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4stars-uswnt · 4 years

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A New Beginning [Tobin Heath x Reader]

requested by @lion457457: Hey can you write a second part of this is the end if you have time where Tobin can’t live without the reader and begs for her forgiveness.

requested by anon: the angst was so good!!! can i request a sequel where tobin realizes she made a mistake and wants the reader (can be post man utd) (but don’t make it too angsty and also have a happy ending?)

requested by @arination99: Is there a part 2 to This is the end?? If not can I request it??

A/N: this is a sequel to This is the End, so you should probs go read that before this if you haven’t yet. also this was a lil difficult for me to write bc i love both tobin and christen, also because i don’t condone cheating at all, but i hope you all enjoy this!

warnings: mention of cheating

“You ready for camp?” Megan asks you, as the two of you wait for Allie to get her bag.

“Yeah.” You reply.

The past four months had been some of the longest of your life. After catching your girlfriend of one year cheating on you, with one of your teammates at that, you had spiraled into a lonely hole of sadness. Although you were starting to feel like your old self again, with the help of both Megan and Allie, your insecurities and self-doubt, which were only heightened by the breakup, still had a strong presence.

“You sure?”

You nod, slightly smiling. “Tobin made her choice. Will it be hard to see them both? Yes, but I have you guys and the rest of the team.”

There was no question that when the national team found out about the incident, there was a lot of discourse and arguments, your teammates upset with the two forwards. Fortunately for Vlatko, training camp hadn’t been for another four months after, otherwise there would’ve been issues, both on and off the field.

“Damn right you have us.” Allie approaches the two of you, slinging her arm around your shoulder.

“Yeah, Chris and Tobin may be my friends and business partners, but I can’t stand by what they did to you.” Megan adds on.

You shake your head and look down at your feet. “I appreciate it, guys, and I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me the past four months, I really do. But I don’t want you to break your friendships with them just because of me, okay?”

“(Y/N), look at me.” The pink haired woman puts her finger under your chin, lifting your head so your eyes meet hers. “You shouldn’t feel guilty about them losing us, or anyone else on the team, as friends, okay? They did this to themselves. You are not to blame for any of this, got it?”

“Yes, okay. Thanks, P.” You give her a slight nod. “But I don’t want anyone bringing it up or any fighting. Can you guys do that for me?”

Megan and Allie look at each other, deciding whether they’re willing to agree to that.

“Of course.” The blonde midfielder affirms, putting your request above their desire to yell at Tobin and Christen.

“Good. Now, let’s go.”

The three of you pile into an Uber and make your way to the hotel.

—————

That evening at dinner, after the majority of the team had arrived, you sat at a table with Ash, Ali, Megan, Allie, and Kelley. Some of the players who had gone on loan to Europe were still yet to arrive, including both Tobin and Christen.

A couple of minutes later, all discussion stops, everyone’s attention turning towards the door. Curious as to what your teammates were looking at, you turn around in your seat, and your stomach twists at the sight of who’d arrived.

Christen Press visibly shrinks under the scrutiny of her teammates, as she makes her way to the buffet. As she heads towards an empty table, Ash call out at her, making you cringe.

“Press! Where’s the girlfriend?”

“Yeah, thought you two would be together.” Kelley sneers, adding a comment under her breath. “It’s the least you could do after what you did to (Y/N).”

A couple of your teammates throw out some comments, causing Christen to wince. You can’t help but sympathize for the older woman.

“Stop!” You yell and slam your hands down on the table, ending their taunts. Everyone turns to look at you in surprise, especially Christen. “This isn’t her fault. She just happened to fall in love, and while yes, the timing sucked, and her actions were questionable, I don’t blame her. I mean I did at first, but I’m over it, okay? So you guys should be too.” You look around at your teammates, giving them warning glares. “So, stop yelling at her, okay? She’s still your teammate and your friend. I don’t want anymore fighting or yelling, okay? It’s over.” You conclude, sitting back down in your seat.

You see out of the corner of your eye Christen mouthing a small ‘thank you,’ to which you just nod in return.

A couple minutes later, everyone once again looks up from their food, as Tobin Heath enters the room, Alex following in pursuit. The two of them stop their hushed conversation, feeling the team’s eyes on them.

You watch as they go to get their food and sit at a completely separate table, leaving Christen to sit by herself.

What happened to her and Tobin? Were they still together? Were they even a thing to begin with?

—————

The next afternoon, training was not going well, at least not for majority of the team. Kelley kept slide tackling Tobin, a little harder than usual. Megan would purposely not pass to an open Christen, resulting in her losing the ball. You, on the other hand, were trying to be the bigger person, and made exceptional crosses, Christen connecting to them and putting them in the back of the net. However, to say that Vlatko was upset would be an understatement.

“Ladies!” He blows his whistle, waving everyone in for a huddle. “I don’t know what is going on with you all today. I’d like to think it’s because we haven’t played together in almost a year, but I know that’s not the case and there’s something else. So, whatever it is, you all need to sort it out. Am I making myself clear?”

A chorus of ‘yes, coach’ echoes amongst the team.

“Good.” Vlatko claps and then turns to the two captains. “Megan, Alex, I expect the two of you to plan some team bonding tonight. We have little time before the Olympics and even less time before SheBelieves.”

The two women nod, agreeing with your coach. “You got it.” Megan confirms.

“Great. Now, go get changed. Training is done for the day.” He dismisses the team, and you all head back to the locker room.

As you’re taking off your cleats and packing up your bag, Megan slides into the seat next to you.

“Hey, you gonna be okay for team bonding tonight?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” You give her a small smile, as you continue to put stuff in your bag.

“I’m sorry that we have to do this, but you heard Vlatko, and honestly I agree with him, we need to bond as a team.” Megan continues to explain.

Standing up and swinging your bag on your shoulder, you let out a small chuckle. “P, I told you, I’m good. I want the team to go back to normal, too.”

“Okay. I’m just worried about you.” The older forward stands up, meeting your eyes.

“Thanks, Megan. I appreciate it.” You soften. “It’s definitely gonna be tough, but I’m also tough.” You give her a smirk over your shoulder, as you head to the bus.

—————

After dinner, the entire team piled into Megan and Lindsey’s room for the mandatory team bonding. No one knew what to do or say, a thick tension in the air. A few moments passed before Megan speaks up, clearing her throat.

“Obviously, everyone knows why we’re here. We need to work on our team chemistry, so tonight’s team bonding is gonna look a little different than usual.”

“So, we’re gonna all go around and say something that no one here knows about us.” Alex adds, nodding along.

You try your best not to your roll your eyes at the corniness of this activity. You want to speak up to protest, but you don’t need to, as Emily does it for you.

“What? This is dumb. There’s nothing about me that at least one person in this room doesn’t know about me.”

“Yeah! Ali’s my wife for goodness sake.” Ash exclaims, as many of the other women voice their disagreement.

Megan rubs her forehead, sighing. “You guys! I know this isn’t ideal, but we clearly have something to work out off the field in order for us to perform well on the field.”

The entire team turns, splitting their glares between you, Tobin, and Christen.

“We all know the issue here, so we should just leave them to solve it.” Kelley mutters under her breath, not going unnoticed by the rest of the room.

After a couple of minutes of awkward silence, Tobin finally speaks up.

“Kelley’s right. It’s clear that what I did has impacted the entire team, so I take complete responsibility for that, and I’m sorry.” The forward then turns her attention to you. “And (Y/N), I’m so so sorry for what I did to you. I can’t apologize enough. What I did to you was so wrong on so many levels, and it was honestly the biggest mistake of my life.”

You nod, not really knowing how to respond.

But Tobin isn’t finished yet, turning to look down at Christen. “And Chris, I’m sorry that we didn’t work out and that we had to end the way we did. It just want’t meant to be.” She looks at you out of the corner of her eye, as she reveals the last part.

The entire team is shocked by the woman’s confession that her and Christen have split.

“(Y/N), do you think we could talk out in the hallway?” Tobin addresses you, a pleading look in her eyes.

You feel your mouth dry and your insides twist at the thought of being alone with your ex-girlfriend. “Um, sure, I guess.”

As you make your way out of the room, Megan glances at you worriedly. You nod back at her, reassuring you that you’ll be fine. You subtly give her a stern glance, slightly nodding your head back towards Christen as a warning, ‘don’t you or anyone else on the team dare interrogate her.’

Exiting the room, you hear Megan clap her hands. “So, who wants to watch a movie?”

You and Tobin now stand alone in the empty hallway, an unfamiliar awkward space between the two of you.

“Do I really need to start this conversation?” You sigh.

“Sorry.” Tobin mumbles out, playing with the hem of her shirt. “I miss you, (Y/N). I know what I did was awful and absolutely unforgivable, but I want you to know that that was the biggest mistake of my life. You’re it for me.” She confesses.

Your eyes widen, not expecting her to say that at all. You can’t help yourself, blurting out the first thing that comes to your mind. “What about Christen?”

Tobin scratches the back of her neck, as she responds. “Uhh, we tried to make it work in Manchester, but I just couldn’t get my mind off you, and I guess she could tell. So we called it off. Chris deserves better than half of a relationship.”

“Hm, yes she does.” You hum. “And so do I, Tobin.”

“I know, (Y/N). You deserve the world, and I’m sorry that I didn’t give you that.” Tears pooling in her eyes, the guilt consuming her. “But I want to. I want to be with you again and show you that I can love you the way you deserve to be loved. I still love you, (Y/N), and I’d like a second chance, if you’ll give me one.”

You feel your heart rip into two. As much as you still loved Tobin and wanted to be with her, you were unsure if you could trust her with your heart after what she did to you.

“Tobin…” You trail off, the words lost in your mouth.

“I know I don’t deserve it, but I realized that you mean everything to me.” She rasps, practically begging at this point.

“Tobin, I’m not going to be your second choice just because it didn’t work out with Christen.” You firmly state, holding your ground.

“It’s not like that at all, (Y/N/N).” Tobin insists and shakes her head. “I love you, and somehow I got caught up in a relationship that somehow blended from a friendship to a romantic one. But I realized that you are the only one I want to be with, (Y/N), only you.”

Your eyes start filling with tears, your emotions from the past four months bubbling over, all of the anger, frustration, sadness, and devastation.

“Please, (Y/N), I beg you, please forgive me.” Tobin sobs.

“Tobin, you have to understand that you broke me!” You cry. “I loved you, hell, I still love you. But I trusted you, and you broke that trust. I want to be with you because I love you, but how can I after what you did?”

Tobin’s heart breaks at your revelation. “I know, (Y/N). And I know that I’m going have to work to gain your trust back, whether or not we get back together, as we still play on the same team. But I want to work and prove to you that you can trust me, no matter how long it takes. I’d wait forever for you.”

You see the desperation and sincerity written in her eyes. “I don’t know, Tobin.”

“Just give me one more chance.” She pleads. “One dinner. That’s all I ask.”

After fighting an internal battle, you finally concede, unable to say no to the woman you love. “Okay.” You agree. “One dinner. You have one dinner to give me a sign that you’re in this for the long haul.”

A giant grin breaks out across Tobin’s face. “Thank you, (Y/N/N). I promise you won’t regret it.”

“I better not.”

“Can I give you a hug?” She shyly asks, and you give her a small nod.

Tobin wraps her arms around you, as she pulls you into a hug. You bury your face in the crook her neck, breathing in her comforting scent that you’d missed so much.

“I missed you, Tobin.” You mumble

“I missed you so much, (Y/N). Thank you, again. I love you.” Tobin whispers, running her hand through your hair.

“I love you too.”

You hoped you were doing the right thing by trusting Tobin with your heart again, because you didn’t know if you could survive another heartbreak.

Although you couldn’t know what the future had in store for you, this was the a new start for the two of you.

This was a new beginning.

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #tobin heath x reader #tobin heath imagine #tobin heath imagines #uswnt #tobin heath

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vicarfelix · 3 years

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The Truth About Fate

Vicar Max x Fem! Captain

Warnings: Language. Mentions of death, violence.

Word Count: 5,497

“How could anyone ever get over the fact that the person they loved most was taken from them, and they couldn’t do a damn thing about it?”

This had by far been the worst job the Captain had ever taken. The missions she had dealt with thus far had brought her to rabid canids, stuck-up and brainwashed rich people, and even murderous cannibals living outside the security of Stellar Bay. But this was a totally different kind of uncharted territory.

The Captain would be lying if she said that she wasn’t a little enthralled when a severed arm was delivered on to her ship. She didn’t know the man that she later learned to be Lucky Mantoya (since she wasn’t actually Alex Hawthorne), and the idea of taking the job from a dead freelancer was a bit thrilling. The Captain supposed that she owed Alex in a way, so taking this job was her paying her debt.

It wasn’t until she was too far into the journey on Gorgon that she wished that she had remained indebted to the late captain.

The Captain knew all about Adrena-Time. She saw the ads everywhere and how it was portrayed to be a performance enhancing drug created by Spacer’s Choice. She had never needed or wanted to take it, but it seemed that it was advertised everywhere she went.

It didn’t take long for The Captain and the crew to discover that Adrena-Time had created marauders, and Gorgon was the birthplace for them. Spacer’s Choice had poured endless money into The Gorgon Project, continuing to flood the market with cheap items and giving empty promises to the colony.

The deeper they dug into the mission, the more disturbing it became. The Captain was stuck between a rock and a hard place. It was too late to back out now, but she wasn’t sure how she felt about exposing herself and her crew to the rundown labs and abandoned “volunteer patients” left to die.

The labs were horrifying. The endless traces of failed experiments and suffering people were forever etched into her brain. The smell of all the dead bodies made her nauseous each time she remembered it. The cubes that were made from literal human parts. The worst part of it all was knowing that marauders were created.

It was very clear that the entire project was a cover up. She wanted Spacer’s Choice, The Board, and all the other snot nosed corporations to burn anyways, but now that feeling had tripled.

There were two positives to this mission. One was that (unlike other jobs she had taken) there didn’t seem to be any rush on completing this job. It wouldn’t change the outcome if she decided to move on to other things for a bit. The second upside was that the Captain had met some genuinely wonderful people on Gorgon.

The Sprat Shack had been their safe space during their time on Gorgon, while The Captain preferred that they all stay on the ship for sleeping, she spent the rest of her downtime and breaks at Lex’s bar. The Captain stayed fairly under the radar at first, keeping her head down and ordering her selected crew at the time to do the same. But she slowly began to realize that the people of the small bar meant well. According to Lex, most of them had been forgotten...and the bad ones had made it out of Gorgon instead.

The Captain had met some outstanding people, some of which she even developed friendships with. She wasn’t surprised that some of them needed jobs to be completed for a fee. The side jobs were actually somewhat refreshing, and it kept the Captain on track without leaving the void blasted rock.

But there was one side job that she wished had never been offered to her.

Leonora was a kind woman. She kept to herself and mostly drank the day away. The Captain couldn’t explain the feeling of hurt every time she looked at Leonora. The sense of loss and hopelessness. It all made sense when Leonora asked for a personal favor.

Leonora told the Captain about her lost husband and their Gorgon story. Leonora had no idea where Jerome was or what became of him. But she wanted the one thing that was left of him.

Truth be told, the Captain wasn’t sure that going out of her way to find a beat up flask was worth her time. But after talking with Leonora and hearing how “a broken heart” had brought her back to Gorgon, she couldn’t bring herself to say no. It was supposed to be an easy job. One that would lift everyone’s spirits.

But it ended up hurting the Captain even more.

It had been weighing on her a lot. There was something about the way Leonora’s eyes glassed with tears when she said Jerome’s name that made the Captain feel terribly upset. She could tell that Leonora loved Jerome endlessly, and it made the Captain question a lot about love. How could anyone want to fall in love if there was a possibility of ending up like Leonora?

The Captain worried about it, because it was totally possible that it could happen to her too.

Max meant everything to her. She loved him with everything that she was. She looked forward to waking up with him every morning and going to bed with him at the end of each night. She couldn’t even begin to imagine her life without him.

Max was her comfort in this fucked up colony. She had talked to Max about it, taking advantage of his confessional conversation training. He tried to help her get to the bottom of her feelings, which amounted to the fact that she needed to complete Leonora’s job first.

It turned out that tracking down Jerome’s flask wasn’t as difficult as she originally thought, once The Captain, Max, and Nyoka shot their way through a group of strung out marauders. The apartment was small, but she knew that Jerome had been there.

“I think that’s it, Cap.” Nyoka stated, motioning towards the metal flask sitting on the bed.

The Captain looked at the engraving on the flask, letting her know that it was the one she had been searching for.

“Yep. I think so too,” The Captain said, “I’m going to take a second to read his journal now that we’re not being shot at.”

Max and Nyoka offered light chuckles at the Captain’s joke, continuing to look around the room for anything they could pocket before they left. The Captain had found Jerome’s journal earlier, but hadn’t had a chance to read it since they had been under attack.

Now she wished she had never allowed herself to read what Jerome had written.

She smiled faintly when she read the sweet things that he had written about Leonora. But that feeling didn’t last long for the Captain. The fuzzy warmth was washed away with a cold gut drop when she read that he had taken Adrena-Time. Her heart ached as she read on to see his slow descent into marauder madness. It made her feel a sense of dread at knowing that she likely had just killed him within the group of marauders just a few moments before.

“Oh, God...” The Captain groaned, handing the journal to Max and Nyoka so they could skim over it too.

A wave of nausea filtered through the Captain’s senses, but not the kind usually brought on by rotting canids on Monarch. As much as the Captain wished that she had more control over her feelings, sometimes they still smacked her in the face.

Max and Nyoka went through the same emotions the Captain did as they read. They knew what the Captain was feeling, and they didn’t want her to blame herself for something that she couldn’t help.

“It’s not your fault, Cap. We had to kill them.” Nyoka said.

Max seconded Nyoka’s statement, approaching the Captain and resting a hand on her shoulder to soothe his distressed girlfriend.

“She’s right. There was nothing else that could be done.” Max’s voice rumbled low in the Captain’s ear.

The pad of his thumb stroked her shoulder through the hard material of her Rizzo’s SugarOps armor. It was something he always did when he knew she was uptight, but it didn’t always offer her consolation.

“What am I even going to say to Leonora? How am I supposed to tell her what happened to Jerome?” The Captain asked rhetorically, but she had hoped they’d give her an answer.

The Captain already had a feeling as to what they thought. Nyoka and Max were very honest people, believing that the truth was always best. The Captain mostly agreed, but she knew how damn bad the truth could hurt sometimes.

“Cap, I hate influencing decisions. Just...go with your gut.” Nyoka offered, which wasn’t exactly helpful.

“Whatever you find to be best, Captain.” Max echoed.

The Captain sighed, dejected that their advice didn’t help at all. The Captain tucked the flask into the pocket of Max’s jacket, assuring that it’d be safe with him until they made it back to The Sprat Shack. The trek back through the ruins to the saloon felt far too quick. Even if she had all the time in the world, the Captain was confident she’d never fully settle on how to handle this.

These were the moments that she hated about being a captain. The moments where all authority and responsibility fell to her, and when her crew couldn’t back her up. As horrible of a thought as it was, the Captain was tempted to not even return to Leonora. Leonora would never even know that the Captain had indeed carried out her task. But the Captain knew that was probably the worst thing she could do.

She fished the flask from Max’s pocket once they were out of harm’s way, her dirtied fingers trailed over the engraving once more. She hated everything about this entire Gorgon mission. Every side job that she took seemed to be making the main objective worse. Gorgon was by far the worst of the colony.

And it only further cemented the Captain’s hate for The Board.

They entered the building, the dread in the Captain’s abdomen growing more and more as the elevator descended them down to the lower levels. She looked at Nyoka and Max again, her usually confident and determined eyes suddenly filled with uncertainty.

“I don’t know what I’m going to tell her.” She admitted, her usual boldness being chipped away more and more the longer she thought about this.

Nyoka and Max both wished they could’ve been more helpful. Unfortunately, this was just one of those moments where their assistance wasn’t making the job easier.

Max adored the Captain. Their relationship had given his life a whole new purpose and meaning. He loved her endlessly, and seeing her this upset hurt him personally. If he could bear her burdens, then he would without a second thought.

But she was the Captain, not him.

“Maybe she won’t even ask, Cap.” Nyoka suggested the likely best case scenario.

“If nothing else, at least returning the flask will partly offer her closure.” Max tagged on.

That helped marginally, but it barely made a dent in the Captain’s feeling of impending sadness. The Captain led the way into the room where Leonora was sitting, rummaging through a bin of her belongings that amounted to practically nothing.

For a split second, life returned to Leonora’s eyes when she saw the Captain. However, the life left them again just as fast as it had come. It was as if Leonora had hoped that Jerome would’ve been with them. The Captain couldn’t even imagine Leonora’s pain.

“Hi, Leonora.” The Captain greeted in as neutral of a tone as possible.

Max and Nyoka stood back a ways, wanting to give Leonora plenty of space for whenever the Captain broke the news to her.

“Find anything out there?” Leonora asked in her serene voice.

The Captain nodded, revealing the metal object to her.

“I found Jerome’s flask.” The Captain stated simply, passing it to her with slightly trembling fingers.

A genuine, yet sad smile appeared on Leonora’s face as she looked over it. The Captain could see a whole parade of memories flood over Leonora. The Captain refused to cry, but it was taking a lot from her to stop the tears.

“That’s it, all right! Law...still smells like whiskey, his cigarettes, and that awful cologne he bathed in every morning.” Leonora said, but more as a testament to herself than the Captain.

The Captain refused Leonora’s payment when she offered the bits. The Captain was glad Ellie wasn’t there, because she would’ve surely bitched at the Captain for turning down payment. The Captain had this overwhelming sense to leave now while Leonora wasn’t asking questions. The Captain figured she could bid her farewell and good luck and dash out, but Leonora spoke again before the Captain could try.

“You didn’t happen to find anything else out there...did you?” Leonora questioned, very clearly wanting the answer she’d been waiting all these years for.

The Captain felt like she could’ve broken out into a sweat. This was exactly what she was afraid of. Her observant ears heard the uncomfortable shifting of Nyoka’s feet behind her, and she could practically see Max’s lowered head as a show of respect for Jerome.

The Captain’s hesitation was probably not a good sign to Leonora. The Captain knew that she couldn’t completely avoid answering Leonora. The Captain had two very clear paths in front of her. She could tell Leonora the truth and risk breaking Leonora’s heart further, or she could lie and offer Leonora some solid comfort...even if it wasn’t real.

The Captain didn’t want to do this. She wished that she had better options at this moment. But she had to choose what was dealt to her and what was best for Leonora in her eyes. So, the Captain made the best decision that she could.

So she lied.

“I found Jerome. It looks like he died peacefully.” The Captain told Leonora.

The energy from Max and Nyoka changed. They both were a bit stunned that the Captain fibbed. Just as before, a flash of a look of relief crossed Leonora’s features. She didn’t want Jerome dead, but thinking he died comfortably brought her great consolation.

“Good...good. I should’ve been there for him, but I suppose he wanted to be alone in the end,” Leonora said solemnly, “Thank you for the flask. Jerome and I were supposed to live and die together, but sometimes fate has other plans.”

The Captain didn’t hear Leonora’s goodbye due to the ringing of her last sentence.

Fate has other plans.

The Captain felt a million times worse now. She thought about all the plans she had with Max. All the things about their future that they had talked about. They were supposed to live and die together...but what if that didn’t turn out to be the case?

The Captain only gave Leonora a nod for a farewell, leaving her to wallow in a broken lie as an attempt at moving on. It was the end of the night, and the Captain just wanted to get the hell back on The Unreliable. They left The Sprat Shack, the Captain’s solitary question giving Nyoka an invitation to speak once they were en route to exit the establishment.

“Did I do the right thing?” The Captain asked for the first time ever, tears brimming her eyes.

Max didn’t say anything, knowing she’d talk to him more later. Nyoka sighed, clearly torn at what had just happened with Leonora.

“I don’t know, Cap. I hope she’ll find some peace in this, but...sometimes it’s better to know the truth and deal with it.” Nyoka said honestly.

“I just couldn’t tell her. She’s been holding on to a sliver of hope for years and if she knew that he had turned into a marauder...” The Captain stopped briefly, “It might’ve killed her.”

The Captain wasn’t known for theatrics or delivering dramatic lines after an intense moment (no, they left that up to Felix). But her words couldn’t have been more true.

Max hates seeing the Captain so unsure of herself. She usually never thought twice about a decision she had made. She had lied her way out of situations before, but never in that context.

“I’m sure you did the rightest thing you could, Cap. It’ll be fine, you’ll see.” Nyoka added on after realizing that her opinion had made it worse.

“Yeah. Maybe.” The Captain said as they walked up the ramp of the landing pad.

The ship was fairly quiet as they entered, only a few distant sounds could be heard over the hum of the engine. Ellie and Parvati had gone to bed, Felix was raiding the fridge in the kitchen, and SAM was probably cleaning ADA’s units for the millionth time that day.

The Captain wanted to get the hell off of Gorgon, even if it was just for a day or two. But she was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it until the job was finished. She just wanted to get this over with so she could get on with her life.

Her mind was reeling with thoughts and replaying the day’s events over and over again. She couldn’t tell what was bugging her more. The fact that she was responsible for the death of Jerome or that she had lied to Leonora. It was probably a horrible thought, but it offered the Captain some peace knowing that Jerome never would’ve been with Leonora again, due to his marauder transformation and all.

But she subconsciously knew that there was much more to her discomfort than what was on the surface.

Nyoka, Max, and the Captain silently stashed their things away into the lockers at the front of the ship, the sounds of their weapons and whatever they had stashed in their pockets clinking and making other noises. Usually, the Captain took inventory at the end of the day, but she was too tired and honestly couldn’t have cared less.

The Captain’s gear had been stashed away until their next adventure, her head craning from one side to the other as she attempted to adhere to her achy muscles and tired bones. Nyoka didn’t say much else, knowing the Captain needed to be alone. Nyoka snatched a few bottles of Spectrum Vodka from the kitchen before holding herself in her room, not nearly as bothered as the Captain was.

Max had hardly taken his eyes off of the Captain the entire time. He studied her and watched her to see what she was feeling without her actually saying it. The Captain and Max had an interesting dynamic like that. He could read her and she could read him.

He just wished she wouldn’t beat herself up so much about this.

“[Y/N], darling,” He hushed out, his voice like smooth silk in her ear, “Please, don’t dwell on this too much.”

The Captain only shook her head, her eyes stinging with tears again and her throat heavy with the struggle to hold down that first sob.

“I’m going to shower. I just want to go to bed.” She stated, managing to conceal the quaver in her voice from him.

To anyone else, the Captain’s behavior would’ve been coming off as cold and hateful. But Max knew her too well for that. He knew she was hurt and upset with herself. She turned around the walk away from him, knowing that he understood where she was mentally right now.

He instinctively let his hand find her waist, keeping her from straying away from him. He looked into her bleary eyes, seeing the toll that this was taking on her.

“Okay, my love. Whatever you want.” He smiled softly, trying his best to reassure her.

Now, he went to walk away, taking the Captain’s statement to mean that she wanted to be alone. But her frantic grab for him told him he was wrong. He could see the desperation in her eyes, the plain and simple fact that she did not want him to be away from her right now. Even more so, he heard it in her voice. The gentle request that came out as a crack of a whisper.

Almost as if he’d disappear if she spoke too boldly.

“Please don’t go.” She pleaded to her beloved priest.

A singular tear slid down her left cheek, creating a wet line through the layer of dirt caked on the Captain’s face. She wouldn’t let herself completely fall apart. Not yet anyway. She refused to let the emotion show on her features past the tears.

She was supposed to be the strong, blazing captain of The Unreliable. She was supposed to be the one person who never let things get in the way of things that needed to be done. Independent captains were supposed to keep their feelings stored away on a shelf, safe from all the horrible things that they had to see.

But what the Captain was beginning to realize was that all of those other captains had become that way BECAUSE they didn’t allow themselves to feel.

They had ruined themselves by trying so hard not to ruin themselves.

“Oh, Captain...oh, my darling,” Max said quietly and lowly, not to draw any attention in the event that someone was lingering around, “I’m here for you. I always have been and always will be.”

His hand slipped into hers, intertwining his fingers with hers. He brought the back of her hand to his lips and left a gentle kiss, bringing her to the shower of the ship. The water was hot and heavenly on the Captain’s skin, already washing away the dirt and grime she had collected during the day.

Silent tears were still streaming from her eyes as they stood together under the flow of water. He wiped away the tears as best as he could, his heart breaking with each new set of soundless tears that told the loudest story. She didn’t have to say that she needed comfort; he could see it and feel it.

“You’re so wonderful. You’re so incredible in so many ways,” Max said as he began to wash her hair, his hands massaging at her scalp, “Law only knows how you ended up in my life.”

Even through her tears, she managed a smile, along with a saddened and amused laugh.

“Did an outlaw, happenstance captain really change your life so much?” She asked him in a purely joking manner.

“You’ll never understand the half of it.” Max replied as seriously as ever.

Max made sure she was clean first, before getting himself clean as well. He continued to tell her sweet nothings. He continued to love her in the ways that he knew she responded well to. He couldn’t undo everything that had happened, and he couldn’t do much about the Captain’s worry. But he could be there for her through all her tribulations.

She took her usual place on the inside of the bunk once they were dressed for bed and back in her quarters. Max had slipped one of his shirts over her body, kissing her gently and carefully. His lips were met with her quivering ones, her final attempt at not completely breaking down in front of him.

She was pressed between the adjacent wall and Max’s body. She snuggled up next to him like she always did, but it wasn’t in the giddy way that she normally did when she was eager for cuddles. No, this was more of a slow pull of herself flush to him. Her head against his left pectoral and her hands reaching for one of his to play with. She was needy for comfort, rather than her usual nightly snuggles.

The trace scents of Max’s cologne filled her nose as she formed herself into his side. It was a smell that always grounded her. It brought her a sense of care. A sense of direction when she didn’t know where to go. A feeling of all the answers in a world of so many unanswered questions.

It made her feel a sense of home.

“Max?” She called out, not hiding the tremble in her voice this time.

He could feel the glass about to break. The glass underneath her that was protecting her bottled up feelings was beginning to crack and was on the verge of shattering and causing her to fall.

But he’d be there to catch her safely.

“Let it go, Captain,” He persuaded softly, holding her a little tighter in preparation for her inevitable meltdown, “I’m here.”

And then she did indeed let go.

The first real sob was a gut wrenching one. She felt it all the way from the bottom of her lungs to the tips of her toes. It was an overwhelming reaction, one so intense that even Max was a bit taken aback. She buried her face into the soft material of his shirt, muffling her pathetic cries in an attempt not to disturb anyone on the ship.

“I lied to her, Max.” The Captain sputtered, each word being thick with distress.

“You did what you simply had to do. Your decision wasn’t out of disrespect.” Max answered, his hand caressing her damp hair.

“It was her husband. I killed her husband, and I didn’t even have the guts to tell her that.” The Captain drawled, her tears seeping through Max’s shirt.

“You didn’t kill him. He was dead long before you ever pulled the trigger,” Max reminded her, referring to how Adrena-Time pretty much had sucked any life out of him beforehand, “Leonora and Jerome never would’ve ended up happily together again. Even if we had managed to get away with not killing him.”

The Captain seemed to be understanding that. It registered well in her head, but there was one part she was still so hung up on.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell her that I killed him. I just couldn’t tell her that he had turned into a marauder. How could anyone come to terms with their lover becoming a fucking maniac?” She wept, “How could anyone ever get over the fact that the person they loved most was taken from them, and they couldn’t do a damn thing about it?”

Max was intrigued by the Captain’s specific choice of wording...but he sensed that there was a deeper issue that was causing her to fall apart like this. Max was doing absolutely everything he could to make her feel better. Unfortunately, she had just seen and dealt with too much since taking this Gorgon job. She was exhausted in every regard: emotionally, physically, mentally. He just wished that there was more that he could do beyond talking things out.

“It’s so overused to say, but life is unpredictably cruel sometimes. There was a reason for the way that things turned out.” Max said, kissing the crown of her head.

The Captain dwindled down into a series of sniffles and hiccuping cries, her head too rattled to say anything for the time being. Max caressed her skin, kissed her, touched her, and loved her. Anything he could do to remind her that he was there for her.

“Max?” She called again after a few more silent moments.

“Yes, my love?” He answered, letting his hand relax so she could fidget with it easier.

“I love you.” She declared, wiping at her tears fruitlessly.

Max and the Captain had exchanged “I love yous” before this moment. Surprisingly, Max had been the first to say it. He and the Captain had found themselves sitting alone together on Groundbreaker, sharing a bottle of Iceberg Whiskey and drowning out the day’s terrors. He had leaned over to press a kiss to her temple, when he whispered it lowly in her ear. She had returned the endearment, and not a day had passed where the two of them hadn’t said it at least once a day.

Even when they had been fighting or arguing over something meaningless, they never let the other go to bed angry. He could be past the point of enraged at her, and he would still tell her how he felt before they fell asleep. They were connected in the most beautiful way.

It felt so different to hear her say it in this kind of situation.

“I love you, Captain. I love you so much.” He drawled, suddenly interlacing his fingers with hers once again.

“When Leonora was telling her story...I couldn’t help but think about us.” The Captain admitted, her tears beginning to slow.

Max’s brows knitted together in both confusion and curiosity.

“What do you mean?” He questioned, leaving yet another kiss on her head.

“They traveled the colony together...ended up at the wrong place at the wrong time,” The Captain explained, “Max, that could easily happen to us.”

The Captain sat up from where she was laying next to him, her cheeks wet with tears and her eyes puffy. She wanted him to understand her worries and why this was bugging her so much.

She wanted him to see that she was afraid for them.

“Oh, darling, I assure you that’s nothing to concern yourself with. We’ve seen what Adrena-Time can do and it’s the reason for marauders, I’d never even give taking it a second thought.” Max assured her.

“I don’t mean with Adrena-Time. I just mean in general. This colony is so messed up. Literally anything could happen and if I lost you...” She trailed off, not even daring to finish the thought.

The vicar’s eyes softened even more than they already had. Although he knew better than to say this to her right now, he knew that they could realistically lose one another at any given moment. He wasn’t kidding when he said that life was cruel. It was always an open possibility...and not just for them.

“It could happen. I won’t deny that to you, but I find that it’s more important to savor and cherish the moments that we are blessed with...preferably while they’re still here,” Max said, knowing that probably wasn’t offering her any kind of resolve.

“Easier said than done.” The Captain grumbled.

“I know it’s not a great answer,” He confessed, a grin appearing on his face, “But for what it’s worth, I enjoy every single moment with you. I’ll spend every moment loving you.”

The Captain gave a light laugh, amused by his words.

“Even when I’m a crying mess and hysterical?” She tried to joke.

Max cupped her face, swiping more tears from her face as he answered with full seriousness.

“Especially then.”

The Captain took a few seconds to try and collect herself. Talking had helped some, but this was something she’d have to allow herself to work through. In time, The Captain would come to terms with what she had told Leonora. While she’d never know how Leonora came to terms with it, the Captain would rest easy knowing that she’d done what she thought was right.

Max gave her time to bask in the quiet, continuing to rub her leg that was peeking out from under the sheet. He kept his sights on her, watching her as she dazed out the window in front of her desk. He was proud of her for letting herself release her feelings out into the open. He knew that she kept things to herself more than he wanted her to, but as long as she knew that he was a resource for her, then he was okay.

“Come here.” He said when her gaze returned to him.

She crawled back into his open arms, falling into his frame for the millionth and certainly not the last time. He showered her with love for the rest of the night, wiping any tears that slipped down her face. He felt relief when she finally fell asleep, because he knew how badly she needed rest.

He stayed up long after she fell into a snooze, keeping her close in case she woke up again in a meltdown. He was sure that she was releasing lots of emotions that had been building up for quite some time, so he expected her to not fully be herself for a few days.

He’d be there for her until she felt better. Until she was back to being the woman that he had grown to love...but he loved her just as much even when she wasn’t feeling completely normal. While he hoped that he and his captain had lots of more adventures to go on and endeavors to discover, he was content with his happily ever after that he knew to be her. Because she had shown him love. She had shown him HOW to love.

She was his forever.

#Vicar Max #vicar max x reader #the outer worlds vicar max #vicar max fanfiction #vicar max oneshot #the outer worlds #the outer worlds fanfiction #maximillian desoto #the outer worlds max #vicar max x female captain #vicar max x female reader #vicar max x you #vicarfelix

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c-is-writing · 3 years

Text

i liked you so much, we lost it

pairing: lena luthor x gn!reader

genre: angst ;-;

word count: 2290

warnings: possible poorly written angst? (i’ve never written angst before)

a/n: this is yet another song fic!! the song is called “i liked you so much, we lost it” by ysabelle cuevas.

original request

I like your eyes, you looked away when you pretended to care

I like the dimples on the corners of the smile that you wear

You wore them more with her, I knew and I was scared

I let myself fall deeper but I was prepared

Oh, those unforgettable emerald eyes, the ones that you fell in love with are slowly falling out of love with you and you don’t know where it went wrong or when it changed. Over the course of a few months, you notice a change in Lena’s behavior; everything lasts for a fraction of a second. Her eyes no longer stare at you with the same adoration and love that you hold for her. The smiles that she always reserved for you were shared with another girl, a blonde one. The cute dimples that you love to poke your fingers into were less and less frequent, rarely shown when she was with you. But when she was with the reporter, oh man, that smile could light up the whole world. Having been in a relationship with Lena for almost 3 years, you could easily notice her subtle changes whether it was on purpose or not. However, you never brought it up with her. You sat back and let yourself try to enjoy your last few months with her love until nothing remained and the love was given to someone else. That’s how you got yourself into this situation -- sitting in your apartment staring at a wall in the hopes that no one could see the tears slipping down your cheeks and onto the hardwood floor. Thinking about it, you know that you and Lena are reaching the last legs of the relationship and now here was the worst part, the waiting for the inevitable.

I liked your shirt, the one I gave you can't forget how you smell

But now on different shoulders hang the jacket I used to wear

I loved you for so long, sometimes it's hard to bear

But after all this time I wish you well from here

Coming home late at 3 in the morning, Lena notices that you’re curled up on the floor, staring at the wall. It hurts her to see you like this, so broken and dejected. Taking off her heels, you hear the soft pads of her feet against the floor as she slowly approaches you. Kneeling down and placing a gentle hand on you, afraid to press any harder in the fear that you might crack, she softly asks, “Y/N? Hey, are you okay?”

You continue staring at the wall, more interested in that than Lena’s words. Lena moves to sit in a more comfortable position next to you and waits with a baited breath. Minutes pass by and the two of you sit in the silence of your apartment. You take a breath and pray that your voice doesn’t fail you now.

“Lee...when were you going to tell me?”

“Oh. Y/N…”

Moving to sit up right, refusing to look at Lena and instead opting for focusing on a small mark on the wall. Hm, I wonder when that got there. “Look. Lena. I-” You pause and slump forward, exhaling, “I love you and you know that. But I know that you don’t love me back. And that’s okay. I can tell that you love Kara with every fiber of your being and that she makes you so incredibly happy. So, don’t let me hold you back from pursuing that happiness, okay?” By the end of your sentence, your voice cracks as you move to face Lena. Her eyes, still gorgeous as ever, were swimming with emotions as tears cascaded from them. She nods and pulls you into a hug as the two of you sob quietly into each other’s necks. In a gentle whisper next to you ear, “Thank you Y/N. I love you.” Your heart clenches at her words, this was the last time that Lena was going to tell you that as your girlfriend. Lena holds you tighter as you try to comfort her and rock her back and forth, whispering reassurances in her ear. Yes, you’re heartbroken about this but you still love Lena and she would always come first.

Staying in each other’s embrace for a while, you’re the first to pull away. Placing your hands on her shoulders, you look into her eyes, taking in every detail of them before you wouldn’t be able to see them this close anymore. “I had a feeling that you would return from work late so I packed all of your things already. I also included the jacket that you always loved to wear.”

“Wait, but isn’t that yours? I can’t have it. I-”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t need it anymore. Just take it...please.”

Her eyes look back at yours, searching for regret or remorse but instead finding love and only love. She stands up and starts heading to the bedroom to gather her boxes. You move to help her continue moving the boxes as she calls her driver to pick her up. After 15 minutes, her driver arrives and begins to bring the boxes down to the car. Before leaving, Lena turns around to take one last look at you. “I guess this is goodbye.” Sighing, you flash her a polite small, “Yeah, I guess it is.” Lena shifts in her place before saying, “I’m sorry.” You shake your head at her words, “Don’t be. It’s okay, Lena. Just remember that I love you and with that I always want you to be happy even if that happiness isn’t with me, okay? I know Kara will take good care of you.” Nodding her head, she gives you a watery smile before stepping out of your apartment and shutting the door behind her. Silence filled the room, only to be broken by your sobs pouring every ounce of emotion out of you.

The next day, you wake up on the floor; throat raw, eyes puffy, body aching. Taking a deep breath, you slowly move up from your position on the floor and try to make yourself presentable so others couldn’t tell you cried until you couldn’t. It was like clockwork, going through the motions of getting ready for the day not registering what you were actually doing. Finishing your routine, you start heading to the DEO where you worked in the labs. Upon arriving there, you lay your eyes on the beaming blonde wearing a familiar jacket. Oh. Oh. It’s the one you gave to Lena. The emotions start flooding back, your eyes brimming with tears as you quickly walk past and hide in the lab. You get into the safety and comfort of your lab and sit there until you can’t hold yourself together, praying that no one would walk in and find you like this.

I loved you every minute, every second

Loved you everywhere and any moment

Always and forever was just for a moment

'cause I was not the one, I don't know how

It’s painful to see the woman you loved so dearly give her love to someone else. At some point, you were on the receiving end of that love and those were probably the best two and a half years of your life. At that time, you truly thought that she was the one until you weren’t hers. That brief moment of time with pure bliss and love was just that, a simple moment in time. However, you know now that after giving Lena your whole heart and soul, no matter how much you try to heal from this, she will always have a part of you with her. You may never know when Lena decided you weren’t the one for her but it happened and here you are, trying to put on a brave face when you see Lena smile like she never had done with you. “To love is to hurt and, damn, did this hurt.”

Never knew of pain like this but I've got to know

Thought I loved you so

Why did you go?

I hate the way you let us go like it was all just nothing

Weeks had gone by and you were barely present, the world rushing by you in a blur. You spend all of your energy avoiding Kara and Lena so that you don’t have to deal with your emotions again. When you were alone, you either spent your time blaming yourself for the relationship failing or getting angry at Lena for leaving without a fight. You realize that it wasn’t really either side’s fault but you still couldn’t understand why Lena never fought for you. Were you not worth it anymore? Groaning, you lie down on the couch and look up at the ceiling. At this point, you couldn’t bring yourself to be angry anymore. You could never hate Lena no matter how much she hurt you. Even though you haven’t seen her in weeks, you know that you’ll still love her even though she’s with Kara now.

In your efforts to avoid Kara and Lena, every time Alex invites you to game night, you always come up with an excuse to not go even though you know that she sees you hurting. However, this time, Alex is determined to bring you to game night because everyone missed you and she knows that you need a distraction of some sorts. As you sit at your lab table, focused on the pipette in front of you, a presence makes itself known as you hear someone clearing their throat behind you. Finishing up what you were doing, you place the pipette down and turn around on your seat. Alex looks at you and firmly states, “Y/N, you are going to game night tonight.”

“Wait, Alex but I-”

“No buts, you’ve missed game nights too many times. Everyone really misses you, please.” You hear her voice grow quieter and more sincere at the end. Sighing, you reluctantly agree and tell her that you’ll be there by 7pm. She offers you a small smile and a thank you. Patting your shoulder and wishing you luck on your experiment, she turns around and leaves you alone in the lab. Oh God, what am I doing?

Time can heal my heart

Through the bad rainy days

I know that I will be okay

Walking up to Alex’s apartment you feel the anxiousness building in your stomach. Pushing through the feelings, you make it up the last few steps and find yourself standing in front of the door. With a shaky hand, you quietly knock on the door praying that no one would answer so you could go back home. Unfortunately, Alex opens the door wide open almost immediately, as if she was waiting by the door for you. Greeting you with a hug and a smile, she brings you in and everyone else lights up at the sight of you. A small wave accompanied by a slight smile is given and they all rush to greet you, asking how you’ve been doing and why you’ve missed game night so much. Unable to tell them the truth, you make up some excuses as to why you haven’t been coming as often in the hopes that they all accept it. It seems to work as they no longer push the topic any longer.

After settling in and relaxing on the couch, you hear the bedroom door open and watch as Lena and Kara walk out together, hand in hand. You feel your breath hitch and your mouth grows dry. Suddenly standing up, you rush to the bathroom, wanting to be alone and away from them. You grip the counter with white knuckles to ground yourself until you feel your breathing go back to normal. You spend a few minutes in the bathroom composing yourself and telling yourself that you’re going to be okay. Opening up the door, you make your way back to the living room and plop down on the couch next to Nia. Everyone could feel some of the lingering tension in the air and you glance over at Lena, making eye contact with her. You send her a smile and mouth, “I’m okay, don’t worry.” She nods and after seeing the small exchange between the two of you, the tension seems to dissipate and everyone relaxes. The pain gets more and more bearable every day. You’re okay. You’re okay.

You were not the one, I know that now

In a world still full of life I see color

In a bit of time 'cause we deserve better

Always and forever when the right one comes because

Part of loving you is letting go

It’s been a few months since the break up and you haven’t completely moved on because you know that a part of your heart will always reside with Lena however, you don’t feel the pain as much. You finally realize that Lena was never the one for you and that’s okay because she gave you love when you needed it and you reciprocated that love in a heartbeat. Sometimes, your heart still aches when you see how happy Lena and Kara are, and you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t wish that you were Kara so Lena could look at you with love in her eyes once more. But you’ve settled on being her friend because you loved Lena so much that you let her go. You let her go because her happiness was more important than yours in that moment and it will be for as long as you love her, even if she doesn’t love you back.

let me know if you would like to be added to my dc tag list!!

#*mine #lena luthor x reader #lena luthor x gn!reader #lena luthor x you #supergirl imagine #dc imagine #song fic #yeehaw this was one long boi #i listened to a lot of sad playlists including mine lmao

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marvelsdc22 · 3 years

Text

The Professor And I Season 2 Christmas Special

Intro: Hello, lovelies!! I hope you guys are having a good day/night and that this week is treating you all well!! Here’s a special one for you guys, this series holds a spot close to my heart, so I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do!!

Note: Y/N is trying hard to get back to life, but after everything that has happened, they find it difficult to do so, it’s a good thing Lena’s around to help them through this difficult time.

Word Count: 1652

Season 1 Christmas Special S1 Season 2

Its been about a month now since the funeral for your father, you were slowly getting used to your new arm that Lena had helped build for you, some days were better than others, you would get irritated and fight with anyone who would try to tell you otherwise, not only were you not able to have much use with your arm, but your best friend was locked away in a place called the D.E.O. where you couldn’t go since you didn’t have the right clearance, but it was the only way for her to learn how to control her newfound powers, having almost killed you and Alex with them when you guys got into it, to say you were stressed was an understatement.

“Babe, I know it’s hard but-“ Lena tried, getting cut off by your groan of frustration as you struggled to move the fingers on your new robotic arm “Don’t act like you know how this feels! I don’t see you trying to learn to use an arm after losing your own!” You snapped, glaring at her and your features softening when you saw her wince at your tone and avert her gaze “I’m sorry” you apologized, knowing your snapping wasn’t helping anything and looking at the robotic arm, trying to move it again but failing, sweat trailing down your face from trying so hard since this required a lot of strenuous activity “It’s okay… Why don’t you take a break?” She suggested, carefully taking the arm off you so you could rest.

After she set it down on the coffee table of your guys shared apartment, she went over to you and gently cupped your cheeks “I love you, I am so proud of you” she said, looking at you and you bit your lip as you reached up with your right hand and rested it on hers “I love you too… I’m sorry you have to go through this” you apologized, knowing this was no easy task for her either “It’s worth it for you… Why don’t you go shower? Your mom is expecting us bright and early in the morning, so you won’t have time in the morning” she said, looking at you and pressing a small kiss to your lips before she pulled back, stopping when you took her hand “Join me?” You asked, just wanting her there with you since you guys had lost a lot of time together this past semester “Of course” she smiled, leading you into the bathroom.

Once your shower was over, the two of you cooked some dinner, you doing what you could with one arm before you guys cuddled up in bed for the night after dinner “I’m glad we got this place” you said, you guys having went through with your plans to move in together at semester break, having found a great place not too far from the school, but far enough to not raise any suspicion “Me too, it’s nice” Lena said, this being the closest she had ever been to someone and reaching over, gently wrapping her arms around you and pulling you to her, smiling when you nuzzled against her chest as you got comfortable and feeling her kiss your head “Get some sleep, it’s going to be a busy day” she said softly, gently rubbing your back as the two of you fell into comfortable silence.

A few hours later, you woke up with a gasp and sat up quickly, running your hands over your now sweaty face and through your hair that was still wet from the shower “Hey hey hey” Lena whispered, having woken up when you jostled the bed, turning on the lamp on her side before she rested her hand on her back “It’s okay, you’re safe, you’re with me” she said softly, hating seeing you like this, you having nightmares almost every night since you saw your father die “It’s my fault, I should’ve gotten there sooner, I should’ve-“ you rambled, starting to hyperventilate until you felt Lena gently grip your wrists before she moved to sit in front of you “It is not your fault, your father knows this” she promised, looking at your tear-stained face as you locked eyes with her, your breathing slowing down as it went back to normal “Your father loved you and he is watching you from wherever he is, he is so damn proud of you and he wouldn’t want you blaming yourself” she said, looking at you and watching as you let out a sob before you hugged her tightly “I miss him” you cried, feeling Lena tighten her grip on you “I know, baby… I know”.

The next morning, Lena drove the two of you to your mother’s house, being sure to get you your favorite Starbucks drink before you both settled in for the two hour drive, her hand never leaving your leg unless she needed to shift the gear, her driving a manual which she had tried to teach you to drive before, but that was on hold for now until you got used to your new arm which you guys had in the back so you could practice, the two of you going to stay at your mother’s for the week “Do you feel warm enough?” She asked as she stopped at a stoplight “Yeah…” You said softly, the closer you got to your mothers, the harder it was to keep your baring, so you tried not to say much.

When you guys got there and your mother opened the door, the two of you stared at one another for a moment before you hugged each other tightly, you trying really hard to be strong for her as you felt your mother let out a sob “It’s okay, he’s in a better place” you whispered, rubbing her back some as you let her cry into your shoulder, pulling back after a moment and giving her the best smile you could muster before she went and hugged Lena “Come on in, it’s too cold to be standing out there!” Your mother said, wiping her tears and giving you guys a smile before she let you both in.

“When do the others arrive?” You asked, knowing you guys would have a full house for the week since your family didn’t want your mother alone at all during these holidays “Your cousins Sarah and Jesse should be here in an hour, the others will arrive tomorrow” she said, looking at you and gesturing for you to go “Go on and get settled in your room, I’ll be in here when you get all settled” she said, giving you guys a smile before you helped Lena carry the bags into your old room “Mommmm” You whined when you saw she had put your old sheets on, the ones with One Direction on them and hearing Lena let out a chuckle “What? It’s cute” she chuckled, kissing your frown before she set the bag in her hands on the bed.

Over the course of the next few days, you guys were busy with getting last minute Christmas shopping done and decorating, to you just trying to use your new arm, the next thing you knew, it was Christmas day and your mom was cooking in the kitchen with your aunt Shelia and your grandma Betty while your younger cousins were running around in the living room, playing with their new toys “Come with me?” Lena asked, taking the coffee mug in your hand and setting it on a nearby table, leading you to the back porch after you pulled your shoes and large coat on since it had snowed overnight “Lena, it’s cold” you whined, following her as she chuckled, just leading you over to the lake right behind the house “This won’t take long, promise” she said, turning to you and giving you a small smile.

You raised an eyebrow when you saw her sudden nervous composure “Okay…” She finally said, clearing her throat as she pulled a small box out of her pocket “Lena-“ It’s not that! Not yet anyway” she assured you, having seen the panic on your face until she opened the box in her hands “This is something before that… A promise ring, I’m promising myself to you… No one has ever made me feel the way you do and if you’ll have me, I want to use this to show my commitment to you” Lena said, knowing that had been the big issue with the two of you over the semester and she wanted to make it known that you were hers and she was yours.

Staring at the ring, you couldn’t help but start to chuckle, making Lena furrow her brow “I’m sorry, I-“ she apologized, stopping when she saw you pull something out of your pocket “Ironic, we had the same idea” you said, struggling for a moment to open the box until it finally opened, a small promise ring inside it, you watching as Lena stared at it before she smiled and took it out of the box “Put it on me?” She asked, handing the ring to you before holding her right hand out and letting you slip it onto her ring finger, before she did the same with yours “No more questioning us… I’m one hundred percent committed to you” she said, resting her forehead on yours as you smiled “As am I” you said, leaning up on your tip toes and kissing her gently “Can we go inside now? My toes are freezing” you said, causing her to laugh before she pocketed both boxes and picked you up bridal style “Of course, as you wish” she said, giving you a smile before carrying you into the house, while this Christmas was sad, Lena always knew how to make you smile and one day, she would be yours… Forever.

Permanent Taglist: @rianncreates / @natasha-danvers / @youngandwildx7 / @stewie-castle / @hopingforbarnes / @xxxtwilightaxelxxx

Supergirl Taglist: @aznblossom / @stop-drop-and-drumroll / @worlds-in-words / @wlw-in-space

Lena Taglist: @life2-live / @ianarec / @thelonewriter247 / @kalistory-blog

The Professor And I Taglist: @youlookterribleilookawesome / @ironsnowstorm / @rebornpoet / @scottishgirl1998 / @lezzzbehonesthere

End Note: I hope you guys enjoyed it!! If you would like to be added to a Taglist, shoot me a DM or an Ask!! Have a great holiday week and have a good day/night!!

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Top 20 Animated Episodes of 2020 Part 2 (#10-#1)

And we’re back.. The first part is HERE, which includes the first 10 and my thoughts on this past year in animation, so we can cut the long intro and get right into it. This is the best episodes this year had to offer in animation, and it’s , without meaning to, at least a third bojack horseman. On with the show.

10. I Am My Monster (Steven Universe Future) “We all had Steven when we needed him, but the only person who's never had Steven is Steven. He's always been there for us, so... how can we be there for him now?“ Oddly “The Future”, a finale I did really truly enjoy.. is not on this list. Really good episode, it’s just Future was easily one of Steven Univereses best season, tightining up the pacing without loosing what made the series feel special and really digging into some of more unhealthy aspects of steven’s life. And while the future is good and certanily the needed epilogue.. this episode is the climax, the cumilation of EVERYTHING Steven had done and gone though and something fans sadly saw coming and just had to simply watch, unable to help as Steven slowly lost himself. Previously on this list we saw him hit rock bottom and it only got worse: He went to home world, attacked white diamond due to his pent up trauma and once again ingored attempts to help him, this time from the diamonds and spinle, angrily refusing to listen to his own words she she sang Change at him. This only got worse in the briliant and sadly edged out of the list “Everything’s Fine’ A really damn painful episode where steven tries to assert he’s okay and act normal.. only he cant and he destroys everything around him, and even repeats pearl’s text trick from a single pale rose with a pained voice message to connie saying to help steven. But the pressure of the LONG overdue intervension and the fact it came too late.. means steven confsses his recent sins.. and instead of taking them for twhat they are, spur of the moment acts caused by a toxic influence and a fuckload of ptsd and unreseovled issues with white that while certanly not okay are symptoms of a larger issues takes it to mean “Im a fraud”.. and thus he horriingly corurpts. So here we are as Greg, Connie and the main gems all gap ein horor as Steven has corrputed himself, reduced to a monster whose not even malcious just.. sad.. so full of self loathing he can’t function and at risk of STAYING like that. And the relization hits hard.. and hits everyone who joins in hard. The auxilery crystal gems soon join but attempts from both groups to stop Steven do nothing. The diamonds arrive.. and not only are saddneed by what htey’ve doned but equally powerfless to stop him. Everyone breaks down, blaming themselves for not seeing this sooner and for speding YEARS piling their issue on the kids, everyone ready to give up as they loose the person they care about most.. except one. Connie proves to be the hero of the episode, rallying the others with the above, pointing out Steven would happily help them if he could.. and that’s the problem. He’s spent his whole life fixing other peoples problems and focusing on that.. but never had someone to be HIS Steven. Fighting him’s not going to work.. he needs to know he’s loved... in the end the final battle of the series is not some struggle of life and death.. but of love. What wins the day isn’t a fight, though our heroes various powers do come in hand to restrain steven.. but it’s all of them, one by one telling them they love him in easily the most tearjerking moment of the series, cumilating in connie softly playing a kiss on his nose... and it’s this that FIANLLY frees steven from his self made prison.. finally realizing h’es not alone and that no matter who or what he becomes.. his family loves and forgives him. While we REALLY needed the next episode to wrap things up after this swell of emtitions. this was the climax the series desrved: after spending 6 seasons trying to help everyone ELSE and fix their issues he never should’ve had to.. it’s eveyrone else who gladly pitches in to fix steven’s own issues, to help HIM when he’s at his lowest point like they’ve been, and make it so he can FINALLY heal and finally find himself once and for all. IT’s one of the finest episodes of the series and easily the best of future.

9. The Perfect House (Close Enough) “I’m this close to connecting garfield, TO JESUS” This one’s just really funny, charming and creative. Simple as that.. I could move on but eh i’m a wordy bastard. Once again we’re focused on Emily, this time as we find out an endearing hobby of hers: She likes visiting open houses and fantasizing about affording a better place she likely never will afford, one with trash can nooks, a kitchen and a living room that are fully seperate, and indivudal bins for tea and sugar... and when it’s pointed out she dosen’t drink tea it’s only because she has nowhere to put it. But after Josh and Candace get them thrown out, if adorably so, Emily is forced to face reality... i.e. Alex, in one of the series finest gags, in his underwear with conspiracy boards trying to connect garifled to jesus and having a jug of his urine around for some reason. Did I mention I love this weirdo because I do. Brigette is painting in the ktichen.. using her body as the canvas, though in a bikini because the show wasn’t streaming only yet. You’ll have to wait a season for possible boobs. Naturally this just stresses her out so she goes to visit more houses while Josh vows to buy a family bike, a large circular bike for the whole family, as an activity because of course he does and of COURSE he also has a recurring issue of being mocked by some random kid about not having one.

So she escapes and meets dave and caitlin, a husband whose family life is miserable and a child star who got emanicapted and they quickly form a psuedo family to look at open houses.. only to, as if to remind you what show your watching, instead end up in a tgif sitcom... and trapped in a styigian void, with only Emily desperate to get out. Also she’s been missing three days and Josh has some thoughts on that and goes after her. Naturally given she’s crashing in on her fake sitcom family, this oly has him seen as a plot element, and Emily’s attempt at cursing and everything she can , while hilarious fail.. but the climax is what makes the episode and what inches it slighlty above quack pack.. which itself was fucking awesome. Instead of FIGHTING the format... Emily is forced to play into it, and realizes a cheesy moment of emtional honesty is what’s needed. She apologizes to her fake family, saying their nice but she has to face the world and to josh and much like Donald, seroiusly this episode was made years ago and there’s no way in hell frank knew about it, she just needed an escape but it’s more healthy: instead of wishing for a life she never had Emily just wants a break from the life she does for five minutes. She’s happy where she is, with her loving husband, wonderful daughter, impulsive but still carring best friend.. and well okay maybe not Alex, there’s somethihng really wrong with him, but as much as I love the guy I admit he’s not for everyone. I’m also a borderline feral man covered in hair who wants people to know i’m smart. I get him.

IT’s this that sets her free.. and we get another amazing gag as Dave’s family shows up and Dave chooses the fantasy.. though instead of this being thorughly pogiant it’s just “classic dave”. COmplete with title sequence. And of course it ends on a family bike with Emily getting those tins from Josh. Their relationship.. is REALLY what makes both this show and this episode in paticular work. Here while Emily screws up, it STARTS innocently enough, simply faking being a family and spirals into tgif because while this show isn’t, possibly, in the regular show cinematic universe, it’s defintely in the same multiverse. She just wants some peace of mind from a chaotic life, but dosen’t resent her husband or anything.. he just frustrates her sometimes which is fair. But he’s never portrayed as an abusive asshat which you think would be a low bar to clear but.. you’d be suprised. Point is it’s a wonderfully weird and somehow still unique despite being one of three tgif parodies this year. Seriously that shit is a goldmine. It’s how Dashieel Driscoll got half a season out of full house and a good chunk of a very special epsiode as a whole out of it. Though a certain incident helped.

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Point is good show, jolly good show... and ew’ll be right back with the rest afte the cut

8. Agony of a Witch/Old Bodies, Young Souls (The Owl House) “You always thought you were better than me! That I could never Beat you at anything! “ “I AM Better than you!” “Then WHY WERE YOU SO EASY TO CURSE?!” The Owl House was a show I took WAY too long to catch up on after missing the second half of season 2.. minus Enchanting Grom Fright which I caught first run and we’ll get to that story shortly. Point is my procastnation did me dirty here as this show , which was already fantastic just got better and better, cumulating in this epic, heartdestroying, soul punching, beautifully animated finale that takes everything the show has built up thus far, blows it up in some places and uses it to beautifully end in others, leaving us with a new road for the future. So yeah naturally it’s been a long ride as one of Owl House’s strength.. is that no episode is filler. No really, each one has a purpose great or small in the larger narrative, and every major arc has been expertly paced and crafted, bringing us to this point. The only major arc or plot thread left out is Amity, and that’s honestly for the better. Make NO mistake, she’s a great character.. but like fellow great Donald Duck, she was left out because the episode had a LOT of emotional stuff going on, a lot of plot to fit in, and a lot to do and it’s simply better for her character and for the moment’s she’s bound to have in response to well.. everything happening here, to let it breathe next season rather than try to shove it into an already stuffed two episodes. But this episode is one long string of payoffs, and payoffs creating more setups: So all season Eda, our loveable witch, has been grappling with a curse that turns her into an owl beast, one that’s been getting worse as far back as the mid season finale Escape from the Palisman. She’s been needing more and more elixer to combat it, a harrowing parallel to some real world diseases: Sometimes your meds can only DO so much to combat something actively killing you.. thankfully this time.. not speaking from personal experince. And Luz finds out soon into the episode as Eda makes a cloak of witches wool, which can deflect powerful spells, to protect herself.. only to black out and go owl just as she’s saying she’s fine. Like most parents would Eda hid just how bad things have gotten and it’s gone from needing just one bottle of elixer to needing their entire suply, and even that barely worked. Despite her mentor’s assurances, Luz is now PAINFULLY aware her mentor is on borrowoed time... not helped by the fact the coven attacked earlier that morning and she finds out by finding hooty playing tea party with them, meaning Eda is outgunned, outmanned and while Lilith failed, again.. the emperor can now easily find her himself and send whoever he wnats and however many people he wants to fetch her.. and Eda can’t use too much of her magic or else. So while Eda and King, touched by how much Luz has changed them, decide to throw a suprise party with King making a big cake to jump out of and Eda using witches wool she intended for herself to make her a cape. Meanwhile as you’d expect Luz.. is plotting a dangerous and life threatning mission: with a field trip to the Emperor’s Coven that day, one she was going to sit out because you know they hate her second mom for dogmatic and vile reasons the episode fleshes out, she finds out they have an artifact called the healing hat that can seemingly heal anything. So she does what Luz does and comes up with an impulsive plan to heist the thing.. but for once her impuslivness isn’t played for laughs. Her mother figure is slowly sucumbing to a fate worse than death, for once instead of just acting rashly because Luz.. she’s doing so because she KNOWS, that she has no other choice. Nothing else in sight and she’s smart enough to know that if Eda had a cure she’d of told Luz about it. Even if it was dangerous or required a sacrifice or something Eda would’ve just left that part out. But the trip serves a few other purposes besides getting Luz where she needs to be for the plot that makes it work: it elaborates on just what the emperor’s coven is like and WHY Emperor Belos gets away with everything: He claims to speak for the titan, the giant dead monster whose body makes up the boiling isles and who, as Luz has discovered, is the source of the magic there. So when he bloodily, I mean it’ sa kid show so they dont’ say so but given how violent this one is i’m asssuming bloody, took power, he claimed they were doing magic wrong, killed any hertiics and set up the rigid coven system. It explains just WHY the boiling isles limits themselves, gives the whole thing a creepy dogmatic religion vibe.. something that i’m REALLY suprised disney let them get away with as they had to fight for gays in the series.. but at the same time shouldn’t be because hunchback of notre dame exists and Soul , released the same year, was a big gamble against the bible belt. So their not afriad of religious groups.. but they ARE afraid of homophobic groups.. which have a lot of overlap.

Point is it’s a good storytelling device.. and cathartic given i’ve been playing Fire Emblem: Three Houses as I finally bought it with some christmas money. Good game, probably will talk about it in the future, not the point here.

The point is that the visit gives us some worldbuilding that helps show just how much of a threat the coven is and why their so intent on capturing Eda. We also finally meet belos, god emperor and man tired of Lillith’s shit and giving her till twilight to get Eda.. or presumibly die. I mean he dosen’t say it but he sure is implying it as loud as he can. That’s when things go pear shaped for Luz who finds the hat.. and LIlith who has found her barganing chip to lure Eda to her, which works as well as you’d expect and leads to the best figh tin the series thus far and one of , if not it’s best scene; A duel between edith and lilith. And while they fought back in Covention this time it’s not a petty squabble between siblings masquerading as one trying to capture the other.. it’s fight NEITHER can afford to loose. Eda can’t loose her protege and Lilith will loose everything, dying at best being cast out of the coven at worst, if she fails not to mention loosing what she feels is her only chance at saving her sister. But it’s also VERY clear Lilith is groosly outmatched, and while no slouch herself Eda’s constant bragging about being “the most powerful witch on the boiling isles”.. is entirely backed up. Lilith barely is able to hold herself and only gets ahead by using a child as a shiled, going even lower than her sister. However the stress of this, the build of having been the older sister of someone who constantly outshined her then turned entirely against her, finally causes lilith to snap.. and reveal the curse is her fault. Cissy Jones delivery here.. is jsut perfect, showing a mixture of rage and pain, showing that she’s spent YEARS hiding this, years resenting her sister for constnatly being better desptie working harder and doing the right thigns. Even when she’s trying to HELP Eda, genuinely trying to undo her mistake as we find out and as we’ve seen genuinely sees the emperor as the wise and benevlolent god he portrays himself as.. she can’t let it go. SHe can’t see past her own bitterness to see her sister is right and if she could just let this go and work on Eda’s terms instead of forcing Eda into her world, then maybe it wouldn’t of gotten this bad. Maybe she could’ve told her.

Eda takes it about as well as you’d expect, and Lilith.. uses this to threaten luz’s life and force eda to use up her magic to save her, leading to the series most heartbreaking moment and Wendy Mallick’s best acting so far as she bids her appretnince a tearful farewell. Luz RIGHTFULLY and angrily lashes out at lilith calling her a monster while Lilith takes Eda and urges luz to go home... and after a tearful ending with king realizing something’s deeply wrong.

So thus next episode after a history lesson from king and some suprisinging caution as he KNOWS what Luz is up against.. Luz still decides she dosne’t care. Eda’s sacrificed herself, to Luz it’s her fault she’s in this which while KINDA accurate missues some fine points such as her sister’s stubborness or the fact had lilith not shown up she could’ve taken the hat. And the fact LIlith saying the hat was junk was pretty unreliable. What i’m saying is maybe the child shoudln’t blame herself for being kidnapped while genuinely tring to reach the same goal.

But Lilith soon learns to her horror her sister was right. While Belos restores Eda’ss sentience even fully owled.. he has no intrest in helping her, eveyr intrest in publicly petrifying her, and not even the slightest hint of remorse at betraying lilith this deeply. After all her faith in the man.. Belos spat in her face and told her to like it. Meanwhile Luz goes on the warpath, and we see just how far she’s come.. and WHY Belos is probably so restrictive with magic and put it on such a tight leash: we see that with her natural power and just a handful of spells, the four she’s pciked up over the season, she easily curbstomps the conformotrium staff, gets to Eda fairly easily.. and fines sshe can’t free her and eda wants the door destroyed so whatever Belos wants with it, he can’t have it. Luz heads home, ready to destroy the door.. onlyt of ind two things. her magic dosen’t work there.. and Lilith followed her and grabbed king. After a breif fight and Luz angrily and rightously confroting the asshole, wish she was in Eda’s place.. Lilith admits luz’s right and gives her backstory: That her insecurity was so great that on the day before a duel with Eda to determine who got into the emperoror’s coven, she curfsed her own sister, with no idea it’d last this long or get this bad. And with no idea Eda had lost intrest in it and WILLINGLY gave her sister teh spot.. It’s very clear despite her masssive flaws that will need to be adressed.. lilith never stopped caring about her sister, and it took all this to make her realize that trying to fix the mistake on HER terms without including her sister.. instead has almost cost her it. So Luz and King relucntnatly take her help, though the other two are quickly capatured when theyt ry to get to hte exceution platform and thrown in the cage with Eda.. which dosne’t help the coven’s reputation as gus and willow try to make a case for Eda. Meanwhile we get the SECOND best fight of the series as Luz challenges Bellows.. and it’s UTTERLY chillling and while he’s had scenes before this it’s here we get the true scope of who he is ..and that like eda the god complex is something he can back up. Whlie Luz proves just how strong she’s gotten by keeping up with him it’s barely, and it’s clear from the moment go, and one of the series best shots, with Belos creeply materlizing behind her before announcing “sure, i’ll play” that this is a game. She’s no challenge to him and he simply wants to see waht she can do and is mildly impressed if a tad annoyed at her actually damaging his mask. But with Eda, King and Lilith’s lives in the ballance the only way Luz can save htem.. is to give him waht he wants.

Thing is, just like Lilith, just like everyone has, good an dbad all season.... Belos undereesitmated luz.. who left fire runes on the door, willnig to sacrifice ever seeing her mom again if it meant keeping him away from her. While he has no invasion planned whatever it is CANNOT be good. Luz saves them, and Eda flies them off with Belos saying the titan dismissed them. Also that Belos has a big penis.. super huge, size of a tractor that one. Yeah that’s the ticket.

But we get a happyish ending as LIlith does what she should’ve done a long time ago and apologizes, and Eda starts to fogive her, brought on by King earlier standing up to her as whle he’s not happy with her either, he realizes from her story she’s not a bad person.. just a very messed up one who couldn’t own up to her mistakes. One who belivied in the wrong person to fix her problem and finally takes repsonsiblity and part of the curse into her. So with the sequel hook of Eda having lost her internal magic power but still being able to use glyph’s like luz, we also find out the Emperor has the door and a mysterious masked minon,.. who i’m fairly certain isn’t amity only because it’s too obvious. This is simply how you end a season: It’s engaging, heartbreaking, well animated and pays off EVEYRHTING so far while setting up the season to come. It’s going to be a LONG wait till next time, mid-this year.. but I can wait. The high from this one’s going to last a while.

7. Good Damage (Bojack Horseman) “ That means that all the damage I got isn't good damage. It's just damage. I have gotten nothing out of it and all those years I was miserable was for nothing. I could have been happy this whole time and written books about girl detectives and been cheerful and popular and had good parents, is that what you're saying? What was it all for?! “

Bojack Horseman is one of the best shows of the last decade, and an important one to me. it was the first one I watched when we switched to all streaming. I really related to Bojack and his struggles with depresion and self loathing.. which backfired given he’s a much worse person than me and while I could relate, I also compared myself too much to a character who in retrospect is both far worse and has FAR MORE issues than I do and diffrent ones at that outside of the depression and self hatred. The point i’m framing is that the series and I have a complicated relationship and that coupled with how bad 2020 was meant it took until a few days ago to finally finish it, almost a year later. But I cannot deny how good the show is: it has faults, a bit of reptititon in some character arcs, casting a white woman as a Vietnamize-American woman (something both Ralph Paul Waskerberg and Alison Brie have apologized for to their credit), and .. I can’t think of a last one. They never brought Ralph back? Yeah let’s go with that one what the fuck there. So I felt I owed the show one last round and it payed off as the final stretch, while easily the hardest to get through due to covering the collapse of Bojack’s life, is easily one of it’s best.

But before the fall, we get Good Damage, which instead of focusing on BoJack focuses on Diane, said asian woman voiced by a white lady, neurotic writer and Bojack’s best friend, who has moved to Chicago to be with her boyfriend guy, a chill, charasmatic and likeable buffalo cameraman. Things are going better than they ever have: she’s in a supportive relationship and thanks to her antidipresenants, while still her loveably neurotic self, is now not obessing over shit as much and is solving her problems with applomb. Even the weight gain from her meds, which she dreaded in the previous half of the season.. has insteead only made her look healthier and happier, and more beautiful than ever.

The only problem is she can’t write her long promised Memoir, which Princess Carlolyn, her former boss, agent and loveable pink cat and single mother, has promised to a lot of celebrities. She TRIES, she puts lots of work into it, keeps trying to sit there but nothing comes out. And what makes the episode truly great is how this is presented. Bojack is no stranger to beautiful, visually diverse episodes, Stupid Peace of Shit being a notable example and one similar to this one but uniquely great in it’s own way, but this one is easly the bes,t using a squiggly crude style to show just how chaotic and uncomfortable diane is and how stuck she is. She’s TRYING, but she just can’t make her life’s story into anything GOOD, she can’t get the words out which as someone whose had reams of projects I never startd, even to this day and who has genuine trouble writing fiction.... I related to this like all hell. But even people who have never had an intrest in writng can just get the feeling thanks to the wonderful writing and animation, from cameos by the rest of the cast to Diane’s father showing up as a goblin to the word boxes showing what she’s writtne it’s just a treat. But what centers this amazing visual represtnation is Diane’s internal struggles as an encounter with a rude sales person leads her off on a tangent..and to Ivy Tran, a teen detective whose upbeat, optimstic, and in a great bit outlines who she is in jsut the right amount, and solves mysteries in a food court. It’s a genuinely good idea, one I honestly think could support it’s own series... seriously get on that Ralph-Bob. Get on that. Point is it’s good.. but Diane’s so hung up on what she SHOULD be making, she can’t see what’s right in front of her, despite guy saying the passages are good. Things come to a head when Diane makes a huge mistake and goes off her meds.. which from experince never ends well: for the entire episode she’s been under the impression she can’t write because of them.. only to be proven HORRIFYINGLY wrong. It’s a VERY necessary aseop: that your medication will always be with you and that going off it suddenly, or blaming it for writers block not only isn’t true but is DANGEROUS. Diane spirals, cries and her writing gets dark and full of self hate. It’s then Guy proves just how fucking majestic he is: he figures out what’s going on after she tells him, and helps her get to bed so she can rest, puke whatever she needs and they’ll talk about things after she takes her meds again and gets her head on straight, when she’s in a good place to do so. As someone with mental illness.. ti’s nice to see a character who not only supports someone fully, but knows how to handle it. Instead of a shitty third act breakup like many shows would do guy stands by her. He does however step SLIGHTLY over the line, if iwth good intentions and reason and send Princess Carolyn the Ivy Tran pages, because as he puts it he made an executive decision.. and when Diane is a bit annoyed by that as it does sound a tad douchey, he rightly points out she was in a really bad hole of a place, stuck in a loop doign something that even before going off her meds was clearly hurting her and going nowhere, and needed SOMETHING to snap her out of it, and did so not to hurt her or because he thought he knkew better or , like her ex husband, because he was oblvious to her needs; he did it because it was the hard but necessary thing to get her to seee she had something special and that she dosen’t have to constnatly tear herself up by diving into past traumas because of some internal obligation.

Naturally Diane dosen’t take it despite Princess Carolyn not only being impressed but PREFERRING the ivy pages, as she was genuinely unaware Diane had something so happy and charming in her. While Diane is worried about it when the two end up meeting in person, we soon find out why: If all the damage she went through wasn’t “good” damage, things she could writ eabout and use later.. what was it for? Could she of just been happy this whole time? Did she waste her life. And in a rare moment betwen the two PC helps Diane walk it back, explaning that she can do what she always wanted: write something that makes someone like her feel not alone. That she dosen’t HAVE to make her life story into something complicated, just make what makes her and other people happy. Something PC’s daughter could enjoy one day. So Diane finally accepts that maybe there’s something else for her.. and then we get a segue into the next episode with bojack having a panic attack and pasing out but that episode, good as it was didn’t make it so moving on. We also check in with Penny, the daughter of an old friend of bojacks who he nearly slept with and is stil haunted both by the decision and a drunken later visit to apologize... which isn’t helped remotely when max and page, two reporters inovlved in teh subplot that tears bojack’s life apart, start hounding her. While they have good intentions, exposing Bojack’s connection to Sarah Lynn’s death, the two’s methods still come off as creepy, following a, at this point , 21 year old girl whose been through ENOUGH home. While the two aren’t terrible people their actions.. are.. while getting hte story ismprotant is it truly worth genuinely harming this person. And penny wonders if she SHOULD air her story.. she ends up not.. but only because her mother, while lettiner he decide, poitns out it may not be worth all the pressure and possible trauma it digs up,especially since Bojack is getting what he deserved anyway. IT’s a decent subplot tha tties up a loose end but really makes our journalist characters feel like assholes for again, basically stalking and harassing a young woman who didn’t want to rehash the worst moment of her life. Otherwise top notch stuff.

6. Heart (Parts 1 and 2) (She Ra and the Princesses of Power) “Don't you get it? I love you! I always have! So please, just this once... STAY! Stay. “

Now we get to the gays winning.. and to one of the best series finale in recent memory. And given the other two titanic shows ending, one of which we’ll get to’s ending in a moment, last year, it’s a huge compliment. Heart is how you end a space opera... with big wonderful speeches, great payoff, a huge climax.. and a beautiful cathartic kiss paying off the relationship at the heart of the series that ends up saving the universe. So let’s just go ahead and crack open that pinata: The kiss.. was easily one of the best moments of animation this year and, at a time when the quarantine was starting, misery was spreading, and things looked pretty damn bad, having a major animated show, one of the biggest of the last few years, climax with an emotional moment between two women, one the series had been setting up since day 1... it was a huge step foward for gay representation in children’s animation, and warmed my big bi heart. And it’s not just good because of that: the fact it’s a giant pile of representation is wonderous, but it’s because it’s also well baked into the show. This is the conclusion of both their character arcs: Catra finally realizes Adora will not abandon her and her leaving the Horde was not choosing them over her.. it was simply doing the right thing. So instead of running or trying to escape she’s grown enough to fight for what she wants and fight for a future with Adora. Adora meanwhile finally overcomes her martyer complex, her determination, especially after Angela’s death, to make sure no one else is gone and she’s the only one that suffers and looses. To make sure there’s nothing else. It’s Catra’s confesssion that FINALLY gets it through her thick skull that she dosen’t have to be alone or bear anything alone.. she’ll always have someone with her to do that.. and even before Catra.. she’s always had friends for that. She dosen’t have to be alone. So the two embrace and it’s fucking beautiful..and gives adora the full power of the doomsday device they went to shutdown in the first place, restoring the planet.. and allowing her to destroy horde prime’s fucking soul. I just want to reiterate that because it understandably got lost in the shuffle of the gays winning, but our heroine fucking tears out the main villian’s soul.. and it is SO damn satisfying given what a truly repulsive , irredemible, asshat Prime was. So the two finally get a future together, a chance to build and to stop letting the past define them. It’s wide open. But while that alone would probably net it on this list but it’s damn good otherwise, an epic final struggle between our heroes and the horde for the fate of not just their planet but ALL of htem as Prime prepares to finally wipe everything else out in egomanical genocide. There are just.. tons of awesome moments in this one: Bow and Glimmer’s suprising but welcome love confession, Seahawk annoying mermista into fighting her chip, the people of etheria fighting back.. and the reason they do is easily the second best moment of the episode. With the chips down, not literally, and things looking bleak Bow hyjacks Prime’s egoamnacial hologram.. and broadcasts for everyone to fight, to fight back, and to END THIS. After spending most of the series as the one trying to keep his friends together, the glue of everyone.. it’s bow’s heart, courage, and voice, the one that lead his friends through some rough times and severed as reason when they needed it most wether they listned or not.. that frees the world and with Entrapta turns the tide at long last. It’s just a hell of a moment. And the only other moment equaling it is Hordak freeing himself and deciding he is his own man, he made himself tha tway for better and worst and kills prime, at least before adora finsihes the job with the badass “I am HORDAK and I DEFY your will. “ It’s just a wonderful, epic finale that pays off most of the shows major arcs, gives our heroes a MUCH deserved happy ending after spending their lives at war, and let it be said one last time, gave gay representation in children’s cartoon one hell of a win.

5. Nice While it Lasted (Bojack Horseman)

“ No, I need to tell you... thank you... and... it's going to be okay... and... I'm sorry... and... thank you... “

Back to back finales here and honestly both are REALLY close in quality, both satisfyingly paying off their series. But both take equal and opposite routes: Heart is an epic finale in scope size and impact... while Nice While it Lasted is a very stripped down character piece: there are other characters in the background but after the intro the only voiced characters in each segment are Bojack and one of the main cast, each one both showing how much said relationship has evolved since the show began, and giving Bojack time to reflect on his possible future. I say possible because one of Nice While it Lasted’s best aspects it that there’s no real concrete ending for Bojack. Ther’es still closure: after his life emploded and he nearly died, more on that in a bit, Bojack ended up in prison, offically for breaking and entering but unoffically for all the shitty things he did with him glumly accepting it. So one year later he’s out thanks to Princess Carolyn for her wedding, sober again thanks to prison and even started his own acting class at the prison he’s geninley invested in, inteding to continue it once he gets out. But otherwise.. his future’s in flux. HE’s sober for now, but he’s painfully aware that could change again, his friends while, with one excpetion, still having a place for him in their lives, have moved on, and his career is on the upswing again despite being a pariah a year ago because as I mentioned earlier and as PC brilliantly puts it

So he could become a better man, get his career back, make amends for what he did and stay sober.. or backslide and fall down into the same traps he always has. It plays into an aseop the series has always preached: There are no real endings, life just goes on. Even for the rest of the cast hteir lives aren’t over.. their just in a good place.. maybe bojack will, maybe he won’t. Tha’ts up to the indvidual viewer and I like that. While ambgious endings can be frustrating and I get while some preferred the more concrete if still somewhat ambgious ending of a view from halfway down, I feel this fits the series better: Bojack, like the end of every season is moving on to something new, but this time we don’t know what, and that’s okay. IT’s time for us to move on. Well okay not from this entry as each vingette deserves some praise: Our first has Mr. Peanutbutter pick up Bojack from prison, and even get him a new suit.. and then another one offscreen because predictably for his life BOjack got meatball all over it. He also calms our hero down when he wants to go back to jail, letting him know it’s okay and he’ll be there for him.. unless his friend Erica shows up but what are the odds... 1:1. But what’s nice about it is while Bojack still makes jabs, it’s clear he’s gone from truly hating and resenting PB for being the betterversion of him.. to truly seeing the guy as one of his best friends, his jabs having gone from hurtful and bitter to wry and warranted. I mean they were warranted a lot back then too he’s just a lot softer about them.

At the wedding Todd and Bojack finally reach some form of understanding after years of awkwardness, the two having reconclied but not being really remotely close or in each other’s lives hardly anymore after Todd’s understandable blow up at Bojack in “It’s You”. Here Todd has Bojack rush him to the beach to cary him on his shoulders.. to watch fireworks because he could tell he was overhwelmed, the two having found a rhtym again, with, like with mr peanutbutter, Bojacks jabs being a lot friendler and Todd having a respect for his own needs while actually being present for bojack instead of ignorant of how bad things were like he was at the start. He even helps BOjack see even if he DOES replase.. he can get right back on the horse, couldn’t resist that one sue me, and as the hokey pokey says turn himself around.

After, in one of the best payoffs of the series, finally trying Hondedew and finding it’s not so bad, Bojack dances with PC, admittingh e half hoped he’d have to help her go thorugh with it before the two run through the scenario, and PC expresses some honest fears with bojack helping her showing how the two hav egone from a horribly stiffing relationship.. to two close friends who are probably stuck with one another for life. Sunk costs and all that. And if bojack does want to act again she knwos some people. But for now PC finally really has everything she ever wanted:: A daughter, and a loving husband in judah.

Finally we have the most painful of the group because of course the Bojack finale wouldn’t be all sugar and would have to punch us in the gut. Bojack finds Diane again who hasn’t talked to him.. because he called her the night of his near death/sucidide and due to putting the blame on her due to being high out of his mind, made her feel like it was his fault during the 7 hours she could reach no one and thought he was dead. Diane is hurt, feeling betrayed that bojack promsied he’d be fine then possibly left her with the pain of his death on her concious forever. Thankfully she’s doing fine, as she’s now married guy and Ivy Tran is a huge success and probably a series now.. but it’s abudnantly clear her friendship with Bojack is over.. but even this bittersweet, and necessary, seperation, as Diane has moved past LA and Bojack needs to stop relying on her and stand on his own two hooves, still warms the heart as she thanks him and lets him know i’tll be okay, and endugles him in telling her one last story, a rathe rfunny one about prison movie night bfore the series ends on the melancholy and apporriate song mr blue as the two gaze out and they see each other and we see them for the last time.

4 The Wasteland (Infinity Train)

“I'm as good as dead, and if my last act is to bring you with me, sliver, I can't imagine a better way to go!” “Well, I can! “

So from a bittersweet ending to holy shit that’s depressing, we have our only entry from Infnity Train on the list. That’s not to say the series did bad this year. Season 2 was easily the series finest hour, taking the framework from season 1 and crafting a gripping story of a teenage mirror person who just wanted to live without assholes trying to kill her for what she fundementally IS, and be recognized as a person, with the help of a magical deer and a more optimstic teen grappling with his peer pressure issues. The series was still undoubtly silly with a parasite voiced by Bill Corbett, wonderfully so, and again a magical deer named Alan Dracula, long may he reign, it simply deconstructed the nature of the train and thus opened up the floodgates. By giving us a denzin who, after years of being someone’s reflection in both senses of the word, just wanted to live and how that clashed with the train and the racist assholes she met alnong the way, from the ones who wouldnt’ stop trying to kill her.. to humans who considered her as nothing more than a plaything at best and something to get rid of at worst. While Season 3 was not bad, if a bit way too strcuturally messy and trying to do too much at once, Season 2 still handled the same issues but in a much tighter frame storywise. And that’s why only one episode made it: Most of the episodes, espicially the later ones, are pieces of a large whole, with the show being heavily seralized. Which while a great approach intended for streaming, also means it was hard to find a chapter that worked that well on it’s own, steven universe future had similar issues. But I did and the wasteland is easily the darkest, harshest and most intresting episode out of the batch. The episode opens at MT’s darkest hour: The apex told the mirror police where she is, Jesse is gone, and MT is now running for her life from the sadstic assshole and his spinless partner who want her dead just for existing.. gee can’t imagine why a bunch of assholes refusing ot acknolwedge other peoples opinons, rights or even existance was a big topic last year.. or this year.

So while Mace, the main mirror cop, manages to handcuff her MT manages to throw him under the train. THe result is her trying to escape the train by wondering i’ts vast desert, forced to drag Mace along as he taunts her, bleeding out slowly from you know being bisected by a train. It’s a really moody peace as Mace mock’s mt’s dreams of escape and justify’s his own selling out, while MT pokes holes in that: he was so desperate to not nonexist.. he’s willing to kill others who just want the same. IT’s a damn hard watch but fuck if i’ts not compelling.

And the climax is what makes it. MT finds out she can’t leave the bounds of the wasteland, as it only projects so far and after escaping the ghoms ends up back on the train, with Mace, not long fo rthis world trying to kill her.. so we get a 13-14 year old GRINDING HER HORRIFYING ABUSER UNDER A TRAIN WHEEL. Just jesus.. I mean I kind of get HBO Max’s point that MAYBE this is a bit much for kids. I mean i’ve seen other really dark stuff but holy fuck a man died.. and we see his blood splatter. But it’s this horrible, harsh moment that makes the episode.. as is MT”s reaction.. not one of triumph.. but of exaustion and horror at what she’s done, before steadying herself to prove him wrong. A hard one to write about but damn it was good.

3. Enchanting Grom Fright (The Owl House) “Dear Luz, will you go to Grom with me- Amity” Now we THANKFULLY get to something lighter: the gays winning.. again. Coming out during pride month, phrasing, and only a month after the she ra finale we got this delightful episode. As I said earlier I watched this one first run: while I was super behind, I couldn’t resisit to the point I watched it before that week’s amphibia. I was that curious what was going to happen. See as i’ve given out about quite a lot.. and I mean a LOT, Disney dosen’t have the best track record with gay representation: they don’t do horrible sterotypes or anything.. but they also don’t do much of anything for the most part. Alex Hirsch has outright spoke about how much he had to fight just to get Blubbs and Durland firmly together in the finale, and how the symbols for the love god were widdled down to just male and female. And around the time this episode came Disney was coming out of a REALLY bad batch of pr stunt gay representation: They made a big deal about the first gay x in an x having gay characters in avengers endgame, star wars: Deep Hurting and onward.. but these were cameos AT BEST, with the endgame one being so minor I genuinely didn’t realize the character was talking about dating a man and only found out afterwords. Sure Ducktales had gay dads, which is awesome and always will be.. but none of the major cast was allowed to be openly gay. I mean we know webby and lena are gay but hell if disney would allow that. But miracoulsy.. shockingly and wonderfully.. Disney DID mange to finally just say fuck it and let some big gay rep in, something so obvious it can’t be ignored and that actually features the main character and one of the most major supporting characters. And what do you know, the good press and pats on the back outweighed the bad. It’s almost if giving up homophobic markets in exchange for doing the right thing.. is a GOOD thing while also being profable. Who’d a thunk. Point is via sheer perstiance, Owl House creator Dana Terrance got to not only make her lead bi, which Terrance herself is, but have her love intrest be a girl. And I find it genuinely wonderful that gay, bi, pan and what have you children can watch this and say “tha’ts me and this is okay”. But even minus Owl House saying gay rights.. the episode is just REALLY good and part of it is who it focuses on. Amity easily has the most character devleopment out of the cast going from someone who walls herself off from everyone, revels in her superiority.. to slowly opening up to heroine Luz, realizing Luz is not a bad person and that Amity herself dosen’t have to be, and right before this starting the road to patching things up with her former best friend willow. Allt hrough this said friendship had been prettty, prettyy, prettyyy gay. And that’s wonderful obviously, but part of why I watched this was while I HOPED they’d get to be couple.. I wasn’t convinced since see a fucking bove. But I was happy to realize that oh my god I was wrong, the gays won all along.

So with Amity a better person she’s naturally syampthetic when sh’es put front and center at hexside’s prom equvilent which while having a dance, gromprosals and a disco ball tha’ts also a sentient being, becuase boiling isles, it also has the queen or king forced to fight a horrifying monster that manfiests as your greatest fear. And, as we find out towards the end.. Amity’s is being rejected by Luz, having her love letter, which she fails to deliver due to running into luz.. and co (which is my faviroite gag of the episode and the adorable smiles gus and willow give in response are what make it). And . it makes sense. When you stop and think about it.. Luz is the best thing in her life. She got her to change as a person, genuinely cares about and adores her, just wants to be her friend and thinks the world of her. Given her siblings, while trying to be better, are two disaster bisexuals who just stopped a lifetime of untietonally harsh bullying and her parents are controlling asshats who made her abandon her best friend at a young age and she sees LILITH as a mother figure, just let that sink in given a few entires back.. yeah.. no wonder sh’es utterly terrified of rejection. Poor baby.

Of course WE know Luz wouldn’t. Luz may be many things, including oblvioius to thte freaking obvoius as this story line has revealed, but shes not cruel and even if she said no, which I higlhly doubt she would, she woudln’t be a dick about it. But being surrounded by cruel assholes for some time has made Amity a bit paranoid so Luz volunteers to sub in to both genuinely help her friend.. and to prove to eda she can do this. Eda is also chaperoning. and looks neat in a suit, while King and Gus get a wonderful b plot of mcing the dance with the egotisticl king having issues with stage fright. I will get more into that when I review the episode proper, come back in a month for that. But yeah while Luz does well when the time comes, and while sadly not wearing her otter suit does wear a wonderful tuxedo with a tutu.. she has her own repressed issues to adress as Grom takes the form of her mother, as Luz has been nursing guilt over not telling her the truth about what’s going on. Luz runs, and Amity ends up facing her fear to save her crush and the two get a wonderfully romantic, and desturctive dance together as they face hteir fear, untie as one and kill that motherfucker... well okay i’m not sure grom can die but it’s gone for now. The dance sequence.. is easily one of the best scene’s all year, beauituflly animated and painstakingly planned out, with wonderful music.. it’s just awesome and what takes the episode ove rthe top, with the two perfeclty in synch as they take grom out in less than a minute. Also king become prom king and queen, he is best of both as Luz’s own personal issues put a damper on things. Also someone’s been writing her mom.

Overall just a perfect episoe and a perfectly gay episode of one of the best shows going right now. Speaking of a perfect episode of one of the best shows going right now, tha’ts also on disney.

2. Escape From the Impossibin! (Ducktales) ”We have to keep them safe” “But not like this!” So from some emotinal torment mixed with some lovely shipping, we get a whole buttload of emotional anguish but with a robotic scrooge and the time loop room and the time loop room and the time loop room, and time l...

As I said in part 1, Season 3 is easily Ducktales best so far, having far better pacing, character ballance and bolder and more intresting stories than ever before. While the first two seasons are still excellent, this one has taken everything great and honed it and no episode shows off just how great this season is than this one. This one takes place in the fallout of “Let’s Get Dangerous!”, with the family dealing with finding out FOWL”s not only still alive, but is run by Bradford, head of scrooge’s board of directors former shush agent as we’d find out later, and asshole, who knows all their secrets. And given Scrooge is mildly paranoid on a good day and Beakly is extremley paranoid on her best day, it’s done a number on both as they’ve split the family minus launchpad, who just had a whole episode so fair enough, up: Scrooge has taken Della and Louie, wiht their see all the angels schtick, to test out his new security, while Beakly and Donald are securing the house while Beakly has webby throughly test the boys. Neither side goes well. The bin ends up locking our heroes out due to Scrooge’s password being changed, and forcing them to work past it. Louie rises to the challenge, as does della.. but as they beat a robot versoin of scrooge, because of course the final test would be a robot version of scrooge, Scrooge is instead of triumphant at not being dead, incredibly depressed and furious. Because when told he’s scrooge mcduck he tellingly replies “AND WHAT IF THAT’S NTO ENOUGH’. For once.. Scrooge is SCARED, up against someone who knows his every move and is one step ahead, iti’s how it’s always been, no matter what he’ll do, he’ll always loose and Bradford will always win. I REALLY need to watch spies are forever, point is he’s scared and Bradford PROVING the point by revealing he was behind it and taking over the robot dosen’t help. Our heroes win though in a damn impressive action sequence, but as it turns out.. it was just a distraction.. but we’llg et back to that. The other plot though is whyt his is so high. While the first plot is a fun romp with deep eomtional consequences.. the second plot is decidly far darker.. it still has some good bits as webby terorizes the boys and easily one of the best in the season when she horrifying imitates dewey, but its’ only when she does finally attack she realizes she’s taken it way toof ar. She’s terrorized her brothers, caused huey to break his leg and then turn her away when she tries to help.. all she’s done is turn them AGAINST each other and they can’t win this way. Beakly strongly disagrees and clealry lost in her own paranoia and fear, prepares to attack huey.. and thus Webby steps in... leading to one fo the most heartbreaking and tense fights in the series as grandmother and grandaughter fight one on one but both are outmatched.. but Huey and Dewey, despite everything, refuse not to help their sister and help pull webby up, with Webby panickidly realizing something’s VERY wrong and her granny usually isn’t like this when sparring... and is also chasing them. This leads to the roof, in a rainstorm no less, and Webby relcutnatnly ready to fight even though she clearly knows she both can’t win.. and dosen’t want to anymore. Despite her wilingless to scrap, fight and train.. Webby dosen’t WANT to hurt her granny she just wants to help her. Thankfully, the boys attempt to stop this, while failing horribly, catches donald’s attention as he catches them, ntocies what’s going on and furiously refuses to let this go on. While Beakly tries to ignore it and fight..s he instead slips and despite everything, the rest of the group rescue her, with Webby impressing on her grandmother that they aren’t fowl. They wont’ win acting like them and tearing each other apart.. they need to be the family they are. But if all that wasn’t enough turns out.. yeah, Bradford’s thing was a distraction and with the rest of the group distracted with Beakly, that meant his plan went off without a hitch: all the missing mysteries have been taken by FOWL, in a masterstorke that ties both plots together and brings what seemed like isolated adventures on their own in a tagnetally related plot into the fore. Everything so far has built up to this.. and despite the loss.. the family, having been through a dark night of the soul, is ready to fight back. They want the rest of the mysteries? Their going to have to fight clan mcduck in their elment. And it’s been glorious so far. A tense, well paced, hard hitting episode, this one’s a winner. and almost got #1.. ALMOST. But as much as I tried to not go with the obvious chocie, the one with tons of press and praise and that’s graced tons of best of lists... I had to go with what was honestly the best. So...

1. The View from Halfway Down (BoJack Horseman) “Oh BoJack, there is no other side. This is it. “ This episode was my main reason for catching up with the series and finishing it off once and for all. Awash with praise and hype I was curious about this one.. and my curiosity paid off. This is easily one of if not hte best episodes Bojack put out in it’s storied run: it’s creative, impossible to look away from and devistating: in short it’s the show in a nutshell.. and it’s a hell of a view.

Previously as mentioned before Bojack’s life blew up and he lost just about everything, from his friends, though as the finale bared out only one of them stayed away for good and for good reason, his only family in hollyhock, his house, even horsin around. He had nothing left.. so high on drugs and in his old house he passed out at the end of last episode.. and we wake up here with a recurring dream as Bojack has a dinner party at his mother’s house, another wonderful performance from Wendy Mallick. Everyone there is someone Bojack knew who died: his former best friend he betrayed Herb, Sarah Lynn his former child co start turned washed up 30 something he let die, Courdory, a co star who died trying to get off david caradine style, Crackerjacke, the uncle he never knew who die din the war and his parents, distant mother Beatrice as mentioned and his father, who is in the body of his hero secretariat who comited suiccide in this unvierse due to getting banned from racing, as that’s the kind of weird shit dreams do. Also Zack Braff, who has no real conncetion to bojack but still died during that time Mr Peanutbutters house sunk into the earth and his ex wife Jesscia bIel formed a death cult. The group play a game of best and worst, lay into each ohter and have some really intresting conversations with Bojack confident of when it’ll end: before the show their always mentioing. But this time, it’s diffrent.. Bojack is there for it so we get a trippy and horrifyimng stage show as Bojack watches the various people one by one vo into a black door, allt he while bojack coughts up sludge and is persued by it, unaware where he was before this. Sarah Lynn gives one last song, a reprise of a song from previous in the series, Courdroy does a ribbon dance and zack braff gets on roller skates. And bojack has a frank conversation with his dad, with his dad/secretariat revealing he DID care but was just so filled with loathing he coudlnt’ admit it to his son and thus was an abusive ass.. and then reveals to bojack he’s not waking up and bojack horryfigngly see shimself, drowning ina pool. And while he frantically, heartbreakingly tries to flee... he can’t. There’s no exit for him. As herb tells him, this isn’t the afterlife, this is his brain making sense of his last moments, and ther’es no way of knowing if he’ll get rescued, no way to do anything but watch.. watch as his father secretairat shows suicide in all it’s horror by letting it know he wouldn’t of done it if he knew “the view fro halfway down”, a horrifingly haunting poem that sells just how bad it was. As beatrice and crackerjack also go we’re down to herb who introduces bojack... before going in himself, claming there is no other side. Bojack tries not to go genle and runs, and in a horrfying sequence is surronded by the ooze as he tries his damndest to escape.. but in the end he can’t. As herb said.. he can’t do anything about this. So speaking to his min’ds version of diane he accepts he probbaly won’t be coming back and we hear a monitor as we fade out. While we know it’s not the end now... there’s no way of telling then.

The View from Halfway Down is a haunting, beatuflly animated, masterwork, taking 6 seasons worth of communinity and regret and shoving it in bojack’s face in an intresting way, while bringing back characters we thought we’d never see again for one last go round. It was patcually nice to hear LIn Manuel Miranda and Wendy Mallick again,, and Kristan Schaal is always great. The show ALWAYS had a horrifying habit of having it’s penutlimate episode be an utter gutpunch that broke you, with the finale picking up the peices and offering some hope.. and this was no exception. They literally saved the best for last, and it was worth the wait. The view from halfway down may be gahstly,.. but the view of this episode is hauntingly beautiful.

So that was the list, and it was.. a lot taking 2-3 days to finish all together over both parts. But it was worth it and hopefully we can get back to some regular stuff later today. For now, thank you for reading, and hopefully i’ll see you somewhere in the sunset.

#steven universe future #steven unvierse #the owl house #lumity #catradora #She Ra and the Princesses of Power #bojack horseman #close enough #infnity train #2020 #best of the year #animation #disney #cartoon network #hbo max #netflix #disney channel #lbgtq

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