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#but also don't misgender someone with malicious intent if you do you are bad and need to think before you speak trash
catboy-syrup · 2 years
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Because as a trans person who has suffered numerous hate crimes even in "safe" places, it's SAFER to assume someone is transphobic if they're willing to misgender someone. Assuming otherwise irl can get you killed, and assuming otherwise online can still lead to you or others getting hurt /nm
And from personal experience, 90% of people who do that DO do it for transphobic reasons. It's not "lack of faith in humanity," it's an informed expectation based on personal ecperience, both online AND offline
as a trans person who has also experienced multiple hate crime, it's still kinda bad to assume every person you meet is a piece of shit transphobe until proven otherwise, I never said you shouldn't assume someone isn't a transphobe. /nm
I just said you shouldn't fucking make assumptions about people based off of one singular action that has no context behind it, what about that are you not fucking processing. I never said you had to fucking talk to the person, if you don't trust them, that's cool, but down right thinking they;re transphobic cause of one single thing you don't know the context to is not cool
and yeah, key word there, personal, not everyone is gonna have that experience, cause guess what, I have not seen a single person misgender someone (fictional or not), with transphobic intent, its always been either an accident or they were just a bit confused. Sorry you got the shit end of the deal, but maybe we (and by that I mean, you) shouldn't bring personal experiences into a debate that was about PEOPLE THROWING AROUND ACCUSATIONS WITHOUT CONTEXT. Especially when the post was about "hey maybe we should act like the world is ending just cause someone used he one singular time on a cookie" /nm
Like you can believe whatever you want, if we're being honest. All that I was asking is that people shouldn't be acting like its the end of the world just cause they saw someone use 'he' once on a magical shapeshifting cookie from a game that already has multiple gnc male/female characters that would confuse you on what their pronouns are. The character has a very feminine appearance and a very masculine voice, and "their" was only used once in their bio, which IMO, is extremely easy to miss, cause if we're being honest, I missed it the first time too, the bio is long as shit, its more likely that someone did it on accident rather then with malicious intent
Like, may I remind you that this is not a topic about misgendering in general, this is a topic about the pronouns of a specific character from a specific fandom. while yes, 90% of people when it comes to pronouns in general probably misgender people, but I doubt the statistics would be the same for a gacha game about cookie that run. /gen
Like dear god our conversation has strayed way too far away from the fucking original post that I made, and I'd like it if you could just stop and maybe even bring it back to the conversation of the original post, cause this is genuinely stressing me out and its causing me to have a borderline panic attack that your basically just changing the topic altogether to try and justify having a mindset that I was showing genuine concern and worry for cause I genuinely thought it was unhealthy to have. I didn’t have any malicious intent with what i said, I was just hoping you’d take a chnace to reconsider the mindset cause I thought it might’ve been a bit unhealthy to have /gen /nm /srs
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mite75 · 4 years
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okay but tbh I think I'm non-binary? I read a post where someone said if their consciousness was put into a robot they would still feel and identify as male. I think the expression of my body is the only thing that makes me feel attached to a female gender. If my consciousness was put into a robot i would not have a gender because my consciousness doesn't care about gender.
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marinsawakening · 5 years
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That's a difficult one, tbh. If you were writing from their perspective or maybe someone else's who thought of them favorably, they might complain about 'just starting their transition', but then that also implies that they have to transition to be trans. I guess they might encounter more dysphoria? Maybe someone meets them and accidentally uses the wrong pronouns, is told otherwise - maybe someone doesn't quite understand and said that they don't look like (what pronoun would imply)? Dunno 1/2
2/2 really. A nonpassing trans person is probably going to get a lot of misgendering by strangers, whether malicious or not. Maybe they go about trying to look a bit less like their agab and just make it harder to tell, eg an amab growing their hair out/wearing baggy clothes/wearing padded bras or such? I really don't know though. Hopefully you can find the answer! And I'm very sorry if this is bad/offensive, that was not at all my intent. I write too, and I'd love to do this respectfully.
Honestly, my problem is less describing the trans character from their own perspective, that’s easy - you just don’t describe their looks. I’m really bad at incorporating the pov’s appearance description in general, bc I just don’t see any reason why anyone would stop and describe to themselves what they look like, so it always comes out sounding stilted, so at this point I’ve just given up, which might not be the best solution, but it honestly works for me? so yeah, in the case of a non-passing trans character as a pov character, I’d just let people know they’re a non-passing trans person by having strangers misgender them, like you said, since that’s the easiest solution in that case.
my issue is more with the literal character description from someone else’s eyes; if the pov character encounters the trans person, how on Earth do I describe them in a way that doesn’t misgender them or falls into transphobic stereotypes? like it’s really bugging me - what I’ve gone with thusfar is just literally describing their looks, but I tend to end up focusing on ‘gendered’ characteristics like someone’s chest, which I wouldn’t do with other characters, so it ends up coming across as alienating and honestly pretty transphobic despite my intentions. But at the same time, the only way to really resolve that is to just straight up misgender trans characters and I? Don’t want to do that? So I’m in kind of a bind here. 
And then there’s also the added layer of difficulty in that I don’t want to imply that there’s a way certain trans people are ‘supposed’ to look, which is lowkey kind of what happens with some of your solutions, anon. while moving away from the typical appearance things expected from your agab is definitely something many trans people want, that’s not universal. and aside from that, gender non-conforming trans people exist, so gender presentation for trans people is a lot more layered and complex than people often give it credit for, which is something I want to incorporate in my writing. 
(and also a lot of trans people just straight up CANNOT pass, even with effort, and sometimes even if they’re on hrt! and on top of that, many methods used for passing (like tucking and binding) are very risky and painful, and often inaccessible or just plain not worth it. and besides, there’s a lot of very real issues with the expectations for passing placed on trans people (and again, ESPECIALLY with the expectations placed on trans women) that I’d like to address.)
but that ALSO circles back to the earlier problem; how do you respectfully describe a trans guy who chooses to wear dresses, or a trans women who chooses not to shave? this is a problem that’s a little less bad with nb characters since there’s really no way to ‘pass’ for an nb person so it makes it a little less weird for the audience that an nb person would lean towards a certain binary presentation (I think, at least), but with binary trans people and ESPECIALLY trans women this often just ends up being straight up transphobic (and transmisogynistic in the case of trans women), and it’s! not fun!
honestly, I’m trying to focus less on more general/stereotypical/wide-spread trans experience and more on my own (or other less common trans experiences), but because my experiences are so vastly different from the rest of the community, me writing my own honest experience (very little/no dysphoria, gender inherently tied to autism, trans experience inherently tied to autism, no real need to change appearance bc I never conformed to gender norms to begin with (due to again the autism), not passing and making no effort to because a) how in the heck am I gonna pass as a nonbinary person and b) I’ve never forced myself into an appearance I didn’t feel comfortable with because AGAIN the autism said fuck gender norms, etc.) almost always ends up coming across as very transphobic by accident simply bc a lot of what I have experienced and think about being trans goes directly against the trans narrative often pushed by the trans community as the ‘correct’ narrative. so you know. exceedingly not fun!
like. idk how I can solve this. I want to write about non-stereotypical trans experiences, but every time I try it, it ends up coming across as transhpobic and it’s really disheartening tbh. 
(also I hope I don’t come across as saying that I don’t appreciate your help or that you’re being problematic or anything, anon! I appreciate your help, this is just a very layered and complex problem for me and it’s. annoying.)
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