#but attracted to women and other nonbinary people

[uncanny-tranny]

At some point, I think people have to contend with the fact that misgendering isn't a completely a universally agreed upon concept in the specific sense that misgendering can be very personal.

What may be misgendering to you will not be to other trans people - even if they have the same gender as you. You may be misgendered if somebody used the wrong label to describe you (e.g., somebody calling you "girl," even if it is slang), but that does not mean that that will apply to everybody.

It's important to recognize this because so often, people will say things like, "you can't use this label/phrase/term for any trans person who is a [gender]! And if any trans person who is a [gender] uses those labels/phrases/terms, they're wrong and bad!" and that is simply too broad a generalization.

It's fine to be uncomfortable with certain things like this. It is fine if you don't want to be misgendered, and indeed, I share in that sentiment. However, that does not mean that your comforts and discomforts apply to all trans people or all trans people who share your gender. There's a difference in that, I think.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #dysphoria tw #some other trans men do /not/ feel misgendered by being called/labeled as a lesbian/woman/wife and i do! neither of us are bad for that! #some trans women are misgendered by being called 'straight' if they like men! some trans women are misgendered by being called 'gay'... #...when they are attracted to men and neither of those women are bad people/bad women for their desires and who they are #what you do is listen to individuals and what they feel misgenders them and work with them without judging or being shitty to them #do you have to 'get it'? no! but you don't have to be awful about it either #and if it bothers you /so/ much then do both of you a favour and walk away

[kafkaguy]

havin a gender crisis at the train station lol #epic

#reading some lesbian comics and marvelling at the butch experience.......... and then also going into Brain Explode Mode bcos #of how similar it is to the transmasc experience #understanding why so many trans dudes are like 'oh what im just butch or a very masculine woman' #and butches are like 'oh what if im a trans guy' #THE VENN DIAGRAMS BRO. INTERSECTIONS AND CONNECTIONS AND SHARED EXPERIENCES #we are FRIENDS but also its making me feel all . What If She Pronouns. What If More Nonbinary Than I Thought... #cos the thing IS as a bisexual i do feel like my sexuality and gender identity are so intertwined its sometimes annoying #so i cannot think of it as like Ah Yes I Like Men Therefore Im a Homosexual #its a like. i like EVERYONE therefore i am EVERYTHING cos ALL my attraction feels Gay with a capital G #im gay for women im gay for men im gay for everything in between and outside #but i dont see my attraction to women as attraction to the opposite gender cos i dont see women as Opposite or necessarily separate #and vice versa i dont see my attraction to guys as . excuse the outdated language - 'same sex attraction' #because i dont necessarily see myself as A Man . yknow? #the binary is fucked identity is everchanging and ever molding and i am just a little wavelength of light floating through space #THEREFORE. idk where i was going with this #i just think that queerness and humanity are so much more complicated than any of us realise #and sometimes it is so frustrating and tiring seeing other people like me and wjth the same experiences as me #being so conservative and so assuming and trying to generalise something so personal #i am not Doing Trans Wrong . there is no wrong to be trans imo #and i also think we need to be kinder to detransitioned people + transmasc lesbians / transfem gays + nonbinary bisexuals ok thanks bye

[cigarette-room]

one interesting thing I noticed about being nonbinary and having multiple pronouns (with the intention of using them interchangeably) is that people usually call you only one of them depending on what they're attracted to

another interesting thing I noticed is that they usually don't stop doing that shit even when you tell them you're uncomfortable and it feels dehumanizing

#queer people and 'allies' doing it too #actually my only experience with that has been with fellow queers and 'allies' #'oh so you have he in your bio oh okay so you're a man to me and I won't acknowledge the two other nouns' #'oh so you're afab nonbinary which means you're a woman in almost everything so imma call you a woman' #like no #no that's not how it works and i even feel stupid for complaining but man it's dehumanizing #idc if you're attracted to men/women i ain't either and i dgaf about how confusing it is to you #nonbinary #transphobia #i guess??

[sunkern-plus]

i know there should be more yuri (because of this website being the yuri website and the woman prioritizer website, and i agree as a woman prioritizer), but...there should also be secret third thing, secret fourth thing, and secret fifth thing stuff too (n/n stuff, women x nonbinary stuff, and men x nonbinary stuff)

#nln #nlw #nlm #and no being a nonbinary person primarily attracted to other nonbinary people no matter the alignment #and also being a man or woman attracted to nonbinary people in a non-chaser-y way is not a fetish. like a lot of discourse shit has said #as in i've literally seen blog posts that have said this. #like that basically made us feel ashamed for being nonbinary and me specifically for being unlabeled #but primarily attracted to other nonbinary people and women and rarely men #and primarily nonbinary people and women in a particularly nonbinary way #literally most of the women/women adjacent people i'm primarily attracted to are some form of nonbinary/genderfluid/femgender unaligned #literally most of the women i'm attracted to are also nonbinary. and somehow to most mainstream lgbt people #who DON'T fall out of acceptable binaries (mainly people saying this abt people like me were trans men) are 'fetishistic' #like how a lot of transmasculine 'fat positive activists' save for a few think that people (even if fat) having preferences for fat people #is fetishistic somehow. even if the other person is fat and genuinely prefers other fat people in general #ANYWAY rant over. i'm tired of being mad at every single community treating me like scum

[hhhhghhhh]

idk things have changed over the years but i've found it so isolating to be an increasingly feminine/gnc man(kinda) who wants a romantic relationship with a woman and just like loves girls a lot. like im not fooling myself into thinking im the most feminine person ever, i'm not but like. i'm beyond the realm of okayness with heterosexual norms to be sure. and there's nothing of myself to make up for the fact that i am seen as lacking. im the happiest i've ever been im the most comfortable with my appearance ever but im like so lonely all the time. what teh fuck.

#tldr: i need to find a transgender gf #like literally all my cis girl friends have said to me that like. they don't think that women will really b into me and to turn to men #and i like men* like to be clear i am bisexual it's just that i more often am attracted to women* #*these are loose categories and not the only genders i just hate grouping non-binary as this totally third gender when as a #nonbinary guy myself that's not really how it works #i tend 2 b attracted 2 people who break gender norms appearance-wise most of all regardless of gender identity that's just a lot 2 type out #i've been like firmly t4t for a bit now but it's so hard to find someone. im like 1 of 3 transgenders here #and one of them is someone who is like. way younger than me so obviously not and the other actually now lives in philadelphia and is also #way younger than me #so ig im 1 out of 2

[chickenisamazing]

Dear lord what did I do wrong to have to get into bi/pan discourse with a teenager on the internet in the year 2023

#T #The thing I did wrong was befriending teenagers online #Bro straight up told me I'm pan and not bi and when i said no I'm bi he said you're only into cis people #I wanted to scream #Like listen I do not care if you refer to yourself as pansexual. I truly don't. If you like that word better good for you #But you cannot tell me that pansexuality is ineherently different from bisexuality #Use at least one brain cell please #I do not know any bi people who say they are only attracted to cis men and cis women #And most bi ppl I know are nonbinary #Most trans ppl I know in general identify as bisexual #And they do not exclude other trans people from their definition of their sexuality #Anyway I said a lot of things and by the end of it he was like 'I'm gonna stick to my own definition' like bro ur just wrong #And if u call me pansexual thappor dibo #The word pansexual doesn't bother me but saying I'm not bi...how are u gonna tell me what I am or am not pipsqueak

[luciif3r]

To allos I'm: asexual and aromantic

To other aspecs: I'm aceflux, sex indifferent, and aromantic romance repulsed

#it's the same why i say I'm just a straight guy to Some People #and say I'm aroace nonbinary alterhuman man with alterous attraction to women to others Lmao #asexual #aromantic #aceflux #aspec things #queerhet

[stardustedknuckles]

I am still processing last night’s encounter with sexual attraction but here have a cut so you can just keep going if you like lol.

Attraction makes you say stupid shit. I would like to return it please.

One of them was talking about dysphoria because that was the topic (it is always in some way the topic in trans support group) and she lifted her arm and said “yeah some days I’m like really proud of this and some days it feels like it counts against all the other work I’ve done” and flexed.

And I just. Fully did not have even a second to anticipate my human mouth going, “Oh please have mercy, I can only take so much.”

I caught it right at the end to avoid saying “I can only be so gay” because I didn’t want to give the wrong message being that we were specifically in a nonbinary group and they were both she/theys. That is the only self-edit I got and I don’t even think it mattered. 

I asked if the two of them were going to the restaurant after and V gave a little torn frown and said “Actually we’re going back to the gym to finish our workout. We were three-quarters through when we saw the time and-”

I think they said more but I blanked because I was suddenly imagining the two of them at the gym and fully did not know what to do with myself. This shit is embarrassing.

The next part of experiencing attraction for the first time is figuring out that it’s not wrong of me and might even come across as a compliment as long as I keep all the weird lowkey. Part of me wants to get ahead of it and just tell them hey, no sweat, I am new to this and I am not being purposefully weird. But that’s probably dumb too. Also that’s assuming they don’t know (these two are 1000% used to people being attracted to them, I promise).

It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling. I wasn’t at any point stammering or blushing and everything was fine, no anxiety, but holy shit what the fuck was that. You are seriously telling me pretty much everyone else started this process in middle school and deal with it day in and out?

On a sweeter note, I never really thought sexual attraction would also feel wholesome. It’s very different from the demi train of thought of “could I see myself getting to know this person enough to develop attraction” and very weird to have the attraction come first and not require that train of thought, but even though the attraction was definitely sexual it also felt...I dunno cute somehow. I probably have some internalized guilt and harmful ideas about attraction hanging around in me but it was nice overall. I kept fishing for the place the anxiety usually is and coming up short.

#is there a word for being a lesbian but triply so for trans women #like women used loosely in a nonbinary way not an invalidating way #they worked hard to present the way they do and they also ID with nb and it was a lot #their transness was where the attraction lay 100% #and it's true that I feel drawn to other trans people and suspected a kind of t4t thing #but it is so much stronger and way more specific in this case #personal

[satanfemme]

actually ...... can I confess something. (you say "yes", sympathetically). *sits down in the confession booth solemnly*. *there's moody lighting on us*. *in the distance, outside the church, dogs are howling*. btw don't try to explain anything to me I hate knowledge I love being uninformed and this is a rhetorical one-way communication channel so if u try to turn this into a discussion I will only hear static and also might kill you cause I'm in a mood. [gameplay tip: the mood is killing]. (you're suspicious, but say "yes, I understand" anyway. and our fates have been sealed). ok cool thanks. so honestly as someone who identifies as both a homosexual and bisexual man I don't really 'get' the whole "bi lesbian discourse"... ?

#(^ warning u now btw; if u try to contest my own identity then ur ableist + I’ll be rude lol. I can't help what my sexuality is 🙄) #sorryyy I only see the like.... Edges of that iceberg; but the posts from those edges are weird to me tbh. #like maybe thats just cause theyre out of context. that could be the case! #in which case fair. me not deep-diving into discourse and missing an important detail cause of that is a realistic scenario here lol #but I see a lot of binary gender views mixed in with like. treating sexuality labels like... these fully autonomous and untouching classes #ykwim? #binary gender views = ''lesbians can NEVER be attracted to men'' (.. sometimes people who are women... are also men.) #and it's ? just not something I really understand. especially with how unanimous my circles are with it.... #+ also like I said I'm literally both gay and bi so? I dont see why other people can't be? #idk imho if u want to do label discourse u should attack those people who try to exclude nonbinary people from ''bi'' #and/or invent new labels that are like ''bi but including nb people'' or ''gay but including nb people''. that shit's actually transphobic #(preemptive clarification: this is cause gay and bi both already include nb people & ''nb'' is not one (1) single gender identity) #lol. anyways I'm gonna go get high rn immediately cause I couldn't yesterday and I'm gonna watch a movie maybe too

[hydrostorm]

(cw) i lied about no discourse..

theres just so much fallacy from what I've seen about "m/spec" l/esbian d/iscourse, first that nonbinary people "should be included" in lesbianism as if nb people haven't always been a part of lesbianism both historically as the term found its place in lgbt and up to now where nonbinary lesbians have basically always been a thing, and whenever it goes into the territory of whether men should be included in lesbianism i always just respond with a resounding Lesbianism Should Not Be About Or Involve Men In Any Way

tags important

#it feels like people are just being ahistorical in two very different ways when they argue those things #like ignoring the nonbinary-ness that was already present in lesbianism and also trying to say stuff like #''but trans men were lesbians'' ''many lesbians were bi'' ''sappho loved men'' #it becomes clear they dont know what those things mean lol. in the 60s lesbian was not used as it is now #like people were literally just figuring out what any of those terms meant and their meanings continued to evolve #and the whole ''sappho loved men'' argumnent is like . #literally just identify as sapphic then LIKE?? #there is a good reason why lesbian has become to mean someone with no attraction to men #this kind of discourse matters because men already constantly invade womens spaces (Not talking about trans women.) #(i partially am referring to stuff like trans men hitting on lesbians and other men who hit on lesbians bc they heard about bi lesbians) #(both of which are things i have seen with my eyes both online and irl dating apps) #and it also really shows when the people who talk about this the loudest are people who arent lesbian or people who are chronically online #cw discourse #i feel like i tried for a while to see where these people were coming from but there's not really much that makes sense about what they #tend to argue #i can understand that lesbians can be transphobic and terfs or otherwise exclude nonbinary people #but instead of arguing how disrespectful it is to ignore the role nb people had in pioneering lesbian culture #they decide to try and annex nonbinary onto lesbianism by saying stuff like ''mspec lesbian'' #like it just doesnt track to me. i am not a part of that echo-chamber i think they are too far into an online discourse pov? /gen #for the longest time i was like ''maybe theres something im not getting'' #but every time im exposed to their points im like. respectfully i think youre not getting it

[hopefullyababe]

my sexuality is such a mystery to me. like yeah im a lesbian but also not but also yes but also m e n sometimes but also-

#daphnes talking again #i connect with the word lesbian. #but i recently uh. figured out that it doesnt really mean the same thing to me as it does to. the general public. #women? beautiful. id love to kiss one maybe. i feel emotionally connected to other women as well and im attracted to them #but like. i dont feel romantic attraction to. anyone. #so that makes it weird! because in lesbian spaces theres such a culture of romance and romantic longing #and thats fine im not asking anyone to change! romance is a big part of lesbian culture. its just. when i dont feel that part. #its kind of weird telling people im a lesbian. because it feels like im lying. even though i never feel like it isnt TRUE you know? #anyway. then theres the whole gender thing. it gets weird here buckle up. #i also like men. #but like. not quite?? i dont fucking knoe!! #i just know that nonbinary people are good too! masc enbys are good. fem enbys are good. everyone under the gnc umbrella is good #god. im really second guessing myself here. i dont know what the right words are to fit all my feelings into. #i dont know if theres a word for what this is anymore. i dont know if im using the right words. #am i allowed to call myself a lesbian? #im really not sure anymore.

[gentlelilac]

people really don’t know that all sexualities include trans and nonbinary people and that there are trans and nonbinary people of every sexuality!!

#the only people who don’t understand this are the people who think that everyone is exactly like them #and by like them i mean transphobic #fun fact! Trans women are women and thus they can be attracted to only other women! #trans men can be attracted to only other men! #nonbinary lesbians and nonbinary gay people also exist! #also like. Trans people simply aren’t a monolith and neither are nonbinary people :-) #literally who other people want to date and sleep with is not your business

[zanathan-aisling]

i do find it really funny actually that lots of sapphic terminology tends to evolve as a game of "spot-the-problem" whack-a-mole

#sapphic and lesbian are arguably most un-deconstructable because they aren't like. made up of descriptive parts. theyre both names i mean #but like. 'not everyone is a lesbian -and i wont use sapphic for reasons- just say wlw!' 'not even all LESBIANS are women!' #'i define lesbians as just women' 'YOU LITERALLY INCLUDE PEOPLE WHO DONT IDENTIFY AS WOMEN IN WITH LESBIANS' #'how about including 'nblw' in with that?' 'where does that leave attraction to- ok but unless we literally write out nblw wlnb nblnb & wlw #every time we refer to sapphics as a group then thats just kinda reductive? and like also thats writing the element of lesbian-iness outta #nonbinary lesbians attraction to each other...' #sorry i just ended up wasting five minutes trying to figure out if a lesbian who uses '''male''' terminology was nonbinary enough for my ow #narrow definitions or not. i learned nothing from the exercise -having known better from the start- and wished to put that energy into SOME #sort of ranting that had a bit more to actually fucking say than 'this loser spent like ten minutes trying to vet her own definitions #against some stranger's on the internet. yeah to her self. no she wasn't even really planning on doing anything with that information.' #so uh in conclusion wlw is so god damn clunky its unbelievable.

[t4transsexual]

trans people who are anti t4t make me so sad. because beyond just not knowing what being t4t means, the fact that they believe that t4t is just being a chaser is indicative of a deeper issue, being that cis people have ingrained the idea that we are unfuckable and unloveable, disgusting by nature, and that anybody who would voice attraction to us, a step further, ONLY CHOOSE TO DATE TRANS PEOPLE, would be a pervert with a disgusting fetish who wont see them as equal.

thats not what t4t is.

t4t is the rejection of the idea that we are inherently disgusting, just because we are in the eyes of a cisnormative society.

t4t is the understanding that we are safer and stronger together as a community than apart.

t4t is seeing your trans boyfriend try on clothes from your old boy wardrobe that you hated growing up but now your least favorite shirt is your favorite because its the perfect shade of red that brings out his eyes.

t4t is teaching your trans girlfriend that has been scared to do her own makeup how youve learned from other trans women, who learned from other trans women, who learned from other trans women.

t4t is doing your testosterone shots together and kissing each others sticks after you put the bandaid on.

t4t is holding the door for your trans girlfriend and showing her the chivalry she didn't get from her dad growing up, but its ok because you can show her now.

t4t is being on the phone with your partner who just came out as trans/nonbinary after seeing you, YOU, live your truth, and them asking you to help them find a new name, the perfect name for them, and you hope theyll carry that part of you forever.

you are trans and that is beautiful. your transness is beautiful. trans love is beautiful. dont let ANYBODY make you feel unworthy of sex or love. THATS what being t4t means.

#trans #t4t #transmasc #t4t mlw #transhet #t4t love #trans man #transgender #trans bi #transfem #transfemme #t4t wlw #t4t mlm #t4t wlm #trans woman #st4t #trans gay #transbian #trans lesbian #boysbian

[hadeantaiga]

The queer community is full of hurt people.

This can lead to a knee-jerk reaction when we hear someone else say "I am hurt". We look at them and say "shut up, you're not as hurt as me because you have X privilege".

This leads to femme afab queers being told "you can pass and hide as cishet, you're not as hurt as queer women who look queer, you're just complying with the patriarchy's ideals for beauty, you're hurting the queer community, you're anti feminist."

It leads to masc afab people, whether trans men or nonbinary or genderqueer etc, being told everything from "you're not as hurt, you can pass as a cis man" to "you have no desire to transition, you still look like a girl, shut up".

It leads to trans amab people who are nonbinary or genderqueer or agender etc, who still dress or look "masculine", being told that they are "unsafe" for queer spaces, that they don't belong at a "women and nonbinary meeting", that they are "basically just cis men trying to escape accountability".

It leads to asexuals being told "you don't even feel sexual attraction, the thing we're ostracized for! how could you possibly be oppressed? You're just straight and a prude" and aromantics being told "you're just straight and like casual sex, get over yourself" and both being told "you're just a cishet who wants to steal resources".

I have heard every single kind of queer person say "I have been harmed and ostracized by the queer community". Lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and mspec people, trans people, aroace people - every single one of us has expressed feeling ostracized by our own community.

On the plus side, this means you're not alone. Your group isn't the only one facing this. You have allies!! Other queer people who have gone through what you've gone through!

We need queer unity. We need to stop attacking each other. If you feel the urge to say "shut up, my group has been hurt MORE", go take a walk. Remember that every single one of us has been hurt.

#queer #trans #transgender #lesbian #gay #bisexual #pansexual #lgbtq #nonbinary #genderqueer

[genderqueerdykes]

i think it's sad how narrow of a view of drag people end up getting when they only see it through ru paul and other hyper commercialized avenues. drag is not only for conventionally attractive, thin, toned, or muscular people. it's not just for people assigned male at birth. it's not just for gay men. drag does not lean heavily white. drag does not have to be feminine.

drag is everything but that. drag is full of fat and chubby performers, performers of color, disabled performers, drag kings, male impersonators, men performing as men, women performing as women, people who perform as multiple genders, people who perform as no gender, people who perform as nonhumans, trans, men women and nonbinary people, lesbians, bisexuals, and whoever else you can think of.

drag is diverse as hell and it's best served hot, so checking out your local drag scenes is crucial to enjoying a taste of what it really has to offer as an art form.

#drag #drag performer #drag queen #drag king #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtqa #gay #transgender #trans #lesbian #bisexual #pansexual #bigender #multigender #genderfluid #nonbinary #genderqueer #enby #transfem #transfemme #transfeminine #transmasc #transmasculine #ftm #mtf #trans man #our writing