#but essek is always relevant

[kaltacore]

no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

#sorry. i cannot shut up about this. this scene stuck with me the moment i saw it and i just couldn't get it out of my head #i mean. i liked essek well enough. i just got attached to other characters more. but then 'it's not fair' happened and it sealed the deal #it was just. so beautiful. so sincere. so important for a character who just started to learn how to care about people #his reaction wasn't intentional. it didn't change anything. but it showed how humane he had become. how deeply he cared #mighty nein are no joke pal #they're gonna make you feel all these unknown emotions like sympathy and love and affection even when they're incredibly painful #essek experiencing closeness and attachment in all their forms. as something beautiful and something aching. is so important to me #they saved him because they had good hearts! and these good hearts sparked so much joy around them! #but if a good heart grants you an ability to experience joy so profoundly. it makes everything else feel like that #you get it. i hope you get it. anyway e140 did so much psychic damage on me i probably will never recover #in a good way mostly <3 but yeah. yeah. it makes me feel a little insane #the mighty nein #essek thelyss #critical role

[utilitycaster]

unpopular (?) opinion: everyone on tumblr who got so excited about caleb "not leaving essek when he got old like he said he would" bc dani referred to essek as caleb's partner in the recap for echoes of the solstice has a vastly skewed perception of what "old" means. caleb is 42ish. in what universe does 42 = "an old man".

STRONG AGREE OH MY GOD. Like...Kind of going back to the "hey you need to have a generous read and consider the Doylist Explanation of it all" ask from earlier today, genuinely, people do need to appreciate that, because Caleb and Essek's relationship was stated as canon half-in-character by Liam in an epilogue narration over 6.5 hours into a marathon finale session, and because Essek is an NPC, the precise logistics were not explored because it's not actually relevant to the story exactly when they get together and when they amicably part; what's important is that it happens. If you are unable to intuit this from the T-Dock scene perhaps you should not be in the business of caring about canon ships.

But also on a much more obvious level, yes, literally I always imagined that the amicable parting would be when Caleb was probably in his 70s and Essek was still only like 160. In general the response to character ages and appearances for Echoes of the Solstice had me like "are you all Luc Brenatto's age of 17 or 12 years old. do you not know any adult human beings. Are you literally Romulus and/or Remus of ancient Roman lore, raised only by wolves."

#answered #Anonymous #opinions rating ask meme #cr tag #must i remind you that people in senior living facilities be fucking.

[aeor-is-for-reccing]

Survey Results! Finally!

I’m finally getting to posting the survey results! It’s taken about a month longer than I expected – work got busy and my laptop screen is busted. Also, writing this out took was longer than I expected – ten pages in total.  And that’d be a horrible tumblr post.  So instead, here’s the main findings and the longform answers, and you can take a look at the google doc here for a more in depth analysis from each question.

Main Findings:

Respondents are about evenly divided as to whether or not they reblog.

People generally kudos and comment!

Nobody knows we have a fic randomizer.  (We have a fic randomizer. It’s on the spreadsheet)

Sixty percent of respondents either do or would self rec

The biggest write in answer for why people don’t rec is shyness

The biggest reason for why people don’t read is they don’t remember to go back

Opening up the reclist is contentious, people are generally okay with a script and could use a reminder

What we're doing/did in response:

There’s now a @reclister role on AiFL, request it to get pinged when the rec list goes up or to get reminders as to when to rec

I’m posting what fics have been recced with the 24 hour reminder and the tag list.

I’ve added ‘Less Common Authors’ as a possible theme

I’m going to open up the reccing sheet to everyone – I just have to lock down some stuff first

I’ll update the value filters for the reccing sheet

I’m going to work on a script that updates the basic fields (title, author, word count, rating, ect) for the form.  This one might take a bit.

And now , the long form responses, under the cut:

Thanks to everyone who was thankful that I was doing this! We’re just going to be a thanks ouroboros, happily!

The reason I don’t rec every week is that I find writing summaries hard, everything else is easy for me/The summaries aren’t very useful to me:

So, a short guide to writing summaries for recs:

If the author has something that works – you can always copy it. Part of the reason why this isn’t ‘just a copy and paste what they have’ option is that AO3 summaries can take up space, and we don’t want folks to get sad about having to scroll lots. But if the author has a sentence at the bottom of the summary that explains everything, there’s no reason to do more work.

If the author didn’t provide a one sentence summary, then include the basics of the plot. (Essek gets dicked down by Caleb, Essek and Caleb skip through the wildflowers together, aeorian magic turns Caleb into a capybara and Essek into a hot tub filled with oranges, ect).  Then add an adjective or two that has something to do with tone.  (A hilarious story about Essek being dicked down by Caleb, a tense account of Essek and Caleb skipping through the wildflowers together; Aerian magic turns Caleb into a capybara and Essek into a hot tub full of oranges. It’s surprisingly romantic.) Think about how it made you feel, what genre you would put it in, what tags you’d add on storygraph.

Don’t worry if it’s kind of dry! A) It’s probably less dry than you think, and b) you can do more gushing within the ‘what you liked about it’ section.

One last thing to remember – there’s no one right way to make a summary, people are looking for different things.

If the rec form was opened up to people who aren’t on AIFL don’t you think the name would need to be changed to reflect that it’s not an AIFL thing anymore?

Maybe! I wasn’t planning on not posting it on AiFL, and I’d suspect that the majority of reccers would still be AiFL members (just because getting notifications of something on tumblr is a lot harder).  But to be honest, this would be a relatively small issue.

I'm not a huge shadowgast fan, but I think reclists are cool, and sometimes the fics are relevant to my interests

Thanks!  Have you heard about the other reclists?  There’s @critter-genfic-events for a genfic one that was started by @Professor-Rye and is now being run by @operafloozy, there’s @widomaukficrecs, and I also have the reccing blog tools (group version or single user) in case you want to start your own!

Less a suggestion and more a general thought. I believe the anonymity of the reccers is an important part of this process and I am in no way saying that should be removed, but at the same time, it does feel impersonal, like a lack of commitment to one's tastes. Word of mouth doesn't tend to sway me to read new fic when I don't know the mouths the words are coming from. That said, take this with a grain of salt because, for the time being, I'm not the target audience of the rec lists.

Hey thanks for the comment! I agree with you! There’s a definite trade off in not knowing whether a reccer’s tastes line up with your own. It means that there’s not a great way to add moderation into the rec list, and with anonymity being an ever- dwindling resource on the internet, people’s attitudes towards it have shifted further into suspicion of intent. Even when it’s something like a rec list, I think there can be an anxiety about people finding a way to use it to bully authors – moreso than even having a consistent pseudonym. When really, I think there’s a good reason why reccers might want anonymity. Admitting you like something can be a vulnerable act! Social anxiety was the number one write-in reason as to why people didn’t rec, as is. I want people to feel comfortable reccing fics that are weird or kinky or require a lot of different warnings, and I wanted people to feel comfortable reccing their own fics. And it’s one thing to leave a kudos on someone’s work while signed in – something nobody else is going to see unless they bother to look – and another to put your name saying you enjoy any sort of beastiality or noncon or whatever else where any purity culture lover can object to on tumblr for all to see. The last thing I want is for people to be hurt or harassed because they participated in something that’s supposed to be a net good.

Anyway, this is all saying that I don’t think your concern is unfounded – and while I’m not likely to change anything about this rec list’s anonymity, if anyone else wants to try their hand at running one, it’s something to think about.

Also, I know I tend to read fic the same way, but it does seem to be a ton of repeat authors week-to-week, so maybe if once in a while the list can be to branch out to a never recc’d person?

I really like this idea, but the logistics of it are a little complex. I crunched the numbers, and out of 558 recs, there’s been 175 authors recced. Which is admittedly is a lot of overlap, but also that’s a lot to expect reccers to keep track of.  But a top ten list should be doable!  I crunched the numbers a couple of different ways – top numbers of times an author was recced, top number of different fics recced by an author, and top number of themes recced, which got me a list of fourteen authors – that seems doable. It’s now a possible theme.

More Information I got from number crunching includes:

86 authors have only been recced once

418 fics have been recced, 324 have only been recced once.

Most recced fics are Hard Mouth at seven times.

Royalgreen has had the most recs at 24, the most fics recced at 18, and the most themes recced at 17, but they also have 51 Critical Role Fics, so.

Further info can be found in this details sheet. I've also added a randomizer for general use, just because.

knowing upcoming themes further in advance

This can be done – it’s how the genfic rec list is currently set up. (as a note, while I’m currently running the genfic rec list, @professor-rye was the one to create it).

The AiFL rec list is currently set up so you can rec fics after the tumblr post, with the idea that people would probably look at the list of recs at the google sheet – which I realize isn’t the way it’s currently used. So you can still rec later, it just doesn’t have the same visibility.  (The two exceptions for this are the ‘older recs’ and the ‘hidden gems’ recurring themes, because we know they’re going to recur and they’re not likely to be ineligible when the theme rolls around again, the way works in progress might be).

Logistically, the selecting the upcoming themes in advance doesn’t work as well from the admin side. Instead of remembering that next week is the last Tuesday of the month, I’ve got to remember to count the Tuesdays and order the progress.  Right now the way it goes is that we pick the theme from the randomizer right before we post the reclist, so the same theme gets pasted into the ‘next week’s theme’ section, the google form, and the tumblr post at the same time. If I’m choosing a theme a month out, I select next month’s theme, add it to the google form, then go back and check what I’d selected a month ago and post that into the tumblr post and next week’s theme. 

There’s also the fact that if we give too much lead time, it means folk procrastinate and forget. Most of the recs currently come in soon after I post the tag list or the 24 reminders as is, and while some people on the gen fic reclist post for multiple weeks at a time, I find that most of the recs are for the week of, anyway.

Anyway, I’m not completely against this, but currently the drawbacks outweigh the perks. Figuring out a different way to sort the upcoming themes for the genfic list is on my to-do list, maybe afterwards I’ll come back and revisit.

#not a rec list

[malaismere]

2022 AO3 Stats - Vox Machina & Mighty Nein

(for previous stats check out my ao3 stats tag - most relevant are my end of c2 m9 ship stats)

Behold! The top ships! Marvel at the tangle of lines! These are in 3-month intervals to keep it at least somewhat legible, and I'm sorry to say that you'll probably need to really zoom in to make sense of it, so I can't do a full text description. I will point out where they break 200 fics, however - Perc'ahlia at the end of 2016, Widomauk in mid-2018 (following Molly's death), Shadowgast and Beaujester in early 2019 (with the Essek reveal), Beauyasha from October 2020 through June 2021 (canon, end of Campaign) and Shadowgast from April 2021 to end of 2022, and Laudna/Imogen from July to December 2022 (following Laudna's death).

Additionally: the only C1 ship to be in the top 5 ships while C2 aired was Perc'ahlia, and it only reached it occasionally; throughout C3 Shadowgast has yet to drop below 2, and both Perc'ahlia and Beauyasha have consistently been in the top 5.

Looking closer at each campaign below the cut!

These charts are also in 3-month intervals, to at least try and pretend they're legible. Initial work was done in 2020, so fics deleted before that aren't included, but fics deleted after that may be (depending on how big a time gap there was between posting and deleted). Because of that, these aren't 1:1 with what you'll see on ao3 today but are very close.

Vox Machina

Overall, the Top 10 ships are:

Perc'ahlia

Vaxleth

Vax/Gilmore

Perc'ildan

Pikelan

Vexleth

Keyleth/Vax/Gilmore

Zahra/Vex

Polymachina

Grog/Vax (tie)

Percy/Pike (tie)

Grog Strongjaw

So, the fewer the fics, the messier the chart. Grog doesn't really have a clear dominant ship. The two that stand out are Grog/Vax, which is prevelant from late 2016 to the end of C1, and Grog/Keyleth, which picks up steam and is the dominant post-C1 ship. Altoug, interestingly enough, Grog/Keyleth has fallen out of the way since end of 2020, leaving Grog/Vax to be dominant in 2022. The only other fic to get more than 2 fics is a single Grog/Pike peak in late 2016.

Keyleth

Vaxleth is the big boy here - spiking to 52 from July 2016 to March 2017 (yes, there were three 52s in a row) and 73 in January 2022 as Legend of Vox Machina came out. It was up and down but overall pretty consistent and has never not been Keyleth's top ship.

...althtough Vexleth comes close, only one fic shy in April-June 2022, reaching an all time high post LoVM. Other than that, its been the constant number two - Pikeleth beating it by 1 fic in April-Jun 2017 as the exception that proves the rule. Percleth and Pikeleth are strong during C1 but drop off after; Grogleth is the main pos-C1 but all of them fall to the side aftertheir late 2020 peak, with only Percleth seeing a very small LoVM resurgence.

Percival de Rolo

Perc'ahlia breaks the axis with 182, 256, and 138 fics from July 2016 - March 2017 and a 120 fic LoVM resurgence in early 2022. It had a later start than Vaxleth but quickly outshown it, and has been in and out but fairly constant during C2. The combo of C3 cameos & LoVM has kept it at it's C1 highs and that's only expected to continue once S2 drops.

Perc'ildan is the constant number 2, save for a small peak of Percy/Tary following his introduction in 2017 and Percy/Pike beating out with 5 fics to Perc'ildan and Percleth's 4 in late 2020; nothing else breaks 5,

Pike Trickfoot

So, during C1 things were a bit of a mix. Pikelan started strong, but Percy/Pike is the top in July-September 2016, and Pike/Vex and Pke/Keyleth for Femslash February 2017. However, Percy's the only one of these to really have much to show post-C1.

Pikelan is highest at the end of C1, and then is pretty constant. It did see a spike for LoVM, but not a very significant one.

Scanlan Shorthalt

Pikelan dominates and always has with a Vaxlan exception for the end of C1 / The Wish. Everything else is in the minor leagues - Vaxlan has a showing, the rest are only 1-2 fics and hard to interpret.

Vax'ildan

Vaxleth is the big boy here - spiking to 52 from July 2016 to March 2017 (yes, there were three 52s in a row) and 73 in January 2022 with LoVM. However, unlike Keyleth, Vax is way more even - Vaxmore beats out Vaxleth in late 2020, and Perc'ildan in April-June 2022. Vaxmore was prety constant, dropping only slightly post-C1; Perc'ildan had a mre significant drop, but then a more signficant LoVM resurgence.

Vax/Grog and Vax/Scanlan are pretty comparable; Vax/Scanlan peaks in late 2017 with the Vecna stuff, but Vax/Grog is the bigger ship post-C1. Both still only broke above 5 for the end of C1.

Vex'ahlia

Perc'ahlia breaks the axis with 182, 256, and 138 fics from July 2016 - March 2017 and a 120 fic LoVM resurgence in early 2022. Same as Percy, there's only one other ship of note - Vexleth, which hits a high following LoVM but never breaks 25.

Pike/Vex hits a Femslash February high in 2017, as does Zahra/Vex (which is at Vexleth levels for 2016) but everything else is dead quiet.

Taryon Darrington

Unsurprisingly, Tary's pretty quiet. Post-introduction there's a Percy/Tary high; after that, there are occasional Percy/Tary and Tary/Lawrence fics, but oly in the 1-2 range.

Mighty Nein

Overall the top 10 ships are

Shadowgast

Beauyasha

Widomauk

Widojest

Beaujester

Fjorester

Widofjord

Fjorclay

Clayleb

**Blumentrio**

Widobrave

Fjord

So, Widofjord started out the top ship, and stayed that way through early 2019 before slowly dropping to the wayside. Fjorclay took over after that and has one of the sharpest declines ever, currently sitting at like 2/year. Fjorester, always a top but secondary ship, bursts up to a 160 peak with the end of C2 and them being canon, falling back down to average levels albeit the top ship. Fjorester gets a small bump for the M9 Reunion.

Also notable: Fjolly starts strong but fades out following Molly's death; there's a peak in Avantika/Fjord during the pirate arc that trails off, and we have two Fjord/Nott peaks in late 2019 and early 2021 coinciding with peak Nott bullying Fjord moments.

Beauregard Lionett

Beauyasha is the top ship, with a peak of 343 in the end of C2. Beaujester takes over during 2019 following the Zuala reveal and Beau revealing her crush on Jester, but falls off during the Hiatus as Beauyasha become canon. The Ot3 is really the only secondary ship, aside from a tny peak of Beau/Keg after they fucked - there's no similar Beau/Reani peak.

Caleb Widogast

Widomauk dominates in 2018, htting a high with Molly's death, and then slowly but steadily declines after that. Widojest makes a valiiant attempt in 2019, and is pretty strong during tthe hiatus, but Shadowgast over takes, with its first peak in early 2020 with the Treason Reveal, and then a 677 fic peak for the end of C2 (the highest of Any Ship Ever).

Widofjord was the second ship but fell off after Essek's introduction; Clayleb was briefly popular in early 2019 but fell off as Fjorclay grew. Widobrave gets an alltime high with Veth getting her body back in early 2020, and is at simlar levels with Widofjord for the rest of C2, but falls off more sharply after. Blumentrio is similarly low but gets peaks in 2019 with the Scourger introduction and at the end of C2 with the Eiselcross arc, and has been pretty constant after.

Nott / Veth Brenatto

Nott/Yeza is the big ship with its high point following Yeza's introduction/rescue, and stays a pretty constant ship. Widobrave takes over with the ritual to get Veth's body back, and they're close for 2020 but Widobrave falls off faster, and doesn't get a resurgence with M9 Reunited as Nott/Yeza did.

Other than that....there's some Nott/Jester in late 2018, some Nott/Cad in early 2019 I think was just one person, and Fjord/Nott, which peaks in late 2019 and early 2021 with peak Nott Bullying Fjord moments. post C2, it is the only other Nott ship. Like. At all.

Jester Lavorre

Fjorester starts out at the top, but slowly declines through 2019 until the Eiselcross arc and end of C2-canon. Even then, it never its the highs Beaujester or Widojest do as they battle for dominance in 2019/2020. Both have fallen down to be closer to the levels seen by Jolly, Yashter, and the Beauyashter ot3.

Mollymauk Tealeaf

Widomauk. It exists. Widofjord used to exist. It doesn't, anymore. A few people wrote Jolly, and that's not really a thing. You can start to see people writing Molly/Essek. They're doing so because Shadowgast is popular, although the ot3 tag isn't super prevelant/comparable.

More seriously, you can see a peak following Lucien's return but it then drops off with no real end of C2 spike because...well, Kingsley. Hard to say whether it's hit a constant or if it'll continue to decline.

Yasha Nydoorin

Beauyasha had it's heyday in post-Hiatus C2. It's since dropped back to early levels, still far and away the top Yasha ship. Yashter & the Beauyashter ot3 are the only others that really compare, save a small Zuala peak after the backstory reveal that gets occasional fics. Even these have fallen to the wayside post-C2. Only Beauyasha remains.

Caduceus Clay

So, with Caduceus, he's the replacement for Widomauk in late 2018 to early 2019, before Fjorclay takes the stand, with a 120 fic peak during the 2020 hiatus. It then immediately falls down to nothing, as does the brief fling with Cadwulf, since Taliesin went on Talks and confirmed that Caduceus was Asexual. Since then...things have been pretty quiet, never getting a full 0 ship fics, but also never getting more than 5.

Kingsley Tealeaf

So, in the immediate post C2, we see some Caleb/Kingsley, comparable to Widomauk, with some Essek/Kingsley because ot3.

Fjord/Kingsley is perfectly hidden behind Jester/Kingsely, as their distribution is identical: because it's actually Fjord/Jester/Kingsley, which is actually the #2 ship.

#ao3 stats #cr stats #cr meta #vox machina #mighty nein #percahlia #vaxleth #shadowgast #beauyasha #widomauk #fjorester

[essektheylyss]

Trick or treat!

some luminous worlds deleted scene content for you! this was the original conceptualization of the storage methods in the Archive on Ioun's Crown—originally Essek went sneaking around to find the papers he wanted, with Maryllis tagging along, which I discarded because it was simpler to have him ask for them and get them directly. honestly though, wish I'd worked this in, cuz as a visual, it slaps.

The room glitters with light.

It seems to be projected against the dark walls like the text in the other room had been, but it comes from one central sphere, and pinpricks of light span the room, creating an effect that makes you feel again like you are inside a beacon, like you are floating in space.

“Each of these is a record,” Maryllis says, and closes the door behind him. His face is bright with these stars reflected in his eyes. “They are grouped into constellations that help guide you to what topics they cover, but you can also simply ask this,” he points to the sphere, sitting atop a column, “and it will bring the relevant records to your attention.”

You stare at it. “This is a beautiful way to store information.”

“It is,” Maryllis says. “I’ve seen this kind of archival catalog once before, at a mage’s tower in Ank’harel. She explained how it worked, but did not allow me to experiment with it.” He looks to you with a jagged grin. “Wizards.”

“Indeed,” you respond, and your own smile is wide. You grew used to smiling, in your past life, but it is still surprising every time something pulls such an expression to your face, tugging it past every mask you cycle through. “And it will not set off any alarms for us to be here?”

“Oh, no,” Maryllis shakes his head. “The catalog is not protected information, so you should be able to find whatever materials you are interested in.”

“You know what I am interested in,” you say, and his smile widens.

“I do.”

“What would I ask for to find it?”

Maryllis’ hair is pulled from his face in a long ponytail, and it gleams beneath the light. His hazel eyes shine silver. The soft tug of his smile as he looks to these archival stars is beautiful and devastating in the way it hits you here, and you almost can’t stomach standing beside him.

He looks as though he is made of light, and you have always struggled to be remade in anything other than shadow.

#writer trick or treat #megs is writing #cr fic #ngl laughing at myself for this. can you tell this was written by someone who would one day be in an mlis program cuz I can. #me at all times like 'KO should be both functional and beautiful' and you know what? I am right

[eldritchmochi]

yeah I am pretty young lmao, I'll spare you from another playlist by just naming some artists that gave me inspiration for god knows at some point

first off you mentioned Hozier, which I kinda only mention because he released a new album recently. Arctic Monkeys and Father John Misty are kinda in the same boat as him. More like the same lake.

The Amazing Devil and The Oh Hellos never fail to give me some sort of D&D/character inspiration. Ghost does?? something??? as well with characters, but specific ones. Same with Steam Powered Giraffe.

other than that, Library Magic by The Head And The Heart is very Wizard, along with The Magician by Andy Shauf. and because I just can't go without mentioning it, Queen is my favorite band. :)

that's all! with any luck it'll end up being useful somehow lol

hozier is one of those artists who i dont listen to on purpose like ever i dont thinki could name a single song of his with confidence BUT i know his voice starkly as one i really lusted after pre-t. i saw he just dropped a new album and i HAVE to give it a listen to especially the video of sssomething or other (full album mv??? pLEASE) because it stars domnall gleeson and i am still horny for that man even after all these years (he's the actor for hux for context lmao)

queen is also one of my long time favs, though definitely a band i dont know in and out the way i do with a lot of more modern punk bands lmao. freddie has and always will be Gender (god the video for i want to break free was IT for me in like 8th grade right around when i came out)

ive seen spg live before!! they are *great* experience even if you're not deep into the lore (i had friends who were big lore fans). i have heard precisely One And A Half Ghost Songs and im keeping it that way on purpose because its just sooooooo funny that im not into them because aesthetically they are way up my alley (and one of my sibs, a number of irl buddies, and MANY artists i follow are all nuts for them)

ive some passing familiarity with the artic monkeys, enough that i can pick out a number of their more popular songs on the radio even if i cant name them (i am garbage at song titles tho so)

i'll have to check out the rest, especially good Wizards Songs 👀

in response!! further things to check out:

FUNKY.FM - playlist by alexmoukala who is one of my FAVOURITE video game composers. i know him primarily through twitter where he posts snippets of remixed or reimagined video game music... but FUNKY (this one is particularly relevant to u based of ur playlist shared w me)

ye old spooky club 1995 - playlist by unnerving governess who i am 90% sure is gothic charmschool. i know i got the link thru her but i thiiink she also made it (another playlist that may vibe w u based off your playlist)

creature feature, especially the album "the greatest show unearthed" (ookey spooky rock with a lot of vincent price era horror camp and a lot of really impressive technical skill. i want it to be halloween damnit)

the mind electric by the miracle musical (behold, the essence of the inside of my brain but in tangible form. it is. incredibly ominous. do recommend headphones for max goosebumps (includes a lot of records played backwards type sounds and other distortions))

dance monkey by tones and i (one of my big essek songs since i get a lot of that vibe where he's beholden to his station for *so much* that its a disservice to his growth as a person)

bottom is a rock by mother mother (my m9 as a whole song. the chorus has a line for each of them i stg and if i could reliably draw i would do an old school lyricstuck to it)

my verdict on ur playlist btw is that it is very solid and cohesive a+, but *just* to the left of my tastes, largely because a lot of it skews 70s/80s which just by nature of the beast lacks the bass i like (because it was mixed entirely different compared to modern music, which is better suited for sounding big when played digitally through smaller speakers. ive heard some of these bands on big sound systems and theyre MUCH more in line with my tastes then lmao)

#mochi rambles #mochi music #dragonknuckles #public reply since no links and also these recs are great imma make people look at em lmao #i have definitely pilfered a couple songs tho

[hazelcephalopod]

Less good opinions on the Renunion (I did overall like it, but I want to share the uh tea? Is that it? Anyway I want to complain. Just a lil)

Alternatively just skip to the tl;dr.

I wish they would just wave more? I’m here for the RP and we got some ok RP, but the TP thing was… a little tedious. I’d have let Jester use a higher spell slot to get the crew to Nicodranus personally. It’s a two shot, stretch the standard rules a bit ya know?

Also I’d like if these were explicitly waving the resurrection ritual. I… it’s not a deal breaker but especially for the epilogue it’s a bummer to worry these character could now die for this.

Those are my constructive criticisms, wait I have one more. I swear it’s relevant. Just… I know that long form storytelling but I suspect Caleb/Essek is still in the building of their slow burn. And for a one shot? I’d prefer we’d skipped to slightly more between them tbh. Like… it’s not actually that important. But it would be really nice. Because, we did get to see that relationship start and they clearly were developing into some tbh more -and explicitly would in the future based on the prologue. But, I’d have liked to see it have developed more. And I’ll eat my words if we see more impart two but yea.

Ok probably at the even less constructive portion now. It was a bit slow. I really enjoyed the beginning. And the middle was decent but it did drag somewhat. However I did tecongnjze that the Mighty Nein had a lot or spells, and a lot of access to spells. Quick aside, without Caduceus they have a noticeable less amount of healing, Jester tries her best but it’s her and Fjord (a half caster at best) covering 95% of heals. Back to the point, I did notice they were… adjusting to relearning these characters, their abilities, and their spells. So, I do recognize that slows things down a little. That said, they did pretty damn well in combat.

I think though, overall, these sort of epilogues are always going to be a two sided coin for me. One the one hand, yay we get to see them again. Awesome. Amazing. On the other, oh no they are in fucking danger and also have to usually focus on some fight. Truly, I kinda, just wanna see then chill? Which I get, that even when they are sorta NOC’s they could still be in danger, but it feels more distant then; also that latter… I should probably go read some fanfic to fill that void. But-

Tl;dr

Again tho. I did really enjoy it. It was funny, ridiculous, peak Mighty Nein. I think ultimately what I’m really annoyed about is it’s only two parts and I want more! I care less about Uk’otoa and more about these characters, and now that’s reignited and what am I supposed to do? Fanfiction is fine and all but it’s not canon! Will Caleb connect better with people and find more happiness, Will Fjord grow into being a leader, Will Beau be able to find more enjoyment and fullfillment in her life/work, can Veth continue to find happiness and stability, Will Kingsley finally steal his own ship and crew?! I wanna know!

#critical role #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers

[wingkink]

-> thoughts post for m9 oneshot because i dont want ot make 85 indivcidial posts that get half a note each

puts up my sign that says "it has been [0] days since matt last used the wrong pronouns for his own nb npc"

sam is always doing some shit (derogatory this time)

also. sam not knowing hold old luc is has the same energy as matt not knowing how old vex and percy's kids are. lmao

also this is fucked like do NOT take the CHILD into the battle with you . we learned nothing from "SHE HAS SIX HITPOINTS"

where is essek. bangs my fists on the floor

actually forget him where is astrid. ASTRID MENTION !!!! FOR MY LIFE!!!!

blumentrio mention doesnt count altho appreciated^

not relevant but i think she should be evil. i think too many people want her to have a redemption arc or have her as like the good person (tm) on the assembly who is like a thorn in their side bceause theyre evil and she's not. no. she should be evil as well. and hot

SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO KLILL HIM SHE WAS RIGHT SHE WAS RIGHT SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i spent the whole first 10 mins of this stream thinking this guy was so annoying and now he's a guest player. was this show designed by someone who hates me personally or

"what sort of creche is this" and then blank looks from the cast is so funny. universal non american experience

hey i just had a coffee so this is going to get progressively more manic

ESSEK MENTION 🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙

"perhaps we were too easy on him" "well we'll have to kill him this time" YOU THINK/.??? YOU FUCKING THINK??????? you know who knew that? ASTRID KNEW THAT

anyway shut the fuck up . get essek

this aggy guy ius so annoying like you will never be Spurt

i accidentally posted this help anyway contuining

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO ok sorry that's kinda funny. like chris perkins did it better but that's sitll pretty good

ARE U GOING TO ok well they cant call essek. sending is broken. shit. well they can mind meld with essek or something idk

i want him so bad <- what who said that

using wish to cast simulacrum never done before in cr history (real) anyway is anyone thinking what im thinking? anyway

HOW DO U HAVE THE ENERGY TO CAST TELEPORT (to the grove) TELEPORT (to the nein heroez) THE TOWER MIND BLANK AND WISH. U DONT.

screaming wailing and banging my fists on the table because i want to see my wizards

^^ wait. sorry. the simulacrum could have cast mind blank. im sorry for the caleb slander wont happen again

if astrid isnt here im going to kill myusefl

idk what's gonna happen when tyey go in but i know it's gonna be less cool than what im imagining but im just remembering liam saying that he once thought the two bodies he'd take back to replace his parents would be astrid and wulf . do you guys ever think about that? i do

WHER ETHE FUCK ESSEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GAY

im shaking physically btw i think the autism ghost is tyring to escape. my body

NAW COZ WHY DOES LEOFRIC SOUNDS LIKE WULF i know it's bc matt is probably just doing "zemnian man voice" buyt come ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

insane that they would be in blumenthal in the house that the drei burnt WITH ikithon rehashing that last battle of campaign 3 and wulf and astrid ARENT FUCLING THERE. kills you kills you kills yo

im now picturing the debrief where caleb has to sit down and explain this to astrid tomorrow. i think she's gonna kill him

(wheres essek)

theres only 50 minutes left in the episode like i feel like this has barely started energy. hello

anyway astrid is so so gonna kill them like this cunt is killing people and you know how many people he wouldve killed if astrid had gutted him 7 years ago? 0 <3

god using her 9th level to summon artagan is so erotic. we stan

aww i miss the twins man

10 minuites to go.

insane pacing (derogatory). sub optimal number of wizards. not worth the time commitment. 0/10 do not recommend. goodnight

#cr2 #cr spoilers

[heppileppi]

esseeeeeek

I thought about drawing something more relevant to the big events from the last couple sessions, but instead I just have essek brain

#but essek is always relevant #yall know how I love my moody night lighting #cr essek #shadowhand essek #essek thelyss #critical role #critical role fan art #frumpkin #cr2 #dungeons and dragons #daniel smith watercolors #shadowgast

[autistic-beshelar]

aspec mighty nein

fjord: grey ace, grey romantic. he does feel both romantic and sexual attraction, but it isn’t often, and his own issues makes it hard for him to act on those feelings. when he has romantic feelings, they usually take a while to develop, and they’re much less important to him than a feeling of friendship and safety. sexual attraction is different and more complicated - he doesn’t have to have any kind of bond with someone to be attracted to them, but the feelings are usually not very strong, and he doesn’t like to act on them unless he trusts that person.

beau: demiromantic. her general lack of trust and struggle to bond with people adds to this. she’s much more motivated by lust, and in any relationship she’s had that’s always come first. but when she does have romantic feelings, they’re extremely intense. when she first met yasha, she was blown away by her beauty and how incredibly attractive she is, but it was how special she is that drew her in, a fascination that grew from lust into deep, deep romantic love. and also still lust.

jester: asexual aromantic, cupioromantic. for a long time she thought that she had very strong romantic feelings. discovering that romance isn’t anything like what she read in her books really shook her, and it made her think hard about how she actually feels. she does want a romantic relationship, she does want that partnership and intimacy and all the wonder of it, but she doesn’t feel those romantic feelings she’d read about and cherished for so long, and it took a while for her to come to terms with that. she’s also a sex-favourable ace, who doesn’t feel attraction herself but very much enjoys reading and talking about sex. she’s never thought much about having sex herself, but in the right relationship, she would enjoy it. 

caleb: asexual, sex repulsed. he didn’t used to be. his asexuality is born of trauma, a feeling that dulled with all the others. he’s been hurt and used so many times that sex is something he’s become so averse to now. maybe it will change, as he heals. maybe it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t. his romantic feelings are more complicated - they are still there, but he is so, so wary. essek was the first time he let himself give into them, and though for a while he was deeply regretful of opening himself up again, they’re helping each other to learn to trust.

veth: greyromantic. she is so, so bogged down in what she thinks she should be, that she’s never let herself think about what she is. she married the first person who showed her kindness, and decided that was love, because what else would love be? she married so young, and decided that she was a wife and a mother and that was all she could be, because she wasn’t good at anything else. but she’s never really had romantic feelings. she’s never let herself admit that she doesn’t love her husband the way she’s supposed to. she’s never let herself admit that the closest thing she’s ever felt to romance is for her best friend. yeza knows this, and he doesn’t mind. he knows that she loves him, and he just hopes that she’ll embrace who she is as much as he does.

mollymauk: nebularomantic. molly is a complicated being. his emotions are tumultuous at the best of times, and people are never easy to understand, least of all himself. he feels no kind of romantic attraction until he gets to know someone, and then... he isn’t sure. the lines between friendship and romance are so blurry, and they don’t make an awful lot of sense to him. all he knows is that he feels strongly for people, that he cherishes them, that he wants to be close to them. he’s maybe a little bit in love with all of his friends, but none more so than yasha.

caduceus: aromantic asexual. he has never once wanted romance, he has never once wanted sex, and he has never wanted a partnership of any kind. it’s never bothered him, and he’s never felt broken - his family has always accepted him, and the wildmother loves him for all that he is. he loves his friends dearly, and he loves to see how much they love each other. but there is a peculiar sort of loneliness that comes from seeing all of your friends gravitate towards one another. everyone has someone. where does that leave him?

yasha: greyromantic. yasha’s entire journey is defined by love, but zuala and beau are the only two people she’s ever been in love with. she’s never been with anyone else, and she’s never had any interest or want for a relationship outside of that. for her, to be in love is to be so completely bonded to that person, to devote yourself to them. when she lost zuala, she believed she would never feel that for another person - that she had not only lost her love, but her ability to feel that kind of love, for the rest of her life. meeting molly showed her that she still had so much love to give and to receive, and meeting beau showed her that she could fall in love again, that she had another chance to feel the kind of love she felt for her wife.

note: these headcanons are focused on the where the characters are on the asexual and aromantic spectrums. they don’t erase any other aspect of the characters’ queerness, they’re just another aspect of their sexualities and romantic orientations.

#i'm just focusing this on aspec identities bc #1. if i didn't the post would be 5 billion words long and #2. aspec identities always get overlooked and i think they're important to talk about #i also just think it's very fun if all of them are some kind of aspec #like wow. all of them aspec and ALL such different experiences #i'm sorry i didn't include essek it's mostly bc i had literally nothing to say other than 'yup he's demisexual' #me struggling not to shove my fjolly thoughts into this post THEY'RE NOT RELEVANT... #well they are but. they're only canon in my heart and it would require too much explanation #one day. one day i'll finish my fucking fics #critical role #mighty nein #kokiri chatter

[your-turn-to-role]

so, since i've failed at getting into c3 so far (i've tried, it's just yet to be my kind of story), i've decided in lieu of my liveblogging, each week i will be posting a one sentence summary of the episode based exclusively on what everyone on my dash is freaking out about, regardless of how relevant it is to the episode!

the list so far:

episode 3 - bertrand is fucking dead

episode 4 - s h a d o w b a k e r (who is 100% Not Essek)

episode 5 - "pretend that this is kith and kin, because both liam and i forgot to bring it-" "-both promised to bring it-" "-both forgot!"

epiosde 6 - 🎵 HEY THERE DELILAH WHAT'S IT LIKE IN LAUDNA'S BRAIN🎵

episode 7 - revenge of chetney chocolatecane poc o pea!

episode 8 - dorian's brother is a himbo

episode 9 - moon lore just dropped??

episode 10 - i think the party intimidated their way out of a problem but it's hard to tell because there's a shadowgast time loop au now

episode 11 - my whole dash is one art of the nightmare king, chetney is a werewolf, and matt's figured out how to counterturtle!

episode 12 - is it marwa time i think it's marwa time

episode 13 - ~masquerade ball~

episode 14 - everyone forgot that dorian wasn't a permanent cast member and they would like him to stay pls??

bonus one shot! - how many horses can one party stack!

episode 15 - no dorian :(

but also we're bell's hells now motherfuckers

episode 16 - mind condom

episode 17 - laudna in tlovm confirmed

episode 18 - imogen's blue now. that's her attack.

thursday 31st march - we've had first exu what about second exu?

episode 19 - one gold and a lime

episode 20 - new nordvpn, laura has new hair, and an incredibly deadly heist through a gift shop?

episode 21 - i cast yassify

episode 22 - oh my god did they actually get a response back from vex?

episode 23 - is travis actually making all these things out of wood?

episode 24 - imogen is bald now and erika's playing a hot elf

calamity break - brennan's here to destroy the world and it's the best written thing anyone's ever seen

episode 25 - new intro!!!

episode 26 - orym is Gay and erika ishii is Up To Something

episode 27 - erika's hot elf is evil and even hotter (also not an elf)

episode 28 - fearne lore time

episode 29 - [S] CR Fandom: Mental Breakdown

episode 30 - m o o n  l o r e  j u s t  d r o p p e d [bass boosted edition]

episode 31 - "i was waiting for the riegel shoe to drop" ~taliesin jaffe, c2e48

episode 32 -

episode 33 - somehow the queen is the least relevant person to die today

episode 34 - the true monster in laudna's head wasn't delilah briarwood it was fandom discourse

episode 35 - ashton confirmed spoonie, thank you taliesin for as always giving me personally the representation i didn't even realise was possible

episode 36 - deus vox machina

episode 37 - genuinely i think the delilah fight was so cool and i didn't even watch it

episode 38 - HE LEFT THEM A SKYSHIP AND A COOKIE RECIPE

episode 39 - i don't know what happened this episode but im glad travis is fulfilling his werewolf dreams

episode 40 - fearne put your hand up

m9 two shot! - THREE. PACTS.

episode 41 - it's been almost exactly one whole campaign since the last time members of the party got super fucked up on something they shouldn't have eaten, so it was about time!

episode 42 -

episode 43 - everyone desires planerider ryn carnally

episode 44 - i wanna say amateur porno in the basement. i really do. but unfortunately ludinus is up to some bullshit

episode 45 - turns out he doesn't keep a ledger... he has a kenku... so... we kidnapped the kenku

#i don't even know what to tag this #cr spoilers #? #cr thoughts #text #weekly review

[anxietiefling]

i keep thinking about what i lovingly call the grave robber vs cradle snatcher debate in regard to shadowgast, because there are so many parts at play that cancel each other out, but shape each other at the same time. we've established that essek is, in drow years, the equivalent of a 22 year old grad student, whose main focus during 120-odd years of existence was to rant about religion vs science on whatever the kryn equivalent of academic twitter is, while being, at the same time, a spoiled prodigy who got an internship(tm) and knew the right people, before taking up a position at the firm his mom's friends own. on the other side, we have caleb, who is 33 in numbers, but is missing a third of his life in memories and might as well just be considered an mentally asynchronous millenial, except with more murder and PTSD than average. while being a uniquely gifted arcanist, he's a first gen academic who had to flunk out of college because his academic superiors abused their positions of trust and were protected by the system.

normally, i would look at an 11 year age gap with very squinted eyes. i will put first that i have a huge sensitivity towards age gaps in romantic relationships, both due personal experience and experiences of people close to me and while i would never assume age gaps are always a hindrance, i consider mature, healthy, sucessful age gap relationships at this scale (10 years or more, just as an approximation) the exception rather than the norm. that's a personal factor. on a more factual scale, i think life experiences differ fundamentally between 22 and 33, which will put any kind of relationship under a certain pressure.

an argument could be made that there is a power imbalance in shadowgast on the life experience axis, because essek has over a century of life experience and is a brilliant, powerful wizard as well as one of a kind in his field. caleb, who might have to realign being in his early thirties with his latest coherent memories pre-vergesson being from the ages 15-17, is at disadvantage here, despite his intellect and (growing) emotional maturity. this is further underlined by essek tutoring caleb, a wizard technically younger, less formal trained, and with .. interesting experiences regarding his mentors.

another argument could be made, that caleb is a 33 year old adult who has a sense of self that clearly differentiates between him as a young, impressionable, driven man and the hurt, but healing grown-up he is now. his moral compass is, despite or maybe also because, solid and profund, whereas essek is confronted through the m9 with a whole different worldview once exposed and stripped of his enormous seclusion and privilege. which does put the power imbalance at the emotional maturity axis, tipping in favor of caleb.

(if taken into account, there would also be a factor of experience with romantic and/or sexual relationships, but since we have no canon information on essek except him being MLM and demi, i will leave it out.)

by that alone, the playing field evens out a bit. but what is more relevant, imho, is how the rest of the m9 factor into this and how they make it possible for those two to have a solid, helathy, relationship in the long run. because caleb does, canonically, struggle with situating himself emotionally into new relationships, but is grounded by his new family; he regocnizes the pattern with essek and disentangles himself from it for long enough to make an informed decision.

at the same time, the revelations essek has about himself in relation to the world would probably be channeled in a less constructive way if the m9 as a whole didn't pull him through it and offer their trust and friendship despite his initial betrayal. essek gains the time to develop a whole new sense of self (or re-discover authentic aspects of himself buried) during the last arc of the campaign and the time after, up until the wizards' trip to aeor at least.

i love shadowgast so much, because despite essek being an NPC and the, in a romantic sense, non-explicit epilogue* of 141, the characters and their relationships and decisions and mindsets are SO layered and in case of this ship, allow for very plausible assumptions how their lives would continue, as well as a multitude of things to write or draw about that still feel true to them.

i just think about them a lot.

*i say non-explicit, but reader, for every queer who watched this, it was clear as day. because what is yearning if not our collective love language. the straights(tm) never stood a chance.

#critical role #cr2 spoilers #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #shadowgast #is this meta or are we dancer

[saturdaysky]

I am FREE FROM CAPITALISM🥳🥳🥳 until the 10th, so I am working on clearing out some of my billions of WIPs. Here is a short piece on the topic "Trent compliments Caleb for manipulating Essek well enough that Essek is following them to Aeor."

Rating: T Words: 1,549

Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Essek Thelyss & Caleb Widogast, Trent Ikithon & Caleb Widogast

Tags: Warning: Trent Ikithon, Self-Loathing Caleb Widogast, Emotional Manipulation, Character Study, of someone who learned to be manipulative and hasn't quite broken the habit, who may or may not perceive things accurately, POV Caleb Widogast, is a descriptive and relevant tag here, Sending Spell (Dungeons & Dragons), attempted comfort

Ikithon’s voice presses softly into his head. I’m pleased you made use of him. You always were talented at bending others to your goals. Even far from home, you make me proud.

—

Old habits are hard to break, even if you have shed the skin that formed them.

#my writing #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #shadowgast #trent ikithon #is the fucking WORST and yet such an interesting villain to write for #his dialogue is 3 percent of the overall piece but that's like having one poisoned skittle in the bowl #also Caleb's manipulative tendencies are fascinating as well - that man is simultaneously incredibly loving and incredibly ruthless #critical role

[essektheylyss]

I'm at the ace day, I'm at the essek week, I'm at the combination ace day/essek week

#I'm sorry i had to lmao #in case y'all were curious if I'll be posting about anything else #the answer is no <3 #'no <3' -ace icon essek thelyss #it is rarely relevant in my writing but know that he is always demi when I'm writing him!!!

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

The unplanned fourth part to my apparently-a-series on Essek Thelyss in the context of real-world espionage (parts 1, 2, and 3), today we look at an aspect of his story that doesn’t always apply in a D&D world: how do you prosecute espionage? 

Psych! That’s not the real question. The real question is: do you prosecute espionage? The answer is a) not as obvious as it might seem; and b) going to differ between D&D and the real world, because D&D governments are storytelling tools and IRL governments are...not.

The benefits of prosecuting espionage are obvious: the interests of justice are served, the person responsible can be punished appropriately and in accordance with the law, the full extent of their crimes are revealed (including potentially exonerating other suspects), counterintelligence gets to chalk up a win, and other people thinking about committing espionage themselves are hopefully discouraged. But there are a surprising number of arguments in the “against” column.

Some agencies that identify enemy assets want to leave them in place for their own purposes. For about 20 years during the Cold War CIA reserved the right to just plain not tell the Department of Justice if they had proof someone was engaged in espionage because they wanted the opportunity to turn them as double agents, feed them misinformation, etc. rather than outing and punishing them (President Gerald Ford ended this arrangement by executive order in 1976). This isn’t necessarily a good idea IRL, but it forms the bread and butter of RPG espionage storylines and is definitely something to think about in a D&D context.

In the real world, ideally someone can only be found guilty of a crime and punished accordingly after a trial, and an agency often finds itself with sufficient evidence to doubt a person’s trustworthiness but not enough hard proof to take to court. In those cases agencies may decide to leave that person in place but cut off their access to classified info. Ironically, sometimes this means promoting them - moving the person into a higher-ranking job in a different area that just so happens not to deal in secrets. Sometimes the asset realizes they’re close to being rumbled and goes along with the effort, maybe taking retirement early or changing jobs before they can be pushed, and the whole matter will quietly lapse without anything so formal as a trial. Sometimes someone makes a mistake and sidelines a loyal, competent employee. That’s a judgement call.

In the real world, ideally someone can only be found guilty of a crime and punished accordingly after an open trial. Given how severe the punishments are for espionage, civilized countries do try to stick to that even though holding such a trial carries risks. Providing proof that someone stole secrets generally requires talking about said secrets, which means revealing classified info in court, which may negate trying to keep the information secret in the first place. They may also not want to reveal in court how they figured out that person was a spy, especially if it was a double agent or cryptographic source that fingered them. In D&D-land where monarchs are common and still wield judicial power, fantasy rulers may hand down whatever punishment they please based on whatever evidence they (or the DM) will accept, so this isn’t as much of a concern.

Even a D&D monarchy that doesn’t have to worry about revealing secrets in court might think twice before publicly punishing a high-ranking spy, though, because the only thing more embarrassing than failing to convict a major spy is succeeding. A government having to admit that its people were compromised, especially high-ranking people, is a body-blow to its standing both at home and abroad. It damages trust in the government, makes the public feel unsafe, and makes allies hesitant to share information lest their secrets be leaked as well. Lower-ranking government employees may think, “My boss is selling secrets, why not me too?” or “Why bother to follow security protocol when some mole will give it all away?” Every decision and contribution made by the asset becomes retroactively suspect, even those that had nothing to do with whatever secrets they leaked. The foreign nation to whom they passed information inevitably gets drawn in as well, negatively affecting those relations. And of course everyone involved looks very, very bad.

All of which leads me to say I think there’s a chance - maybe not a good chance, but a chance - that Essek could privately confess the affair to the Bright Queen without major public repercussions. Leylas Kryn could simply declare him a traitor and order his public execution without justifying herself, but it would raise a lot of questions and none of the answers would help her or the ruling dens; Den Thelyss allowing Den Kryn to unilaterally execute a high-profile member - a child of the umavi - without explanation would stoke ferocious rumors about what Essek might have done and cast a major shadow over the entire den. But publicly declaring what Essek had done also doesn’t do the Dynasty any favors. It makes everyone involved look very bad - how could they miss a spy at the highest level? so close to the Bright Queen herself?? who can be trusted??? - especially Den Thelyss, which might lose its place among the ruling three as a result. Publicly outing such a high-ranking Kryn official as compromised might set off the Dynasty equivalent of a Red Scare, too, since the Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount mentions the constant and well-justified Dynasty fear of agents sent by Lolth to destabilize the Kryn out of sheer spite that they got away from her.

By the time Campaign 2 ended the latest clash between Empire and Dynasty had been settled and neither side seemed to want to stir it up again right away. The fact that both stolen beacons have been returned also bolsters the case for letting the matter lie. A confession from Essek clears up remaining doubt on the Bright Queen’s end - while he doesn’t know every Empire agent in the Dynasty, he can tell her exactly how the beacons were stolen and who else was involved, probably clearing the names of many currently under suspicion. Essek would have to resign as Shadowhand, of course, and leave the Dynasty (at least for a couple centuries), but he never seemed interested in being Shadowhand and he wants to go exploring anyway. Den Thelyss definitely wants the whole affair swept under the rug and would go along with whatever story made that happen. Other than Verin I don’t get the impression many people would miss Essek except as a lost opportunity. I hope they’d give him long enough before leaving Rosohna to pack up his cool leyline-weathervane though. He could totally mount that on Yussa’s tower. Or Allura’s!

And that concludes this particular train of thought re: Essek Thelyss in the context of IRL spies and espionage. Again, all of this is only as relevant to the campaign as the players decide it is, so don’t go giving people crap for being “unrealistic” about their versions of how the beacon trade went down. Frankly the last thing you should want here is realism, because “realistic” espionage is a callous world of deception, manipulation, and general human pettiness with no sense of narrative flow.

None of what I’ve talked about is an excuse for Essek’s actions. But it is a reason. It’s why and how a person entrusted with precious national assets could get into a headspace where it seems reasonable, even necessary, to trade them away to foreign enemies. It’s how a person of otherwise decent character & beliefs can end up committing terrible crimes. It’s why that person might sincerely regret what they’ve done, and not just because they fear punishment. The Warmind Rasputin paraphrases Octavia E. Butler saying, “Misdirected by accident or intent, intelligence can foster its own ecstasies of growth and decay.” In other words: sometimes you get too far into your own head. Without an anchor to reality, without perspective, your own mind gets twisted up. Sometimes you just need a friend (or seven) to grab your arm and say, “Breathe.”

(This accidentally turned into a series on Essek & IRL espionage: Parts 1, 2, 3, 4)

#Critical Role #Critical Role spoilers #not really but just to be safe #Essek Thelyss #CR meta #hey let's talk about Cold War espionage! #trufax #And That's What I Think About That. #words words words #I hope you like words #this poor foolish drow #bless this dumbass #it's been a long pandemic

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E121 (Jan. 19, 2021)

Aaaand we're back! The epic pet montage at the start is still the greatest thing ever.

Tonight's guests? Matthew Mercer and Marisha Ray!

We begin with an extensive discussion of waffle farts. As you do.

Matt is asked what it's been like to get to build out the characters in the Tombtakers. Lucien is Matt's favorite, but they've all got some fun traits to them. "It's one of those rare experiences as a dungeon master where you get to watch your players combat with the necessity of playing along. The instinct is: fuck these guys, I want to fight them, we'll take their shit... or I guess we have to play nice. And they begrudgingly grit their teeth and I smile internally."

On the Lucien accent: "You guys are all so mean to Taliesin!" Matt knew his own take would be a "weird mutation" of Mollymauk's accent anyway.

How's Marisha feeling about a lot of her predictions panning out? "Aw, I mean, gee, me? What? Noooo. It's definitely vindicating, I'm not gonna lie, and rewarding, but I also know that I write a lot of shit down in that notebook that's never relevant ever again. It's definitely a good feeling to know that I didn't go on that fifteen-minute deep dive and was utterly wrong about everything I said." Matt: "I was super proud. I was just silently cheering you on as you went on these long tangents."

What does Lucien think of the Mighty Nein? "Lucien is definitely curious about why they're getting involved in his shit and what they're planning alongside them. One, he hates Beau because he doesn't like people who challenge his authority. He gravitates towards Jester to an extent because she's the most open, which from his standpoint makes her easiest to manipulate. He loves toying with curiosity, and so between Jester and Caleb, those are the two people that he's the most comfortable interacting with. Caduceus makes him feel a little weird. He's amused by them. Fjord to Lucien is one of the more guarded and less accessible at the moment."

Is Beau enjoying getting under Lucien's skin? "Beau's picking and poking still kind of stems from her defensiveness and guardedness and her feelings, in a lot of ways, and the way that she's coping with things. It's a few steps removed from her default and what she often resorts to when she starts throwing up those barriers. She still has in the back of her head that she's looking at her dead friend. It's her way of protecting herself if she can go, fuck you, I don't care about you. This isn't too dissimilar to the way she reacted when Yasha was brainwashed." Matt: "It's a unique social sparring match the whole time they're traveling side-by-side. It's unique to have an antagonistic force that you're--" Marisha: "That we're going camping with."

Navigating the Tombtaker/M9 relationship as a DM is "challenging. At any given moment, a wrong statement could escalate matters one way or the other. It's having to pay attention to a lot of things at all points in time to be ready for how those chain reactions can happen and where it might go." He likens it to trying to follow and participate in two different conversations simultaneously at a party.

On the note from Yasha: "Oh man, you guys. Oh, it was so sweet. I don't think Beau was expecting Yasha to be so forthcoming with everything, and so complimentary and eloquent. Beau is awkward with healthy relationships, so she doesn't know how to handle them. She's still processing that and wants to not ruin it. No, it was magical." Ashley told Marisha after the episode that she was trying to think of what to say and wound up basing it on what she would say about Marisha.

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Vax (by stormfeather_cosplay, photograph by travi_b, both on Instagram)!

On using variations on the Wild Magic table: "I wanted to give it some variation to consequences. They took some of the tooth out of it from earlier editions. I knew it would be fun once I gave them the specifications of when these things would happen - players are just waiting for someone to roll a 20 or a 1 at all times."

Why is it so important to Beau that she and Yasha have a proper date? Part of it is a fresh start. "So much of Beau's past relationships have been rooted in some toxic behavior. Beau feels like, well, maybe we should just start from the beginning in the most us way possible: fighting through the tundra with our dead-ish friend."

The sci-fi-ish theme came toward the end of developing Aeor, but it mostly comes from rationalization. Matt is intrigued by how all these different societies want to usurp the gods... which has parallels with modern society. He notes that focusing more on the science of the magic means the aesthetics pull away to "instead facilitate the utility or the most direct route to the answers you want. You streamline as opposed to focusing on the aesthetics."

Beau’s reaction to all the weird magic stuff? “I think Beau’s just so focused on the pragmatic aspects of it all right now. There are greedy people with motives and the will and want to corrupt across all spans of cultures and times. She’s trying not to get lost in the magic, both proverbially and literally, of it all, and just trying to focus on the motives of these people at hand.”

In some ways, Matt was surprised by Caduceus’ strong reaction to the creepy woods. “It was the first major reveal that there are some other sides to the coin that he hadn’t learned about. I had no idea how he would react. It pushed him away more in ways than I expected.”

Fan art of the week: an amazing Lucien! (by oratorkayla on Twitter)

What’s Dagen’s motivation? “He’s definitely a man of his word when it comes to fulfilling a contract and getting the other half of his pay, but it’s not hard to see they’ve grown on him a little bit. He’s really good at getting around the tundra unseen and unnoticed.”

Brian: “In true Sam fashion-” Marisha, instantly: “OH MY GOD.”

Marisha: “Here’s the thing. Here’s the tea, okay? If I ever hear one more fucking person trying to claim that I’m ruining things by metagaming, I’m going to point to Sam. I’m expected to respond accordingly to Veth being a Sam troll. Gods damn him! Raven Queen curse upon him! Let chaos reign! He made me pull out my earphones, I can’t hear anything you’re saying. It’s frustrating because I’d be mad at it if it wasn’t so god damn funny.” Matt notes that at a different table this wouldn’t be great behavior, but they all know each other well enough (and check in with each other enough) that it’s comfortable teasing.

With a bit of a deeper pull, Matt is asked whether he knew Avantika would return someday? “I knew she was a fun, interesting option out there. The M9 still have in their grasp the single most important artifact, in Uk’otoa’s opinion, at the moment. As long as they carry that artifact, his eye of Sauron is upon them.” Matt notes that he has more encounter tables going, so a lot of the time even he’s not sure what’s going to happen.

Caduceus suggested contacting Essek, but Beau and Caleb nixed that idea. Does Beau trust him? “Gods no. Absolutely not. She can like Essek personally. As a person, he’s fine, I guess. But I think a lot of people might be forgetting that he’s kind of a war criminal and kind of set off a lot of bad things in motion with this war with the Empire and the Dynasty, because he wanted power and to know things. So now here he is, also in Aeor. Yeah. Just kinda putting two and two together there. It is another one of those things of, you’re walking that line on trying to keep him on your good side and having a mutually beneficial relationship before it could easily go completely south.”

On the Star Razor being a Vestige: “I don’t want this to be--- the Vestiges aren’t always a thing where it’s like, you get a Vestige and you get a Vestige! I want them to be still considered special and rare. This is one that had to be earned, it had to be reforged. I didn’t know the circumstances that would involve it coming about.” He based it on the circumstances of Fjord’s evolution into a paladin. “In essence, not only did he finish the creation of the sword, but he Awakened it at the same time as he made this transition. It is Exalted at this point, it’s in its final form.”

What does Beau think might lie ahead? “I have no idea. I am trying to abandon expectation when it comes to that. I know what we don’t know, and that’s it. Beau is trying to compensate for the known unknowns and the unknown unknowns. I hope we can keep this tenuous relationship through to Aeor, because we need more answers before it explodes in our face. Beau, and Marisha, is hoping for a little more information before shit hits the fan.”

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long text post