#but also wanted to vent on a place that wasn't twitter bc i didn't feel like making a whole thread about it

[probablydinosaurs]

this was originally a twitter thread but mehhhh. the audience of one-two here get my insane venting instead. its 3am. I've had a rough day and I just want to list it out from worst to least worst. sorry if this is venting. again 3am. 1: my sister showed up completely unannounced, and waltzed in a fight with my other sister and her husband at their place. she had good reason to be here (she's homeless and is a fuckin ice age here. that's not a problem. we are glad she went to us for help.)-sadly she's an entitled fuck who begged my dad for cigs when we have NOTHING BUT A ROOF to give. its SCARY how poor we are. She was also VERY TRANSPHOBIC, which was not on my sister's bingo card this year. mainly about trans woman and their "complaining". my already shit sister saying terf shit was not smth i thought id hear. i was very upset about that. i haven't talked to her bc ik if i do, il cry but I've been giving her the silent treatment unless it's akward. 2: i have covid. had symptoms since like the 13th (i joked that i got it for my birthday) and its been a nightmare. i can't sleep. Eating sucks. my nose hurts. i think i blew a blood vessel in my eye. its just been the worst. 3: due to being unable to sleep, im wildly manic at 3am. i have nothing to do and no one to talk to. and im unreasonably upset that people on tiktok think Spongebob is a kid. like boi your face screams "post movie" pleaaasseee educate yourself on cartoon history. he is an adult! 4: after ALLL of this like 7 mins ago, the fire alarm randomly beeped a few times. luckily not a lot but still. stressed me the FUCK OUT. nothing is on. i think bc its the FUCKIN ICE AGE OUTSIDE, the apartment is a TAD too warm (witch its not. my feet are frozen)

5: found out today that scientists didn't start using real menstrual blood on pads/tampons till AUGUST OF LAST YEAR??? WTF WERE U USING BEFORE? That's why pads are always off SOMEHOW. SOMEHOW there's an issue. and tampons never fit right. they have been fuckin guessin for decades 6: my new cat is a needy hoe. I'm used to it but with covid and barely being able to walk/exist, her sweving between my legs is a nightmare. I always have to throw a bottle cap down the hallway just so she doesn't get in my room. 7: been on upsetting media tiktok. why the fuck is there a fandom forming around a vent cartoon about S/A???? like I won't say its bad but that's not a FANDOM THING! yall are fucked up (also it parodies the peewee's playhouse op and that bugs me. i love peewee.)

interlude: my needy hoe of a cat is named peewee (well to my mom, it's now Princess Pipsqueak but thats not a good name to say in frustration as I'm trying to exist down the hallway. also, we thought she was a boi at first and she has a face that looks like paul Reubens's. I still see it. 8: I have used up all the TP and tissues in the house and have been using paper towels to blow my nose, which is roughing up my already red sore nose. I put gold bond on my nose and it BURNED but now it feels smoother. 9: i feel like i annoy people with my Hannibal hyperfixation. i have yet to truly let it spread here but it's EVERYWHERE ELSE. (and il probs reblog this onto my hannibal blog so hiiiii) and yet it feels like no one cares. ik it's a bit niche, upsetting not everyones thing but Ive NEVER loved smth more and it hurts when i don't talk about it I just. want to get someone into it. someone else got me into it and it means a lot. I hope they are doing ok. I'm grateful they gave me my favorite hyperfixation ever. I've littrally never loved anything more. and I've been into a LOT of stuff. i was called annoying by an ex friend because i got into things too much. and to them, "too much" was anything that wasn't "i like this thing. i think this thing is good and cool. lets rp weird incest about it." (i hate my teen years) but like. that ex friend would HAAAAATE by hyperfixatiing now. i have friends to ENABLE ME NOW. 10: just added this one. kinda put two and two together that corp vtubers birthdays most likely aren't their real birthdays. everyone is celebrating a graduated corps bday and yet they moved to another company and like. no birthday in sight. and it feels weird to latch onto their old persona's bday when they are right there with probs a new (and more real maybe) birthday. you can actually go celebrate with them whenever their "new" birthday is and yet you are clinging to the past. especially since they are THRIVING where they are rn and were not happy as a bigger corp.

thats a bout it. thanks if u saw this and read. its ok if you didnt. i just had a LOT go on lately.

[golbrocklovely]

i wanted to try to make this post yesterday, but i just kinda lost track of time and got too tired to write all of my thoughts down.

so, i'm gonna just do it now. this will probably be a bit all over the place, so bear with me. and in case this is super long or you don't feel like reading the whole thing i'm gonna put a TLDR at the end.

just gonna start this off by saying that if you sent in an ask about stas within the last two-ish days, whether in favor or not of her, i'm not gonna answer it. and the reason for that is bc i'm tired of talking about her. nothing to do with yall personally.

when i found out about TCF going to tomorrowland/europe, i just KNEW i wasn't gonna have a good time. bc as of recent, any time stas is with snc and kat, it becomes really loud on here, if that makes any sense. i get a lot of asks, and while i love talking to yall and discussing everything, it just gets really tiring to talk about the same person and have the same conversations over and over again. and with stas, that's basically what would happen.

then… tomorrowland happened. if you need a catch up, here's where i explain what happened with stas and colby. but even before that, i was getting asks about her and him. within in a couple hours, i got 10+ asks about stas and colby and what he posted on his snapchat. collectively, i didn't answer any of them. part of me just wanted to ignore it, see what would happen afterwards, and then maybe move on. which is why that day i just posted random shit and talked about anyone but snc or stas.

then, ppl on twitter decided to just start congratulating colby for finally dating stas, and that caused more ppl to send in asks. and i'm not upset about yall wanting to talk. i get it. it's drama and we all have an opinion on it, so we wanna discuss it.

but after everything that went down, plus finding out that stas' roommate and mom kinda part-take in fandom discourse (or just will casually tell fans info, or that fans in general will go to their pages just to find out things about stas, and thus snc/kat), my feelings for stas have soured a bit. it's one thing to use the attention you get to your advantage. it's another thing to actively do things to get attention, whether that might hurt others in the process.

and to be completely honest, i'm just tired of talking about her. i'm starting to see a pattern that i've seen before on here, in particular with mlp. and i just don't want to talk in circles anymore. but, just bc i don't like her as much as i once did, doesn't mean that this will now become an all out shit-on-stas fest. there's only two ppl on here that we can all rag on whenever: brennen and elton lmao

this all being said, i would really appreciate it if you guys could stop sending in asks about stas. just for a little while. if you want to come into my ask box and vent about her, that's fine. i'm just not gonna answer it. if we could all collectively take a 2 week break from mentioning her, that would be fantastic.

and in case anyone wants to hear my opinion on this situation or what's "really" happening between her and colby: they are friends, and nothing else. while i don't think she actively tries to get a rise out of the fandom every time she posts with colby, i do think that regardless of her intentions, she still gets attention. do i think she tries to imply something more between them? sometimes, sure. but whether or not that's bc there is something going on or isn't or bc she's just trying to get a rise out of the fandom OR get attention, that's beyond me. none of us know the real answer. but my guess is that her and colby are just friends and nothing else is happening between them. and colby, while he also tries to get a rise out of the fandom sometimes, i don't think that was an active thought behind him posting what he did. i think he was just drunk and enjoying himself. it's not that deep.

but if it comes out later that they are together, cool. i hope they make each other happy. but… let's not jump to conclusions on that lol

so i think that's everything. i'm really tired since i just came home from work so i'm gonna go take a nap. feel free to send in asks if you so choose to. have a good day or night, wherever you are.

TLDR: i don't want to talk about stas anymore bc i don't like her as much as i once did. the whole experience with her and colby this past couple days have kinda soured my feelings for her, so i would appreciate it if you guys could stop sending in asks about her, at least for a little while. i'm all stas-ed out haha

#personal #text #cb ll #stas

[astraeal]

currently refreshing myself on the guidelines for the new mini-campaign i’m about to run (because i’m....not able to do one-shots yet, it’s just too much i want to do) and a) holy shit this is such a cool concept and b) holy shit the w  o r k 

and i know that part of my issue is that my current internship has dialed up my imposter syndrome related to writing, like, all the way, so unless my d&d basic plot/worldbuilding isn’t up to god tier then it’s absolute shit which is so not a healthy way to be viewing this but it’s just.....the extra angst that i did not ask for 

but i am really proud of the concept and i do think that it’s going to be a fun spooky kind of take on things, but all i can see is plot holes and problems, but I know that i have to just....let things be, because the whole point of d&d is collaborative storytelling and if I don’t leave enough room to breathe, then really are the players able to do anything independently?? and then that gets me started on my fear of railroading and my fear of sandboxing and it’s just...................

i need to breathe. i’m excited, and i want to do this, but i also want to shut up the part of my brain that’s in editorial mode because that absolutely does not help matters with this planning

#k.txt #i did it to myself #i entirely did it to myself #and i just...need to breathe #but also wanted to vent on a place that wasn't twitter bc i didn't feel like making a whole thread about it #so here we are #shouting into the void