#but first i was stressing myself

[stuckinapril]

Growing up w no Instagram does SOMETHING to a bitch like I really get taken aback by how second nature it is for people to whip out their phones and take pictures of the most mundane things. Not because I judge them for it but bc apart from selfies, pictures w friends, and obligatory pictures on trips I literally forget to take pictures of my life period

#I’m not the kind of girl who’ll be studying at a cafe and thinks to snap a picture of my cute latte art #I’m never somewhere and go Ohhh this would be a good angle…. Like I just don’t do that #At first the way I rationalized it is I don’t wanna stress myself out taking aesthetic pictures but now I’m like #Compared to other people I don’t rly have proof of cute little tender moments #And one day I’ll be old and decrepit and I won’t have many of these diminutive memories still #So I rly wanna change that by being more intentional ab taking photos #And maybe sharing some of them SPARINGLY bc I want it to mostly be for me #But just making it more of a priority to capture little things I’ll look back on when I’m older #I think taking more pictures is part of my 2024 resolution anyway I just haven’t implemented it thus far

[unknowngarbage]

#hsr fanart #honkai star rail #star rail #qingque #fu xuan #short woman sapphic omg #My first limited 5 stars is supposed to be Fu Hua's expy #but my stress and their moment don't let me #at least I have Fu in the equation #now must be patient for Hua #My finger slipped and accidentally pulled Fu Xuan E2 #console my mentality by telling myself it's a long-term investment

[simplepotatofarmer]

i'm home! i missed being able to talk to people and reblog y'all's posts, i won't lie! but i feel a lot better.

and now i can say 'the mcyt fandom traumatized me so badly that they put me on valium!'

anyway, i'm just glad to be home <3 <3 <3

#first thing i did was pet my chickens #also next thing i'm doing is well. i'm backing away from certain things that cause me stress. #deleting twitter was the first big step. next is removing myself from some things that bother me. #i have this really good plan on how to deal with things going forward #and i feel a lot better!! #loyal talks about stuff and things

[corrodedcoughin]

It's home. He's home and its late and its dark. he knows he should have been home hours ago, wishes he could have been but work finished late and then one deal ran into another and before he knew it he was an hour and a half from home at 1 in the morning. After the last deal was done Eddie made his way back in his van, eyes red and itchy with the overhwleming desire to close but painfully aware of the distance he had to drive. After a lot of cut corners and questionable driving he was finally pulling up to the trailer.

All he wants to do is sleep but even in his tired state he clocks the light on in the window. Knowing that lights don't just get 'left on' when there are bills to pay and mouths to feed Eddie enters the trailer quietly, hoping that its not an ominous sign. Hoping as well that this isn't the precursor to getting yelled at for being out late and not telling anyone…again.

As silently as he can Eddie pulls the door open and steps in side. So far so good, nobody has started shouting yet but as he turns he sees the lamp glowing beside the couch and can hear the radio on low. Comforting sounds of Eddie's younger years playing Credence Clearwater Revival. It is at this point Eddie catches the figures waiting in the dim light. Wayne at the end of the couch, hot mug of something in his hand. His expression is one Eddie is well used to, concentrated and contemplative, measuring the words he says and actions he takes. He's in his pyjammas but far from sleep. He's angled towards the figure on the couch next to him. The person, only translated into Eddie's head as 'human' after he deciphered half of the mass as blankets and hair, sits hunched over themselves and hugs their own mug in close.

Eddie takes a step forward, makes to sit down as Wayne talks slow and gentle 'Your boy had a bit of a fright son. Thought I'd break out the big guns and show him what we used to do when you first came home'

He doesn't say the rest, doesn't need to. When Eddie came to stay with Wayne the nights were endless. He'd wake himself up in tears, too scared to go find comfort incase he got pushed away but somehow Wayne always knew. Eddie would never be alone in the dark long before the hall light went on and Wayne was knocking at his door, offering hot milk and a distraction. Eventually the routine turned into going over old photo albums of Wayne's 'glory days' and then, the new additions after Eddie's arrival. It quickly became a fail safe for the both of them when the dark nights and silence were too much.

Which is how Eddie ends up here, sat close to the mass, Steve, a hand crept under the blanket that was quickly latched on to. A photo album is sat across Steve's lap and Wayne talks him through the story of his own high school band and then quickly moves on to the photo of Eddie knee deep in mud and arms out stretched ready to pull the photo taker into the mess with him, devious smile on his 10 year old face, a hint of the dungeon master yet to come.

The stories continue, ranging from photos of a young Eddie in rubber boots and a sun dress to Wayne in denim shorts and an awful sunburn as he points a spatula at the camera in a rustic looking kitchen. This ritual calms them all between the quiet laughter and tired gasps of surprise, eventually Steve's shoulders relax and Wayne's voice becomes somehow even more subdued. Eddie is fully leaning into Steve's space and the warmth between the three of them somehow heats the whole trailer.

They are all close to sleep when Eddie takes the album off Steve's lap and manages to force himself to stand, pulling Steve up with him and still swaddled in his blanket. Eddie makes to guide Steveto their bedroom when he's met with resistance. Steve pulls the blanket tighter to himself but shifts his shoulders back, almost as if to brace for a fight when he tilts his head towards Wayne ' Thank you. I- I've never...Just thank you' he's got his back to Eddie but Eddie can hear the crack in his voice, the battle to keep the emotion down, can see the slight tremour in the blanket as Steve works to keep himself together. Its all for nothing when Wayne stands and places a hand on his shoulder before bringing him into a forceful hug 'Son, you never have to thank me'.

Its a moment that Eddie knows will be seared into his heart until the day it stops beating. The two men holding on, however briefly, to each other, both understanding the other person that little bit more and sharing more of their soul in the process.

There's a pause as they separate and Eddie takes Steve's hand tugs him forward and lets him lead the way to the bedroom. Before he turns to follow Eddie catches Wayne's eye and they share a somber smile. Eddie's heart feels like its going to collapse on itself when he thinks about how Wayne doesn't understand the traumas these boys have been through but how that hasn't stopped him from being there for them.

It doesn't go unspoken, this feeling between Eddie and his Uncle. They find time, they always do, where they put their music on and talk in that unhurried way about what they've been doing, catching each other up on their lives and knowing the love is there.

For now, Wayne tilts his head up 'that's a good one you've got there son.' All the endorsement Eddie could ever want, caught in a few words 'now go to him and let me get my bed' its a grumbled statement that has more meaning than can be explained. Eddie gives a mock salute, knowing that the nightmares and stories will be re-hashed when the time is right. But for now the urgency has been tamed and the fire burns low in their hearts.

Before he gets to the kitchen there's a final 'and I need my sleep boy so don't get any ideas' from the couch. 'wouldn't dream of it old man'

#what Wayne doesn’t mention is that Wayne eddie first saw the photo of younger wayne in his band #he gasped so quietly it’s a wonder anyone heard it and said ‘I wanna be like that. I wanna be like /you/‘ #Eddie climbs into bed next to Steve and holds on tight as Steve tells him that he looked good in a dress and boots #Eddie just laughs and pulls him close ‘pretty sure it’s look better on you sweetheart’ #stranger things #eddie munson #steddie #steve harrington #wayne munson #HELLO I needed to soothe myself after getting very stressed so I tried to write something I hope it’s okay idk I just have #a need to write but nothing to write about

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Not sure if this theory makes any sense at all but I'm starting to believe that there's no time skip between Wally's phone calls and what we see/hear in the show's Media/Merchandise. If we see the Toyland call being made before the Homewarming episode then it would make sense that Wally's expecting Barnaby to come over soon. As well as the Homewarming sketch from the prior update. (I don't know, still kind of brainstorming this perspective)

that theory Does make sense and i've been considering it! the "timeline" is such a nebulous thing right now because we still... don't really know! there are too many variables and too many Maybes for any solid answer.

maybe the reality that the neighbors live in exists outside of time like you say, and like half of me suspects. there's so much reality fuckery already present, but I'm also... unsure of how much merit this holds given what we know / can infer about how time passes in Home. i'm putting this theory on a low shelf to look at but not prioritize

maybe it really has been 50 years, and Barnaby is either still around / Wally is still in contact with him, or Barnaby... isn't there. who knows, maybe Wally was just verbalizing some Wishful Thinking. i mean, Wally is a bit of an unreliable narrator, isn't he? we can't assume that everything he says is entirely accurate or truthful. and i mean, if it's been 50 years it makes sense that Wally would be pushing for connection / to revive WH. who knows how long he's been trying.

hm... i mean. it could be a mix of that and the Outside Of Time theory. who knows, maybe W is receiving calls from different points in the timeline - Wally may have started out just calling, and has just graduated to invading the WH website / getting pushy with the envelopes and media that's been sent to the WHRP. maybe Wally got tired of waiting for W to respond before W was even born. who's to say!

#i mean. idk the emphasis wally puts on Its So Quiet makes my brain tilt its head #it feels like wally breaking composure before he pastes the Facade back on with '-during homewarming' #that and just the way he phrased 'everyones usually so busy so its just me and home for a long while' #Usually so busy. Usually. why not Always? or Is? #usually. #and then the 'its just me and home for a long while' #the phrasing here has Connotations i think! #homebogging #welcome home speculation #wh speculation #OF COURSE. I HAVE TO DEBUNK MYSELF! #what we hear / see from Wally is - ironically - more genuine than the WHRP's or W's recovered media (save the eddie excerpts) #the WH media shows us the ideal homewarming - where everyone is getting into the spirit and spending time together and the like #but then wally could be telling us what homewarming is Really like - lonely. quiet. #WHICH MAKES SENSE THEMATICALLY! and it mirrors how christmas time is. its marketed as this joyful thing that brings people together #when in reality its lonely and stressful. i know i certainly never feel more lonely than i do at that time of year! #so there's just. layers. right now im simultaneously believing in the time discrepancy And them existing outside of time #im leaning on the first one but you know! #BUT!!! IM CONFIDENT THAT THE HOMEWARMING WALLY WAS CALLING FROM WAS NOT THE ONE WE SAW IN THE UPDATE. #wally spoke with enough familiarity about the time of year to make me think 'hes lived through many of these hasnt he' #it could be that time Has passed for the neighbors and its been many homewarmings. #it could be that it Started as what the commercials/update showed us. #but as time passed maybe it became a time where everyone just... Isolates for one reason or another. so now it's just quiet and lonely #im still rolling it all around in my head! many factors and implications to consider w/ this update! #Take All Of This With A Grain Of Salt As Usual!

[starflungwaddledee]

this is a long shot and i'm sorry to ask, but if you don't mind, can mutuals (or contacts or regulars... just... this community) of mine who aren't jumping ship like... let me know? will any of us still be here? is it over? i'm trying to know if this really is it or what's... even happening. i hate to reassurance seek but i'm feeling pretty miserable and confused.

edit: felt like i was being really pitiful and fragile making this but everybody is being so nice to me and responding so patiently with all your thoughts and i'm in tears of gratitude thank you thank you thank you 💖

#i glanced and thought they brought out a feature so that we could turn off ai access #that seemed... okay? i thought? but now i'm really confused. i don't know. i'm so tired and scared. i just can't... keep doing this #i know this is stupid but this feels like it's my fault. #it happens every time i find something. if i'm happy somewhere. it just.... poof. goes away. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry #on the edit: i would only *ever* think this about myself. double standards that i hold for myself are high. i expect emotional control #& performance from myself only. i would never think badly of anyone else being stressed about this or anything. thank you for your kindness #this community has been so beautiful and kind at every turn. i'm so grateful to get to be here and meet you all #okay... being really sappy now. y'all get to see my anxiety first hand today!! whee!! anyway. i'll get it together. haha! thank you.

[ladsofsorrow24]

(x)

#sasunaru #uchiha sasuke #uzumaki naruto #naruto shippuden #naruto blank period #snsvalentine24 #ladsofsorrow24 #valentines day #i guess? #idk man i don't celebrate it #anyway... this is the first time i'm drawing so many mob chara lol #if you peek to the right you can see a satoru iguchi cameo #because i am funny like that heheh #i nearly gave up drawing this one because... of everything that happened lately #but i push through... because the thought of having to meet and talk to so many people tomorrow is stressing me out #i have to just... draw and empty my brain from the anxiety #ok enough of me talking about myself go listen to the song #stevie nicks is SO GOOD #i love her voice

[smallphoenix13]

One line in everybody’s waiting that I haven’t seen an analysis for yet that I wanna talk about is the “ginger shots, vitamins” line

It’s obviously a reference to after that one tour when bojan got so sick the night before his debut movie premiere and kris had to stay up all night making him ginger shots to get through it

And you can see in clips of the premiere that bojan is absolutely miserable and barely even lucid, and then had to perform the next day (a performance that people would’ve understood if they cancelled, but I get the feeling that he would’ve felt guilty if they did)

And how stress and anxiety can make you physically ill, and how running yourself both mentally and physically ragged can just absolutely destroy any sense of fun that you had for your passion

And I just think it’s really interesting how just that tiny snapshot clearly made such an impact on his mental health. Especially because in an interview once he said that the most important lesson they learned from the band was “nothing is so important that you have to do it even if you don’t feel up to it” and I just hope it’s a lesson he continues to internalize

#idk this line just hits close to home for me #bc it’s why I dropped out of music school 😬 #got so stressed that I made myself physically sick and then gave myself my first ever major depressive episode #and I burnt out so hard I haven’t even been able to touch my guitar or software since #so I’ve been just. hyperfixating on this line like omg……… so me #so quick analysis bc Damn. #joker out #bojan cvjetićanin

[riacte]

so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it

#ria.txt #i spoiled myself so at first i was like 'this is bonkers wtf are they doing in those last few chapters?????' #but then it was like. yeah. i see #love those ch when it's just clearly putting the squad into Situations #also. izutsumi #what i really liked was how tightly the protagonist and the deuteragonist were wound up in the overall themes #the plot the themes the conflict the characters it was very neatly connected #hence i am also now accidentally invested in whatever going on between laios and marcille #not just platonic not romantic not enemies i just think they work well tgt and deeply care for each other its great watching them develop #it's the leader + most trusted advisor / anxious girlfailure + the annoying freak she's somehow attached to vibes #haha that rabbit chapter with marcille. hahha i was like what the fuck man. it was funny and then boom whump [tears streaming down my face] #those shapeshifter chs were sooo much fun esp seeing other chara's perceptions of each other. stealing that #the changeling ones were great too elf senshi is the fucking funniest he looks sooooooo unserious #marcille's evolving perception with death starting with saving falin and saving the squad and her nightmares of outliving everyone- #-and her dad and her 'temper tantrum' and UGH when at the end she said she was fine with falin not coming back.... WAAA. OUGH. #i think dunmeshi handled the trope of 'prophecy of chosen one becoming king' pretty well and it makes sense why laios is the protag #the worldbuilding is so thoughtful as well i liked seeing different characters with different worldviews interact #very solid and well rounded series wooo #the main 4 has such a fun dynamic together #anyways. dunmeshi au..... #more like borrowing the worldbuilding bc charas are too nuanced for a one to one comparison #ren is like some prince of his own species but he's like 34th in line and no one cares about him so he fucks off to eat monsters #which is why he's both snobbish AND a total freak when it comes to his food taste #false is originally in for the money from ren and plans to scam him but unfortunately the cringefail swag captures her #martyn is Obnoxiously Clueless and thinks he's smart but he's not. he's resourceful but also pathetic and crazy #stress cant cook but she thinks she does so everyone goes (≖_≖ ) when she picks up a pot. they delegate her to killing and chopping duty #the mvp is iskall who keeps on saving everyone's asses and somehow has resources for everyone #i think ren is actually aware false is going to scam him but he has too much money to spend anyway and he thinks shes cool so he lets her?? #and somehow she doesnt take the money and run. and goes back to eating monsters w/ the party. everyone is crazy

[lemongogo]

can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3

#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me. #as in.an idea or concept that already exists #chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists. #and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it #i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim #like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations #but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know #like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness #and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty #and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh...... #i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete #and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better #but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard #and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel #one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it. #i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing #but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping #so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands #but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing #fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht #but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time #SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach #sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)

[yorshie]

Burn Out is so scary. If there’s one thing in this silly trash pile you take to heart, I hope it’s this:

Your worth is not based on what you create.

There is no timetable you need to adhere too

There is not linear structure you have to follow.

Fandom and creating are suppose to be Fun. At the end of the day, as much as the gratification of others Feels good, I hope you are creating/writing for you first. I hope you get excited about what you’re creating, no matter what anybody else says.

#thinking about this a lot lately #as I scramble trying to finish art and tattoo maps so I can ✨show✨ ppl #but then I remind myself to breathe. #that even if it takes weeks/months to complete it doesn’t matter #what matters is I have fun. #I try not to stress a lot. (is always stressed) but as someone that does art professionally #the last thing I want is for the joy to be taken out of my fanart or fanfiction #and when i see others go radio silent after the burn out of ALWAYS having to create #it makes me sad #so please if you make something #be selfish and make it for you first

[cadaverousdecay]

i’m so overwhelmed by things that shouldn’t be overwhelming...

#among them‚ i’ve fallen behind on drscula dauly for the first time this year and it’s stressing me out cuz i really really wanted to keep up #this year that was the one goal i had for the year is keep up with it. last year i fell way behind when my brother died and it was so hard #catching up and the entry on the 30th was a little longer than they’ve been recently and i’ve been busy and also slipping back into depressi #on real bad and i’m just not in the mood for it and i feel like it’s just gonna snowball #and this is such a non issue. it’s a book. that i’ve read before. but still it’s just stressing me out. among other things #like library books that are overdue and i haven’t finished or journal entries i want to write or a letter i’ve been wanting so badly to writ #e and a short story idea that i wanted to write down but is escaping me and fucking. tumblr notifications #these are non issues!!! but it feels like there’s a timer for the world to end again all the same. #ugh #and i should be able to focus on one thing and get it done! these things shouldn’t be hard! they’re even meant to be enjoyable! but i can’t #get myself to do anything lately #and on top of all that i’m not able to fall asleep even with my sleep meds. #what even ever‚‚‚ #anyway sorry for the rant i’m basically fine

[rozugold]

Naur… my pan dulce.. the stuff melted together..

#it was a good first attempt.. #sigh #I will redeem myself later when I’m not so tired and stressed #rozu bakes #rozu thoughts

[flamboyant-king]

Howdy, I'm still alive. Not many drawings lately, but a lot of ling fun time. I just wanted to share my crafts hehe

My niece had fun playing with the ling plushies, I taught her about the goolings, and she drew Wiwi a couple times. I made her a Wiwi plushie and I'm gonna make a Lewling and a Hoardling too since she really wants her own. Makes me happy. That's what they're made for to make folks happy.

But sewing is so tedious 😵‍💫

#im making gooling plushies right now maybe i can sell those too #but thinking about selling got me stressed in the first place. im not enjoying myself in anything cause i keep thinking #you have to make money out of this. so i havent been drawing cause all i can think of is #now you can open commissions soon! i cant. no i cant i mustnt #so ive just been doing various crafts and diy projects because my relationship wkth drawing is strained at the moment #idk if theres a therapist out there that is creative oriented to help me love art again because i just #art has been destroyed by monetization and its breaking my brain #so no new drawings. its too much for me right now i feel like im gonna cry now about it. i need to enjoy myself and drawing wont help #so ill post other things i do meanwhile. just to update you guys im still alive and kicking and screaming sighhh #other #crafts #wiwi #hoardling #lewling #little creatures

[abtheb]

April 28, 2023

Despite everything, it's still you.

#me #ive cut back on lifting a lot due to injuries and struggles with my joints and instead picked up lane swimming in march #i had never used a public pool in my life and never swam with intent before #it was new and kind of terrifying but i needed to move my body again in a way that didnt cause pain #the first few times were pretty rough- i couldnt swim well or hold my breath and struggled with the repetitive motion and breathing #one day beams of sunlight shone through the airy space and large windows and cast shining watery reflections on the pool's bottom #i had been learning water caustics for 3d art and i loved to watch them #its gotten a lot easier now and i can let my mind wander and enjoy the sensations instead of worrying about drowning #the cool water on my skin #the muffled amniotic sounds of bubbling fluids #the mosaic tiles and patterns #the sunlight and caustics #every time i go its a social stress test- but I've gotten better at handling it and it helps me connect with other people in a tiny way #i dont know what the future of my body's training will look like as i plow into middle age #but im proud of myself for doing something totally new and finding joy in it

[filmnoirsbian]

you've said before that you struggled with stress ulcers in 2020, iirc? have you found a way to manage them effectively besides just, you know, not being stressed? i've had them constantly for a few months now and it's incredibly painful but the stress is due to circumstances outside my control. thank you for your time <3

I went on anti anxiety medication, that helped. Beyond that, I don't have much advice in terms of diy stress reduction. I am not a very anxious or stressed person by nature so it really hit me hard (also due to factors outside my control) and if I hadn't begun taking meds for it idk what I would have done.

#asks #fun fact: if you are not often anxious you have no fucking idea how to begin to manage it when you suddenly are #i didn't even realize it was anxiety at first i genuinely thought i had cancer or something. then i found out it was stress and i was like #sorry but some of yall live like this all the time??? i was ready to irradiate myself after one month