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jennamoran · 3 months

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The Far Roofs: Systems

Hi!

Today I’m going to talk a little bit more about my forthcoming RPG, the Far Roofs. More specifically, I want to give a general overview of its game mechanics!

So the idea that first started the Far Roofs on the road to being its own game came out of me thinking a lot about what large projects feel like.

I was in one of those moods where I felt like the important thing in an RPG system was the parallel between that system and real-world experience. Where I felt like the key to art was always thinking about the end goal, or at least a local goal, as one did the work; and, the key to design was symmetry between the goals and methods, the means and ends.

I don't always feel that way, but it's how I work when I'm feeling both ambitious and technical.

So what I wanted to do was come up with an RPG mechanic that was really like the thing it was simulating:

Finding answers. Solving problems. Doing big things.

And it struck me that what that felt like, really, was a bit like ...

You get pieces over time. You wiggle them around. You try to fit them together. Sometimes, they fit together into larger pieces and then eventually a whole. Sometimes you just collect them and wiggle them around until suddenly there's an insight, an oh!, and you now know everything works.

The ideal thing to do here would probably be having a bag of widgets that can fit together in different ways---not as universally as Legos or whatever, but, like, gears and connectors and springs and motors and whatever. If I were going to be building a computer game I would probably think along those lines, anyway. You'd go to your screen of bits and bobs and move them around with your mouse until it hooked together into something that you liked.

... that's not really feasible for a tabletop RPG, though, at least, not with my typical financial resources. I could probably swing making that kind of thing, finding a 3d printing or woodworking partner or something to make the pieces, for the final kickstarter, but I don't have the resources to make a bunch of different physical object sets over time while I'm playtesting.

So the way I decided that I could implement this was by drawing letter tiles.

That I could do a system where you'd draw letter tiles ... not constantly, not specifically when you were working, but over time; in the moments, most of all, that could give you insight or progress.

Then, at some point, you'd have enough of them.

You'd see a word.

That word'd be your answer.

... not necessarily the word itself, but, like, what the word means to you and what the answer means to you, those would be the same.

The word would be a symbol for the answer that you've found, as a player and a character.

(The leftover letters would then stick around in your hand, bits of thought and experience that didn't directly lead to a solution there, but might help with something else later on.)

Anyway, I figured that this basic idea was feasible because, like, lots of people own Scrabble sets. Even if you don't, they're easier to find than sets of dice!

For a short indie game focused on just that this would probably have been enough of a mechanic all on its own. For a large release, though, the game needed more.

After thinking about it I decided that what it wanted was two more core resolution systems:

One, for stuff like, say ... kickstarter results ... where you're more interested in "how well did this do?" or "how good of an answer is this?" than in whether those results better fit AXLOTL or TEXTUAL. For this, I added cards, which you draw like letter tiles and combine into poker hands. A face card is probably enough for a baseline success, a pair of Kings would make the results rather exciting, and a royal flush result would smash records.

The other core system was for like ... everyday stuff. For starting a campfire or jumping a gap. That, by established RPG tradition, would use dice.

...

I guess technically it didn't have to; I mean, like, most of my games have been diceless, and in fact we've gotten to a point in the hobby where that's just "sort of unusual" instead of actually rare.

But, like, I like dice. I do. If I don't use them often, it's because I don't like the empty page of where to start in the first place building a bespoke diced system when I have so many good diceless systems right there.

... this time, though, I decided to just go for it.

The Dice System

So a long, long time ago I was working on a game called the Weapons of the Gods RPG. Eos Press had brought me in to do the setting, and somewhere in the middle of that endeavor, the game lost its system.

I only ever heard Eos' side of this, and these days I tend to take Eos' claims with a grain of salt ... but, my best guess is that all this stuff did happen, just, with a little more context that I don't and might not ever know?

Anyway, as best as I remember, the first writer they had doing their system quit midway through development. So they brought in a newer team to do the system, and halfway through that the team decided they'd have more fun using the system for their own game, and instead wrote up a quick alternate system for Weapons of the Gods to use.

This would have been fine if the alternate system were any good, but it was ... pretty obviously a quick kludge. It was ...

I think the best word for it would be "bad."

I don't even like the system they took away to be their own game, but at least I could believe that it was constructed with love. It was janky but like in a heartfelt way.

The replacement system was more the kind of thing where if you stepped in it you'd need a new pair of shoes.

It upset me.

It upset me, and so, full wroth, I decided to write a system to use for the game.

Now, I'd never done a diced system before at that point. My only solo game had been Nobilis. So I took a bunch of dice and started rolling them, to see ... like ... what the most fun way of reading them was.

Where I landed, ultimately, was looking for matches.

The core system for Weapons of the Gods was basically, roll some number of d10s, and if you got 3 4s, that was a 34. If you got 2 9s, that was a 29. If your best die was a 7 and you had no pairs at all, you got 1 7. 17.

It didn't have any really amazing statistical properties, but the act of rolling was fun. It was rhythmic, you know, you'd see 3 4s and putting them together into 34 was a tiny tiny dopamine shot at the cost of basically zero brain effort. It was pattern recognition, which the brain tends to enjoy.

I mean, obviously, it would pall in a few minutes if you just sat there rolling the dice for no reason ... but, as far as dice rolling goes, it was fun.

So when I went to do an optional diced system for the Chuubo's Marvelous Wish-Granting Engine RPG, years later, to post here on tumblr ... I already knew what would make that roll fun. That is, rolling a handful of dice and looking for matches.

What about making it even more fun?

... well, critical results are fun, so what about adding them and aiming to have a lot of them, though still like rare enough to surprise?

It made sense to me to call no matches at all a critical failure, and a triple a critical success. So I started fiddling with dice pool size to get the numbers where I wanted them.

I'm reconstructing a bit at this point, but I imagine that I hit 6d10 and was like: "these are roughly the right odds, but this is one too many dice to look at quickly on the table, and I don't like that critical failure would be a bit more common than crit success."

So after some wrestling with things I wound up with a dice pool of 5d6, which is the dice pool I'm still using today.

If you roll 5d6, you'll probably get a pair. But now and then, you'll get a triple (or more!) My combinatorics is rusty, so I might have missed a case, but, like ... 17% of the time, triples, quadruples, or quintuples? And around 9% chance, for no matches at all?

I think I was probably looking for 15% and 10%, that those were likely my optimum, but ... well, 5d6 comes pretty close. Roughly 25% total was about as far as I thought I could push critical results while still having them feel kind or rare. Like ...

If I'm rolling a d20 in a D&D-like system, and if I'm going to succeed on an 18+, that's around when success is exciting, right? Maybe 17+, though that's pushing it? So we want to fall in the 15-20% range for a "special good roll." And people have been playing for a very long time now with the 5% chance of a "1" as a "special bad roll," and that seemed fine, so, like, 20-25% chance total is good.

And like ...

People talk a lot about Rolemaster crit fail tables in my vicinity, and complain about the whiff fests you see in some games where you keep rolling and rolling and nothing good or bad actually happens, and so I was naturally drawn to pushing crit failure odds a bit higher than you see in a d20-type game.

Now, one way people in indie circles tend to address "whiff fests" is by rethinking the whole dice-rolling ... paradigm ... so you never whiff; setting things up, in short, so that every roll means something, and every success and failure mean something too.

It's a leaner, richer way of doing things than you see in, say, D&D.

... I just didn't feel like it, here, because the whole point of things was to make dice rolling fun. I wanted people coming out of traditional games to be able to just pick up the dice and say "I'm rolling for this!" because the roll would be fun. Because consulting the dice oracle here, would be fun.

So in the end, that was the heart of it:

A 5d6 roll, focusing on the ease of counting matches and the high but not exorbitant frequency of special results.

But at the same time ...

I'm indie enough that I do really like rolls where, you know, every outcome is meaningful. Where you roll, and there's never a "whiff," just a set of possible meaningful outcomes.

A lot of the time, where I'm leaning into "rolls are fun, go ahead and roll," what it means to succeed, to fail, to crit, all that's up to the group, and sometimes it'll be unsatisfying. Other times, you'll crit succeed or crit fail and the GM will give you basically the exact same result as you'd have gotten on a regular success or failure, just, you know, jazzing up the description a bit with more narrative weight.

But I did manage to pull out about a third of the rolls you'll wind up actually making and assign strong mechanical and narrative weight to each outcome. Where what you were doing was well enough defined in the system that I could add some real meat to those crits, and even regular success and regular failure.

... though that's a story, I think, to be told some other time. ^_^

#the far roofs #jenna moran #rpgs

229 notes · View notes

straykeedz · 5 months

Note

Hello! I’ve been requesting this for some other blogs but I’m really interested to see what you would come up with for this request. Your storys are amazing btw

I was wondering if I can request a Felix story. Where y/n is dating hyunjin felix best friend and Felix at the beginning feels really guilty for liking her so much and always thinking about her. And one time when hyunjin leaves the reader and Felix alone, Felix snaps and kisses her which kinda freaks her out so he has no choice but to kidnap her because of his own jealousy and want. It’s a yandere type of story. If you don’t feel comfortable writing something that I request you can totally bend the story to your liking to feel more comfortable. Thank you ❤️ and as for the rating I’ll leave that up to you.

𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 ; 𝐥𝐟

i cannot put into words how sorry i am for making you wait so long for this… 💔 it’s been in my drafts for months but i didn’t like what i had originally written so i opened a whole new doc and basically rewrote the whole thing 🥹 i haven’t read many yandere!aus so i’m sorry if this is weird or not how you imagined it, i’m just not familiar with the genre 🥹 anyways it’s finally here, hope you like it and thank you so much for requesting this and for being so patient with me!! ♡

𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐞: 𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱 𝐱 𝐟!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐭𝐰: 𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞!𝐚𝐮; 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐲. 𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐧𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫. 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧; 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐬: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫 (𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠); 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐲 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫; 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲;

𝐰𝐜: 4,4𝐤

⚠︎

Felix never really believed in the ‘true love’ delusion - until his eyes met yours for the first time, that’s when things changed.

And when they did, when your eyes met, when your eyes stared deep into his soul, he instantly knew he was damned. Your eyes met his and he felt like he could finally understand what everyone was talking about - falling head over heels for someone. One person, just one, destined to him - he believed he had found it, and he had found it in you. Beautiful, funny, smart, sweet and caring, with the brightest and most contagious smile he’d ever seen. From the day he met you, he knew you were the one for him.

Which wasn't exactly ideal, considering you were also his best friend’s girlfriend.

Yes, he feels guilty about crushing on Hyunjin’s girlfriend, because who would betray his best friend like that? What kind of person did this make him? At the same time, it wasn’t Felix’s fault, and it’s not like he could control his feelings or his heart, nor stop himself from falling for you, because truth be told, he didn’t even realize he was falling for you until he was already in too deep. Fallen for a girl who was already taken - by his very best friend nonetheless.

However, part of him is also angry and frustrated, because he knows he could treat you better than Hyunjin. Love you better, make you feel special, give you everything he had, never make you feel alone like Hyunjin does, especially when he turns off his phone for hours to work on a new art piece. He would give you everything, he could be the perfect guy for you. And you already are the perfect girl for him - so perfect he actually thinks you must be an angel, the incarnation of the girl of his dreams.

It almost scares him, what he feels for you. It makes him feel weak, like he’s wrapped around your finger - and you don’t even know it. You don’t know the effect your words, your smiles, the gentle pats on his back have on him. You don’t know you are on his mind 24/7 - an obsessive, recurring thought.

And as Felix’s love for you grew, so did his jealousy. Which was and is crazy, considering you’re not his.

Hyunjin doesn’t deserve to be with you, and he’s going to prove it to you. He is going to make you realize that the perfect guy for you has been right under your nose all this time, that you need someone like him by your side - not Hyunjin. Felix knows that, if you were his, he’d make you feel like a priority - you’d be his priority, the center of his entire world.

Hyunjin proves him right for the umpteenth time when, during an afternoon out with the guys and their girlfriends, he suddenly stands up with his phone in his hands. You look at him confused, furrowing his eyebrows, and he’s quick to explain that - “Shit, I forgot I already made plans to have dinner at my parents’ tonight.”

Felix kinda wants to roll his eyes in the back of his skull when Hyunjin leans in to kiss your lips, but he manages to fight off the urge, thanks to a certain level of self-control he didn’t know he had in him. However, he wants to throw up when Hyunjin also cups your face with his hands and deepens the kiss, practically French kissing you now in front of literally everyone - none of the boys or their girlfriends care, though, only Felix seems to be particularly bothered by it. Because he is.

“Baby…”, you mutter, pulling away from Hyunjin’s lips, your cheeks turning to a dark shade of pink. “Behave, we’re not alone.”, you playfully scold him, and Felix wants to throw up.

Hyunjin smirks as he looks around the room, and then his eyes land on Felix, and notices his friend’s gaze is set on him. “Oops, sorry. Got a bit carried away.”, he chuckles, scratching the back of his neck with one hand.

Felix kinda wants to slap that stupid grin off of his friend’s face - instead, he smiles at Hyunjin and slightly bows his head as if to say No problem, it’s okay. It’s not okay, but he’s in no place to say anything. So he smiles and pretends.

“Oh, Felix, by the way…” Hyunjin starts as he grabs his jeans jacket from the chair. “Do you mind driving y/n home? It’s getting dark outside and I don’t want her to catch a bus too late.”, he explains.

For a second there, Felix asks himself why me? Why couldn’t Hyunjin ask someone else? But then he takes a look around the table, and realizes that all of his friends are with their girlfriend, and that he’s the only one alone. Maybe you don’t want to feel like a third wheel, or maybe there’s no particular reason at all why Hyunjin picked him of all people. Anyways, he’s glad he did - this way, he’ll get to spend some time alone with you.

He nods a little too quickly. “Sure, it’s no problem.”, he says, then his gaze shifts from Hyunjin to you and he smiles at you. You smile back, and he shivers. Your smile... He feels his legs shake just by seeing your smile. He wishes he could kiss it.

“Thank you, mate.” Hyunjin smiles at him, and then he kisses you again, this time on your forehead. “See you tomorrow, baby. Text me when you’re home.”

Felix fights off a scoff at the pet name, the same one you used minutes before. Baby. Felix feels like there’s nothing special about it, and that a girl like you - a true goddess, deserves a better pet name. In his head, Felix calls you angel. He calls you angel right before he wraps his arms around you and pulls you in for a kiss. It’s a recurrent thought he has, together with many more explicit ones. It’s hard, in every sense, not to when you’re this good-looking. In his head, he calls you angel when he’s making love to you. You’re his angel, he loves you so much - he’s sure of it. There’s no other explanation, no other word capable to describe the overwhelming feeling that fills his chest every time he thinks about you.

Hyunjin says goodbye to the rest of the guys and their girlfriend, then finally leaves.

Felix he can’t help but notice you’re feeling a little embarrassed to be there alone, especially since everyone has a partner and you’re the only one whose boyfriend left. But you’re not the only one who’s alone - Felix is too. He sees it as an opportunity, you know? To make you realize that he’s there for you, that he cares about you. Felix is here for you, he would do anything for you - he would to everything for you.

One night, he had a dream - a weird one at that. You were his girlfriend in that dream, which is not something unusual - Felix dreams about you being his girl a lot. Most of the time, his dreams aren’t very chaste, especially if he goes to sleep right after touching himself to the thought of you. Anyways, not the point. In that dream, you were his girlfriend and somebody had taken you away from him. Like, physically - the dream had started with you being kidnapped by some creep and Felix had to rescue you. When did, when he found you and saved you - because how could he not, you’re the love of his life after all - you threw your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a long, passionate kiss, whispering soft “I love you, Felix” right on his lips before each kiss.

That’s when Felix realized - he’d do anything for you. Everything. He’d tear the world apart for you, he’d kill whoever tried to hurt you without thinking twice. Sometimes, he’d get scared of his own thoughts, but in his mind something was perfectly clear - no matter what happened, he would never hurt you. Never. You’re his angel, he’d protect you at all costs.

So he spends time with you, talking to you, asking you about your day, what you’ve been doing lately, how are things at work and stuff like that - stuff that makes him feel closer to you, as if he’s getting to know you a bit deeper and not just on a surface level. For a second there - this friends don’t even exist anymore, and he lets his imagination run wild. Oh, how perfect it would be, if you were his… If this was a date, and not just an afternoon out with your friends - if Felix was your boyfriend, the one who gets to hold your hand, the one who gets to take you home, kiss you on the lips and make sweet love to you all night long.

That should be him.

You two clearly work much better than you do with Hyunjin, how can’t you see that? Are you so blind that you can’t see that Felix is literally perfect for you? You’ve been smiling at him all night, looking at him with those perfect little eyes he adores so much, playfully slapping his arm every time he says something funny… Sooner than later, a thought pops up in your mind. Wait, what if… what if you did realize that Felix was a better match and this was your way of showing him that you’re interested in him? Maybe you’re flirting with him - yes, it sounds absurd even to Felix for a second there, but is it really that absurd? Maybe you’re just trying to be subtle about it.

Felix can’t let himself think that you’re into him. He can’t.

So far, he’s been very respectful towards his dear friend Hyunjin, but he knows that the second you tell him you want him, he’ll be damned, because there’s no way he’ll be able to resist you. You’re his weak spot, he’d literally risk losing Hyunjin as a friend if it means he gets to have you, even for a minute. You’re worth it - you’re worth this and so much more.

You’re laughing again at one of his stupid jokes, and as you raise your hands to cover your smile while you laugh, your t-shirt raises a little, uncovering your stomach for a fraction of a second. It’s enough to make Felix salivate like an horny teenager.

Suddenly, he’s reminded of that day when he accidentally walked in on you changing in Hyunjin’s room. Technically, it wasn’t his fault, Hyunjin had sent him to tell you something, he doesn’t even remember what he was supposed to tell you, and when he knocked and pushed the door open you were there, standing in the middle of the room in front of your mirror, shirtless. You were wearing pants, yes, but you were still in your fucking bra. Felix tried his best not to get hard - he failed. He closed the door in a rush, apologizing to you over and over again, but you didn’t notice that he’d left the door ajar. From behind the door, he stood there, peeking, admiring your soft curves like a creep, while palming himself over his pants, unable to tear his eyes off of you - and then, once he’d found himself alone in the confines of the four walls of his bedroom, he stroked himself to the thought of you again and again and again.

It’s crazy, the effect you have on him. He doesn’t even think about other women, he doesn’t pay attention to them. In his mind, there’s only you. You’re the sweetest, you’re the smartest, you’re the hottest, you’re the funniest, you’re the only one who turns him on, you’re the only one for him. He wants you. He needs you - needs to have you. Not even in a sexual way, he just needs you to be his. There’s never gonna be anyone like you. You’re the one for him.

And then you ask him to please drive you home, because it’s getting late. He takes it as a sign that perhaps he wasn’t imagining things - maybe you’re really into him, maybe this is a hint. Do you want him too, perhaps? The same way he wants you? Unconditionally, wholeheartedly? All these thoughts make his heart race and his head spin as his mind is filled with possible scenarios that could happen - in his mind, all of them end positively, with you in his arms, with you as his girl.

“The car’s this way.” Felix tells you, indicating with his pointer finger the direction where he parked his vehicle.

Walking next to you like he’s doing - body so close to yours, hands nearly brushing due to the proximity, makes his mind race. This is just like a scenario he once imagined, where he would take a walk with you, and you’d be holding hands and smiling at him and he wouldn’t be able to resist from kissing your lips again and again. He bets your lips taste the best - he’s sure they do. You’re an angel, so you must taste divine.

You’ve finally reached his car when you trip and notice your shoelaces are untied. Felix notices too.

“Your shoelaces are untied.”, he states. “Let me.”

And before you can say anything, he’s on his knee before you, your shoelaces between his fingers, ready to tie them for you even though you didn’t ask him. And you do get a little bit flustered, you have to admit, because it’s sort of an intimate gesture if you think about it. Moreover, you’re wearing a skirt tonight, and even though it’s not a super short skirt, you do feel a little exposed right now, especially because his face is so close to your bare legs - so close you can feel his hot breath against your skin.

Felix has to pretend he hasn’t caught a glimpse of your underwear as he lifts his gaze to look at you once he’s done tying your shoes, with a smile on his face - a very fake smile, considering he’s forcing himself to think of disgusting and obnoxious things to prevent a bulge from forming in his jeans. Hyunjin lets you go out like this? Isn’t he jealous? Felix could never allow something like this, he’d lose his mind if somebody else ever lay his eyes on you - he’d do crazy, unspeakable things.

“Thank you.”, you mumble, visibly embarrassed by the situation. “You didn’t- you didn’t have to.”

You’re so cute - that’s all Felix can’t think of. So sweet all the time, always so innocent… it makes him go feral. You’re a true angel, but you make him wanna act like a demon, how was it possible? How do you do it? Do you have the same effect on Hyunjin?

“I know.” Felix smiles at you. “I did it because I wanted to.”

“Oh.” It catches you off guard, you’re not even sure what you’re supposed to say. “Thank you.”

Felix chuckles. “You already said that.”, he points out.

You blink a couple of times. “You’re right. I already said that, eh.”, you giggle, a bit embarrassed and kind of confused by the way you’re acting.

God, your smile. Felix would kill for your smile. Literally, but that’s another story.

Felix loves you. He already knew that, but everything’s much clearer now that he’s looking at you so closely - you look so beautiful under the dim light of the street lamp, so cute, so innocent, and so fucking kissable. He wants to kiss you. He has to know how your lips taste.

And that’s exactly why he gets closer and closer to you. You take a couple of steps back until your back is pressed against the hard surface of Felix’s car. What is he doing? Why is he acting so strange? Has he ever looked so handsome? Wait- what?

He doesn’t even give you the time to process your latest thought, because in record time he’s caging with his arms, planted on each side of your body, palms resting against his own car. Your body is trapped, and his face is close - so close to yours. Too close.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N.” Felix mutters quietly, looking you in the eye as he speaks. “I never told you that, you know? And that’s a shame, because you really are beautiful, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever lay my eyes on.”

It’s like he’s not in control of his own mind and body, the words rolling off his tongue almost automatically, but they’re all true. He truly means every thing he’s just said to you, with all his heart.

“Felix-“

“You’re amazing.” Felix whispers, and you can now feel his hot breath on your face - he’s so close, his piercing brown eyes staring into yours. One of his hand moves to push away a lock of hair from your face, and his touch is so delicate and careful it sends a shiver down your spine. “I like you so much. No, scratch that - I love you.”

Felix knows it’s an unwritten rule - after a love confession follows a kiss. He’s read it in books, seen it in movies and even his friends told him. That’s why he cups your cheek with the palm of his hand, and his nose brushes yours. And the next thing you know, Felix’s lips are on yours. It’s a delicate kiss - not rushed, his lips just pressed against yours and they feel so soft and warm; it’s a romantic kiss, a kiss in which Felix pours all of his love and adoration for you. A kiss that, hopefully, will open your eyes and make you realize he’s the one you should be with.

It doesn’t.

It’s when Felix’s tongue brushes your lower lip that your eyes snap open and you realize you should do something, you should stop him - you have a boyfriend, Hyunjin, whom you love. The same Hyunjin who trusts his best Felix and asked him to drive you home safely. The same Hyunjin you’re now technically cheating on. The realization makes you widen your eyes and your breath hitch in your throat, and you’re quick to press your hands on his chest and push him away from your body.

“Felix…”, he senses the panic in your voice, and hates it. “Felix, we can’t do that.”, you murmur, lowering your gaze, unsure of what you’re supposed to say next. What are you supposed to say when your boyfriend’s best friend suddenly kisses you out of the blue? Was it because of something you’d said or done? “I’m with Hyunjin.”

Felix clenches his jaw almost automatically when you mention his best friend’s name. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. You weren’t supposed to be thinking of Hyunjin when he was kissing you - you were supposed to fall for him, to realize you have feelings for him.

This makes something inside of him… snap.

“I’m sorry, I really am. I don’t know what came over me.” Felix says, but you can’t really tell whether he’s being sincere with you or not. His eyes are dark, jaw still clenched, his mind going a million miles per hour as he’s currently trying to figure out a way to get out of this mess. “Let’s pretend nothing happened, okay?”, he suggests. “Hyunjin doesn’t have to know.”

You nod slowly, albeit not entirely convinced, he can see it in your eyes. He has do something about this, he has to fix this mess before it’s too late. Hyunjin can’t know about the kiss, Felix’ll make sure of that.

“I’ll drive you home now. Once again, I’m so sorry…”

You don’t say anything, just smile awkwardly at him and get in the passenger seat.

Felix starts the car and begins to drive, and none of you dares to speak about what happened. Your place is at least a half an hour drive away, and it’s going to be awkward to be in the same car without uttering a single word to each other, but what are you supposed to say? There’s no right thing to say in situations like this. So, you just lean your head on the headrest and pray for the drive to be over soon - you’ll figure everything out later, you guess.

However, you don’t expect Felix to miss the exit of the highway. Accidentally, you suppose, when really - it’s not.

“Felix, you missed the exit.”, you speak quietly, looking at him for the first time in almost fifteen minutes. He keeps his eyes on the road and doesn’t answer you, eyes still dark, jaw clenched tightly and hands gripping the steering wheel hard - so hard you’re actually scared it may break. “Felix…”, you try again, unsure whether he heard you before or not. “I- I live on the other side of the city.”

“Oh, angel.”, he speaks in a low voice - tone all but soothing, which sends a shiver down your spine. “You’re not going home tonight.”, he grins - it’s not a playful grin, you realize. He’s being serious.

“What do you mean?”, you ask, and Felix doesn’t miss the way your voice quivers. He doesn’t answer you. In fact, he keeps on driving - eyes on the road and jaw clenched. So, you speak again. “Felix, what do you mean?”, you repeat.

For the second time, he doesn’t answer.

“Can you at least tell me where we're going?”, you beg him - voice shaking, and Felix almost feels bad for you and gives in. Almost.

“I can’t, angel. You’ll see once we get there.”, is all he tells you.

⚠︎

Felix pushes you inside the dark and cold house, albeit not too roughly, finally releasing the grip on your wrists. He shuts the door close behind himself, making sure to lock it just in case you decided to come up with another silly idea like you did minutes before, when you tried to run away from him as soon as he parked the car. Not that you would go that far anyways, Felix made sure of that. Plus, you don’t even know where you are right now, where would you even run away? You must be at least two hours away from Seoul anyway, and you don’t even have your phone with you - Felix threw it in the backseats of his car when he caught you trying to send a text message. To Hyunjin, he supposed.

“Make yourself at home, angel.” Felix tells you, turning on the light, revealing the inside of the apartment. “After all, this will be your home for the next few days.”

Your breath hitches in your throat - what is this place? It’s not Felix’s place, you’ve been there before with Hyunjin and a couple of friends, and it doesn’t look like this. Besides, he doesn’t live that far from Seoul anyway. You have a lot of questions running back and forth inside your head right now, but you don’t dare to voice any of them. Felix is already pretty pissed from the last stunt you pulled, you wouldn’t want to upset him even more.

“What’s up, angel?”, he asks you, his deep voice vibrates in his chest. Right now, it’s nothing like the sweet voice you’re used to hear - he’s speaking coldly to you, it’s almost as if he’s a total stranger to you. And truthfully, he is, because the Felix you know wouldn’t do anything like this.

“Felix…”, you turn to look at him, and he can see you’re trying to fight back the tears that welled in your eyes. “I want to go back home, Felix. Please take me home.”, your broken voice make Felix’s heart ache, but he can’t give you what you want.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you go, angel.” Felix gets close to you, his dark eyes staring right into yours, wide and scared. “He’s going to take you away from me if I do, and I cannot let that happen.”, is the only explanation he gives you.

You frown - who is he talking about? Is he talking about…

“Who’s gonna take me away?” you start, “Are you talking about Hyun-“ you’re immediately interrupted by a loud thud.

“Don’t say his name!” Felix shouts, slamming his hand on the hard surface of the table right next to you. It’s so sudden and unexpected it makes your body jolt as you stare at him with wide eyes and mouth agape, completely speechless. Felix feels bad, he really does, but at the same time he’s really mad at you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you, just- don’t say his name when you’re with me, hm?”, he cups your face in his palms, caressing your cheeks with his thumbs.

You nod slowly, not sure id you’re even able to speak. You’re shocked, this all feels surreal in the worst way. You need to process this whole thing, but you’re honestly too shook to think straight right now.

“Tell me what’s going on in your mind, angel.”, he whispers - you can feel his hot breath on your skin from how close he is to your face. “I want to know what you’re thinking.”

You want to tell him a lot of things. You want to scream at him - tell him he’s fucking crazy if he thinks any of this is fucking normal, you want to cry, you want Hyunjin. Your mind feels full and completely blank at the same time. However, the only words you manage to utter are -

“I’m scared.”, your voice cracks, and you're about to cry.

His features soften a bit as he heads your words, and you even see him crack a sympathetic smile. “Oh, sweet angel…”, he caresses your cheeks, then places a soft kiss on your forehead. Then, staring deep into your eyes, he tells you - “There’s nothing to be scared of, angel. I’m not going to hurt you, I swear.”, he leans to press a kiss on your cheek. Then, he pulls back to look you in the eye. “I love you too much to hurt you, you have to trust me, angel. Do you trust me?”

And for some reason, you do.

⚠︎

-> 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 - “𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧” 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝.

-> 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐡𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲, 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬.

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soupandcats · 10 months

Note

Sorry abt the big ask, but your colours are always really vibrant and interesting! They seem both saturated and subdued. What’s your general method for choosing them or are there any tricks/layer modes you use?

Thank you! This is gonna be a long one sorry😭

My favorite digital art trick for color is the curves tool! In procreate you press the wand tool in the top left corner (Adjustments) > Curves. I recommend just playing around with this until something you like happens.

Here’s a study I did with pretty standard colors.

Here are some versions of it after moving the curves around.

What I like about this is it’s a really quick way of changing the color scheme that’s more precise than applying a filter. It lets you see how far you can push things outside of what’s expected!

When I first started digital art I had so much trouble with color because unlike traditional, the colors have the ability to be fully opaque. With traditional if you’re doing a painting the paints/colored pencils/etc will naturally mix with one another creating a more cohesive overall image.

Here’s a drawing I did in 2020. As you can see it’s incredibly saturated. When I was picking colors I was working in the most saturated section for nearly every color.

These days even when I’m trying to make something super colorful I’ll force myself to desaturate it more than I think I need to. There are two ways to desaturate something. You can move it towards white or towards black.

Another thing I try to keep in mind is that colors look different based on what colors are around them. If you put gray next to a color it will look like that color’s complement. If you put a warm color next to a cool color they’ll amplify one another making both look more intense. In that same way if I put a super saturated color against a more neutral background the color will look even brighter.

I like this tapestry by Sheila Hicks. See how the orange is glowing against the more muted purples and blues?

Another thing I try to keep in mind is value. Like color it’s influenced by its surroundings. If you place a lighter color over a dark background it will look brighter than over a light background.

So in a piece the eye will be drawn to the areas of highest contrast first. And area that’s similar in both value and hue will recede into the background.

I really am not an expert on color I have so much to learn. I recommend Marco Bucci’s videos as well as the book The Art of Color if you’d like more detailed+accurate info! Color theory is the most fascinating thing I’m obsessed with it.

You don’t really need to know theory to be good at color though! Just playing around and figuring out what you like (I LOVE PURPLE) will make you better!

The most satisfying thing is when you’re making a drawing and you decide to add a little gray or a little orange or whatever and suddenly your piece just starts to SING!!!! (That purple/blue/orange part of the Sheila Hicks tapestry is singing to me it will forever make me happy)

Anyways I hope this helps! 💜💜💜

#ask

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imaginespazzi · 22 days

Text

Part 4: The Art of Letting Go

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Only know you love her when (she lets you) go

(In which a still very sadistic writer make things a lot worse but only so they can get a little bit better)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining, Hurt with very little comfort

Words: 7.9K

TW: Car Accidents, Panic Attacks, Swearing

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 I know I'm very, very late with this and I love you all for being so patient. I don't really know how I feel about this chapter but it is what it is. Logistical details are probably a little off but I need things to work for the plot, so try and ignore that. Per usual I did edit (very loosely and I'll probably go back over it later), there are probably typos anyways. And as always, let me know what you liked, what you didn't, and what you'd like to see in the future. Happy reading lovelies and let's get a W this weekend. <3

December 2023

A week or so after they get back from the Cayman Islands, Azzi feels like she’s been sleep-walking through life, everything around her hazy and dull. She religiously sticks to a routine of eat-study-practice-sleep. Except well, sleep isn’t really sleeping. It’s her brain conjuring images of blonde hair and blue eyes and Azzi forcing herself to wake-up from a nightmare that used to be her favourite dream.

She doesn’t tell anyone what happened, lying to herself it’s because it would be embarrassing and not because it would mean having to face the truth. Still, it doesn’t mean that her teammates can’t piece together little bits. There must be something quite sinister about the air around her, because none of her normally nosy and eager-to-help sisters try to weasel any information out of Azzi. They act like they always have, only sharing worried looks behind her back when the façade of i’m doing fine slips momentarily when she thinks no one’s watching.

And then that façade goes to hell over the span of a couple of hours.

It starts with the inevitable breakup with Zoe. At first Azzi avoids it, making up excuses as to why she can’t see her girlfriend. Selfishly, there’s a part of her that wants to keep Zoe, keep a girl who would never leave, never make her feel anything less than (or more than) just content. But it’s not fair, Azzi knows that, and it’s why she practises her it’s not you, it’s me speech to perfection in front of the mirror. When she goes to message Zoe that she's coming over, the text chain causes a pinch of guilt in her heart at the contrast between her girlfriend’s hopeful tone versus her own nonchalant one. And Azzi thinks that Zoe will never really understand just how similar the two of them are, stuck at wanting someone who would always let them down. Only, Azzi will let Zoe free but when it comes to her herself, she’s pretty sure she’s destined to be trapped forever.

It’s embarrassing to admit that Azzi remembers the apartment in Storrs that she’d visited barely a handful of times a lot more than she remembers the apartment she’s currently in, the one that belongs to her girlfriend. Zoe sits rigidly on the couch with the same reserved, guarded expression she’s had since she’d opened the door, clearly aware of what was about to happen. Her foot taps incessantly as the silence between them drags on.

“You deserve better,” Azzi says finally, keeping her eyes firmly locked on the floor.

“No,” Zoe’s voice is cold, “don’t say shit like that. It’s a cop out. It’s the shit people say to make themselves feel better-”

“Zoe-”

“Don’t be a fucking coward Azzi. Look me in the eye and say it, say exactly what you’re here to.”

Azzi doesn’t want to do any of that. She wants to crumble to the ground and let it swallow her until she’s buried so far away from the mess she’s created. But she owes Zoe this. When she does look at Zoe, there’s this look in the other girl’s eyes that Azzi had never thought herself capable of evoking in anyone and she has to swallow away the bile that rises in her throat, disgusted by her own self.

“I’m breaking up with you,” Azzi whispers. Her words linger in the air, like shrapnel after an explosion. Zoe flinches, a single tear trickling down her face.

“There it is,” the Californian says quietly, the ghost of an ironic smile playing on her lips, “I knew it was coming but damn- there it is.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“For what-” Zoe cuts herself, “no actually don’t- don’t answer that. I think I know.”

Azzi draws in a deep breath, ready to confess, “I need to tell-”

“Please-”

“Z-”

“Please,” Zoe sobs, “please don’t tell me. I don’t wanna hear it okay? I don’t- I don’t want to hate you Azzi. It’s too much and I don’t- I just- I’m so tired of feeling so much for you when you don’t- when you feel so little for me.”

“That’s not true,” Azzi counters helplessly, her words ringing hollow to her own ears.

“Fucking hell you just ended it Azzi, you don’t have to pretend anymore. And it’s okay because I get it. You can’t feel any more than what little you do for me because- because you’ve already given the rest of it away. And it’s not- it’s not like I didn’t know you know? I only ever met you because you were crying over her. You only let me into your life because you missed her. And now you have her,” Zoe says wistfully.

It’s terrible the way everything else becomes white noise as Azzi’s ear latches on the last sentence, a sentence that couldn’t be any further away from the truth. She was prepared for the accusations, for Zoe to hurl every curse word in the book at her, but this, the unintended reminder that she was giving up on soft, sweet, gentle Zoe for something that she didn’t have, hurts far more than any words could.

“This isn’t about-”

Zoe’s quick to cut Azzi off, pushing herself off the couch they had been sharing, trying to put even more space in between them, “please do not insult my intelligence by finishing that sentence. I deserve that much at least.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are because I know- I know who you are Azzi and I know you’re a good person and that’s why- that’s why I don’t wanna know okay? Whatever you did- whatever happened- just let me- just let me have this. Let me remember you as someone good- someone great,” Zoe pleads.

“If that’s what you want Zo,” Azzi answers weakly, the guilty clawing at her heart. She doesn’t think she deserves to be remembered like that, doesn’t think she’s worthy of being thought of with fondness, not anymore.

Zoe doesn’t make any acknowledgement of Azzi having spoken as she starts to pace, “I should have known. You know the day I met her this summer, I got it- the appeal- I got it immediately. She has this aura, this charm. She just- she just fucking glows you know? And she’s just- she’s this huge entity and so are you and I’m just,” she lets out a hollow laugh as she shrugs, “I’m just a girl from Stockton, California.”

“And you’re amazing,” Azzi puts up a hand when Zoe tries to cut her off again, “you are. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you for what you did for me last year. You could have walked away that day and maybe- maybe one day you’ll think you should have. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Zoe. You do deserve better. It’s not a cop out. It’s the truth.”

Since she was younger, Azzi’s always hated endings. This time is no different. The bitter truth is that she probably won’t miss her girlfriend, but she will miss the friend that had gotten her through one of the toughest years of her life. Slowly, Azzi picks herself off of the couch and walks over to a still Zoe, squeezing her left hand once before heading towards the door.

“Azzi,” Zoe calls out, just as Azzi has one foot out the door, “I hope it works out for the two of you. You and Paige always did just seem inevitable.”

***

She blames the fact she’s currently stuck in the terrible LA traffic, with the word inevitable ringing in her ears, for the way her fingers continuously flicker over the green call button under Paige’s name. Zoe saying her name had been the first time in a week that Azzi had even let herself, in consciousness at least, think of the blonde properly. And now that it had been unleashed, whispers of Paige, Paige, Paige echo through every crevice of skull. The pain and anger that she’d been trying to shield herself from, come barraging into her heart as she’s held captive once again by thoughts of her best friend.

It would be a lie to say that Azzi hadn’t been hoping for a call or a text to come through. She’d waited two days with bated breath for a friendly quip that would lead them back to their safe haven of just pretend. Instead it was as if they were back to being who they had been before summer of 2022 all over again. Back to being nothing. But this time Azzi had been adamant that if Paige was going to cut her off again, she wouldn’t fight it, not this time. Apparently that resolve was never meant to last and Azzi feels a little pathetic with how desperately she needs to hear Paige’s voice, how desperately she wants to try again.

The traffic clears just as she presses call and maybe that should have been a sign. Azzi’s not a bad driver per say, but as her dad always said, no one’s a good driver when they’re distracted. The phone rings for too long and she should take that as her next sign and accept it as Paige not wanting to talk, but she lets it continue to ring anyway, as she turns onto a more secluded road. And then-

“Hello,” the voice is unfamiliar and Azzi doesn’t really know Paige’s teammates, beyond Caroline, that well but she’s pretty certain this one doesn’t belong to any of them.

“Hi uh- who is this?” she manages to get out as her grip tightens on the steering wheel.

“Oh um- this is Rose, Paige’s friend” comes the reply, the word friend said with a sultry lilt and Azzi feels her skin prickle. Hang up.

“Why are you answering Paige’s phone?” her tone is far more accusatory than she’d like it to be.

“She’s in the bathroom but she told me to,” Rose answers defensively.

Azzi hesitates, she doesn’t need to know more except, “does she know who called?”

Because surely if she did, if Paige knew it was Azzi on the other line, she wouldn’t let one of her likely random hookups answer the phone, surely Paige would know what it would do, how it would make her feel.

“Uh yeah- I told her Azzi called and she seemed pretty sure she wanted me to pick up.”

Maybe Paige does know what it would do, does know how it would make Azzi feel, maybe that’s the whole fucking point. Through the phone she can hear quiet footsteps walking closer, towards Rose. When Paige is close enough that Azzi can make out the sound of her breathing, can almost picture the way her chest is heaving, that’s when the tears finally fall, blurring her vision.

She doesn’t see the blinking headlights rushing towards her until it’s too late and then she’s swerving. The world around her erupts in motion and light and noise, everything spinning and spinning and spinning. For one moment, as she loses complete control of her car, Azzi thinks maybe this is it. And the most terrifying part of it, is that for a second, she’s not all that opposed to the idea of this being the end. It’s a singular image of her parents in her brain that has her regaining her senses and hitting the brakes as hard as she can. Her tires screech as her car barrels into a tree and her entire body jerks around in her car, her seatbelt leaving burn scars against her neck. Azzi feels her heartbeat going haywire, as everything comes to a halt.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” Rose’s panicked voice echoes.

“What?” and there’s Paige and even in this wreckage, Azzi’s heart stutters at the sound of her best friend.

“I think she crashed-”

“WHAT?” there’s frantic shuffling until, “Azzi? Azzi? Hello? Are you there? Fuck. Azzi are you okay? Please say something. C’mon Az. I know you’re there. Can you hear me? Please be okay. Azzi? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Azzi?”

Azzi opens and closes her mouth, trying to answer to the call of her name, but nothing comes out. She feels hot and cold all over at the same and she swears there’s a hand curled around her neck because she can’t fucking breathe.

“Azzi,” Paige says again desperately, “please say something.”

“P-Paige,” Azzi finally manages to stutter, her chest heaving as she gasps for air. There’s blood rushing to her ears and everything around her feels hazy.

“Azzi,” and that one syllable is wrapped in so much emotion, “I’m here okay, are you okay?”

No, Azzi thinks, I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay.

“I c-can’t breathe. I think” she grasps at her neck, “I th-think I’m having a panic attack.”

Paige curses under her breath, “okay, okay alright listen to me breathe okay? And try to match it okay?”

“O-okay,” Azzi whispers, pressing her head to her steering wheel as she tries to mimic Paige’s exaggerated deep breaths on the other end of the line.

“Good girl, you’re doing so well for me Azzi, just keep breathing okay,” Paige’s voice is far calmer than she probably is in reality, “just keep breathing with me okay.”

Azzi closes her eyes as she feels her chest slowly start to loosen up and lets herself be immersed by Paige’s soothing words of comfort. And for a second, it almost feels as if her best friend is right there with her. For a second, Azzi imagines that they’re on a whole other planet, just them in their little world, like it always should have been, like she’d once been so sure it would be. It’s a beautiful dream that reality is quick to gatecrash.

“Babe, is she okay?” Rose asks, and Azzi’s eyes fly open at the term of endearment. She’s not on a different planet. She’s alone. And Paige isn’t.

“I’m fine,” Azzi breathes out and then more firmly, “I’m fine.”

“Thank God,” Paige lets out a sigh of relief before her tone turns sour “what the actual fuck Azzi?”

Azzi winces at the loudness, pretty sure she might have a concussion from the way her head had crashed back into her headrest as she’d crashed into the tree in front of her.

“I’m fine,” she repeats assertedly, as everything around her slowly starts to make sense again. It’s not a lie really, at least not physically. There’s the potential concussion, and the litany of bruises she’s starting to feel all over her body but she’s pretty sure there’s nothing wrong internally. Well except for her stupid fucking heart but it wasn’t the accident that had fucked that organ up.

“You just crashed your fucking car, no you’re not fucking fine,” Paige yells, voice thick with tears.

“What the fuck do you care?” Azzi bites back, “sorry I interrupted your fucking night Paige. I swear it won’t happen again.”

She hangs up before Paige can say anything else, sitting deathly still for a second. And then she lets herself completely break apart.

***

74 missed calls from Paige

did u go to the hospital

pick up ur fucking phone

dude

azzi

this is not the time for this stubborn bullshit

PICK UP UR FUCKING PHONE

AZZI

just say ur ok at least

please

called ur mom

said u had a concussion and some bruising

thats not too bad

ur so fucking stupid

it could be so much worse

please pick up

AZZI FUCKING FUDD PICK UP UR PHONE

so u can call carol and not me ok

thats just fucking perfect

dude i feel like an accident > stupid fights

so maybe just pick up

or call me back

u wanna play this stupid game fine

ignore me for now

but i’mma be in dc for christmas

ur gonna have to talk to me

i know where u live

***

The box in Azzi’s arm feels freakishly heavy, like she’s holding the whole world inside of it. In a way, maybe she is. The walk up Paige’s dad’s driveway feels longer than it ever has and she’s fighting the urge to turn back with every step. As soon as she’d seen the vaguely threatening text message, Azzi had decided she would beat Paige to it. The night of the accident had put several things into perspective and Azzi was determined to finally grasp control of her own life.

It hasn’t been that long since the Cayman Island and so it hasn’t been that long since Azzi’s seen Paige. But when the door opens and she’s face to face with her best friend, despite the dread and anxiety that’s drowning her heart, Azzi still feels that beat of it’s cold but you always make me feel warm flutter in her chest. Paige smiles and Azzi’s arms wobble, drawing the blonde’s attention to the box in her arms.

“Still a couple of days till Christmas Az, a little early to give me my present,” Paige smirks lightly and Azzi feels a river of hot anger slide around her veins. After everything she’d put her through in the last couple of weeks, the fact that Paige could act so frivolous, as if they were still fine, makes Azzi see red.

Her voice is icier than the sheet of frost on the ground when she replies, “it’s not a Christmas present.”

Paige’s eyebrows knit together questioningly, “then-”

“It’s all your stuff I had lying around,” Azzi cuts in, trying to keep her voice confident and stable.

The smile disappears from Paige’s face as she studies Azzi's face, looking for some semblance of emotion beyond the blank stare.

“What?”

“All the things you’ve left at my house over the years, a couple of t-shirts, a hat, a book and a couple other things, they’re in this box,” Azzi says pointedly. She tries to hand it over but Paige is quick to move away from it, staring at the offending object as if it’s a ticking time bomb.

“What the actual fuck is going on Azzi?”

“I might have missed some things. Let me know if I have and I’ll mail them to you in the future,” Azzi recites clinically, keeping her demeanour stoic as possible “and of course I would like my things back as well. Not right now of course. You can mail them to me whenever it suits you.”

“Mail back your things? What? What the fuck are you going on about?” Paige asks, a bewildered expression taking on her face. She reaches out as if she wants to shake Azzi but seems to think better of it.

Azzi doesn’t say anything, as she sidesteps Paige into the house, putting in the utmost effort to make sure no part of herself brushes up against the older girl, knowing the inevitable burst of electricity when they touch would be enough to break her resolve. She places the box of Paige’s stuff on the coffee table in the living room, before turning back to Paige.

“I’m giving you your stuff back,” Azzi repeats, “I’m giving you what you want.”

“What I want? When did I ask for my stuff back?”

Azzi draws in a deep breath, fighting desperately against the screams of you don’t want this in her own head, “I’m giving you a clean break Paige. I’m letting you go.”

Saying those words feels a lot like free-falling. Her stomach lurches at the way Paige’s features scrunch up in pain and she’d never meant to do that, but Azzi’s so tired. She’s so tired of this push and pull, the way they seem to hurt each other every fucking time, the way things get so close to going right and then go wrong any way. The bitter truth of life, Azzi has forced herself to admit, is that it doesn’t matter how hard you fight, sometimes the darkness wins out anyway.

“You think-,” Paige stutters, clutching at her chest, “you think this is what I want?”

“Well isn’t it?”

“Of course n-”

“If I hadn’t called you that night would you have called me first Paige? If I hadn’t gotten into that stupid accident, would you even have texted me ever again?”

Paige’s silence is an answer in itself . And although Azzi had known it, she can’t deny that there’s a part of her that had posed the question hoping against hope that Paige would have answered it with a resounding yes of course. She thinks maybe she should be used to the singe of disappointment that burns her skin by now but she’s never been immune to Paige’s fire.

“That’s what I thought,” Azzi says quietly, “I’m tired of running after you Paige. I thought I was done after the Cayman Islands but then I- I don’t know- I don’t know why I called you that night when you- you clearly didn’t want that.”

“Azzi c’mon-”

“It’s my fault really. Because you've always been clear about it and I- for some reason- I just don’t listen. You were clear with it when you told me to go to UCLA and get out of your life. You were clear when you didn’t want me to come into your air BnB. You were clear when you told me to get out of the bathroom last summer. And when you left that night-,” Azzi pauses as Paige’s eyes widen, the words catching in her throat, “when you were gone that morning- every time you didn’t call- every time you didn’t text- you were always clear about it Paige and I- I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

“You’re being really fucking unfair right now,” Paige accuses, “you’re mad because I didn’t want to be your fucking side whore? I’m so sorry I had more self-respect than that Azzi.”

Azzi blinks rapidly, her face still completely neutral, “excuse me?”

“You wanna blame me for those first two things, fine. But you have a whole ass girlfriend and you wanted me to be what? Just a girl you can fuck occasionally because you feel like it? Who the fuck do you think I am? I deserve so much better than that.”

“I don’t-”

“You wanna know why I left that morning?” Paige asks icily, “I woke up and the first thing I saw is your girlfriend’s fucking i miss you text. All that shit you said to me when I kissed you in LA about not wanting to be one of my groupies or whatever but what did you want me to be Azzi?”

When they were young and naive, the largest fight they’d ever had was about whether or not one of them had cheated in a game of horse. The allegations of cheater from a 15 year old Paige had seemed massive back then, but they pale in front of the accusations of cheater from a 22 year old Paige. It’s not that Azzi thinks she’s some prime example of a good samaritan and she can deal with people thinking she’s not all that, but it’s different when it’s Paige, it’s different to know that Paige could ever think so low of her.

“You really think I’d do that you? That I’d make you my sidepiece or whatever?”

“What else am I supposed to think about you fucking me while you have a girlfriend?” Paige asks exasperatedly and Azzi flinches at the repeated use of the profanity.

“Had.”

“What?”

Azzi grips the hem of her shirt, trying to focus her eyes anywhere but Paige, “I had a girlfriend. Past tense.”

“You- you broke up with Zoe?” Paige’s expression morphs from anger to confusion before finally settling on realisation.

“I never wanted you to be a side piece. You think I don’t know you deserve better than that?” Azzi rubs her temple, as she tries to keep herself steady on her feet, “I know seeing that text hurt you but it’s not like you didn’t know I had a girlfriend. But- but if you’d just waited for me to wake up, god if you’d just talked to me once instead of jumping to conclusions then-”

“Then what?” Paige breathes out and Azzi doesn’t miss the little spurt of hope that’s taken birth on the older girl's face.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Azzi shakes her head, “that’s also past tense now.”

The thing with Paige is that anger is her protective mechanism. When she gets a little close to losing control of her emotions, or feeling too much, it’s what she falls back on so it’s not surprising that her tone is harsh when she speaks again.

“How the fuck was I supposed to guess you were gonna break up with your girlfriend Az c’mon,” Paige takes a step towards her, “I’m not a fucking mind reader.”

“I never asked you to read my mind. I just- all I’ve ever wanted- is for you to just have a little faith in me- in us,” Azzi’s voice breaks on the last word.

“That’s not fair. I was really fucking hurt Azzi-” Paige begins, her voice pleading.

“And then you tried to hurt me back on purpose,” Azzi spits out as the façade of neutrality completely slips off, “you knew it was me calling and you had that girl pick up any way knowing exactly how it would make me feel.”

“Azzi,” baby blue eyes sparkle with tears and Azzi has to force herself to look away, because no matter how much she’s convinced that this is what needs to happen, seeing Paige break, will drown Azzi and she’s barely floating as it is.

“I don’t enjoy hurting you Paige,” Azzi says softly, “and I don’t think you enjoy hurting me but for the last couple of years, I feel like that’s all we’ve been doing and I- I can’t do it anymore.”

It’s not something she’d ever admitted out loud, or even to herself, but once upon a time Azzi used to think her and Paige would have one of those stories, one of those soft, sappy fairytale-esque stories that had no chance of an ending that wasn’t happily ever after. And she hopes that maybe in another universe, maybe they did have that. Maybe in a universe where she chose UConn and things never went wrong in the first place. Maybe in that universe, they’re happy. But in this universe, they seem to be destined for misery. And Azzi thinks the saddest tragedy of it all, is that it feels like she’s ending a story that never even really got the chance to start.

“So that’s it then, you’re walking away- you’re just- you’re fucking giving up?” Paige says bitterly, crossing her arms protectively over her chest and Azzi feels a flicker of annoyance light up against her ribcage.

“Isn’t that what you did?” she accuses, “Is that not what you do? You walk away every. single. time. because you can’t deal with things getting just a little too fucking hard. And what? I’m just supposed to wait until you come back? Or chase after you like a pathetic little puppy?”

Paige flinches at the hardness in Azzi’s tone, mouth opening and closing but nothing escaping.

“I’m so fucking tired of always being the one calling, the one showing up, the one trying. I’m so fucking tired of fighting for us when it feels like you’re fighting against me,” Azzi pauses,trying to blink away the tears she’d tried so hard to keep locked behind her eyelids, “if you wanna call that me giving up then okay, but I don’t think you realize just how fucking hard I want to hold on.”

Azzi’s not sure if it’s the way her voice cracks, or the absolute misery behind every word she says, but Paige's hard and cold expression is gone so fast it gives her whiplash. And then her Paige, the girl with the warm eyes and soft heart is back, looking at Azzi in a way that makes her want to believe in them all over again. Arms outstretched, Paige takes a step forwards and there’s nothing more Azzi wants then melt into them. It takes everything in her to step away instead. For a moment there’s nothing but them staring at each other in silence, a moment where Azzi tries to memorise everything about Paige just in case this is the last time. And then-

“What if,” Paige begins softly, “what if I entered the draft?”

Azzi looks at her in confusion, “what does that have to do with anything?”

“The Sparks have the second pick, it’s where I’m projected to go,” Paige bites at her lips, peering at Azzi through her eyelashes.

The Sparks. The Los Angeles Sparks.

“Is that what you want?” Azzi asks quietly, trying to prevent her brain from already coming up with dreams of stupid picnic dates at the park during sunset.

Paige hesitates. And it’s enough for those dreams to crumble, because Azzi knows Paige just a little too well, knows exactly what that little bit of hesitation means.

“I haven’t decided yet but if- if there was a reason that I should-”

“There isn’t,” Azzi says firmly, “it’s not what you want.”

“I don’t even fucking know what I want,” Paige argues and that doesn’t make it any better.

“Then figure it out,” Azzi yells, frustratedly rubbing her hands over her face, “I won’t deal with you fucking resenting me and running away again in a couple of years- hell in a couple of months- because you regret your fucking decision.”

“I wouldn’t-”

“Please just stop. It's done. I’ve made up my mind” Azzi begs, exhaustion flooding into her body, “just- just let this go please.”

Paige meets her eyes with a stubborn fire, “I don’t fucking want to.”

“Well tough luck because I do.”

“Azzi,” Paige pleads desperately, trying to block Azzi as she beelines for the door, but the younger girl is quick to push past her.

“Goodbye Paige.”

***

December 2024

azzi please just let me in

ur parent are saying u dont wanna see me

and i get it

but i can fix this i swear

i know u know im here

please fucking let me in

i fucked up

i know

im so fucking sorry

but dude we can fix this

just

can u just fucking let me in

i really wanna see u

i really wanna talk

can we just fucking talk

please

merry christmas az

u know what fuck u actually

didnt mean that sorry

i was just mad

u make me really fucking mad

christmas breaks almost over

i have to go back soon and ik u do too

we should talk before that

ur so fucking stubborn

but so am i

im not giving up

i won’t

January 2024

i miss you

ur really fucking annoying

not texting me back

but its fine

i’ll just fucking spam

i had an ok day today

practice was kinda ass

not me tho

i was great

as always

bet i made more threes than you did

bro im watching ur game

and

what the fuck kinda airball did u just throw up

get in the gym az jfc

oh that was a good pullup

not better than mine

but decent

been a fucking month azzi

just fucking call me back

or text me idk

i miss u

sooooooooooo

hows ur day

good? good.

hows mine?

oh kinda shit

lets see

we lost in front of all these uconn legends

to their fucking rival

everyones saying uconn fucking sucks

some people are saying i suck

they might not be completely wrong

now would be a good time to reply az

like maybe make me feel better

fuck u actually

what the fuck am i doing

idk if u even read these

February 2024

idk maybe i should stop

like maybe only fucking psychos do this

but idk bro

i feel like ur gonna text me back eventually

well sc was a shit show

i mean we knew it but holy shit

i really wanna talk to you about it

it’d mainly just be me fucking yelling

and u giggling

fuck i miss ur laugh

i miss you

idk if u just ignore these

so idk if ur gonna even see this

but

i wanted to tell you first

before u saw it from somewhere else

im staying at uconn

u were right

i didnt want to leave yet

i want my 4 years

but

just dont think it means i didnt mean what i said

that i dont wanna be in la with u

i do

its not about that

i just need to do whats best for me

and thats staying here

fuck

i get what u meant now

u didnt pick ucla over me

fuck fuck fuck

im sorry az

is this how u felt

when i didn’t text u back

because it’s actually fucking hell

i miss you so fucking much dude

i’m so sorry

i’m really fucking sorry azzi

for all of it

please just call me back

March 2024

last pac-12 tournament mvp!!

dude i’m so proud of you

we also won

idk if u heard

it wasnt easy either

everything just always fucking goes wrong

fucking pisses me off

but oh well

u know i dont even like texting

idk how many messages ive sent u

its gotta be hundreds atp

insane shit on my part

tf is wrong with me

did u see the bracket

see u in the final 4 azzi

April 2024

i fucking told u

i told you id see u in the final four

fucking meant it

fuck

gonna kick yalls ass

revenge szn

we’re built different in march

cleveland here we fucking go

but also

cant avoid me anymore

i cant fucking wait to see you az

***

UConn 87 UCLA 84

There’s six seconds left to go and UCLA has control of the ball. The game today had been completely different from the on down in the Cayman Islands. That one had featured a UCLA team that had dominated from start to finish versus a UConn team still reeling from multiple injuries. This time around, UCLA seemed to have lost some of their shine and UConn had been on a tear. She would never give Paige the satisfaction of knowing it but her stupid goading, her incessant smirking because UConn seemed poised to win handedly, had gotten in Azzi’s head for most of the game. The fourth quarter had seen UConn enter with a 11 point lead that had held study until the last two and a half minutes when something had finally clicked for Azzi.

“Told you, you should have fucking come to UConn,” Paige had sneered while casually dribbling the ball and that had been enough to break Azzi out of whatever funk she’d been in. All of her anger and frustration at Paige seemed to culminate into that one moment as she’d swiped the ball straight from Paige’s hands, narrowly avoiding a foul. An easy steal-and-score layup was followed by two signature three pointers, created by her team’s defence, and suddenly the lead had been cut down to three. On the other side, Muhl had been called for an offensive foul and immediately Coach Close had called for a timeout to advance the ball.

When both teams get back on the court, Azzi, with her competitive streak in full control of her emotions, relishes in the way Paige’s face is contorted up in frustration. But it isn’t just this game that has Azzi irritated. Paige had been relentless since both teams had landed in Cleveland in trying to corner Azzi. She’d known it was gonna happen since she’d read the text but still Azzi had hoped that maybe the blonde would just let it go, would understand just how much Azzi didn’t want to have to deal with this. Because seeing Paige hurts. All the missing and yearning of the past few months seemed to have blended into this ball of tight hot pain that had burst the minute Paige had smiled at Azzi. She knows Paige means well, and it’s taking everything in her to ignore the part of her that’s secretly enamoured by how hard the point guard is trying finally, but Azzi just can’t do it again. She can’t let Paige in again and then spend every other second scared that Paige will run away again.

The whistle blows and Charisma gets ready to inbound the ball. The play call had been to just get it to Azzi but it’s clearly one that UConn had anticipated, because she finds herself swarmed with Paige and Muhl both trying to make sure she doesn’t get the ball. Instead, it’s Kiki who gets the ball and the countdown starts, as Azzi fights to get herself free, running off of screens, to get herself open on the three point line. It takes too much time and they don’t have any more timeouts left. Kiki throws it inside to Lauren who misses the layup but gets her own rebound and somehow the ball finally finds its way into Azzi’s hands. And with barely a second left to go, and Paige’s hand firmly in her face, Azzi throws up a prayer. The arena goes deathly silent as the ball hits the back and then circles every inch of the rim before spilling over the edge and falling straight into Edwards’ hands.

The crowd erupts in deafening cheers as the UConn bench rushes to the court, jubilantly hugging each other with Paige in the middle. Azzi blinks rapidly, refusing to be caught shedding a single tear on camera. Her teammates look distraught and Azzi feels disappointment curling into every crevice of her skin she’d almost had it. In the grand scheme of things she knows that, that shot would have only guaranteed overtime and not a win but still, it wouldn’t have meant a loss. And she knows this one isn’t completely on her either but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel the burden of it on her shoulders any way.

But despite it all, seeing Paige’s bright smile stretch all over her beaming face as she celebrates with her team, soothes the sting of the loss just a little bit. Azzi still remembers late night calls and Paige’s broken voice too well, her brain imprinted with the misery of a girl who had just wanted to play the sport she loved and couldn’t. And even if everything between them resembles the remnants of an earthquake, Azzi can’t help but be just a little bit happy for Paige.

The handshake line is better this time around with no one being unnecessarily hostile. One team is too happy to care and when Muhl briefly hugs her, Azzi can’t help but be a little shocked by the affection. Her team is too despondent to be mad, and Angela briefly nods at Paige when shaking her hand, and gets a reassuring grin in return. Azzi has to force herself not to run away, if only for decorum’s sake, once she and Paige finally get to each other. Trying to keep herself steady, she reaches out her hand to counter Paige’s outstretched arms. The smile falls a little bit from Paige’s face as a more resigned expression takes its place.

“Good game Bueckers,” Azzi manages to muster out.

The last name stings but Paige does her best to not let it show, “good game Az.”

***

When there’s a knock on the door to her hotel room a little bit after 10pm, Azzi knows exactly who it is. The look that Charisma gives her as she goes to open it, suggests that she does too.

“Oh thank fucking god, I thought maybe y’all left already,” and there it is, Paige voice echoing through her room and from where she’s perched on the edge of bed, her feet dangling over the side, Azzi catches a brief glimpse of the UConn point guard.

“Had a little bit of a transportation issue. We’re not leaving til tomorrow morning,” Charisma explains, “what are you doing here Paige?”

Paige shuffles her feet nervously at the doorway, peering over Charisma’s frame in the doorway to catch sight of Azzi, “can I talk to Azzi?”

“First you kick my ass in the final four, and now you wanna kick me out of my own room?” Charisma asks, voice light but there’s an edge of seriousness to it.

“I-uh-”

“Az,” Charisma turns to Azzi with a questioning look, and Azzi sighs at having all the attention on her, “you wanna talk to her?”

Say no. Say yes. Her head fights with itself. And for the last few months, Azzi’s done well with listening to the logical part of her brain, diligently sticking to letting go. But that had only been easy to do because Paige hadn’t actually been there. Now that she is, with bright hopeful eyes fixed on Azzi, well, this time the emotional side wins out. She nods her head in yes at Charisma and Paige seems to glow all over.

“You’re lucky it’s me and not Angela or Kiki or any of the other girls,” Charisma warns, “but I swear to god Bueckers if I come back and there’s a single tear-”

“Then you have my permission to fucking murder me,” Paige vows, her face a paragon of sincerity.

Charisma nods once, stepping aside to let Paige in. The Bruin’s point guard looks at Azzi once more for confirmation and then, satisfied by the small smile Azzi shoots at her, she leaves the room, letting the door shut behind her. And then it’s just Paige and Azzi and the myriad of unspoken thoughts that seem to always linger between them.

“Hi,” Paige says softly.

Azzi stares up at her with tired eyes, “shouldn’t you be celebrating or something?”

“Still one more game to go. Gotta lock in for that first.”

“Then go do that. What are you doing here?”

Paige flinches at the harsh tone and Azzi feels a wave of guilt come over her. She doesn’t mean to be so hostile but she’s scared that if she gives in just a little, all of her will go tumbling down.

“Sunday is the most important game of my life,” Paige says quietly.

“I know- I know it means a lot to you.”

“It does,” Paige nods, as she takes a step forward, hesitating for a second, before she drags a foot stool over, so she can sit right in front of Azzi, “will you stay for it?”

“That’s not-,” Azzi sucks in a deep breath, her senses muddle by having Paige so close to her again, “I thought I was clear about- about us.’

“You were but I thought I was clear with my texts,” Paige counters.

“Paige please.”

“I just-,” Paige pauses, leaning forward and staring intently at Azzi, “I don’t know how the national championship is gonna go. I don’t know if we’re gonna win or lose but I just- I know that no matter what happens, I want you there. Because if I’m gonna end up fucking crying, then I want it to be on your shoulder. And if I’m gonna end up celebrating, I want it to be in your arms. I just- I just want you there. With me. Always.”

Everything else floats away and for a moment, all Azzi knows is Paige, and the warmth that reverberates through her body at the earnestness in those words. If she could, she’d capture that feeling in a bottle and keep it forever. Because moments are fleeting. And when her brain catches up to her heart, and that voice in her head is back to echoing it won’t last, Azzi feels cold all over again.

“You don’t believe me,” disappointment echoes in Paige’s voice; she’s always been a little too perceptive of Azzi’s emotions, “you think I don’t mean it?”

“I think you mean it now. I don’t think you’ll mean it forever,” Azzi shrugs.

Paige is quiet, nerves on full display, as she cautiously reaches for Azzi’s hands with both of her own, an audible sigh of relief floating out of her lips when Azzi lets her.

“I know I fucked up,” she begins quietly, thumb caressing Azzi’s palms, each trace sending jolts of electricy through the younger girl’s body, “like really fucked up and I get why you think that. I get why- why you’re so scared to believe me. And I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

A teardrop rolls down Paige’s cheek, falling onto their intertwined hands, and Azzi feels herself flinch, her own eyes beginning to glisten.

“If I could go back in time, I’d change so many fucking things. I’d go back to the beginning- back to your room the night before you went to LA and- and I’d tell myself to shut the fuck up. I’d tell you that I supported you- that I understood that you weren’t choosing UCLA over me- and I’d- I’d tell you that it didn’t matter how many fucking miles away from me you were- we’d survive it. But I can’t- I can’t change the past. I can’t change that we fought. I can’t change that- that I was a fucking idiot for ignoring you for a year. I can’t change that I was a dumbass for leaving that morning.”

Tears are freely streaming from both of their eyes now as they grip each other’s hands tightly. There’s something cathartic about finally being able to cry, about finally being able to mourn the loss of what could have been together.And it feels a little bit like healing.

Paige looks up at Azzi through watery eyelashes as she continues to speak, her voice wrecked with emotion, “and I’m not gonna make promises about how I’ll never do shit to hurt you again because god knows I can be really fucking stupid.”

They let out simultaneous giggles at that and Azzi can feel something in herself unravelling.

“But what I can promise is that if you let me, every day- every fucking day that I live- I will try. To not hurt you. To make it up to you. To fix this. To fix us. And I can promise, that I will never ever fucking run away from you again. I know- I know it’s gonna be hard but I swear- I fucking swear- that I will stay right here and face it with you.”

“Paige,” Azzi whispers helplessly. It’s everything she’s wanted to hear and it’s too much. The voices in her head are too loud again, screams of she’ll hurt you, she always does, let her go colliding with shouts of it’s Paige, it’s your Paige, hold on to her.

“You said- you said you were tired of fighting alone but you never- you never have to do that again because- because I’m here now. Fuck- Azzi I’m here. And I know- I know there’s so much we have to talk about and so much we still have to fucking deal with. But we can do that- we can- we can deal with anything. Because it’s us. Paige and Azzi. We can do anything. Together.”

Paige presses her forehead to Azzi’s, pulling their interlocked hands to her chest. They’re breathing in sync and Azzi can feel the thrum of Paige’s heart beat against her fingertips. Azzi’s eyes close of their own accord, as Paige’s lips brush over hers, her next words coming out in a breathless whisper.

“Believe in me- believe in us just one more time, please.”

#pazzi #paige bueckers #azzi fudd #wcbb

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batboyblog · 2 months

Note

Hello! I just wanted to let you know that I recently discovered your weekly updates on stuff President Biden has done and they are so amazing! Your posts have definitely given me back some hope and it’s wonderful to see everything laid out like that! I just wanted to say thank you for posting them. Also, while I followed you for the politics, I have to say that you have really great taste in the superhero posts! I’m loving all the art and fan art! Anyway, I hope you have a great day and a wonderful week!

well thank you for saying so!

uh yeah in real life I'm a very political person and Tumblr was my space to indulge other interests, but sadly it seems like its really important to spread information to count a real sea of misinformation about President Biden thats been going on for most of his Presidency at this point.

I feel like just pointing out what he does every week for Americans is a good way to do spread positivity.

one narrative that is really dragging him down is the idea that he "doesn't do anything" Biden and the Dems passed 3 of the biggest laws I've seen, the American Rescue Plan Act, the Bipartisan Infrastructure Law, and the Inflation Reduction Act.

and like part of the way Biden gets the biggest climate bill in American (and world) history through Congress is he doesn't call it "The Green New Deal" he calls it something boring like "Inflation Reduction Act" but we got a Green New Deal, it happened, we're on track to carbon neutral by the end of the decade, and I find learning about the pieces of that the Investments that are gonna add up so cool and so hopeful, like getting a Alaska native tribe a new dam so they can have clear hydropower rather than use diesel generators, SO! cool.

and another thing about Biden is he's been around so long he understands how the government works really better than any one. Student Debt is such a great example, most Presidents they get shut down by the Supreme Court they go "well I tried" and give up. Biden hasn't given up since the conservative court shut down his first effort at student loan forgiveness. He's take programs and authorities that got passed years ago and taken them as far as they can go, got debt forgiveness to 4 million people, so far and he's not stopping, it might take more time but he's gonna get there and only he really knows all the places to look to get the authority to do something like this because he has so much experience.

any ways I'm just trying to live by Harvey Milk's words "I know you can not live on hope alone, but without it life is not worth living, so you gotta give 'em hope."

#Joe Biden #Thanks Biden #Hope #election 2024

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ninapi · 8 months

Text

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ Frantically in love ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌

Premise: Nanami Kento wasn’t one to fool around with girls like his fellow first year classmates, yet one girl managed to drive him crazy enough to do things he never thought himself capable of.

Word Count: 3821

Note: This will be a two part story~ ✨

══✿══╡°˖✧✿✧˖°╞══✿══

Chapter 1: Classmates

Nanami Kento was a man of few words.

His team consisted of only him and one more guy, Haibara Yu, just the two of them and they couldn’t be more different. The moment they were assigned into their team on their first day of their first year at Jujutsu Tech, they didn’t really get along, yet they could work together very well, hence, they ended up in the same team and no less than assigned as backup for the strongest sorcerers just weeks after their arrival at the school.

Yu was a very well mannered, soft natured man. He always tried to cheer Nanami up and push him out of his comfort zone, something Nanami didn’t really appreciated much, yet it helped him quite a lot in the long run.

Though, their team was incomplete.

There’s a reason why the teams are composed of three members at the beginning of every sorcerer’s carrier, and that is to guarantee everyone’s safety and the success rate of every mission.

So the news of the new addition to the team later that year didn’t come off as a surprise to any of them.

The surprise was the fact that you were a girl, as pretty and graceful as one can be.

The rumor was that a very fat ugly older man was to join their team, he was a senior businessman who had recently awoken his powers out of nowhere and was in need of training.

However, he ended up being sent out to the Kyoto facility for Mei to train. His technique was closer to her own and she would be a better fit to develop the new abilities of said asset.

You on the contrary, were a beautiful young woman, seemingly the same age as they were at the time. Your eyes glowed with enthusiasm, your skirt a little shorter than it should probably be.

Nanami’s eyes were on you the moment you opened the classroom door.

It wasn’t a special day, just a random Monday at the beginning of the fall season. The wind was starting to get chilly, the colorful leaves on the background making your lovely face shine even more, it was like being in a museum admiring a highly rated piece of art.

“Oh my God! Hi! I’m Haibara Yu, are you our new teammate?” he was on his feet within seconds, smothering you with attention. Right behind you was Gojo Satoru, who had been entrusted to deliver you safely to your new team.

“Back down, will you? Isn’t it too early for you to be this loud? Yeah, she’s your new classmate, be nice to her, she could actually kick your ass easily.” you smiled shyly at both of them, waving your tiny hand.

“I’m (L/N)(Y/N), I will be joining you as of today. Please take good care of me.” bowing politely, all that could be heard in the background were Yu’s screeches and wails. “You’re so cute! Oh my God. We are the luckiest in the entire school, aren’t we Nanami-kun?” he had been quiet since your arrival, not a sound could be heard leaving his lips, yet you could feel his eyes on you from the moment you stepped into the classroom.

He just grimaced at his obnoxious outburst, eyeing you up suspiciously.

“Nanami Kento.” the moment he graced you with his name a blinding smile adorned your beautiful features, causing him to choke in his own spit. He just gave you his name, it wasn’t something important enough to gift the world such a lovely sight, but it did anyway, and he didn’t know how to feel about it.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Nanami-kun. I’ll be on your care.” to this he scoffed, while Yu felt like a bucket of icy water fell on his head. “What about me, (Y/N)-chan? Are you happy to meet me too?” his outburst made you chuckle, dropping your bag on an empty desk while waving Gojo goodbye. “Of course!” that was enough to get his spirits back up.

The beginning of a wonderful friendship.

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A few weeks after your arrival, your first mission had been already assigned to you, panic was visible in your face since you’ve never really had to fight a curse in your life. You were excited about it as well, but fear won the battle.

Yu had been assigned to a reckoning mission, nothing fancy or dangerous, all he had to do was gather information for Geto, nothing he needed your assistance with, so Nanami volunteered himself to train you personally that day, his hopes were to ease your nerves, to make you realize you were ready to fight, that there was nothing to worry about, your first mission would be a success.

But it wasn’t working.

You were very much distracted, getting a few hits from him along the way, you were meant to avoid them and counterattack him, but your head was just not present.

After getting beaten down for a third time, he suggested you take a short break, go for a drink or so. Since you didn’t react, he grabbed you by your wrist, gently pulling you towards a bench that was covered by the shadow of an old enormous tree while he jogged over to the vending machine. He grabbed a black iced coffee for him and brought you a can of your favorite drink along the way.

When he got back to the bench you were still spacing out, not even noticing you were now sitting down, and the practice time came to a halt. Worried, he rested the cold end of the can against your cheek, making you look back at him startled by the icy sensation on your soft warm skin. “For me? Thank you, Ken-chan. I really needed this.” you started calling him by that ridiculous nickname a few days back, the first time you had really spent some quality time together in the training grounds. He got to learn your back story, the way your powers awoken at a very early age, how being born out of non-sorcerer parents felt like and the insecurities that came with.

Even if he couldn’t relate to your story, he got to understand you more, made you look more of a normal human in his eyes and less like the fairy tale princess looking sunshine that got into their team not long ago. And to you, he also felt less constipated and more like a regular boy his age. It was an eye-opening experience for the both of you, one that had gotten you closer without any of you noticing.

Yu did notice, though.

And even if that meant he would probably not get a chance with you, he wanted his friends to bond and explore that feeling of belonging both got to experience that day.

“Why are you so stressed out? It’s a lesser curse, (Y/N). It’s probably not even necessary for the three of us to be there. It’s more of a mission for you to see how a real one goes and for you to be ready for later. You won’t have to do much.”

“But what if I mess up? What if one of you gets hurt because of something stupid I did? What if I just can’t move and the curse comes right after me even if you guys were the ones fighting it?” your palms were sweaty, your face pale as a ghost. Nanami could see very well how this was causing you to lose sleep and wanted to try and ease your mind once more.

“If that happens, I will cut it in half before it dares to even breathe the same air as you. I will be there; I won’t let anything happen to you.” there was so much conviction in his every word, his eyes were showing you how serious he was about this, how he really would protect you even if the worse came to happen. Your eyes began to water, your cheeks tinting of a lovely shade of pink at the implications of his statement.

“Y-you will?” you mumbled while sniffing, Nanami’s thumb coming over to wipe a stray tear from one of your cheeks acting on its own accord. “Yeah…so don’t worry, ok? Everything will be fine.”

You’ve never seen him this soft before, yet so assertive. You could feel his resolution, protecting you was more like a promise, not just to you but to himself, he’d do what was necessary for you to be out of harm ways, for you to feel comfortable with your own techniques and to feel safe at all times.

Smiling adoringly at him, you opted for resting your head on his shoulder while sipping on the cold drink you still held in your hand. The sunset that afternoon being one to remember, mixed shades of orange and pink hues turning the sky into a beautiful work of art for your eyes only. Taking off his uniform blazer, he covered your bare legs with it, making you snuggle closer onto his side. It was a chilly fall afternoon, but there was nowhere you would rather be at.

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Your first mission went out well, even with Nanami’s attempts on hurting Yu as he kept on pushing you towards the curse; exposure training was the best in his eyes, he wanted you to gain experience, to learn through failure, while Nanami wanted to keep you safe and have you just look from the sidelines until you felt ready to participate in the missions.

You were still new to this and so, they wouldn’t take you to every single mission, just the ones Nanami deemed safe enough.

Today’s mission seemed easy enough, yet for some reason Nanami wasn’t feeling it. “Can I go? Please? I promise I won’t get in the way.” your pretty puppy eyes were digging holes in Nanami’s stomach, but he kept his ground refusing profoundly. “Not today, Ieiri-san wanted your help dissecting a curse.” pouting you turned on your heels, going for Yu instead. “Oh no, no, no, don’t give me that look, don’t want to be fed to a curse by an angry boyfriend. Listen to him, (Y/N).”

“B-boy f-…what?…whatever…” plopping on a chair, he grabbed the newspaper, trying his best to cover his crimson toned face.

“Tch.” grabbing your backpack, you headed over to the lab for a day full of the stench of death and zero to no conversation with your quietest senior.

When Gojo burst the door of the lab open, you could see it on his face, something bad had happened.

“(Y/N)….I…um…the mission your team went into didn’t come with a good outcome…I…” Shoko was staring at him in disbelief, you had been blabbing all day about how you wanted to go with them, how you felt underappreciated and how you wanted to help your team become stronger. This would certainly be an awful blow to you.

“Senpai…where are they?” you were taking off your lab coat, running over to the morgue. Your eyes were dripping with sadness, your knees almost failing you as you ran. You didn’t let Gojo tell you the whole story, you just ran as fast as you could, you couldn’t wait any longer.

“KENTO!” slamming the door open, relief filled your lungs as you saw the blond sitting on a chair with a towel over his face. He seemed ok enough.

You ran over to his side, throwing yourself to your knees, and burying your face in his stomach. You didn’t even notice Geto-senpai was in the room and how there was a body laying over the table. “Please tell me you’re ok…”

“I’ve been better, but I’ll live. (Y/N)…I did everything I could…we just weren’t a match for that curse…” you looked up to see his face, he sounded broken, his voice was raw, his eyes full of unshed tears. “What happened?” you were rubbing soothing circles onto his side patiently, your heart sinking at his words.

Geto left the room to give your team some privacy after confirming the demise of the young sorcerer, his heart heavy with regret and hatred towards humankind and the pest they produce by their uselessness.

Nanami pointed over to the table, unable to find the right words.

The sight of Yu’s lifeless body was more than heartbreaking. He was the best of the three of you, the most loving friend you’d ever had, a great man with a bright future. This couldn’t end this way…you knew this could happen any time, to any of you, that’s just how this job is, but Yu…no, that had to be a mistake, maybe he was just cursed, not dead yet, maybe there’s something that could be done to save him.

Nanami could see right through you, he knew exactly what you were thinking, “Geto-san confirmed his death (Y/N), there’s nothing we can do anymore. It’s my fault, if only I was stronger…”

“It’s not your fault, Kento…” you hiccupped through your words, the wall of tears in your eyes not letting you see him for what he was now, thankfully. “If only I had gone with you guys, maybe I would have helped defeat the curse, maybe Yu would still be alive…” you felt a strong pair of arms circling your waist and pulling you flushed against his chest, sitting you on his lap as he wept silently against your back. “Never…never repeat those words again…you hear me? If you had gone with us…what if you’d had die instead of him? No, this was the right decision, I’m glad you stayed…I’m not sure if I would have been able to protect you myself, I couldn’t protect Yu. I can’t lose you, not you…” his words were dripping with love, his feelings coming out in the open in darker times, you let him cry on your back while you stared at your fallen partner.

This isn’t how you wanted things to end. You always imagined Yu marrying a lovely, beautiful woman, having at least four kids and meeting them in the supermarket while you and Kento shopped together. Grow old together, the three of you. Knowing that won’t ever happen finished breaking your heart and turning it to dust. He didn’t deserve this.

“(Y/N) let’s quit. I can’t lose you too…what if this happens again? What if I can’t protect you?” your back was now drenched with his fresh tears, his shaky hold around you tightening every passing second.

“Let’s get out of here, Kento. I can’t see him like this anymore. He looks like he was in so much pain, he’s probably cold…” gathering himself together, Nanami stood up with you in his arms, reaching over for the sheet covering his fallen friend to shield his body completely from the cold air in the room. Even if he couldn’t feel it anymore, this wasn’t for him, it was for you.

Saying your last goodbyes to your friend you headed over to Nanami’s room. You were just aimlessly walking beside him, letting him guide you to wherever he wanted to be right now.

You stumbled out of your shoes, plopping on his floor and collapsing at the weight of the situation. Nanami went to sit behind you on the floor, resting his back on his bed and cradling you over to his chest, letting you cry out all your pain.

He wouldn’t let this happen to you. He had to do something.

Once your tears had permanently dried out, you looked up to see a very distraught Kento, lost in his own thoughts. He was trying to form a plan to get out of this dangerous world and bring you with him, this loss was too much for him, he didn’t want to experience this ever again, let alone have you succumb to the same fate.

“Kento?”

“Hm?” he looked down at you, resting his forehead against yours waiting for your reply.

“Don’t beat yourself over this, I know you did everything you could. Thank you for coming back to me in one piece, I don’t know what I would have done if you were the one laying on that cold table…” tears found their way out of your beautiful eyes once more, the terrifying image of the man you loved dead on that desolated table all alone shattering you completely.

“I can’t die. I have to protect you...” It’s all he said before feeling your lips crash against his own. You were crying, sobbing really, but you needed to feel every bit of him, unite your souls, mush them into one.

He held you as close as he could, returning your kiss while tearing up. He knew this wasn’t about Yu anymore, he could feel how frightened you were right now, how it terrified you that he would end up the same way Yu did, and he felt the same way, he would rather die than seeing you on that table covered in blood and without a heartbeat.

“Seriously though, let’s run away from this (Y/N). I won’t lose you too…” you just nodded in between kisses, fisting his uniform blazer as to hold yourself together.

“I’d go anywhere with you, Kento. Just please, don’t die…don’t get hurt…don’t leave me…” your desperate cries made his resolution grow, he didn’t want this any longer, he wanted safety, a nice home, a car, even kids maybe, one day. This dangerous life was to be put behind, as soon as possible. And he would drag you with him.

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Trying to get out of the business wasn’t easy. Turns out you could only quit once you graduated from the school, and you still had a few years to go through for that.

In return, the headmaster promised to send you both only on clean up and reckoning missions, if you two didn’t want to be involved anymore, the least you could do was to clean after your seniors. To this the two of you agreed and your bond strengthened as time went on.

You were officially together at this point and the rest of your school life remained just that.

Daily classes, some physical training, every so often a reckoning mission in the countryside which always turned into a lovely rendezvous with your boyfriend and of course the disgusting clean up missions where you would end up covered in guts and goo, though were as rewarding as any other. At least you were still of some sort of help, at least you were safe.

Nanami had applied for an internship in a very big well known company, his new goal was to become a salaryman, one with a high pay rate, get an apartment for the both of you and be good enough to keep them as he gave you time to figure out what to do with your life.

He imagined you would become a teacher of some sort, you enjoyed helping others and were great at explaining things, a kindergarten teacher maybe, that would fit his lovely girlfriend just fine, yeah. Then after a couple of years of hard work, he’d get promoted and ask you to officially be his wife, consummate the marriage by putting a baby in you, then maybe get a car and another promotion so you could stay home with the child.

You could say he had your life planed with intricate details, he even had ordered some furniture already that he was able to pay while working a part time in a coffee shop, unbeknownst to you.

He of course, got the internship and was able to find a lovely apartment not far from his office building, everything was ready for you two to venture out of the sorcery related world.

Or so he thought until you knocked on his door one night, a complicated expression on your face. “Is something wrong, love?” he moved to the side so you could go into his room, everything was mostly packed by then.

“The Kamo clan…they sent for me. They want me to raise their child, basically. Train him, teach him all he needs to know, from basic school subjects, to how to develop his blood technique. The headmaster…he agreed to this without my knowledge, I must depart tomorrow…” tears were running down your face, your eyes unfocused.

“No. This isn’t happening. We are leaving right now, go get your things, the apartment will be ready tomorrow we can just crash in a hotel nearby. Let’s go baby, don’t waste more time.” he finished packing his last bag, being stopped by your shaky hand.

“I can’t Kento. They said they’ll get your head on a plate if I ran away. I’m not putting you in any sort of danger, my love. I’ll go to them and be back as soon as I can. Maybe you can transfer to a Kyoto branch later on…I…I’m sorry, this is the only thing I can do to protect you…” you collapsed on the ground, his arms quick to catch you before you hurt yourself.

“Who said you had to protect me? I’m strong enough to kill them all. Nobody will get in our way. We finally made it this far, they can’t do this to us…” he punched the floor in rage, his anger materializing in the air.

“The Kamo clan is very powerful…I talked with Gojo-senpai, he didn’t recommend testing their patience….”

“I couldn't care less what he recommends or not, I won’t let you go, (Y/N) how am I supposed to live out our life plan without you in it?? We’ve worked so hard to get to this point…”

“Kento look at me.” you cupped his face gently before pressing a tender loving kiss to his lips, “I love you, nothing will ever change that. We just need to wait a little longer to get to the main goal. Let’s start by saving some money, if things get ugly we’ll figure out an escape route, ok? I don’t want you to lose your internship, I know how hard it is to get in. We can do this, love.”

And with a broken heart…you parted ways.

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Turns out long distance relationships are a pain when you work twelve hours a day and your girlfriend has to put a young child to sleep early.

Nanami Kento got the promotions he wanted, his house was bigger now, his car the one he always dreamed of getting, yet the space beside him in his very large bed remained empty, cold, and could never find an owner since the day you left from Kyoto… ten years ago.

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Masterlist Next Chapter

#jujutsu nanami #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu fanfic #jujutsu x reader #fluff #angst #slow burn #nanami fluff #nanami kento #nanami x reader #nanami x you #jujutsu kaisen nanami #jjk nanami

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o0o0thorn0o0o · 8 months

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I be back.

Images by themselves below the cut because I spent way too much time on them + text because I’ve been gone for a while—‘course I got a lotta say.

It’s certainly been a while, eh? I did this last cour, too, and I swear to God if I do this for the next cour… Worst part is, I haven’t even watched it yet this time, rip :,) Will definitely do sometime later today, for sure, for sure.

So, I meant to get this done for IchiHime week (and look at how that turned out, haha), but not only was July a month full of pleasure, but it was also full of pain work. I was bordering a D for Orgo, so I spent a good portion prioritizing that—and it wasn’t for naught! Not only did I pass, but I went from a C- to a B! A freaking B, not even a B-!!! I’m still so shocked… I also ended up with over a 100 for lab, but I honestly kinda expected that. I’m just so glad I graduated without failing Orgo 2. Was infinitely better than Orgo 1, but goodbye, will never see you again. If I ever do, it’ll be too soon… Had hella good professors, though. That, I will say.

I go from ranting about Orgo to raving, even though it’s almost been a month… Oops ^^” The grade just still makes me so giddy, haha. Anyway, been mainly prioritizing drawing this (plus a part two to this, which I do have done as well, but I will be posting that sometime later today), though I did spend a good portion of the first half of this month rebooting my personal writing club. Enough about where I’ve been—let’s talk about the piece, shall we?

So, this was originally just an art idea I knew I wanted to do later, and when I saw what the first prompt was, it automatically came to the forefront of my mind. That, plus with the idea I eventually got for the second prompt, I really just had to. I actually probably could’ve gotten this done in a more reasonable time, but, see, when things are just an idea, I don’t put too, too much thought into them—only enough to consider them neat or substantial or something.

When it actually came to it, I found myself at a dilemma of just how faithful I wanted to stick with Orihime’s confession. Originally, I thought about incorporating the five specific things she mentioned into different past lives, but then I realized the timelines wouldn’t really make sense with what I was going for, especially considering Soul Society and stuff, which I had not thought about. So I kinda had to choose between previous lives or parallel lives. I initially went with the latter, but… idk, last minute, like the week of, I decided after checking the prompt list one more time that, nah, I definitely wanted previous lives. So, uh… yeah… I might still end up making a parallel lives version of this in the future, ‘cause I did like those ideas, too. We’ll see.

Anyway, I did try to make them at least somewhat reminiscent of the five things: Orihime and Hikoboshi are related to the astronaut thing ‘cause of space and stars and stuff. Heian Period IchiHime, well, it’s a bit of stretch, but I couldn’t really fit donuts in here since the timeline between them and the introduction of ice cream and the current timeline would’ve made one/two of these lives tragically short without even factoring in Soul Society—nothing wrong with tragedy, but not for this post, haha. So I went with small Chinese cakes ‘cause they’re a sweet? And they’d definitely be a very rare and special treat, so… idk.

Shinigami IchiHime’s also a bit of a stretch? You’d think I’d have the easiest time with being a teacher sometime in history, but I ended up sticking it here, and I was adamant I wanted to draw them in their academy days. So, you’ve got Orihime teaching Ichigo some kido techniques or something, idk. Maybe there’s also a kido equivalent to the dummy Hollow thing? And Orihime has a similar/equivalent position to Shuuhei for that? Idk, am just spitballing here to justify myself even though I know I don’t have to.

Then finally, we got Edo Period IchiHime, with Ichigo introducing ice cream to Orihime for the first time ever. And then of course, I shouldn’t have to explain the last one, haha.

Oh, God, I have so much to catch up on… which I will do later. And hey, since my scheduled posts are all up, I guess I’ll just use my queue to reblog posts I’ve missed since Ik I definitely will be reblogging a lot—don’t wanna bombard you with a ton of posts, aha. I will be making them daily instead of weekly, though, so that I’m not stashing them for too long. Starting tomorrow.

#bleach #inoue orihime #kurosaki ichigo #ichihime #fanart #digital art #I hate backgrounds sooo much #made my wrist fricking hurt #and what? to look subpar? bah humbug…#also ew what’s with that new dashboard setup???

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jiveyuncle · 5 months

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Hi omg!!!!! I just saw the book you posted for TNAHP and I am dying! It looks GLORIOUS!!!!! Turned out so beautiful binded like that! And the art is absolutely stunning, may I ask what company printed it? Like what shop did you use? I’ve wanted to print certain stories just for myself so badly over the years but there are so many places and I can’t decide and this is exactly what I’ve been looking for!!!!! 😍😍😍 thank you so much for sharing!

Hi, anon! Thank you! 💕 I was so happy getting to hold it and put it up on my shelf! Look!!! 😭💕

I want to preface everything I’m about to say with this: if you use a third party service to print any material (fics, art, art in fics, etc.) please, please, please reach out to the author/artist and get permission to use the service before printing! It doesn’t matter if someone else already has permission, make sure *you* have permission. Also consider if the art in the fic belongs to someone other than the writer (like if the work was a collaborative piece or if it features fanart of the fic) and get permission from them, too! You may have to wait for a response, or you may never get one (in which case, don’t print without permission), but it really is worth it to make sure the authors/artists feel comfortable and confident that they keep control over their own work.

This is the first service I’ve used, and I have no experience binding, so I’m just sharing what I did and what I noticed with my untrained eye.

First, the service I used is Barnes and Noble Press. Here’s a link:

You can make books publicly for sale or books strictly private for personal use. If printing fanfic, be certain that you are creating a “personal” print. It will appear like this in your projects section (note the “PERSONAL” banner above the cover art):

As you can see - the price is pretty decent as far as books go! After tax, shipping, and handling costs, this book turned out to be $21.82.

You can choose how you want to customize the materials your book is made up of. Different materials cost different amounts (i.e. printing color pages inside is going to increase your price a lot). If you don’t know where to start, here’s the preference settings I selected for my copy:

Now, understand that they are not editing your book for you - you’re still going to have to do all the formatting and arranging in a document yourself and designing your own cover (so be prepared to still spend a lot of time on this project). They simply print and physically put all the pieces together for you.

Lastly, I want to address quality. While this is far better quality than I could manage on my own, it’s still not 100% up to quality of most books I can purchase in a store. For comparison, I’ll show a couple side-by-side images of the fic print next to my favorite published book, The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater.

Dust jacket: Feels great! Literally no complaints.

The hard cover: A bit cheaper feeling. Definitely noticeable difference with a printed visual texture instead of real texture. The printed texture creased and wore away to reveal the white beneath. It’s visible here after just a few openings of the book. Also, unfortunately, you cannot customize the hardcover under the dust jacket, so no spine labels and you’re stuck with this color blue:

Finally, my biggest concern, the binding of the pages: looks a lot more like a paperback that had its cover glued onto a hardcover than an actual standard hardcover. Again, I’m no expert and idk if that’s normal, what anything is called, or how this affects the lifespan of the book, but you can even see where the spine kinda hovers away from the hardcover casing and how that compares to the The Raven Boys.

Anyway, the service isn’t perfect, no, but it works for what I wanted, looks nice, is user friendly, and allows me to hold a fic I otherwise never would have had the opportunity to. I appreciate it for that.

Hope this was helpful! Print responsibly 😊

#asks

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zootisswag · 10 days

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Yoooo David Tennant watercolor painting!

Sick as hell, sick as hell… please don’t comment on the janky tardis

Anyway this was my first time scanning an art piece of mine so it’s not the best but eh it’s better than any picture I could get. Had lots of fun with this one and while there are still things I could tweak i’m ready to be done, stand back, and enjoy my work. truly proud of this one!

#david tennant #doctor who #10th doctor #tardis #watercolor #painting #watercolor painting #my art #zoot draws #traditional drawing #traditional art #artists on tumblr #10th doctor fanart #traditional fanart

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frogcroaks · 9 months

Note

Hello! I’m someone who’s planning to begin taking commissions in the future, and seeing as you have experience I’d like to ask; is there anything you feel new commissioners should know as they get started? Essentials with sheets/process that are easily missable, or just things you’ve learned in your time?

Sorry for the late reply! I think I could talk about the commission process in length and each step there, but I'll just share a few tips for now. For sheets first:

Function over form: Your commission sheet is not an art piece, it's an advertisement, and while pretty graphics can entice people it's important to not let your own art be cut off or drowned by it. This is especially true if you want to showcase fullbodies, character design and larger work, where the entire piece is important.

If you can draw it, show it: Avoid having your examples all be the same subject if you're saying you can draw multiple things. I draw humans, furries/anthros and animals, so I tried to put one of each in my sheet. This also applies if you only draw a specific subject: Human artist? Show different races and body types and clothing. Furry? Show different species and body types (again) etc.

If you draw multiple things also, you may have less opportunity to expand on each area. If you think that's lacking, having an extra examples page will not hurt!

Organize yourself: I know this sounds obvious but please organize your commissions!! Especially if you're taking them on social media DMs (and if they're spread across multiple platforms). I personally recommend a trello, but it doesn't really matter as long as it works.

Things I recommend writing down: The @ or name of the commissioner, where you're contacting (email, twitter, discord, etc.), the request and details of the comm & refsheets.

This will make it so easy to put down updates, the length of your queue, who to do next and grabbing your refs in one place!!

You can check mine out, and you have my permission to just steal it for yourself. I detailed payment, refunds, process & edits and the rights & permissions. It doesn't have to be long, and it's better for it to not be long! But even if you think you don't care about your art to have them, you might find some use anyway.

I'm ending it here because this is getting long, but if you want anything more lmk! I could talk hours abt the commission process LMAO

#art advice #not art

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vodika-vibes · 4 months

Note

Requesting some more love for Boss please!

Wanted

Summary: You and Boss are on the run from the Empire.

Pairing: Clone Commando Boss x Reader

Word Count: 944

Warnings: None

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: I'm not sure I'm happy with this, but I have a migraine forming, so this is all I have. Sorry.

“Rules are meant to be broken,” You proclaim, as you wave your wrench towards Boss, who stares at you with a single raised brow.

“That thought, cyare, is why you’re wanted on 13 planets.”

“Wrong!” Your wrench slips out of your hand and clatters to the floor of the ship loudly, “That’s because the Empire ain’t shit!”

He rolls his eyes, “Anyway,” Boss says, “Since we can no longer hide on Daiyu-”

“-that isn’t my fault-” You interrupt.

“Since we can’t hide out on Daiyu anymore,” Boss continues as if you hadn’t spoken, “Where should we go next?”

You stoop to pick up your wrench and shove it into its place, “Outer Rim, maybe? Or Wild Space is an option.”

“I was kind of hoping that you would offer a name,” Boss says with a sigh, “But sure, let’s start with Outer Rim worlds, they’re not likely to bend to the Empire.”

You grin at him, and enthusiastically fling your arms around his neck. He sighs but wraps his arms around your waist, “How about Tatooine?”

“Mm. Sand, sun, slaves, and Hutts. My four most favorite things in the galaxy.” Boss says sarcastically.

You laugh, “No one will look for us there.” You tempt.

“Right. Until you somehow piss off the Hutt Cartel and we have to run from both the Empire and the Hutts.”

“You make it sound like I go around insulting people all the time.” You say with a pout.

“You told the Grand Moff to take a long walk off a short pier and then broke his nose, and frankly I’m surprised that you lived to meet me in the first place.”

“I take issue with fascists.” You sniff.

He lightly squeezes your hips, “I need you to chill the fuck out, cyare. I’m looking for my brothers, which I can’t do when we’re being chased from Imperial worlds.”

“So you want me to behave?”

“That would be a nice change from normal.” Boss counters.

You rest your forehead against his chest plate, and then sigh, “Fine. We can hide out on Tatooine, just long enough for the heat to die down, and then we’ll go back to Imperial space and look for Fixer, Scorch, and Sev.”

“Thank you, cyare.” He kisses your forehead and then releases you to head towards the cockpit, “The ship isn’t going to fall apart on me when I try to jump to hyperspace, is it?”

“No! Er…probably not.”

“Try to keep the ship from blowing up on us, please cyare.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll do my best.” You turn back to the engines, and open the net to run a quick google search.

While you know how you ended up in this situation (a comedy of errors that started with you getting into a fist fight with someone who used to be part of the 501st and ended with you on the run from the Empire with a former Clone Commando), sometimes you have a hard time comparing what your life used to be to what it’s become.

You were an art student, once. Sure, an art student with anarchist tendencies who was anti government and anti war and went to protests and organized riots from time to time, but you were still an art student.

And now here you are, slowly working your way up the Empires shit list.

Honestly, the best thing that’s happened to you in the last year is meeting Boss.

You glance towards the cockpit, where Boss is removing some of the bulkier pieces of his armor for comfort, and a small smile crosses your face.

Boss just appeared on your doorstep about a year ago. He had been beaten half to death and needed help, and you’re still not sure how he found you, but you’re glad that he did.

You managed to patch him up, and when he admitted that there was something rotten in the former Republic and that he was looking for his brother, you jumped at the chance to help him.

Anything was better than sitting around and watching as Palpatine destroyed everything good and honest and true in the galaxy.

And six months after that, when you were hiding from Imperial soldiers on Dantooine, you kissed him. And he kissed you back. And then he kissed you again and again.

And now here you are, six months later, in a relationship with a man who you never would have met if the Empire hadn’t taken over.

Silver linings, right?

“Cyare? How are we looking?” Boss calls from the cockpit.

“I think we’re good. At least, according to the schematics I’m looking at online.” You say as you step out of the engine room and shut the door behind you.

He glances at you, “Alright. Then grab your seat, and we’ll see if we can’t make it to Tatooine.” You grin and climb into the co-pilot’s seat, tucking your feet under you, you turn your attention on him, and smile adoringly.

“What?”

“Just thinking about how we met.” You reply.

He glances at you, and a small smile crosses his face, “Smartest thing I’ve ever done. Right up there with kissing you on Dantooine and that night on Rishi.”

“You really liked that night on Rishi.” You say with a laugh.

“I liked the outfit you were wearing, and the way you looked under the moonlight,” Boss says easily, “And I really liked the way that you looked at me.”

You laugh and stretch out, “I really liked that night on Rishi too. We should do that more often.”

“Once we’re safe.” Boss promises, he focuses on the navigation computer, “Ready to go, cyare?”

“Ready.”

#star wars #tcw #clone commando boss x reader #boss x reader #star wars fanfiction #x reader fanfiction #answered asks

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cooking-with-hailstones · 5 months

Note

I’m curious, what do you think about Zelda games and continuity in general? I know one point of contention with BOTW/TOTK is the “lack” of continuity which yeah, i get it. It could be better. However the Zelda series is not known for its continuity lol. Like, take OOT and MM for example. MM is supposed to be a sequel to OOT, right? Well, tbh it’s not a very good one. Besides the fact that Link is the same one from oot, and the happy mask salesman and skull kid return, it feels really disconnected from its predecessor. I think Twilight Princess fits more as a sequel to OOT than MM. I could go on and on but what are your thoughts?

Very good question! So yeah, I know that the Zelda games give 0 craps about consistent lore or continuity, which is fine! I think they put forward a lot of different and interesting ideas. As a fandom, and especially as writers, we can treat it like a buffet of ideas to sample and play around with.

You raise an interesting point with oot/mm. I think the difference between oot/mm is the fact that they have very little in common with each other. New map, new characters, a completely different concept. There's a lot of mechanics that are the same but it really feels like you're in a new universe with the same aesthetics as the previous one, and that's about it.

I think TOTK stands out to people because it is a direct sequel with only a few years between them in-universe, but there is very little story, lore, and setting continuity between botw and totk. If it were a whole new game with a new slate of characters and a new map, I don't think the discrepancies would feel as jarring. That being said, I really love totk as a game! It's fantastic and I've sunk at least 100 hours in.

However, botw remains my favourite game because: botw is a gesamkunstwerk. TOTK is not a gesamkunstwerk.

And now here's my very long tangent about this:

I'm sure I've seen a video talking about this idea before but basically, a gesamkunstwerk is a German term for "total work of art." Coined by the composer Richard Wagner (whom we do not like, but his ideas were very influential), a gesamkunstwerk is a large scale work where everything reinforces each other. It is "a work of art that makes use of all or many art forms, or strives to do so." So in opera, for example, this would be how the orchestra, the costumes, the text, the music, the set pieces, everything comes together to tell one unified story.

I believe botw is a good example of a gesamkunstwerk: the open world setting serves the narrative framework, the Sheikah technology is incorporated seamlessly into the game mechanics, the story is scattered throughout the world for you to discover, but everything is still centered around your final goal and the narrative arc you're meant to travel. You're meant to explore, meet people, hone your skills, then face off against the final foe that you've been staring in the face for the whole game. You're meant to discover the world, to do all these things, as the player and as Link. Everything in botw reinforces everything else. It's not a perfect game by any means but it is incredibly well crafted.

And while totk improves on all the things in BOTW, it loses the cohesiveness that tied the first game together. I find that totk fights itself in a lot of ways. It didn't commit to being a linear game but it clearly has a linear path in mind (hello dragons tears...I am so glad a friend of mine told me to do them in order) The integration of zonai and Sheikah mechanics made no sense to me. The sages... Good gravy the sages...

Anyways this turned into a much longer post than I intended, but I hope this all made sense.

#Emily talks #asks #Anon #thanks for the ask!#breath of the wild #tears of the Kingdom #legend of Zelda #legend of Zelda lore #continuity #storytelling #loz #botw #TOTK #vaguely totk critical

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seeminglydark · 1 year

Text

Hey Hey Listeners, it’s your favorite over-enthusiastic ghost hunter here with another tale from the Night Shift.

It’s also a DTIYS! I’ve been meaning to do one of these for a long time, but frankly what better time to do it than to celebrate my comics Mil-Liminal’s print release in June?

So anyway, let’s get to The Rules:

Obviously, you can draw what I drew in your own style!

OR you can do your own random version, as long as it includes Caro or Johnny in some way! (Caro’s non-binary, they/them, if you need additional context for either character feel free to hit me up via email or dm!)

Don’t want to make a whole original piece? That’s ok, contact me and I’ll give you the line art and you can color it instead!

Are you a writer? Cool! Tell me a story that Caro could be telling on stage for a live version of their spooky podcast! Remember, they work at a haunted gas-station in the woods, I’m sure there’s plenty of material there!

Have another fun talent? Cosplay, sewing, sculpture, anything your heart desires. Help me celebrate and at the end of June, I’ll randomly select a winner (or a couple depending on how many entries I get) to receive an autographed copy of my Very First Graphic Novel, Mil-Liminal: Lost and Found-Part 1

I cannot wait to see what you come up with! Remember to tag me @raptorjules on any platform (Twitter, tumblr, Instagram) and use the tag #LiminalDTIYS so I will see your work!

Email me stories or pics at Seeminglydarkcomic at gmail dot com and feel free to interact if you need help or just wanna show me what you’re working on!

Thank you for EVERYTHING without you, I’d never had gotten this far!

-rj

#original characters #DTIYS #liminalDTIYS #nonbinary #ghost stories #draw with me

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softtdaisy · 2 years

Text

BAD DREAMS

DESCRIPTION I you never thought that being steve's friends with benefit would mean dealing with his nightmares.

PAIRING I steve harrington × fem!reader

WORD COUNT I 1.9k

A/N I is my obsession for Steve showing??? I thought about this, I had to try and write about my favorite 80s boyfriend. Hope you will love it 💛

You never thought you would become Steve Harrington’s whatever. Specially because you had no idea what a whatever was supposed to be before seeing Steve and his incapacity at defining things clearly.

You have known Steve since high school. When he was King Steve with his minions and the perfect girlfriend. Were you jealous of Nancy? Well…yes, a little.

Steve was such a beautiful and charismatic man, you tended to dream about him at night. But he was such a dick that you were doing everything to avoid him at that time. Quite a paradox to avoid the man you were dreaming of. It took you a few months to realize he was probably just influenced by Tommy and Carol. But it didn’t matter anymore, you crush for Steve was over.

Or at least it was until you started hanging out with Robin and discovered a new side of Steve Harrington. A kind, generous and protective Steve that made you fall for him once again. You liked how goofy he could be, especially because you could tease him about it all the time. And nothing worked better on this man that being teased. “You’re a pain in the ass, [y/l/n]” he would say, rolling his eyes. But the way he was looking at you wasn’t lying; he was attracted.

Most girls were coming at Family Video in the hope of having a good sex with him. Because Steve was handsome and there were rumors about him in bed. Rumors you could guess were true, there wouldn’t be that many if they weren’t. But none of these girls really cared about the man behind the sex stories.

You did.

None of you were looking for love. After his break-up with Nancy, Steve tried to find someone else until he realized he wasn’t feeling able to give himself to someone yet. Not after getting his heart broken like this. And after your ex’s behavior, you were avoiding love situation like the plague.

But denying the attraction between you two would made you look like fools. Every time you weren’t looking, Steve was admiring your body like it was the most beautiful piece of art he has ever seen. Robin would argue with him about it, “don’t play with my friend Harrington, I care about her!”

“I’m your friend too!” he would reply but he knew what she meant. If something happened and it didn’t end well, Robin would probably lose one of you. And it wasn’t fair.

So, Steve didn’t try anything on you. Not until you kissed him at a party, looking for attention and getting it from the man who was aroused by your beautiful naked legs that night. Suddenly, you knew that your dream was real. Steve Harrington was an excellent kisser. You couldn’t stop asking for more.

And technically, he knew he could tell Robin you were the one who made the first step if she ever accused him. As if he wasn’t ready to do it anyway.

And that was basically how you became Steve’s whatever. You weren’t his girlfriend. You were just hanging out together, sleeping together. You tried to say you were friends with benefits, which sounded like the most appropriate name for your relationship. But Steve didn’t like the idea of giving it a proper name.

In some way, he cared about you more than a friend.

But at the same time, he was hiding things from you than friends should know.

If Steve didn’t want to talk about it, you knew a few things about the Upside Down because Robin couldn’t keep her mouth shut. You knew about monsters, about some Russians and a girl that used to have power apparently. But when she realized she said too much, she stopped talking. And you respected Steve’s decision to keep you out of this mess.

However, you knew the Upside Down was the reason behind Steve’s nightmares.

You were spending most of your nights at Steve’s. Your parents weren’t a big fan of you seeing a boy without him being your boyfriend. Meaning, you couldn’t bring him there. But since his parents didn’t care much about their son, it was easy for you to stay at his place. It broke your heart every time to think Steve wasn’t getting the love he deserved. That was the reason why you tried to give it to him yourself.

Since Steve still didn’t feel worth of love, you guessed you still had to work on that.

You were laying in his bed, after a long night full of kisses, caresses, and fights about the last episode of Dynasty. Even when you agreed with him, you loved to say otherwise just to see his concentrated face when he was looking for arguments. “I swear, you’re driving me crazy [y/n]” Steve would say, putting a hand on his hair before starting to prove you why he was absolutely right.

Nothing was better than giving him a small kiss after a long monologue and saying a simple “ok” before letting your hand going down on his body.

Your nights with Steve were definitely your favorite part of day.

Right now, he was sleeping like a baby while you were working on an essay that was due…tomorrow morning. This man was making you lose your mind to the point you forgot your homework. You were trying to make the best of this. Thank God it was a subject you were good at. But after so many rounds with the man lying next to you, it was hard to think properly. Your hand was even still shaking!

You were writing the last sentence of your essay when you heard a grunt. You jumped before realizing it came from Steve. You turned around and immediately notice the expression on his face.

Most of the time, when he was sleeping, he had a peaceful face, like everything was better in his dream. But sometimes, he looked stressed. He was frowning, his lips were trembling and if you were looking at his hands, you would see him clenching his fists like he was ready to fight. Steve was having another nightmare.

You put everything aside to take care of him but before you get the chance, you heard him mumbling. “No…no, please…not again…” he kept moving like he was trying to escape someone or something. You had no idea what Steve went through, but you hated the fact this poor man has suffered that much at such a young age.

You put a hand on his face, trying to brush his cheek slowly. “Steve, hey Steve…” you whispered, trying to wake him up tenderly. But it wasn’t working. Instead, while moving his arm, Steve slapped your hand and put you away from him. You mumbled a simple shit before going back on your mission to wake him up.

You had no other choice than to climb him. You sat on his lap and took both his hands between your fingers. He was still fighting. You could tell it was getting difficult for him, like that thing was actually hurting him. You approached your face closer to his and started kissing his forehead. “Steve, please wake up…” you pleaded. Your lips went everywhere on his face: his cheeks, his nose, his chin and even his lips even though you weren’t a fan of kissing him when he was sleeping. Usually, you didn’t have to do that. Steve was waking up right when you started talking or kissing his face. That man loved your lips too much to miss the opportunity to feel them on his skin.

Tonight, you couldn’t do anything. Steve wasn’t leaving his nightmare and you didn’t know what to do. “Come on, baby please…” you whispered, putting your forehead against his. You never gave each other cute nickname; those were couple things you avoided. But you were so desperate that you let go all those stupid rules and let your heart speak.

You couldn’t contain the tears that fall from your eyes. You hated seeing the man you liked more than you could ever say behind this sad and desperate. You wished you could take all his pain away.

When your tear rolled down Steve’s face was the moment he finally woke up. You didn’t realize it immediately, still lost in your thoughts. But his breath was getting slower and more controlled, and he wasn’t shaking that much anymore. It wasn’t until he managed to bring a hand to your face, even though your fingers were still around his wrist, that you noticed it. “What…are you doing on my lap?” he said with a small smile.

Every time Steve was waking up from a nightmare, he was trying to play the cool kid. Sometimes, he was even seducing you into thinking it was nothing. It never was. Otherwise, he won’t be making that many nightmares. But you played along, not wanting to mess with your relationship.

Tonight, you couldn’t. And Steve understood it immediately when he saw your tears.

Steve took your face between his hands. His thumbs were slowly brushing your cheeks, cleaning up your tears at the same time. “Hey, look, I’m ok. I’m alive. I’m fine.” He kept repeating these words, but you didn’t stop shaking your head. “No, you’re not!” you finally said with a shaking voice.

“You couldn’t see you, Steve. You couldn’t see how hurt you looked. And how helpless I was in front of your nightmare. I hate seeing you like this. I hate not knowing what is on your mind. I don’t care if you want to look strong in front of the kids, be weak with me. Show me your true fears. Give me a place in your life Steve. Give me a fucking place in your heart and let me help you…please.”

Steve was speechless. No one has shown him that much interest and affection in some many times. Except for the kids, but it wasn’t the same. For the first time since Nancy, Steve felt alive and seen. You were trying to have a real place in his life, not just one in his bed. And maybe, he started to realize that he wanted you to take this seat. And be his partner.

“It won’t be an easy ride.” He said with a smirk. He tried to play it cool when he was thinking about all the things, he would have to tell you now. How was he supposed to protect you from whatever will happen next? Steve couldn’t imagine losing you…because he was already loving you too much.

From the moment you accepted to have this whatever relationship and you showed him more affection than anybody else, he knew he could never want to live a day without you. You were the only person in the world to know about his nightmares, he didn’t even find the strength to tell Robin. It had to mean something.

“It could be the worst ride on Earth that I would still want to be by your side Harrington.” Steve moved one of his hands to your neck to bring you even closer. You got lost in his beautiful big brown eyes before getting lost with the sweetest kiss he ever gave you. His other hand went on your tight while you put both of your palm on his naked hairy chest. For a few seconds, you both forget why you were up this late. No nightmares, no upside down or monsters.

Just the moon lighting up your body and making you believe you could live the greatest love story of the decade.

#steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fluff #Steve Harrington x reader #Steve Harrington x you #Steve Harrington x y/n #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things fiction #my writing

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