#but does that mean i truly am important to someone’s life

[lure-of-writing]

Why can't we?

Authors Note: Oh My gosh guys, the love on part two was insane, truly thank you so much. It makes me so happy seeing all the comments and reposts it means the most to me. Part three is officially here and I am so excited for you to read it and I can't wait to see what you guys think about it. Without giving the ending away I would love to hear what you guys think about an alternative ending? Anyways if you have any request or ideas please send them in and again thank you all so much!

Summary: After leaving the night court you begin to find your place in your new life, that is until the night court comes to be directly in your home.

Word count: 4.0k

Warnings: Angst, arguing, (Let me know if I forgot any!)

Part one: Never been good enough

Part Two: Left in regret

Thesan was waiting for your arrival with the captain of the peregryn army in the common area of his home. They had been waiting no more for ten minutes until they heard the thundering of wings and watched as Kolos landed with you in his arms.

Kolos was second in command under his captain and a lifelong friend of yours. Having been raised alongside him you knew he would never pass judgment upon you and also provide the support you would undoubtedly need in the following weeks as you figured out how to put your life back together. You were born into the dawn court but had chosen to leave with the idea of being able to be used to your full potential as a spy and you did in fact find that in the night court but you had also never regretted a decision as much as you also loved the people you met and memories you made from that said decision. 

“Y/n welcome back home to the dawn court, we have missed you sincerely.” Thesan the living embodiment of calm energy welcomed you with open arms and a warm hug. “I assume all went well?” you could tell that the question was directed at Kolos “Yes they didn’t try to stop us but I think y/n has something very important to tell the two of you.” Without another word Thesan took a seat in a chair and motioned for everyone to do the same. “Azriel…Azriel is my mate.”  you watched with a baited breath for anyone to say anything and for a while no one did that was until your high lord spoke up. “And how do you feel about that?” 

“Well considering that he's in love with Elain, not very great. But I am not going to force either of us to be in a relationship that the other does not want. He was only apologetic because we are mates. If we weren’t he would have never chosen me.” In the week that you had been residing back in your home court you had kept all this information to yourself, unwilling or maybe even unable to accept the cards you had been dealt but to finally tell someone other the Kolos felt like lifting a weight off your chest. Like it was a start in the right direction to leaving the past and starting anew. 

“This is certainly unexpected information.” the captain spoke up “Yeah you’re telling me.” a breathy laugh fell from your lips as you glanced at your high lord waiting to see what he had to say. “I guess that means I can expect letters from Rhysand or maybe even a visit from the night court?” Thesan looked at you in question. “Oh no, I don’t think that will be happening. I made myself very clear to Azriel that I didn’t want to be his second choice or anything like that. If I haven’t been good enough for him in the almost five hundred years of knowing him then why would I suddenly be good enough now? I’m not interested in partaking in those mind games.” 

“Very well. I support whatever decision you make. Always.” you bowed your head in appreciation to the kind ruler. For as long as you remember Thesan has always been kind to you, always let you do as you wish and have control over your own life. He never offered any input unless asked and always listened with compassion while allowing you to figure out your own life, the least you could do is serve in his court to at least restart to repay him for all the care and compassion he has shown you in life. “Thesan? If you would allow it, I would be honored to serve in your court again, it's the least I can do to repay the kindness you have shown me.”  you could tell the captain was uneasy with your request and it made sense you had just come from the night court claiming Azriel as your mate and now wanted to serve in his lover's court. But truly you wanted nothing more than to leave behind the past and start building your new life in the dawn court. The court you were always supposed to be in. “It would be an honor to have you serve in my court.” 

Surprisingly it had been almost six months after leaving before the night court reached out to set up a meeting with you and the high lord but upon your request it was denied. You had finally settled into a routine not only within the court but within your own life and you had no plans of having any member of letting the night court interrupt that. “So how many more times do you think that they are going to send a letter before they get the hit?” Kolos sat at the kitchen table and watched as you made the both of them breakfast. “Honestly I don’t know. It's one thing in Rhysand is sending them himself but it's another if Azriel is asking him to send them. You know how Illyrians are, too stubborn for their own good.” Kolos couldn’t help but laugh at your statement for it held nothing but truth. “I suppose you are not wrong but what happens if there is a high lords meeting? You will be expected to attend.” The food was set before him as you moved to take the seat next to him. You placed you head on your head and smiled at him “It's a good thing I have my own personal warrior to protect me” 

During the first initial weeks you stayed in the court palace but soon after you moved into Kolos house. At first it was only because you would never pass up the opportunity to live with your friend, especially in the time of trying to move past your old life of the night court and what's a better idea then moving forwards with the support of a lifelong friend. As the six months came and went you found yourself becoming interested in Kolos and it was safe to say that the same could be said for him. The line that was becoming increasingly more blurred of friends and lovers had never been crossed but something told you that it would be very soon. 

You were at the daily meeting with Thesan and all of his other trusted advisors including Kolos when the announcement was made. “Rhysand has requested a high lords meeting, he also asks that it be held here.” there it was, the final card that you knew Rhysand had to play. Unlike most courts, Thesan had two emissaries, one was an older male and the other was you. He handled the day and night court while you handled the summer, spring, autumn and winter court. Theo, your counterpart, could not handle the likes of Berons offspring but unlike him nothing brought you more joy then the verbal sparring match that was bound to happen while dealing with Eris. Being in charge of the seasonal courts meant you had no idea what was happening with the other ones. Didn’t know it was escalating to the point of a high lords meeting being called but you also knew that when it came to Rhysands brothers he would stop at nothing to help them. 

You could feel everyone's eyes on you. Nobody knew the full reason as to why you had returned to the dawn court but your departure from the night court had piqued enough interest that the fae in the room were looking to you for the answer as to why Rhysand requested this meeting. You knew why but refused to acknowledge it. “And what exactly is the reason behind this meeting?” Kolos was quick to pull the attention away from yourself and onto him. “He wants to see how everyone is doing after the war and talk over next moves.” you watched as Thesan weighed his options. “Very well, the same rules apply as last time.”

The date of the meeting had been set for three months after the letter had been read, as it was to ensure each court would be able to attend despite their excuses. You had spent the morning getting ready trying to fight off the nerves of having to see your old family again when Kolos decided that he had enough of watching you fight the thoughts running loose in your head. Leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed he simply watched for a minute as you perfected your makeup. “You do know that if Azriel tries anything I will kick his ass.” startled you look through the mirror to meet his eyes. “You also do know that the last time there was a high lord meeting that he was able to get through the barriers? I mean you were there.” Kolos simply gave you a shrug and a sly smile before taking in your outfit. A beautiful dress adored your body, it was a soft blush orange color as if to mimic the color of the sunrise. The top of the dress was a v-neck that stopped just below the sternum with straps on the top that started on one side wrapped around your neck and connected to the other side as if to make an x on your chest. The sleeves see through and flowy while the bottom of your dress had two hip high slits on each side of your hips. The whole dress was stunning. 

Kolos knew that the dress you picked out was nothing out of your usual attire but after seeing you in night court clothes for so long it was nothing short of breathtaking to see you in dawn court attire, and it didn’t help that your dress was fit for a queen. As much as he would love to sit here and drink in your beauty for as long as you would let him, Thesan wouldn’t be pleased if you were last to the meeting that was being hosted in his court mostly for the reason of your old personal matters. So without another word said he ushered you to the door and from there you winnowed to the court palace. 

Ryhsand was fashionably late as always but of course not without letting his shadowsinger and general making sure it was safe first. You watched from afar as he appeared from thin air and assessed that it was safe for his high lord and lady. Soon after the inner circle appeared before your very eyes. You watched as they took their seats across from where you were sat at the side of Kolos. Thesan was in the middle and to the right of him was his captain and to his right was Kolos and at his side was you. It was a safe bet to make that they were surprised to see you on the side of warriors and not the side where the other important court members sat. 

You felt as if Azriel tried to catch your eyes but you refused to give him that satisfaction so instead you focused on watching all those in the room except the night court. “I forgot to tell you that you look stunning by the way.” Kolos had leaned over to whisper into your ear and intern place himself just mere inches from your face. “I see what you’re playing at but thank you.” you whispered back as you felt Azriel stare weigh on your body. “I’m not playing at anything, I simply forgot to compliment you earlier and thought I should do it before the chaos ensues.” 

From the moment Azriel arrived his eyes couldn’t leave your body. They assessed you from head to toe to make sure you were ok before taking in your outfit. The night court attire looked good on you but he hates to admit the dawn court was devastatingly beautiful. He took in every part of your exposed skin and wished he could keep the eyes of every male and female off of you so that nobody got the idea of approaching you. 

Azriel knew that you were avoiding making eye contact with him and anyone else from the inner circle and he would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt but he also knew he was to blame. But nine months had passed since he seen you last and he wanted nothing more than to sit down and be able to explain everything, to beg for your forgiveness and make the mating bond work. In those first six months Azriel sent letter after letter along with Rhysand pleading for you to come back and just talk to him but eventually he realized you wouldn’t so he asked Rhysand to call this meeting in hopes that he would get a moment alone with you to tell you everything he needed to say. 

What Azriel didn’t account for was for you to be seated directly next to the random man he saw when you had come back to the house of wind to collect your belongings. He also didn’t account for the said random man to put his face so close to yours that if you moved you would be kissing. Azriel watched as the man whispered something in your ear and you turned to face him with a light blush now coloring your cheeks and soft smile gracing your features and before he knew it he was in between the two of you.

“Don’t ever get that close to my mate again.” Azriels words were thinly veiled with a promise of a threat. “Who is to say that she is your mate shadowsinger? As far as I knew you were with the middle Archeron sister. What was her name again? Ella? No…it’s Elain right?” Kolos knew that he was dancing on the edge of a fine line when it came to upsetting Azriel but he also knew that he was a warrior in his own right and could also handle his own if it came down to a fight. 

It was as if you had been watching everything happen in slow motion. From Kolos complimenting you to Azriel appearing right before you and now them bickering. Snapping out from the haze you were in you grabbed Azriels arm marched him back over to the night court and demanded that Rhysand winnow you to the river house.  

“What the hell were you thinking?” you yelled at your so-called mate. Without another thought you stalked up to Azriel and started pushing an accusing finger into his chest. “What made you think you had the right to do that! In front of the other courts also? Are you out of your mind?” Azriel had nothing to say, he had never seen you this mad, not even when you were yelling at him about Elain. He could see the redness creep up your neck and slowly take over your face, he watched as the rage built behind your eyes. Backing away from him you turn to look at the rest of the group and spot Elain sitting in the corner holding nyx. The person who started this all. You leveled her a glare before turning your attention back to the man who decided to play hero when it wasn’t necessary. 

“Do you really think I needed you to come to my rescue like some damsel in distress? I know that this might be new news to you but I am no such thing and have never needed your rescuing, especially not now. That man you decided to threaten was Kolos, my childhood best friend for your information since you seem to think he's some sort of threat to my life. He will never be someone I need saved from. You on the other hand, well the same can’t be said for you.”  

“I know you don’t need me to save you but y/n, that man could have kissed you if he had leaned forward. Please try to see that from my point of view. He may be a childhood friend of yours but you are my mate and I can’t just allow another male around you like that.” If you weren’t mad before then now you were livid. How dare he talk about someone being close enough to kiss you when the whole inner circle knew that he and Elain were doing much worse. “Let's get one thing clear, Azriel, I may be your mate but I do not want this bond. I refuse to let myself fall into a relationship where I am only wanted because the bond makes you want me. So if I want another male to kiss me then that is my decision only, you will have no input.” Once again you were face to face with Azirel, anger radiating from your very body. “You want me to look at that situation from your point of view? Ok Azriel, then let's look at you and Elain from my point of view shall we? How about all those times when she purposefully pushed herself into you or the times when she would need “extra” help with something as simple as stretching or when you two would sit and whisper to each other at family dinners. You also could have kissed her if you happened to move any closer. Plus let's not act like you two are innocent, everyone here knows what you two did behind closed doors. Oh and one last thing Azirel you do not allow who gets to be around me. You never have and you never will.”  

Through the mating bond Azriel could feel your resentment not only towards him but also the situation and it was the first time the spy master could truly say he was feeling panicked. Azriel knew he had made a grave mistake but he also knew that he would have never even looked in Elains direction if he knew about the mating bond. If only you could see that he would spend the rest of his life apologizing for the pain he caused you if you would let him close enough to do so. He just had to get you to understand how sorry he was. 

Rhysand could see that the situation was escalating on your part and that Azriel needed a minute to think of how to approach you so he tried to step in and help. “Y/n I know that you are upset with Azriel, but I think you need to step back from the situation and take a moment to calm down.” Rhysand may be a high lord but the pure hostility coming from you could rival his own power and deep down he knew he made a mistake interjecting. 

“I need to calm down Rhysand? That's hilarious coming from you, I mean I do remember you being willing to kill Tamlin with your own bare hands for what he did to feyre. But I need to calm down? Alright.” Turning back around to deal with Azriel you found him on his knees before you. “Y/n I know that I fucked up. I know that I should have realized sooner that you had feelings for me because that is my job as spymaster to be aware of the slightest things and I am sorry that I failed to see that, but you have to understand, if I had known about the bond I would have never even looked in Elains direction. I know I can’t control who's around you but you have to understand I just want to keep you safe. And I know that Elain and I aren’t innocent but I will spend the rest of eternity making it up to you, you just have to let me.”

For a second all you could do is stare down at Azriel and feel his sorrow through the bond. And for a second you wanted to forgive him but deep down you knew that this moment would be something you could never let go, never get past. You knew that Azirel could spend the next thousand years apologizing but some part of you would never be able to fully trust him. And the realization broke your heart but you knew you also owed it to yourself to never be treated this way no matter the circumstance. A heartbeat later you knew the choice you had to make. 

“Azriel, get up.” He had never heard your voice so dejected before and he knew something was wrong. “ I do not care that you were with Elain. Did it make me happy? No. but you were also with her before I knew about the bond so I guess it doesn’t matter but what does matter is that up until that point I had spent hundreds of years showing you my love with no acknowledgement ever but suddenly this “wholesome” human girl appeared ,who was afraid of fae mind you, and you were infatuated with her as if she hung the moon and the stars. What I do care about is that if it weren’t for the bond we share you would have never considered picking me instead of her, would have never looked my way. I mean hell you forgot me on the battlefield because Elain needed you.” 

The inner circle watched as you took a frustrated breath in while trying to collect your emotions and they held their breaths also while waiting for you to say something else. “I have wanted a mate for as long as I knew about their existence and as much as I want to have this with you Azriel I can’t. There will always be a piece of me that can’t let this go. You could spend forever apologizing but I will never be able to fully accept it, and neither of us deserve that. I deserve to never be anything but the only choice and you deserve to be with someone who doesn’t have an ounce of resentment in their heart towards you. So no, I can’t do this.” 

“Why can’t you see that I am picking you! I want you! I want this bond, I want this relationship!  If this is what you want and it's what I want, why can’t we make this work? I would rather have you and you be mad at me for the pain I’ve caused you then to not have you at all. I will grovel at your feet until you see that I want this, if that's what I have to. I will do anything. Please…please just let's at least try.” Azirel had never felt so many conflicting emotions at once. Anger, heartbreak, nerves. You name it he's experiencing it waiting for your response. 

“I’m…. I am so sorry Azriel. I can’t. At least not right now. I need time to process and to heal. I need time away from you and this and the whole situation. I need to find the version of me that is not the one who would do anything for an ounce of your attention. I am not saying no for forever but for now I am and for however long else I need. I won’t do anything to the bond but please don’t send me your emotions. I need to sort mine out without trying to figure out yours also. I do not know how long it will take but maybe someday in the future we can try again.” 

With the permission from Thesan, Kolos winnowed to the river house to make sure you were ok and to bring you back from the night court. What he wasn’t expecting to find was Azriel on his knees before pleading for your forgiveness. He watched from afar as you explained why the mating bond couldn’t be. He disregarded Azriels form as you turned away from him and walked towards himself. Kolos wasn’t sure how you knew he was there considering you never once looked away from Azriel until you walked away but without any words needed he took your hand and winnowed away back to the dawn court to begin your healing.

Taglist: @j-pendragonx , @piceous21 , @harrystylesfan2686 , @kemillyfreitas , @naturakaashi , @kalulakunundrum , @thelov3lybookworm , @marina468 , @feyres-fireheart , @thalia-as-blog , @blurredlamplight , @wallacewillow0773638 , @inkedaztec

#azriel acotar #acotar imagine #acotar x reader #acotar x you #azriel angst #azriel fanfic #azriel imagine #azriel one shot #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #azriel x you

[gatorbites-imagines]

HOBiE BROWN NSFW AND SFW HEADCANONS PLS 🙏🙏🙏

LAWD i am soo down bad for that man, good lord. 😩

If hobie tells me to jump from a building, I WOULD AND I'D THANK HIM⁉️⁉️🙏

-🥚 anon (its been so long since we've interacted, but im always lurking on your account and checking them out, but not like your post it because you deserve better :)

Hobie Brown sfw alphabet

Have an alphabet

I am love Hobie Brown :).

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Hobie isn’t the most physically affectionate I believe, at least in public. He just doesn’t come across as someone who’s all lovey dovey more the most part. When youre alone though? He flops in your lap, good luck getting out.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

This man would both die and kill for you as your bestie. He definitely corrupts you, or enlightens you, in the ways of being punk and why capitalism sucks ass. DIY makes you clothes, sews spikes into your jackets, and puts patches on your pants for you.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

This man is all hard and sharp edges, it probably takes a while to get used to cuddling with him without being jabbed by his elbows or shoulders. He likes to cuddle after you guys have been together for a while, and he knows he wants to stay with you. Big spoon and little spoon, doesn’t matter.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I don’t think he would want to settle down, at least for a very long time. Settling down would be too boring for him, he likes excitement in his life.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Hobie isn’t one to beat around the bush, so hed just tell you. Get it done and over with.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Honestly? I don’t think Hobie believes in marriage. Its just a way to spend a lot of money for a piece of paper, a part of the machine of society, or something like that.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

I think he secretly can be quite gentle, he’s great at being there for you emotionally if you are struggling. He does tend to be quite tough, but if you are struggling hes there for you.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He likes to hug, though it tends to be one armed hug or him throwing his arm over someone’s shoulder. After a long patrol he comes home to you though, and just wants to hold you for a while. Like with cuddling hes all sharp edges, but its comfortable in its own weird way.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He wouldn’t say it very fast, probably a few months since he has to make sure you are the one. He also doesn’t find it that important to say, since he expresses his love through actions.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Hobie doesn’t come across as the jealous type for the most part, he doesn’t go through your things or want you to not have friends who are certain genders. He does make his move though if anyone else is flirting with you. He wouldn’t start fights unless the other person started it first, but he will finish it.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses would be intense, especially after you two have grown to truly love one another. He always kisses you like its gonna be your last. He loves kissing you on the lips and your hands, he likes when you kiss his hands too or his forehead when you cuddle.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Hobie is great with kids, he treats them like their own people and respect them, which means the kids love him.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He sleeps late most days because he’s out at night being spiderman, so most mornings are spent cuddling as he doesn’t wanna get up just yet.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He’s out most nights as spiderman, and when he isn’t you two always go out to do things, like go to concerts, protests, go hang out with other people or just to have fun. Though you also have nights where it’s just the two of you.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Hobie would wait a while before opening up about himself, since he’s spiderman and the life he’s lived, he can’t just trust anyone. There most likely still things about him you don’t know, but you know he will tell you if it’s important.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Hobie is pretty patient, for the most part. Though it depends on who you are, if you are a fascist, a racist, or anything like that, he has absolutely no patience.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Hobie remembers most things you tell him because you are important to him, so he makes sure to keep it in mind. He probably remembers the small things you assume he will forget.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Definitely if you guys have had a spiderman kiss. It’s the smaller things, like when you two are sitting together in his apartment and he’s just playing on his guitar when you mess with his wicks, or cuddling, or if you paint his nails for him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Depends on the situation, for the most part he knows you can protect yourself. But if he knows you need it, he steps in swinging. He won’t let you get hurt if he has any say. Part of him would also like if you protected him too, even though you both know he can protect himself.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

It truly depends on the situation, for the most part he doesn’t put too much effort into dates. It would just be things like you two going out to get some food to go and sitting on a bench and talking, or even bringing it home. Or going to a concert or something like that. Of course, he has his moments, for anniversaries or if he just feels like it, where he makes a bigger deal out of it.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

His apartment is a mess, like wow. But its like an organized mess. But if you don’t like messes its probably difficult. He most likely has a pair of crust punk pants too, so do with that as you will.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He isn’t concerned at all, he doesn’t believe in vanity and the level of power society puts on appearances. As long as he’s comfortable, he doesn’t care.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

After a while, yeah. After your lives have become very intertwined, he couldn’t imagine his life without you.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Can do so many different types of art. Sewing, knitting, painting, sculpting, woodwork, the list goes on and on. He’s also so incredibly smart, and has memorized like, all the laws in the area he lives, so he can throw them back in the faces of people who would try to arrest him or someone else.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Vanity, if you care way too much about appearances or what others think about you. If you are super rich, he doesn’t like capitalism, so he probably wouldn’t like a partner who’s involved with it more than normal.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

His sleep habits are as messy as any other spider-person. Goes to sleep late, sleeps late in the morning. Goes longer periods of time without sleeping when working on things, you have to drag him to bed at times.

#male reader #marvel #spiderman #spiderpunk #hobie brown #spiderverse #across the spiderverse #marvel imagine #marvel headcanon #marvel x male reader #marvel x reader #spiderman imagine #spiderman headcanon #spiderman x male reader #spiderman x reader #spiderpunk imagine #spiderpunk headcanon #spiderpunk x male reader #spiderpunk x reader #hobie brown imagine #hobie brown headcanon #hobie brown x male reader #hobie brown x reader #spiderverse imagine #spiderverse headcanon #spiderverse x male reader #spiderverse x reader #across the spiderverse imagine #across the spiderverse headcanon #across the spiderverse x male reader

[xx-slug-xx]

//tw- antis, sa, death

Some shit I found on Twitter today. The fuck are antis on

When someone dies, it is traumatic. Full stop. Death is the worst fear that we, as people, instinctively have. If someone in our lives dies, it it’s terrifying. Not only is it a reminder of our own mortality, but it’s also heartbreaking to loose someone. Especially when it’s someone close to us. To say that it’s not traumatic because they are gone is absurd. It’s traumatic BECAUSE someone you love is gone. It’s not an “out of sight out of mind” type deal. People don’t suddenly mean nothing if they are dead. And if this anti was referencing how dead people can’t be traumatized by their own death, that’s still fucked up. It’s true, but their death will affect the people around them. And the people who experience attempted murder, and live with the trauma of living with a near death experience? Do they not matter? Should they have died instead of living?

If this is how someone truly feels about death (nonspecific and just generally death), I fully believe that they should seek therapy. This is an abnormal response to loss, and it can be a good indicator of underlying mental health issues that can and will cause further problems for both the people experiencing this sort of feeling and the people around them.

I don’t want the morality police to start saying this type of thing though. It makes their argument even more outlandish imo. If real death means nothing to you, but fictional death does, then what kind of moral stand point is that even supposed to be? And to say that people are better off dead than to live their lives with the experience of trauma is disgusting. Victims of sexual abuse, or anyone who has experienced trauma of any sort, often feel like they should be dead and struggle with suicidal thoughts. I know my own trauma has caused this in me when I was younger. By saying that victims are better off dead helps drive people over the edge. This is abhorrent. And maybe, that’s what they want. Victims deserve to live regardless.

There’s beauty in this world, and we are here too see it and to create more of that beauty for others. Nobody is better off dead because of the things in our lives that were out of our hands.

As a csa survivor myself, yes, my trauma is life long and will always affect me to some degree. However, I’ve grown past it. I’m more than my trauma, and so is every other victim out there. It’s important to my growth as a person and my experiences. But it doesn’t define my whole life. I won’t give my trauma the right to dictate who I am or how I behave. I’m not an animal that needs to be put out of my misery because of what I went through. Death is not a better option to living with past trauma

#tw sa #tw antis #tw death #proship #profic #anti anti #profiction #comship #anti censorship #anti harassment #fandom discourse #twitter screenshot

[percheduphere]

LET’S TALK ABOUT EXPLORING LOKI & MOBIUS THROUGH THE LENS OF QUEER EXPERIENCE

Thank you for this request, @nabananab 

Before I dig into this juicy ask, I think it’s important to note (however obvious the fact maybe) that an individual’s unique engagement with art is an inherent and integral part of art. The intention of the artist and the sociopolitical influence of culture, while important in our interpretation of a work, are not the sole source of drawing the work’s meaning. We are all artists in one form or another. I consider myself one of the pen, and nothing is more important to me than art giving someone a sense of emotional connection. I should hope other artists would agree, and for this reason I am an ardent believer in art taking on a life of its own once it has been created. The creator’s word, while it matters to some degree, does not supersede an individual’s relationship with the creation. Our histories, our desires, our fears, our likes, our dislikes, indeed our infiniteness as fragile human beings, allow us to create an elevated, spiritual interpretation beyond the confines of original intent. With art, there is no such thing as “reaching” or “reading too deeply”. 

I leave this message with all of you as we look at these beloved characters through the lens of queer experience. 

LOKI 

Culture influences what we see and hear, which in turn influences artistic portrayal. Setting aside Norse myth, Marvel’s Loki is a classic example of a queer-coded villain (later canonized as a queer antihero). Deception, daggers, sexual temptation, transformation, and magic are all culturally tied to the “immoral” facets of femininity. Just as a strong, independent woman untethered to the control of man is deemed a “wicked woman”, a man demonstrating gender ambiguity and like qualities is similarly judged. Only masculinity is viewed as pure and good, and this no doubt was—and continues to be—a key force in white, western colonization’s destructiveness. It all but crushed our rich global history of divine femininity, gender diversity, and romantic and sexual expression. 

Asgard, as Marvel portrays it, is without a doubt a masculine-dominant warrior society. Only two women feature prominently: Queen Frigga and Lady Sif. Whereas Sif embraces her masculine qualities and fits in easily with Thor and the Warriors Three, Queen Frigga embraces her feminine powers, though her authority is submissive to the All-Father, Odin. Her influence is most heavily seen in her adopted son, Loki, with whom she shared and taught magic in hopes that Loki might “feel some sun on himself” despite the “long shadows [Thor] and [Odin]” cast. The magic that Frigga gifts Loki, however, attracts scorn. The subtext here is that Loki’s specialness, his individuality, comes from feminine powers despite presenting as a man, and a gender ambiguous one at that. Unlike Thor and Odin, he is not masculine. While strong, he does not exhibit Thor’s brute strength. He is cautious, thoughtful, another feminine quality, whereas Thor’s courageousness often veers toward foolhardy and brash.  

Thus, if Loki cannot be loved and accepted as he is (a queer person of another race), he will force love and acceptance through the power of the throne. Kings oft inspire fear, coercing subjects to love them whether they wish to or not. But we know Loki never truly wanted the throne. The throne is a mere distraction from, perhaps even a poor replacement for, what he truly wants: genuine love and acceptance that cannot be bought. Unfortunately, Loki believes he will never get these things, which is why, when Mobius questions him, Loki’s desire for control (Loki, King of the Midgard; Loki, King of the Nine Realms; Loki, King of Space) can never be satiated. Mobius challenges Loki for the exact purpose of revealing this to him. What do you really want? At this point, Loki does not have the words to form an answer. In S2E5, Syvlie raises the question Mobius originally asked in S1E1. It is then, after experiencing Mobius’s friendship and the other relationships that come to being as a result (including Sylvie’s), that Loki can articulate his answer. 

Loki’s othering, even before the discovery of his true identity as a Jotun (an allegory for a villainized foreign race), creates a lonely environment in which Loki’s potential for goodness is quashed by centuries of resentment, bitterness, and jealousy. His attempts at masculinity take the form of violence, all of which are, as Loki admits in S1E1, “part of the illusion; the cruel elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear.”  

Loneliness and the desire for love and acceptance are a universal human experience, but they are felt far more acutely within our intersectional queer communities. 

MOBIUS 

His fascination with Loki is compelling because there are many things we can infer about its reasons. The first, most obvious explanation is Mobius’s “soft spot for broken things”, which is in some ways tied to his qualities as a compassionate, forgiving, and supportive father. A secondary explanation is a wish for partnership. We know from S1 that Mobius’s friendship with Ravonna spanned eons. We later learn in S2E6 that he and Ravonna started out as peers, hunters. They were partners on the field, but where Mobius “failed” because of his humanity, Ravonna “advanced” because of her ruthlessness. This change in relational dynamics left him partner-less. Finally, a third, less obvious reason is Mobius’s desire to express himself in ways Loki does so effortlessly. That desire may come from the suppression and repression of his own softspoken queerness in order to survive the fascist culture of the TVA. 

Mobius is captivating for many reasons. Whereas Loki is a textbook example of culture viewing “queerness as evil”, “queerness as flamboyance”, “queerness as stylishness”, “queerness as loudness”, “queerness as sexual promiscuity and deviance”, “queerness as chaos”, Mobius very much aligns with the image of a straight-passing, repressed queer individual. This is an identity that does not get as much attention or presence in artistic media as it deserves, for there are many who need this representation to reflect them. He is not stereotypically queer by any means: he is not colorful. He is not stylish, flamboyant, or loud. His sex appeal primarily derives from the viewers’ attraction to his personality, though it certainly helps that Owen Wilson is quite handsome.  

Combine these three reasons, and it becomes easy to see how a character (or person!) like Mobius might fall in love with a character (or person!) like Loki.  

There is a certain amount of beautiful irony in how Loki and Mobius affect one another and consequently their identities. Mobius, feeling compassion toward an individual who has been brutally othered and oppressed, seeks to free Loki from the confines of his narrative, as determined by the “Time Keepers”.  The only feasible way to do this is to bring a variant of Loki out of the timeline and into the TVA. Mobius then provides Loki with the opportunity to change by: acknowledging Loki’s strengths, giving Loki the chance to use his strengths in productive ways, praising Loki when he does well, listening to Loki, believing in Loki, calling out Loki, and accepting Loki as he is, with all his history, without judgement. Mobius does not try to force change like Thor or Odin. Rather, he creates an environment in which change could happen naturally. This kindness and, indeed, what becomes unconditional love by the end of S1E4, allows Loki to embrace his authentic queerness with self-love and use his feminine powers for altruism rather than masking them with self-hatred and masculine rage. 

FREEING LOKI 

In S1E1, Mobius is enthralled with Loki’s hijinks as the handsome, charming, devil-may-care, D.B. Cooper. This minor escapade in Loki’s life, which was likely only intended for laughs by the writer, reveals something interesting about Mobius: Loki’s mischievousness, his magic, his cunning, are all quite endearing to him when no real harm is being inflicted. That is, Loki, when not under duress, is someone to be admired when he’s being himself. We admire in people what we wish we had in ourselves, and this, at times, may lead to powerful attraction. 

Loki, for his part, does much the same for Mobius. The environment (the TVA) which allowed Loki to thrive is also the same environment that has abused and constrained Mobius. 

The heat that Ravonna presses upon Mobius, however, changes his tone with Loki himself. When Loki asks Mobius why he “[sticks] his neck out for [him]”, Mobius provides Loki with two options to choose from: “A. He sees a scared little boy shivering in the cold, or B. He will say whatever he needs to say to get the job done”. Option A, while insulting, has compassion layered beneath the barb. Loki, an expert at cloaking truth with meanness, sees through this and indirectly chooses what he believes to be true in the cafeteria scene: that Mobius feels sympathy for Loki’s painful childhood. The subtext of this acknowledgement is that the true means to the end is reversed: Mobius doesn’t need Loki to catch the Variant on the timelines. Mobius needs the Variant to free Loki from the timelines. The Variant is an excuse and another agent of poetic irony: when Sylvie unleashes the multiverse, she literally frees Loki of his predetermined narrative. 

The conceit of S1E1 is that Mobius intends to use Loki for the “good” of the Sacred Timeline. It is important to remember that characters, while not real, are meant to mirror human complexity. Multiple, seemingly conflicting things may be true concurrently. In S1E2, we see in Mobius’s conversations with Ravonna that he deeply believes in Loki’a capacity to be a wonderful person and wants him to have the opportunity to change. His enthusiasm for these things outshines his desire to catch Sylvie.  

And, because the Variant is Loki, because Sylvie is Loki, because, as she says, “[they] are the same”, Mobius’s own freeing of Loki, his unconditional love for him, cascades from Loki to Sylvie. Sylvie would not be free to live as she pleases if not for Mobius’s compassion for Loki in the first place. 

In S1E4, Loki reveals the TVA’s sham. Mobius’s sense of self becomes fragile alongside his sense of partnership with Loki. But because of our sociopolitical culture’s influence on capitalism, the creative voices of the Loki series self-censures what could be (what is) a queer romance. This self-censureship makes itself known in Mobius’s own self-censureship. His jealousy and heartbreak cannot be spoken directly. It must be spoken through the words of a woman, someone who presents as the opposite sex. Through a looping memory of a scornful Sif telling Loki, “You are alone and always will be”, Mobius makes known the nature of his feelings for him.  

BUT WHO WILL FREE MOBIUS? 

In the same cafeteria scene in S1E2, Loki asks Mobius if he’s ever ridden a jet ski. Mobius’s response is demure, saying him riding one would “cause a branch for sure”. The jet ski gives the audience another clue as to what Mobius seeks in life: something fun, thrilling, and reckless. Yet Mobius sets aside his desires for what he believes is for the good of the TVA, and thus humanity. This suppression and repression of authentic selfhood mirrors the queer experience of living within a heteronormative culture, especially one with religious doctrines that equate pleasure with sinfulness.  

Because Mobius extended his heart, his partnership, his love (symbolized by twin daggers hidden in his locker [a closet]; notably a male phallic symbol of which there are a pair [partners]) and was soundly rejected, Mobius retaliates with the loneliness he himself feels. This loneliness may be interpreted as an allegory for the loneliness of being closeted as opposed to the loneliness of being out but othered. 

Ultimately, Mobius’s love for Loki shifts from selfish desire to unconditional love when he chooses to help Loki save Sylvie. In S1E5, it is conspicuous that after delivering Sylvie safely to Loki’s side, Mobius’s partings words are, “Guess you got away again”, to which Loki replies, “I always do”, which echos the lover’s trope of “the one that got away”. 

[It drives me absolutely bananas that I can't find the specific gif I need when I literally saw it multiple times earlier this week but didn't need it THEN]

Owen’s acting choice is interesting here. He laughs, smiles, then looks down before looking up again, his eyes shifting from fondness to what feels like longing. Mobius extends his hand, a sensible choice for someone who believes his love is unrequited and is unsure of how Loki defines their relationship. Loki, appreciating what Mobius has done for him, closes the distance with an embrace and thanks Mobius for his friendship. 

In S2E1, upon Loki’s time-slipping into the war room, whatever apprehensions Mobius had about physical contact was wiped away by the collapse of the TVA and the memory of Loki’s hug. In this scene, it becomes clear to Mobius that Loki is panicking. He makes the executive decision to use his physical contact as a grounding force, relocates Loki to a quiet environment, asks after Sylvie with no bitterness in his voice, then prioritizes Loki’s physical well-being. Perhaps, in Mobius’s view, his love is unrequited, but there is nothing in place to stop him from expressing that love more freely while honoring Loki’s feelings for Sylvie. This regard, which may be construed as platonic, may also be viewed romantic, courtly love. 

The fight between Loki and Sylvie in S1E6 sets the stage for Mobius to receive Loki and become a refuge for heartbreak.  

S2E2 and S2E3 has Loki’s and Mobius’s temperaments when it comes to investigating flipped. In S1, Mobius was focused on the mission and often had to reign in Loki. In S2, Mobius is more casual, more willing to take his time and enjoy the sleuthing as it unfolds, while Loki administers pressure to stay focused. The question is why? 

In S2E2, Brad attacks Mobius’s sense of self. He points out how weird it is that Mobius is not at all curious about looking at his timeline and stresses that the TVA, and everything in it, isn’t real. Brad calls into question Mobius’s reason for staying. Knowing that the answer is Loki, we can surmise through the queer lens that Brad also corners Mobius into potentially outing himself in front of the object of his affections, someone he believes does not return his feelings, and whose knowledge of those feelings may threaten their friendship. This is a traumatic experience for queer people in the real world, and this extra layer of emotional conflict adds depth to Mobius’s violent response.  

Mobius influenced Loki in a myriad of ways. One that has not been discussed yet is an appreciation for focus and order. Loki, in turn, has cracked the door open for Mobius to explore pleasure. We can speculate that, in his own way, Mobius is testing what happiness could look like living a life between the TVA and the timelines. For him, this means cocktails at the theater, cracker jacks, and exploring the World’s Fair, all of which are pleasurable on their own but are even more so with Loki’s company. His queerness, once again, is quiet, mundane, but playful in its own right, and finally brave enough to explore. These scenes suggest that Mobius is indeed happy at the TVA and, as we see in the finale, this happiness is solely rooted in his relationship with Loki and the emotional intimacy they share together. 

Loki expresses concern for Mobius, noting that he has “never seen him like that before.” Mobius, interestingly, deflects every concern by absurdly blaming Loki: “He got under your skin”, “I was following you!” The psychological undercurrent here is that Loki is the reason why Brad got under Mobius skin. Loki is the person that Mobius will follow.  

Loki takes Mobius’s distress in stride, responding in a way the Mobius normally would. However, Brad’s question piques his interest, and his own care for Mobius prompts him to gently challenge Mobius’s lack of interest in his own timeline. Mobius’s reason for avoidance is, “What if it’s something good?” 

In S2E5, it’s interesting that “good” in this narrative is defined as a heteronormative fantasy of a house, two kids, and (possibly) a puppy and a snake. The “good” in Mobius’s original timeline, however, is imperfect. There is a partner that is missing (partners being a recurring theme in the series, particularly in S2E3), pronounced gone not once but twice. The entire scene between Don and Loki has been discussed at length by many, so there’s no need to reiterate it here. However, let’s bring our attention to Mobius’s avoidance of this “good” because this avoidance resonates with another queer experience. 

The TVA, for Mobius, is the place where he studied, saved, and developed a close relationship with Loki. The fear of the “something good” is the fear of being confronted with something Mobius “should” want more than the TVA, and therefore “should” want more Loki. The fear is wanting something (or feeling pressured to want something) other than a queer relationship with no children. The question of “choice” is impacted by what is considered the “norm”. 

S2E5 very pointedly focuses on the concern of choice, especially Mobius’s choice, in the bar scene between Loki and Sylvie. “Mobius should get a choice now, no?” At this point, Loki’s regard for Mobius has finally caught up with the romantic nature of Mobius’s feelings for him. And Loki, living his own queer experience, is also afraid of his true desires like Mobius. In being part of the intersectional queer community, the psychological need to guard against disappointment is high and commonplace. Desires are easily disappointed by the expectations of oppressive social mores. This survival tactic manifests itself with our hope and heartbreak with mainstream media, Loki the series being among them. 

But Sylvie, the harbinger of true and absolute freedom, takes on the role of supportive ex and challenges Loki to answer Mobius’s question in S1E1: “What do you want?”  

In this, Mobius and Loki’s individual relationships with the TVA are identical. It was never about where (the TVA), when (time works differently at the TVA), or why (the timelines). It was about who. It was about each other. The TVA represents a liminal space which became home by virtue of the people who brought love into it. The TVA is code for Loki and Mobius when each speaks of it. 

Again, the artists behind the media must self-censure. In this, Loki also self-censures while giving the truth. “I don’t want to be alone. I want my friends back.” It cannot be denied that Mobius is Loki’s first truest and closest friend. “I don’t want to be alone. I want Mobius back.” Sylvie appreciates and validates this desire, but also points out that showing the TVA is something that cannot be unseen. The implication of this response suggests that Sylvie believes that Loki’s friends will feel compelled to join the TVA out of moral pressure. She reiterates the true lives that are being lived, and Loki, loving his friends, loving Mobius, elects to not take that away from them. “You are just fine without the TVA.” 

Yet, Loki must choose an act of profound selfless love to save everyone. In doing so, he saves and frees Mobius in the way Mobius saved and freed him. The tragedy and, once again, poetic irony is that they both would have chosen each other. In giving everyone freedom, the true freedom of Loki and Mobius is sacrificed. This double-standard reflects in our reality between those who identify as cis and heterosexual and those who do not. 

When Mobius looks at his timeline in S2E6, he does so for one reason: that timeline survived because of Loki’s sacrifice. He must honor that sacrifice and see what Loki protected. Mobius appreciates what he finds, but he doesn’t belong there. It is not what he ultimately longs for. And there must be worry, shame, in recognizing he would prefer to give up the house and two children if a life with Loki were a viable choice. 

We all experience loss in our lives. Loss without a goodbye is also commonplace but is another pain that is more acute within the intersectional queer community. I speak of missed opportunities for happiness due to external forces. I speak of loss of self. I speak of loss of friends and family and home. I speak of death, losing a loved one without a goodbye, because same-sex lovers are not considered next of kin, an impossibility without marriage. Marriage echoes back to Don, who has no spouse, and Mobius, who has no partner. 

#asks #loki #mobius #lokius #loki season 2 #loki series #loki meta #my meta #loki analysis #my analysis #queer community #queer #queer representation #queer relationships #lgbt representation #lgbtq community #lgbtqia

[malfoyfarms]

She Loved You (extended)

JJ Maybank x Routledge!Reader

Word Count: 721

Warnings:none

A/n: part two you’ve all been waiting for; side note @softboystarkey i saw ur user on the list and fangirled, ily

The moment John B had seen the familiar scrawl on the outside of a large manilla envelope, he called everyone over to read it. So here the group sat, sitting on the deck as JB pulled the papers out. 

“JJ this one’s specifically for you.” He started to hand it to the boy, but he was cut off.

“No, read it aloud. I won’t be able to get through it.”

So that’s what John B did. He started to narrate his best friend’s words. 

J, 

I really truly hope this letter gets to you. I didn’t want to put a return address on the envelope because I still can’t come home. I do, though, have something very important to tell you. 

For starters, I am safe. I have a roof over my head, a job, and maybe just one friend. I hope you and our gang of bandits are doing alright. I hope JB has forgiven me, because I fucking miss my older brother. It’s taking me longer to detach from you than I thought it would, mostly because you were my whole world. But also because I couldn’t stay away from the ocean. You and the sea are slowly becoming two separate entities, even if I see your eyes every time I look out my bedroom window. 

I hope you found happiness. I hope you are with Kie, giving her all the smiles, hugs and affection that only you could muster. If not her, I hope someone is receiving all the love you have to give. In our time growing up, the two of us have seen many marriages fail (I mean we were both raised by single fathers), and many survive. Miserably survive. That was also why I left. I didn’t want us to end up like either. 

The day you told me how you felt about Kiara had been one of the worst days of my life, and hearing you tell me you wanted another girl wasn’t even the worst thing. About two hours before I met you at the bluffs I took a test. And it was positive. Your pull out game fucking sucks. But so does my ability to take birth control apparently. 

John B stopped reading, as Sarah uttered a “shut the fuck up,” and JJ was paling by the second.

I was terrified, then over the moon, then shattered. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to stay with me because I was pregnant, we’ve seen how that plays out time and time again. I thought about getting rid of it completely, then maybe adoption. Once I heard your confession later that day I knew I had to keep it, so I could have a little bit of you no matter what happened. 

What I’m trying to say is you have a daughter. She was born on October 17th, healthy and happy. Her name is Quincie, Quincie Jay. She’s so beautiful, JJ. She has your blonde hair, my dark eyes, and loves to test the limits. Quincie loves the water. And the beach. Especially the sand. 

I’m coming home soon. I never want to keep her from you, I just wanted to let your universe work itself out before she made an entrance (and boy was it grand). She needs her dad, her two uncles, her two aunts and she needs to learn how to be a cockroach like the rest of us. I want you in her life, she needs to experience love from a Maybank boy. I added a picture to the bottom of the envelope so you could see her. 

All my love, 

Y/n (& QJ)

John B shook the package and a 4x6 photo of both Y/n and Quincie fell out. Y/n had eyes so full of love for her daughter, they were shining so bright the group barely noticed her now darker hair, free of charms, thread and braids, or the lack of her freckles. Quincie Jay on the other hand, she was laughing, her mouth was open, and Y/n was right. She looked like JJ with her mother’s eyes. His girls looked so lovely. 

The group was frantic trying to take a peek at the baby girl in the photo. But all JJ could think about was that his girls were coming home. 

@eddiemunsonhero___ @lilacreader7 @gengen64 @123anonymous123456 @solargazes @Taintedxkisses @shamelessatoru @folkorelover888 @taurusvic @nadinenoa02 @softboystarkey @VOIDRANBOO @Tvdnmf @blueray222 @simp4holland @onehellofabisexual @idli-dosa @byycassie @bokutosmeatythigh

#jj x reader #jj outer banks #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank smut #Outer Banks #outer banks imagine #obx imagine #obx blurb #obx #pogues #malfoyfarms

[riverink]

I can teach you if you want!

Summary. Soap x male reader, fluff Soap could not believe that you never had your first kiss. So he confidently offers to help you out with it.

“What you mean Never?” “Exactly that, I never did it, don’t pretend that its like a big deal or anything” “It is a big deal, you never kissed before!” Soap couldn’t believe the news, someone as handsome as you has never been kissed. Well you were in the army for most in your life, having started at a young age and now being transferred to Taskforce 141 recently. You were used to working by yourself and you were pretty damn efficient at it. “it isn’t important to me, so I naturally never had it on my to do list or anything” “But how can now one even have tried, with a face of yours I would have guessed that there would be a line”, you didn’t know how to work with Soaps flirty nature, especially that all if it seems always being targeted towards you. “Don’t pretend like you are the master in kissing Mactavish”, Ghost needed to listen to this conversation only because he wanted some tea and Soap held you hostage in the kitchen, bombarding you with all kinds of questions. Surely you may not be familiar with people being interested in you but still didn’t mind Soap. You couldn’t deny that you felt somewhat drawn to him but as you already stated, it didn’t really occur to you to seek out any kind of relationship. “Tsk, well you are not helping Lt.” “Never intended to help” “Mhm mhm I am hurt and here I thought you liked me?” You tried to leave while Soap was busy being hurt by Ghosts comment. But he of course noticed and didn’t waste time chasing after you, Ghost, being left alone with his tea, could only role his eyes at the obvious tension both of you were too obvious to notice. Soap catched up quickly and didn’t hesitate to continue where he left off, collecting all his courage. “Well if you want to try, the rookies say I am quite a good teacher!” “So you kiss anyone?” you gave him a teasing smile “You … I can’t believe it, seems like you spend too much time with Ghost. I am serious.” Coming to a stop now in front of the door to your room. “I am willing to teach you” You hesitated, not sure about this. What you were sure about was that you didn’t want to have this conversation in the hallway, where anyone could come by. “Lets continue this inside my room.” “Oh so that’s a yes”, you could practically hear the smirk on Soaps face while entering your room. “I don’t want to have this conversation with anyone being able to join in.” “Scared I’m going to just jump on the next person offering to smooch them?”, he truly can’t stop teasing you. “ Ugh you know, it is a private topic. And after all, why me? Could be anyone” “Well because I like you. And I want to kiss you. Not just anyone” His confidence got you flustered “You seem quite sure about this. Was this your plan?” “Hmm maybe, does it bother you?” “I invited you in no?” You were sitting down on your bed now, inviting him to take the place next to you, which he gladly accepted. “Oh do I see some confidence? Its nice to see our C/n so confident” “Just Y/n is enough right now, Johnny” “If you say so, pretty boy” You kept up your confidence but the blush that rapidly spret down from your ears to your neck was evidence for something different. “So?” “So ?” “ How are we doing this, you’re the one who said he is going to teach me. Or you just want to stare?” Soap couldn’t help the smile spreading on his face, he wouldn’t mind staring at you a little longer. He was head over heals for you and is still barely able to formulate just for himself how down bad he is. “So you are really fine with it?” “Yea of course, could have thrown you out a long while ago if I wasn´t” “You can always say if you feel uncomfortable, we don’t have to go to fast” “To fast? I thought you just gonna teach me how to kiss? Don’t you think you are getting bold now Johnny”, you tried to sound teasing, but Soap looked at you with a serious expression. He extended his hand forward so you can take it. “I mean it Y/n. No pressure I told you I teach you. And no one ever learned something in one day, let alone be a master at it the same time. And Ghost was not so wrong, I am not a master myself.” You felt how your nerves got the better of you. Taking Soaps hand, he squeezed it slightly rubbing his thumb over it. “Okay” Soap took your face in his palm with his free hand and forced you to keep eye contact with his hold. “We going to start with simple pecks, nothing special and pretty easy. Just touching lips, you can see how you feel with it.” You lost the trust in your voice and simply nodded. Soap used his hand on your face to guide you. Helping to tilt your head till your lips touched. You were stiff like a board not sure what to do, pursing your lips and keeping your eyes shut. It felt weird to kiss someone, but you trusted Soap. You let him guide you, repeating it a few times till you felt more relaxed, you opened your eyes slightly, having direct eye contact with Soap now. You felt hot, extremely hot. You wanted more but didn’t know how to. So you did what you just learned, you closed the gap. It was a bit helpless, but Soap couldn’t help to smile into it. He kept your head in place and started to lock your lips. You couldn’t help it and placed your arms around his neck, its what felt right. When you moved apart Soap couldn’t help but start chuckling. You pouted at him and giving him a questioning look. “You really are bad this. Its so cute” all of that with the biggest grin on his face, you broke the eye contact and with the position your in, you can only hide in his neck. “Oh I’m sorry, pretty boy, please don’t be like that” “You started it” “Well that’s why I am teaching you, no?” You gave him silence, thinking about what to say, he started to pet your head with his hand that was on your face, you may look mad but you still held hands and he did not fail to notice that. “I liked it I’m happy I could be your first.” “I liked it as well, maybe we continue this. Sometime later?” “Sure whatever my pretty boy wants” You snapped your head up, “You are doing that on purpose!” “What?” he pretended innocence. But the moment got interrupted quite abruptly “Both of you love idiots, out now, something important just came in. Prices office in 5” You looked at each other for a moment and then chanted in the same sing sang “Yes Lieutenant!” not letting go of the other. Ghost could not decide what is worse, two obvious idiots or the combined power of both these idiots.

#the river flows #my own writing #cod soap #soap x male reader #soap x reader #cod x male reader #cod x reader #fluff #mw2 x male reader

[yeyinde]

My mostly wholesome Price thought of the day is just wanting to give him a massage. And I don’t mean a quick shoulder rub; no, I mean a proper full-body massage with oils and candles, and all because he deserves to be pampered. Price (and honestly all of the boys) is so stressed all the time, it comes with the job, and because he’s in charge and bears so many different burdens, I am certain he carries some of that tension in his body, especially his back and shoulders. He’d never ask for one, but I’m sure he would appreciate it so much. Knowing that you care enough to want to relieve some of his stress would warm his heart and just make him love you that much more. Plus, you’d get to touch him however you want, and he’d undoubtedly thank you afterward by making you feel good, so it’s truly a win-win situation. In conclusion, I love him, and I am projecting because I, too, am stressed about finals and would benefit greatly from a massage lol -🧚🏽‍♀️

You always seem to know exactly what is going on in my head, and I'm genuinely in awe over everything you write.

Price, to me, is someone who never takes. He gives, always. He'll be as rough as you want. As sharp as you need. He puts everyone, and everything, before himself. He's a natural born leader. Utilitarian to his core. He's the first one who takes the shot, who gets blood on his hands, to spare everyone else from the hardships of it. He carries the weight of every single action on his shoulders and eases it with vices in the form of cigars and scotch, and screams himself raw on the battlefield. He refuses to be coddled or cared for because it's not Important. He's not important compared to everything else. 

He's secondary even in his own life. 

So, imagine just—pretty little woman'ing him in the tub. 

He comes home, reeking of stale tobacco and aching from his duties. Joints aching from carrying the world in his hands. He just wants to sink into bed with you by his side. 

But you don't let him. You drag him to the washroom where it smells of lavender and clary sage. Where you've run him a warm bath, poured him a glass of his favourite scotch (and a bottle of water, because God knows this man needs something more than malt in his belly), and you've given him a cigar. You don't condone his bad habits, but he's a man who bears the brunt of everything in his aching muscles. You let him have his comforts—some of the only things he chooses for himself.

You pull him into the bathroom, undress himself yourself despite his protests that you're doing too much, he doesn't any of this, he just wants you—

You press kisses, and pepper reverent whispers into each battle scar and old wound. You sing hymns in every knot that clots under his skin until it's smooth again. 

It's easy to revere him in the same way he does you, and you worship each blemish on his body until adamantine sapphires melt into liquid blue lagoons. Until his shoulders sag, and the wrinkles in his forehead dissipate.

He goes willingly when you tug him into the tub, brows raising when you get in first, settling against the back. Price huffs, amused, a little bewildered, but he goes along with your demands, and sinks into your embrace. It's a little awkward, a little unsure. He isn't a man who allows himself these small moments of affection—its all saved for you. Not him, never him. 

But you persist. 

You've never held him like this—and with the way he tenses before liquifying with a groan into your arms, you wonder if anyone ever has. It cudgels into you. A small moment where you resolve, absolutely, to hold him like this more often. 

Price huffs, and tsks the entire time you wash him, telling you it isn't worth it, he can just shower, you don't need to go so far for me, love. 

It breaks you a little.

You press a kiss to his nape. "Shut up, and let me spoil you for a moment." 

The stutter in his lungs, the sudden silence—it's all an extension of just how brassbound and ironclad his resolve is, and how heavy he must feel to carry it all alone. Has anyone ever spoiled him before? Has anyone ever tried to rub the grit off with gentle hands, and a soft touch? 

(You ache at the thought.)

You nip his skin when he sinks down against you, eyes fluttering shut in a moment of contentment, bliss. He looks so young like this. So raw and vulnerable, and you feel the affection spume deep inside of you. Your unshakeable mountain of a man. 

Your head falls, forehead resting on this shoulder as you run your fingers over his worn, battered flesh. Each stroke to his skin is done with purpose, conviction. You touch him as if you could suffuse the heft of your love into his marrow where it will aerate in his heavy bones, and ease his burdens. 

He rumbles, a noise of pure pleasure, and you hug him closer to your body at the surprise that leaks into the grunt. 

He deserves the world and more—

"I'll make you feel even better when we're finished, love."

—and you plan on showing him. 

#soft john price #captain john price #john price #captain john price x you #captain john price x reader #john price x you #john price x reader #imagines #kindaaa???? #this got away from me a little bit but god #this man is making me lose my mind

[ravens-two]

PICK A CARD reading

What do you need to work on?

Pile 1 -> Pile 2

Pile 3 -> Pile 4

Deck used: Dark Wood Tarot

TIPS | BOOK A READING WITH ME | PATREON | LINKTREE | SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC

Pile 1

2 of Pentacles

"We've been breathing underwater no we don't know how/ Time will keep us moving so don't turn back now" Closer every day - Chris Malinchak, Stealth

Hi, pile 1, I think it's really interesting that you picked an illustration with a person almost drowning and then this song came up. I feel like things have been difficult lately, it might be that you've been feeling like you're barely been able to keep up with everything that's going on in your life. With the 2 of Pentacles thrown in here as well, you may have been in a situation where you're trying to deal with two big things at once. Like, say for example, you're dealing with your own problems and a helping a friend deal with their problems as well. The first message that is coming for you pile 1 is that you need to prioritize because you won't be able to keep every ball in the air.

Now onto what you need to work on. The 2 of Pentacles is a card of duality and flexibility, of making space for a little bit of everything. For me this means that you need to work on not seeing things so black and white. I think that the people in this pile either have a bit of a fatalistic view of things or are super happy go lucky with no in-between. Spirit is asking you to try and look at things in a different way. Maybe things aren't all terrible - or maybe they aren't perfect. You need to recognize the good, the bad and the neutral in every situation. Also, you don't need to have a super strong and unchangeable opinion on everything. It's okay to change your mind as you grow and learn, and sometimes you won't have an opinion at all - and that is perfectly fine.

Going back to this difficult situation that you have been going through, maybe take a little bit to think about it and try to see it from a different angle. Has anything good come out of it? What is a simple thing that you could do that would make this situation better? Try to keep it as simple as possible, sometimes our fears and worries make our problems seem more monstrous than they truly are. As a last little message: be brave and keep going! You're so so strong and as your song says you're getting closer every day. Don't give up now!

Pile 2

The Sun

"Wake me when I fall" Wake me - Messages To Bears

Hey there, pile 2! First of all let me ask, how are you? Are you okay? This may not be for everyone, but I am getting deep sadness and depression vibes from this pile. There's almost a sense of mourning here. You may have recently lost someone or something that was very important to you. Some of you may have never even had this thing to begin with - like you wanted to get into a certain college but you didn't make it. Honestly the vibe here is like seeing the first rays of sunlight, but not being entirely convinced yet that it will rise indeed. I have this feeling that despite this loss and this longing you want to be hopeful, but you're not seeing enough proof that everything will be alright yet.

With the Sun card here more than working towards something (even though yes you do have to work for it) I think that what you need is reassurance. And I really want to give it to you pile 2. Yes, everything will be okay. No, the future won't undo what has been taken from you and it won't erase the pain you have been and you are going through. But you will laugh again, you will feel the sunshine on your skin again and you will feel happy and content. This was not the end. Your future is still being built and it wants to tell you that you will be alright. Side note, but the song "A quarter past five" by Avi Kaplan just came to mind because he sings something like "It turns out fine". And yeah pile 2 it does turn out fine.

Your life is currently in expansion, maybe it's really hard to see it yet, but it is. You will be safe, healthy and happy. The only thing that Spirit wants you to do is to hold on. Keep being hopeful, keep one foot after the other and you will get there. There isn't a future without pain, that's just impossible, but there is a future filled with joy and contentment ready for you.

Pile 3

The Tower

"Have I found you, flightless bird? / Or lost you, American mouth?" Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine

Pile 3, the Tower is the card of destruction, but in your reading, rather than predict disaster this card is asking you to evaluate your behaviors. Have you been unnecessarily aggressive lately? Have you been lashing out at the people who love you? Even if you don't necessarily mean to, mean words may have been quick on your tongue lately. Spirit wants you to think about these misplaced aggressions. Who are you really angry with? or What are you really angry about? There are other, healthier, ways to use this anger. Art or sports could be a way to channel this aggression in a way that would make you feel better and that wouldn't hurt your loved ones. The most important thing to realize though is that misplacing your anger/taking it out on others doesn't make you a bad person. Realizing that you're doing it and not making an effort to change though, does.

This isn't necessarily the case for everyone though. I feel like some of you are taking it out on yourselves instead of other people. Simple thoughts like "oh you're so stupid" or "you screw everything up" are signs of self-aggression. Just like the others, I ask you to stop and to think what is causing that anger and why are you taking it out on yourself. Why do you feel that you deserve bad things? This is difficult work, but that will make you feel so much better.

Others of you may be trying to make trouble on purpose as a way to gain attention. This could be literal trouble, like stealing or cheating, or it could be a more subtle form like provoking someone into a fight. Again, we make no judgments here. But ask yourself why do you feel like you can't just ask other people for their attention? What or Who is making you feel unseen? You deserve to be loved just as you are pile 3 and you don't need to be perfect or to cause trouble to deserve other's attention.

Pile 4

7 of Pentacles

"I don't love very often when I do I love too hard" Stupid Boys - Cassidi

Pile 4, according to Sasha Graham (the creator of the Dark Wood Tarot) the 7 of Pentacles is a card of slumber. For you, the work you have to do is subtle in a way, because it's hard to realize all the small little things that we do and that hurt us in the long run. Constantly and without us realizing we continue to hurt ourselves until it's hard to understand where our problems are coming from. You need to wake up pile 4. I know that there are times when we just want to curl up into a ball and daydream our days away, but what you need to do right now is the opposite of that. You need to gather your courage and wake up. Go slowly at first, just watching, paying attention to yourself. What opportunities are you losing without even noticing, because you're afraid? These could be really "simple", like being invited to go out with a group of friends and refusing because you've been anxious. You think that going out will be worse for your anxiety, but the more that you keep refusing these outings the more your anxiety grows. You are giving it power, essentially. This is just an example, but some of you might actually have anxiety (also I also have it and I know that it's really easy to talk, but very hard to actually to take action).

Another big thing that you need to face is fear. What are you afraid of? What is fear taking from you? What would be the worst possible outcome of something? And then I need you to realize something, you are the one in control here, not your fears. They might freak you out, but they are not in control. Let's imagine that you're in a car with your fears, you're the one driving not them. They might try to grab the steering wheel, they may scream at you to slow down, they may be annoying as shit, but you're still the one driving. You get to decide your path, not your fears.

Ultimately, pile 4 there are big opportunities ahead of you, but you need to wake up, be brave and grab them.

#pac reading #pick a card reading #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #tarot #tarot reading #shadow work

[coffeenonsense]

I usually try to stay in my lane most of the time (mostly bc I am far too old for fandom drama) but what the hell, it's friday, let's put that lit degree to use:

the way people are playing morality politics with fiction is really starting to genuinely irk me and I think some of the responses to ascended astarion are a perfect example of why this type of thinking is actually hugely detrimental to one's ability to meaningfully engage with fiction and also to the future of art.

astarion is one of the most well-written complex characters I've seen in recent years bar none (and I'm clearly not alone given the explosion of his personal fandom lol) and he has a truly compelling, emotionally resonant character arc whether you ascend him or not

If you keep him a spawn, you get a deeply touching, realistic character's journey to healing and personal growth where he learns who he is after the experience of his trauma and depending on the player's choice, explores his relationship to sex, romance and intimacy

If you ascend astarion, you get an equally emotional and well-rounded character arc where he chooses the power that allows him to have the desperate freedom and safety he's wanted, but in the process eschews any hope of real healing or personal development, and again, depending on the player's choices, restarts the cycle of abuse by taking cazador's place.

These options offer vastly different paths for the character and experiences for the player, but while yes, ascended astarion is the evil ending, and yes, ascending astarion is a tragedy, and a fucking incredible one (not only do you have astarion reigniting a circle of abuse but you have the narrative weight of KNOWING he could have actually overcome his trauma...hats off to the bg3 team tbh) but that does not mean ascending astarion MAKES YOU AS THE PLAYER EVIL

Ascend astarion because you love tragic story arcs, ascend him because you want to indulge in a master/slave vampire fantasy, don't ascend him because you want a healing character journey, don't ascend him because you want a sweet romance; all of these choices carry the same moral weight for the player, which is to say, none, because they are an exploration of fiction.

I know I'm saying this to the villain fucker website but it bears repeating; just because someone wants to engage with evil, fucked up characters or content does not mean they support evil acts in their real life, and furthermore, exploring dark, taboo or tragic concepts safely is part of what fiction is for. It enables us to look at those things from a distance, work through difficult feelings and develop greater understanding of what makes our fellow humans tick — and before you get it twisted there's also no moral issue with exploring fucked up media bc you're horny or just, because. You can take it as seriously (or as sexily) as you want.

It's starting to really concern me how many people not only do not get, but are violently opposed to this concept, because equating what someone likes in fiction with their real life moral code and actions is an incredibly dangerous and let's be honest, immature way of thinking that not only stunts your ability to engage with fiction but ironically, hampers your ability to deal with complicated issues and emotions in real life.

I don't know what's driving this trend (though purity culture is certainly playing a role) but it's definitely something that's not just impacting individuals but contributing to the commercialization of art, where we get games and stories and tv shows and books that regurgitate the same safe, mass marketable plotlines and character archetypes over and over and over again so corporations can squeeze out as much profit as possible.

Anyway, remember kids: There's no such thing as thought crime, reaching for morally pure unproblematic media is directly contributing to the death of art, and this is why funding the humanities is important.

#so...yeah #idk man i have thoughts and feelings #and i love astarion so much lol #astarion #ascended astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #fandom analysis #media analysis #fiction #a personal rant because i need to vent about this and i just recalled i have a blog where i can indeed do so lol #astarion ancunin

[cocogum]

There’s something off about Yugo now.

‼️ SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 ‼️

LEAVE AT THE WARNING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE FIRST FOUR EPISODES.

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Way before 2024 hit, when Tot was still teasing us with some snippets of Season 4 on Twitter, there was a time when one of his tweets made some people think about what he meant.

The specific tweet was made on the 10th of January of 2023 at 5:10 AM which showed a small scene of Yugo once said that THIS scene in particular was going to change Yugo forever

Here’s the full translation:

“Season 4 of Wakfu is going well my friends…Here’s a small snippet of Yugo that makes me want to cry. 🥲”

We didn’t know at the time what he could’ve meant by that or what that specific scene that saddened him was even about.

But now that Wakfu Season 4 is out, we were able to watch that same scene that happened in episode 3.

And omg it makes perfect sense now.

In his tweet where he addressed his feelings for the scene, Tot specified that this moment would be the last time we see Yugo, the last scene before saying goodbye.

Some people, back when the tweet was still recent, thought Tot might have been implying that Yugo would actually die or possibly gain his adult form through this scene where he’s surrounded by his mother’s blue hues.

But now that we’ve watched the actual episode where this same scene Tot was talking about took place, we can all finally confirm that neither of those two things happened.

Because what happened ended up being far worse than that.

Yes, what’s worse than Yugo dying or growing up to an alarming speed is nothing compared to what actually happened :

Yugo’s mindset changed.

When Yugo met the Eliatrope goddess for the first time (in this life at least), he explicitly told her that he does not know her, therefore, he cannot sympathize with what she’s saying to him. Yugo could see how she was crying when she told him, Nora, and Qilby she missed them as well as her other children and that she promises them she wouldn’t be away from them any longer.

Yugo doesn’t react to this, only Nora and Qilby truly understand the power behind her words.

But as soon as the Eliatrope goddess puts Yugo to rest for a while, the moment he wakes up was as if he changed his mind completely.

He claims that his mother is the purest of the pure and that she’s so perfect that she can’t express any negative emotions. Keep this in mind for later.

He truly believes what he’s saying and cannot fathom the fact that she may be imperfect in some ways.

His mind did a complete 360 to the point where he immediately joins the Eliatrope goddess, Nora, and Qilby’s cause. He changed his mind so quickly that even Nora noticed and brought it up.

When the assembly began, Yugo was proud of showing up first to welcome his mother and he proudly stated her arrival to the rulers. He had even told Joris that he insisted on being as forward as possible to the rulers and to welcome his mother appropriately.

Now, remember when I stated that Yugo does not believe that the Eliatrope goddess can express any negative emotions?

Well, it turns out he was wrong.

Not even a full hour passed, and the Eliatrope goddess was already in a full confrontation with one of the rulers, the queen of Bonta, Astra. When someone, especially a higher being, is claimed to be a pure being with no flaws, it usually means that they cannot even fathom the idea of expressing a negative emotion or struggling to keep it in.

But the reason why this scene was just so important to focus on was because THIS is supposed to be the goddess of love, the goddess that represents purity (no wonder people were beings suspicious of her. How are you gonna be called the embodiment of ‘love’ and yet express something that is out of your agenda?)

So the reason why we need to focus on this moment, is because the goddess hesitated.

This is what makes Yugo’s claims about her being perfect completely wrong.

And since his declarations were very much flawed, his current way of thinking can only mean one thing :

Something has gone wrong.

From what we’ve been able to witness from his slumber, Yugo was able to see how he and his siblings were created by their mother, how their original planet came to be, how their mother got thrown aside, banished by the other gods and ended up in the Necroworld, and how she got saved by Nora and Efrim.

To us, this sequence must’ve probably lasted for about three minutes or so but to Yugo, this moment lasted far longer than that. He must’ve seen the details, heard a lot of recrimination from the other gods, and seen his mother’s suffering from being cast aside. All of this pain and suffering that she must’ve felt was what made Yugo side with her and her cause.

But as much as his sudden want to be closer to her makes sense, it doesn’t mean that Yugo’s portrayal of his mother is true. Anyone can tell that the Eliatrope goddess had broken a very important major rule: DO NOT use a planet for yourself. She had betrayed the trust of the other gods without any explanation other than wanting to have children and making a world for herself.

Yugo saw it all and yet he did not think that she made a mistake. He does not care if she went against the other gods (creating a world for herself), he does not care if she wants to monitor the world (she has told this in front of all the authorities of the world), he does not care if she wants to infuse vigilantism (again, she told this in front of the leaders of the world), and he does not care if all the commanders of the world do not side with her ideas (he deliberately chose to follow her as soon as she left the assembly).

But it seems like even when he was not, at the time, sleeping under her energy, he didn’t care if people with bad intentions got paralyzed for some undetermined amount of time as punishment (he was watching Nora and Adamaï fight the rogues). That could have been an early hint that he would do much more than just stand aside and not say anything in matters like these but rather silently do what his mother wishes to do.

Since he embraces everything that she is, he embraces everything that she wants to do or has done.

Another thing I should mention is the fact that ever since he woke up, he started calling the Eliatrope goddess “mother”, implying that he now felt completely comfortable with knowing and understanding that she was truly his creator, mother.

As you can see, every time he addresses her, it’s always by calling her his mother, which is factually true, but again, he has just met her and is already completely enamoured by her. His admiration and respect towards her makes sense because he has seen everything that she’s been through while sleeping.

The problem is that even when he considers her perfect, he doesn’t seem to understand that the people around her (besides Nora and Qilby) DO NOT agree with her plans.

Yugo does not understand why Adamaï left because his intuition was telling him that something was very wrong about all of this (even though Yugo wasn’t too convinced by the Eliatrope goddess, he was still taking a neutral side at the time. Even though he didn’t completely understand his mother at that moment, this still counts as an event where Yugo did not think about the Eliatrope goddess’s ways even when his brother told him something was off. Also, if Yugo did see his mother’s suffering at that moment, he would have still most likely sided with her.)

Yugo also does not understand what the leaders are trying to say and how right they are (even though they have mistreated the Eliatrope goddess in the process). One of them, the queen of Bonta, makes very good points that the goddess should have answered and explained.

But instead of taking a moment to think about it or try to at least think about how the rulers are feeling right now, Yugo simply leaves them and goes right back to the goddess.

This is a very surprising decision of his because Yugo has lived his entire life in the World of Twelve. He has not only lived here but has met a lot of different people, gone through life and death for them, saved numerous victims and fought off enemies for them, and did all that in the same world where he is currently turning his back to the very rulers of it.

Tot wasn’t wrong when he said Yugo wouldn’t be the same.

And we’re starting to see it.

It’s becoming more obvious and I’m sure that at some point, there could be another fight between Yugo and Adamaï happening, or perhaps even a misunderstanding.

#i’m really late lol #i should rly stop writing in the middle of the week #wakfu #wakfu tweet #wakfu tot #wakfu yugo #wakfu season 4 #wakfu season 4 spoilers #wakfu s4 #wakfu s4 spoilers #yugo #ankama #krosmoz #wakfu theory? #wakfu theories #wakfu theory #wakfu season 4 episode 3 #wakfu s4 ep3 #wakfu season 4 episode 3 spoilers #wakfu s4 ep3 spoilers #wakfu twitter #wakfu analysis #wakfu analyses

[nolita-fairytale]

burn your life down: the director's cut, or rather, fun facts about this story now that it's over

luca's last name in my fic is davies, and formally davies-bernardi. bernardi in italian means 'strong as a bear' which, was truly a perfect coincidence that i originally thought it sounded good hyphenated with davies. it felt like the perfect little nugget to drop in here.

this one kind of took on a life of its own. I thought maybe a headcanon or a few chapters, then 46.5k words later... before writing a fic, i always like to map out where i'm going, because it helps me zero in on what story i want to tell. as someone (and who hasn't, truly) who has plenty of abandoned fics, i like to get clear on what story it is i want to tell before beginning to write so that i know it's a fic worth writing for me. no, i don't think finishing a fic should be a marker of success, but where i'm at right now, it feels like the best way for me to see if i have a story to tell or not.

speaking of stories to tell, the reason i wanted to have our main character divorced was because i wanted to try something different. i wondered how i could differentiate this mc (while keeping the reader neutral so you could picture yourselves in it if you wanted to) from others that i have written / will write in the future. the divorce and growing apart is actually kind of inspired by my previous upstairs neighbor who i met a year after his divorce. i wanted to imagine what the inner world of someone who had experienced a divorce that wasn't messy, but its relationship had just run its course and i the end, left two people who weren't sure who they were and how to talk to each other anymore would be like.

music and playlisting really helps me envision and feel into the world that I’m building. I ask myself questions like: what does their love sound like? what does this relationship shound like? how do i want the world i'm building feel, and how do i convey that in sound? and then of course, what songs could underscore certain moments of this chapter? listening to the playlist i create as i go really helps me get into character aka enter the world of the story when i'm sitting down the write.

so many of my fics and interactions are based on my own real life experiences, which is why they often feel so human and so real. i weave in little details like conversations i've had, a person i reminded of. i often write dialogue after i've imagined the scene in my head down to the cadence of how characters speak to one another to make sure it feels grounded.

speaking of, we've got to talk about the food in this fic, something that you all complimented me on at the very beginning! it was important for me to have the food feel deeply personal to reader, and be an expression of her identity through the years. yes, i wrote it with an mc with asian heritage in mind. however, i wanted to make space, again, for you to picture yourself in this fic, which is why mc's ex and family were written with japanese heritage.

a lot of the dishes were inspired by dishes i've had that were similar to what i think her culinary pov would be, and a lot of it is the way that i cook as well. i am not a chef by any means, but i am AM a home cook who occasionally does pop ups who very recently discovered my own culinary pov. food for me is something that not only helps me express myself, but has helped me connect to parts of my own identity. in so many ways, as someone who describes themselves as a cultural melting pot, food helps me feel closer to myself; it helps me find and define, and express who i am.

the culture of food and the role it plays in allowing us to connect was really important for me to weave into this story as well.

for the mikkelson twins, i pictured timothee and pauline chalamet as jesper and mathilde.

for the kimuras: rina sawayama would play astrid, darren barnet would play joe, and gia kim would play lina.

let's talk about luca's character development: so many things were so will poulter-coded/borrowed for will poulter, which felt right to do considering he wove his own life into the luca's tattoos. examples? the nike book, the kendrick lamar on the playlist, how much internal work the man has done on himself.

in the end, I initially had mc have a way bigger freak out than she did -- that it would be her final: holy shit am i ready to be loved moment, but as i wrote it, it ended up being luca who brought up the main conflict. it just ended up going in a different direction and didn't feel right to go with my original plan, because she felt so in their relationship already that i pivoted.

i watched a lot of travel and lifestyle copenhagen vlogs because i'm obsessed with youtube.

after season 2 of the bear, i wanted to explore what positive relationships with mothers could look like in these characters. that's why mothers (and single mothers) are the superheroes of this fic.

i knew i wanted this fic to be about these things: second love, loss, trusting the beginning that comes after the end, inspiration, following your heart, and mothers. these are the guiding principles that i used when writing, knowing that these were the pillars i wanted this story to be about.

looking forward: i am working on two oneshots that will live in this world, one about marcus visiting again -- an eat, pray, love for him of sorts -- that's about mothers and loss and life. the other one is a fun, sexy little smutshot that will hardlaunch their (she and luca's) restaurant so keep an eye out for those. truthfully, i've only just started workshopping the marcus one and am prioritizing finishing my carmy fic first.

opening myself up for q&a! feel free to ask any questions about this fic or my writing process in the comments.

#chef luca #will poulter #luca the bear #the bear season 2 #the bear headcanon #luca x reader #the bear hulu #the bear fx #the bear fanfiction #chef luca x reader #pastry chef luca #burn your life down

[snaillock]

your relationship with bllk men as mitski songs

(kaiser, sae, oliver)

my posting has been very slow recently so to celebrate mitskis new album (and to feed into my eternal obsession for her music and lyricism by combining it with another thing im way too obsessed with), i dug up this old ass draft and finished it instead of giving y’all an actual fic

tags: gn!reader, angst(it’s mitski duh), yeah basically no fluff/comfort in here, suggestive-ish in the oliver one, me being a dork and combining two big interests of mine

michael kaiser - i don’t smoke

So if you need to be mean Be mean to me I can take it and put it inside of me If your hands need to break More than trinkets in your room You can lean on my arm As you break my heart

his career can be a lot on his shoulders at times even with the cocky and arrogant facade he puts on for the performance of each match he plays. he has a tendency to keep it all in to bask in the glory of his luxurious life.

you understand. you know he’s currently too prideful to deal with his true feelings, especially all on his own. you just want to be there to know he isn’t alone and that he can be open with you. so you sit there, giving him a listening ear as he lashes out and releases every awful word in the book towards you when everything finally becomes too much for him to bear. you wouldn’t want him to have a very public meltdown when it happens so it’s better this way. you have remind yourself to take none of it to heart because he doesn’t mean those all harsh words. he just needed an outlet for those frustrations.

you also don’t want the weight and significance of his career to separate you two. you’re already so damn lucky to be with someone like him. you want to prove that you can handle it. you know you can. you’re sure you can help him figure this all out somehow. love just takes compassion and patience, that’s all it is. just taking it one step at a time.

it’s just compassion and patience. right?

Just don't leave me alone Wondering where you are I am stronger than you give me credit for

sae itoshi - i want you

You're coming back And it's the end of the world We're starting over and I love you darlin' And I am done, dear

he swears he will make time for you someday. sure those words have been promised over and over again like a broken record but he truly does love you. however you’re starting to wonder if mutual love is truly enough to keep you two going.

the truth is his life is currently too big and important for him to take any focus away from it. the last thing he needs is a distraction. all of which he has very clear multiple times, even along with his contrastingly hopeful promises. though his tone is quite neutral, never letting his emotions seep through as if he’s programmed to do so. meanwhile you have to desperately hold yours back to not seem like an idiot.

it’s never been easy to express how you feel in front of him. you desperately wish you could but the inconsistency of your relationship that’s barely holding up renders it pointless. this over and over/back and forth thing that’s going on between you two is exhausting. it only leaves you lost and confused. you begin to wonder if staying is even worth it at all. even with the speck of hope that it could eventually work out. even if you love him.

You're in the house And I am here in the car I just need a quiet place Where I can scream how I love you

oliver aiku - eric

You like control, well, I do too Take off my clothes and watch me move You can come closer, I'll let you hurt me how you choose

you deeply crave a loving and fulfilling connection with another but unfortunately the other you desire is him. a guy who’s born to be a player and only wants to fool around with multiple people.

you know getting attached would only cause you so much unnecessary pain but your naive heart couldn’t resist him. you know that he doesn’t see you for more than what you give him at night but you were still a fool to fall for him.

enough of a fool to fall for him knowing he’s not ready to settle for one person. you could see it from how you would lovingly gaze at him while he leers at someone else behind you. you would still give yourself up to him if you could, offering anything he wanted out of you.

despite better judgment, you stay with a pained and aching heart. constantly yearning for more.

But how long, how long can we play this way? I'm tired, I'm tired of not loving you My heart, my heart wants to hold you But I know, I know, I know the rules

taglist(lemme know if you wanna be added): @userwithlotsoftime @lucas2060

#★ snail.writes ★ #it was so damn difficult picking between a loving feeling or eric for olivers part #blue lock #blue lock angst #blue lock x reader #michael kaiser #kaiser x reader #sae itoshi #sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #oliver aiku #oliver aiku x reader #literally didn’t let myself sleep on a school night until i finished this #mitski posting

[charmedreincarnation]

hi i’m sorry for this small rant. i really hope you reply to it because i’m spiralling so bad. i have been listening to v powerful luckiest girl and get all your desires instantly forced subs and i had two really bad days and overall my life feels so shit and i feel like nobody gives a shit about me feel left out with my friends and am really regretting some past choices i have made as in subjects i chose to study. why do subs not work on me ever? i detach but subs just don’t work for me idk what should i do i want to enter the void and live my better/dream life but i keep failing and i’m so spiraling so hard rn. i am not even seeing small success i can’t even manifest my acne away or to grow a few inches how will i enter the void and magically change my life entirely. please help me out. how do i manifest or enter the void as soon as i can. i am being delululu living in 4d but yes ik if i am truly living in the end i shouldn’t have doubts but it’s been so many months when will i see results in my 3d. manifestion should be instant right. i’m sorry for my negativity i hope you have a great day

Hi love! I feel like any of this could be answered in another ask, but you seem really worried, so I'm going to answer it anyway!

First and foremost, you are allowed to have doubts. Just because you have doubts doesn't mean you're producing those thoughts. From a psychological perspective (which aligns with LOA), our thoughts are not entirely our own. This is a scientific truth, whether you believe in LOA or not. Scientists say that our thoughts are influenced by external factors such as our environment, upbringing, and the thoughts of others. Sound familiar? They also claim that we have the power to change our thoughts and create our own reality by consciously choosing the thoughts we entertain. So, just know that you're going to have doubts until the end, but as long as you categorize them as random thoughts and not your own beliefs, they don't matter! For example, if someone dressed as Chucky the doll jump-scared you and you started having "scary" thoughts about it, that doesn't mean you actually believe Chucky is real and coming to get you. You have psychological responses to certain things that have been ingrained and coded in you for a while now. What LOA does is help us intercept these false messages and reframe them as "useless" instead of messages we encode in our mind and assumption.

I've always been interested in psychology and neurology, and even though it doesn't directly relate to your question, it's important to mention that you do have a brain, and your brain is wired to act in certain ways. Once you're aware of why you're acting and believing certain things, it becomes way easier to understand that the 3D world is malleable. I really suggest reading books by authors like Joe Dispenza so you can understand yourself better. Also, watching YouTubers who explain anxiety and reading self-help books can provide helpful ways to manage your own anxiety.

The second thing is, if you don't believe in subliminals, I don't know why people do this, but if you don't have faith in something or assume it doesn't work for you, just use something you have a little faith in. For example, maybe you're more logical. You can read about brain waves and then listen to binaural beats for anxiety,manifesting, and faith. Have faith in it, because you'll understand and know that those waves genuinely change your brain's alignment. That's just one example, but subliminals are not the only type of audios out there. There are many other methods to explore.

Also, meditation is very helpful. Not just to reach the void, but do you know how many conscious thoughts we have in a day? On average, it is estimated that a person has around 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day. These thoughts can range from conscious, deliberate thoughts to automatic, repetitive thoughts. That doesn't even include the number of unconscious thoughts we have, which is probably 100k+. You constantly have these little things running around in your head, trying to keep you alive, keeping you repeating the same thought patterns, beliefs, and assumptions. You can't consciously control them most of the time, but your brain and mind are working overtime 24/7. It's not your fault, so that's why meditation can help you. Not just to reach the void, though you can tap into that using some form of meditation as well, but to clear your mind and then it’s there it will be better to affirm and believe you can do whatever you desire. If you're not truly embodying the desired state, which you're not because you sent this ask, do you think a few measly affirmations can counteract the hundreds of thousands of thoughts you've been having every day since birth, most of which you don't even know exist? Affirmations do work, but trust me, I've been where you're at and worse. This is not the state to solely rely on "miracle affirmations" because you won't believe them, and when something doesn't happen, you'll just want to give up and confirmation bias will make you subconsciously think, "Well, see? I knew it. It isn’t real" But in reality, your mind is just looking for proof to align with your negative beliefs.

I know you say you haven't manifested anything, but can you really think back to something you thought was a "coincidence" or something you didn't really ask for but it just appeared? We usually brush those off as just the world at play or a small world, but nope, that was you. Maybe you don't have clear skin or whatever your desire may be, but as you probably know, that's because you've put it on a pedestal compared to all the other "small" but great things you've manifested

I know you probably wanted me to tell you exactly what to do, but I genuinely don't know you the way you know yourself - your own self, mind, and behaviors. You know best, fr! I could have said anything I've said before, like imagination is the real reality, the 3D being malleable, if you can see and feel it you can manifest it, try SATs or lucid dreaming lalala. But I've learned that you know what you have to do. Sit and meditate to learn about yourself and your mind, and why you think what you think. What past experiences do you still hold onto, reliving them in your mind and creating assumptions that no longer serve you? They can still affect you, we are humans and emotions cling to us like bees to honey, and that's okay. But we need to start moving those experiences into the past and start creating with what we are now, which is the present. Any given moment is a time to say, 'Okay, this doesn't serve me anymore, and this does. I don't want this life anymore, I want this type of life,' and consciously start creating with those desires instead.

Acknowledge your doubts, they're just doubts, and they're really just an extension of life factors that have been slowly consuming your mind. You may have them, but as a god, do you have them? No. But as a human, you are influenced by them, and who cares? You know who you are and your power now, so if you disregard them, work around them. But I can't tell you what to do because I'm not you! I wholeheartedly believe that you will get through this because I have as well and the lows are just apart of your journey as the success as corny as it sounds. But when you do succeed I promise you’ll back to this movement and just be very happy you didn’t give up despite how hard it was 💝

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #void state #my asks

[elvisabutler]

show 'em

fandom: austin butler rating: m pairing: biker austin butler x female reader word count: 2,401 warnings: marking. a touch of blood kink. possessive behavior. unwanted advances from someone who isn't austin. a lot of talk about bruising. biting. p in v sex ( unprotected ). biker austin. austin has facial hair. public sex. sex on interesting surfaces. author’s note: welcome to day 2 of ally's wet hot smut summer, marking with biker austin butler. special thanks to @butlersxbirdy for brainstorming with me for it's been a long time since i consumed biker media as well as @blurredcolour and @eliseinmemphis for their read throughs to make sure i wasn't completely messing this up. to the anon who requested wil for this day, i am not forgetting you, i promise. like i said, i was gonna move you down a bit because i want to make sure you get a good wil fic. as much as i'm critical of my writing with austin and elvis, i am way worse with other media/things. consider this Sons of Anarchy inspired, austin a bit of a jax stand in with the reader as a tara one to be honest. i live for everyone's excitement about this little thing i'm doing over the summer and adore reading everyone's tags/comments/hearing the screams of delight. they truly are my lifeblood for writing a lot of the time.

Dating a biker is, in a word, complicated. Dating a biker when you are not the normal or stereotypical old lady is complicated and a pain that you wouldn't wish on your worst of enemies. As they say though, the heart wants what it wants and for both you and Austin that's no different. All it took was seeing him at a restaurant while you ate lunch with some colleagues and you were sold. Of course, with the way his club is set up, with how they do things that are most definitely not legal, you and him know better than to show off his lawyer of an old lady. It doesn't mean you don't show up at the club from time to time, but it does mean that beyond a very select few no one knows who you are to Austin. The shining light to a darkness that sometimes threatens to overwhelm him when he realizes he wants out of this life. You'll help him eventually even if he has to do his time for his crimes. The problem the two of you never thought about was that in not knowing who you were to Austin- you just looked like another run of the mill patch whore.

"I keep seeing you around here," a guy whose name you haven't bothered to learn murmurs from behind you. He isn't important, and you know this because important people know not to touch you in the club. Important people know that even if you weren't Austin's girl- you value your personal space to a degree that borders on antisocial.

Your eyes drift to the other side of the room where Austin is talking with some other members of the club and being sweet enough with the girl trying to hang on his arm. Another person might be worried, might see the woman as a threat but you know better, you know that there's a sting when you sit down from Austin's handprint on your ass and there's a hickey or five on his chest from your greedy lips and teeth. Still, you have to be pleasant, don't you? "You do. Thinking of joining and everyone's been really nice. I think I might fit right in."

The man hums and moves to step in front of you, blocking your view of Austin. His hand moves to cup your chin, tilting it to face him. "I'm sure they have been nice. You look nice too, you know. Could be a good girl on someone's arm."

Bile starts to rise in your throat as you grab at his wrist, attempting to pull his hand away from your chin. "I'm not- You're really barking up the wrong tree."

"Am I?" He laughs as if he's told the funniest joke in the room and not as if he's disagreeing with you over your desire to talk to him. To play along with his silly game. "You keep coming here and I don't see you leaving on anyone's arm. Kind of failing at your patch whore dreams when that happens."

You can't help the way a startled laugh leaves your body at the implication. He thinks you're a patch whore, a woman who wants to fuck her way through the club until someone decides that they want her as an old lady. You like to think you don't give off that vibe and yet apparently you do. "I have a job outside of here. One that doesn't really go well with being a patch whore."

"Really," he starts to move a little closer and you swear you hear a kerfuffle in the direction of Austin. Oh this was going to be bad. "I think you're just playing hard to get. What? I'm not good enough for the new little whore? Not high enough for your tastes? You want Butler? Or one of his little boys? Come on baby, that's not how this works— what the hell man?"

You look up to see Austin yanking away the would be suitor and pinning him to the wall beside you. "That's exactly how it works for her," he looks over at you and his face softens just a little. "He giving you trouble?"

You shrug, your thighs rubbing together through your jeans. "I had it handled."

Austin's eyes zero in on the way you're rubbing your thighs together and raises an eyebrow. "Yeah? Which is why if I waited for another minute I'd be seeing his hickeys on my old lady's neck."

The man realizes in that exact moment his mistake. You were already taken and not just by anyone, you were taken by one of the highest ranking members of the club. A man who could very easily kick him out right now if not just murder him for thinking his old lady was a patch whore. "Listen I didn't—"

"You did. You were gonna," Austin snarls, moving his hand to the man's neck. "You thought she was fair game. Thought because she isn't hanging onto me that she was your for the taking. You— No offense, but even if she wasn't my old lady, you're punching a bit above your weight class."

As if to belabor the point Austin sends a punch to the man's gut before letting him down off the wall. You can't help but lick your lips at the sight, moving close enough to Austin for him to nip at your neck, marveling in how he sees your skin darkening, a bruise starting to form. "What's a King gotta do to make it obvious she's taken?"

The question is rhetorical but the man and you answer nonetheless with the same answer. "Marks."

Austin's lips curl into a smile that reminds you of a shark— or at the very least some vicious predator and you're reminded of just how attractive and in love with him you are. "Marks," his lips move to your slightly exposed chest, biting harsh enough that you cry out, startled even as your arousal curls inside of you. "You want to look mauled by me, don't you? Debauched by the King? Was the hand print not enough? Was those few hickies not enough? Thought we were trying subtlety, babe."

Your breath quickens under his gaze, as he moves closer to you, causing you to back up against a pool table. The man has barely moved, too concerned the wrong move will get him killed until Austin looks back at him and growls. "Get everyone out of here. Or do something stupid to get their attention. You don't deserve to see this."

A shiver runs through your body at the implication that Austin plans on taking you against the pool table as you look at him. "Aust—"

His hands move to pull off your jacket, a leather number he had bought you after your second date. It's a bit oversized but you preferred it that way, told Austin it meant if your body changed for whatever reason it could still fit. You still remember the night after you told him that, the burn of his beard between your thighs a phantom whisper of a memory among the filth he had spewed from his mouth involving you and him.

"Austin," you utter his name as a warning that has him smirking down at you, doing away with the buttons of your shirt with such ease it's unfair. Your breasts are exposed to him, heaving in your bra and earning a growl as his hands grab at them, squeezing hard enough for you to know they'll be covered in fingertip sized bruises later on. "You going to at least kiss me?"

His face softens just for a moment at the request before he dives in, his teeth pulling at your lip and threatening to make you look every bit of that debauched woman when he was through with you. A moan is ripped from your chest as he takes a hand and busies himself with undoing the front clasp of your bra. You feel the second he manages to undo it, your breasts spilling from their confines and your nipples brushing against the fabric before pebbling at the cold air of the fan above you. Your nipples need attention, he thinks as he pulls away and sucks little marks all the way down your neck and clavicle till he reaches your breast and that little nipple. You get no warning before he bites at it, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to cause that angry rush of blood beneath the surface. You don't normally bruise easily but in this moment you swear your body has forgotten how to control itself. Austin's jacket is pulled off by you as he tries to help shuck off his shirt, noting how you're joining him in marking your territory, your nails dragging red painful lines across his chest and back.

He is yours as much as you are his and you want the world to know it after this. You've always wanted the world to know, despite the consequences you know are likely to follow the pair of you. He groans and whimpers a bit above you as a hand moves down to undo your jeans, mirroring one of your own. "Gonna maul me too, babe? Make everyone see I've got this old lady on my arm who's so powerful that everyone wants her?"

The whine that leaves your lips is embarrassingly loud and you are entirely aware that multiple people likely heard it but Austin's right, you want to maul him. You want both of you to be so covered in marks from each other that there's no question of who either one of you belong to.

"That's not an answer, babe. Come on, tell me what you want," Austin coos, as he allows himself the pleasure of pulling your pants and panties down just enough to expose your vagina to the cool air.

Your hands move to try and pull down his pants, frustration finally getting to you as you wrap your legs around his middle and force them down that way, his cock springing from his boxers as you tried to move against him. "I want everyone to see I'm your old lady, Austin. I don't want the women on you and I don't want to deal with any more guys like that who think I'm just a whore."

A snarl of aggravation rips through Austin at the word whore and his hands grip almost painfully at your hips. "If you're anyone's whore, it's mine. My pretty and smart little whore."

His fingers move down to between your legs, his fingers sliding easily through your folds and brushing against your clit when he pulls them out, he thinks he ought to taste you on his lips but settles for rubbing your arousal on his neck. A scent marker as primal and animalistic as it was. You swear you clench around nothing at the sight and grind against him once more, aching and begging for his cock. Smiling, he grips the base of his cock and guides it in, a low groan leaving his lips as he feels the tight grip of your vagina around him. This was his pussy to fuck. Your body was his to mark in whatever way he saw fit with your permission. The power he felt from it and the power you had over him because of it was unmatched.

The pool table's fabric felt strange against your back and you know you're likely to have some form of a burn to go with the burn of Austin's facial hair against your skin and the bruises he's sucking on your chest as he thrusts into you. Your nails dig harder into Austin's back, wanting to draw blood, to watch it drip from him as some form of sick claim. Marks only mean so much when they're not permanent but there's something about the idea of drawing blood from him that offers the chance to tie him fully to you. His thrusts are starting to speed up as you try to clench around him, using your internal muscles and a trick you know he enjoys.

"Babe. Not— I know we gotta be quick but kegels?" He whines pulling away from your skin and grabbing both sides of your face to pull you in for a harsh kiss, his beard scratching against your chin. "Wanted to take a little time."

"Tonight," you whisper, crying out as one of his hands somehow snuck down between your legs to pinch your clit. "Right now I just want to look like yours."

At your words Austin's eyes narrow and he thrusts even faster, keeping up with the way your hips chase his cock as he pulls back only to slam in over and over again. Things become a flurry of hands gripping and teeth and lips biting and sucking to the point where you're unsure of where he begins and you end. Your orgasm comes expectedly, your grip on his shoulders tightening as you almost fold in half from the pleasure your body feels, the aftershocks hitting you in the form of mild shakes even as you feel his come inside of you. Austin collapses on top of you, his entire front pressing against you as he catches his breath, seemingly trying to bite yet another mark on you.

Outside of the room you hear noises of people wanting to get back inside, whining about how it's hot outside and you roll your eyes. For a bunch of bikers, they could be so delicate about some things. "Austin, come on, we gotta get up."

The man in question whines against your skin, his lips curling into a pout you can feel before pulling away. "Don't wanna. I'm the King, they can wait."

You watch as Austin's head moves as your body jiggles when you laugh. A part of you wants to agree with him, but the part of you that's always mildly more mature knows better. "You are, but if you get up, you can show 'em off."

His eyes blink for a moment as he looks up at you through his eyelashes, his brain trying to piece together what you said before a hopeful grin flashes across his face. "Does that mean I can show you off too?"

"What's a king without his queen?"

taglist: @ab4eva, @blurredcolour, @butlersxbirdy, @precious-little-scoundrel, @eliseinmemphis, @prompted-wordsmith, @lookingforrainbows, @araxw, @thatbanditqueen, @ellie-24, @austinbutlersgirl67, @heartbrake-hotel, @ccab, @18lkpeters, @slutforsomegoodlettuce, @dkayfixates, @kendralavon7, @chasingwildflowers, @slowsweetlove, @kxnnxy, @meetmeatyourworst, @purejasmine, @stylespresleyhearted, @powerofelvis, @amydarcimarie, @thegettingbyp2, @austinswhitewolf, @richardslady121 and @mrs-butler if i have not included you know it's not meant to be a slight, it's literally i don't know if you want to be tagged as far as austin fics or elvis fics, drop me a comment or a message and i'll add away tbh.

#austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler x y/n #austin butler x you #austin butler smut #austin butler fanfic #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler fic #biker austin butler #ally's wet hot smut summer #ally writes

[spyskater]

The quotes I believe are every characters' thesis statement in Willow (2022) and why. Elora: I believe that love is the most powerful force in the universe. Kit: You're afraid. So am I. But you know what? My fear, it doesn't get to decide. It doesn't get to, to define me. I'm not giving it the power. I'm giving it to you. I have never believed in anything my whole life. I believe in you. Jade: Yeah, and when you love someone and they need you, yes, you jump off the edge of the world to go and get to them. Graydon: One day you and I are gonna be in charge. And when that day comes, we don't have to do things the way our parents did. Boorman: I finally figured it out. This isn't my story. It's yours. You're the one. And all you gotta do is believe in yourself, and you'll be unstoppable. Willow: You know, it's taken me a long time to learn, it's okay to fall, to make mistakes. I've made lots... The trick is to embrace your defeats as well as your victories. You pay for both in the end. Be decent. Be fearless. And know this, wherever the adventure leads, I'm with you. Airk: You know, defend the realm and just be the best brother, and husband, and father, and son that I can possibly be. Because that is what you do when you have honor, right? Scorpia: All we have ever wanted is our freedom. That our children would not have to live in fear. They'd serve no master... We have no barrier to hide behind, no army to defend us. All we have is the fear our masks evoke, the determination to survive, and each other... Freedom, rebellion, passion, joy. To the break of dawn! Sorsha: Everything I've done, I've done to protect the people I love. It costs a lot. Madmartigan: It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But love is sacrifice. You've gotta be willing to give up what you want for what you believe in.

Elora's is extremely obvious. As the heroine and chosen one of our show, her quote not only represents who she is and what she believes, but the most important message that the show wants to leave us with. At the end of the day, love above all things. Let that be your guiding force. It's what all of our characters come away with. Jade lets go of her ideals of duty to follow her heart to Kit. Kit learns to love and gains courage through it. Airk is saved by Kit through the power of love. Graydon becomes who he's always dreamed of, partially due to his love of Elora. Elora is able to fully grasp her power through her love of Graydon. And Elora tells us throughout the season that love is the most powerful thing in the universe, at first taken as a joke by Airk, Kit, and the audience and evolving into the hopeful statement we're meant to latch onto.

This is Kit's big moment. She spends the entire season having everything she thought she knew stripped from her. When you have nothing left, it'll make you reevaluate what you truly want and what you believe. We know that all Kit has wanted is to be brave and loved and I would argue that quote is part one of the thesis of Kit. It's Jade's love that gives Kit the bravery to take the leap of faith. As she stares at the edge of the world, she's probably at her most fearful. But she's spent her whole life giving into fear, fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment. She knows what it means to give fear power, so she chooses to give the power to Elora, to love, to hope, to finally believing in something greater than herself. And by choosing not to give into fear, she also inspires Elora to do the same. Fear no longer gets to control Kit and we shouldn't let it control us either.

Like Kit, Jade is completely stripped of everything she knows about herself. Her honor, her duty, her history, her beliefs, her identity, it all comes into question. But she had to lose all of the things that she thought made her Jade Claymore in order for her to truly follow her heart. You don't jump off the edge of the world out of duty. You do it out of love. Jade does it for Kit. Graydon does it for Elora. Elora and Kit do it for Airk. And while I don't think Jade fully knows what any of what she's learned means for her and her future, the one thing she does know for a fact at the end of the season, which was the only thing that she was uncertain of at the beginning, is that she is totally, ridiculously, desperately in love with Kit and that love is returned. It's like Elora said, love is the most power thing in the universe and Jade now knows that.

Graydon's quote, I find, is one of the most important quotes of the show. This is the story of the next generation learning from the previous one’s mistakes and trying to do better. All of our younger characters are forced to confront the mistakes of their elders, especially Willow, Sorsha, and Madmartigan’s. Kit as Elora’s protector and learning that love comes before dutiful sacrifice (her parents). Jade learning love before duty and honor (Ballantine). Boorman facing the mistakes he made with the older generation and making the better choice with the younger one. Going on this adventure with the others, Graydon is able to find his true self and make his own choices. Just because his father wants him to be one thing, doesn't mean that Gray has to be that. He gets to be his own man. You get to be who you want to be, not what your parents want.

Boorman desperately wants to be the hero of the story and that’s probably the source of a lot of his bravado. He feels shame for leaving Madmartigan for dead, for lying about his escape from Skellin, because it’s not a heroic tale. He was a teenager/young man when he went after the Cuirass with Mads. He was Jade once upon a time, a squire in service to Tir Asleen royalty. The problem is that Boorman thinks the cuirass is the only way he can be a hero and being a hero is the only way to make up for his mistakes. But the cuirass is not meant for him; it’s not his story. The way for him to come full circle and become whole is to make up for his sins against Mads by giving the cuirass to his daughter. He’s not the hero of this story, but I do believe he’s the hero of another.

Willow gives us another important message of the show that we've seen throughout the season. Our mentor's journey over the course of the season is to let go. Willow can't seem to accept the consequences of the past. The loss of his wife. The departure of his son. The loss of Elora. The fact that he never became the sorcerer he thought he was meant to be. All of this causes him to be incapable of training Elora with any sort of true openness or understanding. Where Elora needs freedom and a safe place to fail, Willow only provides restrictions and pressure. The world can't afford for Elora to fail. And if Elora fails, she dies. But in the end, it's only his ability to accept his failures and victories that allows him to help Elora grow to become the hero she needs to be. And it's an important lesson for us.

Airk is a character that could have easily played into his own trope of charming playboy prince without a care in the world, but this quote helps separate him from stereotype. In episode one, I'm sure we would all admit we all believed, like Kit, that Airk didn't know Elora's public name. But he did. And throughout his time resisting the Crone, Airk proved time and time again that he truly was honorable and that all he wanted was to be good. Madmartigan's departure and Kit's future ascension left Airk looking for his purpose and trying to prove to his family that he was everything his absentee father couldn't be. He does everything he can to be a good boyfriend, a good brother, a good son, a good diplomat, and, in episode seven, he does everything he can to be a good man.

Scorpia is an inspiration. She has lost so much, but still finds the strength to care deeply in the face of her grief. She's lost her mother, father, and several brothers and sisters, but finds it in herself to keep loving. She may be mostly concerned about her people, but it's their philosophy of life, of freedom and liberation (another analysis yet to be written) that sends her on a crusade to save all of those people in Skellin. Not just her people, but all people. And I think that will be important in the war to come. As much as Scorpia will want to avoid war, her belief in freedom for all and rebellion will convince her that it's necessary. The entire Wildwood episode shows us the joy and passion and freedom that's a stake, what's worth fighting for. There is no freedom under the Wyrm and Scorpia will not accept that.

I think it's important to discuss Sorsha and Madmartigan's quotes together, because they explain their mistakes as well as layer them with complexities. One of the things that kind of irritates me is when people paint Mads as saint and Sorsha as awful, because they're cut from the same cloth (Kit, I love you, but I blame you for this). At the end of the day, they were willing to make the hard sacrifices if it meant protecting their kids and saving the world. Neither one of them could have foreseen the harm that their choices would have, but they did what they thought was right. They are one and the same, united in their cause and parenthood. But every single choice also cost them so much sacrifice, the biggest one being their chance at parenting Elora, and I think a lot of people forget that, especially when it comes to Sorsha.

#willow 2022 #willow #kit tanthalos #jade claymore #elora danan #graydon hastur #thraxus boorman #airk tanthalos #venoma scorpia #sorsha tanthalos #madmartigan #willow meta #meta #watch me write essays for most of these

[cha0ticlesbian]

I’m actually crying right now and I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense I’m emotional, but the marvels comes out in a week and I am so overwhelmed by emotions but at the moment I’m upset. Upset because of all the toxic backlash it’s been getting and now DAYS before it comes out I’m seeing HUGE reporters and resources say that it’s destained to fail and that’s so upsetting

This movie truly means the world to me, these characters and the stories they tell are SO important to see especially from such a huge franchise Carol Danvers is a strong female lead that means so much to me and so many other girls and Kamala! Not only does she make fans feel seen by such a big company but she’s a Muslim girl! I’ve never seen a Muslim superhero until I saw her and I think that’s it’s so important to have that representation! And Monica too! She’s so strong and such a powerful lead and honestly she stole the show for me in wandavision!

These are such a diverse group of people and I think that STILL there isn’t enough representation in marvel but this movie really pushes those limits and shows people that it can happen.

And maybe I’m just gullible and stupid but seeing all these negative things EVERYWHERE is starting to make me think they’re true… seeing rumors that Brie Larson is gonna quit (I know it’s selfish of me but I really hope she doesn’t but I get it if she cant deal with the constant harassment) is devastating to me, she’s such an amazing person and has brought so much light into my life and so many others.

Thinking of all this and really seeing all this has made me think a lot about how difficult and isolating it is to be someone who ISNT a straight white man! And that’s exactly what these characters and these movies are trying to prove that we can overcome that yet!

I just wish I could tell Brie and Iman and Teyonah just how much I love and appreciate them and to never stop, I wish that every The Marvels fan could hear that but that’s just not how it is.

I still have so much hope for this movie and these people am even if everyone hates it, it won’t stop me from loving it with all my heart <3

#sorry for the rant #i’m emotional #and overstimulated #carol danvers #captain marvel #kamala khan #ms marvel #monica rambeau #captain marvel 2019 #the marvels #the marvels 2023 #brie larson #iman vellani #teyonah parris #mcu #marvel