#but depression can be rough

[softpine]

she's looking especially sacrificial lamb today 🥩

#we're so back baby #i think i'm finallyyyy through the worst of this awful depression i've been in for the past like. month and a half #i mean i woke up this morning and thought ''the sun is so beautiful'' so i think i'm good for now fjksjds #which is great because there's some heavy stuff coming up that i just couldn't handle in that mental state #so i'm hoping i'll be able to move things along a little quicker #but also i might be getting a job in retail against my better judgement so who knows #i've never actually worked in retail... i've done food service and i was a cashier at a pop up shop but nothing like an actual store #but i seriously can't find a job with my degree nor can i even find a desk job. so i'm. man. it's rough out here #i might have to move. but with what money?? lmao the eternal dilemma #SORRY this is a whole diary entry #i hope you guys are well 💖

[canisalbus]

IDK if I'm phrasing this correctly, but in my brain, Vasco is, like, the personification (caninification?) of an afternoon chilling on a back porch swing.

.

#ah #that's adorable #I can totally imagine him doing that #answered #anonymous #Vasco #to me he usually conjures the feeling of being warmed by sunlight #winters in northern Finland where I'm from tend to be pretty rough at least for me they are #they last about six months or so #sun starts to set earlier and earlier until it gets dark before 2 pm #in december the sun barely rises at all it's like this brief moment of twilight at noon between two 22+ hour nights #it gets harder to wake up in the morning and your energy levels plummet you go into battery saving mode #polar night messes up your brain seasonal depression gets really bad #and the cold and dark goes on and on and you feel like you'll never feel warm or happy or properly awake again #but eventually it starts to veer towards spring and on one day you notice that the sun is shining??!?! #not like bleakly and weakly but proper sunlight with warm hue and capability to actually warm the things it touches #you've forgotten what it looks like when it's truly light outside #and it's the craziest feeling to see bright natural light it blinds you and pierces right through into your very core #being kissed by the sun for the first time in months feels unreal it feels SO GOOD #I don't know it's probably not that big of a deal for people around me #but I personally react to things like changes in temperature and the amount of daylight pretty massively #I like to think that Vasco is a first ray of sunlight hitting you after you've spent what feels like an eternity in someplace cold and dark

[batz]

-

#spending so much time doing house stuff when i have dpwntime all i can do is snooze #the landlord replaced the fuckd up laundry machines tho! we have these fancy ones now tht sing annoyig songs when th clothes r done #gonna start painting soon and then im gonna be reattaching the cabinetry in the kitchen bc its all fuckd up #frank.txt #u know despite how rough things are i AM hapy w this place . its so cozy and VERY quiet . and my abuser doesnt know where i live anymore #which is gr8 ! i can go outside and im less likely to deal w irl stalking again. still an agoraphobe bc stalking scary as hell BUT #At least im an agoraphobe in a cozy house that is far away from my prev place so its also safer #mental illness and seasonal depression and ptsd stuff kinda make this month scary for me BUT #its ok. its esp ok bc im making ham on xmas. literally all is well when i can make a big meal and watch ppl eat my food #downsides of this house - well ttoday i saw a stinkbug in the oven:(

[slythernnn]

Gpoy

#this week sucked ass lol #like 0/10 #idk what planters were where this week but it was ROUGH #planets* #gods I’m so drained #but I have so much school work to tomorrow 😭 #I can’t wait till Christmas break so I can turn my brain off #and I don’t have to take anymore English classes #and I can already feel my seasonal depression creeping in so that gonna suck real hard #maybe I’ll visit V since she’s in California #the sun would be so helpful #i aestheticlly love the rain and gloom but my sanity begins to dwindle the longer I’ve been away from the beach #anyways #me #self #face #shut up rian

[ghostbustingreen]

Bowuigi going from niche little ship to a 'popular' ship has become a blessing in disguise. On the plus side, we get to see so much more adorable art, but I also keep seeing people fighting and gatekeeping. Over ships. In 2024.

#( ;; ooc ⦙ irl weegi ) #[ ship wars in the year of our lord luigi 2024........ ] #[ what is this? the sonic fandom? ] #[ it's depressing b/c luigi has TWO hands ] #[ he is filled with so much love #let him love all your muses #aside from dimentio he can die ] #[ also i'm sorry for being a lil slow #one of my dear kitties just got diagnosed with cancer which has been rough ]

[thethingything]

I'm absolutely determined to pay attention to all the seasonal changes and embrace them as much as possible this year and to try and romanaticise it. we've tried to do the same for the last couple of years too but I think we're getting better at it over time

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #happy posting #it's like how we used to say we couldn't stand summer but last year we actually enjoyed it being summer #and now I'm looking forward to it but I'm also looking forward to enjoying spring first and watching everything come to life outside #and I'm looking forward to autumn when it gets cooler again and we can embrace getting cosy #and maybe we'll have better coping mechanisms for the seasonal depression like we coped better with the summer depression last year #but that's far away and there's so much to do in the meantime #and hopefully once we get there it'll be fun to look back at what we did #I'm still clinging to the thing about doing what we can to make it a good year regardless of what happens #I've noticed that when we do have a rough time now we start craving the things that are good for us and will help in the long run #like keeping up with journaling and making gratitude lists and doing our hobbies and focusing on self care #which seems like a good sign. things can be shit but we're slowly getting better at finding ways to deal with them

[skullmoss]

on my current stardew valley save im realizing that i dont think shane is an alcoholic the way pam's an alcoholic i think that dude is just severely fucking depressed and self-medicated with alcohol. and once he starts turning things around and seeing a therapist he's able to still drink on occasion.

like he's kicked the habit & cut back, when you marry him and trigger his 14 heart event it cements that, but i don't see him still having alcohol from time to time as "regression" or a "relapse".

#alcoholism cw #like there are different ways addiction/alcoholism manifests. #and i think pam is the kind of alcoholic who (if she were to ever seek sobriety) canNOT have a drink or else she'll relapse. #where shane was the kind of 'former' alcoholic who can and will cut back but still drink when in the right headspace. #stardew valley 1.6 update has me in the TRENCHES for this guy bc younger fans dont UNDERSTAND and are weird control freaks for pixel people #AND LIKE FOR THE RECORD I THINK PAM IS ALSO DEPRESSED her & penny's life is clearly Rough. #but i think her alcoholism is more....the “traditional” kind if that makes sense???

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[feydfuckernation]

Happy bipolar awareness day <3 :)

YOU'RE TELLING ME THERE'S A BIPOLAR AWARENESS DAY AND I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT IT??? this is incredible thank you so much for this. happy bipolar awareness day to you too my friend 🦁💖

#without going into too much detail i've been going through a pretty rough depressive episode and this genuinely means a lot to me rn #living with bipolar II (and bpd) is a rough go of it sometimes and it can be very isolating at times because i don't really know anyone #else who has it #happy bipolar awareness day to you and to anyone else living with it 🦁💖 #answered #ooppo #saved #mental health tag

[babacontainsmultitudes]

*waving awkwardly at whoever happens to be walking by* Just a little heads up (since I guess I feel weird not giving any sort of notice?) that I’ll be making a point to be on here much less going forward (not disappearing, I’ll still be around, but probably only popping in now and again)… At least for now! Summer is always a difficult time of year for me, to be honest with you, and being chronically online definitely won’t help with that. So… Yeah! As per usual feel free to @ me to make sure I see something (y’all can also dm me lol no need to be shy). 💜

That’s it! Again just felt like leaving a little notice aha… Anyhoo, y’all take care and be safe :] ✌️

#BUT for the little handful of people I chat with on Discord- #I very much do want us to stay in touch and encourage you to message me liberally about literally whatever #Rat… Countless… Fey… I mean you know who you are I think #Cal you’re included in that implicitly too haha ik we don’t talk directly all that much but we’re friends and we really oughta keep intouch #Anyhoo that’s it yeah! #Like I said #summer can be pretty rough for me #On the one hand I have a very romantic view of summer #On the other- it tends to be when I’m most prone to falling into depressive episodes #Alsoooooo- I have to admit that while I’m very grateful for this fandom and all the cool people in it that I’ve met #I often kinda miss when listening to it was more of a thing I did with myself if that makes sense?? #Well now I have a few closer friends that I absolutely still want to talk about the show with- #But overall yeah I think at least for the next bit I want to go back to enjoying the show without all the fandom stuff attached #Well. AHA I’ll still be around like I said just- okay this is such a long ramble for nothing LOL typical Baba… #:3 Listen take care and don’t be shy if ya genuinely wanna keep in touch is all #💜

[acheemient]

Hey y'all, this angst has been great and all, but some of us have depression 😆

#good omens #depression #mental health #ineffable husbands #good omens fanart #honestly this is sort of a joke but the holidays are a really really rough time of year for a lot of people including me #not to mention I'm going thru something of a crisis at the moment #and i really do love all of the art and stories #but this is my Comfort Thing at the moment #and i really just want my angel and demon to snuggle and fuck till they have no fluids left #i want love confessions and minor minor misunderstandings that get ironed out in the next few paragraphs #i want them being nervous to hold hands but not being able to stop themselves #i want teasing and flirting and laughing #i want rot your teeth sweet #and melt your brain sexy #let them be happy and gay for the holidays #like #can we do a smut battle next? #this could be about any fandom probably

[galaxywhump]

going through it, venting in the tags

#idk the last few weeks have been so rough #i recognize it's mostly the shitty weather and general gloom making my depression worse #but that doesn't make it suck any less #it's been this constant onslaught of negative emotions #and even more negative thoughts #including very drastic ones #i'm behind on a lot of things but i can barely motivate myself to do anything at all #and i'm yelling here cause i don't have irl support and bottling all that up is horrible #so i don't know. if anyone has any advice or something that would be wonderful #but i'm not really expecting or demanding that #just needed to get it out #so thanks for sticking around #today's been a day filled with full-on sobbing and randomly tearing up #i'm gonna have one hell of a headache tomorrow #anyway #marti vents #venting #suicidal thoughts tw #just to be safe #mental illness tag

[unsurebisexualcore]

y'alls parents ever start acting really nice and calm all of a sudden and u just get reallll nervous. like we havent spoken abt school without it turning into an argument in like 4 years, tf happened why ru acting like this what did u find out

#genuinely nothing makes me more nervous than my parents randomly being really nice to me #liek i know that sounds horrible and really its not a bad thing its very much a “tough love” situation #so when the love is less tough it makes me anxioussss #sometimes im jealous of people who dont have secrets from their parents yall dont have to deal w/ this shit #its liek watching the industrial revolution tumble into the great depression #shits about to get rough i can feel it in my bones #and it keeps me up at night #i think i know what it is (or what i hope it is) which in theory is pretty harmless #but god if im WRONG and its another thing #i am so screwed #personal

[prrcyjacksons]

bookologist -> eldestdaughterr

because I'm feliznavi-dying and life is short and I don't want to die an old maid having not changed her tumblr url once, so.

#mentally and emotionally dying bdw #going through a rough patch #sorry to be depressed on main #signal boost if you can :') #random

[daz4i]

i know aging isn't the end of the world and 24 isn't that old and life isn't a race etc etc etc. however,

#i think a big reason i feel so bad abt being this age is ppl told me this is when things start to get better #and i still feel the same way i did as a teenager so. well. is it really 😐 #(being on t probably isn't helping but it's been over 3 years already so... not an excuse i think) #but I'm also physically aging like the reason i barely upload selfies anymore is i see myself getting uglier every day #despite fighting for my life to at least take care of my face and hair...... can't fight the passage of time 😔 #+ ofc. my (younger) friends being way more sorted out than i am on every level #again ik life isn't a race but. it can't help but hurt to know I'm still behind literally everyone i know #and my excuses for that aren't even good. bc other disabled ppl my age are also more sorted out than i am #other depressed ppl other borderlines other autistics etc etc. hell these are also my irl friends 😭 #and it's dumb. bc feeling like i wasted my life isn't really pushing me to change that now. just makes me want to die even more #(bc i mean what's the point. i will never catch up. I'm still at the starting line AND i move so slow it doesn't even count) #(i don't have a single milestone ppl my age have not even finishing high school which is like. the bare minimum) #(and it sucks bc i also know i have potential i KNOW i can do shit in theory i know I'm smart and got skills. but i can't put it to use) #(and now this is turning into less of a thing abt age and just generally me talking abt how i wasted the last 24 years) #this was more of a stressed rant abt how I'm turning ugly and feeling super old but well. it all boils down to self loathing at the end 👍 #vent #negative // #ask to tag #sorry for being so depressing all day oof ik i already said it before but it's been a rough couple of months #(nothing happened my brain just needs to get flushed down the toilet ^_^) #edit: i think. part of my panic about aging. is bc as a kid i was used to being the youngest everywhere #i was the youngest in my class bc i started school a year early. i was the youngest in acting school bc they don't normally accept teenagers #and in addition to that as an adult but before starting t i was always told that i LOOK young too #but now ik i look like I'm in my 20s. and it's killing me that i aged this much in so little #i wonder if shaving my beard will help but i don't wanna get misgendered 😐😐😐 and rn it's the only thing guarding me from that

[swordsonnet]

on the off chance anyone on here followed me for my jonmartin fake dating au, currently standing tragically unfinished at 7 out of 8 chapters: i'm still working on the last chapter! i would love to have it up this year, but unfortunately i can't make any promises, because i've started a new medication and the side effects are wreaking havoc on my mind and body. haha isn't chronic illness fun. but rest assured the fic is the beating heart under my floorboards, and i WILL finish it one day

#i feel pretty bad about it because my update schedule has been really inconsistent for the whole fic :/// #and now the final chapter is going to be even more epically delayed than the other ones #should've probably finished the whole thing properly before i started posting it but you live and learn i guess #my chronic illness really messed with my ability to write and i hate it #like the chapter is almost done. under normal circumstances it wouldn't take me long to finish it #but it's like my brain has forgotten how to make words happen. ugh. #i don't want to let people down by making them wait so long for an update #but i also don't want to let them down by giving them a mediocre chapter y'know #if all goes well the new meds might help with both the chronic fatigue *and* the depression which would be an absolute godsend #but ngl. the side effects are rough. and they can apparently last for up to six weeks #and i've only been taking the meds for about 2 1/2 weeks so i've still got a long road ahead of me #i also started my period yesterday which certainly doesn't help lmao #delete later maybe #just needed to vent for a lil bit. and as everyone knows there's no better place to discuss your private business than tumblr dot com