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spicysix · 2 months

Text

girls make me wanna die

"the way we met not so unique / on the internet we make up things / a different story every person we see i'm writing poems and they're all online / under a different name, nothing like mine / i tried to tell her once, on a drunken night / but it came out all fucked like a bad pickup line i don't know when i fell. she doesn't know as well"

rating: T warnings: Eddie's trans in this fic, it's not a major plot point but it is a major Eddie characteristic heh. also, this is an Edancy fic, meaning Eddie and Nancy and i know that's not everyone's cup of tea so please for the love of god if you're not interested in this pairing, keep that to yourself, scroll the page, leave the fic untouched. don't like, don't read, all the maners. i think that's it word count: 6.1k author's note: fic idea and title from the song of the same name by The Aces. written for Lex's Spicy Six Summer Fanwork Challenge, for the prompt "rooftops". yes, i know i'm a little bit late (just six months), but it is Summer where i live right now so i think it still counts lmao. thanks again for hosting @thefreakandthehair ♡ also super thanks to my beautiful betas robin (@ronancevibes) and frankie (@blubblesandink) ♡

↳ read on ao3

I DON’T KNOW WHEN I FELL

The first time Eddie saw her, she thought she was a mirage.

It was Steve’s birthday party, and since the guy was still as popular as he used to be in high school, his house was packed. Eddie hadn’t seen her when she first arrived, and she later found out it was because she had been upstairs finishing getting ready with Robin.

But as she came down the stairs, all dolled up, a true femme divinity of Eddie’s most sapphic dreams, the neon lights were hitting her just right in a way that encompassed her with pink, purple and blue all around and it was one of the prettiest sights Eddie had ever seen. Eddie stood right at the end of the stairs and stared up at her, jaw on the floor, probably drooling all over her chin.

She probably could’ve fallen right then and there.

If she hadn’t looked at Eddie, still standing dumbly in the way, up and down with her eyes narrowed and lips turned down into a frown before she opened them to say, with the most velvet smooth, passive-aggressive voice Eddie had ever heard:

“Can you move?”

It wasn’t a request. It was a demand.

Eddie kinda wanted to bitch-slap her for it, but her own body betrayed her as she moved out of the way instantly and she smiled at her — almost fondly, but venomous, also all passive-aggressive and, honestly? Delicious.

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

Eddie was pissed off and aroused to her deepest corners, and she would later find out that it wouldn’t be the first time Nancy Wheeler would piss her off and still have her do whatever she demanded with that silky way of hers.

Eddie didn’t see her anymore at all after that at the party, and still had no idea who she was for a whole week before she ran into Robin at the grocery store. She asked her who the girl was, describing her looks and clothes. She tried not to be too obvious about her annoyance and also attraction to the mystery girl, and she thought she succeeded because Robin didn’t shoot her one of her bombastic side eyes.

“Oh! Short curly bob, about yay high?” Robin asked, gesturing somewhere around her chin level. Eddie nodded as she turned to pick up some sugar. “Yeah, that’s Nancy.”

Eddie stopped with her hand mid-reach. “Steve’s ex, Nancy?” she asked.

“The one and only,” Robin snickered and Eddie blinked a few times in shock before proceeding with her shopping.

Eddie thought she knew a lot about the infamous Nancy Wheeler, because she had befriended Steve right after Nancy had broken his pure little himbo heart, almost eight years before. She knew Steve and Nancy had worked things out and were friendly now, but didn’t know they were friendly enough for Steve to invite her to his birthday. She shared those thoughts with Robin, who chuckled teasingly.

“Oh, sweet summer child. You have no idea of the intricacies of our friend group, do you?”

That was true. Eddie knew of Steve and Robin’s friend group from their hometown and she knew that it was a whole beautiful mess off queerness, but she hadn’t met anyone but Robin so far, even with the almost eight years of friendship with Steve — and probably only knew her because Steve and Robin were glued at the hip. She knew of Nancy, and of Jonathan, and of course, knewRobin’s girlfriend Vickie, but didn’t know what their intricacies were.

She was honestly a little scared to ask at that point, so she just shrugged and Robin and her continued their shopping talking of other stuff from then on.

She saw Nancy again a couple of months after Steve’s party, because then it was Vickie’s birthday party, and at least this time Chrissy was able to go so Eddie wouldn’t have to be stuck to Robin the whole night.

“I’m so glad I’m not missing this one. I mean, Vickie’s a great girl and of course she’s the main reason, but that Jon boy was looking delicious in the pics Steve posted and I’m so sad I missed seeing him looking like that,” she was rambling on and on about her crush as she reapplied lip gloss on the way to the bar Vickie chose to have her small party at. “Did you meet him at all?”

“No, I only saw him passing by. He did look good, smelled amazing too,” Eddie replied with a grin.

“Ugh, you’re no good as a best friend. You know I’ve been in love with him ever since Steve posted that picture last November! You had to befriend him!” she complained but she had a smile on her shiny pink lips.

“You can’t be in love with him, bitch, you don’t even know him,” Eddie replied.

“I so can, bitch. I feel it in my tits,” Chrissy ended the discussion as the Uber parked in front of the bar, and they left it laughing loudly after thanking the driver. “In my heart, I mean. Under the tits. If he’s not here today I’ll leave immediately!”

“I’ll tell the birthday girl you said that,” Eddie sing-sang as she started walking faster towards the bar entrance. Chrissy yelled after her as they walked through the doors still laughing.

To Chrissy’s delight, the Jon boy was there in all his scrawny glory where he sat across from Vickie at the table they reserved for the birthday. Vickie was excitedly talking to him about something, gesturing all around her as Robin looked at her with pathetic heart shaped eyes. Nancy, sitting beside Jonathan, was also paying attention.

No, she was not the first person Eddie noticed.

Eddie and Chrissy approached the table and Steve lit up at the sight of them from where he was sitting on the other side of Vickie.

“There they are! My favorite sapphics club is complete!” he was getting up from his seat as he talked, and Vickie wrapped up her story before getting up to greet them too.

Jonathan turned to Nancy and they whispered between them, and Eddie would’ve thought they were talking about Vickie’s story if Nancy hadn’t shot her a look from over Jonathan’s shoulder. He then looked over too and smirked before turning back to Nancy and saying something that made her hide a laugh behind her wrist.

“Why do you surround yourself with so many sapphics anyway?” Chrissy asked as she and Steve separated from their embrace, and Eddie finally tore her look away from Nancy and Jonathan to hug Vickie tightly.

“It’s the ally in me,” Steve answered and it got him a slap from his favorite sapphic who had also gotten up to greet the newcomers.

“You’re literally queer too,” Robin said as she made grabby hands at Chrissy for her own hug. Steve just cackled and shrugged.

They finished their greetings session and both Eddie and Chrissy handed Vickie their gifts — a matching set of earrings and a necklace — before walking back to the table. Aside from them, Jonathan and Nancy, there were only a couple more people that were introduced as Vickie’s work friends.

“Nice to finally get your name,” Nancy said with a smirk when Vickie introduced her to Eddie.

Eddie narrowed her eyes. “You didn’t ask for it when you were bossing me around like a bitch last time.” Eddie didn’t made clear who the bitch was. It was on purpose.

Nancy’s smile only widened with her answer as Jonathan hid a snort behind a cough.

“She tends to do that,” Steve said as he pulled a chair for Chrissy to sit at beside him.

“Excuse me?” Nancy asked, but she was still clearly being playful.

“Yeah, no, he’s right,” Jonathan said before sipping on whatever drink he had.

Nancy rolled her stupidly beautiful blue eyes. “Love when my exes team up against me.”

Eddie thankfully wasn’t drinking anything yet or she would’ve choked on liquid, and that would be worse than choking on thin air —which she did.

“What?” one of Vickie’s coworkers thankfully asked, and all of the long-time friends laughed together.

“Oh, isn’t that a long story…” Vickie giggled to her friend who just shrugged:

“We do have all night.”

Long story short, they all had had relationships in some way.

Not like Eddie or Chrissy could judge, since they both met Steve on different nights out and they both hooked up with him in the respective back alleys of the clubs they were in, and Chrissy and Robin were definitely flirting before Robin went all monogamist-serious with Vickie. And they wouldn’t judge even if it didn’t make them hypocrites because there was nothing wrong with all that anyway, but that’s an obvious statement.

But none of their things with each other had been serious or even consummated, meanwhile it was kind of funny that Nancy dated Steve and then Jonathan, and Jonathan dated Argyle who had been in the bathroom and appeared in the middle of the story, and who was now on his journey to woo Steve into a relationship, and Nancy and Robin also had a fling at some point and so did Jonathan and Steve.

Eddie felt tired at the end of the retelling and she had been sitting down the whole time.

“Ah yes, the amazing queer experience,” Vickie’s coworker who had initially asked commented at the end of it all.

They all laughed at that and the coworker — Eddie really didn’t get their name — waved a bartender over for some shots. Once they were delivered and everyone had gotten one, Coworker started a toast.

“To Vickie, and her hometown friends who all fucked each other!” they toasted, and everyone laughed louder as they clinked their tiny cups together before throwing the shots back.

Those were just the first shots of many that night, each round with a more ridiculous toast to accompany the ‘To Vickie’ one every time.

After a few hours Chrissy was best friends with Vickie’s coworkers, and Eddie still had no idea what their names were, and instead had found her way in between Jonathan and Argyle as they all talked about photography, an art they all shared their love for. Jonathan was actually a photographer himself. The talk went from classic photography, analog to digital, and just as they started talking about Instagram accounts, Chrissy stopped by, whispered something right by Jonathan’s ear that made him blush, and they left together. Eddie and Argyle traded knowing looks and continued the conversation without the person who had begun it, and soon Nancy took Jonathan’s seat instead.

“What’s the talk?” she asked while sipping her fruity cocktail that Argyle then took from her and drank before answering.

“Our favorite Instagram accounts. We were talking about photography, but…”

“Oh!” Nancy took her phone from the pocket of her dress — a dress with pockets, amazing; Eddie thought — and opened the app. “It’s not photography, but this one is my favorite of all times. It’s so inspiring to me,” she said as she found the profile she was looking for and then turned the screen for Eddie and Argyle to look at.

Eddie had a really hard time trying not to choke on thin air for the second time that evening.

The profile Nancy was showing was a poet’s page, by the name of M.W. and who posted small, handwritten poems with a beige and brown color palette, a drawn sheet ghost as their profile picture. Clearly anonymous, even with hundreds of thousands of followers, the person behind the poems and the page didn’t want people to know who they were.

The person behind the poems and the page was Eddie.

“What-” Eddie tried to talk, failed, cleared her throat and tried again, “What do you like about it?”

Nancy got this look on her face that Eddie hadn’t seen before so far. Something fond and sweet, her blue eyes like pools Eddie wanted to drown in. Her smile was wide and it turned her face to something entirely different, all the sharpness and sarcastic expressions Eddie had been graced with so far transforming into earnest softness.

“I’m a journalist, and I love writing and sharing stories. Poems have always been something I wouldn’t do, because they all seemed so hard and too complex and I always thought ‘normal’ people couldn’t do them,” she explained, looking Eddie in the eye the whole time. She was like Medusa, and Eddie was trapped paralyzed under her stare but with no intention of leaving any time soon. “And then all these modern poets came around on social media, and they have always spoken to me in some ways, but Emme…” She looked down at her phone screen again, that same soft look that made Eddie’s brain short-circuit. “I don’t know what it is, but they talk to me so personally. I love everything they write. They are delicate with words without losing their candidness, and forthright without losing their gentleness. I just… I’m very impressed and inspired by them.”

Maybe it was then.

Eddie, of course, had no idea what to answer to that. She received comments and messages every day about how her writing helped and affected people, but it had never happened in person because no one knew who she was. That was different. Nancy’s words echoed right into her chest, making it swell with pride, but she didn’t know how to respond. She just stared at the girl before her, hoping her expression wasn’t giving her away.

“That’s so nice, dude. They’re really nice poems,” Argyle said as he rolled through M’s feed. “Do you not like them, Eddie?” he asked, and Eddie shook her head to get out of her wandering thoughts before glancing at the screen Argyle was showing her.

She didn’t need to look too hard, she knew every single poem there by heart.

She shrugged. “I don’t… think too hard about poems, I guess,” she lied without thinking, already trying to come up with other topics she could suggest to stir the conversation before she admitted anything.

The only person who knew she was the one behind M.W. was Chrissy, and Eddie wasn’t ready to make it public — probably never would be. The words were too personal, open windows to her soul that she carefully curated, that she poured so much of herself into and she wasn’t ready to share the backstage of.

Eddie saw as Nancy’s eyes hardened again, as she shut her jaw firmly and she felt immediately sorry for her lie. She didn’t want Nancy to retreat, she liked seeing her vulnerable side. The side of Nancy that related to Eddie’s own vulnerability, even if she didn’t know it.

“Too bad.” And then she gave Eddie that sneering look, the same as she did from her superior level at the stairs of Steve’s house, that up-and-down look that made Eddie’s face turn into a scowl instantly.

Both their jaws clenched and they narrowed their eyes at the same time and stared at each other for what felt like hours, but was probably less than a minute, before getting up to walk to different directions, headed to different groups of other people to talk to.

“What the hell happened, man?” Argyle whispered softly to himself as he was left alone with all the tension still hanging in the air.

Eddie replayed that conversation in her head for many days after Vickie’s birthday. The gnawing feeling in the bottom of her stomach that threatened to burn her from the inside out appeared every other hour.

Why the fuck did she lie about not liking poems?

She didn’t have to tell them the truth about being M.W., but she could still have said something nice about Nancy’s passion for the poems. Not dismiss it completely, making it seem like she was a total bitch, causing Nancy to go back into her distrust, closing the doors to her vulnerability. Making Nancy think Eddie had no interest in her interests at all, like she was still holding a grudge over nothing, like they couldn’t bond over something they both loved.

The what-ifs and the should-haves kept eating at Eddie’s brain, sometimes so strongly that it was overwhelming, and she didn’t relax even a little bit about it for almost three weeks, when she met Chrissy for their monthly brunch together.

“What’s up with you today?” was the first question Chrissy asked over their mimosas, no need to be at Eddie’s side for long to realize that something was giving her anxiety.

It caused Eddie’s shoulders to slump down and her throat to get a little less constricted. Just knowing Chrissy cared enough about her to notice the small signs of her distress made some of the fog in her brain dissipate. It was easy to tell her everything after that, the scene she had caused, the disappointment in Nancy’s eyes, the way it made Eddie feel like shit. Chrissy heard it all quietly, attentively, as if Eddie’s life depended on it because she knew that Eddie felt like it did at the high of her anxiety.

“I think you like her more than you care to admit,” Chrissy answered at the end of it all.

Eddie didn’t like that Chrissy’s mind went straight into that area instead of comforting Eddie, but she rationally knew that Chrissy wouldn’t bring that up if it wasn’t relevant.

“Chris, I don’t even know her-”

Chrissy interrupted. “And I think you should be honest with her.”

“I can’t tell her-”

She did it again. “I’m not telling you to come out to her as Emme, I’m only saying you could honestly tell her she makes you kinda nervous and you stumbled over your words near her, and you said things you didn’t mean because you couldn’t think through.”

“Can you stop interrupting me!” Eddie whined. “Oh, so I just have to make a fool of myself in front of her? Solid advice, Chris, thanks.”

“Why’d you ask for my help if you’re gonna complain about what I say?” She asked, swirling her cup around.

“I didn’t ask for your help, Chrissy!” Eddie all but shouted, her voice a raspy tone, and Chrissy stopped mid-movement. Eddie instantly regretted it. “Sorry. I’m so sorry. Ugh, I’m so stressed out over nothing.”

She hid her face behind her hand, embarrassment making her cheeks burn up, but she soon felt Chrissy’s cool hand on top of her own. It was soothing once again.

“Sorry I pushed too. It’s not nothing, Eddie, I swear. I still think you can be a little more honest with her if you ever see her again, though,” Chrissy still advised.

“Maybe you’re right. I’ll think about it,” Eddie answered.

“And I still think you like Nancy more than you want to admit,” Chrissy continued.

Eddie let her hands fall from her face and stared into Chrissy’s blue pools. They reminded her of other blue pools.

Nancy’s pool blue eyes hardening over Eddie’s words, the way her jaw shut tight, the clinical look she shot at her. Nancy’s pool blue eyes softening over talking about Eddie’s words, the blush on her cheeks, the adoring speech she gave about Eddie’s soul without even knowing.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right about that too,” Eddie finally admitted.

Maybe it was then.

Summer was approaching and as the temperatures started to rise Steve hyped them all up for a lake day. Eddie took Chrissy, Robin, Vickie and Jonathan in her van; and Steve, Argyle and Nancy went in his car. They all brought snacks and smuggled drinks amongst card games and inflatable buoys.

The lake wasn’t packed because summer vacations still hadn’t started and the middle schoolers, high schoolers and college students still weren’t free to enjoy the scalding Sun and the cold water, so Steve’s idea was great after all.

Eddie waited until the Sun wasn’t at its peak to venture under its rays, because she was as pale as a vampire and the Sun was a menace to her just the same as it was to the blood-sucking monsters. She’d burn instantly. So she covered herself in sunblock, hid under the shadow of a big tree with one of Wayne’s old caps on her head and a book in her hands, and watched as her group of people had their fun.

Steve and Chrissy were playing with a volleyball in the sand, while Argyle and Vickie went against Jonathan and Robin in a game of chicken in the water with Nancy as the referee. Eddie had fun people-watching, and when it came to some of her new favorite people it was even better.

As midday approached, they all gathered under the barely-there shadow to eat their snacks and escape the dangerous Sun beams at their high. Argyle had some pre-baked space brownies for dessert and they all shared stories and laughed about nonsense. Eddie felt happy that she and Chrissy were finally being more included into the lives of Steve and Robin, and that their friends came along. It felt like they had always belonged there, as a full group. It was amazing.

When both the Sun and Eddie weren’t as high anymore, she finally felt safe enough to take off her shirt and cap. With another sunscreen layer applied, she stretched a bit before asking Chrissy to join her at the shallow ends of the lake. The pebbles hurt her feet in a good way and the smell of damp earth was refreshing.

“How’s it going?” Chrissy asked.

Eddie looked at her and saw that she was staring ahead. She followed the line of vision and saw Nancy taking a few laps in the deeper parts of the water. She instantly knew what Chrissy was asking.

“I might have been stalking too much on Instagram,” she answered, and Chrissy cackled.

“Does she follow you?”

“Uh, no. Her profile’s open,” she finished and Chrissy almost choked on her laughter.

Eddie tried to hide her smile, but Chrissy’s snorts were endearing even if they were at her expense.

“What are we laughing so hard about?” The subject of the conversation appeared out of nowhere, Robin and Vickie behind her as they approached.

Chrissy laughed harder.

“Uh, just this dude. You guys don’t know him.” Eddie tried to act casual, but Nancy’s raised eyebrow showed she wasn’t buying. Thankfully, she also didn’t press further. “Uh. Nice bikini,” she pointed at Nancy’s torso, immediately regretting it.

Nancy looked down, as if she didn’t remember what she was wearing. There was nothing special about it, just a different color in each of the little triangles covering Nancy’s breasts, but now all the attention was in it, on them, and Eddie felt like a complete fool. If she wanted Nancy not to know about her stupid not-crush, talking about her fucking boobs wasn’t the best course of action.

“Thanks?” she said, kind of asked, as her answer to Eddie’s random compliment. “Yours is pretty too.” She smiled sweetly, and Eddie was a hundred percent sure she didn’t deserve that kindness.

“Not just the bikini,” Vickie whispered a little too loud, causing Chrissy to fall into her laughing fit again. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. That was so out of pocket.” Her freckled face was all red, and Robin was hiding a grin under her hand, and Nancy was suddenly looking at the water, brows pinched, pink cheeks, perched lips.

Interesting, Eddie thought.

“Ah, don’t be,” she answered Vickie. “I paid a hell of a price for them, they’re supposed to be admired.”

“Wait until you’re at a level three friendship clearance and you’ll get to see them uncovered. Maybe even touch,” Chrissy said, still in between chuckles.

“Well, yeah, I want to show them off!” Eddie spoke up.

Nancy coughed loudly. “I’ll go back to the-” she stopped herself and never finished her sentence before practically running back to the water, her body curving in a beautiful dive once she was deep enough.

Eddie felt glad she was still wearing her shorts, cause the tightness in them could get a little uncomfortable.

“You guys are funny,” Robin said, arm draped over Vickie’s shoulder, and her pointed look at Eddie’s profile seemed to mean something more.

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked.

Robin chuckled a little louder. “You and Nancy would get along real well if you stopped dancing around each other,” she answered.

Eddie bit the inside of her cheek before turning to look at the lake again. Nancy wasn’t doing laps anymore, instead she was talking to the boys. As if she felt Eddie’s eyes on her, she also turned to look back to the shore, and her gaze met Eddie’s.

She smiled so sweetly. As if Eddie had never insulted her, as if her vulnerability had never been hidden, she smiled the same way Eddie saw her smile when she talked about M.W’s words.

Maybe it was then.

“Still don’t know what you’re talking about,” Eddie lied, without ending her eye contact with the girl on the water, and her senses were so focused on only her that she didn’t even hear Robin and Chrissy’s snickering.

She really had to stop dancing.

Chrissy went to Eddie’s house and ruined her life on a simple Friday.

“You’re being so dramatic,” Chrissy said while Eddie paced around her living room, fingers tangled in her hair, and her phone still in Chrissy’s hand.

Eddie knew it had been a horrible idea to download Tinder to get over her not-crush on Nancy, and she knew it had been a horrible idea to tell Chrissy about it — but she went ahead and did both of those things anyway.

It started harmless enough, Eddie and Chrissy sat side by side, a bottle of wine shared with no need for glasses, a random movie on the TV as background noise. Chrissy giving her input on Eddie’s bio, her picture choices, the people she swapped right or left.

It started harmless enough, until Nancy’s profile showed up.

Only a few miles away, a stunning profile picture that made Eddie’s heart almost crack her ribcage, a bio that Eddie couldn’t even read entirely because suddenly her phone wasn’t in her hands anymore, and Chrissy was locking herself in the bathroom.

No amount of Eddie’s banging on the door made her get out, not until she felt like her mission was complete, not until after she swiped right on Nancy.

And then Eddie was spiraling, pacing around her living room while Chrissy finished whatever wine was left in the bottle, the movie had ended on the TV and Tinder was left open and forgotten on Eddie’s phone.

“You acted like a bitch and you know it,” Eddie said, and Chrissy only huffed. “Christine!”

“Calm down, I’ve told you already! It’s not like-” she paused mid sentence when the phone screen lit up. Chrissy’s eyes grew comically larger, and she bit her bottom lip tightly, the skin under her teeth going pale. “So, about that-”

“Christine!” Eddie yelled again, throwing herself on the couch and aiming for the phone already. “Please, for the love of god and all that is holy, please tell me she didn’t just-”

“You have a match,” Chrissy confirmed Eddie’s worst nightmares.

“FUCKING HELL!”

It was undeniable, right at the center of the screen, big bold letters in a way that Eddie couldn’t blame on drunkenness because she hadn’t even drank that much. She had a match with Nancy Wheeler.

“Why is that a bad thing? You have a crush on her anyway, you just learned it’s reciprocated?” Chrissy asked, already getting up to fetch another wine bottle.

“What if it’s a joke. What if she swiped in the wrong direction as an accident. What if she sat on her phone and butt-matched me. What-”

“Eddie, stop spiraling,” Chrissy told her, a new wine bottle in her hands that she passed to Eddie in exchange for the phone again. “We’ll keep watching whatever movie this is,” she checked the TV, saw the movie was over, “We’ll watch whatever other random movie and get your head out of this and tomorrow you’ll wake up renewed and look at this situation with fresh eyes and see it’s not that bad. Okay?”

“You just don’t want me to yell at you ‘cause you know it’s your fault,” Eddie grumbled.

“I won’t lie to you, my best friend, that is partly the reason.” Chrissy chose another random movie without really checking what it was. “But I also really don’t think it’s such a big deal.”

“Whatever,” Eddie whined again, but draped her head on Chrissy’s shoulder when she sat beside her.

She was warm, and smelled of berries and coconut, and she had Eddie’s phone so she couldn’t do anything stupid, and she usually knew better. She was probably right. Eddie let herself be comforted in the presence of Chrissy’s calming aura.

Eddie ended the night having no idea what the movie was about, her mental state a little over tipsy and a little under drunk, her phone back in her hands and the Tinder conversation with Nancy Wheeler opened.

She came to learn a lot in between one and six A.M., the time she spent talking to Nancy while Chrissy still snored beside her.

Nancy had a younger brother and a younger sister.

She loved ballet.

Her favorite singer was Madonna.

Her parents were divorced, and the day they told her the news was one of the best days of her life.

Some of her hobbies included journaling, roller skating, and painting her nails.

Her best friend was named Barb, and she was studying abroad for her PhD.

She legally owned a gun. That was terrifying. (And also a little hot.)

She had never used it, though. But felt safe having it.

She was power driven, passion driven, a force to be reckoned with, and kind and sweet while doing it all.

Maybe it was then.

Neither of them acknowledged the fact that they both had been assholes to each other, and just accepted the Tinder match as if it had been nothing more. Nancy had started the conversation as if they had already texted before, and Eddie just rolled with it.

They talked all night, and Eddie could’ve kept talking to her if she hadn’t passed out from sleep deprivation and alcohol consumption.

She only noticed the next afternoon, when she woke up, that she tried telling Nancy she was M.W. at the peak of her insanity, but thankfully had never sent the message.

She deleted it and said nothing else instead.

Eddie saw Nancy sooner than she expected — and, honestly, sooner than she was ready to.

She and Nancy hadn’t talked after that day, not at all, not on Tinder and not on Instagram after they followed each other. Nancy liked a couple of Eddie’s pictures and stories, and Eddie liked some of her stuff back, but that was it.

She thought it had dwindled out, she was too much of a coward to pull Nancy back to a conversation and thought Nancy had no interest when she also made no move to message Eddie again.

Eddie was nursing a minor heartache when she asked Chrissy to go with her to a party one of her neighbors invited her to merely a week later. It was at the rooftop of another building, fairy lights still turned off during the day but they would look beautiful by night, the Sun was warm and they had punch, so Eddie thought it to be the perfect place and opportunity to get her mind off of Nancy Wheeler.

Imagine her surprise to see Nancy Wheeler there?

Chrissy spotted her immediately, elbowing Eddie until she noticed too. She looked beautiful under the sun, all sparkly makeup and flowy dress and pulled-up hair. And Chrissy gave Eddie no time to think or react before pulling her by the hand straight into Nancy’s direction where she was talking to a short-haired girl.

“Christine, stop, what if they’re-”

“Nancy! Hi!” Chrissy didn’t let Eddie pour out her negative thoughts, and instead called to the source of all of Eddie’s most recent problems.

“Chrissy!” she smiled, oh so pretty. “And Eddie!”

Eddie didn’t want to get all delusional, but she felt like Nancy’s smile to her was wider than the one to Chrissy.

Chrissy hugged her, and soon came Eddie’s turn, and if she put a little more strength into her arms, and if she made it last just a second longer, and if she carefully sniffed Nancy’s hair — well, that’s her problem.

“So nice to see you two. This is Barb!” She looked at Eddie as she said it, maybe to see if Eddie remembered that conversation, and Eddie could never lose that opportunity.

She took a deep breath, inhaled some courage from the air, turned to Barb and said, “Heard only the greatest things about you.”

Barb smiled, and so did Nancy, and maybe, yeah, maybe Eddie was a little delusional and maybe she was a little biased but Nancy’s smile was wider and prettier and more important.

She touched Eddie’s arm after she hugged Barb, and she looked Eddie right in the eyes and there was something there — some gratitude, some recognition, Eddie wasn’t sure what it was, but it was there.

And maybe it was then.

“So… what about that poem page? Still digging it?” Eddie asked hours later, when Chrissy was hooking up with a stranger in the bathroom and Barb had gone home already.

Nancy turned to pay attention to her immediately. They were leaning against the rooftop’s half-walls, Eddie’s jean jacket over Nancy’s naked shoulders cause there was a funny cold little breeze.

“Yeah, of course,” Nancy answered. Her eyes were sparkling, and the sun was setting, and the fairy lights were on.

She looked breath-taking.

“Still your favorite?” Eddie asked again, just because she needed to have that little pinch of Nancy Wheeler’s approval, even if Nancy had no idea.

“Still my favorite,” Nancy answered again, her eyes narrowing but smile widening a bit. “You still hate poetry?” she asked instead, and the slight twitch in the corner of her mouth was the only hint that she wasn’t as serious, that she was just teasing.

“I don’t hate poetry,” Eddie said with an accompanying eye roll and a small smile of her own. “I actually envy them. I wish I could say stuff that makes you feel… the way you feel. Instead of constantly annoying you.”

She kept a smirk as she said it, but it was a deeply honest confession. Of course, it was her words making Nancy feel the way she felt. But Nancy didn’t know that, and if she didn’t know that, did it really count?

Nancy’s expression softened as Eddie said it, those blue pools opening up for her again. Eddie felt like she would never get tired of it.

“You don’t constantly annoy me, just sometimes… most of the time,” she teased and nothing about her face said sarcasm and Eddie smiled wide back at her.

Nancy’s hand found Eddie’s, her fingers small and delicate and they fit right in between Eddie’s fingers, and it felt like it was meant to be, like the perfect puzzle pieces. There was music somewhere around them, lots of chatter from all the other people, but it all felt so distant as Nancy held Eddie’s hand so tight it almost hurt but it didn’t because it was her.

Maybe it was then.

Eddie wasn’t sure when she fell for Nancy Wheeler, but she knew for sure that’s when their story really started.

SHE DOESN’T KNOW AS WELL

Six months later

“I knew it already,” she said.

Her hair was a bit longer by then, curling around her head like an aura and getting all knotted up right with Eddie’s hair as they laid side by side in bed. The air smelt like sex, like them, and the streets outside the window were quiet in the middle of the night.

“The fuck you did,” Eddie answered.

“I’m an investigative journalist, Eddie, of course I knew you were Emme like, two weeks after we started dating.”

“Shut the fuck up,” she said, and Nancy snorted. She knew Eddie wasn’t actually mad. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Nancy instantly sobered up. “Cause it’s important to you. I wanted you to tell me, whenever you were ready. That’s your soul, Ed.”

It definitely wasn’t then, it had been long ago.

But it was then that Eddie confessed it, out loud, almost screaming in a whisper:

“I love you.”

Nancy smiled, her blue eyes two huge pools of vulnerability, that sweetness that poured out of her like honey.

“I don’t know when this happened. But. I love you too, of course.”

#edancy #eddie munson x nancy wheeler #edancy fanfic #edancy fic #edancy oneshot #nancy wheeler x eddie munson #nancy wheeler #eddie munson #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfic #lui writes #lexssummerfanworkschallenge

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on-stardust-wings · 2 years

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Regarding the good omens post I do believe it's weird useless discourse, but also I cant help but get mad when I see someone say shit like "headcanoning Crowley and Aziraphale as anything other than men is homophobic and transphobic" like yes I've only seen it once and it had a bunch of reblogs but FUCK it's so tone deaf and chronically online that it ruined my day.

Absolutely weird useless discourse, yeah. It helps nobody. It achieves nothing. It just makes people mad at each other over... fictional characters.

The beauty of Good Omens is that especially Aziraphale and Crowley, both as individuals and concerning their relationship, are so easy to read into whatever suits you best. It's one thing that really spoke to me about its fandom, too, when I first came here, the way fans were happy to interpret them as gay men, as genderqueer, as trans, as ace, as so many things, and there was art and fic with it and it all happily coexisted. Like, last year it was normal and celebrated that you'd read one fic, be it canon or AU, where they're gay married and then another where they ace and in a QPR and then one where one of them is intersex and all of them were right and wow look at all our cool rep and the community and the love and acceptance we have for each other here. I loved that. It was such a welcoming place.

And, thing is, I think it still is. The majority of those people are still here. Gatekeepers are a small, loud minority in any community, and looking at the notes on my rant post... yeah, a large number of fans want to have this open to interpretation, this accepting culture around the show and the ship (and are still in fact living it, enjoying a variety of different queer readings of the show and book).

I agree with you, it's very tone deaf.

Also, a thing people forget about Good Omens is that it isn't a queer rep show. It's the adaption of a book, it's a story about averting Armageddon, about finding out who your friends are and where you belong and who you are and learning to do what is right by you own moral compass. It does Good Omens a great disservice to reduce it to "oh, it's queer". It includes queer coded characters. It includes queer themes. But they're not meant to be the core message. They're one element of the story among many. Good Omens is a very rich and nuanced narrative, and some of those nuances include genderless characters and characters in relationships that aren't straight.

But a number of people don't see themselves represented exactly the way they want to, either by Good Omens on its own or by Good Omens when comparing it to other things like Our Flag Means Death, and now they're unhappy about it (because they're hurting), and lashing out at everyone who likes the thing they don't like, not seeing that all it does is hurt other queer people. (I'm starting to be a little bit Internet Old, and this is such a common, sad pattern in online spaces for minorities, especially spaces that tend towards minority activism. It's true for queer spaces, for disability rights, for the fight against racism... A lot of us have been hurt in our lives, and continue to be hurt, and the hurt makes us defensive, and we lash out at each other instead of standing together against the actual problems. Fighting amongst ourselves weakens and distracts us, and leaves us with less energy to deal with the actual problems. ... Sorry for ranting.)

#look I'm not even really interested in discourse #I don't want discourse #but I have opinions #even if the main opinion is 'I want to go back to not knowing about the discourse'#why can't we all just enjoy a good thing #or walk away from a piece of media is it doesn't give us what we need out of it #good omens keeps making me very happy #I'm just getting very tired of people's negativity #you know?#good omens #queer stuff #ask #p+a

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halliescomut · 1 year

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So I never really know who is on multiple platforms. Like I get/find KinnPorsche content all over, some here, some TikTok, some Insta, and I do have a Twitter, but I very rarely go there, even before the chaos of the last few weeks. But apparently the KP authors, who are terrible people, have been extra terrible. IDK if it's info that's made it's way here, but they said at some point that during the VegasPete NC scene the audio was cut because it was too realistic, which is why that scene is only music. Sure whatever. Then on TikTok (though it started on Twitter) a clip of that scenes audio started going around. It first popped up months ago soon after that episode, but it's been making the rounds again, but it is a fan made clip. A very talented fan essentially ADRed/Foleyed the VP scene, and then posted it online. But apparently Daemi has been going around and harassing people commenting or sharing the clip saying the BOC and the actors are mad it got leaked, and blah blah blah. There's been no statement from anyone at BOC about the clips, since they know it's fake. But I keep getting videos on my FYP on TikTok saying don't follow the authors, not even for the drama, you need to just block them. And like, if I go on Twitter I might, I'm not against it they're awful, but I just never go there.

But one thing I really love about fandom in general is that when it's good, the fans will band together to exile any terrible people trying to fuck things up. It happened to a small extent with JKR. Everyone I know who's still into HP almost exclusively reads fics, and only buys merch from small shops, never anything officially licensed, which takes all the money out of JKR's hands. It's not universal in that fandom which is a bummer, but it's a pretty reasonable victory. I've also seen it with fans of the Whedonverse, where that man's thoughts and opinions don't matter in the fandom anymore.

So I never know exactly what people will have heard/read/learned about, so I'll give a brief explanation. There's a concept called 'Death of the Author' which relates to an author having no control over a piece of work once it's been sent out into the world. Once something is published or released, the intentions, beliefs, ideas, of the author no longer have bearing on it's interpretation by the consumer. Often these beliefs and ideas are subtextual, even possible accidental, since we all have inherent prejudice and biases that will appear in creative works. Sometimes those ideas are overt and purposeful. But once that work is out, the fan can change the narrative to whatever they want, and the author has no say. One of my favorite examples of this is the fan theory over Ron Weasley being trans, since JKR is a massive terf.

Now in general this will only apply to completed works, so it wouldn't apply to Daemi, who is still actively right the KP story. But they've been so terrible that KP fans have decided that they no longer desire to wait for that death, but instead have decided to take it up on themselves to wrest all control of KP from them by force. What I've decided to call Murder of the Author. Which is shockingly appropriate considering the genre of their work.

So...bottom line, don't support the authors of KP, they're terrible humans. If you see them on social media you should block them. They also do have separate KP merch that they sell, so if you are buying merch make sure it's from BOC. And I really enjoy being part of a fandom that has decided "we don't care if you created this story, you're being awful in real life and so we are confiscating it."

Daemi if you see this:

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #death of the author #murder of the author #daemi can fuck off

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crazywolf828 · 2 years

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Hi! Sorry this may come across very rambling but I have a lot of feelings right now. It seems to me that you get a lot of unnecessary hate and it comes from people who def make the most bad faith critiques of your work they possibly can. You basically immediately became one of my favorite authors and I get so excited whenever I see something from you! Also as a trans man I have really appreciated how you've reached out to the trans community and actively sought to educate yourself! You are an awesome person and I just really want you to know that

This is so nice, like seriously I read this and it put a smile on my face. And yeah I do get quite a bit of hate but like honestly I'm okay with it, which doesn't make it better I know, but if I can help someone with their gender, or give them something they relate to them I'm okay with taking the heat. Some people don't have as thick skin (again I know it doesn't make it okay) but I'll take the hit for those people to figure those things out. I mean, I figured out my gender through fics too.

Like I'd always turn more towards a/b/o or ones where the cis female had a penis(it was all I really had growing up), I just related to it and never really understood why y'know? Then I read a fic about packing and the character was nb but still went by she/her pronouns and I was like, I can do that too? It's not just a trans thing? It blew my mind at the time. And I know a lot of that stuff is controversial but like, that's my ideal form, fics are for fantasizing. Maybe someone's gnc like me, or they're nb, maybe they're trans and don't want bottom/top surgery, hell maybe you're intersex and you've finally found a fic that actually represents your body type. The people that get mad don't think about all these people who can't relate to the fic anymore if you specify certain aspects.

Not to get like, rambly, but most people have bad interactions with a/b/o and and afab with a penis fics, which I get, growing up the majority were not great. It was very... Non-con and like fuck fest style fics which thankfully has changed over the years, but people get those fics stuck in their heads and see it as the only ones written for the genre. I try to write it as if it were just any other fic except with whatever extra bits sprinkled in y'know? And I've had trans people, and nonbinary people, and even cis people who've started thinking about gender tell me that they liked my fics and that I helped them out and like honestly? I don't mind getting hate if i get to help people see themselves or learn about themselves the same way I did y'know?

And yeah I absolutely asked questions for my transmasc yang fic. Like, honestly I was terrified to write and post it, I was so afraid I'd fuck something up somehow because it was so new to me. But everyone was really nice and helpful answering my questions which uh... You do not always get nice people, which is why no one asks questions. People expect you to know all these things, or to Google it, they don't want to explain it. And I get that, but you can't converse with Google if you don't understand a specific thing y'know? Like recently (I'll throw myself under the bus here) I had to ask like three different people what the difference between nonbinary and gnc is because every description was so fucking similar. You ask something like that there's a good chance you'll get yelled at y'know? I don't know every term, I don't know every definition, the world and vocabulary is constantly changing, if I get something wrong I want someone to tell me, I want to learn y'know?

Boy this got really long and rambly but like, thank you, I'm gunna be thinking about this for a while💚

#god i rambled im sorry #i havent slept i hope this makes sense #like obviously i write a lot of stuff to be knky because i get prompts #but no matter the fic its always consensual its always what youd find in a smut thats 'normal' or 'acceptable' yknow?#thank you for this💚#don't mind me #answered #ask #anon #gender

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screechfoxes · 1 year

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2, 13, 14!

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence

Season/Series 04

Character Study

Pre-Canon

Season/Series 03

three of these are just time periods for when i'm writing - specifically relating to The Magnus Archives

but the other two... yeah, i love a canon divergence AU and a character study! even better if it's a canon divergence AU used as a character study

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

hmm, in writing... i'm not sure, to be honest! i know i shy away from writing the fics that my brain labels "issuefics", but i'll be honest, that's such a subjective and amorphous term that i don't think anyone reading this will be on the same page about what falls into that category

but using my TMA fics as an example... i almost certainly wouldn't write the autistic!Tim fic now - not because it's bad, it just lacks any interest for me these days.

the trans!Jonah and trans!Peter fics (rest in WIP)... i probably would write those, because they're still thematically interesting to me, but i'd approach them differently. which is probably a natural consequence of my writing style changing over three years, i think

14. Are there any tropes you would only read if written by a trusted friend or writer?

in connection with the above, a lot of headcanons around gender and/or neurodivergence, these days. not because i don't trust strangers to do it unproblematically - the opposite, really!

i'll generally only read these from people i trust to not write it as... what reads to me as uncomplicated projection-wish fulfilment, i suppose? which is not the same as "happy ending" or "everyone is unquestioningly accepting" or "it's only a small detail of their character" but... idk, it's hard to explain? and i think it can be (not always or even mostly) a red flag for characters being written as softened/fanon/Tumblrised versions of themselves

which is a shame, because i love trans headcanons and trans fics

it's not a never reading any of these things by strangers, but the stars have to align just right, you know?

#replies #voxceleste

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xxxregulusblackxxx · 2 months

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I'm gonna add to the whole people complaining about Sirius being to remember in fandom.

If you look up his description on google (I'm copy and pasteing this)

"Sirius is described as a tall man with long, black hair and grey eyes. Several times during the series, Sirius is stated to be very good-looking and "carelessly handsome" prior to his imprisonment; Harry also noted that as a teenager, Sirius always had a slightly spoiled, haughty look on his face."

So if we're going off canon he's tall, in my opinion tall is like 5'8 to any hight above that and in fanart most people don't give you there hights you just see a hight different so that arguments is out of the way.

Long black hair, LONG his hair is canonically long both before prison and after. Again that arguments stupid.

Grey eyes. Cool we know his eye color.

He's bitchy. Most people draw or write him like that

So I'm conclusion everyone is drawing him correct for themselves with the most important details for them. Now I personally love Gender fluid Sirius as someone who's going through a gender identity crisis having a character that I've LOVED since I was like 9 be gender fluid in fic or more fem presenting I'm fan art is wonderful. But even if he's purely a man, and still fem looking that's absolutely wonderful and perfect. He can be fem and still a biker still a rebel. Just because sometimes he wears makeup doesn't make him any less of himself. It doesn't change the Sirius Black we all know and love.

Either way all those canon arguments are stupid because most of us, including myself hate absolutely hate JK Rowling.

Moving onto Remus. He's in my opinion lanky tall and skinny, he has bad knees and they were Grampa sweaters and love chocolate. They have freckles and scars and just because he may be more masc presenting doesn't change a goddamned thing. Just because he's masc doesn't mean he's "the man" or "the top" either way that doesn't mean Sirius is either of those. They're in a relationship in my opinion and I enjoy reading about them. There also shouldn't be easily identifiable "top" characters. In fics when i see that I get really annoyed because that's just not how queer relationships work. I'd know I'm part of the community in sexuality at the very least. I'm not telling y'all my sexuality because I don't want to have to explain it and explain the differences between it and what other people think it is. Which is exactly what I'm doing for wolfstar.

Also! If you're a straight women who only reads gay fics, in my opinion you're fetishising gay men and the LGBTQ community as a whole. I understand saying that is describing over half the marauders and Harry Potter fandom and I may get hate for it, but as a queer person it's my opinion and what most of y'all do to Wolfstar and any gay Ships in general.

Also

Hair length

If you wear makeup

You're body type

What you wear in clothing

NONE OF THAT DECIDES YOU'RE SEXUALITY

Which is what a lot of y'all are doing to Sirius. Just because some people draw him with makeup and having more feminine features dose not make him, "the bottom" or trans or gay. You could if you wanted to have a completely fem Sirius and a straight women get together in a fic, and it'd be okay. Because none of that decides his anything. Also he's a fictional character, I'm upset with all of this because if you're attacking artist and Sirius I'm general for being to feminine you're going to start attacking real people.

Anyways I went all over the place in that but it's my opinion and you don't have to read this or like it or anything. You can just scroll and ignore me

#sirius black #remus lupin #lgbtqia #rant

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clownbasedintrigue · 4 years

Text

realized i can just. make all my faves trans. and no one can stop me

#ash is a sim and therefore a robot and everyone knows robots are queer anyways #viper is very clearly overcompensating for something and i've met enough trans guys who act EXACTLY like him to say he's a trans guy too #macallan is agender because i say so.#jack doesn't know gender bc it's confusing but there was supposed to be a jill cooper too so. im using that as well. his gender is an enigma #even to him #sarah briggs is trans too. i have nothing to justify this i just think she should be #uhhh who else #i cant remember #but everyone is trans now if you read my fics they're all trans in those #homk honk #oh yeah!#all of the 6-4 is trans and they all hype each other up and support each other through whatever transition steps they take #gates is trans too #she was given the masc pilot frame when the game was released and it changed late r on but #im so proud of her transition

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twisted-wonderland-but-gayer · 2 years

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𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕽𝖚𝖑𝖊𝖘

This blog does Male and Gender Neutral readers only however everyone is welcome here regardless of their identity.

Notable tags

#Anklebiters- Any content to do with kiddos including interacting or raising them

#Crossover- Twst + another fandom

#Dark Content- will have generally dark Content. I will tag additional things on top of it as well such as abuse, self harm, ect

#Drama/#Drama tw- any rants that may potentially lead to drama...

#Poly- any ask that asks for poly relationships

#Male Reader- For Male or Male implied reader

#Monster Mc- Mc is not (fully) human

#Not Twst- Off topic stuff

#Not Requests- Other posts that aren't fics

#Not Writing- Not writing lol.

#Pregnancy- Works with pregnancy or deal with it

#Tarantula Wizard Supremecy- a very cute au.

#Trans Reader- For Transgender Readers

#Questions- Questions about a request sent my way I don't understand

#Ships- Not x reader

#Shitposts- random memes and stuff

#You're My Friend Now- Any headcanon that involves MC adopting someone or someone adopting MC. Ex: Crewel and Crowley adopting MC as their own

#(trigger) tw- I always put the subject before a TW when discussing gross or trigger topics such as Dead Dove Tw, Suicide Tw, Self Harm Tw, Incest Mention Tw, ect.

General tags: #Ramshackle, #Yuu

General

This is safespace for Male and Enby readers, I do not write for female readers and I rarely write for feminine readers either.

All fics are GN reader unless stated otherwise.

Anyone can stay as long as they're cool

I don't do nsfw

I'm not a fan of writing passive or weak Yuus at all unless it's interesting. Yuu is already canonically weak and that's boring.

DNI:

No one actually cares about DNIs nor does it actually prevent ppl from interacting. As long as you aren't an asshole or a creep feel free to shoot me asks and shit. Idc.

Writing/Blog Rules!

If you send in an ask with an image that isn't yours please credit the artist or list where you found it. It's unfair to the artist. I may not even post the ask and simply delete it.

I will delete old reqs and uninspiring reqs.

I do not have a character limit however please do not ask for the whole school!

I will write for the manga Yuus

So far I write for everyone including staff

Omegaverse is a no. Get those gender roles outta here.

Please do not ask for super general things such as "A cutesy/shy MC" ect they're very difficult! Please be a bit more specific

I rarley write for body types as I do not think weight nor shape would matter along with most other physical attributes. The only time I can see it being a bigger deal if it's stuff like scars or even tattoos with how many of these boys are losers.

I dont do cheating Requests- unless is the reader being comforted after being cheated on. Cheating is cringe.

Platonic for Ortho and Cheka along with any other baby only.

No incest. lovers.

All characters are depicted as adults abt 18-30 ish because it's funnier to joke abt and gives more freedom for characters to do shit

There's is Dark Content and dirty jokes on here. This is a work of fiction and should stay fiction. If you have a hard time separating fiction from reality or often let dark fiction shape your reality please unfollow and get mental help.

If you try to start drama or send anon hate I'm deleting it.

FAQS

Q: Hi I love your work, is it okay if I make an OC for it?

Sure go ahead! I'm glad you enjoy my stuff!! No need for credit but I would appreciate being tagged so I may see ur creation :)

Q: May I write a fic based off yours?

No need to ask, go for it. I would appreciate if you tag me in it so I can read it too. People can have different takes with similar ideas. As long as you don't straight up plagiarize my stuff. Stuff like a great 7 yuu wasn't invented by me lol.

Q: May I spam likes/rbs???

Absolutely. I'd appreciate if you commented and left tags as well as they make my day

Q: Hey you explain things weird/Come off blunt or Rude/Are you on the spectrum?

Yes I am. Check this out. AND ITS OFFICIAL HERE

Q: Where's the masterlist/taglist for ...?

Almost every work I write is immediately added to the masterlist. All of the Yuus and AUs are under Ramshackle. There are more general tags listed above and within masterlists. Like #Ramshackle.

Q: How are the kitties? Where can I see the kitties?

#cat pics is where you may view many pictures of cats including mine.

Q: May I rant about an idea for ...?

Of course!

Q: May I vent?/I have a question about my sexuality/gender/ect.

Sure I guess, I'll listen. But I'd rather you dm me. This is a TWST blog after all.

Q: Did you write...?

Idk. If it's not in the tags or masterlist its a mystery to me.

Q: May I dm you/join your discord?

Of course.

Q: I'm fem/fem-aligned/questioning. May I still interact?

Go for it.

Q: I sent in an ask and it wasn't answered.

There is a chance I didn't receive however sometime I get very overwhelmed by a lot of asks and delete some. Many asks also become repetitive or have nothing I can add.

Q: Who is Vinn/Mint?

My long lost husband and/or wife roommate.

Q: Wtf is that pride flag?

Rock eating pride flag cause my faves are stupid

Q: Can I tag you in???

I appreciate you all wanting to get to know me, but please stop tagging me in piccrews and quesionaires/ask memes. They're insanely long posts/not mobile friendly and I'm not interested in doing them. Please also stop tagging me in political stuff. I try not to get too political on here to begin with. This is a fanfic blog. Not a personal one. I like having my privacy.

It's still OK to Tag me in ur fics/fanart tho! I really appreciate those!

#reblog

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undertale-data · 3 years

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[Image Description: An Undertale chat box that has “WHY FANS LOVE UNDERTALE” at its center. Next to it are a line chart and an Egg from the Dating Hub on its left, and a CRIME measurer (also from the Dating Hub) on its right. End I.D.]

[Image Description: a pie chart titled, “LEVEL OF LOVE FOR UNDERTALE.” The textbox on the top right reads, “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least and 10 being the highest, how much do fans enjoy Undertale?” From the top going clockwise, 12 or 0% chose 5 and below; 23 or 1% chose 6; 98, or 4%, chose 7; 325, or 12%, chose 8; 529, or 20%, chose 9; and 1664, or 63%, chose 10. End I.D.]

It’s clear from all of the data analyzed so far that fans who took the time to answer our survey love Undertale. It is unlikely that they would have taken the time to answer so many questions if they had not, and even less likely that they would have come across our survey in the first place. Naturally, it comes as no surprise that 63% of our responders gave their love for Undertale a score of ten out of ten. 95% gave their love for Undertale a score of eight or higher, and only 12 responders responded with five or below, a number so small that their responses had to be lumped together to be visible on the pie chart. Of those, only 3 responders gave their love for Undertale a score of 1, and based on those responders’ other answers, it is likely that they were only intending to troll. We are very fortunate that the vast majority of responders took the survey seriously, enough so that responses like this are barely a blip in the data.

Now, for our final analysis post of the event, we will delve into the reasons that fans love Undertale so dearly.

(Essay and highlights under the cut.)

There have been countless essays on the impact that Undertale has had on people’s lives. I can hardly add more on the subject than what has already been said, but I hope this summary can provide a brief overview of what stood out among the over two thousand answers given in response to this survey. That said, due to the sheer volume of answers, I could not read every single one in depth—however, I did skim all of them, and some that stood out or were representative of several responses have been highlighted below. If you would like to see what every fan who consented to share their response had to say, you may view the full list of responses here. Note that these responses have not been edited in any way. This document may take a long time to load, as it is over 100 pages long.

(Warnings for mentions of suicidal thoughts in the following essay.)

Several responders loved the theme of choices mattering in Undertale. Whether people played the pacifist, merciless, or neutral routes, they enjoyed how the game reacted to their actions. For some, it even made them consider their own morality. One touching response explained the impact that the theme of mercy made on them. “I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.” Many fans left similar comments about how the themes of Undertale made them better people.

Undertale changed how its fans treat others, and it also changed how fans treat themselves. The theme of staying determined and the messages of hope in the game were a light to a very large portion of fans. I cannot list all of the fans who said that Undertale helped them out of a dark place, or that they would not be alive if not for Undertale. “DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.”

Undertale brought fans together in unexpected ways. Some said they met friends or significant others through the fandom. “I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale,” one fan said. A different fan who is non-native English speaking mentioned that the game and the fan community helped them to learn English.

It would be impossible to discuss Undertale without mentioning the fan community. Whether for good or bad, many responders mentioned the fandom in their responses. Overall the feelings towards the fandom seem positive, though many made references to “toxic” parts of the fandom without specifying which parts they consider toxic. Others rejected the idea of toxicity in fandom. One response said: “[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!”

One thing that makes the Undertale fandom unique is the way it embraces various AUs. Some fans are tired of AU content, but the majority of responses show a love for the creativity behind AUs. “Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.” The lack of a judgemental atmosphere seems present in the AU community, according to the responses we saw. There is an interesting balance between AU and canon (sometimes referred to as “classic”) content that another responder pointed out: “The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertale fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)”

Regardless of the many AUs the fandom has created over the years, the original game of Undertale still feels like home for many fans. They wished they could reclaim the feeling of playing the game again for the first time, but even though we can’t reset time in real life, there is still a special feeling for fans each time they play Undertale. One fan said, “Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.” This feeling is one that can be cherished time and time again. In the words of another responder: “It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it.” Others pointed out the strength of the found family trope in Undertale, which likely contributes to this feeling of “home” as well.

As mentioned briefly earlier, the music is part of what makes Undertale feel like home for fans. Even when responses focused on other aspects of the game, many would throw in a comment about the soundtrack at the end. One comment focused on the music said “IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.” Like with the game itself, the music has incredible replay value, an amazing feat considering most of the tracks use the same few motifs. “I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story,” another responder said. “They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.”

If the music sticks with fans in their hearts, then the game’s lore sticks with fans in their minds. Even six years after the release of Undertale, fans are still creating new theories and digging up new secrets. The way the game breaks the fourth wall in particular intrigued many fans and has stuck out through all these years. The awareness that the game shows for the RPG genre makes it memorable. The game plays with the player’s expectations and turns them on their heads, all while reminding the player that they’re in a game. There are few other games that do this on such a large scale, so it’s no surprise that fans cite this as one of their favorite things about Undertale.

Lastly, the LGBT+ representation in Undertale has been a huge draw for fans. Especially in 2015, the sheer volume of non-cishet characters was unprecedented, as one fan pointed out: “It's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. Hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. It's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.” The LGBT+ cast including Frisk, Chara, Napstablook, Monster Kid, Mettaton, Alphys, and Undyne each connected with fans in unique ways. It’s clear how important this is from responses such as: “There are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.” “It made me gay and trans so thanks for that.”

Once again I am overwhelmed with just how much there is to say about Undertale. One responder really understood when they compared Undertale to an iceberg, explaining that there are so many layers to the game that there is something for everyone: “everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans—from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers—is the mark of the coolest games!” I would have to agree with them.

It’s been six years, and despite everything, it’s still you. Thank you for reading, participating in this survey, and above all, staying determined.

Highlights:

DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.

I think the coolest thing was having the opportunity to watch the AU community grow from its bare roots. It's nearly insane how big and complex it's gotten, unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.

i love how the lgbt rep is so naturalized... there are just gay people! and its nobodys business!

The music is my go to answer, but what I really really REALLY love is how the minor characters have so much personality to them when you talk to them. They aren't incredibly important to the overall story, but they're all so likeable and diverse that you just can't help but like them immediately!

I think it was the first videogame I have played that broke the fourth wall that much. Of course there has been other videogames that broke it but just for one or two tongue-in-cheek jokes. The guilt of killing mama goat was also something intense as well that I appreciated as an experience and that I didn't think a videogame could cause on someone.

I love how no character can be seen as completely bad! Everyone builds up Asgore as some horrible villain, but he turns out to be a 'fuzzy pushover' who's broken and just wants his family back by the time you meet him. Then you think Flowey's an irredeemable killer who engineered the suffering of the monsters across many timelines, and he is... but he also used to be the kind and beloved Prince Asriel Dreemurr, traumatized by his death and subsequent rebirth, projecting his best friend onto you.

The fact that choices matter in the game. Your first playthrough and getting the golden ending for the first time. I can never replicate those feelings again, wish I could erase my memories and replay the game from the start.

I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale.

(Toxic parts of the fandom aside) The community is possibly one of the kindest I've ever met. Cringe culture is completely dead, and I feel like I can be myself. I felt a very close connection to many of the characters, and I loved consuming content about them when I was in a rough patch in my life.

just everything, the whole game has just impacted my life so much. i know it sounds really lame, but when the game first came out, i would purposely put my hands in my pockets and sway slightly, like sans' idle animation. of course i dont do that anymore haha, but undertale still really impacts me to this day, and i wouldnt have it any other way :)

it made me gay and trans so thanks for that

I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.

The thing I love most about Undertale is no matter how many times I play or watch a playthrough it always makes me genuinely happy. It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it. Toriel still makes me feel all warm and cozy in her home, the Skelebros always make me laugh, and I still cry on the inside watching Frisk comforting Asriel. And on the flip side the No Mercy run still invokes the negative emotions in me as well. In short Undertale just feels like a second home to me and I always wish I could stay.

The reader inserts are my favorite way to decompress after a hard day

I think Undertale helped me discover my love for 8-bit games, and made me realize how IMPORTANT music is in video games.

the worldbuilding and character design are my favorite parts of the main game apart from the music! I’m also a huge fan of the random AU music- not for like underswap or underfell i like the stuff where someone makes a megalovania for a random au where gru from despicable me replaces sans as the character. i think its funny

Just... the vibe, honestly? Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.

there are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.

[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!

There's a scene where Frisk (the player) is going towards what is presumably going to be their death. They will fight Asgore and he will use their human soul to break the barrier and free his people. The music, despite the player's impending doom, is... triumphant. You are not the triumphant one here, and yet, the score invites you to experience the monsters' joy and happiness as they tell you the tale of their subjugation. The monsters are going to be free. This is their victory, but they don't hate you or want you to die. They're just... happy. That scene has always struck me very deeply. I feel it represents the best parts of Undertale.

I loved how well thought out the Geno route was. It really made me feel like I was doing something horrible, and the characters were very obviously reacting to dire circumstances.

I dunno? I like Undertale for it's characters, story, music, secrets and many more. I am not good with Headcanons but I also like the neutral endings and how different they can depending on who you spare and kill

I was very bad at english before, i thought i couldn't progress because i was very shy and not confident. But my sibling and i wanted to have the best experience with this game so we wanted to play it in english. It's this game and the fandom which helped me to make huge progress in english !

THE SOUNDTRACK. IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.

to avoid writing an essay i will say one word. Mettaton

It is like Toby specifically made the games to fit the iceberg meme and it's awesome, everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans - from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers is the mark of the coolest games!

I love almost everything about Undertale as a game on its own. The music, the art and especially the characters and how they interact. They made me feel at home. Undertale means a huge amount to me. (I even got a tattoo of the castle when you and MK walk together!) The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertake fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)

the mystery. toby fox refused to give answers to anything and i think thats very sexy of him.

I just feel guilty for liking it so much when I'm in my 30's. But I recently got diagnosed with ASD, so I guess it explains things a bit. Many ppl consider Papyrus to be neurodivergent, and some adult fans are too, so seeing that makes me feel a bit better.

i think about "Despite everything, it's still you" everyday of my life.

I like how it's just as funny as it can be serious. All routes are this way. I laughed as much as I cried when I played the Pacifist route and then once I opened the game again and Flowey was telling me to let them be happy, I immediately turned off the game. I somehow felt bad.

The Found Family Trope

The True Pacifist Ending is just...man. And the fanworks about saving everyone even when the game doesn't let you? MANNNNNN

I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story. They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.

there's honestly a LOT to love about this game, but i think one of my favorite things about it is just how many lgbt+ characters there are??? i can think of alphys, undyne, frisk, chara, mettaton, napstablook, monster kid, asgore, mad mew mew, the dress lion, the royal guards, and arguably even papyrus off of the top of my head, but im sure i'm forgetting a few from just undertale alone (there's even MORE in deltarune)!! it's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. it's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.

[Image description: A wordcloud in the shape of the capitalized word UNDERTALE. The text is white on a black background, and uses the font found in the game. Some of the most visible words are: Game, Love, Music, Life, AU, Store, Friend, and Feel, which represent the most common words in the essays people wrote about their love for the game. End of ID]

#undertale #analysis #results #undertale fandom census

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impishtubist · 2 years

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I feel like the biggest differences w/Gen Z in comparison to some of the older Generations' works are that they're willing to take the Marauders into different universes as children and write about them in a more contemporary style.

Young/new adult (17-28) and older readers were first introduced to Sirius and Remus as 33-year-old individuals, so it was easier for those readers to write S & R as adults attempting to grapple with their background and trauma and grief than it was to reach back and try to make their Hogwarts years more accessible. I think Gen Z writers are coming in and reclaiming their life experiences as young people growing up with technology and texting and the realities of being Online All the Time in a way that older authors weren't doing at the time. I assume part of that comes back to the development of technology and the schisms that exist between gen x/millennial/gen z readers on that front, but I also think older writers may have been less aware of some of JKR's bullshit, which made it less uncomfortable to stick to canon environments and scenarios.

Barring 'All the Young Dudes', many of the currently popular wolfstar stories take place in non-magical settings (college AUs, sports AUs, etc), and while those aren't exclusively written by the youths™, I think their prolificness has likely been influenced by JKR's shitty behavior; it's a lot easier to divorce those characters from their author's terrible views when you remove them from the world she created. That also plays into how large of a factor the characters' queerness plays in the narratives being planned—and as you mentioned, the influx in fics that feature trans, NB, or genderfluid characters is a great side effect of these shifts.

Also, having spent a fair amount of time reading fics in the fandom, I think there was a bit of a high bar to clear in terms of writing quality early on. There are always posts going around that recommend more "literary" wolfstar pieces, and a fair amount of them tend to skew older (specifically: before 2010). By and large, online communities seem to have embraced the "everyone has to start somewhere" mentality a bit more in recent years than they had then, but I distinctly remember getting comments when I was writing in the 2000s where people would drop in to tell me I had utterly mischaracterized someone or that my grammar was bad. All for constructive criticism, but I do have to wonder if the "flame" reviews forced people to either conform to what people were looking for (literary, stylistic writing), switch to another platform (LJ to ff, or ff to Wattpad, etc), or stop writing altogether.

Nowadays, I think our younger authors have an idea for a fic and just...go for it. They don't always have beta readers (which aren't inherently necessary, but can definitely impact style, structure, and word choice) so they'll post things as they come to them, they've got fan-pages on instagram and tiktok and tumblr where they make textposts about characters using modern slang that get hundred of likes/reblogs—they've found a formula that works for them, and they aren't inclined to change it (see: how many texting fics exist). Beyond that, relying on conversational and colloquial writing means they can process their emotions in real time while writing, in a way that we as older writers definitely could have, but didn't usually. When I was reading fics then, and even rereading some of those fics now, it always seemed as if fics danced around trauma a bit more delicately than some of the popular fics do now.

That's not meant as a slam to younger writers, but I do think young people on the internet these days are FAR more willing to share about their personal trauma(s) online, and when they write their fics, sometimes that's obvious. Older authors do/did it too, but I think it's usually a bit more strategically veiled than younger authors are now. It was a poetic thing, and arguably, not always a good one, considering the way mental illness/saviour complexes could often be romanticized. Young authors now fall into the same patterns, which again, aren't great, but I also think that they're the first to acknowledge their own mental health crises and say it hasn't been a great experience—even in a joking manner.

I could go on about this for DAYS but I've already written you an essay, so I'll leave it there hahahah

Thank you for the essay!!!! I love all of these points. Yes, I have also noticed that the big fics in this corner of the fandom tend to be the non-magical AU ones--fics that essentially follow the plot structure of contemporary romance novels, but just so happen to have characters named Sirius and Remus in them. I mean, any one of those fics could have the serial numbers filed off and be published as an original romance book, you know? Up until now, I was just chalking that up to the popularity of romance novels--I figured that the writers were just replicating the structure of the books like they like to read, but in fanfic form. But you bring an excellent point--it might be more that they're trying to divorce the characters from the world JKR created.

This is fascinating. I'm loving all the meta that's ended up in my inbox today.

#imp speaks #writing #fandom #meta

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astorytotellyourfriends · 2 years

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(1) So about trans Reggie, I just had a thought of him and maybe cis Luke sleeping together for the first time and it being absolutely awkward because Reggie’s never actually /done/ anything before. He's made out with plenty of people, he loves kissing, but he doesn't even really masturbate because it makes him too dysphoric. And he's surprisingly not as dysphoric with a partner he trusts and loves so they decide to try, but Reggie has no clue what he likes and doesn't like

i've been keeping this in my inbox for two weeks now bc it's just so cute anon i'm sorry if u thought i didn't wanna answer it!! i'm putting the other 3 parts under a cut along w my thoughts bc it gets p nsfw

(2) and Luke is just /so/ nervous that he fumbles through the whole thing and neither of them even cum. And he's so disappointed, because they wanted to make it special, put rose petals on the bed and stuff, and it was a disaster. They're awkward around each other for weeks after and Reggie’s shrugs one day and says "maybe we'll just be one of those couples that never has sex". And he sounds so disappointed that Luke's heart breaks. So he decides to go on the internet and do research.

(3) He reads articles, subscribes to a trans-run porn thing because pornhub honestly sucks for good porn featuring trans people. And he walks into their apartment one day and drops his bag all "Let's have sex right now." very determined. They take their time making out so they're both looser and more relaxed than last time, and Luke takes care to say things like "cock" and "can I suck your dick" where before he just tried avoiding using any terms at all.

(4) Reggie gets super wet and hot and bothered and when Luke sucks on his dick like a bj you'd give to a cis guy and slips a couple fingers inside him he cums for the first time. He's panting, completely out of it and a bit overwhelmed in a good way since he's never experienced an orgasm before and he just gives Luke a shaky thumbs up. Luke is super proud of himself and he moves back up and Reggie jerks him off quickly and then they kiss for a long, long time.<3

i love everything about this???????? honestly i'm a big ol pile of mush after reading this for the hundredth time. Luke making such an effort to make sure that Reggie is comfortable!!!!!!!!!! we love that!!!!!!!!

also like. i've had this discussion w @where-you-go a lot about trans characters being fetishized in fic but this 100000% doesn't do that at ALL and it's such a relief. it's just all about two people trying their best and when it all finally works it's just!!! it's so much!!!

personally speaking idk if i'd ever be comfortable writing a trans character bc i'm not trans but if i ever change my mind, this is absolutely the sort of story i'd want to write. two idiots in love just trying to make it work!!! my fave!!!!

thank you for this anon i will continue to treasure it here on my blog so everyone else can enjoy it too 💛

#answered #Anonymous #luke x reggie #trans reggie anon #fic ideas #lemon fic

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azems-familiar · 2 years

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For the 3 things ask: 11. 3 books that you would recommend everyone to read

ooh yes books!! i'm going to cheat and do two trilogies and a book, but i doubt anyone will mind that much.

1) the Broken Earth trilogy by NK Jemisin (fantasy)

these books are just- honestly incredible. the writing style is stunning and absolutely something i aspire to, and beyond just having a very very good plot that will keep you in suspense until the last page and characters you will fall in love with, it also has a shitton of super casual queer rep in it. one of the main characters is a trans woman - this is remarked upon very briefly, but not as something odd or out of place, and homophobia and transphobia don't seem to exist - and there's a poly triad at one point in the books, m/m/f where the relationships are m/m and m/f (a v shaped triad, not a triangle, between a gay man, a bi man, and a straight woman). the main character is a middle-aged woman who has had multiple children.

unfortunately, the books are very dark and come with a lot of trigger warnings. child abuse, of both the physical and emotional kind, child murder, some really not-fun dynamics at a societal level, forced sex/pregnancy for eugenics reasons (they both consent to it, but it's not enthusiastic, it's doing it because they have to. not rape because both partners are victims, idk how else to explain it). despite all that, they're worth the read!

2) the Red Rising trilogy, Pierce Brown (sci-fi)

now for the sci-fi rec. the red rising trilogy also comes with a fair number of trigger warnings including murder, abuse of a lot of different kinds, gore, cannibalism (only ever mentioned, not actually shown onscreen, but it happened), rape (also only mentioned), i'm pretty sure there's others but they're escaping me at the moment, partly because it's been a while since i read the latter two books. is torture a trigger warning? anyway. despite how dark it can get at times, these books are very well written with some fascinating worldbuilding and a really well done story about revolution and politics and human nature and what makes a society. seriously, there are so many politics. a lot of it is sort of "ancient rome but in space with very high end tech"; the ancient rome thing is an aesthetic cultivated on purpose by the Society, but that does give you a sort of ballpark. also to be noted is the science in it! this is a sci-fi series that actually talks about the different levels of gravity on different planets, the lengths of days and years, the mechanics of spaceflight and ship to ship fighting in a vacuum. it's fun and unique and more people should read these books.

3) Tigana, Guy Gavriel Kay (fantasy)

Tigana is a single book, but clocking in at over 1k pages (from what i remember), it's long enough to be a series on its own. Tigana is a story about personal and cultural identity, the meaning of a name, magic and morality and religion and art and poetry, and it's absolutely beautifully written. i cannot recommend the author enough - he's one of my all time favorites - but of his novels, Tigana is my favorite. it's one of those stories that does a grey antagonist really damn well, exploring the trope about how sometimes the antagonist is just another person behind the one awful act he's done to set him apart. (sometimes the conquering king is a good king to everyone but the people who killed his son, and but for the atrocity committed in his grief, he becomes the villain and dies for it.) this is definitely an 18+ novel due to there being a few sex scenes in it, but they're plot and emotion relevant and i found them to actually be worth reading, and i tend to skip a lot of smut scenes in writing/fic.

anyway, those are my recs! thank you very much for the question and if any of my followers read these (or have read them) please send me your thoughts! especially Tigana, i never meet anyone who is familiar with Kay's work

#asked and answered #book recs

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mlmdarkfiction · 4 years

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maybe this is too specific lol but could i have hc's for yandere yoosung & jumin being just a little too happy when their crush (who's a trans dude) asks them on tips for being more masculine or just for passing as a guy overall? like they're a little bit happy over the control that gives them & the opportunity to get closer to them? anyways hope you have a great day, love your blog

I JUST REALIZED THIS SAYS HCS AND I WROTE TWO WHOLE ASS FICS UHHH-

I hope this is okay...if you want headcanons let me know! I also didn’t make them very yandere aside from yoosung (but thats kinda canon) because my brain said full comfort. Apparently despite writing all the time I have NO reading comprehension. I cannot read.

Anyway! I really loved this request actually! and I might try my hand at writing one for all of the RFA and attatch it to this one in separate chapters. I may even attempt at writing a version with nonbinary specfic, and trans woman specfic reader if there’s interest because lets be real we need more trans reader content for EVERYONE

OBVIOUS CONTENT WARNING FOR DYSPHORIA MENTIONS Read on AO3:

Read Below:

Yoosung:

____: Hey Yoosung?

It’s only a text.

A simple text.

It’s not like you two haven’t texted privately without the gaze of the other RFA members, before.

But all those other instances...It was mostly him who initiated it.

You’re texting him!

You’re really texting him!

And he didn’t even text you first!

He couldn’t be more thrilled if he tried.

Unfortunately for his grades, Yoosung’s homework has been completely ignored, and in his rush to respond back he’s almost completely dropped his phone on his face.

Yoosung: YES Yoosung: Sorry! OMG I didn’t mean to use all caps!!!

He doesn’t have the excuse of caps lock, after all he’s using a phone, not a computer.

Thankfully for him, you find him and his eagerness cute.

It takes a while before he gets another text from you.

He spends the minutes waiting, and watching the three little bubbles on his phone that indicate you’re typing.

There’s no way for the blonde to know it yet, but it’s taking you so long to respond back because you’re

It wasn’t long into your time with the RFA that you told them you were trans. There was just something about the way they assumed you were a woman right away that had made you uncomfortable, so not only did you tell them you were a man, but you told them why exactly that had bothered you.

And to your surprise, everyone had taken it relatively well!

But it doesn’t mean you’re any less anxious. You doubt you’ll ever get over being anxious when it comes to these things.

Finally though you’re able to steel your resolve, and send the text.

____: Do you think there’s anything I could do to pass better?

It takes Yoosung an embarrassing time to realize what you mean. He’s still not the most informed about trans issues, despite trying to learn more so that he can (one day) be a better partner to you.

He wants to be someone you can rely on!

____: Passing.

More texts, because he took way too long to reply.

____: Or like…

____: I just want to look more masculine, you know? Like you

You think he looks masculine?

Yes!

Fuck yes!

But…

Here comes the problem.

Yoosung has never really thought about how he looks, not in the sense of masculinity.

In fact he only really thinks about how he looks when Zen or someone else brings it up.

He kind of just...wears the one hoodie, and aside from a couple of incidents when he was younger no one’s ever really mistaken him for a girl before.

So he just responds the best way he knows how, even if it’s kind of cheesy.

Yoosung: I don’t know how to help with that.

And...For good measure he sends his regular starry eyed emoji before continuing his text, unaware his pause caused you more anxiety.

Yoosung: You’re already more masculine than me!

It’s an honest answer.

If anyone else had said it you wouldn’t have believed them, you would have chalked it up to them just wanting to humor you, but coming from someone like Yoosung you were inclined to believe him.

Jumin:

You’re happy.

Happier now then you had been in a while.

Perhaps for the first time ever truly in your life.

It didn’t mean you still didn’t have troubles, or anxieties.

Like now.

Even as you’re holding onto Jumin’s arm you can’t help but feel a little...self conscious at his side.

It’s nothing he or his business partners have done, that’s just how it is sometimes, especially when dysphoria is involved.

There’s nothing to cause it.

Sometimes it’s just sudden.

Something about being in the room with a bunch of rich and powerful men, although as Jumin’s husband you too are technically a rich and powerful man, makes you feel bad about yourself.

You manage to find a moment in between the conversation to quietly interject,

“Excuse me, Gentlemen, I’m going to go to the restroom.”

There’s nothing off putting about the statement. The meeting had been going on for about an hour now, it was only natural someone at the meeting would need to excuse themselves.

No one thinks anything of it.

No one but Jumin.

And since you’re leaving you don’t notice you’re being watched. You don’t see the way Jumin’s dark eyes follow your form as you leave.

Having anxiety meant that running away to hide in bathrooms, or any other private space you could find, wasn’t exactly uncommon.

It’s nothing new.

You avoid the sight of the mirrors, your own reflection, like the plague as you make your way to a stall, quickly closing it and taking a deep breath.

A moment of peace, a moment to regain your thoughts. That’s all you needed.

Although you know it’s unlikely anyone in the meeting had bad thoughts about you, and even less likely they’d voice them around Jumin, it didn’t help the deep seeded paranoia. That somehow everyone knew you were trans, and that because of them knowing they viewed you as less than them.

And Jumin could only do so much to protect you. He hadn’t asked you to even come along on this trip, you’d been the one to offer, wanting to stop hiding in the shadows but…

People talk.

Tabloids talk.

The more you find yourself stuck alone in the stall trying to force yourself to calm down the more worked up you become.

When someone finally knocks on the stall you almost jump out of your skin entirely.

“Uh-” You clear your throat, and try to make your voice sound deeper in your anxiety. “Occupied?”

A familiar sigh sounds from behind the door, and instantly your shoulders droop with lessened anxiety.

“____?”

“...Yeah.”

As soon as you’ve opened the stall door you’re pulled tightly into a hug.

Jumin doesn’t necessarily understand exactly what you’re going through, you both know it. You’ve tried to explain dysphoria to him before, and although he understands the basics that’s all really...and to be fair it’s not as if a cis person ever could truly understand what gender dysphoria is like…

But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to do everything in his power to make you feel better.

And at least, no matter how you saw yourself, you knew Jumin saw you as his husband.

#mystic messenger x reader #mystic messenger imagines #Jumin Han X Reader #Yoosung Kim x Reader #Yoosung #Jumin #yoosung kim #Jumin Han #MM imagines #mm x reader #male reader insert #male reader #transman reader #trans reader #trans reader insert #trans x reader #male x reader #gay reader #gay x reader

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coldwind-shiningstars · 3 years

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ok ok prompts!!! so, I would be Delighted by some more qinxiyao family fic (deleted scenes or things you might have wanted to include in the big bang fic but didn't get to?), or, alternately, anything in the modern tcgf au? anything at all; they're all so excellent <3

both of these are such excellent prompts I started working on both of them, but the modern au got finished first! I’ll probably both a) do a lot of edits on this and b) do the qinxiyao family fic in a week or so, but here this is for now. Also, for those not in James and my brains, this is a very small part of a very large AU! Small note, all characters appearing in this fic are trans; however, He Xuan is still very much an egg and so they are referred to throughout the fic as “he/him,” although SQX at least is aware of this and wondering when to bring it up with her. She is, however, unaware that “Ming Yi” is a stolen identity and He Xuan is actually the eco-terrorist who’s been blowing up her brother’s fish hatcheries. It’s a long story.

If Xie Lian was being honest, he didn't much like the internet. It was so bright and everything moved too fast. People used a bewildering array of slang and images. It was surprisingly difficult to avoid spending hours reading upsetting news stories. People spent days arguing about pornography.

Also, his phone didn't really connect to WiFi very well. Even by the loosest definitions of the word, he hardly counted as a netizen.

People were usually shocked when he told them this, though, because Xie Lian's best friend was one of China's most popular beauty influencers.

Xie Lian's face appeared on her Weibo with some regularity. She talked about him often. He'd gone viral three separate times on Douyin, entirely accidentally.

What Shi Qingxuan was most famous for, however, was makeup tutorials. He had never actually appeared in one of these, but, since there were very few people in the world capable of saying no to a very determined Shi Qingxuan, this was about to change. He was used to being in her charmingly decorated little apartment but not quite used to becoming a decorated thing himself. He'd even put on one of the outfits Hua Cheng had designed and sewn for him, based on some of his old dance costumes and a few frantic weeks of historical research, and kept swishing the skirts around his legs.

Shi Qingxuan started setting up, chattering away to Xie Lian as she did. "You need anything before we start? Bathroom, water, a snack? I edit my videos pretty heavily, so we can always take a break, but it’s good to be comfy."

"No, I'm fine," Xie Lian said, and then had to close his eyes when she clicked on the ring light.

He fiddled with the makeup compacts laid out on the table.

Shi Qingxuan adjusted her light, scootched Xie Lian’s chair a little to the left and a little back, and then fiddled with the camera. It was quite the involved operation, Xie Lian thought; he knew a lot went into making videos, but he hadn’t realized it took this much effort before the camera was even on. Shi Qingxuan had done his makeup before, of course, but mostly just for fun, or something she could take a picture of and post on Weibo. It had been so long since he'd been filmed.

He watched Shi Qingxuan press record on her camera and then sit back and flash it a smile, putting on her Influencer Face. She squeezed his hand under the table.

“Hi everyone, welcome to Feng Shi!” she said, chirpy. “I’m Shi Qingxuan, and today we’re doing xianxia makeup with my good friend, Xie Lian. Now, for this look, we’re going to need…”

When Xie Lian was little, the makeup artists for his dance troupe had known he took about twice as long as anyone else did to get his makeup done. He was the darling of the company, though, so this was tolerated with fondness.

He didn't like the way the foundation felt on his face when it dried. His eyes watered when they put on eyeliner. He liked to spin his chair from side to side.

He'd had much worse things on his face than paint since then, and had learned how to be still.

Shi Qingxuan patted his hand cheerfully as she pulled out the setting powder.

"You're always one of my favorite models," she said. "You're so photogenic and so patient!"

"Thank you," Xie Lian said, and held still while she brushed it in his face.

Ruoye, probably noticing the warmth, slithered out of Xie Lian's robes and curled up on top of his head so she could get the full blast of heat from the ring light. She flickered out her tongue to scent Shi Qingxuan when she leaned in with a liquid eyeliner pen.

Shi Qingxuan made little kissy sounds at her, which only confirmed Xie Lian's certainty that he had good taste in friends. Most people were startled by Ruoye originally, but how they responded to her after Xie Lian introduced them was a good litmus test.

Ruoye settled in, and Xie Lian reached up a finger to stroke her scales.

He was feeling good, content and warm, happy to sit still. Then the apartment door clicked open, and Xie Lian stiffened.

"Ming-xiong? Is that you?" Shi Qingxuan called.

Ming Yi mumbled something back and shuffled into the room, buried deep in his black hoodie. As always, Xie Lian's first thought upon seeing him was wondering how he could see through all that hair.

The hoodie had a fish skeleton painted on it that he recognized instantly as one of Hua Cheng's drawings; it made Xie Lian smile, thinking of how insistent San Lang was that they absolutely weren't friends, no way, there was no particular reason he would make custom hoodies for Ming Yi. The fish were a coincidence. He’d even made Ming Yi custom salmon breakup boots while proclaiming it meant nothing.

Xie Lian, wearing an elaborate hanfu Hua Cheng had designed, sewn, and embroidered himself, even making him a period-appropriate duduo to flatten his chest, absolutely did not buy any of these excuses. Hua Cheng covered people he cared about with his art.

Ming Yi grunted a greeting and wandered off, probably to raid the fridge. Shi Qingxuan winked at Xie Lian.

“I’ll edit most of this out,” she said, conspiratorial, “But my viewers love Ming-xiong. Especially when he’s out of focus in the background. They’ve made memes. I haven’t told them anything about him. It’s good to keep a little mystery! It keeps people watching.”

Xie Lian, having no real idea what she was talking about, smiled and suppressed his instinct to nod. Shi Qingxuan began painting a flower on his forehead with red pigment.

Finally, Shi Qingxuan gently removed Ruoye from Xie Lian’s head and shoulders and settled a wig cap over his hair, then the wig she’d pre-prepared. A few bobby pins, a few tucks, and then she stepped back, grinning.

“Ta-dah! How do you like it, taizi dianxia?”

“It’s beautiful,” Xie Lian said, honestly.

“We’ll end the video here, I think,” she said, “But I’ll get some posed photos of you to edit in here if that’s alright. Oh, tilt your head back and forth a little? Good. Smile at the camera!”

Shi Qingxuan fluttered her fingers at the camera in a wave; Xie Lian waved too, a few seconds later. As she leaned forward to click off the camera he straightened his legs out to try and loosen them up. His knees made terrible crunching sounds as they stretched.

“You can take a little break if you want,” Shi Qingxuan said. “I’ll set up the area where we’ll take photos, but I’ll try to make it quick. You’re a darling for sitting through all this, you know?"

She was already bustling around again. She seemed to have an endless fountain of energy; Xie Lian found it admirable. He laid flat on his back on her bed, careful to not get makeup on her sheets or wrinkle his clothes. Ming Yi sat next to him, eating shrimp chips. He put a few directly into Xie Lian's mouth, feeding him like a little bird, and Xie Lian felt warm. Like Hua Cheng, it could be hard to know when Ming Yi liked you, but there were ways to tell.

He let Shi Qingxuan pose him until she was satisfied with the numbers of pictures she’d taken, trying very hard not to feel like the chuunibyou teenager he’d once been. He felt himself mostly immune to embarrassment at this point, but he supposed there were always exceptions.

Eventually, they cleaned up, although Xie Lian had promised Hua Cheng to show off the full look, so he didn’t get changed or clean his face.

“I’ll buy dinner,” Shi Qingxuan said. “We deserve it. You too, Ming-xiong!”

She herded them both out of the apartment and down the street to a small noodles stall. They all ordered (in He Xuan’s case, three bowls) and Xie Lian was fumbling for his phone when he heard Shi Qingxuan cheerfully tell the clerk to put it all on the same ticket. She tapped her phone to pay for it all before Xie Lian could protest.

A few people asked Xie Lian for pictures as they ate. He posed obligingly, hoping he hadn't spilled any sauce on his clothes while eating. When he was done, he packed up his leftovers, let Shi Qingxuan nag him into calling a Didi instead of trying to walk home, and bid both her and Ming Yi farewell. Ruoye, who had spent most of the time they were eating in Xie Lian's backpack, made a brief appearance too like she wanted to say goodbye as well.

Xie Lian clicked his own apartment door closed quietly and tiptoed over to slide his leftovers into the refrigerator. Down the hall, a light shone out from underneath Hua Cheng's studio door.

There was an old picture of the two of them on the fridge; it was them in a hospital pediatric ward group room. Xie Lian, age fifteen, was beaming at the camera, his "FIGHT! JUVENILE SLE" shirt a bright red and his pants an immaculate white. Next to him, Hua Cheng, his right eye patched with patterned tape, bald and tiny, stared up at him with devotion.

Ruoye bonked her head gently on the freezer door. Xie Lian pulled out one of her mice and slid her gently into her tank before giving her the treat; she was swallowing the mouse as he left the kitchen.

Hua Cheng turned to him as Xie Lian opened the door to his studio. His eye got wide, and his face looked like it did sometimes when he looked at Xie Lian, like he was seeing something holy. He slid his headphones off his ears.

Xie Lian did a little twirl for him, letting him see the way the fabric moved, and then tilted his face up for a kiss when Hua Cheng came over to him.

“Gege, you look beautiful,” he said.

“San Lang,” said Xie Lian. “It’s all you and Qingxuan. I’ll get her to send you the pictures later.”

Hua Cheng kissed the top of his head. He was dressed down, in a soft shirt and pants, not wearing his prosthetic eye. Xie Lian leaned his head into Hua Cheng’s chest.

“Gege seems tired,” Hua Cheng said. “Would you like to get ready for bed? Do you need dinner or your medicine? I can help you take all that off.”

“San Lang, you’re working,” Xie Lian said. “I already ate, so I think I’d like to sleep. But you don’t have to help.”

"Gege is more important than commissions," Hua Cheng said, and Xie Lian let him bundle him off to bed.

post about prompts!

#replies #my writing #body in abyss heart in paradise #paradife-loft

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