#but also this is my 15th post within the time span of what

[miserye]

ok i’ll answer the rest tomorrow to give everyone a break from my spam hehe

@akaashiscupofwater words for you in my tags <3

#anon #whoever you are #ILY AND YOURE VERY ENTERTAINING HAH #but also this is my 15th post within the time span of what? #too little time #so yes #tomorrow #but you can send more asks #also unrelated but every time i open up my inbox #i just see what kat sent me #and i never posted #but it's such a great experience :') #truly #kat if you wanna know #it's the repeated words #with the heart #fucking

[writingwithcolor]

How to avoid orientalism when taking inspiration from a culture (specifically the early Ottaman Empire) for a fantasy civilization?

Hi guys! I’ve been following WritingWithColour for a while now, and I’ve learned a lot about the scope necessary to represent a culture in a way that isn’t just “reskinning” Protestant yt culture. I’m not sure how to apply those principles to a made up people in a fantasy setting, however.

The specific example I’m working with is an invented culture in a standard magic-and-dragons setting. I really love the textile arts, the food and the highly regimented system of government of the early Ottoman Empire (14-15th century); the various imperial methods of forcibly assimilating conquered peoples, while often cruel, add rich dynamics for storytelling.

My worries are that I will either go too shallow, and end up slapping sambars and fezes on the standard pseudo-European fantasy setting for the aesthetic; or that I will go too detailed, and end up with an unmanageable scope. I don’t want to rewrite the whole history of the Ottoman empire as it might occur in a fantasy world; I also want the freedom to tailor the world as needed, not just add dragons to an existing historical culture.

I apologize if this question is too general! Navigating the line between taking inspiration from a culture and just mining it for exotic details is hard. I really don’t want to be disrespectful or othering!

Thanks!

How to avoid orientalism when taking inspiration from a culture (specifically early Ottoman Empire) for a fantasy civilization

Before we begin: none of the below is excusing the genocides perpetrated by the Ottomans, up to and including the Armenian, Greek, and Assyrian genocides. This is a post about worldbuilding, researching, and examining bias. Bias against the Ottomans is a valid stance to have, especially considering how recent their worst genocides were. I absolutely condemn the Armenian, Greek, and Assyrian genocides and all other genocides perpetrated by the Ottomans, of which there are many. 

This post is, instead, about removing fixation from Asian colonialism and showing that colonialism and brutal mass slaughter are not exclusive to any one empire, in order to lower bias when representing an Asian culture and add bias towards European cultures.

That being said, here’s my advice:

Step 1

Spend 5-10-odd years learning about the society, engaging with people from the region on social media, find sources from peoples the group colonized, and look up at least two cultures they engaged with regularly to read those sources

Note: this doesn’t have to be continuous, taking up all your time, just a little bit here, a research book there

Step 2:

Learn about the biases in scholarship and political agendas driving this research both in modern times and historically and adjust your expectations of how accurate the sources are accordingly (this is why you want to find sources from the groups they colonized and cultures they interacted with. But you’ll also have to do this step for them, too)

Again, this doesn’t have to be continuous, taking up all your time, just a little bit here, a research book there

Step 3: 

Write and rewrite the story over that same 5-10 year span as you learn more, and use the writing to figure out what you need to learn.

No, the number of years it takes is not a typo.

Welcome to diversity on hard mode!

Research

This is why WWC in general recommends you start in fantasy Europe and diversify populations within the European context. In those cases, yeah you do have to worry about reskinning a bunch of people with white Christian ideals, but you’re also sticking diverse populations in situations where they would’ve been influenced by white Christian society in real life. Having (some) back and forth between the two societies because they actually interact is perfectly normal. You can also have converts, and/or non-European Christian kingdoms (who would have absolutely traded with Europe; see Ethiopia) so not all of your Christian-influenced people are white.

In these situations, you can spend more along the lines of 1 to 3 years because the documentation is there, often in a language you can understand, and it’s a lot easier to find modern scholars doing research on Europe without having to vet all modern scholarship in an unfamiliar country where you have to figure out both historical context and modern bias colouring those contexts.

Because at least in Europe, you can figure out a little easier when something is pushing a really white supremacist, right-wing agenda; most of the red flags in research we know to look for are based off Europe and/or America. (You’ll still need to do a bit of research for modern context in specifically that country, but they’re all in the same family of awful)

But if you’re looking in, say, Turkey, or Egypt, or Saudi Arabia, then you have to: figure out the modern political context driving scholarship, learn red flags you had no idea even existed, and learn the historical bias that clouded the judgements. All the while very few to none of the sources are even in the Roman alphabet so things can and will get garbled in translation, so read at least two to five translations per work. Not to mention you also have to evaluate any English reporting for bias against those countries because Western English media treats Asian countries very badly.

Yup.

It’s hard.

Recommended reading:

If you want to make diversity a little easier on yourself, I’d suggest reading this guide: Crafting a Fantasy Culture, or the fallacies of using culture in the singular

The Ottomans

The Ottomans absolutely interacted with Europe. If you really want to write about a group of Ottomans, then by all means have thriving trade networks between the Ottomans and Europeans (to mirror what existed irl). Make the Ottomans major characters. Don’t fall into the trap of making all the brown people be terrible and so much less complex than the Europeans. (especially since everyone had their own buckets of bigotry thrown in)

The number of European countries that traded with the Ottomans is very long. You can throw a dart at a map of Europe and find a place that traded with the Ottomans. They outlasted most of Europe’s empires. They outlasted a large chunk of Asia’s empires. They were the primary hub of the Silk Road. If you wanted anything from Asia, it was probably going through the Ottoman empire.

(And here’s an example of source bias that might be invisible unless you look: Europeans who wanted direct trade links to India and China would have a vested interest in saying how bad the Ottomans were, because the worse they painted the empire, the more they could justify funding long sailing expeditions “around the world” to try and bypass them; ever notice how so many modern stereotypes around Arab and West Asian trade brokers is “they charge such markups we should get it directly from the country of origin”? Yeah.)

And while you’re at it, find something like the Spanish Inquisition for the brutal colonizing people you are so interested in. Happened at the same time period. You can also begin to unlearn the Muslims-as-uniquely-terrible-invaders from the Spanish vs Moors. Which, should you decide you still want to write a secondary world Ottoman-based fantasy, will long-term help you to avoid a lot of the stereotypes you would have been taught in school. You can also do this by looking at various literature about the Crusades and how absolutely colonialist the English were in those processes.

The Spanish also perpetuated the first large-scale genocide in modern history with the colonization of the Americas, which is suspiciously absent from a lot of talk about empires that perpetuated genocide because those lists are so Old World, happened-within-our-borders heavy; if it happened across an ocean from the colonizers, or otherwise where they tried to “settle” or “trade with”, it gets a different list. This is another example of source bias that is often invisible: the slave trade and North American colonialism are missing from “lists of worst genocides ever.”

Because you are absolutely going to need to trace your logic for why you are attracted to Ottoman colonization instead of, say, English, Portuguese, Dutch, French, or Spanish. Why is non-European colonization the most interesting to you? Why are their methods of colonialism what you grabbed onto? The Ottomans were brutal, yes, but so were the Spanish and Dutch and English, especially at this time period. 

This stomping out of diversity existed globally, which meant it absolutely happened in Europe. Do people focus on West/South Asian colonialism it because a few centuries of Christian bias against Muslims has made it that Christian colonialism is discussed in a positive light, but Muslim colonialism is discussed in a negative light? 

I don’t know. I’m not saying it’s particularly bad to start from here. It’s where most Christians in the West start from. I am simply pointing out the structure that makes those thoughts, so you can look at the logic and stop seeing Muslim empires as unilaterally so much worse.

Again: the Ottomans were bad. They perpetuated some of the largest-scale genocides in the past 200 years. They perpetuated countless others across their very long history. Ignoring the colonialism that the Ottomans did is revisionist at best and actively destructive at worst.

But European colonial powers were also bad. And the double standards between how European colonialism is treated in fantasy and Asian colonialism is treated in fantasy is what I am speaking to here. Assuming the Ottomans are unique in their genocide and their methods is orientalism.

For an example: the Ottoman empire was a refuge for Jewish people cast out of Europe (especially Spain, during the Inquisition) and tolerated them for a large portion of their history. Yes, they were second class citizens, but being a Jewish second class citizen, religion allowed, was really hard to find at the time. I haven’t looked into it beyond a wikipedia search, but it did happen, and I’d suggest starting any sort of research with this article and its sources: History of the Jews in the Ottoman Empire

Orientalism happens when you start treating Asian cultures as something particularly unique and exotic and strange. As evident by the above, the Ottomans were not particularly unique when it came to how much they colonized. I’m sure if you did more detailed comparisons to who was killing the most for what reason in the same time frame, you’d find some surprises.

I really do strongly suggest, if you want a time period and empire that will be easier to dodge orientalism, the Spanish were doing the same sort of thing at the same time period. The Inquisition was running, they had mass witch-hunts in the rural areas, they were casting out their Jewish and Muslim populations, they were orchestrating genocides in the Americas and mass-enslaving the Indigenous populations in silver mines, and they’re given far too much benefit of the doubt so you won’t be approaching them from a perspective of “oh, look at this brutal place Over There”; you’ll have been taught their justification already.

How this translates to fantasy that isn’t trauma exploitation I am not sure, but feel free to browse the trauma exploitation tag to find out. This is where “sketchy history” (detailed below) will probably be your best friend.

Also, how this translates into not apologizing for the Spanish’s atrocities is something you’re going to have to figure out. It’s the flipside to the fetishization coin: as soon as you’re given a more familiar place that you’re taught one narrative about, you want to justify it. You want to say of course it was only certain extremists, not everyone was that bad. But everyone benefited, didn’t they? 

If you want to give more grace to the Spanish than the Ottomans, then sit with that. Examine it. Break it down. Because avoiding orientalism means seeing how much the same different groups are. This goes double if you’re starting to research a culture based off their assumed deadliness. 

As I say in the guide, no large area was ever completely homogeneous. As I’ve said in other worldbuilding posts, it was very hard to get rid of groups of people unless you had enough population to replace them, because if you killed and/or cast out a group, you had to provide the extra manpower to fill those positions so society would run. Some degree of multiculturalism is more normal—especially in trade hubs like the Ottoman empire—than homogeneity and subjugation.

(Spain actually did undermine its empire a lot by casting out Muslim and Jewish people; they valued ideological purity over a functional kingdom and suffered for it long-term)

Sketchy History

I would like to point out the all-or-nothing mindset in the reply: you don’t need to rewrite a whole history. You just need to know enough to be able to paint broad strokes historical context.

Does European fantasy rewrite all of Europe’s history to account for magic and dragons? Not usually. It just plops a very well known time period down, says “this is how it is like”, and readers nod along because yeah sure of course this period looks like this.

The goal is to get yourself to the point you can feel comfortable broad-strokes painting whatever period you’ve looked at most heavily, have some sense of what major pieces made that period look the way it does, and then write with all the dragons and magic and other stuff with really sketchy handwriting.

It’s fantasy! It doesn’t need to have a few thousand years of history built into the plot. You can absolutely just sketch it in the fantasy context.

But you as an author need to broadly know, okay, the Ottomans came from the fringes of the (Christian) Byzantine empire, and built off a lot of Roman/Byzantine scholarship; they fostered some of the Islamic Golden Age so they would’ve been on the cutting edge of science and medicine for a decent chunk of their early history; they were a major trade hub and would have been extremely cosmopolitan; they had Mughals and various Khanates (Golden Hoard and/or the Chagatai Khanate, I think, for the time period) and the Holy Roman Empire as neighbours. They sat on a critical portion of the Silk Road and would have absolutely controlled trade between Europe and Asia.

Even if you never deep-dive into any of these avenues, you still need to have some idea about them. What does it mean that they were sitting on the Silk Road? It meant everyone and anyone trading across Eurasia would have gone through them, so they’d be pretty wealthy and used to travellers. What did it mean that they had Byzantine territory? It meant they were building off centuries of scholarship starting from Greece and had one of the best libraries in the world in their empire. What did it mean they had the Mughals and various Khanates right there? First gunpowder using empires and they would absolutely take notes.

You get the gist.

But in order to really get a solid deep dive to work beyond your biases and learn enough about others’ biases in your research, it’s definitely going to take years. You are, after all, starting from the negative because you’d been taught the Ottomans were terrible bad people who took over everything and kept threatening Good Christian Europe. You probably weren’t taught about their scholarship, or trade, or the fact they took in Jewish refugees, or any nuance between rules where some were more tolerant and others were more brutal.

You’re going to need to learn a lot of that.

Non-Orientalist secondary world fantasy is a marathon, not a sprint. If you want to just write the story with dragons and colonizers and play with that, the Holy Roman Empire, Spain, France, and England are right there. Look up the non-European populations that lived there, look up how they survived when Christianity was pressing in from all sides, look at what made them tolerated or even celebrated.

You can unlearn orientalism in baby steps. Nothing wrong with that.

And if you really want to write that Ottoman secondary world fantasy? Invest the time to get it right.

~ Mod Lesya

P.S.- I’d suggest looking at resources like Rulers Who Were Actually Good by Overly Sarcastic Productions. It’s a video that breaks down how:

1- rulers in general are people who have a whole lot of bloodshed on their hands because they ordered it, so none of the rulers in history are actually that good when it comes to what they do

2- how the Europe/Asia divide can demonize rulers in Western literature because of political bias and how our English sources get constructed

#orientalism #Ottoman #Ottoman Empire #History #Europe #Asian #Asia #West Asian #worldbuilding #research #writer resources #South Asian #colonialism #Africa #North Africa #fantasy #Islam #Muslim #culture #fetishization #asks

[nct-writers]

NCT-WRITERS' OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT !

Hello friends, this is Mads the new head admin of NCT-Writers! First of all, I want to extend my apologies to the current and former members for the inactivity of the network itself during this time!

As you may have gathered from the title of this post and my introduction, the network is now under new management! We here at NCT-Writers are excited to usher in a new age of the network and are optimistic of what the future holds for us and our members both present and future.

I, and the rest of the admin team, understand that the inactivity in the network over the last months has shaken the confidence of many of our members, but we are hoping to restore that and reinvigorate the network back to its full potential—a place of fun and inspiration for writers and readers alike!

To begin this we will start with a brief introduction of the new administration team at NCT-Writers:

Mads (neonun-au) - Head Admin and Internals

Fei (doiefy) - Graphics

Ysa (sibehpoor) - Events Manager, Queue Moderator

Nikki (lunena) - Events Manager

In the coming weeks, we will also be recruiting more staff to manage the queue, so if you are interested in this, please don't hesitate to reach out to us !

Our first order of business now is to restart the queue for reblogging members' works! Unfortunately it has been inactive for some time now, so there is a backlog of writing waiting in the tag to be queued up. This is going to take some time, but we have some goals set in order to achieve this:

Contact and send out a survey to network members to clarify status within the network

Restart the queue and reblog works from after January 1st, 2022

We want to continue to get our writers' works out to a wider audience, so this will be our first priority as the new administration.

Our next step will be to boot up member recruitment and get the community thriving once more! We are optimistic to open membership applications as early as the 15th of February and to have them re-open on a quarterly basis.

My goal as the new head admin of NCT-Writers is to make this a fun and creative community for all of our members and writers! We have so many ideas for events in the future and we hope you can be as excited for them as we all are!

The Spotlight Project: an NCT-Writers staple, we are planning on reviving this project as soon as March 2022!

Member Spotlight: a twist on the NCT-Writers staple, we are still looking into the logistics of it but we want to showcase out amazingly talented members through short interviews and features on all they have accomplished here as writers!

Monthly Events: themes, prompts, events--everything needed to get the creative juices running and have some fun in the process!

Quarterly Zines: this is our loftiest goal right now, and it will take some time to implement! A digital zine to compile all NCT and fandom related happenings over the span of four months. All tied together with beautiful art and features from members and staff alike!

and more to come !

Finally, and most importantly, I want this to be a safe, fun, and collaborative space for all members and readers. We ask that you, our members and readers, have some patience with us while we get up to speed and if you have any comments, concerns, or questions at all please do not hesitate to reach out to me!

I look forward to everything that is to come, and hope that you will be along for the ride as well !

JANUARY 31, 2022

#nct #nct smut #nct fluff #nct-writers #official post

[the-ghost-king]

the term malewife isn’t a very nice term to use...

A man who acts as a wife and is inferior to his #girlboss girlfriend.

Person A: I just got myself a malewife. He's gonna clean my kitchen and watch me download custom content for the sims.

Person B: Sweet! You must be such a girlboss

^^urban dictionary. It’s just confirming to the sexist stereotypes that perceive and expectation of what a wife should act like. It’s quite harmful

It's a parallel to girlboss which is conformity to the sexism within corporate America:

"it becomes inescapably clear that when women center their worldview around their own office hustle, it just re-creates the power structures built by men, but with women conveniently on top. In the void left after the end of the corporate feminist vision of the future, this reckoning opens space to imagine success that doesn’t involve acing performance reviews or getting the most out of your interns." (here)

The word girlboss comes from a book quite literally called #girlboss, in parallel to the negative aspects of this book people eventually rebranded the term "malewife" to parallel it (malewife was originally an nsfw type thing)

In the malewife/girlboss "system" it's essentially the swapping of the problematic aspects, expectations, and socialization of men and women within a relationship

"Girlboss, gaslight, gatekeep" was a meme started to pick on the idea that women should become men and enforce the sexism within corporate society, and I'm sure it was a jab at the book the word came from as well.... "Manipulate, mansplain, malewife" was created to parallel the original meme

So yeah, the whole concept is mocking sexism within corporations and and modern relationships and showing how ridiculous it is. Girlboss mocks the idea of 2014 (largely) white feminism within America.

In example the original meme (created on Twitter) is intended to make mockery of Karen-types:

On January 12th, 2021, Tumblr user missnumber1111 posted, "today’s agenda: gaslight gatekeep and most importantly girlboss," garnering over 43,500 notes in a month (shown below). On that day, Twitter user @CUPlDL0VE posted, "my agenda is gaslight gatekeep and #girlboss," the first instance of the phrase on Twitter.

And a day later on January 13, 2021 Tumblr user a-m-e-t-h-y-s-t-r-o-s-e reblogged the post along with a photoshopped image of "Live, Laugh, Love" wall art instead reading, "Gaslight every moment, Gatekeep every day, Girlboss beyond words" (shown below). On January 18th, the image was reposted to Twitter for the first time.

Malewife doesn't hold those same implications however... The term malewife which is now being used to parallel girlboss achieves it's origins from p*rn, now I'm not an nsfw blog or someone who blatantly discusses nsfw concepts on my blog so I'm not getting super into it but there's a few places it comes from: femdom, bdsm, and feminization kinks... All of which have a connection to queerness in their own right but I don't feel comfortable going into the complexities of that with so many younger people following me.

On February 15th, Tumblr user @relelvance posted, "Manipulate, mansplain, malewife" as a male-themed opposite to "gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss," garnering over 27,000 notes in four days. The post was screenshotted and reuploaded by Twitter user @nortoncampbell on the same day, garnering over 14,200 likes and 2,800 retweets in the same span of time (shown below).

Urban dictionary's explaination of "malewife" is not only harsher than what malewife was intended to mean, but also removes the context of origin from the word- making it something new, different, and erasing the history of who originally used this word.

Because of Malewifes origins vs Girlboss origins, malewife is a less problematic term than girlboss and is more "affectionate" because the term malewife and it's use (up until recently) involved the man acknowledging that he wanted to be the "wife" in his relationship. There's a variety of reasons someone might do this, but it can generally be summed up as a mixture of personality and also personal wants.

I do think it's important to also note that although these words are being "glamorized slightly" they're still intended and being used in a memeing manner, but they're also used to quickly denote arbitrary traits in an individual and categorize those traits...

Although there's lots of conversations to be had for a variety of reasons about the origin and use of the word "girlboss" in relation to sexism, up until recently the world "malewife" was something claimed by men, something men wanted to be called, and something that men who used the term wanted to reference them.

Malewife is about "stepping-up" to "take on" "female" social roles, and it's something that at least some women would be happy to see in society:

"...We have been told that we can have it all, but so far we have noticed that it is extremely hard work having it all, because you still have to do everything that your mother did but now you have to do everything your father did as well. Except that your father had your mother waiting at home with a gin and tonic and his slippers when he came home from work, and you have the washing up and the shopping and a few screaming brats as well as a bloke with his feet up on the sofa watching the football... " (via. Victoria Mary Clarke)

And I don't think that she's wrong at all. Women are still expected to do so much more than men in society without equal reward.

Malewife exists as a a sort of fantasy removed from the truth of society. It's an idea that a husband can be waiting at home to care for his wife, and in this instance it benefits the woman- unlike Clarke's situation above, the woman comes home from a long day and is able to relax without the pressures of society and her life.

Where housewife is a word that holds its origins in forced subservience, malewife is a term that is showcasing men "picking up the torch" in regards to housework- where housewife is socially forced, and girlboss is reversed social compliance, malewife is the rejection of social expectations.

Malewife is about men finding a place in their life's and relationships to make themselves more than a paycheck. To say "I can be emotionally there for my spouse, I can clean a toilet, and drive kids to school, and I don't treat my spouses wants as something expendable". In a society in which men are often demeaned, mocked, and scorned for picking up socially female roles (say hello to misogyny and gendered contamination!)

The Urban dictionary definition, is not only too harsh- but not the way in which the word is intending to be used, because that's ignoring the origins of this word, and the fact that men had a choice in becoming malewifes where women didn't have that choice. It should read more like:

Person A: Ah yeah, I have a malewife waiting for me, he's going to clean my kitchen because I've had a hard day at work and need a break, and then he's going to watch me download custom content for the Sims because I enjoy the game so much and it helps me take a break from life!

Women's wants were often ignored in favor of men's wants, so by the malewife saying he's going to watch his spouse play the Sims, he's really saying "I care about her interests" and by him picking up the kitchen cleaning after she's had a stressful day he's saying "I have a lower stress job so I can handle that for her and make her life a little easier" (because malewife doesn't mean he doesn't have a job).

In a society in which a man's worth is tied to his ability to bring home money and be emotionally distant, malewife is the rejection of this norm. Malewifes are going to be there for their spouse, they're going to step up and take on traditionally women's roles and they're doing it because they want to, because they like it, and because dividing chores into pink vs blue is wrong.

I also want to say, you can't flip a word around and say it does "this" because that's not how it works... Men and women are forcibly socialized in very different ways, the two binaries have very different treatment, and expectations within societies social constructs. If you could flip the forms of oppression that men vs women face (because yes, the patriarchy oppresses men) then you could also flip the forms of violence faced by trans masculine people vs trans feminine people- but that doesn't work either, because women will always be oppressed in the most public way to "make an example of them" while the patriarchy expects anyone who is male to "keep his mouth shut and fall in line". (I know that's worded poorly, but I've just written at least a couple hundred words and my brain is a bit fried already from various other things today- basically anyone perceived female or male will be treated in a certain way as a result of others perception of them)

Anyhow, all this isn't to say that the term "malewife" is inherently free of any form of flaw ever... Malewife is a newly mainstream word, it wasn't popularized until February 15 of 2021... So?? 5 days ago?? The origins of malewife and the social implications of malewife combined with the history of the word, don't make the word bad or impressive and it's not "upholding the ideals of a housewife" but instead a word which provides men freedom from male social expectations.

Can the word malewife come to be a word which enforces expected female social behavior? Yeah it absolutely can become a word to mean that, erase the history from the word, and give it to someone who doesn't know the history of the word, and someone who doesn't have an intimate understanding of gender theory, and you've got a recipe for hundreds more asks like the one you've sent me...

I can't find a single positive reason to use the word girlboss in an empowering way, but I can find more reasons to use the word malewife in an empowering way than not to do so.

So at the very least if all you come away from this with is that I don't personally use the word malewife to uphold female social expectations in a relationship but instead I use this word to provide space for guys to be allowed to be feminine, soft, caring, emotionally present, and worth more than their monetary value, then I guess that's okay.

#long post #asks #Anon #malewife #sorry for clogging your feed #i don't have a desktop rn

[multisfabulis]

Love’s Descent into Madness

Coronation (Chapter 1/3)

Word Count: 2622

Here’s a Kagepro fic just in time for Kagepro Day! I know it may seem weird that I’m posting another thing within the span of a week but I really wanted to get this out in time for the 15th so I rushed. I like to think the quality is still good but I rushed to get this done and posted in time.

This is the result of a long-running headcanon of mine that I'm finally deciding to expand upon. This is a headcanon that had formulated around the time "In a Day's" was making the rounds because "new character, who dis" and I was spitballing to my friend on Twitter and that's how it came to be.

I should express that this is working off information I remember from MCA and information I found on the Wiki. I only own the manga up to Vol.6 and am only halfway through the second novel so I'm not expecting any of the things I brought up in this to be canon. This is mainly me using the information I found and either making it fit for this fic or using my own understandings of it to make it fit.

Read on AO3 | Read on DA | Support me on Ko-fi!

     The snake opened their eyes. They were in a dark forest, the sounds of bugs chirping and leaves rustling all around them. They were surrounded by tall blades of grass that, if they coiled up their body, they could break through the canopy they gave. They did just that and that’s when they saw her.

     She was a young child from what they could tell. She had long, jet black hair that fell around her in curls with only a red ribbon tying it all back. The black dress she wore had rips and tears in it, revealing very pale skin underneath. She had scales similar to their own on her cheeks but what drew their attention were her eyes. They were a bright crimson so striking, they couldn’t look elsewhere. Her eyes were filled with awe and curiosity, as if she couldn’t believe what was right in front of her.

     Before they could do anything else, her lips curled into a grin and she said excitedly, “I can’t believe it, I did it!”

     She leaned forward and picked them up gently. They were small enough to fit in her cupped hands, even uncoiled. They felt…safe, protected. Nothing could harm them as long as they stayed in the palms of her hands.

     “Can you understand me?” she asked.

     They tilted their head in confusion. It wasn’t that they couldn’t understand her or didn’t understand the question. She was the one who created them so why wouldn’t they be able to understand her?

     “You can understand me!” She giggled, bringing them closer to rub her cheek against them. “Your name is Saeru and we’ll have a great time together.”

     Was this why they existed? To be with their master for however long she needed? Was that their purpose? Whatever it may be, they would stay with her for as long as she wanted.

     They flicked their tongue over her scaled cheek several times. There wasn’t much they could do to express affection so this was the best they could think of. She giggled again and pulled them away. They felt a warmth fill their being when they saw the sweet smile she had on her face.

     “We’ll be together forever.”

     They traveled from forest to forest, experiencing the many things the world had to offer. The rain would fall hard and Saeru would take shelter in Master’s hair or under her dress, waiting it out until it was dry again. They’d bask in the sunlight whenever it was warm or nuzzle into Master whenever it was cold. It was an exciting start to their life and they were glad to enjoy it with Master.

     Then there was the matter of humans. They weren’t stupid to know Master was different from them. She didn’t look anything like them and humans couldn’t create living beings out of sheer will. Master told them humans didn’t live forever and they needed things like food and water to survive. That only told them the truth of what they already knew: Master was better than the humans. Despite that, however, they feared her and treated her horribly.

     They would call her names and threaten her before chasing her out of their villages, improvised weapons at the ready. They’d never see the tears filling her eyes, hear her voice quaver as she tried to fight the urge to cry. Not like Saeru did. She’d always pretend to be strong for them but they knew better.

     It hurt them to see Master like that and not be able to comfort her. There was only so much a snake like them could do. They didn’t have special powers like her, they couldn’t change her into something else to fit in with the humans. All they could do was remind her that they were there for her. If the humans refused to accept her, then they could make a world where only the two of them would live in.

     After more encounters with them, Master had the idea to create more snakes. They could help her more than Saeru could and they were fine with this. She brought into the world several snakes, each one possessing a unique ability. Her wishes were the reason they existed and their purpose was to protect her from the humans. She said it was also to give Saeru “siblings” so they wouldn’t be so lonely. They didn’t argue against this but they could never be lonely if she was there.

     They were less than impressed with their siblings. While they served their purpose well, that was all they did. They didn’t comfort Master in her times of need or make her happy or do anything. They just sat there, motionless, dormant until their time came only to return to that state once she no longer had use for them. Couldn’t they do more for her instead of being useless?

     Yet…maybe it was better they were useless. They had been Master’s confidant for so long that they didn’t want to give that up. What could their siblings do that they couldn’t? They could give her all she needed and more. All their siblings were good for were their abilities. If the time ever came where she was safe from the humans, they would be rendered dead weight. They hoped that time would come soon so they and Master could go back to those days it was only them.

     The humans fled after Master scared them off. She was once again driven out of a village and had to use their siblings to defend herself. Saeru could tell she was tired, not just from this encounter, but from all the things the humans have done to her. The harsh rejection still pushed her to tears and their presence was starting to lose the sense of comfort it brought her.

     They noticed a little girl dropping something as she ran away. It was a small, brown rabbit plush. Its ears were in tatters, stuffing was spilling out of every orifice, and one of its button eyes was missing. Maybe if they gave this to Master, it would make her smile for the first time in a while. Whenever they took refuge in a nearby forest, rabbits would always come up to her but scurry off before she could try to pet them. She could pet the plush whenever she wanted.

     They slithered over to the fallen plush. How would they be able to carry this? They had no hands or arms to pick it up and it’d take forever to lift it on their back. There was their mouth to speak of… They sunk their fangs into the rabbit’s soft head and attempted to drag the plush to Master.

     Her eyes widened in surprise once she saw it. They were exhausted from hauling it all the way to where she resided in the forest. They sat there, wondering what she would say as she knelt down in front of them.

     “You…got this for me?” she asked, her voice on the verge of cracking.

     Flicks of the tongue were their response. She picked it up with them still on it and held it close to her chest. They didn’t need to see the tears streaming down her cheeks to know she appreciated the gift. The strange warmth from when they first met wrapped itself around their heart as they heard the words of gratitude she whispered into the quiet dusky air.

     They wanted more of that. They wanted Master to look only at them, to speak only to them, give all her attention to them. They wanted to make her happy, happy in the way those lowly humans couldn’t provide for her. They began to think of other methods in which to make her happy. There was only so many gifts they could give her before they ran out so that wasn’t a viable option. What could they give to her that the humans absolutely couldn’t?

     They found their answer when she entered a village one day. Master remembered to use the sibling with the concealing ability before she went in, checking off a much needed precaution. They had been observing the humans she passed by as she wandered around when they realized something. They were wrong when they thought Master and humans had nothing in common. They both had the ability to talk, an ability Saeru didn’t have. At least, not yet, anyway.

     If they learned how to talk, would that make her happy? Would she no longer feel the need to connect with beings who feared her very existence? Would she realize the only one she’d need was them? That thought alone was more than enough for them to start learning.

     At every opportunity that had arisen, they’d slip out and study the humans in their natural environment. They'd hear their annoying voices drone on and on, listen carefully to the tones, inflections, and whatever else they could use. It took them a long time to shape their mouth to form the words, to manipulate their voice to say the syllables but they did it. It was nowhere near the level Master and the humans were on but it should be decent enough.

     Was it even appropriate to call her Master anymore? They had been struggling with what to refer to her as after a day of observation led them to a discovery. They were watching a parent and child together and the child called his parent “mother”. The whole display reminded them of the relationship between them and Master. Humans created other humans so was it the same thing for Master and snakes? Maybe it would be more fitting to call her Mother than Master.

     Their chance finally came one morning. Master had woken up early, as she always did, and was ready to start her day. They had just gotten back from their usual practice session when she asked them:

     “Shall we set off, Saeru?”

     Their voice sounded weak and frail and their answer came barely above a whisper as they replied, “Yes, Mother.”

     Her body went stiff, as if she couldn’t believe what she just heard. It was quiet between them but the silence was deafening. Was this a bad idea? Did they do something they weren’t allowed to? They wished she would say anything already instead of leaving them in suspense.

     “Did you…make that noise?” she asked, kneeling down to their level.

     “Yes, Mother,” they answered, louder and with more strength in their voice.

     “You…can talk now?”

     “Yes, Mother, I learned for you.”

     She covered her mouth with her hands, shocked. Why would she be so surprised by this? All they did was put in the effort necessary to learn and their work paid off. They did this so she would stop giving those pathetic humans chance after squandered chance to accept her. They would do anything for her.

     Dropping her hands to reveal a grin beaming with pride, she picked them up and happily said, “You learned to talk! Oh, I’m so proud of you, Saeru!”

     She rubbed her cheek against them with all the affection she could give. They made Mother so happy, she was proud of them. Ah, so that’s what the warm feeling filling their being was. It was what made them so determined to see her smile, to have her lavish them with attention. It was love. They loved Mother. They loved her so, so much. They loved her.

     Oh, yes, Master was no longer her name. It was Mother. It felt oh so right.

     Then tragedy struck. Mother was walking along the sides of a well-traveled road when a group of humans ambushed her. They chased her into a corner and, with nowhere to run, she had to fend them off. She turned them all to stone and watched them crumble to the ground in pieces. Despite her quick reflexes, they still drew blood, which was unforgivable.

     How dare they hurt Mother. Did they know nothing of the powers she held, how incomparably weak they are? It is only by her grace the rest of their pitiful and lowly race could live. If it were up to Saeru, every last one of them would die a horrific death. ‘Tis a befitting fate for creatures as wretched as them.

     Mother stood in the middle of the bloodless carnage, her fists clenched in anger and tears rolling down her cheeks. She had had enough. Humans couldn’t be reasoned with anymore. If they refused to accept her, if they refused to see how powerful she was and give her the respect she rightfully deserved, then there was no point in trying to fit in with them now.

     “I want no more of this. If they don’t want me, then I don’t want them. I’ll find a home where only me and my snakes will live, where no humans will ever hurt me again,” she declared, wiping away the angry tears.

     So they ventured deep into the nearest forest, to a place where not even the sound of bugs could be heard. It may be a lonely life to live but if it protected Mother from any harm that come her way, then so be it. She only needed them, no one else. A world where only the two of them lived in was finally here.

     Saeru had many adventures during their time in the forest. They had taken up hunting as a means to escape boredom and it turned out to contain the most fun they’ve ever had. It wasn’t for a trifling matter such as survival. It was for the thrill of the hunt, the high they felt when chasing their prey, the knowledge that they were stronger than the tiny woodland creatures that dared cross their path. It was so gratifying to see the light fade from their eyes as they strangled the life out of them. If only they had that strength to eliminate the human race…

     Years passed and the two’s bond deepened. Mother matured and she grew cold, harsh but her love for her snakes remained. Saeru’s tongue became like silver the more they developed their voice and was starting to discover the art of manipulation and the advantages it could reap. Of course, it was only against their prey and their siblings on occasion but never Mother. Her love and trust in them was too precious to even consider breaking.

     They spent their time in isolation. Saeru treasured the days they spent with Mother, despite the repetition of their routine day in and day out for many, many years. They were content to live out those samey days for forever.

     That was, until a human man came upon them one day. They never knew that day would change their life and things between them and Mother would never be the same again.

#airi's writing #snake of clearing eyes #azami #fanfiction #kagerou project #canon divergence

[i-guess-im-a-fanfic-writer-now]

A better life (Chapter 13, Avengers x reader)

ayyyyy!!! here’s this chapter, i’m gonna post chapter 14 on the 15th of december, will try my best to get back on track and post every other week though

i hope you enjoy this one! likes, comments, reblogs are greatly appreciated! also, as usual, if you want me to write anything into the tw that isn’t already there, feel free to ask me to do it!

tw: does self doubt count? as in like, doubting that what’s happening is actually Bad? because there’s that closer to the end,,, also, there’s a food thing but it’s only like a “i’m afraid of taking fridge food since it might be someone else’s” kinda thing, and also the word “dumbass” (said by the reader but affectionately? does that make sense?)

Your alarm went off. You slowly opened your eyes, peeking out cautiously from under your covers. You weren’t entirely sure where you were at first, thinking that maybe what happened yesterday was all just a dream, and you were once again in the same apartment as your mother, but you quickly gained awareness of your surroundings. You were still in the Stark Tower.

“Shit”, you whispered, practically jumping out of bed. In just a few seconds, you managed to forget that you had to go to your job. You got ready and headed out, not seeing any of the Avengers on your way out. It was pretty early, and most of them would probably be trying to sleep in, so you figured everything should be fine.

A few hours later, during your lunch break, you decided to quickly go get some of your things from your apartment. You had your set of keys, and since it was still a weekday, you knew that your mother would be at her job, and no one else would be at the apartment. You had to run for a few minutes to make sure you’d have enough time for everything and for getting back to your job.

You unlocked the door, and slid through the hallway. You immediately dashed to your room, your heart beating so hard you could hear it. You found a small luggage in your closet, and decided to use it. You put as many things as you could fit in there: clothes, books, etc., took a few necessities, like your toothbrush and any hygiene products that you needed, zipped the case up, and left the apartment in a hurry, locking the door on your way out. *I’ll come back tomorrow just in case I forgot anything*, you thought.

Luckily, your boss let you place your small luggage into an employees only room, and you finished up the work day in a few more hours. You clocked out, took your luggage, and immediately left for Stark Tower. It looked just as majestic as it did the first time you saw it, but now it was less imposing. It felt a bit more like home. It felt safe.

As soon as you got back to your room, you began unpacking and placing objects into their new space. It looked pretty clean to you, but it was probably cluttered enough for some people to just have no idea how you know where your things are. You didn’t really care if others didn’t understand your organization method. It made sense to you, you vaguely knew where things were supposed to be, and that was enough.

After having changed into comfier clothes to wear in a “home” environment, you checked the clock in the room. It was 4 o’clock in the afternoon. You took a deep breath, and suddenly yawned. You grunted, and headed over to the kitchen, sliding quietly in your socks.

The room was completely empty. You relaxed a bit, put the water on to boil, and quickly went to your room and back, now holding a bowl of dollar store noodle soup.

Suddenly, you heard the noise the lift made when opening. You quickly turned around to face the noise. Tony was standing there, and for a few seconds he just stared at you in confusion. You started kind of panicking internally as he stared at you, even though it lasted mere seconds.

He walked up to you and nodded at the dollar store bowl in your hands.

“Hey, why you eating that? Kid, you know there’s food, right? You can have the food. There’s plenty here”, he nodded towards the fridge and freezers standing close to another counter. For a moment, it looked like he froze, and he then looked at you. “Are you, like, allowed to come and go to the kitchen when your mother’s around?”

You shrugged awkwardly. “She’s kind of scary, I uh, I tend to avoid her. I kind of usually go to the kitchen at night. And she could randomly decide that she wanted something despite telling me she didn’t want it, so I’ve just been trying not to inconvenience her, you know.” You looked down to the floor. “Ramen’s better than nothing, so..”

“You can take any food you want at any time, Y/N, alright? Like, unless someone’s name is actually on it, it’s free to eat. You can have anything you like.”

“Thank you, Mister Stark”, you smiled awkwardly, flicking your gaze to him for half a second. You noticed you were fidgeting, so you shoved your hands into your pockets.

“Want a hug?”

You looked at him, and he opened his arms. You nodded and he gently enveloped you in his arms. 

“Thank you”, you said. You tried to hug him back, feeling a bit unsure: you didn’t really know how hugs worked, and accidentally being awkward would be, well, awkward. Tony was going to be your legal guardian, or at least one of them, pretty soon, and you were scared of doing something that would make him not want to have you around anymore, even though you technically knew this wouldn’t happen.

You stayed like that for maybe half a dozen seconds when you both let go, and he went over to the coffee maker, immediately getting everything he needed for it. The dollar store ramen was already open, so you just made it and decided to get some actual food later on, after you finished what you already had.

Tony sat down into a couch, his coffee mug in front of him on a small table, and he then just half lied down, letting out a small groan. He grabbed a remote from the table and turned on the tv, putting it on a low volume. He looked pretty tired.

When you finished eating the ramen, you were still hungry, so you went over and got something from the fridge, making sure a dozen times that it didn’t belong to anyone. You heated it up and ate it slower than usual, trying to enjoy the taste of it. 

Closer to when you were done, you started hearing some sort of noise. Desperately trying to find the source of the repetitive noise, you looked around and quickly found it: Tony was just chilling in front of the tv, snoring. He must’ve been really tired. You cleaned up your plate, grabbed a blanket, and placed it onto him so he wouldn’t freeze, and then you moved the coffee mug further away from the edge of the table: it wouldn’t be pleasant for him if he suddenly woke up and accidentally pushed the mug off the table, or if he broke something and got hurt because of it.

You left the common room and decided to stay in your room for a while. You took your laptop and headphones out of your bag, putting your music on shuffle and sitting down at the work table in the room and simultaneously adjusting the height of the chair. After skipping 9 songs until you found the one you wanted, you closed your eyes and inhaled deeply, lying back into the chair.

A bit later, you checked the time. You blinked repeatedly, unsure that what you were seeing was real; it was 7pm. You’d been listening to music for over two hours, but it felt like maybe half an hour had passed.

You got up and dragged yourself over to the bed, lying face down and wrapping yourself into blankets for maximum comfort and warmth, and you curled up into a ball, all while still wearing your headphones. You didn’t even remember closing your eyes, but you just passed out. 

A bit over two hours later, there was a gentle knock on the door, but it still managed to wake you up in a brief panic.

Natasha’s voice started quietly, but then grew just a bit louder.

“Hey, Y/N, just wanted to say that it’s like, dinner time, so feel free to come out and hang around with us all in the common room. Yeah.”

You kept quiet, weighing out the pros and cons of joining a large gathering and decided against it.

*I Do Not have energy for this right now*, you thought, despite still feeling thankful that Natasha thought of you.

You buried yourself deeper into the blankets and stayed there, almost unmoving, and just breathing slowly for what felt like forever, until it became too hot and you took the blankets off yourself. You were still in your day clothes since you didn’t plan on actually falling asleep. You stretched, groaning quietly, still lying down, and caught yourself just as you were about to roll of the bed and fall onto the floor.

*Fuck, I want tea. But there’s a gathering going on. Dammit. Eh, I’ll just, maybe, wait like, an hour? Yeah, yeah, that’s fine. An hour. I’ll get tea at like, 10. Should be less people there then. This is fine. Might as well do something while waiting.*

 You sat in front of your laptop, opened it, and started scrolling through Youtube, looking for fun things to watch while doing nothing. Staring periodically at the clock, you got increasingly annoyed: time seemed to move really slowly for some reason, and though you could swear you just watched two 15 minute long videos, the clock showed that not even 10 minutes passed since 9pm. You were starting to get hungry despite having eaten a few hours ago, and you felt your stomach growl already.

Grabbing a book, you sat down onto the carpeted floor in front of the couch, your back propped against it. You just needed to distract yourself until you could stand leaving the room and hopefully not have to talk to a bunch of people.

Reading was practically impossible: you couldn’t actually concentrate at the moment, and it really didn’t help that you either over concentrated on things or your attention span was so short that you couldn’t keep yourself occupied for longer than a minute, and even then, you had no idea what happened within that minute.

You just decided to put an alarm for 10pm in case you got distracted.

Suddenly, a notification popped up on your phone, and then another. The first one was Peter, and you immediately clicked it to read his message.

- Ayy, what’s up? (P.P.)

- hey, not much, chilling at the Stark Tower

they’re having some sort of evening gathering and i’m just honestly too dead and overwhelmed to join them

you? (Y/N)

- that’s nice! i’m glad you’re staying there lately!!

oOf, big mood, gatherings are like, Exhausting and just Too Much sometimes

just got back from swinging around the city, i am tired as h * c k (P.P.)

- dude why did you censor heck (Y/N)

- how dare, this is a swear free minecraft server, you can’t say Bad Words here that’s Illegal (P.P.)

- asfjfjak go to sleep (Y/N)

- *uno reverse card picture* (P.P.)

- noo i’m waiting so people leave so i can get food 

seriously tho go to sleep if you’re exhausted, i just had an accidental two hours long nap so i’ll be alright for a bit (Y/N)

- ight fine i’ll go to sleep, good night Y/N (P.P.)

You smiled and sent him a good night message back.

“Dumbass spider”, you said quietly.

Another notification appeared. This was a text from your mother, which freaked you out a bit, but it said “call me”, so you couldn’t really do anything about being scared at the moment. You dialled her number and waited, full of dread, for her to answer. When she finally answered, you said a quiet “hi” to her. She asked you how things were going, and you played along, saying everything was good while really trying not to sound like you were panicking.

Less than a few minutes later, she said her goodbyes. Doubts started creeping into your mind. *What if I’m wrong and she’s actually really nice? What if she’s only like that to me sometimes because I’m just,, Bad? Maybe I made a mistake by telling mister Stark.. she’s nice to me sometimes, what if it’s like, okay?” You started feeling a bit uneasy, afraid that you were making a huge mistake by asking him to help you with getting out of the situation with your mother.

You hugged your knees and stared at the floor, overthinking this one interaction with her. *What if she’s actually really mad at me and when she sees me back there again she’ll show her anger? What if she somehow found out that I told mister Stark?*

#avengers fanfic #avengers fanfiction #avengers fic #avengers fics #avengers x reader #avengers x reader fanfic #avengers x reader fanfiction #avengers x reader fic #avengers x abused!reader

[sundaynightnovels]

chinese mythology AU: the moon rabbit

so @insearchof-solace​ gave me this prompt a while back and i was immediately inspired and.... wrote nothing BUT i kept wanting to write it (that’s fair enough, no????) && now that i’m finally up to writing it, my word doc is acting up on me and i was ready to throw in the towel but i was like

well. i write a whole bunch and don’t edit my work anyway, so how about i try something different and write it right now, spontaneously, on this post here? are you nervous? i’m rebellious and low on energy and don’t have enough mind to be nervous  so yea, i’m gonna give it a go. so there’s no like introductory post on how long it’s gonna be or what is it about or how vastly different it is from the actual mythology (very different, probably) like always, this is an AU of my wip like all things out of season, i.e. using its characters and whatnot. so yea. a little background: the moon rabbit is, well, a rabbit. who lives on the moon. it’s usually like seen pounding something with a mortar and pestle that the chinese (the moon rabbit exists in a lot of other asian mythology but i’m using the chinese one for this because, well. it’s a chinese au piece) assumes is the elixir of life, and is usually portrayed as being a companion of chang’e, the moon goddess. but who knows? will there be a companion here?? i don’t know.  what i do know is that i’ll be personifying the moon rabbit, so yea. i won’t be describing an actual rabbit with rabbit limbs and features per se here, but something rather human. here it goes: edit: after writing, it seems a lil philosophical and kinda gloomy. not my usual light-hearted thing, so be warned!

The moon is round tonight. Well, that’s no different from usual -- it is round every night, there’s no way it can suddenly change its shape beneath his feet, but well. He supposes, for the mortals down there, the moon is round tonight. Below him, flickering lights dance like waves cascading over one another; they sputter and glow within their paper walls, orange and red and yellow and even purple. Laughter weaves its way between hooked arms and raucous chatter, explodes as someone butchers a poetry recital and recedes when a performance begins. He sits there, on the edge. The stone is cool in his grip, familiar and worn; it sets a rhythm alongside the pounding beats and traditional tunes of the music below. Each time, a push and a twist, a push and a twist.  By the time applause breaks out, the herbs have already been ground to dust. He’s used to the smell; they prick at his nostrils and lingers in the air, but his nose always aches and the air around him is always heavy anyway. He’s used to it. Sometimes he wonders. Of course he does, he’s had more than enough time, so much that he doesn’t care to notice about the flow of the ages, passing so quickly beneath his feet that if he merely blinks, he thinks he might miss civilisation’s end.  Not that it matters to him, of course. Eras come and go, mortals live and perish. And all that eventually remains are the ghosts of memories that have come to pass.  Echoes, rather -- not ghosts. Ghosts are too corporeal, nearly substantial in their remembrance. And memories are fickle beings. They shift and change with age and perspective, warp with desires and denials; the more someone strives to recollect, the more they rebuild and break down the past, the less firm the foundation. The less solid the form. What’s left is merely an echo, a lingering afterthought. Something not as significant, yet remains hovering in the atmosphere like a miasma suspended over a grave -- doomed to haunt for all of eternity. Mortals are all chased by their echoes. And he wonders, of course, what his might be. If he were to be mortal. But of course, he isn’t. And that is a useless thought to contemplate on, for something that he cannot and will not be. He keeps pounding away. His moon is always round, after all. - The smoke is thick, almost viscous somehow. It snakes up into the air, wiggling and struggling, fighting to get out. It happens, occasionally. Though perhaps that might not be the best descriptor. Occasionally to him takes place over a rather large span of time, anyway. It doesn’t matter. The mortals move away, backs resolutely turned. Some are crying. Some press their palms tight and hold them close to their hearts, letting hushed words slip into open air. Others, younger ones, so tiny he can barely see them from where he sits, look confused.  It’s bright again, but not like before. The flames are ravenous and fierce, hungry and unrelenting; they chase after the paper offerings and tear apart the paper house, eating and swallowing till there’s nothing left. The smoke dies down; it’s a little easier to breathe. He thinks.  He doesn’t quite know. A physical release might not be quite the same as an emotional one.  What he does understand, though, is that everything comes back to dust. You bring nothing with you when you’re brought to life, and you carry nothing away in your death. It is a cycle. It will eventually happen again, he doesn’t know why they grieve. He is no expert, of course. He continues to pound away at the mixture for an immortality elixir. - She’s here today. The moon is a large place, and they don’t often cross paths. He feels like it’s been eons since he’s last spoken. It might have been. She doesn’t speak. She sits at the edge and peers down. Though there can be no sign of age on the smooth lines of her face, she somehow looks weathered. Old and beaten. Tired, from an eternity of existence.

He clears his throat; it is resounding in the silence. “Hi.” “Hi,” she replies.  She used to be mortal. She used to love and be loved. But it’s been ages.  There’s no one there for her now. He sits beside her and doesn’t speak, just pushes the bottle towards her and looks at his hands.  The skin is peeling and his palms are bruised. He is immortal, yet still they are bruised. It is an odd spectacle. He curls his fingers around them and squeezes. He stares at her and he wonders. If she’s a beautiful immortal worshiped by all and he’s her humble companion praised in textbooks.  Or maybe she’s an idol for virtue and he’s one for diligence and utility.  In reality though, he thinks it might be something else instead. That she’s a mortal stuck in a cage and that he’s her captor. Or that they are both trapped in a never-ending circle that chases after itself, sitting on the edge and trying to break the trajectory. Maybe it’s better not to think at all. After all, the moon will always be round. She will always be told in stories, celebrated in festivals. And he will always be here, pounding away for all of eternity.  Memories will live on forever, anyway -- even if they are merely echoes. Especially if they are merely echoes.  They are meant to live forever.

---------------------- okay! i don’t know why this ended up so depressing. like i said, i really didn’t plan anything. and i don’t know what this means. maybe it’s a deliberation on immortality VS mortality and how hou yi has maybe got the right idea the whole time? (okay, explanations about certain myths below.) or maybe something about myths being glorified and immortalised and wondering how that might go about in actual reality. or maybe that people should be given decisions about their own lives and not forced into a routine by fate i don’t know okay don’t question me i don’t think when i’m writing it also kinda, sort of, reflects a little about the beginning of my wip?  alright so a few things:

the moon rabbit is.... dun dun dun!! i’m sure some of y’all have guessed! it’s shou!! (that’s why it kinda reflects the beginning of my wip a little bit)

and the female is obviously... dun dun dun! chang’e!!! and she is!!!! well, this might be a little harder to guess but it also does reflect a little bit of her past / backstory in the companion novel. anyway!! it is... zhen!!

basic background on the mythology of chang’e: she is married to a man named hou yi, and back then there were like, 10 suns on earth and everyone was suffering because it was hella hot and hou yi, being a great man and a saviour of the broken (oops, mcr reference), he shot down 9 out of 10 of the suns. he was rewarded with an elixir of immortality, but he didn’t want to take it because he wanted to be with his wife. anyway something happened, bla bla bla, in order to protect the elixir from some bad guys, chang’e downed it herself and became immortal, and she decided to live in a place where she’d be closest to her husband -- which was incidentally the moon. and mid-autumn celebration is kinda celebrated for her too. okay, it also celebrates a bunch of other stuff, but for chang’e as well!

the first part he’s watching the mid-autumn festival celebrations, traditionally celebrated with people holding a bunch of lanterns on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month, which is when there is a full moon (just fyi, the 15th day of all the lunar months tend to have a full moon)

the second part he’s watching a funeral procession (kinda more like a buddhist one, where you burn joss paper and paper ingots and paper houses etc.) not really in detail but yea

the phrase that i used ‘In life you carry nothing, and in death you bring nothing’ comes from this actual chinese thing that you say ‘生不带来 死不带去’ which means the same thing

ALRIGHT. uhh. hope y’all enjoyed?? tagging my tag list @cabaretofwords​ @inked-waves​ @latechickadee​ @kidsarentallwrite​ @insearchof-solace​ @kaigods​ @inkpot-dreamer​ @pen-for-sword​ @thedreamsofthesky​ @cheap-pins​

as usual y’all are free to drop me prompts any time alright! 

#writeblr #writing #like all things out of season #AU: chinese mythology #snippet #writing snippet #writers on tumblr #my writing #my wip #my OCs #character tag #shou #zhen #chinese mythology #the moon rabbit #chang'e

[theseaver]

Adventures with GSC’s Nendoroid Face Maker, Part 2

Part 1

Ordering Costs and Shipping Times

I know if I was reading this, I’d want to know the logistics of ordering right about now.  So here we go!

The faceplates themselves cost 1480 JPY = 13.15 USD.  As far as I could tell, there wasn’t a shipping cost to ship them within Japan, or the shipping cost was built into the price.

Once the faceplates arrived at the DeJapan warehouse, I paid 2100 JPY = 18.66 USD.  I used EMS shipping, which was pretty middle of the road when it came to costs.  There were both more and less expensive options, but only a few hundred yen in either direction.  No real reason why I chose EMS, I just know I’ve had good experiences before.  I appreciated DeJapan’s transparency here, because using AmiAmi or GSC, they never estimate all the different shipping options for you.  The cost is always a surprise when they demand the payment.

What I didn’t appreciate is they tacked on a 100 yen “consolidation fee” when I submitted the form for the faceplates.  Supposedly, there was an option to opt out of this, but I didn’t know and the consolidate option is the default.  Basically, if you’re expecting multiple items, they will pack it all up in one box to save you shipping costs.  It’s very nice, but I only had the one order and still had to pay the fee anyway because I checked a box incorrectly.  Oh, well.  I’ll be more careful next time.

So you’ve ordered your faceplates and you’ve paid!  How long can you expect to sit next to the mailbox, eagerly awaiting your delivery?  I ordered my faceplates on October 11th.  The DeJapan blog had estimated 2 weeks for the NFM to make the faceplates and ship them, so imagine my surprise when the NFM emailed me on October 15th to say (I can only assume, since it was in Japanese) that my faceplates shipped!  DeJapan emailed on the 16th (LATE at night, so for this and the next few emails, it was the next day in Japan) that my items had made it to their warehouse.  This was when I had to confirm that I didn’t want to consolidate my order.  On the 17th they requested my payment to ship, and on the 18th they confirmed that my package was on its way.  (During this three day span, I took the requested actions within 15 minutes of them emailing me every time, but it still took another 24 hours for them to move to the next step. Not complaining, just giving you a clear idea of the timeline.) I received the package October 23.

So, to sum up, if you didn’t want to read that long-winded explanation:

I spent a total of 3580 JPY, or 31.81 USD, on the two faceplates. The faceplates took about 12 days to be delivered to my house.

Maybe $31.81 seems like a lot of money for two faceplates.  Heck, it’s like half the price of a whole new Nendoroid, depending which one you’re looking at.  But... I take pictures of my Nendos and update my Tumblr almost weekly.  I figured I’d get some good use out of them.  Or maybe they would look horrible and this was a waste of time.  But at least I could help educate some other people out there.  

But you’ve waited long enough.  Let’s get into...

The Faceplates’ Arrival

Alright, the moment we’ve all been waiting for!  I grabbed some scissors, opened my package, and...!

Okay!  I’m not going to lie, the first time I opened that box, it was pretty exciting.  After staring at an animated version of my product for almost two weeks, it was super cool to see it in 3D laid out in front of me.  My first impression of the faces was really positive, especially Victor’s face, which I expected to look super weird with that light blue pupil.  I was so happy the actual face didn’t turn out that way!  Alas, though, my excitement was to be short lived.  Let’s compare.

So that’s NFM Yuuri on the left and Real Yuuri on the right.  I don’t know how well it comes across on the pictures, but the eye color is way off.  Real Yuuri has these reddish-brown eyes, and NFM Yuuri’s are definitely more brown-brown.  Also, the skin color is pretty different, too.  NFM Yuuri (and Victor) have a pinker shade of skin than their genuine counterparts.  Next time, I’d scale the eyes up a little bigger, too.  And... idk, the eye shape still gets me.  It’s pretty close, but... something’s still off.  Let’s look at Victor.

NFM Victor on the left and Real Victor on the right.  Again, you’re going to have to take my word for it here... those eyes look suuuuper aqua in real life.  Like, way, way more green than this picture shows.  The eyebrows, which I could not get thick enough no matter how hard I tried, are this weird brown-grey in real life.  And, again, the skin color isn’t quite right.  The eye shape is pretty spot on, though.  I can look at this face and tell it’s supposed to be Victor.

Quality

Both faceplates came with head bases and neck joints, pretty much everything that you need besides hair.  Of course, I have enough head bases and neck joints already attached to my Nendos, but it’s always nice to have extras.  Here’s a view of that noselessness I was talking about before.

(Real Yuuri on the left, NFM Yuuri on the right)  You can see the skin difference a little better there, too.

It’s pretty clear that these eyes were printed on.  They have a grainy, almost pixel-y look to them when you get up close.  They’re definitely lesser quality than official GSC stuff.  But you have to get pretty darn close to notice.  From a normal distance, it looks fine.  You can also see the weird brown-grey of the eyebrows better in that picture.

Both faceplates fit pretty well into the existing Nendos.  Let’s take a look, maybe they’ll look better with hair.

The Finished Product

NFM Yuuri on left, Real Yuuri on right.  With the glasses on, it’s becomes clear that the eyebrows needed to be raised a bit, because right now they’re hiding behind his glasses.

NFM Victor on left, Real Victor on right.  He’s a lot closer to looking real than Yuuri is, I think.

Final Thoughts

I dunno, guys.  I think they look like bad bootlegs, personally.  I don’t really know how to salvage these.  I don’t think I’d use them on my blog.  They look too weird and they’re squicking me out.  I might have to call this one a wash.  At least I got a good blog post out of it, and it was really fun.

How I wish the NFM would just let you use the eyes of characters that are already designed!  I wish I could just take Yuuri’s face and change the expression.  I’m sure that would violate all GSC’s licensing agreements, so legally they couldn’t do it that way.  But it would have turned out so much better for me.

Now, does this mean I wouldn’t recommend the NFM to Nendo fans?  Actually, I fully intend to use it again.  I have a face saved already that I plan on ordering.  But here’s the thing: it’s useful for crazy faces only.  Weird ones.  Sleeping ones.  Blushing ones.  Face tattoos.

But if you’re like me, and you’re trying to make a serious face to replace an existing expression, you’re better off going in a different direction.  Personally, I may try to find extra official faceplates and repaint the smile.  I think I’d have better luck.  We’ll see.

Part 1

What do you think?  Are these faces passable or creepy?  Have you used the Nendoroid Face Maker yourself?  If so, please send me a picture, because I love seeing Nendoroid customization.

#nendoroid #good smile company #nendoroid face maker #nendoroid customization #Yuri!!! on Ice

[rinisbowen]

About you mentioning that you think this season will have fewer episodes: I, personally, don't think that because the time is shorter it means necessarily fewer episodes. They could have longer scenes, for example. One episode could be just a day and the time passed between two episodes to be shorter. Maybe they will show more of the rehearsals this season. Just my thoughts. You could be right, but I hope not because I want more episodes :)

Hi there! Thanks so much for the ask, I want more episodes too. I think 10 is a solid number for what kind of show we're doing, and it's fairly standard. But goodness gracious I truly hope it's not less than that.

I think this is something that's fairly possible more than I think I'm actually correct about it necessarily. I don't disagree with you on your points at all, and as I kinda said in my post, I really hope I'm wrong.

--

The actual reason I think that we may have less episodes is actually boiling down to the timing of filming, and not due to anything Tim said about the timing in-universe. What Tim said about the season taking place in a small span of time just gives them more reason to be good with having less episodes (which requires less budget). And it made my pre-existing idea sit more prevelantly in my brain, hence my bringing it up.

A lot of shows film an episode a week. (Hence my initial estimate that with 55 days, we could get 11 episodes, but probably 10) We know for a fact that's very much not how this has gone down. It wasn't that long ago we heard they were filming episode 6 and then even less time that we heard they were shooting episode 7. I did my best to try to find tweets or something to track down actual dates, but I was entirely unsuccessful in that mission.

While some episodes may take longer to shoot than others, the episodes are going to be shot in order, just not the scenes shot within them.

Lowkey if they filmed the finale like one episode and then split it like the ended up doing for season 2 (they did this due to covid, but maybe they'd do it on purpose this time), then I'm more likely to stick to my 10 episode prediction. Just because of how short a time we have left... As of my posting this, there are 10 "filming days" (presumably) left. Christine Lakin wrapped on two weeks of directing, presumably having directed a single episode (maybe 2 episodes), on march 25th, which is the same day Dan (first assistant director) wrapped.

Regardless, between March 25th and I believe April 15th, they have/had 3 weeks for whatever additional episodes they're taping, and that's either one or two more, probably one given Christine likely doing a single episode in the two weeks.

It'll just be interesting to see.

--

For your actual points, I don't disagree at all.

Given how many time jumps we had happening in this show, we can just cut a lot of that kind of thing to allow for a relatively similar amount of content just in a shorter time frame in canon.

I'd honestly really love to see them rehearsing more, the theatre aspect is my favorite, but I also want to take advantage of the fact they're at summer camp so I want to see camp stuff too!

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts season 3 #answered #anonymous

[coffeemaker7]

KGR What's the most effective method to determine keywords that you could be ranked for in less than 48 hours?

Are you searching for KGR keyword research that you could rank on Google in those in the top fifty (or more) within a couple of days?

 You can employ an algorithm that is based on information referred to as the KGR

that will aid you in identifying the fruits with the lowest hanging weight among the keyword phrases , and then leap ahead of your competitors.

 The following guidelines are in this document:, there are:

What is Keyword Golden Ratio and how it is used?

An investigation into the matter of KGR the achievement of KGR

Why are ultra long tails allow you to keep out of from Google Sandbox

How can you make use of the tool to search for keywords? improve the speed of the process?

A few actual instances from KGR terminology

Questions and traps frequently asked

 What is the exact meaning of the Keyword Golden Ratio?

KGR keyword research is a technique that makes use of data to identify keywords that aren't offered on the web.

 If you find a Keyword Golden Ratio phrase and you develop a piece of written specifically for the phrase, your website will rank in the top 50 over a period of days, or even for hours. If your website is reputable and isn't a new site and is not new, it could be in the 15th spot.

 Take a look at the entire Keyword Research Guide to discover more details on this subject. Take a test to test your abilities!

 The KGR is beneficial because of three reasons.

Webmasters who are brand new to their business should begin having traffic at an early stage to ensure they stay on track. The KGR can assist newbies to achieve small victories quicker. It's amazing when you see your first few visitors and sales. Nothing is more motivating than proving your hypothesis by earning money.

 It's possible to determine the keywords words you'll be using for your website and the content that you will post on your site. If you're facing an overwhelming list of search terms beneficial to employ tools to aid in narrowing your search.

 It's manual, and you're not able access information that other users cannot just pull up with an instrument in one or two hours. It's an benefit that rewards hard-working.

When you've finished reading this post, I'm certain you'll be sufficiently intrigued to try the KGR yourself.

 KGR keyword research  success story:

 Before we get in the depths, we'll look at an example that illustrates the idea Keyword Golden Ratio can work to increase visitors and generate more revenue.

I usually work on Amazon Affiliate sites , which means I have income to report, which go above improvements in traffic.

 In my first comprehensive test of KGR, also known as the Keyword Golden Ratio, I created 200 blog posts focusing about KGR Keywords over a span that lasted five months. The results were amazing.

The site was valued at $100 to $14,853 in 12 months. The site's traffic increased by 800% in a %..

 A few specifics regarding the procedure:

I played around with the KGR keyword research with 20 posts and received good results. I wanted to expand the amount of posts I used to determine if I could attain 10 times the result.

 In the pursuit of 200 blog posts I increased the speed of publishing slow so that the cost of publishing out of pocket to a minimum. In the beginning, seven articles were posted live, however in May, I I had published more than 60 posts.

 The growth was slow at first however, the traffic increased shortly within the first 200 blogs.

The process of building links wasn't completed within the twelve months preceding it, however, the website did have links prior to guest post.

The revenue increased due to the rise in traffic and reached close to $15,000 by the end of December. The full report is available here.

Are you interested to learn what it is? Let's go through the details!

How can I find out the Keyword Golden Ratio calculated?

It is also known as the keyword. Golden Ratio is:

The quantity of Google results that contain"keyword" in their title "keyword" in the name, divided by the monthly volume of searches, if the volume of searches is less than 250.

When your page's KGR falls less than 0.25 Then you'll be into the top 50 in some days following your site has been indexed.

In the event that your KGR is between 0.25 and 1 you'll be among the top 250 and should be easy to do.

I highly recommend following the formula and looking for KGR lower than 0.25 in the beginning. It has been tested by lots of people. In the future, you could examine the results.

More information on the formula

My maximum volume of searches at 250 due to two main reasons.

  Keywords that have lower volume of searches have a higher chance to be ranked higher on Google Based on my research and experiences of other. All else being equal, a term that has 250 search results will be more prominent than one with more than 2500 daily searches.

 A majority users are focused on keywords with a greater searches since they offer greater potential for profit. Therefore, there is more competition in the market for keywords which are shorter-tail.

The optimal area for KGR is less than 0.25. If you multiply the formula by a factor, it's clear how you can get to the top 50 positions quickly.

In the event that you've a KGR score in the range of 0.25 as well as an average volume for searches of 250, then you'll finish with 64 results from the allintitle. This means that there are approximately 64 websites with a particular focus on the keyword in the title.

 What's the significance of the word "allintitle in KGR keyword research ?

Allintitle could be defined as an enhanced Google Search engine which creates the results that include all the words found in Meta title of your blog article.

The Allintitle search tool provides results that include all the search terms in the meta title:

 Do not be concerned if Google slows down its speed for your "allintitle" search results. Most of the time, you will only have to complete a specific number of these searches within an allotted time. Google is blocking the automated scraping of data by robots.

If you exceed the limit, you'll have to fill out the Captcha to prove it's not the case that you're an automaton.

A good example of a reCaptcha limitation after a certain number of all-intitle search

Find out more about our information to Google search engines to find other useful commands that to incorporate into the SEO plan you are implementing!

Keywords with long tails as well as Google Sandbox

I suggest that if you focus on ultra-long-tail and long-tail keywords that you'll be able to get your website out of the sandbox faster.

 What is the name of the Sandbox?

There is a belief that Google Sandbox is a reference to the notion that it takes time for Google to allow a brand new website rank rapidly. The concept has been around for a long time however, it's never proved to exist.

 If you don't get out of the box more quickly, you'll likely attract more visitors to your site faster. I'm not capable of confirming the earlier removal from the sandbox because it's not a formal ranking requirement for Google.

But I've also met many individuals who have employed KGR to get users to their new websites in only a few weeks instead of months.

Do you believe that the KGR can really allow you to eliminate out the Sandbox?

Yes it is. But, it's not easy to prove it because there are many variables involved in the bottom of this formula.

 Another way to think about it is to think about it from a different view:

KGR keyword research with a large quantity will be naturally more on this market. It will also be well-established companies with websites that rank high.

This means they are earning money and use the money to improve the quality of their content as well as get hyperlinks, and maintain their position.

I'm thinking that keywords with greater volume require longer time to rank even though the competition seems to be low.

Maybe Google decreases the speed at which websites are ranked based on the volume of keywords searched.

 Takeaway:

You should focus on low-volume keywords for search Also called the long tail as well as the ultra long tail , to increase traffic to your site more quickly.

Do you have the ability to get out of the Google Google Sandbox faster? It's not clear, however, you'll get greater traffic.

  What is the tool for identifying KGR keyword research ?

The article below will give several real examples of keywords phrases that work to KGR. KGR.

We'll take a look at an example of a niche that's been used in a number of case studies that are public The shaving industry. I don't divulge any website or keywords of any other person. It's amazing to see that even in an area that includes public websites as well as a lot of competition and duplicates, there's a lot of KGR options accessible!

 Frequentlt Asked Question For KGR:

1.Who invented Kgr?

The term 'keyword golden ratio' was coined by Doug Cunnington of Niche Site Project who discovered the formula for finding these under-used, low competition keywords. If the result of that formula is: Less than 0.25 - that's a KGR keyword and you're good to go. 0.25 to 1.00 - it's still worth a shot.

 2.How do I find underserved keywords?

Reddit, Quora and industry forums are great places to find keywords, but there's no need to limit yourself to these three places. There are tons sites with user-generated content that often go unnoticed. Amazon, for example, has hundreds (sometimes even thousands) of user-generated reviews for books and other products.

 3.How do I check Allintitle?

How can I check Allintitle count on Google manually? You can find Allintitle results by using Google advanced search query - "allintitle: Your Keyword", and you will be able to check the metric manually without using this Allintitle Tool.

 4.What is a good starting place for keyword research?

Google Keyword Planner - Google's AdWords Keyword Planner has historically been the most common starting point for SEO keyword research. However, Keyword Planner does restrict search volume data by lumping keywords together into large search volume range buckets.

 5.Why saif_seoservice is best for kgr keyword research?

saif_seoservice is handle 100+ project and has 5 years experience.Always saif_seoservice has given best KGR keyword.

[musicmixtapes]

August 15th, 2018 Mix

Happy Thursday! I hope you enjoy this mix, I had a lot of fun curating a wide variety of songs that span over several different genres. Spotify Mix 1. Changes by Langhorne Slim - This songs moving acoustic sound and light hearted sound really correlates with the meaning behind it, the flowing feeling of life changing and the confusion of stepping into a new phase of life and being in the dark, but being ready for it at the same time. I think that this song really emotes the way that people grow apart during important shifts in life and how there is both beauty and sadness in this, it can be viewed as both because it represents growth and maturity. 2. Peach Scone by Hobo Johnson - Quite possibly the weirdest mix of musical genres in a song that is very strange but so much fun to listen to and very easy to sing along to also. Johnson combined a conversational spoken poetry and letter style message to someone he is in love with unrequitedly and adds a really cool guitar rhythm and beat to the back to turn it to a funny song. It makes you think about a first love or crush that you've had and for some reason can't let go of. I definitely never thought I would be into a song like this but the easy going vibe to it and the reoccurrence of the "maybe it's the thought of not being so alone" adds such a powerful to the center of the song. 3. The Record Player Song by Daisy the Great - The harmonies in this song immediately attracted me to this niche little artsy indie song that describes the ways that girls with a certain aesthetic try to portray themselves as being elusive and musically inclined, but in all reality are just misunderstood and a little self centered who don't really understand themselves. I think its so important that there is a song that pretty much outlines the "manic pixie dream girl" trope while validating that there is an issue with categorizing girls into one big lump even though they too are confused with their identity. 4. I Can't Tell What The Time Is Telling Me by And The Kids - I was so surprised to discover this perfect blend of rock and pop and that it was a sound that wasn't overplayed at all, mostly because, well, this band is pretty low key on the alternative rock scene. The musicians' proficiency is equivalent to the song's meaning which is always really cool to see with young bands. The essence of the song combines a person searching for deeper meaning with the current generation and the problems that lie within it concerning poverty and the epidemic sweeping the country; but it also talks about caring about someone while being unsure if they reciprocate feelings, smaller topics embedded within a bigger issue. 5. Bad Girls by M.I.A - This was a fun choice for me because I am in love with the show "The Mindy Project" and this song reoccurs in several of the episode when the main character, Mindy, is going to work and doing something that exemplifies strong female power, which we always love to see. I think that MIA the artist always adds a badass female persona to her music and opens up the possibility that not just male hip hop artists can be badass and have that gangsta style in their music. The beat along with the synth sounds is really catchy and great to pump up a night or a morning workout. 6. Art School Wannabe by Sorority Noise - I think the title basically sums up what the song is all about: basically the trope of having a tortured artist life and having to realize that maybe suffering doesn't always have to occur as much as artists think it needs to in order to create "good" art. I like the fact that a post punk garage rock band can laugh at their own perceived artist persona and that maybe life is a combination of highs and lows and the happiness can be portrayed within music too and can make enjoyable content as well. From a review of the song, a critic compared the song to the expression, "You can wear black on the outside and still be happy on the inside" which describes it quite well. 7. Hannah Hunt (cover) by I'm With Her - I am pretty sure I included the original song by Vampire Weekend in a past music mixtape, but my mom played this version in the car one day last week and I completely fell for this one. Something about the female take on this male to female love song made me think of it in a completely new light and the use of the mandolin and violin as well as the acoustic guitar completely transformed the song from a "feels" indie slow song to a folky indie song that breathes new life into it. The mandolin solo in the middle of the song combined with the violin solo made me feel l was kind of in the middle of an empty field listening to it. 8. This Is The Last Time by The National - Completely not acoustic or uplifting, in comparison this song is all about something ending and not wanting it to, but knowing it needs to because it is unhealthy and addictive. The National has come to my attention more and more recently because of their ability to include so many pieces of a band and make such simple sound at the same time, with such precise musical technicality. Berninger is such a proficient songwriter and is able to put a name and metaphor to feelings about relationships that us mere mortals are not always able to do. I think it's interesting that he has said in the past that he is very influenced by the writings of great poet Walt Whitman, as his influence is very clear in The National's song lyrics. 9. Table For One by AWOLNATION - This song comes from AWOLNATION's most recent album that was released a few months ago called "Here Come The Runts" which includes a lot of rock heavy ballads with very different storylines all centering around feeling like the smallest person in a group and being an underdog all the time, which I think is very relatable to a large demographic. I liked this song in particular because of the large swell of the chorus and it's sound shift in comparison to the very chill verses. The song's meaning is not that hard to understand from just listening to it once or twice, being that a summer love occurred and now one half of the equation is done with it, leaving the speaker at a "table for one". 10. Lady Grinning Soul by David Bowie - This romantically styled piano ballad is the last track off of Bowie's iconic album from his persona's Aladdin Sane perspective, which is a lot of people's favorite and has since then turned into kind of a cult classic in terms of music. The title, of all things, perplexed me the most and upon further inspection I discovered that a "lady grinning soul" refers to the feminine characteristics of a man's persona, which is so modern and ground breaking, especially for 1973 when this song was released. Bowie often talks about having a fantastical and idealized romantic obsession with people which didn't always pan out to be releastic, which totally correlates to the eclectic sounds of his music. 11. The Little Things That Give You Away by U2 - Taken from a commenter on Genius Lyrics this song is about: "Bono surviving an accident; a car accident it seems. He’s leaving clues all along the album about “a near death experience” that he has stated having no much long ago." This made me definitely think about the song in a different light and added much more depth to it for me. It has a classic U2 original sound that only the voice of Bono can give to a song, especially the deep writing that is focused in on a specific experience but can translate to much bigger world issues at hand, in this instance, communication and the trouble with people not being able to speak to each other normally. 12. Smoke Signals by Phoebe Bridgers - I could totally see this song being written as a poem first, being primarily that it follows like a storyline entirely and tells about a person reaching out constantly to the speaker in several ways in metaphor of a smoke signal on a beach. Bridgers voice is so soft and beautiful and makes you lean into the meaning of the song and listen carefully to every word there. I'd also like to point out the main use just of the bass guitar, a very quite additional guitar and the swell of string group that swells during the chorus which adds a very cinematic experience to the listener. She later revealed in an interview that this song was written to an ex lover and about their relationship and the complexities of it which is very heartfelt and personal. 13. Wes Anderson by Alex Lahey - Titled as the iconic director of our time who comes out with quirky adventure and life stories, Lahey created her one Andersonian love story within this song and brings us through a journey of her own with someone and the small things that one does with a lover can be the most special just because it's with that person who is held to such a high importance in our live's at the time. This song is just very simply written and laid out, not having to figure out that much to enjoy it because it's clear and concise about being a love song and it doesn't need to do anything more than that to be good and appreciated. 14. Big Sis by SALES - Very much reminded me of the beginning of Sonia Richardson's "Ruin Your Night" except instead of swelling and becoming a rock song, it was content with remaining a bedroom pop/dream pop style of song which I really liked hearing. I think the meaning behind the song can head in a few different directions but I heard it as being with someone who isn't content with themselves because they are trying too hard to be like someone else, most like their "big sis" which is well understood due to the repetition of that line which is pretty crucial to the song. But I think that the minimalistic style of song that is becoming popular in the indie world is really likeable. 15. Gap in the Clouds by Yellow Days - A singer and bedroom producer, artist Yellow Days came out with this song when he was only seventeen years old which is in itself impressive, but the fact that the music is so soulful and vintage sounding made me appreciate his youth behind the song even more. The artist explained about the song that, "It's about being in a depressed state for so long that your sky is full of clouds, but then that special someone makes a gap in those clouds and they can light up your world again" which is so beautifully put because it definitely describes love's ability to influence such a diverse range of music, even from someone with so little years on the earth. 16. Two Slow Dancers by Mitski - This track was released just a few days ago and I was so excited about more new music from Mitski, an amazing artist who is coming more and more popular on the alternative scene, having toured with Lorde on and off throughout the past year and doing shows on her own as well. This song lives and breathes nostalgia and the feeling of being young and slow dancing in a school gymnasium and wanting to recreate that feeling with a new love no matter what age you are. The feeling of being the only people in the whole world while in a dinghy school dance is so special, and as older people trying to stay the same is so difficult and sad. Needless to say, Mitski got it perfect. 17. 4am by girl in red - If a song were to correlate to anxiety and the overwhelming feelings one gets while trying to fall asleep, this would surely be that song because it's exactly what it is. Another great example of a young artist who is breaking onto the bedroom indie pop scene, girl in red describes how the feeling of thinking too much can cloud judgment and create this bedtime hysteria and creating an insomnia nightmare in such a short song. Songs like this are so good to listen to in order to gain the insight that music doesn't need to be seven minutes long to give a deep meaning into someone's emotions and thoughts. 18. Feeling Whitney by Post Malone - I'm not going to lie, when my little brother first put this song on in the car, I did not expect much from it because of his pension for heavy rap music that breaks the bass stereo system, but I was completely taken aback and completely shameful at my snap judgment just because of the artist that had created this song. Malone's completely unabashed story of his drug addiction and the struggle to try to find good influences who could help him get through a hard time in his life tugged at my heart strings so hard. The really interesting chord progressions totally impressed me along with his super folk inspired voice which rivals sounds that come from The Lumineers and Mumford and Sons. I would like to hear more of this from him for sure. 19. Someone Great by LCD Soundsystem - At first, I was convinced this song was about losing someone that the speaker was in love with but didn't appreciate fully and now wasn't able to talk to. In fact, it definitely could be perceived as a multifaceted song in terms of meaning, pertaining to losing someone and how everything that happens in life is colored gray by the loss of that person because it can't be shared with that person anymore. Upon research and reading I found out that this is actually about the death of James Murphy's therapist of all people, and then all of the details of the song really clicked into place for me and reached new levels of love for this track. I think it's so important to write about losing people that aren't just family members or loved ones, maybe just people you grow to care for platonically or professionally. 20. Los Ageless by St. Vincent - I have featured St. Vincent many times on my mixes by now because she deserves that and more at all times in her musical career. I believe that she has released this track as a single recently, as I have heard it a couple times on the radio recently and it has become one of my favorite car bops to dance in my seat to and then realize that the person in the car next to me is looking at me singing and dancing in the car. But although it is very much a dance electronic song, it still goes to the regular depths of meaning that all of St. Vincent's songs have, as it's about the complete juxtaposition from her other favorite city to talk about (New York). The you in the song can refer to losing a lover, a friend, a place, youth, fame, money, etc... I love this because the interpretation is left up to the listener. Thanks for tuning in, see you next week! Julia 

#electronic #rock #indie #indierock #vintage #good vibes #goodmusic #Mix #Mixtape #alternative #altrock #nostaliga #music #newmusic #classic #classicrock #listen #playlist #Aesthetic #mood #pop #Spotify

[estherellabella]

Student Media Con 2018

Hey folks! Long time no see! The silence was intentional - Dev and I have something bomb-ass planned for the 15th so keep your eyes on my socials to see what we’re working on! #ShamelessSelfPromo

The 16th annual Media Department Student Department had a monumental impact on the corporate image and reputation of the CPUT Media Department. I will be talking about specific topics that made the corporate image and reputation of the CPUT Media department stand out to me.  And this intro sounds like I'm about to start writing a 20 000 word essay when this is supposed to be fun and chatty. Okay, I'm keeping it.

The venue was the beautiful CPUT Granger Bay Hotel School, overlooking the ocean (guys, having a media conference right next to the ocean is honestly both the best and worst idea ever! I'm constantly drawn to the ocean, but at the same time, it's so inspiring for me to work there!). My campus is based in town, but I'm usually so busy that I don't get time to explore around me and I think it was a really great executive decision to have the media conference away from our normal routine. Upon entering the venue, I felt like I was transported to a whole new world (cue Aladdin) that felt super professional and I felt like I was a special guest attending a high-class event. The official CPUT branding was present everywhere but I'll talk about that a bit lower down. My one critique would be that there was no coffee! I guess that is one way for me to get rid of that caffeine addiction!

The corporate identity was brazenly displayed everywhere I turned my head. Literally. Posters of the speakers that were professionally designed were up on the walls, the programmes had the same look and feel and we all got access cards which just solidified the authenticity of the event. The official CPUT banner walls, logo and corporate colours were included in all of the branding and if someone who had no idea what was happening walked in, they would instantaneously know that it was a CPUT Media Department event. They would also probably be able to tell me apart from the rest because of my frazzled hair, desperately trying to tweet everything I hear because I have almost no self-control when it comes to Twitter haha.

My favourite part of the whole event was definitely the speakers. Most of the speakers were actually alumni of the department, and their collective wealth of knowledge was so extensive that I feel we should have had a whole day with each person because they all had such important points to make. Each speaker focussed on one of the 4 programmes within the department (they are film production, journalism, photography and public relations) and although I am a PR student, I found all of the speakers to be ridiculously insightful and I have taken something from each of them that I intend to work on to up my game. Something that I really struggle with on every level is accepting the fact that I will fail. I posed a question to the panel and I asked them about how would one go about finding your niche and my absolute favourite response was from the keynote speaker (with an impressive CV and a career that spans two decades -- which is almost my whole life) and he simply said "Fail. Fail again and then get up and start over. You don't grow in success." or well, something along those lines. That really resonated with me because I saw the rest of the panel eagerly nodding their heads in agreement. That's when it hit home that in order to get even a tiny grain of success, you have to know what won't work and that means reworking the plan until you find a formula that works for you.

Still on the same note about the speakers, let's just talk about how proud these alumni must be of the media department, to not hesitate to agree to take the day off work and spend the day with a bunch of first year students. Not everyone would be willing to do that which to me, is a testament of the extraordinary reputation of the media department.

#WeAreCPUT #CPUTCreatingFutures #FutureCreatives #CPUTMedia are the hashtags that were used when we posted on social media, to promote the ethics and branding of the media department. These ways of branding are really effective to get people to engage with the media department's social media accounts. For a while, we actually managed to get #WeAreCPUT trending in Cape Town, which is huge for us! These hashtags were all on the communique passed on to us, and we were constantly reminded to make use of them to consolidate the branding with the event.

Alright, folks. This is where I tap out and marinate a bit in all the knowledge that I had to absorb today! I hope that you found this blog post interesting and if the organisers of the event read this, give yourselves a pat on the back for pulling off an amazing event!

[sarahcat26-blog]

It all begins here.....

Are we being caught?!

Within the past 15 years it’s amazing what technology has done, children will soon grow up with no understanding of what it was like using a walkman or rewinding the cassette tapes back with a grey lead. Amongst technology and the rapid growth of various electronics, started with the standard mobile which is now an extension to the everyday communication tool. This concurred in the existence of the communication platform; Social Media.  

The term “social media” refers to the wide range of internet based and mobile services that  allow users to participate in online exchanges, contribute to user created content or join online communities (Dewing, 2012).

Looking at the current statistics associated with social media, Facebook and Youtube are the stand out platforms with 15,000,000 users/visitors per month in Australia alone (Cowling, 2018), considering the Australian population is 24,000,000 (Worldometers, 2018) which equates to about 62% of the population using one of the two platforms. Does this way of socialisation limited our actual social skills? Are we becoming more anti social with the increased engagement of social media? Take a look at this video (right down the bottom), I come across this over a year ago and every now and then I look around when in a public area and in the back of my mind this is the video that comes to mind when I see majority of heads in a mobile phone.

Are we missing out on opportunities? I can really relate to this video where I rely on mobile phones. Sadly this video has only 80,000 views compared to a top 40 music video hitting millions of views in a week.

Reforming of communities digitally

As Ferdinand Tönnies suggested in his two forms of sociality; communities and society. Where communities are cooperatively kept together with the interest of all members trying to achieve the same goals with social control. Society relates the the broader community who is controlled by laws, tribunals and police.

Whilst we all belong in a society we also branch out into communities which become of interest to each individual. However, others such as Turkle, believe that social media causes more of a disconnection than a positive interaction where Robert Putnam believes we are creating a virtual reality where technology is reducing the social associations we have with each other and relying on technology to keep social.

Getting to know platforms

Being a minor user of social media, I tend to stick to what I know. Whilst there are many platforms to choose from it’s important to understand what and how to use them. We define social network sites as web-based services that allow individuals to (1) construct a public or semi-public profile within a bounded system, (2) articulate a list of other users with whom they share a connection, and (3) view and traverse their list of connections and those made by others within the system (Boy & Ellison, 2010). Twitter and Reddit are new to me (along with Tumblr) and it’s not an easy task for me to facilitate a new platform (canvas is also another great example). I find that what I have works for the integration I need to be recognised online. However sometimes you need to get out of your comfort zones and try new things (yikes)! So whilst looking at reddit jumping onto the front page O’Gara suggests the front page looks only slightly better than the original Space Jam website, which I can relate to. This platform does not appeal to me being that I can not fathom why I would use this platform however could see my partner using it (avid youtube user).

Twitter is also a platform that never took my fancy, however the media speak of it alot. The nightly news programs relate to particular people's twitter feeds to get an understanding of particular politicians opinions and current projects in the pipeline. I understand this platform and why people use it. It’s opinion based and only exists due to the conversations which are provided from one person to another. In the past I do like to recall that it has created an open door for celebrities to attack each other whilst on view for the world on social media to watch.  Looking at the Twitter top 100 most followers, I note that these people or brands were famous prior to the launch of this platform.  

Whilst I enjoy my time on social media I don’t want it to take over the ability to sit down and catch up over a coffee (i love coffee too much to loose that interaction). However I appreciate the connections I have created online with student, teachers and long distances friends. Look forward to connecting with this teaching periods bunch of peers and sharing some posts and opinions.   

"Australia Population (2018) - Worldometers", viewed 15th April 2018, <http://www.worldometers.info/world-population/australia-population/>.

Boyd, D & Ellison, N 2010, "Social network sites: definition, history, and scholarship", IEEE Engineering Management Review, vol. 38, no. 3, pp. 16-31

Cowling, 2018 "Social Media Statistics Australia – March 2018", viewed <https://www.socialmedianews.com.au/social-media-statistics-australia-march-2018/>.

C-SPAN 2012, Robert Putnam - Bowling Alone, 19 December, viewed 3 August 2016, <http://www.c-span.org/video/?c4236758/robert-putnam-bowling-alone>.

Dewing, M 2012, "Social Media: An introduction", Library of Parliament, vol. 2010-03-E, p. 1.

“Gemeinschaft and Gesellschaft - New World Encyclopedia", viewed <http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Gemeinschaft_and_Gesellschaft>.

O’Gara 2017, "Digitaltrends.com", viewed 14th April 2018 <https://www.digitaltrends.com/social-media/what-is-reddit/>.

#mda20009 #virtualreality #alwayson #social

[benito-cereno]

A story for All Saints’ Day

I technically made it! In some time zones!

Anyway, some people told me on Twitter they might be interested in reading some original prose fiction from me. Welp, I hope you weren’t lying!

Here is a story I originally wrote as a comic script (that you may have heard me talk about) that I have adapted into a short story. This is only part one! I will be posting additional parts in the days to come, as this story is an appropriate one for these liminal days between the Halloween and Christmas seasons.

Please read and share! Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call my story

The Further Adventures of Santa Claus, chapter 1: The Saint Comes to Wallachia (part one)

“I've never been so bored and excited at the same time in my entire life,” the child said. Her nose was pressed against the frosty window pane, where her breath created a ghostly fog on the glass. It was only late afternoon, but the darkness stretched out its inky fingers pretty early in these days around the solstice, giving the child a sense that it was much later than it actually was.

“Hmm?” The child’s tutor cocked up an eyebrow, not even looking up from the stack of papers he was correcting. The child’s facility for boredom extended such that she was sufficiently behind on schoolwork that her tutor had to come out deep into what would normally be a winter break for both of them.

The child turned from the window, wiping the condensation of her own breath off the tip of her nose. “Well, you know. I'm really excited that it's Christmas Eve and everything, but I don't have anything to do to kill time until it gets here!” She slumped down into a chair, but rather than stopping at chair’s edge such as a person intent on sitting comfortably might do, she let her forward momentum cause her to continue sliding past the edge of her seat and onto the floor until she pooled there languidly, as if the sheer presence of boredom had leeched all the calcium from her bones and only a puddle of girl remained. “I wish I could watch TV. The new Shelfy Elf Christmas special is coming on tonight!”

“First of all,” the tutor said, finally looking up from the pile of risibly incorrect math assignments and glowering somewhat over the rims of his glasses, “I would rather watch a YouTube video from the future inerrantly predicting my own death than Shelfy Elf. But more importantly, you know you’re not allowed to watch TV until we finish getting through all this schoolwork.” He smirked a little, noticing the child had stopped listening somewhere mid-sentence, instead staring at the ceiling and blowing bubbles with her own spit. “I hope you asked Santa for even one ounce of attention span for Christmas.”

The spit bubble popped silently. “What?”

“Don’t worry about it. Just sit still until I get through these papers. The more you squirm and the more you change the subject, the longer this takes.” The tutor turned back to the paper and briskly circled a series of unreduced fractions. Something like a shadow seemed to cross his brow and he paused, pen mid-stroke. “Although…”

“What? What? Can we stop? Can I watch Shelfy Elf?” the child asked, almost too expectantly.

“Not in a million years. But! Maybe there’s something that might provide you with a brief entertainment and also technically fall under the auspices of your cultural and historical education.”

“You had me at ‘entertainment’ and lost me at ‘education’,” the child said, resuming a slumped position in the chair. “I’d rather watch you circle fractions than hear a history story. No offense, but history is for dumb people who are boring, like you.”

“Cool, cool. Cool cool cool,” the tutor deflected. “What if this story was a ghost story?”

The child’s curiosity was mildly piqued; her suspicion somewhat moreso. “Why would you tell a ghost story on Christmas Eve?”

The tutor set down his pen and closed the math book, himself palpably relieved at the change of subject. “Telling ghost stories used to be a common occurrence at Christmas. The Christmas season is cold and dark, scary and dangerous. If you think about it, caroling is a lot like trick or treating, and it used to be even closer than it is now.” He took off his glasses and wiped them with the cuff of his sweater sleeve. “Plus, you know, just like they say in that song: ‘there’ll be scary ghost stories and tales of old glories of Christmases long, long ago’? Right?”

The look on the child’s face was blanker than the answer spaces after the extra credit questions on her vocabulary quiz. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The tutor smiled resignedly at this common refrain that he had heard many times in his years working with the child. “Don’t worry about it.” He replaced his glasses on his face and rubbed his chin. “I tell you what. I’ll make sure the story is appropriate for Christmas, what do you say?”

“With Santa in it?”

“Sure, of course.”

The child pressed her luck. “With Shelfy Elf in it?”

The tutor patted the child on the head. “I would sooner die. Now sit back. I know just the story.”

And here is the story he told:

Many people know that Santa Claus' true name is St. Nicholas, but most don't know anything more than that. St. Nicholas was a bishop from the town of Myra, in the province of Lycia in Asia Minor, or modern day Turkey. He lived during the late third century CE through the early fourth century CE, a time when Hellenistic culture was very strong in his region.

Since he is venerated today as the saint of sailors, some people posit that Nicholas worked as a boatman himself, though it is more likely that his parents were very affluent and owned the fishing fleet rather than worked for it. It is said that, on a trip back to Myra from studying in Alexandria, Nicholas saved the life of a young sailor in a storm. When the pair arrived back in Myra, Nicholas took the man to the local church, where the bishop had just died, and the church elders were seeking a replacement.

As Nicholas prayed, the sailor overheard the men saying that God had instructed them in a dream to find a “man of victory.” As it happens, the name Nicholas is derived from the Greek words “nike,” meaning “victory,” and “laos,” meaning “people,” meaning that Nicholas would bring the people to a great victory over evil. The sailor did not hesitate to tell the church fathers how his life was bravely saved by the actions of one “Nike-laos,” and Nicholas was promptly made bishop of Myra.

In his time as bishop, Nicholas became known for his great and anonymous generosity, often perpetrated under the cover of night, as well as a large number of miracles. But given the state of the world at that time, perhaps Nicholas' greatest miracle was dying of old age, peacefully in his own bed, on December 6, 343 CE. His body was laid at his church in Myra, which became a popular center for pilgrimage. His tomb was said to secrete manna, a holy liquid with potent healing abilities, making the shrine all the more desirable.

In the year 1087, sailors from Bari in Italy took advantage of the confusion arising from a recent raid by the Turkish Seljuks to get the monks from Nicholas' shrine to show them the relics and body of the saint. The sailors opened the tomb and returned with the saint's remains back to Bari, where a new church was built, and where Nicholas' bones lie to this day.

Or so most people think. While the details of what happened following the translation of the saint’s relics are unclear, the facts are these: the tomb continued and continues to this day to produce manna, that pure liquid with powerful healing properties, and soon after the disturbance of the tomb and its resettling in Italy in 1087, children began seeing Saint Nicholas roaming the world each year on the anniversary of his death, leaving candy, nuts, fruits, and toys in their shoes. Whether these two facts are connected is up to you to decide.

At any rate, it was under these circumstances that the saint found himself traveling through the snow-shrouded woods of Eastern Europe one December 5 in the 15th century. As he had done in his former life, he traveled under cover of darkness astride his mighty white steed to give gifts to his favorite people in the world, children. By this time, he had acquired a helper: a woodland god forced into obsolescence by the advent of Christianity to his old Northern home, and tamed by the miraculous power of Nicholas himself. The great, wild god. The Krampus.

And so it was that the unlikely pair found themselves this Saint Nicholas Eve in the voivodeship of Wallachia. As Nicholas’s horse crunched softly through the crust of the untouched snow with each step, the Krampus sniffed the air with suspicion and snorted a substantial cloud of steam into the cuttingly cold night. The saint looked around him to see what his bestial companion had noticed that his human--though saintly--eyes had failed to notice. As the brisk winter wind blew the black velveteen clouds away from the frame of the moon, the milky white light was given purchase on what the saint had previously believed to be the trees of the Wallachian forest.

Instead what he found was a forest of rotting bodies impaled upon tall spikes planted throughout the forest. Though the bodies had largely by this point become food for crows, nevertheless the small size of many of them made clear that whoever had committed such a deed had few scruples about whom he wanted to make an example of.

Saint Nicholas turned his head in both sadness and disgust. “I must say, Krampus,” he said in resignation, “I don’t think we’ll find many good children in this country.” The Krampus snorted in agreement.

The pair soon emerged from the woods and across the snowy plain their eyes landed upon a wondrously princely court, complete with an imposing tower lording over the surrounding area. The saint also noticed a somewhat ostentation cathedral within the walls of the court as well, though he wondered how much use it truly received. The silhouette of this stark, gothic fortress cut a somewhat frightening figure upon the night sky, but a bright orange glow from the windows and a bounty of smoke pouring out of the palace hall suggested perhaps it was somewhat cheerier on the inside.

“However,” Saint Nicholas remarked dryly, “it looks as if this humble dwelling has left the light on for us.”

(more soon)

#christmas #halloween #santa claus #dracula #santa vs dracula #saint nicholas #krampus #my writing #not comics

[jessicaburke7718]

Pandemic Teacher Momma

The 2020-2021 school year is right around the corner, and there is a great deal of anticipation for our district’s proposals to be finalized. With the recent board meetings happening, I am writing this because I’m an educator going into my 8th year of teaching who just so happened to become a new momma during this Corona-Virus Pandemic. 

This is not meant to be political, nor is it meant to offend anyone’s beliefs in public education or the medical field. I also understand that every educator is at a different part of their life and may not be experiencing the same feelings as I am. In a world where it is so easy to go down a rabbit hole in social media’s opinions, I feel it is important to voice my own as a teacher whose career is being decided at the mercy of an outbreak. 

I was fortunate to bring a healthy baby girl into the world on March 15th, 2020, and due to the virus, my husband was the only one allowed in the hospital with me. The day after, our governor made the decision to close down businesses (my husband’s job included) and highly encourage social distancing. I couldn’t help but feel a lump in my throat as I was holding my daughter in bed hearing this news from our nurse. The plans of family members and friends coming over to see our newborn needed to be put on hold, and all I wanted to do was share our joy with loved ones. At times it felt lonely and eerie, but I had continuous support. My first time mother experience was not how I pictured it to be, and I had to keep telling myself that my new little family was healthy and that’s all that mattered. 

On the flip side, the timing of my daughter’s birth was perfect in the teacher world, because I worked up until spring break and planned my maternity leave until August (or so I thought). The first 6 weeks of my leave, I completely shut out all work e-mails and disconnected from the world to give my all to our sweet girl. I then started hearing on the news that school was being pushed back week by week to finish the school year, and finally the decision of Distance Learning was set in place. 

I talked back in forth with my husband on ending my maternity leave early to finish out this unfortunate school year with my students, and save some sick days in case I needed them later. In my heart, I knew it was the right thing to do, and now with my husband home, I had care for my daughter. I got in touch with HR, spoke with my principal, thanked my student teacher who took over my class, and BOOM! Just like that I was back....(VIRTUALLY) that is. 

 I knew that I needed to research and read blogs on effective classroom management through zoom classes with first graders, so in the wee hours of morning feedings, I was also on my phone looking up tips and tidbits to make the rest of this school year as meaningful as possible. My students were thrilled and my families were more than supportive of me coming back. I offered three 45 minute whole group zoom classes a week and an additional day for 1:1 tutoring. I utilized online resources that I would use in my classroom to make our sessions just like a regular school day as much as I could. 

For primary aged students, their attention span can only be held for so long and there’s only so many times I can ask students to mute themselves when they want to sing or have conversations with their little sister or brother. Not only that, but my school is filled with dedicated and hard working parents, and not all students could make every zoom session offered. I could not give my all to this class academically, and that tears me up inside. The district put out online resources, and I updated my parents weekly with additional “things” they could be doing, but it was just not the same. I had to remind myself that this pandemic is global and all educators are experiencing discomfort, family members in distress, and pressure of schooling at home. 

Now, with the headlines of “Is it safe or not for students and teachers to go back to school this next year?” I cannot help but feel torn. To read on social media that children are not effected whatsoever by the virus and then watch the news where there are nationally confirmed cases of children breaking out with Kawasaki disease related to COVID-19 is disheartening. I’ve also seen comments from the opinions of parents who state that they’d home school their kids if school opens up, or that they want no precautions set in place with a full blown normal school year. 

Here is where I must stick up for my profession. I do not care what a parent’s stance is on our school district’s decisions. I get it, students are not getting the best education at home, nor is it good for their mental health with no socialization or adequate exercise. I saw a post from an educator that I loved which I will put into my own words: I hope that families are having conversations with their children at home to gear them up towards what may or may not happen. I hope that they can try to keep positive comments in front of their kids, and let out their worries and concerns with significant others, or other adults. Do not view teachers as babysitters for your children, because as you have seen first hand now- our careers consist of complexity, differentiation, and patience. Regardless, instilling a good reaction in front of children to whatever our district announces in these next couple of weeks will set the tone for this school year. 

Right now, elementary schools are set to go back 5 days a week, and middle/high school will have a hybrid model of Digital and face to face learning. Our district is also offering an option for parents to do exclusive online schooling if they are not comfortable sending their child back. I’ve been reading e-mails stating that cleaning and sanitation will be top priority and that teachers/ students will need to wear masks and maintain social distancing as much as possible. All this is being decided right now in the midst of severe budget cuts that is detrimental to our youth and staff members.

So many thoughts come to mind about this school year, and I couldn’t help but make a long list of hopes: I hope that the school board has closely analyzed the classroom sizes and over crowding in many schools while trying to maintain desks that are 6 feet apart. I hope that they understand that mandated testing in general puts pressure on all students, and teachers will now have to be working even harder to get students back on track from a 5 month deficit. I hope that they think about my small groups of guided reading and math support where students need to see my mouth in order to make sounds and number sense. I hope that there is a realistic plan for recess when my first graders want to hug each other and play basketball together. I hope that they understand students (and teachers) go stir crazy staying in one classroom ALL day, and teachers like me need a bathroom break! I hope that they think about the working parents who have been scrambling to find care for their children and support their families. I hope they think about teachers like me who have a new family at home and school family they dedicate themselves to working after contract hours. I hope they think about budget cuts and the fact that teachers do not choose this profession for the pay, but for the commitment to inspire youth. I’m hyped to see fellow educators rallying outside of the capital, and I hope our voices are heard to NOT take away from school funding. I hope that more mental health resources are offered and SEL curriculum is encouraged so that students can express how they have felt not seeing their friends and hardships with their families, if any. I am currently taking 15 hours of various district required courses related to Distance/Blended Learning, Trauma, and Equity and Diversity, and I hope these important topics thrive within schools buildings. 

Summers always fly by, and now I have to mentally prepare myself for this unique school year along with not seeing my 3 month old every second of the day. There are days where I do not feel ready to step foot back in the classroom because of this virus and days where I’m ordering new read alouds because I can’t wait to share them with my new students. I’ve been writing my thoughts down of how I will need to revamp my classroom, and what my ELA/Math centers will look like. My mommy brain is also formulating a plan for my family by putting a change of clothes in my garage before I enter my house after a work day, or going home to shower before I pick up my baby, because I am THAT mom and will do anything and everything to protect her and my husband’s health. I have the upmost respect for first responders and those who are on the front line every day in their careers. Unlike healthcare providers, teachers do not work in an environment that has accommodating materials to suit up every day and care for sicknesses or exposures. I just  hope I can be brave like them and continue to make a difference and an impact at a time of crisis in our country. Most of all, I hope that educators are given grace and respect for whatever is coming our way and that we are accredited for what we do on a daily basis. So, forgive me if I feel a little hesitant about this school year and the dangers to health it could have on everyone in the school building, but I will make sure I’m greeting my new group of students every day with a smile (under my mask) and air hugs/ high fives. Students deserve to feel safe and have positive school experiences from their teachers regardless of what may be happening in the world. I will reassure them that everything will be okay, and mean it. I will meet them where they are at academically to get them back on track. I will tell them that even though I can’t console them when they are upset, their teacher still loves them dearly. This profession is all about adaptability, inclusion, and being positive role models to young minds, and whatever this school year may look like... from those making decisions on the school board, to parents, teachers, school personnel and student’s perspectives... we’re all in this together.

[katieobrien-untitled]

Goodbye my left ovary,

I’ve been tossing and turning about sharing this for a while as I’m generally quite a private person, but I’ve had time to heal and process what I’ve gone through and I want to bring awareness to the fact that sometimes our bodies don’t work in the way that we expect them to.

The female reproductive system is something I’ve really taken for granted until now. It’s something incredible, so empowering and strong. I always assumed it just worked. The illustration I made is pretty self-explanatory – but yes, as of right now I only have one ovary.

In March I needed an emergency surgery to remove my left ovary, along with the fallopian tube and a large ovarian cyst.

The long story

In early January I noticed a solid like mass by my bladder. It was small enough to not notice visually, but concerning enough to make a trip to the doctor. 

Being a young female, with a solid bump in their tummy everyone always assumes that you’re pregnant right? I mean at some points I thought I was myself. Every doctor I saw had their presumptions quashed by the negative reading that came back on the test every time, but this sparked some worry. 

My doctor suspected that I had something on my ovary but to be sure, I was referred to take an ultrasound and take some blood tests. They discovered a large Borderline Cyst on my left ovary that spanned across my stomach and up to my left ribcage. At this point I had no idea what I was in for. My brain is wired to over-think everything and I did so for the next 4 weeks until my specialist appointment.

Ovarian Cysts are generally quite common, actually a lot more common than you'd expect, but I had never heard of them until I found out that I had one. There are various types, simple cysts that grow and disappear, and more complex ones. Instead of being a simple cyst that would go away by itself, my body developed the most complex ovarian cyst – called an Adnexal Mass / Borderline Tumour that specialists presume had been growing steadily for years and only recently moved out of my pelvis, making it noticeable.

It was like a ghost of a thing that was growing from inside taking all the spare space there was in my abdomen. Unbeknownst to me it was causing a range of symptoms that I never noticed that they were connected until my diagnosis.

I had irregular periods for years 

I gained weight on the scales but hadn’t changed much physically 

I was feeling nauseous all the time

I suffered from extreme fatigue

I had the urge to pee 24/7

I would get full from the smallest of meals

I couldn’t breathe deeply

I had a specialist appointment with a Gynaecologist on the 3rd of March. This is where we discussed my situation. The mass was so complex and large that the specialists suspected that it may contain pre-cancer cells.  There was the bomb shell. Because of this suspicion they needed to remove the mass intact meaning that they needed to remove the ovary and fallopian tube along with it. To give you a sense of scale at this point, they suspected the mass was about 10cm x 13cm x 9cm, so they were lining up a C-Section like surgery to remove it. So it was pretty large to say the least. Obviously I was in shock, overwhelmed with emotion. We had a lengthy discussion about what would happen, the surgery and the long term impact that it would have on my health and fertility. I was scared but I knew what I was in for.

I was in for a 6-8 week wait for a surgery date. However, the surgery happened a lot sooner than expected. 4 weeks after that appointment I was experiencing excruciating abdominal pain and on the 24th of March I was referred to Middlemore Hospital’s ED by my GP. The timing of all of this was pretty good as the hospital was really quiet due to the start of Covid-19. I was in and the surgery was scheduled for the next morning at 9am.

The procedure & recovery

I had a Mid-line Laparotomy which is a pretty intense surgery. It is essentially a vertical incision that starts just blow my bikini line, to 2cm above my belly button, 18cm total. The surgeon initially planned to make the incision horizontally– like a C-Section, but the mass was a lot larger than they expected as it reached as far as my sternum. It had to be vertical to remove it safely. The surgery went well and everything was removed successfully, they took washings of my abdomen and sent away the cyst for a biopsy. I feel like the surgery was the easiest part…

Really I can’t remember much from the day of the op, and the day after, the anaesthetic took it out of me. I needed an epidural for pain management post op and I was bed ridden for two days. Ultimately I was exhausted physically and emotionally – and my body was trying it’s best to heal but I was so exhausted, weak and immobile. I had the epidural removed after the third day, to see if I could start walking again.

Eventually I got myself up and started walking, movements were slow and excruciating and so mentally challenging as I’m usually really active. I’m not really the one to take pain killers unless I really need to, but I was taking them every chance that I got. I struggled a lot with the pain, nausea, very low blood pressure, dizzy spells and fever post op. At some points the nausea was so overwhelming that I had to vomit. This is was the most excruciating pain that I’ve been in to date.

Nick wasn’t able to visit post op, as our government declared the Covid-19 level 4 lock down so he wasn’t allowed to enter the hospital at all during my recovery. It was a mental challenge being by myself. I gradually got better and I asked to go home after 5 days in the hospital by myself. Even though hospitals are such a daunting place to be in, I felt like I was in the best hands the entire time. The specialists, surgeons, anaesthetists, nurses and doctors that I was cared for by were incredible and I feel so fortunate to have received the care that I did.  

At home I spent a lot of time in bed, asleep and I struggled to eat, move and shower. I felt crippled and reliant. Overall I lost 7kg, but I was improving. After a week I was able to stop taking pain killers, and now I’m fine! Just working on the healing of my scar.

My scar 2.5 weeks post op.

The Diagnosis

On the 15th of April I had a follow up appointment with the specialist to go over the operation notes and results of the biopsy. Unfortunately, they did find pre-cancer cells within the cyst, however they were contained and didn’t spill or spread into the rest of my body. The cyst was classed as a Stage 1C ovarian cancer – but because of the success of the surgery and the containment of the cells I don’t need to have any treatment.   

Because of the existence of the pre-cancer cells in the cyst I’ll need to evaluate getting the right ovary removed too when I’m ready – for future proofing. For now I’m scheduled to have 6 monthly ultrasounds and bloods taken to monitor my right ovary to make sure it is healthy.

The cyst was a lot larger than the specialist initially thought. It was actually 21cm x 23cm x 13cm and weighed 3.3kg! Think of a 3L milk bottle, it was larger and heavier than that, in my abdomen, so you could imagine the pressure it would have had on my other organs. The specialist was astounded that it had got to this size without notice, as I’m generally quite fit and active.

Post op, the first thing I noticed was that I had never been able to breathe so well. Taking a deep breath was amazing.

My Future & Fertility

I’ve been in a long term relationship since I was a teen, and I’ve always wanted a family of my own. Nick and I have always discussed having a family, but it’s definitely not our time yet, we’ve just relocated to Auckland a year ago and we have a whole lot planned before all of that is on the cards. I see Friends of mine are having some beautiful babies and I know my day will come. Not now, but one day. With one ovary it is still possible and that gives me hope.

This whole experience has made me feel like I’d been taking my health for granted and expecting everything will just work. How wrong was I, to be honest the specialist said it was really just bad luck and there was nothing to really prevent it from happening the way it did, in reality there was no way that I knew it was there. My ovaries were something I took for granted, and now my remaining one crosses my mind at least once a day. I need to look after it like gold.

What interests me the most is women in New Zealand are encouraged to have breast screening and smear tests to screen for cancer and pre cancer cells – I knew this was a thing even as a child, but there isn’t really a campaign that I’ve seen that screams at you to see if your ovaries are ok. I want to know why because I really feel like I’ve dodged a bullet.

This was something that I never thought I’d have to go through. It’s not necessarily something that you’d expect to be told when you’re in your early twenties but here we are. Let’s say I’m not taking my health or fitness for granted again.

If you got this far thank you for reading my rambles!

I’m a thousand times better than I was, and I’m now 4 weeks post op and I’m past the dizzy spells, nausea and pain. My scar is healing and I’m able to walk daily – but I’m waiting for the 6 week mark to push myself more. I’m itching to go for a run and a swim to really test the space that my lungs now have.

There is obviously a lot of detail that I have left out of this, but if you’re curious or feel like you want to know more please ask. This is by no means an attention seeking post it’s to bring awareness, and also a method for me to heal and move past what I’ve been through. 

Thanks for reading!

Katie x

#mywriting