark took a few seconds to ease his breathing and turned to the nightstand above his head to search for the pack of cigarettes you kept hidden in the small drawer. He took one cigarette out of the box and brought it to his lips. With the lighter you kept inside that very same drawer, he lit it up, smoke immediately coming out of it. The room now smelled like a mix of sex and smoke, and you winced at the odd yet satisfying combination. Mark took a long drag out of the cigarette and then puffed the smoke into the filthy air.

As soon as you caught your breath, you turned your body towards Mark's, looping your arm around his waist and resting your head on his chest. Mark responded to your intimate touch, wrapping his free arm around your shoulders, stroking your hair lightly. He pressed a soft kiss on your forehead and then brought the cigarette again to his lips.

After the long and terrifying day you had, you finally felt at ease. Your heart was beating normally, your breathing was steady and your mind was blank. All you could do was savor this moment with Mark, wrapped around his arms and listening to his beating heart, a sound that promised you that everything would be alright.

"Please don't leave me, Mark. I wouldn't know what to do without you" you whispered to him as you slowly drifted away to deep sleep. Mark didn't say anything back. He kissed your forehead again instead and inhaled deeply, exhaling in a long sigh, as his eyes were fixed outside the window, looking over at the bright city lights.

Your eyes fluttered open at the sound of chirping birds outside your window. From the way the room was illuminated and from the shadows that formed behind every object, you could tell that it was only a few minutes after sunrise, and the bright orange sun confirmed your speculation.

With your eyes still half-open, you stretched your arms above your head and groaned, a soft yawn leaving your pouty lips. You then shifted between the sheets, turning your body to the other side of the bed, moving your arms around in search of the drug dealer’s toned body, the one that hugged you tight to sleep.

“Good morning, Markie” you mumbled, still half asleep. You rested your head on the pillow, still patting the mattress when you couldn’t sense the male beside you. Your eyes widened in an instant and your body quickly adjusted to the awake state. You were focused on the other side of the bed, where the boy you spent the previous night with would be lying sound asleep. Instead, you were met with nothing but tangled bedsheets.

“Mark?” you called again, in hopes that maybe he was in the bathroom and he couldn’t hear you. No response.

You yanked the sheets off you and rushed to the bathroom, opening the squeaky door with more force than you intended. “Mark?” you called, but the calling was in vain.

Maybe he went down to the diner to get us breakfast, you thought. It was still very early in the morning, but the diner never closed during the night, so there might be some leftovers or, if you were lucky, some fresh food at this hour.

So you decided to wait for him, thinking that his whereabouts were probably the old diner. Since you were now fully awake, you decided to take a shower and change into some fresh clothes. It will only be a few minutes, Mark will probably be back by the time I’m finished, you thought.

So you hopped into the shower, letting the warm water fall down your tense shoulders in order to ease your nerves and help your body physically relax. Your mind brought up the memories of the previous night you spent with Mark. You thought about the cop that came to the bar, you thought about the fact that Mark was in serious danger, you thought about your argument with him and how you made up afterwards by having steamy sex, just like every other time.

You didn’t know how to label your relationship with Mark, or whatever you had with him. He was more than a friend but less than a lover. He protected you, cared for you, helped you with any troubles you had and was always there for you, whatever it took for him. And what did you do for him in return? Nothing.

You did absolutely nothing, at least nothing that could compare to what he did for you. And you hated yourself for not being able to pull him out of his misery, even for the slightest bit, when he could even go as far as to move mountains just to see you crack a smile.

You didn’t deserve him; yet you were too selfish to let him go. He was a soul that wanted to fly and be free, but his wings were weighed down by your annoying fears and anxieties for the unknown.

The water dripping down your body suddenly turned cold and you immediately turned off the faucet and ran out of the shower, wiping your body dry with a towel. There was still no sight of Mark, so you quickly put on some fresh clothes and searched throughout the room in order to find your phone and call him.

Your eyes scanned every corner of the room where you could have possibly left your phone, when your gaze dropped to the wooden chair across the bed, the one where Mark usually sat when he played the guitar, only to find a folded piece of paper.

You stepped closer to the chair, picking up the piece of paper and turning it around. With shaky hands, you slowly unfolded it and a shiny bright red guitar pick fell on the floor. You picked it up, bringing it closer to your eye only to recognize it as one of Mark’s favorite ones.

You held the pick between your fingers and sat down at the wooden chair, looking at the wrinkly piece of paper. Written with a dark pencil, you recognized the sloppy handwriting and the small neat letters as none other than Mark’s and you couldn't help but feel your eyes sting in threatening tears as you slowly read and processed each heartfelt word he wrote:

Dear Y/n,

You’re probably reading this because you can’t see me in your room. But don’t bother look, because I have already left for a better, safer life and I won’t be coming back.

So here’s everything I couldn’t bring myself to say last night.

I love you deeply, Y/n. And I know your feelings towards me differ from my feelings towards you, but I’m not scared to hide it. You’re afraid of the power your heart holds and I understand that. For that, I will give you time, as much as you need to learn how to use this power.

I don’t know if I am a strong man or a coward for leaving; that I’m not sure of. But what I’m sure of is my life, and right now my life is in danger. I always spoke to you about how I wanted to have a normal life, to escape from this hell hole and build a different path for me.

Most importantly, I wanted to build this path with you. You’re the only thing that made this hell hole bearable, the only thing that gave me purpose, the thing that made my life have a meaning.

But I took some time to think and I realized that I can’t force you to follow the same path as me, no matter how much I need you or how much I want only what’s best for you.

So I left. I left to build this new path and I will try as hard as I can. I don’t care if I fail, because I know I can keep on trying and, no matter where you are, just the thought of you gives me strength.

I’m leaving you a piece of me behind though. My favorite guitar pick. I want you to have it. You can keep it, burn it, destroy it, I don’t care what you’ll do with it. I just want you to have something to remember me, something that means to me as much as you do.

So, for the meantime, mark me in your heart like I have marked you in mine, and think about what makes you truly happy. If you ever change your mind, you already know where to find me.

Your beloved,

M.

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[bonefall]

Do you have a design for Bright Storm? I'm fond of the wise older figure thing you're doing with her

I do NOW

Made her, as well as a revamp of my old Thunder Storm design (I last drew him like a year ago!!) in preparation for some character summaries I plan to bang out after finishing a couple drafts, but Bright in particular gets requested so much (anon you're like the 4th person) that HERE, lady girl and her son be upon ye

I'm thinking about doing the BB!DOTC character summaries in "family" posts, so they're all grouped together the way I plan them to act in the story. Every family is telling a little mini-story of its own, in a way, from the Frost family and their inventing prowess, to the Heart family and how the kits react to Bumble's exile, to the Storm family and how they grapple with Clear Sky's influence.

I wanted to make sure Bright Storm was very large and powerful looking, but in a round, kind of "humble" way. She downplays her strength, her intelligence, and even her better judgement.

So she has these big cheeks, fluffy primordial pouch, poofy tail, keeps her head low-ish. Tends to deny compliments.

I was commiserating with my partner the other day about how intelligent characters aren't allowed to be thick-bodied. So between my fat, beloved Bumble the translator and Bright Storm the wise woman battle strategist I'm feeding us both

I needed to "finalize" their stripe pattern, because I actually plan for TIGERSTAR to have the same one. I'm probably going to update my Tawnypelt and Bramblestar designs to have it too; if they don't look better with Goldenflower's.

I just like the irony and bitterness of it. That these ancient stripes, once so associated with compassion and righteous fury, turn into a "legacy" so divorced from what Thunder Storm and Bright Storm stood for.

Becoming a symbol for the idea of modern ThunderClan and the culture of the new times, not the principles it was founded on.

Also I HAD to do the design thing where Thunder Storm's stripes look like top surgery scars lmao, my beloved transmasc boy

Anyway, I've decided that Thunder Storm was a REALLY dark orange. It bugs me a little, especially in-canon, that he looks nothing like either parent. So in BB he's not too far off color-wise from his mama.

I also removed the old "mane" and replaced it with combination white chest + his father's shoulder burls. The mane is going to become a Forest Cat trait, which is why it's going to get so prominent in ThunderClan.

Instead, Mountain Cats have a REALLY high concentration of ear tufts in their genes. They're also huge and generally hairy.

Funny enough though they're also "oily." They come from the Lake Cat population which was pretty water-resistant because of constantly dealing with the lake, and they haven't lived in the Mountains long enough for natural selection to get rid of it.

It's going to become SUPER advantageous for those who move to the River Kingdom, but become less prominent in the other populations.

But for now, Mountain Cats are kinda... well, naturally 'stinky.' That's not a BAD thing to cats who are animals who LIKE strong smells, but it is a notable trait that I'd like The Wind Runner in particular to comment on.

Thunder Storm: "Well? What did she say?"

Bumble: "Ummmmmm......"

Thunder Storm: "be honest"

Bumble: "she says she smelled you coming when you were upwind. rudely."

99% of the time when I'm changing character eye colors, it's to make them NOT blue because there's too many blue-eyed characters in WC imo. BUT.

I think it was another tiny waste to have the narrative constantly stressing Clear Sky's blue, blue eyes, almost like they're hypnotizing, and then they never really comment on what Thunder's eye color signals to other people.

So I've got an idea; instead of amber, Thunder Storm has ELECTRIC BLUE eyes. Almost green, like his mother's minty ones.

Intense as his father's, but more focused. Sharp. Shocking.

Side note: in my research I actually learned it's easier for tripod cats to RUN than it is for them to walk. They can "canter" like a horse, but when they go slow they have to hop. Taking this into consideration.

I put a splash of white on the little bit of lower limb that Thunder Storm has on the leg, so it sticks out a bit more. I don't want it to be hidden I want it to be prominent

I also figured out a hilarious trick for Bright Storm to pull on Sky's Clan at some point lmao

Thunder's crew is in conflict with Sky's cats and the attacks are getting more and more frequent. They decide they need some extra time to carry out some kind of hunt or diplomatic mission, but Bright Storm only has a small group of cats to pull off a stunt with.

She knows she can't fight them head on, but she NEEDS to buy her son more time, so she hatches a plan.

Clear Sky values his intelligence and his ferocity very much. To a fault, even. He loves to outsmart his opponents and overpower them-- so Bright Storm gets all her cats to build a very large, very tall, nearly impenetrable wall out of briar thorns. There's only one way in; the well-guarded tunnel they've constructed in the front.

It would be a challenge for a lesser cat. But Clear Sky, clever devil he is, realizes they've made a fatal flaw; they've built their camp right next to the trees. His fighters don't need to jump over the wall or push through it, the oaks are their allies!

So, while Thunder's cats are all surely sleeping, he gathers his best men and come through the canopy. In well-trained patrols, they swoop down into the camp and prepare for battle.

and no one is there.

You see, there was only one way in... and only one way out.

And Clear Sky and his best fighters watch with HORROR as the tiny crew of guards seals that entrance up like the neck of a bag. There are no trees to climb INSIDE the wall, and it's too tall to hop out of. It won't hold them forever, but it will hold them JUST LONG ENOUGH.

Bright calls this little plan "Operation Timeout."

#I can't help it. Ever since I mentioned how cool a warlord gray wing would be now I can't stop thinking about Bright Storm doing-- #Art of War Looney Tunes tactics lmao #LET THE BATTLE CATS BATTLE #BB!DOTC #BB!Bright Storm #BB!Thunder Storm #BB!Thunderstar #Better Bones AU #It feels very fitting for Bright to have a lot of very ''annoying'' but nonlethal plans like that #Though she CAN and WILL hurt others to defend her family #She doesn't LIKE doing that. #One thing I do want her to keep from Gray is his aversion to violence #But unlike him she's able to come to terms with the fact she HAS to defend what she loves. #And though a lot of it does come from the love she had for Clear... it also comes from her compassion and kindness towards others. #She's been lead astray and blinded by her love of him in the past (especially in how she abetted what happened to Bumble) #But unlike Canon!Gray she's ashamed of what she did after she sits with the consequences #She doesn't want to hurt anyone. But she did. She let it happen. Contributed even #And that's rough. #YOUR HONOR. I LIKE HER.

[angelthefandomobsessed]

Danganronpa Project Eden's Garden: Animal Symbolism

Okay, so I just finished the prologue (adored it, the writing is impeccable), and noticed that each character features an animal on their clothing. I'm sure tons of people have pointed it out already, but I thought it'd be fun to go through the symbolism of each, alongside any other observations I had.

Damon Maitsu:

Damon's signature animal is one of the more obvious ones - it's the big snake on his tie. Biblically, snakes are kind of a big deal... Just one snake, really, which gave all of the others a bad name. In 'Garden of Eden' arc of the Bible (which is relevant for obvious reasons), a snake tempts Eve to eat the forbidden fruit. The snake basically says "Hey queen, the apple won't kill you, it'll show you the truth, God's a liar." Adam and Eve eat the fruit, condemning humanity to eternal suffering.

Painting Damon as the snake tells us a lot about his role in the narrative and his characterisation. The main theme for Eden's Garden seems to be 'head vs heart', or 'logic vs emotion'. While some characters lean towards emotion, Damon leans towards logic... But based on the Pathos system, he doesn't fully condemn emotion - it can be a good tool when it comes to winning arguments, after all.

At the end of the prologue, Damon disagrees with seeing the good in everyone. He argues that the ultimates are more likely to stab each other in the back than to help each other unconditionally... In other words, he argues that ultimates are ambitious, to the point of throwing away their morals - because he himself is ambitious to a fault.

While a lot of people see snakes as creatures of evil (particularly when it comes to THE snake in the Bible), it could be argued that the snake is an agent of the greater good. Yes, the snake was the catalyst for the fall of humanity, but you could argue it was also the catalyst for the first critical thought. Adam and Eve questioned the word of their creator and chose to go against him. That didn't end very well for them, but you could argue it liberated them.

Would you rather be a sheep, at the mercy of your shepherd, or a snake that sees the world for what it truly is?

Wolfgang Akire:

Speaking of sheep... Wolfgang has a pretty neat (very symbolic) sheep pin. The idea of him picking out a sheep pin in like... a Claire's Accessories is very funny to me.

Much like snakes, sheep are also very Biblically relevant. In the Bible, God's people are usually cloaked in sheep imagery. God is the shepherd (fun fact: 'shepherd' derives from 'sheep' 'herd'), and the sheep are at his mercy. In that light, a sheep is a truly powerless thing.

Perhaps Wolfgang's sheep pin denotes him as a follower rather than a leader. Not to a specific person, but rather to an ideology - to his own morals, which he seems very attached to. Sheep are often seen as weak, existing only to be devoured by stronger, more predatory animals.

But this symbolism might exist here to be subverted. One of the most popular sheep-based phrases is (drum roll please): "Wolf in sheep's clothing".

Lawyer man is, quite literally, a wolf in sheep's clothing. His name has the word 'wolf' in it. He has a sheep on his clothing.

Does Wolfgang obsess over justice due to a guilty conscious? Is it a cover to mask his deepest, most despicable thoughts? Only time will tell, but I'm onto you, lawyer man... If that's even your real name.

Eva Tsunaka:

Okay, so I'm not 100% sure if Eva's animal is a raven or a crow, but I don't think it matters too much, people tend to perceive 'ominous medium-sized black bird' in a similar way, regardless of the specifics. Eva has a black feather in her hair and a badge with a bird's head on it. The badge looks a little bit emu-ish (which would be really funny), but the general vibe is more in line with a crow/raven.

For simplicity's sake, I'll mostly talk about ravens, because I think (don't quote me on this, I have not read the actual Bible) crows are never actually mentioned... but ravens are, so we'll go with that.

SO, ravens, black birds. Apparently, the first bird to be mentioned by name in the Bible is the raven, which... lines up with Eva being the first named bird character we meet (there are a lot of bird people, we'll get to it). During the whole Noah's Arc debacle, Noah sent out a raven to scout for dry land - it didn't come back (I think? It gets mentioned, 'tos and fros' and then doesn't get mentioned again, so I think it dipped which honestly, girlboss move).

Other than that, a raven was used as a divine messenger at one point, but I think the much more interesting (and relevant) aspects of the raven is the general symbolism.

Ravens are usually seen as bad news - much like the snake, they get a bad rep. While they are often seen as bad omens, they can also be seen as beings of spiritual wisdom. They see more than others can, much like Eva. When the others start to do the whole 'We'll never kill each other!' it's Eva who disagrees, seeing the reality of the situation.

Based on the word 'Danganronpa' being associated with the game, we can assume she's correct, and that the bodies will start hitting the floor very soon.

Eva is wise and holds a lot of knowledge, but she is distrusted for reasons outwith her control. She didn't ask to be the ultimate liar - some random organisation sent her a letter one day putting that label on her.

Interestingly, ravens are the natural enemies of farmers... and Wolfgang has a distinct agricultural reference on his lapel.

To summarise: people don't like ravens, but they're very smart birds who can (in certain mythologies/cultures, at least), see beyond the surface level).

Toshiko Kayura:

Toshiko's assigned animal is a little harder to spot. Two flamingos are on her skirt as a decal, making them less obvious (especially during waist-up shots).

Okay, so I'm no expert on this, but I'm pretty sure there aren't any flamingos in the Bible. Flamingos played a part in Egyptian beliefs, being associated with Ra, and they might actually be the original inspiration for phoenixes which... is kind of hilarious? The Aztecs saw them as sacred, and in Hindu culture they symbolise hamsa, a divine vehicle, which symbolises the realise from samsara, aka the cycle of suffering.

So... that could be a thing relating to Toshiko. She could be destined to act as a turning point in the narrative (either through death or through character development, same difference).

Or, we could go with the really obvious interpretation of 'flamingo = romance'. Which is very on-brand. Additionally, flamingos represent balance and elegance - mainly because of their 'standing on one leg' trick. Toshiko most likely strives to embody the qualities of a flamingo in these regards.

The use of flamingos in Toshiko's design might point to her being 'the heart' of the group. She's shown to be quite emotional (becoming flustered when challenged, avoiding the investigation, getting into an argument over gremlin-hood with Grace), despite trying to emulate a mature aura. She speaks in frivolous, convoluted imagery, which is peak fourteen-year-old behaviour, and if anything bad happens to her I will cry :D

Ulysses Wilhelm:

Rather than having a picture of an animal, Ulysses wears an owl pendant. Owls represent wisdom, and are particularly fitting for Ulysses due to him being more of a night owl.

Biblically, owls are seen as unclean birds, alongside ravens. They aren't overly relevant, but are (allegedly, according to some random Bible forum) used to symbolise loneliness, desolation, guilt and mourning. In a broader sense, owls are seen as wise, critical-thinking creatures, and independent.

Because of this, I think Ulysses will fall into the Damon/Eva camp of thinking, due to his historical knowledge. Because if history's taught us anything, it's that people can't be trusted, they will self-sabotage, and murder is inevitable.

I don't have much else to say - Ulysses feels like an early victim/blackened candidate, unfortunately, so I don't think he'll be playing a major role narratively.

Desmond Hall:

This one's a little hard to spot immediately (and when I did spot it, I wasn't sure which animal it belonged to), but according to the concept art Desmond has a shark tooth earring.

There are no sharks in the Bible. Sharks, apparently, symbolise protection and guidance, so I think Desmond will probably pair up with another character... which will lead to an untimely death, with a very sad flashback scene at the end of a trial. Or he'll survive, who says Biblical relevancy matters? Sharks are pretty cool and so is Desmond.

I think he'll be an optimist in the situation, but I... don't have much to say regarding his animal motif.

Grace Madison:

This one is pretty up there for the 'easiest to spot award'. Grace's animal is a rabbit, which can be seen by her (adorable) rabbit-eared visor.

Biblically rabbits are pretty irrelevant, but symbolically they're very prominent. Rabbits are probably most famous for their easter connotations (you'd think they'd be Biblical, but no, it just says not to eat them). Rabbits are also known as lucky animals - 'rabbit feet' are seen as lucky talismans...

If Grace ends up with a severed foot, I'm going to lose my mind.

Anyway, since Grace is the resident 'reckless and crude' character, I would theorise her link to rabbits would be 'rebirth'. Rabbits are associated with spring, which is associated with rebirth. I think Grace (who is described as someone who burns every bridge she makes) will undergo the Fuyuhiko treatment and see a lot of character development.

Not much else for me to say here, but rabbits are generally seen as active animals (energiser bunny, the Scorbunny line), so... yay sports..?

Diana Venicia:

I do not trust this girl as far as I can throw her. I saw her across the room and thought, "No, you're evil", and the chameleon bracelet did not help her case.

Like... not only does it suggest she's hiding something, or that she's a social chameleon, but it looks like a handcuff, that cannot be comfortable. And oddly enough, chameleons do feature in the Bible... and it's very odd, and very interesting.

Basically, chameleons conform to their surroundings through their unique abilities. God likes that for them, but not for humans - apparently, they should challenge things rather than just conforming to them. Which like, okay, someone changed their tune from "Don't do this one thing, no I will not elaborate". In actuality, what this means is "you should not be different on Monday to how you were on Sunday", aka, be #authentic.

Also, chameleons are seen as 'not standing up for what's right', so I guess that's where Diana falls on the morality spectrum, maybe possibly?

Diana is hiding something, she's on my mastermind radar but it feels a little too obvious? If she's not a mastermind, she hiding something and is a killer, nothing can redeem her from being shady in my eyes. I'm onto you, make-up girl...

(My guess is the beauty industry/Hollywood requires a degree of fakery, and she hates it, but she wanted to be successful so she gave into the fakery, and lost her true self in the process. And hey, maybe at some point she decided that she had to see the true twistedness of humanity via a killing game, who knows? Plus, make-up, that's very Junko-ish of her, just saying-)

Jean DeLamer:

Okay, so some people got 'owl' or 'flamingo', but this man got a whole dragon. And he cannot be more deserving of it, fly high king.

I really didn't think there were dragons in the Bible, but apparently they get a mention (in all fairness, it's a real big book). Fun fact: Biblically, they are usually mentioned to reference sea monsters. On brand for our sea captain. Bad news though, dragons are pretty exclusively evil (sometimes straight-up Satan), and are vanquished by God. So... Not great for Jean, honestly, that's concerning.

Could he have a connection to the killing game? He could be a traitor of some sort, or he could try to rise up against the KG and get struck down.

Basically: Jean has no power here, he will lose every time, if the Bible-dragons are anything to go by.

Anyways, dragons are pretty relevant in... most cultures, so this is probably the most interesting thing I can dig up.

Jett Dawson:

In my original post, I mislabelled Jett's animal as a wolf. Somebody in the comments corrected me, pointing out that it's a coyote. Coyotes are closely related to wolves, so there's some symbolic overlap, but I'll rewrite the section anyways, because the original didn't shed much light on anything.

Biblically, coyotes are in a bit of an odd spot. They're seen as cunning and dangerous for the most part, but in Isaiah's passage (disclaimer: I haven't read it, I'm doing the deeply unacademic thing of trusting 'straightforwardguidance'.com) he complains that coyotes and lizards are more grateful to him than humans. This is used to demean the coyote; a wild animal is better than people in Isaiah's eyes, placing them at the low end of societal importance (not literally, ofc).

Apparently, the bible also describes these animals as being wise, due to their hunting tactics. Coyotes will hunt rabbits as a team, with one tiring a rabbit out and another finishing it off. This little tidbit does not bode well for Grace, our rabbit. But, to be fair, the presence of a coyote wouldn't go well for most small animals.

I don't have too much to say about coyotes, beyond their obvious similarity to wolves. Wolves tend to hunt sheep (which gave them a bit of a negative biblical rep), but let's be real, a sheep isn't winning many battles out in the wild.

Jett strikes me as a 'tragic killer', like our usual chapter 2/4 killers. There's wildcard energy to him, though - I could see him killing, surviving or dying, but whatever happens, there'll be a plot point surrounding his face, it seems too interesting to not be a thing.

Kai Monteago:

Butterfly, on chest, let's go.

Most obvious interpretation: social butterfly, he's an influencer.

Biblically, they're pretty irrelevant, but symbolically they're all about transformation. This could indicate character development, a change in tune, etc. Not much to say here, it could represent vulnerability (butterflies are fragile), but it's most likely a reference to the phrase social butterfly.

Mark 'Mayhem' Berskii:

His hat is, indeed, an alligator. At first I thought it was a dragon, then a crocodile, but the concept art confirms it to be an alligator.

Google couldn't tell me much about Bible alligators, which was expected. What it can tell me is the symbolism behind them, though.

Alligators are cunning and wise. Which adds up here, Mark seems way smarter than he lets on. He makes a comment at the end of a non-stop debate (something about setting the trash fire) which suggests he's a critical thinker, seeing the misguided logic in the room.

They are also apex predators with a lot of strength which... is concerning, in terms of potential murderers. Since they've been around since the prehistoric age, alligators are seen as having an ancient, primal aura about them.

I feel there's more than meets the eye with Mark - he'll carry a key discovery or two, just you wait.

Wenona:

Wenona is the girlboss we need, as well as the girlboss we deserve, no further questions. Her animal decal is a little less obvious than others', being bear pawprints at the bottom of her coat.

My favourite Bible story ever (because it's hilarious out of context) is the one about Elisha and the bears, where two bears maul forty-two children because they made fun of a guy. So, maybe don't get on her bad side via mockery.

Interestingly, bears are used to symbolise cruelty and self-servedness which... adds up here, I guess.

Symbolically, bears are a little more cuddly than the Bible makes them out to be. They're known for hibernation, making them quite patient and cautious animals. Bears are grounded animals and represent strength, being fearsome predators.

Wenona is very set in her views, and appears to be unwavering, much like a bear.

Eloise Taulner:

Eloise wears a swan pin in her hair, making that her signature animal. Swans are graceful and vicious; a fascinating combination for a character like Eloise.

In the Bible, swans are everything you'd assume a white bird to be. It's all very 'this bird is the serene love of god, do not eat it, but for different reasons'.

Symbolically, swans are loyal birds, being of the 'mates for life' variety. Something interesting to mention is the concept of a swan song - a song that laments death, said to be the most beautiful song ever sung by a swan, despite the birds being far from natural singers. In Greek mythology, swans were sacred to both Aphrodite and Apollo, with Apollo being the god of music.

Which presents the possibility of a friendship between Mark and Elodie, with him being 'music' and her being a swan.

Swans are very powerful birds, so Eloise's character arc will probably involve her becoming stronger in terms of willpower and confidence.

Ingrid Grimwall:

This one's a little harder to spot, but Ingrid's animal symbol is on her bag, in the form of a lion.

Lions are generally seen as brave, proud animals. The main Biblical story that comes to mind is the story of Daniel, who was thrown into a den of lions. A lion's roar is intended to paralyse its foes with fear, but can its bite match its bark? I suspect Ingrid will be a big talker, but less keen to take actual initiative. Male lions are known for being less active than their pride members, with the female lions doing the hunting.

Although, you could argue that a lion is a natural leader. These qualities don't need to be exclusive though - why not be a leader and a layabout?

Besides that, there's pride and family and strength, but the less prominent placement of Ingrid's emblem tells me she'll be less fearsome than her classmates.

Cassidy Amber:

Cassidy's a little bit different from the others. Her animal motif doesn't have a specific portrayal of the animal (much like Wenona's and Ulysses'), and hers is repeated as a pattern - Cassidy wears tights with a spiderweb pattern.

Now, spiders are pretty well known for trapping things. It's kind of their whole deal. This gives Cassidy some serious mastermind vibes to me, especially when coupled with the fact that she's married to the content grind, loves games, and has a lot of money to throw around.

But anyway, the Bible just kind of complains about their webs being fragile, which could be interpreted as 'her fanbase isn't a true connection to others, they'll abandon her the second someone new catches their attention'. In reality, the Bible doesn't hold up for most of these, but like... it's interesting, right?

Spiders could be described as patient killers. They weave intricate webs for their victims and wait for the opportune moment to strike. Spiders are often feared, with arachnophobia being one of the most popular phobias. Cassidy herself is capable of projecting an unsettling aura and might be described as unnerving.

Fun fact: Red spiders specifically symbolise wealth, passion and excitement, which lines up pretty well with our pro-gamer.

In Conclusion:

I spent way too long making this.

Also, the Bible was pretty useless for most of these BUT the Bible reflects a lot of general perceptions (because it set quite a few of them), so it was sometimes interesting, I think, I'm tired, send help, goodnight!

(If you've made it this far, say hi or something, this took three hours and for what?)

#danganronpa #project eden's garden #analysis #theory #damon maitsu #eva tsunaka #toshiko kayura #wolfgang akire #other people I guess #just all the characters #project: eden's garden

[class1akids]

It’s not really a fully fledged meta, but I’ve been thinking about how the 3 main fights all had a lot of All Might symbolism.

1. In Dabi vs Shouto there is Round 1 taking place at Kamino with the All Might statue looming over them. Touya taunting Shouto about All Might, trying to destroy the statue as he gets more and more enraged with Shouto’s ice holding up the bent and damaged monument.

Then Round 2 takes place at the encouragement of All Might himself reaching out to Shouto, giving him the reassurance he needs so he can go and reassure everyone.

From the narrative point of view Shouto is set to embody this aspect of reassurance by All Might and surpass him by becoming a hero who can not only save strangers but also their family. Something All Might failed not only with Tenko, but by never even letting people close enough to himself to have a family.

2. Bakugou vs ShigAFO, Deku vs Shigaraki

This fight has the All Might vestige and the All Might card.

Bakugou and Deku embody All Might in win and save and set to surpass him. Winning a perfect victory with no losses, including not letting one guy to carry all the burden is a big part of Bakugou’s arc. Deku’s ideal of saving everyone he and his growing number of allies can reach goes beyond All Might’s aspiration of trying to save those he can reach alone and using his smile to reach the ones he cannot save.

Deku of course is also surpassing All Might in sheer power having access to full OFA (but this is less important...)

3. And now Ochako vs Toga brought back the All Might doll. It’s a blind xmas present from Izuku to Ochako, something she treasures less on a symbolic basis but more as a token from a person she cherishes.

Toga immediately picks upon this - again not for All Might’s symbolism at society level - but to try to bond over the simple truth that both her and Ochako have someone they care about and that makes them fundamentally similar. Ochako at the time rejects this and chooses to focus on their differences as hero and villain rather than their common humanity. But once she reaches Toga, Toga reaches back to give instead of take and the doll that they fought over before is held between them not as some big ideal, but as the symbol of their own connection: two teenage girls who love the ones they are close to.

Unlike the Origin Trio, Uraraka is not connected to All Might in hero inspiration. Her “origin” is not that of a successor, a legacy or a natural genius. She’s an ordinary girl with a mundane background (a normalcy Toga covets).

And yet after connecting the civilians to Deku and shaking them out of their complacency, now she’s set to show the public that compassion towards villains is a valid de-escalation strategy, helping to change the public mood with her very personal story being broadcast. These kinds of human stories are needed to catalyze thinking about and accepting the changes society will need going forward.

And suddenly this panel makes sense.

The ultimate hero doesn’t need All Might's power or to be his chosen one, but someone who can forge their own unlikely path to compassion and understanding with the person in front of them who may be similarly ordinary and yet extraordinary. Two teenage girls finding understanding can have a reach and influence beyond them.

Change in the end is not just about fighting over ideals (as Dabi says at the beginning of the fight, but the people involved in the conflict, who are all individuals), but building those unlikely connections at the micro level that can grow into a network of power.

In the end I think all battlefields will link up in a similar way (we already saw Shoji and the heteromorphs, for example) to demonstrate OFA not as an individual power, but as a power from connecting hearts and to lay the groundwork for a society that’s held up by much more than a single pillar and the sheer power and will of a single superhero.

But I think these main battlefields with the All Might symbolism and literal heart and blood symbolism are meant to come together not just narratively but also literally in some ultimate form of power. I’m really curious how it will happen and how it will connect back to All Might - the guy who started it all.

#bnha meta #bnha manga leaks #bnha manga spoilers #bnha 395 #origin trio #saviour squad #lov trio #all might #todoroki shouto #uraraka ochako #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #dabi #himiko toga #shigaraki tomura #ofa

[namisweatheria]

Conversation from these posts-

I'd like to address both of these at once, because I think they're very much related.

One Piece is not actually very interested in explicitly condemning almost anyone. Constantly, characters who have done things many may view as beyond unforgivable, are still portrayed in ways that make them likable, and are accepted by main characters. Not because the main characters approve of their past actions, but because as they're not actively harming anyone at the moment, they see no reason to disapprove of them. Or, because they have no inclination to judge them and simply take them as they are.

There are countless characters whose terrible deeds are not censored or sugarcoated, who are still made to be enjoyable, likable characters. Their motivations are not just explained, but portrayed with the full depth of their emotions. This could be interpreted as sympathetic, but I think it's rather matter-of-fact. There's a wide spectrum of this, and it may come across that those on the lighter end of it are being justified or forgiven by this portrayal, but taken in the full context of what One Piece has to say about these characters, I think it's clear that the judgement is left up to us.

In a lot of simpler stories aimed at younger audiences, the main characters are moral guides for the reader. One Piece is not one of them. Not that I don't think it's not trying to teach us anything, but rather than right and wrong, it's how to enjoy life to the fullest. Right and wrong is left for us to discern ourselves without the overt cues of a morally didactic story. I think the depth of the portrayal of bad and questionable actors is primarily to be compelling and enjoyable, but it's also a candid expression of humanity.

I don't think Shanks is a perfect moral character, nor is he supposed to be. He's Luffy's hero, not ours. Same with Roger.

It's true that being called to the sea is given a particular romance, but their misdeeds made in the name of following it aren't just glossed over. Rather, I think the focus on it is very much on purpose, because the same will lives in Luffy and The Strawhats.

Who aren't just avoiding the same mistakes because they're inherently better, but because they're informed by the mistakes of the previous generations.

Usopp, like Yassop, longed for the sea. But he anxiously made sure Kaya was on the way to health, taken care of, and okay with him leaving before he left. He's looking forward to coming back to see her. As much as Usopp has always had a kind heart, you can't say this wasn't influenced by his experiences with his parents.

Luffy, like Roger, longed for the sea. Like Roger and Garp, he has deeply selfish inclinations. However, Luffy is sensitive to the suffering of others, and would never leave anyone behind. This has a lot to do with loving Ace and Sabo, respectively victims of Roger's selfish pursuit of his dream and the institution of injustice Garp carelessly lives by.

I don't think it's a stretch to say Nami was influenced by Arlong's inability to forgive humanity, strengthening her resolve to break the cycle and forgive Jinbei for letting Arlong loose.

Anyways, I think the lack of judgement on the part of Luffy and Shanks is a big part of their power to get people to follow them, and a big part of their successes. But the narrative isn't telling us to also accept murderers and deadbeats, or that they're actually great people. It simply shows them how they are, which is human.

#i think about one piece. a lot. #one piece #yassop #shanks #op meta #i guess #usopp #luffy

[revletter]

In the SMRPG remake, Geno is still around for the postgame fights. Here's a simple and awesome way they could explain that.

(I SO hope they do something even loosely resembling this. I have so many feelings, I made gifs about it.)

Up to this point, we know that there'll be post-game content where you get to fight bosses over again. And look, our blue guy, there he still is!

From this, it's safe to assume that in the remake, after Geno leaves to repair the Star Road, he turns right around and comes back.

Which is KIND OF A BIG DEAL. Because in the original game, it's heavily implied that for all practical purposes, he's certain this goodbye will be forever.

(😭)

For some time, I've had a little theory. I kind of desperately hope for some version of it to be part of the remake. Here it is:

Due to the events of SMRPG, ♡♪!? gets a merit promotion. Maybe, at the beginning of the story, he's not a full-blown Star Spirit (or whatever verbiage). But - as the one little star guardian valiant and capable enough to go down to the world to help save the entire Star Road - now he's become one!

And that comes with more freedom. Just imagine him crashing back down to Earth like "Yo GUESS WHAT PEOPLE, now I'm a STAR SPIRIT (or etc.) and I set my own schedule!" He can go back and see his friends! It's amazing!

And it fits exactly! With not a single caveat I can think of!

IN FACT, you might even say it's supported by a little discrepancy in some 27-year-old pixel art:

Remember the difference between Geno's first appearance and his last? He goes from this tiny lil twinkle guy... to a much bigger 5-pointed star. This is never explained....

((( Read on for my rationale, more gifs, and even more feelings )))

(the doll being bigger is not explained either, but humor me)

(and yes that IS him lighting things up like the Main Street Electrical Parade. I noticed that almost exactly a year ago and it rocketed this fandom back to the front of my So Cal Disney Kid brain so hard that I can't believe it took me so long to make this blog)

(only fitting that he would also usher in the remake reveal after an end like this. :'''D)

... But to me, it seems plausible that the little star's gotten stronger and grown! 💙

In the remake trailer, because I'm the kind of dweeb who does this, I went frame by frame trying to spot any telling differences -

(^ the scene where he's possessing the doll - this could just be a homage to the little twinkle he looks like in the original. even if that's all, I love the devs for it)

(more five-pointy? maybe? rev, did you just superimpose all the frames where Geno looks most five-pointy just so you could not quite prove anything? ABSOLUTELY)

Make of that what you will; all I can say so far is that we only see him kind of blobby. But what I'm secretly hoping is, maybe that's on purpose, so they can make it clearer in the game for the purpose of some big reveal like this. 😀

Anyway...

Wouldn't this be such a fitting and meaningful thing for Geno's character arc? I know one of the complaints among people who consider Geno overrated is that he doesn't really have an arc. Of course, his fans (myself included) either aren't bothered by that, or straight-up disagree, since he's central to the entire plot and goal of the game, and also literally the Mario universe equivalent of an angel, and maybe he was so reserved because he was trying so hard not to get attached even though we all know he totally did,

and also if he got an arc anywhere near Mallow's he'd be so compelling that he'd basically be the main character and they'd have to call it Super Geno RPG BUT ANYWAY,

I can't fully express, no matter how long I make this post, how much I hope they take a narrative route like this. It would be the actual best. My nerdy little heart would never be the same.

#in this essay i will #geno #geno smrpg #smrpg #super mario rpg #smrpg remake #my headcanons #my wishes #gif #my gifs #please nintendo please #i made so many gifs for this

[imthepunchlord]

Just a random question, but do you like adrien and marinette being the main duo, or do you think two other people would've been better?

Yes and no.

It's kinda complicated.

So, with my long break from Miraculous, clearing out my salt mines, and doing a gradual rewatch of the show with fresh eyes and enjoying the nostalgia of what used to be, I can say I am reminded on why, we as a fandom, enjoyed them as leads and as a pair.

There was some yin-yang potential in their dynamic, specifically playing off Lady Wifi introducing the Head vs Heart idea.

Marinette's an Empathetic Head. She's observant and perceptive, the planner and quick thinker, typically, she responds logically to what's presented to her. But she does feel deeply for others, and that empathy and kindness drives her to step up and help others.

Adrien in turn is a Reasonable Heart, at least, meant to be. He works off his feelings, goes with his gut, his wants; but he's also meant to be the emotional reason, knowing what to say to ground those that are getting caught up in themselves, offer support and direction, one they didn't consider or see before.

It nicely places off that theme that there's a little bit of the other in the counterparts, which is why the two halves have those dots, a little bit of yang resides in yin and vice versa.

And between the fluff and the snark and the support/loyalty they do offer each other, that potential for them as partners and users for the Cat and Ladybug is there.

Unfortunately, the writers' bias and stubbornness ruined that dynamic. What's meant to be a partnership of equals never becomes equals. Adrien never steps up as a leader and shares the weight of responsibility, and Marinette never feels like she can ease back and trust others to handle things, making her feel like she has to solve everything and be THE solution.

There's also the factor that they decided to prioritize the romance over the friendship, which did not really help Adrien as a hero as he focused more on his romantic pursuits than being a hero, flirting at the wrong time, not taking anything seriously... it was a bad look. And then Adrien and Marinette as civilians, despite being stated to be friends, I kinda question if they truly are. Adrien never actively goes to hang out with Marinette on his own, most of the time, there's a social expectation for them to hang out as civilians, or a favor is involved.

One of the aspects that has a romance work is having a good friendship to be that foundation. But the writers don't value friendship, not between actual friends and not between the love interests.

And the third issue is their means of growth.

Thomas, unfortunately, echoed the idea that girls grow through suffering. So Marinette's growth is just having the narrative against and giving her a hard time and she just can't win no matter what she does. Damned if she do, and damned if she don't. And I got to see that she developed anxiety and has an Atlas Complex and is very stress and just...

And with Adrien, he's just stagnant. He doesn't get involved in his own plot. He doesn't step up to the responsibility of being a hero, nor does he seek to share the weight of leadership. He's handed things on a silver platter, is allowed to be upset and petty and recklessly use his power.

And all of these factors just throws a big wrench into the potential of their partnership and them as leads and as the Cat and Ladybug heroes.

Better writers can make them work. And I bet there are a lot of good fanfics out there that have made them work.

I can see that potential and promise there. It's just really poor execution that ruined it.

I also will say, personally, I do think narrative wise things would flow better if they had a kwami swap at the start. Though, this is largely working the direction canon did go and I can see how a kwami swap could've combated that.

Plagg is set up to be the ideal foil to Marinette and have her grow, as she's too much of a giver, overthinks, piles too much on her plate, and struggles to put herself first. Extra bonus that they could've been a hilarious duo to see.

Tikki's big appeal with Adrien is that she would've gotten him involved in his own plot. Would've pushed for him to figure out who he is, what he wants to do, to be more involved if not be the leader, and to think more before he acts. And there could've been some good fluff as Tikki fills the void his mom left, as she can be very affectionate and supportive.

There's also the factor that Adrien needs someone to straight up tell him when he did something wrong or uncool. Anything that's a vague hint that Plagg occasionally gives just goes over Adrien's head or is ignored.

And there is that big appeal of shifting up the dynamics. Canon's issue is that Marinette and Tikki are initiators, while Adrien and Plagg are reactors. Mixing up these dynamics would've done wonders for their characters and interactions.

So, yeah over all, they can and could've worked as leads and holders of the Ladybug and Cat. The writing just really screwed them over. Though, I will say, doing different leads for Ladybug and Cat isn't an impossibility either.

#ask Punchie #ml salt

[maxislvt]

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa

Summary: You'd do anything to give your boys a good Christmas

Warning: None

A/N: my awful humor plagues the narrative another day

Event Masterlist

❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃

For many people, two kids during Christmas was a financial death sentence. For the Maximoff family, it was usually just a hospital bill if you were lucky. Christmas was like a whimsical curse on you and your family. Fun times and at least one scrapbook-worthy injury in the family.

When you and Wanda first started dating, they were small things. Pietro ran face-first into the world's sharpest wreath and needed stitches. Then, Wanda had broken her wrist after getting locked in her family shed. Finally, the Christmas before you two got married, you got a nosebleed from being hit in the face with a vodka bottle.

When the twins were born, it seemed the curse had disappeared. Maybe someone would get the flu or a small cold, but you were blessed with peaceful Christmases for quite some time. Unfortunately, that beautiful streak was about to break. You could just feel it. As your children grew older, they became more reckless. Well, it was mostly Tommy and his hectic super speed, but even Billy started to have random bursts of magical powers.

"Wanda, I'm worried about the curse," You said, staring up at the ceiling. Sleep was the last thing on your mind as you were plagued with visions of every accident that happened. All the tiny bruises you, your wife, and her brother had collected over the years. The mark on Pietro's forehead is barely hidden by the fluff of his bangs, the slash on your eyebrow, and the lighting strike across your girlfriend's lips. "I mean, I know the boys think ours are cool, but I would like for my kids to not look like a gently tossed sack of partially peeled potatoes.

Wanda snickered and rolled over to face you. "And what makes you say that?" Her hand cupped your face and gently ran her thumb over your eyebrow. "Also, they're not gonna look like potatoes. Even if they do, they're kids, they get all kinds of crazy scars and misadventures." Despite being a witch, your wife wasn't nearly as superstitious as you were. Not that she didn't believe in bloodline curses, just didn't believe you or she had one.

You sighed and wiggled closer to your wife. "I know, but I just don't want them to get hurt. The hospital staff knows us by our first name now, and that's not a good look for any of us." Wanda normally supported your ramblings and crazy idea, but you could never get her to take your side on that argument. "I mean with Billy's magic and Tommy running around at the speed of everything, something is bound to go wrong!"

Wanda pulled you in for a kiss. "Baby, the people at the hospital know you by your first name because you're an Avenger and the boys will learn to control their powers soon enough. Just relax, okay?"

You sighed and pulled Wanda into your chest. "Fine, but if someone ends up in the hospital, it's on you."

❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃

"Pietro, this is the worst idea I have ever heard in my entire life."

The Santa suit, fake beard, and big red bag laid out a recipe for disaster. Pietro's plan was exactly what your anxiety-ridden heart didn't need. One of you was to dress up as the big red man and jump down the chimney to give the kids the best Christmas memory ever.

"Isn't this exactly how Tony broke his leg trying to make Morgan happy? I love the boys, but I'm not exactly looking forward to another medical bill." You used your foot to gently kick at the huge bag one of you was supposed to bring down a chimney. "Also, there's no way this thing is gonna fit down my chimney. You could barely drag this thing into the room."

Pietro shrugged. "Yes, it is how he broke his leg, but he isn't as cool as either of us. This plan is foolproof!" Many people struggled to comprehend how twins could be so different. Wanda was tense and forever cautious. Pietro was nothing short of impulsive and thoughtless. "Think of the kids! They'll be so happy."

Eventually, you conceded. "Fine, but if I have to go down that chimney, you're dressing up like an elf!" You begrudgingly snatched the suit and beard from your brother-in-law and made your way to the bathroom. "Also, you forced me into this if Wanda gets mad!" Though you were an adult with your autonomy, your wife had the final say in most things. If she wanted a winter break with no powers, you'd follow that command to a T. Unless Pietro had hyped you up into doing otherwise. "I look…ridiculous."

Pietro opened the bathroom door to reveal his half of the costume. Pointed ears, green and white striped hat, and the dumb elf outfit you'd ever had the pleasure of seeing. "We look great, now grab the bag and let's toss you up on that roof!" Before you could argue, he picked you up and sped straight up the side of the house. "Okay, I'm gonna go wake up Billy and Tommy, you just wait here, and in about a minute just jump down and be all jolly! Got it? Good!"

You nodded, but Pietro had already left. For the sake of a happy wife, excited children, and safe Christmas, you decided not to think about how scary it was to be alone on top of a snowy roof. Refusing to believe it'd take a minute to get both of your beloved sons out of bed, you simply jumped down the chimney without much thought. Unfortunately, the sack was much too big and you had to let go. That had only gotten you about an extra three inches down the opening before being officially stuck. "Fuck!" Was all you could shout before desperately kicking your feet back and forth.

Pietro sped back up the roof and pulled the sack out of the chimney. He peered down the shaft and his jaw nearly dropped. "Dude, are you stuck?"

"No, I decided to get comfy in the chimney just to try it out. Yes, I'm fucking stuck! Go call my wife!"

After an interesting game of magical Twister and one broken chimney, you were freed from the confines of your brick prison and taken to the hospital. There was no time for you to change so you were sent in an ambulance, big beard and all. Fortunately, your wife was more so endeared by your commitment than horrified by the situation.

"So, is there a Mrs.Claus?" Wanda asked smoothly as she snuggled up in your hospital bed. She laughed as you groaned out in embarrassment. "Come on, I thought that was really cute!"

"You're only saying that because you're not hopped up on six different pain meds and don't have stitches." You grumbled but leaned against your wife to get some comfort. Her warm body eased the blistering cold that mercilessly attacked your wounds. "I told you we were cursed, but nooo!"

Wanda giggled and peppered kisses all over your face. "I think it's less of us being cursed and more of my brother having bad ideas." She wrapped you up in her arms and smiled. "Now rest up. The faster we get out of here, the faster we can get home to the boys. "

#wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda fanfic #wanda maximoff fluff #wanda imagine #wanda fluff #panther's 12 days of christmas

[akane-kurokawa]

Chapter 146 thoughts!

OKAY SO-

Would I seem sadistic if I said I’m so glad we got to see this scene? With the confirmation that filming was chronological, I was giving up hope that we would get it.

I said it in an earlier chapter and I’ll say it again, Frill’s acting is a one of the best parts of this arc. She steals every scene she’s in like a grotesque horror creature. Major props to Mengo for how she’s able to capture the feelings of these scenes so perfectly through her art.

We have to still take everything we’re seeing with a grain of salt since I can’t see how Aqua would have the source for all of this unless it’s all in the dvd (including the parts Ai wasn’t there for) but it does fit well with both the movie narrative and potentially even the real events.

That said, Airi using Taiki to manipulate Kamiki is foul, and her setting him up with a sense of insecurity and abandonment that seems like gasoline to Ai’s spark of her own issues. It really just makes one big fire.

It reminds me of Ai’s scene with Nino, there are all these expectations and demands from her. At such a young age, she needs to be what these people -these people who are CLOSE to her even, not just the fans- need her to be. With Nino, it’s entitlement, but with Hikaru it’s desperation.

Ai is out in a similar position to Aqua a few chapters ago, though unlike Aqua, who accepts the position he’s put in, putting Ruby’s needs above his own (as she even addressed) Ai chooses honesty. She admits that she can’t give Kamiki what he needs, or at least she’s not sure that she can. It’s a difficult decision steeped in kindness, but it also shatters any hope Hikaru had.

Here’s the confirmation that (at least in this movie) Kamiki pushed the murder suicide into happening. I wonder how Taiki feels about it.

My heart breaks for Taiki, acting this out. This is such a fucked up situation for all three of the siblings to be acting out. (Side note I do wish we spent more time with Taiki and his thoughts about all this as it was happening but considering I was losing hope we’d even get this scene, I really can’t complain)

Another note about the ordering of events, we have substantial reason to believe this is rearranging of facts, to some capacity anyway. Ai was all but confirmed to be broken up with Hikaru prior to the twins birth. Hikaru was implied to have been behind Ryosuke’s presence at the hospital (and indirectly Gorou’s murder) after all.

The movie timeline having him and Ai together after the twins are born is very strange to me. I can’t see Hikaru being the chillest about having children, considering Taiki. I’ve always interpreted her having his kids while not being able to love him as being a sort of betrayal to him, like she was using him. Obviously the situation is more nuanced, but from Hikaru’s perspective she isn’t too different from Airi.

This does answer my confusion two chapters ago about that incident being cut, it wouldn’t make sense to include with this new interpretation of the timeline. My guess is that this was constructed this way as a basis for establishing a clear motive, even if it still seems to go out of its way to make Hikaru as tortured and sympathetic as possible.

I love Kana I love Kana I love Kana I love Kana. Another top tier character of the arc (and of my heart always) is Kana, her relationships with the twins have been one of the beating hearts of this series since the formation of new B Komachi.

She cares so much about Aqua, even beyond her feelings for him, and she’s able to pick up when something’s wrong, get it out of him, and then comfort him about it.

He’s promised to live now, the tide of Aqua is turning.

Was that giggle the first time he’s actually laughed? It’s so cute how she’s being so goofy to cheer him up, she cares so much.

Also from a shipping standpoint I am cheering, but not too loudly yet. Aqua is in no place for a serious relationship and I don’t see the endgame ship (this) getting together until closer to the end.

You know, I had jokes that Kamiki has twice now been the dramatic punchline of a chapter (Nino talking to him, Kaburagi talking to him) and I’d said that rule of threes meant his next one would be a big one, but damn.

Not worried he’s going to kill her tbh, it doesn’t seem like she meets his victim profile tbh (superstar women at the height of her career) and he is too calculating in all this to do any kind of impulsive killing, having previously used proxies or opportunities where the victim was entirely isolated. If he was going to be a sloppy killer, he’d be caught already.

That said, this is the arc of everyone having convoluted unspoken plans, so I’m expecting something much more elaborate in this. Maybe he’s planning on doing or saying something that will influence her performance of Ai in a way that affects Aqua’s plan (whatever the fuck that even is), or maybe he’s beginning his own series of falling dominos.

Either way Ruby doesn’t die, especially not before the final arc, so I’m much more excited than worried in this situation. Last week I asked for more to chew on and this week they rolled out a full buffet.

#onk 146 #chapter thoughts #manga post #onk spoilers

[lavender-rosa]

Kny Characters + What stories would they write?

Ok last one for now I just had a lot of ideas

(Also kind of a modern au)

This is also really long, it contains the majority of the characters

Tanjirou: Pens a very lovely and whimsical tale about a boy who goes exploring in a sunny wood and comes across various talking animals who often say funny, charming and sometimes deeply profound things about the nature of the world. Think Le Petít Prince meets Winnie the Pooh. Half of the people who read the story thought that it was a delightful read while the other half thought it needed more conflict (lameasses)

Nezuko: When she was a human she was too busy taking care of her younger siblings and doing laundry to write down her little tween girl self-insert fantasies of joining Robin Hood's band of merry men and becoming the new leader who steals Robin Hood's heart <3 and other similar characters who fight sexily against injustice.

Zenitsu: Writes cringy self-insert fanfic both in modern au and in the taishou era. He writes selfcest fanfic (but don't you get it? It's actually a metaphor about the duality of the self, and he's working out his inner demons UGH don't make fun of him!!!!!) and is that guy who writes really dark, fucked up fanfic about cartoons (he has watched a lot of anime). He's really into theaters, plays, operas, musicals you name it. He went through a big Tennessee Williams phase and tried to write exactly like him to.....middling success. He tried to write a musical once only to realize one song in, that an advanced sense of hearing and proficiency in multiple musical instruments doesn't actually equate to having any compositional talent. He'll stick to critiquing and leave the creative writing to people with more style and imagination.

Inosuke: He narrates a story about a boy who escapes an opressive society and goes to start an anarchist commune in the woods with other refugees. The fact that there are no rules and everyone does what they want is epic and he doesn't miss his old life at all even a little bit and then they all live happily ever after, the end. Shinobu claims that while his narration style is direct and incisive, the story ultimately lacks nuance.

Genya: He had a really big crush on Mulan and Li Shang when he was a kid and when he saw the garbage straight to DVD sequel it dissapointed him so badly he vowed to rewrite it so that it was good now, actually. He got three pages in before it occured to him that this was a waste of his time because no one but him would ever actually read it, and he abandoned it. Little did he know that little Nezuko would have loved to read it, but he didn't know Nezuko yet. Alas.

Kanao: She writes a series of diary entries from the perspective of a teenage girl. At first she's just talking about stereotypical teenage girl stuff, like the boy she likes and the mean thing her friend said at the mall, but then at some point the narrator realises that she's in a story, and her diary entries get introspective and frantic and meta as she is ultimately crushed under the weight of her own narrative. Her teacher deems it "brilliant" and suggests submitting it to literary magazines for publication to which Kanao replies "no thanks Λ_Λ 🫧"

Aoi: She once wrote a story inspired by "Over the Garden Wall" about two characters who are clearly her and Kanao navigating a sinister, mysterious forest together. It really helped her work through some stuff.

Senjurou: He makes an artbook of his crafts, paintings and photography. It has a very special place on Rengoku's shelf.

Rest of characters under read more

Shinobu: She writes a story about a lesbian pirate who has an affair with a bisexual tavernkeeper who is cheating on her shitty husband right under his nose. One day the husband finds out and gets violent so they kill him and serve chunks of his flesh to stray alley cats. Her friends and family really enjoy the story but others don't understand "why everything Shinobu writes needs to have such an agenda"

Sanemi: He pens a tragic fairytale about an empress who loses all of her children to various causes and ultimately kills herself. The style is very poetic and beautiful but the story is so unbelievably sad that anyone who reads it is prompted to ask "what was the point of this" and "if you need help i have a pretty good therapist i can recommend"

Giyuu: He once wrote a novella about a miserable, traumatised young man who causes problems for himself for no reason. Shinobu reads it and says "Wow Giyuu, this is an amazing piece of satire I never knew you had such a great sense of humour!" And Giyuu is just like "it wasn't meant to be comedic" and Shinobu's like "Oh......." Many years down the line Sanemi reads it too and argues that the protagonist needs to be punished more by the narrative and Giyuu responds "thanks...I'll keep that in mind....."

Gyomei: While not a man of many words, the novel he has been dictating reveals a very beautiful, sensitive, poetic soul and may move you to tears.

Muichirou: Doesn't read books and now you want him to write one???

Uzui: He wrote touching and hilarious letters to his wives whenever they were apart, which they keep stored in a small wooden chest and pull out to read whenever they are feeling wistful. Besides that he has no desire to write anything. The most he ever writes is when he is writing letters to other Pillars, which always say the same thing "Hey come over here so I can talk to you in person. Fuck you. Tengen"

Mitsuri: In the Kimetsu Gakuen comic series she along with Shinobu brainstormed a manga called "Sishinta and Friends" where all the characters are pieces of sushi and the romantic rival is a piece of shrimp called Ebi that looks like Rengoku and gets into conflict with a fried piece of salmon called Yakishake that looks like Akaza, who wants Ebi to get fried because if he doesn't he will spoil and die, but Ebi argues that getting spoiled quickly defines sushi and that he would never become fried and thus the two engage in a vicious crustacean vs aquatic vertebrate battle. Not kidding, it's chapter 11

Iguro: He writes a story from the perspective of an electron that doesn't know that it's entangled but can sometimes still feel that it is connected to something across the universe when it spins. It is a brilliant poignant story about starcrossed love and the significance of relationality across the cosmos that almost none of his peers understand "because it all sounds too sciencey"

Rengoku: Had a diary detailing his childhood, his mother and her passing, his father's descent into alcoholism, his little brother, his training exercises, his missions and his unsuccessful attempts at making his father proud. As the years passed the diary entries became shorter and shorter until one day they completely stopped...

Kagaya: Writes a dark comedy about a horrible, pathetic man who makes everyone around him miserable including himself because he refuses to adjust his insane principles even when presented with tangible evidence that contradicts his beliefs, at one point he commits multiple murders and gets away with them until the end of the story where he is killed by his own myopic greed. Muzan claims that the hero of the story "is greatly sympathetic" and that "he deserved a better fate" Kagaya is just like "yeah...I kinda knew you would say that... :)"

Tamayo: She pens a lot of theory that is highly abstract, very dense, overly cerebral, sprawling and bordeline illegible. Her works are sort of like if Feynman and Derrida had a baby and also that baby was in highly need of an editor that could whittle down every four pages into one sentence. She writes theory on every scientific field imaginable, including fields she all but invented. People who can actually figure out what the hell she is saying insist that she is a genius and that her ideas changed their life, but most people don't even bother or just pretend to have read her stuff.

Yushiro: He writes academic criticism/theory/research, which is ever so slightly more lucid and succinct than Tamayo's.

Kyogai: Writes a story about ghosts throughout time occupying a single house together, haunting each other, ever temporarily overlapping in a cacophony of grief. While coherent it is very dense, and most of his publishers don't bother actually unpacking it, so they mostly just complain about the non-linear timeline being "too confusing" (lameasses)Tanjirou loves it though.

Rui: When he was still a human he had diary entries, which served as a treasured outlet through to vent his supressed and overwhelming feelings regarding his illness. He didn't write every day, and sometimes his entries were longer than others. In the weeks between him meeting Muzan and him murdering his parents, Rui's diary entries took a turn for the messy, rambling, dramatic and graphic. His diaries were well-hid under a rug in his room and thus never found.

Muzan: He writes about an ubermensch who is able to valiantly resist the liberal indoctrination of the pathetic sjws who are triggered by his inner strength and sharp intelligence. It reads almost identically to Kagaya's story (except with a vastly different prose style), but unlike Kagaya, it is completely sincere and not remotely a satire. Unfortunate.

Kaigaku: Writes a story about a "really cool" alpha male whose girlfriend unfairly dumps him after their wannabe sigma male acquaintance who was jealous of him because he loved his girlfriend gets him cancelled on Twitter for saying a slur 10 years ago. But it turns out said guy who steals his girlfriend is actually a terrible person who treats women like shit despite posturing as a feminist for clout. Zenitsu reads it and is like "wow, this could actually be a very well thought out critique on performative allyship and how any kind of man can be equally abusive to the women in their lives....if not for the fact that THE SIGMA MALE IN THIS STORY IS CLEARLY A STAND IN FOR ME ???????"

Daki: She def has a "went through a phase of writing hardcore slash fic" vibes, I can't explain it but she does. She's also incredible at writing roasts. She gives a speech at every birthday party she has been invited to and it fucking kills.

Gyutaro: The first and only time he ever attempted constructing his own story was when he was very young, where he devised a truly gruesome story about woodland creatures that accidentally made Ume cry. Whoops!

Gyokko: He wrote the japanese equivalent of Donatien Alphonse Francois Marquis de Sade's "120 Days of Sodom" the book that inspired the well-known 1975 film Saló (on a sidenote: I have read the book and it's much worse than the movie, just read the wiki summary to get the idea) Anyways if you are familiar with the book or the film you should know that whatever the hell Gyokko wrote is not suitable for human or demon consumption alike.

Hantengu: Spent a couple decades or so publishing a series of action-adventure-erotica novels under a pseydonym. Once you've been around for long enough, you just start doing shit.

Akaza: When he was young he wrote about a brave and valiant samurai who goes off to slay an oni and bring it's head back as a trophy for the shogun, only to learn that the oni was really just minding her own business, leading him to question everything he thought he knew about the Japanese feudal government, and ultimately beheading the shogun instead. His teacher deemed it "intriguing, but slightly concerning" (Lame!!!) Also probably had a Magneto and a Robin Hood phase.

Douma: Publishes a book that is one part self-help, one part gloating memoir, one part spiritual guide, one part personality quiz and 100% barf. Hakuji cannot believe that Koyuki has read it cover to cover multiple times, as if it contains wisdom deserving to be gleaned even once. He'd burn it if he didn't know that Koyuki would just immediately go out and buy another copy, giving even more money to that bastardly scammer.

Kokushibou: He finds most novels insipid, poetry either boring at best or nauseating at worst, and fanfiction a hobby practiced only by the most simple minded buffoons so he doesn't think he's missing out. He once sent a letter to Douma but never received an answer from him, so when he asked him about it when they met face-to-face Douma simply told him that attempting to read through and trying to comprehend Kokushibou's highly antiquated and dense writing was sheer torture for him so he just gave up ❤ he advised him to modernize his writing, even just a tiny bit. Kokushibou could do that....but he refuses to ❤️

#kny #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #tanjiro kamado #nezuko kamado #inosuke hashibira #zenitsu agatsuma #sanemi shinazugawa #genya shinazugawa #kanao tsuyuri #kyojuro rengoku #uzui tengen #shinobu kocho #mitsuri kanjori #obanai iguro #muzan kibutsuji #kokushibo #akaza #doma #tomioka giyuu #kagaya ubuyashiki #tamayo #daki #gyutaro #upper moons #pillars #kny headcanons #hantengu #gyokko

[moreespressoformydepresso]

What are your honest thoughts on all Descendants boys? From both books and movies?

Oehh that’s a good question! I’ll base most of this off of the movies because I remember them more clearly. Sorry this is so late, I needed some time to sort out my thoughts. Let’s see:

Ben: cutie, golden retriever energy, needs to grow a bit more of a spine but as a recovering doormat I vibe with him.

He’s got a good heart, and he’s definitely going places, but I have no idea who decided a 16-year-old should be king. Hilariously, he’s a better king than his dad because he cares about all of his people, not just the “heroes”. But still, he’s 16, let him have his dumbass teenage years. He’s still in his phase of wanting to please everyone and that isn’t gonna lead to the best decision making. You’re king, Ben, you can overrule your girlfriend’s selfish idiotic plan of closing the barrier. Just tell her “the barrier was opened for you to come through too. If those kids aren’t worth the risk, does that mean you aren’t either? Should we throw you back?!” And she’s change her tune real fast. You gotta give some tough love sometimes.

Jay: cool, I wanna know his gym routine, pretty funny but rash, needs Carlos to temper his brand of crazy (love their bromance).

I love the narrative parallels to the movie Aladdin. Jafar thought himself so far above a street rat and now he’s raised his son to be one so he can continue being a con-man. In the movies, Jay is actually a very accurate representation of your upbringing shaping you into who you are. All Jay knows is stealing, he’s never been taught to pay if he doesn’t have to, so to him stealing’s perfectly fine. It’s normal. It’s a lot more subtle than the whole “who doesn’t like being evil” bit, but the core idea is the same: when all you’ve ever known is one perspective, that’s gonna feel like the objective truth because you’ve never had a chance to try a different one.

Carlos De Vil: Best (movie) Boy, my baby, I love him. What a little nerd (affectionate).

He’s a big part of why I willfully ignore the absolute stupidity that is the third movie’s ending. I’m sorry Mal, wtf is wrong with you??? You set your supposed friend’s abuser free for nothing but some empty platitudes and dare suggest you’ve become an empathetic person?!?! In the books, we get a lot more insight into just how horrible of a mother Cruella is, but even in the movies we see he’s had it bad because of how jumpy and nervous he is. Disney is still Disney so we don’t get much of the healing process, but we see how he calms down and adjusts to a normal life over the course of the movies when he’s out of the bad situation, which is pretty good by Disney standards. Cameron Boyce did an amazing job playing him (R.I.P Cameron) and seeing an abuse victim get comfortable within their own skin and getting the happy ending they deserve is always fun.

Harry Hook: Insane (affectionate), most fashionable drama queen ever, absolutely crazy, more than a few screws loose but in the best way possible, he’s hilarious.

So on the surface, Harry’s pretty simple. A dude who’s lost his marbles and flirts with everyone. He probably has some kind of moral compass, since he didn’t rip Mal’s throat out with his hook when she revealed her little stunt in D3, but it fell overboard at some point and couldn’t be found so nobody knows what it is except Harry himself. Also, he has his sane moments, like during that same confrontation in D3 I mentioned before where he says “And you, King Benny... you're probably gonna throw us all back inside.” It’s the first time I’ve heard him sound… not like Harry. It’s sombre and defeated, a little disappointed maybe? Either way it’s really good acting and it implies he can act completely “normal” but he just chooses not to, which makes me like him even more. He’s just a dude living his best life despite the circumstances he was born into.

Gil: adorable, hilarious, kinda clueless but in a good way.

I love characters that have no idea what’s going on half the time but are absolute sweethearts trying their best. He’s like- the opposite of his dad in every way and I’m living for it!

Gaston Jr and Gaston the third: I don’t have much to say on them, let alone separately, so they get a section together.

Honestly? I don’t remember having an opinion of them. They made Evie happy by wresting, which is cool so they get points for that. Seem like they’re trying to out-gentleman each other to win Evie’s heart and since they’re not being creepy assholes about it they are objectively better than their dad. Very much brawl over brains, the two of them, with their constant wrestling reminding me of Carlos and Jay except they’re both the muscle. Kinda cute sibling relationship, even if it’s in a VK-typical villain-flavored way.

Anthony Tremaine: squeeeee, my type is pretty boys who sigh in annoyance at everything, I guess? We only get scraps but I happily cradle them to my chest.

Uhmmm so Anthony’s personality is mostly up for imagination? The only canon information we have is that he’s most likely Anastasia’s only kid (someone on Tumblr pointed out that, in the scene with the wicked step-daughters, he’s referred to only as their cousin, not their brother) and he’s very bored with his cousins’ antics. Given A Twist In Time the potential drama is endless. Every time Anthony’s mentioned we’re reminded he’s pretty and has good style, and I love that for him. Dude lives on an isle of junk and still looks like a supermodel. Lots of room for my own ideas while still remaining within the realm of “could be canon” with just enough base in there that I’m not just creating an OC, and as a writer and artist that’s all I need tbh.

Hadie: cute, deserves better, I need more of him and Mal bonding

Mal’s half-brother, son of Hades, very cool. I like that he’s trying to turn good and having a hard time, because that’s very realistic for someone who grew up not knowing anything other than evil. Descendants 2 tried to tackle it with Mal, but failed miserably. We know Hades sucks as a parent in descendants (neglect is abuse) so that’s not gonna help him.

Dough: Awww he’s so cute with Evie 🥺

No really that’s it. He’s a nerd that gets the girl, has some very funny moments, but honestly most of his character is centered around Evie? And they’re cute together it’s not a bad thing but there isn’t much to analyze. He’s understandably pissed about someone like Chad getting all the girls while using them, but that’s also only ever seen in relation to Evie.

Chad Charming: what a bitch (derogatory), total coward, I hate him but he’s funny.

So I have no issue with characters who conduct themselves terribly (I love Audrey, (fanon) Anthony, Uma, and many others from many fandoms) if, and that’s a massive IF, they have a good reason for it. And I’ll count “because I can and I want to” as a good reason, because by that point you have someone who’s mean and owns it. I can appreciate the self-awareness and usually those characters are very extra so it’s entertaining. If not that, there needs to be a reason they are the way they are. Audrey has the pressure from her grandmother (and the borderline verbal abuse), Uma has the very real grievance of living in squalor on a run-down island full of the worst of humanity because she was born, what does Chad have? He’s spoiled. A spoiled brat. And he goes from that to an overtly whimpering coward with none of the pretense of superiority in any field. His one saving grace is that he’s a massive joke.

Diego De Vil, Clay Clayton, Gonzo, Jace and Harry Badun, Herkie, Aziz, Jonas, Lefou Deux, Li Shang Jr, everyone else I missed: no opinion, because they’re not relevant enough for the writers to give them a personality.

I have nothing I’m sorry. I barely remember reading their names and I don’t remember anything from the scenes they’re (mentioned) in to get an idea of what to talk about here.

That was… a lot lmao

#disney descendants #descendants #descendants anthony #descendants jay #carlos de vil #descendants carlos #descendants ben #descendants chad #chad charming #descendants gil #gil descendants #harry hook #descendants harry hook #hadie descendants #gaston jr #gaston the third #anthony tremaine #character analysis #?? i guess

[poicyss]

Okay I definitely wanna hear ur Duck gushing. I liked her too, but I won't deny the one that was my fav was Rue lol

She's just so much! Aaahh!!!

I feel like Duck is very much a very basic anime protagonist on the surface - clumsy but kind, willing to do anything for her friends, a little confused but she has the spirit etc. However!! While she may be basic, she is in no way boring!

I feel like a lot of the times clumsiness is slapped onto main characters for humor and cute value. And while it does make her silly and cute, it also plays a big role in her character and her struggles. She feels like she doesn't ever really fit in, clumsily navigating and trying to balance the life of Duck the girl and Duck the bird and her role in the story as Princess Tutu.

She's called dumb all the time, but she's very wise! Especially if you're a fan of Rue, you can see how wise Duck is when giving advice and talking to her about her feelings and their relationship with Mytho, even if she has trouble getting her point across. Her intentions, even if her words were jumbled, were felt and changed Rue for the rest of the series. Duck is very Empathetic and a lot better at reading people than she gives herself credit for. She thinks she only has the ability to "save" people as Tutu, but I think a lot of her greatest contributions to saving the others were done as Duck.

She also is very brave. She's the one who first examines her role in the story and tries to search for a better ending. I mean obviously, she's the protagonist, but still! Fakir had been going through the same song and dance his whole life, wishing to change the story and stop it from finishing, but he doesn't go actively looking for a better alternative, instead just sort of stalling for time by keeping Tutu from collecting the heart shards.

I really like how Princess Tutu handles it's characters and their struggles AS characters. I feel like a lot of the time when you hear about characters being "doomed by the narrative" or whatever it's referring more to characters who are doomed by action and not role. And due to being the protagonist, of course, this difference is shown best through Duck. She happily accepts her role as Tutu at first, but then later considers that by becoming human she has been losing her identity as a duck, and how the role of Princess Tutu was sort of forced upon her. Is she just Princess Tutu, or is she more?

And she worries about being a tool used for helping people, but still continues to help people regardless. She's not perfect obviously, but her heart is ALWAYS in the right place, and she is incredibly sincere and strong and I think it's great that she is still able to be the same silly girl while having to struggle with stuff like her identity, purpose and destiny.

I feel like a lot of the time when people apply "angst" to genki characters like Duck it can feel insincere. A lot of people see silly characters, ESPECIALLY GIRLS, as lacking depth. Even protagonists! But Duck is just so emotionally rich. She's very cheery and always wants to do her best, of course, but she's not tied to just being a happy character. Actually, she's probably the only one of the main four who doesn't really wear a mask! She doesn't need to, since her emotions and connections fuel the story and it's characters in a way that isn't just "Don't give up ^^ Love your friends ^^ Girl power!!"

She's awkward and loving and brave and a lot deeper than people (including herself, with all that "I'm just a duck" talk) give her credit for. She reminds me a lot of myself, stumbling blindly through social situations to find a connection and someone who could handle all the big huge emotions I have without being deemed unnecessary.

...I'm gonna be honest, I don't even know if a lot of the above makes sense. I sorta just rambled in a random direction until I felt I made a point lol. And I still feel like I didn't manage to say everything! Ahh!! I love this anime so much!!!

#ask #long post #princess tutu #lol... sorry 🙏

[twig-tea]

Close Friend 3: Soju Bomb Lied to Me

Angry rant time!

I do not like to trash shows for being "not gay enough"; I think there's room in the BL sphere for all kinds of stories and I'm really interested in shows that would not typically 'count as BL' getting money and eyes, so I'm pretty forgiving of something being advertised as a BL and not meeting the criteria of a BL. I was not mad at Tunku Drama Shower for One Room Angel, for example, because that show was good and queerness was at the core of the story, and even though it didn't really work as a romance narrative, I'm glad they experimented with it.

However.

HOWEVER.

Close Friend 3 went too far and I'm mad about it. Let me break it down for you: Close Friend is a franchise that started in 2021; VIU hired a bunch of established pairs from other shows and got them to each do a microseries to see what stuck. The tagline was "six different pairs of men, six different forms of love". Then in Close Friend 2 the two most popular couples (Ohm & Fluke from Until We Meet Again, and Kimmon and Copter from 2 Moons and Gen Y) got a sequel series, in which their characters were put into the same universe, and we had essentially two BL couples co-heading the miniseries. And while Close Friend 1 and 2 aired on Viki, Close Friend 3 was picked up by the queer content distributor GagaOOLala.

All that's to say Close Friend 3: Soju Bomb is the third entry into a franchise that to date has been romance narratives featuring exclusively m/m couples, and is airing on a queer platform, has only the guys in the series on the poster, and has a heart in the logo of the show. And so I do not think I am crossing any lines to say it is a betrayal for this show to not be a BL romance, which it decidedly is NOT.

[Just to underscore that it makes no sense why this is "Close Friend 3": While all 6 of the microseries in S1 were unrelated, the stories that were in S2 were related and were sequels to S1. So it's REALLY strange that S3 had not a single callback to S1 or 2--especially since in those earlier seasons, Ohm played a music producer, so it would have been really easy to even just mention his character in a show about aspiring music artists. They didn't even try.]

Not only is this show not a BL in the more standard ways--it isn't about romance at it's core--but it also is not about androsexual men (men who are attracted to men). Even more egregiously, there is a kiss that it teases for several episodes, but that kiss turns out to be a drunken "I love my buddies" kiss that everyone agrees is no big deal once it's revealed.

At my most generous, one of these characters could be said to have maybe had some kind of questioning/queer awakening occur as a result of the kisses. He was ruminating on his flashes of memory, and clearly has a reaction to hearing about how difficult life was for the lesbian couple that felt personal. But it's not a central core of the narrative, and as soon as he remembers what happened and the band members have the conversation in which they agree they're just friends (and they joke that one day having a cush on him is possible), that thread drops. If he does remain questioning his sexuality (which, by the way, it was never clear he was doing in the first place--he says in the show that he was concerned about the fact that he kissed them and their reception of him afterwards. The actor definitely played it like he was queer, but the show does nothing to make that explicit), it does not remain a concern of the show and is never brought up again, not even in non-romantic context e.g. concerns about his future if he were to try to debut as a (closeted or out) KPop idol.

Meanwhile there are two heterosexual romances as subplots of this story (one of which is with their manager, and as trainees that is potentially exploitative but never treated as a problem by the show). There is also an older lesbian couple which would be extremely cute except one of them is dead (side-eyeing you, My Strawberry Film, for contributing to this becoming a pattern I hate).

There is also a "shippable" couple in the show that the show makes clear is not a couple because one of them is in one of the heterosexual couples I mentioned above. Seeing these two sometimes hit BL beats while knowing they're not going anywhere was frustrating and felt like salt in the wound.

By setting up audience expectations that this would be a BL story and then betraying those expectations (and in fact laughing at them), this show has done itself a serious disservice. If they had billed this as a general Thai/Korean crossover about Thai Kpop trainees who are filmed in some pretty iconic spots in Korea (e.g. most KPop listeners and kdrama watchers will recognize Yongma Land) where they explore their friendship, their reasons for wanting to debut, and their feelings around the restrictions that the company has placed them under for years just to abandon them, I'd have been on board, and said they did a decent job. The ending was a little pat (particularly the idea that anything at these companies would change), it didn't take things that it set up as serious very seriously, and the character arcs were not very strong, but I was entertained at some of the twists and the reveal of what happened during their blackout drunk night (Gaga in their listing compares this show to The Hangover and it's a similar premise), the friendships were solid, and it was very pretty; in other circumstances I'd happily say watch if you're bored or something specific in the show appeals to you (if you like The Hangover; if you like good cinematography and unusual locations; if you like boyband stories, as examples).

As it stands, I am now upset, will never recommend this to anyone, and these creators are on notice (the cinematographer, Job, was also involved in The Shipper and Our Days, so he is on my List. How dare this man continue to use his talents for shows that don't deserve them. The Trainee better be stunning, that's all I'll say about him. The screenwriter Rose is new so she gets a warning, and the director is Yoo who also directed 55:15 Never Too Late, which was ok so he also gets a warning).

TL;DR This show should never have been marketed as a BL. I do not enjoy being set up for disappointment or for queer stories to be sidelined in ostensibly queer content (same complaint I have about My Strawberry Film). This approach did this show no favours at all, and it means I cannot recommend it.

#close friend the series #close friend 3 #close friend 3: soju bomb #soju bomb the series #this title is also such a mess to try and tag good lord #bl meta #typed so that i can stop thinking it #long post #i am very annoyed; that was egregious

[dayurno]

do you have any thoughts about the way thea was handled? ever since nora has been more active on twt (and mentioned the hate thea gets) people have been sort of insistent about Always Having Liked Her Actually and it irks me a lot, because imo people SHOULD be upset at the fact that kevin (who has been abused all his life and has trauma regarding the nest) has a gf who's from that same environment but 1. doesn't seem all that concerned about getting better / helping kevin get better 2. shouts at him in the only scene they're in together 3. isn't even described as a particularly good presence in the extra content explaining their past 4. this is just a horrible cherry on top but she's 5 years older and they met when he was 14 :/// like if anything i think this has a lot to do with nora not having been kind to kevin (which she also recently admitted to) like damn can he get one thing in life that's just good for him. one safe haven. jesus

short answer: i think thea as a character has been done the worst by nora sakavic, and the lack of care she was shown is in line with how all for the game treats its other characters of color.

long answer: most of my thoughts about how thea was handled are less about thea the character itself and more about her throwaway appearance and the overall lack of interest the author had when writing her. thea's a widely hated character for many reasons, not all of them valid, and a big one is that she was shoved into the narrative at one of the very last few chapters and paired up with one of the most important characters with very little thought or effort. we don't get even a hint of her existance before her appearance, and her one scene does not gather her sympathy because what we know of her is that she's an unrepentant raven (arguably the series' most evident villains) and what we see of her is a moment of great anger, that, even if ignorant, mimics the hostility most of the other ravens had towards kevin/the foxes during the trilogy

this is all to say: i don't like the way thea was written, and i think, especially, that it was a bad optic to write a black woman whose only scene is her being hostile towards her love interest. i need you to know that i'm not saying thea was not right to be angry, or that thea should've flown in and nursed kevin's mental health as soon as she could — both because it's out of character and because it's ridiculous —, but i am saying that she was not afforded almost anything as a character, in both terms of humanity and screentime. this is nothing new with how aftg treats its characters of color, and it is very telling that the characters who get the most flack (namely nicky and thea and riko) are the core of the non-white cast. thea and riko are not afforded complexity; nicky is a constantly flamboyant brown man whose only purpose is to wrangle his cousins and deliver friendship-related one liners to neil. this is why nora sakavic's refusal to comment on them grates on me, and why the new wave of adoration for the series with no nuance suffocates all of the real criticism done by fans of color in the last ten years.

and here's a personal answer: thea's future breaks my heart just as much as kevin's does, because she is also a victim of cultist mentality, and she never breaks out of it. i have no doubts in my heart that the nest was cruel to her, and her unflinching loyalty to the ravens until the end saddens me because it is a terrible existence when all is said and done. thea will not play exy forever, and by the time she has to retire, she will be just as miserable as kevin was. i don't know if she'll ever acknowledge how awful the ravens were either to her or to kevin — i don't know if she'll *want* to, because it is hard to do all that work, and it will leave her deeply scarred to realize most of it was not necessary to her sucess —, but i hope she does, and i hope that on that day, she will be able to decide for herself where to go from there.

#re: kevthea i dont think their relationship would be terrible but it would not stand for long #and i think kevin is as much of a comfortable choice for her as she is for him #but that is about as personal of an opinion as when i think kevallison wouldn't work well together #what i wish for thea is a better writer and a better fandom and a better series #but as i cannot change this i will tell u that thinking about how badly she was handled upsets me #and i hope (pray) that she finds a better man than kevin. who is probably not so obsessed with exy. and who could help her deal with #what kevin could not help her with #welcome to the world of the living theodora muldani! #asks #thea #kevin #kevthea

[gogandmagog]

If you had L.M. Montgomery as a pen pal and were able to have her expound on or clarify (3) Anne events or plotholes what would you choose?

(ESL so I’m apologizing if the format of this question is poor.)

No waaay, the format of this question is actually perfection and so's your English! And the question itself, too. Do you know that you’re one of my most elusive LMM mutuals? I have hardly any clues about your viewpoints… and I’d love nothing better than to be able to hand you a mic, and sit down tailor-style in front of you, while you shared your takeaways. (All this to say that I’m returning this very question to you, in your own ask-box, the very next moment after I press ‘post’ here!)

1.) About the aftermath of Walter’s ‘going away.’ Especially, was there any kind of memorial or funeral? Can the narrative catch Una up in its grasp at that moment, if there was? Montgomery communicates grief with such harrowing candour after both Matthew and Joy’s deaths (even Ruby's!)... we get these really saudade and wrenching passages that will never go stale against the readers feelings because each time they bring you to burn with the intimacy of fresh sorrow... but then here comes ‘Rilla of Ingleside,’ and we only get mild surface knowledge of Anne’s long emotional convalescence or one-line mentions of Rilla’s initial shock and her own bitter nightly weeping. The whole thing almost feels like a deferred action to me, comparatively. I don't really like books that consistently spoon-feed you tragedy because I find they typically start insisting upon themselves, but I could have used a little more detail in this particular instance. But maybe I just wish for more Walter, always!    2.) I’d grin soooo stupidly if we could get Shirley’s birth year sorted — his whole entire timeline set out in a clear and linear fashion, really. If we could also hear more about his life (before, during and after the war), I’d be riveted, I’m sure. Where Andrew Stuart has his epic on the life of Methuslela that he dreams of writing, I have my own Shirley (+Mi’kmaq girl) Blyography to dream of writing in a really white whale sort of way.

3.) Hey, and you know what? One small inconsistent thing that has always bugged me, that I’ve just now remembered, thanks to this ask... in the chapter ‘Dawn and Dusk’ in House of Dreams, we’re told that Phil, with her big golden heart, wrote Anne a congratulatory letter as she’d heard of Joy’s birth... but not of her death. But this is puzzling to me, because... exactly who would've told Phil that Joy had been born, but not that she’d passed? This chapter is titled ‘Dawn and Dusk’ because the wee white lady lives only from morning to evening. Anyone that knew of Joy’s birth, knew also of her death. Certainly, Anne wasn’t writing far-reaching announcement letters in those very short hours of gladness she was given. Gilbert knew from the first that Joy could not live the day out, so we can fairly rule him out, too. Susan and Marilla are further impossibilities, as they were made aware of the looming sorrow almost just as soon as they were aware of Joy’s arrival. The only others at the House of Dreams at that time were Doctor Dave and a nurse. It'd be absurd if it was them. So…?

#thaaaanks for this

[ourladyofmaplemurder]

Cheryl & The Blues

A lovely friend of mine pointed something out to me this morning. Namely, the "why" of the blue dress in Season 1, which had led me to the meaning of blue for Cheryl.

I had asked for his insights previously, as he is a costume designer who is far more visually inclined than I, but it wasn't until now that I got a response. (He has always been a RiverHater, but it seems he is coming around. Our flock grows. Praise Mother Gaia.) In any case, he pointed out that this dress is an attempt from Cheryl to embody Cinderella.

Here is a quick paraphrase of what he said:

She is is desperately trying to NOT be Cheryl during this dinner. At one point she even says "It's supposed to be Cinderella who ran away from the ball." Thus, the blue dress is here to help her emulate the "trad wife heterosexual Cinderella." By the end of the scene, she goes full Cheryl and snaps on Archie because her charade doesn't work and everyone still thinks she's a chaotic lesbian.

Lots to unpack here, no?

As we know, Cheryl IS red. So, seeing her in blue (and this is blue, despite the fact that it looks sort of green. A nod to envy, perhaps?) is very strange. Blue is Betty's color, and though Betty is NOT the ultimate trad wife heterosexual, she is coded that way. In fact, much of her internal character conflict is about her having to grapple with being "The Girl Next Door".

So, this dress is Cheryl's attempt to be "The Girl Next Door". It seems so simple now that I think about it, but still.

I think it's interesting that Cheryl invokes Cinderella specifically, rather than Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. Snow White would certainly make sense. She's tortured by an evil mother figure and pale as snow, both things that Cheryl could relate to. There's even poison in that story and we all know how much Penelope loves poison. Sleeping Beauty wouldn't really make sense until after Cheryl's Sweet Water River incident, but still. I think it's kind of interesting how many fairytale princesses we could link to Cheryl.

She chooses Cinderella though. Why? Well, Cinderella is also tormented by an evil mother figure, but her most significant moment is being transformed. Cinderella is lifted from the ashes of her wretched life to go to the ball with the help of her fairy godmother in the hopes of winning the heart of the prince. The prince is clearly Archie and there is no Fairy Godmother. Maybe that's why it doesn't work.

In any case, Cheryl is a lot, even for herself, so it makes sense that she would try to suppress her true colors, so to speak, from time to time to satisfy a particular goal. She is aware that she is too much, at least to some degree at any given moment of the series, so yeah. She whips out the blue when she's trying to tone herself down.

(I'm probably making too much of this, but there's something about Cheryl Blossom and fairytales that just clicks in my mind. It reminds me of Blanche DuBois from Streetcar saying, "I don't want realism, I want magic!" I feel like Cheryl would agree with that. )

Also! Another time that Cheryl wears blue? Toni's bachelorette party in Season 6. This is another time that you could argue she is trying to suppress herself in the interest of being a supportive ex. (Also fascinating that Heather is wearing red! A testament to her love for Cheryl, I think. This IS right before they have their big kiss.)

She also wears blue when she comes up with the idea to kill Percival for Toni's wedding present. It's a sort of "show of support", but we all know she does not support this union and desperately wants Toni back so....

This is also likely why the Sister of Quiet Mercy uniforms are blue. They are symbols of repression for Cheryl specifically. (And Betty too, tbh. I think this 'suppression' narrative probably works for Betty too, but I would need to actually go through and check that. So, for now, let's just focus on Cher Cher.)

Now, Cheryl wears blue pretty often in season 7, but that makes sense considering the fact that she has to suppress herself quite a bit due to the nature of the times. But like, look at this:

These are all moments where Cheryl is actively suppressing her true feelings, in this case, the gay ones. However, what's different about these instances, and these costumes, is that the truth is always poking through. The suppression in the 50's is different. She's not trying to suppress herself FROM herself. Not in the long run. The red accents remind us who she truly is and that she is still Cheryl Blossom underneath that trad wife, heterosexual nonsense she's putting on.

All this to say: When Cheryl is wearing blue she is actively suppressing herself! It's consistent!

ADDENDUM:

Where does this analysis place her River Vixen uniform?

As you can see, it is predominantly blue. However, I do not think that it fits into the "suppression narrative" in the same way as her other blue outfits. The River Vixen uniform is blue, but it's also a symbol of the Town and of Cheryl's sense of belonging within her community. Though I do think the red versions of her Vixen attire that she wears in season 5 are symbolic of her truly owning her place in the town as the Coach of the Vixens and also the Blossom Heir, I don't think she's actively suppressing herself as a River Vixen.

Tune in next time for White and, one day, Green. (Also wondering about Pink.......)

Ciao!

#Cheryl Blossom #Riverdale #The Mad Priest of Riverdale Speaks #RiverSermons #Might also talk about Cheryl and Fairytales at some point